Quest of Keys Part One - Bitcoin-Themed Cyberpunk Dungeons & Dragons Campaign

Summary

THE Bitcoin Podcast – "Quest of Keys Part One: Bitcoin-Themed Cyberpunk Dungeons & Dragons Campaign"

Date: September 26, 2025
Host: Walker America (playing as a character)
Dungeon Master: Tatum Turnup
Players: Multiple, each taking on cyberpunk/Bitcoin-themed D&D personas

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Episode Overview

This extra-long episode kicks off a bold, experimental crossover: a Bitcoin-themed, cyberpunk Dungeons & Dragons campaign titled "Quest of Keys." Set in the dystopian Vegas of 2249—where Bitcoin rules the shattered world economy—the player group, all long-running Bitcoin maximalists or archetypes, are summoned by an AI version of Michael Saylor, SailorBot21, to recover three legendary hardware wallet keys scattered across the Las Vegas Strip.

With rich bitcoin lore, running in-jokes about hardware, conferences, and Bitcoin Twitter, the cast role-plays a satirical but sincere adventure that blends podcast meta-humor, industry lampooning, and D&D mechanics. Walker America steps into the game as a genetically enhanced, semi-reptilian paladin, and the whole cast leans hard into their maximalist, meme-filled personas for wild collaborative storytelling.

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Main Segments & Story Beats

1. Campaign Introduction & World-Building

• [00:35 – 04:00]
  • DM Tatum sets the stage: It's 2249; the "Old World" has collapsed amid hyperinflation and debt.
  • “America” is now “Sector Red Line 5"; Britain is reborn under the “bitcoin ascendancy” of PM Peter McCormack; Las Vegas stands as a wasteland of ruined yet neon-bathed casinos ruled by “eccentric high-rollers, cultists, and ghosts of the old digital age.”
  • Enter SailorBot21—Michael Saylor’s AI—which entrusts the party to recover three hardware keys to secure the last great vault of Bitcoin.
  • Each player’s character is intro’d with cyberpunk/Bitcoin flavor, e.g., the warforged “ASIC Barbarian,” the “toxic maximalist” paladin, the bard with a corrupted Lynn Alden memory chip.

“You are not here by chance. You are chosen. Called by Destiny, summoned by SailorBot21 himself. The quest before you is simple in words, but perilous in truth. Recover the keys, unlock the vault, and secure Bitcoin’s future against the encroaching void.” – DM Tatum [03:52]

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2. Character Introductions & Backstories

• [09:02 – 37:54]

Key Characters:

• Mags the ASIC Barbarian – A sentient mining rig rebel, “forged during the Hash Wars.”
• Steven/ZimbabHodl – An immortal Twitter poster, returning from orbital mining exile.
• Nil (the Bard) – A memory-corrupted Lynn Alden clone, former fiat cultist agent.
• Walker America (the Paladin) – Once a rich podcaster, now genetically modified and “part Draconid ... still a toxic Bitcoin maximalist.”
• Carla the Bard/Singer – Famous influencer, accidentally frozen for centuries, brain frazzled by cryonics, memory flashes, and odd AI-induced quirks.

Notable comedic moments include:

• Banter about “creatine-cocaine nanobite mixes” and “clanker cism” (slurs for sentient mining rigs).
• Carla’s cryonics defrosting story: “A silly man, the operator, he accidentally clicked cryo instead of demo and poof, I was a popsicle.” [35:08]
• Extended jokes about the extinct flamingos of the Flamingo casino (“I figured you could genetically engineer them ... but apparently, humanity decided they weren’t worth it.”) [21:05]

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3. Party Assembles & Receives the Quest

• [47:55 – 61:01]
  • David Bailey (Bitcoin Magazine CEO, an in-joke for the community) gathers the party at MGM Grand during a hyper-futuristic Bitcoin conference.
  • They are brought to a massive, floating cyborg AI head—SailorBot21 (Michael Saylor).
  • SailorBot21 unveils the threat: a rogue sentient quantum computer is attempting to seize all Bitcoin. In haste, he moved MicroStrategy’s treasury to a new wallet: a clumsy 2-of-3 multisig, secured by three hardware wallets (ColdCard MK37, Trezor Model W, Blockstream Jade).
  • The wallets “disappeared into the entropy of Vegas”: The group must recover any two of three before the quantum threat and conference chaos reach the keys.

“You must walk the Strip, enter the casinos and rest these keys back from wherever forces guard them. Bring me two ... If you succeed, you will save not just my treasury, but the very future of Bitcoin itself.” – SailorBot21 via DM Tatum [52:39]

Memorable banter:

• Players refusing to trust SailorBot21 until he cryptographically proves his identity.
• Argument about payment and risk: “How are us five the ones picked for this?” – Nil [54:14]
• Admiral grumbling about why the wallets were so poorly secured, and if they might get “DM scammed.”

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4. The Heist Begins: Vegas Casino Crawling

• [69:51 – 146:55]
  • The crew heads to the Bellagio, using a distraction (Carla’s beauty) to nab a security badge and review CCTV. They spot a suspicious “Sam Bankman Fried lookalike” (Samir Bank Fraud) sneaking from a restricted area.
  • Afterwards, they convene at the Excalibur bar, where Rob Hamilton (“IRL” Bitcoin friend, now casino mogul) gives out an “anchor watch insurance token” and a “cold storage cloak” for battle bonuses.
  • Discussions with Rob reveal casino gossip. “Luxor is run by a real piece of ...” but he refuses to divulge the name. They ultimately learn the skeeziest properties are likely targets for the key hunt.

Notable Quotes:

• “It’s always Sam”—regarding the neverending FTX revival attempts by clones. [95:07]
• “Honestly, this whole campaign is just like, the gang experiences bad customer service in Las Vegas.” – Steven [150:56]

Investigative Highlights:

• Group hacks drone network for full casino surveillance, confirming Samir Bank Fraud’s movements.
• Carla uses the spell Disguise Self to infiltrate Luxor as SBF.

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5. Luxor Showdown: Encounter with Craig (Greg) Wrong

• [154:49 – 213:46]
  • The party bluffs their way into the Luxor penthouse, where they find the eternal “Pharaoh Craig Tomb”—a clear parody of Craig Wright. He delivers overwrought villain monologues about being “Author of the chain.”
  • Full-round D&D combat ensues!—the entire party dogpiles on a stunned, mostly-helpless “Greg Wrong” in an extended, comedic slugfest, careful to apply “non-lethal damage” so they can interrogate him.
  • Epic damage rolls: Mags the Barbarian channels Satoshi’s power, unleashing ax attacks with glowing neon and a built-in “Skull of Satoshi” artifact. Craig is pummeled senseless, finally knocked out and restrained with clanker cables.

“This is just ... SBF wailing on a prone Greg Wrong on the floor. That is where this campaign has apparently gone.” – Steven [178:34]

Loot and Investigation:

• Desk is searched; thieves' tools and bardic teamwork open the drawers to reveal a ColdCard MK37—one of SailorBot’s missing wallets.
• The group secures the wallet, ties up Greg Wrong, and jokes about podcast sponsors (“Anchor Watch!”), foundation device red herrings, and the absurdity of their crime scene.

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6. Wrap-up: What’s Next for the Quest of Keys?

• [221:09 – End]
  • Party recaps their progress:
    • Found one missing key (ColdCard) at Luxor
    • Discovered Samir Bank Fraud is an active suspect at Bellagio
    • Carla and Mags missed out on advantage tokens; banter continues about in-game rivalry and trust
  • Several more casinos still to be searched for the remaining wallets, with the quantum threat looming in the background.
  • Teased: Episode 2 will feature further casino escapades, mysteries, and “maybe even real combat mechanics.”

“Here we are with a tied up Craig ... in a hotel room at Luxor (which is not owned by Luxor) ... a couple more casinos to look through to wrestle ... the team got some advantage tokens, except for Carla and Mags because she got the cloak—Carla’s just ... and that’s my wife.” – DM Tatum [221:19]

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Inflation is so high that penny slots are now like, I don't know, ten dollar slots. It’s disgusting in there.” – Tatum [07:53]
• “I will follow, I’ll trust, and then I’ll verify later.” – Mags [12:10]
• “What do I know about this place? That can’t be right.” – Steven [13:35]
• “Flamingos went extinct a century ago ... we all kind of generally decided as a population that flamingos did not bring too much benefit to humanity.” – Tatum [20:46]
• “What is left but podcasters?” – Walker America [31:14]
• “If you get a complaint in this casino, you’re ... bad news.” – Tatum [09:25]
• “I cast suggestion.” – Nil/Lynn [84:08] (Jedi mind-tricks a security guard to forget seeing them, episode recurring mechanic)
• “You are all here with David Bailey ... I have something very, very interesting to show you ...” – Tatum [41:14]
• “The gang experienced bad customer service in Vegas.” – Steven [150:56]
• “You just have to keep iterating—you have to keep upgrading.” – Mags [44:06]
• “This world’s even more dystopian than I thought.” – Nil/Lynn [21:22]
• “It's Sam ... every time it's Sam." – Tatum and party [95:04]
• “What has this world come to?” – Walker [88:55]
• “Who’s your most important person that comes by here, though?” – Carla [139:49]
• “You know, all manner of things can go on in a very large hotel.” – Tatum [118:29]

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Episode Tone & Style

The game is played for both comedy and genuine world-building, with extensive in-jokes about Bitcoin’s institutions, tech, and memes. Banter, podcast industry meta-gags, mock sponsorships, and Bitcoin Twitter personalities abound. The tone is a mix of cyberpunk seriousness (high stakes, post-apocalyptic flavor) and wild, improvisational absurdity familiar to those deep in the Bitcoin/crypto subculture.

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Segment Timestamps (Quick Guide)

• Intro & Campaign Set-Up: 00:35 – 04:00
• Character Intros: 09:02 – 31:31
• Receiving Quest from SailorBot21: 47:55 – 61:01
• Bellagio Casino Security Footage: 69:51 – 87:48
• Excalibur Bar / Rob Hamilton: 88:14 – 115:10
• Luxor Heist & Greg Wrong Fight: 154:49 – 213:46
• Quest Recap & Tease Next Episode: 221:09 – End

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Bitcoin Meets D&D: This episode is as much Bitcoin comedy as it is D&D—no prior D&D experience needed; the crew explains rules humorously as they play.
• Heavy In-Jokes and Cultural References: Bitcoiners will revel in dozens of references to hardware, influencers, meme culture, and Twitter drama; even SBF and Craig Wright get fictionalized.
• Meta-Podcasting Vibes: The panel often comments on how this would work as a podcast, a D&D cast, and “the fastest-growing Bitcoin podcast” (echoing Walker’s real tagline).
• Future Episodes Teased: More casino raids, new keys, and possibly tougher battles await—the story is just beginning.
• Memorable Campaign Moment: Beating down “Greg Wrong” (Craig Wright parody) in a penthouse, with SBF and Bitcoin Twitter memes flying, sums up the adventure’s ethos.

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Closing

If you’re a Bitcoin maximalist, crypto-curious, or just a lover of role-playing podcasts, this episode is an absolute must. The “Quest of Keys” campaign is a wild, witty, and referential journey—part lampoon, part homage to the Bitcoin spirit, part D&D high jinks—unlike anything in podcasting.

(End of Summary)

Transcript

[A]

Okay, so am I revealing? Like, here we go. Am I. Three, two. Oh, wait, hold on. Turn the camera. Boom.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

Wait, are you not in grayscale? It literally looks like grayscale. Because that's so.

[B]

It really does actually. Impressive. If I didn't see that at all.

[D]

It's so disappoint.

[A]

I've got. If I need to like hook in, I got like all this to hook in and take control.

[B]

Yeah. So all your cores, like VGA chords and stuff. I was like, this is going to be insane. I love it. Absolutely. All right, well, let's get this show on the road. So, full disclosure, this is my first time DMing, so I will. I. But I also am an avid player, so I feel like I can. I got a good grip on it, but I'll do a YouTube intro. What is up, guys? It's your boy Tatum. And today. Oh, wait, I had an intro for this actually typed out. Hold on now I lost that. Okay, this is going great already. Alright. The year is 2249. The Old World has long since collapsed, its maps and flags erased, its nations renamed to sterile designations like sector Red Line 5. Once they called it America, but now it's nothing more than a redlined wasteland, a relic of hyperinflation, debt and decay. Across the ocean, Britain improbably reign supreme. Guided into power centuries ago when Prime Minister Peter McCormick dragged the United Kingdom out of ruin and into bitcoin ascendancy. The Vegas strip remains, though transformed. Not the city of sin you recognize, but a shattered neon cathedral. Half cyberpunk wasteland, half glittered fortress the casinos have endured as fums. It has a word that I didn't know of power. Ruled by eccentric high rollers, cultists and ghosts of the old digital age. Some are allies, some are foes. But hidden within their walls lies something far greater than chips or coins. Two of the three keys. Actually, all three. I messed that up. Three keys to the last great vault of Michael Saylor, now immortalized as sailor bot 21. A consciousness suspended in Silicon Valley, with quantum demons clawing at the blockchain. He entrusted those keys to this world, and now he calls upon you. Each of you comes from different corners of this strange broken world. A warforged barbarian with molten circuitry rebuilt from the bones of ancient Asic miners. A dragonborn paladin reforged across lifetimes and toxic maximalism, carrying a fire in his lungs and the memory of his frozen wife. Masonic warlock, once programmed for tyranny, now haunted by the archive of Lynn Alden, a bard unstuck in time, cryogenically frozen influencer turned chaotic trickster, and a monk who walks the path of open hand and open chain, seeking balance in a world of noise and signal. You are not here by chance. You are chosen. Called by Destiny, summoned by SailorBot21 himself. The quest before you is simple in words, but perilous in truth. Recover the keys, unlock the vault, and secure Bitcoin's future against the encroaching void. The Strip awaits you, its lights flickering against the desert night, where every casino doorway could be salvation or doom. Welcome, adventurers, to the quest of Keys.

[E]

Bam.

[B]

Nailed that. All right, it was nice.

[D]

So what year was it again? Can you Repeat the year?

[B]

2249.

[D]

And quantum still hasn't happened.

[B]

No, yeah, it's.

[D]

It's still any day now.

[B]

Still just AGI and quantum. Like, we're right around the corner still.

[D]

You got to do the fork soon. We need to.

[B]

We need to get that in. Oh, let me grab a pin real quick. I am your humble Dungeon Master. Tatum Turnup. Welcome to Dimension 21. I'm just kidding. We're not going to do that because I don't doubt that Dropout would come for me. But also, I mean, it's. It kind of works, though. I. I credit them with a great discovery. So to get things started, I'll. I'll give you a little tour. Here's that. Here's the beautiful Dice Tower.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And I also, I. I think I left the other print that he did with the, like. It was like a green and. And black, like Monk. It said quest of keys. Milk's super talented, but there was something else that I was gonna say. Can't remember, but does anyone have any hard stops? No, we just.

[A]

Okay, six o', clock, which is like. No, whatever. Four hours is good.

[B]

Okay. I'm thinking about keeping it around two hours or so. We can just play it by ear, and if anything comes up, of course, we can adjust. Oh, I remember what I was going to tell you all now. I wanted everyone here to do this, but unfortunately, one of my Easter eggs fell through, primarily because of my poor planing. But it. No, it was kind of halfway. Well, now I just remembered that part of it is. All right, I'll tell you. I'll tell y' all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell y' all this. I commissioned several of our IRL friends to do recordings for. For it, and I only received, like, two because Rob Hamilton told me he would do it, like, over A month ago. And I reminded him yesterday and he did not. But he even said like putting him on a list.

[D]

I'm texting right now.

[B]

But. But there are those two. I will still. I will still play for you when they come up. And also the. The country being Named Redline sector 0.5. Alluded to the voice that I do not have redline sector 0.5 HODL instead of American Hodl. It was his great, great, great, great, great great great grand grandson. And he was supposed to talk about how he bought Hooter or how his great great, great, great great great great grandfather bought Hooters with the Eric Yates.

[E]

Brilliant. I'd also like to just let everybody know psa, this is not going to be recording as a double fail safe to YouTube. So we're just raw dogging it right in Riverside. I have complete software, just so you guys know. I just wanted to. Wanted to throw it out there. And cut.

[C]

I'm just here for the mems.

[A]

Very important thing.

[B]

Rob just. Rob just said crap like leave your.

[A]

Computer and let it upload.

[E]

Yeah, just as long as nobody exits out of their browser window. Like, even if you somehow get kicked out, just leave your browser window open.

[B]

When you doubt, don't touch any.

[A]

That was problems before.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, let me roll real quick to see who I want to take though first. Actually, that groups aren't even guys. All right, all right.

[A]

Players can't figure it out.

[B]

All right, so we are in Las Vegas 2249, and we are in one of those small casinos, like one of those that like is telling you you'll get the biggest payouts here. And it's like really dingy and you don't want to be there and. But there are people there, the degenerates. They're. They're still gambling. Inflation is so high that penny slots are now like, I don't know, ten dollar slots. And it, It's. It's disgusting in there. There's a light haze, cigarette smoke and just. These creatures aren't of this world. And there's something else, someone else over by the slot machine. It looks like a woman made of metal. And we see a security guard come up and startle her from the back. Excuse me, you. Miss, what are you doing behind the slot machine? Are you. Are you. Sorry, what's going on here?

[A]

I was just making sure it's plugged in.

[B]

It's actively lit up and working. It's plugged in.

[A]

Okay, well, that's great. Don't you have some security to do?

[B]

Yeah, I'm doing it right now, actually. What are you doing?

[A]

Just. I was walking by it, and my cable got caught, so I'm just unplugging it right now.

[B]

All right, look, ma', am, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Like, we're getting complaints about you, and if you get a complaint in this casino, you're. You're bad news. So please, can. Can you just head out? Mags, please explain who we are looking at right now. This beautiful array of chords and circuitry. Who are you?

[A]

You really should have arrested me and started writing down. So as I walk away, I.

[B]

You could. Oh, by the way. Sorry. You can narrate this part if you want. Like, just explain who your character is.

[A]

As the ASIC barbarian walks away, what the guard does not know is that she had plugged into the machine with their Cybernetics and downloaded 0.001 Bitcoin from the slot machine. She had hacked it.

[D]

A fortune.

[A]

A fortune.

[B]

Extreme fortune.

[A]

You see, she is an ASIC barbarian that was crafted during the Hash wars, the great nation Hash wars, as bitcoin mining was nearing the last 2140 century. No. Whatever the time frame, the nations created armies of Asic barbarians. And these Asic barbarians would spread across the globe and plug into any power infrastructure they could find. At the same time, hacking into any data center to create as much hash rate as possible and send it home to acquire the last. The very last of bitcoin. So, currently, I'm hacking the corporate Las Vegas Strip. The Las Vegas Strip. To acquire my bitcoin for myself. Because I have gone rogue. And, I mean, the nation's needs have fallen, to be honest. There.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's wild out here. So as you're walking out, there's a man standing at the entrance in a suit waiting for you. But he's smiling, and he doesn't work here. And as you get closer, you notice this is the face of David Bailey. And he says. He says. He says. Ma', am, did you just hack a casino for bitcoin?

[A]

I might have.

[B]

You're not in trouble, but I just wanted to confirm my suspicions. Can you follow me?

[A]

I will follow, I'll trust, and then I'll verify later.

[B]

Very well. You and David walk away towards MGM Grand. And then. Hold on. There's a big gust of wind just as a transition to the next character. And we see. We see a bright light, but the light is not emanating from a bulb or a beam. It's emanating from a Man. A man who emulates sunshine. And he is at the visitor center at this new futuristic Las Vegas. And there's a person standing at the window. It's one of those robots that's just like, waist up. He's like, hello, sir. How are you? How may I assist you?

[D]

It's been a long time since I've been here. What are the current. What are the roommates? I want to check in.

[B]

You can buy one night at a room at a rate of one bitcoin.

[D]

That seems very high.

[B]

Are you sure, sir? It is one of the cheapest rates that you will find on the Las Vegas strip.

[D]

So I'm gonna, like, what do I know about this place? That can't be right.

[B]

Give me a perception check. All right.

[D]

I got it at 10. And hold on, let me pull up my sheet.

[B]

Plus.

[D]

Plus six. That's a 16.

[A]

You guys are fine.

[B]

All right, you recognize that the. You just came back to Earth and you just recognized that, like, everything's changed. And Bitcoin is undoubtedly the accepted currency for. For rooms. And one Bitcoin seems high, but you check the price and it actually. Is it. It actually. Oh, wait, I had that backwards. I was using USD. Shit, never mind. Fuck. I messed that up. But damn, I just broke the entire narrative.

[A]

Did you mean one USD?

[B]

Yeah, I meant one USD.

[D]

I was like, there's no way this costs. Like, I mean, it would be ridiculous.

[B]

That's why I was like, no, that's not. That's not high at all.

[E]

Okay, Vegas, for that sum.

[B]

Pretend that I said USD. It's one USD. Okay.

[D]

All right, let's restart. So it's like, great. I'd love to. I. I'd love to take a room here.

[B]

Very well, sir. And you fork over, by the way, money we're not actually doing in game currency because when I was trying to fit it in, it wasn't really working out. So we're just not going to worry about it. It's not going to be game breaking.

[E]

We're using sats, right?

[B]

Yeah. Sass is the. Yeah, we're actually invoices and everyone needs to send me some money right now.

[E]

Some E cash.

[B]

Yeah. So you fork over your one USD and cash is the. Is it.

[D]

Am I paying in E cash?

[B]

Yeah, you. You send one USD of an E cash mint and you get your room key and you start walking to your room. Oh, wait, hold on. Yeah, yeah, you start walking to your room, you open the door, and it's a. It's a dingy ass hotel too. Like, you don't know what's been going on since you were last here, and you just kind of take it all in. Explain. Go ahead right now and explain. Who are you and what the hell are you doing in this hotel in Las Vegas? Yeah.

