Cheat Shed

Summary

Episode Summary: "Cheat Shed" – The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

In the "Cheat Shed" episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly reconvene after a hiatus to engage in their signature blend of candid conversation, humor, and insightful critiques. This episode delves into their personal experiences during their time off, the challenges of maintaining mental health without their regular comedic routine, and offers an entertaining dissection of recent films like Nosferatu and Substance. Joined by Jacob, Big Jay's son, the trio navigates through familial dynamics, the pressures of returning to the spotlight, and the nuances of aging in Hollywood.

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1. Welcome Back and Personal Reflections [01:18 – 05:45]

Reuniting at The Bonfire

• The episode kicks off with enthusiastic banter as Big Jay and Bobby address their return to the studio. Amidst humorous exchanges about sneezing and naps, they set a relaxed tone for the conversation.

Facing Vulnerability

• Bobby opens up about his feelings during the break, saying, “I almost left,” revealing the emotional toll of stepping away from performing [07:06]. This vulnerability underscores the deep connection they have with their craft and the community they engage with regularly.

2. Mental Health and the Importance of Routine [05:14 – 10:45]

Managing Anxiety and Depression

• The hosts candidly discuss the link between their comedy careers and mental health struggles. Bobby remarks, “We're comics. We're mentally ill. We. Anxiety is what fuels our fire” [05:21], highlighting how their work serves as both an outlet and a coping mechanism.

The Comfort of Routine

• Big Jay emphasizes the significance of maintaining routines, even when they bring monotony: “It's what we do” [05:28]. They acknowledge that while routines can become tiresome, they provide stability essential for their mental well-being.

3. Family Dynamics During the Break [06:17 – 12:17]

Challenges with Family Life

• Bobby shares insights into his family life, addressing the trials of parenting an 11-year-old navigating puberty: “11 year old, puberty, hair in his armpits, attitude, crush” [06:20]. This segment offers a glimpse into the everyday challenges faced outside the comedy circuit.

Jacob’s Experience

• Jacob recounts his own experiences during the break, mentioning, “I had zone five flu” [09:18], adding another layer to the discussion on how the hiatus affected different family members.

4. The Struggle of Taking Time Off [12:03 – 20:05]

Feeling Stuck Without Performances

• The conversation shifts to the difficulties of not engaging in their usual performances. Bobby expresses his longing for the stage: “I almost sat in a chair and read a jay” [08:30], illustrating the depth of his connection to performing.

Balancing Family and Career

• The hosts discuss the tension between family responsibilities and the urge to return to their comedic endeavors. Bobby admits, “I almost left,” indicating his inner conflict between staying with his family and missing his professional life.

5. Movie Critiques: Nosferatu [34:00 – 43:00]

Dissecting the Plot

• A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to critiquing the movie Nosferatu. The trio unpacks plot inconsistencies and character motivations with sharp humor. Big Jay comments, “It's a stupid movie that was like, written by a child” [34:00], expressing his disappointment with the film’s execution.

Character Analysis

• They delve into the portrayal of Dracula, questioning his actions and the logic behind his presence in Germany: “I don't know why they made this thing look more like Nosferatu” [34:00]. This analysis showcases their critical thinking and ability to engage deeply with cinematic content.

Humorous Observations

• The group injects humor into their critique, with Bobby noting, “You can't sell a shirt that says Legend” [03:30], playfully mocking the film’s attempt at grandeur.

6. Movie Discussions: Substance and Aging in Hollywood [43:14 – 63:12]

Critiquing Demi Moore's Performance

• The hosts transition to discussing Substance, focusing on Demi Moore’s portrayal and the challenges of aging in the film industry. Big Jay remarks, “She looks like a fricassee brained” [51:07], critiquing her performance with his characteristic bluntness.

The Debate on Authenticity and Prosthetics

• They debate the use of prosthetics and makeup in aging actresses, leading to a humorous yet insightful conversation about authenticity in Hollywood. Bobby asserts, “You have to know it's real” [54:13], expressing his preference for genuine portrayals over digitally altered appearances.

Aging and Self-Perception

• Demi Moore’s character grapples with self-image and career decline, as discussed by Bobby: “She was like, all right, I guess that's what I am. And then she goes. There was a point where that started to fade and it fucked me up” [51:42]. This reflection ties into broader themes of self-worth and societal expectations.

Humorous Exchanges on Appearance

• The hosts engage in playful banter about physical appearances, prosthetics, and the portrayal of actresses, keeping the tone light while addressing serious themes.

7. Humorous Banter and Personal Jokes [16:27 – 29:12]

Creating the 'Cheat Shed'

• In a burst of creativity, the hosts brainstorm the idea of a "cheat shed" to escape familial constraints: “We should make your cheat shed” [28:05]. This segment is filled with hilarious proposals and illustrates their improvisational skills.

Jokes About Family Interactions

• The conversation is peppered with jokes about their interactions with family members, enhancing the comedic element of the episode and providing relatable humor for listeners.

8. Upcoming Shows and Future Plans [64:00 – 67:38]

Promoting Live Performances

• Big Jay and Bobby take time to promote their upcoming shows, sharing tour dates and encouraging listeners to attend live events. For instance, Bobby announces, “I'm going to be at the Comedy Club of Kansas City January 23rd to the 25th” [65:07], showcasing their dedication to connecting with their audience.

Online Content and Engagement

• They encourage listeners to engage with their online content, mentioning Bobby’s YouTube channel and Big Jay’s new newsletter: “Watch all of his content over there and like. And subscribe at all please” [65:37].

Humorous Closing Remarks

• The episode concludes with humorous remarks about achieving YouTube milestones and the unlikely attainment of subscriber plaques, keeping the tone jovial until the end.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Kelly: “We're comics. We're mentally ill. We. Anxiety is what fuels our fire.” [05:21]

• Big Jay Oakerson: “It's what we do.” [05:28]

• Bobby Kelly: “I almost left.” [06:53]

• Big Jay Oakerson: “It's a stupid movie that was like, written by a child.” [34:00]

• Bobby Kelly: “You can't sell a shirt that says Legend.” [03:30]

• Big Jay Oakerson: “She looks like a fricassee brained.” [51:07]

• Bobby Kelly: “She was like, all right, I guess that's what I am.” [51:42]

• Big Jay Oakerson: “Make merkin great again.” [53:17]

• Bobby Kelly: “I love when you're right.” [59:54]

• Big Jay Oakerson: “The best things in life come when you don't settle.” [14:03]

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Conclusion:

The "Cheat Shed" episode of The Bonfire masterfully blends personal storytelling with sharp comedic critiques, offering listeners an engaging and multifaceted experience. Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly navigate through their personal challenges with humor and honesty, providing relatable content for those grappling with similar issues. Their in-depth analysis of films like Nosferatu and Substance not only entertains but also invites listeners to think critically about cinematic narratives and industry trends. Coupled with their playful banter and promotion of upcoming events, this episode stands out as a testament to their resilience and dedication to their craft. Whether you're a longtime fan or a newcomer to The Bonfire, "Cheat Shed" delivers a compelling mix of laughter, insight, and heartfelt conversation.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

What is your calling?

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe it's something you love to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

A goal you want to achieve, a.

[Big J Okerson]

Skill you want to learn, or a.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

In studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give me one sec. God bless me.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you need a napkin?

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. Sorry about that. Nothing came out.

[Big J Okerson]

You all right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I lied. A lot came out of my hand.

[Big J Okerson]

So much. Jacob's just staring at that tissue now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, Jacob. It was a zinn sneeze. It was not a cold sneeze.

[Big J Okerson]

He does not like that napkin be or that tissue being right there. Look at him staring forward blank. Yeah, he hates that napkin. Yeah, I don't love the tissue, but I don't hate it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You told me to get it.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, you needed it.

[Bobby Kelly]

For sure I needed it.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want you having fucking cashew pieces all over your hand from whatever you sneeze from your wacky snacks throughout the day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I do have wacky snacks.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're right about that. Oh, it's half a quest bar. Oh, peanut butter pretzels.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told you the time around on Hirschberg. Great comic, great guy. Movie lover hates Palestine. Took a fistful of nuts before he went on stage.

