The Bill Simmons Podcast (Dec. 15, 2025): Oh No Mahomes, Burrow’s Funk, Old Man Rivers, Denver’s Hot Streak, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Main Theme & Overview

In this week’s episode, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal dive deep into an NFL Sunday filled with season-shifting injuries, legacy questions, playoff reshuffles, and an emotional tribute to the late Rob Reiner. Highlights include a breakdown of Patrick Mahomes’ devastating injury, Joe Burrow’s disconcerting decline, Denver’s resurgence under Bo Nix, concerns about clock management, and the unpredictable nature of playoff seeding this year. The episode also features the beloved “Guess the Lines” segment, insights on fantasy football quirks, and a candid Parent Corner.

In Memoriam: Rob Reiner

[00:50-06:00]

• Bill opens with an emotional tribute to Rob Reiner, whose recent murder shocked the entertainment world.
• Reiner’s artistic legacy: as actor (“All in the Family”), director (“Spinal Tap,” “The Princess Bride,” “Misery”), influential independent studio founder (Castle Rock), and community activist.
• “He was one of those guys that was just going to be around forever—and now, sadly, he’s not.” (Simmons, 05:30)
• Bill reflects on Reiner’s run of movies as “rewatchable” classics and his crucial role in launching "Seinfeld".

Cowboys’ Collapse & Sunday Night Football

[07:40-11:09]

• Sal mourns his Cowboys season after their crushing SNF defeat, laments “coal under the Christmas stocking,” and jokes about Bill finding joy in his misery.
• Discussion of the unexciting upcoming Christmas schedule: “These are all games that seem like they were really good games, you know.” (Simmons, 08:11)
• Sal: “I’m relieved…I was like John Cena, just had half a smirk on my face. Just tapping, just tapping. That’s over.” (08:24)
• WWE as a metaphor for NFL season drama; John Cena’s “tapping out” compared to the Cowboys’ playoff hopes.
• Collinsworth’s over-the-top praise for Mike McCarthy’s offense gets skewered: “Everyone does this against Dallas. What are you talking about?” (Simmons, 10:45)

“Oh No Mahomes”: Chiefs-Chargers Aftermath & Dynasty Fallout

[11:45-20:30]

• Chiefs’ shocking loss to the Chargers, the symbolic and literal “end” of their dynasty run as Mahomes suffers a torn ACL.
• “Mahomes—his body finally breaks down symbolically…it was a shocking game.” (Simmons, 12:13)
• Both hosts commiserate about getting drawn back into betting on the Chiefs. Sal: “What happens to us psychologically over the week?...Nothing at all changed from Sunday night.” (13:08)
• Breaking down the Chiefs’ roster misses: failed draft picks, worst RB room in the league, receivers called “so soft.”
• Chiefs’ “year from hell” (“KC pulled off the Scooby Doo mask and it was them all along.” — Simmons, 16:47).
• The eerie Tom Brady/Mahomes ACL arc parallels.
• Offseason challenges: over the cap, coach Andy Reid at 68, the possibility that Kelsey retires.
• “This is by far the most adversity Mahomes has faced in his career.” (17:55)

Playoff Picture: Wild Cards, Chargers, and the Upside Down AFC

[20:30-23:05]

• Simmons: “Best six wild cards we’ve had at least this decade.”
• Sal: “As far as trusting, like, we’re always looking for...five teams I’m excited to bet against.” (21:20)
• Chargers’ physical play gets praised (“defense, run the ball, Herbert needs to make two plays, don’t beat yourself”).
• Reference to their blowout loss to Jacksonville as the team’s nadir, and their bounce-back.

Denver’s Hot Streak: Bo Nix Arrives, Green Bay Crumbles

[23:25-28:16]

• Packers blow lead to Broncos; turning point is Surtan’s interception on a deep shot to Watson.
• Sal: “They blow the big lead, they lose Parsons. What does the rest of the season look like?” (23:30)
• Bo Nix’s best game so far, “He really showed me something” (Sal, 24:28), four touchdowns, and command in the key moments.
• Discussion about Matt LaFleur (Packers) not getting enough credit for aggressive, “ballsy” coaching.
• Denver playoff odds and the possibility of clinching the 1 seed.