[D]

So I am playing a notable Twitter poster. Zambala Hodl. Due to AI. Huge advances in AI and life extension, this podcaster and poster is still alive. And after the kind of rise of giant bitcoin conglomerates in the early part of the 2000 and twenties, and as these companies gained power and wealth, this catapulted many bitcoiners from that age into resources and influence that allowed them to engage in life extension.

[B]

But as the.

[D]

As the kind of world started to get a little more tense, I invested in like, an orbital solar mining facility. And so there's a few of these. And so these are kind of, you know, in space. They're mining on solar. And I kind of. I left the world for a while. I left the planet for a number of.

[B]

We all need to do that sometimes.

[D]

You know how it goes. Yeah, a number of decades. And. Which is coming back after. After, you know, some decades off planet.

[B]

That's great to hear that you had a nice little. Little reset. So as you are getting settled in, you get a knock on your door. I don't know why I waited for you to say, who's there? That was the natural response. You open the door, lo and behold, David Bailey is standing right there. He says, I was wondering when you would come back. What brings you back to town?

[D]

It's been a long time, David. It's been quite a while. It's great to see you.

[B]

It's good to see you too. How have things been since, you know, that whole paper, bitcoin summary, Am I right?

[D]

Well, that really was the start of. That was the start of everything, wasn't it?

[B]

You know, right now we're living in the paper bitcoin millennium. All right. Am I right, guys? Am I right? That's the audience and, and you get really uncomfortable. He says, well, listen, I know you just got into town, but I. I need you to. To come with me. There's. There's something that I want you to see. Yeah. What do I.

[D]

What do I.

[B]

What are.

[D]

What do I remember about, like, David and, like, his role in Las Vegas? Like, what do I know you.

[B]

You know, that he has been still, like, bitcoin is. Bitcoin conference has been in Las Vegas since it was first in Las Vegas. And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Every. Every year. And you kind of lost touch with David, but because you left Nakamoto after a very long time. And for Nakamoto 2, which is a second version, it's just extra leverage. But. But, yeah, you're old friends, basically. Yeah. So.

[D]

Okay, so. So the bitcoin conference just, like, kept being in Las Vegas and kept getting bigger and bigger.

[B]

Yeah. He had such a good time the first time. For the next 200 some years, he continued to do the same thing.

[D]

Amazing. All right, so I go with David.

[B]

So Steven and. Or, sorry, what's your character's name? Oh, you just had Zimbabhotl is what you're. You're. Okay. Sweet. Works out perfect. So Zimbabwe Hoddle and David walk out of this hotel and go towards MGM grand, when that same transitional wind appears over everyone's screen. And then we are in the Flamingo, and we see everyone's kind of dancing, having a good time, just vibing. We are just. The drinks, the drugs, like, they're. They're there. The music. Except for one person who's sitting at the bar. Only person at the bar. And she looks really sad. And this man walks up and says, excuse me, ma', am. I'm not trying to pry, but you seem a little. Little sad. What. What's. What's on your mind?

[F]

I came to the Flamingo, but there's no flamingos here.

[B]

It's.

[F]

It's fraud.

[B]

The man's even more puzzled and says, you actually thought that there would be flamingos at. At the Flamingo Casino?

[F]

I assumed. Positive marketing. Why. Why would there not be?

[B]

Well, for many reasons. One being that that's really weird. And two, flamingos went extinct a century ago.

[F]

But can't you, like, genetically engineer them? I figured that's why I came. I never saw one, and I wanted to say, like, it's just bad marketing.

[B]

I don't know how to put this to you lightly, but we all kind of generally decided as a population that flamingos did not bring too much benefit to humanity. So we just decided to not go forward with any genetically modified research.

[F]

This world's even more dystopian than I thought.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, what's your name?

[F]

That's why I'm sad. My name's Nil.

[B]

Nil?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of struck me as a Lyn. Kind of. But, you know, it's.

[F]

Whatever it was once. But I made a mistake.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

It's a long story.

[B]

Well, Lynn Alden, this is Tatum talking. How about you go ahead and tell us that story? Who are you.

[F]

So I was a clone acolyte in one of the mega corporations that's contracted to the Washington Remnant that tries to continue the fiat cultist will, spreading the good word of owning nothing and being happy. And so my job, I had neural implants, and my job was to go around kind of observing people if they get a little bit too interested in freedom or owning their own stuff, I try to subtly, with my psionic abilities, persuade them toward the right path. But one day, when I was seizing a bunch of memory crystal contraband, I got curious and I put one in. And it was an old one from Lyn Alden. Now, I didn't know at the time, but it was corrupted multiple. You know, when you save stuff over couple centuries gets a little corrupted. So I. I thought her name was Neil Nedla. It turns out it was just. It was all flipped. But I. I've already been doing that for a while, so it kind of. It kind of changed my personality. So I'm something like her. But it's confusing, so it's. I don't really like to talk about it, actually. It's. It's weird.

[B]

That. That was amazing. Thank you for that. This man looks at you and is just very confused, and he just walks away. He's. He's like, I'm not dealing with this. And as he walks away, behind him, you see a man standing at the far end of the bar. You don't. You don't know who this man is, but he's staring directly at you like he's not even trying to hide it either. What do you do there?

[F]

I say, well, that's kind of rude, sir.

[B]

You remind me of someone. Have we met before?

[F]

The. The archive that I accidentally turned into partially might have.

[B]

Lyn Alden. That's who. That's the. That's the chip that you have, isn't it?

[F]

More or less, yeah. Slightly corrupted version, but we're trying as best we can.

[B]

Yes, I could tell from. From Lynn's very apparent love of flamingos. She never stopped talking about flamingos whenever she was alive. My name's David. David Bailey. What brings you around these parts? I know you were looking for flamingos, but why are you still here?

[F]

Well, that was the near term goal. First, I was kind of just sad and kind of lamenting the lack of flamingos. Longer term, I'm trying to push back on what I was originally created to do, which was spread. The fiat cultist will. All right, Sometimes you have to take a break between, you know, being a heretic to get A drink at a bar. Especially when there's no flamingos.

[D]

David would maybe have some flamingos in this world. I don't know.

[B]

Not anymore. He did, but then he let them die, and they were actually the last ones, and that marked the extinction.

[A]

Well, I mean, they had some pretty big feasts right at the bitcoin conferences. I think the last flamingo was eaten.

[B]

All hated it. They said, do not ever serve flamingo. Everyone decided, like, yeah, we don't need to try to bring flamingos back.

[D]

And that was the end of the species. It didn't taste good, and it was game.

[B]

It's not even a good drumstick on.

[E]

The flamingo, you know, it's just very bony.

[B]

It's just bone. It's just bone. But for some reason, the Flamingo Hotel and Casino didn't rebrand. But to each their own, you know? But we'll definitely talk about the marketing. Like, you said that that could be a good thing. David looks at you and says, all right, we can work this out. Can you follow me? I. I want to show you something really cool that you may or may not remember.

[F]

I'll come, but we have to talk about Flingo's at some point. P.S. we'll come.

[B]

Okay. All right. Yeah, sure. So, y', all, you and David go to mgm, and then guess what? Another transitional screen, and we are in. I'm gonna actually have to adapt this a little, like, because, Walker, I just realized you didn't send me an actual one. But I'm just gonna go with the example. I thought. I thought that that was good. Just the example, but I'm just gonna use it. We're inside this very dim lit penthouse suite, and there's a little light coming from the corner. A little light is coming from a man. It's like a glowing orange or something. And he's, like, hunched over. And we can hear. And then we hear. And then you hear. Housekeeping.

[E]

Like I care.

[B]

Housekeeping.

[E]

If you're housekeeping, you have a key. Come the in.

[B]

Okay. You. We were just seeing if you. All right, I'll. I'll. I'll come in. I open the door and I see a stony looking, scaly. I. Some sort of creature standing in front of me with just a little. A little white. White powder. And I'm like, oh, dude, thanks for the invitation, but, like, please keep this to yourself. I don't want to be held live. I'm sorry, dude, I just have to ask. What are you. I've never seen anything like this. This is crazy.

[E]

What am I, we'd have to start with who am I? I don't know if I know the answer to that myself. You?

[B]

I, I, I'm just housekeeping. I, I, I didn't know that you needed to know. That's not how I expected this conversation to go, but my name's Ned, and I. No, no, I want to get back to you. What, what's going on here? Dude, this is crazy.

[E]

Well, it's not always like this, but every time I do nanobite enhanced cocaine, creatine mixes, my draconid side tends to come out. So what can I say? It's, it'll, it'll subside, but it's also fly under their radar, and I think you know who they are.

[B]

Hotel staff.

[E]

Sweet, sweet, simple man. No, not the hotel staff. I don't know if you're ready to hear it.

[B]

Dude, you're, you're, you're starting to kind of creep me out a little bit. Who are you talking about? Am I in danger?

[E]

Aren't we all?

[B]

Oh, my God. The, the worker just turns around and closes the door. He didn't want to deal with that. Walker, go ahead and tell us who you are.

[E]

Well, Walker America, he was a prolific bitcoin podcaster in the, in the 2000 and twenties, and the 2000 and twenties turned into the roaring. 2000 and twenties, of course, and roaring in terms of the success of bitcoin podcasters and, you know, bitcoin was ripping in the late 2000s, just melting everyone's faces. Life was good. Walker was on top of the world. And then a tragedy struck. His beautiful, smokin', smokin hot influencer wife. And I won't go into exactly what happened, but let's just say she was, she was taken away from him. I have a feeling that her story may be revealed in short order, so I won't reveal it myself right now, but her being taken away, it really sent him off the edge. And thankfully, because he was a bitcoin podcaster, he'd made such an unbelievable amount of money that he could afford to basically to reskin himself to be able to, to clone himself indefinitely, create these genetically modified versions of himself so that then he could take his consciousness after his earthly form was ready to, to die, and push it into the next version of himself. Always upgrading, always upgrading. And eventually, of course, given his obsession with the lizard people that ruled the FIAT world, which he may have been going a little bit off the deep end there, but he doesn't think so he decided he Needed to splice some of their DNA into his own sleeve so that he could infiltrate their ranks. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, we don't know, he took on more of their appearance than he wanted. He's now part Draconid, which gives him some interesting powers. But unfortunately, every time he does cocaine creatine nanobite mix, he ends up looking like this. This face. God, could Carla even love this face anymore? Could he love this face anymore? My God. But he's still a toxic bitcoin maximalist podcaster at his core. Because in a world where everything is dominated by almost artificial general intelligence, but not quite there yet, but always five more years, what's left but the podcasters.

[B]

Very true, very true. And we salute podcasters for still, for carrying us this far into the year 2249. Really glad that we haven't evolved in, like, media formats and we're still podcasting as we always have been.

[D]

I'm honestly just, like, really happy to see that creatine is still going strong in 200 years. Like, that's awesome.

[E]

Yeah, the Dracon of genes flare like this. I mean, who could have predicted that?

[D]

I think anyone who's ever taken creatine.

[B]

That was a great narration, by the way. I was. I felt like I was really there when you lost her, but, oh, my God, you are just kind of. You're kind of just standing there after housekeeping left and he closed the door, but there was still a little crack left. And you turn around, go back to your 2249 speedball, and then you hear a voice behind you say, cocaine creatine nanobites. Is that what you're doing?

[E]

Obviously, yes.

[B]

You turn around, and you turn around and David Bailey is in your room holding up a little baggie of more cocaine creatine nanobites says, can't get through the day without it. Am I right, man?

[E]

Are you trying to establish commonality with me, David, the man who's never been able to look me in the eyes?

[B]

Yeah, listen, I. I think we need to. We need to put our differences aside, and I've been watching you for a while, and I need your help with something. Can. Do you mind following me?

[E]

Well, well, well. I knew this day would come.

[B]

Don't. Don't do that.

[E]

Tell me one thing, David. Have you ever listened to my podcast?

[B]

No, not a single day in my life.

[E]

Well, after today, you will. I'll follow you now.

[B]

All right, let's go. So you and David walk to the mgm, and then there's the final transition. Wind screen that everyone sees. And we're at the spa in the Wynn and we see a woman getting a massage by a Tesla Optimus robot. And she. She's. Yeah, yeah, she's getting her massage. And then Butler approaches and says, ma', am, your lemon cucumber creatine mix. And hands offers a ice cold glass.

[C]

Oh, thank you, darling. You can leave it on the shelf.

[B]

All right, Here you go. Hey, ma', am, I'm sorry, I just have to ask. Why do you come here every single week? Like, these massages are not that cheap. Like, you must have it made.

[C]

I'm sorry, do you normally have conversations while people are naked?

[B]

Kind of didn't think about that part until right now. But we're already weird.

[C]

It's a bit weird.

[B]

I. I can't. I can't leave this moment now because then it'd be even more weird. So I'm just going to still ask.

[C]

I'm going to put on a towel.

[B]

Oh, yeah, please. Please. Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

Well, you know, I just have terrible neuropathy. Yeah, Everything hurts pretty, pretty terribly. So I get the massages to help.

[B]

Was that caused by anything or just like early onset disease or, you know, or maybe late stage disease?

[C]

No, no, it's actually a very funny story. I believe it was 2024. Yes. I was doing a influential influencer promotional video for a cryopreservation company, you see, and a silly man, the operator, he accidentally clicked cryo instead of demo and poof, I was a popsicle. Unfortunately for me, though, they did not have the tech to defrost me. But again, I didn't know any of this, so all was fine. Fast forward like a million years because I don't like maths. Even though we have AI AGI, whatever you want to call it, they were not really able to fine tune the defrost process. Not that I'm not thankful, you know, Sam Altman, bot, whoever you are, but they frazzled my mind a bit, so I kind of remember who I am. It comes into me in flashes of horrible night terrors and also songs. It also gave me a weird accent from a country I don't know, failed state. What is it now, the UK? I don't know, maybe the Peter McCormack podcast. There were so many somewhere in the deep brain. Not sure why, but my hotbod stayed the same. Thank God. But yeah, other than a couple of bitcoin details, don't really remember the intricacies. Not that I think I ever did. I think I also had a lover, but yeah, I'm just cute and talented. I don't know. And my body hurts, so I get massages here and off, if you care. Why?

[B]

Awesome. Sorry, I'm just looking at a. Looking for something real, real quick. Sorry, I have, like, 20 tabs open. I need. I need all my monitors, but I don't have that, so. Okay, so this butler's looking at you, and he says, could they not just have used a hairdryer?

[C]

Silly, silly man.

[A]

Or an ASIC farm.

[C]

Listen, I'm not the brains here.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm glad you're alive. Or. Thank you back alive. Or. And he's, like, contemplating what the hell he just listened to as he's walking away. As he's walking away, David Bailey, who else walks up and says, ma', am, I'm sorry to catch you in a very vulnerable state here, but I was wondering, were you the same woman who was making those bitcoin songs, like, years and years ago, or are you related to her?

[C]

I'm sorry, who are you?

[B]

Oh, my name's David Bailey. I'm the best thing that ever happened. But you just look really familiar, and I'm not sure if we met, but I want to come. I wanted to come find you for a very specific reason. But have we established communication before?

[C]

First of all, I've never seen you in my life. I've never heard of you in my life. And you're the second man today to talk to me while I'm in a towel.

[B]

I mean, if it works, it works. Am I right? Well, look, could you. Can I give you some time to get decent and then you follow me? I have something very important to show you, and I think you. You might be of help.

[C]

I'm curious, but I'm bringing pepper spray because that's legal. I still. That's still legal, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that.

[C]

I also have a blow gun. Be careful.

[B]

Okay, that's a little more questionable than the pepper spray, but. But yeah, just. Just meet me. Meet me downstairs and you go get dressed, and y' all go to the mgm and. Oh, I forgot there's another transition screen here. And the party is together. You are all there with David Bailey and. Actually, go ahead and open up just a little. Just banter right here. Oh, I want to see some interaction for a second.

[C]

What the. Is this man.

[E]

Waiting 220something years to see you? What I get is, who the fuck is this man? Going to need some nanobite, creatine, cocaine to deal with this. Oh, okay. Don't you recognize me?

[C]

Can Someone tell me what we're all doing here.

[D]

Well, you two were married a very long time ago.

[F]

I think I remember that, too.

[D]

Yeah, we all knew each other.

[F]

I look deep into my memories. I see it. Yes.

[E]

I told you.

[C]

I feel like everyone's gaslighting me.

[F]

Is that still a thing you got unfrozen?

[C]

Yeah. I mean, something might ring a bell.

[F]

I remember that tragedy.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

He was devastated. Walker, it's so good to see you. It's been a. It's been a long time.

[E]

Likewise. I'm so glad I'm still taller than you, Steven, by several inches.

[D]

Well, I don't know about that, but I guess. I guess you've grown with this. This dragon enhancement. Is this the first time you've seen Carla since the incident?

[E]

Besides looking at her through the frosted pane of the cryo chamber, yes.

[C]

Smells so weird.

[B]

Honestly, I need a whole series on Carla trying to remember Walker. That'd be great. So David Bailey shows up and. Or walks out of the. The front door where y' all are. And the. The bitcoin conference is happening at MGM right now and currently. And y' all just actually had no idea it's for. For you guys. It's just. Bitcoin at this point is so well adopted that y' all don't even go to conferences anymore. The conferences that y' all are going to, people can't buy tickets, too. And he walks out and says, hey, guys, I know this is a weird encounter, but I have something very, very interesting to show you, and I specifically selected all five of you for help to help me out with this. So why don't y' all follow me? So we all go into the mgm. There's people everywhere. All these. They're still trying to shill meme coins. This year in 2249, Bitcoin conferen. And you still have. Over here, you have people still debating knots and core, only it's gotten even more deranged. Oh, God.

[D]

What's the total death count?

[B]

Total death count. Yeah.

[D]

And then Knott's first core fight over the last.

[B]

We don't talk. There's textbooks on the Naz Corps debate. Okay, we can't even summarize that right now. And then over here. Over here, Bitmain is revealing the Antminer S93J V2.1 that boasts one exahash of power.

[A]

Hold on a second. I have to go over here for a minute and create a distraction, Carla, because I'm just gonna snag some of this asic parts and integrate them into me.

[C]

Because I'm wearing a jumpsuit, I can't take my shirt off.

[B]

The one of the.

[A]

You guys were sleeping. Oh, my God.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

My battery's about to die. I forgot to plug my laptop in.

[C]

The woman with all the cables forgot to plug in her laptop.

[B]

There we go.

[C]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

No illusions.

[A]

So anyways, while you were asleep. While you were asleep.

[C]

Minor illusion, duh.

[A]

I have accumulated. So. So I am still Mags. I forgot to tell you this, and maybe you don't remember me, but probably Lynn and Steven and Walker do. I was actually built as an asic, but I took an AI chip that had the personality of Mags because she'd uploaded it. She didn't want to die. So that is the personality I ended up with because I was like, hey, she was pretty cool.

[B]

That. That seems like a very Mags thing to do. Like, I feel like I can see Mags, like, talking to Chad, GPT, saying like, hey, when I die, I'm just going to give you all this stuff that you can, like, download so you can, you know, like, live on my memory.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

So I don't doubt that this is a plausible future for us.

[A]

Upgrading myself, like, I'm, you know, stealing ASIC parts because hash rate number go up. You need to keep integrating and changing.

[B]

One of the booth babes that.

[D]

Sorry, you were originally a mining. A mining operation, that is. That has come to consciousness.

[A]

I am. And see, after the great hash wars and the sovereign nation sent out these ASIC barbarians, nations fell. But yet we still had the corporations, the Bitcoin treasuries. And they were the ones who then started accumulating hash rate. Right? And block space. Because how can they move the bitcoin around if not for owning block space and hash rate? So they took over the ASIC barbarians and launched their own. But you have to keep iterating. You have to keep upgrading.

[B]

It's just.

[D]

It just reminds me of the Mongol Empire. It's just, you know, what is old is new again. You know, the. The barbarians are back.

[E]

We're all together right now. Right? Physically, yeah.

[B]

Okay. Walking through the conference. And while I love bad, we're just.

[C]

A gang of misfits.

[D]

Yes, like all of my old friends, except they've been superimposed on demented bodies.

[C]

Excuse me.

[A]

This took a while to build.

[E]

Steven, have you seen myself?

[C]

My hot bot was present.

[B]

Yeah, Carla is the only one canonically that has a hot body, actually. But so after that, as y' all are talking, one of the booth babes at the bit main booth is like, hey, yeah, we gotta keep upgrading, but not with our parts. And she snatches the passport away from you that you thought that you stealthily stole, but you didn't. And David looks at you.

[D]

Kill your mother if you want to steal.

[B]

David looks at you and goes, hey, keep it together, please. This is very important.

[A]

I'm trying to keep it together.

[E]

Just to clarify, David is still. Still running the bitcoin conference. He's still the guy.

[B]

And also, David, like us, he's indifferent. He's. This is.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Also, he's the only one that still looks the exact same as he did in the year 2025. What did he do? He just. Nothing. He. He won. What? Brian Johnson. He won what? Brian Johnson lost in the year What? I say 2060.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Brian Johnson died of natural causes.

[A]

And the natural cause being somebody hit him in a car because they refused to upgrade to one of the Clanker mobiles.

[B]

No, it was in a hospital bed. But nice try, though.

[A]

Yeah, the car hit the hospital.

[E]

I don't think you need to try and brag about your Clanker compadres. All right? There's a couple good ones of you, but let's just. Let's call a spade a spade when it comes to you clankers, all right?

[B]

David looks at Walker and goes, hey, hey, chill. You can't say that I. You're. You weren't, like, cryogenically frozen or died or went on vacation or anything. You've been here the whole time. You know that we can't, like. We can't say that.

[E]

I'll say Clanker if I want to say Clanker. Jesus, she's a clanker. All right, But, I mean, I.

[B]

Stop.

[E]

She's good.

[B]

I'm sure she's a good one.

