MORGAN: Elisa & Tori on Disordered Eating Journeys to Now Helping Others

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bobby Bones Show – Episode: MORGAN: Elisa & Tori on Disordered Eating Journeys to Now Helping Others

Overview

In this compelling episode of The Bobby Bones Show, hosted by Bob Pittman of Premiere Networks, the focus shifts to a deeply personal and significant topic: disordered eating. Released on April 6, 2025, the episode features heartfelt conversations with Elisa and Tori Payton, both of whom share their challenging journeys with disordered eating and their paths to recovery. The discussion delves into the complexities of eating disorders, societal pressures, personal struggles, and the transformative power of seeking help and fostering self-compassion.

---

Introduction to the Topic

Bob Pittman sets the stage for the episode by highlighting the prevalence of disordered eating and the importance of dedicating an entire episode to this subject. He introduces his guests, Elisa, an eating disorder recovery coach with a decade of personal recovery experience, and Tori Payton, who shares her battle with bulimia and orthorexia.

---

Tori Payton’s Story

Tori Payton opens up about her struggle with bulimia and orthorexia, tracing the origins of her disordered eating habits back to her early teenage years. She explains how body changes during adolescence led her to seek control over her eating patterns.

[03:07] Tori Payton: "I don't want to be thin necessarily. I just want to eat healthy for my health. But restricting food led to binge eating and purging."

Her narrative emphasizes the gradual development of her eating disorder, beginning with seemingly innocuous dieting practices such as intermittent fasting (stopping eating after 6 PM). Tori recounts her first binge episode triggered by social circumstances and the subsequent realization of her inability to maintain restrictive eating behaviors.

---

Understanding Disordered Eating Patterns

Bob Pittman engages Tori in a discussion about the multifaceted nature of disordered eating, dispelling the common misconception that it solely involves behaviors like binging and purging. He highlights the societal influences and internal struggles that contribute to such disorders.

[09:08] Bob Pittman: "Disordered eating isn't just about binging and purging. It's about the fluctuations and societal pressures that influence behavior."

Tori elaborates on how societal norms and the normalization of restrictive eating can mask the underlying issues of an eating disorder, making it difficult for others to recognize the signs.

---

The Turning Point: Realizing the Need for Change

The conversation shifts to the pivotal moment when Tori recognized the detrimental impact of her eating habits and decided to seek help.

[13:26] Tori Payton: "I finally realized that all these restrictions weren't working. I had to let go of them to truly recover."

Tori discusses the challenges of breaking free from long-standing restrictive behaviors and the fear associated with confronting binge eating. Her decision to embrace intuitive eating marked the beginning of her recovery journey.

---

Insights and Lessons from Recovery

Tori shares valuable insights she wishes she had known earlier in her journey. She emphasizes the importance of prioritizing recovery over rigid dietary rules and understanding that overcoming an eating disorder requires addressing both mental and physical aspects.

[18:04] Tori Payton: "No clean eating is going to make you healthy if you have an eating disorder. Recovery is the top priority."

She also touches upon the misconceptions surrounding intuitive eating, clarifying that it doesn't equate to mindless consumption of unhealthy foods but rather fosters a balanced and respectful relationship with food.

---

Supporting Others: Advice for Friends and Family

When asked how others can support those struggling with disordered eating, Tori provides thoughtful recommendations centered around compassion, active listening, and avoiding food-related comments.

[31:34] Tori Payton: "Just listen and understand. Avoid talking about food, diets, or weight. Be compassionate and let them lead the conversation."

She underscores the importance of not imposing one's own perspectives or unsolicited advice, advocating instead for leading by example through a balanced and healthy lifestyle.

---

Cyrus’s Story: A Parallel Journey

Later in the episode, Cyrus shares her own tumultuous experience with disordered eating, adding another dimension to the discussion. She recounts how past trauma and societal pressures led her to develop unhealthy eating patterns and the profound impact it had on her mental and physical health.

[37:08] Cyrus: "When I quit competitive volleyball, I lost my sense of self and turned to extreme dieting, which spiraled into an obsessive disordered eating pattern."

Cyrus emphasizes the role of trauma in the development of eating disorders and the importance of addressing underlying emotional wounds as part of the healing process.

---

The Role of Social Media and Societal Pressures

Both guests delve into the influence of social media and societal standards on their eating behaviors. They discuss how platforms can perpetuate unrealistic body images and create additional stressors that exacerbate disordered eating.

[42:51] Tori Payton: "Social media promotes the Skinny Influencer ideal, which perpetuates unhealthy standards and makes recovery even more challenging."

Cyrus adds that stepping back from these influences and focusing on personal well-being helps mitigate their negative impact.

---

Strategies for Maintaining Recovery

The conversation explores practical strategies for sustaining recovery, such as managing stress, setting realistic goals, and fostering self-compassion. Tori highlights the significance of eliminating restrictions and embracing intuitive eating as foundational to long-term healing.

[28:29] Tori Payton: "Get rid of the eating disorder first. Only then can you truly heal and maintain a healthy relationship with food."

Cyrus echoes these sentiments, emphasizing the importance of inner strength and gradual self-improvement.

---

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

As the episode concludes, both Tori and Cyrus offer encouragement to listeners who may be battling similar struggles. They stress the importance of seeking help, being patient with oneself, and maintaining a compassionate mindset throughout the recovery journey.

[72:27] Cyrus: "Lean into grace and away from shame. Believe in yourself and advocate for your happiness."

Bob Pittman commends their vulnerability and underscores the critical nature of discussing such topics openly to foster understanding and support within the community.

---

Notable Quotes

• Tori Payton [03:07]: "I don't want to be thin necessarily. I just want to eat healthy for my health. But restricting food led to binge eating and purging."

• Bob Pittman [09:08]: "Disordered eating isn't just about binging and purging. It's about the fluctuations and societal pressures that influence behavior."

• Tori Payton [18:04]: "No clean eating is going to make you healthy if you have an eating disorder. Recovery is the top priority."

• Tori Payton [31:34]: "Just listen and understand. Avoid talking about food, diets, or weight. Be compassionate and let them lead the conversation."

• Tori Payton [28:29]: "Get rid of the eating disorder first. Only then can you truly heal and maintain a healthy relationship with food."

• Cyrus [72:27]: "Lean into grace and away from shame. Believe in yourself and advocate for your happiness."

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Bobby Bones Show offers an enlightening and empathetic exploration of disordered eating through the personal stories of Elisa and Tori Payton. By shedding light on the intricate interplay between societal pressures, personal trauma, and the journey to recovery, the episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners seeking understanding and support. The guests’ candid discussions and actionable advice provide hope and guidance for those navigating similar challenges, emphasizing the power of compassion, self-belief, and community in overcoming eating disorders.

Transcript

[Cyrus]

Cyrus the Great of Persia was a.

[Bob Pittman]

Conqueror and he tried to increase his.

[Cyrus]

Empire by marrying Timyris, the widow of.

[Bob Pittman]

The king of the Massengeti people. She refused his offer and so he decided that he would invade her kingdom instead. Turns out that was a big mistake. Listen to the latest episode of Nobleblood available now.

[Cyrus]

Listen to Nobleblood on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tori Payton]

Hi, I'm Bob Pittman, chairman and CEO of iHeartMedia. I'm excited to introduce a brand new season of my podcast, Math and Stories.

[Bob Pittman]

From the Frontiers of Marketing.

[Tori Payton]

I'm having conversations with some folks across a wide range of industries to hear.

[Bob Pittman]

How they reach the top of their.

[Tori Payton]

Fields and the lessons they learned along.

[Bob Pittman]

The way that everyone can use.

[Tori Payton]

I'll be joined by innovative leaders like Chairman and CEO of Elf Beauty Tarang Amin Tarang, legendary singer, songwriter and philanthropist.

[Bob Pittman]

Jewel Being a rock star is very fun, but helping people is way more fun.

[Tori Payton]

And Damian Maldonado, CEO of American Financing.

[Bob Pittman]

I figured out the formula. I just have to work hard then that's magic. Join me as we uncover innovations in data and analytics, the math and the.

[Tori Payton]

Ever important creative spark, the magic. Listen to math and magic on the.

