← The Bobby Bones Show
The Bobby Bones Show
TAKE THIS PERSONALLY: Love Is All Around Us (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It)
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This is an I heart podcast.
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Guaranteed human.
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Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures@ Lowe's get up to 35% off.
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You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day, which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part? You won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your life at electricforall.org.
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Take this personally with Morgan Huelsman.
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It's time for the episode that's all about love and not just the kind of love you're thinking of. We, of course, are going to talk about relationships and true love, but more than that, it's friendship, love, family, love, self love. Because the real thing is love is all around us. And if you haven't figured that out by now, you may need a little bit more work than just this podcast. I did have people send in a bunch of things because relationships do surround us and how love is in our lives and how it impacts our lives is so important. And that's why I decided to start out our love series where I just talk about a lot of things that you guys want to talk about, because this is, again, all for you guys. The whole point of doing this podcast is so I can connect with you guys, we can connect with each other, and we make things a little less difficult in our lives. That's always the hope. I'm keeping all of this anonymous because so many people are sharing vulnerable moments of their life. Love is vulnerable. Love is difficult. So I'm not going to put anybody on blast with their names, but I do want to share their stories and their questions and all kinds of things. We're gonna kick things off talking about trust and authenticity in relationships. I had this person reach out because they're going through therapy and this is the next phase of their therapy chapter where they're focusing on relationships. And it's so interesting because so much of what we're taught about relationships is you gotta communicate and find the right partner and everything will work itself out. But honestly, that's so much harder than just saying that goes, trust is hard. And being authentic in who you are while showing up with a partner is also really hard. If there's one thing I've realized in all of my dating and the dates that I've gone on and just the other relationships that I've been in over the course of my life, is that you can't run off the person who's meant to be in your life.
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You.
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You being you is supposed to welcome that person in and give you a safe space to further be yourself. If you're running people away from being exactly who you are, then they aren't meant for you. That goes for any relationship, but particularly your partnership. Because if you can't be yourself, be exactly who you are to every level, your weird quirks and your funny flaws and, yes, the bad qualities that you have, then it's not the right human being, because the right person in your life is not Going to scare easily. And you can say nearly anything. Now, I'm not talking anything horrible. If you're just a horrible person, that's a different story altogether. But you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. The right person is going to love you exactly as you are. And so when it comes to authenticity in relationships, and it's about being you and being comfortable with who you are, it goes further than just wanting that person to love you as you, but it's you wanting to love yourself as you. I don't wholeheartedly believe that you need to be completely fixed or have every wound healed to be in a great relationship. In fact, a lot of the work that you're going to need to do for yourself is going to happen in a relationship. But you do still have to show up in the relationship and be somewhat in love with yourself. You have to be in love with yourself enough that you're not going to tolerate any bullshit. When we don't love ourselves or when we don't understand how great we are or how capable we are, then we're allowing somebody else to also not love us to that degree. So how you show up in that relationship is going to transpire. It's like your partner is a mirror to you, right? They're the person who's going to show you every innermost horrible pieces of yourself. And if it's the right partner, that's a good thing. It means you guys can work on that together and go through life and understand things together. But if it's the wrong partner, you're going to know very quickly. So authenticity in relationships matters. The way you love yourself matters, entering into that relationship. But more than anything, it's being exactly who you're supposed to be. You shouldn't be trying to be somebody else. Getting into a relationship, that's actually the worst thing you can do. Putting on a front on a first date is the worst thing you can do. Because you're asking somebody to love someone that doesn't exist. And that's not fair for you or for them. So be you. Show up who you are, scars and all. And the right person is gonna stay, regardless of all of those flaws and those quirks. Because if I can find somebody who loves me with all of mine, I promise you that you can. That does exist. Now, in that same vein that this person was particularly talking about was also trust. And trust is something that's been incredibly difficult for me over the, really, the entire course of my adult life. It started when I was in High school and really went through some horrible friendships. And those friendships in turn made me stop trusting people. And things that I experienced with the my older individuals or people who should be my role models in my life also made me stop trusting people in general. And so my trust in humans was very low from a very young age and it only continued into adulthood. I don't know if you guys have seen the world today, but it's difficult to trust people. It's difficult to believe that people are good or that they are inherently good or they will do good things. We often see now that there's a lot of bad and there's a lot of hard in the world thanks to social media. Now, it doesn't mean I don't believe there isn't still good in the world, because there is. But trust is hard, especially this day and age. Believing that good people exist is hard. And I remember something so, so vividly. And I don't remember if it was my therapist or my friend or who decided to tell me this, but it was such a cool reflection and it really made me think. When I had no belief that there was going to be another good person in the world, I was told you exist. So if you exist, how could you not believe that there is good in the world? And that started to rewrite my relationship with trust in people. And I had to start learning to give people the benefit of the doubt because that person was right. I am good. So why should I believe that there isn't other good out there? Just because I've had multiple interactions with people who are bad and who have broken my trust doesn't mean that I'm not going to have people come into my path who aren't inherently good in the