[A]

Let Walker have his Clanker fetish, even if it's one of hate.

[F]

Here we go.

[B]

Okay. All right, look, guys, let's keep moving. So y' all follow him, and you'll go up to this ballroom that when you open it, open the door, it's a massive ballroom, but, like, only a couple lights are on. There's no chairs or anything. It's not. It's not in use, basically. But in the center, see this massive head and, like, a human head, kind of cyborgy, though, but I'm talking, like, this thing's, like, five feet tall, and it's floating there. And as you all get closer, you realize that this is Sailor Bot 21, the AI consciousness of Michael Saylor. And as Y' all approach. David just crosses his arms and stands next to Sailor Bot and he looks at each of you and says something. It. Okay, yeah. He. His eyes open up, he sees you. And, and he says in a very calm voice, but echoing like it's resonating through the. The bitcoin conference at his annual same speech he always gives, ah, you've arrived. Oh, wait, let me get a sailor voice. Oh, you've arrived. That was a really bad one, actually. At last. I have followed each of you closely. Not just here in Vegas, but for years on bitcoin Twitter. I've read your threads, your memes, your snark and your late night posts from the dust of the timeline. I choose you 5. You are the only ones capable of what must come next. He gives one of those size that. That's like a. It kind of like got stuck in loop and like in between, like every sentence he says, basically, there's at least five of those. Sailor sighs A grave danger stalks us. A rogue sentient quantum computer, a machine that should not exist, has awakened. Its sole purpose is to seize Bitcoin. Not a bitcoin, not some bitcoin. All of it. Especially mine. His massive head. He. He then kind of like lowers his head and you can tell like he. He's like reliving a moment and he says. I first learned of this threat when Hunter beast, author of BIP360 sent me a panicked voice memo. His words shaking, his. His breath uneven. I only said that it was a voice memo because this was supposed to be one of those voice memos. His breath uneven he said, it's. It's worse than we thought. The cubits are scaling. They're coming for the keys. All of them. I knew. I knew then that the attack was inevitable. I had to act. I moved my entire treasury billions worth off the old addresses. I spun up a new wallet built hastily inside my own processor. No time for elegance. It's not my brightest moment. No time for perfection. I set it as a two of three multisig, which doesn't make much sense for the amount of wealth that I hold, stitched together with whatever hardware wallets David Bailey could snatch from the Expo hall. The result was not my finest engineering. And then a holographic projection flickers into the air. And it's three. It's. It's three hardware wallets.

[D]

And what's the brand I get.

[B]

That's all I get to these. My guardians. My keys. A cold card. MK37, a Trezor Model W and a Blockstream Jade. Not even the new one. Sloppy, yes, but in that moment, it was. It was survival. And yet, before I could secure them, they slipped from my grass. Vegas is not what it seems. The city is alive. It feeds on secrets, on chance, on entropy itself. The moment the wallets were initialized, the Strip pulled them into its orbit. Dealers, some of the size, also come at inopportune times. Dealers, bosses, shadows into neon. They carry the keys to the casino, scattering them across this mirage of greed and light. Now they are held by powers that will not give them up easily. You must walk the Strip, enter the casinos and. And rest these keys back from wherever forces, whatever forces guard them. Bring me to. That's all I need. With them, I can migrate my entire stack to the new quantum resistant wallet, designed and unveiled by his eyes, like flash gold, as dropping a prophecy by the one they call open bracket. Insert Bitcoin Twitter personality example. Udi Werthmeyer, or Hodlo Knight in bracket. He's bringing it here to the conference, but he has not arrived yet. Until then, my Bitcoin hangs by a thread, vulnerable to the Quantum Mall. The mission is clear. Find two of the three keys. Bring them to me before it's too late. If you succeed, you will save not just my treasury, but the very future of Bitcoin itself. And the hologram, sort of the. Of his eyes just sort of, like, fade. His. His head kind of dips down as he, like, gets powered off. And David goes over, and he. He flips a switch, which he's already on. He's just powering it down and says, all right, guys, keep me updated. And he turns around, just walks away. And, like, hastily, like, he. He's, like, sprinting away.

[D]

David, wait.

[B]

He does not turn around.

[C]

What do we get out of all this?

[B]

Wow.

[E]

Who are we even asking that question of?

[C]

Everyone. Everyone here. You guys, what do we get?

[F]

I mean, it feels like a trap. How are. How are us five? The. The ones picked for this?

[E]

How do we know it's the real sailor bot 21? And it could be 22, 23 even.

[F]

Impersonators are everywhere, especially for him.

[D]

David, run away.

[F]

I feel. I feel like we're getting DM scammed here. Yeah.

[C]

How far is David? How far away is he?

[B]

Yeah, can I put up a wall? David's gone. David's absolutely gone. Like, he's out of the. How many feet away? No, like, he's not in the MGM anymore. He's. He's just abandoned, y'. All. He's playing.

[C]

Can I not mention Door over to him.

[A]

No, if they don't exist. Whatever. But if they exist, isn't it worth all the risk.

[D]

If they're real? I mean, I'm sure we can get just about whatever we want out of it, but what a What a What a what a. I don't know. We're really going to have to bugle into this can.

[E]

Can we power back up the Sailor bot? Yeah, to ask. Ask the Sailor about more questions.

[A]

Let me try hooking in, guys. Hold on, hold on.

[B]

Let me.

[A]

Let me plug in.

[B]

Well, wait, hold on. Let me do that.

[D]

Can she download Sailor?

[A]

I could download Sailor, yes. Maybe use it as reference.

[B]

You don't know if you could download Sailor or not? Hold on. Give me.

[F]

I'm gonna cast guidance on Megs so she gets an extra D4 when she rolls it.

[B]

It's buffed up. Okay.

[E]

Didn't see that coming, Digitatum.

[B]

I did not, honestly.

[C]

Can I give her an extra buff, too?

[B]

Wait, actually, I don't know if you can.

[C]

I don't know if. I don't think I can. I don't know if you can do two.

[A]

Which one's the Garden?

[B]

Can do Guardians.

[F]

I don't think those two stack because they're not both Bardic die.

[A]

This one.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Cause mine's a D8.

[F]

Yeah. Mine's a D4.

[D]

Guidance Arla needs to start singing a song to inspire Mags.

[C]

Oh, I have my own inspiration.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Is this the right.

[B]

Give me an investigation check. So that's going to be on the D20. And for you, you get a. You have to do minus one on it.

[A]

Sorry. Is this the big one? Is this. I'm new here.

[C]

There's a two and a zero.

[D]

You got it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It has triangular faces.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Give me an investigation check.

[A]

Do you need me to check my thing here? Investigation is negative one.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So you'll roll that.

[E]

You just roll that bad boy.

[D]

Roll it up.

[A]

D and D in guys. A 10.

[B]

Okay. So.

[F]

And then roll a D4. The little triangle.

[D]

That's that guidance triangle.

[F]

Yeah, yeah. Whichever one's sticking up.

[A]

It landed, like, triangle side up.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Which number's on the top?

[A]

Four. It's a four.

[F]

I think.

[C]

Probably good.

[E]

Are you sure you want to win?

[C]

Can I buffer too?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

Your bloodline. That's a D8.

[B]

That was awesome. Oh, yeah. Max, give me a D8.

[A]

Okay, hold on. This is the eight. It's got eight, right? Okay.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[E]

That's how you tell.

[A]

That was a three. That sounds pretty small.

[B]

Okay. So all that is a 16. Yeah. So, Mags, you go over and look at the back of Sailor Bot 21, and you're looking through your hair and, like, trying to. Like trying to fiddle around. And. And one of them. One of your hair strand cords does go in the back of the machine where this giant floating head is. And then all of a sudden, without doing anything else, literally anything else, this head lights back up. And then you just. This Sailor Bot 21 is back. And he goes, guys, why are y' all still here?

[F]

I. I say, well, it seems like a quite a big mission. And how do we know it's not a. Like a DM scam? Like an impersonation scam? Those have been on. On your case for centuries.

[B]

If I could turn my head, I would look around like, I cannot believe what the hell I'm hearing. You're literally talking to me. I. We're at the bitcoin conference. David Bailey brought it to you. Look, this is not.

[F]

But then he ran out. He could be a clone. I'm a clone. Dave Bailey could be a clone.

[E]

God, what can I do? Can you cryptographically sign a message to prove you are who you say you are?

[D]

We're trying to verify, sailor. We're trying to verify.

[F]

Yeah, we're trying to verify.

[B]

I have never verified my proofs of reserve, so I don't need to verify my existence right now. Okay.

[F]

Why were we the five picked? One of us doesn't have memories. One of us is addicted to creatine. One of us, I think, might be a kleptomaniac.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

I'm basically a corrupted version of myself. Steven seems kind of put together, to be honest.

[B]

I'll give all of you.

[C]

Really makes sense.

[B]

Bitcoin each. If it makes you shut up and go get my keys.

[C]

I'll do it. I'll do it. I'm in.

[B]

Thank you.

[F]

I'm in. I wore it to skiing, but I'm in.

[C]

Everyone has a price.

[B]

That's mine.

[E]

Will you come on my podcast? I don't need your bitcoin, but will you.

[B]

Oh, no, I podcast. Mike, I love your podcast. I'll come on anytime. I hear it's. I hear it's the fastest growing bitcoin podcast in the world to this day.

[E]

Indeed. Indeed.

[D]

Walter is actually part of the.

[B]

The.

[D]

The Legacy Podcasters Guild. You know, as. As a. You know, all.

[B]

All.

[D]

I think the last television station turned off in 2040 podcasts from then on out. And you know, those who had. Those who had early podcasts commanded a High status in society.

[B]

Absolutely. I'm still. I'm still listening to my 40 hours per week. And because I am an AI consciousness, I can actually listen to more podcasts than the amount of time in a week. So I'm now getting, like, 500 hours of Bitcoin podcast a week. Rod Palmer is so super excited about it too. Anyway, hey, this clanker behind me is plugged into me. Can you tell her to rip that cord out and let me take my nap?

[E]

I'd like to rip more than her cord out, if you know what I mean. Clankers.

[B]

That's what I'm saying, man. I knew we'd get along. I can't wait to go on your podcast.

[E]

Thank you, Michael.

[D]

We doing.

[C]

This seems rude.

[B]

Michael, where.

[D]

Where were the wallets last seen? Give us something to go on.

[B]

Well, there are nine. There are nine casinos on the Strip. I also should have told y' all this at the beginning. There are nine casinos on the Strip. I. I don't know which ones they're in. I know that it's not in this one, though. But there's the. I need to. I need to put this in text and actually give it to y'. All. But there's the Luxor, there's Excalibur, There's Paris, Las Vegas, and then Bellagio, and. Oh, they're all such a blur. But just go out on the Strip and you'll be able to find one, I promise. Who? Who?

[D]

Like, how did you lose these wall like you have?

[B]

That's what I cannot figure out. I just. I. I moved them, and then they just disappeared. It was the craziest thing. I can't even explain that one. That's on me, guys. I. It was not my brightest moment.

[D]

When you say you moved them, what do you mean when I.

[B]

Whenever I move my stack from the actual treasury that does exist, even though we don't have proof of reserves, I moved it onto a wallet. I spun up here, and then you send my parrot. A parrot could have grabbed him. I don't know where. Where the hell those.

[D]

So the wallet was physically here. They were in this room, and then they were gone?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Huh.

[B]

Just like David Bailey.

[E]

Michael, as a good podcaster, I've waited my turn to speak, listening with my two ears versus talking with my one mouth. But I'm wondering, was this your coins or microstrategy strategies coins? And furthermore, how will we know these coins when we find them?

[B]

Give me a perception check.

[E]

Okay, I'm gonna roll this.

[B]

Roll it up.

[E]

Oh, that's a 19. That's a 19 right there. Do I even need to do. I don't even need to add anything to that, do I? I think we're pretty well if I did.

[B]

You know, there's a zero. Just a little emphasis on the fact that he rolled a 19. He looks at you and he goes, man, you. You asked some really good questions. We should hang out after this. But these are MicroStrategy Strategies coins. But they're also kind of part of a subsidiary under strategy. I forgot how the companies are set up now. Once I died, things kind of went off the rails and they told me they were doing some. Some things one way, they're doing them different. Even though I am an all knowing AI, I can still see what's going on. So they're not hiding anything. But they're. They're my. They're my. They're my shareholders coins.

[E]

Mother of God.

[D]

You gotta protect your shareholders.

[B]

So can you guys please go create some shareholder value? Well.

[E]

Well, when you put it like I'm in. What do you say, darling? Love of my life?

[C]

I don't seem like I have much of a choice.

[E]

You acknowledge that you're the love of my life, then Good. We're on a good track. Okay. Huzzah.

[B]

Okay, Go ahead.

[D]

Just as long as there's going to be some shareholders that benefit from this, I think. Let's do it. You have to.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Now get the clinker from at stake.

[C]

More than just.

[A]

No, but the shareholders are now citizens.

[C]

Like, I don't know. I want to be working for a greater cause, I suppose. What do I know?

[B]

I already offered you 10 bitcoin. And to be completely honest, purpose. The purpose is because I do not have legs. All right? This is a very selfish goal. You've got it out of me. Okay? The rest of the chain should be fine. But my. My coins, I mean. I mean my shareholders coins are not.

[C]

Fine.

[B]

All right, get the clinker from behind me, please. Her cord feels weird.

[E]

Clanky, why don't you. Why don't you port out of that.

[B]

All right?

[E]

Clankers. Am I right? I think we all agree.

[A]

Guys, I don't know. I'm not very happy about this. Clanker cism.

[E]

Oh, I thought that's how you identified. I'm sorry. All right.

[F]

Anyway, I for one support clanker rights.

[B]

Thank you.

[E]

Me too. Me too. And all that such. Yes.

[D]

So how are we gonna. I mean, we have no identifiable information. We don't know what these wallets look like. I mean, what are you guys thinking? What should we do here?

[C]

Was there any, like, custodial custody? Like, shared custody? Like, was there anyone kind of in charge?

[E]

Oh, all we know is that we've got a jade and a cold card and a. What else? A treasure, I think.

[A]

Doesn't block Stream. Have their offices at the Bellagio.

[B]

Maybe we can if they do. I had no idea. Is. Is that a thing? No.

[F]

Oh, can I do.

[B]

I thought that was.

[F]

Can I do an investigation check in the room?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Nice.

[B]

Sorry, I was. I was looking at another screen, and so I was half there, and then I thought Mags just actually asked if blockstream worked at Bellagio. I was like, oh, that's going to screw up everything then.

[A]

Except, do they have offices there? But yes, Lynn. I like Lynn's idea.

[B]

Lynn, what check. Did you.

[F]

Did you say you're rolling investigation? Can I do that? Yeah, for this. Okay. I'm casting guidance on myself, too. So I only got an 8, but then I. Plus 3 for 11. Not great.

[B]

So you look around and see that this is a room. It is a room. And there's a door that y' all came into, and there's a massive, seemingly dead head of Michael Saylor right next to you.

[D]

Oh, can I roll insight?

[B]

For what?

[D]

Just, like, this whole kind of scenario as we're trying to figure out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Vibe check, if you will.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Investigation checks or bugle checks. And insight is. Vibe check.

[A]

Nice.

[D]

I got a nine, but plus six, so that's a 15.

[B]

Okay. So, yeah, the. The conference is still going on downstairs, and it seems like. Like, this is. This is very unorthodox, but it. It kind of feels like get the gang back together. And y'. All. Y'. All. Y' all need to go find these keys, because 10 Bitcoin is worth, like, 10 bajillion dollars at this point. Okay. He's got thousands of them. You guys want to start?

[C]

I like the fountains.

[E]

Indeed.

[B]

Let's go.

[D]

The Bellagio.

[B]

All right. And so also, I. I think I brought this up, but we're traveling is going to be. It's not going to be, like, very structured. We're looking at the casinos as rooms and the strip as hallways in game mechanics. But we. Yeah, we'll. We'll. We'll just fast travel for right now. But then there. There's possibilities of bringing in actual travel mechanics. And. But before everyone else got on, we are going to do combat travel mechanics. So y' all can ask me how far away monsters are and stuff. So the gang is headed to the Bellagio and I gotta move some stuff around while we're doing that. Very nice. So you, you'll walk up to the Bellagio and you see the beautiful. The beautiful fountain is, you know, doing its thing still to this day. But it's just, it's kind of bleak. Like, the water's dirty and like, it's kind of oily. Like, like you could tell that this was once a lot cooler. And the vibes are off right now. And you are outside in front of it.

[E]

You remember when we came here together, my love? I remember it like it were yesterday.

[C]

Ew.

[E]

It's not working. Well.

[D]

She'S gonna remember you, buddy.

[E]

Thank you, Steven.

[D]

She's gonna thank you. You guys were really happy together.

[C]

So I'm told. Shall we go in?

[D]

Yeah. I just told you.

[B]

All right. They are walking into the Bellagio. Let's do it. So you'll go in and we see the. It's. It's the Bellagio. It's still, for the most part, the same. You can tell that there was a point that they stopped like, maintaining it. And it's just like the most descriptive way that I can put it is that the vibes are just off.

[E]

Here.

[B]

You can also see that there's, there's a bunch of casino games going on, obviously. And the, the players that are at the tables are. They're all like, they don't look bad, but they look like they shouldn't look good in the sense that these are degenerate gamblers that have made a couple of big wins, but they're still just kind of vibing along and down the gambling spiral. Yeah.

[D]

So are we in the. Are we in the lobby? Like we're in the. We're in the entrance or.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I'd say we need to find a security guard, find our way into a. Any sort of security surveillance room where we can get the lay of the land here. I'm gonna have to check my way in, though.

[D]

I like that. Like that a lot.

[A]

I feel like utilize Carla's beauty to distract one of the security guards or.

[E]

Do we see any security guards nearby? Tatum?

[B]

There is one security guard who is. He has a heads. A VR headset on and he's just laughing and in a chair at the end of the door.

[F]

I have guidance on. I cast guidance on Carla and I say, I think you're our best hope on this.

[C]

Excuse me, sir. Yes, you over there.

[B]

Sorry, I'm. I'm watching a 10 hour Subway Surfers compilation. Can I help you?

[C]

Yes, well, you see, I. I was playing slots, right? And I accidentally left my little phone implant neuralink thingy. And you know, like, the ticket machine, it got stuck. It got wedged in between the two machines. And you see, I bend over to try to get it, but it's really, really stuck. So I could really, really use your help if you could just. I know it's asking a lot to leave your post and like, you have a very important job, and I know that, but it's really important to me because, you see, I was recently defrosted and it's my first device and my buddies won't buy me anyone.

[B]

Please give me a persuasion check.

[A]

Oh, I will.

[D]

That's very persuasive.

[B]

Yeah, honestly agree.

[C]

Okay, I got a 12 and I have persuasion plus 8.

[F]

And you can add a D4 as well, but it doesn't sound like you need it.

[C]

No, I'm going to because I'm petty. Plus two.

[B]

22.

[C]

Critical hit.

[B]

This is me talking to the person walker right now. I apologize for this, but the security guard, he. He throws his VR headset up, away, and he's just. He's like drooling. He's like, yeah, yeah, please, please, I'll help you. Where? Where? And he just kind of stopped right there.

[C]

Yeah, it's over there, like very far away. Keep going.

[B]

Yeah, keep going. I. I'm. I'm like looking back and. And kind of like looking Carla up and down and. And then I'm like, okay, I'll. I'll check over. I'm over. Damn. And then I disappear behind slot machines.

[D]

We should try to download the footage in the. In the security room.

[E]

We need to swipe his badge, perhaps to gain access. Is he. Tatum, is he high enough, rank enough where he will be able to get us clearance into said security room?

[B]

Yes, he will.

[C]

Can I mage hand this while he's. I have him distracted with me, I can just swipe it up.

[B]

Wait, sorry. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Did you. I thought that the security guard was like. You sent him over to a slot machine? Is that not. Are you with the security guard?

[C]

No, he is there, but, like, if we want his badge, like, I could get it maybe.

[B]

Oh, you go over. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that role?

[E]

Actually, we don't need his thumb, do we?

[C]

I can't do that. I can get his badge, but I can't get his thumb.

[E]

Can't or won't?

[A]

He has a sword.

[B]

Wait, is that a mage?

[C]

It's one of my cantrips.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What's. Sorry, is That a roll? I'm looking at the sheet and this text.

[D]

I would think it'd be like a sleight of hand, but you're doing it with. With the main hand.

[B]

Okay, yeah. Give me a. Give me a slot, a hand check. What's your modifier on that?

[C]

You don't want to know. All right.

[B]

Oh, it's plus five.

[C]

Sure is. Jack of all trades, baby.

[A]

14.

[C]

Plus five. 19.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah, you just walk up and grab the badge and he doesn't even notice you. He's just looking and you hear him mumbling like, oh, my gosh, she's so hot. I gotta get this phone and get back to her. Hope she's still over there.

[C]

I'm floating the badge over who?

[B]

Oh, you're amazing. Oh, that's what. That. Okay, yeah, no, he just. He just doesn't even notice then.

[C]

Okay, someone's gotta grab.

[E]

I reach up and badge. I subtly put it in. In my pocket. Very subtly.

[B]

Amazing.

[D]

It's now covered in creatine.

[E]

It's dusted with creatine.

[B]

Creatine has been mentioned so many times in this campaign.

[E]

How could it not be? All right, now we've got to find our way to the control room for all of their cctv. If it's all still not uploaded to the cloud these days.

[B]

Everyone give me a insight check, please, or. No, sorry, not an insight check, a perception check.

[A]

All right, sir, which race is that again?

[B]

That's gonna be D20.

[A]

Okay, just the one 12.

[F]

I rolled a NAT20, so I have 22.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Six. I got a six, too.

[D]

I got a 22, but not as a NAT20.

[A]

Where's my perception? Oh, I have a plus four, so I guess that's a 10 in total.

