Bobby Bones (59:00)
This is the Bobbycast. Okay, so it's Sunday as I record this. So as of right now, we're looking at Sunday, May 11. And the ACM Awards were Thursday night. My mind's a bit of a blur because we did I Heart country for two days, maybe I guess three days in total. I was at home for one day, then had to go to Dallas because rehearsals were on Tuesday for a Thursday night show. But on Wednesday night, I did a Brooks and Dunn tribute, a gala. And that gala was to raise money for Lifting Lives, which is the philanthropic part of acm. And so they asked me to come and host it and tell some jokes. And I know those guys pretty well. So I went roast. And so I didn't really know what the room was going to be. And I will say, when I first went out, started telling these jokes, it didn't go as wonderfully as my mind told me it might go because the people in the room weren't there to watch jokes. And it was following an auction, which went on for forever. I didn't know that. But the auction was like, all right, $300, $301, 300. And went forever. People were just ready for that to be over. So next thing you know, you got a guy there talking, telling jokes. And it was round tables and the three back doors were open and there was a bar. People going to and fro the bar. That one didn't throw me off so much. But it was not a receptive audience at first. Now where my lack of preparing and being a professional roaster hoster comes into play is that I put all my jokes that I wrote in the prompter. Why that's bad is you can't get to the next thing to talk about if you don't roll through that thing. It's not like a TED talk or a PowerPoint where you can use your thumb and just go to the next joke. There's somebody running the prompter, because there was also some business that I needed to say, and there were some things about the ACMs and Ronnie and Kick they wanted me to say, which is great. But I had, like, eight or nine jokes written, and if I thought to myself, well, this is not going well. I need to abort mission, I couldn't, because I couldn't roll past the jokes to see the rest of the stuff that I had to do. So when I went out and told these first jokes, at first people were like, dude, shut up. A couple in. I got some good chuckles because I committed. I think had I had the opportunity, I would have bailed, or if I'd have memorized the jokes, I would have bailed. And maybe. Maybe I'd done a little later, I don't know. But I didn't because I was committed, because they were in the prompter because I'm an idiot. So I can just read you some of the jokes from the roast. Say, everybody, I'm Bobby Bones. You might know me from my radio show winning Dancing with the Stars, or how most of America knows me, the gas station version of Ryan Seacrest. And that got a little laugh. But tonight, I'm here as a host, and I'm here as a fan, which is why I wore cologne, ironed my pants, and text their manager, Clarence, 14 times to make sure I was still on the list to get in. Now, Clarence was sitting right there in the front of the stage, and Clarence is their manager. Kind of famous in the manager world, I said. I told Clarence that I was going to roast the guys a little tonight. He gave me the green light, but also mentioned that if I go too far, I may not be invited back. So I guess tonight we'll call this my farewell set. Oh, that didn't go so great. Probably because it wasn't that funny. I'm not even blaming that one on the crowd. Too many Clarence jokes too inside, and not. Not that funny. But the difficulty in doing jokes that for one event is that you can't practice them on anybody. Like, I didn't get to go. And before I recorded my special, I toured, like, 15 theaters, and I could tell what was good, what wasn't, and I knew what would get laughs and what would it. What I need to work on, because I got to do it over and over again. The difficult but also the thing that's the most exhilarating is telling a joke that no one's ever heard. But I'm doing, like, eight or nine or 10 jokes in a row. That no one's ever heard. All right, back to the jokes. Now, listen, these guys are country music legends. Brooks and Dunn were gods to me growing up, but now that I've gotten to know them, I've seen things like Ronnie trying to open a PDF. Turns out they're still country music gods, but with tech anxiety. Okay, fine. I was wearing Ronnie's jacket. This is me talking to you, listening, not the joke. I was wearing his jacket from Brooks and Dunn in, like, the 90s. So when I say that I have on this. Yeah, there's some kind of patterns all over. It wasn't really flames, like vines or something. I don't know. Ronnie also loaned me a jacket to wear tonight. That's when I knew I'd made