Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast: "Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal"

Release Date: February 10, 2025

In this episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast, hosted by Bill Simmons of The Ringer, Bill and his long-time collaborator Cousin Sal delve deep into the aftermath of Super Bowl 59 held in New Orleans. The episode, rich with insightful analysis, personal anecdotes, and engaging banter, provides listeners with a comprehensive breakdown of the game, betting strategies, and memorable moments from the Super Bowl festivities.

---

1. Game Overview and Initial Reactions

Bill begins by setting the stage for the discussion, recounting his experience attending Super Bowl 59 alongside Cousin Sal, who watched the game from Los Angeles. The game, which saw the Philadelphia Eagles decisively defeat the Kansas City Chiefs, left both hosts with a sense of disappointment, particularly regarding Patrick Mahomes' performance.

Notable Quote:

Bill Simmons [00:01]: "Coming up, I went TO Super Bowl 59 in New Orleans and I talked to Sal about it..."
Cousin Sal [03:18]: "Talk slow. I don't want it to end. The season ends after this hour, so talk very slowly. Let's savor the conversation."

---

2. Analyzing Mahomes and the Chiefs' Performance

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the underwhelming performance of Chiefs' quarterback Patrick Mahomes. Bill criticizes Mahomes' decision-making and execution throughout the game, suggesting that his once stellar performance has notably declined.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Simmons [03:26]: "I'm going to talk slow. As slow as that Eagles when they had the interception, touchdown on the offsides..."
Cousin Sal [05:47]: "I think Mahomes actually may have been smart. He purposely got blown out so that he could still say he's won 17 straight. One score."

Bill highlights specific plays where Mahomes faltered, including critical interceptions and poor pass choices, contrasting them with the Eagles' strong defensive performance led by their quarterback, Jalen Hurts.

---

3. Betting Insights and FanDuel Experiences

The hosts share their experiences and mishaps with betting on FanDuel during the Super Bowl. Bill recounts his "million dollar picks" that went awry due to the unexpected performance of the Chiefs, leading to significant losses. Cousin Sal discusses similar frustrations, emphasizing the unpredictability of betting against a team like the Chiefs.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Simmons [41:12]: "So that's my bad beat gambling story. So a million dollar picks. My biggest bet was Chiefs minus one and a half. That was for 500 fake K."
Cousin Sal [43:28]: "We ended up at a craps table with fantasy football guys..."

Additionally, they touch upon various player prop bets, such as Barkley's touchdowns and Hurts' rushing yards, explaining how the game's outcome affected their betting outcomes.

---

4. Super Bowl Party and Casino Tales

Bill and Sal share entertaining stories from their time at Super Bowl parties and casinos in New Orleans. From losing streaks at blackjack to engaging in craps games with fellow podcasters, the duo paints a vivid picture of the high-energy and often unpredictable nature of gambling during the Super Bowl.

Notable Quotes:

Cousin Sal [44:37]: "He ended up at a craps table with Craig and Danny. Danny from the Ringer fantasy football show..."
Bill Simmons [46:05]: "I've had, I think, of the most fun gambling moments of my life..."

Their camaraderie and the chaotic yet fun environment of the casino are evident as they navigate through various bets and gaming tables, culminating in memorable wins and losses.

---

5. Halftime Show and Social Media Reactions

The episode briefly touches upon the Super Bowl halftime show, highlighting its polarizing nature. Bill expresses his mixed feelings about Kendrick Lamar's performance, noting its visual appeal but acknowledging the divided public opinion.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Simmons [76:45]: "The halftime show was exactly as polarizing as I think he wanted it."
Cousin Sal [78:17]: "That was a big shock."

They discuss the societal impact of such performances and the generational differences in appreciating halftime acts.

---

6. Reflections on Super Bowl Cities and Future Events

Bill and Sal reflect on New Orleans as a Super Bowl host city, praising its unchanged charm and vibrant culture while acknowledging recent concerns like the National Guard presence due to prior events. They debate the merits of keeping Super Bowl locations consistent versus rotating among different cities like Miami, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Simmons [71:14]: "Miami, New Orleans, Vegas... It's hard to get hotel rooms here."
Cousin Sal [72:33]: "I love New Orleans ten times over Atlanta."

---

7. Parent Corner: Engaging the Younger Generation

Cousin Sal introduces a "Parent Corner," discussing the challenges and joys of involving children in Super Bowl traditions such as squares and pools. He shares how seeing kids engage in these activities can be both heartwarming and nerve-wracking, especially when they're just dipping their toes into the world of gambling.

Notable Quotes:

Cousin Sal [75:11]: "I have a parent corner kind of thing..."
Bill Simmons [76:36]: "You should have told Ham to calm down."

Sal emphasizes the importance of guiding children through responsible participation in such activities.

---

8. Season Projections and Future Bets

Looking ahead, Bill and Sal discuss betting odds for the upcoming NFL season. They analyze the strengths and weaknesses of various teams, projecting how current performances might influence future outcomes. The conversation includes humorous takes on team names and player comparisons, maintaining the podcast's signature blend of sports analysis and lighthearted commentary.

Notable Quotes:

Cousin Sal [59:08]: "I'm seeing 650 plus 650 for Chiefs and Eagles..."
Bill Simmons [61:18]: "You're off Goat Island. You could take down a Kelsey."

They also touch upon the necessity for the Chiefs to rebuild certain aspects of their team to regain their former dominance.

---

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Bill and Sal sharing final thoughts on the Super Bowl, their experiences, and teasing upcoming content such as rewatchables and new segments. Their chemistry and candid discussions provide listeners with both analytical insights and entertaining stories, making it a must-listen for sports enthusiasts and fans of the podcast alike.

Final Notable Quotes:

Bill Simmons [84:44]: "All right. Thanks to Steve Cerruti, Kyle, Creighton and Kahao as well for producing this all the way through."
Cousin Sal [83:21]: "I'm going to miss you. This is always bittersweet for me."

---

This episode encapsulates the essence of The Bill Simmons Podcast—a blend of deep sports analysis, personal anecdotes, and engaging dialogue that keeps listeners informed and entertained.

Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

Coming up, I went TO Super Bowl 59 in New Orleans and I talked to Sal about it and it's next. It's the Bill Simmons podcast presented by FanDuel. The NBA season is hitting full stride. Don't foul out on your chance to win with America's number one sportsbook. I like this part of the NBA season right before the All Star break because it starts to get weird. The teams that started out great, they start fading a tiny bit. The teams that you counted out, they start to look better. So you always got to keep an eye as we head into late January because stuff starts shifting and you can bet on fun markets like Live Quarter, Player Props and Paralives. Plus you can enjoy the new NBA Player prop pages, your one stop shop for player props that include FanDuel's exclusive performance trends tracking the last five games for top markets. The app is safe, secure, easy to use and when you win, you'll get paid instantly. So download the app today and bet with FanDuel, official partner of the NBA. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available and listen to the end of this episode for additional details. Must be 21 + in President Select States gaming problem. Call 100 GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com this episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by Hill's Pet Nutrition Hill's Food, Shelter and Love program provides science led nutrition for cats and dogs in shelters across America. They've helped more than 15 million pets find new homes. Every time you feed your pet Hills, you help feed a shelter pet which helps make them healthy, happy and more adoptable. Everybody wins, especially pets that find a forever home. Buy the bag that gives back. Visit hillspet.com podcast to learn more. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. I have new rewatchables coming for you on Monday night. It is a very big movie from the 80s at least. It's an important movie to me. You can watch it as well on The Ringer Movies YouTube channel. You can listen to it wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch all the clips of videos from this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel. Speaking of the Ringer, big announcement coming from us this week. Very, very very excited about it. Keep an eye out for it early in the week. We are making an additional to the Ringer Podcast network and to Spotify and I'm pumped so keep your eyes out. Anyway, coming up on this podcast I went to Super Bowl 59 in New Orleans. Cousin Sal watched it from home in la. It was a disappointing game, but it had a lot of subplots and we're going to talk about all of them next. First, our friends from Pro Jam. All right, we're recording about 20 minutes after Super Bowl 59. A true dud. Cousin Sal is here. I was shellacked. My bets were shellacked. Million dollar picks were shellack. I can't wait to talk about something that happened in the game. Mahomes was terrible.

[Cousin Sal]

Talk slow. I don't want it to end. The season ends after this hour, so talk very slowly. Let's savor the conversation.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to talk slow. As slow as that Eagles when they had the interception, touchdown on the offsides, when the guy just should have basically run back and forth on the one yard line like you would do in Madden and make one of the Chiefs have to run 70 yards to tackle him. He could have run off like a minute of the clock.

[Cousin Sal]

You're right. He could have killed the last seven minutes but didn't matter.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, so let's go positive because there's so many Chiefs angles, but let's go positive. The Eagles, who had an awesome season, who, who had three losses that if like three plays went different than the three losses, they were like an undefeated level team. Nobody kicked their ass. And then the last two games of the season, they kick Washington's ass. They kicked the Chief's ass. How good was this team for you?

[Cousin Sal]

I think they were excellent and they peaked at the right time and I don't want to take a damn thing away from them. I mean I'm a Cowboy Cowboys fan so this is a nightmare. I mean just being a Cowboys fan is a nightmare. That part. But I. Did you ever. When did you put them in your top three? Because I don't think it's in the last two weeks. Maybe the three weeks. It's just weird. Like we should remember this like the best team. We may not even be on our radar until week like 21, but kudos to them, they deserve it. Both sides of all dominant. Good for them.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we always felt like Baltimore and Philly were the best on paper teams but we didn't know what that meant. And then when you think like Baltimore has got to be just absolutely kicking themselves so hard, where it's like, oh man, we probably could have done what Philly did to the Chiefs and we just weren't able to get to the game but you know, we knew the defense was There. I remember doing the Million dollar pick scenario on Thursday and it was like there was two games I felt like this could be. It could either be like that awesome Pat Seattle game back and forth, Chiefs win in the end, or it could end up being like that Bucs Chiefs game, the 31 to nine game when they couldn't block anybody when they were off the whole game. And we talked on a bunch of different pods about how if you like the Eagles, just take them -9 and a half, take them -19 and a half, just take them in some sort of blowout situation. Cause if it was a close game, the Chiefs was, they're going to win. You were on Ringer Sunday pregame talking about all the same stats. Everyone else was 17, 0 in the one score games. For Mahomes, 17 and 3 in the playoffs. The recipe to beat him was to basically beat the shit out of him and blow him out, which is easier said than done. The Eagles did it. It was great.

[Cousin Sal]

I think Mahomes actually may have been smart. He purposely got blown out so that he could still say he's won 17 straight. One score.

[Bill Simmons]

Streaks alive.

[Cousin Sal]

I got the street going. It was. Yes, you're right. I mean this was the, this was the recipe. And like these, you know, they, they drafted all these SEC guys, right? The defensive linemen, all these Georgia guys. And it's like maybe the first year or two they weren't great. A couple of more jail and Carter you could tell was going to be great. But it's almost like they had to go to college a second time in the pros to get great for two or three years and now they're spectacular. I mean, that had to remind you in a bad way of. I mean it's great because you could brag on Brady now and the Patriots dynasty.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I'm not going to do that.

[Cousin Sal]

Sure, you don't have a segment for that. But on the other hand, this is how the Giants beat the Patriots. This is how the Giants beat Jim Kelly in the Bills, right? This is how Tampa beat the, the Chiefs a couple years ago. So six acts with no blitzes, like it's insane. You're, you're, you're toast if that's the case.

