FEELING THINGS: The Inconvenient Truth About Friendship, the 90-Second Emotion Rule & More

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bobby Bones Show – "FEELING THINGS: The Inconvenient Truth About Friendship, the 90-Second Emotion Rule & More"

Date: December 7, 2025
Hosts: Amy & Kat
Source: [The Bobby Bones Show / Feeling Things podcast]

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode of "Feeling Things" dives into the messy, meaningful realities of emotions and friendships—especially around the holidays. Amy and Kat get candid about the need to "just feel things," from struggling to have a cathartic cry, to the special but often inconvenient truths of maintaining close friendships. The episode also explores the neuroscience of emotions (like the 90-second emotion rule), practical boundaries with family, and the ongoing journey of self-acceptance and recovery. Warm, funny, and deeply personal, Amy and Kat offer relatable stories and compassionate advice for anyone navigating emotions and relationships during busy, emotionally charged times.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Struggle to Let Emotions Flow

[03:13-10:39]

• Amy shares she feels like she needs to cry, but can't quite get there:

  "I got the feeling of the day... I just feel like I need to cry." ([03:16])

• Crying is talked about as a "release" and a way to reset, but Amy jokes she’s too busy to schedule a cry.
• Christmas movies (even emotional Hallmark classics) aren't triggering tears, and Amy and Kat laugh about being surprised at their own emotional reactions (or lack thereof) to different movies.

2. Nostalgia & Searching for Comfort in Media

[04:41-06:16]

• Kat tries to crowdsource the name of a mysterious Christmas movie from childhood, which blurs the line between angel and robot characters.
• The segment highlights how comfort media can sometimes soothe, but doesn’t always unlock deeper emotions.

3. The Science of Why We Cry Easily

[11:13-13:16]

• Amy references a Harvard neurologist’s findings about "fast connecting brains":

  "People who cry easily have a faster connecting brain... their feelings don't block their thinking, they enhance it." ([12:29])

• Discussion around the amygdala/prefrontal cortex link – people with easy tears might process emotions in 'real-time' and have strong emotional intelligence.

4. Crying in Therapy & With Others

[13:50-15:11]

• Kat discusses crying in professional settings—how showing emotion as a therapist can make clients feel seen and validated:

  "I think it’s kind of awkward if you just stare at them… if you shed a tear, they might feel more empathy." ([13:51])

5. Friendship: The Inconvenient Truth

[15:11-19:14]

• Amy raises the idea of "normalizing inconveniencing yourself for your friends," inspired by a viral reel:

  "Is it the most convenient to make the cake? No. But if you can, let’s try to bring some of that back." ([15:52])

• Kat distinguishes between healthy inconvenience (showing up despite discomfort) and real burden.

  "There’s a difference between a friendship being… inconvenient and something being a burden." ([16:09])

• Both emphasize that deep, meaningful friendships require sometimes putting others first, even when it’s not easy.

6. Over-correcting on Boundaries & Mental Health

[17:44-20:21]

• Amy and Kat critique “pendulum swings” in culture: from never taking care of ourselves, to sometimes protecting mental health to the point of isolation.

  "The pendulum swung way too far of, like, oh, good for you, you’re taking care of your mental health. But also… wait a second." ([18:01])

• They stress finding balance between self-care and showing up for those we care about.

7. Recovery Stories and Food Talk

[19:14-30:44]

• Amy gets candid about her eating disorder recovery—swinging from rigid food rules to a “free-for-all,” using Thanksgiving and a fight about carrots vs. French fries as examples:

  "We got in a really big fight about carrots and French fries… I was so adamant that, well you eat enough carrots and they're going to be bad for you. Which is true..." ([25:53])

• Kat explains nuances of intuitive eating:

  "...one of the pillars of intuitive eating is actual, like, mindfulness, nutrition... it's not just what we want externally." ([25:57])

• Both encourage listeners to give grace to themselves and others in recovery, acknowledging it's a process, not an overnight fix.

8. The “90-Second Emotion Rule”

[35:36-36:44], [46:25-47:17]

• Amy walks through a real-life example of using Dr. Jill Taylor’s "90-second emotion" theory to process anger/frustration in a car ride with her boyfriend:

  "Feelings take about 90 seconds to fully process through your body. And then it's what you decide to do after that that can keep them looping." ([35:42]) Quoting the Harvard researcher: "90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it…" ([46:25])

• Both hosts advocate for letting feelings move through instead of ruminating—using the science to defuse situations and reset.

9. Trauma Responses & Laughter in Pain

[37:15-41:48]

• Amy shares a story of reacting to profound pain with laughter, describing it as an automatic trauma response.
• Kat explains as a therapist how not all client behavior is affirmed—if a reaction is truly harmful, it’s addressed directly.

10. Family, Boundaries, and Holiday Pressures

[55:49-56:42]

• Amy reads advice from Dr. Allison Kella McGuire:

  "Family or not, you don’t owe anyone access to your peace, your time, or your healing. It can feel heavy to unlearn the guilt, but protecting your well-being is not selfish. It’s necessary." ([55:58])

• A list of what you don’t owe your family—unlimited access, forgiveness without accountability, emotional labor, silence, and sacrificing your well-being.

11. Teaser: Drama Triangle & Unhealthy Communication Patterns

[57:06-end]

• The hosts tease a coming episode on the “drama triangle” (victim, rescuer, persecutor roles), sharing that it can play out in families and friendships, and previewing personal stories:

  "If you don’t notice it, you can’t get out of it." ([58:22])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the fast brain of criers:
  Amy: "Crying is not a loss of control. It's the nervous system integrating faster than most people can think." ([13:01])
• Kat on friendship:
  "Friendships are inconvenient… but that wouldn’t feel like a burden to me. I would want to do it. And that’s what friendships are." ([16:55])
• On over-correcting boundaries:
  Amy: “Sort of like the boundaries of, like, ‘I know it’s your birthday but I need to protect my mental health…’ But also it’s like, wait a second—this is one of your really good friends…” ([18:01])
• Amy’s car example (90-second rule):
  Amy: "In that moment, I had some feelings happening, and I was like, okay, this is uncomfortable… I’m gonna give it about 90 seconds." ([36:07])
• On trauma response laughter:
  Amy: "One of the most intense situations of my life… there I was… I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation… and my therapist said that was my trauma response." ([38:04-38:54])
• Family boundaries advice:
  "You don’t owe anyone access to your peace, your time, or your healing." ([55:58])
• A little holiday comic relief:
  Amy: “I used to be obsessed with those [Auntie Anne’s] pretzels… but I was kind of upset last time I got one because it hit different.” ([51:55])

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:13] — Amy talks about needing to cry; Christmas movie nostalgia
• [11:13] — The science of "crying easily" and fast-connecting brains
• [13:50] — Crying in therapy
• [15:11] — Inconvenience in friendship; differentiating burden vs. care
• [17:44] — Modern boundaries and when self-care becomes avoidance
• [19:14] — Eating disorder recovery, food rules, and intuitive eating
• [25:42] — Amy and Bobby’s carrots and fries debate
• [35:36] — The 90-second emotional processing rule (and a car ride anecdote)
• [37:15] — Trauma responses: laughter during emotional pain
• [46:25] — Dr. Jill Taylor’s research and the 90-second rule revisited
• [55:49] — Healthy family boundaries for the holidays
• [57:06] — Teaser: "Drama triangle" and patterns in relationships

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Tone & Style

• Warm, honest, and humorous, with plenty of real-life anecdotes and easy banter
• Hosts are vulnerable and open about their struggles, modeling healthy self-reflection and growth
• Encouraging & practical: offers listeners gentle advice, validation, and reminders to be compassionate with themselves and others

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Takeaways

• Let yourself feel your feelings—whether it’s crying, laughing at the wrong time, or just feeling blocked. There’s science behind the value of pausing and letting emotions pass through.
• Deep friendships require real effort—sometimes it’s not easy, but showing up for those you care about is what gives relationships depth.
• Boundaries matter, but balance is key—self-care is critical, but friendships and family sometimes require small self-sacrifices.
• You’re allowed to set limits with family, especially over the holidays, for the sake of your own peace and healing.
• Self-acceptance and recovery are nonlinear processes—grace and patience are a must.

