E (2:09)

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

B (2:14)

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. The best women's players on the planet are running it back with even bigger moments and bigger stakes. Don't miss as Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and more. Take the court and redefine the game. This isn't your regular season. This is unrivaled, where the pace is faster, the energy is higher and every athlete shines. Unrivaled basketball season two, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5th on TNT, TruTV and HBO.

C (2:42)

Max hey, it's Connor Smith. On June 8th, I was involved in an accident that caused someone to lose their life in a moment. It's like a tornado runs through your house and there's so much grief and there's so much trauma. I turned off my phone and I put it in a Drawer for four weeks. It felt like a joker moment. There's nothing here I can try to salvage. God, you get to decide what you want to build. And this is the Upload.

A (3:08)

We're just chatting about college football and how amazing it is, but we're also chatting with Connor Smith and how amazing he is.

F (3:14)

What's going on?

A (3:15)

Welcome back to the upload.

C (3:17)

Yeah, thank you so much.

F (3:18)

Good to be back.

C (3:19)

Lots happened since then.

A (3:20)

A little bit, yeah. We, we've talked about it before. Kind of how we recorded a couple episodes. Things happened. The episodes were Lost. Connors was one of them. And I was actually really sad about it because we talked about spiritual warfare.

C (3:34)

Great conversation.

A (3:35)

We had some pretty great conversation. Before we talk about anything on the upload, we have these faith filled conversations and just really want to dive into Connor as a human being. Not as an artist or anything else, just Connor as a human being. If you would describe to someone your faith, what would you say?

C (3:54)

That's a good question also for this conversation. I love that you brought my pastor into the conversation.

A (4:00)

Mark is here.

C (4:01)

Yeah. Pastor Mark. Yeah. If I were to describe my faith, I think every, every word that comes to mind is cliche and they're cliche for a reason. But I mean, my rock, right, like, especially kind of coming out of the season we're coming out of, it's such a. It was such a reminder of like, you can build your house on the sand. You can build your house on identity, you can build your house on your career, you know, for us, your music or your ticket sales. Or you can build your house on the rock, which is salvation in Christ, which is identity in Christ, which is community in Christ. So that's my everyday pursuit is how do I build my house on the rock of Jesus Christ? So I would just say, you know, he's my rock.

A (4:40)

Yeah. When you think about growing up, what moments do you think really shaped your faith and how you grew up?

C (4:48)

You know, it's a good question. I think about the prayers I prayed that shaped my faith because I remember specifically two prayers throughout my life that I prayed at the time. I can remember as a young kid, like feeling repentance as like a 7 year old. When I didn't pray the night before, I remember like waking up the night the next morning like, oh, I shouldn't pray last night. And I, I remember like feeling guilty to the Lord. So I remember prayer was always something that my heart longed for. And you know, I grew up in a church. My parents were faith based, but I don't exactly know where that came from. And then there were two prayers that I always prayed as a kid. One, I remember hearing about it in, like, fourth grade youth group about praying for wisdom. And so this idea of wisdom is worth more than gold. And that, you know, is the story of Solomon, where Solomon can ask anything of God. And he says, well, you know, what do you want? And he asked for wisdom. And I remember that story hit me for some reason. And so that became a daily prayer of my life since I was 9 or 10. Now, there's a verse in Ecclesiastes, I think the last verse, Ecclesiastes 1, that says, with more wisdom comes more sorrow. Which is an interesting verse that I think is true in a lot of ways, that there is a weight to wisdom. But that's been a prayer of my life. And then I remember about 12, I started to pray this prayer that I also had no idea what it meant. That was, God used me like David. And the more that I've grown up, the more that I've seen kind of the calling on my life, balancing ministry and music, specifically country music. You know, you look at the story of David, where David was anointed to be the king, but how he was entered into the kingdom was through the gift of writing song and music. It was through his gift that he could channel the spirit of God through music. That got him into the room and into the courthouse of the king, and that led to his ministry as a king. So those were the two prayers that I can remember praying before I knew what they meant. And now I look at my life now, and I. I see the Lord. You know, I'm 25, so there's so much that, you know, I don't know what the Lord's gonna do, but. But I see where those prayers have kind of shaped who I am as a person.

A (6:52)

It's crazy that you say that the story of David and Goliath kind of like. Like, was one that you kind of clung to growing up. Because my daughter, she's 4, and she's always bringing me her Bible. She's like, mommy, can you find David and Goliath? And that's the one she always wants to listen to. And I'm like, all right, am I supposed to. What are together here? What's going to happen?

F (7:10)

And you might have a country star on your hands, you know, might have a little David. David, is that. I think, dude, I love the. What you said about wisdom and sorrow. I think the. The inverse of that would be ignorance is bliss.

C (7:26)

Yeah, yeah.

F (7:27)

And I think that knowing you and like there is a depth and wisdom beyond your years. Anyone that ever. I'm like, hey, this is Connor. And then they're like how old are you? Like 52. You know, like look you, you. Your spirit, your maturity, your depth and I, I think speak into that. Like what does the weight of wisdom look like? Like when you talk about sorrow, Is it man, is it the multi threads I'm processing all the time. What does it look like when wisdom gets off the rails? Does it ever. Like what does that look like?

C (8:06)

I mean as you said that I kind of thought of a. Something through kind of my career as an artist. You know, I signed a record at 18, I started hitting the road at 20. I didn't go to college. So like my college experience was playing college bars, which is the rowdiest experience of college you can have. And so while all my friends were in college, I was kind of traveling to all these different schools and at the time, you know, I was 20 year old kid and just figuring out success and figuring out this idea that I would roll into these towns and these were kids that were my age and they were singing songs and you know, like I hate Alabama or Take it Slow or Creek Will Rise that like. And it was a really wild thing. And I remember in those moments like as I'm, you know, figuring out who I am inside of that, you know, I've made a ton of mistakes and it, there's. Because there's so much temptation on the road, right? And I can remember I would always try to get as close to sin without sinning. That was kind of how I was living. Instead of, instead of realizing that my heart and my, my job as a Christian was to get as close to Christ as I could get as far away from sin. But I remember so vividly like in the mornings after some of these shows where I just like would either drink too much or flirt with girls too much, whatever. Like I would just have such anxiety and I would be so mad about it because I would, I would, I would be like. I would see other people doing way worse things than me and not caring. Yeah, right.

