Handing Out the ‘Heat’ Awards for This NBA Season With Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, and Rob Mahoney

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode: Handing Out the ‘Heat’ Awards for This NBA Season
Date: February 13, 2026
Guests: Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, Rob Mahoney
Theme: Using quotes and moments from the film Heat as a framework for handing out tongue-in-cheek awards reflecting the 2025-26 NBA season. The episode is a blend of movie nostalgia, NBA analysis, and the distinctive banter of Simmons, Ryan, Lathan, and Mahoney.

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Overview

Bill Simmons and guests Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, and Rob Mahoney unite for a live episode, blending their mutual love of Michael Mann’s Heat with the biggest storylines, controversies, and memorable characters of this NBA season. The group assign classic Heat moments and quotes as symbolic “awards” to NBA teams, players, owners, or events, riffing on fandom, heartbreak, trends, and the absurdities of the modern league. Throughout, the panel moves seamlessly between their encyclopedic recall of the film and insightfully comic NBA commentary.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Why Heat? The Ongoing Obsession

• Simmons and Ryan have a long-running bit of using Heat as a metaphor for life and basketball—a “Bible” for masculinity, loyalty, and obsessive ambition.
• Memorable Quote:
  • Chris Ryan (04:31): “This is the Bible, man. Two guys circling each other in LA. ... I’ve tried watching it end to beginning. I try watching it. I don’t watch Pacino and De Niro scenes. I only focus on, like, Hank Azaria. ... It’s a never ending gift.”
• All participants share their affection for the film and explain its influence on the Ringer's culture.
  • Van Lathan (05:34): “Love it, love it. Coolest bunch of motherfuckers doing the Coolest shit you could imagine.”

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2. “Heat” Life Lessons Translated to NBA*

• Simmons recounts his favorite “fortune cookie” lessons from Heat: don’t double back after pulling off a crime (or a trade), never settle for a dull life, never have anything you can’t walk away from in 30 seconds.
• Group debates how the film’s relationship and loyalty lessons apply to NBA team-building, tanking, and fan loyalty.

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3. Distribution of Heat Awards—NBA Parallels

A. “The Sun Rises and Sets with Her, Man” Award

• NBA parallel: Mavericks fans obsessing over losing Luka Doncic in a trade, even as the team benefits with new star power (13:01)
  • Simmons: “They have not gotten over the Luka Doncic trade yet ... That one's going to the grave.”
• Also referenced: Damian Lillard’s “what if” trade rumors.

B. “Don’t Leave Me Like This, Neil” Award

• NBA parallel: Steph Curry and the Warriors legacy—loyalty vs realistic window. Is this Steph’s last great chapter with Golden State?
  • Simmons: “He's just lying on his back in a pool of blood. There's no more titles to be had.”
  • Discussion of “finishing” with one team as a badge of honor (Kobe), potential “weird endings” (Curry to Charlotte?).

C. “Slick is No Motherfucking Joke” Award (21:15)

• Flimsy plot device of the movie compared to the 65-game MVP eligibility rule—now creating chaos as stars drop under the threshold.
  • Chris Ryan: “I don't even know who's going to be the ... MVP this year.”
  • Discussion: 65 games vs. minutes played, load management, unintended consequences for award voting.

D. “Making Out with Al Pacino’s Coffee/Cigarette/Morning Breath, for Multiple Takes” (25:01)

• For “single worst day on the job.”
• Paralleled to Adam Silver’s reaction to star player Giannis Announcing a gambling partnership the day after trade rumors—huge bad optics for league integrity.
  • Van (25:23): “Imagine if 2015 Kobe was like, I’d like to announce my partnership with Brazzers ... what a bad look.”

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4. Deep-Dive: Tanking, Ownership, and the NBA Culture Wars

Tanking’s Persistence and Solutions

• Simmons: Tanking is still the most effective team-building strategy—how to fix it?
  • Rob Mahoney suggests rookie free agency: “Let the market decide.” (42:35)
  • Chris Ryan draws a soccer comparison: “You can’t tank in soccer. You get relegated.”
  • Lathan: “Is tanking actually a competitive strategy? Or just a symptom of a broken system?”

NBA Ownership Psychology

• Do owners care about being liked after controversial moves (like the Mavericks’ Luka deal)? Mixed answers.
  • Simmons: “Why would you want to own a team? ... It’s basically an investment. Like if you bought 10 Starbucks.” (14:18)
• Owners as attention-seekers vs. investors. “Patrick Dumont, now he‘s an arch-villain.” (14:24)
• Billionaires “don’t care about any of that, it’s just another acquisition.” (15:01)

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5. Roleplaying Heat Characters as NBA Figures

Van Lathan’s Top 5 Heat-to-NBA Player Comps (39:05)

1. Neil (De Niro) = LeBron James. “Cultural psychological leader ... claims to know when to quit, but obviously doesn’t.”
2. Chris Shiherlis (Kilmer) = Kyrie Irving. “Looks better doing his job than anyone ... Least likely person in the crew to get vaccinated.”
3. Vincent (Pacino) = Steph Curry. “Technical, methodical ... has a marriage the movie is too concerned with.”
4. Trejo = Draymond Green. “Indispensable, do-it-all glue guy ... mouth caused end of the dynasty.”
5. Waingro = Dylan Brooks. “No further explanation needed.” (41:30)

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6. Game and League Structural Problems

A. Injuries & Modern Play

• Discussion of rise in soft-tissue injuries, the toll of “unnatural” basketball movement, and even speculative rants about sunlight and vitamin D deficiency (Dr. Clapper segment, 56:10).
  • Van: “They should pump UV lamps inside gyms to feed the skin, the soul, and the bones.”

B. Tanking and the Dull Regular Season

• Discussion becomes almost existential as Rob observes: “No one can watch their local broadcasts. No one wants to watch the regular season ... The league is in a really awful place and no one seems to want to do anything about it.” (101:39)
• Simmons: “The season’s too long ... They should be taking games away. 66-70 games should be the length, and it’s just clear as day.” (103:09)

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7. Player Futures and League Narratives

Steph Curry

• Possible late-career move to Charlotte as a “weird” career finish.

LeBron’s Legacy in LA

• Greatest test of legacy: Can LeBron be considered a true Laker great?
  • Van: “After Kareem, Magic, and Kobe ... the thing with LeBron is, when you live through it, it was a little staccato. There was always some other bullshit that got in the way.”
  • Simmons: “Do you put him with Magic, Kareem, Kobe? ... It was a weird one.” (105:10-106:25)

James Harden

• Eternal “red flag” guy—always getting sucked in by surface numbers: “At some point, the person convincing you to make the trade is like, don’t look at his basketball reference in the playoffs...” (81:07)

NBA Player Podcasts

• Simmons: “It just seems like [player podcasts are] this new subculture ... they are not media trained. So when it's authentic, it does feel like you’re eavesdropping on conversations people actually have.” (63:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Chris Ryan, on watching Heat:
  “I've tried watching it end to beginning ... I don't watch Pacino and De Niro scenes. I only focus on, like, Hank Azaria.” (04:31)
• Van Lathan, on the universal white guy bonding over Heat:
  “…two Caucasians could be at a bar together and… one of them goes, ‘yo, dude, you fucking see Heat, dude?’ Next thing you know, a whole podcast network is formed.” (05:51)
• Bill Simmons, on NBA billionaire owners:
  “They don't care… It's another acquisition for them. I really don't think that they do.” (15:00)
• Chris Ryan, on NBA Sixers' “process” tanking:
  “We got to the second round of the playoffs. … Just like we did with Jrue Holiday and Doug.” (43:59)
• Van Lathan, on suspending disbelief about Heat’s airport chase:
  “It makes absolutely zero sense that Vincent could have found Neil … They don’t explain it.” (78:21)
• Lathan, on NBA’s modern injuries:
  “It's these bullshit ass skill coaches…tween, tween, back spin, half-360, move up under the basket … get the ball, make a move, pass.” (55:25)
• Lathan, on LeBron’s career:
  “…when you’re living through it, the championship is there…but there’s all other stuff…just stopped him from being the unassailable, completely dominant figure you thought he was going to be.” (107:15)
• Bill Simmons, on LeBron’s LA legacy:
  “…the weirdest part was that they won the title in that crazy Covid year…no parade after. And it was just a weird one.” (105:41)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [04:31] — Why Heat became “the Bible” for the Ringer & this awards concept.
• [12:23] — Award: “Sun Rises & Sets with Her, Man” — Mavericks fans after Luka trade.
• [17:19] — Steph Curry’s future, “Don’t leave me like this, Neil.”
• [21:15] — “Slick is No Motherfucking Joke” Award — 65-game MVP rule.
• [25:01] — Making out with Pacino: “Worst Day at the Job” — Silver, Giannis/Gambling, CP3.
• [39:05] — Van Lathan’s NBA player/character composite list.
• [42:35] — Discussion: Is tanking a solvable problem? (rookie free agency idea).
• [55:25] — Why are injuries so prevalent? Rants about skills coaches, injuries, vitamin D.
• [63:41] — NBA player podcasts: why are they multiplying?
• [76:44] — Airport chase scene in Heat; most underrated movie/season moment.
• [81:07] — Most red flags ignored in NBA love affairs: James Harden trades.
• [101:39] — Adam Silver as “comically bad management figure”; the NBA’s struggles.
• [105:41] — The strange legacy of LeBron in LA; “a weird one.”

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Sample: Specialty “Heat” Awards (Selected)

| Heat Moment / Quote Award | NBA Equivalent | |----------------------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------------------| | “Never have anything in life you can’t walk away from in 30 seconds” | Lakers and LeBron — are they finally ready to move on after years? (104:34) | | “The Sun Rises and Sets...” | Mavs fans and post-Luka heartbreak (13:01) | | “Slick is No Joke” / Flimsiest Plot Device | 65-game MVP eligibility rule (21:50) | | “Worst Day on the Job” | Adam Silver after Giannis’ gambling partnership (25:21) | | “Red Flags Ignored” — the Edie Award | Cavaliers pursuing James Harden; always a honeymoon, always regret (81:07) | | “Most Comically Bad Manager” | Kings’ return to incompetence, Adam Silver’s rough year (101:13) |

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Tone and Highlights

• Free-flowing and irreverent, the conversation moves swiftly between Heat lore—and one-upmanship in doing Pacino impressions—and deeply knowledgeable, often unsparing NBA critique.
• Audience interaction is lively. The crew regularly polls the crowd for agreement and bounces between laughter and groans.
• Sharp, sometimes biting humor is mixed with thoughtful player/team evaluations. The hosts are unafraid to call out NBA hypocrisy, ownership indifference, and the league’s structural shortcomings.

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Conclusion

This episode, through its unique Heat-as-metaphor conceit, delivers sharp, funny, and surprisingly poignant reflections on where the NBA stands in 2026. The awards act as satiric but insightful lenses—whether mocking front office mistakes, meditating on loyalty and legacy, or facing the existential malaise of tanking and league business. The chemistry and wit of Bill, Chris, Van, and Rob ensure the format never feels forced, and the references are rich for both cinephiles and hoops nuts.

If you enjoy NBA analysis, pop culture banter, and a running thread of Pacino imitations, this is the perfect live pod to catch you up on league drama and how Heat really is the ultimate sports movie metaphor.

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Further Listening

• Previous “Heat” rewatchable episodes on The Ringer network
• Rewatchables: Heat (with Michael Mann)

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I gotta make sure y' all can't see my computer screen.

[A]

That's the very level headed Rob Mahoney.

[C]

Hey, how's it going?

[A]

So we're gonna try something tonight. I'm not positive it's gonna work.

[D]

It's gonna work.

[A]

This is like Nico Harrison trying to talk the Mavericks owners into the Luka Doncic trade.

[C]

That went super well.

[A]

It's ambitious. I'm not positive it's gonna work, but I really like, I think we could win the title if we do this. So you guys know the movie Heat. That's great. That's really going to help us tonight. We are going to. I used to do, when I had a column way back when, back when my fingers wrote, I used to do a gimmick where we handed out quotes from movies as awards. And we were going to do that for the 20, 25, 26 NBA season. We were going to hand out quotes from Heat. But it's really just CR was like, I need it, brother. I need it. He just wanted to do Heat. We were trying to come up with a gimmick.

[D]

Your metaphor. I'm Rob Pelinka. You're the only phone call I made. And I'm like, it sounds like a good deal. Don't tell anybody else.

[A]

So C.R. and I, on my old podcast, after I left ESPN, we did Heat on my podcast, not as a rewatchables. It was the 20 year anniversary and we just said, fuck it. And we did an entire podcast about Heat. Had no idea if people would like it. And then we started to get feedback. Yo, the Heat podcast, that was fucking awesome. And it eventually led to the Rewatchables where we've done Heat three times, including with the director Michael Mann, who I think is still confused by what happened. So anyway, CR why do we keep coming back to this movie?

[D]

I mean, this is the Bible, man. This is the greatest story ever told. It's two guys circling each other in la. One takes down scores, one goes after guys like him. And I've gotten to the point now where I can't just watch it straight. I've tried watching it end to beginning. I try watching it. I don't watch Pacino and De Niro scenes. I only focus on, like, Hank Azaria. Like, I'm doing things with Heat that are like, they need second spectrum, you know, I have to filter things out. So it's just. It never. It's a. It's a never ending gift.

[A]

You haven't tried to watch it on Spanish? HBO Hat?

[C]

No.

[A]

Rob Mahoney. What's your relationship with this movie?

[C]

It feels like a loaded question. Will I be fired if I don't like it?

[A]

You love it. You told me you love it.

[C]

I do love it.

[A]

I do love it.

[C]

I mean, it's educational. I think it taught me a lot about masculinity, about books, about medals, about.

[D]

The culture of the ringer.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, certainly interior design, most crucially.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Or lack of interior design. I mean, Ben Lathan, you love this movie.

