The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines

Summary

The Bill Simmons Podcast – Episode: The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines

Release Date: December 23, 2024

In this dynamic episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast, host Bill Simmons teams up with regular contributor Sal Iacono to navigate the whirlwind of Week 16 NFL games, dissect the tumultuous season of quarterback Sam Darnold, analyze team performances impacting playoff chances, and engage in their beloved segments "Murder Watch" and "Guess the Lines." Here's a comprehensive summary capturing the episode's key discussions, insights, and memorable moments.

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1. Week 16 NFL Overview

The episode opens with Bill and Sal delving into the relentless NFL schedule, highlighting the grueling stretch where fans are inundated with nine out of twelve days of football. Sal humorously remarks, “It’s turning my brain to tapioca” (04:39), underscoring the fatigue from back-to-back games across multiple days.

2. Dominant Cowboys Defense

Sal praises the Dallas Cowboys' defensive performance despite his personal disinterest in rooting for them. He notes, “When that defense plays with the intensity that it did, it is very hard to root against the Cowboys” (02:44). The duo discusses how this formidable defense made it challenging to support Sal's favorite team, even though his own team did not secure a win.

3. Player Injuries and Fantasy Implications

A significant portion of the conversation centers around player injuries and their ripple effects on fantasy football. Hertz's concussion emerges as a pivotal topic. Sal highlights Hertz's resilience, stating, “Hertz ends up with 4.5 points. He crushes anybody who had him” (05:04). They also discuss Jaden Daniels of the Washington Eagles, lauding his performance as an offensive rookie of the year contender despite facing setbacks.

4. Playoff Picture and Team Performances

Bill and Sal dissect the evolving playoff landscape, focusing on teams like Washington and the Philadelphia Eagles. Bill critiques the Eagles' critical final drive, saying, “It felt like they had lost that game five different times. I didn’t even know if it was a bad Eagles loss” (09:00). They also analyze the Minnesota Vikings' strong defensive plays and the uncertainties surrounding teams like Miami, Philadelphia, and Dallas in securing playoff spots.

5. "Murder Watch" Segment: Teams Sabotaging Seasons

In the "Murder Watch" segment, Bill and Sal discuss teams that have "murdered" other teams' seasons through unexpected performances or strategic missteps. Highlights include:

• Raiders: Critiqued for their draft strategy and quarterback choices, Sal expresses frustration, “You can’t shed that if you take Shador” (30:39).

• New York Jets: Sal condemns the Jets' quarterback performance, calling him “awful” and questioning the coaching decisions (45:40).

• Carolina Panthers: Discussed for their strategic errors and overall team performance, emphasizing the need for better coaching (41:24).

6. "Guess the Lines" Segment: Betting Insights

Transitioning to the "Guess the Lines" segment, Bill and Sal share their betting picks and analyze upcoming game spreads. Sal boasts about his impressive betting record, “14 and 2 with my wisest wagers” (39:57), while Bill recounts accurately predicting multiple game outcomes. Key discussions include:

• Chiefs vs. Steelers: Both predict the Chiefs to win by a close margin, reflecting on the Chiefs' ability to pull off late-game comebacks.

• Dolphins vs. Cleveland: They assess the Dolphins' chances against a struggling Cleveland team, factoring in cold weather impacts.

• Packers vs. Vikings: Highlighted as one of the season's most anticipated games, they discuss the Packers' resilience and the Vikings' defensive strength.

7. Fantasy Football Strategies and Picks

The hosts delve into fantasy football strategies, emphasizing the importance of player performances and injury impacts. They discuss the value of players like Jaden Daniels and the strategic losses and gains from their fantasy teams. Notable insights include:

• Bill’s successful parlay bets and Sal’s consistent win rate with reliable Moneyline favorites.

• The unpredictability of teams' performances influencing fantasy standings and betting outcomes.

8. Personal Anecdotes and "Parent Corner"

In a heartfelt and humorous exchange, Bill and Sal share personal family stories, particularly focusing on their stepmothers' uncanny timing in appearing during pivotal sports moments. Sal suggests formalizing expectations with their children to ensure mutual support in the future, joking about creating a "parental prenup" to guarantee help when needed.

9. Holiday Game Scheduling Challenges

The duo addresses the complications of scheduling NFL games during the holiday season, noting the difficulty of balancing family time with multiple game broadcasts. Bill comments, “You hate that” (67:23), referencing the logistical nightmare of overlapping games on Christmas Day and the earlier game times that cater to international audiences.

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Notable Quotes:

• Sal Iacono (02:44): “When that defense plays with the intensity that it did, it is very hard to root against the Cowboys.”

• Bill Simmons (04:44): “I can't do it. I can't have any more meat. This is too much. Especially the college football. It's too much.”

• Sal Iacono (05:04): “Hertz ends up with 4.5 points. He crushes anybody who had him.”

• Bill Simmons (09:00): “It felt like they had lost that game five different times. I didn’t even know if it was a bad Eagles loss.”

• Sal Iacono (30:39): “You can’t shed that if you take Shador.”

• Bill Simmons (39:57): “14 and 2 with my wisest wagers.”

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Conclusions and Insights:

• Relentless Scheduling: The NFL’s tight scheduling poses significant challenges for fans, emphasizing the need for better pacing to maintain engagement without causing burnout.

• Injury Impacts: Player injuries, particularly Hertz’s concussion, have profound effects on both team strategies and fantasy football dynamics, highlighting the fragile nature of sports rosters.

• Defensive Prowess: Teams with strong defenses, like the Cowboys and Vikings, significantly influence game outcomes and playoff prospects, often overshadowing offensive plays.

• Fantasy Football Strategy: Successful fantasy management hinges on understanding player performances, injury risks, and strategic betting, as demonstrated by Bill and Sal’s high win rates.

• Team Performance Volatility: The unpredictable nature of certain teams, marked by inconsistent performances and strategic errors, underscores the volatility and excitement inherent in the NFL.

• Personal Stories Enhance Engagement: Sharing personal anecdotes and family stories adds a relatable and human element to the podcast, fostering a deeper connection with listeners.

• Holiday Scheduling Complexity: Balancing holiday festivities with intense sports schedules requires strategic planning from both broadcasters and fans to optimize viewership and enjoyment.

Overall, this episode offers a thorough and entertaining exploration of the current NFL landscape, enriched by Bill and Sal’s insightful commentary, strategic analyses, and engaging personal stories. Whether you're a dedicated sports fan or a casual listener, the discussions provide valuable perspectives on the season’s pivotal moments and future implications.

Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network where we have a new rewatchables coming on Monday night. We did Home Alone 2 because it's a Christmas movie. Unlike Die Hard, it's also a great New York movie. It was me and Kyle Brandt. You can watch that on The Ringer Movies YouTube channel as well. You can watch all the clips from this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel. Cousin Sal joins us every Sunday night. You can watch us live on YouTube on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel or you can just watch us on the Spotify app cause we run these as video podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Wherever you like to watch the game at the arena, the bar, home, wherever. Enjoy every moment of the NBA season with an ice cold Michelob Ultra. And you know, we've done some stuff with them. So they'll send me the Michelob Ultra. I'll put it in the fridge. It's really interesting what happens. People come over, they want a beer, they go, oh, Michelob Ultra. Or I've never tried one of these. I've heard you talked about it. 100% approval rating every single time. Keep it nice and cold. It's delicious. There's only one way to watch your favorite teams drop buckets, and that's with a bucket of Michelob Ultra. Stock up on Michelob Ultra for the NBA season. Michelob Ultra, a superior light beer. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2024 Anheuser Busch Michelob Ultra Registered Light Beer, St. Louis, Missouri this This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. Seeing a band or your favorite sports team in person is great, but it could be even better with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card. It can help turn every moment into an unforgettable experience. With early access tickets to concerts and sporting events and access to some of the best seats in the house. You'll also earn three times the points on travel and dining purchases. Find your next experience with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Learn [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank NA member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply. Coming up, the Cuz and I breaking down week 16 in a football stretch of games that will seemingly never end. And it's turning my brain to tapioca. It's all next. First, our friends from Projet Foreign, we are taping this 8:44. Are you happy? What are your emotions right now?

[Sal Iacono]

Worth the wait. So worth the wait. I gotta tell you, Bill, I know I can't. I can't root against Them. I hate it. I know it cost us a draft. You know, draft picks in certain order. And I know. I know I have Tampa Bay to win the NFC south. And yet when that defense plays with the intensity that it did, it is very hard to root against the Cowboy. You have to feel that way, too. Come on. Come on. I mean, your team didn't win, but you know what I'm saying, right?

[Bill Simmons]

I thought you were doing Collinsworth, but you're doing S. I thought you were gonna do that. Yeah. Mike, this is the greatest game I've ever seen. I've never seen a football game like this, Mike.

[Sal Iacono]

It was. It was the greatest. Everything is the greatest. Secondary is the greatest. Interception. That run from Baker is the greatest.

[Bill Simmons]

The producers are in Chris's ear. Like, Chris, please stop saying how the Cowboys have nothing to play for. Like, five minutes later, Dallas has nothing to play for. M. They had nothing to play for. Well, I don't even know why they care. Why are they dressed up?

[Sal Iacono]

Get back on the bus. I want to watch V. I wish he would moon me. I'm going to rename my son Vita Vea. You hear that? Jack Collinsworth. Vita Ver. Collinsworth.

[Bill Simmons]

Now, Mike, this is the hardest hitting game that doesn't matter at all. And everybody should turn the channel that I've ever seen. That was quite an ending to quite a weekend. And I gotta say, I'm footballed out. Yeah, I just didn't want to watch this game, especially once. Once. Once Dallas was eliminated, even though they're already eliminated. But I watched it because we had to watch for the pod. But, you know, big picture, this. This football stretch we're in, we had Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, tomorrow to Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. 9 of 12 days football, and I'm already. I'm already feeling like I'm at Fogo de Chow, ready to tap out, ready.

[Sal Iacono]

To turn the red.

[Bill Simmons]

You turn in the red, you're going red already tomorrow. I'm like, I'm going red.

[Sal Iacono]

Red.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't do it. I can't have any more meat. This is too much. Especially the college football. It's too much.

[Sal Iacono]

It's a lot, man. It's a lot. Yeah, you're right. And it started I had a Friday on, but, you know, you and I love it. We love the Moneyline favorites, and the Moneyline favorites came in six in a row between the college and pro games, Friday and Saturday. So that was a nice little nest egg we built, right?

[Bill Simmons]

All the faves hit, except for Philly, which we will talk about thanks to Jalen Hurts, but basically any sort of moneyline parlay with any reliable good to great team.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Five, six points and up hit. It was your kind of weekend. I was thinking about you because Usyk was fighting too. Our guy that we love betting on, he hasn't lost since the first Obama term and just get to throw him in with different parlays. You get the Buffalo money line and the Green Bay money line. But Philly was the letdown one.

[Sal Iacono]

That was awesome. I know. It was entertaining, right? It's nice to win Christmas week, but yeah, Philly. And by the way, what hurts going out? The first thing we thought of was our friend Brad and Hench, who both on separate leagues had hurts starting the.

[Bill Simmons]

Two leagues we're in. Yeah. Our two craziest friends had hurts.

[Sal Iacono]

The most volatile, infantile fantasy rooters and owners. And the. I mean, Hench is talking about the independent neurologist for 14 hours straight on text. He was so upset texting Hench.

[Bill Simmons]

Hench is like diametrically opposed to Chris Nowitzki and concussion protocol. So get it back in there. And then our friend Brad, who hasn't won our knockout league, I don't think since we've had the knockout rule. But he's been voted out three times.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, I haven't heard from him. I'm honestly. We may have to do like an unplanned wellness check. We've done a few of those, but not for a fantasy.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So Hertz ends up with 4.5 points. He gets. He crushes anybody who had him. Not his fault, but not the big story from that game. Cause Jaden Daniels, not only lockdown offensive rookie of the year, I think five TDs, 82 rushing. Another come from behind win, another super exciting DC moment. And it feels like his mojo came back the last couple. He was definitely hurt there for I don't know how long, but now he's starting to look like him again. But that was such a great win. It felt like they had lost that game five different times. I didn't even know if it was a bad Eagles loss. You know, they had Kenny Pickett and I had the Eagles in a parlay and Kenny Pickett's in there halfway through the first quarter and you're going the fuck. I definitely never wanted to bet on Kenny Pickett again in my life, but he actually wrote me in. I was like, he seems okay.