Notable Quote:
“It just felt like the game tilted and flipped on its axis. Parsons gets hurt… from that moment on, it was Denver’s game.” (Simmons, 22:18)

Clock Management Rants & Coaching Oddities

[25:23-27:56]

• Simmons critiques Peyton (Broncos) for “unnecessarily aggressive” fourth down calls and poor clock management.
• “At some point, it’s going to kill them, and I don’t know when.” (Simmons, 26:28)
• Sal: “I am just so numb to teams going on it, going for it on 4th and 2.” (26:28)
• End-of-half strategy errors echoed by other teams, including the Patriots.

AFC Contenders: Buffalo’s Statement and Playoff Scenarios

[29:24-36:43]

• Buffalo comes back from 21–0 to beat New England.
• Simmons: “Allen… the best player in the league. Like, is there anyone you would put ahead of him at this point?” (36:04)
• “Buffalo puts together five straight touchdown drives and beats my team.” (Simmons, 31:24)
• Sal lists Allen’s cold-weather brilliance alongside Favre, and Simmons hates that Drake May has better MVP odds than Allen.
• Pats’ season assessment: “I think they might be a year away from having the kind of ceiling the… way Denver is doing it now… you have to come here and come through us.” (Simmons, 34:50)

Other NFL Headlines

Rams, Lions, NFC Picture (39:44–45:41)

• Rams look like “the best NFC team,” but Puka Nacua’s recurring injuries noted (“number one ‘oh God, he’s out’ guy”).
• Detroit’s boom-or-bust playoff scenarios and heavy reliance on a few playmakers.
• Green Bay’s path to the playoffs debated; Simmons thinks Bears could win next week.

Old Man Rivers & Seahawks’ Survival (46:12–52:27)

• Philip Rivers’ emergency stint for the Colts: “He did what every 24-year-old backup should do. Just control the clock, check down…” (Sal, 47:52)
• Seattle’s inconsistent offense and fans’ misery despite their record.
• “Their running game’s awful…they’re not quite as bad as the Chiefs, but they’re…not good.” (Simmons, 51:41)
• Noteworthy: Jason Myers’ six field goals save Simmons’ fantasy week.

Fantasy Football Chaos & Scoring Rules (52:27–56:16)

• CBS scoring drama over Woody Marks’ “fumble recovery” touchdown.
• Sal: “They should give you…it has to count as a touchdown for someone, right?” (55:44)
• Kickers’ sudden fantasy value spikes highlighted.

Panthers–Saints, Bucs–Falcons, and the NFC South Mess (56:16–59:14)

• Tyler Shough (Saints) gets surprising praise: “I think he actually might be good” (Simmons, 56:38)
• Tampa–Atlanta game called “the worst loss of the year” (Sal, 58:35).

Playoff Odds and “Shakey’s Game” Talk (59:14–60:24)

• Simmons: “The thing with Seattle is that the offense just...I just don’t know how they’re going to get to 20, 24, 25 points in a playoff game.” (59:54)

Texans’ December Surge & Trevor Lawrence Watch (60:25–62:37)

• C.J. Stroud’s emergence turns Houston into December’s wild card: “If he can create plays and put up enough offense...they’re just a live underdog…”
• Skepticism about Trevor Lawrence’s hot game vs. the Jets: “I’m still not buying Trevor Lawrence stock” (Simmons, 61:34)

Eagles, Raiders, and Burrow’s Funk (62:40–68:14)

• Raiders “now the worst team in the league.”
• Joe Burrow’s worrying media comments and poor play spark speculation about his Cincinnati future:
  • “There’s not a team in the NFL that would have won the game today if I was the quarterback.” (Burrow via Simmons, 64:14)
• Trade packages for Burrow, fit with the Giants or Vikings discussed.
• “Their fans are miserable. I think they leave as much unspent cap as anybody…they just decided not to protect [Burrow] with their O-line.” (Simmons, 67:27)

Guess the Lines: Week 16

[70:42–92:54]

• Detailed back-and-forth predictions for next week’s NFL odds, with banter about the emotional impact of the season.
• Themes:
  • Rams-Seahawks, Packers-Bears as crucial matchups.
  • “Watchables” and “Poop Fecta” rankings.
  • Complaints about betting losses, season-long parlays gone awry.
  • Odds on the Saints, Vikings, Browns debated.

