← The Bobby Bones Show
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This is an iHeart podcast.
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At Walgreens, we know it's hard to.
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Pay attention to important flu information.
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B
What does keep your attention? Sports commentary Here we are, fourth quarter of the year. The clock's winding down and flu season starting up. So don't get caught off guard. Make your move to Walgreens and get that flu shot. They even know which other vaccines you may need and when you need them. That's how you stay in the game.
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So walk in or schedule an appointment.
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Today to get up to date on all your vaccines.
- [00:29]
A
That's the human kind of help.
- [00:31]
C
Walgreens vaccines subject to availability, state, age and health related restrictions may apply. Isopure protein helps you focus on more of what matters. Like feeling your best every day with great tasting nutrition that's high protein and low carb. It's never been simpler. I use Isopure unflavored protein every day and I have already restocked three times since first trying it. Actually I think I bought it four times now because my daughter took a bag of it to her dad's house with 25 grams of ultra filtered protein and you can add it to things like guacamole, pasta sauce and more. It tastes great on everything. Enjoy more of what matters today@isopureprotein.com and get 20% off your order when you use code FEEL20 at checkout.
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B
Hey, it's Joel and Matt from how to Money. I was just in Seattle, Matt, and honestly, it's one of the greatest cities in the world, particularly in the summer. I went on this run by the water. We hopped a ferry across Puget Sound. Just an unforgettable trip. That's what struck me. What seems normal to a homeowner. It can be the thing that makes a guest trip really special. Which is why hosting your home on Airbnb makes sense, right? Travelers are looking for those authentic, memorable spaces and if you don't have time to manage all that well, Airbnb's co host feature makes it easy. A local co host can help with everything from creating the listing to keeping your place running smooth. Find a co host@airbnb.com host.
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If you.
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Ever have feelings and you just want some.
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Maybe a cat got you covered like a no.
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Ladies and fellas, we just follow in.
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The spirit where it tell us from.
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The real stuff to the chill stuff.
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And the in between. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things.
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A
This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
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C
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy and I'M Kat, and I think we both have feelings of the day, but we gotta start with yours, because my feeling is based on your feeling, so.
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A
My feeling. My feeling is grateful. I'm feeling grateful because I wanted to change something in our schedule. And I feel like you're not going to feel this way, but I feel this way. You went above and beyond to make it work for both of us. Okay.
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C
Yeah, you're right. I don't.
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A
I don't really see, like, you're ready to go.
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C
I don't really see it as going above and beyond. But I think that we both have shown each other over the last several months. Like, hey, I know that if I am able to show up for you in what's best for you, then, if possible, you'll do the same. Like, I think that if I can make it work, I want to make it work so I could make it work. I mean, it was just rescheduling a mammogram. It's just my yearly. It's not like it was a. I had an appointment last week, and they're like, we need you to come back next week.
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A
Yeah. But still, you schedule. That was a scheduled thing and my thing. I just want to go on vacation.
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C
Yeah. Which is kind of tied into our unique love languages that we're going to talk about in a minute. Or underrated love languages, some that you don't hear about often. And Kat's love language is definitely travel.
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A
Acts of vacation, as the Internet calls it. But the funny thing about this is we're not. We can't travel right now for multiple reasons. So we're just going to do a staycation. But usually when people do staycations.
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C
You didn't tell me that part.
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A
Yes, I did.
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C
You did. I mean, I knew you were traveling far. No, I thought, well, wait, no, we can't. So we moved.
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A
Okay.
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C
It's fine. So I moved the.
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A
I'm take it back. You can't take it back.
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C
You're not even going, like, to, I don't know, Leapers Fork.
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A
Well, Leapers fork is like 15 minutes from our house now.
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C
Solar destination.
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A
We're gonna do things.
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C
Okay.
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A
But we're just not going usually on staycations. I feel like people stay in, like, a hotel in their city, right?
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C
Yeah.
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A
Well, our house is still new to us, so we're staying in.
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C
Yeah. Oh, I think you can do a staycation at home.
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A
Okay.
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C
For sure.
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A
But all we're. We're just. Patrick's taking off two days of work, and I'm taking off two days of work and just gonna have a four day weekend and just do stuff with us but do things that we normally wouldn't do, you know, so maybe we'll go to Libra's fork. But yeah, we're not. Does that change?
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C
No.
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A
You have not.
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C
No. I was just giving you a hard time. I totally would have done the exact same thing. But it was after you were like, well, wait a second, that's a mammogram. And really I'm like, man, I don't know, putting it off. Surely it can't be that big of a deal. I just moved it two weeks from now. But the more we talk about it. So my feeling of the day is nervous. Like oh shoot, what if I needed to go in or to flip it so that I'm not nervous? I'm like, what if postponing it two weeks is like a good thing?
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A
Yeah.
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C
Because of like I get a different technician or a scan or maybe if something does need to be caught, it'll be caught at that point.
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A
But it wouldn't have been caught two weeks ago.
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C
Yeah, it's not going to be anything super serious because of course I don't want that. But if it were to work out that way then. And October is breast cancer awareness month. However, every month is breast cancer awareness month. I just want to put that up.
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A
Well first I thought you were going to say then because your mammogram would have been in October. Either way.
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C
I know it just happened to work out that way. I just have friends that have gone through breast cancer and October is such a touchy month for them because of the pink out stuff. Like every company is selling things pink and they're profiting big time. Now are they making a donation to breast cancer research through the sale of pink items? Yes. And they're also profiting off of it. If it was 100% of the money then that would be different. And also they're so passionate about that. And more research does need to be done. And because it's a woman thing, it gets, you know, to one month a year where, you know, if this was. If men had to deal with this sort of thing, like they're potentially be more research. I mean that's a whole nother rabbit trail we could go down. But I just wanted to support my girls. Not my girls, but all my girls and your girls and my girls, everybody's girls, all the girls everywhere. Which this is a very, that was a very female statement. My girls were supporting girls. But we do have male listeners? Yeah, I think we were.
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A
We have avid male listeners.
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C
We were keeping track of them. I feel like we were like, okay, now that's. Anytime we would get an email or something, we'd be like, okay, now we have eight. And then.