F (9:32)

Ye.

C (9:33)

And I, I would be like, I would just like flirt too much with a girl or something and like once again I've made, I've made a lot of mistakes. But like I remember feeling so such a guilt in that and I remember being mad about it and I would be like, God, why am I mad about this? And I realized later on that I was getting mad at God for the Holy Spirit. I was getting mad at God because he was answering the prayers of conviction on my. On my heart. Right?

A (9:58)

Yeah.

C (9:59)

And I think that's a part of wisdom. That's a part of the whole. I mean, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. The Holy Spirit within us is. Wisdom is like. And the more that you invite the Holy Spirit to take control of your life, the more conviction, the more opportunity has to like, to hit you with truth. And that's not always fun.

A (10:20)

Yeah.

C (10:21)

And so I felt that a lot early on, you know, before I met my wife and before we got married, of just like, that feeling of kind of like dancing around sin and then getting convicted for it and then feeling anxious and then wondering why, and then really going through a process of like, we have a God of peace. And so without God, there is no peace. And. And without a pursuit of righteousness, there is no peace. And. And the joy of that. But that. That's something that. When you say, like, the weight of wisdom, what is that? It's conviction. It's. It's this. It's this fact that, like, you can't run from God because all the time, the moment you're alone with your thoughts, I would feel myself in those moments where I was scared to be alone. I was scared to be alone with my thoughts. And that's always been a trigger for me of, like, if my heart's not right or if I need a recalibration is. That's why I have this tattoo right here that just says abide on my hand. And I put it right there because I wanted to see it all the time. But it says abide in Hebrew from Psalms 91. It's just this idea that I feel like the Lord's been teaching me recently of. What does it look like to constantly abide in Him? Constantly recalibrating in these atmospheres and these conversations and these moments where, like, so much of my job is about self promotion and being called to, like, and being thrown into the ways of the world. How do I constantly abide in Christ over and over again? And so, so that, I mean, to answer your question, that's kind of what it brought me to.

A (11:41)

And I feel like it's just so profound. You opening saying that you remember a prayer at 9 years old about wisdom and how fast forward, you know, however many years, and God is giving you that wisdom, and then you're mad about it. You're like, why are you giving me? But I also want to call that out too. Because I feel like people listening to this who might not be on, you know, a journey of faith or they're figuring it out, not understanding those feelings of conviction and they're anxious, they're mad, they're not sure what are some tangible ways that you kind of walked through that with, you know, seeking the Lord and, and going through that. Because I feel like some people just don't know where to go or don't know what to do when they feel those things.

C (12:25)

Yeah, I think I go back to like, we serve a God of peace and like pursuing Christ and like pursuing righteousness is a pursuit of peace. I think we're living in a culture and, you know, that is so anxious all the time when the truth is that we have a God and we have Christ who, who died so we could feel the peace of his salvation and the peace of his fatherhood and his friendship. I've been on that journey, you know, I, I feel like over the last few years it's been a process of like moving into peace. And I, I would say where I'm at in my life right now is truly in a place of peace. Like, no matter what comes, no matter how hard the trial is. Like, there has been a piece that has defined my life based on sowing seeds of faith and sowing seeds of like, hey, I'm not in control of any of this. There's nothing I can do to like, hold my career up. There's nothing I can do to, you know, pay my mortgage other than just like working as hard as I can and like giving everything else to the Lord and, and so to live in that place, especially in an industry and in a career that is so self dependent and you have so many people who are reliant on your success. To come to a place of peace in my heart has like been a game changer and just a gift from the Lord. And that just comes through like sowing seeds and watering plants. And it takes time. This isn't like an overnight thing, but like when you begin to like sow seeds of righteousness and like, do not grow wearing and doing good, for in the proper season you will reap what you have sown. And like all these things and once again that's, you know, that's mixed with my failures every single day. But the more that I spend time with God, the more that I spend time in his authority and in, in his kingship and in the fact that like, he can do more in a breath than I can do in a lifetime, the more Peace begins to wash over me.

F (14:11)

Yeah, the peace is tangibly evident, bro, on you and in you. And I mean, we've been through that.

C (14:20)

Process over the last two years of just the growth of. Of peace. I mean, you know, Mark and I have been, you know, best friends for what, two or three years now, and.

F (14:29)

Connor's the reason we started the church. You showed up on a Friday night. We shared. Can I tell them what we shared?

C (14:38)

Yeah, sure, sure.

F (14:40)

We both had really demonic experiences on weed.

C (14:43)

Yes.

A (14:44)

Love it.

F (14:45)

And we. We connected and it was just like. It opened ourselves up to spiritual stuff that we weren't even like. Weren't even. It was just crazy.

C (14:52)

And they were both like old experiences where they were both like a part of our testimony.

F (14:55)

Totally. That's a good clarification. Not like at that moment, but we both had a great night or on a Friday, whatever. For the clicks. Right? But no, it's. The truth is that Friday then we started having a Bible study. And really, Connor has been not only like, bro, you've just been such an encouragement to me and my family. And just. Even just the seeing, the journey recently with what you've been through has been so. I'm 37. You're 25. You are a leader of leaders. You are an example, and there is a wisdom. Solomon David, leader of leaders. There is times, bro, as your pastor and friend, that you've led me. And I just am so interested in unpacking this tangible piece and the process of. I'm just gonna look at the roof and there's the tissues. I don't need tissues. Men don't have tissues. They just use their sleeve or something. I don't know. But I just want to say, bro, that I want to unpack. I love you and I want to unpack. I want people to. To see you talk about in an anxious world. You talk about in a pandemic of worry and chaotic thoughts and thought life. Yet the condition or the details on the outside of everything you've walked through should say that you should feel the least amount of peace. It doesn't make sense. It's a. It's a paradox.