[Bill Simmons]

It was the worst fear if you're a Chiefs fan. Cause you were already nervous about your line. You already felt like you were sneaking by game after game. You have a left guard playing left tackle, which we saw Jeff Saturday on Friday night and we were asking him about it. Um, just like, how hard is that to Go from guard to tackle. And he was. He was basically saying, well, when you're a guard, you're a guard for a reason. Your arms are too short, you're not tall enough, you're not quite strong enough, your footwork's not quite good enough. That's how you end up being guard instead of a tackle. And it's like when you're playing a guard as a tackle, it's usually a little bit of a dangerous sign.

[Cousin Sal]

He meant to say it's as hard as going from NFL analyst to head coach that up. But.

[Bill Simmons]

So if you're. The Chiefs are going into the game and you're going, well, we've gotten pretty lucky at some of these close games. Everyone's taking us, and we do have some holes that the right team could maybe get. But the recipe of this game wasn't what I thought, even though it was the blowout part. Mahomes was awful. Hertz was really good. Hertz didn't just outplay Mahomes. Like, he badly, badly outclassed Mahomes, which I thought was pretty nuts. Sorry, my computer's doing some weird stuff. I'm in a hotel room. But.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, but you don't have to go into the detail. Oh, weird stuff. I see.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I was my hands up on the YouTube thing the whole time.

[Cousin Sal]

I got nervous. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So Hertz outplays Mahomes and everybody was saying all week, the Eagles have a better team. But, you know, QB and coach, late game stuff. I got to take the Chiefs. And then the QB coach thing, they didn't get either. Their own.

[Cousin Sal]

No, they certainly didn't. And now there's a lot of love and probably deservedly so for Sirianni. Right. All he does is make the playoffs. He goes to championship games and won the super bowl and lost one. But, yeah, I mean, look, he's going.

[Bill Simmons]

To be fired in September. It looked like it was. He was going to make it to Halloween.

[Cousin Sal]

It's really, really weird what goes on. And Mahomes, like, I don't want to blame him fully because he's been great and that offensive line just got manhandled. But early on, he didn't help himself out trying to. Trying to wedge, you know, get those passes into Kelsey who couldn't bend over to catch him. There were bad throws anyway, and then those interceptions were just abysmal. So we saw three of the worst joke jobs. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And Herz was great. Like, even Herz had that on the first drive. He had a perfect throw down the sideline to A.J. brown that got called back for a pretty shaky pass interference. And then everybody had the same reaction. Here we go.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have all that written down. And that is the one good thing about this. Like we, that didn't come down to that. And I was like, okay, they called the PI on Brown, but the Eagles got it back on that dumb call, that even worse call on Goddard. So thank God we're not talking about the refs, we're not leading with them. I don't even know talking about him now, but that's the one good thing about a blowout like this. But I wasn't sure that Hertz was going to get like MVP until the second half. Until he started running. He ran for like two first downs.

[Bill Simmons]

He was really good.

[Cousin Sal]

Cooper Dean could maybe sneak in, but yeah, they had to give it to him by the end.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he was, I thought, I mean, he only had five incompletions. He was 11 for 72 running. He had some pretty backbreaking runs at the perfect times. He had some really nice throws. I didn't feel like other than that pick, which it was a pick, but it also wasn't like the worst thing in the world. The guy got tackled at the two.

[Cousin Sal]

It was a nice play. And they went three and out. I mean they could not get a first down early on.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, but you think that Barkley was 25 for 57. The Chiefs were saying, you're not beating, you're not beating us with Barkley. That didn't matter because you know, Hertz was getting these plays and then Mahomes was just awful. I mean, so I'm looking big picture for the, for the Eagles side of this incredible drafting. Yeah, for a couple years in a row, which is the key to everything. And this was, as you know, obviously was so focused on that 20 year Pats run. And it always ebbed and flowed with the drafts. They always had Brady and Belichick and it always came down to could they get two or three good drafts in a row. And if they didn't, that's when the team started to fall apart. The Eagles said the opposite. They just nailed drafts. They had some luck. Like Jalen Carter falls to dying because he had a pretty terrible car accident, car crash incident with one of his teammates. And he falls seven spots lower than he should have. Even, even our guy Coop, I mean he fell to 39. He was the third best defensive back in the draft. The Pats passed on him, traded back, passed on him again. And it's just over and over again, they're nailing these dudes. And then Barkley was one of the best signings of the decade.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. It really has been just a master class for the last two. Two and killing you.

[Bill Simmons]

I could see the pain in your eyes. It's really been a master class.

[Cousin Sal]

This shit like what could be worse for Cowboys fan. I want to make it about me. But that, that now you know, Jaden.

[Bill Simmons]

Dan, that's what we do in this pod. We make it about us. What do you mean?

[Cousin Sal]

Could be around for a decade in the division. Oh, and the Eagles are great after losing the same last six inexplicably last year. And my. My team has gone to shit. But yeah, I mean, I can't say enough about this Eagles team. I mean really just. I don't know. But then again, if you look at. If you saw 25 for 57 for Barkley, how much more would we have put on the Chiefs?

[Bill Simmons]

I know it's so you think like even with this, even with the playoffs for The Eagles, right. First round they played Green Bay solid game. 22:10 shut Green Bay down. Offense wasn't great. Some hurts questions remained. The Rams game, they're up comfortably the whole game. Then at the end, defense gets tired. And it felt like the Rams were going to steal the game. And there was some signs and it's like Kurtz couldn't put them away. And it was like, huh, what's that? But then those last two games, the Washington and the Casey games are about as scared. And we've been on the other side of this where we've ridden teams over the years like the 2000 Ravens was one of my favorite. That Bucs team with Brady, that was another one. This was another one of those teams that just got better over the four rounds. Had this defense was just felt like they peaked at the perfect time, unlike the Chiefs.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And we did the opposite of peaking.

[Cousin Sal]

Because all those games you mentioned, the Eagles won the turnover battle. Right. And the Chiefs pretty much won the turnover battle except against Buffalo. But you always thought like all right, it's not going to be the case that the Chiefs are going to get crushed in turnovers. Right. And they.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

And it was three to one is a crushing. And you know, 37, 23 for time possession is even worse. I mean we, you know, Mahomes ends up with decent numbers. But no, we can't say enough.

[Bill Simmons]

We're saving that for next segment. Couple things with the Eagles that we should just remember from a playoff manifesto standpoint. Casey was negotiating for that three peat. That story came out during the week that they were negotiating with Pat Riley about the three peat and how to pay. That's going in the manifesto. I'm putting it next year in the playoff manifesto. If one team is negotiating for what's going to happen after they win the title, that's immediately a fuck you. Like, I wish. I can't believe I didn't, like, factor that into anything.

[Cousin Sal]

Come on.

[Bill Simmons]

You put that. You put that right on the chalkboard. This team's already, like, negotiating after they think they're going to win. Like, are we going to. I just. I don't know. That seemed like not nothing. You don't think.

[Cousin Sal]

Did Pat Riley bet the Eagles? I mean, that would have been a nice hedge because he lost a lot of money on T shirts and everything else.

[Bill Simmons]

Now for this three, but Pat Riley had $5 million on parliament, Jimmy Butler's first game with the Warriors.

[Cousin Sal]

And, yeah, I guess it is. I guess there were a bunch of red, red flags.

[Bill Simmons]

But there's a revenge thing, too, right? Because they lost to the Chiefs a couple of years ago. So that was in there. But the lesson for me, and this was the single worst game to talk about ever since we've been doing this because everybody almost. The analysis didn't matter because it all came down to, well, the Eagles are better, really, everywhere. But, you know, you can't go against the Chiefs. Like, that was literally including me and including you. It was like that. So now I feel like we're back. Now we can analyze football games correctly again, and now we can actually have takes because the Chiefs had kind of ruined it. Like, the fucking Luca trade took over the super bowl discourse all week because it was like, it wasn't even fun to talk about this Eagles game.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, now AD Is out a month, and so now it looks like Dallas didn't get a steal. Like, everybody was clamoring that they really won. That trend now, though, no. Yeah, you're right. Yes, you're right. We can go back to. I just don't think that. I don't know. Well, yeah, I know. We spend, like, hours talking about, should this be one. Should this be one and a half? Why, oh, is the number going to flip? It never matters. And you're right. We. We don't have to go. Because I felt like anybody. I was just at a Super bowl party who didn't know a thing about football can come in, not watching, and be like, oh, it's just tough to pick against the Chiefs. I'm like, shit, that's what I've been saying with Simmons for the last two weeks.

[Bill Simmons]

That's what everyone was saying. I was, should we just lose? That was. Everybody's analysis was, well, you can't go against the Chiefs.

[Cousin Sal]

Nothing else to add. The Chiefs are good. They won the coach quarterback coming and they win close games. So don't, you know, it's a long off season. I'll feel okay betting the team. I didn't want to lose this way though, where, where Mahomes doesn't show up at all and the line gets. There were like no signs that the line was going to get overpowered. Was it like this? I didn't think that was the case. I don't feel.

[Bill Simmons]

Why didn't this happen to the Rams? You know, even Washington, like last week, Daniels moved the ball really well against the Eagles. And when you look back at the mistakes that they made, it was nothing that had to do with him. He was moving around. He was. Felt like he was in control of the game. And then his supporting cast kind of screwed the game up. So, you know. But on the other hand, they had two weeks to prepare. They obviously came in thinking, if we can get a lead, we can, you know, we're gonna be able to dominate this game. And that's what I did. I was in the. I watched the game. I was in the fanduel suite. Our friends at fanduel, look at you. Yeah, it was great. It was actually really fun getting some of the insights of, you know, where people had too much money, not enough money. Some of the props like that, everybody. The Barclay Barkley was under on everything. He didn't score a touchdown like so all those hit. The Kelsey stuff was way under. Mahomes was under for a while. But the big thing they were saying was the line never moved. And even though everybody that we saw all weekend in New Orleans was like, kc, kc, kc, kc. The betting was pretty even and a lot of the sharp money was on Philly. So the line stayed the same, which, you know, is usually kind of a red flag if the public all thinks the Chiefs are going to win. But yet the line's not moving.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah. And like adjusted lines 1. Right. If they did take your advice and take the -9 and a half and stuff like that, and the over, which wasn't looking good for a while, ended up coming in in a big way. So. But I mean there are some, you know, there are some crazy things. I. I don't know, like hurts first touchdown that you see. You said they got Beat on that, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, let's talk about that. So Dotson catches a long touchdown. Yeah, Dotson was 85 to 1.

[Cousin Sal]

Incredible.

[Bill Simmons]

To.

[Cousin Sal]

To.

[Bill Simmons]

To be the first touchdown. They're celebrating. It seemed like a touchdown. Watching from the stands, unquestionably a touchdown. And then they reveal it's like, whoop, not a touchdown. All of a sudden we're tush pushing, right? They had Hertz anytime touchdown. Hertz first touchdown was one of the most popular bets. So that was a loss I had. I had both of those and I.