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A
And my little brother is an avid listener now.
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C
Okay, nine.
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A
So that's not. Yeah.
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And then we got a voicemail.
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10. We were already up to like 12.
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C
Yeah.
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A
Oh, really?
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C
Okay. So we. We keep staying in the low, but we need to give men credit where credit is due.
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A
Well, and I think that I didn't.
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C
Mean to bag on the men for, like, if this was your disease, there would be more research, but that's probably more in like the perimenopause.
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A
No, I think that you're right. There's a lot of. A lot of research that is then used to care for women. Is research done on men? I mean, we're getting there. I think things are getting better, but cross my fingers.
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C
Yeah. And men also can get breast cancer.
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A
Million little things.
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C
Yeah.
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A
Which is a show. And this is not giving anything away because it's in the first episode and it's not a surprise. One of the characters is a man who has breast cancer. He goes to a support group.
- [08:05]
C
I haven't thought about that show. Well, since the last time you brought it up maybe a couple of months ago. But every once in a while you do bring it up, and it is a really good show. I just don't think I finished it.
- [08:16]
A
You have to finish. Okay. So when I started this show, if you have not watched this show and you're. Even if you're not looking for one, put it on a list. It is so good. And it's only like six seasons. You know how some of these shows go too long. It's only six. It is so good. The first time I watched it, I stopped at, like, season three or four. The next time I started with Patrick. We watched the whole thing the last episode. The last season. But, like, the last episode might have been the best and worst at the same time episode of tv.
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C
Okay, well, I need to go.
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A
It's. It hits on.
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C
So, like, just check out the final drama.
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A
It's sports. It's. You know, they like sports awareness. Yes. It's. There's everything in it. My husband liked it, so we both loved it equally. So it's not like. I think for our male listeners, I think sometimes think that show is going to be too, like, girly.
- [09:10]
C
Yeah. You know, well, seeing of your husband and all husbands out there, this Voicemail is from. Yes, a male listener, but he's also a husband and his wife listens to. So he started listening and he, in a nutshell, is saying, we help his marriage. No, we help him better understand his wife. I also just want to give him a shout out before we play it. That good for you for being proactive about figuring out ways that you can understand your partner.
- [09:41]
A
That's actually so sweet.
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C
It's really sweet when you think about it. So everyone listening, if you're married or you have a boyfriend or something, you can send them this voicemail and be like, hey, what are you doing to be proactive?
- [09:51]
A
Hey, Amy and Kat, Tony out of Iowa. Just wanted to say love the show and listen to it since July. Just been a really big help for me. And my wife just helped me understand her a little bit better. Helped her. She love. She loved the Things, the four Things with Amy Brown. And so she loves the new podcast as well. But I. I actually really like the new one too, so just wanted to say thanks for what you guys do, and it really makes an impact. And as a guy, you know, I know that we're not your demographic, but there's. I think there's quite a few of us that enjoy it, too, so. And it helps us just enjoy our wives, our spouses, and understand them just a little bit better. So thanks, guys.
- [10:33]
C
Love it. Hey, guys. Hey, man.
- [10:36]
A
I think that's so sweet that he is listening to this. It sounds like he. He might get a little entertainment from it, but to listen to that just to help him understand and because his wife enjoys it is really sweet. Yeah, good for you.
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C
It's like one of his love languages.
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A
Which we're learning that there's more than just five, maybe.
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C
Yeah. This is from Dr. Elizabeth Frederick. She listed out underrated love languages, which the other ones we've talked about before. There's five very common ones. And consistency is the first one that Dr. Frederick listed here. And I feel like that's the one I appreciate about my boyfriend the most, is his steadfast. He's very consistent. So what consistency will look like actions over words, reliable, dependable, available for both ups and downs and doesn't leave you guessing or confused. And I'm like, that is my boyfriend in a nutshell. That is his love language. I will say I, you know, I like touch, which is one of the main five. Like massage, just hold hand.
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A
Like, it's like touching his.
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C
Like, yeah, touching words of affirmation are my number one to receive. And then touch is A close second. And I'm trying to figure out how to say this because I don't want it to come out weird.
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A
I'm nervous.
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C
Okay.
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A
He doesn't like touch.
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C
No, he does, but I, I, I was.
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A
He likes a different kind of touch than you.
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C
No, I, I know you're going to keep guessing until I just say it, so I'm just going to say it. Okay, so he's given me massages before and they're sort of like, you know. But I will say I'm sensitive and he.
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A
Wait, stop. Back up. What is, what does that mean?
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C
Like, I'm just sort of like, meh, you know? But I, but I do like my calves need a massage, but then my calves are very sensitive and I'll be like, ow, ow, ow, ow. Not that hard, not that hard.
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A
Oh, you're saying that it's too soft.
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C
It's too just like gentlemen and they don't last very long. It's more like, yeah, it'll, and then sometimes it'll be too hard to just try to like, you know, get go over with thus, you know, like, I don't know how to describe it other.
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A
Than it's just you're not getting what you need. His, his love language isn't acts of massage.
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C
Right. However, this is the part where it's going to get a little weird.
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A
Okay?
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C
Okay. However, if his daughter came home the other day and she needed her back rubbed and I mean, there was like the floor, elbows like every, I mean, it looked like the most professional, best massage I've ever seen. And I'm like, you're busted. You're busted.
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A
Did you say that? Yes.
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C
When I left, I said, now I.
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Know, I know what you're capable of.
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C
He's like, now you know what?
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A
I said, I've seen what I needed to see.
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C
I said, I'm not going to be jealous because that's your daughter and that's weird. That would be weird. That would be really weird for me to be jealous of the massage that she just got. However, now I know what you're capable of, so I'm going to settle for any of this, you know.
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A
And what was his response?
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C
He laughed like, haha.
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A
And I was like, you're like, I'm not kidding.
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C
I drove away. I was like, he thinks I'm joking. I'm not.
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A
Well, okay. Well, at least you know, he, yeah, it's actually better to know he's capable of that. You're like, because he's a strong guy.
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C
Yeah. And it's Actually sweet to watch him, like, care for her in that way. But I'm like, I don't need to be cared for. Like, I'm. I. I need care for. I need to be cared for in that way. I need care.