it, when an actual country legend turned me into his fashion charity case. Got a couple laughs. So at this point, I'm going, I think I can win this crowd. And then I go in because the jokes go a little harder. I say, speaking of fashion, Brooks and Dunn, they do have a style. Some call that classic country style. And I agree. If by classic country, you mean bedazzled youth pastor cowboy. Okay, I got some laughs and also got a. Like, a couple groans, which mean, like, ooh, like, too mean or mean. Guys, that's pretty funny. If by classic country, you mean bedazzled youth pastor cowboy. I liked that joke. I thought it was pretty funny. Slightly below the belt. Didn't hit him in the balls. Hit him, like, on the very. That. I don't know what you call that bone there. The coccyx, right there on that bone above the wiener. So they've earned it, though. 20 number one hits. They released reboot and reboot two. By the way, those were the albums that they did with the other artists. And the other artists came and sang their songs. Got it. Because nothing says creative like re recording your old hits with younger artists. If you can't beat them, duet with them. Got a good laugh. The guys even laughed at that a little bit. And then I said, hey, if we get a reboot 3, we're officially the Fast and furious franchise of country music. That I got a pretty good laugh because there's, like, I don't know, 10 fast and furious movies. And then I said, I do not want to see Vin Diesel on the remix of Red Dirt Road. Got a good laugh. So I got, like, four left in this set. And the crowd now understands there's content on the stage. Because at first, I don't think they understood that it was more talking. Let's just get to the music. Next joke 4 left. The guys say though, it's not about money, but if you re record your greatest hits twice, it definitely ain't about the art. Got a good laugh there. Now they know we're in roast mode. Even outside the duo, they've been busy. Kicks hosted an award winning countdown show on the weekend for years. It was a great show for people who couldn't find mine. Boom. Big laugh. So a little bit had to warm them up a little bit. A couple of those jokes were weak up front. Two jokes left. In all seriousness, Brooks and Dunn shaped an entire generation of country music fans. Oh, this wasn't a joke, by the way. This was some of the business I had to do. Here they're receiving the inaugural ACM diamond chairman's award. A well earned honor for a duo who made country louder, cooler and a little more bootcut. And then we get to the music. So that may have been all the jokes for the first. I did some other jokes later where I didn't make fun of, but I did little pokes at some of the people. Like when Eric Church writes a love song. Why should I remember that joke? And then I introduced him. So Eric Church, okay, Keith Urban plays guitar like it just stole something from him or something like that. Did one of those easy jokes which was got a pretty good laugh when introduced. Keith Urban, Eric Church can sing a love can make you feel a love song can make you feel a love song and also make you feel like you've been in a bar fight at the same time. Something like that. About when Church came out, I remember, but those were all the jokes that I told. I had another like eight or nine that I made about each of the artists, which were Lainey Wilson, Eric Church, Keith Urban, Zach Topp, Cody Johnson, pretty star, star studded night. Megan Maroney, who's awesome. Which, by the way, I'll say this about Megan Maroney. I like Megan a lot. She's super funny. And I guess I knew she was funny because there's a Bobby cast with her. You should look it up. It was really one of the first interviews she'd ever done. And I could tell then she was a little funny, but she definitely didn't have the confidence that she has now. And we sat for like 20, 25 minutes before that just in the green room, Megan and myself. And then Cody Johnson came in for a little bit and we all sat around and you may have heard me mention this. I guess there's like a code or something where like, all managers leave. Like, my team walked off to another corner. It was just us three talking. I guess they were, like, giving respect to the people who are about to go on and perform. I don't know. I thought it was cool, but we just all just kind of talked. Megan Maroney's freaking hilarious. I don't really know because I see her on social media, but I don't follow her close enough to know how funny she is online. But, yeah, when it comes to funny, she was telling some really funny stories that I will not tell because I was in, but funny. They're, like, really funny. ACMs were the next night. And what was kind of weird