[Cousin Sal]

Had under one and a half for shortest touchdown. So it was either going to come from Hertz or Barkley or Kareem Hunt or something like that. So that. That was about the only thing I won. But 85 to 1. I know they give money back sometimes if a guy gets hurt on the first snap, you should get a little money back if you had dots in at 85 to 18 inch line.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, well, I had one of the cause gambling's legal here in Louisiana. So I did a bunch of super bowl bets and that. You're not going to believe it, but I didn't do great. One of the ones I had was. Was Hurt's first touchdown with Chiefs to win the game and it was 15 to 1. So Hertz scored. And then you go in the app and you can be like, you can get out of this right now. And I'm like, do I get out of this? I don't really like the way the Chief, like, it's the Chiefs, it's Mahomes, like, to the bitter end. Even when it was, what, 17, nothing. After the pick six, you're going, Ah, this is his 28 three. He's going to come back. And he just never did.

[Cousin Sal]

It jumps up on the app like, what, Bill, this is a wellness check. You could get out. Now. We're going to give you three more warnings.

[Bill Simmons]

Bill, please log off. Let's take a break and we'll come back. We'll talk about Mahomes. This episode is brought to you by Viori. I love sports. I know you do too. I also know that lots of you exercise. But if you're like me and my wife, the beloved sports gal, you're sick and tired of ugly, uncomfortable workout gear especially. You know, I do a lot of walking. I walk around la, I make calls, I listen to podcasts. Here are two words that will change everything. Viori clothing. A line of activewear that is unbelievable. The best thing about Viori is you can lounge around in it. You can Work out in it. You can go outside, you can go shopping down in your local wherever, and you never feel like you're either underdressed or overdressed. You're just comfortable. You can wear it when you're training, traveling, lounging around the house, go get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet. Here's the deal. Our listeners get 20% off their first purchase at vuori.comsimmons Once again, V U O-R-I.comsimmons this episode is brought to you by State Farm. State Farm helps you score an affordable price when you choose to bundle home and auto insurance with the personal price plan. Bundling home and auto, that's a pro move. Just another way you can save on your insurance needs. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. All right, so with Mahomes, it was feeling at some point, if you were pro. Mahomes pro. This is the guy on par with Brady, all that stuff. It was like, could this be his 283 game? Including when Coop got the pick six? It's like, oh, we're now following the recipe for the 28. 3 Falcons game. Then it gets to, what was it? 24 nothing. And it was the same thing. It's like, oh, okay, this would be it. Maybe we're joking in the suite. Like, oh, maybe he's doing this intentionally. Maybe he wanted to add this degree of difficulty comeback thing to the whole Mahomes goat legacy that he ends up with a 3P with a huge comeback. That was not what happened. So it was not even close to what happened. And I gotta say, he was terrible. He was terrible from the first drive. He had that second down pass to Kelsey. They were moving the ball. They got a first down. They seemed like they had a little momentum. Kelsey over the middle and throws it way behind him. And I swear he must have had 10 terrible passes. I'm not counting what happened in the fourth quarter. The game was over and the game mattered. He was the worst he's ever played by far.

[Cousin Sal]

We were like, I don't know if you could bet on something like this, but do we hear Tuesday that he had rotator cuff tear or something? Something because.

[Bill Simmons]

Or like a torn labrum. Yeah. Or like a hip flexor.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. Because there was a Couple places where he was scrambling around and it looked like he seems physically 100% right.

[Cousin Sal]

And then that. That's where it usually hurts you. But yeah, he could not. He could not get it. I didn't know what I was looking at. I was like, is it raining in there? Is it poor? Like, it looked like a bad weather game too. I just hadn't seen him like that. I don't know. I don't count that Tampa Bay game. Like when they lost in the super bowl to Tampa Bay, you were like, oh, well.

[Bill Simmons]

And that game was ugly for a couple quarters. And yeah, they had. They didn't really happen a couple days before with his family. And it's just the whole vibe of that game was off. This was different. This was. He was specifically missing guys. Like, there was that one when he rolled out and he had Hopkins on the third down and it felt like he could have scrambled for 20 yards or just thrown Hopkins a good pass and he did neither. And Hopkins dropped it. But it was like over and over again. He just sucked. It was bizarre. It was like people were like incredulous in the stadium. Everyone was like, what's going on? Is he sick? What's happening?

[Cousin Sal]

Your boy was giddy too. I mean, I don't think he. I think he went like three minutes without talking. Brady, he was just like giggling in the corner. Good for him.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that's the thing. If it had been on Mahomes, his version of 28 to 3 with Brady announcing, that would have been great. Instead, this is probably the best moment of Brady's career since he retired. Because it was a lot of Mahomes. Mahomes, Mahomes. Is he the goat? I don't know if he gets his three peat. Brady's never done that. And now he goes down with two super bowl blowout losses. Brady's had zero. Brady lost three times in the super bowl, all one score games where he had the ball on the last drive with a chance to like steal the game. Never got blown out. And then. And then he beat Mahomes twice.

[Cousin Sal]

That's it.

[Bill Simmons]

Two and oh. In the playoffs. And it's like, can we fucking settle down now for five years with the Mahomes goat stuff. Please. Thank you.

[Cousin Sal]

I think you did buy yourself at least three years.

[Bill Simmons]

Five might have been a lot.

[Cousin Sal]

Yes, but because I thought, like, if he wins four next year, you could make a good case for it. But you're not going to like this. I still think his best super bowl in terms of grading this legacy versus Mahomes is the one where he beat Mahomes. Now that wasn't with the Patriots, I'm sorry to say, but I feel like that's his greatest claim. That's his greatest claim to him being better than Mahomes. Is him, come on, crushing Mahomes. Of course it is.

[Bill Simmons]

His best Super Bowls were the Seahawks one and the Falcons. Those were the, those are the ones. The comeback. But then that Seahawks game being down 10, those two drives that he had against Seattle, that was outrageous.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, I'm saying in terms of comparing them to Mahomes, I think you have to do the head to head. But I know he's beat him in.

[Bill Simmons]

The chat, but the three peat was the only thing Mahomes could have done that surpassed anything Brady did. So now, you know, Mahomes is going to about to hit his 30s. He's 3 and 2 in the Super Bowl. And the thing about the super bowl is it's really hard to actually win the Super Bowl. Brady made it ten times. He went seven and three. He easily could have been three and seven. He easily could have been ten and oh, you know, but Mahomes three and two. So we'll see. Because Kelsey, I think, you know, if they'd won the super bowl, would Kelsey have retired? I would have bet yes. Yeah, I don't know what happens with that now. Chris Jones getting older. When we talked about hitting the drafts, they hit that McDuffie Carlaftis draft looks like they hit the worthy pick. But the offensive line is like really rough. There's other teams coming. The Chargers are going to be better. We saw Tyreek Hill on Friday. I was trying to get him to come to the Pats. Wasn't happening, but there was a team.

[Cousin Sal]

Are you going to tell him what he said afterwards?

[Bill Simmons]

What did he say after?

[Cousin Sal]

I said, come to the Cowboys. And then he did the eyes thing. Like I'm looking at you. I said, you may have to be our running back too. He's like, that's all right. I'm ready. So here we go. That is good news for Dallas.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, and then somebody that was with them was like, watch out for the Chargers and walked off. I was like, what do you mean? Can we bet this?

[Cousin Sal]

I will say though, but everyone's going crow the division. The coaches are so great in the division, you know, for the, in the AFC West. Look out. There's still four games better than any of those teams. They're still a month better than the Chargers. Right. So, you know, they're not going away anytime Soon. I don't think the Chiefs. As far as Brady goes, If you were in a coma for a year and you came out of it and you said, how was Brady? And I would have told you, oh, my God. He had his best year ever. He, he. He took a gigantic leap ahead of Patrick Mahomes. You're like, what do you mean by doing nothing? It's like, yeah, he was a C plus in the booth, but this was his best year ever.

[Bill Simmons]

He somehow bought a majority stake of the. Bought a majority stake of Vegas for 10 million bucks.

[Cousin Sal]

He owns a team.

[Bill Simmons]

He's the Goat again. The Goat almost got taken to him. Now he's back. I thank you for calling him a C in the booth, by the way.

[Cousin Sal]

Is that generous? Yeah, yeah, I'd be a good teacher.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I didn't. So tell me about this, the broadcast and Brady and how he was talking about Mahomes and was there anything interesting? Because obviously he was just laughing the whole time.

[Cousin Sal]

I thought it was embarrassing. It was like pointing and laughing. They cut away to him. No, I thought he was just fine. I, you know, I'm not one to watch a lot, but I have like 44 bet. I'm not kidding. I like 44 bets and I'm constantly checking on them throughout. But he was fine. And he was like, sometimes this happens. And he seemed like he blamed the line and praised the Eagles, which he should have defensively. More than getting on Mahomes case.

[Bill Simmons]

Their defense was. Their D backs were great. They broke up that fourth and three that. That guy broke on him perfectly. Yeah, I was thinking about it from a Pat's perspective because Just trying to figure out. Cause they almost have this blank slate for how to put together a team now, right? Cause they have the coach and the qba. They have basically nothing else except Christian Gonzalez and Barmar. If comes back and it's like, how would you build this team? And it really feels like you just spend everything on the lines. You can figure out everything else after. So there's that Mason Graham, the Michigan defensive tackle, and it's like, let's just get that guy. Maybe he can be Jalen Carter and just push the line like that. But it would seem like the sweet spot would just be having these four guys that can just push the pocket. And then you don't have to blitz, you don't have to do any of this gimmick shit. And then you can kind of patch together everything else would be one way to do.

[Cousin Sal]

How about the other part of the line? The one that Saquon ran for over 2,000 yards. Right. Couldn't get it going with the Giants. Like, it's just. It makes a world of difference if you could figure it out. You know, you don't turn the ball over as much when you own both lines. You win time of possession by 13 minutes, 14 minutes in the Super Bowl.

[Bill Simmons]

That's why, like, when the Dolphins, they spend half of their salary cap on Tua and the two receivers, it's like, what do you. How's this going to play out? I thought the Chiefs fan base. I got to be honest, and I'm sure I say this knowing this will immediately be thrown back in my face because the Patriot fans did the same thing.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Just needed maybe a 16 ounce cup of settled down juice.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, really?

[Bill Simmons]

There was. The chests were out, the chess were out this weekend. I'll just. There's a. There was a lot of confidence, rightly so, because they had the best guy in the league and they win every one of these games down the stretch. And it was a fan base that maybe needed their version of what happened to the Pats in 07, and what happened to the Pats and the Nick Foles, Doug Peterson super bowl and some other great teams where sometimes you kickball.

[Cousin Sal]

You should have told Ham to calm down.

[Bill Simmons]

Ham was introducing the starters before the game.

[Cousin Sal]

That's what I'm saying. It's like, relax. They'll never do that again. They can't have him back.

[Bill Simmons]

Wasn't Hammer a Rams fan for like 40 years?

[Cousin Sal]

He says he hasn't figured out that St. Louis, Kansas City thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, no, he's. He was with the Rams when they moved. He jumped to the Chiefs.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Have it. Has anyone. Have we litigated that? Do we need to have him on the podcast and really, like, dive into what's going on here?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm sure, you know, he'll. Come on. You'll get lost in his eyes and you'll be like, all right, that's good. Good enough.

[Bill Simmons]

Excuse me. So handsome.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Can we talk about. Have you ever seen anything like how bad Mahomes was in this game from a great player standpoint? I was racking my brain because there was so much dead time during this game. I was taking notes of my. I wasn't expecting to take this many notes, but, like, I was taking like, Magic and then 1984 NBA Finals. Sorry, I had to work the NBA in.

