Bobby Buoy The Hero

Summary

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The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Bobby Buoy The Hero
Date: January 13, 2026
Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

Today’s episode centers on a remarkable — and darkly hilarious — story from Robert Kelly’s recent vacation, where he unexpectedly became a real-life “hero.” With his signature bluntness and Jay’s relentless ribbing, the hosts dissect Bobby's dramatic ocean rescue, teasing out every beat and exploring both the real danger and the comedic gold in the situation. The episode is rich in candid storytelling, friendly insults, and classic Bonfire banter, while also touching on themes of heroism, family, racial dynamics, and the unpredictable comedy of everyday life.

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Main Story: Bobby Kelly Saves a Life

(Begins ~01:06, core story runs to 36:20)

The Setup: Vacation Gone Wild

• Bobby recounts his family’s vacation to Costa Rica, a trip full of “crazy shit” – including wild animals, dicey beaches, and a near-tragic encounter (03:10-04:01).
• The family chooses a beautiful but apparently treacherous beach, with big waves and a steep drop off.
• Jay immediately begins teasing Bobby about his “hero” status and musical choices for his victory post (01:10, 01:23).

"Hardest part of making my post to let the world know that I'm a hero was picking the song..."
— Bobby Kelly [01:10]

The Rescue: Chaos in the Surf

• While playing in the surf with his son Max, Bobby hears a little girl’s frantic scream: “Help her! Help her!”
• He spots a girl struggling, her head just above the water; no surfers or lifeguards are present (04:40-05:00).
• Bobby draws upon his old lifeguard training—keeping three feet back to avoid being grabbed (05:47).
• He finds the girl in genuine terror, barely able to keep afloat (06:07).

"If you grab me, we're both going to die... stick your hand out. I'm gonna start swimming in, and when I start to swim in, I need you to start kicking with me."
— Bobby Kelly [06:33]

• They fight the undertow together. Bobby reassures her the whole way but is exhausted and making slow progress (07:01-08:03).
• The girl's father, a physically imposing ex-NFL player, rushes to help but immediately gets in trouble himself and has to turn back (08:24), leading to Jay’s classic riffing on athlete stereotypes and swimming ability.
• Eventually, a “little chubby Spanish guy” helps bring the girl in—but nearly leaves Bobby stranded:

  "I may need your help too, bro. I don't know if I can get back in at this point. I was so wiped out."
  — Bobby Kelly [09:59]

• Bobby finally gets his feet down, gets dragged in by a wave, and collapses on the beach, completely spent.

Aftermath: Hugged By a Grateful Family

• The rescued girl's dad rushes over and “just held me... it was more than a hug.” (11:08–11:31)
• Jay immediately exploits this for laughs about being entitled to half a WNBA contract and “hero money” [11:49].

"Now you're gonna get one half of her WNBA money. $23,000 a year, my man."
— Jay Oakerson [11:49]

• Bobby describes the visible gratitude and shock, noting his wife Dawn was crying, and the whole dynamic shifted during the rest of the trip (12:18).
• He reveals the girl’s father is an ex-Atlanta Falcons NFL player; the family runs into each other again at the airport, where they take a hero’s photo together (14:40-15:02).

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Banter, Jokes, and Riffing: Comedy on Heroism and Race

(Interwoven throughout, especially 06:16, 08:24, 12:31, 13:45, 19:08, 21:16)

• Jay uses the story to launch a series of jokes about racial dynamics and stereotypes in swimming, often addressing “Black Lou” and playing off the trope that black people don’t swim ("He’s black, he can’t swim" [08:24]).
• They fantasize about theatrical reversals, lifeguard racism spin-offs (“American History X Part 2”), and the eternal struggle to keep “hero” status in the family (19:20, 21:16).
• Here, poking fun at Max’s lack of interest in his dad’s heroics:

"I actually told him and Don, I would like to be referred to as hero for the rest of the trip... Max was like, all right, enough with the hero."
— Bobby Kelly [31:35]

• The riffing peaks as they imagine movies about the incident, with Max turning racist or a lifeguard in Harlem.

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The Serious Side: Reflections on Real Danger

(32:35–34:42, 43:18–44:13)

• Both Jay and Bobby reflect on how dangerous ocean currents are, and the very real “coin-flip’s chance” that Bobby and the girl could have drowned (32:35).
• Jay shares a personal experience of getting caught in a current in Florida with Dan Soder – suppressing panic while joking through it (33:01–33:18).
• Bobby admits there was a genuine moment mid-rescue where he wondered if he should let the girl go to save himself—haunted by the possibility his son could have watched him die trying (34:05).

"It was terrifying... because you, you, you know, my son is like, Max is just watching me do this and he can't... if I died in front of him, that would suck. Or even letting somebody die."
— Bobby Kelly [19:01]

• The group discusses who would be willing to swim out to help save someone, with Jay and “Black Lou” quickly copping to their limitations (32:08).

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Social Media, Glory, and the Reality of Hero Worship

(40:20–45:29)

• Bobby is mercilessly mocked for “posting his hero story almost immediately” on social media.
• There is a hilarious segment about whether Bobby’s documentation was for the show or his own ego—classic Bonfire inside jokes about “archives,” “crisis actors,” and holding greets at live shows.
• Jay needles Bobby about the fleeting nature of such heroics — and the family’s quick move on.

