← The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Saquon’s Big Night, a Vegas Savior Idea, Wobbly Washington, Surging Seattle, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
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- [00:02]
Bill Simmons
Coming up, week 12. In the books, a lot happened. It's all next. This episode of the Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by Ray Ban Meta Smart Glasses. Built with Meta AI Ray Ban Meta Smart glasses react to what you see so you can learn more about the world around you. You can also take hands free photos, videos, send messages, make video calls, even play music and podcasts straight from your glasses with Ray Ban Meta. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. State Farm helps you score an affordable price when you choose to bundle home and auto insurance with the personal price plan. Bundling home and auto, that's a pro move. Just another way you can save on your insurance needs. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm. There prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. I have new rewatchables coming for you. On Monday night, we did Running Scared. Yeah. Billy Crystal, Gregory Hines, an all time buddy cop classic. And we did it because on Friday on HBO and on the Max app, we're premiering our latest music box documentary. It is called Yacht Rock.
- [01:30]
Cousin Sal
It's really good.
- [01:31]
Bill Simmons
There's no way you're not gonna like it. I'm just telling you the trailer's already out. I'll put the trailer on my Instagram this week, but I'm really proud of this one. You're gonna like it. Telling you. But anyway, we did Running Scared because that was the official end of Yacht Rock, the sweet freedom video, which we talked about on the podcast. It's me and Chris Ryan Monday night. Stay tuned. You'll also be able to watch it on The Ringer Movies YouTube channel. You can watch all the videos and clips from this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel. And coming up, cousin Sal and I, we taped this or recorded this. I always say taped because I'm old. We recorded this episode live on YouTube. You can join us every Sunday night if you want to the Bill Simmons Channel. Here we go. First, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right. It is Sunday. It is 8:35pm Pacific Time. Just watched the Eagles absolutely kill the Rams. Sal, I did something unusual today. I wasn't going to bet on this game. And then I watched how bad the Patriots were against the Dolphins and I said to myself, jesus, they should have beaten the Rams last week. That might mean the Rams Are bad. And I bet I.
- [03:04]
Cousin Sal
Interesting.
- [03:04]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, yeah.
- [03:06]
Cousin Sal
That. That rarely works. So congratulations. Right when we start playing mind games and double guessing and triple guessing things. But God damn, they really did look good.
- [03:15]
Bill Simmons
I hate that this is.
- [03:16]
Cousin Sal
I hate the Giants that much more. Not that Saquon would have been good with them. He would have been ineffective and whatever. You know, they don't have an offensive line or a quarterback that could help but to let him go to the Eagles. And now, I don't know, man. They're. They're going to be top two in the nfc. Almost no doubt now.
- [03:33]
Bill Simmons
Well, it seems like things have tilted too far with the running back position. Where the contracts went down. Everyone talked about how replaceable they were. And then it hit the point last summer where. Or last spring when Derek Henry and Saquon were both available, they were on bad teams. Their stock was down because of the quarterbacks, the coaching, you know, they just wasted on the teams. They were on bad offensive lines. And then you grab those guys and put them on a different team and they look superhuman. And I wonder if going forward now we'll just know, like in fantasy, in futures and all this stuff, it's like, oh, yeah, Derek Henry was on a bad team last year. He should be on a really. He should be in a really good situation this year. I don't know why this was so hard to figure out.
- [04:17]
Cousin Sal
So Josh Jacobs also, right? To a lesser extent. Not in the top two with those guys, but yeah, I know, I know, I know. And you need a good running back to go far in January. I was wrong about all of it. But, you know, Bill, I don't know what to tell you. Melissa Starks talking about being the recipient of the tush push, and I just. I can't comment. I like this job, Mike. Come on, Mike.
- [04:41]
Bill Simmons
Thank God. We're out of seven. Second delay. Thank God. Best running back rankings are Saquon and Henry, one and two. Yeah, well, I think if you're doing tandems or running back, core Detroit is probably also in the conversation, right? So take one and Henry. It's the Gibbs Montgomery combo. And then I don't even think we can make a Mount Rushmore. I think those have been the kind of the best running back, slash, whatever. And then it's like a drop off to whoever you'd want to have next. Miami might have a chance to get there because it feels like those guys are getting going now, but I think that's the top three at least.
- [05:23]
Cousin Sal
I want to put Ezekiel Elliott in there, but I Just.
- [05:25]
Bill Simmons
I just can't.
- [05:26]
Cousin Sal
I can't do it. Let's see, who else. Who else would have been. Well, McCaffrey. You want to put McCaffrey, but he's just. Now he's stuck on the bad team. I don't know how that happened.
- [05:36]
Bill Simmons
Well, and he doesn't look good is the other issue, right?
- [05:39]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah.
- [05:40]
Bill Simmons
Do you think he looks ball up?
- [05:42]
Cousin Sal
No, no, no. I would. I would never say that about another man, but no, I don't. I don't. I don't know. He's just. That that team has just fallen apart, and they were so, so deep. And you wouldn't think. You would think they were like, bulletproof for this kind of meltdown, but not the case. No way in hell they're making the playoffs now.
- [05:59]
Bill Simmons
Well, Henry and Barkley are one two in rushing. Josh Jacobs is third and Chuba Hubbard is fourth.
- [06:07]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [06:07]
Bill Simmons
So good luck on your fantasy teams, everybody.
- [06:10]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think Philly. Philly plays Baltimore next week. So in terms of this offensive player of the year award, like, I think it's going to be won next week, even though, you know, I think Barkley's a sizable favorite at this point.
- [06:24]
Bill Simmons
And he's sneaking into the MVP conversation. He won't win.
- [06:29]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [06:30]
Bill Simmons
Running backs aren't allowed to win, and we'll talk ourselves out of that in two weeks. So we can start with Eagles, Lions, how this is a pretty amazing nfc. Or we could just do the gambling angle of how Washington absolutely murdered a slew of three team teases, Moneyline parlays, just, oh, I'll throw Washington in. Literally nobody on Dallas is playing backup qb. They're missing five of their best seven guys. They need the win. I'll just put them in there. And we haven't had one of those in a while, Sal, where it was just a mass murder, John Wayne Gacy style, going into the basement, just getting decapitated. Just brutal. And then what made it even worse was you're like, oh, I can't believe I lost that game. And then somehow Washington comes back with this insane McLaren play that happens once a year, and they make it and that fucking kicker is lining up. And I'm like, I should be more nervous right now. And then I'm like, I am nervous. And then, of course, terrible snap. You knew once you saw the snap he was going to hook it. Not only did he hook it, he missed it by, I would say, 10 yards.
- [07:42]
Cousin Sal
Awful. And.
- [07:43]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, and. And they end up losing the tees anyway. Probably the. The other than the hail Mary maybe the second biggest gambling moment of the year.
- [07:51]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I would think so. I would say so. Yeah. But you know, this one was a sloppy, sloppy slop fest from the start. Right. Like. And you know, also, I don't know what's going on with the kickers. Were we just too spoiled in the first few weeks when everybody was making like 59 and 61 yarders? And now like, it doesn't even seem like it's raining, but everybody's kicks are getting blocked or sailing far right on extra points.
- [08:14]
Bill Simmons
But yeah, fair baron today from 28.
- [08:17]
Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And people are like, well, you know, they put more loft on it if, if it's closer. These coaches have to get closer. I'm like, I don't think so. I don't know. I just don't know if anyone's blocking in practice. But yeah. And I was, I really wanted to be mad at my team. Like, what is that McLaurin bullshit? Like, are you kidding me? We can't lay a finger on him. And then when they missed the extra point, I'm like, can't you just let me be mad at my team? And Right.
- [08:42]
Bill Simmons
Can you have called a timeout before the P so I could be mad for three minutes?
- [08:45]
Cousin Sal
Exactly. But the commies did a communist thing by not letting America cash on their three team teaser. You're right.
- [08:53]
Bill Simmons
I think Washington. So we. I remember betting on Washington for the division at the height of the. Wow. It looks like Washington's going to actually be really good time of the season. And if you, if you go with the, if the Hail Mary doesn't happen. There are 500 team.
- [09:09]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [09:10]
Bill Simmons
And they are way worse. So 12 games now. They're way worse in the second six than they were in the first six. Questions about whether they're even a playoff team at this point.
- [09:19]
Cousin Sal
I don't get to 10. Yeah. I don't know.
- [09:21]
Bill Simmons
Listen, it was a suspicious line. There's no question. The line was too high. It was priced for maniacs like us to make us think twice before we did a three teamer with them. But there was just no way I was going to be nervous with Dallas. What? I texted you after the game. The weird thing about this game was Dallas played well.
- [09:40]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [09:40]
Bill Simmons
Like you moved the ball, you ran the ball. Cooper Rush was pretty good. Like he was throwing completions. I was nervous in the second quarter. I didn't like how I was going. The defense was really active. Washington couldn't run the ball at all. And. And you played well enough that I actually had to, you know, I had to redo the play. I had them as a cross off. I don't know if cross them off at this point.
- [10:03]
Cousin Sal
Garbage. Are you talking. What are you talking about? Yeah, I could see you smile. That's a nice little smirk.
- [10:09]
Bill Simmons
No, it's not Michael Corleone in Godfather 3. It's Sylvia as Michael Corleone.
- [10:13]
Cousin Sal
Just when I put those out, they.
- [10:14]
Bill Simmons
Pulled me back in.
- [10:16]
Cousin Sal
No, they're crossed the hell off. They're. I, this is. They got up for this game.
- [10:20]
Bill Simmons
Like, not that you're not crossed out yet.
- [10:23]
Cousin Sal
I could see you're nuts. You're absolutely nuts.
- [10:26]
Bill Simmons
Four and seven. You're. You're playing the Giants next week. On Christmas you could be five and seven. You beat Cincy at home and then you're at Carolina. You can be seven and seven in.
- [10:36]
Cousin Sal
I was hoping three weeks. As a friend.
- [10:38]
Bill Simmons
Don't tell me you didn't look at this.
- [10:40]
Cousin Sal
Have more decency. I looked at it a month ago. I know what's up against it. We have too many home games. First of all, we're going to get crushed. But I think we got up for this. And by the way, there's no way, you know, I didn't predict this ahead of time. I was with the rest of the world. But we got up, wanted to show off for Dan Quinn. And just the same, we still needed two returns for touchdowns where our guy went untouched to, to, to. To pull it off. So I don't know. I, I'm, I'm not.
- [11:06]
Bill Simmons
Well, wait, you needed more than that. You missed. The guy missed two PATs.
- [11:10]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, right.
- [11:11]
Bill Simmons
He missed two field goals. They got a pump blocked.
- [11:13]
Cousin Sal
We missed.
- [11:14]
Bill Simmons
And they gave up two kickoff touchdowns in the last five minutes of the game, which has to be a record.
- [11:19]
Cousin Sal
And one of the kickoffs was like mishandled at the one and he. Stay still. Didn't get a finger on Turpin, who's very fast. But look, this is. Maybe it's this. Maybe we have to look at these division games like we did in college when we're like, no, no, no. Division game. Take the underdog. I think every division game except for yours ended up one score today. That's not to say all the underdogs covered, but it was at least once, right? Competitive game. So I think that was four or five out of six.
- [11:48]
Bill Simmons
So, so Tennessee seven and five. I mean Washington seven and five. They have Tennessee next week. Bye Week at New Orleans. Home. Philly, Home. Atlanta at Dallas. There's a 9 and 8 in there. And you guys, you, you would have at Philly in week 17, which seems like a, like a terrible game, but they might have everything locked up and they might have the two seed locked up by then and that game might not even matter for them. But you play Washington in week 18 and there's a scenario where you're getting back from Washington, week 18. All the NFC north team, West teams have just all beaten each other. They're all 9 and 8. And there's some 9 and 8, you know, cluster fuck that you could sneak in. I don't. I know you're thinking this deep down. I know you are.
- [12:36]
Cousin Sal
Scenario where I reach through the zoom and strangle you right now. Because how, how do you. For packers in, right? Packers eight, right. The Vikings have nine. They're in. And then you don't think like, I'll give it to.
- [12:50]
Bill Simmons
I'll give you six playoff teams right now. Lions, Philly, Seattle and Atlanta. Let's say those are four division winners. Minnesota's in and Green Bay's in. So there's six.
- [13:00]
Cousin Sal
Okay?
- [13:01]
Bill Simmons
Washington's seven and five, Arizona's six and five. You're two behind them. The Rams are five and six. You're a game back from them. Niners are five and six and Tampa's five and six, nine and eight could get this seven seed. You can't rule it out. You can't. When could Dak come back?
- [13:20]
Cousin Sal
I'm ruling it out. He can come back. As far as I'm concerned, when he could come back or when he can come back. He could be back. He could be back by the end of the year. I don't think so. Why are we talking about this?
- [13:31]
Bill Simmons
I love this.
- [13:32]
Cousin Sal
I really hate this. I hate it.
- [13:34]
Bill Simmons
I like torturing you. You're going to be 5, 7 after Thanksgiving. We bet Tampa.
- [13:39]
Cousin Sal
Atlanta's going to win some dumb shit ass games. So they're going to get to nine wins, right? And I don't know, Seattle and Arizona. Someone stupid will get that seven seed. Don't worry. But I will say, unless if your point is, the NFC is not scary at all except for the two teams. And we can lock the Lions and Eagles in for the championship game. I'm all ears. Like I would, I would take odds on that right now. I don't like any other team.
- [14:05]
Bill Simmons
Atlanta is going to win their division because they still have Vegas and the Giants and Carolina left.
- [14:11]
Cousin Sal
I thought we bet that. Did you not bet Tampa? We said we were going to bet Tampa.
- [14:15]
Bill Simmons
You didn't know if we ever did Tampa's 5 and 6.