[B]

Love it, love it. Coolest bunch of motherfuckers doing the Coolest shit that you could imagine. Look, it's also. I see why y' all love the movie so much.

[A]

Uh. Oh, that feels pointy. It's too early. Don't start down. We just sat down.

[B]

What do you mean? No, I'm just saying I see why y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

This is the type of movie that, like, two Caucasians could be at a bar together and they don't know what to bond over. And one of them goes, yo, dude, you fucking see Heat, dude. Next thing you know, a whole podcast network is formed.

[C]

True.

[A]

That's actually how Chris and I met, to be honest, to be fair. Well, I'm gonna do the Lessons of Heat. We always do this. When we do Heat, there's a bunch of lessons. Things to take away. Little fortune cookie things. Number one, never fall for a guy with no furniture. Number two, never leave a living witness. If you've already banked a murder in the same location, just take them all out. If you've taken two out, just three, it doesn't really matter at that point. Never sell bearer bonds back to the guy you stole them from. Never do it. Yep, Just. You pulled it off. Don't circle back. Don't go for the second three. You made the first three. Just run back and play some defense.

[D]

Don't ask for the pick. Protection.

[A]

If you're dating someone whose husband is a Robbery Homicide detective, have her come to your place. Don't go. She's married. Don't go there. Don't stick around town after someone tells you I'm talking to an empty telephone because there's a dead man on the other line. Pack a fucking bag and get out. Also, cr. Don't put your money into Malibu Equity and Investments.

[D]

It's been a tough month.

[A]

Yeah, tough month for them. Two more. Don't settle for a life that revolves around barbecues and ball games.

[D]

Isn't that what we did?

[A]

I think that's what most of us did. Well, is that what Pacino did?

[C]

Well, no, but us.

[A]

Oh, us. Yeah. Well, it's a lesson from Heat. I'm not saying we should heat it.

[C]

Oh, well, then what are these lessons for?

[A]

Well, these are the lessons from Heat.

[C]

But for whom? Who's supposed to take away this?

[D]

For the audience.

[A]

For the audience.

[D]

We're lost souls.

[A]

And then never have anything in life that you can't walk away from in 30 seconds if the heat's around the corner, Rob. So this was Neil's big mantra in the movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And yet in the big Famous Banks shootout, Val Kilmer's character gets shot.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

What does Neil do?

[C]

Drags him to safety.

[A]

He goes and gets him. The heat's around the corner. He's like, I gotta get my guy. So is this only the opposite sex? What was this rule? Cause he saved his buddy.

[C]

I think it's aspirational. He wants to believe he's that guy, but he can't be that guy.

[A]

Van, are you out or you're going back getting Chris, am I going back to. If you're Neil in that situation, you're like, oh, my buddy got shot. I better go get him.

[B]

1997.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

We go to a place called Just For Feet in Baton Rouge.

[A]

Just For Feet?

[B]

Yeah, Just For Feet was the name of the place.

[D]

Please tell me this is a sneaker store.

[B]

It was a sneaker store.

[A]

Okay, great. Thank God it was a run by Rex Ryan.

[B]

No. Yeah. And Quentin Tarantino. We go in there, and my homies are in there. And they got that look in their eye, that look like they're about to steal. And I see them milling around and doing their thing. And I tell them straight up, when it goes down, I'm telling.

[C]

You'Re straight snitching on them.

[B]

My daddy not going for it, man. You know. And you know what happened? They stole Nike socks. And I waved on my way into Cortana Mall. I was like, y' all got em? This is the three of the guys right there. Peace. Talked to dad. Dad said, if you'd have been with him, I'd have left you in jail all weekend. So, yeah, no, I'm not there. You get shot by the police. When the police come, I'm gonna take my gun, steal another car, drive the other way. I'm out.

[A]

So Michael Mann, he writes this. So Neil says it twice during the movie. The heat's around the corner. 30 seconds leading to the end when he pulls the fire alarm. He kills Wayne Gro. He's about to leave. His paramour is waiting for him in the car. They're going to some. Where were they going?

[D]

Cr I thought they were going to South America, but I'm not. I don't know if we ever get it specified where their destination is.

[A]

Nobody's really looking for them.

[D]

Nate's playing travel agent, so who knows?

[A]

Yeah. And then he sees Pacino from really far away. The heat is now around the corner. And he's out. Best tie in two lessons earlier in the movie for an ending.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, the way that the movie ends with Pacino or, Sorry, with De Niro not being able to leave Waingro alone is the real tell there, because it's corrupted him. His, like, need for vengeance, his need to set that score, right, is. Is what does him in at the end. It's barely Edie. Edie is kind of just a passenger at that point.

[A]

Tough one. When does she date again, Van, you think? How many months? You think she eases back into it? Or just like, I'm single now for life?

[B]

When you look at the movie, first of all, he hits. And then the next time they talk, she is like, legitimately. She's like, I didn't think you were gonna call. So it's been some time, right? And this is. Remember, like, she can't text him at this point. So she's waiting for. She's like, I didn't think you were gonna call. Then he comes back, he quasi kidnaps her at first, goes like, you can't leave, you know, on some sunny from Bronx Tale ship, now you can't leave. Then comes back and goes, you know what? I like you enough. You can go if you want. And she's kind of. This whole time, her mind is like in a blender. She's like, what, is this the man of my dreams or am I now dating, like, Hannibal Lecter? Right? And so then at the end, it comes full circle. She likes them, they're on a good accord. She's sitting in the car, the police are riding by. She's all. She's like, oh, my God, I've never seen this before. And then he comes out, walks right by her. Yeah, she got tortured. This whole fucking film I felt so bad for. She needs to bounce back with somebody that can really put something on her for, like, a long time.

[D]

How long does she wait before she reenters the dating pool?

[B]

She got to go right away.

[D]

Okay, right away?

[B]

Yeah, she gotta go right away, man. I'm telling you, Pete Davidson. This is what Pete Davidson is made for. Like. Like he can smell them. Like, he's out in the. He's like, who just broke up with somebody who just got fucked over. Here I come. So, like. Like this. That's what. That's what she needs. She gotta go right back.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that a pheromonal thing or what's he picking up on?

[B]

Ah, he can just. He sees the weakness, makes him laugh. Gotcha.

[A]

We're gonna do he quotes. I'm gonna try to explain them as much as I can as we do them. I think this is gonna work. Some of them are gonna be just. We have the group answer Other ones will go around the first one. This is the Val Kilmer. For me. The sun rises and sets with her man award. I wanna give this.

[B]

Hold on for a second. Somebody said, yeah, that was the one woman in the audience. She was fucking somebody else.

[D]

So is he action on the side.

[B]

I know he's.

[A]

Don't gamble on the regular promote.

[B]

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. He made the wrong decision.

[A]

This award goes to Mavericks fans. Rob. They have not gotten over the Luka Doncic trade yet. They end up with Cooper Flag. This worked out in a roundabout way. Why can't they let go? What happened here? I mean, it's too deep.

[C]

It was too sudden.

[A]

It was a year.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

That one's going to the grave. That one's always going to be.

[A]

That's it. You're from Texas. So you have real thoughts on this. So that's it. They're never going to forget.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Would you.

[A]

So they got rid of the gm.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

There was a story that the. The team might actually like. Mark Cuban's allegedly trying to buy them back.

[D]

For sure.

[C]

Definitely going to happen.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I wasn't sure. But with that, if you're the Dallas owners, what's in it to keep the team cr.

[D]

What's in it to keep the NBA team that they have that.

[A]

Yeah. Where everyone hates you. That's. You go to games and people are like, there's the motherfucker who sold Luka Donchi.

[D]

I feel like the kind of people who buy NBA teams are not like, their public opinion, like their. Their public approval is not their number one concern. What their concern is is that Texas has gambling and that they could, like, have a sports team that goes along with it.

[C]

Right.

[B]

They like searching their name in the Epstein files. They don't care about this type of.

[D]

They're like, oh, no, dude. Did mavs fan 4, 5, 9.

[B]

So be worried about it. I don't care what the fans think. What people at Tinhorn Flats in Southern Dallas.

[A]

This is interesting, though. So why would you want to own a team? So it's basically an investment. Like if you bought like 10 Starbucks.

[D]

Because you get talked about on stages like this. Like, nobody would talk about Patrick Dumont, like, ever, you know, in. In the world. But now he's like, yeah, an arch villain, but he gets to be like, the Mavericks. I own the Mavericks.

[C]

See, I think they do want to be liked or else they wouldn't have fired Harrison.

[A]

Right, Right.

[C]

To save face. To do something. And are you Guys, fucking.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

You don't. I think they want to be like.

[B]

Well, so you made.

[A]

So we're split. Well, can we ask the crowd?

[B]

Yeah, I want to know what the crowd thinks.

[A]

Do you think the Mavericks fan owners want or. Mavericks owners want to be liked by the fans?

[D]

Hey, there's a lot of note.

[A]

Oh, wow. 50. 50.

[B]

I'm telling you, this is why these billionaires is running y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

They don't care like they. They.

[A]

They are.

[B]

They got money, they own planes, they doing different type of shit. Like, they don't give a damn about none of that. The GMs and the people like that, that have to exist in. Inside of basketball culture, they might care, but, like, it's another acquisition for them. I really don't think that they do.

[A]

Did you have anybody else for this award?

[D]

I did. I loved the briefly, like the briefly lived rumor during trade deadline of Damian Lillard encouraging the Blazers to trade for Giannis. I thought that was awesome. Just the idea of him staring over a fogged in Portland being like the sun, man. Sun rises and sets with him.

[A]

Yeah. You didn't have anything to do.

[C]

What about you and Con Canipple?

[A]

Oh, Oh, I think.

[C]

I think it's beautiful what you found together.

[A]

I will say. You know, he's my second son.

[D]

Did you slip on the Nick Wright pod? Did you say that you drove him somewhere?

[A]

I drove him back to his hotel after that pod.

[B]

Jesus, Bill. That's weird. How did I end up in this situation? What you did.

[A]

He's 20.

[D]

I didn't want to put him in an Uber drive.

[A]

He's two years older than my son.

[D]

What did you guys talk about?

[A]

Talked about a lot of stuff. Talked about life.

[B]

So. So how long was this drive?

[A]

About 30 minutes.

[B]

30 minutes.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

He was at Santa Monica. I had to give him a ride.

[D]

Was he like, call me when you get home, just so I know you're safe.

[A]

I did get worried when the fight happened last night. Khan was out there.

[D]

I was like, khan, don't get hurt.

[A]

Next award. Oh, this is good. I get to do an invitation.

[B]

30 minutes.

[D]

That is wild. What music did you play? Did you play music?

[B]

Yeah. Well, we have to stay here for a second.

[C]

How do you set the mood with Khan, Bill?

[B]

What happened? So Khan's gotta go somewhere, right?

[D]

Bill's never given me a ride, by the way.

[B]

Never in life.

[D]

Bill is ever like, oh, hey, do you need me to drop you off somewhere? No.

[B]

Visited this motherfucker in Malibu. Bill's like, all Right. Peace, gas. Hope you get home right. Like, you drove him home. Like, what happened?

[A]

I drove him to Santa Monica.

[B]

Okay. Drove him to Santa Monica. What?

[A]

Dropped him off and that was that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't want to put him in an Uber.

[D]

He was.

[A]

He came all the way over to my house to do the podcast. I don't know. You guys agree with me. See, the crowd's behind me. Just a nice person. Sorry, guys. I get to do an invitation here. The Danny Trej Award for Neil. Don't leave me like this, Neil, please. Holmes. I'm giving this to Steph Curry. Oh, wow.

[B]

Tough, tough.

[A]

It's over. He's just lying on his back in a pool of blood. There's no more titles to be had. Neil, please. Is there anybody else you would give this to?

[B]

Steve. Steve, who's holding the gun?

[A]

Don't trade for Giannis. Don't leave me like this.

[C]

Dee Santos is holding the gun. He's just begging and he's supporting a warrior to help him.

[A]

Who do you have for this year?

[D]

I agree with you about Steph Curry. What do you think the odds are that he plays for a different team before he is done?

[A]

Wow. The crowd groaned like they were because.

[B]

Because everybody's thinking the same thing. That can't possibly happen. You don't want to see that. You don't want to see Stephanie.

[A]

See, the problem is he's. He's won four titles, right, Rob? It's not like he needs to chase a fifth title.

[C]

Unimpeachable. I don't know why he would leave. I think he's just going to go down with that ship or be put out of his misery, maybe.

[A]

We saw it with Kobe where Kobe was just like, yeah, I'm retiring a Laker. I don't really care what happens with winners.

[B]

Yeah. Because honestly, that means something. It means something to be a guy that wasn't a trader around the league, didn't have to leave to go find a championship somewhere else. To have been the cultural and competitive stability for a franchise for 17, 18, 19. There's not a lot of players who can say that.

[A]

With that said.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Oh, Jesus. Crowds in the back for being. I could tell with that.

[B]

February, it is Black History Month. They should be in the bag for me. Shout out, Jomi. I saw Jomi in the crowd, too, y'. All.

[A]

Give it up for Jomy. It is interesting that Charlotte is becoming good, right as Steph Curry's Charlotte. That's been bad the entire time has been on Golden State. Basically his hometown Team. They're retiring his dad's number this season.

[D]

I saw that little seeding the ground.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Would Steph come off the bench behind Lamelo, do you think?