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A
I need care.
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C
I need care for.
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A
I was good. I was gonna say, what we do is we just use one like a theragun on each other.
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C
Okay.
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A
Because I will. I love to receive a massage, but I can't say I love to give them, you know, like, it does. It makes my hands tired. And, you know, it's always when I'm. Patrick always wants a massage when I'm like, trying to go to bed, you know?
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C
Yeah, I know. I just. My brain went off into this crazy thing. Like, I get the hierarchy of, like, you know, if he had to choose daughter or girlfriend, he's gonna choose his daughter.
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A
Like, why are we even going there?
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C
Because Viber, he went there.
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A
I.
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C
Because I was thinking, like, maybe she gets the good massage. And then he's all out of energy, which. Okay, it makes sense. I get it. But now I know it'd be like if you. If he's like this phenomenal cook and it for his kids, and then for me, he's like hamburger helper throwing stuff together. Yeah, Hamburger help was actually kind of good.
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A
I know, but if he makes a from scratch meal.
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C
Right, right, right.
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A
And then he's like, I have this box. I'm gonna just boil this. These noodles and stir this packet in, throw it together. Okay. I look like you're listening anyway.
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C
You're consistent. Thank you.
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A
Are you touch in the sense that, like, you need to be touching him all the time?
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C
No, but I don't mind holding hands and close Like I'm not extreme PDA person. But you know that one guy I dated?
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A
Which one?
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C
The one New York.
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A
Okay.
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C
Okay. So, I mean, none. We were like brother and sister walking down the streets. And I'm like, this is weird to me. Like, just even like a pat on my back to let me know. Like, hey, glad you're. To let me know. I know you're here and I'm glad you're here. Like, it could he ever.
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A
Stuff like that.
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C
Yeah, I said something. You have not, like, noticed me in public or anything. Like, it's just weird to me because one on one, you're affectionate, but in the streets, nothing. And he was like, oh, I just am very much like.
- [16:11]
A
Or he didn't know if Leslie was going to be around. He didn't want her to see it.
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C
No. I don't think that was the case. She's not in the picture. It was more so that he's not a PDA person at all. And I was like, I don't consider holding hands or, you know, walking behind you through the door and, like, putting my hand on your lower back, you know, that kind of thing.
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A
So what, you think PDA is, like, making out?
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C
Yeah. Like, I'm not full on trying to, like, straddle anybody somewhere. That's PDA is what I'm describing, but I'm not extreme pda. Okay, so there's different. It's a spectrum, right? Yeah. What are you.
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A
What do you mean?
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C
What level do you go to?
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A
I don't want to, like, make out with somebody in public. I prefer to be touching my husband at all times in some way.
- [16:56]
C
Yeah. Like hand on the leg.
- [16:58]
A
Yeah. But he's that way as well, so. Yeah, it's great. We've had that conversation of, like, would we be together if either of us. Because we're both. So that way, would we be able to be with somebody who wasn't? Like, he told me one time we wouldn't be together if you weren't. I'm like, that would break it.
- [17:16]
C
So that's his number one.
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A
Yeah. He said that would we probably wouldn't. I don't know how much he was kidding, but I asked him, like, do you think we'd still be together if one of us wasn't this affectionate towards the other? And he said no. Wow. Because it's even like the way we sleep. Like, we sleep very cuddly. Yeah.
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C
Cute. Okay, you want to do the next one?
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A
Yes.
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C
The first one was consistency.
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A
The next one is attunement. So that would look like being truly present. Emotional closeness, exploring each other's inner worlds.
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C
What does that even mean?
- [17:48]
A
I think that would be like asking introspective questions and, like, wanting to, like, know each other deeper on a deeper level. Deep connection, feeling safe in each other's energy.
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C
At Walgreens, we know flu season can.
- [18:07]
A
Feel a little chaotic, so we're going to give you our flu info in.
- [18:12]
C
A meditation, keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do if you're a little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment today to get up to date on all your vaccines.
- [18:27]
A
That's the human kind of help.
- [18:29]
C
Walgreens vaccines subject to availability, state, age, and health related restrictions may apply. All right. You know what's crazy? The holidays are almost here and as excited as I am, you know, just as much as I do. There's always so much that goes into getting your house ready for the holidays. That's why I love Wayfair. It's my one stop shop that makes the holidays actually feel fun instead of stressful because they have everything you need. Trees, wreaths, even those giant inflatables for the yard. I recently grabbed some throw pillows from Wayfair and it completely changed the vibe of my house for fall. Now I'm doing the same thing as we roll into the holidays. Yeah, that's a little pro tip there. Throw pillows can be a game changer. Blankets, it can completely change the vibe. Plus, this is the best time to get organized so you can actually enjoy the holidays with your family and friends instead of scrambling last minute. Whether it's cookware that makes hosting easier or decor that gets you in the spirit, Wayfair makes it simple. Every style, every budget, all in one place. Get organized, refreshed and ready for the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair every style, every home We've been made to believe that saying yes is a good thing, but I've realized there's a big difference between doing it intentionally and doing it unintentionally. Isopure protein helps you focus on more of what matters, like feeling your best every day with great tasting nutrition. That's high protein and also low carb. If you need that. Isopure fits seamlessly into your lifestyle and that's why I've added it to my daily routine. I use Isopure unflavored protein in recipes like pasta sauce and guacamole during the week. With 25 grams of ultra filtered protein and 0 carbs plus 20 vitamins and minerals, you can boost nearly any recipe without changing the taste of your favorite foods. I've already restocked four times because I add the Isopure Unflavored to everything. You can try the Isopure vanilla to blend 25 grams of protein into your smoothies or your oatmeal. Or check out Isopure Clear protein water with 15 grams of protein which supports hydration with electrolytes and a light berry flavor. Enjoy more of what matters today@isopureprotein.com and get 20% off your order when you use code FEEL20 at checkout.
- [20:53]
A
Attunement is necessary for a I think.
- [20:56]
C
A good healthy relationship, but if someone really shines at that.
