Dan Montana's

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: “Dan Montana’s”
Date: November 27, 2025
Host: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103
Main Guests: Christine, Jacob, Bobby Kelly, others

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Episode Overview

In this lively, riff-heavy episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (Bobby) dig deep into their classic chemistry: roasting one another, breaking down everyday annoyances, and dissecting the off-stage rituals of comedians. A recurring topic is “Dan Day”—a tradition of group lunches surrounding their friend Dan Soder, and, specifically, the contentious lunch spot: Ted’s Montana Grill (humorously renamed “Dan’s Montana” and “Ted Nuggets” during the show). The episode takes hilarious detours into topics like intimidating street vendors, the politics of community pickles, the hidden rigging behind “Dancing with the Stars,” and life in cheap New York City housing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Ted’s Montana Grill” Debate

[06:11–25:00]

• Dan Day Lunch Tradition: The crew discusses their tradition of meeting up for lunch with Dan Soder, with Bobby fiercely defending Ted’s Montana Grill as the group’s longtime spot.
• Christine’s Critique: Christine argues that the restaurant is subpar – “The restaurant’s horrible. And also, I didn’t find out about this one until you guys showed up.” ([07:24])
• Health Aftermath: All complain about stomachaches after the meal, linked to “community pickles.”
• Arguments for Change: The group debates switching to fancier nearby options like Del Frisco’s or Brazilian steakhouses.
• Money Jokes: Jabs at Dan’s wealth:
  • “Dan's a multi-millionaire.” (Christine, [08:28])
  • “Do you understand that a dinner there for him is like you going to McDonald's for lunch?” (Christine, [30:49])
• Picklegate: Hot debate over whether pickles are an acceptable communal appetizer and the likely source of their illnesses.

Notable Moments / Quotes:

“Community pickles is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” —Christine ([09:29])

“Mr. Turner’s wonderful bison burger?” —Jay, mocking Ted Turner's food chain ([18:31])

“Christine, look up if hepatitis B causes nausea real quick.” —Jay ([18:43])
[Laughter erupts as Jay mock-investigates whether their stomachaches are hepatitis.]

2. Comedy Show Banter & Stand-up Observations

[17:52–19:03]

• Jay proposes the “Sizzling Fajitas” joke and attempts to sell it to Christine for $150, with extravagant delivery suggestions:

  “You gotta do a flourish... like you’re the waiter, act it out, you’re the star of the show.” —Jay ([19:13]) Christine: “But I’m gonna add a little bit at the end... why are they always gonna tell you ‘Watch out, the plate’s hot’?”

3. “Dancing With the Stars” Deep Dive

[37:40–54:16]

• Corey Feldman's Performance Analysis: Jay recaps Feldman’s low-energy, disappointing dance, noting that he received the lowest score (tied with Andy Richter).
• Show Rigging Conspiracy: A detailed breakdown of what Jay and Christine perceive as blatant manipulation of the scorecards, including a judge visibly holding up a “7” but the scoreboard recording it as an “8.”
• Comparisons: Animated praise for the Crocodile Hunter’s son’s unexpectedly spectacular dance.
• Reality TV Observations: Discussion of how “America’s Got Talent” and “Last Comic Standing” manipulate audience sentiment and outcomes.

Notable Quotes:

“He was so stiff and did so bad, and then this Michael Jackson thing kind of bombed. Oh, God.” —Jay on Feldman ([38:59])

“That destroys the integrity of the show. And the show has so much integrity.” —Jay, heavy sarcasm ([52:04])

4. Life in NYC: Cheap Housing and Roommates

[55:12–60:23]

• Paco’s Living Situation: Everyman producer Paco describes renting a room in a crowded house with strangers, most of whom don’t speak English.
• Jay and Christine riff on the stratified living arrangements and contrast it to the experience of living with fellow comedians.
• Jokes about rent, sharing meals, and ill-placed stereotypes:

  “My rent with four Mexicans? $900.” —Paco ([60:22]) “I’ll let you live in my garage for $500.” —Christine ([60:27])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Jay on the Pickle Sickness:
  “Because the same guy who didn’t wash his hands after wiping his ass cooked all your food.” ([18:36])
• Jay’s Sarcastic Restaurant Recap:
  “Christine, Jacob, where’s your self worth? Where do you think you’re... more than a $13 steak?” ([16:04])
• Bobby’s Lament:
  “I will say I’ve been programmed to not ask for much.” ([16:17])
• Christine’s Analysis of Group Dining:
  “An appetizer is the friendly thing you do to share a little bite together.” ([23:30])
• Christine on Del Frisco’s:
  “It’s expensive, but it’s not fancy.” ([25:08])
• Jay on Corey Feldman’s Dance:
  “He was so stiff and did so bad... He got the same exact score as Andy Richter, who went out there... He just was like, ah, you know what, dude? I'm not a great dancer at all.” ([39:47–40:02])
• Bobby on Community Pickles:
  “I’m usually the one that enjoys that condiment that they put on the table. The condiment. Pickles. Pickle condiments.” ([27:39])
• Christine on reality show rigging:
  “What’s the integrity of that? If they’re already cheating, how are they gonna be honest on the text?” ([53:47])
• Jay re: housing:
  "Are they puzzled your name's Paco and you’re not Mexican?" ([58:18])
• Paco on rent:
  “My rent with four Mexicans? $900.” ([60:22])

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |:-----------------------------------|:--------------| | Ted’s Montana Grill Roast/Rivalries| 06:11–25:00 | | “Sizzling Fajita” Stand-up Bit | 17:52–19:13 | | Dancing with the Stars coverage | 37:40–54:16 | | Reality Show Scoring Controversy | 51:17–53:56 | | NYC Roommate Life/Paco’s Story | 55:12–60:23 |

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Tone & Language

Throughout the episode, the exchanges are laced with the Bonfire’s signature balance of playful aggression, self-effacing honesty, and inside-baseball comedy nitpicking. The hosts riff with one another, teasing about perceived slights, food poisoning, and reality TV conspiracies, all in a manner that toggles between roast and real affection.

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Summary Takeaways

• Community and Tradition: Beneath endless ribbing about lunch location, there’s a genuine longing for ritual and camaraderie.
• Comedic Honesty: The hosts revel in calling out their own and each other’s bullshit—about food, friends, showbiz posturing, and reality TV.
• Reality TV = Reality Flimflam: Jay and Christine convincingly illustrate how “Dancing With the Stars” manipulates scores and storylines, roasting the whole genre.
• Comedy in Shared Struggle: Whether it’s about bad salmon, dodgy roommates, or the indignities of communal pickles, The Bonfire finds humor in the struggles of adulthood, friendship, and entertainment.

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If you want to understand why comedians love/hate each other, distrust reality shows, and can turn a lunch debate into an epic saga, this episode is classic Bonfire.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you know you can opt out.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, right here. My cocksucker right there.

[Christine]

And your ball holder.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me fix my I. Oh, Jacobs. What did I see? There was a great. Was it a body cam video or something where someone was yelling at kids and they were saying that they go, oh, you guys running your little dick suckers over there? What a great term for it. I mean, what a crazy, nasty lady. But dick sucker is a great term for someone's mouth. You run your dick sucker over there. It's the bonfire faction. Talk serious. XM1 03. Woohoo. It's a. I'm torn today. Emotions are a little all over the place. Yeah, I think we're about to find out. We're not as powerful as I'd hoped.

[Christine]

You don't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know for sure, but I have a feeling we're not going to defeat what Corey Feldman has done to himself. I trust most of you at least peeked in for the Corey Feldman dance itself. Your friend was fantastic.

[Christine]

Alain Hendrix was great. Everybody was fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And there's a very strong chance that maybe the Crocodile Hunter son, who they said in rehearsals was choppy and blocky, maybe did the best dance that's ever happened on the show. Did you watch it?

[Christine]

Yeah, it was amazing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was unbelievable. He was unbelievable.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He leaped over his partner like a completely straddle in the air leap over.

[Christine]

Her and he jumped off a jeep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They did everything pretty great. He killed it. Bobby's friend killed it.

[Christine]

She's my friend, I swear. I can call her right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A great job.

[Christine]

She did call her right now. I'm gonna fucking call her. You don't believe me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll call her.

[Christine]

Right now. And she picks up the phone when I call. Watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on.

[Christine]

How do you spell Elaine?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

D, A, W, N. Only watch.

[Christine]

I'm not. I'm not. I swear. You think I'm calling Don. I'm not calling.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max. Call her.

[Christine]

Let's see what she picks up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My grandfather used to do this when he would sell windows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Y.

[Christine]

We'll call people. Cold call.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He'd call me to pretend I was like the office so you can get a better deal. Your call has been for.