[Sal Iacono]

And then not offered insurance. Yeah, yeah, I. God bless, you know, Commie fan and ringer Pregame show co host Joe House. But. And I picked this Washington team to make the playoffs. And Jaden, thanks for the offensive rookie of the year loot. But I can't wait to bet against this team in the wild card round. I mean, the starting quarterback goes out. Five turnovers for Washington and a drop pass, maybe the worst big drop pass of the year by Devonta Smith, which would have run the clock. There were two.

[Bill Simmons]

Cause there was that long one with Barkley too was another backbreaker that he.

[Sal Iacono]

Should have had that too.

[Bill Simmons]

By the way. The Giants fans have always said he never catches those. He's got, he's got like butterfingers on big pass plays. And that was yet another one. But the devonte Smith one. There was a lot of those today though. In the cold weather games. I think we forget how cold it is. Like the Bills Pats game, by the second half, everybody looked like they were wearing oven mitts.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, it's not as cold when we're screaming at the TV in our toasty.

[Bill Simmons]

Living room wearing a blanket.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but Washington needed every, every bit of everything we just named to. To win that game. I mean they. Are they the full shit team? I mean they, you know, starting with the Hail Mary, I know maybe a few unlucky breaks with injuries, but honestly.

[Bill Simmons]

So they're 10 and 5. 10 and 5 right now. The Hail Mary was stupid. They had one other really stupid win and then this one. But I mean this one they earned. You know, like you have. What was it? First down and goal from the nine under 20 seconds left. That should be like the most impossible. It's like a nine yard, two point conversion, guys, wide open. The Eagles just completely fucked it up.

[Sal Iacono]

But yeah, that was dope.

[Bill Simmons]

So in that case, I felt like that was almost. It wasn't a bad Eagles loss until that last drive. Because if your defense is that good, everybody's like, this is the most well rounded, including me. This is the most well rounded team. Now that Detroit's done, their defense is gone, The Eagles, they can get stops. Not only did they not get stops, like that was like one of the worst touchdowns anyone's given up this year.

[Sal Iacono]

It was really bad, guys.

[Bill Simmons]

Wide open in the middle of the end zone.

[Sal Iacono]

You have to think he'll be back hurts. Right? And so if that's the 2, 7 matchup.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

Now it's. Now it spells doom, I think for Washington. I don't think there's any way Philly loses.

[Bill Simmons]

Those games are always weird with them though.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

How many weird Philly, Washington games can we have it's true. And then there's always like fans from either side at both of the games.

[Sal Iacono]

Philly's defense needs to be a little better, that's for damn sure. But like a lot of these top teams, you could say that for.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the weird part was I just, I didn't understand like that, that the 12 man on the field, guys running off, all of a sudden they're just giving up like a 70 yard touchdown to give them the lead. I, there's a lot of stuff I didn't like with them. But you look at the playoff picture like they're locked into the two seed, right? So they, they have Dallas and the Giants left. Dallas, your team is like a surprisingly hard out. Now. I don't think that's a cross off by any means, especially if they decide to sit Hertz for a week. So if it's you against Penny, Penny Pickett next week. Yeah, you might be eight and eight. So they're locked into the two seed and then the, the, the one seed is just bizarre. Where Detroit feels like they, they've lost like one time in three. Minnesota is controlling everything. If they just win their last two games, they're going to be the 1 seed.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. Now that. Yeah, right now. The Philly loss. Yeah, you're right. I didn't think about that. Yeah, I mean, listen, I have to, I think I have to go to Vikings intervention. You have to throw an intervention for me because every Sunday I come on here and I praise Sam Darnold and he has 32 touchdown passes now. And then Friday I'm like, oh, who are they playing? They're not going to show up this week. I'm going to take Seattle. I get it. Right. Right in the keister. I mean, it's, it's ridiculous what Minnesota and Donald are doing and I'm not. I'll probably take the packers next week.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't believe you just used the word keister. Yeah, that's like. No, no, it's just 70s, mid-70s people and up. It's like Aunt Chippy and your dad might have gotten that one. And that's it.

[Sal Iacono]

I just came from saying that. I think that's the problem.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I bet on Minnesota this week.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, you did?

[Bill Simmons]

And mainly because we have all these Seattle bets. But I've also. I'm the same way. I said uncle with them a while ago. They're legit. I don't know how many times they have to do it. And I thought what was interesting about that game. So rooting for Minnesota to score. Seattle takes the lead. Minnesota's down four. They actually have to go down and score a touchdown. There's like five minutes left. And I'm sitting there in the couch where I haven't moved for, like, I don't know how many hours, and I'm like, I think Darnold's gonna get this. Like, I swear that was my feeling in the cat. I was like, he's gonna get it. I really think he's gonna go down the field.

[Sal Iacono]

I thought you were gonna do the orgasm face again. I was worried there. All right. Sitting on the couch.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what's funny about those is when I'm doing that as a joke to make you laugh, and then it gets cut out as blog posts. It's like, look at this weirdo dude. I'm like, I'm literally doing a joke. You can't cut that out. Try to make fun of me when I'm doing a joke.

[Sal Iacono]

They caught you off guard.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I was like, oh, my God, what's he doing? It's like, I'm doing a joke. But anyway, Minnesota down four. And Darnold, he's done it I don't know how many times this year, but there's seven, eight quarterbacks in the league that I feel like can get that done. Wasn't an easy scenario, but he's got these two great receivers that always seem to be open in the right times. But that throw breaks through. He's got pressure, cuts through throws like, almost like a semi sidearm. He's got to beat the safety. It was just a great play. And then Gino became Geno at the end of the game, which they got.

[Sal Iacono]

A little lucky because they got the face mat. Was it a face mask called on Darnold? It's one of those things where there's three guys about to sack him and one of the idiots, like, puts his hand on the face. Man.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

And then, like, you got to call that. There's nothing about it, but it was a great throw. And he. He marched. He. He is so, so cool under pressure and marches him right down the field. And Jefferson has five touchdowns in the last three games. Like, I don't want to say he was missing. He was MIA the first 10.

[Bill Simmons]

They were double teaming him. Yeah, they were taking him out. They were like this, go throw to Addison and go throw to Hawkinson.

[Sal Iacono]

They're only going to get better, I think. And so why am I going to bet against them again? God damn.

[Bill Simmons]

I think you could if. If we're just Going, who do you trust the most right now? I think there's a real case for them because it always feels like they can score when they need a touchdown. Their defense can create enough havoc that they can get some stops. They always seem to grab a turnover when they really need one.

[Sal Iacono]

And Gankel is always in. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

And they're exceptionally coached. We make fun of coaches a lot. Like my Patriots today who had two really good drives in a row to start the game, but then as the game went along, the wheels start to come off. We had a backward lateral on like our own eight yard line that ended up getting recovered for defensive touchdown. Like, what are we doing? Why are we having Drake May whip a screen pass to Stevenson who's already fumbled, who isn't exactly Mr. Hands in 9 degree weather inside our own 10 yard line? Like, what are we doing? Why are we punting from, you know, midfield when we're down 10? You watch that stuff.

[Sal Iacono]

And then you watch minute two though. You had the nice fake there. That was fun.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, he had the fake punt but, but then you watch Minnesota and it's like I just, I agree with everything they're doing. This team has it. They're really well coached. Flores is great on defense. O'Connell knows what the fuck he's doing. Really good team. I'm in on the Vikings. I think they're legit.

[Sal Iacono]

I think they are too. And I think they play defense. And if you talk about like the four or five top teams, like, you know, obviously the Lions are. Didn't kill them today, but There's. Their front seven is injured. You know, they have 22 guys on IR or out. Most of those are defensive players. We saw the Bills defense. I don't know how much more you need to see out of that. Who else? Philadelphia was bad today. Like really Just like the Chiefs and Vikings are the only two teams defensively right now with a few weeks left. And I'm comfortable with.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, The Pats had 28 first downs on the Bills defense today.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow. We have no receivers like we are. We have an offensive coordinator that will do 10 dumb things a game. And we had first downs.

[Sal Iacono]

It wasn't that good today.

[Bill Simmons]

May was that good in the second half. I'll admit it.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, he was. I mean, you know, listen, you give him, you give him 15 chances to score from inside the five, he's going to freak, he's going to hurt you. That's what he did at the end. Don't you don't do that because he will show you Up.

[Bill Simmons]

Come on. Why are you making fun of me, my teammate? I have the second pick in the draft right now next to Antonio Pierce.

[Sal Iacono]

That is nice.

[Bill Simmons]

Antonio Pierce, like, fist pumping in the sidelines. Like, we did it. We dropped from two to six. We got this. Wait, going back to that. Let's talk Washington, Philly, Minnesota, that whole vortex. So the Hertz concussion, I think, is in the running for one of the biggest football moments of the year because it didn't just feel like it swung the seeds. It also happened during semifinals in fantasy.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I was trying to think of what injury that, you know, he'll be fine in a week or so, but what, like, relatively minor but sucky injury would have had more impact on more people. Hertz is like a top five fantasy quarterback. Like, I guarantee he was on all the same. So it was just like a crazy moment. And then watching Pickett go in there, and you're thinking, like, for Washington, like, this is really good for them. Like, they.

[Sal Iacono]

They.

[Bill Simmons]

If they're any good, they should probably steal this game. And then they couldn't do it for two hours. But so that happened. And then the Minnesota thing, and Seattle's out now, it seems like. Right. I mean, they're not officially out, but.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, they play the Rams. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

I know, but they're a game back. They gotta. They basically need the Rams to lose next week. They need to win next week, and then they need to beat.

[Sal Iacono]

And those Rams will. I mean, there's a couple games they've won. Scoring one or no or two touchdown. Right. It's just. They just get it done. So weird with them.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what's weird about them? They're like a January team. They're like the opposite of what their profile is. You know, like, you think of them, you think that they're like this dome team. They're going to be in these 37. They're in these ugly, like, 19 to 16, 20 to 17. Like, that kind of makes more sense when you're watching them. The jets didn't punt. I don't think they punted today. Or they punted. They punt in once. But just like, ugly turnovers. Going for it on fourth down, not getting it. I don't know. I did.

[Sal Iacono]

I.

[Bill Simmons]

They're like one of those boxers that you can't, like, figure out what their style is. They really, like, they run the ball really well. Some weeks. Other weeks they don't. Some weeks, Stafford looks like he's 40. Other weeks, he looks like he's 25. I don't have a handle on them at all, do you?

[Sal Iacono]

I don't either. I don't know. Yeah. I want to say I want to bet against them in the playoffs, but if Stafford. I think Stafford's going to struggle in cold weather a little bit. I think we saw that in the numbers. Support that. And, you know, if Aaron Rodgers just didn't hand them the ball at the end, that might have been a. Might have been a game. He was awful. Oh, really good. Really good.

[Bill Simmons]

He was awful.

[Sal Iacono]

But. But, yeah, they have. What? What? Like what? They score against San Francisco 12 and then barely 19 today. In 10, 10 days. They. I think they have two. Three touchdowns now. Two weeks.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's a lot of, like, it's a little Chiefsish.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Where they're. If it's. If it's. If it feels like. If it's close in the fourth quarter, you feel like they're going to pull it out. And I'll show McVeigh and he's like high fiving people and doing that whole thing. The other big scenario that happened today and you could feel coming Thursday after that game flipped with the Chargers and the Broncos, it's like all of a sudden Cincinnati doing the sleeper hold. Since then, it's like one, two, and it's like, oh, oh, the finger. Oh, my God, what's going on? They've won three straight. They're missing their left tackle and their right tackle and their defense is awful. That was pretty good today. And yet somehow they're still alive. And if they have, they're playing Denver at home next week and then at.

[Sal Iacono]

Pittsburgh, which might not mean anything. Pittsburgh could be in that scenario where they're, oh, we're the sixth seed. We don't care if we're the seventh seed. You know, doesn't seem like teams really mind.

[Bill Simmons]

Pittsburgh could be the five seed. Yeah, they could be five or six and not even care. And then they need Miami and Indiana to Indianapolis to lose.