[Big J Okerson]

What? Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Just a mixed nuts. Backstage started chewing them.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Went on stage. I'm on stage. Just fucking chunks of nuts stuck in the mike webbing from his.

[Big J Okerson]

That would. I'd have him. He'd have to come back out on stage.

[Bobby Kelly]

I flicked it off the mic and now the crowd saw it. Yeah, that's how big the nugget was.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

You. It's gonna make me sick. The story. Why didn't you make him come back out and have them get you a different mic?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think quick on my feet like you, Jay. I'm a three. I'm a two to three day guy. I thought of that two to three days later. What was I supposed to do? Come here. Get up here.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. You humiliate him for his behavior. Absolutely. You gave all the preface stuff. Great comic, great dude. Blah, blah, blah. Come back out and you make him feel two inches tall.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

In front of the crowd. Make him look unfuckable and unlovable.

[Bobby Kelly]

God did that.

[Big J Okerson]

In front of a bunch of strangers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually, God did that.

[Big J Okerson]

But you point it out, right? And you say there's things that you can correct that God. There's things that God did that you can try to overcome. And spitting cashew nut pieces all over a microphone before somebody else goes up there is not it Walnut. Walnut, yeah. So it has like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it was a mixed nut. It was a medley.

[Big J Okerson]

A walnut means that somebody has the skin on it, too. Was it the skin pieces that were on there?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was brown and white. So here's the thing, too. Love run on. Great comic.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop. You don't have to preface all this. I know there's nothing to do with this comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know why. Cause he. He took a little hot one.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because Louis decided to go on stage before him. He was introing the show every night. Hey, give it up. You know, doing jokes.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they bring out him this night. He went out and did like five minutes. Hey, guys. Which is nuts. They're there to see you. They don't even know you know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then he did like five, and then he was like, I'll be right back. And they're like, what? And then they rod on.

[Big J Okerson]

And then.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he was like, ah, blah, blah, blah.

[Big J Okerson]

And it was time to spit all over the microphone.

[Bobby Kelly]

He spit a lot of nut. A lot of nut.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, if you're nervous, you think the move is to not take a handful of nuts before you go on stage. I'd only assume nuts would make me dry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Nuts make you all kinds of nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

Make you dry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guy nuts make you dry, too.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Guy nuts make me wet. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, can I just say something?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm so happy to see your fucking adorable glistening eyes right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I'm happy to see you too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was. First of all, your hair is tight.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank You.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks good.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I fucking. This break was too long. Yeah, it's too long.

[Big J Okerson]

It because. It's because we live in a routine that we understand and we like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I like.

[Big J Okerson]

And even if we complain about the day to day of it, it's like you just kind of know it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What we do. You complain.

[Big J Okerson]

It's what we do.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're comics. We're mentally ill. We. Anxiety is what fuels our fire.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anxiety, stress, that's the stuff that we're like. We're crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Self hate, self hate.

[Bobby Kelly]

Depression. Doubt.

[Big J Okerson]

Doubt, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Insecurity.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. All these things. And no for sure. But the thing is the time when we have time off, you're like, oh, there's a thousand non. Routine things I have to kind of do in these stretches and then there's no time off. This was. It just. It felt long, but it also felt long. Like it was. I had to get through that to get back to my routine. Like, does that make sense? It was like, what a long break. And it was funny. What's funny is Jacob does not share any of these feelings we have at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

He loved it.

[Big J Okerson]

It couldn't have been a better break for Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, I love, I love there was a couple days where I was like, I have not. But first of all, it's Christmas, it's New Year's, a lot of going on. 11 year old, puberty, hair in his armpits, attitude, crush, trying to be a good parent, trying to figure out. Which apparently is. You have to figure yourself out first. That's what all these people on the. You got to take care of yourself.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Yep, yep. And I had a couple days of okay, this is nice. But the last Friday and Saturday, dude, I almost left.

[Big J Okerson]

You want to double clothesline your family?

[Bobby Kelly]

I just don't. Not not. It wasn't them. I just. I almost lied and said, hey, I got, I got a call, I gotta go to the city and do a spot. They need me for something and just. I gotta go work.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cause I always have that. I gotta go to work. You know what I mean? And yes, it's stressful, blah, blah. But I was like, I just gotta go live in the funk for a minute. I gotta go back to the being scared. Comics. You don't know. Comics you do know. Maybe going up being. That upness sure is kind of. I need like Friday night I was just home and I'm just sitting on the couch watching shows.

[Big J Okerson]

You want to just punch a hole in the wall.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was. I just, I Felt like, you know what? I felt like I was putting. You see Endgames.

[Big J Okerson]

Avengers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Avengers.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember when the star, Thor had to go to the star that was put out to make his hammer? He had to go to that star.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that star is what melted that fucking shit to make the weapons. But he got there and the star had been put. Thanos put the star out. Oh, and he had to restart that star. I felt like my star was being put out.

[Big J Okerson]

Your stars being sucked of energy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel like I was be. Just coming like becoming a regular person. Guy in a chair. Guy in a chair. It's what you think you want until you're doing it and I do like it. But until you do it, all of a sudden you're like, I'm just a guy in a chair.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I almost picked up a book.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey. I almost read Al Pacino's book.

[Big J Okerson]

Just know if I start reading a book, Christine, I talk myself out of killing myself. That's what I've gone to. I'm like, I'm gonna get something to read. See if I see if I get into this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I picked it up. Don. Gotta Christmas. I picked it up and I'm like, go sit in the chair and I'll read tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

I almost fucking read a book.

[Big J Okerson]

At what time of night?

[Bobby Kelly]

Eight.

[Big J Okerson]

No, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eight. It was eight.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I almost sat in a chair and read a jay. Yeah, I almost read a book.

[Big J Okerson]

I know, I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

At 8 o'clock at night on a weekend.

[Big J Okerson]

We don't have to take all the time off.

[Bobby Kelly]

I haven't masturbated.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob's going to take the time off.

[Jacob]

I. I read two books over the break. It's fabulous. I didn't even have a good break. But it's better than being here.

[Big J Okerson]

Why not?

[Jacob]

I landed in Florida with the flu. Some piece of shit on the plane got me.

[Bobby Kelly]

He had zone five flu.

[Jacob]

I had zone five flu.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's your fault, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You're back there with all the muck and germs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Jacob]

Yeah. And my nephew went away on vacation, so I didn't have my. I do everything with him.

[Big J Okerson]

So you didn't have your shirtless boy with you?

[Jacob]

Yeah. And the one to fish with.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was, it was. I mean, look, I loved it. We had a good time, but it's also a different, like time. Like back in the day, like Max is like. It was kind of weird. Like he was just disappeared. He was just on the phone talking to like theater weirdos. And talking to chicks and.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going for hours. And I'm just sitting on the couch. I'm just sitting on the couch and Dawn's doing her little whatever the fuck she does by herself. And I'm just like, this isn't. I. I don't do. Like, I'll do this for a day.

[Big J Okerson]

You're in the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in the way.

[Big J Okerson]

I know all these. Are all these feelings. Yeah, you're in the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's in the way. I. I tried to do tasks. You know what I mean? I. I'm gonna go clean the garage.

[Big J Okerson]

I just chain smoke, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't. I don't have smoking. I don't have. I didn't. I haven't smoked a cigar in, like, two weeks. Like, I didn't even go to my lounge.

[Big J Okerson]

You haven't smoked a cigar in two weeks?

[Bobby Kelly]

I smoke. I think one. I went down at the beginning of the vacation. Maybe I went down to the cigar. But, like, dude, I usually go to the cigar lounge at night. Like, at. But we.

[Big J Okerson]

We.

[Bobby Kelly]

We wound up playing, like, board games and shit at night. I played fat Frackle. Frackle?

[Big J Okerson]

What's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Jacob]

With grown men just smoking cigars.

[Bobby Kelly]

I usually.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no. You're saying at home.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

Oh, with your family. I'm saying that's what you do. I thought you did that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love hanging with my family. I really do. I miss him. Every time I leave, I'm like, I want to get home.

[Big J Okerson]

But when you're home, you realize you didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I do.