[Cyrus]

Iheartradio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast this Is Working can help with. Here's some advice from Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, on standing out from the leadership crowd. Develop your EQ A lot of people have plenty of brains, but EQ is.

[Tori Payton]

Do you trust me?

[Cyrus]

Do I communicate well? Develop the team, develop the people, Create a system of trust and it works over time. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor in chief. On my podcast this is Working Leaders Share Strategies for Success. Listen on the iHeartRadio Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Take this personally with Morgan Huelsman this.

[Bob Pittman]

Week I did something this episode a little differently to talk about a topic that many people face, disordered Eating. I have on two guests this week who have their own personal experience with the topic and how they use their stories to now help others who are struggling with the same thing. Even more importantly, they are from two different parts of the world so they have different experiences but also relate in many ways. Here are interviews with Eliza and Tori Payton on Disordered Eating. Another episode inspired this episode. I was talking with kids Kara about integrative health and her disordered eating experience and how that influenced her career. But I wanted to dedicate an entire episode to this particular topic, disordered eating. So I have on Eliza, who is an eating disorder Recovery coach in 10 years, recovered in her own life. Hi, Eliza, how are you?

[Tori Payton]

Hi. I'm good. I'm happy to be here.

[Bob Pittman]

Thank you for coming on. And we're gonna dive right into this really intense topic. And I just appreciate your vulnerability up front. So talk to me about your disordered eating story, where this all started and began for you. Tell me what happened there.

[Tori Payton]

Yeah, like I had bulimia and orthorexia, but also I wanna maybe start a little bit further because people don't realize, like, how it actually, like, you don't develop like a, you know, full blown eating disorder overnight at least. Like, for me, it developed actually for years and years. For example, when I was a teenager, I would say maybe 12 years old or something, your body starts to develop. I remember I started to feel like my hips are wider. And I was one of the first ones in my class, like from the girls who developed boobs. And I just felt like my body was changing. And I felt like that this is why I was so vulnerable to. I want to like maybe control it or diet. So this is when I started to diet. First diet I remember I did was I stopped eating after 6pm and nowadays I think this is called intermittent fasting. But basically I stopped eating after 6pm I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted throughout the day. But of course, since I restricted in the evening, I lost weight. And of course, like for a period of time I felt good and like it was working and I could keep it up for like half a year. But then there was like one particular night when I was like out with my friends and I was like, so hungry. But I was like, no, I can't eat. And it was like finally when I gave in. And I think like this was the first time I had my proper, like a binge eating episode. And I was like, so taken aback, like, what happened? Oh my God, I can't do this. I regain all the weight back and everything. But yeah, I couldn't keep up with it. I couldn't stop myself from eating at the night and everything. And all the weight came back. And then my mom, she never commented on my body or pushed me to diet, but she did some diets herself. And one time, like we went to a little vacation and she was following this. I guess it was like an Atkins type of diet. And I was like, oh, can I try it? As well. Can we do it? Both of us? And I guess like my mom didn't know anything about diets or how it's like harmful and especially to a teenager, even for adults actually. But yeah, like again, lost weight. I remember one time I almost fainted and my mom was like, oh my God, what's happening? You need to eat. And she was a little bit worried. But basically like from that period of time, I guess my disordered eating started and I developed episodes of binge eating, overeating. It wasn't like bulimia yet or something. And I called myself more like an emotion eater or I thought I'm just addicted to the yummy foods or something. But now I know that it wasn't like emotional eating or food addiction. You can develop all of those symptoms because you are restricting food. So anyway, then fast forward to when I was about like 20 years old. I went through this like heartbreak, right? Like I was so in love and we were together for a few years, but we broke up. And I would say that I fell into some kind of depression or something and I abused like alcohol and I was like smoking back then and, and I just felt like completely like in a black hole. And I had like really like dark thoughts and everything. And I guess like it was huge stress what I went through. And now looking back, I know this is why I started to develop some health symptoms. Like because of stress, my hair was falling out, I developed like acne on my face, I had digestion issues. But back then of course, like I started to Google like how can I fix myself? I didn't want to take like them drugs for the skin, right? Because for example, like things like Accutane, like it can be, there can be so many bad symptoms from taking drugs. So I'm like, I don't want to take drugs. I want to heal myself from the inside out, right? I had a good goal. I didn't want to like, oh, I just want to donate to be thin or whatever. I just thought I want to heal myself, I want to feel good and I don't want to have those symptoms. But this is when I, yeah, googled, I found the clean eating, high carb, low fat, vegan eating, raw foodism, then fruitarianism, all those things. And yeah, I was just generally saying like I, I had to eat like very clean. Of course I didn't went to, I don't know, this fruitarian store overnight, but maybe first I cut out sugar, then I cut out this because like normally you hear, oh, those are, that are Bad for your skin and everything. So basically I started to cut out more and more foods. I started to do those, like, weeks of I'm just going to eat clean the whole week. But since I was already like a binge eater or overeater, then I would always end my week with a binge, basically going to a shop and buying all the foods that I restricted, all the processed foods, junk food, like, everything that was, like, out of limits. Those are the foods that I. I wanted and created, and I binge on them. And after one particular binge session, I just ate so much that I was physically so uncomfortable, so painfully full, that I went through toilet and I vomited. And I was. At the first moment, I was already aware, oh, my God, like, this is what bulimics do. This is no, like, I'm not developing bulimia. This is just one time I was just overly full. I'm just, like, helping my body. I just ate too much, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is, because I didn't stop this mindset, and I didn't blame the eating, the clean eating. I thought, this is healthy. There's nothing wrong with that. I didn't see that, how it's restrictive. Then the binges continued and vomiting also continued. So, yeah, this is how it all began, basically.

[Bob Pittman]

I think the thing that stands out the most for me is hearing you talk about just these wide variety of experiences. I think a lot of people, when they hear disordered eating, they automatically think, oh, this person is eating, and then throwing up. That's it. There's no in between. There's no other things happening. And that was so apparent for me. And your beginning story is just these different fluctuations of things that we're seeing in culture. You're seeing and experiencing things that other people are. Different diets, body image issues, your clean eating, and wanting to go on a new path. None of it is inherently bad. But for someone who is constantly seeing things in a certain light, it's gonna reflect. And that's what I'm seeing happened in your journey. So talking about that moment where you start realizing, oh, this is what this is, when did that happen? Oh, I am. This is a disordered eating pattern.

[Tori Payton]

Yeah. Yeah. I guess from the point I said that the first time I vomited, and then the pattern just continued. But I think, like, all the time I was just telling myself or lying to myself, like, no, like, I'm. I don't want to be thin necessarily. I just want to eat healthy for my health. Like, for my skin, for my health, for My digestion, everything. And I genuinely thought that certain foods are causing the digestion issues. For example, gluten and dairy. And because the thing with those foods are if you actually start to restrict those foods and don't eat them for a while, then your stomach can stop producing the necessary enzymes to eat to digest them properly. And this is why it can seem that, oh, every time I now eat them a little bit, I have symptoms. I thought that I'm doing the good thing. And that's the thing with clean eating. Especially, like, for me, was that I knew that it wasn't normal, like the symptoms, but I just didn't see what can I do differently or I can't eat all the food. So it's like, I'm just trying to do it for my health. So this is where you get entrapped. And also, the more you restrict, the more you start to hear all kinds of foods and have a guilt and plus the symptoms and everything. So it's like a big trap. You push yourself into a corner kind of.

[Bob Pittman]

When you were going through all of this, I know you mentioned your mom and how she was doing diets and you wanted to come on, but was there anyone around you who was picking up on you doing this or was you really good at hiding what was happening?

[Tori Payton]

Yeah, like, really good at hiding. It's not only about that you lose a bunch of weight or your wrist restrict your calories, like, heavily or something, but it can also manifest as like, clean eating or, yeah, just avoiding some foods or. Or you can't eat out in a restaurant, like, randomly. You are like, no, I can't go because they don't serve this and that. And of course, like, people do have, like, real intolerances and everything, but this is not like, what I'm talking about. I'm just talking about how those symptoms, people at least, like the Taoist culture is so normalized that often those behaviors are praised. Like, people lose weight or try to eat healthy. It's, oh, my God, like, you are so inspirational. Like, how do you do it? Even when I remember, like, I was young and I stopped eating after 6pm like, like, my mom didn't mean anything bad, but even she was like, oh my God, you are so good at this, or, good job. And now I'm like, what? I know as a coach, I'm like, I don't know, like, she wasn't a bad mom. But I think, like, it's so normalized. People don't see it as a problem. But of course, like, the purging or the vomiting. This is what I could mask. Like I would only do it when I was like completely alone. And since yeah, I didn't look like I have an eating disorder then it was pretty easy to hide it.

