Your Teen’s Real Hunger: Meeting Emotional Needs When Food Isn’t the Answer (Outweigh)

Summary

Summary of "Your Teen’s Real Hunger: Meeting Emotional Needs When Food Isn’t the Answer"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Bobby Bones Show
• Host/Author: Premiere Networks
• Episode: Your Teen’s Real Hunger: Meeting Emotional Needs When Food Isn’t the Answer (Outweigh)
• Release Date: January 18, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Bobby Bones Show, the discussion centers around understanding and addressing the emotional needs of teenagers, particularly when they resort to food and other coping mechanisms as a means to handle stress and emotional turmoil. The episode features Natalie Burrell, founder of Life Success for Teens, who brings nearly two decades of experience in supporting teenagers academically, emotionally, mentally, and socially.

Identifying Hidden Triggers in Teens

Natalie Burrell [05:07]:
"The one that I see most often from teenagers is that feeling of pressure. And that's hard to see because there's really no, like, physical symptoms of that."

Natalie emphasizes that teenagers often face internal pressures that aren't outwardly visible. These pressures stem from various sources such as academics, social interactions, and the overarching feeling of not being enough. Additionally, the constant comparison with peers can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, leading teens to question their self-worth based on minor differences in achievements.

Coping Mechanisms Teens Use

Unknown Host [07:28]:
"Parents, if you're listening, it's not always just one thing. They could especially... go in their room, isolate themselves, watch Netflix on their computer and binge on food."

Teens employ various coping mechanisms to deal with their emotional stress. The most prevalent among these is excessive screen time, which serves as a quick dopamine hit and a way to avoid social interactions. Other common behaviors include emotional outbursts and isolating themselves in their rooms. Natalie notes that these actions often escalate into multiple overlapping behaviors, such as isolating themselves while also binge-eating and consuming excessive media.

Advice for Parents: What to Do and What Not to Do

Natalie Burrell [09:25]:
"What you're doing right there is putting up a wall. Like it's saying that you're doing something wrong."

Natalie advises parents against confrontational approaches that label their teen's behaviors as "unhealthy." Instead, she recommends offering alternative activities and setting boundaries around device usage. Modeling healthy behavior is crucial; parents should exemplify the coping strategies they wish to see in their children. Establishing guidelines early on can prevent the development of addictive behaviors associated with screen time.

Unknown Host [10:40]:
"It's helpful to get your own help and support as well so that you can model rather than, you know, do as I say, not as I do kind of type thing."

The host reinforces the importance of parents seeking their own support systems to effectively model positive behaviors for their teens. This approach fosters a supportive environment where both parents and children can grow and manage stress healthily.

The Coaching Process: Helping Teens Acquire Tools

Natalie Burrell [11:10]:
"It's all about making yourself feel better and your brain is going to naturally go towards the things that have made you feel better in the past."

Natalie outlines a process where teens are encouraged to identify their emotional needs and choose healthy actions to fulfill them. This involves recognizing the underlying feelings—such as loneliness or a need for connection—and selecting constructive ways to address these emotions. By doing so, teens learn to rewire their responses to stressors, promoting long-term emotional well-being.

Debunking Misconceptions: It's Not About Fixing, It's About Enhancing

Natalie Burrell [14:47]:
"There's nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed."

Addressing a common misconception, Natalie clarifies that the goal of coaching is not to fix something that is broken but to enhance existing strengths and provide teens with tools to manage their emotions effectively. She differentiates between therapy and coaching, emphasizing that coaching focuses on building confidence and mindset rather than treating mental illnesses.

Conclusion and Next Episode Tease

The episode concludes with a preview of the next installment, which will delve into unrealistic ideals surrounding body image and the impact of social media on teenagers. Natalie provides her contact information for listeners seeking further support and resources.

Natalie Burrell [16:57]:
"You can find me on Instagram... lifesuccessforteens.com."

Listeners are encouraged to reach out through Natalie’s social media and website for more information and assistance in supporting their teenagers' emotional well-being.

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Notable Quotes:

• Natalie Burrell [05:07]:
  "The one that I see most often from teenagers is that feeling of pressure. And that's hard to see because there's really no, like, physical symptoms of that."

• Unknown Host [07:28]:
  "Parents, if you're listening, it's not always just one thing. They could especially... go in their room, isolate themselves, watch Netflix on their computer and binge on food."

• Natalie Burrell [09:25]:
  "What you're doing right there is putting up a wall. Like it's saying that you're doing something wrong."

• Unknown Host [10:40]:
  "It's helpful to get your own help and support as well so that you can model rather than, you know, do as I say, not as I do kind of type thing."

• Natalie Burrell [11:10]:
  "It's all about making yourself feel better and your brain is going to naturally go towards the things that have made you feel better in the past."