[Christine]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'd answer the phone because this is not a caller id. And he'd. Hello. And I go, hey, Pop pop. And then he would go, yeah, this guy's saying he's. He would do both doors if we could do blah, blah, blah. And you'd be like, what? They said they could do both door. Okay. And he just starts having a conversation. Is not real. Just to call somebody. And he would sell. He was a salesman. Door. Door salesman. Didn't even seem like you'd be a job in my lifetime. Door to door salesman.

[Christine]

You'd be a great door to door salesman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Terrible. No, you're wrong about that.

[Christine]

You'll be great. Why you'd walk up and not be able to talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't cold talk people. You know that. You watch that. It's not my strength at all.

[Christine]

It was funny yesterday. The little Asian lady came up with her beads.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

And I. I've never seen you. I was that uncomfortable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was bullied.

[Christine]

It was so funny. I don't know why it gave me such joy to see this lady bully you into. And you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Christine]

You couldn't just say, get the. Away from me. You were just like, no, I'm good. I'm all right. You got all almost coy, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do much better with. With like shitty aggression, like someone's saying or doing. You know what I mean, where you can kind of like fire back at it. She just keeps trying to give me a bracelet. And I was like, no. And then she's, like touching me a lot.

[Christine]

She kept touching you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, leaning on me. Her body was on my shoulder. And she was like, really? And then, like, I don't. I don't think she even picked up on the funny that everyone was, like, laughing at me a good time. She was really trying to jam it on my arm and then tell me to give her money.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course.

[Christine]

Well, because if you take it, yeah, it's yours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the thing.

[Christine]

I think legally you owe her money by law.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the Problem. Unless you believe in like the, like dragons or anything, there's nothing to fear of an old Asian lady. The black kids that do it in Times Square, when they hand you the cd and when you touch it, they let go of it.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's an intimidation. Like, now you owe me $10.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't want this. Oh, come on, man. You're gonna do. You're gonna do me like that? That's intimidation. Yeah, I'm not intimidated by this lady. I. I just was because, like, I don't exactly. I don't want to be the person on the street who everyone turns around when I go, get the fuck off me, you crazy fucking bitch. Right?

[Christine]

And then she just falls and faints and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And like, you just killed Red Panda.

[Bobby Kelly]

You not expendable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not expendable.

[Christine]

You don't believe in dragons, huh? You don't believe in dragons?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I didn't test her. I didn't test this bitch.

[Christine]

What if she gave you that bracelet and it just gave you power? Kung fu power?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

If you were just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could see your future by touching you.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dead zone. Dead zone.

[Christine]

To me, you were the one. And you. And you didn't take it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You must take. You must take. Big duty. Big duty for you. La responsibility.

[Christine]

All of a sudden, you just love dumplings.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That bracelet gives me doctor Strange stuff. It gives me portal opening powers. Last night, Dancing with the Stars.

[Christine]

Before we get into this, we have to deal with. I don't know. Today was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

We have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can feel the energy right now.

[Christine]

You can feel the energy when you come in. And Jacob faking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's trying.

[Christine]

No, he's just trying. He's so excited today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He tries to pretend he's fine, that you're here.

[Christine]

Every day we come in here. Hey, Jacob. Hey, Jacob. Hey, hey, hey, what's up? Hey, Jake. What's going on? Hi, buddy. What's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what. He's taking it for granted.

[Christine]

That's every day with us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're taking it for granted.

[Christine]

But then when you come in today, he literally said hi as we. Hey, guys. As we walked in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, you got to see him today.

[Christine]

It was Dan Day. Today was Dan Day. Today was Dan Day. It was Dan Day.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was Dan Day for everyone. The crew.

[Christine]

It's Dan Day for you, mostly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody else also falls under his magic spell.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was happy to see Dan.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah. I mean, you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a different human Being, oh, Christine. Paco, I think the two of you are considered pieces of shit. Because he doesn't invite the two of you.

[Christine]

You don't get that day.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Christine is invited. She has open invitations.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She doesn't.

[Christine]

Yeah, she's.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did shit on the restaurant pretty bad.

[Christine]

The restaurant's horrible. And also I didn't find out about this one until you guys showed up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Inviting.

[Christine]

You know, I feel bad about Jay is that I always thought it was Dan's little corny restaurant that he likes because his taste buds are weird. Everybody hates this restaurant. That's not true, Jacob. I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's. Who picked the restaurant?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody. Besides you.

[Christine]

You love it. It's your restaurant.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we picked it also out of convenience because it's close to here.

[Christine]

Oh, you mean convenient In Times Square where there's 9 million restaurants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Once you go to bubblegum shrimp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't want to eat there.