[A]

Well, this is. We're talking two, three years from now.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Like, Steph's 40. This is like the tail end. Like weird shit happens at the end of people's careers. I don't think he leaves. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. A superior beer that, by the way, is worth playing for. So what do I mean by that? Well, everything's a competition these days. Why couldn't you put some Ultras on the line? Come on, everybody loves a good competition. As my friends and family know, I love competing on everything. How long I can get to the movie theater? How long will it take? Can I get home before everybody? How long can I get to and from a Lakers game? I'm kind of a maniac. I might have to put some Ultras on the line now for this. I'll bet you two ultras I can get home from the Lakers game in less than five stoplights. Whatever you want to do. The stakes are even higher right now with Mick Loeb, Ultra's latest challenge. Because, again, not just beer on the line, we're talking pride. We're also talking tickets to some of the biggest sporting events in 2026. Enter now at michelobaltra.com ultrainstructor Michelobaltra Ultra Instructor. No purchase necessary. Open to US Residence 21 Plus. Begins on January 30, 2026. Ends on February 22, 2026. See official [e-mail] rules for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details. Next one. This is the. This Slick is no motherfucking joke award for the single flimsiest tidbit that should not have been a major plot device. So the entire plot of Heat hinges on. Yeah, who played that. Who played that character?

[D]

Albert. Yeah, it's Ricky Martin.

[A]

Yeah, him mentioning this guy that just got, I don't know, Tone Loke. Tone Loke.

[B]

Tone Loke, yes, I know you know Tone Loke.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Tone Loke. Also in Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura, right. Oh, yeah, the year before. So it all hinges on him remembering that this guy that got out of jail called people slick, triggering Pacino's memory of a witness saying that. And that's it. We're off. Now we've found Slick. Are we buying this?

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay, well, who do you have for this award?

[D]

I had the 65 game requirement for MVP in the awards. This was not something that I had in my. On my list of things that I was going to need to care about in my 40s. And I don't even know who's going to be the. Like, if these guys keep dropping, like, who's going to win MVP this year?

[C]

So Jokic is going to be out. Giannis is our. Wemby is out. Shay. I mean, it depends on how long they keep him out.

[A]

Right.

[C]

He's dealing with his abbey.

[A]

LeBron's gone.

[C]

Luca is on pace to be out. And if you care about, like, Joel Embiid, Steph, those guys are out. I mean.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

How many heartbeats away are we from Kawhi Leonard fucking around, not planting a tree and becoming mvp. Like, how many people have to drop out?

[B]

I.

[A]

It's closer than you think.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, that. That sponsorship would finally pay off, you.

[B]

Know, I think they should give it to Shador Sanders.

[A]

They should have. The mistake they made is they should have done 2,000 minutes or 65 games, because 2,000 minutes is significant. Like, if you played 58 games in 2,000 minutes, you're playing 34, 35 minutes in the games you played. How you didn't put enough thought into it.

[B]

How do we square our animus for that rule also with our general animus for low management and guys not playing in games and things of that nature? Because.

[A]

Well, I think I understand why they did it, because they were trying to prevent these guys from a situation like last night, Right. Where if you had Spurs, Lakers tickets, and you're like, I'm so excited. Wemby, LeBron, Luka. And then the Lakers are like, here's our team. And there was literally nobody.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They're running the video before the game and the Jumbotron, and none of the guys in the video are playing in the game. And you're like, I just paid $700 for these seats or whatever. So I think they're trying to fix that, but the schedule is too long, as we've discussed a million times, and that's it. Did you have anything for this rep?

[C]

How sicko do you want to go this early in the show?

[A]

Go. We got to keep the crowd awake.

[C]

I think Landry Shamit saved the Knicks. I don't know how that happened. He starts playing all of a sudden. They can't lose to anybody except the Indiana Pacers somehow. We don't want to talk about that. But I don't know. Like, they were in shambles. And then Landry Shameck came back from the Dead. And all of a sudden they're a functional team again.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

That's a good one.

[A]

Six man award. Yeah.

[C]

Let's give it to him. He's the only eligible player.

[A]

I'm really excited for this next award is this. This gimmick's working all right, right? Yeah.

[B]

All right, great.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

Why don't you be confident?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Well, I'm having a good time. I just want to make sure.

[D]

Is it better or worse than driving?

[B]

You spent 30 minutes in the car with conking. If you was confident enough to do that, you could conquer the whole world.

[D]

You were like, 20 year old man getting my car.

[B]

Bill. Like you understand.

[A]

That's so odd. What is odd about it? I know him though. All right. This award kind of made up. It's the making out with Al Pacinos. Coffee, cigarette, morning breath. For multiple takes a word. For the single worst day in the job. The poor actress who has to make out with Al.

[D]

Diane Venura. Yeah.

[A]

All morning they're like, Michael Mann's like, let's do take eight. And she's like, kill me honestly. Al's had a 64 ounce coffee and five Marlboro Reds. Who'd you have for this, Sierra?

[D]

I had Adam Silver seeing the Giannis Kaushi partnership tweet.

[B]

Love it.

[D]

Being like, shit.

[B]

Love it. Can you imagine? Think about that. What a bad. Think about like if 2015 Kobe was like, I would like to announce my partnership with Brazers. Like, what a. It's gambling dog like you. You know what I'm saying? Like, what a bad look. What the is going on with y'? All?

[A]

Well, especially like the day after he didn't get traded when there were all these bets about whether he get traded or not.

[B]

Concocted a fiction to get people betting on and then said, hey, put some money down. Is weird.

[D]

He's also traded a fraud. The fact the bucks were like not that serious about trading that they were like, you can call, but we're not. So clearly there was something mysterious going.

[A]

Allegedly. Do you have one for this, Rob?

[C]

Chris Paul, the day no one showed up to his Halloween party. I mean, that just sucks.

[A]

Second groan from the crowd.

[B]

Rob cooking.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[A]

That was one of the. So they have these. Brian Curtis always cause these. The now they tell us article after something bad has happened. There was just one today about Jonathan Kaminga.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Whereas his family was eating too much food from the pregame warriors table.

[C]

Unbelievable.

[A]

Now they tell us that now they tell us for the Chris Paul was that Halloween story. It's like, here's how bad it got.

[B]

I got a fantastic joke about the Kaminga thing, but I can't let it fly.

[A]

Nah.

[C]

Yeah, they can edit it out.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[D]

Nobody will tweet about it.

[B]

Somebody said be a man.

[A]

For single worst day of the job. Paul. Paul Pierce's kind of crisis team.

[D]

Paul Pierce.

[A]

I mean, Paul George. Sorry.

[B]

Paul Pierce is too Paul.

[A]

Yeah, Paul Pierce. He doesn't even have a crisis team anymore.

[B]

I like him more.

[A]

Yeah, they all quit. Pg.

[D]

I don't really know if he would have a crisis team. His. His career has been relatively crisis free in that way until now.

[A]

So. Yeah, that was tough. Next award. Dennis Haysbert's in this movie. He plays the guy who ends up becoming the driver. This is the Dennis Haysbert briefly becoming a Short Order Cook Award for worst and most forgettable career. Stop. And I have to do Anthony Davis and the Wizards here. I don't know how long this is gonna last. It's clearly a trade for. We're trying to figure out new ways to tank Rob. And there's traditional tanking. Doesn't work.

[C]

Oh, I see. Like short term for the Wizards tank. Yeah.

[A]

Let's trade for a guy who's not playing again this year and we'll give up some stuff for him. Then we have a built in excuse and then maybe he's an asset next year.

[C]

But what if they're good?

[B]

I'm about to say this is what.

[D]

I'm gonna say is like, in retrospect, Donald should have probably stayed on the line cooking omelets that day.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because it was a pretty tough end.

[A]

To key lesson from Pete.

[C]

Do not give up your short order cookster job to go drive.

[B]

But every time I watch the movie, I want to kick the boss in his fucking teeth, man. The boss is just a terrible fucking guy.

[D]

He actually passed away today. The actor, Bud Court.

[C]

Did he really?

[B]

Is that for real? Oh, man. Rest in peace. You mean for real. Yeah, he did. Oh, dog. Fuck. I fuck with the boss, man. It was a really inspired performance. That's fucked up.

[C]

It's a messed up character.

[B]

It is, man. I feel bad now, though.

[C]

Chris actually gave me that same spiel when I came to the ringer. He's like 25% of your salary off the top.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Whatever fucking blog post I don't want to do.

[A]

How long is AD and the Wizards? Is he there in 2027?

[C]

I think it'll be two seasons.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[C]

Two full seasons after. After this Little chunk of change, I think.

[A]

I think he's out in January.

[B]

Like a weirdly interesting team.

[D]

I think this is going to work.

[B]

Having added him and what they have now.

[A]

This is amazing to watch, you guys.

[D]

I think there's like an a. There's a sleeping giant basketball fandom in that area. I think Trey and him probably are going to play pretty well together and it's a good look for the young guys to be like, it's not all on us, you know, I think it's going to work.

[A]

It's too bad it's not 2020. Next award. The selling Roger Van Zant has stolen bonds back at 60% of their value to make 40% on top of the 100% award for best idea on paper. That was actually insane in retrospect. I have to give this to if this story is true, Mark Cuban trying to buy back the Mavericks sold super low in the market right after it exploded. And the team was probably worth. What were the Mavericks? What would they have been worth last year?

[C]

What was the final so far?

[A]

I thought it was like three and a half. Isn't it like six? Wouldn't it be six?

[C]

I mean a massive team with a clear superstar and one of the biggest markets in the country. I would have think.

[D]

Hasn't he spent all his money on Indiana football now though?

[C]

Like, I guess you did.

[A]

Chris, did you believe this story?

[D]

I did not. It just sounded like kind of a PR move. I mean, also it's like, what is that, a phone call? It's like no click, right?

[A]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[D]

It would be kind of funny if Patrick Dumont was like, if the word is on the street that you can take my money, right?

[A]

Next award. Kelso, the guy in the wheelchair. You want to do it, Chris? It comes to you.

[D]

This stuff just flies through the air. They send this information beamed out all over the fucking place.

[A]

So the Kelso predicts the entire future of the Internet from a wheelchair. Award for single best vision of 2026. What do you have, Rob?

[C]

Is he the best hang in the movie? Like just a normal, well adjusted guy with a hobby.

[D]

You think he's normal? He seems pretty normal.

[A]

Honestly, relatively speaking. I would give him a ringer podcast right now. I think he had really good ideas.

[D]

You should be make him the third chair on Game Over.

[B]

Yeah, put him in there.

[A]

Or put it plain English. He could be a rotating host with Derek.

[B]

Sign him with Clutch.

[A]

Who'd you have for. Who'd you have for this?

[D]

I had the wizard and the Wizards and the Jazz buying distressed assets and immediately tabling them in order to tank.

[B]

Is this not the Derrick Queen trait.

[A]

From which for best vision or worst vision? I mean, this is like.

[B]

It seems to me this is the best vision. Like, he turned into, like, an actual player.

[D]

Yeah. The idea is that this is something nobody had thought. Thought of.

[B]

Nobody thought of. He. They didn't know. Now he's Negrola Jokic.

[D]

I'm glad you didn't share that beforehand.

[B]

Yeah, I got another one, too. You want to get it off your.

[C]

Chest now or you want to wait?

[B]

Megalo Yage.

[A]

What'd you have for this round? I'm keeping it moving.

[B]

You're moving on?

[C]

What are you supposed to do?

[A]

Keeping it moving?

[B]

You drove 30 minutes with. But you can't. But you're too shy to laugh.

[A]

This is. That ties into my answer. I had the Hornets for this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It took them forever, but they finally figured out a nucleus that I kind of like. What'd you have?

[C]

Is it not just the Thunder having everything? All the young players, all the future plans the Clippers pick, Like, I don't know. I don't know how they aren't the vision for every future at this point, unfortunately.

[A]

Yeah, you're probably right.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

Like, when is Rob going to be wrong? It's weird.

[A]

No. Here. The problem with the Thunder, we struggle with this doing basketball on our podcast. There's just not a lot of angles. Everything's been said. They have a ton of assets. They did everything perfectly. Their team likes each other. There's no drama. Coach is a normal guy. GM just kind of keeps his head down, does his job. I don't even know who the owners are. Like, what's there to say?

[D]

I've got a wrinkle for them later. I got something from them later.

[B]

Spurs might have their number.

[A]

All right, three more. And then we have a special list from Vince. The Vincent's girlfriend telling him I'm stoned on grass and Prozac, and now I have to demean myself with Ralph just to get closure with you. Award for single worst relationship.

[C]

Poor Ralph.

[A]

What'd you go with here?

[C]

John Morant and the Grizzlies.

[B]

That's the answer.

[D]

What'd you have? CR Kaminga and the Warriors.

[A]

Oh, that's a good one. I had Ballmer in Kauai. I mean, they're still finding LLCs. Pablo's finding out more and more LLCs every week. Kawhi has more LLCs than anyone who's ever lived.

[B]

But you don't feel like. You don't feel like they. Trauma bonding. I see a world where Bomber calling up Kawhi like, hey, man, this little motherfucker's at it again. What we gonna do about this? Like, hey, man, talk to Uncle Dennis. We gotta get rid of this motherfucker, man.

[A]

Chris, what were the high times for Vincent and. And his girlfriend for Diane? What were the.

[B]

Oh, I bet.

[A]

What was the courting process?

[D]

Maybe he had, like, a little bit of a. Like, a soft spot in his schedule, like a lull in major crimes between murders.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And he was just like, you and me, we're going out. We're going to Wolfgang Pucks. You know, we're gonna.

[A]

So you think it was dinners like, they were just.

[D]

Let's go see. He was like, what, Nick Van Exel? I don't know who was playing 95.

[A]

Like, the Lakers are going to get Shaquille O' Neal the Malibu Equity Investment Special Achievement Award for best money laundering operation. I mean, I don't even think we have to answer this one.

[C]

I mean, there's one that's literal money laundering. So I would also.

[A]

I would also. I don't know if. Does tankapalooza 2026 qualify for this as a money laundering operation?

[D]

No, that's more out front, I think.

[A]

Now, basically, you're charging your fans full price. Look at Utah the other night. You're charging your fans full price. In the fourth quarter, you take out all the best players in your team and play the players 7 through 11 and try to lose the game, but you don't. And then everyone's in locker room after, like, yeah, weird one. Whoa.