• Natalie Burrell [14:47]:
  "There's nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed."

• Natalie Burrell [16:57]:
  "You can find me on Instagram... lifesuccessforteens.com."

---

This comprehensive discussion sheds light on the nuanced ways teenagers cope with emotional stress and offers actionable advice for parents seeking to support their children beyond addressing food-related behaviors.

Transcript

[Jon Stewart]

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at the Daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is the second term we can all get behind. Listen to the Daily Show Ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Natalie Burrell]

The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well [e-mail] that's sounditouttogether.org brought to you by the ad.

[Dr. Joy Harden Bradford]

Council and pivotal hey y'all, I'm Dr. Joy hardin bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls this January. Join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. It if you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Minnie Driver]

What if you ask two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now Mini Questions is returning for another. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions limitless answers.

[Tisha Allen]

You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of welcome to the your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's fourth production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to welcome to the Party that's P A R T E e on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Minnie Driver]

I won't let my body outweigh Outweigh everything that I made I won't spend my life trying to change I'm learning to love who I am I am strong I feel free? I know every part of me is beautiful? And I will always outweigh? If you feel it, put your hands in the air? Show some love to the moon While you're there? Let's take it one day at a time? Cause you and I outweigh?

[Unknown Host]

Hey, hey and happy Saturday. Outweigh. We are back for part two of this series where again, parents, if you've ever felt helpless watching your teen battle food obsession or body dysmorphia or an endless cycle of stress, anxiety, self doubt, coping mechanisms, you name it, this series is for you. We are back here with Natalie Burrell, founder of Life Success for Teens. And she brings nearly two decades of experience helping teenagers not just academically, but emotionally, mentally, as you're going to learn today, socially. Um, so we're going to dive in with our episode today where last week we talked about this idea of anxiety and stress and overwhelm and all the perceived pressures that these teens are feeling when they feel so out of control and how you as parents can help the teens, how you can give them, you know, positive help and support without overstepping, without making it worse. And then today we're going to go into this idea of the coping mechanism side of things. So when your child has emotional needs that aren't being filled, if you're seeing them reach for food or Netflix or mindlessly scrolling Instagram, which again, can be its own endless pit, what is your teen really hungry for? So we're going to dive on into that today. So first of all, welcome back, Natalie, thank you so much for being here.

[Natalie Burrell]

I'm happy to be here. It's a pleasure to be back. Thanks for having me.

[Unknown Host]

Yes, absolutely. Well, let's dive in. So, you know, when it comes to, I think, you know, it's easy for parents to decipher when they know that their kid is in an emotional spiral and they're. And their kid comes to them and is like, hey, mom, this is what's happening, or this is what I'm going through, or they've just learned to read the room. But when these hit these triggers or these emotions are hidden, right? What are these things that you're noticing as your, you and your coaches are working with kids? What are the kinds of things that are triggering these kids? And it's. And again, their coping mechanisms might be to use food when they're not physically hungry or it might be to, you know, numb out on social media when they're not necessarily bored or they still have a to do list of homework and it's kind of this kind of numbing, procrastinating, you know, coping mechanism. Can you share a little bit about, like, what are we not seeing?

[Natalie Burrell]

Okay, so hidden triggers. Absolutely. There's a lot of these. So the one that I see most often from teenagers is that feeling of pressure. And that's hard to see because there's really no, like, physical symptoms of that. So when you're feeling pressure, of course that's an internal thing. And that pressure can come from academic sources, it can come from social interactions, it can come like from not feeling enough, but it can also come from that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. So pressure is definitely a really big one. Another one that I see quite often is that feeling of comparison where we're looking at the people around us. And even though you might be a high achiever or you are smart and capable, you can't always see that when you're comparing yourself to the person next to you. I have a lot of students who will be upset when they get a 95 and the person next to them gets a 98 and they make that mean something about themselves. That's not true. Like, I'm not smart. Absolutely right. So some of those hidden triggers are definitely coming from pressure. They're coming from overwhelm and then a feeling of I'm not enough. Which in other words, could be comparing yourself to somebody else.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, and it's so interesting too because on the brain side of things, we talk about a lot about the anterior cingulate cortex on here, which is the part of the brain that's looking for acceptance, it's looking for connection, it's looking for belonging. And interestingly enough, it's really starts developing around puberty, you know, so for these kids, so it's such a heightened time in their life. So when it comes to these things, again, like, it's not necessarily even real. It's just a perception of what they think is reality of, like this is, this is the data I got. I got a 96. And the drama is, oh my gosh, I should have gotten a 98. Sally got a 98. I must be stupid. I'm never going to get into college. Rabbit hole, rabbit hole, rabbit hole. Right. So that's some of it. But then there's also the other side of it, the kind of distress or the, you know, the lower level emotions, like, like the loneliness or what, what some teens would call boredom, even though they're probably not truly bored. Right. But can you talk about how, like when they are stressed, when they are overwhelmed, when they're feeling lonely, bored, anxiety. What are you hearing from parents when it comes to these kids looking for these quick dopamine hits from food, from Netflix, from, you know, TikTok, Instagram, whatever the kids are listening to nowadays. Can you talk to us a little bit about that that you're seeing in your work?