- [14:18]
Cousin Sal
We did say that, but you play Tampa.
- [14:21]
Bill Simmons
You play tampa in week 16.
- [14:27]
Cousin Sal
I'll say this about Washington, obviously you have to watch them today. You should be less confident in them, but they are completely different team that we fell in love with that punted twice in three weeks or something like their offense is very. Are you going to get two touchdowns out of that offense? You can't guarantee. If you look at their slate, it doesn't matter who they play. You can't guarantee that.
- [14:48]
Bill Simmons
First half, Cliff Kingsbury second half does this, right? That's his history. They can't run the ball. All right, Be honest. You have to swear in your kid's life. All your Cowboys text threads you were on today, not one of them was like, hey, what's the path for us to make the playoffs? This wasn't discussed on a text thread.
- [15:08]
Cousin Sal
It was but a joking way, I think. Like I. I even tweeted, super bowl bound, all that. That does. That doesn't count.
- [15:14]
Bill Simmons
S says Dak is officially out for the season.
- [15:17]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think he's. Yeah, the IR puts him out.
- [15:20]
Bill Simmons
What if you sign Daniel Jones tomorrow?
- [15:22]
Cousin Sal
Well, I thought it'd be funny just to match him up against Cutlets, but I don't know. No, we're not getting to nine wins. We're not doing it. We will not do it.
- [15:33]
Bill Simmons
Can't be ruled out. Sal, you're crazy.
- [15:36]
Cousin Sal
I want them to make fun of your team. This should not be.
- [15:38]
Bill Simmons
Well, we're going to do that later. Don't worry. I have plenty of spots for that. Do you think the Miss Pat by Washington canceled out the Hail Mary? Now we're back to even. It's like a zero sum game.
- [15:48]
Cousin Sal
I guess so. But they've been kind of crappy for a couple weeks now. Right. So I don't know, momentum wise might kill them further, but they have not been good at all.
- [16:00]
Bill Simmons
I'm going to read you three David Chang texts all in succession.
- [16:04]
Cousin Sal
Let's hear it.
- [16:06]
Bill Simmons
Washington fan. David Chang. I quit this team. Then McLaren touchdown. I'm back, baby. I'm back. Pat. Fuck this game. Three in a row. Just like the span of a minute. That was a rollercoaster ride of a. Of a awful loss.
- [16:25]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [16:25]
Bill Simmons
Especially because everyone there is probably like, oh my God, Hail Mary a couple weeks ago. Now this crazy McLaren play. We're going to win an OT. Here we go.
- [16:36]
Cousin Sal
But Daniels isn't. What he was, right? Like, even when he takes off, he looks slower. I don't even know if it's ribs that with the original injury, but. Or maybe it's just a long season. It's finally gotten to him.
- [16:47]
Bill Simmons
I think they can miss the playoffs because if you look at the five lost teams, they have five losses. So does Arizona. So is Seattle, you know, and there's one spot. Well, Rams, Seattle, whatever. There's an NFC title team, but then NFC west title team, but then there's another spot for the wild card. So Washington had this. They were seven and two. Now it's like, holy shit. Atlanta has five losses, Tampa six losses. So I like the way Tampa looked today. And Tampa's finally gotten their team back. Evans played today. Cornerbacks are back, so they can't be ruled out either.
- [17:23]
Cousin Sal
I don't like that you didn't bet them with me at five to one. We set it on like when you say you're going to bet something with a friend that's like worse than. Then you don't do it. It's like, you know what I did with his wife? Like, I didn't take it.
- [17:34]
Bill Simmons
I was going to bet it with you. And then I remembered that we weren't allowed to bet on the NFC south in a positive way. It was only shorting.
- [17:41]
Cousin Sal
No, I know, but. Plus 4,50. I love Tampa. Schedule the rest of the way.
- [17:46]
Bill Simmons
You know what I'm noticing? As always, I'm reading your facial cues. Mm. First 10 minutes of the pod. How many. How many bets did you have Washington in? Like, all of them.
- [17:58]
Cousin Sal
Oh, not all of them. Probably like 70, but not all of them.
- [18:02]
Bill Simmons
How many titles?
- [18:03]
Cousin Sal
Friday, Saturday games, Notre Dame, some UFC that I didn't even get to see. That was in China. Yeah, I mean, I had it all. I had it all. And it's always worse when it's your team. It's like, oh, I can't even get weirdly excited for my team because we.
- [18:19]
Bill Simmons
Have to make fun of you. Make fun of me for that.
- [18:22]
Cousin Sal
I know.
- [18:24]
Bill Simmons
Welcome to who's Delivering? Presented by Uber Eats, where we break down the NFL players who have delivered so far this season. From household names to out of nowhere surprises. I think Saquon's the number one guy on this list. Cause it's not just that he improved their running back situation and just makes them more dangerous. When you see all their playmakers now though, Smith Cert now, but the finishing ability of him, this team that Jo felt like they would start out great and then they would kind of limp to the finish of these games, he never felt 100% on them. And now it just feels like they can extend leads. They're a game behind Detroit. The Lions are like we've won nine straight. How do we not have a bigger lead than this? So I would say Barkley number one for me. What do you have?
- [19:11]
Cousin Sal
I would say, well, this is down the list a little bit. Although in terms of next year for fantasy Cortland Sutton out of nowhere, 90 plus yards in three of his last five games. Touchdowns all over the place. Bo Nick's Cortland Sutton maybe a top five hookup in like which which first round wide receiver that everybody swung and missed on. Would you take over Cortland Sutton at this point? Not too many.
- [19:38]
Bill Simmons
All those 30 to $40 DJ Moore Jalen Waddle types. The other thing is he's made tough catches. Like he'll make touchdown catches in the corner with two guys on him getting the feet in. Yeah, he's good. The other one I'd want to mention for this is Jackson, Smith and the Jigbo, the Seattle guys. 336 yards in the last three weeks, but feels like every time they need a first down, anytime it's third and eight, third and 11, third and seven, he's open somewhere, he's making a play and he's the best receiver on that team. Though that was who's Delivering Presented by Ubereats where you can get the best deals on game day food all season long. Uber Eats, the official on demand delivery partner of the NFL. Order now. Taking a break for the podcast. This episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe. It is football season, which means the holidays are coming up and actually Simplisafe is already having a Black Friday sale. So if you're worried about the safety of your home and family, now is the time to get home security. I personally like to use Simplisafe because they can stop intruders before they break into your home. That's kind of the goal. I think. They take home security to the next level with their active guard outdoor protection. It's not an old school system. They only take action when somebody is already in your house. No, that's not Simplisafe. They take action before somebody gets in your house. There's no long term contracts, no cancellation fees. It's around $1 a day and it gives me peace of mind and helps me and my family feel protected. So take advantage of this Black Friday sale this week only. Right now you can take 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. Head to SimpliSafe.com BS to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Keep your home, your family and your peace of mind protected with Simplisafe again go to simplisafe.com BS that is SimpliSafe with two I's. There's no safe like Simplisafe. This episode is brought to you by the all new reimagined Nissan Kicks. From the bold new exterior to the performance and tech features like intelligent all wheel drive and a Bose Personal plus sound system. Cars where I live, I live in the Los Angeles area and cars are one of the most important things you can have because you're in them a lot. Because you got to drive around all over the place. You know what's fun? To have a nice car for an everyday commute, to have music and the ability to do hands free stuff. And just to feel safe, you can do it. Drive the all new reimagined Nissan Kicks today. Head over to Nissan USA to learn more. Bose Personal plus sound system is an available feature. Bose is a registered trademark in the Bose Corporation. Intelligent all wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. So speaking of JSN Seahawks 16, Cardinals 6 this game killed me.
- [22:35]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think you had a lot more riding on this one. I could tell by our text.
- [22:39]
Bill Simmons
I like the Cardinals a lot. The game came down to two terrible Kyler Murray plays. That was really. I mean, Gino threw a pick in the end zone, but you factor that in when you're taking the Seahawks, you know he's going to have one terrible pass, right? Kyler had been playing pretty well and pretty responsibly. The game flips in third quarter on this fourth and one where he rolls out and then he has the guy. He just has him for a little five yard flick pass and sails it right over his head and it's a pick six and they were on the Seattle side and it just, it was like at least a 10 point swing. That was one and then the other one he just missed. McBride when they're driving in the fourth quarter where if they had scored they would have been able to get the ball potentially back with four minutes left. But here, here's where I landed. Sal, I don't know if I have. Who's your career leader in. God damn it. Why the hell did I bet on that guy, guys? Because I think Kyler's number one for me. He sucked me in nine different times where he's done this to me and I always forget. It's like, it's like One of your friends who just has terrible taste in women and dates the same type of woman over and over again. And you're like, why'd you. What? Isn't that girl like Jenny from before? No, no, she's different. And that's like, ah, you're right.
- [23:55]
Cousin Sal
Same thing.
- [23:56]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, I just. I can't quit. Kyla Murray just getting kicked in the teeth by him.
- [24:00]
Cousin Sal
Mine's Philip Rivers. I mean, Phil Rivers or Matt Ryan. I'm not even sure they're different people. Actually, I think they might be the same. But it was those two. Currently there's just so many I couldn't even name one. But you're right, he was 3 for 12 if he had little better of a game and they would have won. Yeah, three for 12 and third downs and still favored to win that division at plus 155. Still favored.
- [24:28]
Bill Simmons
Sixteen pressures on him during the game by Seattle. Five sacks. Their defense. Raheem was calling on this on the Ringer Sunday pregame show today. He was saying how he thought Seattle's defense was coming on. They did get some guys back in the middle. The thing that shocked me, one of the reasons I really liked Arizona was I thought they'd be able to run up the middle and really run on them. And especially with Connor Fiscal. It's the type of team that Seattle's had a lot of trouble with this season. And they. Connor had eight yards, right. But they locked him down. Arizona scoring only six points is kind of crazy. That team has talent, but this is a must win.
- [25:05]
Cousin Sal
This is a must win for Seattle. Right. This would have been five in a row at home and only the Cowboys do that like, so I'm not even sure. And it looks like fanduel's not sure either that Seattle is back to, you know, their Marshawn lynch days. Really, they're not even favored to win after taking this game.
- [25:23]
Bill Simmons
The only team I'm willing to cross off mentally, I wouldn't cross them off with pen, but with maybe with pencil is. I think the Niners are just a wrap.
- [25:32]
Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah.
- [25:32]
Bill Simmons
I don't see it. And we do this every year with at least one NFL team where we're just. We're past performance judging them and we don't want to see what we're watching now. They've lost too many guys. They're not the same team. And it wasn't even that they didn't have Purdy today. Their defense got annihilated. The packers, the packers ran it. Jacobs was the best guy in the field, they couldn't. They couldn't get their defense off the field. So even if Purdy had played or not, I don't think it would have changed the result, do you?
- [25:58]
Cousin Sal
Too many injuries when McCaffrey was hurt. Right. They had like, you know, they had good feelings. That was fine. They, you know, kept their heads above water. And then like, all right, Iuk is out. All right. It's all right. They still have, you know, oh, well, Debo Samuel hasn't done anything. Well, then you convince yourself, Juwan Jennings is great. Now it's like, wow, they have really nothing offensively if Kittle's going to play every other game. And. But the one thing I thought today is like, didn't you feel like, I'm not betting the packers because we haven't praised Kyle Shanahan in years and this could be the game where he puts it together. A nice game plan for Brandon Allen. Nope, nope, nope. Not even close. It's over.
- [26:37]
Bill Simmons
So I had the packers for million dollar picks. Then Purdy got hurt and the line went up. And I was like, this has all the makings of a stay away. In real life, the line's up too high, Shannon. So I wasn't gonna bet it. And then the Washington game happened. I'm like, all right, Broncos with the Packers.
- [26:57]
Cousin Sal
Good for you.
- [26:58]
Bill Simmons
Just throwing teams together to try to win money back. But I still like this packers team. And I know even today, like, Love wasn't great today. He was fine, but he missed. He got. He had. Watson had. What do we make of Watson? Is he just like. I was texting our fantasy guys, Danny, Danny and Craig about it. I was just like, is this guy. Has he killed more fantasy teams and seasons than any rank? He's not like he's like a marquee receiver. But this past today, he's wide open. He's running like a gazelle. He's beating two guys. It's right in his hands. And he just like muffs it like the dude from the replacements. But anyway, that. That was Love's big, big touchdown that he didn't get. Yeah, but I thought they looked pretty good.
- [27:44]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, they did. And, you know, they stomped out whatever offense the 49ers had, so it didn't matter. And they had good field position most of the way. But yeah, like, they're. They're definitely a playoff team. They're definitely not as good as I think we get accustomed. And we'll talk about the Vikings, but you think teams like Green Bay and Minnesota should crush other teams like the Lions do every week and they don't until this week when Green Bay stepped up. But you know what? You did a smart thing because you just can't rely on bad quarterbacks. So it's a miracle that Levis won. It's a miracle that Cooper Rush won. And then you're like all right, that's out of the way. This is, this is filling out nicely.
- [28:22]
Bill Simmons
Right.
- [28:22]
Cousin Sal
I'm going to go against Brandon Allen and who else did you go against? Minshew. That's a nice little cut.
- [28:27]
Bill Simmons
Denver was one of my favorite favorites all week. We had them in million dollar picks teased with Washington and KC2. Two teams that almost lost. I should have just done the Broncos money line. I love the Broncos against the Raiders. So the packers are somehow 8 and 3.
- [28:44]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [28:45]
Bill Simmons
Doesn't feel like an 8 and 3 season but that it says that's their record. So they're going to be no worse than a six seed. And I think you want to be the six seed this year because that means you're either playing the NFC South, Atlanta or Tampa or you're playing, you know, Seattle, Arizona.