Notable Moments:

• “Honestly, I think that’s outrageous that the Pats aren’t favored in this game.” (Simmons, 91:46)

Parent Corner

[94:45–103:54]

• Sal navigates family dynamics ahead of a dinner with his son’s new girlfriend, debates the “acceptable number of pizza slices” (consensus: six is the social limit).
• Simmons ruminates on aging parents who withhold health information “so as not to worry you”—both question if this is just what people do in their later years.

Quote:

• “Our Parent Corners, because our kids got older, are now turning into Parent Corners about our parents and not us being the parent.” (Simmons, 99:37)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “KC pulled off the Scooby Doo mask and it was them all along. This was the year from hell…” (Simmons, 16:47)
• “I’m not sure either of these teams…if the Chiefs had been able to crawl back, I don’t think they would have been a threat.” (Simmons, 14:10)
• “Do you think there was anything to Buckner being back? Because I thought the Colts front seven was really good.” (Simmons, 52:20)
• On kickers: “You could argue the top three, four kickers are worth like 15 bucks [in fantasy].” (Simmons, 52:44)
• Burrow’s Funk: “I don’t know what the hell’s going on with him…he might pull an Andrew Luck. You could see him just retire.” (Sal, 64:40)
• On Allen: “He’s the best. What are you gonna say? He’s throwing up on the sideline…I don’t know if that’s a fetish thing with him and Hailee Steinfeld, but it works out.” (Sal, 36:43)

Episode Structure

• [00:50] – Tribute to Rob Reiner
• [07:40] – Cowboys’ elimination, NFL schedule gripes, Sal’s post-loss mood
• [11:45] – Chiefs-Chargers, Mahomes injury, dynasty dissection
• [20:30] – Playoff picture, wild card race overview
• [23:25] – Broncos’ win, Bo Nix’s emergence, Packers’ injuries
• [25:23] – Coaching, clock management rant
• [29:24] – Bills-Patriots analysis, AFC contenders
• [39:44] – NFC playoff shape: Rams, Lions, Puka Nacua, etc.
• [46:12] – Philip Rivers returns, Colts-Seahawks recap
• [52:27] – Fantasy football anarchy
• [56:16] – NFC South: Saints, Bucs, Falcons
• [60:25] – Texans, Trevor Lawrence, AFC young QB notes
• [62:40] – Raiders collapse, Burrow’s funk, future speculation
• [70:42] – Guess the Lines: Week 16
• [94:45] – Parent Corner: Pizza slices and parental worry

Closing Takeaways

• The AFC has been turned on its head by Mahomes’ injury and the Chiefs’ collapse.
• There’s unprecedented parity and volatility, especially among wild card teams in both conferences.
• Old faces (Philip Rivers) and young upstarts (Bo Nix, CJ Stroud) are shaping playoff narratives.
• Bill and Sal’s blend of betting heartbreak, familial humor, and sharp-eyed football analysis keeps their annual traditions—and their audience—ever engaged.

TL;DR

It was a week of goodbyes (Mahomes’ season, Rob Reiner, perhaps even Joe Burrow’s Bengals tenure) and hellos (Bo Nix’s arrival, Buffalo’s surge). The AFC is wide open, wild card races are fierce, and if you’re a fan, better hope your kicker and QB stay healthy. Relationships, parental overshares (or lack thereof), and the perfect number of pizza slices round out a classic Simmons-Cousin Sal therapy session.