[Natalie Burrell]

Yes. The things that I hear most often as far as like getting the dopamine hits are absolutely screen time. I think it comes up on probably 70 to 80% of my calls is the dopamine hit from being on a screen. But also what comes with that is that feeling of I don't have to interact with the world right now. Like I don't have to be social, like nobody's looking at me. I can just like retreat into my phone. So yeah, scrolling on a phone is absolutely one. The other one that I see for quick dopamine hit is like angry burst, like emotional outbursts that happen. And that's when those feelings just build up and build up and they have to get released. So I hear about that quite often. And then the other thing I hear is that parents will tell me that their teens isolate themselves. They want to go in their room, they want to shut the door, they don't want to come out for dinner, they just want to be alone in their room and probably be on their phone. So those are the most common things that I hear.

[Unknown Host]

Absolutely. And just in the work that I've done with teens, everything that you just said doesn't necessarily like, can also come alongside using food as, you know, turning to the pantry for a coping mechanism. So, so parents, if you're listening, like, it's not always just one thing. Like they could especially, I mean, I have, I was working with these two, two college age girls, they were seniors and you know, it was over the summer, so they're heading into college. But like both of them had tendencies to go in their room, isolate themselves, watch Netflix on their computer and binge on food. Right. So that's like three different things at once. Right. And so these are the kinds of things that again, like we're talking about on the last episode, a lot of parents, their first inclination is to be like, stop that. Don't do that. Why are you doing that? Like, help them, like try to, you know, remedy this. But obviously that can create further, you know, distress on the teens. So when it comes to your, you know, parents that are noticing these coping mechanisms and these habits, what would you say to the parents that are listening in Terms of, like, how they can help them and what. What would actually not necessarily be the best idea.

[Natalie Burrell]

Yeah, absolutely. So I would say not a good idea would be to go in there and say something to the effect of what you're doing is unhealthy. Why are you doing this? We've given you so many different options. I just don't understand why you're doing this. Because what you're doing right there is putting up a wall. Like it's saying that you're doing something wrong. So what I would say instead is to always be suggesting other things or providing opportunities for them to do other things instead of that quick dopamine hit of being on their phone or going into the pantry and binging. But part of that then does include setting up boundaries and guidelines and for devices and any parents that are listening. I mean, I know this is so difficult. It's such a battle, but the earlier you can do it, the more that is the norm, because it's very hard to stop a screen. I'll call it an addiction once it is there. So the more that you can limit that or the more that you can even model for yourself or model for your team by doing it yourself, that your phone or these other unhealthy coping mechanisms are not the way to go. If you can model it and you can put up some restrictions and boundaries, you're way better off because it's much harder when there's an addiction there.

[Unknown Host]

Absolutely. And just to stack on what you said, it's so powerful. Like, I'll have clients that come to me and they're. And they're frustrated with their own stuff, and then they're complaining or fearful about their children's. And one of the first thing I say to them is, like, what are you modeling? You know, and so. And so parents, if you're listening to this and you're having your own, you know, filling voids with coping mechanism side of things. Like, that's the kind of thing where it's, you know, it's. It's helpful to get your own help and support as well so that you can model rather than, you know, do as I say, not as I do kind of type thing.

[Natalie Burrell]

Totally. And, you know, it's all about, like, self soothing. Right. Like, if we're getting to the foundation of all this, it's all about making yourself feel better and your brain is going to naturally go towards the things that have made you feel better in the past. Right. Like, it recognizes that pattern. So something that we always talk to about Teenagers is like really recognizing how it is that they want to feel in that moment. For example, if you are lonely, what is it that you want to feel? You probably want to feel connected or appreciated or loved. Right. So then after you realize, like, what is it you want to feel? We encourage them to think about, well, what actions can you take to actually feel that way? Right. So if it's connection and love you want to feel, what are some actions you can take to step towards that and then question yourself, like, is this action I'm about to take one that my future self is going to be happy about? Or do I know, is there that, like, little ringing voice that's telling me that's not really a good idea? So to give kind of a process of how to like recognize that you need something different and then choose a way to get it that is healthy can be really helpful.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, absolutely. Now, getting these kids to buy into the process of knowing that they need help and support and they need the tools. Right. What's the process that you go through with par? Yeah, you know, because you're talking to the parents at first and foremost, and then you have to get buy in from the kids. So for any parent who's like, okay, how do I get buy in from my children? Can you just kind of share a little bit of the peek behind the curtain with what you guys do with your clients and kids?