[Big J Okerson]

When you get home, I miss you at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do. But it was too long being out of the game. The. The, the, like today, coming into the city was like, fuck scared. Going on the subway, had my back against the wall. Just, like, panic. Then I got down. I had to go do the regs today. And I was just listening to these three fucking funny jerk offs, and I.

[Big J Okerson]

Was just like, you need the city jolt, you're saying. Because that's not necessarily what I. I just need, like, actively doing something to, like, just, like, be functionally accomplishing something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Doing shows on the weekends, like. But if I'm not doing stuff on the weekends and I'm home, I. There's nothing else I can do that I want to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you know what I mean? I would have been better off at Fingertips. I mean, you know, I mean, like.

[Bobby Kelly]

We went up country two weekends ago, and they didn't, like, want to. They didn't do anything. Like, I Was walking in the woods by myself with noodles. Like, what the.

[Big J Okerson]

Am I just wandering?

[Bobby Kelly]

Am I retired?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, I was in, like, up in the woods with doodles and your big.

[Big J Okerson]

Glasses on your big retirement glasses.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was, like, reflecting and shit. I sat on a rock and smoked a pipe. And then I was like, what the fuck is going on?

[Big J Okerson]

Like, well, I mean, you are actively partaking in a lot of things that do sell. Like, you're like, I'm a young, hip dude, man. I still got my finger on the pulse. I'm a celebrity in the eyes of many. Let me smoke this pipe on this rock in the woods. Does seem like then you kind of steer into the thing you're worried about.

[Bobby Kelly]

But when you have.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes. He goes, man, I used to be so. I used to get my dick sucked in hallways of comedy clubs. Let me put this blanket over my lap while I watch television. Where's my readers?

[Bobby Kelly]

I did do that.

[Big J Okerson]

You did some.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mind. Like, it's the summer. Like, I would come back on Sunday nights and come back to the fire Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then go back up there weekends. Had a couple of shows here and there. I don't mind taking the weekends off here and there, but as long as I'm just straight two weeks off. Straight two weeks off without shows, without some type of anxiety or some type of.

[Big J Okerson]

I gotta go set an alarm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something. Something where I'm like, yeah, I gotta.

[Big J Okerson]

Get up and do a thing. I have to catch a plane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Like, it was scary. It was scary. You know? It was scary. Like, oh, this is what you're gonna do in around 20 years. Yeah, I'm gonna be doing this in 20.

[Big J Okerson]

As soon as you start. As soon as you stop chasing that fire, dude, that's when you grow old and die. We're watching it happen to Voss.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually, yeah, I. Yeah, Voss is.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, we were all gonna laugh at that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because it's true. Well, Voss played a. I yelled at him this weekend. He did a room. I don't know where the. It was. I was like, dude, just stop playing. He's like, I like comedy. I'm like, you can't play a room with fucking 12 people, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

12.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't sell a shirt that says Legend.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm working in a place that has 12 people.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean? I know, but I kind of. I should take it back because I understand him a little bit now. It's like, what are you going to do? Stay home by yourself?

[Big J Okerson]

Just listen to Raina and Bonnie. All day. Christ almighty. Two girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two girls, one cup.

[Big J Okerson]

Two girls, one cup happening in the house at all times.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, dude. You were doing gigs.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a little mad at you.

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna tell you, okay. Because we did plan. Hey, let's do this. Let's do that over the vacay. And I was like, yeah, let's do it. And we didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

And we did not.

[Bobby Kelly]

We did not. But you did.

[Big J Okerson]

What did I do?

[Bobby Kelly]

We were supposed to go to the movies together.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And see the Dracula movie.

[Jacob]

Nosferatu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nosferatu.

[Big J Okerson]

We didn't have any plans to see a particular movie. We said, we want to see a movie at the theater.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should go see Nosferatu at the theater across the street.

[Big J Okerson]

We had another set in a different movie before that even.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember. Let's go see Nosferatu at the theater across the street. I was like, yeah, let's go. But because you're. You're.

[Big J Okerson]

You're.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a free man. Like, you're. You're on the outside and I'm on the inside. I need you to get me out, you know, I need you to be.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, yo, dude, we're seeing those for auto.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going to see Nosferatu, blah, blah, blah. And I go, I gotta go see Nosferatu with Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Show, show stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Show stuff, whatever. Yeah, you. To get me out of prison, you gotta get me out of jail. Noticed I was waiting for, hey, dude, we're going to do this.

[Big J Okerson]

Give me a feed. Give me a feed. I'll get you out of there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I thought we had it. And I'll take some of the blame. I'll take.

[Big J Okerson]

How about me and you just fucking say we're going bowling every Tuesday night, and then let's just fucking cheat with prostitutes all night.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in. Get a cheat room in your new house, Christine.

[Big J Okerson]

Stay on this floor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just get a cheat shed. Don't you have a shed?

[Big J Okerson]

No. I should get a cheat shed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get a cheat shed.

[Big J Okerson]

I could do whatever I want. Christine says, I could do whatever as long as it's in the sheet shed.

[Bobby Kelly]

The cheat shed, man. Go to Amish Mike's, have him build a custom cheat shed.

[Big J Okerson]

Just blankets on the floor, though. You don't get a mattress.

[Bobby Kelly]

She said, yeah, we gotta. We got upstairs and downstairs, so I can go upstairs while you're downstairs.

[Big J Okerson]

I can keep you. Christine says, but you're only going to get one meal a day, and she brings it.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got a fire pole so we can you know, we can send one of the girls down. Yeah, babe, send her down.

[Big J Okerson]

Send her all down.

[Bobby Kelly]

You see her squeaking on her fucking labia? Just squeaking down a fire pole.

[Big J Okerson]

Discolored thighs.

[Bobby Kelly]

The pole changes color after a couple months.

[Big J Okerson]

It's got schmear on it. What is that schmear on the pole? Sweat lotion. Some combo of the two. Yick.

[Jacob]

I had to. I saw Nosferatu with my. I. I had a funny Nosferatu joke. I had to give myself credit.

[Big J Okerson]

Go on.

[Jacob]

Well, there's a scene in the movie. It's basically a German version of.

[Bobby Kelly]

One second. You don't have to explain it to Jay because he did go see it with somebody.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it was ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

He.

[Jacob]

The movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

He went and saw the movie. He did go to the movies with somebody, just not me.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's the.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not looking at me.

[Jacob]

No, I didn't get to the ending.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of the story, so you don't have to explain it to him because he saw it. He saw it, but go ahead.

[Jacob]

Well, I mean, this now it's. The tension's rising because there's no realizing rise.

[Big J Okerson]

He's correct. I saw her. It.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You saw it.

[Big J Okerson]

I saw it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You saw it without me? You went to the movies? Our. Our plan over the vacation break was to see a movie together.

[Big J Okerson]

It was actually to go to alive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but we. Our movie. We had movie plans over the break. We should do a live thing, and we should do a movie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm in jail. I can't. I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

You said you got to. I mean, parents going to give me some feed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ask me if I want to go to the movies.

[Big J Okerson]

I will.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, that's your feed.

[Big J Okerson]

But I can't just know. Send me like. We have to have a code. Send me the emoji of, like, the movie thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's a code. Ready? Ask me if I want to go to the movies.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you need to code the feed to get me that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can code is yes.

[Big J Okerson]

No, the code is yes. You can't make the code the after part.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the answer.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just gonna type yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, okay. All right. When you write the word yes out of nowhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Got you. But how can it. So then just the word yes. Then I ask the question, and then you write yes again. But then you have to remember to delete the other yes in case dawn sees that you're throwing preemptive yeses. She's gonna figure out the code.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dawn doesn't care. Listen to me. I've learned dawn does not care. She's going through her own thing right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Cool. Should we make a cheat shed in your place, then?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, no, because Max is going to want to chime in once in a while, knocking on the window. Dad. Dad.

[Big J Okerson]

It's also hard to. With my disorientated popped ears from being so up high in that mountain. Had a headache on driving up to Bobby's house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut the fuck up.

[Big J Okerson]

Like the air's in here. Bobby's got oxygen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do an Aspen comedy festival. So, I mean. But you did go inside. You saw a movie.

[Big J Okerson]

It was bad.