- [21:00]
A
Well, and I can tell you something. Something that does bother me is when you can tell somebody's not present with you. And you're trying that, to me, kind of locks in with quality time. Because when I'm like, having a meal or we're what? Last night we were walking. We're on a walk, and Patrick was playing with this baseball. And I could tell he was more interested in playing catch with himself than listening to my story. And at one point I said, okay, you got to get rid of the baseball. I didn't feel like he was, like, attuned.
- [21:25]
C
He wasn't.
- [21:26]
A
Yeah, he wasn't attuned. And. And that was our quality time. So I think those go hand in hand. He kept the baseball. It's now at our house.
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C
Where did he get the baseball?
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A
So across the street from our neighborhood is a ballpark. Yeah.
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C
Yeah.
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A
And there was a baseball on the sidewalk. And I was like. At first I was like, oh, Patrick, a baseball. You should pick it up. And then I was like, throw the baseball back to the children. He kept it.
- [21:48]
C
He regretted that.
- [21:49]
A
Yeah.
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C
Okay, next one is vulnerability. And that's just being open and honest, discussing deep thoughts, expressing wants and needs. Let's guard down. Like, you allow for that to you just again, being vulnerable, because that's what it is. And then you take risks and sharing feelings about past, present and future.
- [22:12]
A
Also necessary.
- [22:14]
C
Also necessary. Yes.
- [22:15]
A
Relationship. The next one is foreplay.
- [22:18]
C
You wanted this one, didn't you?
- [22:20]
A
I just lucked out. Flirting and teasing. Playful tension, increasing arousal, demonstrating desire. Including all types. Physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential and spiritual.
- [22:32]
C
What does intellectual foreplay look like?
- [22:35]
A
Honestly, I don't know that. To me, I'm like. Is that like deep questions?
- [22:38]
C
Flashcards, Flashcards. Maybe I'm thinking that because I'm doing them with my son for, like, the questions. Math. Yeah, like flashcards. Not the questions. Not conversation cards. I was making a joke. That did not go.
- [22:53]
A
Do you want to explain it?
- [22:55]
C
I was thinking intellectual foreplay. Like, hey, you want to do some division flashcards? Like, hey, you want to do multiplications? You do the nines.
- [23:07]
A
The nines. Or like, do you want to do these nine.
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C
18, 27. Say more. Keep going.
- [23:15]
A
Are you trying to arouse?
- [23:17]
C
Nine times nine is 81.
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A
Oh, my gosh.
- [23:20]
B
Hot.
- [23:20]
C
How do you know that we're doing the nines?
- [23:23]
A
Well, I think that, yeah, you should.
- [23:24]
C
Know that with my 15 year old. It's also weird now this. Everything's gotten weird. But do you get it?
- [23:31]
A
Yeah.
- [23:31]
C
Foreplay, physical Emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual. So after foreplay, this would be the final one. Yeah. Nurture, Taking care of each other, holding, caressing, rubbing, gentle touch. Oh, so this is sort of like touch your massage. Nurture. I need to be nurtured. Soothing, consoling, creating a safe space, protecting, reassuring.
- [23:57]
A
So it can be physical, but it's also like, all different ways.
- [24:00]
C
But I need to be reassured that you can massage me with your elbow on the floor. I mean, it was like, pressure, full blown. I'm like, what did you do now? I know you have a certificate from somewhere.
- [24:14]
A
He's watched some videos.
- [24:15]
C
Maybe he's certified. He could stretch too. Like, he knows how to stretch all the things, I guess from being an athlete way back in the day. And I told him I was thinking about going to the stretch lab, and he was like, I can do all of that.
- [24:28]
A
You're like, we'll prove it.
- [24:30]
C
Yeah, like, what the time?
- [24:32]
A
What is the. You might have answered this already. So sorry. But sitting here right now, other than his steadiness, what's his most attractive quality right now in your relationship, not when you first started dating or six months ago, but today? What do you find most attractive about him outside of his consistency?
- [24:53]
C
Well, gosh, I have lots of different things, like, rattling off in my head, but watching him be a dad is one of the best things ever. He's really great dad. I'm very comfortable around him. Like, the ease that I have when I'm with him is just unmatched. Like, I'm very, very comfortable. I like how he is knowledgeable about lots of things.
- [25:12]
A
You're giving number three.
- [25:14]
C
Oh, how many was I supposed to get?
- [25:16]
A
I just said one.
- [25:17]
C
But that's why I said I have lots of things that come to my mind. Like, I like that he's wise and about, like, certain things that I like. I don't care about sports, but I love that he knows all about sports. He can hold a conversation with anybody.
- [25:32]
A
Anybody. I think that's like, guys, they literally could walk up to a stranger and be like, so the Red Sox game last night, and, like, start talking about, like, what happened in the bottom of the third inning in all the people's names. I don't. You know what? I think men have just, like, a separate part of their brain just for that. And it was. And they have all the sports knowledge because that's how also a lot of men connect. Is talking about sports versus, like, women connect on a lot of times more.
- [26:00]
C
Deeper when he connects with his boys. But that's another thing too. Like, I connect. I can connect with him on deeper things as well, and I can appreciate that. But I don't know what it is about the. The sports stuff. I think even though I'm not a sports girl, like, I don't know any of that stuff. I don't care about it, but I find it very attractive that he does.
- [26:24]
A
I'd be like, oh, like, if you didn't like sports.
- [26:26]
C
And I wonder if that's because the guys that I'm around, like, they say it's like, weird red flag if, like, a guy tries to talk about sports and he doesn't know what he's talking about.
- [26:37]
A
Oh, like that.
- [26:38]
C
That's super embarrassing.
- [26:40]
A
What?
- [26:40]
C
You haven't ever heard that before?
- [26:42]
A
No. I've heard of women who are, like, if they don't like sports, that's a no for me. I personally don't feel that way. I do find it attractive how much Patrick loves the Vols and just sports in general, because what's attractive about it is him caring so deeply about things and, like, being just. I like seeing him excited, but I would feel uncomfortable if he was trying to show up as somebody that he's not. And that's why he, like.
- [27:09]
C
Right.
- [27:10]
A
If he's talking about sports and he doesn't know what he's talking about, but he's trying to act, I would feel sad, I think. So I'm like, oh, you don't have to be that way. But I don't feel like that's like, a ick if a guy doesn't like sports.
