FEELING THINGS: Things That Aren’t Toxic—Just Uncomfortable

Summary

The Bobby Bones Show: Feeling Things – "Things That Aren’t Toxic—Just Uncomfortable"

Date: February 1, 2026
Hosts: Amy & Cat
(from the Feeling Things segment/podcast)

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Episode Overview

This episode of the "Feeling Things" segment, hosted by Amy and Cat, explores the nuanced difference between things in life that are genuinely toxic versus those that are simply uncomfortable. The conversation centers around emotional awareness, vulnerability, growth through discomfort, and the importance of not over-pathologizing everyday challenges or relational friction.

The hosts alternate between discussing their "feelings of the day," sharing personal anecdotes (on skin issues and birdwatching), and diving into a list of situations that many people mistakenly label as "toxic" rather than just uncomfortable. The tone is warm, humorous, and supportive, with both hosts engaging in honest self-reflection and encouraging practical mindset shifts for their listeners.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The “Feelings of the Day” Check-In

• Cat shares she’s feeling "disgusted" due to a facial rash, likely caused by a new medication. She talks about her struggles with self-image and "image management."
• Amy is feeling "eager" about a new bird feeder, highlighting how small joys can offset difficult feelings in life.

Cat: "I'm just disgusted because I'm frustrated...I think I'm more frustrated than disgusted." (05:24)

Amy: "Well, what we do know is this is temporary. Yeah. And while you are feeling disgusted, you don’t look disgusting in the dim lighting." (06:15)

Image Management & Vulnerability

• Cat describes "image management" as the tendency to mention perceived flaws preemptively to “get ahead” of judgement.
• Both acknowledge it’s a common, but unhelpful, coping mechanism.
• Amy: "So what should we do instead if we have that urge?" (10:10)
• Cat: "Opposite action. Which is the opposite of what I'm doing. Say nothing." (10:27)
• Cat challenges herself (and listeners) to "opposite action," meaning resist the urge to call out perceived flaws.

2. Birdwatching as a Source of Eagerness and Comfort

• Amy excitedly discusses installing a new bird feeder and her plans for birdwatching.
• The conversation turns whimsical, comparing Amy to Snow White for her affinity with animals (19:54), and sharing stories about birds and even being tricked by fake neighborhood swans.
• Cat: "Maybe if I get a bird feeder it would change how I feel about my face." (19:07)
• The theme: Simple pleasures and nature can ground us and lift our spirits, especially when we’re feeling physically or emotionally "off."

3. Not Everything Uncomfortable is Toxic

• Cat shares an Instagram infographic from @therapyforwomen on the topic of situations that aren’t toxic but just uncomfortable (26:36).
• Both unpack each scenario on the list, reflecting on cultural trends that overuse the label "toxic" as a way to avoid discomfort, growth, or emotional complexity.

Examples from the List (with discussion):

• Someone Disagreeing with You

  Cat: "Not toxic, just uncomfortable. We kind of use it as an excuse to either not look at our own stuff or not sit with discomfort." (27:34)

  Amy: "I'm proud of us for being able to have a difficult conversation and everybody, you know, five minutes later laughing about something else." (28:43)

• Being Asked to Compromise

  Cat: "Not toxic, just uncomfortable. There’s a spectrum—sometimes it’s not about integrity being compromised, sometimes it’s just about meeting in the middle." (31:27)

• Feeling Guilty When You Hurt Someone

  Cat: "It's okay for you to feel guilty if you hurt somebody's feelings. That's not toxic. It's okay to feel that." (33:42)

• Someone Expressing Disappointment

  Cat: "If somebody shares with you that they're disappointed in something...they're not being toxic. It's okay to do that." (39:39)

• Conflict that Leads to Growth

  Cat: "Any conflict that leads to growth most likely is not going to be toxic. It’s going to be healthy." (39:55)

4. Popular Self-Help Phrases: When They Work and When They Don’t

• "If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no":

  Cat: "I hate it. That is black and white...There's so much gray." (35:02)

• "No is a complete sentence":
  • Both agree it's often misapplied and can come off as cold or unclear in close relationships.

  Amy: "Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." (39:05)

• General Takeaway:
  These slogans are helpful in moderation and intended for specific contexts, but can become unhealthy or even unkind if followed too rigidly.

5. Growth Through Discomfort (“The Dumbbell Analogy”)

• Amy: "Things are uncomfortable until they’re not." (40:27)
• They compare building tolerance for discomfort to lifting progressively heavier dumbbells at the gym.
• Facing discomfort allows for emotional and relational growth.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• On Image Management:

  "It's something that we do when we are trying to like, get ahead of somebody else thinking something about us...And so you can't hurt me."
  – Cat (09:03)

• On Growth Through Discomfort:

  "The more we avoid...you never face the uncomfortable. So you don't learn how to lift it."
  – Amy (42:08)

• On Self-Help Slogans:

  "No is a complete sentence...But if you just texted 'no,' that would be a little aggressive."
  – Amy (36:51)

• On Changing What’s Uncomfortable:

  "Things are uncomfortable until they're not."
  – Amy (40:27, 44:33)

• On Relational Nuance:

  "Not everything has to be a deal breaker."
  – Cat (29:55)

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Segment Timestamps

• 03:49 "Feeling of the Day" Check-in: Disgusted (Cat) / Eager (Amy)
• 09:03 Image management, vulnerability, and coping strategies
• 13:33 Cat decides to challenge herself with "opposite action"
• 15:14 Amy’s excitement about bird feeding and nature
• 26:36 Main Topic: 'Not Toxic—Just Uncomfortable': Exploring the List
• 28:18–31:27 Disagreement and compromise in relationships
• 33:42 Guilt and hurting others—why feeling bad isn't always toxic
• 35:02–39:15 Popular self-help mantras debunked
• 40:27 Growth metaphor: Lifting the “uncomfortable” dumbbell
• 50:28 Light segment: Protein ball mishaps and culinary experimentation
• 54:53 Book recommendations: "Book Lovers" by Emily Henry and Kristen Hannah’s works
• 58:28 Fun Instagram video: Sensitivity as car analogies (Ferrari vs. Chevy vs. Porsche)
• 62:33 Playful final self-reflection: Sensitivity scales, quirks, and friendship dynamics

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Final Reflections & Takeaways

• Discomfort is a part of growth—social, emotional, and even culinary!
• The impulse to call things "toxic" is sometimes a way to avoid personal discomfort and miss opportunities for learning.
• Coping mechanisms like "image management" are common, but practicing "opposite action" (leaning into discomfort rather than preemptively defending ourselves) can be growthful.
• Practical wisdom, humor, and deep honesty mark Amy and Cat’s approach, making emotional growth feel accessible and relatable.

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For Further Listening

• Feeling Things Instagram for their cooking videos and more tips.
• Previously mentioned episode: The Drama Triangle (December).

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Host Contact:
Email for "Couch Talks" advice: [e-mail]

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End Message:
“Wherever you are, have the day you need to have.” (63:59)

Transcript

[Cat]

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[Cat]

If you ever have feelings and you just want some, maybe a cat got you covered like a number. Ladies and fellas, we just in the spirit where it tell us from the real stuff to the chill stuff and the in between, sometimes the best thing you can do is just stop and feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Cat.

[Amy]

Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy. And I'm Kat, and we both have feelings of the day and I can see in our doc they're very different. I have no idea why you're feeling disgusted, but I'm feeling eager. You go first.

[Cat]

I want your feeling today.

[Amy]

Oh, you want to be. You want to feel eager.

[Cat]

Actually, here you go. I'm going to twist this frown upside down. I'm feeling disgusted because a couple days ago I awoke with what looks to be and you can give your feedback on this, but it looks like I have a rash on my face. I'm diagnosing myself with dermatitis, which from my friend who's an esthetician is what I've gathered is just kind of like an infection of the skin. But it can't be that actually, because isn't it hormonal? Hormonal, yeah.