C (16:24)

Yeah.

F (16:25)

Unpack the process of this paradox. Like, what's it been from, I guess, the tragedy that you experienced earlier this year and. And even just The beyond that, 10.

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This is where mindset comes in.

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A (17:01)

Pressure is coming down.

E (17:03)

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

B (17:08)

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and more are back to redefine the game. Unrivaled basketball season two, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5 on TNT, TruTV and HBO.

E (17:22)

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C (19:39)

Yeah, yeah. Kind of the revelation of like when I wasn't fully following Jesus because I've always been, you know, I would always say I'm a Christian. I'm always, you know, I gave my life. I got baptized in elementary school, like was leading Bible studies in middle school. Like it was always a journey but. But definitely was like not, not fully living as a disciple of Christ for a majority of my life and fully at least kind of be phases. I would go through kind of like a three month phase in the moment, the discipline of the Lord. And the moment the Lord wanted to like really like mature me, I would just kind of run away from him. And, and that was really. Until I kind of. I found verse in First Timothy 2, I think might be Second Timothy 2 that says fully youthful passions and pursue righteousness. For with it comes like peace, love and whatever. And that virtually like kind of rocked me as a 21, 22 year old kid to like become a man. Just be like, I gotta grow up. And like there. I do feel like there's a calling on my life through country music and through music to honor God. And I gotta figure out what that means and what that looks like. I realized that like when I wasn't following the Lord fully, there was a lot less problems in my life, but there was a lot less peace as I followed Christ, began to follow Christ. There were way more problems that arose, but there was way more peace. And it was kind of that paradox. And you know, I think there in every person's life there comes a moment of like deep stripping. Especially when you're following Christ. Like you're. The call to follow Christ is the call to die. It's the call to be disciplined by God every day. It's the, it's the call to be sanctified. It's the call to be called out. It's the call to be. To literally lay yourself down and humble yourself in every moment. And that is not fun, easy, enjoyable. Like that is brutal. That is excruciating. And so inside of that there, there comes like God will send you through things. He'll send you through trials that you can't comprehend. Right, Right. And it's this crushing and this. It's this breaking. But in that he also promises to meet you there more than ever. There was so much revelation in my heart through, like, you know, the trial of my life that was so beyond comprehension for me. But there was such revelation of who God was as, like the God of suffering and who he was as a friend to his people. Right? Because, like, you see, Christ comes down and you have a God of all creation who steps into manhood and steps into a mortal being so that he can come share the same experiences with his people, so it then can elicit a place of friendship. There's a C.S. lewis quote I love that talks about how all the friendship and all relationship is founded in two words, which is you two. It's like Mark and I, when we met, we found friendship immediately because we had things in common, which was a pursuit after the Lord. It was this, you know, demonic story with weed that we talked about. It was like. It was. It was these moments of connection, this heart for discipleship, this heart to follow Christ. And that's like with everything you think about meeting any person you meet for the first time. And like, you have the same few questions, like, what do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? Do you follow sports? What sports team? Where are you from? You're asking questions because you're looking for points of connection. You're looking for anything that you can say with this person. Oh, me too. And then you have something to talk about. Well, with God, we have a God who came and experienced the darkest and deepest levels of suffering so that in our suffering, he could meet us in a place and go, me too, right? And so there is a revelation to Christ in the deepest levels of our suffering, in that we all experience as humans. No matter if it was my story or if it's anybody's story of just life and losing your parent or losing a friend or breaking up with someone or divorce or like, these moments of, like, deep trial and suffering is where we actually get revelation of Christ to just go, I get it. You know, God can say, I've been there. I get it. And in those moments, like the prayers that I was praying before everything happened, before this trial began was three prayers of see if I remember him. One was for increased tenderness. I was asking God to, like, make me more tender in my. In my spirit. And I was asking God that he would allow everything that was in my head that I knew of him to, like, go down to my heart, right? And I was asking him to lead me on a process of just realizing that like, he's all I need. And so then here comes this, like, trial that I just can't fathom, but in that all of those prayers were answered through the power of Christ. That, like, all of those things, I knew and I thought. And I could sit on a podcast and we could do a podcast, you know, six months ago, that gets lost. I could tell you all these things about who I think Christ to be and who I read Christ to be and who I've heard Christ to be. But now I've seen Christ to be those things. And that radically transforms your peace totally.

F (24:37)

You know, it's that revelation that's, like you said, from heart, from head to heart. It's the engrafting of the word. It's the. You know, there's. They talk about the different levels of revelation. Logos, meaning. I understand the principle. Rayma meaning, like, it's been revealed by. Not flesh and blood, by something supernatural. And then Zoe. And Zoe is the word for life. What you're talking about is. That's the. The depth of. When you engraft the word. It's not just a principle. It's not just a revelation. It's a creative living part of who Connor Smith is now. And so you had to go through life with what, the lamp unto your feet? And how did you. How did you walk through? Like, what. What. For those who don't know, are you. Are you open to just kind of giving some context in your own words of just what did it feel like to walk through? I'm sure not just a. This was a tough day, but what was it like to be Connor in that. In that moment?

C (25:43)

You know, I'll just say that, like, on June 8th, I was involved in an accident that caused someone to lose their life. And it was so out of nowhere, and it was like. So, yeah, just in a moment, like, you know, you're into, like. It's like a tornado runs through your house. And there's so much grief and there's so much, like, trauma from that. Like, intense trauma, though. I mean, it's just. There's a darkness in that that, like, is. You just can't. There's no words right. It. It felt like a tornado just blowing through my house. You know, like, you don't have a concept of reality and, like, what is going on, and all you have is the people you love and the people that are around you. And I was so blessed to have those people just show up for me in unfathomable ways. I. Literally, the night everything happened, I.

A (26:34)

I.