"Actually, when you save somebody's life, it goes away pretty quick."
— Bobby Kelly [41:10]
"Dawn around 20 minutes later, she's like, you want to get a ACAID ball? I was like, I just saved somebody." [41:14]

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Notable Quotes and Standout Moments

• On the Perils of Rescue:
  "If you grab me, we're both going to die."
  — Bobby [06:33]
  "The pressure's on the girl now... Now every day is a gift. She has to become something fucking amazing or else your heroics were for nothing."
  — Jay [18:35]

• On Race and Comedy:
  "Thank God this white was there to save my kid's ass."
  — Jay [15:21]
  "Just another black girl lost to the sea."
  — Jay [13:45]

• On Social Media and Fame:
  "What this thing did to me... It humbled me. It made me grateful."
  — Bobby [43:18]
  "You could have made the story of just the drowning and the saving the entire show today."
  — Jay [46:33]

• On Family Dynamics:
  "I actually told him and Don, I would like to be referred to as hero for the rest of the trip."
  — Bobby [31:35]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:06 – 07:00: Building to the rescue — beach conditions and disaster setup
• 07:00 – 12:18: The rescue interaction, father’s arrival, aftermath
• 13:45 – 19:08: Joking about the rescue, racial dynamics, gratitude
• 19:08 – 21:16: Jay’s American History X parody, generational trauma riffs
• 31:35 – 36:20: How the family reacted, Bobby’s “request” for hero-worship, honest feelings
• 32:35, 34:05: Real reflection on fear, mortality, and parenthood
• 40:20 – 45:29: Social media posting, ribbing, and the “holding greet”
• Throughout: Constant comedic riffs, playful insults, and banter

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The episode captures The Bonfire at its best: blending a harrowing real-life story with irreverent humor, genuine reflection, and the unfiltered honesty that defines Big Jay and Bobby’s partnership. While the laughs never stop, listeners come away with real insight into why ordinary acts can feel extraordinary, and how comedy can help process even the scariest moments.

Final words go to Bobby:

"I'm a hero. I saved somebody's life. The story's over. And let's just move on and know that this girl's safe with her family because of my heroics."
— Bobby Kelly [45:12]

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For listeners:
You don’t need to have heard the episode to enjoy the laughs, feel the stakes, and appreciate both the high absurdity and honest humanity of The Bonfire’s “Bobby Buoy The Hero.”

Transcript

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

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[Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can take my breath away.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hardest part of making my post to let the world know that I'm a hero was picking the song and believe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Other people say it.

[Bobby Kelly]

There was the 100. You were in my head going, that one?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that one. You went basic on it for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I, I went. I was gonna go Bette Midler, of.

[Jay Oakerson]

Course, but that's Wind Beneath my Wings.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which has hero in it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you ever know that you're my hero? The line. But I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's more like.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's more like you're talking to someone who's dying and you're telling.

[Bobby Kelly]

Someone was dying.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. In the film Beaches.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, in my.

[Jay Oakerson]

In the. Not Deborah Winger.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the situation that I was in, somebody was close to it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I. Yeah, but I hear you. Yeah. I didn't go with that. I went with the Foo Fighters.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, Bette Midler's friend was white. What color was this person?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we'll get to it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, it should matter, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was. No, it shouldn't. It doesn't. When it. When.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it did.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Lives are well.

[Jay Oakerson]

So did you feel Collins, a black kid?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you see him drowning and did not lend a hand?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. No. So we were on this beach and dawn comes back up and she's like, you know, I guess she Got. There was a wave coming. The waves were huge. And I didn't know it. On this beach there's no surfers. So when you see that, that means it's, you know, it's a little. It's probably, you know, you shouldn't be Max, like, can we get aboard? I was like, no, there's nobody else here. If they're not surfing, we're not doing there. Miss me? Something up the, the undertow was pretty strong too, at this beach. And the beach, the drop off, it went really shallow and deep real quick.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is exactly what happened to Malcolm Jamal Warner.

[Bobby Kelly]

It happened to him on the other side, but that was a Costa Rica. This was a. He was in a riptide, which kind of takes you out, but it's the same thing. Undertow, same thing. But usually when there's an undertow, they'll put signs up so you know that, you know there's an undertow. This, this just the under the, the riptide, they'll put a riptide thing up. But the undertow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Every time you see riptide, I'm giving you that riptide.

[Bobby Kelly]

So dawn came up, she was kind of mad. I think she had a little thing with Max because he saw the waves were so big. He saw a wave command and he just let it hit her. And she basically got fucking raped by a wave. It just took her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let's watch this.

[Bobby Kelly]

He thought it was funny. And she got mad, you know, she was, you should have told me the waves, whatever, stupid shit. And she was like, I felt bad, I shouldn't have did that. So I was like, I'll go play with Max.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll go and yelled at him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she kind of gave him a little shit for not letting her know a big wave was coming. And I would have laughed myself. I think it's hilarious when someone gets fucking swapped by a wave, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nothing better than a hot chick getting her shit kicked by a wave.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing better than a middle aged, dumpy chick getting whapped by a wave too. So Max was out there swimming by himself. So I was like, oh, I went out, me and Max are messing around. There's like two. There's little waves and then there's the bigger waves behind those right here, those.

[Jay Oakerson]

I can hear those.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we were messing around a little bit, trying to, you know, body surf a little bit. Just doing, you know, stupid. Throwing each other in the water, trying to joke around. All of a sudden I hear, I see this little girl swimming frantically back to shore and she's like, wait a second.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is this before or after you and your family robbed the bank dressed as former presidents?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, this was after.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So you guys already got your adrenaline junkie rush.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just woke up for the lizard. Okay, so this is right after that. I was. I was tuckered out from all that hijinks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so that was your point break.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I see this little girl kind of panicking, screaming, help her. Help her. Pointing out to the ocean. And I look out past the waves, and there's this girl kind of just with her head above the water. And I looked around, and nobody. There was nobody. It was just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you yell, turd in the punch bowl? Did you. Because that would have been funny. Bobby, over here. Did you yell.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not yell that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Turn the punch.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said, I looked around for anybody else, but there was. There was nobody else around.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you go next to her sister and start screaming, turd in the punch bowl? Because you should have. You should have. No one would believe it if she told that story. No, he did.

[Bobby Kelly]

So, you know, I look, I looked out, and there was nobody else. There was nobody else in the water. So I just. I just swam out.

[Jay Oakerson]

She was flailing.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, it was worse. She. I want. I swam out to her, and I got to around three feet out. I just. She. She was. Her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Three feet out?