[C]

But then they asked Will Hardy, did you think about putting those guys back in?

[A]

He's like, no, no, I didn't.

[C]

It's not laundering. You're right. It's just out front.

[A]

All right, last one. The Natalie Portman as Vincent's troubled stepdaughter award for. I'm not sure why we needed this plot, but maybe I can see why if I squint long enough at this award. Sierra, did we need the Natalie Portman plot? Like, ultimately, is this a cut?

[D]

It's a little bit of a drag on rewatches, but in the totality of the movie, it kind of works, you know? Like, I wouldn't want it without. Without Natalie Portman. It's so weird. Like, the barrettes.

[B]

It's interesting because there's a scene in the movie where he gives her a ride back to the house.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And even in the movie, it's like they wasn't expecting to see her. It's odd. You can come and call her mom. Like, why would you do that? They're in the car 30 minutes, like, what happens? And so.

[A]

That'S pretty good, man.

[B]

I'm not Lindy Colt. That's flat.

[A]

I had for this one Inside the NBA on espn.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

Another third groan of the night. What is going on with this? These guys? The whole point of the show being special was they would come on after the games for like over an hour and just do their thing. And now they're getting shoved out in the half hour.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You didn't.

[A]

Yeah. And then everyone said, no, no, it's not going to happen. And then it's. It just feels like neutered inside the NBA. It's sad, Rob.

[C]

I don't think it's good for anybody. I don't think they like doing it. I don't like watching it. Like, who is, who is that product for? If you're going to contain those guys into a 15 minute block, it's really strange.

[D]

I hope it changes in the second half of the season. I mean, they said their schedule was going to be weighted towards that.

[B]

I've used. They're grown in a little bit now, like the audience. But the question is like, how long do they. They are used to being sort of the cultural standard setter for commentary of the NBA, right? And like how long do those guys who are like legends at this, how long do they stay comfortable?

[A]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Imagine a game where you're on the court solo. No coach, no teammates, no one in the stands. Stressful, right? Sometimes life can feel like that too. That's when State Farm, they show up. They're on the bench ready to help you find the right coverage when it matters most. Through an agent, online or even on the app. State Farm with the assist. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. For small businesses, every hire matters, but the time and resources required to hire right OR Limited. Luckily, LinkedIn Hiring Pro is built for that reality. It's your hiring partner designed to help you hire with confidence by servicing only the right candidates without turning hiring into another full time job. Hiring Pro streamlines the entire process from drafting your job to shortlisting candidates and conducting AI powered screening interviews. Its conversational interface lets you describe what you need in plain language. No recruiter jargon needed. Higher rate the first time post your first job. Get $100 off your job [e-mail] Simmons that's LinkedIn.com Simmons terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by AMC. You do not want to miss. Rise of the 49ers, the limited series event premiering February 1st and 2nd. Exclusively on AMC and AMC. Executive produced by Tom Brady, the docuseries charts the legendary rise of the San Francisco 49ers from underdogs, two five time Super bowl champions in the 80s and 90s. It features interviews with Joe Montana, Jerry Rice and Ronnie Lott, as well as never be seen archival footage. Rise of the 49ers, premiering February 1st and 2nd. Visit amcplus.com to start your free trial now.

[B]

What would that.

[A]

Speaking of comfortable and uncomfortable, it's time for Van's special top five list.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I asked Van sometimes when he comes on the rewatchables, he makes a top five list for us. And what do you have for us, Stan?

[B]

All right, so I'm gonna do some NBA comps to Heat. Right. I'm doing my whole top five here. So Neil. Neil is clearly LeBron. Okay. Cultural psychological leader of the movie and team. Claims to know when to quit, but obviously doesn't. Secretly, he knows it's over, but he wants somebody to take it from him. I'm not going back. Right. Also, he is willing to make an example out of any subpar player that doesn't share his DNA. Okay. Shaherlis, Kyrie Irving.

[D]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

Yeah, I like it.

[B]

Beautiful. Killer. Looks better doing his job than anyone. Perfect one. A. Probably not an ideal one. Wouldn't want to build the crew around him. Least likely person in the crew to get vaccinated. Most likely person in the crew to maybe be right about it. Okay, let's move on.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right, I apologize. Been on YouTube. Okay. Vincent. Steph. Highly technical, natural, skilled foil to Neil's force of nature. Computer minded, methodical. But when he is on, he is the entire reason to watch the movie. Has a marriage that the movie is probably too concerned with.

[C]

Be careful.

[B]

I'm just saying we need to get out the people business. I'm saying we probably too invested. Just like we were probably too invested in the movie. Okay. Torito. Draymond Green.

[D]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Indispensable, do it all glue guy of the crew who doesn't realize that his mouth probably caused the end of the dynasty, but it did. Van Zant son's owner, Matt Ishiba. Suit wearing business guy who thinks he can control what goes on in these Podcasts and Internet streets. And just like Van Zant, we might have to make an example out of him if he keeps running his motherfucking mouth. One more Waingro.

[A]

Dylan Brooks.

[B]

No further explanation either.

[A]

You know, that was good. The thing with Vincent and Steph, Steph would have the hot streaks from three, like, out of nowhere. It would hit the three threes in a row, kind of like Vincent. Just the random yelling randomly by the time I get to Phoenix. All right, more quotes. We have a special Vincent Hannah section coming up. The what the fuck is a regular life Barbecues and ball games award for most depressing but probably accurate look on life. Tanking works, Rob. Most of the best players in the league have ended up on teams that probably tanked to get them for the most part. And that's why teams keep doing this. This is why we've had tanking for 42 years and counting. This is why we've never come up with the rules to stop it. And there's this awesome draft this year, and all of these teams that are doing this are probably going to be rewarded in some way.

[C]

Fucking bleak.

[A]

Yeah. What would you do? How would you stop it?

[C]

How would I stop tanking?

[A]

Yeah, everyone. This is what everyone's talking about this week.

[C]

I don't think there's a good fix for it. I would. In the NBA draft, to be honest with you, I would do rookie free agency. I would. Do you have an allotted rookie exception based on how bad your record is, but ultimately, like, make it a marketplace?

[D]

Like, who would ever be like, I'll go to Utah, then?

[C]

Like, I mean, the question is, like, are you going to take $8 million to go to Utah, or are you going to take the minimum salary to go to la?

[A]

Right? So how does this work in soccer, Chris?

[B]

But even with that, though, there's going to be cultural consideration.

[D]

You can't take in soccer. You get relegated, you lose tons of money, and, like, lots of teams, like, fall down the toilet and never get back. Like, it's really hard.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, if you end the draft, you change the structure of the league competitively for a while. But look, I mean, the tanking thing is like, a deeper question about. Is there a method of thinking that tanking is actually a competitive strategy?

[D]

But this is the problem is that these guys just don't know branding. The Sixers had it. They called it the process, right? They announced what they were going to be doing. They were talking about, like, what was going to go into it instead of pretending, you know, they sat and beat for his rookie year. They sat Simmons, they had injuries and.

[A]

The fans kind of loved it. They were got offensive.

[B]

We got into it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Shut the fuck up. This is working.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But also, how did it go?

[D]

We got to the second round of the playoffs.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Just like we did with Drew Holiday in dunk.

[C]

You know, it's fair.

[A]

The you see me doing thrill seeker liquor store hold ups with the born to lose tattoo on my chest award for best hope for the future. What do you have, Rob?

[C]

I mean, I think it's got to be Cooper. Is there a better answer than that?

[A]

Yeah, I was going to say the entire draft class. I was combine that with this coming draft class. This is like we're talking next generation of the week.

[D]

I was going to say BJ Edcome going for in game dunks.

[A]

Yeah. Any disagreement, Van.

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

The Neil McCauley 30 minutes I am alone, I am Not Lonely Romance award.

[C]

So what is the romance in that?

[A]

Well, I'm going to give it to you now. First of all, bleak display of how you feel about maybe falling in love and caring about other people.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I'm giving it to the Bulls owners in front office for 11 years and counting of just being like, fuck, you guys. Don't really care about any of you. We're gonna go 40 and 42. We're not gonna pay the luxury tax. Middle finger right here, baby. You Love Michael Jordan 30 years ago. You can come and look at his jersey. We're gonna have a shitty team to give you. Here it is. I think that's the right answer.

[D]

I think that's the right answer.

[A]

All right, two more. The Evil Waingro the Grim Reapers visiting with you award. Did you have one for this? Because I have a good one.

[C]

I didn't.

[D]

I want to hear what yours is.

[A]

It's Paolo with the advanced basketball metric nerds coming after him this year. They came after him early. They're still coming. They're talking about his long twos, Rob. They don't like the. They don't like the lack of playmaking.

[C]

God forbid someone talks about your long twos.

[A]

So the big salary. Could he be available this summer? The nerds are out on Palo.

[C]

I think people were hopeful and waiting, and it's just like the Magic have not turned any corner whatsoever for years now.

[A]

They lost tonight to Cam Thomas and the Bucs.

[C]

I mean, just kind of embarrassing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Camp Thomas is on the Bucs.

[C]

He's on the Bucks.

[A]

Not only is Cam Thomas on the Bucs, there is a two And a half minute Camp Thomas highlight video from tonight's game when he had 34 points.

[D]

Yeah, he kind of.

[A]

He is fucking cooking the magic. He is the rivers. The look at his face. Like, I thought I was going to be playing golf in early April. Now I might be in the play and I have to cancel some trips.

[B]

Can we shift focus back to the movie for one second? Waingro is a serial killer.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

It's a hobby of his. Outside of bank robbery. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Waingo's killed several young women.

[A]

So if they did the scripted version, the scripted TV version of this movie, there's a Waing Gro episode where he's just killing in the movie. They kind of throw it in as a little extra. Yeah, it's strange. All right, last one.

[C]

I do appreciate you not throwing those quotes about being a real cowboy and a hot dog and the of her young life as one of the themes.

[A]

Save the audience from that. All right, we got to do this. I hesitate to do this because I know how excited Van's going to be, but the diner scene showdown award for. There's a flip side to that coin. What if you got me boxed and I got to put you down? This is every Celtics fan's fear with Jaylen and, and, and Jason Tatum. When Jason Tatum comes back, them, them staring at each other across the diner table. And Jalen like, this is my team now.

[B]

Right? That's not what he would say. He's gonna look at me, be like, get that light skinned shit outta here. Okay? It's a real motherfucker in the room. Back up. When a G comes in this bitch. 30 a game. What the fuck you been doing? Get outta here. Okay. And you know it's happening. You know it's happening. And I told you it was gonna happen. I told you.

[A]

I do study the interviews that they give and the quotes and whether one guy's mentioned the other guy.

[D]

It's.

[A]

It's dark. Not great.

[B]

I'm not like, I'm from mensa. You can only say what I'm saying.

[D]

Do you really think you really do. Wouldn't. Wouldn't you be happier if Jason Tatum just took a year off to recover from Achilles injury, which is what he's supposed to do.

[A]

I think if he's healthy, like, he's not gonna play basketball, but that's how it works. But if they clear him and they're like, you're ready to play.

[D]

They cleared Lindsey Vaughn. Like, what are you talking about?

[A]

About. No, they definitely didn't clear Lindsay Bond shout out to acl.

[B]

She'd been giving back to the community for a long time, Man. We the. The fact that that happened in February, that was a shock to us all, man.

[A]

Rob, are you worried about this?

[C]

I'm worried about my career at this point.

[A]

Are you worried about this Celtics thing at all?

[C]

I don't know what the negotiation is. Like, I'm kind of with Van. Like, they're one of the best offenses in the league, and Jalen's been cooking. Like, what are we talking about? Exactly.

[A]

Great. You made me all feel better.

[B]

Casual question, though. You want Jason Tatum to come back and the Celtics fans are really invested in Jason Tatum, but, like, obviously, to his point, like, what's the big deal? Take the year off. The Celtics weren't going to, like, just get as healthy as you possibly can. It's an Achilles injury. It's a very serious injury. Why to rush back?

[A]

Is it.

[B]

Does he need to assert dominance over the team to let people know that he's the big swing addict?

[A]

I just think these guys are meant to do what they're meant to do, and he's a basketball player, and if they're telling him he's healthy, he's just going to wait another six months to play, right? I think that's what it comes down to. I'm hoping. I mean, these guys, I love having these guys on the same team. I'm hoping it works out. I'm hoping it's great. I'm hoping he fits in. I'm hoping it's one big fan.

[B]

I'm hoping he blows the fuck up.

[A]

Cr.

[D]

Yeah, you'll be here.

[B]

That's what I'm hoping.

[A]

Yeah, I'm in la.

[B]

And by the way, I just want to say something real quick, real quick before we move on, man. You know, I get accused by the people on Reddit and stuff, and injecting politics into everything and stuff like that. And I know that this is a time where, as a country, we're pretty divided, but I do want to take the time right now, right here, to really give congrats to a group of American heroes who this past Sunday, stop the evil empire from rising up again. So up there in Seattle, man, y' all like the Jedi, baby. That's what I'm talking about, baby. 12th Man 1212, man in this bitch.

[D]

I heard you talking shit about that Eagles super bowl, too. On this, on the pod where you were like, that didn't count. That was a 50, 50 game.

[A]

Honestly, I have no comeback at all. We got destroyed.

[B]

They early. They fine, man.

[A]

I watched all of Will Campbell's pass protection. Yeah, no, no, I literally did. I did that today. I watched every pass block he did. I was like, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't as bad as I remember. That's the stage I'm at now. Defending the left tackle who gave up two sacks and nine pressures. All right, we have a special Vincent Hanna section, and we have the best Vincent Hannah person on the planet, Chris Ryan. Chris is going to do these quotes. Take it away, Chris. Here's the first one.

[D]

The I've got three dead bodies on a sidewalk off Venice Boulevard, Justine. I'm sorry if the goddamn chicken got overcooked. Award for guy most beaten down by his own profession.