- [29:05]
Cousin Sal
Well those two, the seven plays, the two, the six plays, the two plays.
- [29:10]
Bill Simmons
The three, three seed's going to be either west or NFC South.
- [29:13]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's fine.
- [29:14]
Bill Simmons
So they're right where they need to be. But then if you're the six seed you also. Oh, do they recede after the in around two? They do, yeah.
- [29:22]
Cousin Sal
This is.
- [29:22]
Bill Simmons
They have to play Detroit around too.
- [29:24]
Cousin Sal
Yep. Yeah.
- [29:26]
Bill Simmons
But no you want to be the 5 seed.
- [29:28]
Cousin Sal
Well, I would thinking about it. Is Minnesota a favorite at Atlanta if, if it's. That's a first round match. I mean I wish minutes I wish I can get into Minnesota. I can't bet them any weeks and they're a weird team. Like Darnold goes for 330 but Jefferson only has 27.
- [29:46]
Bill Simmons
I don't know get seven at the end of the regulation.
- [29:50]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [29:50]
Bill Simmons
So that's right. Our seeds right now would be 2 7, Philly, Washington 36 Seattle, Green Bay 45 Atlanta, Minnesota.
- [29:59]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [30:00]
Bill Simmons
And I think you're right. I think Minnesota is like a 2 1/2 point favorite. If we don't know what's going to happen the next five, six weeks. Seattle, Green Bay see go through Green Bay's schedule the rest of the way. First of all this Miami game they have Thursday night now actually a week ago I wouldn't have said this was that fun of a game. Now I'm kind of excited for it. The Way TUA looked today, right. All of a sudden that's a good game. And then they're at Detroit the next week, then they're at Seattle. So this could go from eight and three to eight and six in, you know, in, in two and a half weeks. And then they play at Minnesota in week 17 too. So, you know, they could be.
- [30:39]
Cousin Sal
I think you're right about the seven seed getting. Having nine wins, in which in that case Green Bay doesn't have to worry about falling to 7. They'll get to 10.
- [30:47]
Bill Simmons
And plus your team could potentially make it.
- [30:49]
Cousin Sal
Shut up.
- [30:50]
Bill Simmons
With Daniel Jones. Daniel Jones leads the Cowboys.
- [30:53]
Cousin Sal
Daniel Jones is Jerry Jones illegitimate son. And we learned about it on Thanksgiving.
- [30:58]
Bill Simmons
I can't believe it. How did they do that? Speaking of the Seahawks, really good interception title battle going on right now. We have a three way tie at 11 with Geno and Mahomes and Love. And then your guy, Sam Darnold, your preseason pick. When we did our futures draft, you had Sam Darnold, what was it like, 10 to 1?
- [31:18]
Cousin Sal
I think so. Yeah. It was somewhere around that nine to one time.
- [31:21]
Bill Simmons
He's only one back.
- [31:22]
Cousin Sal
He's got 10.
- [31:24]
Bill Simmons
Somehow Goff isn't in the top four. He had five picks in a game and doesn't.
- [31:28]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I thought Caleb Williams would be up there too, to get, you know, just shaking off the rookie rust. But he had four weeks where he didn't have a touchdown or an interception.
- [31:40]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, he's. Did he have one today? What did he have? He had a touchdown today.
- [31:46]
Cousin Sal
He had.
- [31:46]
Bill Simmons
Oh, yeah, he had one that D.J. moore. Yeah. You know why I know that? Because I benched DJ Moore. The, the Seahawks, they're at the jets amid. Could Aaron Rodgers be cut? Rumors would. If Aaron Rodgers got cut before December, before the Netflix thing came out, what would the odds have been on that in August, Aaron Rodgers will be cut, will be healthy, but cut before December. 100 to 1, 50 to 1. What would you have said?
- [32:17]
Cousin Sal
No 201. He's a basket case. 5 to 1. Of course that's a pop. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Or cut. I'd feel he walked away from the game. That's what I would think would happen. But I said enough about him. But I don't think they're planning it around any Netflix release at this point. Yeah, he's got. He's going to have the phantom injury, just like we all said, and that'll be that.
- [32:42]
Bill Simmons
It's probably going to be this week against Seattle. It's a home jets game, so that's Seattle's first game.
- [32:48]
Cousin Sal
Geno Smith back at the old team.
- [32:51]
Bill Simmons
Then they're at Arizona. Rematch. Home, Green Bay.
- [32:54]
Cousin Sal
Home.
- [32:54]
Bill Simmons
Minnesota at Chicago at the Rams. So we had. I went back and looked at all the future bets I made and I think I had the most bets on Seattle, which I might have made a mistake and accidentally bet on their over twice.
- [33:08]
Cousin Sal
Oh, really?
- [33:08]
Bill Simmons
But I had them most on their over. To make the playoffs and to win the division, I had to trifecta and I thought it was dead two weeks ago.
- [33:17]
Cousin Sal
I think that's the only. It's the only division that's going to come down to week 18. I mean, I don't see how it doesn't at this point. I mean, these five and five teams, six and five, they're going to split everything the rest of the way and it's going to be for positioning. Final week in first week in January.
- [33:32]
Bill Simmons
So our Sunday night NBC week 18 game.
- [33:37]
Cousin Sal
What do they have?
- [33:38]
Bill Simmons
Seattle at the Rams or Arizona against San Francisco? So it could be Seattle at the Rams. That feels very.
- [33:47]
Cousin Sal
You gotta go with the quarterbacks. Yeah. I mean, if Purdy's still upright, then maybe it has a chance. But I think you're right.
- [33:53]
Bill Simmons
I think Seattle, if the Rams are a game back.
- [33:57]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, it all depends. Right. They. They have to be playing for something.
- [34:02]
Bill Simmons
So the Niners game. The niners lose by 28. McCaffrey's 11 for 31, 37 yards receiving and has had one of the most disappointing fantasy seasons in a while considering he came back. But there was some Green Bay. Dobbs got a concussion, probably no Alexander, and they're playing Thursday on Thanksgiving, so we'll see what happens with that.
- [34:27]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, but the Dolphins have a huge handicap in that they're going to be playing in something less than 72 degrees.
- [34:34]
Bill Simmons
Oh, it's going to be freezing. Yeah, I can't wait to talk about that.
- [34:37]
Cousin Sal
That's gonna be a fun one.
- [34:38]
Bill Simmons
And then San Francisco's at Buffalo, which could be. They're five and six. That could be it.
- [34:42]
Cousin Sal
That's it. That's it. Anyway, look at the rest of. Even beyond that week. It's really bad.
- [34:47]
Bill Simmons
You mentioned Vikings, Bears. So they play the Vikings play Detroit in week 18 and they're only a game back. It's not, it's not inconceivable that that game would decide the one seed. But I watched these Vikings games and it. I felt this way for a month. I'm sure you have too, where you're like, what? How are they doing this today? It looked like they blew the game cause they didn't get the onside kick. But then Darnold was awesome in OT and that was why they won. All of a sudden Darnold like really heated up and he's done this a couple times. I can't tell. Do you think he's sucking us in like Flacco did last year or. This is more real.
- [35:31]
Cousin Sal
He might a little bit. But you know, just like you said, you were surprised that the packers had what, eight wins? I can't believe this team has nine wins. They struggle with all the teams at the Lions and they're game behind the Lions. Like you said, they struggle with all the teams that the Lions just obliterated. Right? The Titans, the Jaguars. It all came down to like, you know, this was a fourth quarter game and even this one like the Bears. I had the Bears plus three and a half. I know you don't like that, but I did have it at three and a half and it came down to the kick that. I mean, you have to take away three points on the Bear spread every week because of special teams. It's so bad. I've never seen a punt return to wave everybody off and then get hit by the punt himself.
- [36:16]
Bill Simmons
I turned it over. They are never seen in my life. The montage of them at the end of the season would be pretty great. Yeah. So on our Sunday pregame show, your wise wager, you're ten and two now. You had the Bears three and a half. It was three and a half at 7:57. We start the show at 8 Pacific Time and at 8:10 the line went to three. I don't know if you moved the line or what happened.
- [36:38]
Cousin Sal
I think I did move it and.
- [36:39]
Bill Simmons
Then take credit for it.
- [36:41]
Cousin Sal
I'm going to say I'm announce three and a half and then you text like this spread is three everywhere. The spread Nazi Bill Simmons weighs in. So I was like, what are we going to do? We have graphics everywhere.
- [36:52]
Bill Simmons
This is TV spread Nazi.
- [36:54]
Cousin Sal
I don't know. You know, you make music documentaries. You don't understand sports where you have to put the graphics on as they're going. But that's how it is.
- [37:00]
Bill Simmons
So hey, if you said it was three at three and a half at 7:57.
- [37:05]
Cousin Sal
Thank you.
- [37:05]
Bill Simmons
That's when you guys were starting the show.
- [37:09]
Cousin Sal
That's all.
- [37:09]
Bill Simmons
That's what I Pretty lucky break. So Minnesota, they played three games in a row at Jacksonville, at Tennessee, at Chicago. And they won those games by five, by 10 and by three in overtime. In week nine they beat the Colts 21 13. In week five they beat the Jets 23 17. And in week four they won at Green Bay 31 29. They've not had a blowout win since week three when they beat Houston. Their next three games are at home. Arizona, Atlanta, Chicago on a Monday night. All super winnable at Seattle. Home, Green Bay, at Detroit to finish it. I don't know what their final record is going to be. It could be like 14 and three.
- [37:55]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I know. And they have all these one score wins. And I guess you can compare it to two years ago with Cousins when they had all the one score wins but they won the division and they were a high seed. Right. That year. This, this time they're gonna have to do it on the road. So are they gonna. When are they gonna surprise us? When they blow it or when they just march all the way to the Super Bowl?
- [38:15]
Bill Simmons
I think this is a better team than that Cousins team.
- [38:18]
Cousin Sal
Really?
- [38:18]
Bill Simmons
Yeah. Cause the Aaron Jones piece, they have two good receivers. Hawkinson finally came back. I feel like they can move the ball when they actually need to. And Darnold, I wanna not believe it but he's. You know we've seen guys the Geno Baker like that. There's a track record for this now worst case there probably case Keenum.
- [38:41]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [38:42]
Bill Simmons
Who's also in Minnesota.
- [38:43]
Cousin Sal
I just can't explain how Jefferson has 20. So he didn't get hurt, did he? Maybe I missed that. He sat out.
- [38:49]
Bill Simmons
Well, there was one play in the, in the second half. He had like a, like a 60 yard touchdown. He tiptoed down the line and scored and got called back.
- [38:59]
Cousin Sal
Callback.
- [38:59]
Bill Simmons
All right, so I think that was, that was his big one. Okay. Chiefs, Panthers is another one we have to talk about. Chiefs 37, Panthers 27. This was the other sweated out part of the tease. That was actually 30:27. Yeah. Hitting. Yeah. Actually hitting as the Washington game was.
- [39:19]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [39:21]
Bill Simmons
So I have two things on this one. One is that Casey is just Milton burling it every week now.
- [39:29]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [39:29]
Bill Simmons
They're barely pulling it out of the zipper in these games. And then it's like all right, you guys tied and got the two point. Okay now Mahomes is like flying around. They're throwing to Kelsey, but it just feels like they're trying to get to January when you watch them. With that said, Hopkins got going a little today worthy. Apparently they have Hollywood Brown coming back. Kelsey this gray always seems to make one big catch. They can run the ball. Their offense looks like it's in way better shape than it was a year ago. Are you any concern with them yet? Because I don't have any.
- [40:04]
Cousin Sal
Well, it's interesting because I'm both unimpressed with KC and. But I'm also like you, I won't say Milton Burl. I mean we, this, we have plenty of dick jokes in this podcast, but I'll use a more PG13. I think it's more. I think they were like, they were like playing. It's like when you play horse with your 7 year old son and you spot him H O R S. Yeah. But then you don't want him to win, so you try. All right. I'm going to start doing lefty hook shots and everything because you can't ultimately let them win. I think that's what they did. But also what the. What's going on? Like they had like Mahomes had like 180 yards passing at, at half. They had 10 points in the first quarter. It looked like they could score 50. Can they just get back to that after a loss? Do they have to make you sweat it out like this?
- [40:48]
Bill Simmons
Mahomes, we have. One of the futures bets that we did when we did our future draft was Mahomes to get to 4,000 yards.
- [40:57]
Cousin Sal
Oh, he's not.
- [40:58]
Bill Simmons
It's going to be. No, it's going to be tight. I think he can do it.
- [41:00]
Cousin Sal
He's.
- [41:01]
Bill Simmons
He's got to average like he's close to. He's over 2400 right now. So he's got to average, I don't know, like 2 to 60 a game the rest of the way. But I can't believe I'm sweating that out. Mahomes is going to play every, every games. Play 17 games. And that throw for 4,000 yards.
- [41:18]
Cousin Sal
They're going to, they're going to go 15 and two and he's going to be stuck at like 3,700 yards. Yeah. But you know, until Noah Gray starts dating Olivia Rodrigo, I don't think the world is going to be right.
- [41:29]
Bill Simmons
That'd be great. Or Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah. That's one thing. The other thing is I thought Bryce Young was good in this game.
- [41:36]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [41:38]
Bill Simmons
Especially in the second half. I thought there were plays where they. Apparently he was 11 for 13 on blitzes. That was the stat I saw on the Internets. But there were plays where it just. You kept waiting for him to make a terrible Bryce Young pass or a tip player. But he had a lot of poise. He delivered on some third and longs.
- [41:56]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Some Gutty third down conversions.
- [41:58]
Bill Simmons
Yep. Moved around, bought himself time. I don't remember a situation like this. We've seen a guy loses Mojo on a team where it seemed like it was over and then he went to another team, but not in the same season with the same team is pretty unusual.