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean, three feet away from her? Okay, when I got. I got around three feet away from her because I was a lifeguard a long time ago, and, you know the one thing that they teach you, if you're ever going to go near somebody and save somebody, you can't just go right up to them. They'll grab you, and they'll try to use you as a float. So as soon as I got to her, I saw her. Dude, I. I don't know if you ever seen.

[Jay Oakerson]

You said, don't touch me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Terror. She was terrified. Like, she must have been out there for a minute because she was up to her chin, and she was trying to just stay afloat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Or she's black and her hair's about to get wet. Knuckle me. Knuckle pound me, Lou. You know, sister don't want to get her hair wet.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I said to her, I go, listen, you can't. She went immediately to kind of get me, to grab me, to come to me, and I was like, you can't grab me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hang on, turd.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I didn't say that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said, you can't grab me. If you grab me, we're both going to die. And she wasn't even speaking. She was just pure terrified. So I go, I need you to stick your hand out, put your hand out. I'm going to grab your hand and then I'm going to start swimming in. And when I start to swim in, I need you to start kicking with me. We're both going to just kick. I need you to just relax.

[Jay Oakerson]

She was stuck because of the current. The current had her current was pulling.

[Bobby Kelly]

Us both out at this time.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I go, we just got to start kicking together. So I. I start. I grabbed her hand, she started kicking. I started side stroking and kicking. But it was. I mean, it was a tough current. Like we were going an inch at a time and I'm just waiting for somebody else to help.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you going sideways? The thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I didn't go sideways because it wasn't like a rip current. It was just an undertow that was kind of pulling us out. I probably should have went sideways anyways.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody knows Jay. Every time he approves of something, he gives me the hang loose sign.

[Jay Oakerson]

Whatever you say. Riptide.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up? So. So we were, we were coming in. I just kept talking to her. I'm like, listen, you know, you, you're doing great. Just keep kicking. We're just gonna kick our way in, you know, you're doing fantastic. We just gotta keep moving. I go, you know, And I was just talking to her. And as we were getting in, that's when her father saw what was happening. I think her little sister finally went up and told her dad that something was going bad.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, suddenly she's calling for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

So. So at this point, dude, I was, I was tuckered out, man. Like, I was. I was really tired. And when I saw her father coming out, I was like, this is great. But he came. He's a big dude. He's like 6, 5, 6, 6.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's black, he can't swim.

[Bobby Kelly]

He comes running out and like I said, it just drops off. He came out, reached out for a hand, but he went under, so he had to go back. Cuz I don't know if he could swim.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he let go. And now it's just me and her again. I was like, like I. I started.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't let my baby's hair get wet. Just vanishes into the sea. Keep my baby's hair dry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, I, I just felt so bad. Like her face was so terrified.

[Jay Oakerson]

Set my fantasy basketball picks.

[Bobby Kelly]

And when he, when he went back in, I. That's when I Got nervous because I wasn't really making any headway at this point. And we would just keep getting. I'd. May I get a couple inches? And then we get sucked back. I'd make a couple inches, and then we get sucked back. So we were literally.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're talking about water, everybody, if you're just joining us.

[Bobby Kelly]

And so then another guy came out, and her father came out again. And the Spanish guy came out. Little chubby Spanish guy came out, and that's when he kind of grabbed her other arm. But I was. He grabbed her, but I was like, hey, man. And, like, took her away. Started taking her in. I was like, I may need your help too, bro. I don't know if I can get back in at this point. I was so wiped out, and I was getting sucked back. And he just. They just took her in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And kind of forgot about me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

And in my brain, I'm like, I'm. I just gotta. I gotta fucking do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like, Max, Dawn. Sorry about the shitty president.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what it was? As soon as I got to her, I was like, dude, I don't want to. Like, when I saw her face, like, I've never seen somebody that terrified. And we were. We were so deep and far out. I was like, I can't. Like, I. I don't want to die in front of my kid. And this is like. It's a real thing. Like, I don't want to die in front of my wife and kid trying to help this girl out, but I don't want to let her die. It's like.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a weird Sophie's Choice.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was. It was a. It was a tough thing to do. And when we were coming back in, it really got freaky to me because when I was. As. I was getting more tired, I was like, I. I gotta make it back in. I can't. I gotta. I gotta get back in. So they took her in, and I just kind of stuck my head in the water and just started swimming as much as I could. And then I. Could I get my tippy toes down? Once I got my tippy toes down, I was like, fuck. And then I just kind of let this wave kind of take me forward. And then I just went up on the beach. And dawn, she's like, roll over as.

[Jay Oakerson]

Soon as you get on the beach. Flop over on your back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went up to my towel, I sat down, and the guy came over. The father came over and just held me, you know, Just grabbed me. This big dude just grabbed me. He's Like, I want to thank you so much. I can't. You know, I'm so. You know, I. And then she came over and held me. And I looked over at dawn, and she was crying like.

[Jay Oakerson]

You mean hugged you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he hugged me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Keep saying held me is a weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

Way to put it, because it was more than a hug. You know what I mean? Like, there was like a. There was like, a motion to it. You know what I mean? Like, when he. When he grabbed me, he held me like, you just saved my fucking daughter's life, bro. And it was. It was. It was definitely more than a hug.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now you're gonna get one half of her WNBA money. $23,000 a year, My man. You just got yourself half of her WNBA contract. $23,000.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was like, fucking. I can't believe I just saved somebody's life. I look over at dawn, and she's crying, and she's like. If you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you're saying, go ahead. I'm sorry. Yes. You saw a different look in people's eyes for the rest of the week. It's called island respect.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It's not. It's not iron respect. It's. It's more of how were you able.