[Cousin Sal]

There we go.

[Bill Simmons]

But magic, like, just sucked in the Finals. Like, he cost them a couple games. He wasn't Quite magic yet, though they had won the 80 and 82 titles. But he wasn't like, he's the best player in the league. Peyton Manning had that New Orleans super bowl where he threw the pick six, and he was kind of the. He was either the best player in the league or one of the best players. Yeah, but I can't really remember somebody who was like, this guy everyone agrees is the best player in the league, and he's in his prime sucking this badly. It was almost like. It was like a Greg Norman, golf major type of. Type of performance. Like, the amount of throws that he missed and how frazzled he seemed. And then they're doing the stats at halftime, and this is the. One of the 10 worst EPAs of the last 50. All that shit. It's like, oh, my God, this is the best guy in the league. This doesn't happen ever.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, I'm trying to think what we're well for. I mean, you know, you can go like Clayton Kershaw and everything, but I'm not about.

[Bill Simmons]

But he was never the best guy in the game.

[Cousin Sal]

I mean, I was thinking six for.

[Bill Simmons]

24 the first three quarters of that Celtic game when it. When he just seemed like he couldn't hit anything. And he was like, they won. He came back.

[Cousin Sal]

You want to tell everybody they won? Yeah, they did win. I'm trying. Cam Newton won MVP that year. Denver won.

[Bill Simmons]

We never thought Cam Newton was the best guy.

[Cousin Sal]

He was mvp.

[Bill Simmons]

I know, but nobody was like, cam Newton is the road ghost or Cam Newton. It was like he had a great season.

[Cousin Sal]

No, I get it.

[Bill Simmons]

I get it.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

I guess Montana against the Giants one year when they knocked him out, but he got knocked out.

[Cousin Sal]

If you count Super Bowls. I think you're. I think this is the best case. I mean, in the 70s, everyone threw for 125 yards and either won or lost. So Elway had some bad ones right before he won.

[Bill Simmons]

He did, but it always felt like his teams were so overmatched. This was one where I felt like the plays were there. I know their pass rush was good, but he was also missing everything he did. He was missing open guys. And it was one of those things that almost became like the Luca trade, where you start texting people in the second quarter like, is he hurt? What's going on with Mahomes? Is there something wrong? Is he sick? What does he have? I've never seen anything like this.

[Cousin Sal]

So, yeah, I'm looking at all of them now. I really don't Think like Carolina scored 10. Wouldn't you say Manning against Seattle? Is that what you were saying?

[Bill Simmons]

No, Manning against Peyton Manning against New Orleans when he threw the pick six to lose the game. But it wasn't like he was like horrific the entire game.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, Brady's had. Brady had some bad playoff losses. Like we had a bad loss to the Ravens. There was a weird Denver Broncos game after the third super bowl they won when he wasn't great. But never anything like this where it.

[Cousin Sal]

Was, yeah, if you go playoff, maybe pick some off. But Super Bowls, like the big game, if it's down to one game, this is tough. I mean, Jim Kelly was great and had some bad ones, but this was a class by itself. I'm shocked at this. I really am. I'm like, me too. You know, I know we were due for a bad one. Right? We had. We had three, three point games in a row. Is that right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

And then the Tampa Kansas City was the last bad one four years ago. But it just makes me sadder because the season's ending and it ends on a. When it ends on a dud like that, I know it's harder to take.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I'm sure there's going to be a bunch of pieces the next two days trying to put this performance in perspective. Historically.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

At least from a football standpoint, they'll have stats, so. And, and the. What he did in the last two drives will kind of it up a little bit because it'll make it seem like it was better than it is. So you almost have to do like the first three quarters. Guys. What? It's the equivalent in other sports of somebody who's fallen behind 46. Tom Brady.

[Cousin Sal]

Tom? You're going to compare him to Tom Brady?

[Bill Simmons]

He.

[Cousin Sal]

You start calling, compare him to Marsha Brady. How about that? How about we start there? Hands flying.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't want to hear about Patrick Mahomes again.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't want to hear about it again. That's it. We're done with the goat argument.

[Bill Simmons]

That's it. I'm done. Get it out.

[Cousin Sal]

Okay, okay. Stephen A. We're done. We're done. I'm sorry.

[Bill Simmons]

I wasn't even doing Stephen A. I was doing generic network Network ex athlete guy. All right, 20 of them. No, I'm sure Stephen A. Would not be kind to Mahomes. I have some silver linings for the Chiefs now.

[Cousin Sal]

Hey, real quick, what was it when I left New Orleans? Cause I left on Saturday.

[Bill Simmons]

We were going to see you again.

[Cousin Sal]

Felt like 70, 30 Eagles fans. What was it in the building?

[Bill Simmons]

Half and half.

[Cousin Sal]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

A lot of Chiefs fans? Yeah, a lot.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, it didn't sound that way. Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it was. The Eagles fans were just louder. Silver linings for the Chiefs. I think Kelsey comes back now. I don't think he retires on that game. One more year for him.

[Cousin Sal]

Another dumb narrative that we got killed on. What did he have? 2 for 24?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I think he might have had a third catch in there. Another silver lining. We could talk about them normally again. Yeah, they're not Michael Myers anymore. You can't do it anymore. We can't do the. I know there's 17 reasons to pick this other team, but it's the Chiefs. Like, that's done. We can now talk about football games rationally and normally without these fucking weird fear of this team. Pat Riley doesn't make any money. I think that's great. Terrible. 20, 25. Pat Riley. Brady wasn't that popular as an announcer. I think that was a win for the Chiefs.

[Cousin Sal]

Wait, what? Why? I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm just throwing that in there. These are silver linings. They didn't trade Luka Doncic in the last 10 days. They didn't trade Mahomes for Anthony Davis at a number one. And then have Davis got hurt in his first game. Right after they gave an interview about how smart they were because they want guys who are in shape, but then mentioned Shaq as one of the guys, the great guys, historically, who stayed in shape. Shaq, like, famously never in shape ever at any point in his career. That was hilarious. I have no more silver linings. Unless you can think of any.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't think they're in it for the Chiefs. Yeah, not too many. Except that maybe they could stun us again. Right? So it wasn't even this year. It was last year when they did it all on the road that we were like, oh, crap. Oh, they're back and they're a beast and they're better than ever. I don't know if you want to look at next year's lines yet or if we save that to the end or.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I want. I want to do that next segment.

[Cousin Sal]

I know.

[Bill Simmons]

So if I'm the Chiefs, if I'm the pr, If I'm the Louis K. Of the Chiefs and, you know, in my spare time, when I'm not just focused on, you know, my three clients that I care about and I spend barely any time with the other ones.

[Cousin Sal]

Wait, if you're the Lewis kid, that means the Chiefs are Going to get canceled in like three weeks.

[Bill Simmons]

No, The Lewis K of the Chiefs. So this. So Jimmy would be the Chiefs in this scenario. Because that'd be a client he would actually care about, unlike some of the others. I'm spinning it. We were never that good the whole time. It was amazing. We got there. Like, look at our record. You saw us in the super bowl when we played an awesome team. We couldn't hold that. We had no offensive line. We had no explosive playmakers. Our coaching staff is old. Like, it's a fucking miracle we made the Super Bowl. We should be getting kudos for that.

[Cousin Sal]

Interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

That would be my spin.

[Cousin Sal]

That's what Lou. That's what Colossus is supposed to say. My client sucks.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, no, just be like, no, maybe you should spin it the other way. We were pretty good. We're proud of the season we had. Just making the super bowl is an achievement. Yeah, we made five Super Bowls.

[Cousin Sal]

Your Patriots won like the first three Super Bowls by a field goal, right? Yeah, I think so. So that's what we were thinking.

[Bill Simmons]

Tom Brady showed up for Super Bowls, unlike Patrick Mahomes who hasn't shown up for two. We are fucking back.

[Cousin Sal]

Drake Bay.

[Bill Simmons]

Mike Brable. Tom Brady's the goat. We're back. Fuck you, James.

[Cousin Sal]

Don't you dare call Mahomes a goat.

[Bill Simmons]

He is not the goat.

[Cousin Sal]

Take him.

[Bill Simmons]

Get off Goat island. We are gonna take a break and then I wanna talk about some of the gambling stuff. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're thinking about wellness right now, I've got some top picks for your 2025 plan. Keep your eye out for the yellow low price signs at Whole Foods Market. You can pick up responsibly farmed Atlantic salmon or no antibiotics ever. Favorites like boneless skinless chicken breasts or ground beef for less than you think. They even have their own in House brand365 by Whole Foods Market. With good stuff like almond milk, organic frozen fruit blends and a whole rainbow of organic produce. Shop Whole Foods Market in store, online and on Amazon for free pickup and convenient delivery terms apply. Save on your wellness routine with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market. This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Whether you're ordering wings for the game, whipping up a seven layer dip, or ordering pizza, there's something about football that makes you want to eat. And this football season, Uber Eats has the best deals on game day food no matter what you're craving. From two for one pizza. To buy one, get one wings Uber Eats will be dropping new deals each week all season long. Uber Eats, the official on demand delivery partner of the NFL. Order now for game day. Terms and conditions apply. See app for details. All right, so some gambling stuff from this game. We mentioned The Hurts Anytime TD, first touchdown score. We had a coup. Had a pick six.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What were the odds on the pick six? Do we know? That would be like 30 to 1, right?

[Cousin Sal]

15 for. I saw 15 that there was a pick six and then it was like 30 or 35 for the Eagles.

[Bill Simmons]

I think I saw that.

[Cousin Sal]

So, yeah, that was amazing. Although we saw a few in the playoffs.

[Bill Simmons]

Was that the greatest moment ever for a white defensive back or do we.

[Cousin Sal]

Have to go to the.

[Bill Simmons]

Do we have to go to the.

[Cousin Sal]

Paul Krause.

[Bill Simmons]

Paul Krause of the Minnesota Vikings. Did he do anything?

[Cousin Sal]

Cowboys had a guy named Charlie Waters who did well.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Charlie Waters.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I think that's it though.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that really is kind of. It's. Don't worry about comparing Mahomes to their bad performances ever. We would need the white defensive back.

[Cousin Sal]

Rankings in black history month. That's very good.

[Bill Simmons]

Jason Seahor never do this?

[Cousin Sal]

No, he was. That was it was in that. On that good team. Right. That got blown out by the Ravens. Yeah, that was it.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So at one point in this game, Mahomes was. This was a 4:49 left in the second quarter and it's 17 nothing. And the Chiefs go two terrible runs. Mahomes sack. And now they're giving the ball back to the Eagles again. Mahomes was 5 for 10 for 24 yards, a pick six and three sacks. And this is 25 minutes into the game. It was just shocking.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So we were looking.

[Cousin Sal]

We owe how many over the years, how many times when the Chiefs are losing, did we text each other? The. The Chiefs live line, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Stays the ground.

