The Bill Simmons Podcast Summary

Episode Title: The Chiefs Are Done, Pittsburgh Hates Us, Lamar Is Missing, Guess the Lines, and Some NBA Stuff With Cousin Sal
Date: December 8, 2025
Host: Bill Simmons
Guest: Cousin Sal

Episode Overview

Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to break down a dramatic Sunday in the NFL with the stunning fall of the Kansas City Chiefs, a Pittsburgh-Baltimore slog, Lamar Jackson's ongoing struggles, a deep playoff race, and the regular week’s “Guess the Lines” segment. They finish with some NBA odds, trade chatter, and classic Parent Corner banter.

The tone mixes exasperation, analysis, and humor as the hosts grapple with the changing power structure of the NFL and the perennially frustrating teams—often in a gambling context. The show’s rhythm is fast and loose, full of memorable lines, inside jokes, and direct references to ongoing sports narratives.

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. The Chiefs’ Dynasty Is (Almost) Over

[04:19–13:15]

• Key Topic: The Chiefs’ shocking loss to the Texans and the end of their seven-year run.
  • Simmons notes: “The Chiefs, three Super Bowl wins, two Super Bowl losses, two conference titles … probably one of the better seven-year runs we’ve ever seen … and now they might go like 8-9. They're done.”
  • Sal jokes: “When you said Mahomes might do something Brady never did, I thought you were going to say murder each and every one of his receivers.”
• Crucial Turning Point: Critique of Andy Reid’s decision to go for it on 4th down with the game tied, giving life to a frozen, stagnant Texans offense.
  • Simmons: “The worst decision of the year, not just the weekend … My defense is the best unit on either team … I thought that was one of the worst decisions … I will fight it to the death, it was a dumb play.”
  • Sal: “It changed the total vibe of the game. Like a Christmas party where an FBI agent shows up as a plus one.”
• The Receivers Problem: Mahomes’ deep ball issues, Kelsey’s decline, and a total offensive malaise.
  • “Kelsey is not Kelsey anymore… He was involved in two of the worst plays of this game.” – Simmons [09:20]

Notable Quote

“Honestly, it’s arrogance. That’s well-earned because they've had an incredible amount of success the last seven years … and it was a fuck you move. We're the Chiefs and we'll get this.” — Simmons [11:21]

2. CJ Stroud, The Texans, and the AFC Playoff Picture

[13:28–17:11]

• Texans’ Resilience: Praise for CJ Stroud’s calm play, third-down conversions, and Nico Collins’ dominance.
  • “Stroud took some big hits, moved around … had a couple big third downs … this just couldn't have gone better if you’re a Texans fan.” – Simmons [13:28]
  • “Collins a lot of times is unguardable.” – Sal [14:43]
• AFC Standings: Chiefs (likely) out; Texans, Chargers, Colts, and Bills jockeying for spots.
  • “Chargers-Texans, Week 17 is probably for the six-seed.” – Sal [16:51]
  • “These playoff positions are kind of set … Chargers, Texans, Bills—probably the wild cards, right?” – Simmons [17:11]

Memorable Moment

Mallory Rubin’s text (Ravens fan):

“I'd rather get a rectal exam every Sunday than watch the Ravens.” [35:26]

3. NFL Dynasties That Fell Apart Early

[17:11–19:43]

• Simmons compares the Chiefs' decline to the abrupt end of other dynasties (Steelers in the ‘80s, Patriots post-Rams Super Bowl).
• Discussion of the NFL’s reset cycle, the need for consecutive good drafts, and whether Kansas City’s talent evaluation has stalled.

4. Are the Jaguars "Nobody Believes in Us" Team?

[27:50-29:50]

• Trevor Lawrence’s post-game comments on the Jaguars being overlooked spark “nobody believes in us” Police banter.
  • “Nobody really cares about the Jags, which is fine … we'll use it as a chip on our shoulder.” — Lawrence via Simmons [27:50]
• Both hosts admit neither totally believes in the Jags, despite picking them in the preseason.

5. Lamar Jackson and Pittsburgh-Baltimore: The Sludge Continues

[31:43–37:25]

• Both hosts perplexed by Lamar’s apparent physical decline and Ravens’ offensive malaise.
  • Simmons: “He just seems like the worst-case version of playoff game Lamar. But it’s every week now.”
  • Sal: “He has, what, no touchdown passes in how many weeks?”
• Steelers "Costanza zigzag" voodoo—never bet right on them.
  • “I've lost money on 15 Steelers games this year. There’s only 13 games. There are two extra losses I can't find.” — Simmons [34:07]

6. The QB Hierarchy: Have Allen and May Overtaken Mahomes and Lamar?

[21:10–22:01 | 36:54–37:33]

• Bill raises the hypothetical: Would you rather have Drake May’s rookie contract years or Mahomes (soon to turn 31)?
  • Both hosts see a changing of the guard at QB and contemplate dropping Lamar out of the top 4 QBs after this season.
  • “Lamar has to. Lamar is out of there now.” – Simmons [37:25]
• Jordan Love gets praise as possibly ascending.

7. Playoff Scenarios, Analytics, and Gambling Anguish

[44:44–47:54]

• Lots of gambling and probabilities discussion—odds to make the playoffs, FanDuel lines.
• Analytical debates (going for 2, going for it on 4th, etc.)—Simmons objects to going for 2 down 14 early for “momentum and game math” reasons.