[Amy]

Yeah. I've had dermatitis on my back before. I don't know if that's exactly what it was called, but I had little teeny tiny bumps like that are on your face and I had on my back and I used that. Golly, what was I got it at, you know, CVS or Walgreens Grapefruit Scrub. No, no, no. Pac. So I got to Google it.

[Cat]

I know what you're saying. Paxol. It's an X with the X. Right?

[Amy]

Maybe it cleared my back. I mean, I was living with the bumps for a while, and then I got a bar of soap of the. This what I'm going to Google, so I'll be able to tell you what it's called. And it cleared right up.

[Cat]

Wait, I wonder if I can use it on my face.

[Amy]

I mean, maybe you could. My dermatologist told me that you can use dandruff shampoo on your face, but I don't know if that applies for hormonal bumps.

[Cat]

So I'm taking a new medication that I know. That's why. I don't know, but that's why I'm assuming it's the only thing that has changed. And I'm just disgusted because I'm frustrated. Oh, I think I'm more frustrated than disgusted because I'm not like, ooh. I mean, I am kind of. I don't like it.

[Amy]

Oh, okay. Panoxyl.

[Cat]

What is Paxil? That's. That's a drug. Paxil stone, like a pharmaceutical drug.

[Amy]

There's the. There's lots of different Panoxyl products. I used the bar of soap, probably because that's familiar to me, because I.

[Cat]

Love a bar of soap.

[Amy]

I love a white bar of soap, unscented. This one maybe has a synth, though, because it has a job to do. They also have a acne banishing body spray. Just get some of that sprayed on your face.

[Cat]

I don't know anything is gonna fix it unless I just, like, stop taking the medication. But I can't stop taking this medication. And so.

[Amy]

Well, what we do know is this is temporary. Yeah. And while you are feeling disgusted, you.

[Cat]

Don'T look disgusting in the dim lighting.

[Amy]

Yeah, we do have dim lighting. Kat used my guest bath, and she came out and she was like, whatever kind of lighting you have in the bathroom, that's what I need in my office because I don't think I'm going to be able to sit across from. From clients because they're going to think I have some disease.

[Cat]

It's pretty bad.

[Amy]

But how close are you sitting to your clients?

[Cat]

Not that close. And I think that's also. I think it's pretty bad because it's giving me, like, flashbacks of when I had, like, acne in high school and I had to take Accutane, you know? And you, like, think you've recovered from this. And I really like just wearing tinted sunscreen. I don't like wearing foundation and stuff like that.

[Amy]

I feel like if. Honestly. Can I be really honest here?

[Cat]

Yes.

[Amy]

If you were to put foundation it would look so bad. It does not.

[Cat]

Like, it's bumpy.

[Amy]

Like, it would look like, what are you trying to cover? It just doesn't. Like, just let it be, Let it breathe. And also, since we're being honest here, it's not as bad as you think it is. But don't try to over make up it, because I think that's. That's never doing favors.

[Cat]

So, Patrick, you saying that. Thank you. Pause, pause, pause. Because Patrick keeps being like, it's really not that bad. Or like, to the point where I'm like, patrick, I know you're lying to me. You're just. He's like, I don't even see it, like, that far.

[Amy]

Where I'm like, he might be telling truth because he's got man goggles. He doesn't see what we see.

[Cat]

Well, that's true, but I said, you can't just lie to me anymore. You have to think of something else to say when I'm, like, frustrated and, like, complaining about it, because sometimes I just like the vent. So now he says when I'm like, oh, my face is so bad, He's. He just goes, I love you. He has nothing else to say.

[Amy]

I am acknowledging that your face feels and looks bad to you, which I think I get where guys are coming from. Like, there's times where I have stuff going on with my face and my boyfriend doesn't notice it. I think he's telling the truth. And I'm telling you as your friend, because I also know that I would notice what's going on your face. Like, I don't want to discount. I get it. You have bumps on your face. I am also telling you they don't look as bad as you think.

[Cat]

Well, thank you. But I'm. If I walked in and didn't say anything, you would notice it. It just.

[Amy]

Yeah, but it's not that bad. I wouldn't notice it and think like, cat, do you have a disease? Or. Or, you know, like, what happened? Yeah, Like, I wouldn't.

[Cat]

I texted you and I was like, don't be alarmed. I'm coming over and I don't have makeup on.

[Amy]

I know, but the thing is, I didn't even see that text before you walked in.

[Cat]

So what I'm doing is image management. I'm, like, calling it out before you sent a text.

[Amy]

You walk in and said it.

[Cat]

Yes. So I do realize. I think I've just been called image. Image management? Yeah.

[Amy]

Is that a tool?

[Cat]

It's something that we do when we are trying to, like, get ahead of somebody else thinking something about us. So if I'm feeling, like, really uncomfortable in my clothes or something, I can walk in and be like, oh, my jeans are so tight today. So if I'm thinking they look bad on me, then you won't think at first. I've already said it. I've got ahead of it, and so you can't hurt me.

[Amy]

Oh, so it's more of a tactic than a tool.

[Cat]

It's not a tool.

[Amy]

Yeah, sorry. I was thinking like you were like, it's what you should be doing.

[Cat]

And I'm like, negative coping skill. It's the whole idea of when you. You. I mean, this is literally what I've been doing when you. You're going to hang out with friends and you're like, oh, I have this big zit on my face. And then they're like, well, I wasn't even going to notice that, but now I see it. You know what I mean? We do it because we want to feel better, because we don't want that uncomfortable, unknown feeling of people looking at us and thinking it. So it's like me saying, I know.

[Amy]

What you're thinking, so you know it's an unhealthy coping tool, and you did it anyway, so what should you do? I know, but let's do this exercise.

[Cat]

How.

[Amy]

I'm like, you are, Cat.

[Cat]

You're human.

[Amy]

Because I thought you were perfect. No, no, no, no. Because I know I'm guilty of that tactic. Others listening probably are, too. So what should we do instead? If we have that urge to, you know, go in and announce our vulnerability out the gate so that nobody else can.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Like, what should we do?

[Cat]

Opposite action. Which is the opposite of what I'm doing.

[Amy]

Say nothing. Yeah, so walk in and just be like, hey.

[Cat]

Because what happens is usually when we do that, we're calling all this negative attention to ourselves. We're like, I could have walked in and you could have. I don't know what you would have complimented of me today because I kind of just like, rolled out of bed.

[Amy]

But the color of your sweatshirt looks really pretty on you.

[Cat]

You could have. I could have walked in and you could have been like, oh, my gosh, I love that sweatshirt. But I didn't give you the chance to do that. So I didn't get to give myself a chance to receive a compliment. Instead, we've just been talking about my skin for 35 minutes.

[Amy]

Well, you did dish out compliments. You were like, your skin looks so good. And I'm like, you're just saying that right now because you feel.

[Cat]

Your skin looks so beautiful. Like I told you, it looks like what I say, baby skin.

[Amy]

Oh, well, it feels a little rough to me because I started my. What's it called again?

[Cat]

Retinol.

[Amy]

My retinol again. So then I kind of had to exfoliate. So I think that's what's happening. Retinol doesn't burn. No. I use a very mild one from Biopel, but it's. I'm now putting it back into my routine, but I do it every other night, even though it's mild. My skin is so sensitive that I'm slowly building every other night, but it's already flaking off. Thank you. Pause, pause, pause for that compliment. But then you were also like. And your hair looks really good. And then I was like, oh, it's so dirty. I need to wash it. And you go, don't wash it.