ways that I had hoped. So that particular phrase started to really reframe things in my mind and allow me to believe that one, there was good in the world and two, because there's good in the world, there are going to be people that I can trust. And it doesn't mean it will be easy. There's still moments. I'm now engaged and there's still moments in our relationship where I have doubts of believing that this person could not ever leave or not cheat on me or not do things. Because for 15 years in my life, that's what I believed in relationship was that I would just going to have to deal with somebody cheating on me. And that's the way it goes. And so I'm having to rewrite years of this pain and broken trust. Even still today, it's not, unfortunately, something that you just decide one day, okay, I'm going to trust people, and then now all good. That's not quite how it works, especially when it comes to trust, because people will break your trust in a million different ways. Even not in the most hurtful, but even small little moments every day. And that means you have to constantly believe in the good in them, while also understanding that you can trust him. So maybe that little phrase can help in that situation for your life to. To believe and trust. But I do believe so much of trust comes from honoring the belief that we are good. And so if we are good, somebody else must be good too. And that does exist. I've. I've a witness to it, and I'm somebody who is living in it right now. And that was along the same other time of this question, because somebody else asked, how do you trust yourself to find real love after an abusive relationship? And I'm gonna be so honest with you guys. After my emotionally physically abusive relationship, I spent three years by myself. I maybe went on a handful of dates, but I really was dating pretty destructively. I wasn't dating with intent to find somebody. I was more dating to hope that there was other good people in the world, but I wasn't really finding it. And I wasn't really healthy in that space because I was still hurting. I was still in fight or flight. So for three years after that relationship, I spent a really good chunk of time being pretty destructive to the things that I typically believe and want to see and do in my life when it comes to relationships. But about halfway through that is when I really started to see the healing process come into place. And I was working on understanding that same phrase that somebody had told me of. If you're good in this world and there must be other good in the world. And that sent me on a different trajectory to see that there could be other things out there beyond trusting somebody, beyond dating somebody. There is still hope that there's a love out there that could be for me when the time is right for me to be healed. And I knew that time wasn't soon. So I really had to work on that inner relationship with myself, of trusting myself again. Honestly, that was. That first step of any of it, was trusting myself to make the right decisions, to. I really believed after that relationship that I didn't make good decisions and that I chose somebody horrible for me. So how could I be trusted myself? Like, I went from not trusting anybody to also then not trusting myself. Can you imagine the turmoil that puts on your emotional status in life. And I had to repair that relationship first. And I had to understand the roles that I played, but also the roles that I didn't play and give myself more grace than I really was giving. So trusting myself became one of the hardest battles after that relationship. But once I regained that, then it was like home free. From there, I started to really understand the relationship I had with myself and how that impacted the relationships outside. So true love is available for everyone. In real true love, I'm not talking about the kind where you think about an abusive relationship and they're incredibly toxic, where they're also intoxicating. You feel one way and then you're pushed in another direction. It's like this giant push pull thing. I'm talking about real true love that makes you feel safe and calm. And it's not a tornado. It's actually like a wave at the beach that is soothing you. That's what real true love is. And you also have to understand that those are different types of love, and the toxic one is not the one that you want to spend the rest of your life in. So reframing those relationships within yourself when will be huge for you to get to that next step, to even start to want to date again, let alone opening up yourself to find the real love that I think you know at the bottom of your heart does exist. How long did it take you to give yourself permission to let your guard down after meeting him? Him, referring to my fiance, Mr. B. It took me a long time, honestly. There was still this. It's still a running joke between us because I want to say we were about six months into our relationship and I still was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And he was so wonderful that there was just so much in the back of my mind sitting like, this is too good to be true. There's no way. This is who you are, and when is it going to change? And it's really funny because the whole time when I would say that, he'd be like, I promise you, I'm going to show you for the rest of your life that this is exactly who I am and I'm never gonna change. You're seeing me. This is me. This is who you get. And he's been a wonderful reassurance when I've had those moments. But it's funny because it still exists. He would say often towards what I didn't realize was him proposing, he'd be like, okay, so if I put like a ring on your finger, are you gonna believe that? I'm not gonna leave. Is that gonna be the moment where you, like, realize, I promise I'm gonna stay? And I was like, maybe. I hope so. We did the proposal, and that night I was like, so I guess you really aren't leaving, huh? He's like, I've been trying to tell you that in so many ways. And I was like, I don't know. He's still covered up. Married yet. And he just looked at me and rolled his eyes. So I think there's always going to be a part of me that's afraid of people leaving. That's really what it is. More than anything, after everything I've been through, is that one. Somebody's gonna hurt me in a huge way. Especially somebody I give my heart to, because I do give my heart pretty freely. I'm a very loving, empathetic person. So I just want to give love because I want to receive love. And that's who I am. And I've always been. I've never shied away from being that person. But I realize now, even being in this healthy, beautiful relationship, that there's always going to be this inner piece of me. No matter how much I've worked on her, no matter how much I've given her safety and allowed her to feel good again, there's always going to be that inner piece of me that thinks somebody's going to leave. And maybe that's also just being human, because at the end of this life, people do leave. And that's hard for me to reconcile with a lot of the time, too. So I don't know that is ever truly going to go away. That being said, having a partner who not only loves me in his love languages, but understands me in mine, and how I need to be reassured and how I need somebody to sometimes hold my hand and walk me through things is a huge piece to this whole puzzle. Because I had been with partners before who'd never done that for me. I'd been doing it for them. But I never had somebody who could safely allow me