about the ACMs for me was my third year doing the show on Amazon, and year one and year two, I was backstage, and when someone would win, they come backstage. I do a little minute hit with them, talk to them. They'd leave. But I kind of knew who was coming, and I kind of knew what the producers wanted me to ask. Now, this year, Reboot was hosting, and they were like, hey, Reba doesn't want to leave the stage and think about Reba. She's always known for tons of outfit changes. So those times were used for Reba to get ready for whatever she was doing next because she performed as well. She hosted, she did outfit changes, all the stuff that Reba normally does wonderfully. So they have me in the audience with no direction, and I mean that in the most complimentary way as to. They were like, hey, just do what you do. And I'm like, what does that mean to you? Like, do what I do. And they're like, you know, we'll give you a couple things to say that you know how to get out. But talking to the camera, talk about the show, talk to people in the crowd, it's a big boost of confidence because I don't really know them as far as country music know them. I only know them from TV know them, and they're like, you do what you do. And I had, like, five segments through the two hours, and so that's pretty good. And each of the segments was like a minute, minute 10, which is a long time on television. And there was no script. Even during rehearsal. We didn't do it up to time because all the artists would rehearse their song up to time. We even ran the full show. But for me, when I was rehearsing, there was nobody in the seats, so I could really couldn't rehearse anything because I didn't know what I was going to do. So the show starts and I'm like, all right, here we go. And we go out, and I thought it'd be funny to get Jelly Roll to sign a can of jelly. So I'm gonna keep that in my back pocket. Luckily, it fit. And so I go out in the first segment, Jelly Roll's actually sitting right there. And I was like, oh, we're gonna do this now. Then up segment number one, I took a Sharpie and I blacked out the Smuckers. They didn't tell me to. There was no brand deal. They didn't even know what I was gonna do. That's the thing, that little bit, little corny bit. I didn't run it by anybody. I don't know what they would have said, but I just put the jelly in my pocket and walked out and said, jelly Roll, will you sign it? And he laughed. Crowd went crazy. He signed it. And then I went to look for Keith Urban. Because the tease that I had to do, like the one piece of business in that minute and 30 second hit, was to say, Keith Urban's being honored with a Triple Crown award and he's coming up. And so I can't find Keith because everybody's moved. And it's easier to find where they're sitting, where there's nobody in the seats because there are these big head cards with their name on it. And all the other seats are empty. But I couldn't find Keith, so I walked way past him. And you can see this. It's on my Instagram, too. And I'm like, where's Keith? And they're like, he's back behind you. And so I go to Keith and give him a hug. And then I have the jelly in my hand and I see Nicole Kidman. And Nicole Kidman has always been so nice to me. I've probably met her 12 or 13 times and super kind. And there have been some times where it hasn't just been like a super quick meeting. Like, I've had conversations with her. Lovely. So I felt safe that I could bring her into the bit. And so I did. And I said, oh, who cares about Keith? Here's Nicole. And gave her a hug and gave her the jelly. So the bit ends. Listen, I'm not going to win an Emmy for it. Wasn't really planning it right then, but it happened. And the bit ends. And I say, hey, you don't have to keep that, Nicole. I'll take the jelly back. You have to hold it all night. So I took the Jelly back. And some guy who I thought was a TV producer comes up and goes, hey, we need that jelly for a photo. And I don't know why. So I hand it to him. It was a photographer that stole my jelly. Somebody stole my jelly with Jelly Roll's name on it. So nothing was rehearsed. And that may be at times, why it looked a little wild, because as I'm talking to the camera, things are happening behind me. Or there was one part where they're like, hey, go out to where Blake is, because Blake's gonna do. I think maybe he was honoring somebody. He'll be there, and Blake's on. But Blake wasn't there. And so I gotta pivot. But for those asking, nothing was rehearsed, and they put no restrictions on me at all. But they actually didn't tell me what to do at all. So that can also be nerve wracking. At one point, there was a sound issue, and it's going beee. And I'm sitting backstage. I