AMY: Breakup Detox: How to Let Go & Move Forward

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bobby Bones Show – "AMY: Breakup Detox: How to Let Go & Move Forward"

Episode Details:

• Title: AMY: Breakup Detox: How to Let Go & Move Forward
• Host: Amy Brown
• Guest: Sarah Knolls, Breakup Detox Coach
• Release Date: March 9, 2025

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Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of The Bobby Bones Show, host Amy Brown delves into the challenging topic of navigating breakups with her guest, Sarah Knolls, a renowned Breakup Detox Coach. The conversation aims to provide listeners with actionable strategies to heal, let go, and move forward after the end of a relationship.

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Understanding Breakup Detox

[05:35] Sarah Knolls:
"Breakup Detox is about clearing the emotional, mental, physical, and social clutter that accumulates from past relationships. Just as we detox our bodies to feel better physically, we need to detox our hearts to make space for new possibilities."

Sarah emphasizes the importance of a holistic approach to healing, addressing various aspects of one's life that are affected by a breakup.

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The Four Pillars of Breakup Detox

Sarah outlines four key areas to focus on during a breakup detox:

1. Physical Detox:

   • [06:20] Sarah Knolls:
     "Remove items that constantly remind you of your ex. This might mean returning their clothes or storing away certain mementos to reduce emotional triggers."
   • Creating a personal sanctuary, even if it’s just a small corner, can provide a safe space for healing.

2. Mental Detox:

   • [06:20] Sarah Knolls:
     "Clean up your thinking patterns. Gently redirect your thoughts when they drift back to your ex. For instance, say to yourself, 'No, sweetheart, we're not doing that right now. Let’s think about what I need.'"
   • This practice helps in gradually shifting focus from the past relationship to personal growth.

3. Emotional Detox:

   • [07:11] Sarah Knolls:
     "Let your emotions flow. Whether it’s through journaling, dancing, or having a 'crying appointment,' it's crucial to release pent-up feelings instead of bottling them up."
   • Techniques like writing letters to an ex (without the intention of sending them) can aid in processing emotions.

4. Social Detox:

   • [12:04] Sarah Knolls:
     "Redefine your social circles. Identify who your new support system will be and lean on those who genuinely support your healing without trying to fix you."
   • This period is ideal for reassessing and strengthening relationships that contribute positively to your well-being.

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Common Mistakes in Moving On

[13:36] Sarah Knolls:
"One of the biggest mistakes is focusing too much on the ex instead of on oneself. Codependent behaviors, such as worrying excessively about the ex's well-being, can hinder personal healing."

Sarah highlights how individuals, especially those with codependent tendencies, often neglect their own needs by excessively attending to their ex-partner's feelings.

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Preparing Emotionally for a Potential Breakup

[30:57] Amy Brown:
"If you sense a breakup is on the horizon, what steps can you take to prepare yourself emotionally?"

[31:10] Sarah Knolls:
"Practice having your own back. Strengthen your belief that you'll be okay regardless of the relationship's outcome. This mental resilience is crucial for navigating the aftermath of a breakup."

Sarah advises cultivating self-reliance and emotional strength to better handle unexpected relationship changes.

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Mindset Shifts for Healing

[34:22] Sarah Knolls:
"Imagine making a cake. Each relationship is like an attempt at baking. Even the failed attempts teach you something about the balance you need. Embrace the bitterness and sweetness—they add depth to your personal 'cake.'"

This metaphor illustrates how past relationships contribute to personal growth, emphasizing the value of learning from each experience.

[38:34] Sarah Knolls:
"You are so much more powerful than you know. Your time spent feeling stuck prevents your gifts from shining and impacting the world. Focus on where your feet and heart are right now."

Sarah encourages listeners to recognize their inherent strength and to focus on the present moment to foster healing and personal development.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [02:07] Amy Brown:
  "When I was going through my divorce, I feel like I could have used something like this. I could have used you when my college boyfriend broke up with me."