C (26:34)

I turned off my phone and I put it in a drawer for four weeks. Like, I didn't have a phone for a month because it was like, just so traumatic. And I just locked myself. I was at my. My parents house who. Who live south of Nashville and on some property. And so that was such a blessing to be there. And my wife and I just kind of camped out there and the people that would just show up at the door, you know, Mark was there that first day. Gator was there that. That very first day.

F (27:03)

The.

C (27:03)

The first person that showed up at my house on Monday morning was Dylan Marlo and his wife. And they just dropped everything the moment they heard and they just came and like, those people that just showed up for you. And, you know, I've told Mark this and we've talked about it a bunch, and I'll never forget, like, it was two days after we're sitting on the floor. It felt like a job moment where you just have your friends and you're sitting on the ground and words aren't coming. You just are sitting there. There's nothing to say. And I'll never forget, he just said, hey, Connor, you. You do such a good job of carrying the weight for other people every day, and now it's your turn. And now you have to allow us to carry this for you. And that was. That was. That really kind of shaped the journey for me of just like, I can't carry this. There's nothing here I can carry in any way. Yeah, like, there's nothing here I can try to salvage. Like, that's not even the point. And so my prayer in that was like, God, you just, like everything is gone except for the rock of Christ. Right? And that's what I said at the beginning. And these people that I love in this community and my marriage, but every other than that, like, there's nothing here for me to salvage. And so, God, you get to decide what you want to build. You get to decide. And so my prayer and, you know, after of these months is like, as we begin to kind of, you know, get back to playing shows and get back to life and work and been so grateful to do that. It's just like, God, I don't want to pick a color of the paint on the walls. Like, there's a new house being built here, and I don't. I don't want to have a single decision and what the color of the door is, or if it's water, if it's panels or like, or if there's a front Porch. If there's not, like, God, you build this house.

A (28:46)

Yeah.

C (28:46)

And I will sit and I will. I will sit with you, and I will be with you. And there's been, you know, obviously this was, you know, four or five, six months ago that this all happened. So there's been so many people asking me, like, man, when are you gonna get back and post on socials or, you know, put out music again? And there's all these questions, and it's like, when God tells me to, like, I'm. I'm just living in such a place of peace and just such. Such a place of, like, overflow and, like, the spirit of the Lord that, like. And I. I feel like, you know, it's really, really soon when. When we're gonna be able to step back into that. And I feel a lot of peace over that. But that's been the process. It's just like, God, you. You've brought us to a crushing, and I honor you for that. And I praise you for that because I see in your scriptures and Proverbs 3 where it says, do not despise the discipline of the Lord, right? Because he, the Lord, disciplines those he loves as a son, like, as a father to his son. And I see that it's like, all right, God, like, you get to decide what this next chapter looks like.

A (29:43)

Those moments of surrender, truly, it's such a tangible feeling that I can feel on you too, of like, it's not about me anymore. And that's what this walk with Christ is all about. It's not about us. And I think that in these conversations, that's what we kind of want to be sitting at the table is knowing that this is not about us. This is about something else. And man, to be able to walk through something so tragic and so hard and to come out with just this lightness, it's truly something you can't understand without the love in the presence of the Lord.

C (30:24)

100.

A (30:25)

And then those people around you, like, Mark, I mean, he's sitting here, I'm sure, being a best friend and being a part of that journey and walking through that with Connor, watching him change has got to be just a cool transformation to watch, too.

F (30:40)

Well, first thing, it is true. You reap what you sow because you've been that and are continue to be that for me for the longest. And I think it's weird how connected our journeys have been. And I think it's like, that's just a gift whenever you find somebody that you like. The parallels of, like, God's doing in you, what they're doing, what he's doing in them is so much more than like, yeah, we both like baseball. Sick, dude. Me too. Well, I don't, but like, I like cricket, but it's so much deeper on that spiritual level. And I, and I think it's easy to hold each other's arms up and it's so fulfilling. Like to me it's like that's the greatest friendships. And I just want to. I'm just going through our group chat, but what you said about like the front porch, the paint on the walls and the surrender thing, like this is what we were talking about the other day. But like he's not asking for a cleaned up porch. He's asking for a house where every room is his, every door unlocked, every hidden closet swept by light. You thought you could tidy for company. But he's not company. He is Lord and lordship. Rearranges furniture, knocks down walls, renames the deed. Renaming the deed means I don't own it anymore. I grow up thinking that I'm, I own my life. I'm the, you know, I'm the CEO. Conceptually you can resign from that position. I think this is the, this is the tough thing. It's been, even the journey. And again in the parallels, but like in their, in their own way, the whole like I am fully resigning, not conceptually has been a very painful process, you know, has been a very peaceful process. It's the, it's the fruit. It's the only way to fruit. It's the only method to fruit. And so I feel like that in this process for you. One thing I want to point out is when you hear Connor talk already this conversation, five verses, six maybe I'm not counting, but we can get a counter at the bottom of the screen. But like every time. This is a Bible verse. But one thing that's different about you, it's like, oh, there's this aura of wisdom, there's an aura of this David thing. Can I just point out that we'd have this joke about a couple of warriors, which is a couple of warriors, you know, just in this spiritual battle together. But like the sword for Connors, the sword for you is not ornamental. Something in a frame in your house. That the sword is like a, it is a weapon that is actively being used. It's alive and active, sharper than a double edged sword. The word of God, it divides, it judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And even being annoyed at the Holy Spirit in the first part of the conversation of like, why am I feeling this way? It's because you're in your word. It's because it's not ornamental. And I think I heard this line the other day in a song. I love this. I was playing golf yesterday and I was just hitting some tunes and this guy's like, try this song. I'm like, everyone's a Christian till it gets biblical was the line. And I was like, damn. Can I say damn on this podcast? I don't know. But in Australia that's not a cuss word. So in Australia it was fine. But that's what I felt like. Yeah, I was like, it's good, that hits. And I think where is the. What does that look like for you in this process? Where's the. I don't even know the question. I just want to encourage you that you're a, you're a great warrior, mate.