- [42:15]
Cousin Sal
It is bizarre. I think we both thought Andy Dalton, this was his team for the rest of the year. Right. And then I don't know. It's not the same as what's going on with Richardson. Although I don't even know what's going on with Richardson because they brought him back. Right.
- [42:28]
Bill Simmons
He was bad. He was bad today.
- [42:30]
Cousin Sal
Not good.
- [42:31]
Bill Simmons
Tough matchup.
- [42:32]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. So no, I'm impressed with him. I mean as long as he doesn't embarrass himself and he's not even close to doing that. He's putting up points and staying close with Kansas City put them in the seven seed. They're getting it before the Cowboys, Carolina. There we go.
- [42:46]
Bill Simmons
The weird thing about this. So Dalton has the job and they're playing okay with him. And it looks like he's. And they're talking about can you trade for Bryce Young? Are they going to wave him after the like what's trade him to the.
- [42:59]
Cousin Sal
Giants before you go to overseas. Yeah.
- [43:02]
Bill Simmons
Don gets in a car accident, right. And he's with his wife and all three of his kids and they're driving home from the school pickup and they get in an accident and it's like they're banged up, but nothing like too bad. Like they weren't like airlifted to the hospital or anything. But it was like bad enough that he didn't play that week. Right. So Young they have to. They were like, what else are we gonna do? I guess we gotta start Bryce Young, this guy whose confidence we just murdered. So the only reason he gets his job back is this bizarre, you know, fender bender with Andy Dalton leaving his kids school and now he's going to have the job the rest of the way. Why you think Bryce Young.
- [43:38]
Cousin Sal
You think Bryce Young should be brought in for questioning? Interesting. I hadn't even considered that. Wow, that's good.
- [43:43]
Bill Simmons
You said it. I did. No, it's just. I can't remember a weirder just saga than this. It is has it gets an offender bender. Like he's like us driving our, you know, like you picking up Harrison.
- [43:56]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [43:57]
Bill Simmons
And now he just doesn't have his job anymore that like not since Tyrod Taylor getting stabbed by the team doctor. Has there been a weirder way for.
- [44:04]
Cousin Sal
A guy to lose the job that that franchise. We should pay more attention between that owner and everything else that goes on with that franchise. They're, they're right up there. They're not like Clippers. They're not Donald Sterling Clippers yet, but they're they get there.
- [44:17]
Bill Simmons
We'll take one more break for the podcast. This episode is brought to you by Old El Paso does gameday hosting feel like an extreme sport? Not anymore. With Old El Paso, feeding your hungry crowd is oh so easy. Old El Paso's crunchy stand in stuffed shells, bold seasonings and squeezable sauces are fumble free, flavor packed and perfect for cheering on your team. Football season is taco season with Old El Paso. Level up your next tail Gator watch party shop gameday essentials@old el paso.com this episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. As a small business owner, every new hire added to your team needs to make an immediate impact. Think of C.J. stroud in his rookie year, how he transformed the Texans. With limited hiring resources, you don't have the luxury of getting it wrong. You need to feel confident that your candidate is going to perform when the game is on the line with LinkedIn jobs, you can. As the world's largest professional network, LinkedIn gives you access to more than a billion professionals with the unique skills and experience you need. Chances are your next standout star is one of them, a qualified candidate ready to put in the work that makes an immediate impact on your business. On LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. So hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn. Hire the right person for your role and post your job for free. Go to LinkedIn.com Simmons that's LinkedIn.com Simmons to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Couple more games I wanted to hit Titans. Texans. Titans beat the Texans. Texans have, I think, locked down the Shakies game now. I don't think there's any stopping them. It's a wrap now. They're 7 and 5. Everybody in the AFC wants to play them in round one. They're really singularly unimpressive. Will Levis, who even when he's playing well, still has to throw a pick six to the other team like he can't help himself and fumble and does but and somehow Tennessee wins anyway. You guys talked about this game a lot in the Sunday pregame.
- [46:24]
Cousin Sal
We all had them.
- [46:25]
Bill Simmons
It had a whiff to it.
- [46:27]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, we. Well, first of all, there's always one AFC south game that where you're like, no, the first place team has to beat the fourth place team and it doesn't hold true. Secondly, the Titans, like even though they had no business winning this, their defense is really good. Like by every metric, they're either first, second or third. And passing. Red zone. Take a look at rushing. They held the Texans to 260 yards and 40 yards rushing. I don't know what's, what's what with C.J. stroud. I hope that he hasn't been figured out because everyone's like, oh, there's enough tape on him. I'm like, no, I don't want to hear that. But three touchdowns, five interceptions in the last five games, it'll be enough to win the AFC South. But my God, you're right. This is definitely the team you want to play.
- [47:10]
Bill Simmons
Does it ever look like he has a ton of time? Yeah, when you watch it always seems like he's backpedaling or he's under duress.
- [47:18]
Cousin Sal
And just Titans bring it though. Yeah, he wasn't under duress against my Cowboys.
- [47:23]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, they missed a 28 yard field goal to tie the game.
- [47:26]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [47:28]
Bill Simmons
And then they did have the ball back near the end and he pulled a Norlofsky and they ended up getting a safety. So that was nice. You know, they hung around. They give up an 80 yard touchdown in the fucking tight end. When does that ever happen? It was a weird one, but a classic AFC south game then. Broncos, Raiders. The Vegas now has seven straight losses and Bobby Bacala. Antonio Pierce was playing with his trains on the sidelines again as his team was trying to cover and somehow didn't. Broncos plus or minus five and a half. Raiders guy gets tackled on the one yard line with like 12 seconds left. They somehow don't score.
- [48:07]
Cousin Sal
First and goal, 20 seconds left. What's the, what's the odds of the Raiders covering? Do you think they just need, they need to score? First and goal, 20 seconds left, no timeout. So they're going to pass. They're going to pass and maybe run.
- [48:18]
Bill Simmons
You could QB sneak, you're probably getting it. But the funnier thing was that they're just running like a non 2 minute drill down 10 where everyone else usually kicks the field goal when it gets to like the 30s so you have more time. They're taking their time going down, trying to make plays. It honestly looked like he was just trying to cover, like he had given up on winning the game.
- [48:40]
Cousin Sal
The coach was, but Desmond Ritter's like, you know what, I'm not doing this. I'm not for the moral victories, I'll throw the fade out of the end zone and then I'm going to get sacked and that'll be that. I'm not even going to rush to the odds. Rush to the line.
- [48:53]
Bill Simmons
So they're three quarterbacks. Minshew, O'Connell and the Riddler. Desmond Ritter. The big three. Eleven touchdowns, 11 picks. Could we have a quarterback or have more picks than touchdowns this season?
- [49:07]
Cousin Sal
It's in play. That'll be fun.
- [49:09]
Bill Simmons
That's like what we grew up with. Yeah, we're like. Richard Todd would have 16 touchdowns and 27 interceptions.
- [49:16]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's right. Can I read you an unbelievable statistic?
- [49:19]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [49:20]
Cousin Sal
The Raiders have lost eight straight to rookie quarterbacks.
- [49:25]
Bill Simmons
So they are now that's an actual stat.
- [49:27]
Cousin Sal
That's a stat. Yeah, that's a. From espn. So they're like the enhancement talent. They're like the SD Jones now. Like if you want to get. If you want to make Bo Nicks look good, if you want to make Bo Nickel look good like in the ufc, you'll put them up against like what would be the Raiders of the ufc.
- [49:43]
Bill Simmons
I think they're more Frankie Williams.
- [49:45]
Cousin Sal
Frankie Williams got his ass kicked on Piper's pit.
- [49:50]
Bill Simmons
Piper really destroyed top three.
- [49:51]
Cousin Sal
Moment of me growing up sadly.
- [49:54]
Bill Simmons
So Vegas has lost seven straight. Pretty much guaranteed a top three. This was in the ESPN the summary of the game. It said what we learned about the QB today. This is an actual paragraph. While Gardner Minshew threw a game turning third quarter interception parentheses his tenth. And Aiden O'Connell broken right thumb is now eligible to come off IR. A short week means Minshew probably still starts at Kansas City unless his left shoulder injury is worse than expected. Desmond Ritter anyone? Question mark? He was strip sacked upon entering the game, denying the Raiders their best attempt to tie the game. This is a fucking shit show. It's one thing to have bad quarterbacks. Why can't these guys sign Daniel Jones? Because I guess they don't want to. They want to be bad. Right.
- [50:39]
Cousin Sal
That write up is. It's like a game changer for little league. Tries to be nice when they're like, yeah, they made seven errors but a mighty comeback and they only ended up losing.
- [50:50]
Bill Simmons
Bobby had a couple of strong swings.
- [50:53]
Cousin Sal
He picked his nose, he ate some boogers but then botched it in the bottom of the seventh. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, of course they want to lose, but they have so much to do. I don't know what the. I don't think they'll ever be good why do I always bet them? Like why the fuck. Why am I still on this team all the time?
- [51:09]
Bill Simmons
You had them to make the playoffs.
- [51:11]
Cousin Sal
Or just over to make the playoffs. I'm an idiot. That was my big swing and miss. I have like 10 swings and misses. Yeah.
- [51:21]
Bill Simmons
Kyle, turn the TikTok camera. So Vegas is going to have a top three pick. I would assume. Their coach, Bobby Bakala is not. Not going to. He's going to go back to being Uncle Junior's driver after the season. They're going to need a coach, they need a quarterback. This has Shedeur Sanders and Deion Sanders written all over it. Like all over it. And by the way, I'm here for it.
- [51:46]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [51:46]
Bill Simmons
The Vegas Raiders with Deion and his son like I'm in. That would be great. The merch would be the number one merch. The Sanders like Hard Knocks 10 year contract. Like let's, let's go. What are we waiting for?
- [51:59]
Cousin Sal
I'm with you. Mark Davis is nothing like. You know people are saying Shador and Deion go to Dallas. Not going to happen. Because Jerry, Mark Davis is nothing like Jerry. First of all his hair is beautiful. It really is impeccable. Secondly, he doesn't care who gets the spotlight. He just wants to be Raiders. That is the perfect, perfect move for them. Shador and Dion do it.
- [52:20]
Bill Simmons
People, people like Shador too.
- [52:22]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [52:23]
Bill Simmons
Yeah. They talk about tough. He's athletic and like he's a leader. Brings a bunch of stuff to the table. Broncos 7 and 5. Sean Payton fist pumps at the end of the game. They have Cleveland next week. Bye week. Indy at the Chargers at Cincy. And then week 18 home KC in a game where I assume KC will have the one seed locked up and whoever their backup. Who's their backup quarterback this year?
- [52:54]
Cousin Sal
The Chiefs is it.
- [52:56]
Bill Simmons
Whoever it is. I'm playing in week 18.
- [52:59]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [53:00]
Bill Simmons
Why can't I. Denver looks like a 10 win team. It's amazing. We talked about this in the over under pod before the year and it was, you know they had a lot of the lot of the makings of a possible like sneaky seven seed. But the defense looks so bad on paper it didn't make sense but Carson.
- [53:18]
Cousin Sal
Wentz by the way for, for the Chiefs. But I'm with you.
- [53:21]
Bill Simmons
The Red Rocket.
- [53:22]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. So he'll, he'll get one more shot at cold. But I, I don't. What do you think they align what their odds are to make the playoffs. I was looking at this before we hopped on denver.
- [53:35]
Bill Simmons
Probably like minus 130.
- [53:37]
Cousin Sal
Oh, wow, you're good. It's minus 154. I thought it would be much higher. Like aren't they going to be. To me, like, they're good, they're decent, they can move the ball, they play defense. Well coached as far as, like, they're well coached. They're not going to embarrass you on national television. Right. They have a Monday night game coming up. It's like the networks are happy to have them. I think this is a good team. They're not going to get to 10. I have to reorder my. I'm not sure like who's going to beat them out at this point. Not the Colts.
- [54:07]
Bill Simmons
And I feel like I've watched a lot of Broncos because we get these late games on the west coast and there's only like three or four games. So I feel like I've seen like a lot of their games. And first of all, Knicks has gotten, he's just night and day from that jets game when he threw for 60 yards. It's like a different human being, but it's kind of a badass. Like he talks shit. They had that, they ran a replay today and he's just screaming at the.
- [54:31]
Cousin Sal
Defensive labor, the other team.
- [54:33]
Bill Simmons
Now granted he's like a 30 year old rookie. He's like Scott Bakula, necessary roughness. But he's. The way he carries himself. He doesn't carry himself like a rookie. He's gotten better week to week. I think he has real chemistry with Cortland Sutton, which you mentioned earlier. And I don't know, I could see them in the playoffs and I, I wouldn't. If they're in the playoffs, I wouldn't be like, oh, I can't wait to bet against Denver. Like, I think they're pretty frisky.
- [54:57]
Cousin Sal
Well, this is a question. If you put the Chargers in, right, you're going to put. Who else you're going to put in? You're going to put the Steelers in.
- [55:06]
Bill Simmons
It's Chargers, Ravens or Steelers. And then so it's the Bengals.
- [55:09]
Cousin Sal
They have to beat out the Bengals. But the Bengals are like plus 350. They play the Bengals.
- [55:13]
Bill Simmons
So that's going to be an interesting team.
- [55:15]
Cousin Sal
Who else?
- [55:16]
Bill Simmons
The Dolphins.
- [55:16]
Cousin Sal
I'll say the Colts. Oh yeah. I think they go away this week, but we'll see if they.
