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Foreign. Welcome back to another Monday with Me. I am solo Dolo today because Tyler is in Hawaii with his boyfriend. Super exciting stuff. Honestly, love it for them. I'm so excited. Hawaii is one of my favorite places, and they're my favorite couple in the entire world. And they're just like soulmates, so is so cute. They got to go see some whales and they're with his boyfriend's family, so it's just like a good bonding trip for them. And I am actually going on my own trip. I leave tomorrow. And when this episode came out, it would have been like, I'm on my trip right now when this is out. You guys know Candace and I are really good friends. She's the LA facialist in la. And we are going diving. It's so crazy to have someone in the same industry that you just understand spiritually, professionally, and then also, like your extracurricular. Whoa. Extracurricular activities align. We both love to shop and we both love to dive. And so we are going to go to the Bahamas and we're going to dive with sharks. She's never dove with sharks before, obviously. You guys know I dive with sharks quite often, and we're excited. So we're gonna do hammerheads and tigers and then maybe some bulls if we get lucky. So I'm really excited. I haven't had a trip since I was in Indonesia in August, so this will be good. I like to be in the water every quarter. So this is my Q1 water trip, and I think I really need it. I think, you know, with everything that's been going on, all the changes in my life, just. It's been so crazy. I really don't know how I got through this year or last year, 2025, but here we are. So I'm really excited and just excited to spend it with good company, good people, and someone that I value a ton in my life. So today, what are we going to talk about? We never know. It's just whatever comes up. I'll give you guys a little update about life. Life has been just kind of going, you know, I don't think there's really been anything huge that has happened. I feel like I've really found, like, my emotional balance. I feel like there was a time post divorce where I just wanted to, like, live my 20s, which was, like. It was just such weird timing because I was in such a important phase of life in my career with the new spa and so many things happening, and I just wanted to kind of run from my old life and the Life that I've like established because it felt just like caging, you know, And I'd never really experienced. Like, I used to talk shit about people. Not talk shit, but like slight judgment for sure. People that like went out every weekend. And I think, you know, what I've learned is there's like balance. And I think part of me honestly was gaslighting myself and making myself think that like, I'm on this higher path and like, you know, I'm so focused on work and like, you know, people that aren't focused on work are like, you know, not going to be as successful, which is true. Like, you can't to build what I built as fast as I built it and as young as I built it. It's a full time job. Like, you cannot have a social life outside of work. Like, work was my entire life and for a long time, you know, it's so crazy how the brain is. And we kind of talked about this with Ariel the past two podcasts. But it's just so interesting to me how when you're in the thick of something or when you're doing something like you can completely manipulate and it's delusion, honestly tell yourself you're doing it because of this reason and then you step out of it and you kind of like, you know, sometimes some space, circumstances around you change and you realize that like, okay, maybe there was like some other stuff that like contributed to this. And for the longest time it was just like, you know, I love what I do. Super passionate about it. But you know, I realized a lot of it was an escape. And from a very young age I learned just that staying busy and having a purpose really kept me happy and helped with a lot of like my depression and my anxiety. And you know, I told myself that like, I, like, I genuinely was addicted to working, I was addicted to success. My entire self worth was built around how much I could do, how hard I worked. And like, I would get off on people being like, I don't know how you do it all, you know, like, that was crazy. Like, that was just like all I knew. That was like the one thing about myself. Like, I didn't care. People told me I was pretty, I didn't care. People told me like anything else. Like, honestly, like the most highest compliment that someone could give me was my work ethic. And that was like so big for me. And I remember when I got into therapy, I was like, I don't even, I told my therapist, I'm like, I don't even know if I want to heal because I'm scared if I heal, I'm not going to work the way I did. And honestly, I don't know. It's like, it was, like, broken out of me and, like, that. Sometimes I