[C]

There's just nobody doing it like you.

[A]

Oh, we got many more, too.

[D]

I got Billy Donovan for this, for.

[A]

The 40, 42 for ninth straight years.

[D]

Third chamber of hell. Just like, here we are again. What new kings do I have on my team? Yeah.

[A]

Is Nico Harrison eligible anymore?

[C]

Absolutely. Still eligible?

[A]

Yeah. I think he would be my pick because I don't know if he works again. What's his next job?

[C]

I would be shocked. In the NBA.

[D]

He's going to work at Foot palace in Baton Rouge.

[C]

Just. Just for feet. I think the detail I'm always going to remember about Nico Harrison is like, right before he was fired, a Dallas fan, like, accosted him and his daughter out to dinner. And it was because he took his daughter to Twin Peaks, which is like a Hooters adjacent restaurant. It's like, of all. Why. Why any of this?

[D]

For a second, I thought it was like a Reputer screening of Twin Pen. It's like David lynch was just in his bag. Honey, you got to watch this.

[A]

Do the next one.

[D]

The next one is the give me all you got, give me all you got award.

[A]

I have the bucks at the trade deadline and I don't even think they were serious.

[C]

Yeah, that's the one.

[A]

They're just like, we want all your picks and we want an all star and more guys just. And throw some other stuff in. And I don't think they were ever serious. And also, Rob, the weird thing was some of the best teams in the league were not serious about trading for him. No. Spurs were like, no, thanks. Rockets were like, we're good. OKC's like, fuck. No. Celtics. No. You go through the top. Cleveland couldn't do it because of the apron. So why wasn't he as popular of a trade asset as you would have thought he would have been? If he was the top 20 guy of all time.

[C]

I think it's just hard with that level of salary if you're not in the offseason. Like, it's just easier to wait and trade him later because if you do trade him now, it's like, do you want Jonathan Kumingo or Khalel Ware in exchange for one of the greatest players.

[A]

With a bunch of weird picks?

[C]

Yeah, it just didn't really make sense.

[A]

Well, maybe he'll be in the playoffs. What's the next one, Sierra?

[D]

The I told you when we hooked up, baby, that you were going to have to share me with all the bad people and all the ugly events on this planet award for best excuse for being terrible at something.

[B]

Yo, this. This should not be this funny to me. Like, I want to rewatch this voice all the time. It kills me with the voices.

[A]

One of his best things. I have Adam Silver just being able to. Unable to stop tanking at all. She's like, I just can't. I can't stop it. I can't stop. Stop this from happening. What you have.

[C]

Aaron Gordon and Christian Brown got hurt, and the Nuggets just didn't play defense for three months. Like, yeah, we're good. No, there's no way to fix it. Like, let's just wait.

[A]

Yeah. All right, next one, Sierra.

[D]

The you could get hurt walking your doggy award. I think I know what this is for. Go for it. That's what says.

[A]

I mean, this is the Achilles calf thing. Yeah.

[D]

This is the soft tissue in the Achilles stuff. Yeah.

[A]

More calf stuff in the last two years, I feel like, than we had in the previous 20. And I have no explanation for it other than it seems like they run more eurostep step backs on threes. Hard planning, you said.

[D]

Why is that? Eurostep is really doing people's Achilles like that?

[A]

I don't know. It's a conspiracy bill theory. I'm not going to apologize for it. I think they do unnatural motions that aren't. You go back and you watch games from the 70s and 80s. Everybody's just going this way. Back and forth. They try to go through.

[D]

We're all high on cocaine, running into three rings.

[A]

Now we're doing this. We're going backwards. We're doing these fancy steps. What do you think it is, Rob?

[C]

I mean, I think it's exactly what you said. Explosive movement in ways that players were never doing before. They refuse to touch the schedule, which is the one thing they actually need to fix. And they don't want to mess with it.

[B]

I think it's these bullshit ass skill coaches teaching these. All this kind of. That don't make no sense. In and out, dribble, left, right, tween, tween, back spin, half 360, move up under the basket, over the top. Okay? That's the way all that. Get the ball, make a move, pass the.

[D]

Do cocaine, throw an entry, pass the whole nine. Let's enter, hold it for 14 seconds, right?

[B]

Let him go get a bucket.

[A]

Think about all that shit we have in 2026. Like, probably the best sneakers we've ever had. All these things you can put on your legs. And, like, we have ice baths and saunas and a million different things that you would think people would be getting healthier, not less healthy.

[B]

Well, I mean, you know, the game is different. The pace is different. They're playing the game in a totally different way. So nothing is a substitute for, like, the stress that you put on your body. I actually heard Dr. Clapper one time talk about the fact that the game is played so much in gyms that the players might not be getting the.

[D]

Vitamin D. Dr. Clapper, why'd you say that? Like, everybody would know what that is?

[B]

You guys don't listen to the Weekend Warrior Show?

[D]

No.

[B]

Y' all know the Weekend Warrior Show? So he was talking about the fact that. What he thought. And, you know, at the. This is one of those things to where. Cause you guys know I'm hypersensitive to almost everything. So, like, this is one of those things to where I listened to it. And at first, I was driving in my car. I was like, what does he mean by that? And then by the end, I was like, oh, he's spitting. So he said that they should pump.

[A]

In.

[B]

UV light into gyms.

[A]

Yeah. Did you.

[B]

Oh, you like that?

[D]

No, I don't. It's horrible. Why are we pumping in UV light?

[B]

This is what Dr. Klaper said. I don't know who that is. Let me cook. Dr. Clapper said that it used to be that a lot of these players who are black, that they would. They would play outside and they would get rays from the sun. And these rays from the sun would strengthen them because they got melanin and what have you, and so they would get stronger bones or whatever. He was like. But what happened was. Y' all laughing. This is what Dr. Klapper said. So he said what happened happened was they went into gyms and they're not getting as much sun exposure as they need as the original people of planet Earth. You feel what I'm saying? And so the injuries that you see might be because of that. So he said what they should do is they should put UV lamps inside of gyms to feed the skin, the soul, and the bones.

[D]

You guys are all laughing. RFK is definitely appointing this guy. There's some really important. He's going. This guy wants to put UV lights. And I agree.

[A]

I mean, so basically, they could also just take vitamin D. Wow, Bill, that would help.

[D]

If I was running an NBA team, if I was doing. Especially the medical department, I'd zag hard and move my practice facility closer to an electrical substation.

[A]

Oh, like the nutter.

[D]

Yeah, because pressure makes diamonds, you guys. They'll all turn into Wolverine by the end of six months. Yeah.

[A]

I thought you were going to say outdoor practice facility suggested by Dr. Clapper.

[B]

We're joking, but this is actually, like, an actual real problem that the league. Yeah, I'm sorry, that's a question.

[A]

When you say Dr. Clapper. I was prepared for any job for him, like bouncer at a strip club, rapper.

[B]

He was a doctor for the Lakers or something like that. He's a. I'm surprised you don't know him.

[C]

Like, Dr. Pepper was a doctor.

[A]

Like Jon Clapper. Cr. What's the next one?

[D]

The I had coffee with Macaulay half an hour ago award for most dumbfounded reaction.

[A]

Yeah, I just. I didn't really have an.

[D]

You just wanted me to do that line.

[C]

Yeah, I have one. This is me when Van told me the Lakers should just straight up cut LeBron at the office and then tried to explain it.

[A]

Wait, can you explain you wanted them to cut LeBron?

[B]

Yeah, get him out of here.

[A]

So would it help the salary cap?

[B]

I mean, this is my thing. First of all, I love LeBron James. I have to say that. I have to say it or else, you know, you won't get invited to Image Awards and all of that stuff. So, like, I love LeBron James. I think LeBron James is a fantastic human being. The right career, the right guy, great father, humanitarian, astronaut, physicist, sociologist, all of that stuff. Economist. One time. Sit down. LeBron was talking about. Let me tell you something about Keynesian economics. I was like, oh, shit.

[D]

Was he reading a book in the locker room?

[B]

The whole deal, all of it. I just was like. One day I was pissed off. I think maybe I saw two positions where he went like that. And I was like, you can't have Luka doing like that and LeBron doing like that. And I just called Rob and I said, get him out of here. It was emotional.

[A]

So you cut him. You save salary cap. He goes to a contender, everyone wins.

[C]

Oh, no, this wasn't even to save salary cap. This was just in the middle of the season and a fit of rage, they just cut LeBron.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was just venting to rock like.

[D]

It was Mack McClung just, like, write him off.

[B]

Well, you know what? I wasn't expecting for the shit to be brought up. Appreciate it.

[A]

All right, buckle up for this last award for Vincent Hanna section, part one, because there's a part two later.

[D]

The she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it award for. Okay, what drug would this. Was this guy on here?

[A]

So some background.

[D]

I have a subcategory for this, which is from Ricky Martin in this movie. This could also be the. It's a substance abuse problem, Brother, where's your empathy?

[B]

Where's my empathy? Brother, where's your empathy?

[A]

So we found out years later, as research keeps coming out about this movie, that Al Pacino allegedly decided that Vincent Hanna had a cocaine problem. Yes. And that he plays him in certain scenes. He's shipping coke like somebody who had just done cocaine. Explaining the give me all you got, which we have a pretty confirmed. Hank Azara didn't know that was coming.

[D]

No. You could see it on his face.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, what's this guy doing? So what drug was this guy on? It's obviously. This is the Paul George discussion. We still don't know what he did.

[D]

Nope. I have some educated guesses.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Well. And we'll end it there. All right. Vincent Anna's coming back later for part two. Some more quotes. The BJ's at Alvarado at 2am Award for what the hell actually happens there. That place was busing BJ's. BJ's.

[B]

I mean, it was what?

[A]

It was busing. Two o'.

[B]

Clock. What the fuck are you talking about? Right now?

[A]

BJ's in Alvarado.

[D]

BJ's on Alvarado in K Town.

[A]

It's hopping.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Hopping works better for you. Bussin'. Okay, Bill, That's a fucking.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

I'm. I'm with it. That's what Conquer nipple said.

[A]

I got that from my daughter. No, my daughter got it. That's actually my daughter's thing.

[B]

Shout out to. Shout to Zoe. Shout out to being here, too.

[A]

I put NBA player podcast for this.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Because I only see the clips on Social, and I've never actually listened to any of them. And I'm not actually sure what happens in the universe, but then occasionally there's. And it just happened on the Jeff Teague podcast people. Yeah, occasionally they're like almost a fight is going to break out and it's two minutes and then there's an article the next day that everything's fine. And it just seems like it's now this new subculture of media.

[B]

I watched that whole podcast. It was one of the most entertaining podcasts I ever listened to. Shout out to Teague for coming back and apologizing. I do not know what Teague was on that day, but that was a great podcast.

[A]

So he was like trying to antagonize.

[B]

A line they were having and they were having an argument over what sport is like, what's more meaningful or what's better. Like out of the NBA and the NFL, obviously, two completely different sports with completely different structures. 520 is one of the best podcasts out there. But, like, that was actually interesting content. And I think that's what I kind of dig about the player pods is that they are not media trained. So when it's authentic, it does feel like you're eavesdropping on conversations that people actually have.

[A]

I don't count the Tiguan as a quote unquote player podcast because he's a retired athlete and I think his podcast is pretty unique.

[B]

Yeah, it is. There's some other ones, really good podcast.

[A]

It feels like the ones with the actual players are multiplying.

[C]

I'm more of a thanalysis guy myself.

[A]

Yeah. Next one, the Roger Van Zant. I'm just hanging out, watching a college hockey game and. Oh, my God, help. Ah. Shot award for most unexpected murder.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Did that happen in the NBA this season?

[A]

So the Mavs fans have finally calmed down. Nico Harrison's out. They have Cooper Flagg, and then it's the one year anniversary of the Luca trade and it becomes a two day media story about, hey, it's the one year anniversary of Luca trade. And they're just Roger Van Zant hanging out, watching some college hockey, and all of a sudden they're getting shot. The chair's going through the slider and they're getting shot. All right, this is a big one. The Tom Sizemore said.

[B]

Thank you, Nico.

[A]

The Tom Sizemore. For me, the action is the Juice Award for a supporting star throwing a team on its back. CR Take the stage with Tyrese Maxey.

[D]

Tyrese Maxey, now no longer the supporting star.

[A]

Now it's the star.

[D]

I would die for him. Thank you to the COVID draft for letting him fall into the Sixers. Thank you to Daryl Morey for drafting him. Thank you to Vijay Edgecomb, who will play his backcourt partner for 10 years, hopefully. And Joel Embiid. Like, thank you, brother. You can just chill. Score 40 a night. Do whatever you gotta do. Take a week off. It's Maxi's.

[A]

He did today. He took today off? Yeah. Is he. You have a first team, all NBA.

[C]

I feel like he has to be at this point.

[A]

Yeah, I did, too.

[D]

You think he's better than Jalen Brunson?

[C]

I do.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

I do.

[A]

It's a long season.

[B]

Hey, you, right here. Who are you a fan of? No, you. Yeah, him. You guys. You pointed with the black hat right here when I said that. You liked that shit. Nah, you right here in the front. He was like.

[C]

He.

[B]

Like I was peeping.

[C]

What?

[B]

You was like. He said, I think he's better than Jalen Brunson. And you was like, yeah, this motherfucker talking that real shit you like.

[C]

Maxi, are you breaking out for Social right now?

[B]

I'm not breaking out for social. I'm watching them. I'm watching what's going on right here in the front.

[A]

Can we talk a little? Sizemore here.

[B]

I want to talk to my man.

[A]

We've talked about this on three rewatchables about Heat. It's the famous scene when first it goes to Kilmer. He says, the bank's worth the risk. Sizemore's like, I don't know if we should do it. He's like, no, no. You gotta tell me, Michael, what are we doing? You know, this is your call. Forget about me.