[Bob Pittman]

What was the turning moment when you realized, okay, I can't do this anymore and I need to get help or I need to change my patterns Because I hear you mentioning a lot of this and because you were doing a lot of stuff alone, I imagine that turning point had to be significant for you to finally take that step to turn the corner.

[Tori Payton]

Yeah. So I feel like for me I always wanted to recover and get better. But I search for the answers from the right wrong places. For example, the high carb low fat vegan diet I was following promote no calorie restriction. They say if want to be a successful at this or be vegan, you have to eat enough calories, like 2,2500 plus calories. If you eat less like you are restricting so of course you're going to binge and everything. So I generally thought that this is not restrictive and it's cure for my binges. But I just thought like the other foods are just addictive and I just have to, I don't know, change my taste parts. And they talk about all those things like yeah, totally, like your taste buds are going to change. And so I looked for the answers from the wrong places. But I had like always this. I don't want to keep on binging, I don't want to keep having bulimia. Like I don't understand why it happens. And I guess one year I was searching for answers or googling something about recovery or bulimia. And I stumbled upon this like one book and she talked about how she recovered. I think like she had bulimia and anorexia for 10 years or something. And she talked about how she recovered from it fully by intuitive eating. And I was like okay, great. And, and so much of her book like makes and made sense to me and everything but in the end of the book like she wrote out what she ate for I guess like a week or something. And there was like all kinds of different foods and normal foods and cooked foods and, but also like she went out to eat with her friends like hamburgers and french fries. And I was like okay, like I can't do it because this is on a healthy like she's so lost. And like I thought like she's like for her she doesn't know what she's doing. Like I was so brainwashed in my area. So I was like, no, I can't do it. And then I continued to struggle for another year and then another year went past and I guess already like also searching and googling and I downloaded an ebook again and everything. And I read it and I'm like, I've already read this book. And it was the same book. Like I bought it again. But then reading the book and the event like what she had eaten that week, I finally it clicked for me and it was like, yeah, like all this year I wasn't like calorie restricting anymore, but I was heavily restricting on foods that I could eat. And I was like so desperate and so tired that point. And I knew what I'm doing is not working. I was like 100% convinced that it's not working. So I guess like I was finally open minded enough to, okay, I'm gonna try it. Like at this point I have nothing else to lose. And if I need to quit raw food, whatever. Like in Estonia, like I had such a community and I had business around it and everything. It wasn't like an easy thing to change. But I was like, I'm gonna change my whole life, I'm gonna change my friends, I'm gonna change my work. You know what I do everything if I can just recover. So I was willing to like, yeah, just let go. All restrictions. So my recovery started when I finally decided that I have to let go of all restriction. Not just calorie restriction, but also food restriction, and eat the hamburgers and french fries and all the foods I thought are like so unhealthy. And yeah, so this is how it.

[Bob Pittman]

Started hearing you say that, where you're like, I have to just give up and let go of everything. To start over is a hard decision to make sitting here. Especially the experience you had for so long where you thought you were doing the right thing. It's so important hearing you say, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was clean eating, I was doing everything that people were telling me to do because it is, it's a guise in a way. If you are doing it in a way that is hurting your body instead of helping your body. And restricting foods is a huge part of that whole movement. Intuitive eating. Everything you mentioned there is just so important. So thank you for sharing that because I also know that Turning point had to be difficult, but I applaud your ability to let go and say, okay, I have to start over and I need to do this for myself. And you saw that, you made that turning Point, which is why you're a coach now to help people do the same thing. What are some things you wish you had known going through this experience originally? If you could someone right now that's in your shoes 10 plus years ago, what's something you wish you could have had? The information.

[Tori Payton]

Yeah, since my eating disorder was so tied to the clean eating and being healthy and everything. Of course at first when I started I didn't have this connection. But then like after years of trying to clean, eat clean and be healthy and everything, but at the same time like realizing like I have an eating disorder, I wish people would see that as long as you have an eating disorder, then no clean eating is going to make you healthy. Like eating disorder is not a not healthy. It's like those foods, whatever you deem as unhealthy are not going to hurt you as much as the eating disorder will hurt you. So it's like, yeah, getting rid of the eating disorder is the top priority. And also, I don't know, like we can get into it about everything. But it's not that. It's not like I eat now hamburgers and french fries every day. And this is what people think. Oh, if I just let go and I eat whatever I want. And of course if you are so deprived, there's gonna be a recovery phase. When you have things like extreme hunger, extreme cravings, it's so normal to go through it where you gravitate towards the exact foods you craved. But as long as you stop restricting, compensating, of course, like purging, I don't know, using whatever methods you use to compensate, then over time like your cravings and hunger cues and everything will go back to balance. So yeah, it was one of my biggest fears because every time I previously allowed myself to have those foods I binged. So I'm like, how can that be the answer? But I didn't realize that you have to stop restricting along with that all the compensating and over exercising, purging, like whatever. So then over time the cravings can go back to normal. And now like I'm into an intuitive eater and I eat, I'm like a normal eater. I even sometimes don't like the term intuitive eating because it seems, oh, what are the steps? Like it's just normal eating. Like it's just normal eating. And, and I don't binge on junk food anymore. I eat quite a good like variety also. I love like good like home cooked meals and like fruits, veggies. I can eat out. I Have no longer. No stress, no guilt over food or anything. So yeah, just people. Maybe when they hear, when they are struggling. And in this clean eating mindset, they have so many fears. Like, but then I would just eat junk forever. But actually this is not the case. Actually, the opposite is true. Your hunger can go back to normal.

[Bob Pittman]

Welcome to Pod of Rebellion, our new.

[Cyrus]

Star Wars Rebels Rewatch podcast.

[Bob Pittman]

I'm Vanessa Marshall. Hi, I'm Tia Sircar.

[Cyrus]

I'm Taylor Gray. And I'm Jon Lee Brody.

[Bob Pittman]

But you may also know us as Harrison Dula, Spectre 2, Sabine Wren, Specter.

[Cyrus]

5, and Ezra Bridger, Specter 6 from Star Wars Rebels. Wait, I wasn't on Star Wars Rebels. Am I in the right place?

[Bob Pittman]

Absolutely. Each week we're going to rewatch and discuss an episode from the series and.

[Cyrus]

Share some fun behind the scenes stories. Sometimes we'll be visited by special guests like Steve blume voices Zaborillio Spectre 4, or Dante Bosco voicing Jai Kelly and many others.

[Bob Pittman]

Sometimes we'll even have a lively debate.

[Cyrus]

And we'll have plenty of other fun surprises and trivia too.

[Bob Pittman]

Oh, and me.

[Cyrus]

Well, I'm the lucky ghost cruise stowaway who gets to help moderate and guide.

[Tori Payton]

The discussion each week.

[Cyrus]

Kind of like how Kanan guided Ezra in the ways of the Force.

[Tori Payton]

You see what I did there?

[Bob Pittman]

Nicely done, John.

[Tori Payton]

Thanks, Tia.

[Bob Pittman]

So hang on cause it's gonna be a fun ride. Cue the music.

[Cyrus]

Listen to Potter Rebellion on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I always had to be so good.

[Bob Pittman]

No one could ignore me. Carve my path with data and drive. But some people only see who I am on paper.

[Cyrus]

The paper ceiling.

[Bob Pittman]

The limitations from degree screens to stereotypes.

[Cyrus]

That are holding back over 70 million stars.

[Bob Pittman]

Workers skilled through alternative route rather than a bachelor's degree. It's time for skills to speak for themselves. Find resources for breaking through [e-mail] brought to you by OpportunityAtWork and the Ad Council.

[Cyrus]

Are your ears bored?