to even be willing to let my guard down. There was always a guard. There was always. At the end of the day, there was like this. My heart was in the tower. I was protecting the heart and the heart couldn't get out. But with him now, my heart is out freely, while also still knowing that it could get broken one day. From the end of life, from life's cruelest intentions, unfortunately. But he gave me the space and the ability to understand that life with another person. Was worth me letting my heart out of the tower. And it takes a special human being to allow you to feel that way after going through a bunch of things. So he really was the one who has allowed me the permission to do so, if you will. But a lot of it was me in accepting that I was finally safe. Even still, when the moments are I give him a hard time that he's gonna leave me, but he won't, and I know that, or I wouldn't have said yes to him and I wouldn't have looked at rings with him. He was the only guy I ever looked at rings with because of how safe and secure that I felt. And that was very telling all along. What about overcoming anxiety when you're finally in a healthy relationship? Goes along with what we're just talking about here. And I'll further add that I actually think it's really healthy to be anxious and nervous in a healthy new relationship. One, because it means that you're understanding this is a different situation. And two, because you're protecting yourself. At the end of the day, we do have to look out for ourselves, and we do have to protect ourselves. And there's plenty of stories out there where somebody's a nice guy or a nice woman for six months, a year, a few years, and then all of a sudden, they're a completely different person. So I think it's human behavior to be anxious and to be worried and be concerned. But much like the conversation I had to have with myself when I got into the relationship with my fiance, and we were about six months in and we were starting to live together, I had to have a conversation with myself and be like, if you really want to pursue this, if you really want this relationship to work, then you have to allow him the chance to make it work. I couldn't keep putting up the walls, and I couldn't keep creating my safe boundary and my tower of my heart if I wanted the love and relationship that I truly desired. And he had given me so many signs and so many green flags and so many great moments to believe in him. He showed me his consistency. He showed me the security, the safeness. He showed me everything I needed to know. And the only thing that was stopping me from really embracing the relationship was me. And I think that's an important piece to this, is that you. When you feel those moments of safety, security, consistency, and you're seeing the actions, not just words, because words mean nothing, but when you're seeing the actions play out in real time, and this person is consistently the same human being, not just with you, but with friends and with family, then you really do have to have that conversation with yourself and say, why am I standing in my own way? And that's when you can start breaking down those barriers and those walls. And it's not going to be a you don't take a sledgehammer to it. Honestly, you take an ice pick and you just chip a few out a little bit at a time. And then one day you wake up and holy crap, you've sledgehammered the whole wall with an ice pick. So it will come in waves and in moments. But you do have to get honest with yourself when the time comes. If it's new, you're still learning, you're still understanding. But when the time comes and you'll know, your body knows, your heart knows. Have that conversation so you can start to move forward after busy days and full schedules. It's the quiet moments that matter most. Pure as well Being Collection brings intentional fragrance into your home, helping everyday life feel lighter, softer and more enjoyable. No routines, no overwhelm, just scent that helps support how you feel. Explore the collection now@pura.com Moods support for.
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Oh, let's get into this. I love this question. How do you stop looking for it? I'm content, single but still find myself searching. Oh this is so tough. Okay, let me say this first and foremost because everybody loves to say when they get into a relationship and tell singles and tell the people in their life who don't have their person, they say when you stop looking it will find you. Let's cut that narrative really quick because while there is truth to that, the reality of telling someone to stop looking for the one thing that their heart desires is not going to help anybody. So let's reframe this and instead I'm going to say stop controlling. I was a master controller in a lot of ways in my life. I really love to know what's going to happen. I love to control the situation. I like to be in controlled environments again because it made me feel safe. It wasn't controlling in the word that that has become associated in all the negative terms. I just really like to have control of things because it allowed me to feel safety and security after a lot of things that I had been through. So I like to even take Control. I would get on dating apps and be like, okay, I'm going to set myself up for three dates this week. I'm going to control the fact that I'm want to go out three nights this week, or I'm going to make sure when I go out tonight that I talk to at least one person. I was always controlling the situation in one way or another. Sometimes a little looser, sometimes a little bit more strict. But I was trying to control the path that I was on because it allowed me to heal. It was really great for a period of my life because it did help me and it did save me in a lot of ways, and it saved me from certain situations, but it did also potentially hurt me had I not let go of the reins. And instead of not looking, because inherently, again, human nature, you're gonna look, you're gonna go out to a grocery store, you're gonna go to a gym, and you're gonna look at people and say, oh, they're cute. Oh, I might want to talk to them. You should. That's normal. And you should act on those things. That's also putting yourself out there. But more than that, it's stop controlling what could happen. And I think the moment when I finally let go of the reins was truly the weekend that my girlfriends were in town. Everything transpired at the same time within that week. The weekend before, I'd just been talking to a friend, and I had had this light bulb moment of realization where, oh, my gosh, I know exactly what I need in a partner. I finally figured it out, because that's what dating is all about, is finding the partner that you want. It's finding the qualities that you enjoy and the things that you're looking for. And I had finally figured out the piece that I'd missed all along, was that I'd want somebody with a similar heart to mine. I wanted somebody with really great emotional intelligence and empathy and compassion. And I was really finding a lot of lackluster in that in dating. But once that light bulb moment hit, it was almost like I just kind of put my hands up and was like, now that I have my answer, now that I controlled everything that I could control, this is no longer anything I can do about. I had to genuinely raise my hands up and say, okay, deep breath. We're just gonna go through life and see what happens from here. Because I found my answer. I did everything that I could possibly