• [18:45] Sarah Knolls:
  "Let yourself fall apart. Don't resist the urge that you're falling apart. It's like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly—you have to dissolve into total goo to emerge beautifully."

• [22:34] Sarah Knolls:
  "Breakups are like seasons. March is breakup season, statistically right after Valentine's Day."

• [34:22] Sarah Knolls:
  "Each relationship teaches you about the right balance you need, adding depth to your personal 'cake.'"

• [38:34] Sarah Knolls:
  "You are so much more powerful than you know, and you are capable of so much more than you know."

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Practical Takeaways

1. Embrace the Pain: Allow yourself to feel and express emotions fully instead of suppressing them.
2. Create Physical Boundaries: Remove or store away items that trigger painful memories.
3. Redirect Your Thoughts: Gently shift your focus from the ex to your own needs and well-being.
4. Redefine Your Social Circle: Surround yourself with supportive individuals who aid in your healing process.
5. Adopt a Growth Mindset: View each relationship as a learning experience that contributes to your personal development.

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Conclusion

Amy Brown and Sarah Knolls provide a compassionate and structured approach to healing after a breakup. By focusing on physical, mental, emotional, and social detoxification, listeners are equipped with the tools to navigate their post-breakup journey effectively. The episode underscores the importance of self-compassion, resilience, and intentional growth, leaving listeners with hope and actionable steps to move forward.

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Resources Mentioned:

• Sarah Knolls' Instagram: @sarahcronulls
• Free Guide: top10journalprompts.com

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Remember: Healing is a personal journey, and it's okay to seek support along the way. Embrace the process, and know that brighter days are ahead.

Transcript

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[Amy Brown]

Life ain't always pretty, but hey, it's pretty beautiful. Laugh a little more than a little. Tighten up your course, said ek. You're kicking it with four Things with Amy Brown.

Happy Thursday. Four Things Amy here and my guest today is Sarah Knolls and Sarah sent me an email and I don't know what stood out to me most. Sarah I think I just saw Breakup Detox and I thought, oh, this is brilliant. She's helping people navigate breakups and you're a coach, which some people might think, what? That just seems really odd to need someone to help guide them through a breakup. But I think it's brilliant. When I was going through my divorce, I feel like I could have used something like this. And then you and I were talking before we were recording and I thought, shoot, I Could have used you when my college boyfriend broke up with me. And I think it's just learning how to navigate something that is. Is painful.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah. And what I really find is that a breakup can be a portal to knowing yourself better and reconnecting to who you really are. And the way that I did my breakups, like every time I got dumped by a boy in my teens and 20s and 30s, it was always about what did I do wrong and why did I cause the breakup? And it. That was kind of using to beat myself up. And I went through a breakup a couple of years ago and really use my coaching tools to go through it. And I thought, that's the healthiest I've ever done it. I actually came out more confident and more clear on who I am and what I want. And I thought more people need that.

[Amy Brown]

I think that it's a time that you get to ask yourself, what does this now make possible for me? Yeah. And it doesn't ignore the pain that you're in.

[Sarah Knolls]

No.

[Amy Brown]

Donald Miller is the guest on the podcast that gave us that question a few years back. And I've used it so much, and I think it acknowledges that you're in pain right now. And also, what does this now make possible? And you're helping people get there. So we're gonna go through some breakup detox questions in a minute. But also, before we started recording, we were talking about my friend's daughter who was recently broken up with via text message. And that was a painful way to get broken up with. And you said that so many adults do that or they just ghost people and they are left wondering, what did I do? What happened? Well, an update to the text message story is when the parents of the boy found out that he dumped her that way there in high school, they went to their son and they said, no, sir, that is not how we break up with people. You are taking her to dinner. You're gonna pay for the dinner and you're gonna have an open, honest conversation with her about why this isn't working for you. That way she's not left wondering. And you are gonna communicate in a healthy way. And that's how it's done. You don't just dump her over text.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah. It's the modern day equivalent of Sex and the City with burger and the post it of like, I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me. And like now we send texts or we ghost each other and if we just developed a little bit of the ability to be uncomfortable with an Uncomfortable, like, to sit in that discomfort of the uncomfortable conversation, to say, I want something different or this isn't working. It makes us better people. It leaves the other person better. It's like the Girl Scout and Boy Scout motto of, like, leave it better than you found it. Right.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. Well, so let's just start right away with what is a breakup detox? And why is it important to detox after a split?