- [55:22]
Bill Simmons
I, you know, I agree cause it's cold weather. But if they can somehow pull off this Green Bay game, it gets pretty, gets pretty fun for them because they'd have the jets at home, which is Suddenly, a way easier game than it looked like. When we had this written down before the season, where we were talking about the over under, this looked like a death stretch. Where it went at Green Bay, home, Jets at Houston, home, San Francisco at Cleveland, at the Jets, I was like, oh, my God, it's brutal. Now it's like both of those jets games, San Francisco, like, I at Cleveland, none of those games are hard except this Green Bay game.
- [55:59]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [56:00]
Bill Simmons
So, you know, all they have to do is get to 10 and 7.
- [56:04]
Cousin Sal
I get. I mean, much like the Vikings, like, I still don't know how they're not doing this with their best player. Like, Jefferson can't. Hasn't been lighting it up, and neither has Tyreek Hill. I mean, you got this, John who? Smith who's. They should just trade paychecks at this point. Like, or maybe Tyreek Hill needs to get arrested every week because he doesn't show up for these games. And I don't know. I just. I think they'll be stuck at eight or nine wins, but I like this Denver team.
- [56:28]
Bill Simmons
We'll see. If they lose this Green Bay game, it's going to be a lot. They'll basically have to sweep the rest of the way, I think.
- [56:34]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [56:34]
Bill Simmons
Because they would be five and seven at that point. The good news for them is in the pregame show for NBC Today, Jason Garrett was raving about Tua, who was really good today, and compared him to Magic Johnson.
- [56:48]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [56:49]
Bill Simmons
The way he was spreading the ball around. And at that point, I don't know if NBC has this person on staff, but there probably should be, like, one of those giant things that cops use to tase suspects. That's where somebody should just run on the set and just tase Garrett.
- [57:05]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, well, but in his defense.
- [57:07]
Bill Simmons
And he would still be smiling if he was electrocuted by Taser. That was great.
- [57:12]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, he's. He's. In his defense, he's an idiot. I think that's all you can really say. Yeah, there's that. I mean, there are like, four Taser moments for Jason Garrett. And, like, when they're going over the highlights and Baker Mayfield's making fun of. Making fun of Tommy DeVito and doing the hand thing. And Jason Garrett's like, how about a little helping a Gaba ghoul? And he's laughing, laughing like a schoolgirl. And I'm like, not that I'm offended because he made an Italian reference. I'm offended that he's the worst head coach of our generation and he's talking at me through my television set. That's why I can't stand it.
- [57:47]
Bill Simmons
I think you'd be offended that he said gabagool correctly and I didn't when I was half Italian.
- [57:51]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I know. I like you and you are half Italian, so that's the difference.
- [57:56]
Bill Simmons
Well, Miami looked good today, but they were playing the Patriots. I thought the Patriots were a live dog today, that the game would be close and that they'd be able to move the ball up and down the field. And nephew Kyle watched the game with me and can attest I was about as locked in as I've been in a while in a Pats game.
- [58:12]
Cousin Sal
Well, they did move the ball down the field.
- [58:13]
Bill Simmons
Maybe not up, it was down the field the other direction. They had nine first half penalties.
- [58:21]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [58:22]
Bill Simmons
But the really special thing is six of the nine were pre snap, which is basically like we don't practice. You have pre snap. It's like that's, that's what, like if you're a high school team and the ninth grade left tackle keeps forgetting that it's on two instead of on three, it's six pre snap penalties. They got sacked. May got sacked four times but was running for his life half the game. Did two turnovers. One was May's fault, one wasn't. It got tipped. Mayo loses a challenge. Did you see this?
- [58:54]
Cousin Sal
Yes. I know what you're going to say.
- [58:56]
Bill Simmons
They throw to, for the viewers, they throw to a waddle for 19 for a first down and there's also a pass interference on the play. So it's a first down either way for the Dolphins. But it looks like the ball hits the ground. Mayo says fuck it and challenges the catch to I guess save 14 yards.
- [59:16]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [59:17]
Bill Simmons
And then they, they said, no, it was a catch. So we lost our challenge on a play that would have been a first down anyway for Dolphins. Like you see stuff every week with this team that you just never see before. We had the same left tackle, had three pre snap penalties in the, in the first half.
- [59:36]
Cousin Sal
He won't. This coach is really something else. Like I was like, ah, you're, you're exaggerating. But you saw his like comment in the post game presser. They, he said, el, there's not much I could do. Once they cross the white line, it's like, oh my God, you're not supposed to say that. You definitely didn't say that in the interview. Like, of course it's both. Just like you said, they should be coached better and then they wouldn't be having these pre Snap penalties, like, well, there's not much that's like you and I saying, well, why would we do a podcast? Let the players do the talking, and then we'll see what the records are at the end of the year. What the hell is he doing?
- [60:09]
Bill Simmons
This team? It's so frustrating because I really think Drake's good. And they'll start every. Every drive with run into the middle for one, or there'll be a false start. Now it's first and 15, or it's a run play where the guy gets tackled. Four yards. Ban. I've never seen a team have more. Second and 14, second and nine, second and 15, second and 12. And just over and over again, they're behind the eight ball. And then when they actually make a play, like they're driving, Drake throws a really nice play. Ramanja breaks the tackle. They get 20. Nope, that's coming back. Holding penalty. Just this team that he saddled on with the worst coaches and the worst offensive line and wide receivers that can barely catch the ball. And, like, part of me is wondering, like, are we even. That I've now reverted back to, should we just sit him for the rest of the season so he doesn't get hurt because it's this bad? But then you watch him, and he'll have these series like he did with the Rams last week, where it's like, he might win this game by himself. So I don't know what to think.
- [61:09]
Cousin Sal
Well, you. I. You should think that you're going to bet them over four and a half wins, because you know they're going to surprise you a couple more times. They'll reel you in and you'll. This game, like, nine draft picks.
- [61:19]
Bill Simmons
Yeah. This game today, that the. On both sides. You know, it just shouldn't be like last week. They're just blitzing Stafford over and over again. It's like, rule number one, don't blitz Stafford. They're just, like, doing it the whole game right today. They just seem completely blindsided by the disc jockey. Disc jockey was like, he was really spinning the tunes today. He was like, all right.
- [61:41]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, Miami Sound Machine. He got it going. Yeah. I don't know. Like, look there. There's some coaches who, like, just pull some bullshit and then they get away with it. Like Sirianni.
- [61:53]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [61:53]
Cousin Sal
I don't know. Like, Barkley's so good. They're going to win regardless of his nonsense like that. Crazy. Not. Not to take it back to that game. But when he was.
- [62:03]
Bill Simmons
The first half.
- [62:04]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. No, when that whole thing with the what, third and 13 or. Or fourth and three.
- [62:09]
Bill Simmons
Right. Then they bring them back to third and 13.
- [62:11]
Cousin Sal
He's like, no, no, no, no, no. But it works. No, no, you already said no. You can't come to Thanksgiving. Our table's full. You already rsvp, right? Just. What are you doing? But, yeah, but he's going to survive that. This guy Jared Bale can't. The talent's just not there.
- [62:25]
Bill Simmons
See, I don't think. I just don't think Kraft's going to pay for another coach. I think we're stuck with this guy next year. The thing I hate the most is he was such a tough player. You know, he was a middle linebacker. He was just a badass. And then as a coach, he just. I tweeted today I was joking that his book would be called Scared Football. He's just scared the whole game. It's like, oh, it's fourth and one, we better punt. You know, and even if they're going to, like, go for it on a play, it's the most predictable play ever. When they run some sort of trick play, it's the worst trick play you've ever seen. It just. It looks like they don't practice.
- [62:58]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [62:59]
Bill Simmons
And I think it's going to be. I said this a few weeks ago, and I'm going to predict it again. I think it's going to be a really hard week for him in Boston because they. They were so poorly prepared and coached in the game today. I don't. I don't know how. That's not the preeminent talking point of the week.
- [63:14]
Cousin Sal
These guys. Just because they're good at something doesn't mean. Right. Like, look at Jason Garrett. Horrible, horrible coach. And then he goes on and is even a worse pregame commentator. So how do you even. How could you even tell what's going to be?
- [63:28]
Bill Simmons
Well, the problem is, if they're not going to fire him this year and then he's. It's not going to really get better next year, maybe they can change offensive coordinator. Like, let's say they get day ball. Let's say they signed T. Higgins. They just do those two things. Day ball is the OC. T. Higgins is the wide receiver. 1. They get a left tackle in the draft. Like, they're just noticeably better in a couple of ways. It's still not going to stop how unprepared the team looks. That's what they. And he can. He. You can't blame the players on that when you could just have guys jumping off Sides left and right. They had one play. I think it was Hooper or Henry, one of the tight ends. They. Two penalties in the same place. The Dolphins like, oh, we get to choose. But one of them was the tight end was. He was just a foot. Like his whole foot was over the line of scrimmage. He was just. He was basically like where the Dolphins were.
- [64:18]
Cousin Sal
That's fine.
- [64:18]
Bill Simmons
How are you lined up this way? You guys are professional football players. Miami didn't have a penalty for two hours.
- [64:24]
Cousin Sal
I think you're wrong. Well, I don't know if you're wrong because there's no way to. There's no precedent to tell if Kraft will fire a coach because you had an unfirable coach for so long. Right. But I don't think he's going to be like Jerry Jones where he's just going to take shots every week and everyone's going to be like, what is wrong with this guy? And he's just going to sit there and take it. He's used to winning, so he'll make a change.
- [64:44]
Bill Simmons
Vrabel was a really good coach who had real ties to the Pats and everybody always thought he would follow Belichick. And he's sitting there right now. And I think the fear is you don't get Vrabel. You do another year with Mayo, it's just as bad next year. And now Vrabel will get one of his other jobs. He's. There's like going to be eight jobs open. He'll get one of them and then you've missed out on this Vrabel chance. The only other thing I had before we get to guest alliance is Bucks Giants. When you mentioned Tampa trying to steal the NFC south, here's the thing against it. Atlanta beat Tampa twice already and they have a one game lead. So they're basically two ahead of Tampa. Think about it.
- [65:25]
Cousin Sal
So, but look at that. Can't they go 5 and 1?
- [65:28]
Bill Simmons
Look at that schedule. Tampa at Carolina, home. Vegas at the Chargers at Dallas, Home, Carolina, home, New Orleans. Yeah, that could be. They could get to 10 wins.
- [65:40]
Cousin Sal
4 and 2. I know everybody slips up, but with this offense getting healthy, I think that's 4 and 2 or 5 and 1.
- [65:47]
Bill Simmons
Do I have to worry about my NFC south bet? The division has 18 wins with six weeks left.
- [65:54]
Cousin Sal
But did you figure out how many automatic wins there are? Like how many division games?
- [65:58]
Bill Simmons
Well, there's a couple where they play each other, but I. Yeah, but we have that. We had two because in the. We. One of the ones we did was the NFC east against the NFC South. The NFC east has a three game lead over them, but the Giants probably aren't winning again, right? And they play a couple of NFC south teams.
- [66:14]
Cousin Sal
Three weeks ago it was looking great. It did look like the Saints or the Panthers would win another game. And the two receivers went down for Tampa. Now you're going to have to do a little work, I think.
- [66:24]
Bill Simmons
Let's take a break for the podcast. This episode is brought to you by Origin. Y'all know how much I love my guy Murph, my dog. He has his own Instagram account. I take him on hiking trips and that's why Origin is great. They don't just make pet food. Their food is made with whole prey ingredients that nourish your companions and give them the energy they need for all your adventures together. And I have a lot of adventures with Murph. With nutrient dense animal ingredients like fresh meat, poultry and fish, there's less need for synthetic supplements. Feed your dog good food. Visit Origin. It's spelled O R I j e n petfoods.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Workday get the whole band together with Workday and pair finance and HR on one platform for an epic performance. With Workday AI at the core, you'll make confident decisions faster than ever, and you'll drive flawless business and finance operations with an agile platform that constantly evolves to future proof your organization. Be a Finance and HR Rockstar with Workday. Visit workday.com to learn more. Week 13 guest alliance I got sad today because once it's Thanksgiving it's like almost the end of the regular season and the playoffs and we're what are we, 60% done with the season now?
- [67:48]
Cousin Sal
So this is 14 at 12 out of 8.
- [67:52]
Bill Simmons
12 out of 20?
- [67:53]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Oh wow.
- [67:54]
Bill Simmons
I guess 12 out of 21. Yeah. We're like 58% done with the season.
- [67:57]
Cousin Sal
Well, yeah, I know it gets both ways. Right. I'm like, I like sort of what? Well, first of all, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. But then because it's just football, football, football and food. But I also can you and I will be able to memorize most of the team's remainder of their schedule. Right. And then. But that's also very sad because that only means there's a few left. Yeah.
- [68:19]
Bill Simmons
I think saying Thanksgiving is your favorite holiday is not a controversial opinion.
- [68:25]
Cousin Sal
You know, they're gona get Thanksgiving.
- [68:27]
Bill Simmons
Your favorite day I think is a better conversation. So your single favorite day.
- [68:33]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I can't think of what will? Yeah, nothing compares.
- [68:38]
Bill Simmons
Except I think it's my favorite day too.
- [68:40]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's great. You don't have to worry about your team losing though, right? You just got bets and food. That's fine.
- [68:46]
Bill Simmons
Well, you have Cowboys. Giants is our second game. It's only the fourth time in the since the merger that these two teams have played on Thanksgiving where they both have losing records.
- [68:58]
Cousin Sal
I believe it.
- [69:00]
Bill Simmons
So choke on your turkey during that stat.
- [69:02]
Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm set my alarm for a nap for that game, that's for sure.
- [69:08]
Bill Simmons
What's our guest alliance record? Seven. I'm seven and four. Seven, four and one.