do to find my person. And so it was no longer the role that I needed to play in my life. And when I let go of those reins is when everything changed. And shortly after is when I met my now fiance. And it had so much to do with that. So I'm not going to tell you to stop looking. I think you should keep looking. If you see somebody out and you want to talk to them, if you want to give your phone number, you want to go on a date on a dating app, do it. That doesn't mean you're all of a sudden not looking. I think what you do need to do, though, in most cases is let go of the reins and stop doing so much, stop controlling so much. Just enjoy your life, be in the present moment and accept what is gonna come. And the right person is never going to miss you. And I know even me saying that is easier said than done, but I don't want you to stop looking. I don't think that's how this works. A different way to that. I might get some blowback on that, but that's how I feel. And in that same vein is how to stay present in singleness. It's so hard to not get discouraged while dating. And truthfully, I understand that there was so many moments of my life, especially in my 20s, where I would just be sitting on my kitchen floor and start crying randomly. What is happening to me? Because I felt like I was behind, right? I looked at a lot of my friends from college, and I shouldn't say a lot of them. All of them, the ones that I had lived with in college, every single one of them was married. They were on kid one, kid two, kid three. And then there was me. And I was still single. I hadn't even found anybody. I was thriving in other ways, but I really felt like I was behind the eight ball in so many different categories. And so there were several moments that I felt this. But truly, when I. Letting go of those reins was really the moment where I felt so much freedom in being single. But more than that, in that last year, truly, I would say, like, I was really trying my best to just do things that made me happy. Really. Like, at the end of the day, I stopped trying to focus on what I didn't have and really focus on what I did have. I had my incredible pets, who I absolutely adore. And I'd take Remy on hikes, and we'd go on trips with our friends, or I'd go and try a new hobby, or I'd pick up a different cooking. I cooked a lot. And so much of what I found in that was doing things that I Loved allowed me to stay more in the present moment because I had so much love around me. How could I possibly be focused on the one love that I didn't have? And it really helped majority of the time. I'm not gonna lie to you and say it helped every single time. There was still moments, there were still wedding invites that I got that was like a blow to the chest or a post on social media. And then your whole feed is babies and engagements, and then there's you. I'm not gonna tell you that it works every single time, but I am gonna tell you that it helped. Not only did it help me in those moments to know that I had other things and know that I had plenty of love in my life, but it also allowed me to be the person who I was meant to be before my partner came in my life. That was the advantage that I had. I had the privilege to be the person who was last in my society and last in my community to get engaged and find that person, because it took that long to find the right person. And I'm so glad that I waited, because the right person, gosh, if I. Oh, my goodness, if I got engaged or married to anybody that I had dated before, you wouldn't see the same girl sitting here today. And there's a reason for that. So rushing any of that process is also not going to get you the result that you want. And also knowing that helped. I don't know about you, but I knew plenty of couples who were really happy and very much in love, and I knew plenty of couples who weren't. And. And I knew that I wanted to be one of those couples that was very much in love and happy years later. And that was my goal at the end of the day. So I wasn't in a rush to make sure I'm on the other side of that and be the couple that was unhappy just because I needed to get married. So that thought also helped me in a lot of those moments. But more than anything, just find things that you love, do things that make you happy, and surround yourself with other kinds of love, because other kinds of love exist. And we're also speaking of dating. So let's talk about that first date. What do you do on a first date? Do you get dressed up? How do you be? Because you did hear me say you need to be exactly yourself. Now I will say I did not show up on my first dates looking like a gremlin like I normally do, or in my daily uniform. And I very much wish I would have on several of those. But I didn't. I did at least try to look my best because presentation does matter. I don't think you need to overdo anything. I think you should still be exactly who you are. Like you're seeing me right now. This is what I would wear on a date. If you're watching this on YouTube or on social media, this is what I would wear on a date. And I think an outfit like this is great. I also think if you want to wear yoga pants and sweats, then you should do that because again, the right person is never going to pass you up, even if you're wearing yoga pants and sweats. Heck, I don't know how many people I'd meet when I'd be wearing onesies out at the bars when I just want to be comfy. Wear whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and makes you feel the most confident. But beyond that, for a first date, I don't stick to any of these rules. That thing usually go on a dinner for a first date, or you must do drinks or go for a walk or get ice cream. There's honestly no perfect first date. First dates are awkward. It doesn't matter what you do, the first date is going to be awkward. You may have great conversation once you get into it, but leading up to that and the moment of getting there and the moments of anything happening, it's awkward. You're meeting a new human for the first time, probably because you met them online or if you're lucky, you met them in person and you're actually meeting the real version of them versus the person that you met out in real life. They're awkward, they're uncomfortable, and you just have to accept that. And, and then from there, do again for the date what makes you feel comfortable. If it's getting coffee or getting a drink, then do that. If you really want to have dinner, do that. I'm going to tell you. Also, eating on a first date, very awkward. I don't know how many times I would order things and be happy and because I was trying to take little teeny bites. One, to not get anything in my teeth, and two, because I was trying to talk at the same time. So it's all awkward. If you embrace that awkwardness, it does help. I wasn't very good at that. I was actually terrible at embracing awkwardness. I really hate uncomfortable situations. So you'd see a lot of what you're hearing and watching right now where I just talk a whole bunch. Because filling the void Makes me feel better. There's not really a typical one, but maybe that helped you embrace what dating is. It's also fun, right? I often said when I was dating, you do it for the plot. Those stories live with me for the rest of my life. On the hundreds of first dates that I went on, they have lived within me, and they'll live through me for the rest of my life. So at least he got stories to tell. Speaking of getting into partners, when you start dating, this person asked how to