- [27:20]
C
Yeah.
- [27:21]
A
I have heard people say, and I kind of agree, that, like, men talking about sports is their form of gossip because they're talking about other people. Right. It's not, like, deep, level stuff, and it's a way to connect. Just like other people do that with other people's lives. Or, like, women who talk about, like, reality TV or something like that. Like, it's gossip and, like, that's men's form of gossiping.
- [27:46]
C
Since you brought up gossip, it made me go over to this other article I pulled. Not even for today, but I just went to it, and it was talking about how gossip could be a good thing. Yeah. We agree or disagree because we've been taught to see gossip as toxic, cruel, and always a red flag. But the truth is, most gossip isn't destructive, it's adaptive. And the fear of gossip is quietly keeping a lot of people lonely because they don't feel like they can connect. And it doesn't have to be a cruel or mean spirited gossip session. Most of the time it can just be a way humans are connecting and learning and bonding. And then it went on to list like the things that gossip can do for us. First of all, gossip can keep us safe because it spreads social information about who's trustworthy and who might harm us. Gossip builds connection. Sharing stories, even the lighthearted ones, creates intimacy and belonging to. And then it reinforces values because when we talk about others behavior, we're also defining what's acceptable in our community.
- [28:45]
A
So do you know where that came from? If you don't, it's okay. Because I didn't know if it came from this. I started listening to a book called you didn't hear this from me. It's by Kelsey McKinney and she has a podcast called Normal Gossip. And it's all about what you said, how people think that gossip is this bad thing, but it's also something that helps connect people. And it's, it's not all like we're talking. When you hear gossip, I think what people think is you're talking crap about people, you're talking badly about people, you're in other people's business. But a lot of times it is like, yeah, a way to connect and a way to like process things with friends. And I think that must be where I heard the stuff about sports because in the beginning I think I only got like a couple chapters in. But in the beginning she was talking about how historically people think gossip is for women and men don't gossip, but men do gossip. It just isn't seen as that.
- [29:38]
C
Yeah.
- [29:39]
A
And that's where like the sports comes in.
- [29:41]
C
So I went to click around to where I pulled that from and it was the surprising benefits of gossip. A study done at the University of Westminster. It's over the pond. It's from BBC, so it must be legit. Yeah, it's from over there.
- [29:56]
A
So yeah, go gossip.
- [29:58]
C
And this is an article from 2022. So very relevant.
- [30:01]
A
It's new. Yeah.
- [30:02]
C
Only a few years old, but that's relevant. Yeah. I'm just saying it wasn't anything that I pulled like from today.
- [30:09]
A
Oh.
- [30:09]
C
Or like yesterday I had it somewhere separate. Like I have like different open documents on my computer. I mean. Cause on the Bobby Bone show we.
- [30:17]
A
Have pulled that from 2022.
- [30:19]
C
It is from 2022 that I had in a doc saved to like talk about at some point on the Bobby Bones Show. But it was research from 2022.
- [30:28]
A
Okay. I thought you just like have had that saved on your computer since 2022. You really. We wanted to talk about this.
- [30:34]
C
We haven't gotten to it yet. I'm still waiting.
- [30:37]
A
You're like, please pick the article about gossip.
- [30:40]
C
One day we're going to talk about how gossip could be a good thing. Yeah, it's not as bad as we think it is. But also, gossip can be very toxic and destructive. You just have to do it in the right way.
- [30:52]
A
That's like anything.
- [30:53]
C
I'm glad you clarified about the sports thing. I. I don't mind if a guy doesn't like sports. What I was saying was unattractive, which I know we touched on it, but I'm just going to reiterate, since we have male listeners, it's just that if they're not into it, but they try to fake like they are, it's not attractive. Like, you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that.
- [31:13]
A
And I'm sure there's things that, like, I mean, I can speak for myself. There are things that I have done that I've been just trying to fit in that probably didn't come off, so Women do that too. You're just saying that this is one way that men can do, but there's probably so much pressure for them to, like, do that, like, to be a man. Like, I know more about what it's like to be a woman and the pressures to be a woman and what I feel. What I feel like the world says I should care about. I don't know as much on the male side. And I'm assuming that this is part of it. It's like, you should like, these masculine things. Sports are masculine. You should know this. So you should be able to talk about this with people.
- [31:51]
C
Okay. Approximately 14 of men are not a fan of sports at all.
- [31:56]
A
Not one sport.
- [31:58]
C
Not a single sport.
- [31:59]
A
Can you just Google what are the top hobbies for men, see if AI.
- [32:05]
C
Hobbies.
- [32:06]
A
Hobbies.
- [32:07]
C
Okay. Ooh, woodworking. In. At number one.
- [32:10]
A
No way. Okay. Talk about an attractive hobby.
- [32:13]
C
What? A woodworker? Like a carpenter? Like, Jesus, is that hot?
- [32:19]
A
I'm more thinking, like, building things. He could build anything. He could build you a coffee. You could see something online that you're like, I want this. This coffee table. He could just make it for you. Do you have to, like, work a tool?
- [32:30]
C
Like a wood. A wood whittler? My boyfriend in college had a whittling machine in his garage.
- [32:36]
A
And carve things? Yeah, I think I'm thinking more of carpentry.
- [32:41]
C
Yeah. Like, hey, I want new kitchen cabinets.
- [32:44]
A
And he could just.
- [32:44]
C
And he's like, no problem, babe.
- [32:46]
A
Yes.
- [32:46]
C
That he's out there with a tool belt.
- [32:49]
A
Oh, my gosh.
- [32:49]
C
Like chopping down a tree. Yeah, that's hot. Mountain biking.
- [32:55]
A
That would give me anxiety. I don't know that I want my partner to do that.
- [32:58]
C
Okay. Gardening, hiking, video gaming, cooking, photography, scuba diving, brewing.
- [33:05]
A
Okay, just listing hobbies because I don't think scuba diving is a top. That's probably a hobby, but I don't think that's in the top for men.