[Sal Iacono]

Can I just say something?

[Bill Simmons]

Which, by the way, is not. Miami's playing Cleveland and the Jets. Indianapolis is playing the Giants and Jaguars. Those teams might run out.

[Sal Iacono]

Right, right, right. I had my biggest bet of the year. I'm gonna come clean. Penn State, Cincinnati teaser. And I was so mad at the Bengals. I was like, how the frick are you not putting this game away? You know, like, this is. This. You make.

[Bill Simmons]

They're 17 points for two hours.

[Sal Iacono]

Jesus. And you got Dorian Thompson, Robinson, Pete, whatever his name is running up and down the field like, are you kidding? I know. It was 24 6, but yeah, can't they. This is, you know, this is the defense. You know, your defense has been awful all year long. Can you just keep it in check against Cleveland, not. Not scare us so much?

[Bill Simmons]

No. Nobody would believe it from the box score. I actually really enjoyed the bad football. I had bets on every game except the Rams, Jets. I was like, I'm not going near that. I don't like what. We talked better with the Rams, but that Cleveland game was close. Their kicker missed a couple kicks. Dorian Thompson. Robinson was terrible at the. Exactly the wrong times, but for the most part seemed pretty competent. Their defense was doing a good job, I thought, against the Bengals.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it felt like they were hanging around, hanging around. And all of a sudden it was going to be 17, 13, and they're going to have the ball with five minutes left. I was freaking out, too. I didn't understand why the Bengals couldn't close it.

[Sal Iacono]

It's a sexy bet. I know Our. Our buddy Raheem went with it plus 6, 80 to make the playoffs. I haven't checked it. Of course. It's. It's lower now. That's what it was this morning. But I don't even know if they run the table. Even with that slate that you said home against Denver.

[Bill Simmons]

Their defense is bad. Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Everyone's doing that. You don't want to see them and it's like, nah, I think I'd feel good about seeing them, actually. They can't stop any. Anybody.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, they're very consistent.

[Bill Simmons]

So you have them. You have Denver, who really looks like Smoke and Mares personified. Miami, who actually got a good game from TUA today. We'll talk about that later. And then Indianapolis, who ran for 335 yards today against a terrible Tennessee team. But if you catch them in the right 20 minutes, they look pretty good.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And I don't know, one of those teams is going to be the seventh seed. And I. Who. Who. Who do you be the most afraid of out of those four?

[Sal Iacono]

So if you're. Who. Let's say who's the two? Would we say Buffalo?

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's going to be Buffalo. Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

So you.

[Bill Simmons]

You're hoping to come?

[Sal Iacono]

Myself, but maybe Cincinnati. But I. Yeah, yeah. Miami wouldn't scare me if I'm Buffalo going there.

[Bill Simmons]

Colts wouldn't scare you?

[Sal Iacono]

No, no. They. They can't to. I don't know. Are they going to have a balmy day in January? Like, I don't. I don't see it if I'm Buffalo. But. But they're going to kill everybody. I think. What do you think? Who would you be most?

[Bill Simmons]

Miami I'd be fired up about because cold weather, they have no chance.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Indianapolis, Richardson in a playoff road game, no chance. Denver, Bo necks. I don't see it. Right, sorry. I know you love Bonix but.

[Sal Iacono]

No, it's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

That seem, seems like that that team has like a good hour in them and they kind of need the lead and then they kind of hold on their offense.

[Sal Iacono]

Bonix. I do like them pretty much the same as last year. If you look at the numbers, it's a defense that's allowed seven fewer points a game.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Benito turned into one of the best guys in the afc. I would be the most scared of Cincinnati. Not I. I know it sounds like I'm contradicting what I said before, but I think the team that beats Buffalo in the playoffs, it's just going to be the classic. We outscored them. We won 42 to 40. We won 38 to 35. Like you're not stopping Buffalo. Anyway, so weirdly the Bengals not having a defense, I don't know if that matters because whenever Buffalo wants to move the ball downfield, they do. What's interesting about them, Cooper again didn't do anything today. One catch for 10 yards.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And that was their big trade deadline move. It makes me wonder like should anyone trade for a receiver during the season? Like the Adams is doing well for the jets because Rogers is throwing to him 28 times a game trying to get him going. But meanwhile they scored nine points.

[Sal Iacono]

But yeah, I don't know, I don't know what's going to be with. Yeah, you're right with Buffalo, but I think with Cincinnati, even if they do out slug Buffalo, there'll be a time to just bet against them. Right. This team doesn't win two, three games in the playoffs and it's not built like that at all.

[Bill Simmons]

No, but they could win one. And I think if you look back at the season they just had. So what's their record? Are they, are they 500 yet? They are. They're seven and eight. Yeah, but they had how many dumb losses? KC 26 to 25. Washington 38 to 31. That was stupid. Baltimore 41, 38. That was dumb. They lost that other Baltimore game. 35, 34. They lost that stupid Chargers game. 34, 27. And then they lost that Steelers game when they put up 38 points. Like they've kind of been around some of these losses but I do think, I think they could play like a 38 to 35 type game and maybe Burrow is just awesome. So that's who I wouldn't want to play if I was Buffalo.

[Sal Iacono]

And they have superstars Chase Brown, Higgins and Jamar Chase. But yeah, it is interesting. They're almost exactly the opposite of the Chiefs who have somehow made a deal with all the players and the organization that we're not going to break 31 points this year. We're going to three peat but never scored 31. And here Cincinnati scoring 31 like you know, three at every four games and can't get with like, you know, less than 500.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Even. Even in the Casey game this week was like God forbid they took a 10 point lead.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

The other team always has to be within one possession with 10 minutes left for some reason. I will say though, with KC and it's a little like Usyk watching him just kind of figure out how to win the last few rounds. You just feel like when you're in your fourth quarter, they're Chiefs. You just feel like they're going to figure it out somehow.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it doesn't really make sense as you're watching it. They don't seem really better than any team they're playing. You know, you're not like, whoa, look at those guys. It just always feels like they're just going to make two plays and steal it. But if I was the rest of the league, I'd be dying to play them.

[Sal Iacono]

I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

I would just feel like, we can beat these guys. Watch this tape. We can take these guys.

[Sal Iacono]

I just think it's all bullshit. I really do. They're good. They know you. Like you said, they know how to be there at the end and yet they don't have a go to guy other than Mahomes offensively. Right. It's like, oh, Noah Gray. Oh, all right. He's their guy. Oh, Kelsey can only catch a three yard pass and spin for five, you know. Yeah, but I don't know. And also just. Can we stop with the high ankle sprain garbage? Like that's. Don't call it that anymore. That's not what it is. If he's not wearing a boot on Wednesday, it's not. Call it tooth decay. That's closer to what he has than a high ankle sprain. If he's running around, it's a full participant in practice on Tuesday. Give me a break.

[Bill Simmons]

It was like an ankle tweak.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That they tried to sell. Like it was this terrible. Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

When you Run off your curb to get the mail or something. That's what it is.

[Bill Simmons]

So Deborah has Cincinnati and KC left. Chargers have the Pats in Las Vegas. So that's. They're winning with that. Miami, Cleveland and the Jets, Colts, Giants, who are awful. They are the worst team in the league. They just suck. They're so bad. I was having fun in the first quarter of that game thinking, oh, they took the lead 7 nothing. It's like, okay, just don't make any mistakes. Drew Locke is not going to throw some pick sixes. I'm not even going to throw one pick six. I'm going to throw it.

[Sal Iacono]

He got it.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to throw in a Judon.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, right, right. He got it. He knew what he was doing.

[Bill Simmons]

So they play the Giants and the Jaguars. The Jaguars are pretty terrible too. So I don't, I don't think Cincy's going to make it between Miami and Indianapolis. I think one of those teams are going to win.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. It's only two more games now for each of them, so it's doable.

[Bill Simmons]

Special season for the Cleveland quarterbacks. I added up the touchdowns and interceptions. What do you think?

[Sal Iacono]

Who was the best? Was James the best?

[Bill Simmons]

Probably the, probably the most productive both ways. What do you think for TDs and interceptions for the team? All the guys combined.

[Sal Iacono]

Eight, 11, 21.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that was pretty negative. 18 touchdowns somehow. 20, 20 picks, 18 touchdowns, if that. Well, James had like 13, six weeks.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, that's true. He went crazy in that, that one Monday night game too. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What would you guess for Thompson, Robinson's career touchdowns and picks?

[Sal Iacono]

I know he's amongst the lowest ever for QBRs. So.

[Bill Simmons]

Six, 14, I don't know, nine picks, one touchdown.

[Sal Iacono]

Is that what it is?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. We probably should have talked about that on the ringer Sunday pregame. It's like, hey, one of these two teams has a guy who has one touchdown and seven picks.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Now he's got one for nine. All right, switching gears, this NFL Monday Night Football fanduel wants you to win even bigger. Right now, all customers can get a 30% live profit boost on the Monday Night Football game. That means you can boost your next NFL live bet by 30% and take home even more winnings during the Monday Night Football game. I love the packers to just destroy New Orleans. I plan as soon as we we guess the lines with Sal and then I know what the lines are. I plan on taking the packers money line and putting it with multiple games from week 17. So packers to win a mall in you can bet on over unders spreads, player props so much more. And if you win, you'll get paid instantly on FanDuel. So don't wait. Download America's number one sportsbook Take Advantage of a profit boost today must be 21 + and President select states are 18 + and President DC opt in required max wager amount applies. Bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens restrictions apply including token expiration. See terms for Both offers at sportsbook.fanduel.com, see [e-mail] Gambling problem. Call 1-800-Gambler or visit rg-help.com I have a segment we're going to call Murder Watch.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh good.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. First up, the Raiders murder their top two pick. The Raiders are locked into it's a two quarterback draft. How do you feel about Cam Ward? What's your take?

[Sal Iacono]

I like him better than Shador Sanders. I still don't. You know my problem is I bet all these guys and lost a lot of money on them.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

And I've cursed Shador Sanders for hanging around the pocket too long and taking bad sacks, but I like his mechanics. I just feel like Cam Ward is more NFL ready right now and I'm like I said last week, I'm not sure any team because you get the Dion BS with it, right? I mean you can't.

[Bill Simmons]

True.

[Sal Iacono]

You can't shed that if you take Shador. So I don't know why. So you're thinking Raiders. I mean who would be more fun?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the Raiders. Right now it's Giants one. They're taking a quarterback. Raiders were the second pick. They desperately need a quarterback. Even though I guess I wouldn't say O'Connell was good, but he at least was. You know, it's like when my dad drives to my stepmom's house in Albany. It's like he got there.

[Sal Iacono]

You're proud of like that.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's like a compliment. Raiders go from two to six because they lose today. Pat's move into two. So all my Pats text threads if we just hold on. Chargers next week, Buffalo Week 18. That two start just hold on at 3 and 14 and then we're in the trade spot. Right.

[Sal Iacono]

So what do you want? What do you even want?

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, I don't know. Like let's say the Raiders are six and they want to move up for Shador Sanders at number two. It's at least number the six pick. Next year's first some other stuff. Tennessee is going to Need a quarterback and the Giants. So three teams in the top seven need a quarterback. There's only two. And what I didn't want was for the Pats to be third, so. So right now it's Giants, Pats, Jaguars, Tennessee, Cleveland, Vegas, Carolina. And the irony of this is Mac Jones helped us twice after completely murdering us last year. He wins a game to push them to three wins and push them behind us and then loses. Today, the Raiders pushes them ahead of us. So he pushes.

[Sal Iacono]

Is it irony or is he still on the pay? Is he still on the payroll? Maybe he is.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe it's one of those things we didn't change the.

[Sal Iacono]

Too much irony. Yeah. So the Raiders you're going to get. So what do you get? You want a big lineman to protect this guy, right?

[Bill Simmons]

We need a lineman. That's what you have to scouting, scouting left tackle footage, which is about as boring as it gets.

[Sal Iacono]

It's not going to be sexy. You're not going to. You don't want the wide receiver. You already said that. Right. So.