[Christine]

There's a Michelin Starred right down the street.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wanted to eat there at my.

[Christine]

Place Del Frisco, in the building we're at. You can take the elevator to down to Delphi.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dan's got scratched. He has no family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Frisco's too fancy. Yeah, but what I mean for our casual lunch. That's a big deal. Lunch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

That's not a big deal. Dan makes money now for all, for everyone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Money bags Dan. Dan doesn't pick up the check.

[Christine]

Dan's a multi millionaire.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does. He did. He does pick up the check.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Christine]

It's $49. Who wouldn't pick it up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Might as well.

[Christine]

Actually, I'll pay for D the day me and Jay will switch off. Yeah, Paco can pay for damn day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

A little more than 49, right? A little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll give you 80 bucks. You guys can get appetizers.

[Christine]

Why do you go to. Why do you go to. What is it called again? Ted Nuggets. What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You wish.

[Bobby Kelly]

Texas Ted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ted's Montana Grill.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ted's Montana.

[Christine]

Why do you force everybody to go there?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't force them.

[Christine]

Let me. I'm going to do this real quick. I'm going to. I'm going to straighten this up. Black Lou, do you like it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's okay, but I'd love to go somewhere else.

[Christine]

DJ Lou, do you like it? All three of our stomachs hurt right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fucking hurt.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I ask Jacobs, your stomach doesn't hurt for the first. I get a stomachache like once a year, but now I have one because of the pickles. There's community pickles. They're half sours, but I ate three bowls of them.

[Christine]

Community pickles is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, but how does that match up with what it. What did Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because we are all. We're all. We all have a stomach ache. And the only thing we had, the only meal we had in common was the pickles. Everyone else had something different.

[Christine]

Yeah, because it's community pickles. You're not supposed to have a good. No, they're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta take you there.

[Christine]

I'm never going to the. I'm never go. I'll never go to that place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want you to go to Dan's place. Dan's Montana.

[Christine]

It's just. It blows me away. Dan has money. He'll take you to Del Frisco's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Somebody just take you to Del Frisco's.

[Christine]

Just somebody just say, hey, we'll take you down. Can we switch it up for Dan Day?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not asking to go to Del Frisco's and I don't like him. Stay all the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And dude, be like a. Be like a chick about it too and say like, be like, dude, could we go to Del Frisco's? Like everyone will pay for themselves. Like lay it out like that. Like insult his ability to pay for it. And then he will pay for it for sure.

[Christine]

It's funny if he didn't. He's wall covered Jacob with a 150 check his meal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you guys go to Churrascaria?

[Christine]

It's right down the street.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know that one.

[Christine]

That's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You went there with us before.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the. Is that the Brazil?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Brazilian Steakhouse?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's. Look, I don't. I don't think that big.

[Christine]

It's only 50 a person, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's it. What's Ted's. What's Ted Montana? Setting everybody back before coupons and groupons. 30 and you guys keep running back to him like he cares about you. Yeah, I heard he takes homeless Pimp, his new producer, out to Keens and old Homestead. They do so much fancy stuff.

[Christine]

Actually, they go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It takes you guys to Sizzler.

[Christine]

They go to a different place every. They have this board that they. And they spin it and wherever it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is, they go, oh my God. Yeah, him and homeless pimp are doing the chef's tour of New York.

[Christine]

Yeah, they eat in the kitchen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are at Ted Montana's eating canned gravy.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, if this guy's. Want to go somewhere else, I'll. I'll. I'll put it to Dan.

[Christine]

I always thought it was. I thought it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, it is me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna let him put it to Dan. That means he's gonna go, listen, I love it, but the guys are complaining. That's how it's getting back to him. You should all text Dan separately and. And blame who you think, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't feel that we should switch.

[Christine]

What do you get? Salmon?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. What is the one time I'll get a bison burger.

[Christine]

You get a bison burger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You come out of your show. You've come over to my house for super bowl parties and all kinds of stuff. You won't come out of your shell, and you come out of your shell for Dan. For Dan. You eat a burger.

[Christine]

Do you know that we eat lunch on Tuesdays? We all get lunch, all of us. And except for one person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anybody wants lunch with us, by the way, we're always like, anybody want anything?

[Christine]

Anybody want anything? Come down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got you.

[Christine]

Except for Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Except for Jacob. We don't buy Lou. Lou always says he don't want anything, but then we just put, like, a. Like, the lid of something with, like, a bunch of our scraps on it. Christine feeds him like a baby. She rips up chicken pieces for him and puts it in front of him. And then Lou just kind of plays and eats.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I appreciate it, but normally I bring my lunch and I sit in.