have one of my shoes off. They were new shoes. My feet were hurting, so I took one of my shoes off. And they're like, Bob, you have 30 seconds. We need you out there. And I'm thinking, no problem. Throw my shoe on. I go out to look for my camera guy because it's mobile. There's celebrities everywhere. It's easy. I can go talk to celebrities. They put me on what they call their camera on the jib, which is a piece of machinery in the corner of the room, so I could go talk to nobody. So I was just going to have to talk only to a camera and fill. Which wouldn't have been a big deal if it was like, you have 30 seconds. We need you to fill for 45 seconds a minute. But it was. We need you to fill until we get it fixed. So, look, I've been training my whole life for that. That doesn't mean that it's not a little nerve wracking. Luckily, it happened so quick, I didn't have time to get nervous about it. So I walk out and I had another bit planned. Later in the evening, had it presented itself where I had a sticker that said hello, I'm. And that sticker that said hello, I'm that people wear, it says hello, I'm. Or. And you write your name in that white block under it. I wrote Lionel because Lionel Richie was there and he has the song hello. And I was gonna do a bit with that, right? It's like, I always wanted to do this. I was gonna Put it on his jacket. And so I had it in my coat pocket in case it were to happen. So they throw me on the jib camera and they go, everything's broken. We need you to go. And I just start going, it's just saying crap. I know. I started teasing stuff. Matthew Ramsey from Old Dominion walked by and it said something about his chest hair. I. I don't even remember because none of it was planned. And not only that, it was so out of my control how long I was going to talk about what I was talking about. But we got through it. I didn't have an earpiece in, so the producer gave me hands on the shoulders, which means 10 seconds. We got out of it, went back to the room, felt pretty good about it. But the Lionel thing, why I bring that up and I had it prepared, was as they told me, hey, we need you out there in 20 seconds. And I'm putting a shoe on Tom, who is my manager, him and Morgan number one. I said, hey, can you grab Lionel? Because I think it'd be a funny time to do this bit. And he goes, got it. And he knows Lionel. Lionel is same management I am. So he goes up to Lionel and goes, hey, Lionel, Bobby is having to cover because there's a sound emergency. It's live on Amazon right now over in the corner. Can you come over? And Lionel's like, yeah, sure, absolutely. So Lionel gets up to come over, and as soon as he does, Jerry Jones, the Cowboys owner, sees Lionel goes, lionel, hey, I want you to meet my family. No Lionel Richie. Because Jerry Jones grabbed him. And Lionel's like, and I get it, you can't leave Jerry Jones, he owns the building we're doing. So as it was ending, then Lionel comes up and it was lovely to see him. Love Lionel, one of the nicest guys ever. But I had that bit planned. I actually never got to do the bit because Lionel left. But I was going to do it then, but I couldn't get Lionel there in time. So. But I was at. If anything bad happens, you're covering. And something bad did happen. And I covered and it went well because it may have just looked like a sloppy segment, like me just talking randomly. It did not look like something was badly broken, which temporarily it was. There was only one picture I wanted. And whenever I go to these events, I never actually want to bother people and be like, can I get a picture now? I'll take pictures with my friends sometimes. And maybe my friends are artists. But the only picture I really wanted to get was From Jessie Murph, because my wife listens to her music a lot. I like her music, too. But this Gucci Mane song I love. Play a little bit to this. So I ain't gonna play much of it because I'll cut it off the podcast. But big fan. And I said, if I see her, I want to get a picture. And so I saw her, but she was holding the pig. She had a baby pet pig. And I was like, hey. It was easy because I was like, oh, can I get a picture with you and the pig? So even if she didn't have the pig, I was still gonna get a picture. But that was the only picture I wanted. I got the picture. I thought that was pretty cool. There was one time where I'm in the crowd, and they wanted me to go up and tease that Brooks and Dunn were there. And I'm on the mic, and I'm like, hey, anybody here a legend, raise your hand. And nobody raised their hand, except for some people in the back that weren't artists. I did make a slightly funny joke because some guy raised his hand and said, you are a legend because