Podcast Summary: "AMY: Peeing in Public, Fertility Struggles, & Shame vs. Guilt" – The Bobby Bones Show

Release Date: April 20, 2025
Host: Amy Brown and Kat Van Buren
Publisher: Premiere Networks

In this insightful episode of The Bobby Bones Show, Amy Brown teams up with licensed therapist Kat Van Buren to explore the nuanced emotions of embarrassment, shame, and guilt. Through candid conversations and personal anecdotes, they dissect how these feelings influence personal growth, relationships, and overall well-being.

1. Introduction to "Feeling Things"

Kat Van Buren [01:15]:
"Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where we tell the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things."

Kat introduces the segment "Feeling Things with Amy and Kat," setting the stage for an authentic dialogue about complex emotions. They emphasize the importance of acceptance as a cornerstone for personal development.

2. Embarrassment: Amy’s Public Peeing Incident

Amy recounts a humorous yet relatable incident that led to feelings of embarrassment.

Amy Brown [02:27]:
"I was down there, eye level with all the tortillas, acting like I am sorting through the tortillas. I'm like, okay, I don't want this kind..."

While navigating the tortilla aisle at a grocery store, Amy felt an urgent need to urinate. With no immediate access to a restroom, she resorted to squatting discreetly, trying to conceal her discomfort from onlookers. This experience left her feeling embarrassed, highlighting the vulnerability associated with such moments.

Notable Quote:
Kat Van Buren [05:04]:
"I've had to hold my pee a lot in radio, sprinting to the bathroom, and squatting in public because I don't have time to lay out a liner."

3. Pelvic Issues and Their Impact

The conversation shifts to pelvic and bladder concerns, with both hosts sharing their experiences.

Amy Brown [02:27 - 03:51]:
Amy discusses her pelvic bladder issues, noting that despite not being pregnant or having given birth, she experiences similar challenges. She speculates that her frequent need to hold her urine, especially during long work hours in radio, contributes to her discomfort.

Notable Insight:
Holding urine for extended periods can exacerbate pelvic issues, a topic Kat further explores by suggesting possible remedies and exercises to alleviate such problems.

4. Distinguishing Shame from Guilt

Kat delves into the core topic of the episode: differentiating between shame and guilt.

Kat Van Buren [15:31]:
"Shame is guilt's dramatic cousin that shows up uninvited and makes everything personal. Because shame is where it gets real, real personal and beyond dramatic. It takes guilt to the next level."

She explains that while guilt pertains to specific actions ("I did something bad"), shame affects one's self-identity ("I am bad"). This distinction is crucial for understanding and addressing these emotions effectively.

Notable Quote:
Kat Van Buren [37:33]:
"Shame reminds us that we're limited and human, and it helps us recognize our need for connection with others."

5. Fertility Struggles and Emotional Turmoil

Amy opens up about her and her husband's journey through fertility challenges, sharing the emotional toll it took on her self-esteem.

Amy Brown [41:18]:
"I felt like my body was broken... but we really didn't know. And it wasn't my fault."

Despite undergoing numerous tests and consultations with fertility doctors, no clear answers emerged. This uncertainty led Amy to internalize feelings of inadequacy and self-blame, despite understanding intellectually that the issue wasn't solely her responsibility.

Kat Van Buren [44:00]:
"I don't want you to be hating on your body or hating yourself or feeling like you're broken."

Kat emphasizes the importance of reframing these feelings, encouraging self-compassion and support rather than self-criticism.

6. Coping with Shame and Guilt

The hosts discuss strategies to manage and mitigate toxic shame and guilt.

Kat Van Buren [51:03]:
"Guilt helps sustain alignment with ourselves. We have to know what our alignment is."

She suggests that acknowledging guilt can lead to positive actions, such as seeking forgiveness or making amends, thereby fostering personal growth and healthier relationships.

Notable Strategy:
Embracing healthy shame involves recognizing one's limitations and the human need for connection, which in turn opens the door for mutual support and understanding.

7. Analogies and Metaphors

To illustrate the differences between shame and guilt, Kat introduces the "dirty shirt" metaphor.

Kat Van Buren [69:28]:
"Imagine you're wearing a white shirt and you spill coffee on it. Guilt says, 'I spilled coffee on my shirt. That was clumsy. I should be more careful next time.' Shame says, 'Of course I spilled coffee. I am such a mess. I ruin everything.'"

This vivid analogy helps listeners grasp how shame attacks one's core identity, while guilt focuses on specific behaviors and encourages corrective measures.

8. Celebrating Positive Coping

Amy shares a personal triumph in handling a minor accident without falling into shame.

Amy Brown [70:14]:
"I was really, really proud of myself that I just was like, silly me. Silly. I was like, gosh, now I'm gonna have to go make another one. And I just went and cleaned it up."

By celebrating her ability to respond calmly to a mishap, Amy reinforces the value of constructive coping mechanisms in overcoming shame.

9. Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Amy and Kat reaffirm the importance of understanding and addressing shame and guilt. They encourage listeners to seek support, embrace their imperfections, and practice self-compassion as pathways to emotional well-being.

Kat Van Buren [81:53]:
"We can have compassion without forgiveness... So compassion allows me to understand. You can have compassion and say, 'I get it,' but you don't have to forgive them."

Key Takeaways:

• Embarrassment vs. Shame vs. Guilt: Understanding the distinctions helps in addressing each emotion appropriately.

• Personal Growth: Embracing and acknowledging uncomfortable emotions is essential for healing and personal development.

• Support Systems: Seeking help from loved ones and professionals can mitigate the negative impacts of shame and guilt.

• Self-Compassion: Being kind to oneself fosters resilience and healthier relationships with others.

This episode offers a heartfelt exploration of complex emotions, providing listeners with valuable insights and practical strategies to navigate their own experiences with shame and guilt.