---

Next Episode Teaser

The next episode will dive into the “drama triangle”—identifying unhealthy communication patterns within families and friendships, and how to break free from those cycles.

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Amy and Kat sign off with their signature wish:
“Have the day you need to have.” ([59:32])

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For more: Follow @feelingthingspodcast or visit feelingthingspodcast.com.
Shop “Have the day you need to have” crewnecks and other merch via newsletter or website.

Transcript

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1 2, 3.

[Amy]

If you ever have feelings and you.

[Kat]

Just want some, maybe a cat got.

[Amy]

You covered like a nun brother.

[Kat]

Ladies and fellas, we just follow in.

[Amy]

The spirit where it tell us from.

[Kat]

The real stuff to the chill stuff.

[Amy]

And the in between.

[Kat]

Sometimes the best thing you can do.

[Amy]

Is just stop and feel things.

[Kat]

This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.

[Amy]

Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy.

[Kat]

And I'm Kat.

[Amy]

And I got the feeling of the day, which I don't know that it for sure is just like a feeling feeling, but I just feel like I need to cry.

[Kat]

You don't look like you feel like you need to cry, you know? Yeah.

[Amy]

How crying releases feel good chemicals, whatever that is. Like, I think I just need a good release and I don't really know how I'm going to achieve that because I have so much to do today. So it's like, it'll come when it needs to come, but do I need to watch something later? But what I'm very much into right now is all the Christmas feel good movies and they don't make me want to cry.

[Kat]

Not even a happy tear?

[Amy]

No, not a happy tear.

[Kat]

You don't ever shed a tear at the end of a Hallmark movie when you're like, they're together and they're happy?

[Amy]

No.

[Kat]

Have you? I think so.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

But I cry really easily.

[Amy]

I mean, Netflix is loading up all kinds of old movies left and right. You know, we put together our little Christmas movie list, which I think has been helpful for a lot of people. It's on our Feeling Things podcast, Instagram. That's the handle Feeling Things podcast. And it's got Hallmark schedule, Netflix schedule, Disney, Hulu, like the schedule of new releases for 2025. But Netflix, they have been loading up like Christmas movies from who knows where. I don't even know where they're getting these. Maybe Hallmark in Lifetime. And now they've transferred over and they've got the rights to them. But they're from 2023, 2024. Stuff I've never even seen.

[Kat]

Can I put a PSA out?

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

I have been trying to figure out this Christmas movie that I used to watch when Disney Channel did. I think I must have. Was it Disney Channel or Fox? What was it Fox Family or ABC Family or whatever that channel was that did the 25 Days of Christmas or something and ABC Family. Okay. And there's this one movie. This is all I remember about it. But I loved this movie even though this is all I remember.

And there was an all all I know is there was a new maybe girlfriend or stepmom. Figure she might have really been a robot, but I. Or like a. An angel. I don't know. I don't know. Because at the end and all I remember from that movie is she got a Christmas tree, but she put real candles on the tree. And she almost burnt the house down, but she was trying to do something nice. I think she was, like, in, like, an angel or something. She wasn't a real person. Maybe. I don't know. But I can't figure out what this movie is, and I want to watch it. So if you know what I'm talking about. She put. Stop looking.

[Amy]

No, I'm like, thinking, like, okay, yeah, we could Google angel or robot mom who you have and you haven't been able to find anything.

[Kat]

All I remember is she put, you know, those, like, little, like, candles that are on the little, like, olden days. They're, like, on it. She put them on the tree, but they were real candles, and they were like. I think. I think that maybe the tree caught on fire.

So if you know what I'm talking about. I know somebody does.

[Amy]

Damn sure.

[Kat]

Email us. Hey there, Feeling things podcast dot com.

[Amy]

Because Kat needs to watch this movie.

[Kat]

I need to watch it.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

And that's what I have for us today.

[Amy]

Your feeling is, like, eager to find out.

[Kat]

Yeah. And I'm sad because I haven't been able to find it. And. And instead of watching that movie, I had to watch the Jonas Brothers Christmas movie, and it was not the same vibe.

[Amy]

So should we watch that or not? Because I was thinking about it.

[Kat]

Well, I have a thing for Joe Jonas, so. Yeah. When I was little, I thought I was going to marry him. I. I thought that, like, I had a certain degree of separation, so I convinced myself that I was going to meet him.

[Amy]

Oh, so you know someone that knows him?

[Kat]

I knew somebody that knew somebody that sister played music with somebody that knew him. Yeah.

[Amy]

So it was totally possible.

[Kat]

So I had this whole thing in my head of like, oh, my gosh, so and so is going to bring me this concert, and she's gonna bring me backstage, and she's like, this is my ex. My ex boyfriend's sister. She is so cool. And then he was gonna be like, she's beautiful. I want to date her. And then we were gonna fall in love, and then it hasn't happened yet.

[Amy]

Well, thank goodness, because you got Patrick.

[Kat]

Oh, yeah. Thank. I think it worked out for the best.

I know it did.

[Amy]

It did, Patrick.

[Kat]

I know it Did.

[Amy]

I think we're okay.

[Kat]

But what's crazy is, in this movie, Joe is, like, searching for love because he's the only single brother now attracts.

[Amy]

Because you are now taken.

[Kat]

Yeah. Sorry. And you always want what you can't have, Joe. You can't have me now. Yeah.

[Amy]

So he's still searching.

[Kat]

But I would watch it because it's so cheesy. I told you earlier, when we watched it, we were like, they must have been paid so much money to make this movie because they're cool, right? Like, the Jonas Brothers are cool guys.

[Amy]

I think they've had a resurgence.

[Kat]

Well, I think themselves, like, they're cool. You know what I mean?

[Amy]

I don't know. You're about 10 years younger than me, so I just remember when the Jonas Brothers first got on the scene. Like, I was working, like, 20 for the pop station in Austin. Like, we were doing the Bobby Bone show, and the Jonas Brothers were coming to town, and we had no clue who they were, but girls were gathered outside of the radio station like mobs of kids. Wow. And we were like, okay. Wow. These Jonas Brothers, they must be really taken off and. Yeah, they did. They sure did.

[Kat]

So watch it, because also, there are a couple. There are, like, three or four new songs, original Christmas songs, and they're pretty.

[Amy]

Good to jamming out bops. Is it. We're not gonna cry watching it? Probably. It's probably.

[Kat]

There's a sweet ending.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

It's the vibe of I'll Be Home for Christmas with Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[Amy]

Because they're trying. That's the whole gist.

[Kat]

They're trying to get.

[Amy]

Their flight got canceled or something.

[Kat]

Santa was trying to do a little Christmas magic.

[Amy]

All right.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Okay. So we're in the Christmas spirit here, clearly. And I'm. We're in the crying spirit. Like, I think we're big fans of, like, cry if you need to cry. And I think that's what I need. I told you this the other day that I got tears in my eyes. Remember? We were texting and I. Oh, yeah. I was like, I think that I just need to cry. So this has been. Since. That was Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So four days ago. I think I told you. I think I just need to cry. And here we are. I still haven't cried because I don't. I. I don't know. I haven't been able to show. Force it. But when I. I think I just really needed my mom, and she's not here, so I can't. I. I don't even really know What I needed to talk to her about. Maybe it was fresh because my sister came to town and was meeting my boyfriend for the first time. But all I knew is right when I had the thought of I think I need my mom, and I texted you, I think I need my mom, I got tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, and I was like, okay, that must be what it is. Like, ding, ding, ding. And then also, I think I just need to cry. I think some of it today is a mixture of hormonal stuff.

