The Bobby Bones Show - "AMY: Sneaky Signs of Burnout (Plus, Underrated Love Languages)"

Date: October 19, 2025
Hosts: Amy & Kat ("Feeling Things" segment)
Main Theme: Recognizing less obvious signs of burnout, and exploring underrated love languages in relationships.

Episode Overview

In this candid and lively episode, Amy and Kat delve into the subtle indicators of workplace burnout, share personal stories about boundaries and self-care, and explore lesser-known "love languages"—ways people express and receive affection beyond the classic five. Interwoven throughout are humorous anecdotes, relationship insights, and thoughtful discussions on gender, connection, and self-awareness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Feelings and Relationship Dynamics

• Gratitude and Flexibility:
  • Amy expresses gratitude to Kat for being willing to reschedule a mammogram for Amy’s vacation plans. Kat downplays her flexibility but reflects on how mutual consideration strengthens their bond.
  • Quote:
    • “If I can make it work, I want to make it work...it was just rescheduling a mammogram” — Kat (03:08)
• Staycations & Self-Care:
  • Amy discusses planning a “staycation,” highlighting how time off at home can be rejuvenating if approached intentionally.
• Breast Cancer Awareness & Gender Disparities in Research:
  • The hosts critique commercialization of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and acknowledge both the importance of awareness and the complex feelings it brings for survivors.
  • They note that men can also be affected by breast cancer, referencing pop culture representations for inclusivity.

2. Underrated Love Languages

(Timestamps: 10:51—24:52)

• Based on Dr. Elizabeth Frederick’s list, Amy and Kat discuss non-traditional love languages, going beyond the five popular ones.

  The Six Underrated Love Languages:

  1. Consistency — Being reliable, present, and dependable.
     • "Actions over words, reliable, dependable, available for both ups and downs..." — Kat (11:18)
     • Personal anecdotes reflect on how consistency feels safe and comforting in relationships.
  2. Attunement — Being emotionally present and exploring each other's inner worlds.
     • “What does that even mean?” — Kat, prompting Amy to explain attunement as genuine curiosity about your partner’s feelings and thoughts (17:46)
     • Example: Amy describes feeling disconnected when her partner is physically present but distracted.
       • "I said, okay, you got to get rid of the baseball. I didn't feel like he was, like, attuned." — Amy (21:25)
  3. Vulnerability — Being open and honest; expressing desires and needs.
     • Both agree that vulnerability is essential, though not always easy to practice.
     • “Also necessary.” — Amy (22:11)
  4. Foreplay — Not just sexual; includes emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual connection.
     • The hosts riff humorously on "intellectual foreplay," with Kat joking about division flashcards.
       • "Hey, you want to do some division flashcards?... Nine times nine is 81." — Kat (23:07–23:18)
  5. Nurture — Caring, nurturing touch; gentle acts of compassion and reassurance.
     • Kat playfully laments her boyfriend’s massages for his daughter are more thorough than those he gives her.
       • "Now I know what you're capable of, so I'm not going to settle for any of this..." — Kat (13:16)
  6. Reassurance & Safe Spaces — Connected to nurture, emphasizing emotional safety and support.

• Physical Touch and Public Displays of Affection:

  • Both hosts candidly discuss their varying comfort with holding hands or touch in public, providing real-world examples of navigating relationship differences.

3. Gender, Hobbies, and Connection

(Timestamps: 25:31—34:12)

• Men, Love Languages & Listener Feedback:
  • A voicemail from a male listener (Tony from Iowa) who says the show helps him understand his wife better.
    • “As a guy, I know that we're not your demographic, but...it helps us just enjoy our wives… and understand them a little better.” – Tony (09:51)
• How Men and Women Socialize:
  • Discussion about men using sports as their “form of gossip”—a way to connect without delving deep emotionally.
    • “Men talking about sports is their form of gossip...it’s a way to connect.” — Amy (27:20)
• Healthy Gossip:
  • The hosts cite academic studies and podcasts (“Normal Gossip," BBC") suggesting that gossip, often maligned, can foster connection, spread useful information, and reinforce community values when non-malicious.
    • “Most of the time it can just be a way humans are connecting and learning and bonding.” — Kat (28:23)

4. Hobbies & Masculine Identity

• Discussion of top hobbies for men per internet searches and personal opinions: woodworking, sports, hiking, gaming, etc.
• Both hosts joke about the attractiveness (or not) of certain hobbies and reflect on their partners’ activities.