[Cousin Sal]

We needed them to get a first down in the end of the second quarter. Like we all got to see some life out of them before we even consider it. Thank God they didn't give us that opportunity.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, so 5 for 10 for 24 yards. And then we get to halftime and it's not much better. He misses Hopkins on that third and 11, Sal. He ended 21 for 32 for 257 with three touchdowns. Yeah, he hit every over and I'm sitting there. So this is my bad beat gambling story. So a million dollar picks. My biggest bet was Chiefs minus one and a half. That was for 500 fake K. And then the second bet was a parlay yeah, well, it's fake.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't even know.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay, second bet was this 250K parlay Eagles to eight and a half Mahomes. 200 plus passing yards and I'm rooting and there's a third leg that I'll get to. So the 200 plus passing yards seem inconceivable. And then they start having these garbage time drives. And when they scored the second touchdown and he had like 187, 193, they're inside the 15 yard line. I'm going nuts in the suite. I'm like, oh, he's going to get it. He's going to get it. He gets it. The Eagles go three and out and the Chiefs. And now I'm hustling back to the pod. The Chiefs get the all time garbage time touchdown to Worthy and it gets to 62. The third leg of my parlay was under 60 and a half and the final score was 40 and 22. They scored two touchdowns in the last four minutes to fucking beat. So I lost that one too. I think I had a losing year for million dollar picks because of that last touchdown. So the Chiefs just sticking it to me every way.

[Cousin Sal]

I love that these you're with these FanDuel executives. They're watching through their fingers because the hertz touchdown. They're losing tens of millions of dollars.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going losing 500,000 fake dollars.

[Cousin Sal]

Get me out of here.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, you know House took a shot because Christian, one of the Fando execs who loves House and we're talking about the bets on the ringer Sunday pregame and he's like, well House, he did his usual House move of he took the Eagles in a tease with the over like classic House, like kind of getting in but not totally being in like halfway. I was like, yep, that's House.

[Cousin Sal]

I have a great story. Great House story. I guess we'll talk about Vegas later, right? We're going to do all that New Orleans.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, New Orleans.

[Cousin Sal]

It seemed like Vegas because we're in a casino. Yeah. And that I have a House. Should I tell the House story now? That like just that.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, do it now. Let's hear it.

[Cousin Sal]

Typifies it. House, we're in the casino. He goes to the ATM because we had a bad run at blackjack and I'm proud of you for making us get out. Like I've known you to sit at the same blackjack table win or lose to like five in the morning when.

[Bill Simmons]

They'Re the vibe wasn't there. This is Friday night.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, my God.

[Bill Simmons]

The three of us. I think. I think I was like, 3 out of 15. And black house lost, like, almost every hand. I don't know how he did it.

[Cousin Sal]

He was like, you're letting us leave. This is great. Like, a lot of times I would go to the atm. I'm like, how many times do I have to go to the atm?

[Bill Simmons]

Is.

[Cousin Sal]

Am I. Is Bill. Am I going to lose his friendship if I don't sit and lose more money with. But anyway, so we leave the blackjack table. House goes to the atm. He's got, like, a new card or something. It doesn't let him take money out, so he has to cash advance. So he's not getting the $12 vig that you would normally get on $30 to take out. It was $344 he had to take out, and he had to wait on the long cashier line to get that money out. Now he had to show his slip. And then he doesn't even gamble with us.

[Bill Simmons]

He didn't gamble. We're. So we end up at a craps table with fantasy football guys.

[Cousin Sal]

He got vigged out. He said no. After he lost to the atm, he said no. Like, that's responsible gambling. I can't even beat the atm. I'm out. I'm not playing.

[Bill Simmons]

But for some reason, paid them 40 extra dollars, right, not to gamble. Yeah. So he ended up at a craps table with Craig and Danny. Danny from the Ringer fantasy football show, who were having a great time playing craps. And JJ is there. Jj, John Jaskrebsky, host of New York New York, who's had a couple and is dialed up to 10. And he was locked in. He's yelling at dealers. He's hitting points, going, pay it, pay it.

[Cousin Sal]

Screaming, screaming.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Raheem comes in, also from the ringer, Sunday pregame, and he's not really doing anything. And then all of a sudden, he just bets on the don't come line for the shooter across table because he thinks the guy looks like a bad bet. And we're all on the come line, which is like on the poker table for the craps table. People listening like, y'all want the craps table to be a line betting on the shooter, rooting for them. Like, there's this weird dynamic that develops. Raheem's just shorting it, basically. Guy hits, and JJ just gets mad at Raheem, which he should have. It's like, don't take sides against the family, Reem.

[Cousin Sal]

This Is indefensible. Indefensible.

[Bill Simmons]

Raheem yelling at him. And I was like, it is. It's indefensible. So Raheem ends up not doing it. So anyway, Raheem became the don't come guy. But we were there. House is there. Van is behind us. We're all pulling bets together because it's a $50 craps table, which is absurd. And we ended up. We were there till almost four in the morning.

[Cousin Sal]

We were there. We were down to. We started, like, 600. Right. We were down to 40 bucks in the tent. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. We just couldn't get momentum.

[Cousin Sal]

Built it back up to 1400. So that was nice for us. And that's real. We had some, like, million dollar. That's real money. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Craig had a nice little run.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then at the end of the night, I had, like. I just got on a heater, and I just wasn't throwing a seven for, like, 30 minutes.

[Cousin Sal]

It was great.

[Bill Simmons]

But what happens is when you start doing one like that, and more and more people come over the table, and people start betting, and everyone's betting points, and it's like three minutes between throws.

[Cousin Sal]

I know that's.

[Bill Simmons]

And he's like, I'm hot. Get me the dice back. And this guy's like, give me a hard ten, me a hard six. Give me two on this. And it's. And by the time he. So I. I could. I. I blame the guy at the other side of the table.

[Cousin Sal]

You know what? I don't. I think it's. I think it's intentional. I think they slow play it because we were pretty conservative. We were playing the pass line, then we were playing fun, and we're playing the cup. But if you get bored and they take forever, that's when you're like, shit, if I have to wait three minutes between each role, I'm going to play the field. I'm going to play a couple more numbers. I think that's where they rake out. You were getting mad because there was a guy on the other end of the table who was pumping his fist because you were hitting every number except ours.

[Bill Simmons]

Right, Right.

[Cousin Sal]

This guy probably made 15 grand off of me. You know, it's like. It's getting crazy.

[Bill Simmons]

See, motherfucker, you're icing me and making money for me at the same time. Then we finally hit the number. And then the best part was there's some bet that the fantasy guys were doing, which is like, you can bet 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and somebody has to hit all five of those numbers before they throw a seven and it's 30 to 1 odds. It seems inconceivable. And I was throwing it for so long, only the 11 was left. And then I finally hit the 11 and I've never seen those guys happier. They were like.

[Cousin Sal]

They were jerk. First of all, they were arm in arm. Like, you should post that picture. They were locked.

[Bill Simmons]

I should post that picture on instagram.

[Cousin Sal]

For like 40 minutes. Whenever they weren't rolling, they were like, come on, we could do this. They were locked arms together.

[Bill Simmons]

They were like, when the defensive line is watching somebody about to attempt a game winning field goal. They had their arms around each other, but. But literally for an hour.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I love it. It was a Dan Kelly, right? That when they. He. They had a bet. I don't know what the bet was, but between the three of them, whoever lost, I think it was like a season long bet. Whoever lost had to sit in the middle seat coming home. And they were on my flight and couldn't be entertained, couldn't listen to music, couldn't watch tv, couldn't read a book the whole time. And if they fell asleep, they would just wake him up. And Danny was in the middle. They let him watch the map. They let him watch the map on the delta flight. I was like, these guys are good. This is it.

[Bill Simmons]

That's hilarious. Yeah, it was great. It was a good Hank. Every. Everybody was in rare form, including Raheem, who was trying to short the table for some reason. I'm going to talk to HR about Raheem. I might have been an HR violation.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, it might have been a little bit.

[Bill Simmons]

Jj. JJ was the mvp though, and he blew out my right eardrum and I was covered in spit by the end of the day. But I loved it. It was great.

[Cousin Sal]

When he showed up, you turned around to greet him and you were about to roll, and so you took the D over the table.

[Bill Simmons]

I know because I got excited.

[Cousin Sal]

Dice violation. I'm like, oh. And then I'm calling it like an announcement. He's got one more dice violation, then he's out of here. He's gonna have to go back.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like a flagrant foul.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, exactly. But then when you roll it and would kick off the table, JJ would yell, same dice. Same dice. Yell at the. He'd yell at the dealer, and the dealer's like, it's not. You're not even rolling.

[Bill Simmons]

Shut up.

[Cousin Sal]

He had the superstition about same dice.

[Bill Simmons]

I gotta say, he. He really did get the energy going Screaming, pay it at the dealer. You're not gonna believe it, but the dealers, they don't. They don't love being Scream. Pay it right.

[Cousin Sal]

And I'm all for you, bro. Do what you want with this is a dollar.

[Bill Simmons]

So that casino used to be called Harris, and I guess technically still is, but now it's a Caesars But.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I've had, I think, of the most fun gambling moments of my life. For some reason, at least five or six of them have been. It's just my favorite place to probably play blackjack or craps. The dealers are all nice. They're all from here. They seem like they are, and they're just like. They move at a pace so you feel like they're not just trying to rush you out, you know, it seems like they're rooting for you. Like, when you bet for them, they really appreciate it. And I always really enjoy it. It's right in the middle of downtown.

[Cousin Sal]

I didn't leave.

[Bill Simmons]

Just walk to where you're going.

[Cousin Sal]

I thought it would be packed. By the way, I was there the night before. We could have sat our. Any blackjack table on Thursday night.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, they checked Friday night.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, but $50 is a. You know, in Vegas, that. That's any Saturday night, right?

[Bill Simmons]

I guess.

[Cousin Sal]

Hotel. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But it seemed like everything was fifty, a hundred. So I think it was. It was scaring off people a little bit. Any other. Any other gambling stuff? Jake Elliott was way over on. On all his total points.

[Cousin Sal]

I thought he had a shot at MVP for a minute. I mean, he had four extra points and four field goals, wasn't it? He actually had to kick seven field goals. But with all the false starts and.

[Bill Simmons]

Everything, hertz was what, two at plus two, 80?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, plus two, 80. But Hurt's most rushing yards was like six to one, I think, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, did that hit?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, he had 72. Barkley had 57. And then Mahomes at 25, like, that was the highest on the Chiefs.

[Bill Simmons]

So that triple crown bet that I stayed away from because it seemed like just a trap. It seemed like impossible to hit all three. It ended up being Mahomes passing, Xavier Worthy receiving, and Hertz rushing and Hertz rushing. So I wonder what that must have been like 20 to 1?

[Cousin Sal]

I have no idea.

[Bill Simmons]

What are the odds of that?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At least. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Worthy had probably, like, the sixth or seventh best thoughts. Triple crown bet.

[Cousin Sal]

That was bizarre.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't recommend it.

[Cousin Sal]

We both had Hertz touchdown. Right? I mean, I guess that's good that we did That I don't want to.

[Bill Simmons]

Talk out of school. But I wouldn't call the fanduel guys elated that the game went over.

[Cousin Sal]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

And say there was high fiving in the suite and the Mahomes yardage props going up. I wouldn't say that was a high five special either.

[Cousin Sal]

No way.

[Bill Simmons]

The Kelsey and Barkley stuff, they told me and I said this on million dollar picks that the the most one sided bet of the week from a prop standpoint was Barkley to score a touchdown.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh really?

[Bill Simmons]

It was like 99.9% of the bets were on it and the no TD was plus 150 and they were like, it was like $0 on it or like $7 or something. You know, Barkley ended up not getting it.