[Bill Simmons]

No, it's like, hey, let's take a long look at Kelvin Banks Jr. In Texas. Anyway, I don't know, we'll see what that picks worth because once we get closer to the draft and people start getting excited about the quarterbacks and then you start forgetting the bad stuff and I don't know what. How it's going to play out. All right, that's one murder. Miami murders. The Niner season officially now you can say it was on life support. They were awful. And I really don't know where I stand on the Brock Purdy contract extension now because I haven't. Like, he had another. A couple terrible plays today and I don't know, once you start removing those weapons, Deebo's not quite Deebo anymore. There's no Iuk anymore. There's no McCaffrey. And he just looks like another guy that I'm watching who's good at scrambling and occasionally throws the ball up for grabs.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, there's just no way to tell with him, you know, I mean, I guess we're getting a look now, like, right. Like he was the guy that everybody, everyone needed to be there. Like you said, the conditions have to be ideal, Shanahan, but you and I.

[Bill Simmons]

Were both in on him. Like, we were. Like, this guy's impressive. You gotta handle it.

[Sal Iacono]

Flopped a thousand times on Birdie, I would say, but I do, I still think he's worth it, man. I watch these 10am games on the West Coast. I see eight or nine bad quarterbacks. So what are we talking? 50, 55 million? I feel like. I don't know. I think you're going to get. We could win 10 or 11. You don't think so? You think all these guys are going out?

[Bill Simmons]

I wouldn't do it. I don't. I don't want to pay $50 million a year for somebody that's not. You're in the TUA situation again. TUA was good today, but I don't. Do you want to pay Tua 50 million a year? If you want.

[Sal Iacono]

I think that's. He might be worth it. When you look at these other guys, you got to start.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know how you build a. How do you build a great team around him? Because you need a better line. Like, Trent Williams has been out and all of a sudden he can't block anymore.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That's interesting to me. The question would be, is there a Darnold every year now? And there won't be a Darnold this year because I think if Minnesota doesn't bring him back now, this is lunacy. But maybe that's the move is you trade for J.J. mcCarthy, you know?

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

The Niners have like the 10th pick in the draft. Maybe they're just like, let's take that guy off your hands.

[Sal Iacono]

But what that. I mean, that's a monster. That. That's a first round pick. So you're going to trade?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

McCarthy went eighth last year and got hurt.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think we're at this year.

[Sal Iacono]

When you say, is there another Sam Darnold? This is kind of like a unicorn situation. This is what, his seventh or eighth.

[Bill Simmons]

We had Baker Mayfield the year before.

[Sal Iacono]

Like, there's not too many guys who need seven years to prove themselves, is there?

[Bill Simmons]

Could be Zach Wilson next year, I guess. Could be Cooper Rush.

[Sal Iacono]

Ooh, interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

Would you take them first for Cooper Rush or no?

[Sal Iacono]

I think we gotta get two first. And someone has to fix the roof.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I mean, you're probably right. History of the NFL says Donald's a complete anomaly. You can't count on getting lucky like that again. And other teams have tried, but like Geno Smith on Seattle, they were able to patch that together. Yeah, I think it happens a little more than people realize. But what I know doesn't work is paying somebody 50 million who might not be worth it. I'd be really nervous about that.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. 49ers. The window might have closed with this. With this core group for sure, but. But that's still. That offense does hum when McCaffrey's there and Iuk's there and everybody else, so they have to keep. Man. It really is the Trent Williams thing, though, isn't it? That's the big piece. A little different without him. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

When we did our futures draft before the year and you tapped out, I won the Fogo to Chow. I can't wait for next year. Now that we know it's like whoever taps out first loses.

[Sal Iacono]

What do you mean I did.

[Bill Simmons]

You tapped out? Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

Futures, back and forth.

[Bill Simmons]

You ran out.

[Sal Iacono]

I got.

[Bill Simmons]

You ran out of futures.

[Sal Iacono]

I'm gonna win. I'm gonna win. I did five.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I'm definitely winning. I, I, I hit more. Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

I have, I had some, I had some great ones. I had some plus three hundreds. I had some big ones.

[Sal Iacono]

We gotta look at those. I want to see those. That's.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I think I'm going to win, but one of the ones I took at the tail end after you tapped out was niners under nine and a half wins and it was plus 260. So that I wish next year. I just want to print all these out. What do you think niners under seven and a half wins would have been like? Plus 700?

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. That's nuts. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I think we have to remember that for next year. There's always going to be one or two teams that are like five wins worse than whatever the over under is. And with some crazy 7 to 1 value. Try to guess in each conference what team it's going to be.

[Sal Iacono]

What was McCaffrey's prognosis when we had done that? Like, he might miss one game? We were.

[Bill Simmons]

No, we were dubious. We thought he might be out for like the first month.

[Sal Iacono]

We thought that. But the day. Did they. I mean, we know better than everybody, but. No, but what were they saying? They said, really, maybe a month ago. They weren't saying anything.

[Bill Simmons]

It was dodgy. It was dodgy enough that it affected our fantasy draft, Right?

[Sal Iacono]

That's true. Yeah. I want to look at those numbers. I picked offensive rookie of the year winner. I picked possibly the defensive player of the year. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

One of your best ones was you had Pat's worst record. Detroit best record was like 36 to 1. You're not going to hit it. Oh, but I had, I hit a bunch of, like, Pats, unders, NFC South. I had, I, I did pretty well.

[Sal Iacono]

We got to pull.

[Bill Simmons]

It's going to be a good battle. We'll see. There's a lot of ones Left. But we did well in the overrunners too. That Miami Niners game. I don't know what happened to Tyreek. I don't know whether he got paid or he's. But it feels like he's not as. It feels like Johnny Smith's the most valuable offensive worker they have now. But they really ran the ball today. And it was the first time they ran the ball in a while. Now, granted, they're playing this Niners team that felt like it was whatever, but it did make me think like this is kind of the Miami team we thought they were going to be before the season. This like, speedy team that could also like really pound you with this crazy run game. And it feels like they're figuring out a little bit. I thought they played really well in that game.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, how surprised were you to hear that Tua threw his hundredth touchdown pass of his career?

[Bill Simmons]

That makes sense. That's like 25 a year.

[Sal Iacono]

I don't know why. It really threw me for a loop. I was like, this guy has a hundred. That's exactly what I thought. He's had 25 for a year. Yeah, but they're sitting all that time.

[Bill Simmons]

We've been really harsh on him. I thought he was good today. And Tyreek dropped two touchdowns that he agreed he was good.

[Sal Iacono]

He pulls those in. You know who's good? Me. For taking the over in that game. 14.

[Bill Simmons]

Let's talk about that.

[Sal Iacono]

14 and 2 with my wisest wagers. Just, just let me get this out. Just. Everybody set your alarm. If you're on the west coast, watch the ring of pregame show on YouTube TV on the West Coast. It's 8.04 in the morning. You catch my bet, you plug it into FanDuel and you go to sleep until 1 or 4. You'll wake up a winner.

[Bill Simmons]

You're on a heater because the one today was super lucky.

[Sal Iacono]

It really was.

[Bill Simmons]

You were going to lose. You were under. HN is up 5 with like less than 2 minutes left. Running for a first down. Most guys in the league fall down 5 yard line and he's like, everybody, fuck it. America needs fantasy points in the over. And he just runs right in for the touchdown.

[Sal Iacono]

Big ass smile on his face too.

[Bill Simmons]

You must have been going nuts.

[Sal Iacono]

I was like, this is. This is insane. Yeah, I don't think I'm ever going to lose again. A little four eastern.

[Bill Simmons]

I mailed you guys my 13 pointer today.

[Sal Iacono]

You had that on there.

[Bill Simmons]

The Bills, packers money line, the Bears +20, which I somehow won. And then the Other one was you're over. It's like over. I teased it down to 31. They almost had that in the third quarter.

[Sal Iacono]

You needed it to the. Yeah. In the fourth. Yep. That was good.

[Bill Simmons]

One other funny thing about that game, I think Shanahan is my number one coach where it's like they're down between four and seven points and I feel like they have no chance. Remember that? I actually looked it up because I was like, I vaguely remember there was some weird Shanahan comeback thing. He was like over 37 before the playoff game in January.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Against Green Bay was the first time they came back, but it was yet another one where it's like, eh, Shanahan, they're probably not come back. All right, next murder. Carolina murdered Arizona season.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, they did.

[Bill Simmons]

And Bryce, who we left for dead last week, outplayed Kyler Murray, who yet again as a recurring theme with him both this season and for his career, just cannot stop having three absolutely horrible, abysmal, excruciating plays per game. He can't not do it. And he's been in the league what, six years? I'm out. I was out already, but I'm like all the way out. Doors closed, locked, done.

[Sal Iacono]

It does seem like he's one of the quarterbacks who really should lobby for a three quarter football game. Right. Like you're not going to see fourth quarter is too long for him to not make one or two crucial mistakes.

[Bill Simmons]

Or maybe Mulligans. Yeah, he's like the guy in golf is like, can I get a Mulligan on that? I just, I just almost killed the foursome to the left on the other hole. All right, take another shot. He just has three Mulligan passes that you don't get. Mogan's in football.

[Sal Iacono]

Right. And we used to imagine like when we were growing up if someone kicked. No. Well, no one kicked a 58 yard field goal, but if someone kicked a 58 yard field goal, you were going to win that game. Right. If it was that important. And he couldn't even do it. It was like a punt return for a touchdown. Couldn't even do it. Couldn't win them this game in overtime. Very strange.

[Bill Simmons]

So the guy who kicked the field goal, Chad Ryland, was on the Patriots last year and single handedly lost those three games with terrible kicks and is the reason we have Drake May. There's a couple of people I follow on Twitter that are Pat's people that they call him the Tank Master, the commander and Tank Chief because it was like he just brought us home and he went to Arizona and now he's just banging home 58 yarders in bad condition, like it doesn't matter. He makes everything. Yeah, he's a best offensive player, so he hits that. And by the way, they got really screwed on a call on that end of that game where he was. Kyler scrambled out of bounds and they. They did that. Weird. This is another NFL call that they just have stopped being consistent on ever. Is the guy. If he. Did he fall forward or not? He. All of a sudden the ref's like, no, no, no, keep it going. Even though he seemed like he, you know, was in control of his own out of bounds destiny. I haven't figured that out yet. And then the Panthers win an ot and the Panthers now four wins. This was my lock of the nfc. Five and a half wins under Panthers.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, you're good.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like I'm going to get it.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. Wait, how's it end up for them? I mean, we. My boys.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm a little nervous. They're just playing all the. They're playing the other teams in the. In the conference.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, right, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Or in the division.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, they're at Tampa. I mean, Tampa. Talk about a murder. There's going to be murders if they don't win that game.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. They played Tampa. They're on the road. Tampa and Atlanta, they're not going to win those.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. They got to start thinking about top five picks now.

[Bill Simmons]

Am I good with the NFC South, 25 wins.

[Sal Iacono]

How many is it now?

[Bill Simmons]

They're all playing each other. It's going to be closer to 30 than. I'm a little worried. That was a third time lock.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, there's 25 so far. Oh, I see. I see what you're saying. Oh, man. What? Are you gonna have to hedge? You're gonna have to hedge some dumb week 18 game.

[Bill Simmons]

No. Yeah. Tampa's 8, 16, 20. They have 25 and they're. They're like three where they're playing each other, where somebody wins. So that's like 27. I think I'm gonna get it, but I can't believe I'm sweating it out. And then we're gonna win our NFC east one.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, hold on. Yeah. So it's Buck, Saints and Carolina, Atlanta. So you'll know before week 18. That's week 18.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm okay. I'm going to be fine.

[Sal Iacono]

You'll be good. You'll be good.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm furious that I'm sweating it out, though. Next one, The Rams somehow Remurdered the jets season. It felt like this was like positive vibes with the Jets. Enigma came out. They won last week. It's like, oh, Rogers. If you look at his stats, this is the best season a Jets QB has had in like 12 years. All that stuff. Nope. They sucked. And he sucked. He was terrible.

[Sal Iacono]

He was bad, right? Awful. And you're right, the highlight will show the devonte Adams touchdown. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

But everything else. Poor decisions in the pocket. Can't get free.

[Bill Simmons]

Slow.

[Sal Iacono]

Just slow as shit. I mean, they. They. Who is. What are they talking about? Bringing him back or another team signing him? I just don't get it. I don't care. Please. It has nothing to do with him personally. What would possibly catch your eye that you would sign this guy again?