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah. Are you looking for a new podcast that will make you laugh? Learn and say que?

[Cyrus]

Yeah. Then tune in to locatora radio season 10 today. Okay.

[Bob Pittman]

I'm Diosa. I'm Mala, the host of Locatora Radio, a radiophonic novella, which is just a very extra way of saying a podcast.

[Cyrus]

We're launching this season with a miniseries, totally nostalgic, A four part series about the Latinos who shaped pop culture in the early 2000s. It's Lala checking in with all things Y2K 2000s.

[Bob Pittman]

My favorite memory, honestly, was us having.

[Cyrus]

Our own media platforms like Mundos and MTV Tres. You could turn on the tv, you.

[Bob Pittman]

See Thalia, you see jlo, Nina, Skye, Evie Queen. All the girlies doing their things, all of the beauty reflected right back at us. It was everything. Tune in to locatora radio season 10.

[Cyrus]

Now that's what I call a podcast. Listen to Locatora Radio Season 10 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Bob Pittman]

It sounds like there's just so many different extremes, and as long as you're going to those extremes, it's not good for you. Whether it's the extreme side of being so healthy and such clean eater, or the extreme of overeating, of binging, of. There's a balance, just as there is with everything in life. There's a balance with food. And you should be able to have fun with your friends while also understanding that there are good foods that are going to fuel your body. There's also foods out there that are gonna make you feel a little bit more sluggish, and they might have things in them that your body isn't used to breaking down. But that balance is hard to understand because we've been taught so many different things. So the mind plays a lot of tricks as you're going through all of this. This is good and that's bad. When in reality, you just need to have things that make your body feel good. That's the bottom line. It's so important hearing you say the different variations of that again, because I think we've been taught to believe disordered eating is very associated with anorexia or bulimia, and that's it. But there's so much in between that brings those out. Now, being in this post side of recovery and you're 10 years outside of your eating disorder, what's it been like for you? Is there still triggers? Is it a battle every day that you're fighting?

[Tori Payton]

No, I wouldn't say there are still triggers in terms of the eating culture. But like I said before, like, I learned my lesson that so many health symptoms can actually start with stress. And I wish, like, I would have known it before that, like, I don't need to start clean eating or cutting out foods. But firstly, at least, like, for me, like, for my body, stress is a big trigger for me to have symptoms. For example, in 2018 or 17 or something when I was already recovered for, I don't know, like, how many years, maybe five years or so. I also went through stress and it was more like work stress. And. Yeah, and I also started to develop the same symptoms. Like my hair was falling out, acne again, digestion issues. But now I was like, no, I won't start to restrict foods. Even though I was afraid to go to a doctor to ask about my digestion because I was afraid they will tell me like, yeah, cut out dairy, cut out, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I can't cut out food, so I'm just gonna focus on managing my stress. And yeah, and it worked. And over time, all the symptoms went away. I didn't change anything in my diet. The acne went away. The hair loss. The digestion issue is a little bit different story because I continued to have the symptoms for three years because I was so afraid to go to doctor because I thought maybe they would say restrict something. But luckily I went to Dr. And they discovered I had H. Pylori bacteria. I guess from my research, I think stress can also trigger it. Like so many people have it already in their gut, but due to stress, it can just. How I say, multiply or. I don't know, I don't want to use any, like, incorrect terms. And I did one week of antibiotic, antibiotics and stomach issues went away and I didn't have to start restricting. And so what I just want to say is that I finally learned the lesson that at least, like for me, like, stress is a big trigger for health symptoms and I don't need to start restricting foods, but just start to focus on reducing stress and managing my stress levels and like sleep more and do meditation, relaxation, more time for myself, delegate stuff to other people, ask more help. And yeah, I didn't went back to my eating disorder because I learned my lesson. And I know like from my other clients, like, stress is such a trigger for them as well. And sometimes they start to restrict again and it's just. Yeah, I guess like a big learning lesson is the. The link to the stress.

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah, we don't ever realize how much stress impacts our lives. And we have stress every single day with working and the roles we play in people's lives. Like, stress is a major factor in our lives and I don't think we ever give it enough credit for how it can treat our bodies and the pressure it puts on us. So that's a really important one and one that I wouldn't have thought of to be like the underlying. Here's the real key issue that you need to work through. Yeah, I love to end our episodes on Whether it's a piece of advice or perspective that you have for people who are on this journey, they're going through it, maybe they're towards the end, maybe they're right in the middle. What's something that you would love them to know from you?

[Tori Payton]

Like one of the things I mentioned already that really helped me to even start my recovery, like I had so many objections and hesitations and everything, but was the fact that I finally was like open minded to, okay, like this is clearly not working what I'm doing. And then I was like open minded who hear different things, even things that contradicted to my previous beliefs about like healthy eating and everything. For example, like we talk about like eating junk foods. Like how can this be helping you recover? Like it, like I understand totally. Like it doesn't make sense. But of course, like we have such a limited period of time here to talk about it. But if you would take time to maybe see my work or read my book or something, then you would see like how it makes total sense. And also things about like going through extreme hunger in recovery, like how this is not you binging, this is just an aftermath after restriction and how your body is trying to catch up. And also things like the fear of weight gain. I had such a belief about coming from the diet mentality and everything that I need to be responsible for my weight and if I just let go of the control, my weight will just spiral out of control. But actually like when I also talk about a lot as well is like your body actually has a set point weight that is mostly determined by genetics, like regulated by your like normal hunger cues and metabolism which is the goal of full recovery.

[Cyrus]

Right?

[Tori Payton]

Get your body functioning normally again. So then actually your body actually wants to start maintaining your set point effortlessly. You just eat normally like naturally, you're going to be able to then eat when hungry, stop and full. And there's nothing like I need to manage on a daily basis on my weight. And I didn't know that. Actually my body wants to stay in homeostasis. Like it, it doesn't want to like just fluctuate with weight. And if it does, then there's something going on, either stress or maybe food restriction that causes you to binge eat or whatever. So yeah, just to be more open minded to the ideas of letting go all restrictions. Because in, in all restrictive eating disorders, like this is the first step to start with, you cannot recover from eating disorder while still restricting. Like you cannot, yes, it's like a mental issue, but it's Also very physical and restriction fuels those symptoms.

[Bob Pittman]

Thank you for sharing those things. You had said one more thing that I want to go into and it was, it reminded me of this question that I had for you where I'd love to know, on this side of things, I'm someone who luckily hasn't had the experience with disordered eating. What is something I can do to support my friends or people that I know that go through these things? Like, I never want to do or say the wrong things. I want to make sure that I'm a safe space for all of that. What is someone on the opposite side of this who can make sure they're doing the right things? What is something we can do better?

[Tori Payton]

Yeah, I think it also depends on whether or not like they are open about them issues they're going through. I don't know if it's like a good idea to start to talk about it if they don't bring it up or something because it can be like a very sensitive topic. But. But yeah, and sometimes like just being there for them and maybe be vulnerable yourself about whatever else you're going through. So maybe it will signal them also to open up. But the most often I think like people need rather somebody to just listen and to understand, of course, not to kind of say, yeah, you're doing the right thing or something, but just listen and understand and be compassionate and kind and not go with, oh, you should do this or you should do that, especially if you don't have experience. And then yes, like it will be very easy to say the wrong thing. But also in general, like with eating disorders, you never want to mention about like food or diets. Like definitely no diet talk around them. Definitely no talk about oh, this food is good or bad, healthy, unhealthy, like any of those labels. No talk about their weight or anybody else's weight. Even criticizing your own body can be say to them that, yeah, like, like bodies are something to be criticized or weight is something to be feared or controlled. So I guess, yeah, like don't talk about food weights and those things and maybe, yeah, you can urge the conversation about something else because even they, they need to get their mind off from their food and eating and the last thing maybe they need is someone close to them start to like ask a bunch of questions and tell them like what to do or something. But it's so hard because I don't know, like of course some, somebody who is like a parent and sometimes you need to have intervention if you see like things are bad. But it's like very often I see that it's so hard to help somebody who is not ready or who is, who doesn't think there is something wrong. Like people ask me like, yeah, like now I'm in recovery and I see other people dieting and doing this and that there is, what can I do? I'm like, I don't know because I know when I was deep into that I wasn't open minded enough. I wasn't receptive to that because I had my own beliefs and everything. It would have maybe pushed people away even so. But what I tell them is that you lead by example, be the fully recovered person you can be, and then maybe your friends or whoever you meet, they will be positively influenced just by your example, not by what you say, but what you do and how you are.

