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Elina Svitolina wins her third Rome title with her most impressive run yet, while Jannik Sinner completes his box set of Masters titles and sets all sorts of records at the tiny age of 24. Daniil Medvedev tried his best to derail Sinner, and Casper went with a similar playbook – we shall see if prevailing through that rough semifinal will fuel Jannik further or give the other guys some hope (or both!). Darderi made a huge breakthrough on home soil, while That Guy crashed out in Tennis Channel’s IG replies (sad). Meanwhile, Carlos is on injury break and they’re still slutting him out in Vanity Fair. See you in Paris!

1:55 Mommy. Mamacita?

13:00 Jannik wins the Career Masters thing

19:25 Daniil, one of the few to shift a wig or two

28:05 Darderi breaks out, That Guy crashes out

34:50 Extras: Big Mama didn’t pay for Coco’s gelato; PTPA begs for a credential

38:35 Clay baby

42:50 We love delusion (respectful)

46:30 Random: trying Malta India from Puerto Rico (gracias, Francisco!)