become more communicative with my partner. I have issues handling it all myself, honestly. It shouldn't be all yourself. If you're trying to communicate with your partner, you should both be in that digs Two to Tango. You know that old saying, you should both be communicating with each other. But I think if you were not a communicative partnership to begin with, then you have to open up the lines of communication. You got to start somewhere, right? So go to your partner. I'm hoping it's a safe situation where you can go to them and say, hey, I really want to start having these conversations, and I want to address stuff and have open communication moving forward. But you have to open that line of communication first, and you can't expect somebody to read your mind. So you do have to set the precedent. And once the precedent is that, then hopefully the communication follows. And I'm just going to tell you right now, at the end of the day, like, it's just with anything you should do in life, you have to be your own advocate. You have to be the representative of yourself. And if you're not doing it, who is. I know that it's difficult to tell people multiple things over and over again or to hope that they got it after the first try. But communication, partnership is so much more than that. And it's understanding that the other person that you're with is supposed to be your partner, your team partner. You're supposed to do things together. And if you're always saying things and hoping for them to understand it or they don't get it, then you get frustrated. It's not going to end up working in the way that you hoped. Because if you look at a football team, right, okay, I've been having to watch so much football this past year. If you look at a football team, what happens when they don't communicate with each other? It's a disaster. And you end up yelling at the tv, right? The same thing happens in relationships. If you guys are on 18 different pages, you think you're gonna Get a touchdown. You think good things are gonna come from that? It won't. Because it's about being a team and working together to fight the enemy, which could be the problem that you guys are having. At the end of the day, even if you guys are on opposing sides of a problem, you're on the same team. So how can you come together? And understanding that is a huge part of working on that communication with your partner. But it starts with opening a line and being an advocate for you and for your partner. I had to do this a lot in my relationship with my fiance in the beginning because he had been taught not to talk about things he had been taught in previous relationships that they didn't want to hear how he felt or what he was experiencing on a day to day basis or what his work life was like. And I was like, I'm gonna cut you off right there because that's not how this is gonna work. I want you to tell me how your day went. I want you to tell me how you're feeling. I want you to tell me if I piss you off. I need you to communicate over. Communicate, in fact. And we'll even have check ins with each other. Like, we had a massive ice storm that just happened in Nashville. And after the whole thing happened, we sat down together and we finally were like in the house. After days without power, staying in a hotel, emergency vet visits, and just a whole combination of crazy things. And we were finally warm in our house and we just kind of looked at each other and was like, that was crazy. But also, did I show up okay for you in that? How did we do as a partnership in that? And asking those kind of questions is a game changer because neither of us really had anything to share. We were both really appreciative of each other and we both did well to work as that unit. But more than anything, it was just even having the ability to share if something was wrong. It was me creating the space, him creating the space for there to be a safe and open line of communication. I keep saying open line of communication. I feel like a telephone reporter or something. But hopefully that helps get you on a journey. That communication can be a front runner in your relationship because it is important. I used to say it's the number one most important thing because I felt like it was, but I would say it's probably top five. Communication is a game changer. If you're not talking to your partner, then who is. After busy days and full schedules, it's the quiet moments that matter. Most pure as well being Collection brings intentional fragrance into your home, helping everyday life feel lighter, softer and more enjoyable. No routines, no overwhelm, just scent that helps support how you feel. Explore the collection now@pura.com Moods support for.
- [41:55]
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The show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy company with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc, SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosure is available at public.comdisclosures now.
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I'd like to introduce you to Meaningful Beauty, the famed skincare brand created by iconic supermodel Cindy Crawford. It's her secret to Absolutely Absolutely gorgeous skin. Meaningful Beauty makes powerful and effective skin care simple and it's loved by millions of women. It's formulated for all ages in all skin tones and types and it's designed to work as a complete skin care system leaving your skin feeling soft, smooth and nourished. I recommend starting with Cindy's full regimen which contains all five of her best selling products including the Amazing Youth Activating Melon Serum. This next generation serum has the power of melon Leaf stem cell technology. It's melon leaf stem cells encapsulated for freshness and released onto the skin to support a visible reduction in the appearance of wrinkles. With thousands of glowing five star reviews, why not give it a try? Subscribe today and you can get the Amazing Meaningful Beauty system for just $49.95. That includes our introductory five piece system, free gifts, free shipping and a 60 day money back guarantee. All that available at Meaningful Beauty.
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You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge well, most people drive about 40 miles a day, which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part? You won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is Electric Explore EVs that fit your life at electricforall.org.
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After busy days and full schedules, it's the quiet moments that matter most. PURA's well being collection brings intentional fragrance into your home, helping everyday life feel lighter, softer and more enjoyable. No routines, no overwhelm, just scent that helps support how you feel. Explore the collection now@pura.com Moods support for.
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The show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comdisclosures hi, I'm.
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Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of meaningful beauty. When Dr. Sabah and I decided to do do a skincare line together, he said to me, we are going to give women meaningful beauty. And I said that's exactly right.
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You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part, you won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your life@electricforall.org.