5. Social Anxiety and Connection in Community

(Timestamps: 39:09—42:58)

• Kat prepares to meet her boyfriend’s college friends and children at a football game, sharing feelings of excitement, inclusion, and slight nervousness.
  • “I'm excited. I'm feeling included....It's a thing he does with his kids, and like, I'm invited.” — Kat (39:29)
• Amy recounts the awkwardness of running into people from her hometown and fears of not being recognized, contrasting with her partner’s local celebrity status.

Important Segment: Sneaky Signs of Burnout & Boundaries

(Timestamps: 42:58—48:51)

• The Responsive Achiever:

  • Kat reads from "Peak Performance with Julia"—a story about the insidiousness of being “the responsive one” at work.
    • “Responsiveness isn't respect and availability isn't value.” — Kat (44:56)
  • Key insight: People-pleasing and over-availability often stem from deep-seated fears (like being replaced or forgotten), and true value isn’t measured by constant presence.

• Sneaky Signs of Burnout (Checklist):

  • Saying yes to everything

  • Answering emails at midnight

  • Feeling guilty for taking breaks

  • Everything feels annoying

  • Rewriting to-do lists repeatedly

  • Working immediately after waking

  • Difficulty asking for help

    • “Saying yes to everything at work is the number one thing. Answering emails at midnight, feeling Guilty for taking a break. Everything feels annoying...” (46:18)

• Boundaries & Self-Reflection:

  • It's crucial to periodically weigh the value of career advancement against life enjoyment.
    • “Would I even be able to enjoy them [promotions, money] if my life feels like it's crumbling?” — Amy (47:37)

• Humorous Break:

  • Kat jokes about the Missy Elliott lyric in response to "is it worth it":
    • “Is it worth it? Let me work it. Put the thing down, flip it, and reverse it." (48:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Love Languages:
  • “His love language isn’t acts of massage.” — Amy (12:44)
  • “If I was having to do that on a Saturday night, that's what we're doing. I'm out.” — Amy, on dating a gamer (34:33)
• On Boundaries & Burnout:
  • “They just notice that you’re always there. The truth: Responsiveness isn’t respect and availability isn’t value.” — Kat (44:56)
• On Gender & Connection:
  • “Men talking about sports is their form of gossip because they're talking about other people... it's a way to connect.” — Amy (27:20)
• On Accepting Yourself:
  • “But I don't know what it is about the sports stuff ...I find it very attractive that he does” — Kat (26:23)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Time | |---------------------------------------|--------------| | Gratitude and Rescheduling | 02:20–05:21 | | Breast Cancer Awareness | 05:48–08:15 | | Male Listener Voicemail | 09:51–10:32 | | Underrated Love Languages | 10:51–24:52 | | PDA & Relationship Touch | 15:17–17:33 | | Hobbies and Gender Roles | 25:31–34:12 | | Meeting Partner’s Friends/Community | 39:09–42:58 | | Sneaky Signs of Burnout & Boundaries | 42:58–48:51 | | Missy Elliott Tangent | 48:46–49:33 |

Takeaways

• Burnout creeps up through small, everyday behaviors—catching them early is key to healthy boundaries.
• Love can be shown and felt in many ways—reliability, attunement, nurture, and reassurance matter as much as gifts or words.
• Gossip, when not malicious, can be connective. Men “gossip” too, just differently.
• Both hosts remind listeners—especially women and high achievers—it’s okay to prioritize yourself without apology.
• Honest communication with partners about needs, preferences, and quirks makes for deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

For more insights or to contact the hosts, email hey there at feeling things podcast.com or call 877-207-2077. Newsletter sign-up link available in show notes.

Tone:
Conversational, empathetic, humorous, and down-to-earth—Amy and Kat balance vulnerability with laughs, offering practical wisdom without preaching.