[Bob Pittman]

I was going to ask you that. If you happen to see a friend experiencing this and you're seeing the pattern of behavior, but like with a lot of trauma in our lives, until somebody is ready to get the help, you can't force them to have the help. And yeah, that was. You answered my, my next question already.

[Tori Payton]

Yeah, but maybe if you are vulnerable and you share your experiences or something, it will urge them also to talk about their experiences and open up and be trusting and, but also don't then jump on the telling them what to do. But just in a, over a period of time they will start to trust you and maybe then they will also trust you around this area if they already see that you are most of the time like listening and compassionate and you love them as they are.

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah, that's a great place for us to end on. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for sharing your story and talking about something that's very difficult to talk about your journey. Check out all of her stuff. It's amazing. I'll post it in the description of this podcast. But for those in recovery or wanting to get into recovery, I think this is a great first step. So thank you so much.

[Tori Payton]

Yeah, thank you so much and thank you for this opportunity and yeah, I'm honored to be here. Yeah, thank you.

[Bob Pittman]

I was searching social media to, to find another person to talk about this topic with and I found Tori Payton's page. She was talking about her experience with an eating disorder and the entire experience and she's really trying to help people go through the experience alone, which is. Or not go through the experience alone, which. The whole purpose of this podcast is to talk about hard topics in hopes that people feel less alone. So it was the perfect matchup when I saw you. So, Tori, thank you for joining. Thanks for being here.

[Cyrus]

Oh, my gosh, thank you for reaching out. I'm so happy to talk about such an important and not often discussed topic, especially in the days of Ozempic and the lack of body positivity. So I'm really excited.

[Bob Pittman]

Yes, we are in a strange time right now.

[Cyrus]

It was.

[Bob Pittman]

It's like the fluctuation. Sometimes it's up and everybody's body positive and then we go back down and it's the culture shift that keeps moving and flowing. And I had a episode with a incredibly intelligent woman named Lindsay Kite, and she studied this entire structure of what it looks like for body image and the way that it's shaped us in women's culture. And it's what wanted me to do this episode specifically on disordered eating because it's such an important topic. So, Tori, we're going to start diving in super deep right away. But tell me about you. Tell me about your disordered eating journey, where this all started for you.

[Cyrus]

Oh, my goodness. Okay. So honestly, I think it started when I was seven. I'm pretty open talking about all the different traumatic things I've gone through just because I think in talking about them, I can reclaim my own story. And so when I was seven, I was actually sexually assaulted. And from that moment on, I just had a really complicated relationship with my body. It caused me to have just this feeling of disconnection and this feeling like I always in some ways needed to punish my body. I don't know exactly how to describe that in super articulate language, but it was just like a way of navigating the world that felt very disconnected. And so I ended up becoming an athlete. Throughout high school, I played competitive volleyball. And then into college I played competitive volleyball. And once I quit volleyball, I was about 19 or 20 years old. I didn't end up finishing volleyball because I got injured. And once I quit, I just had no idea, like, how to exist. I had been pushing my body for so hard for so long and through that fueling super adequately making sure I wanted to be the best at my sport. And so from the fueling perspective, everything was good until I stopped playing. And then I was like, I have no idea how I'm supposed to exist. Like, I'm not an athlete anymore. I don't have an athlete's body. Like, what type of body am I supposed to have? And so naturally I went to social media to see what the other girls were doing at that time. And a lot of them were like skinny white sorority girls, to be honest. And so I thought that's who I'm supposed to be. Like, that is what a feminine woman at this time means. That's what she looks like. And so I did my absolute hardest to lose as much weight as I possibly can in a shorter period of time as I possibly could. So when I was 20 years old, I think I dropped 30 or 40 pounds just really quickly. And from there, what started is like wanting to lose weight to what guide became a really deep and dark obsession that lasted five years. And it wasn't until May of 2023 that I was like, you know what? I have to make a change. Like, I'm 25. I feel like I haven't lived any of my 20s because I'm so obsessed with my body, with managing food, and I don't want to live anymore. Like, it got to that point. Like, a lot of times we don't think about the implications of restriction and the point it can get your body and your mind to. But, yeah, I just. I didn't want to keep going. And so two years ago, I chose to recover. Since then, it's been ups and downs, but mainly just feeling so grateful for just like words don't really describe. I'm just very grateful for having been at the lowest of possible lows now, having hope and not just having hope, but being able to share it with other people. Like, it is such a gift. And I'm so grateful, however weird it sounds, to have gone through that so that I can help other people. People through it.

[Bob Pittman]

The craziest thing about disordered eating stories. I have another person who's on this episode with you and the vast differences. There isn't a one size fits all when it comes to this and what it looks like and how it appears. And hers was this natural progression. But what I can notice is a lot of it is societal influence. Like outside of your really horrible experience, which breaks my heart for you, but something that then set you even further on a different path. It's just heartbreaking to think that started this for you. But looking at bigger picture in this particular moment and question I want to go down. The societal impact is something that is really difficult for us to understand and address. You're sitting here and able to say, I saw this and this is what this looked like, and I can see that now. But when you were in it, were you ever thinking, oh, this is not actually probably very healthy, or this is not what I should be doing was There ever this battle that you were having internally or was it just so clear cut like, this is who I'm supposed to be because that's who they are?

[Cyrus]

Yeah, that's such a good question. I've actually been reflecting on this a lot lately, just because randomly and thinking about how do we as women identify ourselves? And I think I've come to the conclusion that we either put ourselves in two boxes because society tells us to, and one is appearance and two is performance. I was so caught up with on the volleyball side fueling, like, my ego, my identity based off of how I was performing at volleyball. So once that was gone, once my, like, feeling of sense of worth was gone from volleyball, I was like, okay, I don't have that. So now let me focus on appearance. And if you go on social media today, you'll see plenty of people on Skinny Talk, but also on Instagram that are telling you a woman is supposed to be pretty. Like, that is her role as a human being. You need to be pretty and you need to be soft spoken and you need to be kind and just all of these expectations for women that really just put us in a box. And you're either the productivity girl or you're the like, cute, pretty girl. And so, yeah, I would say 100%, like, during that time, because volleyball was gone, I was like, okay, it's all about how I look at this point. And it's really scary that I feel like we're at a point in history where all that is, like, coming back again. We're like, the Skinny Influencer is in again. It's really terrifying for people who are trying to recover or heal from those things right now.

[Bob Pittman]

What has social media been like? You're mentioning the Skinny Influencer and I love how you addressed what I just said. And so thank you for going there. I know all the things I'm going to ask you about are just going to be deep and emotional.

[Cyrus]

So we love deep and emotional. This is good.

[Bob Pittman]

This is how we talk about these things. You're talking about the Skinny Influencer as someone who went through it and is now in the post side of it. What is social media like for you? What is that experience like for you? And making sure, I don't know if triggered's the right word or making sure that you're just not impacted by social media in that same way anymore.

[Cyrus]

Oh, my goodness. It is crazy recovering and going through that process of healing your relationship with your body and being on the other side of it for the most part. And Seeing how many things you thought were normal that were actually disordered. Like the what I eat in a days where girls are eating literally an avocado toast in a smoothie. And the fitness influencers that work out at the gym multiple hours a day and barely eat. Or just the girls who are like constantly focused on, like, being the absolute thinnest that they can be. Like, all of these things I thought was so normal. And I wanted the abs. I wanted to be super thin and skinny and pretty because not only is that what society was telling me women should look like for women, but like, it told me that's how, like, men were going to like me too. And so I was like, oh, okay. Like I have to look that way. And so now being on the other side of it, I can take a step back and be like, wow, that is actually insane. Like, you, straight up, were trying to change everything about you to fit this, like, box that isn't even going to allow you to fulfill, like, your purposes and dreams and amazing things in life. And so now I think I'm easily can take a step back and be like, Tori, rein it in. That's not for you. We know where that led you. We know the path that took you. You have to focus on what is your purpose on this earth. And so super easy to compare. Yes. I still get little triggers or like little comparison nudges, but I always try to bring it back to, okay, comparison is the thief of joy. I have no idea what their life is like behind the screen. What am I doing? Like, how am I helping people? Like, how am I making a difference in the world?