- [69:13]
Cousin Sal
You're better than that. Yeah. Seven, four and one. You beat me. Go over how I can make the playoffs at 4, 7 and 1. I want to hear it.
- [69:25]
Bill Simmons
Sign Daniel Jones to help you with your picks. Thanksgiving.
- [69:30]
Cousin Sal
Lionel Jones is my son. Go ahead.
- [69:36]
Bill Simmons
Lions Bears in Detroit. And I think here's my thinking on this. I think they had to jack this up so that you couldn't tease the Lions with anyone else. So even though this is probably should be Lions seven and a half, I think because it's Thanksgiving and everybody loves turkey and throwing somebody. No tease and Thanksgiving, I think it has to be lions by nine.
- [69:58]
Cousin Sal
Okay, good. I get this. I said 10. They're not screwing around with the lions. It's 10 and a half.
- [70:04]
Bill Simmons
That's too high.
- [70:06]
Cousin Sal
Well, hear me out. Not that I have to convince you the Lions are going to win this game, but I feel like this is the season where they get the monkey off their back in many ways. Like Dan Campbell beat the crap out of the Cowboys for all that nonsense that went down last year in the regular season. Right?
- [70:20]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [70:20]
Cousin Sal
The 49ers are gone, so they don't even have to worry about them and what happened in the NFC Championship. They do have that whole, oh my God, we were embarrassed on Thanksgiving last year by the Packers. I think they're going to be up for this. I don't think that happens again.
- [70:35]
Bill Simmons
I saw a great Dan Campbell post game speech as I've been pushing. I don't know why this isn't just a Twitter feed of all the post game speeches and all the locker rooms. That's all it is. It's just game ball speeches. He gave game balls to like four people and then was talking about how they were road warriors. Did you see this?
- [70:54]
Cousin Sal
Yep.
- [70:55]
Bill Simmons
Really? He was like, when I got here, we had 0, 11 and 1 and all of our road games. And since then we're 16 and 5.
- [71:05]
Cousin Sal
And all you Guys in this locker.
- [71:07]
Bill Simmons
Room had something to do with that. He's great. He gives great post game. Probably the number one post game speaker right now.
- [71:13]
Cousin Sal
Wouldn't you rather see the feed of the losing coaches give their speeches?
- [71:17]
Bill Simmons
Like Mayo? Yeah.
- [71:19]
Cousin Sal
How great would that be?
- [71:20]
Bill Simmons
Mayo? Like, hey, you know, six pre snap penalties in the first half. We got to work on that, guys.
- [71:26]
Cousin Sal
Oh, that's on you. That's on you guys. No, nothing on you.
- [71:29]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, so guys, when we're snapping the ball, it's like either it's on one or it's on two or it's on three. And you just kind of remember when you get, when you, when you line up right, it's going to be two this time. Then you move when it's two, it's just all numbers.
- [71:44]
Cousin Sal
We'll take, take off till Wednesday. We'll figure it out.
- [71:49]
Bill Simmons
Unbelievable. We have him for another year. Cowboys, Giants in Dallas. I can't believe I'm doing this, but I think it's cowboys by seven.
- [72:03]
Cousin Sal
Oh, wow.
- [72:05]
Bill Simmons
I said three and a half.
- [72:06]
Cousin Sal
I said three and a half dot it's four and a half. Yeah. Vegas fanduel. Vegas doesn't like Dallas this year.
- [72:16]
Bill Simmons
They just put that in the Vegas zone. Huh? Well, I don't know if you read anything about the Giants game today, but apparently the Giants were like disconsolate after the game. Like they were all saying after they waved Daniel Jones, like, the guy's our best quarterback. Why are we waving him? And then they're, they're not even playing the second best quarterback, they're playing the third best quarterback. This is why you're not supposed to tank in the NFL, because this is violent sport.
- [72:40]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [72:40]
Bill Simmons
That guys have to commit to at a certain physicality level. And when you have your franchise, basically, yeah, we're done. You know, how do you expect the team to respond to that? The coach is on his way out, the GM's on his way out. The quarterback's not going to be there. Like, I don't understand. Like, why would the Giants beat Dallas and Dallas.
- [73:00]
Cousin Sal
I think we should just go with division game. Underdog is always a spot to win here. I really have no idea. I don't know Tommy DeVito. I just. Yeah, but it was like neighbors going off on Dable. It was like, ask, Ask Dable why I didn't get a reception to like or target until the third quarter or whatever it was. But yeah, they're a mess. But you know, Daniel Jones is probably like, I see this guy get sacked. I'm glad it's not me. Just get me on a playoff team as a backup.
- [73:28]
Bill Simmons
There's one silver lining to this game, which is one of the worst quarterback matchups we've ever had on Thanksgiving.
- [73:36]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [73:37]
Bill Simmons
Although Cooper Rush wasn't bad today. Tom Brady announced in this game.
- [73:42]
Cousin Sal
Oh, wow. That's right.
- [73:44]
Bill Simmons
Could this be the Tom Brady heel turn game? Could this be his Walter White Breaking Bad getting pushed over the edge, shaving his head performance where the quarterback play is so bad and he's so mad that he's working on Thanksgiving? He finally becomes Tom Brady TV analyst and he's just ripping guys.
- [74:03]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [74:04]
Bill Simmons
And actually telling us, like, what they're doing wrong. Could it happen?
- [74:07]
Cousin Sal
Starts beating the shit out of an intern with a turkey leg that's put propped up on the set.
- [74:12]
Bill Simmons
I'll show you Jiu jitsu.
- [74:17]
Cousin Sal
Do it, Tom. What does he have to lose? Yeah. It's all right.
- [74:22]
Bill Simmons
Shave your head, Packers. Dolphins is our third game. It's a great game. It's in Green Bay and it's going to be freezing cold. And you're going to see over the next four days a lot of stats about how bad the Dolphins are when it's super cold, how bad Tua is when it's super cold. And I can't wait to bet on the packers in this game. Sal, just spoiler alert. I'm going to say packers by four.
- [74:47]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's what I said. It is three and a half. We split that, man. All right, so what's the. What's the tease? You know you're doing a moneyline parlay. Is it just Lions, packers and you'll pay a little juice.
- [74:58]
Bill Simmons
Should we do this for Fando? I'll tweet this out. Go ahead, fanduel. So we could do.
- [75:07]
Cousin Sal
You can make it simple. I mean, forget that packers money line with it's minus 120 with Detroit money line. That's minus.
- [75:14]
Bill Simmons
That's minus 120.
- [75:16]
Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm gonna make it that easy.
- [75:21]
Bill Simmons
That's all we have to do. Packers.
- [75:24]
Cousin Sal
You'll win that first one by 9:50am and then you take a nap. And then you take some gummies and you take a nap bill. And you miss that giant cowboy game and you come back and watch Lambeau and they're going to win.
- [75:42]
Bill Simmons
I'm all in on that tease. I feel like we have to grab that right now.
- [75:47]
Cousin Sal
I know.
- [75:48]
Bill Simmons
But that minus 120 is not going to be there much longer.
- [75:51]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, let's not screw it over. On there's anything that's It.
- [75:54]
Bill Simmons
And then Thanksgiving, so you get Packers, Dolphins, and then when it hits midnight on the east coast, you get to watch my yacht rock documentary.
- [76:01]
Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah.
- [76:02]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [76:03]
Cousin Sal
That'd be fun.
- [76:04]
Bill Simmons
It's great. You'll love it. There's no way you're gonna love it.
- [76:08]
Cousin Sal
Oh, come on. Kidding me.
- [76:11]
Bill Simmons
Sunday marquee.
- [76:12]
Cousin Sal
Well, hold on. Are you gonna do Friday? Oh, you play the Friday game. Raiders, Chiefs, Raiders, Chiefs. We can't start over.
- [76:24]
Bill Simmons
I put that in the fairly watchables. No, I'm not going to change my guess. All right, I forgot about the Black Friday game. And it's funny because they sent me a T shirt of the studio crew with my face in the middle of it. I should have worn it.
- [76:37]
Cousin Sal
Really. And that's how you turn it Looks.
- [76:39]
Bill Simmons
Like I'm in the crew. It looks like I'm ready to have an argument with Sherman.
- [76:43]
Cousin Sal
I love it.
- [76:45]
Bill Simmons
All right, so Kansas City, home for the Raiders.
- [76:53]
Cousin Sal
It's probably going to be Ritter, right? Because. Well, you read that blurb to us. Seemed like it was going to be Ritter.
- [76:59]
Bill Simmons
Might be minshew.
- [77:02]
Cousin Sal
It's inspiring.
- [77:05]
Bill Simmons
I have the Chiefs by 11 and a half.
- [77:08]
Cousin Sal
That's what? Oh, you get it. I had 11. It's 13 and a half.
- [77:12]
Bill Simmons
Oh, boy.
- [77:14]
Cousin Sal
Now listen, if you want to wait just a few hours more and do Lions, Packers, Chiefs, that catch in the Plus 103.
- [77:22]
Bill Simmons
But that's another Milton Burrow situation for the Chiefs. It's Black Friday.
- [77:26]
Cousin Sal
They're not lo. They. They lost to them on Christmas. They can't.
- [77:29]
Bill Simmons
But even if you do a 10 point. Oh, so you can do it.
- [77:31]
Cousin Sal
No, no, just money. Just do the money line. Just Lions money line, packers money line, Chiefs moneyline.
- [77:38]
Bill Simmons
What does that say?
- [77:39]
Cousin Sal
Plus 103.
- [77:42]
Bill Simmons
That's pretty good.
- [77:44]
Cousin Sal
Oh, there's so much.
- [77:46]
Bill Simmons
Aren't the Chiefs going to fuck us one of these next four weeks with a. Like they did that time with the Raiders a year ago?
- [77:52]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, but Mahomes has a game, he.
- [77:54]
Bill Simmons
Fumbles, he throws a pick six. He gets hurt. He comes back in like they haven't had that game yet.
- [78:00]
Cousin Sal
They hate this team though, right? With the cigars and everything. Yeah, they do.
- [78:03]
Bill Simmons
The Raiders talk shit.
- [78:04]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [78:07]
Bill Simmons
Sunday's marquee game is the Ravens and the Eagles in Baltimore. It's a wonderful sporting event. The Ravens, for all we know, could be 7 and 5 heading into this game.
- [78:16]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [78:17]
Bill Simmons
And sweating out a playoff spot. I personally think they're going to win tomorrow. I don't know. Where do you stand on that? Chargers?
- [78:21]
Cousin Sal
I do too. Yeah, I have them. I money line them, so that's probably going to be bad for them. Well, big brother wins, right? Big brother always wins.
- [78:34]
Bill Simmons
Ravens. I have a minus three against the Eagles.
- [78:38]
Cousin Sal
It is. You got it. Exactly. I said two and a half. Now we're tied.
- [78:44]
Bill Simmons
Okay. It's a good game.
- [78:46]
Cousin Sal
That's it. Barkley Henry, offensive player of the year. This is it.
- [78:49]
Bill Simmons
Trades of the year. Watchables. Three of them. Bengals. Steelers in. Cincinnati, Bengals now in. We have to win every game territory. Steelers. So I was at the. At the. We did a premiere for the Yacht Rock doc on Thursday night. So I had the Steelers game on my phone.
- [79:11]
Cousin Sal
Beautiful, wasn't it?
- [79:11]
Bill Simmons
And I couldn't. I couldn't even. I couldn't watch it during thing. And I also really wanted to watch thing, but I glanced at it a couple times and it was 18 6.
- [79:19]
Cousin Sal
So pretty.
- [79:20]
Bill Simmons
And I didn't look for 1012 minutes. Look back down, it was 1918 Steelers. It's like, oh, look back again. It was 2419 final. And I was like, I can't wait to find out what happened in this game. That game was just fully bonkers.
- [79:36]
Cousin Sal
But it's a fun Jameis game. I feel like Jameis might be the quarterback who doesn't have a chance that I root for the most. It's just so. I mean, it was like 0 for 9 and 3rd down and 4 for 4 with 4000. It's just. It was perfect for him and it looked great. And NFL Films did the thing and him running in slow motion. I'm like, oh, this is why I love football. I don't even care.
- [79:58]
Bill Simmons
I can't believe of all the shitty Thursday night games, we have to watch that game. You know how much I love. I know everyone loves snow, but I really like love Snow. I'm a 10 out of 10 for loving snow. And I love seeing it on the TV and the flakes sticking to Tomlin's beard. Of all the games, why did it have to be the game? When I was at a documentary premiere, I was so good.
- [80:17]
Cousin Sal
I'm a 10 out of 10 for loving snow. Sounds like something you'd hear on Yacht Rock. So that's perfect.
- [80:23]
Bill Simmons
I think that was the song. I think Stephen Bishop wrote that one.
- [80:26]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Was that Bishop? Yeah, the Steely Dan. I don't know.
- [80:31]
Bill Simmons
I'm a 10 out of 10 for love and snow, stupid. I have Bengals by one and a half against Steelers.
- [80:42]
Cousin Sal
I get this. I said two. It is two and a half.
- [80:45]
Bill Simmons
So when was the Last time a 4 and 7 team was favored by 2 and a half against an 8 and 3 team that did not have any injuries.
- [80:54]
Cousin Sal
Probably a long time ago. Pretty rare. They. Are they going to out slug the Bengals though? That's it. Because, you know, Burrows. Burrows dialed in. Right. So even the Steelers defense, as much trouble as they give them, should have. Should score like 26, 27 points. I think it's enough. And everything's a must win now for Cincy. That's why they're fine.
- [81:15]
Bill Simmons
I think the Steelers are good and I think they played a Thursday night game. Right. Four days after this emotional win over Baltimore. It snowed like a motherfucker. It was a stupid game that had a lot of dumb momentum twists and I think you throw it out.