- [33:13]
C
Okay, let me move on to a different answer. Top hobbies for men are very diverse. It says, so what do you want me to do about it? Including sports and fitness. And in that they put golf, hiking, and cycling. Then there's outdoor activities such as fishing, camping, hunting. Then there's creative and manual arts like woodworking, playing musical instruments, and gardening. Then there's social and intellectual pursuits like gaming, cooking, reading, and learning new languages. Hobbies are excellent for physical health, mental clarity, self expression, and building connection with others. Just to round out.
- [33:48]
A
Thanks.
- [33:49]
C
I mean, does that.
- [33:50]
A
Yeah.
- [33:50]
C
Those the hobbies you think men would be into?
- [33:52]
A
Like, I guess I was thinking like hunting, fishing, fishing.
- [33:55]
C
Hunting, fishing, hunting and fishing. Loving every day.
- [33:59]
A
Gaming is one that I'm grateful my husband does not participate in.
- [34:04]
C
Yes, same, same. My ex husband. None of that. He didn't do that. And my boyfriend now doesn't like. I don't. I've never dated a gamer.
- [34:12]
A
Well, I did, remember I called him gamer. Gamer.
- [34:15]
C
Gamer boy.
- [34:16]
A
One time I said, what are you doing? He said, my friends are coming over to play video games. And I think I texted you and.
- [34:23]
C
I was like, I don't know what to do with this. Yeah, he was having like a gaming party.
- [34:26]
A
Yes. It was Saturday night. Which, like, not to shame anybody for their hobbies. That's great. I think that meant we weren't compatible.
- [34:34]
C
Right.
- [34:34]
A
You know, this is just what we're like. If I was having to do that on a Saturday night, that's what we're doing. I'm out. However, I don't love sports, but on a Saturday night I do like going to somebody's house or to like a sports bar and watching football. Not that I'm watching it, but I love the community aspect of it.
- [34:50]
C
I'm going to my first UVA football game this weekend with the boyfriend and the kids. His kids. So he went there for college and I'm meeting all of his college friends too. Apparently every fall they pick one game to all Meet up at. And this is the one.
- [35:07]
A
Is UVA good.
- [35:08]
C
I should know that because I've been watching games with him the last several weeks. I don't remember. I don't know who is not.
- [35:17]
A
They're sec.
- [35:17]
C
I don't think they're acc.
- [35:19]
A
Who are they playing?
- [35:21]
C
I don't know.
- [35:23]
A
But you know you're going.
- [35:24]
C
I am going.
- [35:25]
A
Okay.
- [35:25]
C
So I got a navy blue.
- [35:27]
A
I was gonna say. Did you get an outfit?
- [35:29]
C
Yes, I got a. It's like a navy bluish button down and it has orange stripes.
- [35:36]
A
They're orange and blue. It's cute.
- [35:38]
C
It's Dodd. I don't know if you know that brand, but it's like not like my rule was you would buy an orange.
- [35:44]
A
And navy shirt normally, the way it's styled, it's cute.
- [35:48]
C
And my rule was when I was shopping for something to wear because I knew I needed orange and navy colors, I was like, whatever I'm spending money on, I'm getting a type of shirt and a brand that I will wear a lot.
- [36:00]
A
Yeah.
- [36:00]
C
So it's like a little button down bodysuit thing. I think it's cute.
- [36:03]
A
A body. Oh, I'm thinking like a jumper, but it.
- [36:06]
C
Yeah, it snaps.
- [36:08]
A
Question. This is a big deal because you're meeting friends you haven't met before, right? Are you nervous?
- [36:22]
B
At Walgreens, we know flu season can.
- [36:24]
A
Feel a little chaotic, so we're going.
- [36:27]
B
To give you our flu info in.
- [36:29]
C
A meditation, keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do if you're a little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment today to get up to date on all your vaccines.
- [36:44]
A
That's the human kind of help.
- [36:47]
C
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- [38:01]
B
Hey, y', all, it's Joel and Matt from how to Money. Joel, you were just out in Seattle recently, weren't you? Yeah, man, it was amazing. I went for one of the most glorious runs of my life, along the Waterfront. It had everything you could ask for. Crisp air, mountain views, fairies gliding across the water. Beautiful. I love it, man. Yeah. For us, our road trip through Charlottesville was a highlight. We actually splurged on a custom built Airbnb and it was well worth it. The house had these unique touches, like a poured concrete counter there in the kitchen with a built in drying rack. Super functional. It even inspired some ideas for our house. Ooh. Plus, with a kitchen like that, you save money eating out. Yes, exactly. That's what struck me. What seems normal to a homeowner. It can be the thing that makes a guest trip really special. Which is why hosting makes sense, Right? Travelers are looking for those authentic, memorable spaces. And if you don't have time to manage all that well, Airbnb's co host feature makes it easy. A local co host can help with everything from creating the listing to keeping your place running smooth.
- [38:58]
C
Yeah.
- [38:58]
B
So while you are off making your travel memories, your home could be helping someone else make theirs. Find a co host@airbnb.com host.
- [39:10]
A
Question. This is a big deal because you're meeting friends you haven't met before, Right? Are you nervous? Are you more excited? Like, what are you feeling?
- [39:18]
C
Why do you think I bought my stalled shirt? I mean, let's see. I'm feeling. Well, I'm excited. I'm feeling included. Oh, you know.
- [39:29]
A
Yeah.
- [39:30]
C
Because it's a special. It's a thing he does with his kids. And like, I'm invited. I'm feeling. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty good. Excited and excited and included.
- [39:38]
A
Okay.
- [39:39]
C
And I wouldn't say I'm nervous.
- [39:42]
A
So do you know any of the friends? Have you met any of these friends? Because I know you've met some of his friends before.
- [39:46]
C
I think one of the wives, I guess. I don't know exactly who is going to be there. When I get there and I see their faces, I'll report back.
- [39:55]
A
Okay.
- [39:55]
C
Because it's like, there's a lot of names and a lot of people. Because he's from Nashville. So sometimes with him, it gets really tricky because he knows so many people from growing up here.
- [40:05]
A
Yeah.