[Sarah Knolls]

When I think about detoxing, I think we're all familiar with spring cleaning our house of, like, getting rid of the old energy and, like, getting deep into the base spores and all those areas. Or, like, if you're doing a diet, you're going to cut certain things out of your diet so that your body feels physically better. But we never think about our heart and all the gunk that might have built up either from past relationships, like we were saying, of, like, our teenage years and first heartbreaks and stuff that we still hold on to, or even those patterns that we've got from just this most recent relationship that maybe you've gone through a heartache. We need to clear all that away and create more space for the possibility of what's coming.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, so when you're talking about detox and you use the example of eliminating certain foods that you know don't make you feel your best, or getting rid of things in your house for a little spring cleaning, I did that once when I got into a new relationship. I threw away a whole shoebox full of my last relationship before that. And looking back, I sort of regret dumping that in the trash and totally getting rid of it. Not that I have any expectations for that relationship at this point in my life, but isn't it fun to just think that you could maybe go through your old stuff or have your kids or your grandkids go through your shoebox and, like, find fun memories? But I straight up threw everything in the trash. Is that what you mean? Like, we need to detox, like, get ready rid of it? Because I don't know that, you know, I want anybody to regret getting rid of something. But what's the detox part?

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah. Yeah. So I look at four key areas, and I'm totally with you. I think I've kept, like, a few letters from each of my really significant relationships. Or, like, I had a college boyfriend write me a song and I have the cassette tape. Like, there's a couple things I held on to. Not because I want the relationship back, but like you said, someday it might be nice to look back on that stuff and Remember my own love journey. So I'm not talking about like a total wipe of everything. And I'm really not the kind of coach that gives hard and fast rules. I'm never going to be the person that advocates 100% for no contact or like delete all social media or anything because our lives are like, we have gray areas in our life. And I'm sure you co parent with your ex, you can't go no contact if you're co parenting. But there are energetic ways to detox. So the four areas I look at is physical, mental, emotional and social. And so in your physical area that might be removing their stuff. Like if you have your ex's shirt, return the shirt. Or there might be certain items that just bring up a lot of heartbreak. Like maybe remove those really charged items and choose a couple to put away. Or you could put it in a box and maybe give it to a friend of like, can you hang on to that for a while? Just so I don't have to look at it. But clear your physical space and separate that out so that you're not in it all the time. You know, if you have to cohabitate for a while, can you create a space that's purely yours, even if it's just a corner or a closet that you clear out, something that is just, you just clean, just fresh, where you set up something cozy for yourself that's yours and that way you have somewhere that you can get started on the healing process and the work. So that's physical, mental is your thoughts. And the reason I tell people I'm never going to be hard and fast about no contact, because you could be no contact with somebody but still thinking about them all the time. So we really have to clean up your thinking patterns so that you can't stop thinking about somebody, you can't control your thoughts. Just like if I said don't think about a pink elephant, you're going to think about a pink elephant. But you can choose where you're going to focus and you can direct where you focus. So just kindly and gently notice, oh, I'm thinking about my ex again. And have sort of a mental boundary for yourself of like, I, when I do that, I'm going to kindly direct my attention of like. And this is really how I talk to myself. Like, no, sweetheart, we're not doing that right now. Like, we're going to think of something else. We're going to, we're going to focus on ourselves. What do you need right now? And I always bring it Back to myself, because that's pretty easy. Of like, what do I really, really need right now? Like, I need a walk, I need a cry, I need a hug, I need a cuddle with my pet. Anything like that is totally fine. As you're redirecting what you're focusing on next, we've got the emotional detox. Just like, if you were doing a body cleanse, there might be some stuff coming up and out. You don't want to hold it in or hold it down. You want to get it out. Right now you've got a lot of emotions coming up, and we want to let those out. So great ways to do that. You might do a journal dump of like, write it all down, get it out on paper so that it's not in your head. Or you might dance it out or shake it out or go for a walk, or I love a temper tantrum. It's like straight up, like, put yourself in your bag, kick and scream and get all your emotions out and go crazy for a couple minutes. You don't want to hold your emotions in. You want to let them out. And I feel like I've heard on a podcast of yours, you talk about, like, an emotional appointment, like a crying appointment. I highly recommend that because it gives you time and space to do it well.