- [81:32]
Cousin Sal
He also got me a little bit. And he's allowed to. Right? You can get an out coach once a year and that was that.
- [81:38]
Bill Simmons
Out coach. Yeah.
- [81:39]
Cousin Sal
It's always a tough division battle.
- [81:43]
Bill Simmons
Falcons, Chargers. It's in Atlanta. Probably not betting on this game.
- [81:53]
Cousin Sal
I had to go.
- [81:54]
Bill Simmons
Probably the Chargers in the tees. But I'm going to say Falcons by one and a half.
- [81:58]
Cousin Sal
Oh, that's why you did it. Well, you're right and you're wrong. I said Chargers by one and a half and it is Chargers by one and a half. But the one and a half always flip. They always flip by Thursday, Chargers by.
- [82:08]
Bill Simmons
One and a half.
- [82:09]
Cousin Sal
Chargers are favored, but oh, my God, if we talk Thursday, it'll be Falcons and then it might flip again. I mean, that's what happened with Arizona and Seattle and happened with so many of these. Jets, Texans, same thing.
- [82:20]
Bill Simmons
So you think there's a one and a half conspiracy?
- [82:22]
Cousin Sal
There is. It's the tic tac tic tac terrorists out there moving these lines.
- [82:28]
Bill Simmons
It's like how the. It's the black eye conspiracy with celebrities.
- [82:32]
Cousin Sal
Mm.
- [82:33]
Bill Simmons
And celebrities only have black eyes on their left eye. Some sort of Illuminati thing.
- [82:38]
Cousin Sal
Exactly.
- [82:39]
Bill Simmons
So Leno fell down the hill and it's like, left eye was black. Shit's going on.
- [82:44]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [82:44]
Bill Simmons
I don't know how they come up with this stuff.
- [82:47]
Cousin Sal
That's true. It's all true.
- [82:48]
Bill Simmons
Watch this. I'm gonna have a black eye on my left eye in two days. It's like. We'll show you. It did. There was a Reddit person who broke down that Leno thing really well, but he ended up.
- [83:00]
Cousin Sal
He almost definitely is telling the truth, right?
- [83:03]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, it seems like he's telling the truth.
- [83:04]
Cousin Sal
He was playing.
- [83:06]
Bill Simmons
He was playing at some weird club In Germanstown, Pennsylvania, there was the hotel. Everyone's like, why is he staying at that hotel? He's a billionaire. But it's like it was the nearest hotel to where that gig was.
- [83:17]
Cousin Sal
He's also very cheap, and he's also super cheap.
- [83:20]
Bill Simmons
He spends all his money on cars. He was trying to walk to some restaurant that he tried to cut and walk down a hill to cut the distance so he didn't have to go around. And he's 74. And it's the kind of thing like our dads would have done.
- [83:31]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [83:32]
Bill Simmons
You'd have been like, what? I'd be like, sal, what happened to your dad? It's like, ah, he fell. Like, it's just. It's just kind of what happens when you're mid-70s. So I think it adds up. But I still like the conspiracy stuff. I enjoyed all of it.
- [83:43]
Cousin Sal
Either way, the irony is great that he didn't have a car. Guy's got like 75 funny cars and hangers all over. All over California.
- [83:53]
Bill Simmons
Well, the more confusing thing to me is he made. I mean, he was making 30 million a year in the Tonight show for 20 years.
- [84:01]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [84:01]
Bill Simmons
And when he was doing standup gigs and making crazy money on those, why does he have to go to like the middle of somewhere in Pennsylvania? Stand up.
- [84:10]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. And he's indignant when they ask him about it. Like, well, why don't you just cancel the show? Like, the show must go on. It's like, all right, you're 103. You could sit one out.
- [84:20]
Bill Simmons
I'm at the Red Roof Inn on Big bear mountain on November 29th. It's like it's a place. 74. Why don't you retire? Go sit on a beach.
- [84:30]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [84:33]
Bill Simmons
Vikings are home for the Cardinals.
- [84:36]
Cousin Sal
That's a good one.
- [84:37]
Bill Simmons
I'll never trust Kyler Murray again until about three weeks from now. I have a Vikings minus three against Cardinals.
- [84:46]
Cousin Sal
I had you out here. I had three and a half and that's what it is.
- [84:50]
Bill Simmons
That's too high. That'll be.
- [84:54]
Cousin Sal
Wow. You're going to throw that? You're going to throw Kyler in a teaser.
- [84:59]
Bill Simmons
No, I'm not going near this game. All right. Fairly watchables. Colts at the Pats. I just think the Richardson may makes this a fairly watchable and not a poop facto.
- [85:09]
Cousin Sal
Sure.
- [85:10]
Bill Simmons
Colts are going to be favored and I think it's Colts by one and a half.
- [85:16]
Cousin Sal
I had two. I think it's two and a half now.
- [85:20]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [85:24]
Cousin Sal
That'S fair.
- [85:27]
Bill Simmons
It's going to be A loss. I don't think the Pats are getting a five wins. I think I'm going to win that bet.
- [85:32]
Cousin Sal
Well, when did you make that bet?
- [85:34]
Bill Simmons
Before the year that was like my lock of the year was I had The Pats under 4 and F wins but I didn't know Drake May was going to be. I wouldn't have made that bet if I knew Drake was going to be good like.
- [85:45]
Cousin Sal
Well, you can year one you could sell it if you want because it's still four and a half. The unders.
- [85:51]
Bill Simmons
Is that what it is on fandom?
- [85:52]
Cousin Sal
It's still four and a half. Yep.
- [85:55]
Bill Simmons
What's Carolina, just out of curiosity. That's four and a half too.
- [85:59]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Some of these there's like Cleveland I think is also four and a half.
- [86:03]
Bill Simmons
Your team's six and a half.
- [86:06]
Cousin Sal
I know you have him winning ten. Sure.
- [86:08]
Bill Simmons
I said nine. Denver is nine and a half now. Jesus. What's Miami. Wow. Miami's only seven and a half. They're five and six.
- [86:23]
Cousin Sal
That does the overs minus 200 though, right? Yeah. It's a big, big juice.
- [86:29]
Bill Simmons
Miami to make the playoffs is plus 240.
- [86:34]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. I don't like it. You might as well just bet him against Green Bay and then just keep rolling it in some of these important games.
- [86:41]
Bill Simmons
Washington to make the playoffs is. Oh, that's Tampa. Tampa's plus 114. Washington's minus 188. Okay. Seahawks are at the Jets. Seahawks are going to be favored in this game. I don't know if there's a lot of weeks left to win real money against the jets before the land shift. This feels like the last week. The Seahawks defense has looked legitimately good the last two weeks. Seahawks by one and a half is going to be my pick.
- [87:11]
Cousin Sal
You got it. That was smart. I said two. And this is. This is another one that's going to flip unless there's a quarterback change. Although I don't even know what would have to move. Does the line move if Rogers is out?
- [87:26]
Bill Simmons
Jets favored by three with Tyrod Taylor. I don't think the line moves. Rogers has been awful.
- [87:33]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [87:35]
Bill Simmons
So Tyra Taylor does the. Does the Jets Seahawks line move with Tyrod Taylor like San Francisco moved three and a half points today when Purdy went out. I think it stays the same.
- [87:46]
Cousin Sal
I don't think it would be crazy.
- [87:47]
Bill Simmons
Is if it moved the other way and the jets were favored with Tyler.
- [87:50]
Cousin Sal
What's he going to do? Not throw down field. It's fine. And so it's exactly. What can he Bring his friends in. Tyrod Taylor. Okay. We have a whole new receiving corps. These are my buddies. I grew up with them.
- [88:02]
Bill Simmons
Rogers dresses up like the Chargers team doctor and tries to stab Tyrod with a needle.
- [88:07]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, well, he's a medical expert. Yeah.
- [88:10]
Bill Simmons
Washington is home for the Titans. So this was, I guess, the lines before the day. And I had watched him by seven. I'm going to knock that down to six. Washed him by six.
- [88:21]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. You get this. I said seven and a half only because. I don't know why, but it's five and a half.
- [88:30]
Bill Simmons
Well, it looked like Eckler got knocked out at the end of the game.
- [88:33]
Cousin Sal
Right.
- [88:33]
Bill Simmons
So he won't play. He. And he's had a few concussions before, so just Brian Robinson, who was hurt during the game today. And they have that McNichols guy, but I think they're gonna have trouble running the ball. And then Daniel still doesn't look healthy. We're gonna find out after the year that he has, like, three cracked ribs, right?
- [88:48]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I'm just looking at as a must win in Tennessee. It's also a must loss for them after winning this. I mean, how are they going to pull this off?
- [88:58]
Bill Simmons
Rams at the Saints. And after what we saw from the Rams today, I think they're going to be favored, but I don't think it's going to be by much. I'm going to say Rams by one and a half at the Saints.
- [89:10]
Cousin Sal
Rams by. I said two, and it's two and a half.
- [89:13]
Bill Simmons
Hmm. A lot of momentum for the clogger. I don't know if you've been following this.
- [89:18]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, why not?
- [89:19]
Bill Simmons
People like the clogger. The team's responded.
- [89:23]
Cousin Sal
What is the clogger?
- [89:24]
Bill Simmons
He's clogging up that team with wins.
- [89:26]
Cousin Sal
Oh, my God. What. What is his bye week like? The clogger, when he doesn't have to watch what he eats.
- [89:31]
Bill Simmons
A lot of salad. A lot of salad. And hot water. Poop Fecta. Speaking of the clogger, we got two. We got Texans at Jacksonville. And I can't believe Doug Peterson's still the coach. It seemed impossible after the 52 to 6 game. What was that a week ago?
- [89:51]
Cousin Sal
He survived the bye. I didn't even realize that. Yeah, they must have been busy. The ownership must have been vacationing or something.
- [90:00]
Bill Simmons
I have Texans by three and a half.
- [90:01]
Cousin Sal
At Jacksonville, I had four and a half. It's five and a half. We were both.
- [90:05]
Bill Simmons
I like Jacksonville.
- [90:07]
Cousin Sal
You do?
- [90:08]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [90:09]
Cousin Sal
Oh, because of your guy?
- [90:10]
Bill Simmons
No, I don't think. I don't think Houston's very good and I had that. I have future bets on them. I was all in on them. I've been waiting for it to turn around, but I don't think they can block. No, I'm watching week to week. Doesn't seem like they can block. And their defense seems like when you really need to drive the ball down the field on them, you can.
- [90:29]
Cousin Sal
It's probably a stay away. I don't. What I don't want for this last, you know, seven weeks of the season, whatever is for the south divisions to rip my guts out. Right. So if we're on the wrong side of too many of these, it's a.
- [90:42]
Bill Simmons
Great way to think about it. Yeah, great way to think about it. And here's another one. Bucks at Panthers. So I have bucks by four and a half in Carolina and I like Carolina.
- [90:55]
Cousin Sal
No, I had six at six and a half. Oh, I'm going to win this week now. Come on, it's like 10 to 5 or something.
- [91:03]
Bill Simmons
Oh, I guess you are going to win. You.
- [91:06]
Cousin Sal
Wait, who did you say you like? Carolina.
- [91:08]
Bill Simmons
No, I'm going to give you Carolina's last couple of weeks. Week 9, they beat the Saints by 1. Week 10, they beat the Giants by 3. Week 12 tied with KC with a minute left. And they had a bye week in there too. They haven't really had a bad game since week seven they got killed by Washington. But even the Denver game, the 14 to 28 loss, it wasn't like they didn't get demolished. So they're at least they're getting better. Unlike my team.
- [91:38]
Cousin Sal
No, it's respectable. I mean I have the Bucks. You should also have the Bucks to win a division. We had an agreement, but. So I have to have to lean heavy into this one.
- [91:47]
Bill Simmons
But instead of doing that, I could just bet against Atlanta this week. Right, right. Because that Tampa for them to win division Atlanta rap to win Sunday night bills 49ers. A game that I'm sure they were thinking was going to be one of the best games of the year. We three months ago. Oh, Al, I just. I'm thinking about how great this game.
- [92:07]
Cousin Sal
Seemed to knock August.
- [92:08]
Bill Simmons
Now I just want to do a shot of whiskey or something.
- [92:12]
Cousin Sal
Al, I don't have a goddamn good thing to say about Brandon Allen. Can we just fast forward to next week?
- [92:19]
Bill Simmons
I just. I'll get excited about George Kittle if you want me to, Al, but I just. I think this goes over seven. I think this is Bills by seven and a Half.
- [92:31]
Cousin Sal
I said seven and it's six and a half.
- [92:35]
Bill Simmons
Just like a point off with all these.
- [92:38]
Cousin Sal
Well, is this the Kyle Shanahan we're going to f everybody up. Everybody trying to get their money back from the Thursday night and Thanksgiving weekend. Is this the one?
- [92:50]
Bill Simmons
So Purdy's probably playing.
- [92:54]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, he'll be playing.
- [92:55]
Bill Simmons
That's about all we got. If you're. If you're making the case for the Niners, it's backs to the wall. They lose this game, their season's over. They have a losing record in their division. You can't lose this game and have a realistic chance. I guess maybe you could sneak into the playoffs as we made the case with your team.
- [93:10]
Cousin Sal
But I think Purdy, is he definitely playing like they thought he was going to play this week too. So to say that they think he's going to be ready, I don't know. I guess this is their season, though. It's got to do it.
- [93:22]
Bill Simmons
Monday night Broncos home for the Browns. This is really the Sal Bowl. Your guy Bo Nicks against your guy James.
- [93:30]
Cousin Sal
So much fun.
- [93:31]
Bill Simmons
It's really, really everything you want.
- [93:34]
Cousin Sal
Do you want to guess? Cause there's odds up for offensive rookie of the year.