[Cat]

It looks. So you did a little bit of like, you couldn't take the compliment because my hair.

[Amy]

I do. Was gonna wash it today, but now will. You gave me a little boost.

[Cat]

Do not wash it. You're having a really good hair day, which makes me think of, like, are you robbing yourself of good hair days by washing your hair when it looks like this?

[Amy]

Well, it's not so much what it's looking like, it's what I smell.

[Cat]

I didn't smell you, so maybe you should wash it.

[Amy]

The ends of it smell. Okay, but I feel like my roots.

[Cat]

Get a little stinky.

[Amy]

Like something. I don't know. Just feel like maybe we can time.

[Cat]

Get you some, like, root freshening spray.

[Amy]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay. So you're feeling disgusted.

[Cat]

Well. And I vow to. Okay, this is gonna be so hard to me because for me, because the people that I'm gonna see today are all people I'm really close with. But I want to challenge myself to do opposite action today. Like, I'm gonna see my mom later. She already knows about this on my face, so I'm gonna try not to say anything.

[Amy]

No need.

[Cat]

If she brings it up, though, then I give myself full permission to be like, oh, I'm so frustrated.

[Amy]

That's okay to want to vent. But you, there's no need for you to, upon arrival, to be like, look, I told you your face.

[Cat]

And then at work, clearly that's gonna be easy for me. I'm not gonna, like, open the door to my clients and be like, okay, don't be alarmed. I know I've. I've breakouts. I would Never do that. So that's not as much of a challenge. So today I'm going to challenge myself to not do any image management.

[Amy]

Just, like, open the door and run back to your chair and then tell them you're playing a fun game where they're going to face the wall today. It's called face the wall work.

[Cat]

It's also so traumatizing.

[Amy]

You have to, like, sit in the corner and face the wall.

[Cat]

Yes. Speaking of, I know I talked about this last week. I finished the Jody Hildebrandt documentary.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Cat]

Oh, my gosh. You know, I do want to recommend it to people because I think it's a good warning of just the. Like I said last time, the power of manipulation and all that, but evil, evil, evil. And I believe in the power of forgiveness and change and transformation and all that, but I don't think there's. Their sentencing was as bad as it should have been. Do you. Are you familiar with the story?

[Amy]

I am familiar with the story, but I've not watched the documentary.

[Cat]

It's like, honestly.

[Amy]

But I remember watching something on Ruby. Frankie.

[Cat]

Okay. I cried a lot.

[Amy]

Frankie or Frank?

[Cat]

Frankie.

[Amy]

Frankie. Okay.

[Cat]

They'll serve four to 30 years in.

[Amy]

Prison, so people are interested in watching it. The Jody Hildebrandt story is on Netflix. And, yeah, it says that it highlights her role as a mastermind behind the abuse, tracing her rise to power in her community and her twisted teachings. Golly.

[Cat]

Yeah. It's sick the things that they are doing to.

[Amy]

But it's like how people like that even rise in a community.

[Cat]

Yeah. It shows the progression, which I think that is, I think the helpful part of, like, you don't just jump into it, because then people would be like, that lady's crazy. It was a slow progression where she, like, controlled people and, like, ruined people's lives. And those kids are going to have that trauma for the rest of their lives. Like, it's changed their life in a bad way.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Cat]

Anyway, tell me about the eagerness you're feeling. Bring us up a little bit.

[Amy]

This is definitely gonna bring you up totally different.

[Cat]

Okay.

[Amy]

We are doing a 180. I ordered a new bird feeder, and it arrived today.

[Cat]

You're back into the birds?

[Amy]

Well, they never left me, but I realized I put some bird feeders up around my house, but I moved into my new house a year and a half ago. I used to have a bird feeder at my last house that was right by my kitchen table window. And here, the way my home is set up, where my porches and my Bird feeders are out in the yard. I have to be sitting on the screened porch to see the birds. And the screen porch is still cold, so I can't be, like, in my kitchen window and looking out and seeing the birds. They're in my yard. So I see them, but they're far. So I found a solution. I was sitting at my kitchen table, and I looked over to this window that's kind of tucked. It's a window right by my kitchen table, right where my laundry room door is. The window there, though, is behind bushes and trees, like in my front landscaping. Well, that's the perfect place to put a suction cup birdhouse onto the window. Because you won't. I wouldn't want. I don't know why, but I wouldn't want that on my front window when you're pulling up to my house. But because this is disguised by bushes, you don't really see it.

[Cat]

Oh, you can't see that window?

[Amy]

Not really. It's sort of hidden.

[Cat]

I don't think it's weird that you don't want a bird feeder suction cup to the front window of your house.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Cat]

That's a normal.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Well, thank you.

[Amy]

Well, but just in case anybody has that.

[Cat]

Okay. You do.

[Amy]

You like? That's okay. But for me, that would be off because I would be like, well, I need one on every window because I want it to look the same. Well, so I had this revelation, and I go on Amazon and I find the suction cup bird feeder, and it has arrived. So I'm so eager to get done with my work and a few other things that I need to do today. And I get to open up that package because I also ordered new bird seed. So I got a fresh bag of bird seed and a new feeder. I'm in a suction to the outside of that window, and the birds, they're going to come, and they're going to come right to my window.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So, like, I don't have to be out on the screen porch and I can be sitting at my kitchen table and the birds can come visit.

[Cat]

Yeah. And do you have your little. I feel like you used to have this laminated sheet with. Or maybe it was a book of, like, all these different birds.

[Amy]

My bird book is out on my screen porch.

[Cat]

Or is it bird bingo or something?

[Amy]

I would just play. Yeah, I would play bird bingo. I don't have that anymore. I mean, I suppose it's somewhere, but maybe with my new feeder, I need to bust out a new round because I'm Gonna have new visitors to that feeder. And I'll be like, hey, cardinal, check. Chickadee, check.

[Cat]

What's the blue jay?

[Amy]

Check.

[Cat]

Rare bird that you had coming to your bird feeder before.

[Amy]

I mean, they weren't rare. I mean, I would get excited if I.

[Cat]

You could, like, name them and you would see.

[Amy]

I love seeing a tufted titmouse.

[Cat]

I knew you were gonna say that.

[Amy]

That's my favorite. You know, a blue jay never came to my feeder till my dad died.

[Cat]

No way.

[Amy]

Way. I had cardinals, had morning doves. Lots of morning doves. Does a morning doves come in pairs? It's cute.

[Cat]

Oh, that is cute. I was gonna say, does a. A hummingbird. Does that have a different bird food?

[Amy]

Yes.

[Cat]

That's okay. You're looking at me like.

[Amy]

Well, it's more like. I don't know what you call it, like a nectar. I don't.

[Cat]

You're not into that?

[Amy]

I tried to be a hummingbird person, but I wasn't good at changing out the liquid stuff. And they'll come to that, but they don't come to my bird feeder. Do you know the only bird that can fly backwards is a hummingbird?

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Did you know that?

[Cat]

I think maybe you've told me that fact before.

[Amy]

Fun fact. I'm very eager. I'm very, very, very, very eager to set this up. Like, I feel like it's just gonna change everything.

[Cat]

And should I get a bird feeder? Maybe it would change how I feel about my face.

[Amy]

Yes, because you get to see the. The wonders of the world up close.

[Cat]

Wait, and you're in awe?

[Amy]

You. You're in awe?

[Cat]

I don't.

[Amy]

And then you get to know them, especially if cardinals visit. And they have certain features. At times. I can't remember the exact. Like, is it called molting? It's the shedding of their feathers. But cardinals, to me, I started to be able to tell them apart in, like, their feather display and their shape.

[Cat]

So would the same cardinal come back to you?

[Amy]

Yes. Yes. And I'd be like, oh, there he is. And I would, like, give him little nicknames. And then, of course, the male cardinals are red and the female cardinals are brown.