[Amy Brown]

And one way that you can achieve that is if you know there's always a movie that evokes certain emotions. Like, you can know that, okay, look, on Friday night, I'm going to carve out time to watch this movie and have a release. And the movie may walk you through lots of emotions. You may cry, you may laugh. I think it's good to experience a lot of things. But that's one way to appointment cry. Because a lot of us, we're leading these lives. You can't just have a meltdown and break down wherever you want you. We have jobs, we have children, we have responsibilities. So if you just give yourself that permission to appointment cry at some point, then that's helpful.

[Sarah Knolls]

Absolutely. And I. I love doing it in the shower. So I had like an extra long shower and a certain song or. I know a lot of my clients like doing it in the car because then you're kind of private in a movie.

[Amy Brown]

That may be more of a time investment. I love that you mentioned a song, because there's always a song that will take you there, always.

[Sarah Knolls]

So that's emotional. Let it out. And then finally there's a social detox. Because when we go through a breakup, your whole social circle probably is changing. You probably had. Well, actually your ex is probably the closest relationship that you had or one of. And maybe you had patterns of that's the person I texted before bed or I shared all my good news with my ex and you're having to redefine who is my person. So kind of like Grey's Anatomy, Christina and Meredith were each other's person and it was a best friend relationship. It wasn't about the guy. Maybe this is a time that you get to redefine who's my person, who's in my inner circle, who do I want to be sharing my life with. And I also like to encourage people to think of who is your support system because sometimes that's not your friends as well. Meaning as our friends are, they have a hard time being with us through our pain or relating to it. And so having people that can really support and encourage you to go through your full range of emotions without having to fix you or change anything who will just listen can be really helpful.

[Amy Brown]

Now what are some of the biggest mistakes that people make when they're trying to move on from someone?

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[Amy Brown]

Now. What are some of the biggest mistakes that people make when they're trying to move on from someone?

[Sarah Knolls]

I think the biggest mistake I see the most is that they focus too much on their ex. I work with a lot of women who are really compassionate people who are very giving and they are worried about their ex of like I want to make sure he's okay and that he is coping with this all right or that he has people he can turn to. Like I was his best friend. I don't know what he's going to do. I love that that's the instinct. However, you have to trust that he's going to figure it out and you have to turn your attention to yourself that you are your most important person right now.

[Amy Brown]

So people that are coming to you, are they the ones that did the dumping or did they get dumped?

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah, most of the time they get dumped. I work with a lot of women. Terri Cole calls us high functioning codependence, where it's like, we want to make sure everybody's okay. And I identify that way too. As a recovering high functioning codependent. We're the ones that are like, I got this all covered and I got this all taken care of and I'm going to make sure you're okay too. And even through their own pain, rather than look at themselves and be with their own pain, they're looking to their ex of like, well, I'm going to make sure he's okay.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, I feel like that's pretty common. But especially if you have any codependent tendencies. Yeah. Even if you're the one that did the dumping. I can see you. Why do we call it dumping, by the way? That just came into my mind of like, why is like, we're just like, maybe they just dump. Throw away the trash, take it to the. Take it to the dump. I might need to look into the roots of that because I'm curious. But if you're the one that did the breaking up or, you know it needs to happen, you may stay in a relationship longer because you're worried about the other person. And then that's definitely a codependent behavior.