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah, that's a good reminder for people to have. Because social media, I work in it. It's my job. I understand it on so many levels. But I am someone who can look at it and say there is good and there is bad. And that's just the commonality with social media is understanding both of those sides. Welcome to Pod of Rebellion, our new.

[Cyrus]

Star Wars Rebels Rewatch podcast.

[Bob Pittman]

I'm Vanessa Marshall. Hi, I'm Tia Sircar.

[Cyrus]

I'm Taylor Gray. And I'm John Lee Brody.

[Bob Pittman]

But you may also know us as Harrison Specter 2, Sabine Wren, Specter 5 and Ezra Bridger Specter 6 from Star Wars Rebels.

[Cyrus]

Wait, I wasn't on Star Wars Rebels. Am I in the right place?

[Bob Pittman]

Absolutely. Each week we're going to rewatch and discuss an episode from the series and.

[Tori Payton]

Share some fun behind the scenes stories.

[Cyrus]

Sometimes we'll be visited by special guests like Steve bloom voices Zaborelio's Spectre 4 or Dante Bosco voices, Jai Kel and many others.

[Bob Pittman]

Sometimes we'll even have a lively debate.

[Cyrus]

And we'll have plenty of other fun surprises and trivia, too.

[Bob Pittman]

Oh, and me.

[Cyrus]

Well, I'm the lucky ghost crew Stowaway, who gets to help moderate and guide.

[Bob Pittman]

The discussion each week.

[Cyrus]

Kinda like how Kanan guided Ezra and the ways of the Force.

[Tori Payton]

You see what I did there?

[Bob Pittman]

Nicely done. Done, John.

[Cyrus]

Thanks, Tia.

[Bob Pittman]

So hang on, because it's gonna be a fun ride.

[Tori Payton]

Cue the music.

[Cyrus]

Listen to Potter Rebellion on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Bob Pittman]

I always had to be so good. No one could ignore me. Carve my path with data and drive. But some people only see who I am on paper.

[Cyrus]

The paper ceiling.

[Bob Pittman]

The limitations from degree screens to stereotypes.

[Cyrus]

That are holding back over 70 million stars. Workers skilled through alternative routes rather than a bachelor's degree.

[Bob Pittman]

It's time for skills to speak for themselves. Find resources for breaking through [e-mail], brought to you by OpportunityAtWork and the Ad Council.

[Cyrus]

Are your ears bored?

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah. Are you looking for a new podcast that will make you laugh, learn, and say gay? Yeah.

[Cyrus]

Then tune in to locatora radio season 10 today. Okay.

[Bob Pittman]

I'm Diosa. I'm Mala, the host of Locatora Radio, a radiophonic novella, which is just a.

[Cyrus]

Very extra way of saying a podcast. We're launching this season with a miniseries, totally nostalgic, a four part series about the Latinos who shaped pop culture in the early 2000s. It's Lala checking in with all things Y2K 2000s.

[Bob Pittman]

My favorite memory, honestly, was us having our own media platforms like Mundos and MTV Tres.

[Cyrus]

You could turn on the TV, you.

[Bob Pittman]

See Thalia, you see JLo, Nina Sky, Evie Queen. All the girlies doing their things, all of the beauty reflected right back at us. It was everything. Tune in to locatora radio season 10.

[Cyrus]

Now that's what I call a podcast. Listen to Locatora Radio Season 10 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Bob Pittman]

Is hard for me to understand. So this is why I have people like you that come on and share this. When you were in this moment of just the very deep you you mentioned, you were like, at your lowest point.

[Cyrus]

Yeah.

[Bob Pittman]

What was that moment like for you when this was all happening and it was like, finally came to its volcano?

[Cyrus]

Yeah. I honestly need to, like, go through a period of therapy where I can really Just sit in how horrible those five years were. To be honest, I block it out because that's how bad it was. Every single day I woke up, I had this voice in my head screaming at me, telling me I needed to be skinnier. I was worthless. I wasn't pretty enough. I needed to control my food. And it essentially took away my health physically, my health mentally. Everything I liked about myself, my personality. I lost friends. Every day was genuinely a living hell. And I know that's not the experience for everyone with disordered eating, but for me at this period where I had a severe eating disorder, like, it was just terrible. And so, honestly, like, everything just came to a head one night in May where I was alone at home. I felt pretty isolated because this stuff really isolates you. And I was engaging in a bunch of negative behaviors like binging and purging. And I was like, I think this is it. This is the moment. I was sitting on the bathroom floor and I was like, this is the moment where I change things and I decide I'm going to try to live a good life. And that might mean putting on some weight or this is it. And I'm just going to be done. Like, I'm going to let this disease consume me and essentially kill me, because that's what eating disorders or, like, not fueling your body will do, like, physically to people. And so in that moment, I just felt like a whisper, honestly from God, because I'm a Christian, where he was just like, you've got to change. This is not what I had for you. This is not it. There is something so much bigger for you out there, but you have to change. I know you're terrified, but you have to.

[Bob Pittman]

I've had my own personal, super low moments, but hearing you recount yours, I know how hard that darkness is. Like, it doesn't matter what that trauma was, but to feel at your lowest moment, your darkest, and you're like, this is the end of my story. This is the end of my life. I know that place is so hard to then come back from. Even if you do get that whisper, even if you do get that little jolt saying, hey, we have to change this. Because not only are you in this moment right here where it's the darkest moment ever, but you have to climb out of it. And the climb feels like Mount Everest. You're never going to fit, get finished, or get there. So now, going from this lowest moment, what did your climb kind of start to look like from that bathroom floor? And you got this whisper, and you're trying to figure out, okay, I hear you, but what am I supposed to do to change this?

[Cyrus]

Yeah, I think. I think in that moment that was like, I'm all in. I think everyone has to have a moment where they're like, I'm all in. I'm not going back. I just made a promise to myself that day. I'm not going back to my eating disorder. Like, I refuse. And so ever since that day, it's been a slow, like, pruning of myself where I'm just slowly taking out the negative and slowly inserting the positive. And so it wasn't like one day, the next day I woke up and everything was better. But the next day I woke up and I was like, I'm not going back. And I'm going to do whatever I can every day to move one step forward. And I think anyone who's healing from something like food and body image issues, just know that it's not a clear path forward. It's not like one step every single day. All the time. It might be one step forward, five steps back, another five steps back, and then 10 steps forward. Like, it's so messy because we're imperfect human beings, and it's just not going to be a perfect linear journey. But the number one thing that helped me the most was genuinely believing in myself and being kind to myself. I know that sounds crazy, I know it sounds very cliche, but for so long I had that inner critic voice that I was listening to, and it really just made me feel terrible about myself. And so I decided from that low moment on, the one thing I would do is I would believe in myself. And I would tell myself that I can do it because I truly believe in the power of, like, your mind. And you're, like, working towards just trying to reframe that negative inner critic into a positive one in your mind can do so much for you. And so I know I touched on a bunch of different things, but that's what I would say. Like, it wasn't just like a snap and everything was good. It was just a long, slow, tedious process of curiosity and grace to myself.

[Bob Pittman]

And that's so important to recognize because healing is never a linear journey. It's like circular and square and all the geomat, like shapes you want to come up with. That's what healing looks like. And it's really important for people to hear that from somebody who went through it. So thanks for sharing that. And also, it's not crazy at all that you were talking about the positive Mindset and understanding and believing yourself. One of our biggest tools as human beings is like recognizing the power and strength we have within ourselves to do something. And to your point, mindset matters and we hear it and it sounds to everybody. It's so woo. We're like, oh, your mind, yeah, no, that doesn't matter. But it does. Like, at the end of the day, your brain is part of your body and it's trying to help you. So super powerful stuff right there as you're going through these. Maybe it was on the front end that very low moment. Maybe on the healing side, what's something you wish you would have known sooner throughout this entire process? Like, something if somebody's going through it right now and you're like, dang, I wish me at that moment could have known this. What would that look like for you to tell someone else?