[Jay Oakerson]

To not get pulled out by the current, but that little girl did. Is the current racist, black Lou, Google. That is the current race. It killed Malcolm Jamar Warner, but it spared you, I don't think.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't think she could swim as strong. You know what I mean? I think what happened is she was having a good time, got sucked out, and was treading water for too long where she couldn't. She couldn't. She couldn't. You know, I can swim a little bit. I swam out to her.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know how to keep showing your arms.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but I could swim.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

She really didn't realize she wasn't getting anywhere when she was swimming. Yeah, it's like you can swim and swim and swim and just stay in the same spot. And then.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine, I don't even know what you're talking about, with your arms not moving when you're saying swimming. Swing how?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I use my arms when I swim.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what the hell that was.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

She's doing something.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is swimming.

[Jay Oakerson]

I head to the side each time I was swimming. Head to the side each time swimming.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go to one side. I go. I go underwater and then one side.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're also not taking full swipes like you should?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm doing this and like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you're just Dancing like groove is in the hall.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. Yeah, but dawn was, I mean, she was losing because she was like, if we didn't come here, that, if I wasn't there, no joke. She's. If me and Max weren't in the water at that time, she's dead. She died.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just another black girl lost to the sea.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, 100% would have died. There's no way. Because your father wouldn't be able to go out there and got her. And there was nobody around like in the area.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

And she was a, she was about to go down, like when I got to her, she was like up to her mouth and her legs. She wasn't even really moving. Yeah, she was about to just say, fuck it.

[Jay Oakerson]

How old was she?

[Bobby Kelly]

She had to be like 13, 14, 15 around there she was. But the funny. So we, they left immediately. We were like, let's get the fuck out of here. We went to some other safer beach, Playa Grande. That was awesome. And then the next day we're at the airport and they were on the flight to Atlanta. We had a, we had to go to Atlanta to come back to JFK from Costa Rica. And they were on it. And I walked up to him and I, I, I talked to him. He's an ex NFL player for Atlanta Falcons. He's retired. His name's right there. It's.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I'll look up his hand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Junior Guntham, I think it is. Great guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Senior Gunther.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I forget his last name. He's, I mean, the nicest guy I've ever met. Is so sweet. Mother was great. She came up, the daughter came up. The sweetest family I've ever met. They were so grateful and happy and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you touch fours with all of them and go learn how to swim? Idiots.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he.

[Jay Oakerson]

Before you plan a sea surrounded adventure with your family. Learn how to swim, everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

He told me, he goes, I kept telling the girls, don't swim out too far. Don't go out past the waves. He kept yelling at, you know, these, don't listen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank God this white was there to save my kid's ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's he saying? Maybe he's talking about me.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

No, it's from 2022.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You never mentioned it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's kind of weird.

[Jay Oakerson]

It didn't stick with him at all. You asked for this picture and he was like, oh, all right. You asked for a picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

His wife took that picture because you made her. No, Bobby, Bobby. Christine, please. Bobby. You asked me to take that picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she asked to take the picture with her hero. With my. With her hero and her hero's son and her here. And, well, Max just kind of jumped in. Max just jumped in. He doesn't deserve to be there, to be honest with you. He does that at my shows, too, which kind of annoys me.

[Jay Oakerson]

So who was it?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

He jumped in every picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. It's like, dude, you know, come on, beat it.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Mean pose, too. Like, give you peace.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we did. Comics come home, and I think I heard Larry go, why is he in the picture?

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn. As a black father, Lou, how much would it hurt to see a. A white man come save your child? Especially since I paid for those swim classes. It would suck.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think?

[Jay Oakerson]

Suck? Dude, that would suck.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it was crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Lou, that's some serious stuff. What was it like doing that in front of your son? How did that affect you?

[Bobby Kelly]

No joke. When I got to her, I was like, I. I. When I felt the. How deep we were and how much the current was, and I. I was like, what am I. I literally was like, what the am I doing? Like, that went through my head. My family's here. I'm not a. I'm not a swimmer. I'm not like, you know, I'm. I. I shouldn't be doing it. Like, I was like, I shouldn't be doing this.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I should have left at the Tarantula. Anyway, we're here, Dot. We're here now. Too late to worry about that. The marlin, the blah, blah, blah. The zip line. Now we're here. You should have left. The spider. Day one spider. You should have left.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't forget the lizard. Oh, the Lizard.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Wait, Bobby, is this video. This is this seconds after this happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I. I. Sex. And yes, this is seconds after.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, why do you have an eyebrow like fucking. That's my lucky eyebrow, Kiana Taylor. And that's my one battle after another.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's my lucky eyebrow. I never plucked that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can you mat it down?

[Bobby Kelly]

I just saved somebody, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, but can you not. Can you not make it everybody else's problem, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

When I go to dinner, I mat it down, but when I dinner, I just saved a life.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Not on stage.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, and you were looking at yourself into a camera. Didn't you know that your fucking eyebrow was going up to the middle of your forehead?

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that one eyebrow has saved her life. That's where all my power lies, in that eyebrow hair.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's your Samson, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is my Samson, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's down now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know I. For the show, I take it down, but when I. I can't control it. I just swam out into a rip tied, by the way, it looks like.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you get your eyebrows done since then?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't get my eyebrows done. I've never had my eyebrows done.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're just wet and thick in that shot. Yeah, that's what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was just in the. You know, the ocean saving people. Yeah, we know, Jacob. Whatever coast guard, dude. Honest to God, though, that did run through my head is that this is the dumbest thing. I shouldn't. Because my son, if. If I go down, if nobody saves me, I'm fucked. Or I'm gonna. I mean, I thought, this girl, die or we're both gonna die.

[Jay Oakerson]

The pressure's on the girl now she has. Now every day is a gift. She has to become something fucking amazing or else your heroics were for nothing. What if she becomes a serial killer? That's what you saved.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. That's not. I mean, a black.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you a hero now?

[Bobby Kelly]

A black female serial killer?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna happen at some point.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not gonna happen with her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why? You don't believe black women could do the same thing that a man could do? Wow, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'S taking it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, dude. No, it's fine. That's how you feel.