[Sarah Knolls]

Absolutely.

[Amy Brown]

Because you're not doing what's best for you because you're trying to control what's happening in that other person's life. So what's the first thing that someone should do after a breakup if they're wanting to set themselves up for healing? Obviously, the detox. But is there one specific thing that should be done first?

[Sarah Knolls]

This is so hard. But I tell people, let yourself fall apart. Don't resist that urge that you're falling apart and that everything is going to pieces. Let that happen. If you think about a caterpillar that's about to turn into a butterfly, the science behind this is still amazing to me. But once that caterpillar is in the cocoon, it dissolves into total goo. And it has to do that so it can reform into a butterfly. So right after a breakup where most people are in shock, they're feeling all the feelings. And I say, just let that happen. Don't resist it. Don't try to hang on. Let yourself fall apart.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, I love that analogy. Or being able to picture that and seeing the goo, at least in my mind, I'm like, yes, let yourself go to mush. And then you get to emerge A beautiful butterfly.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

What are some surprising ways that people let go of an ex that actually work? I don't know. I'm picturing, like, burning something I love a burn.

[Sarah Knolls]

I teach a whole writing, a letter writing process, that is, I tell them to think about what were the things that they loved about their ex and what were the things they didn't like about their ex. And then also, what were the things you liked about yourself when you were with them and the things you didn't like about yourself in the relationship. Because there's probably something in each of those categories, and we don't always fill them out. Most people are told, write all the things you didn't like about that person. And that's not totally fair because we're all complex and we're a part of that story, too. So we have to look at what was my part in the dynamic. And when we do it that way and you look at all four pieces, you start to pull apart. What are the things that I want to create again on purpose in my next relationship? I think people get really hung up, and I did this. I did this. A lot of. I'm never going to find anybody as great as my ex ever again. And that's not true. You will find other great people in the world. There are lots of great people. We just have to know intentionally what we're looking for and how we get to show up when we're in relationship with those people.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, I love that. The focusing on all aspects of the relationship, not just the negative. You're bringing in the positive parts, too. And while you were talking, I looked up dumping and where it came from, because, you know, I got curious, and it's a sudden and often callous way of ending a relationship, like discarding something unwanted, essentially throwing away the other person without much explanation or consideration. So really, dumping should only be used if it's in that way. Like, but if someone is breaking up with someone and they've done it in a thoughtful, kind way, it should not be called dumping. I think that's what I just learned. But earlier I was saying if you dumped or he dumped, but it really isn't dumping unless you've been discarded with no thought and no explanation. So when you are in a breakup season, like, we all have different seasons of life. So I imagine when. When you have been broken up with or dumped, whatever has happened to you, then you're in this season, and it's like you have a choice of how you want to navigate and live in this season. And I love that you're here to offer a healthier way to go about it. So what do you consider that season? Is there a particular time that it tends to last? Is it different for everybody? Should we try to be out of the season by, you know, a certain number of weeks or months, or is it just case by case?

[Sarah Knolls]

I do like to think of it seasonally because sometimes when we're in the throes of it, it feels a lot like winter. It's never gonna end. It's gonna be dark forever, and the light is never coming, and it's always gonna be cold, but it doesn't. And spring comes and things get to bloom. But actually, did you know there's actually in the calendar, like, there's a time of year that is breakup season?

[Amy Brown]

Well, now that you're saying that, I'm guessing. Is it wintertime?

[Sarah Knolls]

It's March.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, wait. Okay. That's this month?

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

Okay. So people need to be aware. Why is it March?

[Sarah Knolls]

Because it's after Valentine's Day. It's the biggest stretch between holidays. I also think people want to be single for summer.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, my mind is blown. I did not know that March was, like, the biggest breakup time of the year.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah. Statistically, right before holidays and then March.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, so there's two times of the year that it happens. So is it March and then closer to Thanksgiving or something?

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah. Yeah. Because if you get to Thanksgiving, you gotta go through Valentine's Day.

