Podcast Summary: The Bobby Bones Show
Episode: Unhooking from Unrealistic Ideals: Guiding Teens to Find Their Own Path Rather Than Chasing Others’ Approval
Release Date: January 25, 2025
Host: Leanna
Guest: Natalie Borel, Founder of Life Success for Teens
Introduction to the Series Finale
In the final episode of the “Outweigh” series, host Leanna welcomes Natalie Borel, an expert with nearly two decades of experience in helping teenagers navigate academic, emotional, social, and intellectual challenges. The conversation builds upon previous episodes that delved into teen stress, coping mechanisms, and now focuses on helping teens detach from unrealistic societal ideals and forge their own paths.
Key Topics Covered:
- The pervasive impact of social media and peer pressure on teen self-image
- Strategies for parents and educators to support teens in building self-worth
- Differentiating between internal and external validation
- Modeling positive behavior and values for teenagers
The Impact of Social Media and Peer Pressure
Leanna [04:38]:
“...social media and peer pressure and like cultural standards, what's going on in the comparisonitis? Perfectionism, self-doubt, body image, brain of the teens that you're working with.”
Natalie emphasizes the overwhelming presence of social media in teenagers' lives, highlighting how constant exposure to others' highlight reels can lead to feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
Natalie Borel [05:29]:
“If your teenager is on it, they absolutely are seeing the highlight reel of everybody else's life but they're also seeing what they are not involved in or what they are not yet, and they're comparing themselves to that or they're feeling left out.”
She discusses FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and its detrimental effects on teens, stressing that the teenage brain is particularly susceptible to these pressures during its developmental stages.
Vulnerability of the Teenage Brain
Leanna [06:15]:
“Why do you think teens are so vulnerable to these external ideas when it comes to self-image and then, you know, going into their relationship with food...”
Natalie explains that today's teens are constantly connected to a vast array of information, making them more vulnerable to external pressures compared to previous generations who had more limited access.
Natalie Borel [07:04]:
“When you and I were in high school... our brains just didn't have that information because we weren't connected to the world like that. So I think this is, this is happening so often and so frequently because we are just surrounded by it and our teenagers have access to all of that information at the touch of a button, 24 hours a day.”
She underscores the constant accessibility to social media as a key factor contributing to teens' susceptibility to comparison and self-doubt.
Strategies for Building Resilience and Self-Worth
Leanna [07:36]:
“What would you say when you have these conversations with teens and you're focusing on their resilience and you know, having their own self-worth and their own values rather than, you know, arbitrary beauty or performance standards...”
Natalie introduces the concept of categorizing social interactions and content as either "energy givers" or "energy takers."
Natalie Borel [07:36]:
“We try to break the people that they are interacting with and the things they are experiencing on a screen into two different categories. It's either an energy giver or it's an energy taker.”
She advises teens to evaluate their social media feeds and relationships based on whether they uplift or drain them, promoting a conscious approach to consuming content and engaging with others.
Fostering Internal Validation
Leanna [09:41]:
“Can you kind of share a little bit about how you help them differentiate that internal and that external, like just even going a little bit deeper into what you said because it's so, so powerful and potent.”
Natalie elaborates on guiding teens to identify and prioritize their own values and strengths over external validation. She points out the importance of teens articulating what truly matters to them and making decisions aligned with their personal values.
Natalie Borel [10:55]:
“What are the things that are actually, on a deep and personal level, important to them and how do we make decisions in our life that are based on those values?”
She emphasizes that understanding and embracing their internal compass is crucial for teens to develop genuine self-worth and resist the pressure to conform to superficial standards.
The Role of Parents in Modeling Positive Behavior
Leanna [12:33]:
“Can you talk to us about what it looks like to model that for children or like, how to invite them into these conversations that have them standing in their own self-worth and their own value rather than the whole, like, measuring up kind of side of things?”
Natalie highlights the importance of modeling positive behavior for teens. She suggests that parents should openly discuss their own values and decision-making processes to provide a clear example for their children.
Natalie Borel [12:55]:
“I often hear me say things like, I'm making this choice because this is important to me. And I'm like filling in the blank of what that is.”
By verbalizing their thought processes and values, parents can implicitly teach teens how to prioritize internal validation over external approval.
Encouraging Open Communication
Leanna [14:27]:
“…having that awareness by modeling the language, the words and the actions, it can just plant seeds that you don't even know are being planted.”
Natalie shares her personal experience, acknowledging that while modeling is effective, teens may not immediately recognize its impact.
Natalie Borel [14:27]:
“My mom modeled this to a T... even when she would say things to me about like how wonderful I was or how smart I was or how capable I was... I needed that external validation from somebody else in terms of, like, modeling how capable and wonderful I was or like holding up a mirror to that.”
She reflects on the nuanced nature of external validation, noting that while it can be beneficial, it should ultimately support the development of internal self-worth.
Final Words of Encouragement for Parents
Leanna [15:45]:
“Is there any words of wisdom or encouragement that you would like to leave with the parents...”
Natalie concludes with a poignant piece of advice inspired by Finding Nemo:
Natalie Borel [16:04]:
“These words of encouragement are from Finding Nemo. It is just keep swimming. Because if you know that you are doing your absolute best to provide positivity and stability and love for your teenager unconditionally while they go through this... Then keep doing it.”
She advises parents to maintain their support and seek additional help if needed, emphasizing the importance of resilience and seeking a support network.
Conclusion
Leanna wraps up the series by thanking Natalie Borel and encouraging listeners to connect with her for further guidance. The episode underscores the vital role parents and mentors play in helping teens navigate the complexities of self-image and societal pressures, ultimately fostering a foundation of self-worth built on internal validation and personal values.
Notable Quotes:
- Natalie Borel [05:29]: “...they’re seeing the highlight reel of everybody else's life but they're also seeing what they are not involved in or what they are not yet, and they're comparing themselves to that or they're feeling left out.”
- Natalie Borel [07:36]: “It's either an energy giver or it's an energy taker.”
- Natalie Borel [10:55]: “What are the things that are actually, on a deep and personal level, important to them and how do we make decisions in our life that are based on those values?”
- Natalie Borel [16:04]: “Just keep swimming... have an eye out for... a safety net from somebody else.”
Resources Mentioned:
- Life Success for Teens
- Website: lifesuccessforteens.com
- Instagram: @lifesuccessforteens