[Bobby Kelly]

It. It was. It was. It was. It was terrifying.

[Jay Oakerson]

You saved her and you were like, go have teenage babies now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because. Because you. You. You know, my son is like, Max is just watching me do this and he can't. I mean, fuck, dude, if I died in front of him, that would suck. Or even letting somebody die.

[Jay Oakerson]

He dies saving you. He watches his father die saving a black chick. American history x part 2. Elevator pitch, elevator pitch. White, White son watches father die Saving black child becomes racist American History X.

[Bobby Kelly]

Part Duke so you had nothing.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

There was nothing in you that was like, I look badass right now or I look awesome right now. It was just a fear of like, if I die, he's gonna watch me die.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I. Well, when I first saw her, I was like, nobody was going out to get her. And I saw her just head bobbing. I was like, I just swam out. And then when I got there, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? And then when she went to grab me, I was like, this is terrifying. You know what I mean? Because if she grabs me and tries, I'm gonna have to have your little lifeguard boot. I'll ask you a question or something, you know?

[Jay Oakerson]

Can ask you a question about this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you think it should be American History X and then the number two? Because if you just do American History X with, like, II, it's gonna be American history 12.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think the number two Americans would be X two.

[Jay Oakerson]

But the two's got to be going, like, through the whole thing. It can't be at the end.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tw O.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's too much.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about in the middle?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

In the back?

[Bobby Kelly]

How about. How about.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Maybe The Roman numeral 2 behind it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Behind it looks good. Yeah, like pillars.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but me on top of the pillars.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, shirtless pillars.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, with the eyebrow.

[Jay Oakerson]

With the eyebrow going.

[Bobby Kelly]

The eyebrow going nuts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shirtless. And like. And like, you're going to be covering, but it'll still be visible. Part of a swastika.

[Bobby Kelly]

AI it. They're not going to know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait, no, you're not the racist. It's. No, it's Matt. This is the story of. Does Max become a crazy racist because he watched his dad? He somehow blames his black family for not being able to swim. And that's his big cause. He's not even worried about, like, the welfare or any of the stuff. He just goes, these motherfuckers don't learn how to swim. And then a bunch of good white men die saving their kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

He become. He becomes a lifeguard in a black pool in Harlem.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he. The ones that don't learn how to swim, he kills.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like, you gotta learn. You gotta want it. You gotta want it more than this, sis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like, whatever. And he's like, oh, whatever. And then later that night.

[Jay Oakerson]

But that would be a funny flip flop. Remember how the skinheads beat the black guys in basketball for the courts? It'll be really funny if black people beat skinheads in swimming for the. For the local pool. This movie's writing itself. American History 12.

[Bobby Kelly]

I felt bad for the dad more than anything after because, you know, when.

[Jay Oakerson]

He ran out, he was racist too. Remember the thing he said, the racist thing to the son?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm talking about the dad. This girl's dad.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think about that. American History Part one, Part two. It was. Oh, my bad. It was the dad's fault. In American History X Part one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I feel bad that he ran. He came out and couldn't just come out and swim out and get her.

[Jay Oakerson]

All that professional athletics, all that dick. Two extra ankles in his. Two extra bones in his ankle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ.

[Jay Oakerson]

Two extra bones in his ankle. Son of a Couldn't swim.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say that. Jacob. You wouldn't take it up with him. You took it with him. I don't think he's a at all. I think he's so much of. Not that. If I had a problem, if he had a problem with me, I would immediately run to a body of water.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Just dive in the boat.

[Bobby Kelly]

All white people have to do is live near the ocean or a lake.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, what are you gonna do about at it, you big black.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that why Cannonball? Is that why white people got pools?

[Jay Oakerson]

In case the race forever stirs up? Where am I going to be? In the middle of my freshly deepened pool?

[Bobby Kelly]

12 foot to 16 foot pool, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to have to act like my pool's deeper in it. I can't be standing in my pool.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Just start waiting.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're going to have to go to the end and just go on your knees in your pool.

[Jay Oakerson]

This guy's two feet taller than my pool. He'll kill me in my pool.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're going to come get you and you're going to go in the pool. They're going to stop and then one guy's going to go, yo, man, come here. That pool's only four feet deep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, what?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

So the dad couldn't swim, but could the guys with him swim?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Why would he not? I just don't understand why he gone out if he.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't know Scholar.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

He's an athlete.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't know it either. And he didn't know it that it drops off. So the beach l went from shallow to deep real fast. Yeah. All the other beaches kind of went out slowly, you know, it wasn't this drop off. So I think when he ran out and then he just went kind of down and went. He was.

[Jay Oakerson]

He panicked too, which he needs the X's and the O's. He's a former NFL guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't know it was that that way either because I. I was in the shallow part with Max just messing around. And when I swam out to her, I realized how deep deep it was, which me up. So I mean, I feel bad for him because he was like panicking. She was. She was just in shock.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

And the guys that came out on the beach, they weren't like, there's no lifeguards there.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're just. It was all local people and nobody really saw it because nobody was. There was families like up on the beach, but nobody. She didn't scream. She Wasn't screaming. The little girl just said help her twice. And I swam out to her. So nobody knew it was her sister.

[Jay Oakerson]

Said, help her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like dawn didn't even know. No, her sister was younger than her. She couldn't swim.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, she's the one who yelled, help her.

[Bobby Kelly]

The little sister was coming in yelling, help. Looking at me going, help.

[Jay Oakerson]

The way you're accent, you keep saying sister and I think her. The girl who's drowning. Are you thinking I'm her little sister?

[Bobby Kelly]

Black lady sister?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm talking about sister. Her sister. Sexual human sister.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hard er. Got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, sister. But my Boston accent's you up. I get it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sister. You're a sister. No, because you're going, I'm going. Her sister. And you go, her sister's younger than her. I go, but that's the one who was yelling at you to get her. You go, her sister.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know it's my accent. Sister. Her sister. Yeah, her sister.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm picturing her to be six years old, but she looks like Sheryl Lee Ralph.