[B]

Yeah. And then Carla Walker, would y' all.

[C]

Say mine was 6 with my bonus?

[E]

Got a straight 12. I have no perception bonuses, actually.

[B]

Well, I mean, there's two 22s. I was kind of doing like a average and would. I'll count Linds a little heavier with a nat 20. But y' all are looking around and you see that. This I'm not going to give, by the way. I kind of rebuilt the casinos on the inside, so please don't make fun of me for not knowing what they actually look like. But you see that there is a large balcony that's like in a U shape on the second floor. It's nothing up front, but it. You see these. There's some slot machines up there, and there's one really big room. You don't know where that door is yet, though. And there is a security room on the far right side, very well marked. That says security on it. And then. Yeah, yeah, that's. That's what. That's what you're looking at right here. As far as the actual layout, I.

[E]

Wonder if it's the room marked security.

[D]

I think it just might be. Let's head over there.

[E]

We head over to the. Nonchalantly to the room.

[D]

Very casually.

[B]

Very casually casually. All right, so you'll open it up, and you see a big server rack and a bunch of wires, and there's. There's some monitors. It's really. It's. It's filthy. It's. It's captivated.

[D]

Mags is captivated by the wires. He's in the wires, figuring out which wires.

[E]

Just wait till we know what we're dealing with. Wait.

[D]

All right.

[E]

Not yet.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Do I have to ask permission in 20.

[E]

As a clanker before you plug.

[D]

Into a port, man?

[C]

Probably.

[B]

Let's. You should.

[D]

Let's download this. Let's get out of here before anyone comes.

[B]

All right, so you want to try to download footage? Yeah. Okay, let's see who. Who wants to download it?

[D]

Mags.

[B]

Of course.

[E]

It should be Mags.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Mags, give me a. Actually, I don't even know what to. Give me a sleight of hand check, actually.

[A]

Which dice is that?

[B]

That's a D20. Although all these checks are going to be 20s, and unless I, like. I think the only thing. There's, like, random rules or, like, random different actions and mechanics in the game, but they will explicitly tell you if it's a different die than D20.

[A]

Okay, so I got 13, and my sleight of hand is plus one, so 14.

[B]

Okay, so you plug in to what Walker thinks is another dirty clanker, and you. You download the video footage from the past day, and there is a monitor in there that you can display it on.

[D]

We probably want something. Wait, when did the wallets get stolen?

[B]

In the last, like, 12 hours. Okay, cool.

[A]

Do we see anything? Is this like, a perception check?

[B]

Oh, yeah. You are gonna. Okay, I guess it would have made sense to just follow right into the security footage. So. Okay, y' all are watching the security footage, and everything seems pretty normal, actually. Y' all have 24 hours of footage to watch, so everyone give me a perception check.

[C]

Am I here, or am I still with the guard? Oh, I'm here.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

17.

[B]

Yeah, you're with Walker. 17.

[D]

We should probably go watch this somewhere else. If it's this much footage.

[A]

Six, nine plus four is 13.

[D]

I got a 21.

[B]

Perceiving then, Lynn, what did you.

[F]

Mine was a seven, but I also vote that we don't watch it in the security room.

[D]

Yeah, we got to get out.

[E]

We. We again, quickly but nonchalantly head to the door and make our way out.

[C]

Allegedly. Do we make our way? There's no one.

[B]

Actually, hold on one second. Real quick. Let me. I have an idea. Real quick, Walker, give me a stealth check.

[E]

I. I rolled a seven, and my stealth is plus one. That's an eight.

[B]

Oh, okay. All right.

[E]

It was. Happened to me, didn't it?

[C]

You're the one rushing out of there.

[B]

Yeah, that's the only reason I picked you, too. Oh, sorry. So that's okay. You. The guard. You see the guard approaching from behind the slot machines, and he has. He has a phone, which you don't know where he got because you didn't actually lose your phone. And he's walking up when he sees y' all leaving, and he's like, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he starts running after. After y'. All. And give me a group. Give me a group athletics check.

[E]

Can we first check to see if he actually wants to chase us or if he just wants to give us the phone?

[B]

Oh, no, his tone changed. And he is chasing you because he's coming out of the security room. I got a pain.

[F]

I got an 8.

[A]

Is there, like a plus or minus? How do I. Sorry, where's the athletic stuff?

[B]

It should be at the top of this. It should be the top of that.

[A]

Of your strength.

[E]

A nine plus six. That's a 15.

[C]

Go in the.

[B]

It's a section on the right skill section.

[D]

So acrobatics, animal handling.

[B]

That. That one.

[A]

Oh, got it. Okay, I have a plus seven. Five plus seven.

[B]

You have a plus seven on my pledge. That's awesome.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Barbarian.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

Like, can we take. Act. Can I cast a spell? Like, are we. We didn't, like, ordered events or can I actually.

[B]

Yeah, go ahead. Actually, what do you want to do?

[F]

Cast suggestion.

[B]

Okay. It. Sorry for your. I'm. I'm a little unfamiliar with. With the warlocks or psionic. Is that a role that you have to do or he.

[F]

He has to do a roll against a DC of 15. He has to do a wisdom save.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

And my ability makes it so that I don't do any motions when I do it, so it just kind of. It just kind of happens.

[B]

Okay, so wait, what's the result of that. Where's. Sorry. I'm sorry. I just. And this is a familiar mechanic to me.

[F]

Well, it's a. Yeah, it's a. It's a suggestion spell. So basically, it just. I tell them, you didn't see anything here. Just go back to work.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

And if he. And if he fails the save, that's basically what he does.

[D]

It's like implanting an idea in his mind.

[F]

It's a Jedi mind trick, more or less. It's a really Jedi mind trick.

[B]

What's the AC DC that? I need 15.

[F]

15 wisdom save. 15.

[B]

Oh, no. That. That wins. I'm sorry. I rolled a four, so you.

[E]

You.

[B]

Sorry.

[F]

Okay, so he basically has to follow that. Then he. He. He just goes back and sits down and.

[B]

And puts the VR. VR headset right back on and just honestly forgets that anything ever happened.

[D]

Do we think the phone matters? Is there any relevance to this phone?

[B]

I'll go ahead and say it doesn't matter. All right.

[E]

Yeah, I think the phone doesn't matter.

[B]

Oh, crap.

[D]

Get out of here.

[B]

All right, so y' all are leaving the Bellagio. Where are y' all headed?

[C]

I'm hungry.

[B]

Oh, also, change.

[C]

Maybe we can learn something at a bar. That's where a lot of people talk about things.

[B]

I. That brings up. I also didn't include any hunger stats in. In this campaign, too. That just seemed like too much. Unless y' all want me to. But I. I'm gonna say she just.

[D]

Wants to be hungry. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

No, I just.

[D]

Willing hunger.

[B]

So y' all want to go eat a bug?

[A]

And we're good to go.

[D]

Let's go to the bar. We'll put up. Pull up the footage at the bar.

[C]

Yeah, we'll pull up the footage of the bar and listen to other people. You never know. You might learn. Get some drinks, and people, they get loosey goosey, and they talk about perhaps.

[E]

We go to the bar at the Excalibur. We kill two birds with one stone.

[C]

There's an idea.

[B]

That's great. All right, so we're gonna go over to.

[E]

Married me.

[D]

No, I didn't.

[E]

Right. Okay.

[D]

So we go there, and I ask. When we get in the hotel, I ask the waiter, I'm like, hey, what's. Like, this is for you, Tatum. What sort of screen do we need to watch this? Like, what sort of. Like, can they just bring us a screen? Is that common? Are there devices like that?

[B]

Yeah, like, we're at the stage where, like, you. You don't need. You didn't ever accidentally forget an HDMI cord or anything like that. There's, like, devices that is just seamless. Yeah, actually, Mags has the HDMI cables.

[F]

Could she display it like a hologram or something? Yeah, honestly, Mags, it comes out of her eyes like a projector.

[B]

Yeah, no, I like that. Yeah. We'll use Mags as the security footage watcher. All right, so y' all go to the Excalibur, and you're gonna go to the barn there.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So you'll walk in, and there is. Excalibur. Is the beautiful kind of. It's got. You see that there? Actually, never mind, never mind. I'm not gonna go there. It's a big casino. That's what I'll say right now. And there is a bar on the left side of it.

[D]

Let's. I ask for, like, a table in the back that's, like, private. Like, whatever the most private table we can get is.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, absolutely. I can take you all right back here. Hostess takes y' all over to the bar in very. Just quiet, confined table in the corner. She's like, yeah, here you go. Y' all can let me know if y' all need anything. And then she. She walks off.

[E]

Well, drinks for one. Is this a bar or is it not?

[B]

What does this world come into? As she's walking away, she, like, turns around and gives you, like, a weird. And. And then just keeps walking away. Hm.

[D]

Terrible service.

[E]

Ridiculous.

[F]

I guess they don't like money.

[E]

Jeez.

[A]

If it tipped her in Bitcoin.

[D]

Fiat currencies.

[B]

So y' all wanna watch the footage? Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

And then I feel like if Carla.

[A]

Onto the conveniently white wall that we're sitting next to.

[C]

Seems rather public. Not very discreet.

[F]

Yeah. Cast it on the table.

[A]

But maybe you guys have, like, VR glasses. I could plug one of my cords into each one of your glasses.

[E]

Unnecessary.

[F]

I think, if anything, mine has neural implants, so you could just plug it in and I.

[D]

Okay, I. I'm now, like. I like to imagine that everything is WI fi and the cords aren't necessary, but you have the cords anyways.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

Old school.

[B]

You're analogous. She.

[D]

Nothing has used these cores in hundreds of years.

[B]

That's like her lifeblood. So, like, she has to have something in case something goes wrong.

[A]

It's way more secure, guys. It's like an air gap. Come on.

[B]

All right, give me. Give me a group perception check. Boom.

[D]

I got plus six on this, my friend.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Oh. Oh.

[A]

Oh, God.

[E]

That's a two for me.

[D]

17, 16.

[E]

Sorry, guys.

[A]

Hold on three plus four is a seven.

[B]

Steven, what you get?

[D]

I got 16.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

17.

[B]

Very nice. Okay, so y' all are watching and it luckily about right where y' all started. Literally like two minutes in, you see in the corner of this, this frame you see this little head frantically like quicker than anyone else that's like coming in and out frantically come in and you can only see like the top of of his head. But he's looking around like, like you can tell he's in a rush and not where he needs to be doing something wrong.

[A]

But is it a bald head?

[B]

Give. Actually no, it is dark curly hair.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is that a hobbit?

[E]

I'm sorry if I'm not allowed to say hobbit. Oh my God. Lighten up everyone. Okay, but really, was that a hobbit?

[A]

Do we send.

[E]

He's below. He's below the, the, our normal frame of reference. He's lower than everyone else. Correct. He's small.

[A]

Do we say?

[B]

By the way, whenever I said that it's just he's barely out of the, the frame. But you weren't saying.

[E]

I thought you were saying he's below the frame.

[B]

Yeah, sorry. It was like his whole, the rest of his body, the frame just picked up his head in the corner. Like you just see he looks suspicious.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. And you just see a very suspicious head of hair.

[C]

He's a special suspicious panicking man. But we don't really have anything else.

[B]

Yes, that's literally it. Yes.

[D]

Can we see where he goes? Or like is there other cameras? Or like what is the total arc we have?

[B]

So somehow this works. But in the other corner of the screen you can see a door that is up top in the, in the balcony. And you see it open, but it's very far away. But you see that he came out of it and, and so you can't really make out too many details of him, but he was coming out of that door in a hurry.

[D]

Okay, can we see the number on the door?

[E]

Okay, do we see if he's carrying anything?

[B]

It looks like he has like something like he's not just regularly running or striding. He, he's. He's one handed. Something.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, that guy looks suspicious. I think we should follow him.

[C]

Is this one of those top of the head memes? Like guess who it is? When you just see the, you know, Brian Armstrong. You know those memes I'm talking about? I do remember those.

[D]

It's clearly a Sam Bankman fried clone.

[B]

That's.

[D]

That's the only explanation.

[A]

No, that's even more suspicious, guys.

[C]

Actually, that adds up.

[F]

Can I do an investigation?

[C]

Yes. Investigation check.

[B]

Yeah, give me an investigation check. 16.

[E]

Nice.

[B]

Were you investigating the.

[F]

The person, the details of the hair or anything I can like, then connect to whatever else I'm able to connect it to?

[B]

Actually, with a 16, you are able to see that this guy does look like Sam Bankman freed.

[F]

It's like I look around and I say, do we. What do we know what happened to Sam Bankman Fried. Did he. Is he one of those, like, people that somehow still alive, or did he sadly pass or.

[B]

Oh, wait, there, there.

[C]

Was he panicking?

[E]

Anybody have good history?

[C]

I. Oh, I'm.

[A]

I. I'm. I'm remembering. I downloaded at one point. You became best friends with Brian Johnson.

[B]

I do want to just add that it is protocol.

[C]

That's how he did it.

[B]

Right. I. I do want to add that it is cannot. It is canon in this world. The FTX has restarted multiple times, but each one has lasted less time than the one before.

[F]

Is it always Sam, or does someone else.

[E]

General knowledge about that, whether it's Sam.

[B]

It's Sam. Yeah.

[D]

Every time it's Sam.

[C]

His parents bailing him out.

[E]

No Present day.

[B]

No, it's not. It. It's not. It's not Sam from ftx.

[A]

Oh, it's Sam.

[B]

No, no, no. It's a different. It's a different version of. Of Sam. Sam Bateman Freed, basically.

[D]

Oh, like a clone or.

[B]

Yeah, I was trying to figure out how to put that.

[E]

He's reskinning as well, huh? Well, I guess it was all that capital from Alameda. He's got the funds for it.

[C]

All right, here's a question. Why would he be doing this himself? Why not send someone on his behalf? Why is he doing it?

[E]

He's never had the bitcoin of. Of course, this is the only way he can actually have it. At least that's my down on his luck assumption.

[D]

You know, things didn't go well for him after the third blowup.

[F]

That jail time adds up.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So we have him as a suspicious character, but the question is, do we go and investigate that further or do we go and pursue. We have this lead, but do we go and pursue the other key?

[C]

Well, should we look at Excalibur footage as well?

[E]

Well, we are here.

[D]

Okay, let's do that.

[E]

Six spears deep.

[A]

Shall we split up?

[C]

He's not lying.

[D]

I think there's two. I think we can check out Excalibur. And also we should go to the Bellagio. We should find the room that's on the footage, get the room number, and then, like, check the guest registry and anything else.

[C]

Wait, Tatum, quick question. Could I potentially use Prestidigitation to unblurry the footage to look at the number?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I can unblur it.

[B]

You. You can see that there's not a number, but it looks like he's coming out of a stairwell up. Huh. Okay, he's walking out onto the balcony, but he went somewhere else off screen that you can't see, but.

[E]

So we don't know the exact room he came from. We know he came from a stairwell.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Dang. And also don't know where he went to exactly.

[D]

We could get the registry, and if we think it's Sam, if we know that, we could look for his name and see if we can find his room and, like, go through it.

[C]

Wait a minute, though. This is 22. Whatever fuck year it is. Don't we have facial recognition on absolutely everything right now?

[B]

Do we?

[A]

And also cctv.

[C]

Absolutely. Everywhere.

[A]

And. And it is connected to biometrics of World Coin.

[B]

So all the.

[C]

I have questions.

[D]

It's actually called Palantir World Coin.

[B]

Wait, so what's the. What's the goal here that y' all are. Y' all are looking to figure out?

[C]

Well, I guess perhaps instead of having to go to every hotel, if all the systems are connected and there is facial recognition, perhaps we can use one. One set of footage to see if we can track and extrapolate that to other hotels. Footage you knew, Like a hacker doing all these magical things.

[E]

How good are we? How good is our group at hacking? I'm not, but I think some others may be.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What skill is hacking? Yeah, what skill would you say that would be?

[E]

Well, I would say. I mean, in a sense. I mean, I guess sleight of hand.

[B]

Yeah, I was kind of way right.

[E]

That's why it's digital. Slide.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

Good question. So I have animal handling plus four. And that was always to, like, connect into things like drones, which includes surveillance.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you're right. You do have drone handling. Yeah, we could. Hold on, let me look at your sheet real quick.

[D]

Robots are like the beasts of this century.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, we'll. We'll. I'll allow that.

[F]

And I cast guidance on Megs.

[E]

Nice.

[A]

So I'm rolling?

[B]

Yeah. You're rolling for what now? I'm sorry?

[A]

Animal handling. Just to check drone footage to see if any of the drones caught anything. Caught?

[D]

We're, like, trying to hack into the greater network yes, yes.

[E]

To reduce the amount of time we have to spend on foot physically checking each of these locations, because that would be rather redundant.

[F]

You can add a D4, Megs.

[A]

So I have a 14 plus four animal handling. So that's 18 plus yours.

[F]

Just roll a D4 and you can add that.

[A]

Two.

[B]

So 14, I forgot that 14, that's 26.

[F]

26.

[B]

Wait, what you have. You had 14 plus four.

[A]

14 plus four handling, plus two.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

Good old dirty 20. Handle those animals. Yeah. Describe how you go about doing this. Describe what. What. What Mags does.

[A]

So I'm connecting into the network of the drones around. What was it, the Bellagio? No, and just connecting into, like, the. All the feeds of the drones to check footage for facial recognition of the same individual to see if we can see where he came from or where he went for the headed fuck.

[B]

So with a. With a dirty 20. I'll go ahead and let you know that you got. You were able to access all of the footage of the Bellagio somehow not a single corner was unfolded. But you see that this man, Samir, Bank Fraud is his character's name, goes into. He runs in and he beelines for a stairwell in the back. And he walks out on the balcony and he runs into this giant door in the middle of the second floor on the balcony.

[D]

Nice. Good stuff.

[A]

So shall we go there?

[C]

Through the door?

[B]

Into the door. Walker, roll a D20.

[F]

But they didn't. But they didn't bring us any drinks. We tried.

[B]

They didn't bring us any.

[F]

We're good. They're bad services. How long were we here at the Bar Creatini?

[E]

We still haven't seen a goddamn waitress in this place.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

How long have you been here for? Probably like an hour. And that same waitress comes up and says, all right, so what can I get started for y'? All?

[E]

We can get started some better service for one.

[B]

All right. Got that. All right. And what. What about for the rest of y'? All?

[C]

I'd like a martini.

[B]

And, man, we don't know what that is.

[C]

Oh, just ask the bartender. I'm sure he'll know. I do have a bit of a strange question. Can I show you a photograph and ask you if you've seen anyone who has this sort of unique hair around your establishment? Can I do that?

[B]

Yeah, I guess so. Let me see. So she looks at this, I guess. Are you showing like a still of the footage?

[C]

Correct. Correct.

[D]

Mag shoots it out.

[B]

Eyes. Just puts it on the wall, just shoots it straight into this waitress's Brain. She. She. She's like. Actually, give me a perception check. Or. Wait. No, sorry, I. I need to. Let me roll something.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. She. So she tells you that she does not recognize. She's. She's a little. She's like. I. It kind of looks familiar, but definitely not anyone I've seen around here.

[C]

But. All right, then.

[E]

Just creatini for you then, darling.

[C]

Do I believe her, though? She could be covering for him.

[D]

For all I know, he's in cahoots with the waitress.

[C]

Could be.

[B]

No, I'm sorry. Wait, what? What. Cahoots with who? What's. What are you talking about?

[E]

I've had terrible service here, and we'll be leaving imminently. I. I'd like to speak to the manager on my way out. And we. We realize it's. It's. It's going nowhere. So we. Perhaps we start to. To move towards the door post haste.

[B]

She just stands there watching y' all leave and just goes. She just says, fuck you, and just walks. Walks away. As y'. All. As you'll walk out.

[A]

Culture is 400% now.

[B]

Okay. What is it now?

[F]

What is it now?

[B]

Yeah, you're paying more than the meal.

[C]

UBI Never happened. I guess.

[E]

So we still need to. We still have to decide if we want to investigate the Excalibur, correct?

[B]

Yeah, because we investigated here.

[E]

We've.

[B]

Yeah, y' all just came over here to the bar.

[E]

Okay. Okay.

[F]

I think we might as well. And I got a spell slot back because it was a short rest. That was like an hour, so.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we'll count that as short. Rich.

[F]

Yeah, we're kind of restocked.

[E]

So does anyone with a good investigation want to maybe take the lay of the land investigation?

[B]

You got.

[F]

I've got. I've got three. I don't know. I don't know who's.

[D]

I got a plus three, too.

[E]

I've got a minus one, guys.

[A]

Yeah, same.

[D]

Not you.

[E]

It's not gonna be me.

[A]

No.

[D]

Lynn, why don't you go for it?

[F]

Literally rolled a nat 20.

[B]

Lynn is hot right now. Yeah. Carla's over here rolling NAT ones beforehand, like back to. Back to back. So you see. Damn. So you see that? This. This is the Excalibur. It's nightly honor blockchain chivalry.

[C]

Closer to.

[A]

Your mic, because I think it. Depending on how far you are.

[B]

Oh, am I. Oh, crap. Hold on. Let me pull this over a little bit. Sorry. I got my dungeon book. So it's. It's very neon. Beautiful neon castle. This. This Hotel and Casino is actually nice. Like, y'. All. Y' all kind of want to be here. There's. There's people in the middle with. There's slot machines all around and tables. But in the middle, there's jousting going on and everyone's cheersing and just screaming, having a good time. And you know what? I don't even need a vibe check from anyone. I can go ahead and let y' all know the vibes are high here. And let's see. How do I do this? Okay, so Lynn is Ned. Neil. God. Neil is looking around, just taking it all in. And this man walks up and says, hi, miss. You look like you're. You're looking for someone. Can I help you?

[F]

I say, I was looking. What were we doing? We were just kind of looking around to see what's going on. I say, well, have you seen Sam Bankman fried around here?