kind of wish I never opened Pandora's box because I was, like, a fucking workhorse. And I don't know, guys. Life's confusing. I kind of, like, go through, like, you're hearing my inner monologue of, like, how I think all the time, because it's like, yes, like, I got out of a really toxic relationship. My son's happier, I'm happier. Um, but now my priorities are, like, a lot different than, like, what they have been. And now, like, I actually value my personal life, which I never did before when you're in, like, a controlling relationship. For me, like, work was the one place I wasn't questioned if I was making money. And I was at work for the most part, I wasn't being harassed. And I think I put on this Persona that I was, like, this strong, powerful woman, which I am. But so many things happen behind closed doors. And I've talked about it a little bit, but, yeah, I just think I wanted people to think that because I wanted to believe that. And, you know, you're what you tell yourself, and, like, you can literally, like, create your own reality. So, like, whatever you're gonna feed yourself, like, that's your perception, and that's what your body and mind is gonna believe to be true. And then I got out of it, and there's just been so many different stages post divorce where I've, like, been connecting the dots of, like, certain behaviors and, like, things that, like, I thought were normal that are not, like, normal at all. And, like, that's kind of scary that I, like, tolerated certain things for so long that, like, were not safe for me or my child. And I think for me, it was just, like, I couldn't focus on it because if I did, I would not have built the business, you know, And I just poured everything I had into that. So, anyway, it's been a weird season of, like, you know, I hadn't been single since I was 19 years old, so I feel like I was, like, emotionally stunted for a bit. Like, I shut off all, like, that side of myself, obviously, because I was, like, in a relationship, you know? So, like, to date again was hard and, like, unlearning certain patterns and, like, just finding, like, good people has been hard, but it's been better. Like, I finally got out of that phase where I Was like wanting to go out and like be young and like have fun because I have Cyrus every other weekend. So like the weekends I didn't have him, I was like, let's go out. And I didn't love it, but it felt like good because it was just like I felt free. Like I, I don't think you guys understand. Like I literally went from living with my parents to literally being pregnant with a child and living, living in a home with a man. Like I have never once lived alone. I've never, not once in my entire life, not been controlled and had free will. And I know that's crazy because y' all know my ex was a stay at home dad. But like, just because he wasn't financially providing doesn't mean that I had like the upper hand when it came to like what I did and what I didn't do. And also like I didn't want to cause blowout fights, especially in front of my child. So like I was very submissive in that sense. And also I just didn't care to go out. Like I was just so focused on my business. But like, even if I worked in a ran late, like it was just like constant anxiety. So anyway, I've never in my entire life not had someone tell me what I can and can't do. And so I think part of that was like, oh my God, I'm like fucking free. Like I don't have to go home, I don't want to go home. Like I can go do what I want to do. And like I've never experienced that in all 28 years of my life. Like I didn't have a college experience where like my parents didn't know what I was doing. Like, no. Like I was either under my parents control or my ex husband's control. And so it's just been like really liberating. And yeah, like, I don't know, it's just crazy. Like it's just crazy to me to like even think like there was ever going to be a time in my life where like I could actually do whatever I wanted to do, you know, which sounds really sad, but it's true. So yeah, I think I was just kind of having a little too much fun and the kind of people that I was around were not good. People don't have the same vision, goals or morals that I do. And not everyone. I met some cool people going out, but specifically like the guys I was attracting were just like bottom of the barrel, like bad. Like if the bar, the bar was, didn't even exist. Like, it was so low. It was probably in hell. And, you know, I think that was good for me that I, like, needed to experience that, because now I'm attracting, like, such good people into my life that I actually could see myself, like, being in a relationship with and, like, actually being happy. So we'll see. I'm, like, not focused on that aspect. Like, right now, I just want to be, like, the best boss, the best leader in my industry and just kind of focus back more on work. But I just honestly, like, I just