C (34:08)

Thanks, man.

A (34:09)

When I feel like being, you know, in a, like call it what it is, the spotlight, right? Like a story like this happens, the world sees it and then everybody's scared to talk about it.

C (34:20)

Yeah, that's right.

A (34:21)

Scared to go into those conversations. And I feel like, you know, in the beginning, right. Four weeks in, no phone, you're not hearing things of this world and you're hearing so much peace. And I think that that is such a tangible noise maker, right? Like this and everything that happens outside and you putting literally everything out, you're spending time in the wilderness, literally at your parents house, just kind of, you know, your who you're around and letting the noise of the outside world die down. And then the voice of the father speak up. I don't think that any. There's any other way to heal.

C (35:00)

Yeah.

A (35:01)

100 through that now being able to come out and like talk about these things because truly it's going to be something that lives with you forever.

C (35:10)

100%.

A (35:11)

Going to shows, playing in front of people again, getting in a car. Those are hard things that I'm sure you're still trying to battle with. Going through that and living that spiritually, emotionally. What does that look like for you?

C (35:29)

Yeah, I'll never forget like first time I picked up my phone, I'm a big YouTube guy. Like that's kind of my vice as I'm on YouTube all the time and my wife thinks it's really annoying. But I'll never forget like grabbed my phone like for one of the first times after and for one just seeing so many text messages and just like feeling like man, like thousands of Unread sex messages in that moment, there was such a public element to it. But the return of that is that. And so obviously so much comes into that. And, you know, I wouldn't dare go in my DMs, but, like, the other side of that is I had. So I had literally thousands of people praying over me and my wife and my family and, like, our home. I had a. A friend of mine I ended up seeing maybe two months after, and we had dinner, and it's Peyton Smith, another country artist. We had dinner with him and his wife, and he said, man, like, when we heard, we didn't know what to do. And so we just got in our car and we just drove around your house and just prayed. He said. And when we got there, we saw other cars of people we knew doing the exact same thing. And like, the reality of that, that, like, dude, you have people. We weren't even there. We weren't even at my house. Like, people were literally just driving around our house praying for us, dude. And. And so the tangible piece of just like, feeling that is. Is life changing. But I'll never forget, like, pulling up my phone and like, going on YouTube, like, for the first time and first recommended video was NBC News with my picture. And I just quickly was like, not, not yet, you know, And I think. I think the reality of, like, of it was a lot of that wasn't really able to pierce my heart because of the protection of the Lord for one, and. And two, just like, knowing there was nothing I could do and just being even in that. Just how much the Lord had protected me in that moment, you know. And then as we've like, gotten to, you know, we took a few months off shows and then I think started playing shows again in August and had a bunch of shows committed. So we've done all those and they've been great. It's been great to get back out. It's been great to see people and their kindness has been incredible. And there's been so much more love than anything, like, like a hundred percent. But yeah, I mean, obviously it's just like. It just takes time to heal. We were very blessed, like, day after the accident, two days after the accident, miles from on site, who runs on site, an amazing ministry or. Or therapy group or whatever here in Nashville. He sent like, a trauma therapy person to our house, like, within two days. In sitting with him, I just was like, hey, like, I understand the amount of trauma that just took place and in my mind, in my brain, and just like the grief that you, I now carry. I just kind of said, like, I don't want to rush this process. Like, I want to fully heal. And I think through the Lord and through kind of those conversations, like, the Lord has done so much healing and all those things. But there is just like, especially in community. It's like, man, you realize in those moments how important community is to you and like in stewarding faith based Christian community because, like, that's all you have. Like, I'll never forget, it's one of my favorite stories, but one of my best friends in the world's Ben Pierce. We've been best friends since, since we were 12. I'll never forget. It was Tuesday morning and I woke up and like immediately just hit with such a wave of anxiety and like crippling because there's so many things up in the air here. And I went to my wife and I was like, I was like, hey, like, can you just tell Ben to come over at some point today? And like an hour later, 45 minutes later, like, it's like 10 in the morning and Ben ends up rolling up and I'm like, goodness. Like, this dude, like took off work because I said I needed him. He gets out of the car and he comes and hugs me. And he was like, sorry, man, I slept in. I was like, what? And I realized in that moment that he had, he had called off work the night before just in case I would need him. And it's like those moments of friendship, dude, like that, like, I spoke that story to him and at his wedding just was weeping because it's like, man, that's everything. And in those moments, like Mark said, like, you, I can't, I couldn't carry it, but like, to have people around me that could, that could carry it for me both on the career side and like in work stuff and then lawyer stuff and all those things, but then also in just like relationship, friendship and faith based community.

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C (43:07)

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A (43:11)

I think it's important to call out sort of. I feel like a. A theme that I'm finding in this full story of community and surrounding yourself with people that build you up, not break you down.

C (43:21)

100.

A (43:22)

There's something that I always tell my friends when they're going through something. Whatever it ha. Like whatever it is. I always say if. If you don't have faith right now, like you can have some of mine. And I think that is such a sweet thing that you've been kind of touching on and that who you are, Connor Smith already kind of just this Pastor Connor is what I would. I would say out loud because I feel like you.

F (43:43)

Have we ever talked about that? Because that's what I call him really. We have never talked about that. But it's.

C (43:48)

No, it's.

F (43:48)

It's. It's evident. It's evident of this king and priest on Connor and it. I just want to say yes, yes and amen.

A (43:57)

Not even just now, but like before. Like six months ago or however long ago we recorded that first episode. You were then just such a light and such a. You use the Bible as such a weapon in the best of ways. Like you have friend Dylan Marlowe literally cannot say any bad things about you. You know what I mean? Like you're a spiritual tower for him.

C (44:21)

He says a lot of bad things behind closed doors. But well, out loud just to me on the phone. Yeah.

A (44:28)

But I think too just. I don't even know where I'm going. This. I just want to say that you.

F (44:32)

It's your coronation.