- [46:51]
A
All right, we're gonna get into the older girlies, as somebody called it. She said, don't forget us older girlies who are divorced and still trying to find the right love. And then continues. We've got how to figure out what love is again in my middle 50s and is it worth it? And then you've got somebody who's single seven and a half years. She's 44 and over the apps. How can I put myself out there to meet people on that same line? How do you open yourself to opportunities to meet men? So all in the same category. But first of all, I'm going to say this right now. I'm not at that later stage of my life yet, so I can't fully attest to it, but getting engaged at 32 to me seemed like incredibly late in life at the time, like when this is all happening, I'm like, oh, dang. Like I mentioned, I have friends who are on their third baby by now and look at me, I'm just now getting engaged. So society loves to tell us our timelines and tell us when and where we should do things, but the reality is that's not how life works. And at the end of the day, everybody has their own journey, their own path, their own story that they're creating. And your timeline is inherently yours. And you are the only one who gets to decide when and where something happens and if it's going to happen and if you want it to happen. I believe fully that love can exist in every single decade with multiple different types of people in ages. I don't think love just happens when you're 20 or when you're 25 or when you're 30. I think love is all around us all the time. If I believe that, then I'll be no good to sit here and say, oh, you can't find it now. No, heck yeah, you're gonna find it now. In fact, you're probably gonna find the thing that you've looking for that it just took you longer to find that right person. Maybe because you're waiting, maybe because you're being pickier, maybe because you have high standards. All of which are incredibly great things, mind you, the world would love to tell you differently, but that's not true. And maybe you've been married before and you got divorced, or maybe you had kids and life happened. There's so many different factors when you start to talk about love later in life. But I just need you to know, and I'm only referring to it later in life because I don't know how to specify different decades just later than the life that I'm in right now. But love will absolutely happen for you if you want it to happen. I was having this conversation with a friend where she was really talking about how she wanted to have kids, and she felt like it was getting too late, and she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to and what that looked like. And she wasn't finding people who were really giving her that option, if you will. And I remember saying to her that if it's something you really want, then your story, your journey, your path is going to make it happen. I don't know that's going to make it happen in the way that you believe it should happen, but it will make it happen. And I still wholeheartedly believe that. And things have worked out for her in a multitude of different ways. But so much of what we love to control is based on things that people told us. That you should get married when you're 21 and you should stay married for the rest of your life, and you should have five babies and you should have a white picket fence and make sure you buy the giant mansion and yada, yada, yada. It was ingrained into all of us. But the truth is, whatever you want in your life, you have the ability to make it happen at the end of the day, with life, with love, with careers, with anything. And if it's something that you really, truly, in your heart, desire, you will find a way to make it happen. One way or another. Whether it's fate or your spiritual beliefs or whatever, it's going to happen. And I very much believe that to be true for all of my older girlies who are still trying to find their love. And putting yourself out there is difficult, especially if you've been burned before. But more than that, I'll say in general, you have to take your face out of your phone if you want to meet people in the world. There's two things I would do. Get your face out of your phone when you're out and about. If you're at the grocery store, if you're at the Gym, if you're on a walk, if you're. Who knows what you're doing. But don't be on your phone. Be open to the world around you. Be open to your surroundings. You never know the kind of conversations you can have if you're just present when you're out in the world. 2. Make sure that you are open minded to the type of person that might find you. I'm not talking about your standards. Do not lower them. I will never, ever tell you to lower a standard. But be open to the type of person that you've created in your head. Because more often than not, that is not what's coming. And I'm not saying my fiance wasn't. He's the perfect person I could have asked for, but I don't know that he was the exact image of what I created. And he came in a much better package than I could have ever asked for. So be open minded to what you think you want in that capacity and then be present out in the world. And I think those are two ways also. Do things you love. I'll preach that all day long because not only is it good for you and your own life, but doing things you love allow you to meet other people doing things that they love. So whether that's rock climbing or painting or making pottery, I don't care. But go and do it because you may just meet somebody in those circumstances. Those are all tips. I would have to be out into the world and meeting people and this further goes down. I've had two serious relationships. I'm 31. Will third time be my Prince Charming? I freaking hope so for you. Heck, I hope everybody gets to find their Prince Charming now. And if not now, then tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, the next day. I won that for all of you guys. But I do think putting pressure on the next person, being Prince Charming at the end of the day will make it harder for that to be your Prince Charming. You know, I think I did that narrative for a while when I was my gosh a couple years ago, and I was like, okay, the next one, he's gonna be it. I'm not gonna date anybody until I know that they're it. And I put that pressure on myself. You want to know what happened? He wasn't it. He wasn't it. So I wouldn't put pressure on anything to believe that this next one has to be it. Because then you might end up in the wrong relationship and you might end up with the wrong Charming. So do not enter into anything with the Solid belief that whether I'm going to date this person, I'm going to marry this person, we're going to have babies. Do not enter into anything that way. You need to enter into things with an open mind, clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose, and a open minded ability to see what, what's in front of you and what could be in front of you and the potential rather than envisioning what you think is perfect. So just put that right there. Talking about some friendships now, feeling like all friendships are surface level, even with longtime friends. There's this part of me that realized as I've gotten older that I think this is a lot more common than we love to say, right? Being an adult is hard. First of all, it's hard to be an adult and they don't ever really prepare you for it anywhere on the long line of places that they send us when we're kids. But more than that, being an adult and trying to have a career and have a relationship and build a life for yourself and be social and get enough sleep and be healthy, that's a lot of work. So your friendships becoming surface level, even your long time ones, is normal. I'm not saying you have to live with it that way, but it is normal because you've become busy, they've become busy and then it just feels like checking in randomly and I'll see you maybe in a couple months. But there is somebody who I've had on this podcast, she said something that I really loved and she was talking about community. And she said if you want to have community, then you have to embrace being inconvenienced. And I sat with that a while because I was like, dang, being inconvenienced really sucks when you're adult. I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot of things there, but there's so much truth to it, right? Like it's hard to keep friendships when you're older, especially if you have kids, especially if you're in a relationship, especially if xyz, you got a demanding job. Add it to the list of things. It's hard to sustain friendships. And that's why having community can be inconvenient and you should inconvenience yourself to have community. So I would look into those friendships. 