[Jacob]

Across the street at that theater.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I went to a bed.

[Jacob]

That would have made it more fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Well, I could. I can't take. I can take. I'm happy about. You didn't go there, but you did go and see the movie was so bad. I know. You keep saying that.

[Big J Okerson]

It was. Well, I was bummed at how bad it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to know.

[Big J Okerson]

I already forgot. We saw it when I woke up today because it was so bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you go to the movies.

[Big J Okerson]

And.

[Bobby Kelly]

We talked about going to the movies. I'm just asking this, and I don't want to put you in a spot. Let me just finish. When you go in the movies and we talked about going to the movies. To that movie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. You keep saying that movie. I don't recall being that movie person.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is that movie. I don't smoke pot. I remember. And I remember because I wanted to see that movie.

[Big J Okerson]

I smoke pot.

[Bobby Kelly]

You smoke pot.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought you were supposed to see a movie. That does explain it.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you. Maybe you combined our thing with your thing with their thing and made it a thing and left me out of it. And when I was like. When I found out today. Oh, yeah, I went to the movie. Me and. Me and Big J. I believe you went, too. You did go.

[Jacob]

Wait, who did you take?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I believe you were there.

[Big J Okerson]

Take anybody.

[Jacob]

Who'd you go with?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, it's okay. No, let's not get into that. Let's not get into that.

[Jacob]

All right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you both knew that we were supposed to go to the movies. Christine, you were there.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine barely smokes. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't remember. Do you remember the movies?

[Jacob]

We did it on the air.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we talked about on the air.

[Jacob]

It was a whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So anyways, I don't understand why it wasn't like, yo, dude, go in the movies tomorrow. I mean, you're the. You're the ringmaster.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that's the thing. This one I was not a ringmaster of. That is the case. The other person was the ringmaster. Asked if we wanted to see that. Because that makes sense. His significant other won't see it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right? Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And so we're like, oh, yeah, sure, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. That makes sense. But you understand where I'm coming from 100%. Where? What?

[Big J Okerson]

But there was also.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. I'm sorry. No, that. That was you. That was to how awful the movie. Like, the tension over this. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I thought you just gave me a huff and a puff. No, it was. I mean, I wanted to. I wanted to leave at a point and I was like, well, that's too bitchy.

[Big J Okerson]

I really. I really wouldn't have cared if, like, they were like, oh, film just got tangled up. I'd be like, oh, ok. Kind of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wish you went to the look theater on this one.

[Big J Okerson]

Other entertainment. At least the excitement. Yeah. Having a place like the staff starts having a toilet paper fight in the lobby or whatever. They don't give a shit. And I'd say, probably. Dare I say the food at look better than that. That theater's food was terrible last night, too. All bad. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's one of my favorites too. It's usually good.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they stopped giving a shit a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Lot of movie theaters, but they had a special Dolby theater we saw it in.

[Big J Okerson]

Strange trans person that wouldn't look up over the brim of their fucking hat while they took our entire order.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure was trans. It was a vampire.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it was trans. It was very close. It was a girl with what I could only assume was glued on or hormone treatment. Dick. Hair coming out of her cheeks a little bit. Girl's name still one hand, long nails. Other hand, no nails. Tits, maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was half.

[Big J Okerson]

Half Arnold Palmer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's Arnold Palmer. Trans.

[Big J Okerson]

What's your favorite guy? Trans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Arnold Palmer.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, where they go half and half like the bridegroom people.

[Bobby Kelly]

One side of her face was like, you guys need anything? The other side was like, I'll be right back.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'll take a big old condom for this big ass dick. Oh, you're crazy. Turn side to side.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, you had a joke. I'm sorry to cut you off. No, please, no.

[Jacob]

Maybe it's appropriate just to lessen the tension in the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no tension. Everything was understood now.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no tension.

[Big J Okerson]

I said I understood where Bobby was. It was where if I was gonna go to the movies, I did. Because, by the way, the last time I thought about going into movies or did we go or thought about it. We did text Bobby and you didn't get it. Remember if I went back in our text, I was like, any chance you want to go to the movies tonight? Is in my text thread.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember that.

[Big J Okerson]

Must be smoking a lot of pot now. Must be back on the shit. Well, there's the first sign. Everybody start checking. Keep an eye on Bobby. Was that back on the shit?

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that a Bobby Christine text or was that a Bobby J text?

[Big J Okerson]

Let's find out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys, we text a lot. We do.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, this is fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, we'll find this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean. No, you find it. I mean, I can do that. Boys do.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me know. You can do it. I do it. That's the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, my Nutterman thing.

[Big J Okerson]

You might be.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, let's just. Was it like, at a weird time, though? Like 7 o'clock on a Friday?

[Big J Okerson]

No, stop it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I might have been away. I think I was away.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, there's where I sent you rapist rare books from West Palm. Remember that? What books, man? Me and you have said some really funny things we can't say out loud. Something about a movie coming. Hang on. Bing bang. Hang on. I'm only going back a little bit further.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, okay. Let's check the one with you and Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the. The bcb.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see, let's see. Maybe that's what's going on.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the bcb. A little musical interlude to make Bobby feel better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off. December 26th.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is the day after the Christmas.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christmas 25th. The day after Christmas.

[Big J Okerson]

So I'm wrong. I. On Christmas.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the fuck is wrong with you? How can I leave?

[Big J Okerson]

3:17Pm My thing was. I thought you were gonna bring them is what I would have thought.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can't bring your.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, here's what I did. Listen to the text.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys want to drive down and see Nosferatu in the. My apologies, Lou. Blackest movie theater ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, I don't think celebrating Jesus's birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

That's on Dawn's with the people who celebrated the hardest.

[Bobby Kelly]

I realized that was Christmas. Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

The people that are going to be most pissed that they're working on the Lord's Day.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was an odd day. I remember that. It was like, I can't. You know, it's Christmas.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. A lot of times at the Christmas like morning, though there's not much to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, there was a lot to do. I had to put together a lot of things.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then she'll.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine's dollhouse in Fort.

[Bobby Kelly]

She cooks a big dinner. Christine's doll. We should build your cheat shed.

[Big J Okerson]

We build it together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's also. It's also dangerous for the girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, there's like a trap. We have a trap door. They start talking any smack, ladies, if.

[Big J Okerson]

You see the walls start moving, if the wind hits, just take shelter somewhere else.

[Bobby Kelly]

We actually put just a piece of glass up on the walls. Put their faces up to the glass. If they get out of it.

[Big J Okerson]

If I got mad at Christine, I'm like, I'm gonna go put the girl in the cheat shed's face on the glass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they signed there where their face was mushed on the glass.

[Big J Okerson]

The shed.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, Jake.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine wants. Sorry, Christine wants. What is that little kind of pony you want or the cow? Mini Highland cow.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

She wants those. So maybe we'll make a negotiation. Cheat shed. And she could have Highland cows on the other side of the lawn.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't have Highland cows in Jersey, Bobby can't.

[Big J Okerson]

You want to hang out this cheat shed or you want to worry about her need or not being able to take care of Highland cows?

[Bobby Kelly]

They're just little babies.

[Big J Okerson]

Which is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because we might accidentally. That thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Why, who are you gonna think it is?

[Bobby Kelly]

Some Greek girl?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no. How do these things get into my cheat shed? Rules say whoever ends up with a cheat shed, you gotta.

[Jacob]

Well, I do love that. But hen house, you can do it in Jersey.

[Big J Okerson]

What's that? You make a hen house?

[Jacob]

Chicken coop? Yeah. Oh, get your own chicken eggs in the morning.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, I don't care about that. I'm saying I need something to keep Christine occupied, to argue to do while me and Bobby are out in a cheat shit with varying degrees of. Of weight. Prostitutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her cleaning up Mini.

[Big J Okerson]

And she's over mini cow shit. Getting milk from it, I guess. Just trying to get milk from it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She has to comb them. We can dress them up for the holidays.

[Big J Okerson]

You can dress them up for the holidays.

[Bobby Kelly]

We can dress our hookers up for the holidays too.

[Big J Okerson]

Of course we can. We'll put them on the ponies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we'll make our.