[Cousin Sal]

It's his birthday on Sunday. Thing picked up steam like somewhere around Friday and I was like, I don't think that matters. I really don't. I think if he scores three touchdowns, I don't think we have to say it's because he turned 28 today. There's nothing to do with it.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that's fair. Especially it's not like it's like a major birthday. It's like, oh cool, 28. How do we feel about any other betting stuff that you wanted to hit? What was going on at the super bowl party?

[Cousin Sal]

You went yellow was plus 2, 80.

[Bill Simmons]

Tails for the coin toss.

[Cousin Sal]

Tails for the coin toss. Let's get rid of the anthem betting because it, it went over, but they're grading it under, I think because. Because he said he repeated a line three times like just for flair, just to show off.

[Bill Simmons]

He said the land of the free. Because he bet the over, I think the land.

[Cousin Sal]

The land of whatever it was, he did it.

[Bill Simmons]

Why didn't that count? That was his performance.

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know. You can't do that. Well, you can't like sing the song and then add where you can't launch into American Pie. Like halfway through the song.

[Bill Simmons]

It's how long the performance is. It was two hours, two minutes and.

[Cousin Sal]

Whatever you can't pay. And then of course it was close and they cut to the fighter jets. And you never know when the word brave ends because it's loud. But I don't want to hear ever.

[Bill Simmons]

Again that John Batiste is the national anthem. Goat, get that out of here.

[Cousin Sal]

Was Mahomes listening to the anthem? I don't know. I don't think so.

[Bill Simmons]

Was he thrown up by the answer? Because there's no other excuse.

[Cousin Sal]

John Batiste held the box Would hold a note longer than Mahomes could hold.

[Bill Simmons]

The ball after Patrick Mahomes. Get out of here. Just get out. You got to leave the nightclub. You're out.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, shit.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Mahomes hit all the overs. He hit his touchdown over. Did he hit. How many rushes did he have? Because that was another one he needed.

[Cousin Sal]

What, five and a half, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Shit. So he didn't hit any of the rushing stuff.

[Cousin Sal]

I know we were counting on the kneel downs.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, that's.

[Cousin Sal]

That's an underrated aspect of the game that we didn't talk about. Like we could. We could kill Mahomes, but they had 24 yards rushing outside of what he did. You could get him a running back at some point.

[Bill Simmons]

Hunt three for nine, Pacheco three for seven. That was like. One of the reasons I loved all the Mahomes overs when I was planning the game out of my head was I didn't think the Chiefs are going to be able to run the ball. And it turns out they didn't think so either because they. They started the game and they basically threw the ball every down, it seemed like. And they were trying to keep the.

[Cousin Sal]

Eagles seven carries outside of Mahomes. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Didn't work. Did you have Matt Ariza punting for over 310 yards?

[Cousin Sal]

No. No, I did not.

[Bill Simmons]

Was that even a bet? Did you bet on the total number of punters? Yeah, I think they did.

[Cousin Sal]

I think they did.

[Bill Simmons]

So that's a pretty good one.

[Cousin Sal]

Wait, how many did he have? He had six punts. Yeah. 3:11.

[Bill Simmons]

Six punts for 3:11? Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

Weird game, man.

[Bill Simmons]

Elliot, watch. 50 yard field goal. Oh, you had. People in the suite were congratulating me on your behalf. That you the Devontae Smith that long?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That was one of your favorite props.

[Cousin Sal]

20 and a half. Yeah. I mean, he had killed. He had killed this defense, Spagnola's defense. I mean, that's another thing. Spagnolo's got to take a hit too. But yeah, his last three games were average like 95 yards against Casey.

[Bill Simmons]

It's tough though, when. When your offense is such dog shit. I think it has to start affecting the defense at some point because the defense did get a couple stops and you know, they got the interception when it seemed like the Eagles might be going up 14 nothing. They got the ball back and then just over and over again, they were just getting kicked in the nuts by the offense.

[Cousin Sal]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

It's unusual. Let's. We'll take one more break and then we'll talk about your week in New Orleans. Plus plus some look ahead bets for next season. This episode is brought to you by VRBO Private Vacation Rentals. With vrbo, you always get the whole house so you and your fellow fans can cheer on your team in peace. What's worse than watching a game with somebody who's not rooting for the same team? You're rooting for nothing. But that's why if you book a vacation house with vrbo, you know all the people in your house, they'll be friends, they'll be family. Ideally, they'll be the ones who also root for my teams. Plan a winning vacation. Make it a VRBO. This episode is brought to you by US Bank Earn up to 4% cash back on every purchase with the US Bank Smartly Visa Signature Card. Start by earning unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. Then earn up to an additional 2% cash back when you pair your card with a US bank smartly savings account, have qualifying balances, and deposit your rewards into a US bank account. Visit usbank.com smartlycard to learn more. The creditor and issue of this card is U.S. bank National Association. Pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc. Some restrictions may apply. Well, it's the saddest time of the season. There's no football. There's no guest alliance for next week. You are our guest alliance champion. Two legends fell this season. Me and guest alliance.

[Cousin Sal]

That's right.

[Bill Simmons]

It was always like, well, Simmons, when it gets to the big moments, he'll win and Sal's going to lose again. You beat me. And then, then Mahomes, he got kicked off Goat island. And. And the Chiefs are now mortal. And now we can actually talk about them rationally again.

[Cousin Sal]

And we could talk about the. The refereeing. Like, it was really getting me mad. You saw, like, me and Hench going at it.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm like, yeah, you got mad at Hench.

[Cousin Sal]

I know, but everybody's got to go crazy with the calls. And it was like, you know, he.

[Bill Simmons]

Got Brown, the AJ Brown pass interference.

[Cousin Sal]

He, like, he. He hit the guy in the face mask three times. Everyone's like that. You know when the booth says, oh, man, I don't know if I call that there. That doesn't mean it was a terrible call. Like, why do we have to make that leap from that could have gone either way to, oh, my God, that was the worst call.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, it's fixed.

[Cousin Sal]

Calm the hell down, everybody. Geez. But at least we don't have to worry about that for a minute. I hope I don't know. It's nice to not have to talk about the referees.

[Bill Simmons]

So we have NFL next year. I am going on, going on Fanduel right now. Do you have the odds?

[Cousin Sal]

I do.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay. I'm going to see if I can.

[Cousin Sal]

Find Eagles and Chiefs favored. Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

That never happens. What? Anything surprise you on those odds?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm seeing 650 plus 650 for Chiefs and Eagles. Ravens 7 to 1, Bills 8 to 1, Lions 9.

[Bill Simmons]

Ooh, Lions 9 to 1 and Niners 14 to 1. I'd like to. I'll book those bets from people if they want.

[Cousin Sal]

Those two.

[Bill Simmons]

I think those are. So we should talk about this with the Chiefs too. I don't think the Chiefs have missed their long term window, but I wonder like how much rehab repair they have to do with this nucleus they have. Because they have a lot of stuff to fix. But they're also. They have money going out in all these different directions.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, it's not like, oh, we need a left tackle. Cool. Fucking 12 teams need a left tackle. You're not the only one. You drafted a left tackle last year at the end of the second round, if you missed on that pick. That's what gets into what we talked about earlier with if you start missing these drafts or missing picks starts to have this cumulative effect so that the stuff that they need. It's not like you just go to the store and buy it. Like everyone wants a left tackle, but.

[Cousin Sal]

We talk about the. What do we call it? The KCD. Like it's a CD. Like plus 650. You keep pounding it, they'll win once in the next six and a half years. Right. So that should, that should be okay. But I also think these other numbers are fair too. Like the Ravens have to be licking their chops a little too. The bills at 8 to 1. Your team. I got scared. I thought my team and your team were the same. Cowboys 55. Want to guess? The Patriots. Don't look.

[Bill Simmons]

I just looked. But tell us anyway.

[Cousin Sal]

154Th from the bottom. Is that fair?

[Bill Simmons]

Ridiculous. I promise you we won't be the fourth worst team.

[Cousin Sal]

I love this.

[Bill Simmons]

I love it. We're going to go 10 and 7 next year.

[Cousin Sal]

Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. We're going 10 and 7 next year. I don't know that for a fact. If we hit.

[Cousin Sal]

Just because Brady is better than Mahomes conclusively doesn't mean the 2026 Patriots are going to be good.

[Bill Simmons]

It's not just that Brady's better than Mahomes. Mahomes has to leave. God. Take a hike. Leave. Take your wife with you. Take your dad together. But you're out.

[Cousin Sal]

You could take a ferry. You could swim back. You could jump on a raft. I don't care. Get off the island.

[Bill Simmons]

You're off Goat Island. You could take down a Kelsey. Take her too. But just looking at these blindly. Chargers 29 to 1 jumped out of me.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Commanders 23 to 1 have to be taken seriously because they laid a nice foundation. Have a good QB and a good coaching staff and have some stuff that they could do in the off season. And then what about the Rams at.

[Cousin Sal]

30 and it went a lot.

[Bill Simmons]

It seems like they're. They're selling off guys though. Like they're trading Cooper Cup.

[Cousin Sal]

He. What did he do? He was. He wasn't key to their success. I don't. They. They almost. They kind of played the Eagles better than anybody though.

[Bill Simmons]

Is Minnesota at 33 to 1? Nuts. Like, what if JJ McCarthy's good next year with the right.

[Cousin Sal]

I was going to say what if I told you Sam Darnold sat in an aisle seat and coached with me on the way back. Is that true? That doesn't affect your odds anymore?

[Bill Simmons]

Did that happen?

[Cousin Sal]

It did.

[Bill Simmons]

Really?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

He's going to sign like a 50. Well, maybe he couldn't find a fight.

[Cousin Sal]

It was a bad. It was a tough flight to. To. To book if you want.

[Bill Simmons]

You're trying to leave New Orleans on a Saturday.

[Cousin Sal]

Saturday.

[Bill Simmons]

Baltimore 7 to 1. I wish those odds were better because that's a team I would think too like in the. If they were in the 10 to 1 to 12 torn range, I'd be excited about it. Green Bay 18 to 1 will be a sexy pick. I'm not doing it. Houston 27 to 1 with some receivers coming back and a couple more draft picks. Maybe bad division. I don't know.

[Cousin Sal]

I like the Rams and I like the Bills. Again, the Bills also. We didn't talk about them. How pissed must they be that they couldn't beat this Chiefs team, get the.

[Bill Simmons]

Super bowl or that they couldn't do anything against the offensive line. Like what the Eagles did you watch the offensive line this week and you could tell pretty quickly because they were doing those design rollout plays that gave me PTSD. To Brady against the Giants. That first Super Bowl.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

When he was under such siege. He had to like do the quick rollouts with extra blockers, plant your feet and then chuck it. And they were running those in the first quarter. And I thought I was saying that Tommy who I went to the game with. I was like, this is not good. If they're running that kind of shit, that means they think they can't block these guys at all.

[Cousin Sal]

Tommy Harrison.

[Bill Simmons]

And then we could watch Tommy Hearns. Tommy Hearns was a thing.

[Cousin Sal]

Tommy.

[Bill Simmons]

But you could see it. I don't know what I was picking up during the game that. Whether the TV was. But you could. You could just watch, like, the four guys pushing the line and all the other guys kind of coming back. And the Chiefs receivers weren't really good enough to get open, you know.

[Cousin Sal]

Greatest advantage in sports, being able to rush a quarterback without blitzing.