[Cyrus]

Yeah, I think honestly, weight gain can be such a big fear with people when they're recovering from something like disordered eating or eating disorders. And I just wanted that girl to know, who was like terrified for five years of gaining weight, that it's really not that big of a deal. And I know that sounds so just like I'm throwing off people's fears and saying they're not important. That's not what I mean at all. I just mean, like, the life that you're going to get is just no comparison to the weight that you're going to gain. Like, your life is going to be so much fuller and better and personality, your personality will come back, relationships will be healed. Like, things will be so much better. And I wish I'd told that girl who was so timid to start healing, like, things genuinely will be, will get better. Like recovery and healing is way better. Even the worst day than the best day you ever had when you were.

[Bob Pittman]

Struggling, that's so powerful. You mentioned the moments where you would take five steps forward and 10 steps back, or vice versa. I want someone to hear your words very much so in this process, because there's probably going to be a lot of people out there that are listening and would want to give up in the process of healing. And sometimes hearing somebody else have these just very normal human moments of I'm not perfect and I went through this and it was all across the board is really important to hear, especially when they're either choosing to start to heal or in the process of healing or considering it. Can you walk through a little bit for someone who's maybe in one of those spaces and they're like, gosh, I just. I don't think I'm ready for that battle.

[Cyrus]

Yeah, I would say, honestly, the most helpful thing during my process was just remembering what I was fighting for. If you don't know what you're fighting for, then it's going to be a pointless battle. You're not fighting to make sure that your therapist or your dietitian feels good about the progress you've made. You're not fighting so that your family and friends won't be worried about you anymore. And you're not fighting for other comments from other people about, like, how healthy you look and like, how much better life looks on you. You're really fighting for your true self. That is what healing is about. It's connecting with your authentic, true self and exploring, like, who that person is. I had no idea because I was so obsessed with, like, my eating disorder with my body. Like, I had no idea who I was. Especially in my 20s, like, when I'm supposed to be figuring out, like, my identity and who I am. I had no clue. And so, so much of my healing journey I would hold on to. No, I'm fighting to connect with that person, to give her the life she deserves and like, to find the things that really, truly make me happy in this life. And so I will say there were times when I would wake up and I was like, I have absolutely no motivation today to do anything pro recovery to, to help myself in any way. And the only thing that kept me going was that, like, I wanted to feed that true self every day. You're either feeding shame, you're feeding going backwards, you're feeding like, that negative side, that negative inner critic, or you're feeding your authentic, true self. So I think if you can just take a step back and think about what is the actual battle happening here. I think it's easy to be like, oh, yeah, I'm just like, I'm just eating food or I'm just exercising. Like, we can get very nitpicky and, like, physical about it, but no, it's honestly spiritual. This is about who you are and fighting for who you are. So that really kept me going, I think.

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah. And oh, my goodness, it's important for most things in life too, because we like to think that whenever we recover from something or we start healing or we start growing, that we're doing it for somebody else or something else.

[Cyrus]

Yeah.

[Bob Pittman]

When really the journey should be about you and your experience and helping you. So that's good advice for everything. But I'm so glad I had you go down that road in the beginning of this too, you share the starting point of your story, which was a very unfortunate, traumatic situation that happened to you. Did you also have to heal that aspect and what happened to you to start to heal your disordered eating habits? Was that kind of coincided together or were they separated? Because this is the first situation in story that I've heard where something like that has spearheaded a situation and a path for somebody. So I'm curious to know, because I am positive it's probably and unfortunately not uncommon. So I would love to know, like, what that experience was like for you in case somebody else out there may have something similar happening.

[Cyrus]

Yeah. As I've learned and grown over the past couple of years in this space, like, I would argue that all of our hurts or our negative habits, like an addiction, like an eating disorder, really is fostered from originally from trauma. And it doesn't have to be anything like capital T trauma like I experienced. It can be something as small as, like, a comment that was made to you when you were very young, or maybe a parent did something when you were younger and punished you in a way that, like, wasn't ideal. And so that just for whatever reason, your brain stuck onto that and it was very traumatic. Trauma also isn't what happens to us. It's how we interpret those events. And so our brain can be really impacted by little and big things that happen to us. And so I think if you find yourself in a space of disordered eating or an eating disorder, a lot of the time, like, the work that you have to do is reflecting on the past and the past traumas and how that impacted your sense of identity. Because these disorders, at the end of the day, are all about identity. They're about, like, control and where you're putting your sense of self. And I think when we have a sense of self that is rooted in my worth is unchanging. Like, no matter what I do in this life, I have inherent self worth. When we have that perspective, it's harder for trauma or those little things to come in and dig at us and dig at our core. Whereas, like, when we do let those things impact us, we can go to all these negative habits for a sense of control, for a sense of identity and purpose. I would say most people who struggle with eating disorders, disordered eating, like we talked about, the societal impacts, they're looking to society to tell them that they're worthy because they're small enough, and they're worthy because they're pretty enough. And so when you have that inherent sense of self worth and work through those past traumatic events. I think that's when the real healing begins. Like at the root of all these issues, the full healing happens.

[Bob Pittman]

I am a big believer in fighting for the root cause of anything when it comes to issues. And it sounds like that is very much a similar way to heal a similar situation like yours. So thank you for getting into that. Yeah, I do want to look at your life now because we talked about social media and how that can have some triggering moments, and you've done really well to work through those. But what about in everyday life? Like, I'm picturing two friends. One has gone through a similar experience to yours. One's like me who can understand and be there, but I may not quite be able to put myself in your shoes. So how can someone like me better do that for people like you in everyday life? What are experiences that happen in everyday life that could be triggering or that could be hurtful that would not help someone like you on their journey to constantly healing and doing better?

[Cyrus]

I love this question, and I think in what you're talking about, it's not just being, like, proactive and dealing with people who have had eating disorders in the past. It's also being proactive in the sense of we don't want to trigger anyone and cause a future eating disorder for them either. And so I think just being very mindful of, like, first and foremost, this might be obvious to some people, but body comments like that is not helpful to tell someone, oh, it looks like you lost a little bit of weight, or, wow, it looks like you've gained weight. Like, neither of those things is helpful information. It doesn't tell you anything about the identity of that person. It just tells you about the shell and the shape and size of their shell. I would also say making sure that, like, you're fueling properly around people. I know this is, again, that might seem obvious, but a lot of girls, like, even when you go to breakfast at a coffee shop, a lot of girls will just be like, you know what, I'm just gonna grab coffee. I don't need to eat. And it's crazy because little things like that can actually be things that make other girls like me, like, self conscious. And it's not. I do want to be careful. It's not anyone else's responsibility to not trigger me. Like, my recovery is my own and I have to protect it and know what's best for me. But I think as empathetic human beings, we should want to protect the People around us. And so obviously on the body side, like, not making comments on the food side, like, fueling adequately and properly and not making comments about food or what other people are eating. And then I think, too, like, this one is small, but it's something I've really tried to be more intentional about is even commenting in general about appearance. I know this might sound a little bit nuanced, but you can say you like someone's dress, or you can say you love their style or their outfit, but do you need to say, oh, my gosh, that dress brings out your figure, or, oh, my gosh, like, your boobs look so good in that? I don't know why, as human beings, we feel the need to pick apart people's bodies and somehow compliment them or insult them based off of how their body looks. Like, just all of that in general. Like, I want to see humans for who they are. Like, I don't want to just see them as that person exists in a bigger body or that person looks terrible because they're way too skinny. That doesn't serve anybody. So I think doing your absolute best to just take a step back and be like, okay, how do I view people? Do I view them based off of appearance or, like, how they look at any point in time? Or am I viewing them as a human, as someone deserving of respect and who has inherent worth? I think that's just a really helpful perspective to have, like, in general. And I even practice on TV shows, by the way. Like, I used to always comment, like, oh, my gosh, that guy's so hot. Or like, that girl's so hot and whatever. And now I try to take a step back and I'm like, what do I like about their character? What do I like about their impact in the show? And again, that might seem crazy to some people, but it really does rewire your brain and how you view other people, which is really cool.