[Bobby Kelly]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. Guess what? This year I'm letting go of resentment. That's a big one because I got a lot of them. I hold them like tickets and then when you cross me, I stick it in your face. But I'm done. I'm letting it go. A new year is a new opportunity to feel lighter. And you don't have to become a new person to do it. Signing up for therapy with BetterHelp can shine a light on what's been weighing you down and illuminate possibilities for the year ahead. BetterHelp handles the initial therapist matching work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to BetterHelp's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. And if your match isn't right, it just doesn't fit. Switching to a different therapist is easy. Let BetterHelp provide you an unbiased perspective on your life. You can't take steps into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what's been weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space. Sign up and get 10% off. Betterhelp.com Bonfire that's better. H E L P.com Bonfire Guys, running.

[Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

Learn how to help yourself, Gordo.

[Bobby Kelly]

And. Yeah, dude, I. You don't understand how up swimming is.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was a pretty good Costa Rican accent, though, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was more Puerto Rican, but I like it.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, it was good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me hear it again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, give me a line to say again. What was my line?

[Bobby Kelly]

Learn how to help yourself, Gordon.

[Jay Oakerson]

Help yourself, Gordo.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's more Mexican.

[Jay Oakerson]

I won't be here on a time, son.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's. That's cholo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep. You gotta switch it up.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right, now it's a little more Puerto Rico.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, nope, you gotta get. Bring your mouth. You're going down with your mouth. Go up.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're swimming local.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's still cholo local swimming. But like this. It's quicker.

[Jay Oakerson]

Me daughters.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's quicker.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your daughter's drowning out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Help yourself, cholo.

[Jay Oakerson]

And help yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Help yourself.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do what you gotta do.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's still Cheech and Chong.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was just speaking Costa Rica.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not Costa Rica.

[Jay Oakerson]

That wasn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yeah. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. And then. And then crazy local. And then. So, you know, after that, I mean, it was bummed out, too, because Max didn't even. Like, who wasn't even. Like, Dom was crying, and he was like, what's up? What are we gonna do?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, what's next?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm hungry.

[Jay Oakerson]

He is racist.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

And honestly, that could have been scary for him, and he was trying not to be emotional.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so. No.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's prepared to watch you. He was like, dad, I was going to take over the household.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he has.

[Jay Oakerson]

Welcome back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually told him and Don, I would like to be referred to as hero for the rest of the trip.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Until at least Sunday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did they.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he. He was like, dawn did. Max was like, all right, enough with the hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I was enough with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Enough with the hero. So maybe next time I see if he drowns and see who goes and saves him.

[Jay Oakerson]

See if a black dial go. Come save him.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

To even out the world, you have to even out the world. Throw Max into heavy undercurrent waters and then yell for any black guy to help you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, Lou, you'd go out and help a girl, wouldn't you?

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Hell no, he wouldn't. Brother. I can't swim like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't swim? No. I'll die. What if your kid was out there?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll put on the vest.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if you don't have a vest?

[Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna both die then.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you're gonna go die with them?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, absolutely. I'll do that. So you pray for a Bobby Kelly to come along.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Just take swim lessons. It's not too late.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but with a current or a riptide, that's like advanced swim, like.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not advanced. A riptide, yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I don't know what the numbers the real percentage of this are, but I'd say Bobby actually, when we cut through the funny of it was probably extraordinarily dangerous what he did, and probably who knows what a coin flips chance that was, that him and that girl didn't come back or they got back. I have no idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Dan was telling me that you and him got in Hawaii. You got into.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, not in Hawaii. I was in Florida.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got into a rip to a heavy current.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, whatever it was. We just were laughing and jumping in the waves and stuff for a while, and then we just realized we go, oh, we're kind of far out. We're like past the Whatever. There was like a little, like, pier that went out. Like, oh, we're a little past that. And let's start going back. And we just started trying to go back. And I'm like, having a little bit of a hard time getting back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then us both panicking while trying to keep laughing and not be like, it's like, this is gonna be funny when we get back. But in both of us inside are definitely Going like, ah, dude. I'm actually having like a hard like. Like I don't know how much longer I can like fight this hard through. It's difficult.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I had.

[Jay Oakerson]

By the time we got our fit and I said same thing. I was pumping so hard that like I probably could have touched my feet to the ground earlier than I did. I was just like, like semi panicking enough that I was like still kicking my feet. And then I finally put him like down below me and I was like, oh, I could almost like stand up.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the time I. Yeah, that moment of like, oh, I might have up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. There's not much I could do about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That hit me two times when I got to her. And then when I was trying to get her back in, I was like, I might have up on this one. And like, I don't. Do you let her go? I don't know. Do I let her go and just try to get back in? I get. I. You know what I mean?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

It's like you can't pants.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I'm gonna call you Bowie Kelly the human Boo.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

But you were able to get her in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby the Bowie Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I got her.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got your Bobby Bowie.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got her far enough in to where they.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

That people could help.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, where. Where they could. I got her farther in where they could get her and stand up on their tippy toes and grab her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Bowie with the sister being like how original.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Closer. And when they.

[Bobby Kelly]

When they took her, I got sucked out again and I kept. You know what I mean? So I was. I was like. That's when I would. Told the dude, I wish. I wish my duolingo paid off because I was like, yo, I need your help. And he was just. He just ignored me.

[Jay Oakerson]

What'd you say? Let you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's still okay? It's not even okay. Close.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I got stuck in one in a lake this summer and I never been in a lake like it was.

[Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't exist.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

It was crazy. Crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

There's something going on with the lake and it was like. It was like being pulled under in the ocean. It was wild.