you're, like, 52 and you're still frosting your tips on his hair. But that's pretty funny. When I watched it back, I don't remember saying it, but when I saw it, I was, like, slightly ruthless kind of funny. But I go to Ronnie and I'm like, hey. Because they had won for Duo of the Year, I said, you think you win? And he goes, what? And it's kind of loud in the room, but I forgot. Like, I think one of Ronnie's ears isn't as good as the other. I think I talked into the wrong ear, basically. And then we laugh, and I'm like, oh, I don't know why you're yelling at me, but that's why. It seemed like he either wasn't paying attention, didn't know who I was, or didn't want to talk to me. He couldn't hear me. But I'm an idiot, because I know that, and I don't know why this. Sat down and was like, hey, I'll talk to you. Normally, I should have went to the good ear. Also, Kurt Warner was in the audience. Kurt Warner played for the Rams, won a Super Bowl. Fastest show on turf. Beats Titans back in the day. Play for the Cardinals hall of Fame quarterback. The first time that I met Kurt Warner was virtually on Skype. Who even says Skype? Why did I just say Skype? I think I just read a story about them going bankrupt. Skype, what the heck? On Zoom. And Matt Castle and myself interviewed him for our podcast. Lots to say. Then when I did NFL honors, because that's the award show for the NFL players, they give out, like Rookie of the Year. It was in New Orleans for the Super Bowl. Fox and NFL had me present an award to George Kittle, who's a tight end to the 49ers. But that show, they have you sit up in the first few rows if you're going on camera, because since you have to walk backstage pretty quickly, they want you to be close. So I'm seated right next to Kurt Warner and his wife, and we were there for an hour and 20 minutes, and they were awesome. We talked the whole time, and so we got to know each other that night. And then I'm there, and we were going to commercial after I'd finished a segment, and this guy comes up and hugs me. He's like, what's happening? It's freaking Kurt Warner. And he was like, I saw you wanted to say hi. And I was like, dude, what up? I went back and talked to them again later in the night. Lovely. People love them. They came in. Apparently, Kurt Warner and Blake Shelton are good friends. He came in for Blake Shelton's event that Blake did the same night that Brooks and Dunn did their event. But that's my other note about the ACMs, that Kurt Warner is awesome in general, and it was really cool that he was there because he's such a kind, kind guy. Him and his wife were so kind. So ACMs were great. I have been attached to the idea of I want to host one of these award shows, one of the big ones. ACMs, CMAs. I've positioned myself for many years, and I. There was one time, and right now, I cannot tell the story. One day I will be able to. There was a year that they said, hey, we think we want you to host the show. And then we'll say a couple weeks before the announced, there was a reason they had to pull me from hosting the show, and it was not a reason that I did not want to say too much. I didn't do anything to make them pull me off the show, but it really sucked because that's been one of the goals forever. And I've made it known that, hey, I want to host ACMs. But when it's the 60th and they want to bring Reba back to do the 18th, and that number 18 wasn't as important as it was. She's hosted that show more than anybody else. And since it was the 60th there was that the first year they did it, you know, they had Garth and they had Dolly. You can't really argue with that. It was Garth's first ever time to host. And so I'd always be like, all right, I'm waiting my time, wait my time, wait my time. I don't want to be second banana. These last two years, I tried to actually not be a part of the show. Even though I love them, I lose money by going to do it. And it takes me away from the morning show, which I don't always mind because I can do it remotely. But I just done I Hired a Country, and I'm like, I'm going to be exhausted. And if you know anything about me, chatgpt told me earlier that I get too tired sometimes, that I can't be functioning at the same level that I'd like to be functioning or that I normally function because I'm too exhausted. So I said, you know, I don't think I'm going to do it this year. But our special just got picked up for the ACMs, which they never asked us to do. We just went and shot it and presented to them, said, hey, you want to option our special? And they said, yes, we do. We were like, what? Really? So I said, okay, I'm going to do it one more year. And so I did it this year. And by the way, my plans as of now are to not