[Cat]

But that's crazy. I didn't know.

[Amy]

But my mom doesn't identify.

[Cat]

She's. She's gender fluid.

[Amy]

Yeah, she's gender fluid.

[Cat]

Okay. So I don't think I'd be a very good bird. Birding.

[Bowen Yang]

Birder.

[Cat]

What do you call them? Bird. So in our neighborhood, there's two little pond. Lake things like fishing lakes in the front when you come in a certain entry and there's two swans in each lake and it was getting to be cold, and me and Patrick one day were like, when do you think those swans are gonna, like, fly home or fly south or do whatever they do in the winter because it's cold and they're still in the water. And we had lived there for maybe four months. Those swans were fake. Yes. Which. Have you seen them? You might not have noticed them. No, because I would love to know if you thought that. If you thought they were real. And there's two in each one. And we always like. It's so cute. They're always together.

[Amy]

They're always in that same exact spot. They must love it there. That's funny. You know, at my last house, I had a pool and the ducks would come.

[Cat]

I remember that. That was crazy.

[Amy]

It was craz. And they were just swim in my pool.

[Cat]

But wouldn't. It didn't bother you, right?

[Amy]

I know it didn't bother me. I thought it was fantastic.

[Cat]

But what if you wanted to enjoy the pool, but then the ducks were in the pond?

[Amy]

The pool, it's theirs now.

[Cat]

They do they like poop in it, though?

[Amy]

That would be the annoying part. They don't poop in it. But they would poop around. Yeah. I mean, I don't think they were pooping in it. If they did, I couldn't tell. But they would, you know, around my pool there would be more drop droppings than I care to deal with. But it's not like they were there. All the times when they would come, I'd be like, welcome.

[Cat]

That was crazy.

[Amy]

It was. I really enjoyed that. That was. That was great. I had a bird theater and a pond that they would come to. So I just loved my visitors. Now wait, let's see what happens.

[Cat]

What is the Disney character that's like in the woods and all that?

[Amy]

Snow White.

[Cat]

Snow White. You are Snow White. You literally are.

[Amy]

Not anymore. But I'm about to be maybe a little more. I feel like some of that is coming back.

[Cat]

Well, and your. Your animals follow you around everywhere?

[Amy]

They do. I know. Whatever room I go to, my dog and my cat show up.

[Cat]

You. Yeah. Snow White. Oh, cute.

[Amy]

Well, that brings me comfort.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I'm grateful for them for sure. It brings me joy. Cara used to annoy me so much, remember?

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And now we've gotten better.

[Cat]

Sometimes she still annoys you.

[Amy]

Yeah, but that's just because she's kind of an annoying dog. But I love her so much now. Like, I love her like I, I don't want to live without her.

[Cat]

When you say dog, what do you mean?

[Amy]

Yeah, she was just, she just wants to be. You think she's sort of just a little bit crazy now, but she used to be at my last house and I think it was because of all the other toxic things going on. If you're a new listener, you may not know. I don't speak about the details, those are private. But there was just a lot happening and she carried that as the dog. So she had a lot of anxiety and she's a rescue and she has her own trauma and it was too much.

[Cat]

Yeah. Well, speaking of toxic things.

[Bowen Yang]

This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of your can feel impossible. That's why Premier Protein shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness, it's for getting after life. Premier Protein powers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite [e-mail] that's P R E M I E R premium protein.com.

[Malcolm Glaubel]

Hello, Malcolm Glabel here. We're here in New York City with T Mobile for Business recording another episode of Revisionist history about how 5G network slicing strengthens trust and connections across worldwide industries.

[T Mobile Representative]

Slicing can be used for so many different things. We're here with our friends from CNN from Siemens Energy. The ways that it can be used frankly are limitless and are really, really built to think through. How can T Mobile understand the pain points that our customers have? Smash those pain points and help you deliver very specific outcomes.

[Public Investing Representative]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comdisclosures Now I'd.

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[Cat]

I found an article. When I say article, I mean Instagram infographic about things that are not toxic, just uncomfortable.

[Amy]

Oh, okay. Well trust me, you're talking.

[Cat]

What you were going through is like my toxicity was toxic.

[Amy]

Well, I guess I don't even know what what you would call it.

[Cat]

It wasn't had an un. Some unhealthy dynamics. I would say they're toxic.

[Amy]

There you go. Unhealthy dynamics. Yeah, that's it. And there was multiple players.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So it was like a really fun video.

[Cat]

You're like my stuff is not on this.

[Amy]

That I was like please make this game stop. Oh.

[Cat]

And.

[Amy]

And it did. Yeah, it did.

[Cat]

But I do think toxic is one of those words now that it's thrown around way too much and we kind of use it as an excuse to either not look at our own stuff or not sit with discomfort or not. And that could be just the discomfort of the fact that this is the way the world is, you know.

[Amy]

Right, right.

[Cat]

So I'm gonna just go through them and you can tell me if any Feelings show up. And this comes from therapy, from. For women. At therapy for women, someone disagreeing with you.

[Amy]

Right. That's uncomfortable.

[Cat]

Not toxic, just uncomfortable. Which I feel like that's a lot of times. And it's not so simple. It's not like, oh, she said that this hamburger wasn't good. It's. If somebody disagrees with you about a behavior or decision you made or something like that, or you're disagreeing with them, they have a different idea of what they need to do. A lot of times we're like, they're just being toxic, or they're so toxic, I need to cut them out of my life. And it's like, well, I just think sometimes we need to leave space for some differences. And that's okay that they think that what you did was probably not the right decision. You can still think it's okay.

[Amy]

My boyfriend and I were having a conversation with another couple just a couple days ago, actually. It's very recent. And I. I woke up kind of even thinking about it, like, thinking if I was a toxic person, that I would have maybe in that conversation because we weren't agreeing. I could have, like, stared at them like, they're crazy, and then shut it down. Like, when we got in the car. I could be like, we're not hanging out with them anymore. But I'm proud of myself. I didn't.

[Cat]

What did you do?

[Amy]

But I don't know why I woke up with that thought. And maybe it was like a hint of, like, maybe we shouldn't hang out with them. But I was proud of us for being able to have a difficult conversation and everybody, you know, five minutes later laughing about something else. Yeah, we definitely did not agree. What I did was I said, I don't agree with that.

[Cat]

Good for you.

[Amy]

That's not how I see it.

[Cat]

Healthy.

[Amy]

And then they're like, oh, well, this is one of my favorite things about this person. Da, da, da. And I'm like, that's not how I see that at all. And it was a. Yeah, it was a healthy, I guess, disagreement. I didn't know you were going to talk about this, but when I'm thinking about was a little uncomfortable, but not terribly. But it is weird that I woke up this morning having that thought of, like, there were probably some people that would have been that situation, and they would have just, like, cut it off. Like, cut the relationship off because of just how black and white so many things seem lately, especially in, like, the political landscape and.

[Cat]

Oh, yeah.

[Amy]

How people are just so. My way or the highway. Like, if you don't think like I do, well, you're.

[Cat]

You know, you're toxic.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Cat]

Or you're bad, or. And I think there are things that you can feel really strongly about and you can have, like, deal breakers for yourself.

[Amy]

Sure.