[Bill Simmons]

I can't think of a single thing. I will tell you another person who's not going to be back.

[Sal Iacono]

Ulbricht.

[Bill Simmons]

He's the 2024 Brandon Staley Award winner. I don't think anyone has a worse sense of when to go for it, when to go for it on fourth down, when to punt. He just fucks it up every time. It's like, whatever's going to work. He's like, I'll just do the opposite. Let me try that. This guy will never be a head coach again.

[Sal Iacono]

He's got brick in his name, the Bricklayer. We gotta. We gotta come up with something for him. But we have two weeks to do it.

[Bill Simmons]

How about you'll never be a head coach again? Can we call him that? Is that a good nickname?

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, it's a little long. I don't know. A little long on a license.

[Bill Simmons]

I just feel like we should have appreciated pit boss Rich a little more when we had him.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And the whole concept of an interim coach with like, real character coming in and just being like a substitute teacher. I don't know. There's a Garrett Wilson subplot with the jets that you can really feel when you're watching them. I just don't think he's going to be on that team next year. And I would love to get him on the Patriots. I'd take him right now.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I think he's really good. And I think Rogers is just favoring Adams and. Or Lazard or whatever guy he has some history with over, like, Garrett Wilson. Garrett Wilson's going to go to another team and be awesome.

[Sal Iacono]

He's got to be great in the right. Right offense, in the right scheme.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

I don't know if it's the Patriots, but it's definitely not the Jets.

[Bill Simmons]

Patriots come to the Patriots play with Drake.

[Sal Iacono]

Remember we were told you have to take Garrett Wilson no later than seventh in the first round and breeds hall fourth. Forget it.

[Bill Simmons]

Garrett Wilson murdered two of my fantasy teams. Here's another murder. Gerard Mayo murdered analytics. I don't know if you caught this. So when the Pats punted from The New England 45 on 4th and 6, 8:33 remaining in the 4th down 10, punting to Josh Allen, the MVP of the league, a surrender index. According to the Surrender Twitter surrender index of 9.08, it ranked in the 95th percentile of cowardly punts of the 2024 season and the 91st percentile of all punts since 1999. Another chapter for Gerard Mayo's new book, Scared Football.

[Sal Iacono]

I love that that cowardly punts has to go on someone's resume. Like if that guy goes for another job, like, all right, let's see you go. Your teammates team seems to like you. Yeah. You did this. All right. Yeah. Oh, cowardly punts.

[Bill Simmons]

Ooh, two cowardly punts in 2024.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, can we get that down? Can we? Can someone write a letter on your behalf explaining the cowardly puns?

[Bill Simmons]

The announcers were praising the Pats today because they, they rolled Drake May out a couple times. Yeah, they played with pace. They did a fake punt. They were like the Patriots aggressive. I'm like, we're three and 11. Like, of course. What are we, what are we protecting? We suck.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. I was sending you live odds for them. They were plus 142 when they're up by 10, what was it, 14?

[Bill Simmons]

Never, never ever, never ever did I think we were winning that game because if I had been panicking about the draft pick, there would have been a moment in that game where I was like, holy shit, we're going to blow this and actually win. But it was the perfect game. Drake may know. He knows the program. Do just enough, get everyone excited. He's going to have a couple dumb 21 year old plays. He has every game because he's 21 years old. But I love him.

[Sal Iacono]

Let me ask you something. I'm being honest. I'm not being a jerk and I do know. But what is the difference between him and Mac Jones? The first 12 weeks of Mac Jones. Oh my God. After 10 weeks, you were saying they should redraft. Mac Jones would be one or two.

[Bill Simmons]

Stop.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, what you did.

[Bill Simmons]

Max Jones was always like a game manager, this guy. So Debundo sent me something. NFL offensive success rate leaders since Week 10, Lions, Packers, Ravens, Bengals, Bills, Rams, Patriots. Yeah, Like Drake Bay is good. We have nobody. We have no receivers we can't block. We have a running back that has seven fumbles this year. Never said there has been a seven fumble player since 2020.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, I'm sorry, but you love Mac Jones. I'm just saying be careful. You love. You did love Mac Jones. Took it.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll go further.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

My favorite Boston rookie of the 21st century.

[Sal Iacono]

What?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Yes.

[Sal Iacono]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I'm all in. I'm all in. I'm happy to be haunted with this clip forever. Drake May is a sure thing. All the PAT fans are naughty now. We've been watching Mike. He's fucking incredible. Team sucks.

[Sal Iacono]

Wait a minute. Wasn't Mookie Betts a rookie for you?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I love Mookie Betts. I have him above Mookie Betts, and I love Mookie Betts.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, man, you are terrible.

[Bill Simmons]

It's so hard to get a quarterback. It's like the fucking single hardest thing to do. I know. You could go decades without one. I really thought after Brady, we'd have no chance to ever have one again. And now we have. This fucking guy fell out of the sky. It's amazing. And the funniest thing is he might not even be the best quarterback in his class because Daniels is also amazing. But if you gave Caleb versus Drake May that, it's like, no contest.

[Sal Iacono]

I can't believe. This is a little much. This is just a tiny bit much.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't feel like it is based.

[Sal Iacono]

On the Mac Jones you did love. You never. You didn't call him a game manager for after 10 weeks. You loved him. You thought he was number one or two in the league. Rookie.

[Bill Simmons]

If. If Harrison started to be like a lifeguard at the beach.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, this is personal now. Yeah. My Harrison or James Harrison mine.

[Bill Simmons]

And he just swam out and saved somebody's life.

[Sal Iacono]

Still wouldn't like him.

[Bill Simmons]

He'd be like, wow, that was nice. If he did it every week, he'd be like, dang, this kid's a hell of a lifeguard. What kind of life. After week, it's just like, saving lives. He's fucking. I can't believe the shit he's doing.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, my God.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, the first drive. The first drive today, he did five, six things that were like, I can't believe he didn't get sacked. I can't believe he got out of that. I can't believe he threaded the needle to booty. He was covered by two guys. How did he get him the ball? Like, he's like incredible.

[Sal Iacono]

But you're. You could believe that he didn't win, right? Because he's done that 12 times.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, not that much that you could believe. No. I'm super excited about Drake. Bang. You're not going to pour water on it, all right?

[Sal Iacono]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

And I'd be excited for Harrison if he was a great lifeguard and just saving lives every week.

[Sal Iacono]

I think both of those are overrun. Over exaggerated 3 and 12.

[Bill Simmons]

Do you really? Have you been watching him?

[Sal Iacono]

I have.

[Bill Simmons]

He's like shockingly good.

[Sal Iacono]

What the f. What? Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

I don't know. All right, I gotta look.

[Bill Simmons]

Give. Give somebody who's super talented, the worst coaching, the worst play calling, the worst blocking and the worst receivers. And then they're still going to get 28 first downs on the road against Buffalo.

[Sal Iacono]

I'm just saying be careful because we've Trevor Lawrence. We saw Mac Jones.

[Bill Simmons]

Trevor Lawrence never did this as a rookie. He was never this competent ever in his life.

[Sal Iacono]

I can't believe. You have to listen.

[Bill Simmons]

Here's what's going to happen. Yeah, here's what's going to happen. Mark my words. The nerds.

[Sal Iacono]

This was a winnable game today. You could have.

[Bill Simmons]

We've had like seven winnable games because of him. We have no good players. We have him and Gonzalez. Here's what's going to happen this week. The nerds, when they do the eq, all the. All, like the fancy stats. May is going to be amazing in these different stats, like the. Pff. All that stuff. I'm telling you, he's going to be great.

[Sal Iacono]

You and the nerds, you should watch games with the nerds.

[Bill Simmons]

Can we bring in Kyle for a second? Kyle, are you. Are you listening to this?

[Sal Iacono]

Well, this is. This is Kyle.

[Bill Simmons]

Tell Sal how good Drake May is because he doesn't seem to believe me. He's really good, Sal. He's really good.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Watch the first half of these games. You should just watch the first half.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, just the first half. Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. He's really good.

[Sal Iacono]

All right. You turned me around. I didn't. I didn't believe you.

[Bill Simmons]

But Kyle, just be on the right side of history of this. Drake May is a guy.

[Sal Iacono]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

It's a guy. He's a guy. This is happening.

[Sal Iacono]

How much are you going to pay for him in fantasy next year?

[Bill Simmons]

I'll say this. He's going to be on all my fantasy teams going forward.

[Sal Iacono]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

What a lunatic you are. What are you doing?

[Bill Simmons]

This is great.

[Sal Iacono]

I'm so happy we have a quarterback again. It's fine. It's fine.

[Bill Simmons]

It's great. I love Tatum. Tatum, first year, I was like, this guy's got it. We got somebody. This guy's like a special guy. And I feel the same way about Drake May. Felt the same way about Ray Boric in 1979.

[Sal Iacono]

I got to look back. You're missing Mookie Betts.

[Bill Simmons]

Same thing. Mookie Betts as a rookie is like, this guy has it.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. And he did have it.

[Bill Simmons]

He did have it. And then he took it to la.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. It'll be around.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, we'll see the Saturday games. Baltimore handled Pittsburgh. Winnable game for Pittsburgh. Russ Wilson. Is it a Pickens thing or is this. This is always who Russ was.

[Sal Iacono]

It doesn't help, but I was waiting for this kind of. I mean, it was the first bad hustle and bustle game we've seen in a while. He fumbled at the goal line and he threw that bad pick at the end there.

[Bill Simmons]

Two terrible plays.

[Sal Iacono]

Honestly, the thing that makes them just like everyone else, if they're going to give up 220 rushing yards. I mean, I know it's Derek Henry, but that defense can't take weeks off, that's for sure. Otherwise, you're going to look at 34, 17 every week.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I agree. I just feel like with Pickens, I'm not willing to make a definitive anything on them until Pickens is back. I want to see what that looks like Wednesday.

[Sal Iacono]

Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Pittsburgh has to win out or they have the five seed. The other team is Houston, who I thought was on pace to maybe win that KC game. That Tank Dell injury was one of the worst injuries in a while. It seemed like it sucked the life out of the game. It sucked the life out of them. All of a sudden they only had one receiver, but it felt like they had a real chance to win that game. And I like the way their defense was playing after that. It was like, eh, they're not going to win this.

[Sal Iacono]

You know what? I think they're mid carders. Who's the WWE comp from the 80s like. Like David Bruno Santo.

[Bill Simmons]

Santana.

[Sal Iacono]

Tito Santana. All right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

On his. On his way down. I would say Santana, Cowboy Bob Orton. Somewhere in there because that's. That's perfect. What the. Right there. But yeah, you're right. That injury was awesome.

[Bill Simmons]

That Venus.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. Vita V. I don't know. No, but they. That was an awful injury. It was gross. It was a lot of emotion. And then the sadness turned to outright hate when Fairbarn missed that extra point, which basically.

[Bill Simmons]

I know he had ice for a half hour.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, that was it.

[Bill Simmons]

So we had those two games. We had terrible college football games, but we had. The fight was awesome.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

[Bill Simmons]

And both of us had a lot of money on Usyk. And after round five, I was super worried because it felt like Fury had put on so much weight, it just felt like he was too big. And it felt like he had somehow stayed in enough shape to battle Usyk. And it felt like Usyk could not figure it out. And then of course he figured it.

[Sal Iacono]

Out when Fury came out with those trunks and they were so high, they were like just right under the nipples. And you're like, oh, yeah, he's hiding that gut. But he kept coming at him. I mean, I hadn't seen heavyweights like that where usually you're going to get clenches for half the round. You didn't get. You got like one or two per round. Like, those guys were just thrown at each other. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And Fury was determined not to be leaned on, be trapped against the ropes. He was always trying to stay in the middle, moving around.

[Sal Iacono]

Could we see it again? I know he's beaten at place, but I don't. You know, it's weird because neither guy was rocked to a point where, oh, man, he's really in trouble in either fight, I don't think. But I'd love to see it again. Like, why not just keep fighting?

[Bill Simmons]

It was great. I would watch Usyk fight anybody. I really love how he kind of changes his style depending on who he's going against. He'll go back and forth in South Pond regular. He just. He's always up to shit. But what about Drake May?

[Sal Iacono]

Would you want him to fight Drake May?

[Bill Simmons]

I think Drake May would beat him.