1 See, are you putting in a lot of work and they're not, then that's a different conversation. See, if none of you are putting in work, then that's also a different topic. But if you're the person in this who is Inconveniencing yourself to have those friendships. There might be something that you can adjust to. Make those friendships not feel surface level anymore. You really have to find ways to incorporate friendship in your daily life. Everybody deserves to have friends and have friendship. You should have friends in friendship outside of your relationships and your career and everything. They're incredibly important to your well being. And you might have to find new ways that those friendships exist. Right. There's one friend who I will go and run errands with. We'll go and shop and do the things we need to both do together and that's how we catch up and we both get things done. Or I have friends that I'll go walking with because we're all trying to get healthy and we do that. I've had friends that I cook with because I want to cook healthier meals and I've incorporated those friendships further into my life that way. Or will set a date for game night four weeks in advance because I need to make sure it's on my calendar. But I'm always still making it a priority whenever I possibly can manage. So I would look at those friendships and see, are you guys both on this level of we can't be inconvenienced to sustain these friendships or is it one or the other and really evaluate the situation? But I would encourage anybody, especially this day and age, because it's really easy. Trust me, it's really easy. I really love staying home. I like staying in my sweats and sitting on the couch and not doing anything. It feels really good. But that being said, there's the other day when something random popped up for my fiance and I to go and meet up with friends. And I was just having myself a day with it because I was stressed out. I had a long week and I was like, I don't want to do anything. I really was mentally already in a place where I was on the couch for the remainder of the night. And I'm not gonna lie to you, I bitched about it a lot. I was probably not a very pleasant person in that moment. But literally the words that came out of my mouth as I'm about to have to get ready, I was like, no. Because community means being inconvenienced. And I need to be inconvenienced right now because I can. Because I'm in a position that I can be inconvenienced. And that's not always the case. I'm not. Okay. Don't ever put that in a place where it needs to not be right. You're going through stuff and there's a whole lot of life happening, then this is not applying to that. There's nuance, of course, but if you're like me and you were sitting on the couch and you weren't doing anything, then yeah, I deserve to be inconvenienced in that moment so I could show up and be a friend. Because I want to have friends. I also have to show up and be a friend. So there's a lesson I learned in all of that. Maybe that can help you in a way understand what's happening with your friendships and then figure out what role you need to play to either help them or maybe make new friends, because that's a part of this too. Then we got a mom that's on the other side of this. She's a new stay at home mom after working 20 years and she's trying to find herself. I am never going to pretend to understand the things moms have to go through on any level. On postpartum, on having a child, on working or not working or. I'm never possibly going to understand it. But I do think there's an important conversation here to be had. Because oftentimes moms unfortunately lose their identity within their kids. Not because they're not a good mom, because they're actually a really great mom, because that's what is required of them oftentimes to give a child a beautiful life. You lose who you are and you try your best to give them everything that they need. So you get put on the back burner. So I would imagine the reverse is happening here where like, you've been working for 20 years and now you're at home and there's this kind of identity shift that's happening in this moment where you're like, is this truly what I want? Did I make the right decision? And at the end of the day, when you're making any kind of big decision where life is changing, one, because change is uncomfortable. We hate change. Humans hate change. That's what we are. We don't. We like to be creatures of habit. And I'm guilty of it. The next person's guilty of it. Creature of habit is easy and it's comfortable. And I'm never going to be mad at somebody for staying in something that's comfortable. But doing something so different, especially after 20 years, is brave and it's empowering in a way. Hopefully there's a weight off your shoulders that you didn't know existed. Often when change comes, good follows because if you were brave enough to make the big change, there was a reason for it. And that reason for it is going to reward you. So while I understand you're in this new identity just changeover of trying to understand what this means, I hope you give yourself the grace to know that you're brave enough to make that change for whatever reason, for whatever you needed to do for your family. And I do hope you find yourself. I hope you find love within yourself. Maybe being a stay at home mom is going to give you a little bit more time for yourself in different ways. Maybe it's gonna show up in finding different friendships that you didn't know that you needed. This new phase of your life could be the change that you've been looking for 20 years and you just didn't know it. I also think it's important to grieve your past life. You know that the 20 years you spent working because it sounds like you loved what you were doing if you did it for 20 years. So I do think there's a grieving that needs to happen where you let go of that. And maybe you are letting go temporarily, maybe it's only for a short time. Maybe life's gonna reward you with something different than what you expected, who knows? But I do think you grieve and understand that was a big chunk of your life that was really important to you. And there's nothing wrong with you having something really important in your life. Then your family. It's also cool that you had a job that you loved. That's, that's also awesome. And you're a working mom, you're probably kicking ass out there, so maybe those are things that you needed to hear. There's so many awesome ones in here and I'm gonna end on this one. The importance of waiting for the right man. So I'm a big believer in this, in friendships and relationships, really in any relationship that you choose to have in your life. Because you are who