[Amy Brown]

That is so crazy that that many people just make their way through Valentine's Day. You would think that people would maybe break up right before Valentine's Day because they don't want to deal with having to get them a gift if they're only going to break up with them a few weeks later.

[Sarah Knolls]

I know. I hear it. A lot of people give me really weird stories of, well, I got. I gotta get this far. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be that cruel. I'm like, oh. I mean, heartbreak's heartbreak. It's gonna. It's gonna hurt no matter what.

[Amy Brown]

Okay, well, being that we are in March and we've just learned this is a big breakup time breakup season, what advice do you have for people that might be blindsided by a breakup at some point this month?

[Sarah Knolls]

I always encourage people to start with compassion, to be, like, radically compassionate with yourself, almost to the point where maybe you feel. I don't know if your audience can relate to this. Of. We're the people that are the hardest on ourselves normally and we are normally the first ones to criticize ourselves and really be harsh and judging. And so when I say be radically compassionate, it is almost like treating yourself like you would treat your child or your favorite pet and be that kind to yourself, because we rarely do that and what that might look like. I like the phrase of course. So if you're feeling really sad, maybe you meet that sadness with telling yourself, of course I'm sad. Of course I'm feeling this way because I really cared about that relationship. And when we use that phrase, of course, and we, like, guide ourselves through that, there's something really comforting about it and there's less judgment, and then it sort of clears a little bit of space that you kind of soothe yourself when you're crying. Is this making sense? Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

No. I'm thinking that it's very similar to the. What does this now make possible? This is another one I want to keep in my back pocket of. You know, that's a statement for certain things. And now I think that I'll use, of course, for myself in certain conversations that I'm having with myself or with a friend, even encouraging them. Oh, yeah, of course you're feeling this way and helping them accept and know that this makes sense. This mattered to you.

[Sarah Knolls]

Oh, yeah. And that phrase works in all kinds of situations.

[Amy Brown]

That's what I'm thinking. Like, yeah, even. Even beyond a breakup. I'm even thinking, gosh, with my kids. That's such a good one for them to have as well. Of course you're feeling this way about being left out, you know, not being invited over to this one friend's house. That makes sense and it validates their feelings.

[Sarah Knolls]

I literally just did it as I was talking because as I was moving, I noticed, like, I'm sweating through this shirt. And I'm like, of course you are. You sweat when you're excited and when you're nervous. And of course, I'm like, both of those things are true. I'm really excited to be here. I love speaking, and of course I'm nervous. I love sharing what I do. But it's such a honored to be able to share this with your audience.

[Amy Brown]

Well, and I think, too, I was looking at it as, like, of course, in certain negative situations or things where you might be let down, but I think the force could work too. When there's something really exciting, like, like you were saying, of course your body is acting in this way because of this. And then it helps you then have control of, like, oh, of course you're feeling a little nervous right now before you're about to go do this, it's because it's important to you.

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Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

And then it's like, oh yeah. And it can acknowledge that those emotions are there and then you can turn that nervous energy into something positive.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah, I'm trying to like shortcut so that I don't let the shame come in of oh, how embarrassing. I'm sweating through my shirt. I'm human. I get like, I know. But of course, like I also carry shame. And so instead of going down the shame road, I go down the of course road and it feels better.

[Amy Brown]

Well, I love that. I think that is good advice because I would bet if March is a popular time to break up, somebody is going to be listening to this in March that needs this.

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[Amy Brown]

Are there ways to prepare yourself emotionally? If you sense like a breakup is coming, like maybe someone's literally listening to this right now and they're like, I am just picking up on vibes that a breakup is on the horizon.