[Bob Pittman]

And this question really brings out the compassion of human beings. Right? We have gotten away a little bit from having compassion for others. And, of course, is there moments of inconvenience in being compassionate and empathetic? Yeah, of course there are, but it's more important for me to be inconvenienced than somebody else just for the sake of understanding somebody else's story. And you and I seem very in the same mindset with that and the idea of how that is. But. But it's always why I like asking questions like that in regards to hard topics. Because even having this conversation and somebody sitting here and Hearing it, it just might make them think a little bit twice before they say or do something. Because it's really easy to go about our own lives and not think about the things that other people have gone through. Of course. Right. Everybody's lives are really difficult, but it's also part of being a human being is having compassion for others and understand that everybody's going through stuff. So what you said is really important. And I also think it's very important in girlfriend groups, guy friend groups, too. They just are not as unfortunately equipped to talk about these emotional things. And women tend to go in this direction. So it's not gender specific. But more often than not, women are the ones who are sitting there having these conversations or not eating. And I've been at. I cannot tell you how many dinners where somebody is eating and it doesn't matter. She's. I'm probably her. I'm the one who's, yeah, give me eight apps. I don't care. Let me have all of it. And then I have another friend who's, I just would like a salad. And I'm like, what are we doing? No, we are eating. This is a girl's dinner. And I try to be encouraging, but I also know that in general can be triggering because you're trying to help, but you don't really know if it's helping or not. You're just not sure because it's part of that. But I think so much of what you said is in regards to just being compassionate and having a little bit of care intact when we handle things that could potentially be sensitive.

[Cyrus]

Yeah. And I think too, if you have friends, like, something that is so important to me is female community, like, women supporting and uplifting other women. And when I tell you, one of the best parts of my healing journey was my best friend and I were always really close. But just realizing throughout this, through the weight gain, through me looking different at different periods of time, she liked me more the more weight I gained because I got my personality back. Like, she liked me. And, like, I could literally cry talking about it because, like, it just meant so much. Your friends don't care what you look like. Your friends care about you. True friends, true friends care about you. And I think that's beautiful and so incredibly encouraging for people who are struggling because you don't have to try so hard. Like, you just be you. Like, you asked me earlier, what advice would I give? It's genuinely just be you. Throw off all the expectations, the need for appearances, and just try to find out who you are and, like, run full speed ahead with that person.

[Bob Pittman]

Like, and to your point, so much of what I receive on social media, because I'm a huge foodie. I love food. Like, big fan. I will post about everything. And I love that.

[Cyrus]

Like, huge.

[Bob Pittman]

I just like eating food. I like enjoying what I'm eating.

[Tori Payton]

Even I.

[Bob Pittman]

Even when I'm eating healthier, I'm like, how can I make. Like, I just did it the other day. I turned puppy chow from checks to blueberries. I'm like, okay, well, healthier.

[Cyrus]

That sounds good.

[Bob Pittman]

And I was like, this is healthier, but I'm still getting what I want out of this. Which is like, an enjoyable experience. But it's so funny, the comments that are constantly coming. You eat so much food. How are you still so small? I'm like, guys, one, you're not seeing me work out all the time because I don't feel the need. You have to see it. And two, I have decently healthy jeans. So let's also. This is all relative, but also, why are you commenting on how much I'm eating? Just because I really love food. Even, like, just the comments around food and exercise, not just about our looks, which we touched on, but it's anything in general that could insinuate any direction about somebody's experience in their life. And it's. It is nuanced to your point. Like, it is right? These are the nitty gritty details.

[Cyrus]

I love what you just said. Like, I wish I could bottle it up, because I think to your point, it is about appearance in some ways, but it is what I was talking about, the performance aspect. It's almost like food and exercise have been moral deciders of if we are good enough in society or not. Like, how well we perform as women is based off of, like, how much you work out and how healthy you eat. And I think that's psychotic. Nothing about me as a person, Like, I could literally be a criminal, but, like, I'm cool because I'm skinny and eat healthy food and work out a lot. Like, it makes.

[Bob Pittman]

It is true.

[Tori Payton]

It's.

[Bob Pittman]

Honestly, now that you said it out loud, it's like the Ted Bundy thing. Everybody finds Ted Bundy super attractive, but, like, guys, he's a horrible human being.

[Cyrus]

Horrible.

[Bob Pittman]

Yeah, pop culture is wild. But it reminded me of that when you were talking about that. And we could go down this rabbit hole all day, and I love it. But I always like to end on something that's either whether it's motivational or advice or something that Maybe we didn't touch on that. You really want to make sure people hear, so I'm going to give you the floor and you can in this how you feel, like, super passionate about.

[Cyrus]

Yeah, I think the biggest, like, superpower I'm going to use that word is throughout your entire healing journey is leaning into grace and leaning away from shame. I truly believe that, like, we have a negative inner critic in our head that is going to want us to embrace shame, to tell us that if we make one mistake or if we're not doing something perfectly, we should punish ourselves or we should just give up altogether and that people around us are ashamed of us. And I just don't think that's true. That's one narrative that part of your brain is telling you. I think we really need to lean into the narrative of grace and of curiosity, because that is the only way you'll get better. You're not going to get better. Shaming yourself. You're not going to get better saying, I wish I'd done that. I should have done that. You're gonna get better by being your number one biggest cheerleader and advocating for yourself. And I wholeheartedly believe that because I've seen in my own journey, months in which I would fall into a deep depression because I was so ashamed of XYZ and then pulling myself out of it because I was like, you know what? No, that's gonna lead me to death and destruction in my brain. Like, I have to be positive. I have to fight for myself and for my happiness and be my best friend. I truly believe that. So, yeah, I think that's the last thing I would say to people.

[Bob Pittman]

Oh, that's so good. You gave us so many great bits of wisdom and understanding. Thank you for walking us through your whole experience and sharing things to help others while they go through or are on this through or in the same situation you are. I just really appreciate your voice, vulnerability, and being here with me today.

[Cyrus]

Thank you so much for having me. This was awesome, as always.

[Bob Pittman]

I'm so happy you're here listening to these episodes and taking in everything so that if you're on a similar journey, hopefully this is the start of a new one. Subscribe to the podcast or follow on Instagram at. Take this personally. You can DM me on there if you have any questions or want a topic discussed or just want to say hi. Thanks, friends. I love you. Bye.

[Cyrus]

Cyrus the Great of Persia was a conqueror and he tried to increase his empire by marrying Timyris, the widow of.

[Bob Pittman]

The king of the Massengeti people. She refused his offer and so he decided that he would invade her kingdom instead. Turns out that was a big mistake. Listen to the latest episode of Noble Blood available now.

[Cyrus]

Listen to Noble blood on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tori Payton]

Hi, I'm Bob Pittman, chairman and CEO of iHeartMedia. I'm excited to introduce a brand new season of my podcast, Math and Stories.

[Bob Pittman]

From the Frontiers of Marketing.

[Tori Payton]

I'm having conversations with some folks across a wide range of industries to hear.

[Bob Pittman]

How they reach the top of their.

[Tori Payton]

Fields and the lessons they learned along.

[Bob Pittman]

The way that everyone can use.

[Cyrus]

I'll be joined by innovative leaders like.

[Tori Payton]

Chairman and CEO of Elf Beauty Tarang Amin, legend, legendary singer, songwriter and philanthropist.

[Bob Pittman]

Jewel Being a rock star is very fun, but helping people is way more fun.

[Tori Payton]

And Damian Maldonado, CEO of American Financing.

[Bob Pittman]

I figured out the formula. I just have to work hard. Then that's magic. Join me as we uncover innovations in data and analytics, the math and the.

[Tori Payton]

Ever important creative spark, the magic. Listen to math and magic on the.

[Cyrus]

Iheartradio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast, this Is Working can help with that. Here's some advice from Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, on standing out from the leadership crowd. Develop your EQ A lot of people have plenty of brains, but EQ is.

[Tori Payton]

Do you trust me?

[Cyrus]

Do I communicate well? Develop the team, develop the people, Create.

[Bob Pittman]

A system of trust.

[Cyrus]

And it works over time. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor in chief. On my podcast this is Working Leaders Share Strategies for Success. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts.

[Bob Pittman]

Or wherever you get your podcasts.