[Bill Simmons]

And, yeah, so one was bad because he missed guys, but I could also. There were other plays where he just didn't have guys. There was nobody to throw to.

[Cousin Sal]

He didn't want to throw interceptions. Real quick, mvp. Don't look who you think's favorite now.

[Bill Simmons]

It just looked. Well, we would have said. We would have said Lamar. Josh.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, Lamar. Plus 450. Allen 500.

[Bill Simmons]

It's Drake May.

[Cousin Sal]

Home 700.

[Bill Simmons]

Drake. Oh, Drake May. 60 to 1.

[Cousin Sal]

He's not on there, is he?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he sure is. He's right in there with Sam Darnold and Michael Penix. Sam Darnold was 14 whiff ahead of Geno Smith. By the way, Bryce Young is on there, too. I went to a party yesterday that Shaq was at and Bryce Young, and they were talking to each other, and it was amazing. It was like Mr. Work and Tattoo. I was fascinated. He was a foot and a half smaller than Shaq.

[Cousin Sal]

Does he. Is he smaller because he's small or. I mean, everyone's smaller than Shaq, but he's especially small.

[Bill Simmons]

Bryce Young's 5 8, and Shaq's like 7 1. It was just amazing to see them next to each other and be like, which guy's the professional athlete right now? Shaq is always at any party is just riveting. He's the best because it's Shaq. He's. He's the best guy. He's like the nicest guy. He's the coolest guy to everybody. He's like, just really a genuinely nice guy, but he's also gigantic. He looks like Shaq. You just see him moving through. You can't not see him. Everybody's looking at him. He handles it great. He's just a nice guy.

[Cousin Sal]

He's gotta be the greatest. On Bourbon street. You could sit on his shoulders. You don't have to deal with the. The slop and everything. He's a Practical joker. He'll slap guys in the ass with beads and look the other way. Like, he's the. He's the best athlete to play.

[Bill Simmons]

Barkley's also. Barkley's the best celebrity I've ever seen in public, just with how he navigates all the people around him. Because he's big. You know, he's obviously 6 6, so you notice him right away, but he just loves every. People just gravitate to him. Shaq's a little like that, too. So we have any other future ads, I guess they don't have?

[Cousin Sal]

Like, who's trying to look at.

[Bill Simmons]

Give me. Give me some of the New Orleans highlights. You were here doing a bunch of great ringer stuff, including getting hit in the face with a Slim Jim.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that. Yeah, Paige hit me. I was doing a prop challenge with a bunch of celebrities and sports personalities, and we put a video together, and you can catch it. It's all up on the ringer. One of them. We had Paige come over, and she's an influencer. I don't know if people. Don't People know who she is. Right. And we had a bunch of challenges. We listen. Oh, you could hit this golf ball. I know she's into golf. You could catch this roll of toilet paper. We could do a Slim Jim slap fight. And she's like, I want to do that. And so we each hit each other with a Slim Jim. And I hit her lightly as a gentleman, and then she gets. Stands up and smacks the crap out of me in the neck with a Slim Jim. And I welt on my neck for the next step. I'm, like, interviewing Marshall Falk with this giant welt on my neck. And I'm like, when did the welt go away? Like, on the plane when you saw me. Like, it was still. It was dark, so you probably couldn't tell, but it was staring at me at the craps table. But, yeah. So I was like, wow, yes. This has to. It's got over a million. I'm like, how does I make this the biggest thing I've ever done and my wife not find out about it? It's. So, anyway, that was a lot of fun. It was a lot of great stuff on.

[Bill Simmons]

JJ said, don't put makeup on that. Well, bro, save dice.

[Cousin Sal]

Same. Well, don't go against the family. Don't have. Don't ever watch same wealth. Can we.

[Bill Simmons]

Can we do a fanduel show where just people play crafts with JJ after he's had three drinks? I feel like that'd Be an amazing show.

[Cousin Sal]

How does he gain steam at 4 in the morning? Like, it's so crazy.

[Bill Simmons]

He. He's like, when you turn the TV up, the volume up and it's just going. And that's just the volume. And never. There was no sign at all of him being tired. He. I think he would have. He'd still be there if we didn't want to leave.

[Cousin Sal]

The fanduel ringer party was great Friday night. We had Megan Thee Stallion and Blink 182. I guess they insist on touring together. I don't know. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

But, yeah, it was. I couldn't believe they played all those songs together too. Yeah, we had. We talked to some fun people. We had. I'd never talked to Diana Rossini before and we.

[Cousin Sal]

She's a delight.

[Bill Simmons]

We talked to her for like a half hour and she's like seven of your cousins.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, she is.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So she's an honorary member of your family.

[Cousin Sal]

Almost the good ones. Yeah. Yeah. I thought she was great. I thought the Tyreek Hill announcing he's playing for the Cowboys was going to be the highlight, but she was up there too. That was a fun one.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we talked to some fun people. I got. You know, I've been to a bunch of different Super Bowls. I hadn't come in a while. There was the one in la that doesn't count. That was the last. The last super bowl that was in LA that I went to was, ironically, Ravens Niners. I just kind of felt like I really. Yeah, I hadn't gone. Hadn't gone forever and liked watching the game. I liked doing the pod with you after the game. And I just kind of never, never went. Never wanted to go for the Pats after the second Giants game because it was. It was just so emotionally, it's so bad to be there when your team. Like I was feeling for the Chiefs fans, when you're limping out of. Out of the stadium, it's the worst. It's. And the other. You. Half of the people are the happiest and you're just like in fucking sports hell, it's the worst.

[Cousin Sal]

So last time it was in New Orleans, I. You remember, I had to do a bit.

[Bill Simmons]

You had to do the bit. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

For Grant. Yeah. It was a Sal hugs fans of a losing team. And I wasn't quite sure who the losing team was because we had to leave and set up in a good spot before the last drive. It was Ravens. Who was it? Ravens 49?

[Bill Simmons]

Ravens Niners. That was the blackout Game that was Kaepernick.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

We were watching first down and goal from the four, and they don't score the go ahead touchdown.

[Cousin Sal]

And people are just zombies walking out of there. Like, a lot of people. Like, get the fuck away from me. I'm not hugging you. I don't know who you are. Get the cat. Yeah, so it's. It's a. It's a big risk going down there if your team's playing. I mean, Chiefs fans must be demoralized tonight.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the other. So I saw Pat's Rams was the first Super Bowl I ever went to, which was honestly one of the 25 best moments of my life. Probably that whole day. It was amazing. And then the second game was the blackout game. And so when I had a chance to go to this one, I was like, this is going to be an amazing game. It's a Superdome. This is just going to be magical. And. And everything was great except for the game. But New Orleans is. The funny thing about New Orleans is it just never changes. Like, you go to. You go to. And I mean that in a good way. It just feels exactly like it did 23 years ago. All the streets are the same. All the. A lot of the hotels are the same. They don't really. It's not one of those places where there's like 17 crazy new things that are up. They just really keep the soul of the place intact. It's really a special place.

[Cousin Sal]

I love it. And it was especially like, I don't want to bum everyone out, but, you know, there was a. It was a National Guard presence in the streets because of that asshole last month. Yeah, that. You know, that. That attack.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

So that, like, that was a bummer. But the spirit of the city, I mean, it's one of. Would you keep it if they said build three or four cities rotating, or do you just do New Orleans?

[Bill Simmons]

Do you know, 20 years. No, to me, it's Miami, New Orleans, Vegas.

[Cousin Sal]

That's it.

[Bill Simmons]

And I think you can make a case for la. Cause of. Cause of. But it's like, you know, it's a little spread out. I think if you're just.

[Cousin Sal]

I was watching the Rose bowl highlight. I mean, that's my favorite game of all time, anyway. 52, 17 cowboys over bills. But it just looked beautiful, right. With the sun setting and everything. Like, it's nice to have an outdoor option, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think I would say New Orleans, Miami and Vegas for the way the city kind of blends in with the game. When it gets like, they've they'd love to have it in like Glendale, but Glendale people are staying in Phoenix, they're staying in Scottsdale. It's all over the map. It seems like they're getting out of the habit of putting it in cities just because they built a stadium. Like when they were doing that with Jacksonville.

[Cousin Sal]

Atlanta. We don't need Atlanta. We got New Orleans. Yeah. I would go New Orleans ten times over Atlanta.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the other thing with New Orleans is it's really hard to get hotel rooms here. So the ticket demand, it's almost easier to get tickets than it is a hotel room anywhere near where the game is. So a lot of people.

[Cousin Sal]

Tickets were down lower than dropped face value, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, tickets dropped and you could get it on the market today for face value or lower. But what you couldn't get was a hotel room because there was none. And it's really hard to get in and out, obviously. But that's why they dropped.

[Cousin Sal]

Right. Because if you, if the, if you not going to get in a hotel, then the tickets drop. It's a fascinating market.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Did we super bowl in Dallas, did we do that? Yeah, we did. I went to that one. That was kind of. I thought that was a pretty good one. The weather was terrible, but it was, you know, that was okay. But yeah, I wouldn't you say Vegas, New Orleans and Miami. Those are the.

[Cousin Sal]

Those are the four. I would add LA back into it. I really love watching that, those Rose bowl games. But yeah, those if you have to go three. I think those are the three.

[Bill Simmons]

Cause San Diego's out because they don't have a team.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

So they can't have it anymore.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. So they try Atlanta. I'm just trying to think of the Southern, the hotter cities that we don't need to see in that anymore.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, one of my things, I really didn't want to. This is a bad city for me. And you've seen it in action, especially like the Super Bowl 12 years ago and NBA All Star and just bad. There's a lot of bad choices here in New Orleans. It's not. And I'm not unproud of the decisions. It's just like you kind of lose. It's got food that you probably shouldn't keep eating, but you can't help it. It's got the best dessert. It's got the casino, it's got a bunch of other stuff. It never closes down and you can really make some mistakes. And I try to be on my good behavior. I was so proud of myself. Didn't have a drunk cigarette.

[Cousin Sal]

No cigarettes. I bet over one and a half cigarettes.

[Bill Simmons]

That was Hell, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

I lost all my profits.

[Bill Simmons]

You lost on that. And you lost Ed Mahomes being in good Island.

[Cousin Sal]

And you can forget about going to Santa Clara next year for the Super Bowl. The 29th worst city to have a Super bowl, by the way.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that's. So that's the other thing we were talking about is, like, next year, Santa Clara, which is like, I. We did the. We did the WrestleMania in Santa Clara. It was a mess. And that was Wrestlemania. Super bowl is like a way bigger event. It's really hard to move around.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. New Orleans, great job as a great city. Great food. Love being here. It's a one of a kind.

[Cousin Sal]

I said Wednesday. I was like, I have to mix a blackened chicken salad into this rotation because I'm just going to die with these roasted oysters with parmesan. This is the best thing I've ever had. Never got it. Never got it. So keel over any day.

[Bill Simmons]

Never happened. Yeah, they're frying just. And they'll fry anything here.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

They just don't care. Anything's possible. Anything else you want to hear from the week?

[Cousin Sal]

That's it. I mean, I have, like, a parent corner kind of thing, but I don't know. Is that a break?

[Bill Simmons]

Do it. Yeah, do a parent corner. We're good.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, first of all, you know, I went to a small party before that. What's the age where you stop buying your kids anything at the airport when you come home from the city or.