[Kat]

Well, also, remember a couple weeks ago, you were like, my mom's death adversary, and you. You said it didn't hit you as hard, and you're like, I don't know why. Maybe you're having a little bit of two, like, a. Because so much was going on right then. Now you're starting to feel it more, and it's the holidays. So this is a good example of, like, the highs and lows of that. Of, like, some days you're okay. And you were like, I don't think about my mom every day. But, like, I was like, I think you might think of her more than you think. It's. It comes and it goes, and there are certain times where it hits you at certain times where it doesn't. And this is. It's hitting you. There's a lot of stuff going on in your life, and you might want to, like, call her and tell her about it. Yeah.

[Amy]

Yeah, that's probably it. I just would love to talk to her. So I know today, at some point or in the next few days, I hope that tears flow and I get those feel good chemicals, and I sort of feel a little bit back to normal. But that's my feeling. My feeling of the day is, like, definitely I could just, like, cry. So however that's gonna happen, if somebody can make that happen, that'd be great.

[Kat]

I think maybe you watch something sad or nostalgic, I don't want anybody to make. Try to make you cry, because that's. What are they gonna say?

[Amy]

Give me an idea. Like, should I go look at old photos?

[Kat]

Like what?

[Amy]

I don't know. I haven't. I haven't really had time to think about it, But I did see an article talking about people who cry easily. And what's so funny is I saw this article, and then you texted it to me, and I was like, oh, oh, I already submitted that through my show prep on the morning show, and then you sent it to me, and I was like, okay, we should tell people about this in case they didn't know, because it's from a Harvard neurologist. People who cry easily have a faster connecting brain. Now here's my conundrum right now. I typically do cry easy, but right now I'm having difficulty crying. So now I don't know if I have a fast connecting brain at the moment.

[Kat]

Wait, but you cry? If I were to tell you something sad right now, you would. You would cry with me. Okay, I know that.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

This feels different. Like, you have, like, an emotional block right now to your own stuff.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

But I do think if you were to see a video, like, here's something you could do. Get on Tick Tock or Instagram and watch videos of, like, kids seeing their dads come home after deployment, or, like, kids getting puppies for Christmas or stuff like that. Like, I'm always crying at that kind of stuff.

[Amy]

Okay. So, yeah, if you told me something about you, like, I know that I. Yes. Okay.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So we.

[Kat]

Yay.

[Amy]

We can still celebrate. We have fast connecting brains. And the reason behind this is. Brain scans show stronger bridge between the amygdala, which is emotion, and the prefrontal cortex, which is logic. And their feelings don't block their thinking, they enhance it. When someone tears up, their nervous system is processing emotional data in real time. They can read the room before the room knows what it feels. Emotional responders predict conflict 40% more accurately and resolve it faster. And there was a quote in the article that said crying is not a loss of control. It's the nervous system integrating faster than most people can think. If you cry on a whim, just be like, yeah, I'm emotional. This is not a loss of control. I just have a faster connecting brain.

[Kat]

Yeah. And you. Yeah, we just feel, I think, at a different level.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Sometimes it does get in the way, though, you know, the crying. Sometimes I. Yeah, sometimes I. I cry everything. Everything. And I think that has changed as I got. As I have gotten older because I used to be able to be a brick wall with clients more.

[Amy]

So I don't know how you do that. Like, quite honestly, if I had clients telling me certain things, which. I get it. It's your. You're being a professional. You have to compartmentalize. But you've gotta. Gosh, if. Especially if they're crying.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And you just have to sit there.

[Kat]

Oh, I've started just crying and being like, I'm crying with you. I think it's different depending on what they're talking about. But sometimes, like, if a client's Share. If some. A family member has died and they're sharing that, I think it's kind of awkward if you're just staring at them. It can be. So if you shed a tear, they might feel like more empathy. I mean, I know personally when my therapist has cried with me, I. I've had that experience. One time I shared her. Shared something that happened and she started crying. I was. I kind of was like, what are you crying for? And she said this. You've been waiting to hear this. It was something that somebody said to me. Like, you've been waiting to hear this your whole life. Like, I'm so happy for you. And I kind of was like, oh, should I. Should I crush. Yeah, yeah. So that was very helpful because she was showing, like, oh, that's. That's a big deal. And I think also if somebody is. That's one example. And then another is if something happens, like somebody passes away or there is some kind of tragedy or trauma, when somebody's sitting there and sharing that motion with you, it feels safer. I think for me, personally, I know when I shared something with you a couple years ago, something with somebody's health in our family, and I started crying, and then you started crying. It was actually very helpful.

[Amy]

Oh. Because we were able to. Yeah, yeah. Cry together.

[Kat]

Yes.

[Amy]

And be there for each other. That's the other thing I'm going to talk about, which this might be a good tie in of friendships and inconvenience.

[Kat]

Oh, yeah.

[Amy]

Like, sometimes it might be. Not be very convenient for you to have a hard conversation with a friend or even cry in that moment with them. But I had seen a post about normalizing, inconveniencing yourself for your friends. And it was just that text overlay over a reel of a girl making a homemade cake for her friend's birthday. Or maybe it wasn't even a friend, but she was just, like, normalized. Inconveniencing yourself for the people you love. And that. Yeah. Is it the most convenient to make the cake?

[Kat]

But no.

[Amy]

No. But if you can, let's try to bring some of that back. And what's so funny is you saw something like the exact stuff. We must have the same algorithm because we saw the crying thing and then we saw the. You saw something totally different about that.

[Kat]

I saw. It was a post from the POC therapist, and she said it was just a. It was a carousel. And the first page just said, friendships are inconvenient. And that's something I talk about all the time. And I think there's a difference between a friendship being something being inconvenient and something being a burden. Because a lot of times we don't want to ask for things because. Or share things with people or whatever, because we don't want to burden the people we love. And I don't think it. You sharing something with me or asking me for something wouldn't be a burden. But like I shared with you, if you broke down on the side of the road and you needed me to come pick you up and I was doing something, it would be inconvenient for me to have to drop that or drive 30 minutes to go get you or whatever. But that wouldn't feel like a burden to me.

[Amy]

Like, you would want.

[Kat]

I would want to do it. And that's what friendships are. And I think that's what makes friendships deeper and more meaningful, is that we do those things. It's not just, like, we hang out and we have a good time. It's like, I know if I needed something, you would be there. Vice versa.

[Amy]

Yeah. And to create that. That. That understanding, like, maybe that hasn't happened yet, but there's just this all knowing that, like, yeah, this person's gonna show up for me.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Because some of that feels lost.

[Kat]

Yeah. Well, because I think there's this even.

[Amy]

Down to, like, you know, if you're. If you need your neighbor to help.

[Kat]

You with something, like, my neighbors, you.

[Amy]

Need to get on that.

[Kat]

Well, one of them hasn't moved in yet, so it's not my fault. But the other one, I don't know.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

I thought they were gonna come bring me cookies or something.

[Amy]

Are you in the Facebook group yet?

[Kat]

No.

[Amy]

It's blowing my mind.

[Kat]

No. But yeah, I guess I could go say hi to them. I could go do that. Yes. But I. I do agree. I think part of the. That lost is we have overcorrected a little bit in the. I don't owe anybody anything, you know?

[Amy]

Oh. Sort of like the boundaries of, like, I know it's your birthday, but I need to protect my mental health. And I'm feeling really tired right now, so I'm not gonna come. Like, the pendulum swung way too far of, like, oh, good for you. You're taking care of your mental health. But also it's like, well, wait a second. This is one of your really good friends, so you may have to sacrifice a little convenience. Yes.

[Kat]

And also, if I want people to do that for me, if I want people to show up for me, why would I think that I wouldn't need to reciprocate that.

[Amy]

To an extent, you're right. And obviously there's cases in which that might totally make sense. We're talking about the.