[Cat]

That's okay. But not everything has to be a deal breaker. And we need to learn how to sit, and myself included. Like, I think I'm part of this because it's easier to be like, oh, I don't want to deal with that anymore, so I'm just not gonna have a relationship with them versus, like, sit with the fact that, like, yeah, these people might believe this, and that's hard for me to comprehend, but I think that even goes into. We talked about the drama triangle a couple weeks back, maybe a month. That was in December. I think if you haven't listened to that episode, highly recommend it. Part of the drama triangle is to lower expectations and create boundaries. And I can just create boundaries around those things. And so when I no longer have that conversation, like, if it's about something political, for instance, I don't talk about politics with that person. And then I can start to see the other things that I still might find redeeming about them. And again, this is all nuanced. So I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why you would want to cut a relationship. Relationship up, a relationship off with someone. But if it's. We're just saying, like, not every time somebody disagrees with you, are they toxic people. It just sometimes is difficult to sit with.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Right.

[Cat]

Proud of you.

[Amy]

Well, thanks. I mean, I. I wasn't sharing it for you to be proud of me at all, but I will take it.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Because I guess when I think about it, I'm like, we did hand that well.

[Cat]

Yeah. Huh. Okay. Yay.

[Amy]

Now if it happens again, they're done.

[Cat]

Two strikes, they're out. Second one is being asked to compromise. Not toxic, just uncomfortable.

[Amy]

I feel like if someone's asking you to compromise, how would that ever be perceived as toxic if they're asking you.

[Cat]

To give something up? Yeah. And they're like, can't believe they would ask me of that. I mean, this is spectrum of ways that this would show up. It's not just like, hey, like, can we meet at 5:30 instead of 5? Like, I don't think anybody is talking.

[Amy]

I'm thinking, like, the compromise is like, okay, if you don't want salmon for dinner and maybe you don't want beef, can we meet in the middle on chicken?

[Cat]

I think this would be like a exact, I don't know, an exact example of this, but more grand scheme that would be more frustrating with somebody. Like you're doing some business decision and like, I don't see it the way you see it. So I'm asking you to meet me in the middle and I'm sorry.

[Amy]

Or it's like you're having to compromise your integrity, though. Yeah, well, that would be toxic.

[Cat]

I don't know that. That might not even. Well, if they're. I think that this is where it gets nuanced because you might have different ideas of integrity. And if it's somebody's like, hey, we should steal from this person, that's one thing. But if they just, just like, are grain of the line of something that isn't that big of a deal, they might not be toxic. You might just have, like, way stronger morals. That doesn't mean that they're toxic. And I. That sounds bad. I feel like when I even say. But there's levels of it.

[Amy]

Yeah, I get what you're saying.

[Cat]

Okay. Feeling guilty when you hurt somebody isn't toxic. It's just uncomfortable. And let me explain this one because I, I see you're a little confused. I think sometimes when people hurt somebody's feelings, they are like, I don't need to feel guilt because I did what is right. Like, I had to stick up for myself. It's that whole, like, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no, or that, like, very strong black and white of I have to start self caring for myself and then I leave people out. So we talk ourselves out of feeling guilty. So this one is saying, like, it's okay for you to feel guilty if you hurt somebody's feelings. That's not toxic. It's okay to feel that. Because I think lately we've been studying, we, the world has been saying the message of, like, you don't have to feel bad for that and like, it's actually okay to have some guilt.

[Amy]

Oh, good. Okay. Yeah.

[Cat]

Because if we, if we hurt somebody's feelings, it's okay to be like, yeah, I didn't like that. I do feel a little bit guilty of that.

[Amy]

Yeah, let's feel stuff around that. It should feel uncomfortable.

[Cat]

Yeah, it should feel uncomfortable. Because then what happens is like, there is again, it's a nuance. It's a fine line. There are things that, like, I'll sit with a client and they'll be like, they'll say, like, I feel so guilty. And I'll ask Them. Well, tell me what you did wrong. Guilt is helping you, like, stay in your moral compass. Like, it's helping you do the right thing. So tell me what you did wrong. And sometimes they can identify something, and I'm like, okay, well, that makes sense. It sounds like in that scenario, there wasn't a way for you to get what you needed and also not hurt anybody in the process. So, like, maybe there is a repair you might want to make. Who knows? And also, you might want to give yourself grace because you were put in a hard position. But then there's also people who are like, I did this thing, and I'm not gonna feel bad about it because xyz. Even if they stepped on people's. What is that? Step on their toes or they. Yeah. Hurt people in the process. And I think that is our way of trying to reconcile getting your needs met and also not having to have feelings. Does that make sense?

[Amy]

Yeah. Back to the if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. How do you feel about that?

[Cat]

I hate it.

[Amy]

You hate it.

[Cat]

When. At first. When first people started saying that, I was like, heck, yeah. That was in, like, peak hustle culture. Speaking of the 2016, you know, it's been a thing lately of reminiscing on 2016. I feel like that's when that got really big. Around that time, if it's not a.

[Amy]

Hell yes, it's a no.

[Cat]

It was like, girl boss, all of that. And I think it. That is black and white.

[Amy]

Yeah. And there's so much gray. I feel like sometimes I would try to apply that, and I'd be like, but, like, I always have. Like, but I don't really know for sure. Like, is it a but?

[Cat]

I kind of want to do it.

[Amy]

Yeah. And then I'm like, but I guess if it's not a definite, clear yes. Now I understand some things. Like, if you need to make a quick decision, that could be a quick method you use of like, okay, if you're making me make up my Right. My mind right now, and I'm only, like, a little bit in, then okay, I'm out.

[Cat]

Yeah, I think it was. That was intended. See, we just take everything too far. That was intended to help people say no because it was really targeted towards women, I think a lot.

[Amy]

Okay, what about this one? No is a complete sentence.

[Cat]

Okay. Another one that I used to love and now I feel torn on because sometimes explanations are needed. Sometimes they're not. The intention I think, behind that was so people didn't feel like they had to over explain themselves. But if you asked me a question, name something that you would ask me for. Like, I don't know, what do you need from me?

[Amy]

Okay, well, I'm trying to think of how serious do we want to make it?

[Cat]

Okay. If you ask. If you text me and you're like, oh, my gosh, my car, it broke down on the side of the road. I'm gonna be late for work. Can you come pick me up? And I just said, no. I just, N O, period, sent it to you.

[Amy]

Yeah, that would be a little aggressive.

[Cat]

That would just be weird. Like, we don't talk like that.

[Amy]

Okay, but I don't know that that's what it's for, right? Like, what if it would.

[Cat]

I don't know, but I think that's the point is it's intended for this. And then we've used it for all these other we. We exaggerate to make us less uncomfortable about doing things.

[Amy]

Okay, here's one where I think maybe it applies more. I love the car example, but that's just like. Not like, you would never be like, no, but if someone was trying to protect their personal piece and maybe they had a lot going on and they didn't have the bandwidth for somebody else's drama. And maybe I call you and you know that I have something dramatic going on and I'm like. Or I text you to give you a heads up, like, hey, do you have time to talk today about drama? Like, this just happened. It's driving me crazy. And then you knowing where you are with your mental health for this day, you're like, I really don't have the capacity for her drama today. So you just reply back, no, again, to protect your peace. I know, but I feel like someone that might be a case where someone might be like, I don't need to explain myself. I just don't have time for them today. No, but then that is weird because I would want you to say what I would really appreciate from you is, hey, I know you're going through a lot and I would love to work through this with you. I don't have the bandwidth for it today, but maybe tomorrow.

[Cat]

Yes. You're using that like the phrase like it knows a complete sentence. I think is supposed. Is supposed to in like, the grand scheme of things, help people say sentences like you said. Not just say n O there. It's. It's been taken too literally, if that makes sense. Like, that was just me saying no. Because if you did ask me that, I would be like, Oh, I can't today, but here's another day xyz. And some people could even say, like, I don't have the time today. I'm so sorry, like, whatever. But just me being like, oh, my therapist said knows a complete sentence, so I should practice doing that. And me just saying no, period, to you, you would probably be like, that was harsh. What's going on with her? And, like, whoops. And so it's not clear. I don't think that that's clear. And you've taught me, like, being clear is kind. Or is it Brene Brown that taught you that?