want to thank you guys for sticking with me as I, like, figure out this new season of life. Like, it's been crazy to, like, grow up publicly and go through my 20s, like, chronically online. You know, there's just been so many seasons of life and good ones, bad ones, you know, and this past, like, I'm not. I don't know, I have, like, some, like, a cringe, embarrassment, shame, because it's just, like. I don't know. It's just like. It was just my whole world changed so fast, and I didn't know what to do. And I wanted to appear as this, like, super confident, like, single woman and, like, body positive and, like, I don't know. I think some people resonated with that. Others probably thought it was, like, a hooker for a little bit. And, like, yeah, I would agree. Was I hooking? No. But did I look like a hooker at times? Absolutely. And you know what also is annoying to me is that, like, when I was bigger and I had huge breasts, nobody got mad at my cleavage. But now that they're fake tits and I'm not, like, as large, it's a problem. So that's like, a internal thing that other people need to deal with that I can't take on how they view me. But, like, I don't know, guys. It's just been crazy. I don't know, like, how people can be so judgmental of other people when it's like we're all just trying to do our best, okay? And it's just, like, until you've walked a day in my shoes, like, you don't know. You know, just don't know. But I've had a really great support system. I've had, like, my mom has really been there for me, which is, like, a huge thing because, like, obviously we've had our moments in, like, our past, but she's, like, stepped up a ton in this season of life. And so I, like, I'm forever grateful for that. Things with my ex are Actually, like, very kosher, which is crazy, because, like, there's so much trauma there, and it's, like, so bad. Like, oh, my God, you guys don't even know. But no, it's fine. It's just, like, we're just trying to live completely. Like, I just. We don't talk unless it's about our son. And I think it's been good. Well, I know it's been good, but new space we did have. Obviously, the clownfish passed away because Carlos, our porcupine puffer, he ate them. And I did have a fish psychic talk to him, and he swore he wouldn't do it again. And then we got a new fish. Okay. In there with him. And Daphne died, but Daphne wasn't because of him. That was just, like. It happens. Like, fish keeping will break your heart because it is so hard to keep them alive sometimes. And I have, like, a professional company that comes and cleans it and, like, helps us. So it's like, sometimes you get a sick fish, and, like, it's just, like, what happens. Okay. So it's sad. It was, like, so sad, actually. And, yeah, Carlos hasn't killed anyone, so Claps for Carlos. We're so proud of him. He is reformed. Yeah. He's being a good boy. The clients are loving the new space. It's just really been amazing to see all of these, like, ideas that I've had for years come to life, and I didn't have, like, the space, the staff, or the time or the money to do all these things, and now I can, and it's awesome. It's, like, great. Lauren's booked out, like, two months right now. I'm booked out all the way till summer, so things are just great. I'm excited for the blue tape to be gone. There's still blue tape in places that makes me kind of want to, like, die. But it's fine. It'll go away eventually. And hopefully while I'm on this trip, they fix the majority of it, but, yeah, and then we'll have our open house, and we're gonna do a really cute Valentine's Day event at the spa and cool promos and just, like, have people see the space. So I'm really excited about that. Trade show season is about to start, and it's gonna be busy, and I'm just excited to see all of you guys and hug you in person. I do want to talk about the Face Reality event that I did in Austin. So that was, like, my first event post divorce, and, like, I had the worst anxiety Like, I was not the best version of myself. And, like, I feel like people felt that because everyone was just coming up and being like, I'm so sorry, like, about your divorce. And I'm like, you should be saying congratulations, actually, but that's fine. But I didn't say that in my head. And it was just like, nobody wanted to ask about anything or talk to me about anything other than my divorce. And, like, after, like, the first three people come up, and then you have 30 more people that you know. I know everyone feels like they know me because of online, but, like, in that situation, like, there's just people. It just, like, felt like I just felt like I was naked in front of everyone, and it was just, like, so fresh. And it was just really hard for me to handle. And I thought that it would be fine. And, like, I just was not fine. Like, I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to be there, like, talking about my divorce. I wanted to