[Sal Iacono]

I think you believe that too. Kyle. Come on. Come on.

[Bill Simmons]

Jake May's a little brother. He's got beaten up by his brothers for his entire childhood.

[Sal Iacono]

Does Drake May be to Usyk in a fight? Kyle?

[Bill Simmons]

I love Drake May. I am happy to die on this hill.

[Sal Iacono]

Good.

[Bill Simmons]

I am happy we have a guy funeral so far. Remember when Dak was good those first couple games with Dallas and you were like. You were like, fuck, Dak might actually be good. And you kind of just slowly realized, oh, we have a guy.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, but it was an angry guy. I was such a Romo guy there. And he won when he beat Pittsburgh. That was.

[Bill Simmons]

That was my second Angelina Aniston thing.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. My Hormones were way out of whack that season.

[Bill Simmons]

Couple random observations for you. Brian Thomas Jr. Yeah, really good. I think he's the best rookie receiver. The stuff he's doing in these games with the quarterbacks he's had and the amount of times he's been overthrown and all the different things they ask him to do, he's just terrifying. I feel like he's like a top seven receiver now. Right. If we're doing fantasy again right now, I think he's one of the first seven.

[Sal Iacono]

He's stuck on a bad team, I think right now. But I was looking at his comps against Malik Neighbors this year. Neighbors has been out a bunch, but still has more catches and not nearly as many yards or touchdowns or anything else. The guy just knows how to get open. I was looking at these odds. It doesn't matter. Jaden Daniels is going to win, but I think it's a handful of guys who are second. You could put Bowers, you could put Bucky Irving, you could put Brian Thomas Jr. Right in there. I think for a second Thomas Jr.

[Bill Simmons]

Has to have the degree of difficulty of how bad his quarterbacks have been.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And I don't know, I'd love to see a montage of how many times he's been wide open and somebody threw it over his head. But it's at least four times that I can remember watching. But he went 23rd South.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

And Adunse went over him, Neighbors went over him, Marvin Harrison went over him. And there was three teams that needed a receiver. And then he dropped and he dropped. And if you go look at the little pocket of players, all the players are good, like Jared Verse, you go on through. But I was like, God damn, I wish the Pats had traded up for him or somebody. Like, imagine if KC had traded up for him. He was right in that zone where it would have been pretty easy to move up like five, six spots and grab him. But he just seems like he's a home run pick for them.

[Sal Iacono]

So it's hard. I'm not going to say it's hard to pick than a quarterback, but some of these guys are in such like spread weird offenses in college. It's tough to see which is going to translate even with pro days and timing and everything else. But yeah, he was a steal.

[Bill Simmons]

I will say Van Lathan, LSU fan who watched his, watched him there, was adamant that he was going to be awesome.

[Sal Iacono]

Loved it.

[Bill Simmons]

He was like, I don't understand why he's the fourth guy and why like how did they decide that? He was just the fourth best guy out of all these guys. The guy was incredible in college.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Jared got 33 touchdowns this year. Wanted to mention that. Touchdown passes, outside chance for 40. Mm.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, doesn't darnold at 32, is it 33 to 32? I mean, that could be a good week. 18. That'd be fun.

[Bill Simmons]

I was just thinking like, that's one of the great random trades of this century, that Stafford Goff trade, how it rejuvenated the line. I know people have talked about it a million times, but Goff just being miles, leaps and bounds, better than you ever could have expected. If you're the Lions and you're getting him and then Stafford wins the Super Bowl. But imagine me telling you three years ago, Goff is going to be the quarterback on a team that's 13 and two and he's going to have 33 touchdown passes. With two weeks to go, you'd have been like, what?

[Sal Iacono]

I would? Well, you told me the same thing about Mac Jones and I didn't believe you. But yeah, no, you're right. No, he's. If anything else, we could stop the golf and cold weather, can't get it done thing. He's now done in Green Bay. He's done in Chicago. This was an easy trap game. As bad as Chicago has been and they. They butchered him.

[Bill Simmons]

I wrote down, Caleb has replaced Kyler as the new king of garbage. Time.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, maybe down 20.

[Bill Simmons]

That fucking lights it up. Look out. Yeah, here comes Caleb.

[Sal Iacono]

I want him to break the record. Nobody's sacking him enough anymore. It's going to be David Carr's record still. He has like, he has like 60. He needs 70. David Carr is going to be popping the champagne yet another year.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, he has a franchise record.

[Sal Iacono]

He has a franchise record for sacks. Like if they told the Bears like, hey, this quarterback, Caleb Williams, he's going to set a franchise record this year, you'd be like, oh, this is great. Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Franchise record, terrific. Yeah. Hundreds of years Penix the looked fine. Yeah, he's okay. He can move. Unlike Kirk Cousins.

[Sal Iacono]

He was. What was he, 18 for 27. 202, I bet. Maybe you think this is a dumb bet Anyway, I bet no interceptions because I thought they were going to put kid gloves on him. There's going to be a lot of Bijan, going to be a lot of screen passes and that Kyle Pitts. Oh, but he threw player in NFL history and it doesn't even count as a fumble because he catches the ball and bats it right to the defender. Even drops the ones he catches like not called fumbles. Drafted fourth overall. That's a bad pick. That is. That's the worst.

[Bill Simmons]

I would have been more outraged about that. But the Patriots have done that to Drake may like four times this year where they've caught the ball and then just whipped it to the other team. That should have a name. When a guy does that, it shouldn't count as an interception for the quarterback. Should be like a team interception or something.

[Sal Iacono]

It's not good. It's the pits for sure. That said, Falcons defense was the AD drop of the decade. Anyone who had the Falcons defense picked them up Thursday, Friday. Good job by you. You won your fantasy week.

[Bill Simmons]

Last thing I had before guess, the Lions. Ricky Henderson.

[Sal Iacono]

Ah, great.

[Bill Simmons]

Met kind of ahead of his time. Would have been really great with the Internet, like social media. He would have been a whole other level of famous, notorious, everything. I remember doing the unintentional comedy rating, like doing that whole. He was one of the unintentionally funniest athletes we've ever had. He was also great to watch. There was nobody like him. He was way ahead of his time with the on base steals, power. Like all the stuff like we knew in the 21st century mattered, but we didn't really know in the previous century. And in person was one of the seven or eight most memorable baseball players I ever went to see in person. Right. Isn't the same for you?

[Sal Iacono]

Terrific. One of the most entertaining, obviously the fastest you've seen head first, sliding, just taking the base off, just holding the base over his head. We just don't see it anymore because no one's breaking the records like he does. But yeah, I think you're right about the social media. He would be just what Major league baseball needed. Like where Mike Trout. You can't get any good sound bites at all. Ricky Henderson would be all over. He would be basically Yogi Berra from 2000, right. And before the third person stuff was.

[Bill Simmons]

So fucking funny with him.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh yeah, like he.

[Bill Simmons]

Other people have done it. He did it the best. I remember I went to Yankee Stadium once with a couple of my high school friends and we sat in the left field bleachers. He was playing left field, it was like late 80s and he'd run out every inning and our whole section was just screaming Ricky, Ricky. Trying to get him to turn around. And he came out every inning for like five, six innings and he wouldn't turn around. And we're just, yeah, we're drinking. We're like, ricky, come on, Ricky. One time, Ricky just stonewalling us.

[Sal Iacono]

Nothing.

[Bill Simmons]

And then, then, like the sixth inning, we're like, ricky, Ricky. And then finally he turned around, huge smile on his face and tipped his hat. But we had been doing it for, like two hours. We were like, what was the tipping point for him? Was it like, we couldn't have done that in the third inning, but it was just. We just. It was so much fun to just watch him, like, walk around, interact with people.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Nobody like him.

[Sal Iacono]

His hearing was very bad, so maybe he didn't just notice it. He was hearing aid. He was so much fun. What a bummer.

[Bill Simmons]

It felt like he was on a lot of teams, too. Like, he was in the Red Sox.

[Sal Iacono]

He was. You do back in the Mets and Yankees grid with him all over the place.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we had a fun year with him just watching him. I mean, he was an older version of himself, but. All right, guess the lines. What's the score?

[Sal Iacono]

Let's do it. You're up eight, seven, one heading into week 17. Yeah. Eight, seven.

[Bill Simmons]

Sal, I don't know if you know this, but there's Christmas Day games this year on Wednesday.

[Sal Iacono]

Are there really? Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What?

[Sal Iacono]

I mean, cbs, NBC, Netflix. Netflix. The one where you mail in that. You mail in the DVDs and you get them back. How is that going to work?

[Bill Simmons]

20, 20 people doing the two games? Pretty much everybody.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, that's a lot. Yeah. You're not there. You hate that.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, it seems like they're only going to have four or five people on the. On the thing. But what you can do for them is nothing can be worse than Jack Collinsworth interviewing like Tony Dungy for. What is that segment? Why doesn't Jack Collinsworth get to make points? He's like, tony, what do you think about. Yeah, no, what do you think about their defense? Well, he's just setting him up for questions.

[Sal Iacono]

Like, yeah, it's weird if Tony Dungy just asked himself the questions. So I guess that's how it has to be.

[Bill Simmons]

That would be amazing.

[Sal Iacono]

You'll learn a lot from this guy, Jack. Just ask him anything.

[Bill Simmons]

The Cowboys just play. That is the greatest game I've ever seen, Jack, let's get a drink.

[Sal Iacono]

I can watch these two teams play. Don't March secondary.

[Bill Simmons]

Christmas Day Chiefs at Steelers. So spoiler alert. I have home underdogs for both games. Chiefs at Steelers. I have Chiefs by two and a half in Pittsburgh.

[Sal Iacono]

Here's where the cheating, the Netflix cheating begins. I had three. It is two And a half. Exactly.

[Bill Simmons]

Should be two and a half. You need a Pickens back for this game.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Super winnable game for the Steelers.

[Sal Iacono]

This is a good one. Which. Which NBA game is this up against? You're not going to watch any NBA, are you?

[Bill Simmons]

I might sneak. Sneak a little. I don't know what the NBA is doing with the scheduling. Three games today. It's like, God forbid they had it. God forbid they had a game going against Cincinnati and Dallas on Sunday night. A game that literally meant nothing. God forbid he had one game going against that.

[Sal Iacono]

They wouldn't do that.

[Bill Simmons]

No. Didn't make sense. They're like intentionally shooting themselves in the foot.

[Sal Iacono]

Are your Celtics play at 2 o'clock, so you should be good.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a board Celtics team just waiting to get to April. Now the Celtics are. Anytime they're favored by 10 and up against anybody, you got to be careful. Like that first Bulls game they played. I know in the first quarter I'm like, oh, it's one of these games. Okay, I got it.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, let me know because I'll live bet against them. I know you won't, but just send me a little text. We'll split.

[Bill Simmons]

Tatum's been great. Next one is Ravens at Houston. No. Tank Dell. No. Stefan Diggs.

[Sal Iacono]

Mid Carters Salvatore Belomo. Here we go.

[Bill Simmons]

Salvatore Belomo, SD Jones, Ivan Putsky.

[Sal Iacono]

He's perfect, actually. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I have the Ravens by two and a half.

[Sal Iacono]

All right, that's exactly what I had. It is three and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a tough one.

[Sal Iacono]

I'd be surprised if Baltimore.

[Bill Simmons]

What's the bet for.

[Sal Iacono]

For Wednesday? Celtics. No, man. I kind of like both favorites. Kind of do.

[Bill Simmons]

I like the Steelers and the Tees Thursday. So we have two Wednesday games and then somehow they're like, let's also have a Thursday game.

[Sal Iacono]

Barely.

[Bill Simmons]

Seahawks at the Bears. I have another road favorite. I have Seahawks by two and a half.

[Sal Iacono]

I changed this. I had three and a half. I changed it to four and a half. We're going to split it. It is three and a half. I went four and a half. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Thank God they fired Matt Eberfluss.

[Sal Iacono]

That fixed freaking disaster.

[Bill Simmons]

That fixed it.

[Sal Iacono]

It really is something.

[Bill Simmons]

Sunday marquee. This is a really good game. Vikings, packers in Minnesota. Say one of the five best games of the year.

[Sal Iacono]

Really good.