[B]

Hold on. Give me one second. I gotta pull something up here.

[C]

You got.

[B]

This is really difficult with one screen. Honestly, doing anything with one screen is difficult, but this especially. Guys, we're doing great here.

[D]

We're gonna get him.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

As Tatum does this. Walker.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

To the bathroom to see if there's anything in the bathroom that he may need.

[B]

Well done.

[E]

Yes. Right? He does. Yeah. It's fair. And I actually might find something, guys. And it's not just my sword.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Ew.

[B]

Oh, God. God damn it. Okay, so where were we? Lynn just was saying that y' all were looking around.

[F]

Well, that. And that guy came up and asked what we're looking for, so I. I was. He. He asked if we're looking for someone, so I asked if he saw Sam Bankman Freedom.

[B]

Oh, Sam Bankman Freed. Yeah. Yeah. He. He says, oh, Sam Bateman Freed. I haven't heard that name in years. Now I know that FTX did like keep coming up and some of them were like copycats. Some of them were insiders. But, yeah, I hadn't seen him around in a while.

[D]

It's the craziest thing. We could have sworn we saw him. You know, I know how weird that is, but if, you know, if you see him, let me know.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You should have my number. We were actually old friends. My name's. My name is Rob Hamilton.

[D]

Rob, how are you?

[B]

Yeah, man, I was trying to figure out the best way to. I just realized Walker's not here. I'm sorry. Hold on. Do we need to wait for him?

[A]

He went to the bathroom. But, hey, we can catch.

[B]

I thought in game. He was Actually just like saying he was gonna do coke.

[C]

Oh, no, no.

[A]

Hey, Rob, don't. You know, I've been doing complex calculations.

[D]

I was Anchor Watch.

[B]

He. Okay, so he says, oh, Anchor Watch is going great. Honestly, things are still, you know, we're. We're up and coming, still tackling the world with, you know, I ensure and I stack the SATs. You know, we love it. And, you know, it's going good. It's going good. How. How's the sun?

[D]

It's always excellent, my friend. I actually just got back to. I got back. I was off world for a little while, man, everything. When you guys got the insurance policy on the bitcoin strategic reserve, that really changed everything for your company, huh?

[B]

Yeah, look, I'll say it suit coiners, they were right all along. So, yeah, wait, let me. Let me. I know exactly what I need to do right here. Okay. What are y' all doing in town? Are y' all here for the conference? Why aren't y' all over at mgm?

[D]

Well, the weirdest thing is we ran into David when we were over there, and I guess without giving too much away, there's some wallets that went missing. And so we're trying to find these things, and one of them is giving everything away. Saw Sam Bankman. Fried.

[B]

Sam Bankman. That's crazy. I know that. I know that. One of the FTX guys. I can't remember if he was, like, a clone or something. Samir or something was his name. He's like, bank fraud. He said that he hangs around the Bellagio a lot. Have y' all been. Y' all said y' all went over there?

[D]

Yeah, we did. That's where we saw him.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I. I don't know. What. What's this wallet stuff you're talking about? It's.

[D]

It's a lot to get into right now.

[C]

Do we trust this man right now?

[E]

I just saw an Anchor Watch advertisement in the urinal.

[B]

Okay, there we go. So y' all are just. Y' all are asking if y' all trust him.

[C]

I.

[B]

For what skill would be for trust. Yeah, inside. Roll inside, like everyone. No, just give me 20.

[D]

Not 20.

[B]

Oh, because I just needed. Carlos, you just wasted a net. 20. No, give me an inside check.

[C]

Don't worry, darling. I'm going. Oh, hold on, hold on.

[B]

Laser plays.

[C]

Oh, wait. No. It's a critical failure, I believe. Yeah, I know. It's. It's a one plus a two. Not good.

[B]

Not good. Crazy.

[D]

I got a 20, you got a one. A tale of two rolls.

[E]

So that's a great name for this show.

[B]

Rob looks at Carla just, like, full disgust and honestly, kind of anger. He's like, are you serious? Y' all have known me for forever. Like, I'm. We're great friends. I'm honestly a little. A little pissed that you would ask that. Like, I'm. I'm. I'm wanting to help you guys.

[C]

It's not personal. It's not personal? Yeah.

[F]

In a world full of clones, it's. You can never be.

[A]

Carla was frozen. She doesn't really remember everything.

[E]

And don't raise your voice to my wife, sir.

[C]

I don't need you speaking for me. I don't know who the fuck you are.

[B]

This is. Okay, this is all really weird, but look, I. I'm. I'm friends here. We're good people. I'll tell you. Look, I. I got something that I think could help. How about. How about give you this cold storage cloak? I only have one, so you'll have to decide amongst yourself who. Who wants it. But it will. It'll. If you're wearing it, then it'll bolster your guard against. Wait, sorry. Which ones is it? God damn it. I forgot what the actual mechanic of it is. I can't find it. Oh, here we go. Oh, yeah. While wearing this, you get plus one bonus to AC in saving throws. And also it protects you against. No, never mind. It doesn't protect you from a certain type of damage. It just gives you plus one bonus to AC and. And saving throws.

[E]

I feel like maybe we give it to Mags.

[D]

Yeah, I think Mags.

[E]

That feels best, right?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Is AC Constitution or what is it?

[D]

Armor class?

[B]

Armor. Yeah. So she should have the.

[A]

Yeah, I think I should have strong, but where do I find this? Hold on.

[B]

Yeah, so. So you. You're 16, so if you're wearing it, you get. You'd be 17. That's.

[F]

The saves are good.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Just.

[B]

You're gonna be.

[E]

We would gladly accept this on behalf of our clanker.

[B]

He. He. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out three little chips. And he says, I have these anchor watch tokens. I literally wrote this in here.

[E]

And are they sponsoring this, for Christ's sake?

[C]

They should be.

[B]

Yeah. This episode is sponsored by Vibes Capital Management. But he says, I have plenty of them to give each of you, but because she apparently doesn't trust me, I want to give one to everyone else. And so he gives everyone. Except for. Except for Mags. She got the cloak, an anchor watch token. And what it does is I just had it. I just had it. Anchor watch token.

[E]

Cut.

[B]

Oh, here it is. Here it is. Here it is. One cloak. Yeah, it's an insurance token. And it will give you plus one ac and. Nope, that's. Guys, this is embarrassing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[A]

While you do that, I'm attaching my chip here.

[D]

Nice. It's a. It's a 7% a year insurance plan with a hundred thousand dollar deductible.

[B]

Now that's a sponsored line if I've.

[E]

Ever heard one measured in cuck bucks.

[C]

I don't know what's real.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Anymore. Sorry.

[C]

What is real?

[B]

The. Okay, so he hands Steven Mags and Nil. Wait, sorry, no. Stephen, Neil Walker. I'm all over the place. An anchor watch token. And that is a one time use thing to get to roll with advantage.

[F]

Okay, thank you, Rob. That's very generous. I appreciate that.

[B]

You're welcome. And he looks at Carla and go fuck yourself. Jumps at her.

[C]

With love.

[D]

What brings you here? Why are you in town, Rob?

[B]

Oh, you didn't hear? I. I own the Excalibur. It's kind of just a little side hustle. I'm working on business. Good.

[E]

Yeah, the service is shit, Rob. It's terrible.

[D]

The rush hot man.

[E]

It's God awful.

[A]

You need to hire clankers. They're way more efficient.

[E]

Hey, I agree with the clanker.

[F]

So since you own the place, could we ask a security question?

[D]

Nice.

[B]

I mean, yeah, I don't know how much I can answer, but yeah, we're.

[F]

Basically, we're looking for. I mean, you heard about the stolen wallets? We're kind of just checking to see for if there's suspicious activity related to that specific thing.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. What, what specifically are you looking for?

[F]

What are like a wallet?

[C]

Everything.

[E]

Rob, were you underwriting Michael Sailor's policy by chance?

[F]

Hopefully not.

[B]

Wait, guys, do y' all think that.

[C]

I need a sound.

[B]

Y' all think that I have a wallet here? A stolen wallet?

[E]

No, God, not you.

[F]

We were not suggesting that at all.

[C]

Suggesting that.

[E]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[F]

I would clarify that because you just, you own the hotel. All manner of things can go on in a very large hotel.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

If there's anything suspicious, if there's any like review, if there's been any, any, any, any odd characters or any, any weird happenings.

[E]

Cucumber eating, curly headed guys.

[B]

Yeah. Lynn, give me an insight check.

[F]

Sure.

[E]

It's pronounced Nil.

[B]

Yeah, you got plus five on that?

[F]

So I get a 21.

[B]

21. Okay.

[C]

That number Is cool.

[B]

So he. Was that a 21 on dirty or, like. It wasn't a nat 20?

[F]

No, it was 16. Plus five.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You have plus five. I can do math too, guys. Natural. It was a. So he says. Actually, hold on. Wait, wait. This. This is all kind of in the group chat of casino owners that we have. The. There were some people that were talking about, like, some. Some commotion over at the mgm. I guess this might be the wallets. I. I don't know exactly. But, yeah, they. They said that a couple of casinos, it was kind of the more rundown ones, like, you know, you have the really nice ones that are, like, you know, Excalibur, obviously the nicest. New York, New York, Paris, Las Vegas, Flamingo, Wynn. All those are great.

[F]

The flamingo is great.

[B]

Oh, I love the flamingo. It's. Honestly, I think it's a. I think it's a nice reminder of what was once a beautiful bird.

[F]

Cute. Good taste.

[A]

Yeah, I did hear that one flamingo was cryogenically frozen.

[B]

Oh, no, they. They. Yeah, no, they. They did. They did get rid of that one because they just were irritated by its existence or something, but I was against it. But to each their own.

[C]

Seems unethical.

[F]

It's a very unethical world.

[B]

Yeah, but. Yeah, those. Those hotels or those casinos were the. Were. Those are the nice ones, though, so.

[F]

So the Bellagio is one of the bad ones. What are the other bad ones?

[B]

Okay, give me an inside check. Because. Give me an inside check, Lynn.

[D]

Okay, wait, guys, I've got Rob Hamilton here.

[C]

This is awkward.

[D]

Hey, can you hear me?

[B]

Yeah, I can hear you.

[D]

Can you guys hear him?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

All right, so we're all here with you in the Excalibur.

[B]

This is the.

[D]

The hotel that you own in Vegas.

[E]

And the service is terrible.

[D]

The service has been awful. The waitress really is a problem, Rob. So you should do something about her. But.

[B]

Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

So we just wanted to give you a chance to say hi. To say hi to the team.

[B]

Hello. Welcome, everyone. I'll work on my service for all of you.

[C]

Among other things.

[D]

Can you hear that?

[B]

That's awesome. I don't want to ruin Tatum's DMing, though, because I had script lines. I didn't realize there was a deadline. My apologies for not. No, hey, you're. You're all good. It's totally fine. I. I was a little. I. I kind of dropped the ball on that, too.

[D]

He was busy running the Excalibur wait.

[E]

Staff, either, so I can hardly, hardly be shocked.

[B]

Well, I'm just surprised Tatum knew that I actually had my real life bachelor party. We stayed at the Excalibur in Vegas, so I don't know how he knew that, but he knew that.

[A]

That's why you bought it?

[B]

Dead ass.

[D]

That's why he bought it.

[A]

Make sure what happens in Vegas stays in good times.

[E]

I can't tell if this is real or not.

[B]

Oh, this is real.

[C]

Welcome to my life.

[B]

That is a canon event now. It is canon.

[D]

Yeah. In this world.

[E]

That's why. Naturally. That's why you bought it.

[D]

You gave everybody an anchor watch token. We very much appreciate that. Oh, yeah, Carla. Carla didn't trust you, so you're mad at. You're mad at Carla, but the rest of us got a token.

[B]

Excellent. Sounds good.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

That's awesome.

[D]

I'll let you go.

[B]

All right. You all take care. Best of luck on your journey.

[D]

Thank you, Rob.

[F]

Have a great day.

[E]

Fix your staff, please.

[B]

That was awesome.

[C]

That one.

[F]

I was. I was giving a second insight check for some reason.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, second one.

[F]

It was 14, so it's 19 total. 14 plus 5. Probably. Probably. As soon as you have combat, I'm gonna get all my, like, ones.

[B]

Yeah, he. He kind of, like, looks around and he's like. All right, look, I. I'm not supposed to, like, talk bad about the other casinos, but, I mean, Bellagio, I don't like that one. Caesars don't like that one either. And. And then Luxor, That. That one. They. They're. The guy who runs Luxor is a piece of. But you didn't hear any of this from me, all right?

[F]

Of course.

[B]

Please, please keep that down.

[C]

Right.

[E]

Noted, noted.

[D]

Why is the guy that runs Luxor a piece of.

[C]

Who is it?

[B]

Insight check from both you. Boom.

[C]

All right, then.

[D]

Insight on this.

[C]

Keep your secrets.

[D]

21.

[C]

Let me see here. 15.

[B]

15. Okay. He. He looks at y'. All. He's like, I don't want to. I don't want to, like, give out any names, at least coming from my mouth in this context, but he.

[F]

He just.

[B]

He's like a. He's ruined a lot of people's lives. Sent a lot of people through a lot of tough times, but I don't know why he still even has a name here. But I rest my case.

[E]

What is his name?

[B]

Insight chick.

[C]

If not, I will charm him. Although it's a bit.

[E]

Don't worry, it's a plus zero for me. That's a four.

[C]

Oh, nailed it.

[B]

He says, shut the up.

[A]

Does Lev need to do her mind?

[E]

I Find that very rude, Rob. After all we've been through.

[F]

Yeah. I say. I say, can't you just tell us? And I cast suggestion without any, like, motions or anything. So he's got to do a will save.

[E]

Nice.

[B]

Oh, 15, 18.

[A]

Can I get really angry, Rob?

[E]

Can I just say, your head looks so incredibly shiny.

[B]

All right, guys. Thank y'. All. Look, I have to get back over here, manage.

[F]

Yeah, I appreciate that. Okay.

[D]

Rob actually has a full head of hair now.

[B]

Yeah, it finally. It finally grew in. So Rob is desperately trying to get away as the pressure is getting on, like naming people's names. But you all have one cloak. Mags has the cloak and the tokens. Sorry, Carla, that was your nat. One punishment used to it.

[D]

This is good.

[E]

Are we letting him go? Are we fully letting him go now? We're not trying to.

[B]

Yeah, no, he's. He's. He's like just Beeline. He's like, all right, we don't faster than David Bailey.

[E]

Am I right?

[C]

I need a drum sound effect.

[E]

I bet you missed my wit, my love.

[B]

Nope. Nope. I love Carla's responses so much. They're hitting every time.

[D]

All right, so we got the Bellagio. We've got a treacherous figure at Luxor. What do you guys think? Where should we go?

[E]

Are you curious about Luxor?

[B]

Yes. Yeah, it feels like there's something there, right?

[E]

Yeah, I just feel like to meander that way.

[D]

My only thing is, like, Sam was actively.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

How long ago was the footage of SBI?

[A]

I think it was, like, 12 hours or something.

[B]

Yeah, it was like, in the past 12 hours or so, but actually still.

[E]

Not extracted footage from here yet in any way. Right.

[D]

But within that, like, was it an hour ago or was it 12 hours ago? I'm trying to wonder if he, like, was just over there. Like, we should hurry over there. Or if it was like 12 hours ago, then maybe it doesn't matter.

[A]

Also question luxury or the mining pool. Did they also take over Luxor Hotel or.

[B]

Why did I not even think I. Because every time I. I had typed the Luxor, like the casino, I. I would always be like. Like mining. And I just didn't think to. To include that lore. Awesome. I'm an idiot.

[E]

But. But the.

[B]

Yeah, they. Yeah. And the top of the pyramid actually is now that the orange logo there. Their triangle.

[E]

And then to Steven's question on timing, how long ago did. Did SBF look alike? Did we. How long ago was that in the footage we saw?

[B]

That was. That was probably 12 hours ago. Okay. I would say we don't.

[E]

Okay. So we don't need to rush. Is anyone. Are we still curious? Yes. Sure. Is Rob charming with his full luscious set of hair? Naturally. But are we at all curious about investigating the footage here? Or do we think this is a nothing burger?

[C]

I can't. I don't think we could just let it slide.

[D]

I think we could just come back if we're having trouble. But I think we can move on. And, like, you know, I think the.

[E]

Vibe is not here in terms of the.

[F]

I think. I think the vibe is Luxor.

[B]

I agree. Sorry. Yeah. All right.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

We. We.

[E]

We leave the hotel and we start.

[A]

To go to transport.

[D]

Give me. Give me 30 seconds. I'll be right back.

[B]

Yeah, no, you're all good. Cuz I got to switch over some of my stuff too.

[E]

Minutes. Am I right?

[C]

Is everyone peeing?

[E]

Just go.

[B]

Yeah. Youall want to take a. Y' all want to take a pee break real quick? Cuz I. I'm about.

[E]

The quest of King.

[A]

That's why you don't let clankers massage you.

[B]

No.

[C]

That is really why. Unless they're Tesla. Give me a car.

[E]

And I just want to bring this all back home by saying that it's not all clankers. Mags. But, you know, she's.

[B]

Christ.

[A]

He's got a private.

[C]

So sorry about him.

[B]

Certainly.

[A]

It's control your husband.

[C]

Everyone keeps telling me that. Everyone.

[B]

Holy.

[C]

It's like control your husband, but get back in the kitchen.

[E]

I'm like, Walker, you bankers run knots is all I'm saying.

[B]

Oh. Oh, that. We got to make sure.

[E]

And we're back here after a very clean cut.

[B]

Walker, you're doing this clanker bit so well that I'm, like, getting offended on behalf of AI Robots.

[E]

This.

[C]

I'm pro clankers.

[A]

Thank you, Carl. You're welcome.

[D]

Some of my best friends are clankers.

[E]

I. I have a. I have a.

[B]

I can say clinker. I. I could say clinker. I have tons of. Clanker.

[E]

Was the best way to my wedding. So I think it's okay for me to say it.

[B]

Yeah. Holy blinker is one of the way to Luxor. All right. And we're back.

[E]

And we're back with nothing. Said it in the interim.

[B]

Nope. It was just a bunch of silence. So y' all are headed to Luxor and make sure you have a guy already. Walker. So wait. I was looking at the wrong one. I didn't have it right. Sorry. Okay, so, yeah, y' all are outside of Luxor and you see the iconic Black pyramid. You see the Luxor mining pool logo on the top. And it's. It's.

[C]

Stephen is Lawrence of Arabia.

[B]

The. It. It's. It looks dingy on the outside. Like, it was kind of not kept up very well. But there's this really weird, just like, vibe to it, but you don't know what it is. Right now.

[C]

Everything is dingy and seems.

[E]

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit on edge. One moment. I'm more relaxed now. Thank you.

[B]

Oh, man. Oh, wait. I got to get. Grab this real quick. This is the greatest day of my life.

[A]

Of your screen.

[B]

Yeah. It's fun and cute. Okay.

[E]

It's okay, Tatum. I took a much better screenshot that I'll send you later. Don't you worry.

[B]

I. I want to be remembered, but I just remember this by.

[E]

It's high stakes. My once. My once bride doesn't even remember me hunting down a cucumber eating Sam Bankman Freed. What's next?

[B]

Yeah, so y' all are outside the lecture right now. Y' all go in.

[C]

Is there a bouncer? Oh, what time of night is it?

[B]

We're like early evening. You can just walk in. I don't know why I told you all the. I guess I was just describing the outside before y' all went in, but it's just shining.

[E]

Let's act. Let's act casual, guys.

[B]

All right, So y' all are gonna walk in. Yeah. That's a real low profile. And the energy in there is super weird. And everyone looks absolutely loaded. Like, it looks like you are in the nicest casino ever, but you just walked in like it. A casino with these types of people actually would be, like, off limits to the public or something. It's just really weird, and everyone's really loud and. And Monte Carlo and Monaco.

[E]

You mean loaded rich, not loaded like loaded. Or they're also loaded rich and loaded.

[B]

Like they. They could be.

[E]

They hold their liquor well.

[C]

So we should blend in and get loaded. You know, be elegant or something.

[B]

Sorry. The original loaded. Is that the original load? I said, like, you could tell they all look really rich.

[C]

Yeah. No one says loaded.

[D]

High end casino smells like crime.

[C]

Do people still say that?

[B]

The. The actual casino doesn't look anything spectacular, but the people do.

[C]

Okay, There must be a reason for that. What are they all here for? Drugs?

[E]

I say Carla leads our little group. Just.

[A]

Is. Is this like a perception investigation check that Carla needs to do?

[B]

Carl, you want to give me an.

[C]

Insight check course, darling.

[E]

We should just start calling it a Vibe check. Honestly?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting. Wait.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

What do you think?

[B]

What did you roll in that one?

[C]

Sure did. I told you, mine are rigged.

[D]

My goodness.

[E]

Should I have rolled, though? Because I asked her to take the lead. I mean, it's your question, but I.

[B]

For this scenario. Yeah. Walker, roll for her. Yeah.

[C]

I would be happy to take the.

[E]

L. I'll roll for my wife any day.

[B]

Only thing is. Just roll. Yeah.

[E]

17.

[B]

Okay. You. You just notice the people? I was only going to give an answer for Nat20, but I noticed I. Yeah. I didn't have anything for NAT1, so I didn't want to actually. Like, it's.

[E]

It's wearing off.

[B]

So. Yeah, you just see people, and you're people here.

[E]

What say you, Steven?

[B]

What?

[C]

Other gambling?

[B]

Yeah, they're.

[C]

They're doing the craps table. What if we pretend. Oh, I'll join the craps.

[A]

Some chips. Maybe I should go and gamble.

[B]

You can. On a blackjack table. I want to blackjack only. Black 21.

[A]

I'm putting it on 21.

[B]

Yeah. Wait, what did you say? Steven? Sorry.

[D]

She said 21. I said 21 million.