[Kat]

Like, it depends.

[Amy]

Yeah, it depends. Yeah.

[Kat]

So, yes, if something happens, like, if there is like a tragedy or something, or you have the flu, I don't expect you to come to my birthday.

[Amy]

My mom died. I'm not going to be able to come.

[Kat]

Like, I'd say, okay, I get it, we get it. But if you're like, oh, I'm really tired because I had to work today.

Well, I'm tired, too. Yeah, I'm tired all the time. So I do get that. But. And I think also that's a part of us learning is overcorrecting, because then we can say, like, oh, this doesn't totally feel right. Let me try this version of it so we can get back there.

[Amy]

Yeah, I think that that's oftentimes part of the process. Like, you were saying, like, certain things. For me, when I'm evolving, sometimes I do swing a little bit too far, but it's almost necessary because I have to get into that mindset. And then I'm like, okay, I can level back out. Like, I had, like, a strict moment very different than, you know, prioritizing my mental health. I guess I'm thinking more of, like, my eating disorder recovery. Like, I swung so far of, like, the other direction that I felt like I can't have any rules or boundaries around food because I really, really don't think I could at the time. And now I can just for my overall health and well being, like, I can think a certain way about food or know that I'm. I'm not going to have that at this time. But it was sort of like a free for all for a while.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And I was very passionate almost to not always rational about when I would talk to people about things and thinking.

[Kat]

I have to do it this way.

[Amy]

Yeah, I was like, oh, gosh, like, I'm sort of embarrassed. But that was just part of my journey to get back to the middle ground where I am.

[Kat]

Well, I think when that happens, because that is very normal in recovery is you have to open up all the doors really wide. So in your recovery, the doors were all. In your eating disorder, the doors are all totally shut. And so, like, we have to make sure that there's, like, room to get in. So you open them really wide. You go in, you see what fits and you see what doesn't. And then after you have normalized and have habituated to a lot of these things, then you can kind of see where you really fit in there. But I think a lot of anti diet culture, it went over here, it swung.

[Amy]

It's one with it. Yeah, like, yeah, my recovery time hit right around that swing and I was like all on board. Remember one time Bobby and I were arguing about care some french fries.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

So let me get this straight. Your company has data here, there and everywhere, but your AI can't use the data because it's here, there and everywhere? Seems like something's missing. Every business has unique data. IBM helps your AI access your data wherever it lives. To change how you do business, let's create Smile to business IBM.

Hey, audiobook lovers. This week on the podcast I'm sitting down with musician, producer and walking encyclopedia Questlove, we're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir, Night how to be a DJ in 90s New York City. All right, like we talked about before, Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth. What's a tool or piece of equipment in the studio or on stage that gives you the most control?

[Ed Helms]

So I have two microphones on stage. We have the microphone that you hear as the audience. Then we have a second microphone in which we communicate with each other. I feel like that second microphone kind of saved all of our friendships. No band likes each other after 20, 20 years or 25 years. Like the Beatles broke up in seven and a half years. And we're going on 35.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

Listen to earsay, the audible and iheart audiobook club on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Amy]

Big things are happening at your local cvs. Extra big. So hurry on over because extra big deals are here. These are deals so extra that they absolutely cannot be missed. And every two weeks, there's going to be more. So you've got to keep coming back so that you can keep on saving on all the brands and products that you and your family use every day. And Speaking of saving, ExtraCare is the way to save at CVS. So use your extra care card to unlock savings every time you shop. And if you're not a member yet, now is the time to join. And the best part, it's completely free.

[Pandora Jewelry Spokesperson]

Free.

[Amy]

Just sign up online or in store and you'll start saving instantly. And always be sure to check the CVS Health app for deals and savings. Visit your local CVS store or cvs.com extrabigdeals to shop this week's deals and stock up on your favorite products.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card members can earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases wherever they shop. This means you could be earning daily cash on just about anything, like a slice of pizza from your local pizza place or a latte from the corner coffee shop. Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app to see your credit limit offer in minutes. Subject to credit approval. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch terms and [e-mail] I don't know about you guys.

[Pandora Jewelry Spokesperson]

But I love to buy gifts. I love it so much. I love it so much more than getting gifts. But the one thing that I do love, especially when it comes to my daughter, is getting matching things. I know it's such a cliche, but I love it so much. So I. I have the perfect brand for you. Pandora Jewelry can make their holiday unforgettable with the gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. A gift that tells a story and shows you know theirs, that doesn't just sparkle, but speaks. From new festive charms to forever rings and personal engravings, this season, give a gift that's perfectly theirs. Whether you're shopping for a shiny surprise for your significant other, matching bracelets to celebrate your friendship, or a heartfelt gift for a family member. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop [e-mail] or visit your closest Pandora store.

[Amy]

I remember one time Bobby and I were arguing about carrots and French fries, and I was like, they're the. They're the same. Like, a French fry is good. A carrot is good. Well, first of all, food isn't good or bad because it's not. And there's no moral value on food. But obviously, if you're thinking rationally, you can know someone is saying, like, okay, the nutritional value of this particular food is not the same as the nutritional value of this food. But I was so, like, adamant that, like, will you eat enough carrots and they're going to be bad for you? Which is true. You have too much water and it could be bad for you. Like, there can be too much of everything. But we got in a really big fight about carrots and french fries. And we were taping something for the Bobby Bones show, and I remember him being like, let's just throw that out. Like, this is.

[Kat]

He's like, I can't talk to you anymore.

[Amy]

Yeah. Like, you couldn't have a conversation with me because anybody will tell you that something fried is not going to be the same thing as a raw carrot.

[Kat]

The nutrient density is different.

[Amy]

Correct.

[Kat]

And I also think what Was lost. And this is like a whole. Another probably podcast we could do is. Which I'm very grateful for. But in. As the pendulum swung and like anti diet culture, like there was this whole revolution a couple years ago, five, six, seven years ago, there was a lot of talk about intuitive eating, which is very important. But one of the pillars of intuitive eating is actual, like mindfulness, nutrition. And so people didn't know that. They just heard intuitive eating a lot. And like intuitive eating is eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full and listening to what your body wants and all that. But there is. There's pillars of it there. There are these different parts of it. It's not just that. And part of it is practicing mindful nutrition, which includes actually paying attention to what your body needs and what it's like really asking for internally and not just what we're wanting externally. So that got lost in the sauce. And then intuitive eating turned into something that it really wasn't. And at the same time, I will say, as somebody in recovery, you needed to normalize french fries. You needed to think that for a little bit of time.

[Amy]

And I was really. So you could eat one about. Anybody listening that we're going to hear that french fries were bad? Because I was like, I don't want someone to not eat french fries today because of this conversation. Like, it. I felt like it was like, but.

[Kat]

You'Re also not responsible.

[Amy]

Yeah, eat the fries.

[Kat]

Right.

[Amy]

And I'm not responsible for their journey and if they want to eat the fries or not. I just. It was exhausting. I was.

[Kat]

You're like, I was exhausted.

[Amy]

I was exhausting to people. And it's almost like in my eating disorder. I was exhausting to people.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Ugh.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Ugh.

[Amy]

Like my. Did I tell you that my nieces and nephews talked about this one time? I think I hosted Thanksgiving.

[Kat]

Did you make cauliflower mashed?

[Amy]

I made all kinds of horrible things. So let me tell you, they were just, I thought were equal substitutes, which I get. If you have to substitute something for your, like your digestion or an allergy or whatnot, go for it. Nobody in my family had an allergy. Including yourself, including me. But I was like right there making every gluten free vegan, you know, so everything. No dairy. I mean, it's Thanksgiving. It's like, what. What are. What is this? Mac and cheese? I don't even know. But my sister has four kids. They came from Colorado to Nashville. I'm hosting. And this is what I'm Serving everybody, like, my dad, my sister, her husband, my husband. Like, nobody was into it, but nobody really said anything at the time. But now it's like the family joke. Like, now that BB is what they call me now that BB's healthy and in recovery and we're all better now, they're like, remember, apparently it's something they talk about at their house. Like, they bring up often. Like, remember BB's meal? And, like, what I created for people, like, I just sucked the joy.