[Big J Okerson]

We'll put them on the little cows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Make our sluts. Elves.

[Big J Okerson]

Your girls, make yourself useful. Get out there and be elves. My balls are empty. That's plenty, gals.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at the windows of fog up like that. Fog up window. You just push a button. See Christine out there? She looks in and we just hit the button.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Highland cows. Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi, Poppy.

[Big J Okerson]

O. I don't like that one with the shitty face in the middle. What's that guy's problem? Drop that piece of that guy's face. That guy looks like a really emoji. Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

The one in the middle has the same hair as you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oi.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

[Jacob]

What do you guys.

[Big J Okerson]

I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I really set you up. This better be good.

[Jacob]

Oh, I. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, good.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

We really do have a lot of.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

I love a whole body tackle Whole.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

El burro.

[Big J Okerson]

You're being a real el burro.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jacob]

Well, I mean, there's a scene in the movie where Nosferatu is a. It's a. It's the German take on the, on the English version. So he's arriving in Germany by boat, and when he lands, he unleashes the plague. And there's rats everywhere, all over the streets. And I turned to my nephew and I said, look, Nosferatu landed in Astoria.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Killed.

[Big J Okerson]

Killed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Killed.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Jacob]

I mean, it's, it says a lot about where I am in the world. I thought it was great. I was very proud of myself.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, this movie didn't even give all the cock it promised from things I read.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

So there's gonna be a lot of cock in this movie. There was not one little flicker once.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you were, you were anticipating nice cock.

[Big J Okerson]

I was told there's cock all over this thing. Not the case.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I've never seen one point.

[Big J Okerson]

When he was, when he was in that. When he came up, nosferatu's car. No. Sferatu. Yeah. When he bounces up from the coffin. Like the. They tried to read. First of all, I don't know why they made this thing. Didn't make this thing look more like Nosferatu. And why they didn't like. I don't know. It stunk. It was so stash. Did you like it?

[Jacob]

I thought, reflecting on it, I thought I was so desperate to like a movie. I said, yeah, it was good, but it was boring. Nothing. A lot of. I don't know how visually stunning it doesn't have. Nothing's going on.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know how it would be so boring. And also for a movie that felt like it was taking forever and moving the story forward with really no context. It's just married couple, she's having some weird dream. He's got to go get a job. He's got a job trying to sell a house to Nosferatu. Somehow through that, Nosferatu gets into his chick who's not there at all, and then comes to America to get the ch. It doesn't. There's nothing. It doesn't make any sense. It's a stupid movie that was like, written by a child.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nosferatu came to America.

[Jacob]

No, no, it's not America.

[Big J Okerson]

Germany. I'm sorry. Germany.

[Bobby Kelly]

So where did he come from originally?

[Jacob]

Transylvania.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he goes from Transylvania to Germany?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought that was the same thing.

[Jacob]

It's not as long a trip. It's not the same as. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's closer because he's leaving Germany to. To Transylvania.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't care. I didn't give a. About one character in this movie, live or die or anything. It was. It was so boring. It was boring long and. And. And not good explanation of what's going on or why I would give a shit at all about this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who is his. Igor?

[Jacob]

The Renfield.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Renfield. Is it Renfield?

[Jacob]

The guy who sends. I can't. I don't remember the. The German version, but the guy who sends Jonathan Harker.

[Bobby Kelly]

So the Renfield character wasn't even good.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, the Renfield character is that. Am I right? I thought that was the case too. That's the guy who told him to go out there and sell him the house, right?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Jacob]

He's already Dracula's slave to be with. He was already possessed by Dracula.

[Big J Okerson]

Why was Dracula already into this chick? Where is he into this chick from?

[Jacob]

That's made up. I don't think. That's not in the book. It's kind of like. I don't understand this.

[Big J Okerson]

You read the book of a silent movie. That's got to be interesting.

[Jacob]

I read Bram Stoker's Dracula.

[Big J Okerson]

But is Nosferatu Dracula?

[Jacob]

It's exact take on the English. On the original movie. Yeah, yeah, on the book. Yeah, it's a German version of the book.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Dracula.

[Jacob]

Yes, it's Dracula, except with German names.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does he have any different powers?

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Marathing.

[Jacob]

I thought they could have dragged out the Jonathan Harker in his castle. Way longer. He kind of escapes almost the day after he's there.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, you mapped it. What is it, 17 hours by car? Not too bad. It's better. It's a little less than going to Florida from here.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he took a boat.

[Jacob]

No, he rode on a horse.

[Big J Okerson]

No, this time it was a horse and carriage.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a shitty ride. And can they do horse and carriage?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he did come on a boat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine.

[Jacob]

Dracula dinner. I thought you meant Jonathan Harker left.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, no, I'm saying Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

See how long it takes in horse and carriage?

[Jacob]

I don't even understand where the boat left because it's landlocked, so that doesn't make any sense to me.

[Big J Okerson]

The boat does smash in and that's where all the rats come from.

[Jacob]

Yes, but I don't know why I took a boat ride instead of going across land.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do bike. Bike is horse and carriage. Yeah. What's the boat?

[Big J Okerson]

You know, you have more of a chance dying on a carriage and buggy accident than you do taking a. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thought there was a. There was a. A boat thing on Google Maps.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no boat travel time. Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do the bike one. It's not available.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, they won't let you bike it. This movie, it ends spoiler alert. Because who gives a about this hunk of shit? She finally goes like, okay, all right, Oleg Nosferatu. Like, I want to be with you. And then he sucks blood out of her tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Out of her tits.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I don't know if she. This guy somehow survived for hundreds and hundreds of years. He sucked her tits once and then forgot what time it was.

[Jacob]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

And the sun came up and he's like, oh, shit. And he just burns up.

[Jacob]

It's bangs him until sunlight. And he burned and he died.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. Stupid.

[Jacob]

Yes, the pussy is that good.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what, he bit her tits?

[Big J Okerson]

Her didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her didn't.

[Jacob]

Fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

Do they.

[Jacob]

I think they.

[Big J Okerson]

I think no. If you look at the thing, he's just.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then he bites her chest.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they weren't. He came over and just started biting on her chest. He didn't give a. About. This guy likes to bite tits.

[Jacob]

He's not a. I think they insinuated.

[Big J Okerson]

That they maybe listen. It's possible. But it wasn't much. And then the sun just came up. That was her plan to kill Dracula was to set the clocks the wrong time. It's 5am I still have an hour.

[Jacob]

He doesn't burn up either.

[Big J Okerson]

Hmm. It's getting pretty light blue out there. Do you. You sure these clocks are right?

[Jacob]

He doesn't burn up. He just dies on her tit.

[Bobby Kelly]

She killed Dracula.

[Big J Okerson]

He like shrivels up.

[Bobby Kelly]

She killed Dracula with daylight savings time.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Technique.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, yes. Turn the old clock back. Wait a second. What is that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did they only have a clock in one room back then?

[Big J Okerson]

All knows. I mean, that is how unceremonious the end of this movie was. Was just that he came in, he goes, all right, you'll give yourself to me now. And she's like, sure. And then they just suck tits until the sun comes out. And then everybody busts in and she's just dead with them on the.

[Jacob]

They don't have to kill him.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't mean anything.

[Jacob]

She died, she dies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why does she die?

[Jacob]

Because she got all the blood sucked out of her tit.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much blood's in a tit?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I think it's connected. I think you could suck all of the blood out of the tit. It also wasn't a tit. It's weird. It's not her tit. It's her heart. They're biting directly into the heart. They keep saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think.

[Big J Okerson]

Because the bite marks are always right here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think there's any veins there. Dracula bites the main artery on your neck because that's where.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you asking me if I question what I watched last night? Are you saying that they messed up in the movie? Because I'm informing you that I. I know the difference between the neck and. Right here between the tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But the chest. You would. There's nothing really.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not defending this.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no main vein. It would take a lot.

[Big J Okerson]

The main vein.

[Bobby Kelly]

It would take. Take a lot of sucking. It's almost little tiny veins in the middle.

[Big J Okerson]

He's a big guy. He's a big guy for sure. I do not know exactly why he was sucking it directly out of her between her tits, but it seemed to work for him. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How are the tits?