[Natalie Burrell]

Certainly. So anytime somebody signs up for a call with us, we do always say your teenager has to be receptive for this work in order for the magic to happen. Right. Like, we don't want your teenager coming kicking and screaming because it's not going to work for them and it's going to be a waste of your time and resources. But at the same time, we want to give families some words, some information about how you can explain coaching or explain getting support to a teenager that makes it more palatable. Okay, so there's a couple of things that we say. The first one is we want to give a teenager something that they can relate to already. So for example, we'll say, hey, you know how professional athletes have coaches? It's the same thing for, you know, regular people. It's just somebody to get from where you are right now to wherever it is that you want to be. So, for example, if your kids into basketball, you can talk about how LeBron James absolutely has an athletic coach, but you can really bet that he has a mindset coach. He probably has all kinds of financial coach. Right. Because there are skill sets that he doesn't have, but he knows he needs to have. But he needs a professional to help him with that. Right. So we want to make kind of that bridge between something they can already relate to. Like a professional athlete has a coach, and it can really just be an easy way to make it seem more palate and normal. Not like there's something wrong with them that needs to be fixed.

[Unknown Host]

And now kind of going off what you said, it's so, so powerful, I'm sure. And there is no judgment, no shame. But there are probably some parents that are listening and saying, but no, there is something wrong with my child's brain. Right. And so can we just talk. Can we address that elephant in the room for a minute? Like that? This is not about willpower. It's about providing the tools to rewire these default responses to stressors. But can we just kind of talk about that and set the record straight? Because I know. I mean, for. For certain elements. Elements of my life for many years, I was. Braid is broken. Like, there's something wrong with me. Right. And it needs to be fixed. And it was like this very kind of, you know, punitive kind of mindset. So can we just kind of speak to that a little bit so that these parents can help understand what's really happening for their kids?

[Natalie Burrell]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that phrase of there's nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed is something that our coaches say often to teenagers in their first session. Because sometimes there is a perception, you know, if a teenager is going to therapy, for example, that there's something wrong with their brain or something wrong with the way that they think, and that feels very scary, and that can, you know, put up a wall before your teenager even meets that person. And I'm not knocking on therapy. I think therapy is wonderful for the right situations. But if you have a teenager that needs more of, like, a boost of confidence, they need the right mindset. They need a positive perspective, and they need to learn skills and tools that. That's coaching. Like, to me, that's not something that needs to be fixed. That's just enhancing what's already there and giving a skill set.

[Unknown Host]

Absolutely. And like you were sharing on last week's episode, personalizing it. Make sure that it resonates with them that they have tools that they can actually use in their toolbox that works with their brain. And then again, you're enhancing what's already there rather than making them feel like something's wrong or broken.

[Natalie Burrell]

Yeah, exactly. And I think another important point here is a teenager has to see what's in it for them. Right? Like they have to see why would I do this? Why would I spend my, is this a good use of my time? But also, you know, what is in it for them in terms of what are they going to feel better about, what are they going to feel less stress about or what is going to be easier if they get the support? Because if you can get to that piece of it now, there's a need there. I need to feel a certain way and in order to feel that way, that's where you'll add in the support.

[Unknown Host]

So, so good. Love it. Well, we are going to be back next week talking all about these unrealistic ideals of, you know, finding your own worth rather than chasing other people's approval. The, the body image, the social media, you know, epidemic, if you want to call it that, all the things. So we'll be back with part three of this series but in the meantime, where can people find you? Where can they learn more about the work that you do?

[Natalie Burrell]

Yeah, you can find me on Instagram. That is where I am most often at life success for teens.com we also website with the same exact name lifesuccess for teens.com Amazing.

[Unknown Host]

Well, we are going to put that in the show notes for you to access. She puts out amazing content, guys. So if you are listening and you want some support, understanding your teenager and how to help them, that is the place to hang out. So that is it for today. We will be back next week for our final part of this series and we'll see you then. Bye.

[Dr. Joy Harden Bradford]

Foreign.

[Jon Stewart]

Stewart is back in the host chair at the Daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind Listen to the Daily Show Ears edition on the iHeartRadio app app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Natalie Burrell]

The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well [e-mail] that's sounded out together.org brought to you by the ad council and pivotal hey y'all.

[Dr. Joy Harden Bradford]

I'm Dr. Joy harden bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls this January. Join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small. This is your All Access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Minnie Driver]

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.

[Tisha Allen]

You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart woman's fourth production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to welcome to the Party that's P A R T E e on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.