[Sarah Knolls]

There are two things there. One, it kind of ties back to the uncomfortable conversation we were having about the young man taking the girl out to dinner and having the conversation face to face instead of a text message. If you're sensing it and this is the person you love, maybe have the uncomfortable conversation and call it out of I'm feeling less connected to you or I'm feeling something has shifted. Can we talk about what's happening and be brave and have the conversation? But the other piece of that, the part that you really can control, is how you're going to respond. And I think the most important thing to do to prepare is to practice having your own back, practice knowing I'm going to be okay no matter what happens. And this is something I really had to build a lot of reps. I had to do a lot of practice of this. For me, this was a really weak muscle and I think about what are the ways I can let myself know I'm going to be okay no matter what. If I fail, if the relationship ends, if he never wants to see me again, I'm gonna be okay. And it's not dependent on him. It's not dependent on the relationship. So how can I strengthen that for myself?

[Amy Brown]

I love that reminder of knowing that you are truly gonna be okay. And it may not feel that way when it first happens, but that's the great thing about this is, in preparation, you can get ahead of it if you're sensing that something might be coming, and if you're blindsided by it, you're going to feel that way as well. But I would just like to. I could be a story of hope is there is light on the other side. And to go back to the cocoon butterfly example, and the turning to mush is, if you truly believe that that person is for you and there is nothing else for you out there and you're never going to find anybody, then that's where you're going to stay stuck. Like, you'll forever be stuck in your little cocoon, and that's going to be very isolating and lonely and sad, and I don't. I don't want that for you. It's like the Henry Ford quote. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

So if you think there is nobody else out there for you, then, yeah, stay in your little cocoon. That's exactly what's going to happen for you. But if you believe that you can emerge from this stronger and healthier and more beautiful than ever before, then you're right. You can. But it's going to take the work. Otherwise, you're just going to be stuck in that little cocoon. I love that. That image in my mind right now.

[Sarah Knolls]

I will say that's why a coach is amazing, because sometimes we only have a glimmer of that for ourself. But if you're working with the right person, they get to hold the whole picture of. I see the butterfly of what's possible on the other side, and I'm going to hold the whole picture, and I'm going to help you through the process.

[Amy Brown]

I love that. What is one mindset shift? I love a good mindset shift. Is there one in particular that makes a huge difference?

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah. I like to think about this like you're making a cake, and the very first cake you made probably wasn't very good. You probably got the balance wrong, and you maybe, like, got the ingredients off or you didn't quite get the science of it right. And then maybe you had a cake that you made that was amazing and you've tried it again over and over and over again. These are all of our relationships or all these attempts at baking a cake. And each time you do it, you learn a little bit more and you start finding, the more you do it, you start finding what is the right balance that I really like. And sometimes we need the balance of that bitterness with the sweet. We need, you know, that hit of that bitter coffee with the chocolate to make the chocolate taste richer. So I like to think about this stuff that you're going through is that bitterness. And it's going to make the sweet so much better and it's going to add so much to depth to the life that you're baking right now.

[Amy Brown]

Oh, I love that so much. You know, earlier, right when we first started talking, you mentioned your love journey and keeping little bits and pieces from each relationship. Not because you want something with that person down the line in any way, that relationship is over, but it's part of your love journey and that's the cake. It's all parts of your love journey being mixed together to make something really yummy and beautiful and tasty. And I think of how much I learned from my marriage ending. I don't know that I learned much from relationships before that because I got married in my young to mid twenties and my serious relationship before that was in college. And I don't know that I learned that, like I wasn't in a place of learning and growth. I think I just went through the heartache and didn't really walk away with with much, but from my marriage, fast forward 17 years of that relationship and then in my 40s, if I'm getting into another relationship, wanting it to be as healthy as possible, I knew that I was going to have to do the work on myself. And as I am in a new relationship now, I like that I have that vision now of me in the kitchen with all my different ingredients, baking my cake, and all parts of what I am bringing to the table now are important in building my cake. And I learned so much.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yes, you learned so much. And I think as we get older, we also start learning to embrace all the parts of ourself. And I guess it doesn't translate so much into baking, it's more like cooking. But you think of like salty and sweet balancing and umami and depth of flavor. And as we embrace all those parts of ourself, it makes You a full person?