[Amy]

No, I mean, I don't know who originally said it. I'm sure a lot of people say it, but my mentor of sorts. You know her, her name is Alex.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

She has drilled into me, clear is kind. Also, I got it from Janet way back in the day. Therapy. Yeah. Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

[Cat]

Okay.

[Amy]

A lot of people in the recovery space, too. I hear it a lot. So it's. It's a good reminder.

[Cat]

So no, complete can be a complete sentence. And that's not the sentence that we use when we use it.

[Amy]

Exactly.

[Cat]

It doesn't sound as good in an Instagram graphic. I think that's part of the problem there.

[Amy]

Okay, so what else isn't toxic? Just.

[Cat]

Just uncomfy someone expressing disappointment. Like, if somebody shares with you that they're, like, disappointed in something, or could be something you did, it could be something, whatever. They're not being toxic. It's okay to do that.

[Amy]

It's just uncomfortable to hear it.

[Cat]

Just hear that. Yeah. Now, again, this is all nuance. So there's levels of this, and the last one is conflict that leads to growth. So any conflict that leads to growth most likely is not going to be toxic. It's going to be healthy. Conflict that leads to growth versus disruption and destruction.

[Amy]

I will say too, like, certain things are uncomfortable. This isn't profound. Like, now that I'm about to wait.

[Cat]

Like, what's she gonna say?

[Amy]

You're gonna be like, well, yeah, duh. But it's helpful to consider in your thoughts when you're pondering comfort. Things are uncomfortable until they're not.

[Cat]

Funny, because the way you set it up. But, like, I know that is a good thing to mention.

[Amy]

My. My point is, when I'm looking back over the last five or six years, some stuff that used to be so uncomfortable for me isn't uncomfortable anymore. Because I leaned into the uncomfort, I got comfortable with the uncomfortable too. So now new situations Circumstances arise and you have to navigate those waters. And now I'm just picturing like a bicep lifting, like a dumbbell. Like, but because I exercised, like it's. Picture a dumbbell that's like says uncomfortable and I'm like, lifting it. Yeah. Like, the more I lift it, the easier. The easier it gets. And so it's not uncomfortable anymore.

[Cat]

Like, over time. Not in that same over time. No.

[Amy]

Like, I'm talking like some of the stuff maybe took two years or. And I'm talking about in ways of how you communicate, in ways of how you operate in relationships, of how you handle something toxic.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Or uncomfortable. But because you exercise that. Yeah, that muscle, like, the more we avoid. Because then that's. You never face the uncomfortable. So you don't learn how to lift it.

[Cat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Amy]

Now you follow.

[Cat]

No, I, I love what you're saying. It was just your setup that really got me.

[Amy]

You've never pictured a. A dumbbell that says uncomfortable.

[Cat]

Never use that. But who knows? I might use that now at work.

[Amy]

Be like, picture it. You're at the gym and you go over to the weight rack and you pick up the dumbbell that says uncomfortable. You know, because like one day, oh, I was at the gym with my boyfriend the other day and we were doing. What's the bench? Incline bench. And I was doing chest presses, like on an incline. And I've seen and read from many experts in perimenopause that perimenopausal women need to be lifting to exertion. Like, by the eighth rep, it should be very, very difficult. Like, maybe eight is your max. And you know, a lot of times, like, I grew up in a lifting weights of like three sets of 15, you know, and then you just kind of do it and it's, you know, by the time you get to 15, it's hard, but whatever. But we're talking like by the time you're doing eight, it's like, oh, I can barely. Right. So my boyfriend was even spotting me because I Normally lift like 5 or 10 pounds, but he. I got 25 pound dumbbells in each arm.

[Cat]

Oh my God.

[Amy]

But I mean, he was there so that if it fell, like, or if I. Yeah, like I buckled and like dropped it, I would be fine. But I told him I wanted to practice maxing out and I could only make it to eight. And then I. We set them down and then I tried it again and I made it like, I think by the third time I started to trust myself a little more and I Made it to nine. But I know next time we go back, I'll be more comfortable to be like, okay, yeah, let's get the 25. Because when he first bought me the 25, I was like, stop. No, let's try 20. He's like, no, no, let's try this. But I'll be more inclined to lay down and be like, yeah, give me the 25s, because I know I can do it. And then Fast forward maybe two or three more gym visits, I'd be like.

[Cat]

Get the 30s and even the confidence that I can even see, like, happening as you're telling the story.

[Amy]

So when something uncomfortable happens, my point is you're ready for it.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And you're gonna be like, this isn't gonna be easy to lift, but I know I can do it.

[Cat]

Well, it's what you're saying too. It's like, the only way through is through.

[Amy]

Don't get through us through.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And the, you know, like I said a couple minutes ago at the beginning, things are uncomfortable. Are uncomfortable till they're not.

[Cat]

You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Quoter.

[Amy]

What was. I don't even remember the exact quote, but it's like, things are uncomfortable until they're not.

[Cat]

That literally, I think was sweet. Yeah. Nobody's ever probably said that before either, so you can really. I'm kidding.

[Amy]

Oh.

[Cat]

Yeah, I'm sorry. That was kind of mean. You got excited.

[Amy]

Well, you're toxic. Okay, so.

[Cat]

So that ends that segment.

[Amy]

Yeah. So things that aren't toxic, just uncomfortable.

[Cat]

And this is not an exhaustive list, obviously. It's just this one little thing I found online that I like. Good reminders.

[Bowen Yang]

This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture Research with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We all know the feeling when life gets really busy. Taking care of yourself can feel impossible. That's why premier protein shakes are my go to. They have 30 grams of protein, 160 calories, no added sugar, and they taste amazing. So they're a healthy choice you'll actually want to make. It's not just for fitness. It's for getting after life. The 30 grams of protein gives you the fuel you need. It's not just for intense gym sessions. It's just for life. With the wide variety of flavors, from cafe latte to cake batter, it never feels boring. There's a flavor for everyone. I personally love the peaches and cream, but maybe you're a root beer floater, cinnamon roll kind of person. Premier protein powers me to say yes to more. Find your favorite [e-mail] that's P R E M I E R protein.com or at Amazon, Walmart and other major retailers.

[Malcolm Glaubel]

Hello, Malcolm Glaubel here. We're here in New York City with T Mobile for Business recording another episode of Revisionist history about how 5G network slicing strengthens trust and connections across worldwide industries.

[T Mobile Representative]

Slicing can be used for so many different things. We're here with our friends from CNN from Siemens Energy. The ways that that can be used, frankly are limitless and are really, really built to think through. How can T Mobile understand the pain points that our customers have? Smash those pain points and help you deliver very specific outcomes.

[Public Investing Representative]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comdisclosures hi, I'm.

[Amy]

Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well I don't know about you but like I never liked being told oh wow, you look so good for your age. Like why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age? Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more@meaningful beauty.com. So I made protein balls the other night that were not good at all and my boyfriend had to say like this isn't your best work. But I had to improvise because I didn't have everything and you know I typically If I'm putting protein powder in them, it's unflavored way. Well, I was out of unflavored, so I used a vanilla.

[Cat]

That's where you went wrong.

[Amy]

It went so wrong. And then I thought, well, I'll fix this. I'll add a little milk.

[Cat]

Ew.

[Amy]

I know.

[Cat]

Wait there.

[Amy]

It's what? I don't know. I don't know. It needed. I just thought, well, I'm just gonna go rogue from the recipe and just, like, try something different.

[Cat]

Getting creative.

[Amy]

And then it was like mush balls, and they eventually hardened.

[Cat]

Did you eat them or did you throw them out?

[Amy]

Yeah, when you saw me eating one earlier, that was one of them.