[D]

He's like, I'm down with whatever you do.

[A]

And Sizemore does the step back. Yes. And then he does the smile. And it's like he's just chewing up the scenery. And it's like our favorite moment in a movie of somebody who's not as big of a star as the person in the scene being like, fuck it. I think I'm as good as De Niro. I'm just going for it right here. And this was the highlight of his career. Yeah, right?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Gotta be. I love how there are actors who read as like, this guy feels so cerebral, or this guy feels so charismatic. And you're right. There's, like, heavyweights in this movie. He reads as like, that's just a solid dude. That guy will just show up for you and give you a ride to the airport, even if you're not confident.

[D]

I wouldn't leave your kid with him. But no.

[A]

Right. He did use a child as a shield later during a shootout.

[C]

Not his child.

[A]

Well, we have two awards going to our next guy. It's the Wingrove Memorial. He was making a move. I had to get it on. Award with the Henry Rollins Tough guy Award to the character you'd least like to piss off at a bar. Both of these go to Isaiah Stewart, who uncontested. We were waiting for the. For the brawl that he was going to be prominently involved with. I think he was waiting for it too. Unfortunately, he wasn't on the court when it happened. And then he had to just take matters into his own hands and get out there anyway. Even though we've had 30 plus years of rules of don't leave the bench during a fight. We have coaches jumping, holding the guys back, begging them not to go out. And he was like, fuck it. And it cost him $700,000 to go try to beat up Miles Bridges in front of 50,000 people. Yeah. Seven games. What's the right number? Van?

[B]

I don't think it was. You know, a lot of people thought that obviously his previous psychotic nature would play into sort of like how this. But when I look back at it, I think our threshold for the vicious NBA fight, we're a little bit more precious by it than we used to be. When I saw it, I didn't think it was as big a deal as everybody else did. Like when I was. When the malice of the palace, it.

[A]

Just doesn't happen anymore.

[B]

Like that.

[A]

Yeah. Malice in the palace was different.

[D]

There was a bunch of guys who wanted to.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[D]

It wasn't anybody who was like, oh, shit, don't touch Luka. It was like, no. Duran, Diabate and Beef Stew and Bridges want to fuck each other up. Get out of the way, Duncan Robinson. Get out of the way.

[A]

Duncan.

[B]

Duncan. Nobody had to tell Duncan. Duncan was like, all right. Nah. What they got over here on the sideline? Look, it might have been somebody in the league office that saw him going at Bridges and went, yeah, knock a couple games off. A little justice there.

[A]

Speaking of, mentioned this quote before, but the Val Kilmer the bank is worth the risk. I need it, brother. Yeah, I had for this Will Hardy asking Danny Ainge for the Jaren Jackson Jr. Trade. I know we're tanking for the fifth straight year. Just Jaren Jackson's worth the risk. I need it, brother.

[D]

Player of the year something.

[A]

I need it. Just give me a taste. What'd you have? Cr.

[D]

I Had Chauncey Billups looking at an invitation to play cards at someone's house. Allegedly.

[C]

Allegedly.

[A]

Do you have anything?

[C]

Rob James Harden. Cleveland trading for James Harden. Worth the squeeze, worth the stretch. You got to stretch for it.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

That's fair. The bank robbery. We're here for the bank's money, not yours. Don't try to be a hero award, which is always my favorite line in any movie that has a bank robbery. Before we get to the answer for this. So if we're all robbing a bank, what are our jobs?

[C]

I think Chris has to be the mouthpiece. He's the guy in the lobby. Because we would hit uncharted levels of Stockholm syndrome if you were taking people hostage.

[B]

My job is the motherfucker that's going to jail if I'm robbing a bank with y' all three.

[A]

No, no, no. We're not talking whether it's a success. What are our channels?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's like an episode of Star Trek. You know which one?

[A]

No, this is gonna succeed in this scenario.

[B]

Okay, so, like, what would I do if we robbing the bank? I think that I would be like, I'm vibes guy. You vibes guy? I would be polite. Crowd control. Cause I'm not like, a good cop like that.

[C]

You're a good cop.

[B]

You'd be like, good cop. People would be like, trying to buck up against you. I'd be like, hey, chill. We gonna be gold.

[A]

Chill. We're gonna be gone in one minute. Your girl finest, I think CR Hops up. Sierra hops up on the bank's money.

[D]

Your money's insured.

[A]

Rob goes and gets the money, and I'm driving you. Do you? I'm in the car, ready to get the out of here.

[D]

You're a good driver.

[A]

I'm a good driver.

[D]

You don't really rely on gps. I mean, I don't know. It's been a while since I've driven with you.

[B]

You're driving.

[A]

I'm driving.

[D]

And we all get in, and Con. Knipples are.

[A]

Con and I are waiting.

[D]

You're like, hey, Con, I'll take you to Santa Monica. I just have to stop down on Wilshire for a second. Do you think your seatbelt thing would be better or worse as a getaway driver? Because Bill doesn't wear his seatbelt a lot.

[A]

What? Fourth groan of the night. I've been wearing it more.

[D]

Good. That's great. When Khan's in the car, you're like, buckle up.

[A]

Yeah, actually.

[B]

Actually, he reached over and Put Khan's seatbelt on for him.

[C]

Precious cargo.

[D]

Baby on board.

[C]

Death.

[B]

Every time they got to a red light, somebody didn't stop. Bill's like, whoa.

[A]

He'S playing the next night. I had to be careful. I had the pelicans for this. We're here for the bank's money, not yours. Yeah, because you're, you know, fans from Louisiana, they've hit the sweet spot that the old Clippers used to have of. Yeah, we're just not going to pay the tax. Every year we have a bunch of weird assets and we'll just collect luxury tax from everybody else. And we don't really care how many fans we have at the games. And you can do this in the NBA in a 30 team league. Why are you making a face, Rod?

[C]

I mean, it's a real cool sweet spot. It's what we love. It's the aspiration that we want of all of our sports teams.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're just like, we're good. The lease is expiring in three years. We'll see what happens.

[B]

They have good players, they have good.

[A]

Assets, but this is what the Clippers did in the 90s and the 2000s. Next award, the Neil's no Furniture Malibu House award for cheapest decoration.

[D]

I actually got something for this.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

It's coaches wearing tracksuits. And this is why I think coaches are getting younger. I think your Jim Boylans of the world are getting phased out because they don't look good in tracksuits. Because they would just look like they were in the deli and the Sopranos if they were wearing a tracksuit.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And so it's like only Will Hardy and JJ Redick and Charles Lee can rock tracksuits. And I think it's ageist.

[C]

So the third phase of the interview process is just like quarter zips.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

So see what you look like.

[D]

It's like, what does it look like when you wear joggers? If we see a little ankle, what happens?

[A]

Yeah. Well, how many are you watching the Winter Olympics right now? Ooh, tepid response.

[D]

Well, they're here, so they're not watching it.

[A]

Well, ice dancing crowd, though, those, those loose suits, those luge track suits and the bobsled tracksuits.

[B]

You like that shit?

[A]

Not a lot of room left for the imagination, man. The franks and beans are really crammed in there. But, yeah, I was thinking that might be the next iteration. It would be good. Like a skinny luge suit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, and now that we're more focused, we're more ass Focused than we've ever been before. People are starting to notice. Was it always like this? Was it always.

[A]

I think the TVs are better.

[B]

I'm just saying. That's what it is.

[A]

The hd. Yeah. You're really seeing shit now.

[B]

You watching the speed skate and it's like Magic City out there. Yeah, it was. You mean to tell me it was. Hey, Kalika. Like, not to disrespect, but like. It was. But it was like. It was like. I never noticed that before.

[A]

That's one of. TVs are better.

[C]

Van, are you up on the penis inflation controversy and ski jump? You know what I'm talking about.

[B]

Me that.

[C]

I feel like you would be.

[B]

Oh, no. When they was there was. They're injecting their penises so they can fly further.

[C]

Yeah. So they could have bigger suits for like better drag or something.

[B]

Wait a minute. Are they injecting?

[A]

Is this an actual scandal?

[C]

It's an actual scandal.

[B]

Legitimately thought that they were injecting their penises so they looked better in the suit. No, it's for performance.

[C]

It's for performance. So when they get measured for the suit, they have more junk. And then for some reason having more material is beneficial for the ski jump.

[B]

That's what I. Fuck. I'm talking about.

[C]

That's science.

[B]

That is.

[A]

You guys are having a good time, I hope.

[B]

Yeah. We have.

[A]

Two more awards for another special section. This is the Hank Azaria who plays Alan Marciano in this movie. Does he look like an Alan Marciano?

[D]

He definitely looks like a liquor wholesaler.

[A]

The Hank Azaria's Alan Marciano award for worst idea to steadfastly believe in a former lottery pick. And in this case that's Ashley Judd, who I think was a lottery pick, but now she has a kid. She's married to a degenerate gambler.

[C]

Is having kids bad?

[A]

No, he's. You have the kid. You have a criminal who's probably going to kill you if he finds out you're having an affair with the wife. And you're still talking yourself into the lottery pick. This is the John Moran trade decision for a month heading into the trade deadline of. This guy was the number two pick in the draft. He was second team on NBA.

[D]

Face of the League for.

[A]

All of a sudden you're in a hotel room with them at two in the morning and Neil's busting in yelling it at people. That's who I have. Do you have one for this year?

[D]

I misinterpreted this. So I just had benedict Matheran, but I don't think that's what you meant. Just a guy I still believe in. Yeah.

[A]

Here's a positive one. The final airport chase scene for most underrated moment of the movie or season. And I mentioned the final airport thing because I think people focus on the shootout and the diner scene. And I think the ending of this movie is fucking awesome. I think it's like a big three for me. The way they shoot it with the lights and the planes and it's dark and then the lights come again. Watching Pacino, who's had fucking 20 cigarettes probably that night, chugging through the gun, just. He's running the 800. I think that's like an awesome scene that never gets mentioned.

[C]

Oh, it's a banger.

[B]

Yeah. I think the two scenes are actually dancing with each other. The brutality of the bank robbery scene is kind of indicative of like, Neil's character is so regimented. He has such morals, he has such a point of view that it's difficult to look at him as like. As a bad guy. But when they get to the bank, like, you start to. There's a couple things that happen in the movie. You start to see him, like the minute Shiherlis sees the cops, he opens up, he's smiling. And then the minute he sees it, he just starts to kill. And all of the mayhem that they have throughout that scene, like this breathtaking violence, kind of dances a little bit with. At the end of the film. It's actually kind of intimate.

[A]

It's like.

[B]

It's really the same as the coffee scene at the same time. And it's these two guys almost having to find.

[A]

Yeah, they find each other at the end. We're both here to do one job. I won, but we both won. Now die.

[C]

But it only works because Vincent Hannah shoots before he sees him. Like, he shoots before he looks. He's leaning into that.

[B]

And by the way, when you're watching that, you're not quite sure who you want to get.

[D]

This is Bill's thing, which is Neil Lev.

[B]

You don't know who you want to die in that scene. And I still watch it. And I'm like, you know, actually, I always. Vincent would have took.

[A]

I have some nitpicks. After seeing this movie 130 times, I feel like Neil could have made some better decisions on the sprint. Yeah, obviously he had a big 50 yard lead. He's got a wide airport. There's all these places to hide. I don't know how he gets caught.

[B]

No, no, no, no. It makes Absolutely zero sense. Zero sense.

[A]

He should have gone away.

[B]

That Vincent could have found Neil with. He doesn't know where he went. They just cut to it and he's on his tail. They don't explain it.

[A]

I think in real life, Vincent's chasing him for, I don't know, two minutes and then has to stop and cause.

[D]

A massive heart attack.

[A]

And then it does. So anyway, for this award, most underrated moment in the movie or season, I think it's that we have San Antonio and Oklahoma City and Denver and Minnesota looming as this awesome final four in the West. Like, I consider San Antonio a legitimate threat. I think you did too. Yep. I'm still in on Minnesota even though it's always hard to trust them. But I think with Edwards and the team they have and then the other two and I don't know how it's going to be 1 through 4, 2 through 3 in the playoffs, but it's going to be awesome. Like really, really high end. So. All right, special section. This is the Edie the Librarian award for most red flags you've ever ignored when you're falling in love.

[D]

She worked at a bookstore.

[A]

What was she?

[D]

She worked at a bookstore.

[A]

Lady. Whatever she was.

[D]

For most red flags side hobby of graphic design. That's not a big deal.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Went to Parsons.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Most red flags you've ever ignored when you're falling in love. Her first exchange with him starts like this. What are you reading? A book about medals. What kind of work do you do? Lady, why are you so interested in what I read or what I do? That's her introduction to this man. He tells her he's in sales as he's reading a book about stress fractures in titanium.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Then she asks about his family. And he tells her the following three things. My father died a long time ago. I don't know where my mother is. I got a brother somewhere. She asks if he has anyone, if he's dating. And he says, I am alone. I'm not lonely. They have sex. She falls asleep. He leaves. But not before he gives her a glass of water. Bedside that has a paper towel wrapped around it so there won't be fingerprints. And he has a place with no furniture. And she's like, I'm hooked.

[B]

Yeah, that's my guy. There's only one thing you're leaving out.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

This is in Los Angeles. This is the first non actor bullshit Halfway eligible God that she's met mid.

[D]

Level guy at ca. Yeah.

[B]

She's just so happy that he didn't Say, fuck it, man. I got this fucking pilot for this medical show coming up and I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. So she saw him like, cowboy, Salt of America guy. She's like, I'm in.

[D]

So who's your NBA person for this?

[A]

James Harden? Yeah, yeah, the Cavaliers are. They look at it. They look at it. They look at it. At some point, the person who's in charge of convincing somebody else to make the trade is like, don't look at his basketball reference in the playoffs part. They keep pushing. They're like, he's got more size, more size than Garland. We'll be able to have more flexibility. He'll be able to get some more assists. And all of a sudden you have James Harden on your team in round two in a game six where he shoots three for 21.