do it next year. They have not asked me to do it next year. It has not even been a conversation. But my plans right now are probably to not do it next year. But I've always wanted to host it, and I was always. I wondered if I would ever be able to show them how good I would be at hosting it. And I had opportunities this year, and I think I actually succeeded in those opportunities by doing a bunch of live stuff on the show, by things breaking down and me covering it, by all those people that make those decisions, being at the Brooks and Dunn thing, when I'm telling jokes. So I'm not as married to the idea of that I'm a failure if I never get to do it, because I think I got to prove that I can do it now. I'm just not famous enough. So I think that's really what it is at this point, because the skill set. I got it. I can go live, I can tell jokes, I can write jokes. I know all the people. I have A good TV resume. I have a comedy special. I have everything you need to have to do it. I'm just not famous enough. And they really want somebody famous that they can show in the promo of it. So unless I get to be a bit more famous, which that's not even really my goal anymore, probably won't host it. And I think knowing I would have said that six months ago, I'd have been like, you're only saying that because you're a quitter and you're scared you're never going to get it. Therefore you're just going to say, I'm going to give up and not get it. But that is absolutely not the case. I was able to show every freaking skill that I have this year. The right people saw it. And if I never get chosen, I'm actually okay with it because I only ever want the opportunity to prove myself. It's not that I need to get it, it's that I need to show I can do it to the people that make the decisions that will be able to give it. And if I can do that, because sometimes I actually may not be good enough, but if I can do that and I get it or I don't get it, to me, that's the win. The win win. So I won. I won this year by performing at a high level, showing my skill set during the live show, and also showing that I can stand on stage, own the stage, write and tell jokes that are relevant to the Weeknd, the people that are there. Country music. So, yeah, if I don't get it anymore, I'm okay with it. I'm not married to the idea that I'm a failure. If I don't. Three weeks ago, six months ago, that would not have been coming out of my mouth because I would have thought, yeah, you know what? At this point, I'm probably not going to get it. But I feel like a total and complete failure because that was a goal of mine. I don't feel like a failure anymore. And if I never get it, that kind of sucks. But it's not because I suck. A little bit of therapy coming through right there too. But also because this year, more than any other year, I got to spread my wings and show that these skills that I've been developing over the past 10 years, like, they're here and ready for you. If eight people say no, I'm ready to go. Alright, that's the episode. Thank you guys, all you 50 minute clubbers. I appreciate it. We went way over 50 minutes this time. But I appreciate you guys being here and you hit me in the DMs, be like, I listen all 50 minutes and if. Give me your thoughts. Did you hear something you like? Something you didn't like? Like, I love to know whenever I'm just talking about myself because I'm not reading from a script. The only notes that I had were from the Eddie and I segment. Whenever I put together all that stuff, otherwise, I have an idea of what I want to talk about, I come in and talk about it. Sometimes I get a tangent off of it. But let me know. Thanks to all you guys and we will see you next week. We have Brandon Lancaster from Lanco, lead singer of Lanco, coming up in the next episode. What I really like about his story, what I think you'll like about his story is they were a band and they had the song I Was gonna Be your Forever, you Were gonna be my Wife number one song. They had another song that did really well. Covid hit lost the record deal, lost their management. Now they're kind of back at it and back on and doing well. And that's really hard in the creative world to be the shiny toy, completely lose your shine and then get it back. It's very difficult because you're looked at as a has been because there's 100 new people coming up that they can go to instead of. But his story's really good. I hope you listen to the next episode. Hope you liked the Jessica Andrews episode. And yeah, that's what's up. Thank you guys, and we'll see you next time. Love this episode of the Bobbycast. Subscribe on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. You're listening to an iHeart podcast.