[Bill Simmons]

I had the Vikings by two because I think people, there's a shred of doubt, like, which even you have. It should be a three, but I'm going to say Vikings by two.

[Sal Iacono]

I had three and a Half. And I still need some convincing that it shouldn't be. You're right. It's one and a half. You get it.

[Bill Simmons]

What did you guess?

[Sal Iacono]

I had three and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, Jesus.

[Sal Iacono]

I mean. What do you mean, Jesus?

[Bill Simmons]

No, people like this packers team.

[Sal Iacono]

I know they have one and a half is like.

[Bill Simmons]

That's an even field line. Now. That means if it was in Green Bay, it would be Green Bay by one of them.

[Sal Iacono]

It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be. Packers off a short week and Vikings. I'm. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to take the packers after all this nonsense talk.

[Bill Simmons]

But people like the Packers. Wow. So Steelers, packers is a tease. Look at that one. Watchables. I got four. And it's mostly playoff related. Chargers at the Pats. Because the Chargers need it. I think it's. It's a game to watch. It'll also be fun because Drake May is really good at football. You'll enjoy watching him. Drake May.

[Sal Iacono]

This is a Saturday game. Saturday morning.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. For us, it's. Oh, you're right. It's a Saturday game.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. It's three Saturday games. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, see, I didn't mark down my Saturday games.

[Sal Iacono]

I win the week. This is like signing your golf card at the end. I win the week.

[Bill Simmons]

Chargers, Pats. I have the Chargers by four in New England.

[Sal Iacono]

All right, I get this. I said six and a half and it's five and a half. That's stupid.

[Bill Simmons]

It's too high. I like the Pats.

[Sal Iacono]

No. Have you seen their quarterback?

[Bill Simmons]

The problem for the Pats in this game is they had the lad McConkey pick, number 34, traded backwards three spots to 37 to take Polk.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

And then with the fourth rounder they got, they took Baker and McConkey on Thursday night. Had more yards in that game than those two guys had the entire season.

[Sal Iacono]

Polk was good, though. Shit.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Poke lost his confidence.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What happened? Next Saturday game is Bengals, Broncos. This is in Cincinnati. And I think there's going to be a little irrational. Bengals love that. Pushes this line over three to three and a half. Bengals by three and a half.

[Sal Iacono]

All right, well, I was way irrational here. I said five and a half. It's three nobody trusts. FanDuel does not trust the Bengals at all.

[Bill Simmons]

This does feel like a game, too.

[Sal Iacono]

By the way, you know.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I'm on it.

[Sal Iacono]

Okay. All right.

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't realize that I actually did this correctly because the third one I have, I just wrote down watchables and I meant to write Down Saturday because the other one is Rams. Cardinals. Which is also a pretty good game.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Although the Cards have been eliminated. It's in la and I'm going to say Rams by four and a half.

[Sal Iacono]

It's Rams. I got this. Exactly. It's five and a half. Oh.

[Bill Simmons]

Notice I'm on with these picks. I'm like very close every. This is usually a good sign for my betting.

[Sal Iacono]

This is the Cardinals beat them 4110 in September.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. That was when the Rams were all banged up though.

[Sal Iacono]

Geez.

[Bill Simmons]

Fairly watchables Tampa Bay Buccaneers home for the Carolina Panthers in a game that I think is almost guaranteed to be Joe House's underdog. Moneyline special on the ringer Sunday pregame.

[Sal Iacono]

He shouldn't do it.

[Bill Simmons]

Lock it down. I bucks by eight.

[Sal Iacono]

You're going to get this. I said nine and a half. Why is it nine and a half? It's eight and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I did get it. Teaser.

[Sal Iacono]

They played what, two weeks ago? Three weeks ago.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think I would tease Tampa because of that. I didn't love their defense. That was another iffy game for them. Okay, Next. Fairly watchable Dolphins at Cleveland.

[Sal Iacono]

What does fairly mean anymore? I got to look up fairly well.

[Bill Simmons]

Game for the Dolphins. The Browns are always a dumpster fire. It's cold weather. Miles Garrett. This game could go in a lot of directions. I have Dolphins by six and a half.

[Sal Iacono]

I get this. I said six. It is five and a half. Six to five. You're up.

[Bill Simmons]

That would be a nice little cold weather test for the Dolphins if it's cold. Yeah, right. Let's see what you guys have.

[Sal Iacono]

A quarterback bad enough that you could win where the temperature doesn't matter. It's interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

Is there another quarterback that can play? Are they down the road with Thompson? Robinson? Is there to be anybody else?

[Sal Iacono]

They're talking about signing him for next year already. I was looking into this. Keeping him around.

[Bill Simmons]

Eagles. Cowboys in Philly. And I would have said ten and a half before what I watched today. And now I'm going to say nine.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. You're going to get it anyway. I said eight and a half. It is ten and a half. You should. You could have stuck that.

[Bill Simmons]

Jesus. That's too high.

[Sal Iacono]

34. 6. They beat us in November.

[Bill Simmons]

That's too high. Especially because I'm not convinced Hertz plays next week.

[Sal Iacono]

Are you? Well, is it going to be a dependent neurologist or an independent neurologist that tests us? We shouldn't make jokes. I don't know. Is this his first though, right? Is this his first concussion?

[Bill Simmons]

But the game doesn't 100% matter.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, I gotcha.

[Bill Simmons]

Like why wouldn't they be? Take it easy with him and just play picket for a week, right?

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, it's true. They like beating the Cowboys, that's why.

[Bill Simmons]

But four poop factor games. Bills, Giants in Buffalo. I got bills by 12. Jets, bills, jets. My bad.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Bills minus 12 and a half against the Jets.

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, no. I had 10. It's nine and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Too low.

[Sal Iacono]

Let's take that. Let's. Let's figure something out with that.

[Bill Simmons]

It feels like a three team seven pointer.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Saints home for the Raiders. Awful game. I have the Saints by two and a half.

[Sal Iacono]

Jerk. I had three. It is two and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

Colts at the Giants. What's crazy is I don't think the Giants can be getting under a touchdown against anybody at this point. Who's half decent to somewhat crappy, which is. Colts are in there.

[Sal Iacono]

No, go, go on. You should guess under. Guess under a touchdown.

[Bill Simmons]

I got Colts minus eight.

[Sal Iacono]

Shit. That's at six. It's seven and a half. You got it.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm on this week, so.

[Sal Iacono]

Damn. Hold on, let me count. Can I even.

[Bill Simmons]

I won. You're done.

[Sal Iacono]

Seven, eight, nine, two, three, four, five, six. You're right. Three. I'm down three with three left.

[Bill Simmons]

Jags home for the Titans. I got Jags minus one and a half. I think this is a neutral field line.

[Sal Iacono]

Man, I can't believe how much I'm losing by half a point here. I said two. It is one and a half.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm on it today.

[Sal Iacono]

You really. It's like when the Patriots were cheating at their best. The spy cams and everything. Stealing signs, everything working.

[Bill Simmons]

That's kind of say what you need to say to help yourself.

[Sal Iacono]

That's what you got. Thank you.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, we agreed that minus one and a half is the neutral field line, right?

[Sal Iacono]

I know they shouldn't.

[Bill Simmons]

Are the Jags one iota better than the Titans or vice versa? They both suck. I mean, that's a neutral field line.

[Sal Iacono]

And it was Sunday 6 a couple of weeks ago. Yep.

[Bill Simmons]

Sunday night, Washington home for the Falcons. It's a good game.

[Sal Iacono]

Does it mean anything for the Washington? I know there's like a 3% chance it'll make it or something, but that, that touchdown now that really did kill me.

[Bill Simmons]

Does it mean anything? Let me see.

[Sal Iacono]

So no, they could still.

[Bill Simmons]

I think no Seattle or Atlanta, like the Seattle, Atlanta combo could catch them. Right? Well, you get like a three way tie at 10 and 7.

[Sal Iacono]

Maybe it's bad.

[Bill Simmons]

If they had clinched, we would have heard that they clinched, right?

[Sal Iacono]

No, I know. I saw. Kornacki said.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, and by the way, they're playing Atlanta, which is one of the teams that could catch them.

[Sal Iacono]

So.

[Bill Simmons]

Washington minus three and a half is my guess.

[Sal Iacono]

I get this. I said four. It's four and a half. But I think that's a little high.

[Bill Simmons]

That's too high.

[Sal Iacono]

Atlanta has Kyle Pitts, though.

[Bill Simmons]

They factored in the Kyle Pitts team. Interception. Last one Monday night. A game that I guarantee they were thinking was going to be fucking awesome. Detroit at San Francisco. This was like espn. It was probably one of their first draft picks. When they draft what games they want to have for Monday night, it's the NFC Championship. Probably a top three game, right? Oh, yeah. Let's put that December after the Monday after Christmas. Lions, Niners. That's going to be one of our best games. We'll have an awesome Manning cast. Well, the joke's on you because this game's going to suck. Lions minus six and a half is my guess.

[Sal Iacono]

Wow. I said five and a half. It is three and a half, Bill.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, my Lord.

[Sal Iacono]

Wait, did I maybe six, eight, three. Yep. I won. No, no, you won 10. Eight.

[Bill Simmons]

Damn. What? Three and a half. What's the explanation for that? The Lions need the game. They're trying to get the one seed. How does that make sense?

[Sal Iacono]

Is this a get right game for the Niners offense? If the Lions are that banged up now, have to travel.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, I'm in an unbelievable hedge situation with the Lions one seed. If they win that game. Because we both. We have a lot of one seed money. Yeah, yeah. We're like. We had them at like 6 to 1. They're going to be home for Minnesota Week 18, right?

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, sure.

[Bill Simmons]

If they win, they get the 1 seed. If they lose, they don't get the 1 seed. We'll be able to take the Minnesota money line and just walk away with a profit. And yet we won't do it because we're going to have that Heat moment where you did the Tom Sizemore and you go, for me, the action is the Juice. Let's ride the Lions. And all of a sudden we're riding the Lions. That's how it's going to play out.

[Sal Iacono]

I like that movie a lot and I like where you're coming from. Should we bet the Vikings this week? Isn't that kind of the same thing?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the parlay would be they'd have to Beat Green Bay and Detroit.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, but if they lose this game.

[Bill Simmons]

But what the odds wouldn't be right. I don't feel like the odds are worth the. How hard that's going to be to do that. All right, well, whatever time they have the odds going on.

[Sal Iacono]

Fanduel now for the division.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

Minus 290 for Detroit, plus 240 for the Vikings. I guess we could just do that. You can't be the 1 seed, not win the division. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, another interesting thing that happened with. Speaking of Fanduel, do you see the MVP ads? I have not looked because Alan Allen wasn't awesome today.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's down to minus 450.

[Sal Iacono]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

They're playing. Who did. Who did they say? Who did we say they're playing this week? They're playing the jets. And then week 18 Pats, he might not even play. And then Lamar's playing on Christmas, trying to get the two seed or three seed.

[Sal Iacono]

Lots of eyeballs there. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So Lamar is plus 380 now for MVP.

[Sal Iacono]

He'll have to win the division. Right. So he has to get lucky and have big games.

[Bill Simmons]

I think if he's incredible on Christmas, it's in play. But Allen was nine to one Thursday and now he's minus 450.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, well, he threw an interception. God forbid. That's good. That's a good battle, I think.

[Bill Simmons]

And then make the playoffs. Odds.

[Sal Iacono]

They only have four.

[Bill Simmons]

They only have Cincinnati's 22 to 1 not to make the playoffs.

[Sal Iacono]

Wait a minute. That went up from this morning there.

[Bill Simmons]

If you bet them to make the playoffs, it's plus 1040.

[Sal Iacono]

It was 680. They have a worse shot now, I guess because the Colts and Dolphins. You know what?

[Bill Simmons]

Because of the Colts and Dolphins. Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

Wow. Numbers are fun. Yeah. The Colts are plus 390. And the Dolphins are plus 820.

[Bill Simmons]

And Denver's minus 280.

[Sal Iacono]

So the Colts need Denver to lose to Cincinnati and then they need to win their last two, which you said were very easy. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Who was it?

[Sal Iacono]

The Raiders. Who had some.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, but they're the Colts.

[Sal Iacono]

I know. They're really.