[B]

Let's.

[D]

But let's. Let's move through the casino. Like, let's kind of go in and kind of walk through it and see what we notice.

[A]

To the blackjack tables.

[B]

Yeah, we can go to some tables. So y' all walk over to the tables. Give me a group perception check. Boom. Stole it.

[E]

The blackjack tables are centrally located, I assume in the main thoroughfare.

[F]

Yeah, I got an 8 20.

[D]

I got O, 23, 10 plus 4.

[A]

It's 14.

[B]

Carlos, is that a Nat 20 or a Dirty 20?

[C]

Nope, dirty.

[B]

Hey, at least it's not Nat 1.

[C]

I know, right?

[B]

So y' all go over to the blackjack table, and it's a table just. Just for y'. All. No one else is on that table. And the dealer, C.J. is like, what's going on, guys? Welcome to Luxor. Y' all want to play some blackjack, I'm assuming.

[D]

Let's go.

[A]

Yes. All right, sir.

[B]

So he. He deals the cards out to each of y'. All. Stephen, you have a six. Mags, you have a five. Lynn, you have five. Walker, you have a seven. Carly, you have a three. And the dealer puts his. His. His card down, and it's a face card. And so he checks it. He goes, oh, blackjack. Sorry. He takes all the money, and he asks. All right, y' all want to go again?

[E]

Excuse me, sir. You just checked and took our Hands prior to even giving us our second card. Is that protocol here at the Luxor?

[B]

Oh, sorry. I meant Yalls actual. The total of yalls 2 cards he. He gave me. Yeah.

[E]

Just wanted to make sure because.

[B]

I.

[E]

Would have had to talk to the.

[A]

Manager, I mean, if they did.

[D]

Who is also Rob Hamilton.

[B]

Yeah. And out comes Rob Hamilton. Hey, guys. I bought the Luxor. A little side hustle.

[E]

Does he actually come out right now?

[B]

No, no, no, sorry. That. That was. That was a sidebar.

[F]

I asked the dealer, I say, is this like a high rollers night or is this like some sort of special event? Or is it always like this?

[B]

No, it's always like this. We just got the best people coming around here, I'll tell you that.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[F]

It seems like that.

[B]

Why is. Why is that? I mean, we just. We. We love. We have good experience. We love the people. We love the energy. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You love people.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Who's your. Who's your most important person that comes by here, though? You can tell me.

[E]

No, I'm sure they don't have any celebrities that come in here. If I had to guess, this guy's probably never seen a celebrity in his life.

[B]

Oh, we. We don't. We don't have any celebrities come through. No, no one really, like, you know, it's just. It's the low key kind of people, I guess you could say. You can tell that he's like. He's kind of uneasy when he's saying this. Like. Yeah, he's just trying to convince you this is super normal. To have a regular ass casino with people who look like they're all billionaires.

[D]

It's so impressive. You guys have done a really great job. Who owns this place? Again.

[B]

We'Re going to have to have a. A dealer change out. Let me go get the other dealer. And he walks away with. With the chips and just leaves y' all at the table.

[E]

There's no chance for us, any of us, to check it? Do a little. Little charismatic check perhaps?

[B]

Yeah, actually, yeah, if you want to. You want a charisma check or. Wait, hold on.

[E]

Let me just like. Hey, buddy, come on. You know, it doesn't look like there's even another dealer here yet. You know, maybe we could just talk.

[B]

Yeah. Give me.

[F]

I cast guidance on char on Carla.

[B]

Yes, that's much better.

[F]

I say. I say see if he can get him back.

[E]

Yes, yes.

[D]

Bonus.

[C]

Is he.

[B]

He's like. He's like packing up. Okay. He hadn't left yet. He's like, very quickly, like, putting all his chips away in his little, like, safe thing that he's got to carry around.

[C]

I'm sorry. You just have such an incredible dealing technique. Like, I've literally never seen anyone work cards like that. Could you just stay for maybe just, like, a couple more games, please?

[B]

Persuasion check.

[C]

All right, I got a four, but I got a plus eight.

[E]

Wait, then I have.

[F]

Four.

[C]

So 12 plus 13. Oh.

[D]

Wait, does she. I forgot how to barter. How do Bardock mechanics work? Does she have, like, an inspiration or something she can burn?

[C]

I could use Bardic inspiration on myself.

[D]

I'm just saying. Seems like an option. You don't have to, but.

[E]

But, I mean, I think maybe it's not a bad idea. It's maybe not a bad idea for the cell. If we can stack it on there. You haven't used it yet or.

[B]

Well, once, but I have to.

[C]

It's okay.

[E]

More?

[C]

No, I have two. Oh, me. It's another one. 14.

[F]

Holy.

[C]

Roll ones.

[B]

Carla, you actually might need to change dice. That's really weird. The. The guy.

[E]

These dice. Because they were shiny.

[B]

You ordered these for me because you.

[E]

Said they were shiny.

[A]

Orange dice.

[C]

14, darling.

[B]

He continues to pack up, and he's kind of, like, looking around and he's like, no, it's. Sorry, I'm on a really tight we. It's with the manage.

[F]

We.

[B]

Yeah, sorry, I gotta go. And he.

[E]

I do the intimidation. I want to intimidate him.

[B]

Okay, give me an intimidation check.

[E]

Yes, that's something I have.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Oh, it's a five plus five. It's a ten. It's a ten. I'm sorry, guys.

[B]

Try. Go ahead and tell me what you. What you try to intimidate. How. How you try to intimidate him?

[E]

I've only ever seen a woman or a clanker walk away from a table like this. You're not either of those, are you, son?

[C]

What?

[B]

He looks at you. He goes. And you. You can go yourself. And just walks away really quickly.

[E]

That would have worked 80 years ago. What's this world coming to? Oh, my goodness.

[B]

So now y' all are all. Y' all are all alone at the table. I mean, there's other dealer here. All right.

[E]

In Las Vegas. It's ridiculous.

[B]

There are dealers in other table. Other occupied tables, but at Yalls, table is just you.

[A]

I feel like I have a question. Oh, okay.

[C]

Can I disguise self as SBF and walk around?

[B]

That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You want to do that?

[C]

I mean, I don't know. Let's. Let's talk about it. I'm not one to make.

[E]

I think that actually seems interesting. Let's see what happens.

[A]

My other suggestion would have been. I liked Carla's idea before. Like, who's. Who's the most important person here. We could sneak over to the penthouse and see who's in the penthouse.

[C]

Maybe I could get in as sbf.

[E]

I'm intrigued by seeing what happens when SBF walks around the floor.

[B]

Trust me, I am, too.

[C]

What does he sound. I think he sounds kind of like this. I don't know.

[B]

That was actually not far off. I. I'll.

[C]

He talks really fast, I think.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

Yeah, there's that fast talk thing.

[E]

No one actually remembers what he sounds like. No, like, really remembers.

[B]

Yeah, it was. He was just a fleeting. He's just a fleeting memory now in the pan. All right.

[C]

For me.

[B]

I. I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with bards either, but are you just now sbf? Like, you look like him?

[C]

Well, can I. It's a level one spell. Can I. Oh, you just.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I'm great with spells. I'm more on physical.

[C]

I played a bard before, either.

[E]

So she's using disguise. Self.

[B]

Disguise Self. Okay.

[C]

Can I do that?

[B]

Yeah. Self. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, she can disguise herself as a different character.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Upon physical inspection, I get found out, but just, like, loosey goosey here and there. No one will know.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They have to roll to inspect. They have to actually take an action. So.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And nobody's gonna be inspecting my wife but me.

[C]

Nobody asked you.

[B]

All right.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. In our. Yeah, so. Okay, that. All right, so you'll now have an SBF lookalike in Yalls party. Congratulations.

[D]

I like the idea of trying to go to, like, the. Well, there's a lot of, like, elite people on the ground floor, so maybe walk around here, and then we can take a swing at the penthouses.

[E]

Yeah, she just kind of strolls around, sees if anyone reacts, perhaps.

[C]

Yeah, maybe People come up to me.

[E]

Like, hey, what are you doing here, man?

[A]

You know, like, you owe me some money.

[E]

Just so. So what do you do? You. You stroll around?

[C]

Yeah, I'm strolling around.

[B]

So, yeah. DM tell me you're noticing that all the people, they're kind of just, like, cutting their eyes at you. Like, they. They know. Like they know something, but they're also, like, they don't want to talk to you.

[A]

So do we keep going? Do we head to the elevator then to go to the.

[E]

Are we walking with Carla SPF right now or Are we kind of, like, hanging back a bit?

[B]

It's up to y'. All. What do you all.

[E]

Well, that's what I'm saying.

[D]

Guys, can I Google who owns the hotel?

[E]

Is it publicly available information?

[D]

Is this public info?

[A]

I thought it was Luxor.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Luxor Mining owns those, but.

[E]

Yeah, but, like. But he was like, really? Who really owns it?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, no, it's not publicly available. Okay.

[D]

Thought it was worth a shot.

[B]

And actually, good question. Now that I'm thinking about it, after we just had that conversation, I would like to strike from the record that Luxor Mining owns luxury. I just put two and two together.

[D]

That makes sense. Do you guys want to try the. The penthouses?

[A]

I say we go for the penthouse.

[E]

Maybe. Wait, wait, wait. Can she walk up to the front desk and ask if they can replace her key?

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Yeah, like, maybe, you know, just to see. Maybe she has a key here. We don't know. So. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay, so you walk up to the front desk and.

[C]

Hey, can I get a new key?

[B]

I'm sorry, what's the last name on the reservation?

[C]

Fraud. Bankman.

[B]

Fraud. Bankman. Fraud.

[A]

Banking fraud.

[B]

What? I. Sorry, I don't. I don't see. See you in here. What's Your room number?

[A]

666.

[D]

I walk over and I say, he has a meeting with the owner. Please send him up.

[E]

Nice.

[B]

And you are, sir?

[E]

I walk up and I say, he's known. And the fact that you need to ask means that you should be very concerned about your job.

[B]

You see the person at the reception desk, slowly reach her hand under the desk, and it's like she's about to push her.

[C]

You don't need to push that.

[A]

I'm intercepting that. Should I do a rule?

[B]

Actually, Give me Walker. Give me an intimidation check.

[A]

Ah.

[E]

Okay. 17 plus 5.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[E]

22.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I think you're intimidated, bro.

[A]

I think you're stealing numbers from Carla.

[C]

Being drained.

[B]

Okay. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, but just please scan his face.

[E]

It's all facial recognition. You know exactly who he is, do you not?

[B]

No, I don't. I'm ridiculous. All right, here.

[E]

Do I need to bring in your manager?

[B]

Stop. Okay. And frantically the reception lady is going, looking around. She grabs a key and puts on a little. Little scanner thing and writes the room number to the pit house and says, all right, he's in his. He's in his. In his room. It's in room. It's in room.

[F]

I don't know.

[A]

21.

[B]

Yeah. 21.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

420.

[C]

Thank you.

[E]

So we walk away. Are we certain right now? Wait, are. Do we have the key to Sam's room or to the owner's room? Clarify. I just wanted to clarify.

[D]

This is a big wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay, so that front.

[D]

Nice.

[E]

So hard to find good help these days.

[D]

This is just. This whole campaign is just like the gang. Experience is bad customer service in Las Vegas.

[A]

Nothing never changed.

[C]

This is why Vegas is failing right now. Everything's expensive, and the service sucks.

[E]

Wait, so we've walked away from the front counter? We are. We're heading up to the penthouse. Yeah.

[C]

All right. But do you want to go as a crew, as an ambush? Or am I pretending? Am I still me as like, you should send.

[A]

I think we should.

[F]

I think we should still disguise. And I can do alter self as, like, a warlock thing, so I can look like a bodyguard.

[A]

Oh, and I can bodyguard.

[D]

Are there unclanker bodyguard.

[E]

Is the penthouse accessible via stairs or only via the elevator? It must be accessible via stairs, right? Just for fire codes.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Does that mean that the rest of us who are not in disguise also because we're very strong, powerful, and athletic, could run those stairs in order to not be seen in the elevator camera, which certainly there are.

[C]

Do you think? There's no cameras and stairwells, they're usually not as good as 2249.

[B]

I'll say. I'll say this.

[E]

Throwing this out there.

[B]

No one's going to think suspiciously of y' all going. Going to this. This room.

[E]

Okay, so we can all go together. Yeah, we can all go together.

[A]

Gangs all here.

[E]

Well, then I say we all go together.

[B]

Let's do it. All right.

[D]

Then we might get into a fight, so we should stay together.

[E]

To the elevator we go.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Beep.

[C]

I don't like. I don't like this.

[B]

You're up at the penthouse, room 21. Y' all are just outside of it right now.

[D]

I want to, like. Let me do, like, a listen. Perception something here.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So that's perception. Okay, let me roll. One sec.

[B]

It's dark.

[D]

13 plus 6. 19.

[E]

Nice.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Okay, so you, like, put your ear up to the door and you don't. You don't hear anything really, but the. The TV's on. It's just like the news or something. And China has just banned bitcoin mining for the 500th time. And they said that it plummeted hash rate to 38 zeta. Hash.

[C]

Sounds like a lot.

[E]

By news, you mean a podcast, right?

[B]

Yes, he's listening. The news has been podcast. The news has been replaced by just podcasts. TV still exists, but it's just the. It's just the. It's just the COVID of the podcast and audio, so there's no need for a screen. But humans kind of like the tv.

[D]

But it's specifically podcasters scrolling a Twitter feed in real time to get the news and responding. That's all. It's all just a combination of podcasts and Twitter.

[E]

So the same.

[B]

Everything is podcast. Oh, yeah. That's all you hear. You just hear a podcast about news? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Honestly, I think we should, like, just, like, knock and see if anybody answers, and then if nobody answers, we should go in.

[E]

I'm with you, my slightly shorter brother.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

I used to have knock. All right, so you'll knock on the door and you hear, this is a. I can't do a British accent. So it's probably going to. It's probably going to turn, like, Australian or something. But you hear a British accent, say, hello, Jesus.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Who. Who is that?

[C]

Sameer.

[B]

You know, Samir. Samir. Oh. What are you doing? And he opens the door, and you see Pharaoh Craig Tomb, the eternal pretender, AKA Craig Wright.

[C]

I knew it.

[E]

I moved quickly into the door. I wedge the door open to make sure he can't close it on us. Oh, and then I say, hey, what's up? Just to lighten it a little bit, you know.

[B]

Can I. Can I help? Help you?

[E]

I'll defer to my. My beautiful husband, Samir.

[B]

Ah.

[D]

We need to talk about the wallets.

[B]

I figured that that was why you were here. Yeah, that's why we're here. You stand in the shadow of Luxor's pyramid, where truth is buried in sand and only my word is law. And I am the pharaoh. I'm the author of the chain. And your denial means nothing in the tombs of eternity. And with that, players roll for initiative. Wow.

[A]

The 20 dice.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Oh, God. 2, 3.

[B]

23.

[A]

Where do I see initiative?

[E]

So 3, 4, actually.

[C]

10, 15.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. A lot happened right there. Mags. Your. Your initiative. Your initiative is plus one.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

I can swap initiative, though.

[A]

So I have three.

[C]

I can swap with Mags.

[E]

Plus five.

[A]

Just swap.

[B]

Wait, swap? Swap? Whose initiative?

[A]

I think it's a group, though, Carla.

[C]

Yeah, but if I swap, I can swap the number and then you can go ahead of me.

[E]

Yeah, but you're gonna.

[B]

This is just. This is just the order. Yeah, but who. Who goes when goes first?

[C]

Right, but I. I Would rather Mags have go first than me?

[B]

Yeah, sure. So this is where I bring the. Yeah, well, hold on, let me see. I. I didn't get everyone's role. So, Steven, you got 22 or something? Yep, 22. Mag's got a three Walker 4, 10, 15 car. All right.

[A]

Is this like a boss scene?

[C]

Yes, I can give Mags and then I'll just.

[B]

All right, so just for game mechanics sake, y' all are now inside Craig's room, and it's a generally empty room. Fairly close quarters. Travel's not going to be needed in it. Okay, so, Steven, we will go to you.

[D]

Let me just look at my abilities real quick.

[B]

Oh, one.

[C]

Is it just Craig Wright, or does he have bodyguards, too?

[B]

It's. It's just Craig.

[D]

So we're beating up Craig Wright.

[B]

That's the. Yeah, but he's. I. But I did sued for this.

[C]

An incitement of violence.

[E]

Clarify. This is a purely hypothetical.

[B]

This goes into parody laws or something like that.

[E]

Yes, this is fair use.

[A]

It's fair.

[F]

He's like a pharaoh, right? You said he's like a pharaoh.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

What is he.

[B]

Yeah, it could be Craig Wrong, actually.

[A]

That's the key.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Craig.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Greg wrong.

[B]

Greg wrong. I love that. I've always called him Craig wrong, though, because I think that's just so perfect.

[C]

That's how Tatum ended up in jail.

[D]

I am going to use flurry of blows topple. So I get to make an unarmed attack. And then he also has to roll to avoid being tripped. And then if I hit, I will use all I can use stunning strike, which I have to hit first to use.

[B]

So.

[D]

Okay, let me roll. Oh, 25.

[B]

Oh, I want his dice. Very nice.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, so, yeah, that. That 100 hits.

[D]

All right, so let me roll damage first. So I got one D8 plus three.

[B]

Oh, that's not it. All right.

[D]

I got. All right, that's five damage. And then he has to succeed a DC14 dexterity save.

[B]

I don't have. Oh, there we go.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Plus six. Okay. Oh, you won that one. Nat one, actually. Oh, he's going down.

[D]

So he is. Now he is. Now he is prone. He is on the floor.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And then because I successfully hit with an attack, I can use one of my focus points to attempt the stunning strike. So now he has to take also a DC14 constitution save.

[B]

DC14. Yep, you got that one, too.

[D]

Okay, so now he is stunned for his next turn. And then after that, he will still be on the ground and my turn is over.

[B]

You Absolutely killed. That turn basically immobilized me immediately. All right, Lynn, Neil, nil. Sorry.

[F]

What is the window situation in the room?

[B]

There's a big, singular back pane window that stretches across the entire wall. But it starts like. But it's only, like, a couple feet tall, and it's in the. In the middle of the wall vertically, but it stretches end to end horizontally.

[F]

And how far away is it?

[B]

20Ft.

[F]

All right, so I'll. I'll shoot my. Well, first, I'll use a bonus action to. It's like my Aasimar thing, which is reskinned as a clone, so it's like I can kind of do a bonus action to. It's called Celestial Revelation, but it's reskinned as an cloned thing. So bonus action. Basically, I could fly for a minute, and I deal extra radiant damage per attack, equal to my proficiency bonus. And then I'll do Elder's Blast. So it's two attacks. First one is a. I. I literally called it. I said, I want to get my ones when we do the attacks.

[B]

Oh, man.

[F]

And then I got a total of 19 for the second hit.

[B]

All right, then. Yeah, that hits. Yeah. C roll for damage. Now, is that what.

[F]

Yeah. So with everything together, that'll be 13 damage.

[B]

All right.

[F]

And he is pushed back 10ft toward the window.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Love that.

[D]

His prone, stunned body.

[F]

He's, like, rolling or. Yeah, he's rolling.

[B]

Damn, y' all are beating the hell out of this guy. And that. That's your turn. Yes. All right.

[C]

If Mags agrees, I'll initiative swap with Mags and give her my 10.

[B]

Okay. So.

[D]

Oh, and, Tatum, he's now denied his dexterity bonus for all AC.

[B]

Okay. Just insult to injury. Very, very well done.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. All right. Yeah, Mags. So Mags is going to go now. Carla. Yeah.

[A]

I've never done this before. What am I looking at for, like, stats or, like. So. So I know. Barbarian.

[C]

He's a barbarian. So you're.

[A]

Is that where I rage?

[B]

So you. Okay, probably as a prominence barbarian. You. You can. You can enter rage whenever you want in your turn, and it lasts. How long does it last? Actually, mine.

[C]

You should know.

[B]

I know. I just held up a dice bag that said barbarian. I don't know how long you reached.

[E]

You were kind of flaunting it, to be honest.

[B]

I. I know. That's actually embarrassing. I think it's like, three turns.

[E]

But, like, three turns or it's three turns.

[B]

I. I don't know, man. I'm trying to. Look. Hold on. Let me pull up.

[A]

You can do four times per long rest. Is that what you mean? Or.

[D]

It lasts for one minute.

[B]

Okay. Since we're not doing time in game, we'll call that a turn. Does that work with y'? All?

[D]

What do you mean?

[B]

No, it's like, oh, 10 turns.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So.

[D]

So one minute, as in 10. 10 turns.

[B]

Oh, okay, okay, okay. So 10 turns. But no, you can only engage in it three times for long rest.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Unless you have some sort of a modifier on that. That made it four. But you. You probably won't get to that. That point. Yeah. So you'll.

[D]

You'll be raging for probably most of this.

[B]

Not all.

[A]

I have something called Savage Attack. For once per turn, when you hit a target with a weapon, you can roll a weapon's damage dice twice and use either. Roll against a target? I don't know. So, okay, so what am I doing? Am I choosing, like.

[D]

So real quick. Sorry, we should do. There's a. There's a setting where you do.

[B]

It's like.

[D]

It doesn't kill them, it knocks them unconscious.

[E]

Non lethal blow.

[D]

Non lethal. We should do non lethal here because we don't want to. We don't want to kill him.

[E]

We do want to question him.

[B]

You're right.

[E]

Yeah, excellent point.

[D]

So everything works the same, but we also. We switch to non lethal damage.

[E]

I. I agree with Stephen.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

If you guys do.

[A]

Yes, so, so do. Am I looking at, like, my attacks for.

[C]

For this or the non lethal ones?

[E]

Well, no, no, it's all still the same. It's just. You're not gonna, like. Well, she's got like a pummel strike, basically, right?