[Kat]

Right. You were sitting there being like, yes, I got everybody to eat this healthy meal, and they're loving it. They're gonna go home and make these recipes. Meanwhile, they're, like, shoving the food under the table.

[Amy]

Yes. Like, I was thinking, wow, I pulled one over on them, like, just as good as the real stuff. And it was like, looking back, I bet if I were to make that now, I'd be like, no.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

But things also tasted different to me.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Like, it actually probably did taste good to me because that's what I was used to. Or my. I was. Yeah. Playing a little game, convincing myself that it was good. But, yeah, thankfully now I think that pendulum went from one area of blah to another area blah, and it landed right in the middle of, like, I can be a joy to be around with food.

[Kat]

Yeah. And for anybody who's listening, this is to give great. Give grace to the people going through recovery, that they might have a little bit of that and they need that space to, like, explore. And then also give grace to yourself if you're going through that. Like, you're not going to be like, oh, I want to find recovery, or I want to help heal this part of me. And then in a week, you're like, oh, look, I can do all this stuff. Like, you're going to have to explore and see what feels right. And it's not something, I think, through that whole shift sometimes. And I think part of it was because that's when, like, tick tock. And there was a whole resurgence in social media and stuff, and it was starting to change. So there was a lot of information that was given in very simple ways. And I. I might have been part of the problem, too, but I think because of that, people thought it was gonna be. It should be easier, more simple, or, like, I just said, snap my fingers. And it's not like that. So give yourself grace.

[Amy]

Give yourself grace and those around you. And, yeah, there's like, let me be a story of hope.

One day.

[Kat]

One day. One day.

[Amy]

One day. Because I never thought that I don't know. I guess I just. There was a time where I guess I thought, well, this is just my life. It's just going to be exhausting and miserable. And now I'm still exhausted a little bit. It's just for different reasons.

I could. I'm not miserable, though.

[Kat]

Okay, so that's progress. Forward progress.

[Sophie Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And, yeah, I mean, I'm. I'm glad we brought up because even the friend thing, like, if your friends are going through something hard, that might be another inconvenience for you of, like, when your friends are going through something, that might be a time where you might need to show up a little bit more. But you're right, it's an inconvenience, but it's not a burden. And if it feels like a burden, that's information to pay pay attention to. Like, if deep within your soul you're. You are annoyed by the whole thing, then maybe you need to take a hard look at yourself or have a conversation. That friendship is that. Well, I don't know. Is that information that maybe the. That friendship's not that.

[Kat]

Well, it depends.

[Amy]

It depends.

[Kat]

I think it depends. I think it's information. We don't know what the information is.

[Amy]

I think, like, in a romantic relationship, it could be information, like, if it's your boyfriend, like, it could be information of, like, why am I not wanting to help show up for this person? Like, that could be some data. Although I inconvenienced myself for my boyfriend the other day. He needed a ride from the airport, but I couldn't, like, hang out with him at all after. And I mean, he could have easily had somebody else took him up or take an Uber, but I was like, no, no, I got you. I got you.

[Kat]

Because you wanted to.

[Amy]

Because I wanted to. So I went. Which, I don't live anywhere near the airport, and I don't really live near him either. But I had to get right back to my house, so I left. And it probably took the whole trip, was about an hour and a half. So I left my house, went to the airport, picked him up, drove from the airport to his house, then his house came back to mine. That's it. It was like, hi, hi, hi, bye, welcome back, you know, but apparently in the car ride, I was sort of.

[Kat]

Negative, killing the vibe.

[Amy]

I killed the vibe. And so when we got to the. When I got to the airport to pick him up, I got out and went and got in the passenger seat, and he got in the driver's seat. So he was driving and There was someone that was recklessly driving near us, and he kind of gave them a look, and then he had some road rage happen, and I'm like, we're in my car. I fear retaliation.

[Kat]

I don't want you looking such a fear of retaliation.

[Amy]

I really do.

[Kat]

We're in every everything where.

[Amy]

Does this, like, a negative review. I won't leave one. A tip. You're getting a good one.

[Kat]

Like, does this come from somewhere? I'm sorry I'm derailing your story, but, like, news.

[Amy]

I don't know.

[Kat]

Okay, so nobody's ever retaliated at you, and this is like, your response to, like, I can never have that again?

[Amy]

Yeah, I haven't personally experienced retaliation because. Not on my watch. I'm good. Like, I think, okay, it's not gonna happen. I don't. I don't think.

[Kat]

Okay. It's just an interesting. Like, that's one of. I feel like I hear about that more than any other fear of yours.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Okay. So you're in the car, and I.

[Amy]

Have no interest in changing that fear, by the way.

[Kat]

I'm. There's no problem.

[Amy]

Because, like, why would I. The minute I decide to change, I get retaliated on. That's true. Like, no.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

No, thank you. So he gives this woman a look, and then, you know when you're driving. Okay, we're taking an exit. Like, she's aggressively driving towards us. Like, there's, like, a game happening. So then we are taking an exit. She speeds up, scoots over in front of us in the exit, and slows way down. So now we're having to go really slow. It's not even her exit. So last minute as she can, she zooms back onto the highway. Stop it. Yes.

[Kat]

Okay. This reminds me of the show Beef. Okay, well, have you seen it?

[Amy]

Yes, I. Yeah, it doesn't end well. Yeah, exactly. Like, do you see that? Is the dominoes just keep falling and then. Yeah, it's not good.

[Kat]

Also, have you seen the video that went around on Instagram where somebody pulls. They. They cut somebody off, and then they pump on their brakes and then they put their car in reverse and smash into that car so it looks like that car hit them?

[Amy]

Yeah, see, I have no interest in that game. I don't. I don't want to. That could have happened.

[Kat]

He just.

[Amy]

If he hadn't looked at her and just let her do her thing and slowed down and let her go on her merry way, we wouldn't have been in this little car wars situation.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And I was really worked up. And then he. He was like, sorry. I mean, he was coming off a trip. He's like, I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep. And then, honestly, he's like, this whole car ride has not been that much fun because you've just been negative, like, since you. And I was like, oh, wait. And I said, so let me get this clear. You're now blaming your road rage attitude and your reaction to her in this little game y' all are playing that put our lives at risk, by the way, on me?

[Kat]

And he said.

[Amy]

He said, well, no, no. He said, I have to take responsibility for my action. I mean, he realized that that's sort of what he was doing. He was like, I have to take responsibility for my action. And then we paused. Pause, pause, pause. Take a deep breath. Breath, breath, breath out. And then I said, also, I am sorry for being negative. And then I saw some article the other day. I talked about it on the Bobby Bone Show. I. I don't know if it was Harvard, something like that. Something tells.

[Kat]

But they were talking about.

[Amy]

I know this is loose information.

[Kat]

Take it at risk.

[Amy]

Yeah. Take it for what you will. But she was talking about how feelings take about 90 seconds to, like, fully process through your body. And then it's what you decide to do after that that can keep them looping. So it's your response to the feeling, and then whether or not you want to keep ruminating on it. And then it's living rent free.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So I. In that moment, I had some feelings happening, and I was. I recalled that article, and I was like, okay, this is uncomfortable right now. I'm gonna give it about 90 seconds. I'm gonna give it about 90 seconds, and then we're gonna. We're gonna move on because he's not out of town. I really wanted to go get him. It should have been fun. I was negative. I'm sorry. So I need to own that. And then he can own his road rage. And then we will forget about this and move on. And then the rest of the day was okay. Cause I was dropping him off at home, but going back to my house to cook dinner because we had people coming over, and him and his kids were coming over. And then by the time, like, we got to his house and he got out of the car, like, everything was fine.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And. But that's one of those things. If I. If I maybe wasn't thinking about that and I didn't let the feeling just, like, go through my body and give myself the 90 seconds. Like, we could have turned that into, like, a real. You're not even coming over for dinner later.