A (44:34)

Yeah.

F (44:34)

This is your official coronation.

C (44:37)

Listen, we. I haven't talked about this at all. So I appreciate it very much.

A (44:40)

Just the inspiration that you can be to people that in the midst of tragedy, in the midst of the hardest thing in the entire world, like the way that you have carried yourself through it all and the way that you carried yourself before. Even crazy to say that you're the same guy.

C (44:57)

Thank you. I felt like I was so grateful that this moment wasn't like a wake up call in my life. Right. Like. Because like my heart was in a great place with the Lord. Like I was living in peace. All these things before everything happened. And you know, the last year of my life had been really challenging. Like it was a really challenging year of just like stripping for me. Like of humbling.

F (45:20)

Clarify that.

C (45:21)

Yeah. I mean I think.

F (45:23)

I think the stripping part, That's not appropriate.

A (45:30)

Pulling things back in your life that you don't.

F (45:32)

It was a tough year of God removing things from Your life. Yes. Got it.

C (45:37)

It's a secondary story.

A (45:38)

You're the only person who thought of it that way.

F (45:40)

No, I was, and I. I'm ashamed of it. But you know what? Praise God.

C (45:45)

But, like, there was such a process of, like, it was just really hard year for me. And I. In my head, like, I thought that was the test. I thought. Because there's always. Throughout Scripture, anytime God anoints someone, anytime God's going to use someone, he takes them through a massive process of crushing. That's years. Like, it's. It's like, a brutal process for anybody. You see God used throughout Scripture. And so, like, I thought kind of the last year was like, that. That stripping season of just, like, everything that I had to hold on to, that was my identity. And I realized that all of that was. Was just preparing me for what the moment, what the test was, and, like, the testing of my heart of just, like, where are you gonna run? You know? Like, are you gonna try to save your career? You're gonna try to tell people the truth of the narrative? You know, are you gonna try to, like, defend yourself in these. Try to, like, whatever. It's like, I have Jesus, and I have people around me that love and respect me and know the truth. And inside of that, I need nothing else. And I don't need a career. I don't need to sell tickets. I don't need to get streams on Spotify. I don't need to hear my songs on radio. I love those things. I feel like that's a part of the calling of my life. I do. I don't need them. I need Christ and seek first the kingdom of God. And all these things will be added. Right. And then also, like, sorry, I'm not, like, trying to take up our counter here, but, like, also, like, for all things, the Lord will work together for good.

A (47:11)

Yep.

C (47:12)

And, like, that is not all things will be good. He'll work all things for good. You look at this situation, you go, how the heck is this ever going to be good? And it's not on this side of eternity. There's nothing about this that, like, you can go, like, this is good on. On what we see, on what we're going to see in our lifetime. There will be good there. There will be certain things that are good. Right. There will be. Now there's so much more power in my testimony. My testimony. Last time we were on this podcast was I grew up in a Christian home and, you know, always was following God in and out. I had some demonic encounters like, that led me, whatever. And it's like, that's great. That those are. That's awesome. But now I have an ability to actually speak to someone through tragedy and through trauma in a way I didn't before. And like, even since then, the phone calls that I've gotten from people asking me to speak to their brother, asking me to speak to their. Their. Their son or these things, and I've gotten to, like, step into some of those roles. And like, that's, you know, that's. That's something that. That Christ has done to turn things for good in. In a beautiful way. And obviously you. Like I said at the beginning, there's nothing about this that is like, good, good. Right. So that's not what I'm saying. But the Lord will bring beauty from. For what the enemy means for evil.

A (48:28)

I just keep. The song keeps playing in my mind. In the crushing, in the pressing, you will make new wine. And how you're saying that, you know, you're able to now use this testimony to help other people, I think is always such a beautiful thing. When you talk to people that are dealing with trauma or maybe somebody listening to the podcast that's dealing with some immense amount of trauma in their life, what are some things that you speak into those people and. And advice that you give them?

C (48:56)

The idea of considering it. Joy is revolutionary. The idea of considerate joy, when the testing of your faith for the testing of your faith produces endurance. And endurance must do a complete work so that you are mature and complete and lacking nothing. Right. The idea that when we go through trials and we go through trauma and we go through these moments of crushing, the fact that we have a God who said, hey, I know this is hard. I know this is terrible. I know that you would never wish this on your worst enemy. I know that you have no way to rationalize why I would allow this to happen. He didn't. He didn't make it happen. It wasn't his idea, but he. Right. But if you will trust me and if you put your faith in me, like, I promise you the transformation and the growth that I will, I'll bring to your life and the fruit that I'll bring to your life that you can then use for the. For my kingdom and my glory, you will look back on that and you go like, thank you, God, for trusting me with trial. Yeah, thank you, God, that you trusted me to experience that crushing. And once again, like, you have to, like, hold all these things like suffering and pain and. And joy and peace. They are not opposite. Like, they can go together. And you. You can hold the tragedy and also hold this, like, gratitude for. For the Lord at the same time. And. And I think being able to balance those emotions is a beautiful thing. That's what. Like this. And there's never going to be a moment in our lives that we're just like, all right, man, this has been fun and easy. Like, that's just not what we're promised here. Especially if you're following Christ like, we're called to just for the rest of our lives, die to ourselves, humble ourselves, and lay our lives down. And the reward of that, the reward of, like, finishing the race, well, is. Is a beautiful reward that God promises, but it's not for this life. Right. There's a lot of fruit for this life that God will let you experience. But I would just say, man, like, the whole fight's for our faith.

A (50:38)

Faith.