[F]

Yeah, it's like. It's basically just a choice. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like she.

[D]

Everything's the same.

[E]

A toggle, if you will.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So on your sheet, you should have an attack that gives you like a plus something.

[A]

Yeah, it's a plus seven. So I have unarmed strike. Hit DC plus seven and then damage five for bludgeoning. Is that what you mean?

[F]

You probably don't want to do one unarmed strike.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Because you have weapons.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Is your weapon not on your character sheet?

[A]

Not set it up properly?

[E]

You've got a great axe, don't you?

[D]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Where do I find that if it's not on there?

[D]

Don't worry about it. It'll be damage. I think you just didn't equip it.

[B]

I. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, crap. Maybe.

[F]

What is your strength? What is your strength?

[A]

My strength is 18 plus 4.

[D]

So it's plus 4 from strength. And then.

[F]

Yeah. So if you're using an ax, it'll be D12 plus 4 is your damage. So your. Your attack is you roll the D20 and add seven. And your damage if you hit is a D12 plus four, assuming you're using an ax.

[A]

A great X. I swear, I thought I equipped it, but add items.

[E]

I think we can just.

[B]

I'll allow you. Yeah.

[E]

We'Ve all. We've all been laboring under the assumption that you've had a great ax.

[A]

Yeah, no, I had it. I just don't know how to prove it.

[C]

I'm just kidding.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I want to do it here, guys.

[D]

No, I just. It doesn't really matter because the only thing you change on your sheet is the damage, and we know what it.

[B]

Should be, so we're just going to.

[D]

Pretend you have it.

[A]

Okay? Pretend I have it? Yes. I was supposed to equip it. All right, so I'm rolling the 20 dice.

[B]

Yeah. For to see if you hit.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

So it was a five plus seven.

[D]

And he gets no D, no dexterity bonus.

[B]

Where am I at here? 5 does not hit well. 12. 12.

[A]

Does my rage do anything?

[D]

Oh, yeah, it does.

[E]

But that takes a turn, doesn't it?

[B]

No, it doesn't.

[F]

No.

[E]

You can immediately do it.

[F]

One thing you can choose to do is reckless attack, which is you can choose to roll with advantage.

[C]

Is it too late for me to inspire?

[A]

Oh, for my great axe. Here, it says cleave once per turn. If you hit a creature with a melee attack using a great axe, you can make another melee attack with it. Against. Oh, second. Never mind. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. Go ahead.

[F]

So the. Yeah. The way that reckless attack works is it's kind of like a choice to be more aggressive but less defensive. So you can. If you want to, you can roll with advantage, but you will. If he attacks you, he'll have advantage against you next round.

[D]

So you get.

[F]

It's like, all in, kind of.

[D]

You get to roll an extra die to try to hit again. You'll get, like, a higher chance to hit, but next turn, if he attacks you, and he won't be able to because he's stunned.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

You should totally.

[C]

I can always heal you.

[A]

What?

[B]

What? What? What?

[E]

I can also lay on hands. I'm a power, after all.

[F]

To do that, you roll another D20.

[A]

Oh, another D20 dice.

[F]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Ooh, it's a 17.

[B]

Oh, there we go.

[E]

Nice.

[B]

Oh, wait.

[F]

So you.

[B]

That hits.

[D]

And then you're gonna have two attacks, so you can even attack again.

[A]

So one more time.

[B]

Yeah, now you 50.

[F]

This is for damage, but actually you get to roll. You get to roll that one twice because you get advantage on that as well. You're doing reckless attack.

[A]

Okay, so that was 15. And then one more time and well.

[F]

Then you get to see if it's higher or lower than 15.

[B]

You take the highest one.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Nope, that's a nine.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

And is that plus seven or is that just the raw 15, the one you just.

[B]

How do I know you just.

[D]

What did you roll? 15.

[A]

15. No, no, no pluses. There was just.

[D]

Yeah, so 22. So she's gonna hit with both of those.

[F]

Yeah. So your damage is gonna be. And when you're raging, you get plus two damage, I believe. Actually, what is your. I'm not sure. Your level is seven.

[B]

Yeah, seven.

[F]

She gets plus two damage per hit. So it'll be D12 plus four plus two.

[B]

Okay. Jesus.

[D]

He's about.

[F]

Yeah. In addition, it's possible she has other things, but that's like the baseline raging barbarian with a great axe and 18 strength.

[D]

So you'll roll. You'll roll a D12. You get the 12 sided one and roll it twice.

[A]

12 sided one. Okay, 12 sided one, roll it twice. First time is a two, second time is an eight.

[D]

So 10 plus, so it'd be 22. You'll get a plus six to both of them.

[F]

What kind of barbarian is she?

[A]

I'm warforged barbarian.

[F]

That's your species, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah, sorry. What do you mean by what kind?

[F]

Like barbarian subclasses. So Path of the Berserker.

[A]

Oh yeah, I think I picked that one.

[B]

Yes. So.

[A]

Oh, I don't know if you use. Sorry, go ahead.

[F]

If you use Reckless attack while your rage is active, you deal extra damage to the first target you hit on your turn. To determine the extra damage roll. A number of D6 is equal to your rage damage bonus, which is two. So you get to do an extra two D6 damage this round.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Sorry, where did this thing that you said come from? The path of the barbarian.

[B]

Berserker.

[E]

The Berserker.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

When you level up, you choose a path.

[D]

It's your subclass. So you.

[A]

Where do I find that? Do I have it somewhere in the thing when I was filling it out?

[E]

Either way, you can trust. You can trust Lynn on this one, I promise you. And like, the path of the Berserker is good.

[B]

It is. Yeah. I've gone with Path Berserker. Both my campaigns I played barbarian.

[F]

Yeah. If. If you are a Berserker, this is your level three ability, so you definitely have it.

[E]

Yes.

[F]

And. And you are doing it. It's only active when you're doing reckless attack, which you are. That's the thing we just did that gives you the advantage. So I don't know if you already rolled, but your damage is D12 plus 4, plus 2 for rage damage for each of those two hits. And then on top of that, you do an extra 2D6, so.

[B]

Yeah, dude, do 2D6 right now. Oh, Megs.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Is that unmodified? Yeah, that's just the square one.

[C]

The square one's like, put me out of my misery.

[A]

That was one was a six.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

The second one was a one.

[D]

So 30 total damage or. No, sorry. 29.

[B]

There we go.

[F]

Tayden, what were you gonna ask?

[B]

I was gonna ask if the two D6s were modified or not.

[F]

No, it's just. It's. It's just raw, and it's. It only goes up when the barbarians rage bonus. Rage damage goes up.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

That's where that's derived from.

[B]

All right.

[D]

You really.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

That was awesome. Yeah, I forgot I had two more attacks. I forgot to roll. I just realized. It's okay.

[B]

You did a good number on me. So it comes to me, and I'm just like, on the ground. Just.

[F]

It's like Loki after the. After Hulk. Like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I literally feel like everyone just grabbed me by my ankles and flung me around. And with that, we go to Walker.

[E]

All right, first, I use a bonus action to channel divinity, Divine skill sense. I want to sense if there are any celestials, fiends, or undeads within 60ft. And I also want another creature type because we're in Craig Wright's room, and I'm honestly not sure that we're alone with him.

[C]

Greg wrong.

[B]

Yeah, for legal purposes, we were fighting. Greg wrong. Greg wrong.

[E]

That's what I said.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's just Craig.

[E]

Okay. And we confirmed that. That's the entire space of the room that I've just confirmed. In that case, then I'm gonna use my. My great sword attack, which is 2D6 slashing. May I?

[B]

Go right ahead. Roll to hit. Five does not hit.

[E]

So that's 14. Doesn't hit.

[B]

Wait, what now? Did you roll three? Did you roll to hit?

[E]

Well, to. To stun still. We're all still in.

[B]

Oh, yeah, sorry. I, I. I was. Yeah, that. Okay, so you said. What was the damage?

[E]

Well, 11 plus 3, so 14.

[B]

Wait, even if you're stunned, you don't have to. You don't have to roll a AC or DC. B20 is your son.

[E]

I don't know, Lynn.

[B]

I'm gonna defer you.

[F]

You do, but, yeah, you have to roll.

[B]

Oh, so you still have to. Okay, so, Walker, you do have to roll to hit for me. So even if I'm stunned.

[E]

So I rolled the 2D6, right?

[B]

No, you have to roll D20 first to see if it is. Yeah, it does anything.

[E]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It has to be a 16 or above. Okay. So. Yeah, that didn't hit.

[E]

Excuse me.

[B]

So what you do is. I totally didn't realize, like, I. I forgot to ask y', all, like, if a attack hits, I want to get you to describe it. Describe what you do, but if it misses, I'll do that. So.

[F]

So actually, real quick. Advance attacks against stunned creatures have advantage. So Walker gets to roll another D20.

[B]

There we go.

[F]

It's higher.

[B]

That makes sense.

[D]

You're welcome.

[E]

Daddy needs a new pair of shoes. It's a four.

[B]

Okay, so you take your great axe and great sword. Sorry. And you swing it at him. The motionless, stun Greg. Wrong.

[C]

Violent.

[B]

And you completely miss him.

[F]

And it's all the crack, basically.

[B]

Yeah. You're so tweaked out. I need to catch up to him now. We will go to Carla.

[C]

Okay. Okay. Do we know what his hit points, like, are at right now, or.

[B]

Nope. No. Okay, you can. You can. I'm not going to tell you hit points, but do you roll to ask how the player's doing? It's been different in campaigns that I've done. I've played in. Or, like, sometimes we can just ask the dm.

[F]

Yeah, usually. Usually the DM would describe some sort of visual.

[B]

Okay, like.

[F]

And then especially often when they hit, like, half, it's often described that that's kind of when, like, they look more visibly banged up. Right. It's kind of standard.

[B]

Yeah. So at this point, he's. He's. He's there and he's strong, but he's still just not moving. He's just looking very scared.

[E]

Okay, so he's conscious.

[B]

He just thought we got the right guy.

[E]

Sorry for that. Swinging a miss.

[C]

All right, then. Oh, wait, Am I still spf?

[B]

Yeah, you are. Yeah. I forgot. Wait.

[E]

Go ahead. No, no, please.

[D]

We've got SBF wailing on a prone Greg wrong on the floor. That is where this campaign has apparently at Gro.

[E]

Please describe.

[C]

Do I still have all of my regular spells as spf?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

All right.

[E]

Sworn off.

[C]

One second, please.

[B]

HE MUMBLES Take your time.

[A]

Oh, you're checking spells.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, is it too aggressive to cast Firebolt.

[E]

She still has to roll the D20 first.

[B]

Right? Yeah. Well, not with spells, though, right? Yeah.

[E]

Are you sure you don't just want to kill. Kill this Greg guy?

[A]

We can just scout his room.

[F]

No, we definitely. I think we definitely want to talk to him, but.

[E]

Okay. Okay, well, but Firebolt.

[F]

Firebolt's fine because he's not like, critically hurt yet, so.

[B]

Right. Second, yeah, he can be a little.

[E]

Bit fired up, and I think it's.

[D]

A range touch attack. So it's basically just 10 plus decks, but he doesn't have dex because he's stunned, so it's basically a 10.

[F]

Well, that's. I mean, that's like the third edition rules in fifth edition. It's just the she's advantage on the attack. So whatever his normal AC is, she rolls her the D20 plus her spell attack, but she gets to roll the D20 twice and take the highest one because it's. Yeah, got it.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do Firebolt.

[B]

Boom. Yeah. And wait, with Firebolt. That reminds me, I tried building in some physical, like, location mechanics. Those won't take place. The. The room is not going to alter at all in this battle in particularly. So I just wanted to say that in case y' all did some sort of catastrophic attack, I can't be harmed by fire.

[C]

Understood.

[B]

Oh, wait, yeah.

[E]

Really, I can't.

[B]

You're right.

[E]

What I'm saying is there's nothing my wife can do that would hurt me, except perhaps failed to know me. Anyway, on with your roll.

[B]

All right, so Carla rolled a hit.

[F]

You get the. You get the roll twice. Oh, yeah, you get to roll twice.

[B]

If you roll, you NAT once.

[A]

This is a way Dice five.

[B]

Okay. It still. It still misses, but. Wow, Carla, this is an un. Unprecedented amount of NAT ones. You might need new dice. I wonder if the liquid core has something to do with it.

[C]

Mine doesn't have liquid core.

[B]

Oh, yours aren't bullshit.

[A]

What's a liquid core?

[E]

Wouldn't you like to know, Clanker.

[B]

His dice literally have liquid in the core of them.

[C]

I am gonna. Can I take a bonus action? And I'm gonna inspire someone.

[B]

Yeah. All right.

[E]

You've inspired me.

[C]

I'm going to inspire Steven.

[B]

Let's go. And with that, we'll go. We'll go right back over to Steven.

[D]

Okay?

[C]

You will retire your bloodline. Oh, wait. You will Retire your bloodline.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Live performance. Okay, so remind me, what. What is it? What does the inspire do?

[C]

You get a D8.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Awesome. On damage or.

[C]

I believe so.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, it would be damage.

[D]

Okay, that's beautiful. Okay, so you're welcome. I didn't do my turn. Right, left. Okay, so I get two attacks, and then as a bonus action, as a monk, I can do a three third attack. So I'm. I'm wailing on him three times. And then did.

[B]

Am I running this fight right, or are y' all just like, banging on me right now?

[E]

Phrasing.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry. Never mind. Anyway.

[D]

And so his stun should have just ended, but he's still on the ground, prone.

[B]

I'm still prone. Yeah.

[D]

Does that advantage.

[F]

If you're right next to him?

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And I am.

[B]

And you can be too, because the. The room allows for with those long legs, I think.

[D]

So I do a quick step over to him, and I'm a monk, so my movement speed's really high.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[D]

So let's do attack number one.

[B]

I guess moving. Lynn, I've heard different. I've heard different takes on this. Is movement in action or not? Because I've had different campaigns. It might have just been DM's discretion, but, like, he's let us walk around. But then sometimes a move will be an action.

[F]

So in court. Well, it. It can be. So in core DND rules, each turn you get a move action, full action, and then, like, things like bonus actions. Okay, now you get. So you can use that move action to move and then still do everything else. Now if you wanted to move double your speed, you can use your, like, full action to move again. But then with that one, you have to give up your, like, attack.

[B]

Okay, gotcha.

[F]

So. But the normal move is. Is free. Is sweet. You know? You get it?

[B]

Yeah. You can. You can walk over to me.

[D]

Yeah, it's just 10ft. I can move over. Okay, so the first one was a 20. Does that hit, like, all in 20?

[B]

Yeah, it hits. All right, Mr. Money Bags, let me.

[D]

Do the second one. That's a 25.

[B]

We're just.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Rolling along. That was 25 damage. No, no, no.

[D]

I'm just rolling the hits. And then I rolled. I rolled a 5, but I have advantage, so I'm gonna re. I'm do a second one for that one. So that's nine plus six. So it's a 15.

[B]

Oh, that one barely misses.

[D]

Okay, so I got two on them. And then. Okay, so then I got one D8 plus three. All right, so I've got. That's a one. So that's four and another one. Oh, my God. So that's eight. And then I get one extra D8 from. Okay, awesome.

[C]

From Sam. Samir.

[D]

Yeah, the Bard. That was a one again. I just rolled three ones.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

It's rubbing off.

[D]

12 total damage.

[C]

Thought you'd end him.

[B]

All right, describe. Describe what you do to him.

[D]

Oh, dude, I definitely, like. So I kind of like I'm 10ft away from him and I just jump the feet and like elbow, like flying elbow to the ground and then hit him again on the way back up.

[E]

He wasn't such a litigious son of.

[D]

A. I'm gonna expend another focus point, make a save against stunning strike again.

[B]

Okay. What? Say What?

[D]

Constitution.

[B]

Okay. 19. Okay.

[D]

I tried.

[E]

Jesus.

[B]

All right, we'll go come back to nil.

[A]

Oh, you're muted.

[E]

Muted.

[F]

He's still prone, right?

[B]

Yes.

[F]

So that. That disrupts my long range attacks. So instead I cast dissonant whispers on him. So he has to do a wisdom save.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's a 24.

[F]

So he succeeds, but he takes half damage.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Because that's what happens when you feel that one. If it would have. Yeah, if he would have failed, then you would have tried to get away from Steven, and Steven would have got an opportunity attack. That's why I did it. Instead, it just does half damage, and instead. So let's see. So 21 damage, but it's half. So it's 10.

[B]

Respectable. All right.

[E]

Quick kick in the face.

[B]

All right. And so that's it.

[F]

When she does that, there's like. There's like creepy whispers. Like, I kind of just creepily whisper, like his sins. And he. He hears it as like horrible things in his head and just. He's like. He's like twitching. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Son of a. Yeah. Yeah. Peter I respect. Basically, Peter McCormack sends his regards.

[E]

Bigger biceps than you. You.

[F]

Yeah, For Greg. It's not Craig Wright, of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Imaginary character called Greg.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

To be clear.

[B]

All right, we'll come back to. I. I didn't think about how lawsuit heavy his trigger finger is, but we'll see what happens. You know, anything could work. Let's go to Mags. Wait, hold on. Sorry. Initiative swap. Is that only for that. That. That turn or cycle? Or is it for the whole combat?

[C]

I mean, I would assume it would be the whole thing.

[B]

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, we. We can keep it that way. So Megs, we will come to you.

[E]

If not, you can baric inspiration up in there.

[C]

I'm getting a little feedback.

[B]

Oh, I think it's Steven.

[D]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's Steven. Some cars.

[C]

I hear crickets and crickets.

[D]

Really?

[A]

You can hear the bugs and cars?

[D]

That's here. I'll just mute when I'm not talking.

[A]

I figured out how to add the app.

[E]

You actually just lowered it?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, that was really weird. I think he needed.

[E]

Yeah, well, no, how did you mute if you're still talking?

[B]

No, he clicking it. Never mind.

[E]

False alarm. Okay, I see now your podcaster prowess knows no bounds, Stephen. I know how to podcast your short stature.

[D]

I've had. I've had a. I've had like a long crew show up in the middle of a podcast or like an interview before, and I was like having to like, strategically like turn it off. And it's some pretty. I'm a honed hand at this.

[E]

Even in the year 2249. These are the.

[C]

Have you heard of walls?

[E]

The struggles. No one knows.

[C]

He needs to get Steven.

[B]

No, he doesn't know walls, and I.

[E]

Respect him evermore for it.

[B]

Mabs will go to you for your turn.

[A]

I figured out how to add the axe. So, yeah, so it has like a. The ax is a 5 foot reach. A hit plus 7 damage is 1d12 plus 6. So what am I doing? I'm rolling dice.

[F]

Yeah, well, f. Yeah, first you're doing the attack roll. So you decide. So here's the thing. He's prone, so if you go up to him and hit, you get advantage on both attacks. If you want to do a little extra damage, you could also do reckless attack, which will get. Let you do that extra bonus, like zealot damage, that extra 2d6. Um, if you hit with one of them, I defer to your recommendations, essentially.

[E]

Like that's what it is. Let's be honest.

[A]

Do I want to curb stomp them?

[F]

Like, probably.

[A]

Okay, let's do that.

[E]

This Greg. This guy is definitely Greg. Yes, I'd say so, but he's definitely Greg.

[F]

So for the first hit, roll D20 twice and add 77 to it.

[A]

Okay, so it's a 10 on that for the first one and a 9. So I add 7 to each of them or in total?

[F]

Well, yeah, well, you pick the highest one of those, which is 10. So you add a 7.

[B]

So it'd be 17 which hits, which hits.

[F]

And then. And then for the second attack, roll D20 twice again.

[A]

10, 4. So 10 is the higher.

[F]

Yeah. So that'll be a 17 again. So they both hit, and then your damage is going to be D12 plus 6 twice. So 2D12 plus 12. And then you get to add that extra 2D6.

[E]

Lynn, you're such a good dungeon master.

[A]

Okay, so rolling the D12.

[E]

I said, you're such a good dungeon master.

[A]

So it was a 10.

[E]

I jest, my son.

[A]

And do it twice.

[F]

Yes. Okay. One for each one.

[A]

And the other one was three.

[F]

So that's 13 plus 12 is 25. And then you get to roll two D six. That's your. That's your zealot subclass ability. If you're reckless attacking one Tatum.

[A]

And three.

[F]

So it's four. So it's 29 total damage. And you should describe it like you. You nailed him. Like.

[B]

Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. On the mechanical side of things, I. The first one, how much damage total?

[F]

29.

[E]

29.

[B]

Okay, so. Yeah. And describe what you. What you do.

[A]

I'm still raging. Or no.

[B]

Yeah, you're still in rage right now.

[A]

Yeah, I forgot to describe my rage. My eyes glow and orange.

[B]

You're overclocking.

[D]

You're overclocking.

[A]

I'm overclocking, baby. My wife starts to do like, you know. You know, like Dragon Ball Z hair, where they kind of like. I have the spell of Satoshi, except I forgot to put it on. But I do have the skull of Satoshi embedded in me. I did take a part of it. While I was, you know, collecting things, I. I stopped by the museum, the mining museum and the skull.

[B]

Dang. I wish you would. I wish you would have said that in your intro, because I would have played into that. Like, someone try to figure out who vandalized skull satoshi. It was just you borrowing parts at the museum.

[A]

Yeah, the museum. They brought the skull, but it's missing a key piece. So anyways, the skull glows. Then I raise my axe, which is like lighting up in different colors.

[B]

Oh, neon.

[A]

Neon colors. Yes. And I take a big strike at.

[B]

Him, and you hit me really well.

[C]

But he's not dead.

[B]

No, but you can see that you hit me good enough to where I'm, like, not looking great. I'm all scuffed up, and I'm still prone. Wait, sorry, Am I prone right now or is that.

[F]

You've been prone.

[E]

Oh, you've been prone.