[Cat]

That was your mushbowl.

[Amy]

I'm not gonna waste it.

[Cat]

I was gonna say, you're really good at not wasting food.

[Amy]

Thank you.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So wasn't my best work at all. And I had to take that feedback from him. Like, he wasn't being toxic, though. It was uncomfortable because I was like, well, shoot, dang. I didn't like hearing it.

[Cat]

Well, and did you kind of, like, know, though?

[Amy]

Yeah, I kind of, like, knew. But, I mean, I didn't think they were, like, terrible, but he was just like, oh, it's not your best work.

[Cat]

Yeah, it would be a little bit harder for you to hear that probably if you're like, oh, my gosh, these are so good. Taste them. And he was like, oh, oh, yeah.

[Amy]

That would be difficult. And said, I. I knew I went rogue.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

I said, well, I had to improvise, and this is what we got. So take it or leave it.

[Cat]

Yeah, buddy.

[Amy]

So then last night, I was at his house, and he had all the ingredients for the balls, minus protein powder. So these aren't protein balls. We just made balls. And he had everything else, and he's like, okay, do it your way. So I pull up the Feeling Things podcast. Like, I go to that.

[Cat]

Do you.

[Amy]

Do you ever do that?

[Cat]

No. I literally go to our cooking video so many times.

[Amy]

I know, but I just didn't after my mishap.

[Cat]

Yeah, you're like, I can't take any chances.

[Amy]

I didn't trust myself. So I went to. On our Instagram page, and I went to the cooking video of the first time we made the protein balls, and I was like, verbatim, and I had measuring cups out, and I'm like, we're not messing these up. Well, he doesn't like chocolate chips, which is something we put in there. He doesn't like them. He'll pick them out.

[Cat]

Yeah, he doesn't like the flavor.

[Amy]

He doesn't like chocolate. Speaking of bumps, he's like, it breaks me out. And I'm like, one chocolate chip. And he's like, well, there's not one. There's like half a cup.

[Cat]

Does he like the flavor of chocolate?

[Amy]

Not really. He. He just doesn't. He's like, I've never been someone have it, and trust me, he's like, if I. When I have chocolate, I. My skin is different, so it's like, I don't mess with it.

[Cat]

Oh, my gosh. You think that my bumps have. I'm just kidding.

[Amy]

Is it chocolate? I don't think it's.

[Cat]

Wait, that is so interesting. I feel like you don't meet that many people that, like, don't, like, love chocolate.

[Amy]

Yeah, he does not love chocolate.

[Cat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So I said, and he did have chocolate chips. I mean, he has kids. So I was like, do you want me to not put in the chocolate chips? I said, but I feel like it's gonna miss something because, like, to me, the chocolate chips. Yes. A little crunch. And he's like, well, I have rice crisps, like cereal. Why are you making a face?

[Cat]

At first, I was thinking rice.

[Amy]

Well, the degree.

[Cat]

The.

[Amy]

The brand specifically, because I will say the puff in these is nice. Yeah, the brand is one degree. I looked at the box. One degree. Maybe brown rice puffs.

[Cat]

Okay.

[Amy]

He said he got them at whole Foods, but I'm sure you could get them at Publix or Kroger. I don't know. And Heb, shout out from my Texas listeners. And let me tell you, we didn't put chocolate chips. We put the brown rice crisp puff ball thingies.

[Cat]

So good. I'm imagining that being good.

[Amy]

I mean, game changer. You could even add it with the chocolate chips.

[Cat]

Can I still have the chocolate chips? Because that's. Well, I think I have a rice cake. So I'm imagining it just, like, adds a little bit more, like, airy crunch to it.

[Amy]

And airy crunch is a good way to put it. And let me tell you, as soon as I get. I'm out of ingredients at my house. But now that I've made this at his, and I gotta go get my own box of one degree. And I gotta get some unflavored whey, because I like having the protein in them. I'm making these with the chocolate chips and the puffs, and it's like our recipe elevated.

[Cat]

Elevated.

[Amy]

It's the 2026 version. I cannot wait.

[Cat]

I have a question about this, though. Because do you need to add more wet ingredients in there so they stay together?

[Amy]

No.

[Cat]

Oh, really?

[Amy]

Nope.

[Cat]

Because sometimes mine are a little dry, so I add a little extra honey or peanut butter. So this was still. Okay.

[Radhi Devlukia]

How.

[Cat]

How much of the of it did you use? Like a cup?

[Amy]

Did not measure because I just was like, oh, well, I'm just adding it in for an extra crunch. So I just sprinkled it. So I'll have to get a measurement if people want that. But I think you could just like, sprinkle to your. Till you're content.

[Cat]

Okay.

[Amy]

So it was up to you. Sort of like with the chocolate chips, I think we have a measurement on our recipe.

[Cat]

But, like, sometimes too much.

[Amy]

It's too much. I agree. Sometimes it's too much. So you could do less. Just add as you go, figure out what works for you. And I gotta say, this is one of those things that was born out of maybe some uncomfortableness because I had to go through the crappy balls.

[Cat]

And.

[Amy]

And my boyfriend say, like, oh, not your best work to. Then the next night, me wanting to prove myself at his house to be like, I got you. I know last night they were pretty bad, but I can do this. And I'm gonna make you some good balls. And I did it.

[Cat]

And you did and I did it. But now your life was forever changed.

[Amy]

But I probably wouldn't have made them.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

So, like, also look at it that way. When you're going through something uncomfortable.

[Cat]

Yeah. It's giving you the push you need. What to get to where you need.

[Amy]

What is going to come from it.

[Cat]

Yeah. Well, what does this make possible? Better balls.

[Amy]

Better balls. Crunchier. Crunchier balls.

[Cat]

Crunchier balls.

[Amy]

So that was a game changer.

[Cat]

Well, thanks for that little tip. I want to try that.

[Amy]

Yeah, I'm. I'm loving. I'm loving those balls. In fact, I'm going to go over to my boyfriend's house today and there's going to be some left. And I can't wait to eat one since I don't have the ingredients at my house yet. So I'm going to be eating more of those today and I'm going to be finishing Book Lovers.

[Cat]

Finishing.

[Amy]

Yeah, I'll be finishing it.

[Cat]

When did you start it?

[Amy]

Two days ago, maybe when I. Right. When I finished Nightingale, I picked it right up, which was quite the difference because Nightingale was obviously historical fiction. Very heavy. Like I was crying. And so I was happy to roll into.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Something lighter. And I decided to make my first Emily Henry read Book Lovers.

[Cat]

Can you give Us a summary of what it's about, because the title doesn't really make me want to read it.

[Amy]

Okay, well, it's two people. They love books.

[Cat]

Crazy.

[Amy]

And so they're. One is a book editor and one is a book. A literary agent.

[Cat]

Are they women? As one a man. Are they.

[Amy]

One is a man and one is a woman.

[Cat]

Oh, they're love book lovers. Love lover. Is. Is multi dimensional there? Yeah, isn't it?

[Amy]

Okay, but it's. I like, really cute. Oh, and there's a cute sister of relationship happening.

[Cat]

Okay, I like.

[Amy]

Which also in the Nightingale, there was a sister relationship. I won't define it as cute.

[Cat]

Yeah, it's different. I was gonna say I like her books because they're easy read. So that's what sounds like that was easy read. Like you're. You're almost done with it.

[Amy]

Yes. Although Nightingale, I appreciated the font on the book was a little bit bigger. So switching from that to book lovers, like, the book is smaller and I need my reading glasses. I need reading classes. I. I got mine by prescription and then I lost them. And I've been so upset about them because they were expensive that I've refused to get new ones because I keep hoping I'll find them.

[Cat]

But. Yeah, I don't. I think maybe if they're glasses that help you see.