8. Around the League Snapshots

[43:11–53:05]

• Bears-Packers: “A good Bears loss … They dropped to the seven seed, but I don't think they're in danger of losing that playoff spot, do you?” — Sal [41:32]
• NFC South: “Carolina, Seattle would be a Shakey’s game, you think?” — Simmons [45:52]
• Daniel Jones/Colts tale of woe, injuries to key players (e.g. Anthony Richardson).
• Miami's offense grinding to a halt, Tua’s disappearing act.
• Panthers’ rookie QBs, odd draft implications.

9. NBA Quick Hits

[100:03–106:47]

• Celtics, Heat, Atlanta, Spurs, and Trey Murphy trade buzz.
• OKC’s win odds: “I honestly would be shocked if they lost 10 games.” – Simmons [102:13]
• Noting Jalen’s (“toe-to-toe with the best”) leap for Boston.
• LeBron's 10-point streak ends; Shea's 20-point streak cited as more impressive.

10. Classic "Guess the Lines" Segment

[60:21–86:07]

• Simmons and Sal run through next week’s NFL lines, including lots of quick banter and “Vegas Zone” jokes.
  • The lines reflect playoff urgency and reveal public perception shifts (e.g., Chiefs as small favorites, heavy lines for Jacksonville/Philly).
• Notable “asides” on games to avoid, coaching hot seats, and inevitable “poop factor” matchups.

11. Parent Corner

[88:10–98:29]

• Sal torments his kids (and past coworkers) with hypothetical “tough questions” and shares a 20-yard pass/death scenario. “You get $10 million if you complete a 20 yard pass…if not, you get shot in the head.”
• Simmons reflects on pet ownership, the responsibilities of dog care, and contemplates if life is “better” without dogs for a fleeting moment.
  • Simmons details how he overcame a phobia of putting in contact lenses via hypnosis as a teenager, wonders if his son should try it now.
  • Sal recalls going to a hypnotist to try to quit gambling… but asked for it to be delayed until after a Vegas trip: “He’s like, get the out of my office. What are you talking about?”

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Chiefs’ Demise:

  “It's over, Bill. The dynasty's over. We just saw it.”— Cousin Sal, [04:52]

• On Andy Reid’s Decision:

  “We're basically resuscitating them … we’re giving them a Red Bull … we're lifting them up.” — Simmons, [10:10]

• Lamar’s Struggles:

  “He’s just not scary anymore … he just seems like the worst case version of playoff game Lamar. But it's every week now.” — Simmons, [31:58]

• On Jacksonville Being Ignored:

  “Nobody really cares about the Jags … And we'll use it as a chip on our shoulder and keep playing.” — Trevor Lawrence via Simmons, [27:50]

• Steelers Frustration:

  “I've lost money on 15 Steelers games this year. There's only 13. There's two extra games! I couldn't find them in the standings!” — Simmons, [34:07]

• Parent Corner—Sal’s Hypothetical:

  “You get $10 million to complete a 20 yard pass to someone in your contacts ... If you lose, you get shot in the head.“ — Sal, [89:28]

• Pet Ownership Existentialism:

  “Murph, he's probably my best friend … Do you hit a point in your life when you get older where it's like, eh, maybe this is kind of a pain in the ass, really.” — Simmons, [92:22]

Important Timestamps

• Chiefs Questioned: [04:19–13:15]
• Texans Praise/Playoff Odds: [13:28–17:11]
• AFC South Playoff Math & Colts Collapse: [15:23–26:44]
• Jaguars Chip-on-Shoulder & “Nobody Believes in Us” Police: [27:50–29:50]
• Lamar’s Slide/Ravens-Steelers Sludge: [31:43–37:25]
• Guess the Lines: [60:21–86:07]
• Parent Corner: [88:10–98:29]
• NBA/NHL Odds/Trade Talk: [100:03–106:47]

Structure & Flow

• Opening: Ad setups, brief Rewatchables and new Ringer show promotions
• Main Segments: Chiefs autopsy, playoff picture, Jaguars’ narrative, Lamar & Steelers slump
• Guess the Lines: Standard humorous back-and-forth, lines discussion
• Parent Corner: Humorous, sideways family reflections and childhood/adult fears
• NBA Close: Odds, potential trades, Celtics optimism
• Outro: Shout-outs, plugs for other Ringer content, quick riff on college football and UFC

Takeaways

• Chiefs’ run is likely over barring a miracle—both hosts adamant about the significance.
• Lamar Jackson's career is at a tipping point, and Pittsburgh continues its streak of confusing perseverance and gambling heartbreak.
• AFC playoff structure is unusually “set” early; Texans, Chargers, and Bills look solid.
• League is in a transition at quarterback: May, Allen, and others might be leapfrogging fading stars.
• Parent Corner provides comic relief and relatable life moments away from sports.

For New Listeners

If you haven’t tuned in, this episode captures signature Bill and Sal energy: rapid-fire reactions, wry humor, deep context for sports and fandom, plus running gags and confused/fanatical betting commentary. They dissect how football’s power structure is shifting and wrap things up with zany but touching real-life anecdotes.

End of summary