[Jacob]

I like them.

[Big J Okerson]

It's her tits. They've showed. Her tits are old news at this point. Jesus Christ. Lily Rose Depp. Johnny Depp's daughter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. And you didn't see his dick.

[Big J Okerson]

You did. Yeah, for a split second.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you saw Dracula's dick.

[Big J Okerson]

They just cgi, floppy, little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did it have teeth? No, in the pee hole. It was like a little bat fist.

[Big J Okerson]

It had a widow's peak, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Count Chocula. One, two, three.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, what a great costume. Just put little fangs in the bottom of your dickhead. Hey.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it was slow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Slow.

[Big J Okerson]

Slow is just not the word. It's just slow with a story that I couldn't pretend of giving two shits about. Three scenes of, like, fun, gory stuff. She is getting such love for her acting in this. I thought it was horrible. She just kept. Christine pointed out. She just kept fake, like, shaking a lot, like she was being possessed.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was, wasn't it? Nominated in the. For a Golden Globe last night?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wasn't in it.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you watch the TV show Showgun? I just watched Nikki and Nate.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nikki did great.

[Big J Okerson]

She did good. I mean, she's, like, perfect for the thing, and she's got. You got to be able to do that thing. You got to be able to cheese ear to ear and deliver the thing. But she did her. She did for sure did her thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she did. She looked. And you know what? I'm gonna say it. She looked great, yo.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, they dressed her up.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's looked.

[Big J Okerson]

She's been skinny forever, so she looks. She was ready for this moment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Best she's ever looked.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I don't know. I've never, like. Sure. You're trying to get a writing job.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not. I'm just saying Sheila, I mean, the.

[Big J Okerson]

The work and funnier than ever. Would love to work with her.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought Nate killed it. Nate was very good. Looked great.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought Nate's thing was gonna go slow for a second. I was like, oh, no. Because he come right out of a commercial. It's like they're not fully paying attention. Like, Nikki had that every time. But then he, like, got him.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of people don't know who Nick. Who Nate is, too. People know who Nate is, but there's actors who. Not even in that.

[Big J Okerson]

No, sure, sure, sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who are like, yeah, who's this?

[Big J Okerson]

But he got him, which was awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looked like the Great Gatsby. He looks old school. You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

He acknowledged that, too. He's wearing a white tuxedo yeah, he.

[Bobby Kelly]

He actually, he pulled it off.

[Big J Okerson]

He.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's. Those things are so set up to fail. I mean, Nate did top tier, by far one of the best if you consider. I mean the people that went up there to read the thing. Like the. I don't know why they write banter for them. Send one person out and let them just read it down the line. Let them just read. If they're going to read it, let them read it. If they don't have any inflection or personality, that's fine. Two people reading a funny script who can't read and are nervous and usually hammered. Did you see Vin Diesel?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What if the Rock.

[Big J Okerson]

That was the moment of the whole thing right there. Zub Duane. And then the Rock's just staring at him and they have like a weird thing and then he's just stoned or drunk out of his fucking tree for the rest of things. Like Buster, little kid from New York and he is retarded. And Diesel. Get it together. Jesus Christ. He was bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I like the back in the day Jack Nicholson days when they would just, just talk. I remember Jack Nicholson, he was like, yeah, I remember we used to do these and what's her name came out and flashed us her ass. And I like to have fun. I'm sorry. Everybody was laughing.

[Big J Okerson]

They. I mean, and also at the Golden Globes now I feel like with who our legends are from my childhood again, it's the aging thing. I'm getting smacked with a lot of that now. The aging stuff of like that is her now. I mean, Sharon Stone came out and you're just like, gah. I mean she was so hot in her day. I'm not even talking like basic instincts. She was like hot and like they made her to be like this, right? They put her more that thing I'm talking about Total Recall smoking. I mean with the curly hair. I mean, unreal how hot she was. And now she's like shaking and blinking like her eyes aren't even looking at the camera. Right? Like she looks crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, she's bad. But you know who's hot? Who?

[Big J Okerson]

Look how hot Sharon Stone was, who.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pulled it together was Demi Moore.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure she looks good.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean she's got work and shit.

[Big J Okerson]

But she Braveheart speech.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, she looks good. She looks like a. A pretty Sarah Jessica Parker. Nikki. Yeah, I mean, yeah, she was. Anybody else think Nikki didn't look like herself?

[Big J Okerson]

Like her. She doesn't because she had worked on.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'S not her Nose. And it's not her tits.

[Big J Okerson]

She says it's not her hair. She said in her monologue. Really, she's like, I gotta. I'm getting work done.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she doesn't care. I mean, she looks good, but I did not.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't look like her. I know. Her face looks different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she looks like a different pretty actress. I mean. Yeah, you got to give her credit too. She was working. She was working a club tonight. She did Golden Globes last night. She's back on stage. She's on Stern at the Improv tonight, which is. I think it's cool. One Improv in Hollywood.

[Big J Okerson]

I think she was on Stern. Oh, maybe she called in. She dazzles.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the. Who? Oh, God.

[Big J Okerson]

But I can tell you something. That's not even a bad picture of her. But that's what's. One of her eyes is doing something different than the other one. She has Pennywise eyes. Down here. Everything floats.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that. That rhymes. There she is right there. I see what you mean. Let me see. That big.

[Big J Okerson]

She just looks like a fricassee brained, like, you know what I mean? Like. Like her husband just passed recently and she just threw this dress on out of a laundry bag or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, there's got to be a point where you just don't you have enough money, where you're just like, I'm not doing it anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

What? Like surgeries and I'm not working out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not eating right. I'm not.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I bet she cares very much. She's just aging. I think she cares a lot. I mean, she's not fat in any way or anything like that. She's just like. She's just an old lady. I mean, she's just like that, just haggard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ. She was smoking back in the day.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't even think those are good. Pick. Total Recall to me was the like top. Like her face was just stunning.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that's a good picture. That's not a good. That's a great picture. You're crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

It's fine. Let's just. Fine. She's a 90 degree ass.

[Jacob]

80S workout outfit.

[Big J Okerson]

Whack me up, Black Lou.

[Jacob]

Total recall.

[Big J Okerson]

That is a narrow ass. That's an 80s. Yeah, come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love an 80s ass. You don't like an 80s ass?

[Big J Okerson]

Not. Come on. Dude, that was a shelf. Literally, like a. Like a flat surface.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I like a small butt. I don't like that.

[Big J Okerson]

It was not small though, in that picture. It looks like it's an angle. Like a Sharp right angle. Like they would make you slow down the 10 miles per hour if you were doing that in a car.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it, I like it, I like it.

[Big J Okerson]

But now she's an old geese where you can see blue veins going through her collarbones. Yeah, her neck. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Demi Moore actually looked good, though. She, she. She looked very pretty last night.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

For. And she's got a lot of work done. Did you. You didn't see the Substance? I did see it. What a. I told you to watch it. I watched it.

[Jacob]

It's great. It's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

We were on the phone, we talked. I said I watched that movie with Demi Moore, the Substance.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Before I saw it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, we saw it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe. Did I tell you to see it?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. Maybe you saw it, but I thought the movie. I thought it was great.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Way better than Nosferatu.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was really good.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Demi War looked pretty good.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I give her credit for that movie for being naked and going so close up because you could see all her flaws.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I think her tits and both girls asses were the only real nudity in the movie, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Demi's ass is.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I know. I'm saying that was her real ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

The other girl was her real ass. It was not her real tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That'd be like putting me in a movie naked and having Mateo Lane.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, my.

[Bobby Kelly]

My double.

[Big J Okerson]

It's. They were like prosthetics or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a movie about. So basically there's a drug you can take.

[Big J Okerson]

He saw it.

[Jacob]

I saw it. Yeah, well, the people ruined it for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

The people who didn't see it. People listening. You should see it because it's pretty. It's. It's kind of a what Hollywood is with people trying to stay young. If there was a drug you could take where you could have a young version of you and an old version.

[Big J Okerson]

Of you a week at a time.

[Bobby Kelly]

A week at a time. And you have to take care of each other.