[Jay Oakerson]

You had a waking nightmare.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

No, it's in Trinity in California.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you. I'm just. I'm not. Not attacking you. I'm just saying I've never heard of a wake undertow like a lake one.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Maybe something with the way the river connects and it's man made. I don't know what the hell was going.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you were gonna get Crazy. You're gonna get pulled into a river.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

No, we were like on a boat docked in the middle of the.

[Bobby Kelly]

How big was the lake? Pretty big. Could you see the other side? Yeah, I was going.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

You could see the.

[Bobby Kelly]

The next thing that I would have hit was Antarctica.

[Jay Oakerson]

When you got dragged out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. When we're getting dragged out, the next body of land was Antarctica or maybe Hawaii. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that have been fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

That would have sucked.

[Jay Oakerson]

Have you just turned up?

[Bobby Kelly]

If I just showed up on the big beard.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your goofy, weird hair growth.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if there's a.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your head hair growth, all straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm actually a king because of my eyebrow.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're combing it over. You have your. You have your eyebrow combed over your head hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

The thing is, that's the thing that keeps me afloat is my lucky eyebrow. I use it for fishing, actually catch fish. I just tie a booger to the end of it and I keep catching tuna.

[Jay Oakerson]

That eyebrows big.

[Bobby Kelly]

That eyebrow is big.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's fucking. That's a hell of a story, man. That's wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's. It was. It was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Unfortunately, it's all fake. And here's the proof. Now.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'S funny.

[Jay Oakerson]

It sounds like a beginning of a good, like, YouTube video. However, all of that is fake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Somebody. Somebody posted. Maybe this is him telling a real story for once. Somebody commented. What, did Seton Smith come and save the day? Seaton Smith. I still got to take him out to dinner.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you didn't. You just saved a black girl, dude. World's equal now.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right. That's exactly right.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's it, dude. Back and forth, black people and white people saving each other and therefore making equilibrium.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that's how the world becomes a better place.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's how the world becomes one.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you guys not listen to that John Lennon song? Those are the lyrics in there.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Do you want to hear the. Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I was gonna say, do you want to hear the song by John.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would love to hear the song by John Lennon.

[Jay Oakerson]

Imagine all the people learning to finally swim.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you want to play the. This is right after it happened. A little bit. A little bit after it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's pretty. I did this for the show, by the way. This is for you guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is why Daniel Cormier says he doesn't want to interview fighters right after a fight. Dawn's still shell shocked. She's talking to nobody. She goes, he did. He really, really did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. She was crying before this. She was all fucked up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that was mainly because you're making her stay. And I can only guess that behind you is some kind of a rusty hut.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was definitely a local beach. It's not Playa Grande, which was beautiful. I have a photo. I just show the other beach. The beautiful photo of the beach.

[Jay Oakerson]

But if you believe in God, he put you on that beach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's what she said.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who? The black girl?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, of course. No, Don.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's always what they're gonna say.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Don doesn't believe in God either. She's not like. She was like God, she. When she was crying, she's like, God, we weren't supposed to be here. And God put you here today to save that girl's life.

[Jay Oakerson]

You guys should go. So in two years you do like a fucking or one year.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You go, how has your life been? Visit trip to her. And then I want you to go to black church with them, with that family. I want them to call you out. You'll be like. Like this man right here. Yeah, we went to the same sister Natalia's life. I just named her.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the beach we went to after, which was beautiful.

[Jay Oakerson]

Whose tatted up foot is that? Dawn.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Dawn, Yeah. She got some tats.

[Jay Oakerson]

I thought Don's like a rock slut.

[Bobby Kelly]

She got rock slut tat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she got some rock sluts on her feet.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did back in the day.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know that, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know.

[Jay Oakerson]

She was giving fucking BJ's. Get backstage. New kids. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Me and Don had a great meeting.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's Boston. That's what you do. You blow a guy to get backstage to new kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and Don rekindled a little. Little sexiness out in Costa Rica.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Good. Well, cuz.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, she did.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you don't keep your. If you don't keep your genitals filled and covered, it's gonna. You're gonna get AIDS down there for sure. It's in the air, it's in the current.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we had a. We had a re. She had a. We had a good trip. Nice trip. Nice trip.

[Jay Oakerson]

You banged in a hut next to Max.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

That.

[Bobby Kelly]

We rented like a two million dollar house. The house we. Yeah, the house we. The house. You would have loved this. It was 100% bangs.

[Jay Oakerson]

While cultists were there.

[Bobby Kelly]

We had a day off. Look at that house, man. You would love this house. This is a Christine and Jay. Airbnb if I ever saw one. I mean, it's crazy. We had that that was the lady that cooked breakfast every day. We had four bedrooms.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you got a slave.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she was called the house mom.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was that the problem? Was she too busy slaving over your dinner that she couldn't save her daughter on that beach? She's the only one who did know how to swim, but someone's got to earn money for the family now that Dad's retired from football. Is any of this right?

[Bobby Kelly]

None of it's right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did I get any of that right?

[Bobby Kelly]

He did.

[Jay Oakerson]

He really did save somebody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me see. That's my favorite part of this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now let me see.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dawn, tell him I saved somebody. He did. He really. You're just talking to nobody talking to a camera.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go back again to the beginning. Bobby's face. If you're gonna like either. He's like, say, yeah, another day in the grind.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, as a hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you're. You're wearing hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, dude, I. It's not a wearing. It. It was. It's not. You don't wear hero. Jay, let me just. Because you're not a hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

Apologies. True.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's in you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it comes out almost like an X Men power, you know what I mean? Where. You know, in Deadpool, they had to, like, really fuck with him to have his power come out. I had to be put in this situation for my power to come out. My hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I don't have that in me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on one second. One more verse. Oh, this was. This is what I. When I was swimming back in. This was the song that was in my head.

[Jay Oakerson]

Slow mo, your titties bouncing like Pam Anderson.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw this slowly whispering this to her as we were coming to bay. Not this part, but the part before this would have scared her.