[Kat]

Yeah, just forget about it.

[Amy]

Just forget about it.

[Kat]

Well, I'm not being a good time. Just forget about it. You don't have to come over tonight. Don't worry about it.

[Amy]

Right. And he would be like, come on, please stop being ridiculous. And I'd be like, no, seriously, really serious. We're done.

[Kat]

I don't think you would get that.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

Do you ever, like, get in a fight? Kind of. And then, like, you start laughing? You have to keep yourself from laughing because in your head, you're, like, so stupid. But, like, at the same time, you're like, no, I'm mad.

[Amy]

Yeah. But do you know sometimes laughing when I'm in a really intense situation is one of my trauma responses.

[Kat]

Oh. So it's probably for a different reason than me.

[Amy]

Probably. I. But also, I guess I could do that. If I'm being ridiculous, then I might be like, okay, this is dumb, but I actually have been a very. Probably the. One of the most intense situations of my life. I'm not going to get into it. I've not shared it publicly, but it's one of the darkest nights of my life. No reason for laughter. None whatsoever.

I can't even imagine laughing now, thinking back on it, but there I was.

[Kat]

Was it a giggle or a hysterics?

[Amy]

No, not hysterics. Just a. Like. Like, I couldn't. Like, I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Almost just like a. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe this is happening. I'm laughing. And then that made things worse. You don't. There's other people there. And my sister was like, what are you doing?

[Kat]

Stop.

[Amy]

And I'm like, I don't know. And so then with my therapist, I told her that because I felt like a crazy person. Sociopath.

[Kat]

Because you weren't feeling funny?

[Amy]

No.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

If anything, I felt so sad.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And hurt and anger. Yeah. All of my emotions were not. No laughter. No laughter in the mix. And Janet, who we. You respect, am I allowed to say that you know that she was my therapist? Did you know that?

[Kat]

Yes. I'm allowed to.

[Amy]

I. I never know you therapists and your hipaa, but whatever. She told me that that was my trauma response and that she gave me the green light, that it was a. Okay. And I am not the only person in the world that would be in that situation laughing. Yeah. I was like, thank you.

[Kat]

So you were like, there's Nothing wrong with me. That's just like a way that I was processing.

[Amy]

And then I thought back to sometimes I get spanked as a kid and I was in trouble with my parents. They would spank me and I would laugh.

[Kat]

That probably backfired on you.

[Amy]

Oh, well, backfiring in the laughing situation I had as an adult, that backfired on me. It made everything worse.

[Kat]

Yeah, but it.

[Amy]

But I was like, I don't know if.

[Kat]

Well, if I was spanking my kid, I don't think I'm going to be doing that. And they laughed. I think I'd. I'd be like, what am I doing?

Yeah, I'd be like, this isn't funny. And like, also, what am I doing?

[Amy]

Right.

[Kat]

But also, I don't know.

[Amy]

I know, I know. But it wasn't like a laugh. Like, hahaha. But it was the laughter like I had with. And I remember as a kid kind of feeling like, am I like the devil or something? Why am I laughing? Like, what's wrong with me?

[Kat]

I felt like I've been demon inside me.

[Amy]

I felt like, you know, weird about it. But then I got affirmed from my therapist, which I don't know if y' all are just supposed to do that to your clients. Like, is there ever we're. Well, like, I know you are, but like, what if I was literally doing something that wasn't normal? Like, how would Janet say that to me? Like, I know you can't speak for her, but I'm just saying loosely. Let's just hypothetical. I'm talking to a therapist and I'm doing something that is, like, that's actually a worrisome response. Like she was saying my laughing was a trauma response and I should feel okay with that. And don't, don't overthink it. It's a coping thing. What if I was responding in some way that is very dangerous and not good? And it is.

[Kat]

I think we would share that with you.

[Amy]

Yeah. Like you. You would say. You wouldn't affirm me. You'd be like, okay, well, you just did what you needed to do.

[Kat]

No, no. And I actually think sometimes there's like. Like we were talking before. Sometimes we o therapists have overcorrected and we affirm too much. And like, there is a clinical. We have clinical judgment. And what might be okay for somebody, it's not always okay with. That's why I say it depends all the time. What is worrisome for one client might not be worrisome for another. And then there are things that are worrisome all around. But, yes, there are things that we'd have to be like, okay, so, like, let's talk about why this is how you responded and why this might be hurtful or this might be scary or this might be dangerous, or this might not be the most adaptive, healthy coping skill. So let's see if we can find some healthier ones. You know, like, your eating disorder is a coping skill, and that's not a healthy coping skill. So she's not like, oh, don't worry that you've made all of this vegan Thanksgiving food because that's. You're just taking care of yourself. Like, we would have a conversation about, like, okay, like.

Why is. We wouldn't use why, but we would talk about. Are you about to say that.

[Amy]

No, keep going. And I have a thought.

[Kat]

We would have a conversation about, like, what feels important about this and what is this keeping you from? And all of that versus just being like, that's bad.

[Amy]

Well, it's reminding me back to the word of inconvenience. Like, I. What I did that Thanksgiving is I decided to inconvenience my family and serve them a meal that was like, I wasn't hostess of the mostest at all whatsoever in that situation. And as opposed to inconveniencing myself for a day and serving our family recipes or something that they would actually enjoy.

[Kat]

Yeah.

Grace.

[Amy]

Ah, we grow.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

So let me get this straight. Your company has data here, there, and everywhere, but your AI can't use the data because it's here, there, and everywhere? Seems like something's missing. Every business has unique data. IBM helps your AI access your data wherever it lives to change how you do business. Let's create Smile to Business IBM.

Hey, audiobook lovers. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with musician, producer, and walking encyclopedia Questlove. We're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir, Night how to be a DJ in 90s New York City. All right, like we talked about before, Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth. What's a tool or piece of equipment in the studio or on stage that gives you the most control?

[Ed Helms]

So I have two microphones on stage. We have the microphone that you hear as the audience. Then we have a second microphone and we. We communicate with each other. I feel like that second microphone kind of saved all of our friendships. No band likes each other after 20 years or 25 years. The Beatles broke up in seven and a half years, and we're going on 35.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

Listen to Earsay. The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Amy]

Big things are happening at your local CVS. Extra big. So hurry on over because extra big deals are here. These are deals so extra that they absolutely cannot be missed. And every two weeks there's going to be more. So you've got to keep coming back so that you can keep on saving on all the brands and products that you and your family use every day. And speaking of saving, extra care is the way to save at cvs. So use your extra care card to unlock savings every time you shop. And if you're not a member yet, now is the time to join. And the best part? It's completely free. Just sign up online or in store and you'll start saving instantly. And always be sure to check the CVS Health app for deals and savings. Visit your local CVS store or cvs.com extrabigdeals to shop this week's deals and stock up on your favorite products.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card members can earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases wherever they shop. This means you could be earning daily cash on just about anything, like a slice of pizza from your local pizza place or a latte from the corner coffee shop. Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app to see your credit limit offer in minutes. Subject to credit approval. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch terms and [e-mail] I don't know about you guys.

[Pandora Jewelry Spokesperson]

But I love to buy gifts. I love it so much. I love it so much more than getting gifts. But the one thing that I do love, especially when it comes to my daughter, is getting matching things. I know it's such a cliche, but I love it so much. So I have the perfect brand for you. Pandora Jewelry can make their holiday unforgettable with the gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. A gift that tells a story and shows you know theirs that doesn't just sparkle, but speaks. From new festive charms to forever rings and personal engravings, this season, give a gift that's perfectly theirs. Whether you're shopping for a shiny surprise for your significant other, matching bracelets to celebrate your friendship, or a heartfelt gift for a family member. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop [e-mail] or or visit your closest Pandora store.