[Amy Brown]

Yeah. And thankfully, I put in the work to learn from my failures in the relationship and then also my partner's parts of our relationship that were very unhealthy. And it was very hard. Like, I remember just wanting to be so far away from all of it because I was like, this is just all so hard. This hurts so much. But now I think of who I am and what I can bring to the table because of that pain that I went through. And I also know it was painful, too, because it was a relationship that meant a lot to me. And I never thought I would get divorced right when I got married. That just was not an option at all. And so then, you know, speaking of shame, you mentioned that earlier, I carried that around with me of like, oh, now I'm divorced. And that was never supposed to be a part of my story. And I've got two kids and. But now it's like, oh, so much of that is a part of what makes up my cake.

[Sarah Knolls]

Yeah.

[Amy Brown]

So if you just had one piece of advice, I know you've got a lot of wisdom that you pass along to clients and if you're doing interviews like this. But if there was just one piece of advice to someone that is struggling right now to let go of somebody, what's that one piece of advice that you would give them?

[Sarah Knolls]

My one piece of advice is that you are so much more powerful than you know, and you are capable of so much more than you know. And you have wonderful gifts that you need to share with the world. And the time that you are spending stuck, it's keeping those gifts and your power from really radiating out and from you shining your light, and we need your light right now. And if it's hard to stop looking backwards, start looking where your feet are right now and where your heart is right now, and be there for yourself right now. It might be hard to look at a future. It might be hard to look forward. But take care of you right now, today, in this moment, and start right here.

[Amy Brown]

Dolly Parton has a quote. That's the way I see it. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

[Sarah Knolls]

I love that.

[Amy Brown]

And it's just such a good one. It's a good one because we're all going to go through storms. And rainbows are such a beautiful thing that we get to enjoy. But it is after the rain. It is after a storm. And if you stay stuck inside, you may miss the rainbow.

[Sarah Knolls]

The butterfly comes after the goo.

[Amy Brown]

That's right. That's Sarah's quote. So Dolly's quote is the rainbow after the rain. And I think I can get on board with the butterfly comes after the goo. That's such a good one. Sarah. Where can people find you? If they want to learn more about what you offer and what you do, they can come.

[Sarah Knolls]

Follow me on Instagram. I'm sarahcronulls. So just my name, all one word or. I wanted to offer a little free gift to your listeners because I know this conversation's been so deep. I have a free guide of 10 journal prompts that they can do and they can Download that@top10journal prompts.com I'll also.

[Amy Brown]

Link it in the show notes. And Sarah spells her last name C U R N O L E S. So that'll be linked there. We love a good journal prompt. Sarah's got 10 of them. And journaling is one of the ways that you can let go of an X. I'm sure those prompts help people process that and surrender, let it go.

[Sarah Knolls]

They'll take what we started here and it'll go a lot deeper.

[Amy Brown]

And then apparently I love fire because then after you journal, I'm probably going to be like. And then go ahead and burn it.

[Sarah Knolls]

Do it. Release it. Send that up to the ether.

[Amy Brown]

Yeah, there you go. Well, Sarah, thank you for this conversation. Breakup Detox. I think that this is something that will definitely come in handy and unfortunately, maybe for more people this month than others. But at least people can now be as prepared as possible and have hope that they're going to be okay.

[Sarah Knolls]

Absolutely.

[Amy Brown]

Thank you, Sarah. Bye.

[Sarah Knolls]

Bye. Thank you so much for having me.

[Amy Brown]

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[Jenny Garth]

Contodos Dosdatos, Quinaces Porventico Dores, Samsung Galaxy.

[Eric Andre]

Hey, what's up, y'all? This is Eric Andre. Well, I made a podcast called Bombing about absolutely tanking on stage. I tell gnarly stories and I talk to friends about the worst moments of bombing in all sorts of ways. Bombing on stage, bombing in public, bombing in life. I want to know what's the worst way they've ever bombed or have they ever performed way too drunk or high or Was there ever a time where they thought they were going to crush and they stunk it up? Listen to Bombing with Eric Andre on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sarah Knolls]

Bombing Bombing with Eric Andrew.