you surround yourself with. Your entire life is impacted by the people in your life. How you view the world, how you see your surroundings, your mental health, your physical health, your emotional well being. All of it's impacted by the people you surround yourself with. And that's why I'm a full believer in keeping your standards and be picky about who you let into your life. I think those are really important things. And understanding why you've chosen those people to be a part of your life also matters. It's wild to think anybody would allow somebody in such a vulnerable place in their life, right, as the role of a partner, without truly believing that this person can do everything you possibly need to happen when the time comes. Because if you truly think about it, your partner is going to see you through the death of your parents, maybe even of your grandparents, maybe of pets that you have. They're gonna see you grieve job losses. They're gonna see you go through many of life's tumultuous things that you're gonna experience. This partner has to show up for all of that. That's what the requirement is when you're entering a relationship. That's what you're agreeing to, is to be a teammate. And I can't possibly fathom why anybody would want a teammate at the end of the day that can't sustain and be the support system that they absolutely need in all those scenarios. I know how it happens. I know that life happens, and I know that there's incredible circumstances where you end up with somebody that wasn't the plan, or you meet someone and you thought something and then they turned out to be different. But once you know that, you got to find a way to do better, right? You got to find a way to find this person. Because choosing the right teammate for the rest of your life is one of the biggest decisions you get to make. It's one of the things that you do have control over, right? There's fate and there's spiritual beliefs and there's all kinds of things when it comes to meeting the person. Everybody says this and that way of how it happens, but you get to decide if you're with that person for the rest of your life upon meeting them. And you should choose the person who's gonna do everything to make you feel loved and cared for and supported and safe and secure. That is what it's all about. That's what matters. And you should feel about your partner in any situation, bad or good, Just like if you were to pick up your phone and call your best friend to fill them in on the news. That's how you should feel about your partner. You should feel excited and comfortable and not afraid to tell them anything, and not afraid that if something's going to happen, that they're not going to have your back, or they're not going to support you, or they're not going to show up in the way that you need them to show up. Not just show up, but show up in the way that you need them to. Because love is the only thing we get really in this life at the end of the day. That's the price that we pay for living is love. And choosing the right love, choosing the love that gives us everything that we deserve is of the utmost importance. And it's truly one of the only choices you get in this life. There's a lot of things we truly don't get to decide. We don't get to decide when we come into the world. We don't get to choose where we're born or how it all happens or what school we go to. None of that's really our choice. Right? Heck, even life demands different things of us. So really, a lot of circumstances in life are not truly chosen. But the one thing you do get to choose is your partner is the person that you're going to choose to spend the rest of your life with. And why wouldn't you choose someone who makes you feel like when you're on the Titanic and your arms are wide open and you're screaming, I'm on the top of the world. Why would you not want that? That's what love's supposed to be. That's what it's supposed to feel like. And if you're listening to this and if you're in anything other than that, I hope you do something about it. Maybe you start having uncomfortable conversations. Maybe you leave a relationship. Maybe you start seeing the value that you bring to this life. I love the quote. There are so many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them. I am a huge believer in that. I'm a huge believer in love. And I'm a huge believer that love exists all around us all the time. And that's why I did this episode. And I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope you got something from it. Maybe you're like, this is a crazy person. I don't know. But I do enjoy talking to you guys. I enjoy talking to camera and hope that one of these moments can help you on a trajectory to change your life. Because at the end of the day, that's all that matters. That's all we got. We got ourselves and I got you, you got me, we got each other. I think that should be a song. Kind of is a song. It's like the Barney song. It's all on my mind right now. But thank you guys for being here. Thanks for listening, enjoying this episode. Go with love. Go enjoy the world. Be present, be open minded. If you're dating, there's hope. There is the person out there that you're looking for. If you're in a marriage, keep fighting for that marriage. If you love it so much and find ways to make that marriage even better. And if it's a friendship you're after, then be a friend to have a friend. And if it's family, I hope you find the love within the family that you're looking for. And that is where I leave you. Love you all. Happy Valentine's Day.
- [69:20]
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You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day, which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part? You won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your life at electricforall.org.
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Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We host the podcast Mind the Small Business Success Stories produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit QuickBooks.
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We're back for season four to talk to some incredible small business owners.
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The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing. Everyone's a rookie, that's how fast the industry is changing. So what I'm really excited about is to be part of that change. So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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This is Bethany Frankel from Just Be with Bethenny Frankel. It is a new year and everyone is trying to get it together. If we are making a fresh start for ourselves, why wouldn't we make a fresh start for our dogs? Biggie and Smalls are my babies and I love Just Food for Dogs because it is real. It is fresh. It is 100% human grade food. Just Food for dogs is the number one vet recommended. Fresh dog food. Go to justfoodfordogs.com 50% off your first box. You are welcome.
- [70:52]
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If you're a maintenance supervisor for a commercial property, you've had to deal with everything from leaky faucets to flickering light bulbs. But nothing's worse than that ancient boiler that's lived in the building since the day it was built 50 years ago. It's enough to make anyone lose their cool. That's where Grainger comes in. With industrial grade products and dependable, fast delivery, Grainger can help with any challenge, from worn out components to everyday necessities. Call clickgrainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.
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This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human.