- [40:06]
C
And then just in his work and his dad still is, like, in business here. And I just. They know. I feel like we run into people everywhere. And then there's, oh, no, I went to college with that guy. I went to high school with that guy. I went to junior high with that guy. Oh, I live next door to him in elementary school. And I'm like, it'd be like if I lived in Austin. It might feel that way for him if it was a little overwhelming because a lot of A and M people or UT people, like, there was just college. I mean, Austin's kind of exploded a lot. Nashville's much smaller, but you know what I mean? So sometimes with him, when he's talking about people, I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm really trying to keep up with who you're talking about, but, oh, there's just so many people.
- [40:43]
A
You're too popular.
- [40:44]
C
Yeah. When we first started dating, I was like, what are you, mayor? Like, everywhere we would go, it wouldn't be like, we have to stop and have these full blown conversations, but everybody would be like, alex, what up? Like, everywhere.
- [40:54]
A
Okay. But do you not feel like that's everywhere you go, people. You might not know them, but I feel like people know you.
- [40:59]
C
No, like, he knows them.
- [41:01]
A
So, like, you have to say like.
- [41:02]
C
Or they're like, what up? And then he'll be like, oh, yeah, that was my college roommate's dad's lawyer. Like, I mean, yeah. It's like, everybody. He remembers everybody.
- [41:11]
A
That's okay. I've told you my fear that, like, people don't remember who I am. So I am the opposite of. I grew up here, but when I go places, if I. Well, honestly, the. The backwards happened. Did I tell you about the girl at the grocery store?
- [41:28]
C
I don't think so.
- [41:29]
A
So when we move. So we've just moved to Franklin, which is where I grew up. We went to the grocery store that I went to growing up to get groceries. And I'm like, oh, who am I gonna run into here? But, like, not really thinking I would run into people because, like, what are the odds? Like, I don't know who still lives.
- [41:44]
C
In Franklin, which Franklin's like 25 minutes outside of Nashville if people are listening and they don't know where that is.
- [41:49]
A
Yeah. So I didn't move far away. So we walk in and like within the first three minutes, this girl does a double take on me and then she goes, how are you? And I was so awkward because I'm like, is she being friendly or do I know her and should I say something back or do I just, like, act cool and keep going? It was very awkward, very uncomfortable. And then Patrick thought, he goes, oh, was that one of those can't confirm or deny situations, like it was a client client. And I go, patrick, I have no idea who that is, but I think I should. So, like, the opposite is happening where, like, somebody recognizes me, but that's one of my biggest fears. So I'm sorry to whoever that was. If I know you, how are you doing?
- [42:37]
C
I hope she wasn't one of your clients in your life. She has no idea.
- [42:40]
A
She definitely wasn't one of my clients. But then I saw another girl that did know. But I don't like living in this. I like where I live. But my. My fear is that, like, I do run into somebody and I want to say hi, and they're like, who are you? I. Yeah, I can talk about this in my own therapy.
- [42:58]
C
Yeah, maybe you should. Maybe you should. Before we go, I want to talk about work burnout. Like, I've got two different things to touch on with that. One of them is like a little short story that is from peak performance with Julia. And when I read her story of who she used to be and how she tries to show up now, or this example of this 38 year old woman is who we're going to be talking about. I just hope that you can reflect on being this person because I know we probably have a lot of listeners that are this person or you were this person, which is okay if you.
- [43:35]
A
Are, but you don't have to be.
- [43:37]
C
You don't have to be. And Kat and I want to give you a big hug and be like, let go, let loose. Relax, Calm down, chill out. My son used to say that all the time. Those three things.
- [43:49]
A
Oh.
- [43:50]
C
Like if he would be like, relax, calm down, chill out with his little Haitian accent. It was so cute. All right. I'm 38. I answer emails at red lights, in the grocery store line and before bed because being the responsive one has become my identity. At first it felt good. People noticed. They called me reliable, dedicated, a team player. But underneath it sounded more like she'll always say yes, she'll pick up the slack, she'll never push back. And over time, what felt like recognition started to feel like resentment. Because being responsive doesn't just mean answering fast. It means sacrificing yourself before anyone else even notices. I've interrupted dinners, canceled workouts, stayed up way too late, all to prove that I was on top of it. And the hardest part, no one even notices the cost. They just notice that you're always there. The truth. Responsiveness isn't respect and availability isn't value. High achieving women. What if being respected at work didn't mean being available 24 7. Protect your time. Set boundaries that stick. Create success on your terms.
- [44:56]
A
Boom.
- [44:57]
C
Drop the mic.
- [44:58]
A
My favorite part of this is her saying it means that sacrificing yourself happens before anybody even notices. Like, nobody notices that you're sacrificing yourself. They just notice that you're there. That feels important to recognize that, like, they're not seeing what you're having to say no to or point blank sacrifice. They are just seeing that you're available. And people won't have the forethought a lot of times to recognize why you would be available.
- [45:28]
C
Yeah, and.
- [45:29]
A
And that's not even on there. That's not on them either. Right. Like if. If you're always there for me and you don't share with me what you're missing out on, like, I could just. It's fair to assume that you have nothing else going on.
- [45:41]
C
Right? Yeah. And even yes, people will. You as the therapist, you probably know that sometimes there's a. Some sort of wound attached to people pleasing, like, I must show up all the time type behavior. So it could be some inner work that could be done. Because I get that I'm saying this and like we're like, oh, you don't have to be this person. But it's not as simple as like snapping the finger and being like, chill out, calm down, relax. It's not that simple.
- [46:07]
A
Because there was probably a threat if you were not always there. What was the threat? That, like, you'll be replaced or people will forget you, or maybe there will be a punishment of some sort.
- [46:19]
C
Well, and it's gotta be exhausting to live that way. So it's a perfect transition into burnout. And we're just gonna run through quickly, like, sneaky ways that burnout can appear at work. And so I'm just gonna go through this checklist and you take inventory in your own life. But saying yes to everything at work is the number one thing. Answering emails at midnight, feeling Guilty for taking a break. Everything feels annoying. Rewriting the same to do list three times, working right after you wake up, and then not being able to ask for help or not choosing to say, hey, I need help with this. And I get that some people are like, oh, yeah, right, okay. But I don't have that luxury to not answer the email at midnight, or I don't have that luxury. Like, I'm trying to keep up or I want this next promotion or this person's going to get ahead. And so that's gotta be a difficult place to be in, too. But those are just sneaky ways burnout can appear at work. So just make sure you take inventory of that so that you don't end up getting burnt out. Like, can this email wait? I caught myself getting on my phone first thing in the morning the other day, and I had to, like, throw my phone because I'm like, no, you're not gonna take over me right now. This is my time, and I'll deal with you when I get to work. Cause it's really easy. And sometimes not even work stuff, I'll go on Instagram. And then I'm like, no, you get.