[Bill Simmons]

Richardson just loves to throw. They're playing the Giants, so they'll win next week. Yeah, but then they're home against the Jags. I guess that's pretty easy, too. And they're playing. Those might be two of the three worst teams in the league.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. The Jags will try, though.

[Bill Simmons]

So Indy.

[Sal Iacono]

That's a fun one.

[Bill Simmons]

Yes. Plus 390. Denver has Denver at Cincinnati, home KC.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Why are they favored?

[Sal Iacono]

I'm not. I go back and forth as to who that's going to matter for. Well, now it's going to matter for Denver. Right. Is Denver in?

[Bill Simmons]

If they win now, I think they have to win the last two.

[Sal Iacono]

They have to win both.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sal Iacono]

So that. Yeah. Yep. That makes sense. Interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

And then we have conference. Oh, the winner.

[Sal Iacono]

I think Denver would only have to win one. Simmons, because that minus 280. It wouldn't be minus 280 if they have to win both, would it be?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, maybe they just have. Or maybe they have to win one and then all the other variables if anyone loses anything. So they have one. Seed bets on FanDuel. Detroit's minus 310. Minnesota's plus 310. Eagles are 17 to 1. They're not winning. So we could hedge right now with the Vikings plus 3. 10. Plus 310 if we wanted to. For me, the action is the juice.

[Sal Iacono]

That's it. Billy Sizemore. I like it. We're staying put.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you think, Raheem? The bank is worth the risk. Raheem's threatening to go in another cold funk, by the way. I'm worried about him.

[Sal Iacono]

What do you mean?

[Bill Simmons]

He lost a couple bets. He was all sitting on the text thread.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, it's all right. He's in Vegas. He'll be fine. He's in Vegas for three and a half weeks. What could go wrong?

[Bill Simmons]

What could go wrong? We'll see. We'll see him for round one in my house. And yeah, I don't know what kind of shape he's going to be in mentally, what kind of shape JJ's going to be in. What if we get Dolphins in round one?

[Sal Iacono]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We should start rooting for the Dolphins now because that's what we need.

[Bill Simmons]

So Rudy says the Broncos only have to win one of the next two to get in.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Probably should have known.

[Sal Iacono]

Minus 280. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But that's at Cincy Home. KC.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, they're only a three point underdog at Cincy, so they're right there.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you got for parent corner?

[Sal Iacono]

Parent corner. All right, so, I mean, you were you. Thank you for checking up on me there Saturday. It did turn out my son did not have ringworm, so we did have to go to the tournament. I had to drive him to get weighed in because the team doesn't have buses at 7am sat in my car. I bet EPL like a lunatic. Tournament started at 9:30. All these games going on, you know, it was Supposed to be. Luckily, the games weren't great, but, you know, I still had to watch wrestling till like 2pm so I'm in my car from 7:30.

[Bill Simmons]

The fight was at like 1:30.

[Sal Iacono]

Got it. It was like 2:30. I got home just in time for it. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay, so.

[Sal Iacono]

But you and I were talking about this and I feel like we should go further with it. This is. I think you said something like, we do these things. Why? So that our kids don't abandon us later in life when we need them.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, you want to talk? This is. Yeah. This is a depressing text thread we had.

[Sal Iacono]

It was, but I think it's. I think we should make it official. I don't know what we call this, but we should make agreements with our kids.

[Bill Simmons]

It's layaway plans.

[Sal Iacono]

Is it layaway?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. When we get old and we're dying and they're taking care of us, if they give any. If they complain at all, we're like, I was at that fucking wrestling tournament for you when you were 15. I wasted my whole Saturday and it was a great sports day. You're gonna. You're gonna go get me a glass of water now.

[Sal Iacono]

I like it, but I wonder if we present it right away. Right when they move out, when they're 18 years old, you have a list, like a scroll of stuff. I don't know if we call it a parental prenup or Kinsurance, maybe. And you just show your kid.

[Bill Simmons]

Kinsurance.

[Sal Iacono]

Kinsurance. That's what it is. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You have to take care of me.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah. And it's like, hey, remember you got a D in geometry and I found out and you told your mother you got a C and, well, I never said anything, so you have to shop for me when I'm old. And remember I took you to wrestling tournaments in Orange county at 6am all throughout the fall. And I don't watch Penn State, who had thousands of dollars on a teaser. Also for your benefit, on my phone from the smelly bleachers. You're going to wipe me when I turn 80.

[Bill Simmons]

All right.

[Sal Iacono]

And if I bail you out of juvenile detention, you're building a ramp in my house when I can't walk up the stairs. I think we should have to lay it out for these kids as we're, you know, it's not like, all right. Plus you get money. Whatever. If I pass on. But.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Sal Iacono]

I think this needs to be an official thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Insurance.

[Sal Iacono]

Insurance.

[Bill Simmons]

So your dad, if he had played the insurance card a couple of years ago, is Anything different. You spend more time with him on the weekends.

[Sal Iacono]

I would never see him after he turned 50. No, no, no, no.

[Bill Simmons]

You're like, I've lost your insurance papers.

[Sal Iacono]

No, he's. He's like the Dallas Cowboys. Like, you know what? Why. Why couldn't you be good? Early in the season, early in my life. Why are you turning it on now? As a grandparent. No, I shouldn't say that. He's a great dude. Insurance.

[Bill Simmons]

Why are you trying to finish nine and eight?

[Sal Iacono]

What would you say to Ben? What would you present to Ben?

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, I'm lying for Ben tonight. He's got girls over, and he's like, don't tell Mom. I'm like, all right, I won't tell her. Now I'm on a live YouTube, I guess I said, there you go.

[Sal Iacono]

He's got to take you to the Celtics.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to invite people over while my dad's doing a podcast in a different room in the house.

[Sal Iacono]

Perfect.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's great. In fact, we probably should wrap it up soon. Yeah, I'm going to cash in on my. My insurance.

[Sal Iacono]

I love it.

[Bill Simmons]

So mine. So I think you just said yours.

[Sal Iacono]

It's better than that. He's got kids. He's got girls over Right now.

[Bill Simmons]

My. My stepmom who has been in my life since the mid-80s. And the whole time when we met her, she was like a young. When my dad met her, she was a young doctor, right? And doing the crazy hours like you would see on Grey's Anatomy and just nuts. And then eventually got better and better at a practice. She's been delivering babies, doing all kinds of stuff. Objyn forever. And this is. This is. End of the year, she's done retiring.

[Sal Iacono]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, wow. That's it. Great career. Saw a lot of female body parts, delivered a lot of babies.

[Sal Iacono]

But, yeah, somewhere had a lot of.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's a weird thing because like. Like, Zoe had a playoff game, like, a month ago, and the coach came over the other team before the game, and it was. And Ma was like. My stepmother was like, oh, I delivered her baby. And it's like she just runs into these people who. She's delivered babies and done these, you know, the most intimate kind of like, doctor patient things. And it's like, oh, this is Jessica. I've delivered three of her kids. So anyway, she's wrapping it up. So I thought since this is a nice moment, I would tell a story about my stepmother, who I don't know if I've done much on Parent corner who doesn't like to be talked about at all and is probably mortified right now. When I was going to college in Worcester, but then I was living in Boston, I would go hang out with my dad and we would watch sports. We'd go watch Celtic game, football game. I would just go over, we'd get dinner and she would always be on call. And part of the reason I would be over is like, oh, we'll watch sports. Molly's not gonna be home. She wouldn't wanna watch. Her car would always. You would see like they had this driveway in front of where the TV was in the window. And there would be like a minute left and be like, tie game. We'll be back after this to see what happens with Larry Bird and the Celtics. And then the headlights would be in the driveway and it would be like, oh, she's home. And then she would come in and my dad would have to talk to her about her day as like the last minute of these games. And I used to think it was like the funniest thing ever. I was like, oh my God, like uncanny timing for showing up anytime there's a big moment. And I thought it was a couple time coincidence thing, but it became something that happened all the time. And I was telling my buddy Gus about this and he had the same thing with his wife where he'd be watching a Mets game and she'd come home with the groceries. Oh my God, I gotta tell you a story. And it's like, I think some people have this power and other people don't, where they show up at the perfectly wrong time of the game. So I was like, well, when I get married, that's never gonna happen to me. And then I met my wife, same thing shows up, comes home right there in these huge moments. Do you think some people just have these powers? It's like a magnet. Because my stepmother, I feel like invented.

[Sal Iacono]

It, I think 30, 40 years ago. It's more of a power now. You and I watch sports all the time. So it's gonna be.

[Bill Simmons]

They would even phase us. Cause Sports is on TV, but also.

[Sal Iacono]

Our breaks into 4bot. Like there's always going to be something interesting that they're going to walk in on.

[Bill Simmons]

We can pause it, right?

[Sal Iacono]

What I want to know is maybe like a fox, she's been hanging out in the driveway listening to the Celtics game.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, waiting to fuck with us. Oh, that's interesting.

[Sal Iacono]

She's a bigger Celtics. I wouldn't be surprised then you are. It turns out she's actually roots harder.

[Bill Simmons]

Than you and just I wouldn't be surprised.

[Sal Iacono]

She's the greatest practical joker of all time. I like that.

[Bill Simmons]

Her favorite Celtic was Robert Parrish. Still wears the Paris jersey or the KG jersey to the games. When my dad met her, she didn't know anything about sports. Like nothing. Didn't have a TV and now has this whole Celtics history. Anyway.

[Sal Iacono]

That's great.

[Bill Simmons]

Dr. Molly Clark hanging it up end of the year. Great job by her.

[Sal Iacono]

Great job by you. Dr. Molly Clark. Yeah, she delivered lot of deliveries.

[Bill Simmons]

Lot of vaginas.

[Sal Iacono]

She delivered 14 of tiny Archibald's babies.

[Bill Simmons]

Calvin Murphy.

[Sal Iacono]

No idea.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you got for the holidays? How many people?

[Sal Iacono]

Well, we got. We got ring a pregame show next Sunday. I don't know if I mentioned I'm 14 and 2 with my wisest wager against.

[Bill Simmons]

You didn't mention that.

[Sal Iacono]

Mention it now. 14 and freaking 2. That's pretty good. Christmas games. We'll talk about on against all odds of the NBA picks. We got a lot for you there. That's it. Just sticking around. What do you got?

[Bill Simmons]

How many people?

[Sal Iacono]

How many people for Christmas?

[Bill Simmons]

Like how many people during those two Christmas games, how many people are you gonna have to navigate?

[Sal Iacono]

Nine.

[Bill Simmons]

That's not bad.

[Sal Iacono]

Nine. Yeah, not too bad.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what's interesting? The games are earlier.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

Because they wanted to get em on in like, you know, Europe. And so the first game's at 10 o'clock. It's like almost like Thanksgiving times. And then the second one's at 1:30. There's no night game.

[Sal Iacono]

I think Thanksgiving's a bigger pain in the ass to navigate. Cause you have that hour, you actually have to sit at a table. Christmas I get, you know, you have the same kind of thing. But opening gifts doesn't take forever anymore, does it?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we don't have little kids anymore.

[Sal Iacono]

Well, how long do you knock? Even so.

[Bill Simmons]

But the little kids part though, that's like in the morning you open, you take the pictures and then at 10 o'clock you're like, all right, I'll see you guys later. Mahomes is on. It's tough. It's a tough one to pull off.

[Sal Iacono]

I need a wife who delivers babies or something so she can go and I'll let her know when to come in.

[Bill Simmons]

A lot of babies. Babies. They name babies after her.

[Sal Iacono]

That's great.

[Bill Simmons]

Like hundreds of mollies in the New England area because everybody likes her.

[Sal Iacono]

Amazing.

[Bill Simmons]

Good job hanging it up. Speaking of hanging it up, we're hanging up the podcast. Thanks to Kyle and Saruti and Gahal. Sal, I'm going to be back with the rewatchables on Monday and then I'm not going to be back on this podcast till Thursday. What's your schedule going to be?

[Sal Iacono]

Well, I don't care about your other podcast. No, against all odds, you'll hear it Tuesday morning. We'll do it right after the Monday night game. And like I said, ring a pregame show on Sunday. Check it out.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. Good job by you. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas.

[Sal Iacono]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Down must be 21 + in President select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 + in President D.C. gambling problem. Call 100 Gambler or visit rg-help.com, call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24. 7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny in New York.