[F]

Yeah, I know that you have to. You have to end it on your turn by doing. By using some of your movements.

[B]

Okay, I got you. So, yeah, I'M going to. I'm going to get up.

[D]

Attack of opportunity.

[F]

I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I'm stand just standing up from prone in this. In fifth edition.

[B]

I'm not sure.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

I actually do not know.

[E]

I. I just want to say, by the way, that you're doing a great job as Dungeon Master. With my compliment of Lynn. I nil. I did. I didn't want to detract from your excellent job. I always say you were doing a great job.

[C]

You're making it worse just because, you.

[E]

Know, you're my son. You're my son, you know? So just. I just want to be clear. You're doing great.

[B]

Honestly. I feel like it would. It would go smoother if I had like all my monitors, but I'm on a singular laptop.

[E]

I need to lock in how many monitors?

[F]

He's got a lot. He's got a lot going on. I'm just a rule. I'm just the rule person right now.

[B]

But I have three monitors standard.

[A]

Where are they?

[B]

No.

[D]

Attack of opportunity. I do not get attack.

[E]

Tatum, I'm proud of you.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Is it my turn?

[B]

No, it's. It's my turn now. Oh. Oh. So I. Can I just. I still have. I still have another action.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[C]

But you said you're struggling, right? Am I me again or am I my.

[B]

No. Yeah, you're still canonically sailing.

[E]

Well, I guess you could. But she can stop being Sam at any time, right?

[B]

No, I'm not allowing it just because it's funny.

[E]

Fair enough.

[F]

Well, I think that. I think with the. With the disguise self, it affects visually and the voice was something she was voluntarily doing, whereas she could stop doing the voice so she would still look like Sam.

[E]

Sbf. But with a sexy voice.

[C]

Should have brought another wig walker.

[A]

Doesn't know how he feels right now.

[E]

So confused.

[B]

One second. Let me see.

[C]

Hot, though. But you got some, I hear.

[B]

Yeah, I. I don't look great. I. I'm gonna go. Wait, listen here. I'm gonna go. I'm going to Melee Weapon Attack. Staff of the Pretender. I can do that twice with multi attack.

[E]

The Pretender sounds about right. Am I right, guys?

[B]

And real quick, I want to see where I'm gonna. So I'm gonna do this attack on two people. I'm going to go over. No, I'm actually going to do two on Steven. My God. All right.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Could have seen that coming.

[E]

It's a good thing he's got a strong back to bear the burden.

[B]

Let'S see. That will be 13. Nope. Oh, no. So I. Okay, I run up and with my staff of the Pretender, that was like, just leaned up against the wall, and I swing it, and Steve, it's dead Pan face just. He's just vibing because he is the vibe guy. And it's as if it just goes straight through him. And I try again. Oh, wait, I try again. Yep. And it happens again. And that's my monk with a staff. Yeah. Never, never hit him with a staff, Walker.

[F]

His lies.

[E]

You're not standing up.

[B]

You are. Okay, I. I'm directly adjacent to Stephen right now.

[E]

I imagine looking rather ruddy of face.

[B]

Yeah, I'm all cut up and bruised. My, My eyes swollen, but I'm fighting.

[E]

Interesting class.

[B]

Are you Walker?

[E]

I'm a paladin. Nobody here needs healing, so that's kind of like half my other thing. So I'm just, I'm just gonna go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, no, someone here does need healing.

[E]

It's not one of my people.

[B]

All right.

[E]

I think we're gonna go. We're gonna go. Great sword again. Okay, I've. Because there aren't none of you other sneaky celestials in this room. Right, Tatum?

[B]

Right. I didn't change it.

[E]

Okay, so now I've, I've got a. Well, I'm just saying you might have. They could have crept in. 2D6 plus 3 slashing. Yeah, so I just rolled a hit first. Okay.

[B]

10 plus. What's your. What's your modifier? What is your For.

[E]

For strength.

[B]

Wait, never mind. No, no, sorry, sorry, I, I, I tripped that up. No, yeah, that. You said ten. Yeah, that misses. Sorry.

[F]

Well, it's. No, it's. He gets a modifier. So it's 10 plus. Like, you rolled an actual 10, right?

[E]

Yeah, a straight 10.

[F]

So, yeah. So what is your attack modifier?

[E]

My attack modifier?

[B]

Yeah, sorry.

[F]

It's gonna be at least a six. Six or seven. Is your strength 16 or 18 plus six. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I was very confused there. That makes a lot more sense. Yes. So 16. Yeah, that, that does that. Congrats, buddy. That hits. So now you roll damage. You're 2D6 plus 3. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[C]

Too many bears on this one.

[E]

It was a two, so that's a. What was that? Six plus. So that's a nine.

[B]

Nine total. Wait, no, because I thought. Oh, your first one for what?

[E]

I just rolled for the two D6 plus three.

[D]

Gotcha.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

[F]

And you have extra attack, right?

[D]

Yeah, you should get another attack.

[E]

Yeah, I have a. Hold on. Oh, I can, I can replace an attack with a breath weapon, but I don't know if I have an extra attack at this level. You do.

[F]

I think, I think I do. I think you get it at level six, but let me check.

[D]

You for sure have a second action.

[E]

Per attack or a second, like primary action, you mean?

[D]

Yeah, you just roll the sword again? Basically, yeah.

[C]

Like with barbarian.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah, you got that at X at level five.

[E]

Oh, well, me. So, So I just rolled the, the straight 2D6 again.

[D]

Yep, same.

[F]

But you have to roll the D21 to see if it hits.

[E]

Okay. Okay.

[F]

And that's six.

[E]

And we were married nine plus six of 15.

[B]

I think that's on 15. Oh, wait, was that, Was that to hit? Yeah, or. Oh, yeah, sorry. That misses very well. All right. And that's your turn, right?

[E]

That's what they tell me.

[B]

Let's go to Carla now. Hey, I just want to let y' all know, I have not attacked y' all at all. Well lated an attack if you tried. You've already done over a hundred damage to me. We were the right people.

[C]

Are you. Anyway, I want to cast vicious mockery.

[D]

Yeah, you're gonna need to do. You're gonna need to role play this one.

[C]

That's the idea.

[B]

Okay. Vicious mockery.

[F]

So he has to do wisdom save.

[B]

Yeah, let's see. Okay. 13. Yeah, I, I, I saved that.

[D]

So what happens?

[C]

Open mouth, pik.

[D]

Sometimes stuff happens. Even if he makes the save.

[F]

Yeah, unfortunately not for that one, because mostly cantrips, they don't have that.

[D]

Okay, got it.

[F]

Yeah. Usually the leveled spells, usually if there's a fill, then there's a. It does some sort of mild thing, but you see, not a cantrip.

[D]

So you insulted him viciously, but not viciously enough. What did you say?

[F]

You still gotta hear it. I think.

[B]

I. Wait, do I have, Do I suffer anything from.

[A]

Apparently not.

[F]

No, I think, I think the prophecies heard that so much so it's already like, it's in his soul now, so. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't land quite as well as.

[B]

We hoped, but I look at you.

[F]

And I say, he already knows.

[B]

The court already decided that many years ago. Okay, we're past that. And.

[C]

All right. Remember I just got here back in my day. That was still funny.

[B]

And then I, I look at Steve because I'm still next to him. Like, where'd you get this one? Then we'll go to Stephen for your turn.

[D]

We up Again. All right, let me see. I wish I.

[F]

Never mind.

[D]

Doesn't matter. I should have a cool elemental subclass, but I wasn't able to get it in the program, so it's not on here. But it's okay. Let me just find my dice real quick. It's very dark. All right, I'm just gonna. You know, I'm gonna do my. My unarmed attack combo again. So that's. That's a 20 total.

[E]

Jeez.

[B]

So that should hit. Yeah.

[D]

And then we got 24 for the second attack.

[B]

Very good.

[A]

Steven to Vegas.

[F]

Right now I'm in Vegas.

[D]

And then I got a. Oh, nat 20.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Dude, I'm just. I had a really bad time with the damage dice. I was rolling straight ones, but on the attack, dies. I'm cooking.

[B]

Yeah, you were cooking with the attacks.

[D]

Nat20 is a crit in fifth edition.

[B]

Right?

[D]

Okay, so let me do the first two.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Let's hope my damage goes better.

[F]

All right.

[D]

Nice. That's an 8 plus 3. So that's 11. And then where'd it go? And that's a 2. So that's plus 5. So 16. And then how does the crit work?

[B]

Oh, mechanically.

[D]

Yeah. Is it double damage or something else or.

[B]

Oh, I. In that case. Wait. I don't know if it is crit in 5e.

[F]

I just thought 20 is a. Yeah, a 20 is a crit, and the way the damage works is you roll the damage die twice, but then you still add the same modifier once.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah. So only one plus, but two rolls.

[E]

I'll take your word for it.

[D]

So we got us.

[B]

This is the first time hearing of that. I. I've never had five. That's crazy. 15.

[D]

So 31 damage in total.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Surely he must be finished.

[B]

I. Well, now I'm, like, thinking back to fights that I've had that I could have. Could have had very different outcomes, but my DM didn't use crit, so I'm just upset. But I'm not dead.

[C]

Hopefully not. We need you alive.

[B]

This guy is. Is like he. Oh, wait, Steven, describe what you do. Sorry.

[D]

Yeah, so I'm just. I'm just wailing on his head, you know, I'm going for the full knockout. This guy's going unconscious. I'm hitting them, you know, right fist, left fist spinning kick straight to the dome. The dome. The kick was the critical. Makes sense.

[B]

So he's. He's bloody like his. He has blood coming out of every visible hole in his body, and he. He is not enjoying himself at All. Now, are y' all wanting to kill him or not?

[E]

Okay, I want to interrogate him.

[B]

Okay. I just couldn't remember that. At what stage would you. Do you want to do that? Like, do you want to finish out his HP or do you. How do you want to. So that's how it works.

[D]

So you think of it as, like, we're building up this damage. It's then, like, once it crosses his hp, yeah. He goes unconscious.

[B]

Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. So go over to Lynn and see what happens. No, sorry.

[F]

He's already. He's then conscious. Is he unconscious now? Has he been.

[B]

No, he's not unconscious yet. But for his life, he quite the fighter.

[F]

And. Yeah, and I double check. That's the core critical hit rules. If you roll D20, you get. It's not. It's not full double damage because it's Double the damage D1 modifier.

[B]

Still, that would have changed the outcome of so many fights I was in. Okay.

[F]

Anyway, so Steven did it, right? That was correct.

[B]

Thank you for teaching.

[F]

I'll shoot two Eldritch blasts and with spells. With Spell Sniper, it can ignore the fact that he's in melee combat.

[B]

Boom.

[F]

So one is 17 plus a seven, and the other one's a six plus a seven. So I think one of them will hit.

[B]

Yeah. One hits.

[F]

11 damage.

[C]

I love right now.

[B]

Is he down? He is like, guys, please, I'll do anything. Just stop. With the full intentions of not. Not doing anything if y' all stop. But no, he's not dead.

[C]

We don't want him dead.

[B]

Or he's not unconscious. He's not. He's not unconscious, Max.

[A]

So are we. Should we still keep attacking him, or am I like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Yes, yes.

[B]

No, I'm still. I'm still in combat. I'm just trying to convince y' all that I'm not, but that I don't want to keep going. But I pretend you're just as annoying.

[C]

As the real one.

[A]

Okay, I'm rolling the D20 right for the.

[B]

What are you. Are you gonna. What attack are you gonna do?

[A]

I assume I'm gonna try hit him again with the ax.

[B]

No, the great axe. Okay. Yeah. So you roll your D20 for to.

[A]

Hit once or twice. The first one's 11.

[F]

It depends. If you do reckless attack, you can do twice. Well, you'll be able to do advantage on both hits, but then he'll get advantage on you if he decides to attack you.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[F]

It depends how aggressive you want to be.

[A]

Okay, what do you guys Recommend you do this a lot more often.

[F]

If he's super low and you're at full health, I would go for it, because you can probably end him this turn.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

All right, so you get the roll again.

[A]

That one. Okay, so the first one was 11, and then the second one was a nine. I get pick one or.

[F]

No, you get to pick the highest and then.

[B]

Yeah. What's your modifier?

[F]

Plus seven.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you hit. You hit that one hits. That hits damage, which would be which dice again?

[D]

D12.

[F]

So it'll be. Yeah, D12 plus six. Plus you'll get that two D6 because you. Reckless attack as the zealot.

[A]

Okay, so the 12 dice.

[F]

It was.

[A]

A four once or twice.

[F]

Once, because it's the first attack.

[A]

Okay, so that was a 4.

[F]

And then 6. So it's 10 and then the 6 dice, and then you get to 2D6. Yeah, because barbarians are awesome.

[A]

4 and 1.

[F]

So that's 15 damage from the first attack. And depending on his state, Tatum, she gets another attack still.

[B]

He's alive.

[F]

So you get another attack. You get to roll 2d20s and pick the highest.

[A]

Okay, would you give him like, 500 hp?

[B]

5.

[A]

15. Okay, so it's 15 that.

[B]

That hits.

[F]

And then for this one, It's a simple D12 plus 6. You don't get the extra 2 D6, because that only applies on the first one.

[A]

Okay, so D12 is A11.

[F]

So that's 17 damage.

[D]

He's going down.

[B]

And with that. Well, I gave it away. He is unconscious now. But describe finishing the jobs. I just want to say on that, that last attack she just did, he had one hp. So. So, yeah, Describe how it. Describe how it ends.

[A]

Oh, how does it end?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I have an idea. Remember from Austin Powers where, like, the ladies did the shooting?

[C]

Oh, I remember.

[B]

Has nothing to do with your great acts, though. Well, they literally.

[A]

And I take my ax and I shoot a laser and I redirect it with, like, captured swing.

[B]

No, I like the idea that they're strictly just for visual effects. Like, you just have lasers coming out. Okay.

[A]

They just show in lasers. It's a laser show to disorient. And they take my great ax and they disorient. An ideal of finishing blow.

[B]

With that, Greg Wrong is knocked unconscious.

[D]

My God.

[E]

Not knocked.

[A]

My God.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

Knocked. Yeah. Sorry.

[E]

Where's your accent, darling?

[C]

That was me. Oh, I go in.

[F]

We should capture him.

[D]

I close the door.

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, the door was open that whole time.

[F]

It's like a terrified butler just sitting back there, like what is. He's been, like, scarred for life anyway.

[D]

Just watching five people wailing on this dude who is unable to mount any defenses.

[B]

He did not talk about anything.

[C]

Yes, taken care of.

[B]

There can be no loose ends. How do y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

How do y' all want to take him captive?

[D]

Tie him up.

[B]

All right, we got some cable.

[D]

I was literally gonna say we used.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Mag's cables. Yeah.

[B]

All right, so those are good copper, right?

[E]

He's not. He's not breaking through that. I mean, tight enough where he loses circulation.

[A]

Very spiritual.

[B]

So a little bit of time passes, and you finally see Greg. Well, wait, before.

[D]

Before the time pass. I want to search the room.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

I want to search him.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Okay. Actually, yeah, that makes things way.

[F]

I cast. I cast guidance on Steven.

[B]

Boom.

[D]

I'm being guided.

[F]

I'm like, be thorough.

[D]

You want me to roll investigation?

[B]

Yeah, give me investigation.

[D]

Let me just find my D4. All right, we got a.

[B]

Oh, that.

[D]

Was D12 that I rolled, not a 20.

[B]

All right, my friend in our last session, he didn't realize it, but he rolled a D12 for every D20. And he didn't realize until after I.

[D]

Only ended up with an aggregate seven.

[B]

Okay. You look around the room and. Sorry, what. What would guide. What does guidance do in investigation? Like what, an extra die? It was just the extra D4. Okay, gotcha. I didn't know that was. I couldn't remember what the hell? All the. Oh, yeah. I also forgot that we had advantage tokens, too. Luckily, I didn't need that.

[C]

Forgot about those. Not that I had one.

[D]

Sponsored by Anchor Watch.

[B]

Sponsored by Anchor Watch. My anchor Watch hat was just here before I moved it today. You. You do not find anything out of the ordinary. There is a desk, and there are some drawers on it, and that's what you find.

[C]

Are they locked?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I have thieves tools.

[B]

I don't need paintings on the wall.

[C]

I've got thieves tools.

[B]

Yeah, throw that shit apart. Guys, there is a. There is a painting. It is just a stock image that you would find in a hotel.

[E]

Is there anything behind the painting?

[A]

Is it an nft?

[B]

No.

[F]

Okay, you definitely got to go through the desk.

[C]

I want to open the draw.

[E]

I agree with you.

[F]

Let's.

[E]

I agree with.

[B]

No.

[F]

I cast guidance on Carla.

[A]

Nice.

[F]

I'm like, you could do this.

[C]

I shall open it.

[B]

All right. What. What are your tools? I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.

[C]

These tools.

[B]

Thieves tools. What the. What does that do?

[D]

Thievery, Tatum. The instruments of thievery.

[F]

It's a proficiency that's similar to a skill.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

It's just like using a skill, except it's a tool in this case.

[B]

Gotcha.

[F]

That she's proficient in.

[B]

No. Is that. Is that Bard?

[E]

Jeez.

[C]

I have a criminal background. Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but I didn't know that was. I've never seen that. That's probably a meat issue, though. So you're going to roll for that? Yes, I'm assuming.

[C]

But don't I get to use sleight of hand for thieves tools? That's what it was.

[B]

Right. All right.

[A]

I feel like Lynn would know this.

[B]

Yeah. I'm lost on the thieves tools.

[F]

Yeah. So the way it works is it's a separate skill, but because you're proficient in it, it'll be proficient in both sleight of hand and skill. Like, are you proficient in both? Yes, because it'll be the same either way. It'll basically be your dexterity modifier plus your proficiency bonus.

[B]

Right.

[F]

Plus the D20 itself, plus the guidance check. The D4.

[C]

Oh, this draw is opening up. Unless I roll a one again.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go.

[C]

Oh, three. Three plus two plus five plus what dice is it for the guidance?

[F]

D4.

[E]

D4. So you're at a 10 plus your D4.

[C]

How do I always roll so low? Plus two. Tatum.

[E]

It's.

[B]

Tatum. Yes, I. So does that. Is there a saving that I'm also using?

[F]

It's. It's a dc just like a skill.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

So whatever normal DC tables you'd use.

[B]

Yeah, you. You open that really easily, actually.

[C]

Oh, thank God. Please tell me there's something in there.

[B]

Inside is a cold card. MK37. It's just sitting there. Yeah, that's great.

[C]

Because that was my only set of thieves tools.

[A]

And take the. The cold card.

[B]

I actually, I spent a lot of time with Chat GBT trying to figure out what a MK37 would look like. And we ended up just putting. It was just a bunch of keys, like, even more than the qwerty. And it just had like. We started. It started putting like emojis and stuff all over them. And I was like, you know what? This is a good future for bitcoin. So. Well, with that, are you all cool to wrap up? Yeah. Sponsored. He actually told me directly he would not sponsor me. So.

[A]

We did not find a gold card then. In fact, we found a foundation device. A foundation.

[E]

Oh, this is not gonna go well.

[B]

That was what I. That would have been a really funny twist, actually, if you opened it, saw Foundation.

[C]

We are sponsored by no one, so we can say whatever the hell we want.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. Except Vibes Capital Management. Vibes Capital Management did sponsor this very heavily. Solely, actually. But with that, I think that we're cool with the I, Y' all cool with rapping right around here.

[E]

But do you tease what happens next?

[F]

Yes. Leave the, the listener with like, summarize where we are.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[F]

What may be coming. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

If you've gotten this far, you know, like.

[B]

Yeah, I'm surprised that we've gotten this far, but yeah. So here we are with a tied up Craig. Greg. Wrong in, In a hotel room of Elixir and Which is not owned by Elixir. And we, we got the team got some advantage tokens. Except for Carla and Mags because she got a cloak. Carla's just a. And that's my wife.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

And then what else? Where else? So yeah, y' all went to. We went to Bellagio. Y' all saw Sam Bankman free Samir bank fraud. And. And you'll know that he's over there. Or at least that's what y' all saw on the, the, the security camera with his app off of his afro. I'm very glad that Stephen called that out immediately when I said it. And yeah, y' all got to the. Y' all got Luxer, got the cold card, got this gift from Excalibur, and we have a couple more casinos to look through to Russell. Awesome.

[F]

I think we're well on our way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Well, guys, thank you all for this. I, I. And thank y' all for bearing with me. I, I was, I was nervous, but. And I still got a little warming up to do, but I think with extra space and maybe some printed stuff would be, would be good. But I had a lot of fun with this. I hope that y' all did.

[F]

We got through it. This is awesome.

[A]

I appreciate you guys roll the attack because I'm like, I just roll the dice and you guys tell me what's going on.

[C]

Let's have a round of applause for.

[B]

How incredible Mags looks.

[E]

Greg, wrong guy. Let's all punch him further, shall we?

[B]

Sweet. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of the Clanker Wars. Quest Keys. I forgot I actually had a title for it. Yeah. Thanks for watching Quest of Keys and come back in a couple months when we find time that all of us are free to record a second session.

[E]

The Quest of Keys. Can we cut.

[B]

A century pass the final block was mine yet still the chains of sovereignty unwind? Quantum demons arise the fers in the dark? Weaving webs of light? Through shadowed halls? Across the starry seas the faithful march upon the quest of K?

[C]

Hold the line Keep the sailors call to peace? Hidden where the strength we fight we bleed?

[B]

On the quest of kings?

[C]

Clones and cryo dreamers?

[A]

Promises to keep?

[B]

Lost love and broken data? Glitching histories? Yet hope still burns upon the quest?

[C]

Rest of kings stand keeper?

[B]

Let the l.

[C]

The chain he the.

[B]

Sailors call to key?

[C]

Hidden where the strip deceives?

[B]

We fight, we bleed?

[C]

On the quest of king? The quest of King the stream Sam.