[B]

Are we getting to the point?

[A]

Seven turnovers.

[B]

Are we getting to the point where James Harden is an underrated asset?

[A]

Like, there's a redemption coming from James Harden.

[B]

So, like, obviously the narrative about James Harden's career, it's, you know, it's well documented and you can. There's not. It's not like it's not true, but at this point, that motherfucker's a badass basketball player.

[A]

The problem is we did this last year and then in game seven, yeah, he did not look at the rim for the first hour of the game.

[C]

But we don't do this about Deer and Fox or like the guys who have never really been in those games. Like, James Harden gets scrutiny because he goes deep in the playoffs every time. He's not a Clipper, basically.

[A]

C, are you rooted for James Harden?

[D]

The honeymoon's amazing. I think he should only sign nine month deals. And every year he's on another cool team, random, like Cleveland. And it's just like, Harden's on the Pacers. Let's fucking go. And it's just like, if that would be an exciting subplot to any NBA season, is that James Harden only has three more weeks in his contract sweepstakes. What's going to happen? Like, where's he going? Is he going to Real Madrid? Who knows?

[A]

Yeah, you could see with the Cavs Denver game the other day, they beat Denver and they're all celebrating and congratulating each other and it's like, oh, we're in the real honeymoon phase right now. This is good.

[D]

Daryl Morey's like, first time. Yeah.

[A]

Speaking of people, you rooted for the Waingro escaping a padded trunk award for most improbable escape from certain death. I think we got to do Embiid here.

[D]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Do you believe on his name?

[D]

Yeah, I believe. Look at those numbers. He's incredible. He's playing on one leg. We don't know what's wrong with the other leg. But still, like, I think that the thing I've kind of come to with Embiid is that because of the next generation of Sixers looking pretty good, that he's like an incredible added bonus. So I hope he's happy. I don't really understand what's happened over the last three years, but he, he on any given night can go for 40.

[A]

So this episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by Spectrum Business. Fast, reliable Internet means everything for your business and even this podcast. That's why I trust Spectrum Business. They keep companies of all sizes connected with Internet, advanced Wi, Fi, phone, TV, mobile services plus 24. 7 US based support. Millions of business owners already trust Spectrum business. So visit spectrum.combusiness to learn more. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. This episode is brought to you by Firehouse Subs. Who just dropped a game changing sandwich? The French dip. Literally one of my favorite sandwiches. Slash subs. Roast beef, caramelized onions, melty cheese, little freshly toasted garlic butter roll and the warm savory au chou. I've been eating these forever, since I was living on the east coast in la. I think to me this versus the cheesesteak. The French dip, no contest. Way better. And I think it's really because of the au jus. I don't know anybody who doesn't like au jus. An elite game day sub. Fun to order by the way, if you want it delivered because they usually put the au jus in the special little container, you can pour it on. Knock yourself out. The French dip here for a limited time. I wish it was longer. Only at Firehouse subs. Limited time at participating Firehouse Subs restaurants while supplies last. I'm gonna skip through the you don't live with me. You live with the remains of Dead people award and the Dominic Shaherless award for the young kid who has no chance whatsoever. That award as well. Sorry, I'm running out of breath there. Let's go to the Krish Shahurlis award for single worst gambler of the 202526 season. There's some candidates. Do we know if Rozier went like.

[D]

Oh, we're actually literally talking about gambling the worst game.

[A]

I think it's. I think it's billups though, right I.

[C]

Mean, those games were rigged. So he was winning.

[A]

Yeah, but he ended up losing his job. He's never going to.

[B]

Look how uncomfortable everybody is.

[A]

You don't like the gambling thing? I want to talk about Chris as a gambler, though. So there were two Super Bowls in the last 50 years where Vegas lost and got killed. One of them was chargers niners. The 94 Super bowl niners were favored by 18 and a half. Everybody bet the Niners and then they won. And every bet with them won. This is the super bowl that Chris got cleaned out on when he has to. So he's obviously the worst.

[B]

Chris is a fucking moron.

[A]

Chris Zag the very Stan Humphries.

[B]

The men like Humphries and Natron Means and all that. Everybody knew. Even my grandmama was like, oh, Steve Young about to bust them boys ass. Like, Chris is stupid. I never thought about that. This is why I fuck with the pod. Cause like, I never thought about how dumb Chris is. This whole time. I felt bad for him.

[A]

Now he's the easiest super bowl we've had in the last 30 years. Chris got smoked. He's like selling everything. Speaking of Chris, the cop who let Chris go outside the park even though he looked exactly like Chris award, even though Chris had just been in a high profile bank shootout 36 hours. This is for the worst job by anybody this season award. Or we could go most incompetent character. So two people from the movie. You could go this guy or the OAPD guy guarding Waingro's hotel room.

[D]

That was just a hotel security guy.

[A]

I think, who did a worse job out of those two.

[D]

Clearly the hotel security guy because he had one job.

[C]

What about the cop who set like, alerts them to the bus by sitting down too hard?

[A]

I feel like that guy really hit his rifle. Yeah, he was bad.

[B]

Sucks. You know what? I'm gonna go with the cop that lets Chris go. First of all, they are in an active.

[A]

It's an active stakeout for somebody who looks like Chris.

[B]

They're looking for Chris. Chris cuts his hair. He stops. The cop goes, that can't be him. Let him go. And Bubba from Forrest Gump, he didn't do anything better. He just let the fuck. That would never fucking happen.

[D]

I think he was starting to feel for Charlene, though. I think he was just like, I want to give her a break.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I think he knew that she kind of gave him the no, no go sign.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[D]

I feel like it. I think he has.

[A]

Oh, I don't think that at all. I know this was abject incompetence. They're like his ID says he's from New Mexico. And meanwhile he's got the car, all.

[B]

Of this stuff, man. Take him in and fingerprint. I'm not rooting for the police, but yeah.

[A]

Anyway, I think the winner for this award for most incompetent character basically Joe Dumar is not putting the top three protection on the pick which we've talked about forever. Is there another one of the worst records in the league and there's a real chance that might be a top three pick.

[C]

Is there another room in America right now where Joe Dumars not protecting the pick enough would get applause.

[A]

Get applause people. Yeah. All right, a couple more here. The let's have a big family and friends dinner right after we just committed a huge heist that led to three dead bodies award for single worst idea. They just committed this. They're on the news all over the place. They're like you guys like Italian open table. There's a reservation for eight. This was Chris Paul's retirement tour.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

His homecoming.

[A]

Just say it's your last year. Like maybe don't say this is going to be a tour when you don't know how it's going to work. What'd you have C.R.

[D]

I think that the Brooklyn Nets drafting like five international point cards. It was kind of weird.

[A]

Well it seems like that was a tanking strategy.

[D]

Yeah, I guess so. But it's tough for those guys career.

[C]

Do you have one rep the magic doing nothing at the deadline. Just sitting on their hands. I guess that's good enough that they're going to be a middling to bad team and they're just going to hang.

[A]

With that lost to Cam Thomas tonight. The this is a good one. The Al Pacinos Asian stunt double award for funniest in season glitch. So when they go to get Henry Rollins and you could see it now that the TVs are clearer. A stuntman plays Pacino jumping on Henry Rollins.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And it's. I can't believe they didn't do another take of it. Honestly.

[D]

Michael Mann was just like TVs will never get better.

[A]

It's the funniest.

[D]

We're good to move on.

[A]

It's the funniest freeze frame of the movie. So funniest since he's in glitch. Should we do the white guy revolution here?

[D]

Sure man.

[C]

Why not?

[A]

Nick Wright on my podcast yesterday was calling for it. Van.

[B]

Yeah. The white guy versus black guy all star Game. I've never heard an idea that I like more. Nick is out of this world right now. I love it. Nick's so in his fucking bag. Let's do it. Let's do three different levels of it. Let's do it with the All Stars. Then let's do it with the rookies.

[D]

Oh, that's a good idea.

[B]

Let's do it. Let's just make it about this. Cause it is about that.

[C]

Anyway.

[D]

It should be an entire team of dudes named Luke. Yeah, like, that's it.

[B]

I'm fucking with it.

[A]

What guy on the black team tries the hardest?

[B]

Probably like a Russell Westbrook. Russell Hopkins. He demands to be in the game. Yeah, Russell, like. And here's the thing about this, because I know that Bill, you guys are feeling now that you know things have changed and you're gonna have your shot at it and all of that stuff like that. I'm telling you, if you. It depends on how you look at this, right? Because if you do all the black guys against the white guys, All Stars, and you let the black players have their international players, the white players are getting ran.

[A]

But if that's another team, if you.

[B]

Take the international brothers out, which sometimes.

[A]

We do, is that kind of Canada, Canada out? Okay.

[B]

I don't know if you know, but there was a whole rap situation that's been happening over the last couple of years, but we've even re litigated that we're not sure anymore. Okay. Then the game gets kind of interesting. But I'm telling you right now, if you put Russell Westbrook in full in front of a. Just got to Santa Monica after a 30 minute drive. Conk.

[A]

Nice and relaxed.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Full court press.

[B]

Westbrook is going fucking apeshit. After everything I've been through, I'm not about to let you bust my ass with that police ass haircut. You know what I'm saying? So that game would be. Nick is right. That game would fix. I don't know who, who would, who would win the game?

[D]

It would, it would. Honestly, it would. It would do better ratings than the.

[A]

Super bowl if that.

[D]

It would just be like 100% even people who never watch basketball would be like, what? I got to see this.

[B]

But, see, but, but see, here's the deal though. What you want to do around the game is you want to put in a bunch of different cultural fail safes to make sure this doesn't go too far, right?

[D]

Because like, so like Isaiah Stewart plays.

[B]

For the white guys or at the beginning. Well, I mean, it's like at the beginning of the game, you know, you got the players on one side, you got the players on the other side. You gotta have, like, I don't know, Obama and Ryan Gosling meet at center court.

[A]

So, like, why is Ryan Gosling our representative?

[B]

That's the coolest white boy y' all got.

[C]

I don't think we can do any better than that.

[A]

Everybody's number one.

[B]

Everybody else got.

[D]

Who would you have be the celebrity coaches?

[B]

I'm saying it would have to be like, Obama for the black, because all the.

[D]

Oh, I thought they were just representing.

[A]

Nah, man.

[B]

All the black guys gonna play hard for Obama. Like, are they gonna play hard for Obama? And then the white guys. You have Gosling. Who would y' all want? Who would y' all want? Y' all gonna put just. Y' all gonna say somebody vaguely, probably.

[A]

Who would the white guys play the hardest for it?

[B]

No. Who would be the white guy's coach? Who?

[A]

Timothy.

[B]

Timothy Chalamet playing with us?

[A]

Yeah. He doesn't want any part of our team.

[B]

Y' all gonna get Timothy Chalamet out there. Y' all gonna pass on the ball. He be gonna be missing shots. Then looking back at the black people like, gotcha.

[D]

It would be Sean Penn, but as Lockjaw.

[B]

Hey, that would be the name of the white guys team, the Christmas Adventures.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That would be their team.

[A]

One more of the. I'm talking to an empty telephone because there's a dead man on this line of word for single best threat. I have the spurs, because we know OKC and Denver. Those are two best teams. And the spurs are just kind of lingering. Yeah, they're smoldering in the background, and I don't know what they are.

[D]

They're this good, and I don't think it's near as good as they could be.

[A]

Yeah, we don't know what this is, but we've seen it with the. The 86 rockets. They came out of nowhere. The 95 magic. Like, we've seen these young teams that are just like, we're here.

[B]

The Thunder do not want to see the spurs come in.

[A]

They just.

[B]

The spurs have figured out a way to gel and really present real problems to okc, man.

[C]

But it's good for them. Like, the spurs existing is good in the same way we're talking about. They don't have that internal drama. They don't have a lot of, like, storytelling. But if the spurs are this amazing, I think we're going to like the Thunder more even if they win.

[A]

I have Good news for you guys. It's time for the next Vincent Hannah Section, Part 2.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

C.R. is back. He's taking a big swing of water. You thought you were done hearing him do Pacino. You're not.

[D]

Okay, so this is a two parter, or is this.

[A]

No, you're doing the second part.

[D]

Okay. The. By the time I get to Phoenix, he'll be rising. He'll probably leave a note right on the door.

[A]

Give it again.

[D]

Award goes to.

[A]

Oh, that's got to go to Matt Ishby.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Anyone else on the Suns? Would you do Devin Brooker?

[D]

Yeah. Because you could do Devin Booker.

[C]

Quick question. What is this award?

[A]

We don't know. It was an excuse for.

[B]

He just wanted him to do it.

[A]

Do the Phoenix thing. Go to the next one.

[D]

The Don't Waste My Motherfucking Time award. This goes to having our time waste.

[A]

This goes to the Giannis story. Ultimately, we got a lot of content out of it. I certainly led my podcast a few times with Giannis treats. You guys did as well.

[C]

Every pod.

[A]

And ultimately it was just completely meaningless and nothing happened. And then he signed up with Kalsheet the next day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's how it played out.

[C]

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

[A]

The.

[D]

My life's a disaster zone. I got a stepdaughter so fucked up because her real father's this large type asshole. I got a wife. We're passing each other on the down slope of a marriage. My third. Because I spend all my time chasing guys like you around the block. That's my life award. And this is a really good one. This is Pat. This is Pat Riley.

[A]

I was thinking somebody Heat related. Pat Riley or Pat Riley?

[D]

Doomed to chase unicorns in a league he actually hates, where he's just. Every quote is just like, they don't fucking do it the way we used to do it in the 80s. And then he's just like. But I guess I have to pretend like Damian Lillard might come here, you know?