[Big J Okerson]

But also you have to almost give birth to yourself once a week into a new version of you. It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

That sucks. No, well, what you do it. Once it comes out, you come out of the old one's back. Which sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because that one has that Frankenstein scar down your back.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, you look shitty already and now you get this big scar.

[Big J Okerson]

You have to go back into that floppy old body. Demi Moore looks pretty good. I thought she was saying stuff about Bruce Willis. I just fast forward eight times. Fast eight times speed.

[Bobby Kelly]

She had a pretty good speech. She was. She was really self deprecating.

[Big J Okerson]

One of those, I know I'm wanted and everyone's stuck with me and blah, blah. Shut the fuck up. Demi Moore. You Demi Moore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But she did say, you're always gonna get another shot.

[Bobby Kelly]

There is even at that level. She was like, people told me I was a popcorn actress. I didn't have it. You know, I'm never gonna. I'm never gonna be considered a real actress. So she was like, all right, I guess that's what I am. And then she goes. There was a point where that started to fade and it fucked me up. Where I'm like, fuck, it's over. Like my careers. I'm done in the business. Because I was that and I can't be that as this. And then she got this script and she could actually do some acting, which is. I think that's kind of. You know.

[Big J Okerson]

And that movie was far more about nudity than acting. Far more. I don't even know if I could tell you that she had such great scenes or anything. Demi Moore. I don't remember.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pretty good scenes.

[Big J Okerson]

Very possible. Most of that movie, though was watching one bush come out of the other bush for this guy, for this old sailor.

[Jacob]

I'm with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No one disturbed by the blob monster at the end. I thought that was great. And it just shit blood all over the famous people. That bothered me. It looked like weird science. When she. When she injected herself.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When she injected herself.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Chad. Hey, dudes. Yeah, the nude prosthetics. Ain't that a bummer now?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did she. Did she have a pro? Those were her real boobs though, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Demi Moore's real tits, I believe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Marga Quali. Fake tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Prosthetics, I believe. And both wearing wigs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop it.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

The young girl that. Those weren't her boobs.

[Big J Okerson]

Andie McDowell's daughter.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not her tits. No, in the movie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you 100% sure?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. She has much smaller titties. Yeah, I mean, I read a thing that said that. I mean, It's. Am I 100 sure? I wasn't there, but I think that's confirmed.

[Bobby Kelly]

I eyeballed it. Yeah, I think Jay's right.

[Big J Okerson]

This movie then used a body double for some scenes. And she wore full body prosthetic suits for some scenes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her butt was fake, put on two.

[Big J Okerson]

She also wore fake breasts made from a live cast. Of her body. Yeah. See? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So Demi. Did Demi do that or did.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I think it's actually Demi Moore's tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And. But neither of them's pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what do you put over your pussy?

[Big J Okerson]

Big old pussy wig. You notice they both had pussy hair?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So they don't. They didn't have pussy hair?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Well, I know. I mean, I don't know in real.

[Bobby Kelly]

Life, but they were called a mankin or merkin. Merkin.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep. Make merkin great again. That's a great shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow, that's crazy. That kind of ruins the movie for me.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I thought. I thought they. They really chose the artistic way, like the brown bunny.

[Big J Okerson]

This is the forever argument I have. I had this with, I think Louis on Legion of Skanks one, but the AI, like how popular, was getting upset because the AI porn, where it's like, hey, look, it's Taylor Swift getting gang banged by the Kansas City Chiefs. It holds no allure to me because I know it's not real.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You have to know it's real.

[Big J Okerson]

Even if they're like, oh, that's like, dude, for sure. This is what she looks like naked. Like just by the. All the stuff they can figure out from pictures and shit. This is her. And I go, it's not though. That's a computer figuring out what she looks like naked. I want to see her while she's getting out of a very low car. Know real stuff. I want to see her get out of a low car with a short dress on and I see her beef her lips sticking out because it's real. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that kind of ruins this movie, knowing that I. I thought that young girl was so hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I thought Demi showing being naked. I thought that was such a courageous, if I dare say courageous in front of you, choice at her age to just go naked.

[Big J Okerson]

Where'd you watch it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I watched it in my house with Max. No. Are you crazy? It would have been jizz all over the ceiling. I would have stopped it 50 times.

[Big J Okerson]

Dad, I need a nap.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, I watched it late night by myself. Like I did a lot. I watched the Jackal. You see the Jackal yet? Great show.

[Big J Okerson]

I know, but you like espionage and stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love. Who doesn't love espionage?

[Big J Okerson]

Me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even saying the word say it.

[Big J Okerson]

Espionage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

I do love it. Hassan Minaj also. I like saying Espia. Hassan Minaj. Hassan Minaj. ATWA.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jackal is a great movie. And it's a show. It's a. I mean, it's a show, but It's. I think it's a UK type thing where they make TV shows like mini movies.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Eddie Redmayne.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eddie Redmayne. It was great.

[Big J Okerson]

He was the guy who played.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's great. He's great as the Jack's name. Great show.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. What do you play? He played the guy. Stephen Hawking, that guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he played a trans.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh.

[Bobby Kelly]

In a movie. And he was kind of cute. Kind of cute?

[Big J Okerson]

You don't mean that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do.

[Big J Okerson]

I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was. That's kind of sad. I thought that was her being naked. Naked?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a real letdown.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is a letdown. I mean, there is something to be said about seeing the real deal.

[Big J Okerson]

What? There's a bunch of those like tits you were excited about and you find out complete body double nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

So that wasn't her ass. Remember when they on Demi's butt and it was kind of not good, but it was. It was good, but it wasn't. I think that was her butt because it. I. It wasn't that.

[Big J Okerson]

Because she had the extra little roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

She had a little roll. Like there was a little. And it was a little dark in her butthole from. You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

So that was. If that's her real butt, I'm all right.

[Big J Okerson]

Her butthole darkness.

[Bobby Kelly]

She had butthole darkness from hair.

[Big J Okerson]

She's probably a hairy lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we know that. We saw that. Her. Her old school naked bush photo.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Demi Moore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her hair went down.

[Big J Okerson]

Demi Moore had a wolf and snatch. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Back in the day when that big snatch was okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it's still okay.

[Jacob]

Is it?

[Big J Okerson]

No, not. That was a crazy pussy snatch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your asshole hair and your publisher should not connect.

[Big J Okerson]

You're damn right. But I'll tell you that you're damn. I. But I mean it's always. Listen. A big matted down, sloppy hairy puss down the middle of the pussy. No one's excited about that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody except one of those cows she wants.

[Big J Okerson]

She has. She grew that hair for that picture. Demi Moore, that big woofy bush one from back in the day that's grown out to hide her pussy in a picture. I'd have to believe. No, that's what I would think.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would think that that time vaginas were okay with that. That was a vagina. There was a time where having a.

[Big J Okerson]

Big bush was good, but the airbrushing on Playboy when they would get the pussy lips out was just by airbrushing hair over it. That wasn't there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would like to solve that mystery.

[Big J Okerson]

But then one day they started showing you lip and Playboy. And that was. Man, that was a day. Not even so much. Once in a while you get straight up the whole slot. But for the most part. Yeah, you would definitely get the. The little M in the front, you know, the moose knuckle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They would start showing that. And that was a big step for Playboy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Hustler was the one. Swank and Hustler, the ones that will open it up and you could see into the universe.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, that Penthouse started jumping into the piss game.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then coloring the piss. The brightest yellow in the picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Unnatural. Too many vitamins piss.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but it's better than dehydrated drug addiction piss. That would.

[Big J Okerson]

Would have been what's normally coming out of them. Some sort of like a sewagey thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a penny, like syrup.

[Jacob]

I've often thought about, like, if you're banging a woman like from like 400 years ago. Like, you. You think in the movies they're all hot, but in real life, like a fair maiden had a gigantic bush. Armpit hair and hair like they didn't. Never took a razor to their.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was like an animal.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Back in the day, fair maiden did.

[Jacob]

Not look like a fair maiden.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's just nuts. That's nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

If that is Demi Moore too, then she got breast implants for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you zoom in on that down? I mean, that's just nuts. That looks like a dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Zoom in.