be there for what I was there for, you know? But, like, anyone that came up to me and asked about it, like, it's okay. Like, you didn't know. And again, like, it's just, like, when it's multiple people, that's like, when it was just, like, really hard for me. But, yeah, I'm trying to think about anything else exciting. There's new devices that I'm wanting to look into for the new space. I kind of want to bring on some body stuff, maybe another laser. And, yeah, I'm really wanting someone to come out with a really new peel. Like, I love the Perfect Derma peel. I know we have VI peel. We don't use vi. We use Perfect Derma. But they're both great and they're pretty similar. But I think it's time for someone to have a new peel on the market. Just have a feeling. And the business that I've kind of, like, alluded to for the last bit is still, like, in full motion. So that's where a lot of my energy has been as well, working on that. And I can't say much about it, but I'm really excited, and I can't wait to be able to spill the beans to you guys. Yeah, I think that's all I really have. That's, like, my life. Update. Next episode, we're going to kind of talk more about business tips and, like, things that I would recommend to do to set yourself up for success in any industry, whether it's aesthetics or your hairdresser or, you know, you're starting a boutique, whatever you're doing. Honestly, like, I think these are just things that have really helped me be where I am today. Step one, get in a really horrible relationship for 10 years so that you hide at work, and all you do is work. I'm just kidding. We're gonna give you some really helpful advice. But I also like being honest and transparent because I thought for the longest time I gaslit myself into thinking that I worked as hard as I did because I just. That was just Savannah Bode as a hard worker, and she is. She definitely is. But there's just so many layers to things, you know? It's kind of like when you start to peel an onion. Like, there's just so many pieces and layers, and it's not just, like, one thing, you know, there's so many things that build us up to be the people that we are. And it really starts with, like, meditation and sitting in silence and, like, letting your highest self come through so you can understand, like, why, you know? And I didn't start doing that until, God, probably the end of 2024. And that's, like, when my whole life changed drastically, you know? Yeah. And they do say that ignorance is bliss. And, like, I mean, for a long time, I was what? Or so I thought I was happy, you know, until, like, it just started to bleed out in every aspect of my life. Like, I thought I had, like, pmdd, which is, like, really severe mood swings around your period. And it was just that I was dying on the inside, and, like, I was just not happy, and I wasn't living life the way I wanted to. And I'm like, what is all this worth if, like, I'm gonna be miserable, you know? And again, like, my son deserves to have a happy mom and a happy dad. And all the things this tag was bothering me. Yeah, it's hard. And anyone that's going through a divorce or thinking about getting a divorce or maybe not even that. Just, like, in a relationship that doesn't support your highest self, like, get out while you can. One of the things that I told myself was, like, it's gonna be hard to do this now. It's gonna be hard to do this in a year. It's gonna be hard to do it in two years, 10 years, 20 years. Like, it's never gonna be easy to leave. It doesn't just. You don't just wake up and it's easy. Right? But I know that if I hadn't have left, I would. I'd be 50 years old one day. And I would Want to strangle 28 year old Savannah and be like, you fucking knew and your little bitch ass was scared and so you stayed and, and you weren't strong enough to leave. And it's the hardest thing I've done, actually. It's not, it's pretty easy but like to leave but like the, like the steps were hard, but like I was so sure. Like I've known, you know, like I've known for years that this was not where I was supposed to be and like this is not my person. Like I knew that. But yeah, it's like you, it's never not going to be hard. And it kind of the same thing with like starting a business, getting pregnant, getting married. People always will find an excuse to put something off. Like, it's not the right time. I'm going to do it next year. And the next year comes and it's like all next year and then the next year and then one day we're like on our deathbed and we never did what we wanted to do because we kept putting it off and making excuses. After this trip, after I make this amount of money, after I lose this amount of weight, after, you know, this happens, it's like you always put yourself last. And I knew that I had to make this decision or I was going to regret it and hate myself for it. So. Yeah, okay. Happy Monday. That was deep. I love you guys.