[A]

Yeah. You get the feeling when you have dinner with Pat Riley, he has like one drink, we're in the entrees, and he just starts talking about when LeBron left in 2014. At the first sign of adversity, he left. And I hate this league. And I don't know why we're like this anymore. And then the waiter comes over and is like, pat, another glass. He's like, yes, I would love another glass. Yeah, I think that's the answer. Next one.

[D]

The. You know what? They're looking at us. The lapd Police department.

[C]

Ha.

[D]

Okay, Motherfucker award. I got one for this. This is the Thunder finding out that they are slowly becoming villains with all this Lou Dort shit and chain flopping. And now Thunder fans are litigating calls. I mean, like, well, if you go back to this, you can see Jake Laravia bumps him and it's like, that's just not going to earn you casual fans or neutral fans. And I think we're about to see a little bit of a turn in the narrative. I think they're going to become annoying.

[A]

Yeah, people are tired of the. Of everybody doing the postgame interview together. It's like just do pick one guy. Stop it. The entire league is tired of Presti hearing how great Presti is compared to everybody else. What else, Rob? Plus they have all these picks, including the Clippers.

[C]

I still kind of like them. I gotta be honest with you guys.

[A]

Rob's just a basketball appreciator. All right, two more. What do you got, D?

[D]

You know you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa in her ex husband's dead tech post modernistic bullshit house if you want to, but you do not get to watch my fucking television set.

[B]

Give it up, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Come on, man. Come on. Award.

[A]

I have Raptors fans for this because we haven't mentioned them the entire podcast and I think they got pissed 20 minutes ago. It's the most sensitive fan base we have. All right, one more.

[D]

The bon voyage. You were good award.

[A]

This has to be the Pacers, right? We had them in the finals. They bon voyage. They're executing a flawless tanking season. They traded for Zubots. Halberton's coming back and they're probably one of the lead contenders of 27. They're going to be awesome. Even though they suck. They still own the Knicks. They still own them. They had nobody in the game the other night.

[D]

I had a Durant's failing body language. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, and just.

[D]

And him sadly standing in the corner one of like the all time crash outs was when we got to see sun spurs in Texas. I believe that was last season.

[A]

It was.

[D]

And just watching him motherfuck Buttonholzer for an entire game. And I don't think he's going to do that with ime, but I am clocking his body language. It doesn't seem great.

[C]

Well, speaking of people motherfucking other people, what about Draymond Green's last ride as a warrior? Like, could this be it?

[A]

Yeah. Being in trade rumors for the first time. And then Mike Dunlavy's like, the warriors jam. He wasn't in trade rumors. And they were like, well, who was in the trade room? Well, I can't talk about it. And it was a unbelievable non denial. All right, we have two more awards. These are the big ones. The Roger Van Zandt award. Van Sant or Van Zant.

[D]

I believe the S is pronounced like a Z. Yeah.

[A]

The Roger Van Zant award for most comically bad performance from a management figure. Thank God the Kings are back in our life. Rob.

[D]

Scott Perry.

[A]

Yeah, I missed it. I was happy for their fans during the two Light the Beam seasons when we had some competent Kings basketball and a playoff series. But honestly, it's kind of fun to have them back. Rob.

[C]

When is the next time the Kings will be good?

[D]

A long time.

[A]

Because they're hinge on they didn't trade anybody.

[C]

Will we get the big one before the Kings win a playoff series again?

[D]

I would be worried legitimately, like, if they had the number one pick. That Darren Peterson be like, cramps. I'm not doing this.

[B]

Every other game now.

[A]

Eternal cramps. It's brutal. I think even if they got a lottery pick, it would still be a couple years from them. What's crazy is they have a team that's so bad that the tanking is just play the guys you have on the team. It's like, who are, like, legitimately good NBA fans. Like, guys, we're tanking, just go out and do your thing and we'll probably lose.

[C]

Is this not our guy, Adam Silver? Is he not the comically bad managerial figure of the season?

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I mean.

[D]

Bill might have some dinners this weekend. You know, you gotta watch out.

[C]

A third of the teams are tanking. Yeah, everybody's hurt.

[D]

Multiple huge controversies that he has not.

[B]

Really spoken off the court. Issues like that strike directly at the heart of the competition of the game.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Huge.

[C]

Like, no one can watch their local broadcast in a lot of markets. No one wants to watch the regular season. Yeah. Like, the league is in a really awful place and no one seems to want to do anything about it.

[B]

Funny is, how quickly did this change? The first month, month and a half, two months, maybe even three months of the season. Everyone was talking about how awesome.

[A]

How many awesome players we had, how.

[B]

Many awesome players we were. The coverage was being lauded everywhere. The studio teams, the new places that were covering it and stuff. Now I'm just. It just kind of wears on me. I gotta go five different places to watch the games. All of this stuff, it Seems like it's coming apart, but then the cycle.

[A]

Comes back to the playoffs when we're like, basketball, this is fucking awesome.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

You know, we're in the darkness.

[D]

But let me throw an idea at you and you tell me it would be bad for our company. But it would be interesting to see the effect of the league if we got rid of the mid season trade deadline. I know it would be very hard for teams to improve or to replace guys that got hurt, but I felt like the trade deadline talk started earlier than ever this year. Giannis dominated it. It was all bullshit. What if you just removed the transactional part from the middle of the season? It was like your team is your team. You can sign guys off the street, you can have guys in the G League, but you cannot trade for Giannis or Harden in the middle of the season because you didn't like what you did in the summer.

[A]

I thought you liked content Cr.

[D]

I do, but to the point of vans making. Pretty much when we started talking about trades is when everybody was like, yeah, we better just sell the farm on this team.

[A]

The season's too long. We've been saying it every year. This is a real crisis. I did a podcast part of it about it yesterday and I was texting with a couple people about it today. And one of the best arguments I've heard. So in the NFL, they might add an extra game, right? None of us think it's a good idea. We're going to an 18 game season, 19 weeks. It feels inevitable. It's not great. I don't think it's like, it's not an idea. I'd be like, this is the dumbest thing ever. I'm never watching football anymore. Can you imagine at the NBA, we're like, we're actually. We're gonna go to 88 games, we're adding six. Who would think this was a good idea? Everybody would be like, this is the dumbest thing. You're adding games, you dumb motherfuckers. They should be taking games away and going to 66 to 70 should be the length and it's just clear as day. And they're not doing it because of money. And that's it. And they've made so much money from the media deals and all this other stuff.

[D]

There are certain in game things like with the replays and the way the end of games generally play out. If they fixed that, I wouldn't be so mad about the 82 games. If the ends of games just felt like they had more flow, it Feels.

[A]

Like they're getting worse.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Last award. This is it. Don't let yourself get attached to anything. You're not willing to walk out in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner award. I mean, we got to do the Lakers and LeBron here, right?

[D]

You have to do it for Lakers and LeBron.

[A]

Yeah. Why is it just me? But this is. This is LeBron's last Lakers season. So first of all, he's been here longer than. He's been here twice as long as I think he was with Miami. He won a title. So how do we feel about LeBron and the Lakers eight years in? Yeah, it's like. It's a little bit.

[D]

Do you guys. Lakers fans in the crowd, LeBron statue.

[C]

But everyone has a statue.

[B]

Yeah, everybody.

[C]

Taylor, Horton, Tucker has a statue out there.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, do you. Would you put him in the Kareem Magic, Kobe. It's a weird one, but it's been an amazing thing to have him on the team. But it's in this weird spot now.

[B]

I think after Kareem Magic and Kobe.

[A]

Did Jerry West, Elja Baylor. Okay, Shaq, Keep going and going. Shaq. Yeah, yeah, we're going and going.

[D]

James Worthy, Nick Young. Yeah, I think.

[A]

I think that thing that. When I think about the Laker run he had, the weirdest part was that they won the title in that crazy Covid year. And I think they probably would have won the title anyway. Like, if you remember what was happening right before COVID it was them and the Clippers and the Bucks who hadn't really done anything. But we were really like, holy shit, this is finally going to happen. We're going to get LA versus LA for real. And then Covid happened. The bubble. He wins with no fans. There's no parade after. And it was just a weird one. And, like, Rich thinks it's the best title anyone ever won because of Mental Warfare. No, I don't think you can compare it to any other title that's ever happened because nobody's ever been in that situation before.

[B]

You know, it's interesting about LeBron. Like, I was talking to my grandma one time and, okay, I'm sorry, guys. I tell stories. I'm sorry. Talking to my grandmother one time, and my grandmother was really involved in civil rights throughout, you know, her entire life. And when I was a kid, I was talking to her about Martin Luther King Jr. I'm not comparing the two guys, but she said that it's different when you were living. When you were living through it. Like, y' all look at it now, and there are statues and their birthdays, and there are days like that, and history looks at the guy in a certain way. She's like, when you were living through it, people had opinions. People had opinions about whether or not he should be doing this in this way. People had opinions about whether or not they liked him. There was all kinds of ways people wanted to go do it this way, people want to do it that way. But you don't have to go through any of that. You just look at what actually happened in the history of it. I think as people get further away from LeBron James career, the only thing that they're going to remember is most points ever. Four championships, they're going to see all of that stuff. But when you live through it, it was a little staccato. It never really felt like this unbridled, unassailable dominance or it always felt like there was some other bullshit that got in the way. It was never quite what you thought it was going to be. And that's not saying that he hasn't been consistently great, because he has. But when you're going through it, the championship is there. The championship is in the bubble. As NBA players against playing against NBA players, you still gotta respect it. But then there's all other stuff. There's the drafting of Bronny. There's all kinds of stuff that's in the middle of it. There's the decision. There's just stuff that just stopped him from being the unassailable, like, completely dominant figure that you felt like he should have been. I don't know how to explain it any better than that, but he is.

[C]

Kind of unassailable, you know? I think your point about how it feels different in the moment is totally true. And has dealt with more opinion in the moment than any superstar ever. Just like the pure volume of shit that is talked about with him all the time I think is completely unparalleled. And for him to do that and still be this successful, like, he did win a title here, like, you. You can call it whatever it is. You can throw an asterisk. You can think it's impressive or not. He did what he set out to do as a Laker, but it is complicated.

[A]

I think the stuff he's doing now, I'm. I'm the most amazed at with how many years he's been in the league, and you just see him take over games still. It's like, how is this still happening? It's like it's Just breaks your brain. I'm.

[B]

I'm just. I'm not in any way trying to hate. I'm just saying. But think about this. Think about the cultural capture that Kobe Bryant. With all the problems that Kobe Bryant had off. Off the court.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With. And I'm not just talking about any of the stuff. I'm talking about, like, just conversations about Kobe's personality. Like, Phil Jackson talking about Kobe, Phil.

[A]

Jackson writing books about.

[B]

How about, like, when I first got here, there was a real black versus Mexican thing that was going on. It happened. It was a thing people was like, yo, if you see somebody with tattoos on their neck, get on the ground, they gonna kill you. And so. But you would see the Lakers were this, like, bonding kind of thing between black and brown people. If you saw somebody with a Kobe jersey on, you knew they was kind of cool. There was this thing in the city. There was this kind of like. I can't even explain it. And Kobe Bryant was able to do that and able to be this guy that inspired a generation of basketball players despite everything that went on off the court. LeBron James, perfect off the court. But there's something missing. And I'm not trying to be a hater at all. I'm just saying there always kind of has been.

[A]

Well, do you think in 2018, if he had to do it over again, cr. Would he stay in Cleveland or would he come here?

[D]

I think that his career has just been defined by the movement so much.

[A]

That it seems made sense for him to come.

[D]

He would be like. And I also just think his relationship with Gilbert seems so. Dan Gilbert seems so contentious that it was going to be an exit. I wish just for the sake of the theater, that it had been the Knicks, like, just to watch him at the Garden. And I say that as a Sixers fan.

[A]

You might get that next year, by the way. Yeah.

[D]

I mean, I don't know. You think? I. I. That's. That's what I was going to ask you is, like, what's. What's the last chapter? If this is the end of the.

[A]

There's no way he's quitting yet, because we just lived through this with Tom Brady.

[B]

He's too good.

[A]

And as long as you're good enough to keep doing this, you're going to keep doing it. You're not going to be like, yeah, I could do this.

[B]

How.

[D]

How creative could he get? Would he. Could he go to the Thunder?

[A]

I think he goes back to Cleveland. I think. I think this. That would be. It makes money would be. Yeah. And they are a good team. He'd have a chance to win the title there. Yeah. Vegas won't be probably operational. Yeah. All right, before we go, do you want CR to redo one quote, one Pacino quote? What do you just redo one and then we're out? Which one do you want, Van or you want to. Which one do you want?

[D]

Wayne Jenkins.

[B]

Oh, you want to do Wayne?

[D]

No, I don't quote from Heat that you want me to do.

[B]

Great ass.

[D]

Oh, yeah, she's got a great ass. And you got your head all the way up it.

[A]

Thanks. That was for Michelob Ultra. Thanks for helping us out. Michelob Ultra. You got a great ass. Thanks to Chris Ryan, Van Lath, Rob Mooney. Thanks to everybody for sticking with us. We had a great time. Appreciate it. Must be 21 plus on President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 on President D.C. kentucky or Wyoming game problem called 100 Gambler, visit rg-help.com, call 888-797-777 or visit ccpg.orgchinconnecticut or mdgamblinghelp.org In Maryland, Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny in New York. For Louisiana, call 877-770-7867. Monster Energy Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra. That's the OG it kick zero sugar energy drink thing. But Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise and Vice Guava. And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the White can branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is Zero Sugar. Tap the banner to learn more. Starting a business can seem like a daunting task unless you have a partner like Shopify. They have the tools you need to start and grow your business. From designing a website to marketing to selling and beyond, Shopify can help with everything you need. There's a reason millions of companies like Mattel, Heinz and Allbirds continue to trust and use them. With Shopify on your side, turn your big business idea into Sign up for your $1 per month [e-mail] specialoff.