[Amy]

Yeah, but I can see. I can still see.

[Cat]

If you're straining to read, I think that makes your eyesight worse, right?

[Amy]

Really? It's not like a muscle. I'm not exercising it.

[Cat]

No, I think it's straining makes your eyesight worse. Oh.

[Amy]

I feel like if you start to use glasses too soon before you need it, you become too dependent and you weaken your eye. Did I just make that up? At least that's what I was hoping.

[Cat]

I don't know.

[Amy]

I don't know either. I was just hoping for that being the case, you know?

[Cat]

Yeah. I don't know. I think if you need glasses, the best solution is like to wear them. Get them and wear them.

[Amy]

Get them and wear them. What are you reading?

[Cat]

So, well, I put this book in the newsletter last week, but I've been reading I'm on a Kristen Hannah kick, which is who wrote the Nightingale? But I'm saving the Nightingale because I want to read that and I listen to all my books. So what's going to happen is I'm probably never going to read the Nightingale.

[Amy]

No, you have to.

[Cat]

I know, I.

[Amy]

It might be my favorite book ever, and I know I just finished it, but it catapulted to first place.

[Cat]

Okay, well, her. My favorite book is one of her books. It was. It's the Winter Garden, the one that I months ago talked about.

[Amy]

Well, that's what I need to read next.

[Cat]

Oh, it's so good. But I'm reading listening to Four Winds, which is about the Great Depression and the Dust bowl and people moving to California for jobs and then the start of unions. Sounds so boring. If you would have told me that literally when it was done, I was upset that there wasn't more of it. Like, I wanted to keep going. Very good. And you learn. That's the best part about historical fiction, is you learn.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Cat]

And I love learning.

[Amy]

You know, us Learn, learn, learn. Which I sent you something to teach you. Something about cars and humans. We can end on that.

[Cat]

Okay.

[Amy]

It was a Instagram video that popped up of Dr. Matt Townsend. He was doing. Looks like a podcast interview with somebody.

[Cat]

And he looked like the sweetest.

[Amy]

He did.

[Cat]

Little man.

[Amy]

At first I was like, is he real? Is this AI like everything? I'm questioning everything. But he's. I googled him. He's real. He's got a PhD and he was talking about highly sensitive people. But he broke us into two categories. Humans put humans in two categories. Like, you're either a Chevy or a Ferrari, right? Is that what he said?

[Cat]

Yeah, both are good cars.

[Amy]

Both are great cars. It's not about that. It's about horsepower. Yeah, it's not about that. It's a good car or not. It's that Ferrari's I don't know how many times faster. But he. He described highly sensitive people as being four times more sensitive, More sensitive to stimuli, smell, circumstances, emotional events, news, probably anything in the world. So that's more of like the Ferrari. So just for the sake of the story, it's probably. It doesn't have four times the horsepower, I don't know. But Ferraris are these people. And it made me think of you. And I was like, I think cat might be a Ferrari. And so I sent it to Kat and she was like, okay, I think I am a little bit. Like, I don't think I'm a Chevy, but I don't think I'm a Ferrari. So then I googled what's in between and. And a lower end Porsche, which I.

[Cat]

Don'T love that it says lower end. Can I just be a Porsche?

[Amy]

Well, because there's certain Porsches, I guess. Poor Porsches. But do you know Porsche's Porsche?

[Cat]

Yeah, you said it that way earlier. And I was.

[Amy]

And it feels elevated.

[Cat]

Of you. Yeah.

[Amy]

So certain Porsches have more horsepower. Like a super high.

[Cat]

I'm on the lower end. That's okay.

[Amy]

I'm still high.

[Cat]

Yeah. And again, Chevy's so good. But I think also the information he was giving was to help people understand that these people have so many gifts to be more sensitive. In a. That word, sensitive, not supposed to be negative. They have so many more gifts where they can attune to things differently and they can prepare differently and all of that. But the problem is, when you aren't aware of that, it's easy to get off track. And it's easy for all this stimuli to get you off the track versus help you get to where you need to go faster.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Cat]

He just said it in different words. Yeah.

[Amy]

He was talking about how a Ferrari on a track is awesome. Like, it's doing its thing and it's gonna win. But, yeah, you take it off the track and it's a little disaster. Yeah. So make sure if you're a highly sensitive person, you get on track. Get it together.

[Cat]

Keep it together. Be aware.

[Amy]

Be aware where the track is. Be aware where the track is. Yeah.

[Cat]

Yeah. So where would you. What would you be? Because. Yeah, I don't think that you're.

[Amy]

I'm not a Ferrari, but I don't think I'm a Chevy either.

[Cat]

But I don't think you're at my level. Like, I think I'm a little more sensitive than you. Not in a. I'm better than you. Like, I think that's true.

[Amy]

You are.

[Cat]

That's a little more chill than I am.

[Amy]

Yeah. Like, you have to get to the airport, like, five hours early. Or, like, parking. The other night, we went to dinner, and you were like, I have to hang up the phone. This parking lot is stressing me out. And then your husband is like, he got there before you, and you got a really good parking spot on the street, and he even knows how you are. So he texted you and was like, hey, do you want my parking spot? Because he knew that just giving you that spot would like. But then ease your mind.

[Cat]

It was too stressful for me to switch and park into that spot because it was parallel. So I ended up parking in a big parking lot. He walked over in the rain to my car, got in the driver's seat, and then parked my car for me. Oh. And it was raining and it was dark, and I have astigmatism, and I can't see at night very well.

[Amy]

Right. So that's not related to you being highly sensitive. Yeah, it's just. It's just one of the things I see you, too, as, like, very intuitive. And, like, I.

[Cat]

Thank you.

[Amy]

I trust your gut.

[Cat]

You're more like flow a lot of times.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Cat]

Yeah.

[Amy]

But I also organize my silverware precisely.

[Cat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Amy]

In a very precise way.

[Cat]

When I got here today, I brought my oatmeal, but I didn't have a spoon. And so I opened her silverware drawer, and I just feel like I looked at you blankly and was like, what has gone on in this drawer? Because every spoon and fork is perfectly sat on top of the next, and they even look pristine. Like they're.

[Amy]

When it's the way I stack them up and down. Like, I have a method. Oh, yeah.

[Cat]

And it's.

[Amy]

I don't know what it is, but I love when I'm unloading the dishwasher, I'm like. And 1 and 2. It's like, I don't know.

[Cat]

That's when your porch comes out.

[Amy]

Maybe I'm like, I wish it would show up in other things, because a lot of stuff I don't need to be that organized.

[Cat]

Beautiful.

[Amy]

But that's a drawer that I take a lot of pride in.

[Cat]

I appreciate that drawer. Like it. Honestly, that drawer calmed me down a little bit.

[Amy]

Really?

[Cat]

Yeah. Okay, good. Happy.

[Amy]

I could do that. Okay. So just be aware. Where are you on the sensitivity scale and know when you're off track.

[Cat]

Yeah. Cool.

[Amy]

Because when you're off track, things get wet.

[Cat]

Yeah. Another quote by Amy.

[Amy]

All right, well, thank you for listening. We appreciate you so much. You can follow along on socials, feeling things, podcast on Instagram, tick tock all the things and email us for couch talks. Hey [e-mail] and we hope wherever you are, you are having the day you need to have.

[Cat]

Bye.

[Amy]

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[Amy]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Public Investing Representative]

Really?

[Cat]

How's this?

[Bowen Yang]

No, T Mobile's faster than that and.

[Amy]

It'S still just 35 bucks a month. Come on, faster.

[Cat]

Whoa.

[Amy]

That's too fa.

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[Amy]

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[Amy]

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[Cat]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Cindy Crawford]

Guaranteed Human.