[Jay Oakerson]

She was freaking out. And you're going like, they'll be talking about this for the next 10 years, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually, when you save somebody's life, it goes away pretty quick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

They just move on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Dawn around 20 minutes later, she's like, you want to get a ACAID ball? I was like, I just saved somebody.

[Jay Oakerson]

You still want to talk about it more?

[Bobby Kelly]

And she's like, I still. I wanted to talk about it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You get Bobby's first face and goes, yeah. Another day in the life of a hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He did. He just saved somebody's life. Yo, kick somebody. Kick your phone out of your hand.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is for the show. I got this for the show.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this wasn't posted.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, I didn't post this. Wait, you didn't No, I posted this right here for you.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

No, this went up right away.

[Bobby Kelly]

This didn't go right away.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

This thing on a story?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, Bobby, this didn't go on a story.

[Jay Oakerson]

Has this been on social media yet?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, give me your archive.

[Jay Oakerson]

Has this video been on social media yet? Because I think you told the story 73 times where you got to the bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've been on Joe Rogan twice.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I bet five seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually, the Rogan episode's coming out tomorrow. It's a two part series. It's called Hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's like a heroes, because he's actually a hero, too. He saved somebody's life.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did he?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I bet Alan has some thoughts on how fast you posted this video.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I. My archives is. Look at. This is my archives right here. There's only two.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

No, archives. Is everything.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Archives? Right there. Archives. Look, archives.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

And it's not your archives.

[Bobby Kelly]

It says archives.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a different thing. You're also a whole different thing. You're trying to flim. Flam us, Bobby. You're showing us things on a cell phone 15ft away from us.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I know how to find archives on Instagram.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want you to touch my phone.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Yeah, I bet you don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's in there? Come on over here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Find my archive.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's it. You know, Bobby, those are crisis actors. That girl's a crisis actor. Alex Jones is right about you. You hired crisis actors to reenact this scene right here. You got an out of work down in his. Look. Fucking retired football player. He's a couple extra bucks. Yeah, and you had his daughter go out there and fake getting killed by the sea so you can save her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, what this thing did to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

More than being a hero's a young girl. She's a young girl. It's not a thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It. It humbled me. It made me grateful. So if you. If you. Yes, it did.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't feel. It's not the vibe I'm getting.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you.

[Jay Oakerson]

This isn't the vibe I'm getting. Like, Don, tell him I just saved somebody.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you. If you. If you need to go down that route because I'm a. I'm a different person now. I'm a. And when you have. When that's in you, you look at things differently. You understand?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't have heroics in me.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you don't. If Christine was drowning, what would you do?

[Jay Oakerson]

I go. I go. They'll never turn this. Pin this on. Me, I go, oh, my God, I was gonna kill her, like in two months. That saves me some fucking leg work. I saw Christine drowning. I'd go get her. I know how to swim.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'd go get her?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

If she was drowning out in a. In a. In a undertow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, if it was like. If I saw her being like, yanked away.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I was thinking. I thought that was. She was being returned to the sea. She always says she misses it back in where she's from. It's beautiful place in us. They were returning her to the sea.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I do miss the sea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

She needs to return to it.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

By the way, Bobby, 100 on social.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe. The thing is, you can't prove it unless you get my phone.

[Jay Oakerson]

She just proved it.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she didn't.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I have a text that says definitely on social. That's the video I told you about.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's the text from?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Big Jim.

[Jay Oakerson]

Big Jim.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's Big Jim? Oh, you mean our boss.

[Jay Oakerson]

Our boss.

[Bobby Kelly]

He follows me. How long you been going?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, he listens to the show. He's listening to us.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

This video was discussed.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, this. This video is not as far as you know and can prove. Give me.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Give me your phone.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you come over here. You come over here.

[Jay Oakerson]

The show's over. Show's almost over.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. Show's over.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

No, I'll let this play.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Well, show's over and we have to go on with. The story's done. I'm a hero. I saved somebody's life. The story's over. And let's just move on and know that this girl's safe with her family because of my heroics. Doesn't matter.

[Jay Oakerson]

What. She would be just as safe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Social media.

[Jay Oakerson]

She would be just as safe if you didn't post the entire story five seconds after it happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Happened. If you don't. If you don't let the world know I inspired other people to help people. I'm going to tell you something. Other people are going to be watching on the beach. Other people are going to be like, hey, if he can do it, I can do it. And I inspired people to make sure that, you know what? You may not think you're a hero, but everybody has hero in them.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you this, though?

[Bobby Kelly]

If I didn't post that, that wouldn't be out there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could have posted it five minutes from now. Yeah, it would. It would have gotten more traction now. And also I'm gonna post it right now from his archives also. How do you get to. Can I say this, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you took a little time with it. If you took a little time with yourself, with the story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could have punched it a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I. I did.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

So sincere.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. It was very sincere.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could have made.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, there was a little.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could have made the.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't. Like sincere. Was so sincere, Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could have made the. You could have made the story of just the drowning and the saving. Been the entire show today.

[Bobby Kelly]

We did. I mean, we pretty much did.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. First hour was mostly wild. Raccoons, monkeys, sloth, a monkey Calta falling asleep. Marlin, you catching a marlin. You didn't really bring in the boat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't even want it. You said when you were done.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's called.

[Jay Oakerson]

Remember, you had the marlin. You were like, I don't want it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jim is always bitching about context. I needed to give as much context as I could. So that was for Jim, all this context.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

I have a question. After it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, after it happened. Sorry, Christine, wait. No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you go around the shows? Yeah, I'm on the road. You're on the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Punch up that live.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm at home this weekend. It's all sold out, guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you want to come up and hug me at a show and touch a little of this hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I don't want to hug. Hug you. If you want to hold Bobby. Bobby's doing a Holden greet after the shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm doing holding greets from now on.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should only do hold and greets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, Kelly Holden greets free of charge, everybody, for everybody. After the show. You get to hold them.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll see you guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

We'll see you tomorrow. It's good to be back. I love you, Bobby.

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