- [93:39]
Bill Simmons
I think Bo Nicks has to be favored.
- [93:43]
Cousin Sal
Then you should bet him. He's plus 125. Daniels. 150. Minus 150.
- [93:51]
Bill Simmons
Wow.
- [93:52]
Cousin Sal
The number one pick, pretty good bet is 50 to 1. Caleb Williams. Jesus.
- [93:58]
Bill Simmons
I didn't think he was bad today.
- [94:01]
Cousin Sal
No, he wasn't. He wasn't. He was.
- [94:03]
Bill Simmons
Some plays.
- [94:04]
Cousin Sal
Yeah.
- [94:05]
Bill Simmons
So I got Broncos minus three and a half against Cleveland.
- [94:08]
Cousin Sal
All right, you're going to get that. I said three. It's four and a half. But too little, too late for you, Simmons.
- [94:15]
Bill Simmons
All right. Seven, five and one. You beat me on your favorite week of the year.
- [94:19]
Cousin Sal
I love it. I love it.
- [94:20]
Bill Simmons
Cowboys are alive.
- [94:24]
Cousin Sal
That's got to stop. I mean, I don't know why that still gets me annoyed.
- [94:27]
Bill Simmons
But listen, are the Cowboys alive or are they not? They're alive.
- [94:31]
Cousin Sal
No, we crossed them off. We have say, but they're alive.
- [94:36]
Bill Simmons
What do you got for parent corner?
- [94:38]
Cousin Sal
What do I have? A couple of things. Well, first of all, we, you know, again, favorite weekend of the year, favorite day. Got. You're Zoe's home already, right? Yeah. So now you got. You get to see her for what, a week or more?
- [94:55]
Bill Simmons
Yeah, it's like eight days. She's been home since August 8th.
- [94:58]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, right. Same here. My guy comes home Wednesday morning and he's leaving Friday. He's like, I'm going back because Oregon's playing Washington. I'm going to that game. And, like, my wife was like, oh, this is terrible.
- [95:13]
Bill Simmons
It's like, how many times did she cry?
- [95:15]
Cousin Sal
Well, it hasn't happened yet, but I think she's. I think it's about that. I think it's going to be. I think it's going to be bad. But I was like, this is Cats in the Cradle, right? I would do the same thing, and my parents would get mad and, what are you going to do?
- [95:27]
Bill Simmons
But she didn't cry when Archie said he was only coming home for two days. That didn't.
- [95:32]
Cousin Sal
I think she had regrouped and composed herself, because I found out hours later. But I think the. I think the tears will flow naturally when it actually happens going off. But, yeah, so that's that. The other thing is, I picked my son Jack up from wrestling practice.
- [95:49]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [95:50]
Cousin Sal
And he's like, extra dirty. And I was like, what the hell? Why do you smell? What's going on here? What'd you do? We had to clean garbage. So. What do you mean you had to clean garbage? He's like, well, coach got mad because somebody went in the wrestling room and tried to lose extra weight and, like, was jumping rope, and they were unsupervised, and the principal found out, and nobody would fess up. This is, like, the fourth nobody will fess up thing that they had to, like, do, you know?
- [96:18]
Bill Simmons
Yeah.
- [96:19]
Cousin Sal
They had to do community service as a result. And so we all had to clean garbage for, like, over an hour. Like, an hour and a half after we ran. And I was like, all right, but can't the coach. You know, I've had bosses that do this. Like, did you know? Bosses and teachers and coaches that punish the whole group. But if you looked at it logically, like, my kid is not going after hours to jump rope. He's just not right? So, like, can we could excuse him? What are we doing here? Like, if you were at work in a. Like, a beet salad was missing from the community refrigerator, and you're like, nope, we're unplugging the refrigerator for everyone. You could assume it's not me that took the beet salad, Right. I haven't seen a vegetable in, like, seven years. So I don't know what kind of. I don't know where you stand on that kind of messaging, but seems like it's excessive.
- [97:12]
Bill Simmons
Do you think Gerard Mayo should try some of this motivational tactics with the Patriots? Maybe Six pre snap penalties in the first half. You guys are all going to have to clean up the garbage outside of Gillette Stadium.
- [97:25]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, I'm unplugging all the electricity in the locker room. You're done.
- [97:31]
Bill Simmons
So everyone enjoys your parent corners every week. Rarely did I get multiple people in my life asking the same question about last week's parent corner from you with the match.
- [97:42]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, if.
- [97:44]
Bill Simmons
If you're. If your kid throws up during the match.
- [97:47]
Cousin Sal
Supposed to be.
- [97:48]
Bill Simmons
Why isn't that an automatic forfeit?
- [97:50]
Cousin Sal
Supposed to be. Because our coach, which coincides with my. My story this week, is a lunatic. So.
- [97:58]
Bill Simmons
So he somehow. Somehow talked the ref out of the forfeit.
- [98:02]
Cousin Sal
He had to be like, our kid's nervous. He's not sick. And then my kid's like, yeah, I'm nervous. And they're like, all right, we'll. We'll clean up the dominoes and then we'll. We'll let you finish. But, yeah, that was it. But, yeah, normally it is.
- [98:16]
Bill Simmons
It's amazing. That just isn't a rule in Southern California sports. Like vomit wrestling. Automatic match over, right?
- [98:26]
Cousin Sal
Exactly.
- [98:27]
Bill Simmons
And then my wife wanted to ask, did it. It must have smelled like puke smells.
- [98:31]
Cousin Sal
It wasn't like, clean up on the.
- [98:33]
Bill Simmons
Mat, but it's, like, still gonna smell, right?
- [98:35]
Cousin Sal
It was a little bit. It wasn't like, stand by me, like with the pie contest. I wouldn't say that. But, yeah, that was a lot. It was a little bit. And they cleaned it up and that. Yeah, I mean, the kid was like, yeah, that's a good way to, like, get a kid to forfeit. Like, I don't want to be vomited on. But yeah, that was it.
- [98:49]
Bill Simmons
But then I was thinking maybe that should be Jack's thing. He throws up during every match.
- [98:54]
Cousin Sal
It's his signature.
- [98:55]
Bill Simmons
The other kid is so bummed out, he just wants to get pinned.
- [98:58]
Cousin Sal
You know, I once farted so bad that I was wrestling a really good kid, but I shouldn't have been pinned in the first period, but I was. And then, like, afterwards, he's like, I'm sorry, man, I had to get rid of you. That was just. That was so bad, the farting. I thought it worked. Thought it would work in my advantage, but to my advantage. But no, he had a. He had to step up as a arsenal.
- [99:22]
Bill Simmons
That was it, my parent corner. So I picked up my daughter on Friday from the airport, and I did the thing where you. You pull in illegally at the arrivals.
- [99:33]
Cousin Sal
Oh, no.
- [99:33]
Bill Simmons
Park the car. There were no. No cops. I think they Know, because it's Thanksgiving. And I got there, I was like four minutes before her and I was watching these other cars and it was a lot of kids, like coming back from college already on that Friday. And it's like the most emotional hugs. You're like getting choked up in the car watching all these people who haven't seen their kids and they just these huge long hugs. And I'm like, I'm like, is this the most emotional place of in America every year? The kids coming home for Thanksgiving on the airplane and seeing their families. Then I was thinking if I'm like, United, this would be a great commercial over like fly the friendly sky. Whatever United commercial is. It should just be like these home movie iPhone shots of all these people. Like, people were like hugging each other and crying. Like they were so excited they see each other. So I'm getting emotional watching. And then my daughter comes in with the bag and she's like, hey, dad. She kind of gives me. Cause I'd seen her a few weeks ago, so I was like, ready to really have an emotional moment. It didn't happen, but I thought you.
- [100:39]
Cousin Sal
Were gonna say, this should be a Twitter feed with embracing the airport.
- [100:44]
Bill Simmons
I need game ball, locker room speeches, and emotional airport hugs.
- [100:50]
Cousin Sal
I would like somebody come off and like someone coming off a Spirit Airlines flight, like, why do you have a black guy? What happened? You and Jay Leno? What is this?
- [101:00]
Bill Simmons
What's going on? Are they Illuminati after you? Yeah. So anyway, and I was in a good mood the whole day and then picked her up. We drive, we're talking to the car, we drive back and we end up going for dinner that night, the four of us. It was like old times.
- [101:16]
Cousin Sal
Nice.
- [101:17]
Bill Simmons
And then within not even 24 hours, my wife and my daughter yelled at each other. By Sunday, my wife's like, she's just. The kitchen. Like, I just. Here's what I didn't miss is the way you treat the kitchen. And it's just like, we're just back. Like, oh, the emotions out the window now everybody's yelling at each other again. We're really back though.
- [101:40]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. There might be too much lead up time to Thanksgiving, right? I wonder what the perfect amount is. Two days, two and a half.
- [101:49]
Bill Simmons
Probably like a Tuesday. But it's nice, nice to have her home. The dog, Murph just absolutely lost his mind. Like, you know, because he hadn't seen her in three and a half months. They probably didn't even know. What do you think dogs think when people disappear? They're not smart. I don't know if you've noticed, but not like smart animals or do they just have. It's almost like have dog Alzheimer's where they're just like. They have no long term memory and it's like, hey, it's that person, right?
- [102:19]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. I don't know what they think. I don't, I don't. You know what? I'm so locked into sports, gambling and losing, I don't have time to think about what dogs.
- [102:28]
Bill Simmons
What'd your dog think of? Washington. Somehow. Somehow losing.
- [102:32]
Cousin Sal
I have kids out vomiting on mats and stuff like that. Time to analyze, psychoanalyze the dog.
- [102:40]
Bill Simmons
It's great, though. It's great to have everybody in one spot.
- [102:43]
Cousin Sal
I like that idea for United or whoever, though. That's really. I can't believe they haven't done that.
- [102:48]
Bill Simmons
I was trying to think what's more emotional other than happy emotional, not sad emotional. A funeral. I guess a wedding would be happy emotional. Yeah. Airport. My kid is coming home from college. There's not graduations. Maybe there's not like a lot of just. But wedding, happy wedding.
- [103:06]
Cousin Sal
It's the whole event. But you're right, but with the airport, it's that exact embrace moment of embracing right? Because we think about, I don't know, living out here. We think about the airport as, oh, Andy Dick's gonna say something terrible to TMZ stepping off a JetBlue flight or something. But you're right. Spinning in a positive way.
- [103:27]
Bill Simmons
Even the people whose parents didn't greet them. Like hugging the Uber driver.
- [103:31]
Cousin Sal
Yeah, like, hey, exactly. There's always a hug out.
- [103:34]
Bill Simmons
Cooper Driver's like, all right, that was parent corner. What do you have to. What do you have to plug?
- [103:40]
Cousin Sal
What do I have? Simmons through the ringer with the great Tate Frazier. Against all odds. A couple times a week on the Ringer podcast network, we're gonna review Monday Night Football, go over the big college games and playoff implications, Cousin Sal's winning weekend with Michael Irvin, and ring a pregame show. Now, listen, this has become very competitive and you know I don't like that, but I gave out a bunch of winners. And it's not a four hour show. We only get to talk like seven times each. Wisest wager was the Bears locked in at three and a half. My dog was the Titans plus 310 Tommy DeVito to not throw a touch. An interception, Jacobs over 74 and a half rushing yards and the ice cream sundae, a segment you created. Lions by 11 to 20 points plus 290. What a week for me.
- [104:25]
Bill Simmons
That one hit the Titans didn't hit though. Did they win?
- [104:29]
Cousin Sal
Titans plus.
- [104:29]
Bill Simmons
Oh, they did win. Yeah, they won.
- [104:32]
Cousin Sal
Yeah. So you hit all 40 minutes on it. You need a hug from your daughter? What's the matter with you? Yes, I hit.
- [104:36]
Bill Simmons
All talking for an hour and a half. Yeah. For some reason I thought they covered. Watch the ring.
- [104:42]
Cousin Sal
Watch the ringer. Pre game show.
- [104:43]
Bill Simmons
How many. How many sides of the ice cream sundae pick did we get?
- [104:47]
Cousin Sal
I was the only one.
- [104:49]
Bill Simmons
Yeah. Might not have been.
- [104:50]
Cousin Sal
I don't want. I don't want to. I don't want to crap on these guys, but I was the only one we can do.
- [104:55]
Bill Simmons
I have to plug Yacht Rock on HBO and Max on Friday. It's really good.
- [105:02]
Cousin Sal
Give us a little tease. What's good? What are people going to?
- [105:06]
Bill Simmons
I'm really glad that Michael McDonald finally gets his just due, but I think, put it this way, you don't know.
- [105:13]
Cousin Sal
Me, but I'm your brother.
- [105:16]
Bill Simmons
He has multiple moments where he just cooks in it, but it's really. I think it's not what you think it is this doc. That's what I will say. I don't want to spoil it, but.
- [105:25]
Cousin Sal
The hell is that?
- [105:26]
Bill Simmons
Way more about the music than the comedy of it and stuff like that. I think people are going to be suppressed.
- [105:33]
Cousin Sal
Okay. And it has nothing to do with Vince McMahon. All right, next time.
- [105:44]
Bill Simmons
That's it, cuz. Good job by you.
- [105:46]
Cousin Sal
Good job by you, buddy.
- [105:49]
Bill Simmons
All right, that's it for the podcast. Thanks to cousin Sal. Thanks to nephew Kyle, Steve, Ceruti, Gahal, everybody behind the scenes who helped with such a spectacular production. It wasn't that many people, but it was still fun. You can watch this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel. Don't forget new rewatchables coming Monday night. Running scared. Don't forget about the Yacht Rock documentary coming Friday, day after Thanksgiving on Max and on hbo. And I will see you in this podcast on Tuesday.