C (50:38)

Everything's for our faith. It's for our faith in. In everything we do this podcast, what you guys have to do is fight for your faith in it. Every time you have a conversation and every time you think about putting out an episode or launching it, you're fighting for your faith. Right. In the same way that, like, the bigger scheme, there's a war over our minds and over our hearts that we do not battle. We do not fight against flesh and blood, against principalities of light and darkness. That's a. That's a battle for our faith. It's a battle for our mind. Yeah. And that's why I'm quoting scripture over and over, because, like, that is our sword. That's the only thing we have for our faith. It's a battle for our thought. Everything's a battle for your thought. Your anxiety is a battle for your thought. Your peace is a battle for your thought. In my career, in my life, in my marriage, in my family, in my. In my leadership, and in my walk with the Lord, all of that is a battle for, what am I listening to? Who am I going to allow to speak? Who am I? What am I going to identify as truth today? And it's a battle for our faith. And so if you can read those scriptures and say, consider it joy, if you can lean on that and put your faith in that, like, the fruit will be unbelievable. You.

F (51:39)

I just want to let you just preach because there is such a conviction that's real. And if you're listening to this and you think this is just nice sentiments, then you. I don't know. No one possible. What I'm trying to Say is no one listening to this could believe that you're just, yeah, man, I'm a kind of a lifestyle Christian. I'm kind of no there. It's real for you. You can feel it. You can see it. The conviction, the passion. The question really into full circle. This is more than a sentiment. Did you read it the first time? Consider it pure joy. Did you read it the first time and you were like, oh, I get it. Did you listen to a podcast of someone like you with conviction? What was the journey? Let's just go real quick on this, right? Focus. Like, guess what I'm digging at is I know people are going, dude, this is. It's just too good to be true. It's just not. Like, it's all fake. It's all like, I don't know if I can believe that might be good for you. But why, if. If you're saying to somebody, man, all just this self help, make you feel good, blah, blah, fluffy, fake kind of quotable religion.

C (52:46)

I would say if, if you're thinking that, I think your first question would be, what have I tried before that has worked. Because nothing. Yeah, nothing. Like, I now I've experienced levels of success. Like, there's still levels that, that I aspire in my career or whatever, but I've, I've been on a stage and I have sold it out and I've seen 1200 people scream words to songs that I've written and like, the dream come true. I've seen followers on Instagram grow. I married a beautiful professional surfing model that loves Jesus. But, like, the only thing that actually brings you peace and fulfillment and joy is Christ. I've tried everything else. Like, I know this and like, if you're listening and, and you're asking that question, then just ask yourself, what have you tried that works? Because those are all good things. Those are all awesome moments. But like, a lot of times, especially after, like, great career moments, the following days are depression. The following days are like, you have these massive highs. And then like the days after where you accomplish a dream and a goal. And then the days after, like, like, crap, what now? What now? What next? Like, I fully believe there's like something in our system that like, has to equal out, right? Like, there's just an equilibrium theorem. I have that, like, the higher I go in a show, the higher I get on my song getting on the charts, there's always going to be a moment after that I'm like, I'm like down and it's just going to equal out and so it's like, okay, well, that didn't fulfill me. And that's what I thought was going to fulfill me. And then it's like, you get married, and, like, my wife's incredible. And, like, if you want to talk about sanctification and. And, like, spiritual maturity, in my heart, I owe so much credit to my wife and her stewardship of her life with the Lord and the way she challenges me, and she's incredible. But marriage. Yeah, shout out Leah. But, like, marriage isn't some, like, ultimate fulfillment, you know? You get married and then it's like, oh, now we just are supposed to talk about kids. You know what I mean? Like, it's just not. That's not gonna. You know? And so it's like, what have you tried that's fulfilled you? Because my guess is nothing. And then if you haven't fully tried Jesus, if you haven't been in that foxhole, if you haven't been on your knees where nothing else matters and you felt that peace completely overcome you and overtake you, it's like another C.S. lewis quote that talks about, like, the only rational explanation for why nothing on this earth will satisfy us is that we were made for something that is not of this earth. Yeah, right. And I've seen God too many times to. To allow myself to be convinced that he. He's not real or that his piece isn't real.

F (55:18)

If you go bungee jumping, you see this beautiful brochure, and it's like, everyone's like this elation, and you're like, dude, this looks, like, incredible. Let's just say you're reading the Bible and you see this beautiful brochure of the life that's fulfilled, that has purpose, that is eternity, you know, and all of the fruit. Then you're like, man, I want that. Like, and I'm gonna go bungee jumping. But I don't really know about the, like, the bridge thing because I'm, like, afraid of heights, you know? And so instead of that, like, this chair's fine, and you tie a rope to your leg, and you get it all set up, and you're like, all right. Three, two, one. And you just bungee jump off that chair. Your experience will not match up to the brochure. And the truth is, as you just said, have I've not fully tried Jesus. I just want to land on that of, like, man. And so many of our experiences are disappointment of, like, man. My life doesn't look like the Bible. Like, it doesn't look like what they say it's supposed to be like, I've tried it. My question would be, have you tried the chair or have you given the full.

C (56:23)

Yeah. Have you jumped off?

F (56:24)

Have you jumped off? And listening to you talk, it's like, dude, that's the surrender. And like, yeah, I thought I had jumped off, but I had to go through some things that were really the hardest things in my life to really let go of that control of the. Of the rail or the chair or whatever it looks like to fully jump off. And now it's like what I'm seeing, you know, it's like peace beyond all understanding. We talk about in the beginning where you can feel it tangibly all over your life. Now your life stands up. It matches the. Oh, I was getting excited. But your light in the brochure matches the experience. And I think that's the goal and that's the heartbeat, and I think that's what I can feel like you wanting for people that are listening and wanting for anyone that you encounter in your life is like, man, I want you to know this is real. And I want you to know that it can live up to the brochure.

A (57:18)

The brochure.

F (57:19)

The brochure. Is that what it is? Foyer?

A (57:21)

Just. Yeah. Just so you know, the brochure. The brochure. I'm curious to know. As you look back on this season, you look back on 2025, what do you hope it reveals about who God is?

C (57:36)

Enough. Yeah, he's enough. Like, if he's all you have, he's all you need, you know? And I believe that the Lord wants to give you good gifts. He loves. He's a father who loves giving you good gifts and, like, whatever, but he is the gift, right? And when I look back at this last year, and I think about all the times that I've made the. Made my own plans and asked God to.