[Amy]

So Shannon found the Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Taylor talking about the 90 seconds. Here's what the research showed. 90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it when you're stressed. Pausing 90 seconds and labeling what you're feeling. Like, for example, I'm getting angry. This tampers down activity in the amygdala. MRI studies of the brain show that this emotion labeling calms the brain region involved in angry outbursts and helps you regain control. So, yeah, I gave myself that 90 seconds in the car. I. Case study proof experiment, data done. It worked. And my boyfriend is typically really good at that. Like, he's the one that stays more calm, but he. That was the first time I saw the road rage situation come out. And I was like, whoa, I can't.

[Kat]

See him doing that.

[Amy]

Yeah, it was a shocker to me, too. And I'm like, well, I guess I learned more about you today. And he was like, well, this car ride has just not been fun. This car ride sucks. Yeah. And I was like, well, sorry I inconvenienced myself and drove all the way here to get you from the airport. And then I was negative Nancy. What?

[Kat]

Oh, dang it.

[Amy]

What?

[Kat]

Dang it. What? Okay, well, I. I saw something being highlighted in our doc, and I read the word holiday and Christmas, and I thought, shannon found the movie, but she didn't. Dang it. So nothing came up in a Google search. See, it's like, I can't find it. All right, sorry.

[Amy]

Well, Christmas is our next holiday in the books because Thanksgiving's out. Check.

[Kat]

Can I offer a stocking stuffer for all you people out there?

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Kat]

In the room. Everybody's like, yes. Okay, so usually this doesn't happen to me, but I got worked. I feel like you're rubbing off on me in a good way, because, you know, I'm over here, and they're like, don't buy into things you see on. On the Internet. And you're kind of over here. I kept seeing this ad for a black cherry Clinique lip gloss. Has anybody else seen this ad?

[Amy]

No.

[Kat]

Why do I keep.

[Amy]

But I'll probably get it. Now that you're saying it. I feel like I have bad memories with Clinique, but I'll tell you about that later. I mean, Clinique is still good. It's a. It's a good brand. But it's like, speaking of childhood trauma. Yeah.

[Kat]

Well, I was like, why is this getting fed to me? Because, one, I don't think I've gotten something from Clinique since I was 15 years old. But good for them. It was everywhere. And I kept seeing it over and over so finally, I was like, I want to buy something today. I'm gonna buy this lip gloss. I'm wearing it now. It is not. It's like a color, but it's not like a lipstick, so it's not, like, thick. Does that make sense? It's, like, not a stain, but it's not a lipstick, but it's not a chapstick, but it's not actually a gloss.

[Amy]

What is bomb?

[Kat]

It's a bomb.

[Amy]

It's a bomb.

[Kat]

It's a bomb.

[Amy]

It's a bomb.

[Kat]

Okay. Anyway, it looks like this, and it is. It's really dark, but it doesn't show up that dark on your lips. And you can, like, layer it and stuff, too. I love it. And apparently it's, like, universally beautiful on.

[Amy]

People because it's a PH responder or what.

[Kat]

I don't know if it is one of those. Bobbi Brown has a really good one that responds to ph. I know.

[Amy]

We got it in New York.

[Kat]

Well, remember that one color I really liked on me, but you didn't like on. It was, like, completely different. It was crazy. But they also. This comes in a. And a lip oil, too. So if you are wanting to put a little stocking stuffer somewhere. I feel like Clinique is back.

[Amy]

Is Clinique back?

[Kat]

I mean, it might be.

[Amy]

I think it might be because, like, J. Crew's back, Banana Republic's back. Like, all those brands that we went away bent. I mean, they've always been around, but I think they're just having a resurgence, like, another moment. And maybe for some people that never went away. I don't think it's bad if you've always been a fan, but one time, my dad in high school bought me Clinique powder, and my stepmom freaked out like that. He spent that kind of money on my powder because I should be getting Maybelline from the drugstore.

[Kat]

She said that to your face?

[Amy]

Or she said it to my dad. And, like, I heard.

[Kat]

I.

[Amy]

It was maybe on the phone or were you like.

[Kat]

You can have a powder.

[Amy]

Just remember we were at the mall, and I really wanted this Clinique powder, you know, is in the green case and the perfect little sponge. And he got it for me, and then it became an ordeal, like, so.

[Kat]

Did he share with you that she said that? Do you remember?

[Amy]

I think it was he. We must have gotten in the car, and he was on the phone with her, and it just was not good.

[Kat]

I was trying to do something sweet.

[Amy]

But I think she was just sort of like, you don't need to spend that on a kid. Like, how old were you? Probably 15, 14. I don't know. I just remember probably freshman year of high school or something.

Good times.

[Kat]

Should we go to the clinic? And we should. I should have bought this.

[Amy]

Like, I'm gonna buy whatever powder I.

[Kat]

Want and recreate a memory. But also, I should have bought this at the store because I could have gotten the gift with purchase that they always do. Yeah, they still do that.

[Amy]

The gifts with purchase were legit.

[Kat]

My mom would buy makeup for her and give me the gift.

[Amy]

That yellow moisturizer.

[Kat]

Yes. Yes. So much of that. But also all those little, like, cute little bags.

[Amy]

Yeah. Good times.

[Kat]

I love going to the mall. I love it.

[Amy]

Remember last time we went and picked out pajamas?

[Kat]

And I love going to the mall at Christmas. Yes, we did. And then Patrick didn't like those pajamas, and I was like, I don't even care. I love the mall at Christmas. We should go. And we have to get Auntie Anne's pretzels.

[Amy]

Okay. I gotta say, I used to be upset with those. Or not upset. I used to be obsessed with those. And I was kind of upset the last time I got one because it hit. Right.

[Kat]

They've changed. They're not as good, but, I mean, you still have to get them. Maybe just, like, carry it around.

[Amy]

What happened? Like, did they change the recipe?

[Kat]

Because I think everything has been not as good. Like, Chili's used to slap, and now chili sucks. The shiny chipotle chicken crispers and their skillet queso. Are you kidding me?

[Amy]

I used to love the chicken egg rolls at Chili's.

[Kat]

Southwest egg rolls.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

The Southwest chicken egg rolls. O. In college. Yes.

[Kat]

I. Yes. So I just think that chains like that, I think they get bought. I mean, I'm making this up. I don't know really happens, but I.

[Amy]

Know where's the data?

[Kat]

They get. They get bought and, like, they have to lower food costs. They have to, like, skimp on the quality. And so then we're with these. We have these pretzels that aren't really that good, but you keep eating them because nostalgia says they're good anyway. We'll just get them and hold them and then maybe have one or two.

[Amy]

And then one or two pretzels.

[Kat]

Well, because we're not going to really want them because they're not going to be that good. But I just want to the process of going to the mall and getting them.

[Amy]

Well, I was just thinking, have you ever had two pretzels in A row. Okay.

[Kat]

I'll probably eat the whole thing anyway.

[Amy]

Me, too. I will eat the whole thing. But I don't know if you got the pretzel sticks.

[Kat]

Sorry? The little nuggets.

[Amy]

Oh, you'll eat one or two nuggets. I was seeing the big twisty pretzel, and you're like, we'll eat one or two. And I'm like, first of all, they're not even that great. And now you're committing to eating two.

[Kat]

No, sorry. The mini ones. I always got the little, like, nuggets. Did you get the salty ones or the cinnamon sugar salt all day long. There's cinnamon sugar so good, too.

[Amy]

I want a salty one with a Diet Coke.

[Kat]

Okay, well, you'll get that, and then I'll get the cinnamon sugar, and we can, like, share a little bit.

[Amy]

Can you go to the mall at the, like, right when it opens so it's not busy?