[Bill Simmons]

A game or thinking about bringing them home a gift or anything?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to say probably age seven or eight.

[Cousin Sal]

Thank you. Okay, good.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

All right. I win that argument. I'm going to. I'm going to quote you as the gospel. I don't want to hear why I have to hear from everybody and bring a gift back. These kids are bigger than people.

[Bill Simmons]

Make you feel bad. Who made you feel bad?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, the people in this house. The second thing is, you know, I've been down on squares and pools and stuff for Zoom bowl, but when I see how excited the kids get, and it's like their first, you know, put dipping their toe into gambling. I like the Super Bowl. Squares, pools, at parties now. I really do. And even though it's me collecting at the last second and drawing the numbers, like while they're kicking off and everything, it's terrific. I hate putting it together. And then I see, like, kids, like, no, I know I have two one, but. Oh, no. All the while wide, they're going for two point conversions like eight year olds screaming at each other whether they should go for two points or one. So I'm backing well, this one.

[Bill Simmons]

The 002 is the final. Could not have been on a lot of 02.

[Cousin Sal]

Not good. Yeah, that's not something you would buy in FanDuel.

[Bill Simmons]

Yes, seriously.

[Cousin Sal]

But my. My oldest kid who's in Oregon won because I put his name in and he's like. He's like, you know what? Just give it to all the little kids at the party. And I was like, well, you're no son of mine. I would never do that. But sure, I'll do that. So that's. That. That's really the paracord. I'm. I'm. I'm back in on squares. But also, is this the biggest Venmo day of the year?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that's interesting. That would be a good Venmo ad. That should be a Venmo super bowl ad. Biggest day of the year. We won't tell anyone. If you don't tell anyone.

[Cousin Sal]

It'S what happened. Oh, what happens in Venmo stays in Venmo.

[Bill Simmons]

That should be their strategy, right? You know, we forgot to talk about the halftime show, by the way. The. The Kendrick thing where I knew he was playing not like us, because I was tipped off. But they. They teased it so that it was like, am I going to do it? Am I going to do it? And then they did it, and the whole crowd, at least part of the crowd, was singing the chorus. And it was. It was pretty great. I mean, he had already decisively won the beef. And then this was like, you know, almost like going for two and running the Philly special. When you're up 52 to seven with two minutes left and just like the all time fu. Exclamation point. It was pretty great.

[Cousin Sal]

Did people love it? I feel like on Social, it's getting killed a little bit.

[Bill Simmons]

It was exactly as polarizing as I think he wanted it. Okay. He didn't play all like, here are my five best songs. He didn't do the usual thing. And it was all leading something else. Visually, it was pretty cool.

[Cousin Sal]

Wasn't as polarizing. Kanye had a fricking commercial on Fox.

[Bill Simmons]

What?

[Cousin Sal]

I'm not joking. Look at that commercial. I don't even know what the hell it was. We were all staring at each other like, what the. What is going on? He seemed to be in a dentist chair. He was just saying gibberish. And this is after an insane Week on Twitter. Yeah. You know, we don't have to get into it, but we live in a world.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, he went after everybody. He's probably gonna go after us.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. I was like. And Fox let him.

[Bill Simmons]

Kick him off. Go to island.

[Cousin Sal]

Unbelievable. Yeah, kick him off the island, too. But that was the biggest shock. That and the Chiefs losing by 35 points.

[Bill Simmons]

Whatever it was, you know, it wasn't a great. Wasn't a great year so far for the Gambling didn't do well on any of the Chiefs bets. Million dollar picks got killed in the playoffs. Just not great. But my mom's text about what the hell is going on during the halftime show made up for 90% of it. She didn't know what was happening. Is that it should almost be like its own social media channel of old people trying to understand the super bowl halftime show act, which I think is part of the point of the halftime show act. Right? Yeah, I think so. To just make at least one third of the country go, like, what's going on? What's he saying?

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, that should be the ratings. That should be like, hey, how many mom texts were sent? What the hell? Yeah, it's nice.

[Bill Simmons]

This is terrible. I don't think anyone over 60 enjoyed it.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't necessarily have a parent corner. I have a wife corner. And you kind of know this story, but I'm going to tell it again just for the pod. So you guys are all here. And House is here. And House posts a picture of him and Paige Spiranack on his Instagram. It's him and Van and Paige Sparanak.

[Cousin Sal]

I took it.

[Bill Simmons]

Arms around them. You took the picture? So my wife that night is like, hey, what's going on with House? And I'm like, what do you mean? And she's like, did you see his Instagram? I'm like, no, I didn't. What happened? And she shows me like, this is crazy. Like, his wife's like, what's is it? His wife's gonna, like, like, put all his stuff outside. Like, how do you do this? If you did this, I would fucking kill you.

[Cousin Sal]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

And I'm like. And I'm like, this. That's Paige Sparrow. So now I have to walk her through the whole. This isn't just like, I took a picture with, like, an attractive blonde. Like, this is actually, like, somebody in the golf community. She's got 4 million followers on Instagram.

[Cousin Sal]

You showing them the Instagram pictures?

[Bill Simmons]

I sh. I went. I brought her on Instagram. I'm like, this is who it is. It's a celebrity. It's actually a very smart move by House for social media to take a picture with her like this will probably be like the most looked at Instagram post. Joe House, a man in his mid-50s, is probably gonna have this year, so he has to do the post. And so now I'm explaining to her this whole, you know, cottage industry of what Paige, like, leveraging social media.

[Cousin Sal]

Boy, she does.

[Bill Simmons]

Going on radio.

[Cousin Sal]

Paige's Instagram Paige would be the move. But this works.

[Bill Simmons]

No, she was pro page. She was like, oh, I get it now. I see it. Yeah, more power to her. She just didn't. She didn't understand why House was doing that. She thought it was like some sort of midlife crisis, my marriage is in the tank thing. So I had to walk her through it and then also introduce her into the world of social media and sports and how it takes some twists and turns. It was very exciting. So when you said later that your wife might not have been thrilled about the Slim jam, like, you know what? We're all just trying to stay relevant here in the old sports media world.

[Cousin Sal]

It'S all about clicks. I could. I'm not going to end up probably with that woman. Yeah. I don't think, you know, I'm not interested in her. It's fine. It's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

But you know, Joe House, not a. Not a polarizing guy. I've never had a fight with him in 37 years. Of course, one of the highest approval rating people of anybody who I'm friends with and beloved by my wife. And it was like the first time she's ever been mad at Joe House. But it was that shocking for taking.

[Cousin Sal]

Money out of an ATM and not gambling like that, to me is a worse offense than any of the pages.

[Bill Simmons]

Knocked him out of Goat Island.

[Cousin Sal]

My wife, today, the Chiefs are down. I don't even know what the hell score it was. And she comes up to me and I obviously have a lot of money on the Chiefs. And she says, boy, Chiefs are getting beat bad. This is not what I expected. Is this what you expected? And I'm fucking hemorrhaging money at this point. And so I think I just. I think I ran to the bathroom and cried.

[Bill Simmons]

So you have no belt for your pants anymore. You've lost. You've lost everything.

[Cousin Sal]

It's still there.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's weird. Like, dead wrong about the game. Don't even feel that bad about it. It's like, what are we going to do? Like, the Chiefs did this over and over again. It was idiotic to go against them and I just didn't want to do it again after that Ravens game last year. I just don't. I didn't want it. So now, now we can treat a football season normally. Now we can just bet against them. Now we don't have to talk about this mystical thing or whatever and just have some opinions.

[Cousin Sal]

And now there's room on the island.

[Bill Simmons]

Now the room. The island is back. The penthouse suite has opened up on Goat Island. Tom Brady's back. That's it. All right, Sal. So this is it for yet another football season for us. This is season 07 to 16. I think this is season 19 for us.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm like Sirianni with the anthem.

[Bill Simmons]

Next year's our 20th season for guess. The Lions.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, it is. Oh, we gotta do something.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah. Cause we started in 07 and next year is. Oh, no. Is it. No, it's our 18th. I can't count.

[Cousin Sal]

Maybe 19.

[Bill Simmons]

This is 2024 season heading into the 25 play. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

So we're like an SNL thing. Like do like a retrospective. Have all the great music that's played.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this is about as bad as I can remember doing the playoffs in a while. Just never had a feel for it this year.

[Cousin Sal]

The playoff.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah, the play. The playoffs in general. But. But we're going to do some basketball stuff. You still got against all odds and you still have the against the odds through the Tate show. Yeah, yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

But you're going to come out a.

[Bill Simmons]

Couple times and then we're going. We're doing masters. We're bringing baby doll. The Masters this year. That's the most important sports moment of the year for everybody. We got basketball coming. Got the NBA. Now you can watch NBA. Now you can care about NBA.

[Cousin Sal]

I'm excited. I can't draft. The ad. Didn't work.

[Bill Simmons]

We can bet on the draft. We got draft props.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, we'll be right there. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Should our Sanders over unders pro day.

[Cousin Sal]

In a few days. We'll find out who won the next gen stat prop on FanDuel. The fastest player.

[Bill Simmons]

Wouldn't that be worthy? Worthy had to have gotten the fastest.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I guess so. Yeah. With that. I don't know. Yes. Smith got down the field pretty quickly too. Anyway. Yeah. Well, I'm going to miss you. This is always bittersweet for me. I love it.

[Bill Simmons]

The good thing is we can always just call each other on the phone or just see each other in person. There's that. All right. Thanks to Steve Cerruti, Kyle, Creighton and Kahao as well for producing this all the way through. We did not do YouTube live this week because I'm in New Orleans, but but we had a lot of fun doing that too. Thanks to everybody for spreading the word for us. And I got new rewatchables coming tomorrow night too. So it's a big movie. Big movie from the 80s. Any guesses? Really big famous 80s movie.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, I'm going to guess wrong.

[Bill Simmons]

Haven't done it yet. Well, you've done all of them now. There's a couple left. This is a big one. Very excited about it. It's SNL related.

[Cousin Sal]

Coneheads.

[Bill Simmons]

It's not Coneheads.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, forget it.

[Bill Simmons]

Blues Brothers. We did the Blues Brothers.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, that was close.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it was time. Anyway, that's coming on Monday night. So Sal, last time of the year. Good job by you.

[Cousin Sal]

Good job by you, buddy.

[Bill Simmons]

On the wayside must be 21 plus in President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President D.C. gambling problem. Call 100 Gambler or visit rg-help.com, call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplianma.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text hopeny in New York. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. In basketball, a blockbuster trade can make or break your playoff run before the deadline. GMs across the league scourge for the right data and insights, hoping their moves pay off. February 6th trade deadline this year by the way, just like in basketball, growing your small business in 2025 all comes down to how well you can build your team. That starts with better insights from LinkedIn with unique skills and interests to the connections you have in common. LinkedIn has the strongest hiring data and insights to help you identify the right professionals so you can make the best hiring decisions. LinkedIn pairs you with the high quality candidates you need to make your business grow and flourish. LinkedIn also lets you go beyond candidates who are actively applying in a given week. 171 million LinkedIn members aren't actively seeking jobs, but they are open to new opportunities. Who isn't? That's a big pool of people you don't want to miss out on. And who knows, one of them could be your next All Star player. So hire smarter in the new year. Find your next Great hire on LinkedIn. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com Simmons Once again, LinkedIn.com Simmons to post your job for free, terms and conditions apply.