F (58:01)

To.

C (58:02)

To, you know, sign off and realizing. Coming to a place in my life where it's just like, all right, God. Like, I'm gonna work as hard as I can because there is stewardship. It's the principle of the talons, the parable of the talons, where, like, God gives you five, ten, you know, talons, and it's your job to go multiply those. So this isn't just like, you know, pray 10 hours a day and see what happens. There's. I kind of had this theory the other day that as I'm kind of re. Beginning to relook at what I. What my career looks like and putting out music and all These things. And there's been so much change on that side of. Of my career, too. And getting out of a record deal and all these things throughout the last five months, that has. Is something I'm super excited about. But I looked at. I was like, kind of talking to the team. I'm like, what does success look like for us? And I believe that it's discipline, vision, and faith. It's all three of those. Right? You have to have the discipline to work hard. You have to have the vision for where you're going, but you also have to have the faith that, like, God can accomplish all things through us. But I would just say over this last year, where there was no career success, there was no financial success, there was no. The only song that got put out this year under the name Connor Smith was a Dylan Marlowe feature that he asked me to be on, which, thank God, that happened. You know, other than that, it would have been 12 months of no music. And all these things I can sit here and say, like, I'm more content than ever. My marriage is better than ever, and my relationships are better than ever. And so inside of that, it's like, well, then the only. The only possible explanation for that is that. That Jesus is enough.

A (59:29)

Yeah, that's good.

F (59:30)

It's awesome.

A (59:30)

Well, I just want to say thank you for opening up to us about. I know that you haven't really spoken up about this and talked about it, but it's really cool to see God just kind of magnify in your life and you. It is very apparent that he is enough in your world and thankful for people like Mark to. To be with you alongside the journey. And I love that he's alongside my journey here on the upload, too. But in this coming season, as we kind of, you know, come out of a valley, what can we be praying for you about?

C (60:04)

Yeah, that's a good question. I think that I have a ton of faith right now that, like, what the Lord is bringing us out of, he's, like, actually going to bring us into, like, a season of favor. And I don't know what that looks like. You know, I. I'm never gonna. I try not to, like, fill in the equation on what God's favor looks like, but I do have a lot of faith for that, of what I feel him speaking to me. Like I said, we just stepped out of a record deal and, like, beginning a whole new chapter of my career in my life. And something that I've been. I've been praying for and praying into and, and so inside of that, there's a lot of unanswered questions. And there's also a lot of just, like, I feel like I'm getting to dream again for the first time in a while. I feel like I'm actually getting to, like, see how I want God, what my desire is for, like, God to use me and, like, to be fully obedient with him through his career. I feel like I finally have that opportunity now. And so I would just ask that the Lord would bring that favor over my marriage, over my career, and that in that what he brought as a trial would turn into a testimony that could actually impact people in a way that I didn't have the power to before, and that there would be such a boldness within me to do so in every moment, every conversation. And for humility, I think that fight for humility in every moment is the most important thing.

F (61:18)

And I just have a to bring our counter to 11. But this is just a word for you, bro. It's a scripture that's familiar, but no eye has seen, no ears heard, no mind has conceived or imagined what God has in store for those who love him. And the surrender of things that you've seen, the surrender of things that you've heard and things that have come out of your mouth, and the surrender of things that you've imagined makes room for that to be true. And I just declare that over you, bro. It's, like, so good. The emptying of the things that you've imagined makes room for the things that's like. So when you say favor and you say, I just don't know what that looks like, that sounds like there's room for God to do what no one could have imagined or seen or heard through you and in you and on you. And God's looking for trustworthy people to pour out his favorite on trustworthy. Because they're not about themselves. They're not about a brand. They're about eternity. They're about introducing people to the greatest relationship that you could ever possibly have with your savior, the person who made you in his image and you live that you're trustworthy.

C (62:28)

Thanks, man.

F (62:29)

And it's obvious.

C (62:30)

Thanks, man.

F (62:31)

That's it. Let's pray.

C (62:34)

Let me say this, too. This was a word Mark gave me. So I have, like, two, like, kind of key spiritual mentors through my life, and Mark is one of them. And then another one is named Gabe, and he did officiate our wedding and lives out in California. And they were super instrumental through the journey that we've been on. But I'll never forget they both individually spoke the exact same scripture and word over me separate. And that was. You would know the verse more than me, but it was basically the story of war where the arrows that the opposing army had shot over that the Israelites, God's army, ends up picking up those arrows and like killing them with them. And they both spoke that very specific story over that. What the, what the enemy means for evil against my life, I'm actually going to use for evil against him his life. And so, so I think that's, That's a. Another. Another prayer of mine heading to the new season, so.

A (63:26)

All right, well, I'm going to pray us out and I'm gonna put my hands on you. Holy Spirit's telling me to just pray. Dear heavenly Father, Lord, we just thank you for Connor. We just say thank you that he is a good gift for the kingdom, God, that you are using his testimony for just an unbelievable weapon against the spiritual realm. God. And we just, we. We just pray over this next season of his, Lord, that you would just give him favor not just in his marriage, not just in relationship, not in community, but in his career and in his boldness for you, Lord, that you would continue to give him the words to speak, that you would continue to give him the boldness to speak, that you would continue to give him the humility to speak, Lord, that you would just continue to remind him that this is not about us. This is about you, Father. And we just say thank you for. Thank you for his story and thank you for his willingness to be open to rearrange the home, to allow you to knock down walls, to allow you to just rebuild on such a firm foundation, God. And we just ask for favor in this next season that you would just bless him, give him things that he would not even believe, God, that you would just continue to use his microphone that you've put in his hand for your glory. God, we love you, Lord. Amen.

F (64:47)

Amen. Love you, bro.

A (64:51)

I know, right?

F (64:51)

Steady.

A (64:52)

So good. Thanks.

C (64:53)

Thanks, guys. Love you.

F (64:54)

All.

D (65:03)

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