- [47:37]
A
Burnout from all kinds of things. But I think even that, yeah, it. It's easier said than done. And so when I have these kinds of conversations with people at work, clients of mine, I know it's easier. And it might sometimes be annoying for me to point things out, like, well, this, this, and if you change this, this, and this, then this feeling or this might not be there. But if, like, they feel trapped or, like, they can't. But I think it's helpful to realize that sometimes it is important to weigh what's more important. This promotion or the enjoyment of my life overall. And, yeah, this promotion might come with money. It might come with more financial freedom. It might come with certain things that we've told ourselves in our head that we want are important and we need. But would I even be able to enjoy them? If my life feels like it's crumbling, if I'm irritable all the time, if I hate my job, like, is it worth it? And if the answer is yes, cool. But it's okay to ask that question. And it might be no, and then I'm working towards something, why are you smiling?
- [48:40]
C
Because my brain, when you said, worth it, this is where you said, is it worth it? Let me work it.
- [48:46]
A
Put the thing down, flip it, and reverse it.
- [48:51]
C
Like, that's instantly where my brain goes. And I'm like, as soon as I.
- [48:55]
A
Said that you just were like a little kid. It's nice if I made like some kind of. I said something you like or had like a sex joke.
- [49:02]
C
Right, right. But no, I just had Missy Elliott. Like, you're like, you have to. You have to weigh, is it worth it? And I'm like, let it work.
- [49:11]
A
Speaking of, you know that girl that was the dancer in Missy Elliott, all her music videos growing up? I think her name was like, Allison or Alyssa or something. Do you remember that? She's. This is a nothing burger that I'm about to give you guys. But that's where my brain went, is I keep her seeing her all over. Tick tock. She just came out with like a tell all book.
- [49:29]
C
Ooh.
- [49:30]
A
About like, what it was really like in the industry. In the industry. Yeah.
- [49:34]
C
Okay, so check it out.
- [49:38]
A
On that note.
- [49:39]
C
Check it out. All right. We love, love, love hearing from y', all, especially all you guys out there. Yeah, hit us up.
- [49:46]
A
Men that like sports and some men.
- [49:47]
C
That don't like sports and women, all of you, we want to. We want to hear from you. So email us hey there at feeling things podcast.com. or you can call us 877-207-2077.
- [50:02]
A
And if you want to hear from us, sign up for our newsletter. You could do that now by clicking the link in the show notes.
- [50:09]
C
We have a link in the show notes to make it easy. And then, oh, well, I mean, I'm feeling things. Podcast is our social, and it's where we are on YouTube too.
- [50:19]
A
You know, it's so crazy. So when we started this podcast, we had this newsletter sign up, and a lot of people emailed us saying, I want to sign up for the newsletter. How do I do that? And so we told people to email us and we would send them the link. Why did it take six months for us to realize that we could just put the link in the show notes?
- [50:40]
C
I don't know. And also neither.
- [50:41]
A
Nobody thought of that.
- [50:43]
C
If y' all are wondering why we have not really, you know, kicked off the whole newsletter thing, tell them Gap. I'm just kidding. Well, I'm trying to blame it on you. No, no, no.
- [50:54]
A
It's not totally my fault.
- [50:55]
C
Both of us. I was just kidding. We had differences in how we wanted to handle it, and Cat won, and.
- [51:03]
A
That'S why you haven't got.
- [51:04]
C
So it is sort of on Cat. We did have differences, but I do think that the way we're gonna go about it is gonna be great. And.
- [51:13]
A
But now there's something else holding us back.
- [51:15]
C
We're kicking, we're circling back to the newsletter because we're about to have a calendar and a schedule and we're gonna have deadlines and then we're gonna get burnout and then we see Kat and I are just trying to avoid burnouts. We're like, ah, newsletter newsnot letter. But no, it's something we really want to do and we look forward to adding it. We just had some behind the scenes hang ups and differences, but we're here and it's gonna be good. So make sure you sign up because you don't want to miss out because you never know. We're gonna drop in the newsletter.
- [51:47]
A
We're keeping you guys on your toes.
- [51:49]
C
Behind the scenes stuff.
- [51:51]
A
It's gonna be really good.
- [51:52]
C
Really good.
- [51:53]
A
Worth the wait.
- [51:54]
C
I mean we talk about things like Missy Elliott's backup dancer from back in the day that's now. Just kidding. Okay, hope you have the day you need to have. By.
- [52:10]
B
Hey audiobook lovers. I'm Cal Penn. I'm Ed Helms. Ed and I are inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with our new podcast, Irsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Each week we sit down with your favorite iHeart podcast hosts and some very special guests to discuss the latest and greatest audiobooks from Audible. Listen to HearSay on American America's number one podcast network, iHeart Followersay, and start listening on the free iHeartRadio app. Today the day begins at the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club At Boston Logan Airport. You get the clam chowder in San Diego, it's Tostadas New York. Espresso martini. It's 10am why not? It's the quiet before your next flight. The shower that resets your day. The menu that lets you know where you are. This is access to over 1300 airport lounges and every Sapphire lounge by the club. And one card that gets you in Chase Sapphire Reserve the most rewarding card. Learn more@chase.com SapphireReserve cards issued by JP.
- [53:08]
C
Morgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC.
- [53:09]
B
Subject to credit approval.
- [53:10]
C
Big things are happening at your local cvs. Extra big. You don't want to miss these extra big deals. And more are coming every two weeks, so keep coming back. Use your extra Care card to unlock savings every time you shop. ExtraCare is the way to save at point some CVS. So if you're not a member yet, join for free online or in store and start saving. Visit your local CVS store or cvs. Com Extra big deals to shop this week's deals.
- [53:39]
A
This is an iHeart podcast.