[Bobby Kelly]

That looks like a guy down there.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got breast implants for scriptees. Yeah, dude, that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's on pixelate.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is. That's incredibly crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Enhance 25 times.

[Jacob]

If it wasn't for the tit shot, you could show this in. In kindergarten class. I'm telling you, there's nothing.

[Big J Okerson]

No for sure. But I'm telling you, that's the work of airbrushing. You could see the difference. In the middle of that, can I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Say why you're wrong?

[Big J Okerson]

Because if you don't want me to be wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I love. I love when you're right. Why would I ever want you wrong? I love when you're right.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you want. No, I didn't know why you'd want this to be wrong. Because you want to be like, man, I'm looking at her box.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I do want it to be that. But also, if you're going to go through airbrushing the vagina out, you're not going to add the sprinkle of awfulness to the left and right. You're going to take that out.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. She's got hair that goes down her whole for sure. And even into her butthole. Agreed. But the thickness in the middle of that, you could see if you look close, like on the top of it, you can see it's just added on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know about that.

[Big J Okerson]

That, that's just someone like smudging out a picture. I'm telling you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, why would they smudge.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at the consistency of the hair in the middle of the triangle.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that we're CSIing in the.

[Big J Okerson]

Middle of the triangle, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but if you go up to the top, if you're going to go shoddy Photoshop work. If you're gonna go out of the top. First of all, they didn't have Photoshop back then.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, they could musha.

[Bobby Kelly]

Didn't have Photoshop. Didn't have. Didn't have the ability technology wise to do this, number one. Number two, if you're going airbrushing, airbrushing, if you're going to go through all this, you're going to at least clean it up a little bit. You're not going to just make it.

[Big J Okerson]

Look like fucking poor airbrushing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think so.

[Jacob]

What you're watching on a modern tv.

[Bobby Kelly]

This, this probably was that butt right there. Her butt. Can I see that? That's got to be her butt.

[Big J Okerson]

That's real.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean that's, that's not a. I mean in yoga pants your butt looks great.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

But out of it, if I walked in and saw that like 60 though, right? Yeah, I know, I know, dude. I know. So that's why I give her credit. The fact that she let a camera come up her dark asshole like that.

[Big J Okerson]

God bless her.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's dark.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's a really badass.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, can you zoom in?

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what though, top of the ass sides aren't that upsetting. It's something about the middle that fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because it's go. It's becoming an old woman ass when it just falls into itself.

[Big J Okerson]

It looks like two noses rubbing the together.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does. It looks like two Jewish guys having a conversation at a deli. Did you see what's going on?

[Big J Okerson]

I could outline, draw the two Jews you see, Bobby? I see them in there too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Can you go down to her? The two Jews right there? Yeah, scroll.

[Big J Okerson]

I see them now. And they both, they both have hair on the side but not on top.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

This one's wearing big glasses. This one's got a bulb nose. Yeah, it looks like two Jews telling secrets to each other. That's what Demi Moore's ass looks like. You heard it here first. Two Jews rubbing noses. Rubbing their Jewish noses together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I do if that. If that's definitely her and you can see that she shaves her asshole because that skin looks like Joe Rogan's beard.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that five o'clock shadow leather strap. Yeah, that testosterone chin has a guana.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which I mean, look 60. Great look. I mean I. I mean again, we're two chubby dudes making fun of a hot chick. But I give her credit, that that looks like her and her boobs you. I mean they. That she got boob job when they used to take the nipple off.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, look, they took it off and made it into a different shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it looks like a triangle.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, look at those humentashing nips.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like you can get to a safe with those. That's like.

[Big J Okerson]

Those look like fucking English fucking triangle hats. I've never seen three perfect points on a nipple. On an areola before.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like the shit emoji looks.

[Big J Okerson]

Like a pile of shit. But again, now here's the thing though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why did they do that?

[Big J Okerson]

Now go to the front though. But here, I'll say this. You're a guy and you're dating a 60 year old woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, go back to that. Go back to that. The thing where you. Yeah, that in the front there. Front shot, you're more than happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

100%.

[Big J Okerson]

Front shot, you're more 60 years old. That's far. Few and far between.

[Bobby Kelly]

You meet her after a show Saturday night. Go back to your room.

[Big J Okerson]

She goes, I'm 60.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you go, wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. And then I go, why does your butt cheeks look like they're tasting something they don't? Like they got grumpy mouth like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do your butt cheeks look like a landslide? Well, it's good to be back, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

It's great to be back. I know we got to take a break.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's good to be back, everybody. It's good to see everybody's faces.

[Big J Okerson]

And we're biz.

[Bobby Kelly]

We to get the star heated up again.

[Big J Okerson]

And we're biz.

[Bobby Kelly]

Big J, you're going to be Desert Ridge Improv in Phoenix.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Where is that new?

[Big J Okerson]

It's no. You know, the improv out there's got like 80 rooms. So it's like I'm doing the other two. I did stand up live usually.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then there's the improv time.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what this is. So I'm doing Desert Ridge Improv on Phoenix, Thursday and then Friday, Saturday, I'm at Tempe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got this. Back off.

[Big J Okerson]

You just seem confused.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need. No, I don't. I just didn't know if it was a new improv. I got to get the star heated back up. He's going to be third, Thursday, January 9th, and then Tempe. So you're going back and forth. Tempe, January 10th and 11th, that's when you know you're doing well. What I'll tell you right now, when a comic is hot, they want to put you over here and then they want you over here on that night.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, I think they need something over in that Desert Ridge on Thursday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, not you. Somebody else is in town where they're like, I can only do this night. Yes, we'll have. No, I'm kidding.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you're right. Probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then he'll be in Miami Improv. Go check him out there. Orlando, Syracuse, Ontario, California. And that's the improv too. Love that club. That's good for all too. Tickets and tour dates. Visit bigj comedy.com and make sure you check out his Punchup Live bigjokerson because then you'll be on his mailing list and he can send out the emails and let you know. And he's got a new. He's got a new newsletter he's putting out called the Big J Talk About.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's coming out where once a week he's gonna send out a newsletter and talk about stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, right. Yep. Subscribe to gas digital.com you can see it if it's Louis. I tell Louis what to say and then he says it on his personal newsletter. Also, them day, my Double crowd works special. I'm going to be releasing at latest February, February 14th on YouTube. Yep. Bobby Kelly's going to be at the Comedy Club of Kansas City January 23rd to the 25th. After that he's going to be in Batavia, Illinois, Levittown, New York, and of course my, my great state, Pennsylvania, Ill. ADELF. You can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm The Fat Black Cat Lounge, the comedy seller for tickets. And all of his tour dates go to Punchup Live. Robert Kelly with a bunch of his content. Also go to Bobby's YouTube channel, YouTube.combert Kelly Comedy. Watch all of his content over there and like. And subscribe at all please.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I think that YouTube page took a two week break too.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it was on vacation.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'm gay. 2,000 people. I think less than 2,000 people away from having 100,000 subscribers.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you get the plaque.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think I'm gonna get the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I am the exact opposite of you.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I'm not gonna get the plaque.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, why would you not get the plaque? The plaque. 100,000. You get the plaque, dude. You get the.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

You. You're gonna get the plaque.

[Big J Okerson]

Not gonna get the plaque.

[Bobby Kelly]

100,000. You get the plaque.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. You can get the plaque.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna get the plaque.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not gonna get the plaque.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why aren't you getting the plaque?

[Big J Okerson]

It's just not that. It's not that impressive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I have your plaque?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, great. I'll take your plaque for whatever shitty number I have.

[Big J Okerson]

Black life.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got thousands of people watching. And the. Can't hit subscribe free.

[Big J Okerson]

We'll be. We'll be right back, everybody. It's the bonfire. When you think about your future, you know what calls to you? Meaningful work. Happiness. Growth. And sharing these values with others. But how will you find all of that?

[Bobby Kelly]

There are many paths forward, including one.

[Big J Okerson]

You may not have considered. The military provides countless opportunities to pursue your calling, where you can be part of something bigger than yourself while still being yourself and having the future you want. You have a calling. We have an answer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Learn [e-mail] to realize the future America needs, we understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are marines.

[Big J Okerson]

We were made for this.