[Kat]

No, that's part of the Christmas cheer. What is? People everywhere. And you're hustling and bustling with all your bags, and you're like, excuse me, ma'. Am. And then, like, yeah, that's part of the fun.

[Amy]

Okay, I'll go.

[Kat]

What stores do you want to go to?

[Amy]

Inconvenient to myself. And go with you to the mall during a busy time, and we will tear it up.

[Kat]

Okay, but.

[Amy]

Because that will bring you joy.

[Kat]

Yes, yes.

[Amy]

And I'm sure in turn, like, right now it's sort of freaking me out, but I will probably leave there with joy because you had fun. And then I'll have fun.

[Kat]

And, like, we'll go look at Santa and the kids getting their pictures with Santa, and, like, they're so cute.

[Amy]

That sounds horrible to me, but.

[Kat]

Sorry, Wrench. No, it just, like, we'll fight for a parking spot.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Kat]

No, we'll get a good deal on something because there's sales.

[Sophie Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Kat]

That I, like, smell all the candles at Bath and Body Works. Oh, my God.

[Amy]

I'm not the only one. That.

[Kat]

Ugh.

[Amy]

That. That sounded like a double ugh. Cause, Shannon, okay, I know it's not.

[Kat]

The best place to get a candle, but it's nostalgia. When I was 13, I loved going there and getting a body glitter stick and a lip gloss and an air freshener. Are you kidding me?

[Amy]

Yeah, I just feel art brand.

[Kat]

Did you ever have that?

[Amy]

You know, speaking of ads, I almost ordered you a Christmas present the other day off an Instagram ad, but it. I don't know how they did this, but I think it was a scam. Oh, because you'd think it would be legit. But I went through and I ordered on like I clicked on it and then I did Apple pay and everything should have checked out. And then it didn't send me a receipt. And I'm like, did this not go through? Then I got an email from them and they're like, complete your order. But if they send me now an email and I have to click a different external link, now they've, now they're offline of Instagram where they probably had everything approved. And now they're in my email where they can get a little shady.

[Kat]

What was it?

[Amy]

I don't want to tell you in case I find it somewhere else, but I. I almost got scammed. Well, surprise me for your present. But Christmas being our next holiday, I do have. And we can wrap with this, things that you don't owe your family for the holidays because.

[Kat]

Overcorrect, right?

[Amy]

Because you can inconvenience yourself for your friends and your family and your loved ones.

[Kat]

But.

[Amy]

And it depends.

[Kat]

And you can have boundaries.

[Amy]

And this is from Dr. Allison Kella McGuire. She's a licensed therapist and she said that family or not, you don't owe anyone access to your peace, your time, or your healing. It can feel heavy to unlearn the guilt, but protecting your well being is not selfish. It's necessary. And again, all of this is under the it depends category. Like, read all of this. It depends. So here are some things you absolutely don't owe your family. Unlimited access to your time, forgiveness without accountability, excuses for their harmful behavior, emotional labor to keep the peace, silence when something is wrong, agreeing with unhealthy patterns and sacrificing your well being for their comfort.

[Kat]

You know what we need to do? What? And this is a little teaser for you guys. This reminds me, I think because there needs to be conversation around like the, the nuance and the independence of this. Because this is one of those things you can be like, I don't owe you anything. I'm not showing up. But like, also there's give and take in relationships and families more difficult than that. And we can't just cut everybody off. We're gonna do the drama triangle.

[Amy]

Yes, we are.

[Kat]

I've been talking to you about doing that and I think this is the perfect time of year to do that. Especially because, yes, Christmas is coming up and you're probably just been around family a lot and there the drama triangle. I think we've probably mentioned it before, but it is just a pattern of unhealthy Communication that we all tend to get involved in at times.

[Amy]

I've been every character.

[Kat]

Everybody has been every character, even if they don't want to be or if they don't want to admit it. Like, we all have. I have. I still do it.

[Amy]

It's a triangle. So there's three main players.

[Kat]

Yeah. You know so much about this.

[Amy]

I learned about it. And my. So Ben and I, before we got divorced, we did a year of couples therapy, and that's when I was first introduced to the drama triangle. Cartman.

[Kat]

Cartman triangle.

[Amy]

Yeah. And our therapist, like, drew it on the board, and then we stood up and we did some activities with, like, some hula hoops and stuff. And.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I was like, oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, I can get this mode. But I also. That's when I realized too, like, how it was showing up in certain friendships as well. And it was like a light bulb went off.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

It. It. Like a couple of the sessions, I should have been there focusing on Ben, and I was focusing on other relationships because, like, oh, my gosh, this is mind blowing how we've been dancing in this triangle for so long. And no wonder I'm so exhausted.

[Kat]

Yeah. And if you don't notice it, you can't get out of it. Yeah.

[Amy]

I had no idea until it was so enlightening.

[Kat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And can be very powerful and just good information for you to have. Right. And evaluate.

[Kat]

Yeah. So we'll do that.

[Amy]

How will we do that next week? Okay. Drama triangle coming up.

[Kat]

Yeah. Stay tuned.

[Amy]

Huh. Which something we do have up per yalls feedback is the crew neck sweatshirt of have the day you need to have, because we're about to say that that's our. Our ending is have the day you need to have every episode. And we put that on a T shirt and asking you shall receive a crew neck was requested. So we put it like a monochromatic blue on blue, like a denimy type color, but on a sweatshirt. It's not a denim sweatshirt. I don't want to be confusing. And then navy letters. And it's so cute. So if you're a part of our newsletter, you've already seen it. If you're not, we'll join the newsletter. It's in the show notes. How to sign up.

[Kat]

It's easy.

[Amy]

Or you can see stuff on social media. Feeling things podcast is the handle. And also feelingthingspodcast.com is where you can shop. And we'll link that in the show notes. And with that said, we hope you.

[Kat]

Have the day you need to have.

[Amy]

Bye Bye.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

Hey audiobook lovers. I'm Cal Penn.

[Ed Helms]

I'm Ed Helms.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

Ed and I are inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with our new podcast, Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

[Ed Helms]

Each week we sit down with your favorite iHeart podcast hosts and some very special guests to discuss the latest and.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

Greatest audiobooks from Audible, listen to Hearsay on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow earsay and start listening on the free iHeartradio app today.

[Ed Helms]

What a matchup we got, y'.

[Kalpen (Cal Penn)]

All.

[Ed Helms]

This is that classic HBC see you vibe. Non stop action. The band is rocking and the crowd lit. Chance echo drum beat. Everybody showing that school pride game like this. Yeah, it calls for an ice cold Coca Cola. Ah, crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there.

Yeah, that taste always hits the right note. Just like the band at halftime. And just like with that, we're back at it. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere and an ice cold Coca Cola. That's a winning combo no matter the sport, no matter the yard. Everybody knows fan work is thirsty work. So grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going.

[Sophie Cunningham]

This is Sophie Cunningham from Show Me Something. Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea, or osa, in adults with obesity? They may be happening to you without you knowing. If anyone has ever said you snored loudly, or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability and concentration issues, it may be due to osa. OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation. Learn more at don'tsleep on OSA.com this information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

[Ed Helms]

Amazon Five Star Theater presents Real customer reviews performed by Ed Helms. Tonight's review Tactical Jacket I was living a simple life. Didn't get out much. Then I bought this jacket and everything changed. Women came flocking to me from lands domestic and foreign. On the 245 day sailboat voyage home. I was attacked by a shark. I knew it was the jacket he was after giving up the jacket in exchange for my life. 5 stars Amazon Customer 69 Shop the perfect gift this holiday on Amazon.

Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We host the podcast Mind the Small Business Success Stories produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit QuickBooks.

[Kat]

We're back for season four to talk to some incredible small business owners.

[Ed Helms]

The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing.

[Kat]

Everyone's a rookie. That's how fast the industry is changing. So what I'm really excited about is to be part of that change.

[Amy]

So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple.

[Kat]

Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.