[Christine]

My office, but not today. Today you leave your lunch at home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's better to sit in your office where you can sit there alone and not be with your friends outside. You could have lunch today. Why don't you take your Ted?

[Bobby Kelly]

I like the chaos of outside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you take your Ted Montanas and go into a different room so you can be by yourself?

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean? I make my own food, and I bring it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But when you go to Ted Montanas, I mean, there's friends there. But why don't you choose that day to go be by yourself?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I. You know, I don't see Dan. We don't see Dan that often. It's once every few months.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because he walked away from you and said he didn't want to work with you anymore. Once every few months, he exclaimed out loud. He wanted to know parts of working with you guys.

[Christine]

Literally you. When he danced that I'm leaving it. You weren't even mentioned.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Christine]

He didn't say, hey, Take care of my little Jacob for me, would you? I just assumed that role.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said, you know what I miss the most over there? You know what I miss the most? The cabinetry that's constantly falling on your legs.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll consider putting a different restaurant. I'm going to take care table, but I don't know where to go, honestly.

[Christine]

I'm going to bring it up on the rags.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Del Frisco.

[Christine]

Yeah. What's wrong with Del Frisco?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's easy enough, Bobby. Call it on the regs.

[Christine]

I'm just going to call him out on the rags and then he'll. He'll change.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He'll do you guys right.

[Christine]

He'll do you guys right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna fix it and not treat you like pieces of.

[Christine]

He doesn't want to go somewhere else. He likes the. The stability of this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Montana place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it shuts them up. He says it shuts them up for a while.

[Christine]

Yeah. You like the quietness and you love the consistency of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

It makes you happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Del Frisco's is chaos.

[Christine]

Also, it reminds you of a day. A day from the past when you guys used to go there all the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Time we never went.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's he get you for Christmas these days? Now that we're not on the show together anymore?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I don't recall getting anything.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, good thing you drop everything for Ted Montanas. Those must be great steaks.

[Christine]

A bison burger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me look at the menu over there. Christine again. Let me remember this dump.

[Christine]

Bobby, I got the salmon and it sucked. Yeah, of course it sucked. It's Ted Montana's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Formerly Ponderosa.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This place was a ground round 15 years ago.

[Christine]

You know, that steak isn't really steak. It's like they put water in it and hydrate it to make it like, look juicy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Powdered steak.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like astronauts.

[Christine]

I bought that. Target parking lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's dehydrated. Oh, God, look at that gravy. Looks terrible. What is that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I forget. Who is it? Ted from CN that owned cnn. What was his name again?

[Christine]

Turner.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ted Turner. That's his chain.

[Christine]

You mean the guy who's dead?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You know he put money into this place?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, back then, the guy who sunk WCW's nights Monday Nitro. Okay, let's go have his steaks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The guy couldn't even figure it out. Stop firing the luchadors. They're the most exciting fighters.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does look good.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I don't recall her bitching until she got into the room. She liked what she ate there in front of us. And then when she came in here. Oh, that salmon was disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was being nice like everybody else in the room.

[Christine]

Yeah, I wasn't gonna complain at the table. And the salmon was not good, but this crab cake looks like it could be good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we'll have to go back and try it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, Jacob, where's your self worth? Where do you think you're. More than a $13 steak.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe. This place is beating me down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When's it Jacob's time?

[Bobby Kelly]

I will say I've been programmed to not ask for much.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy's like, I'll just have a hungry man or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't go there saying, Dan should pay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you know, he's gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does. Especially with when it's all. All four of us. But does he pay off?

[Christine]

Does he disappear and then come back and they'd be like, it's all set.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or is he throwing the card in.

[Christine]

Front of you guys? I'll fake. Go for your wallet at a point.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't fake it this time. I did. Honestly, like, we've communicated. We've communicated like we're paying this time because he pays all the time. But he paid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because you guys don't mean it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He knows I do mean it. And I have paid more than once.

[Christine]

Yeah, you know what? Usually his. The tip for him and his other producer is what he pays for the whole meal with you guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because you have to do 10% of that very expensive lunch. Not yours.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I don't think it's up to him to buy the lunch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, thank God there's not a closer. Applebee's, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't do Applebee's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really? You're more of a Chili's guy. Sizzling fajitas. Hey, you know what's great about sizzling fajitas? When you come out in the room, they're the star of the show. Has anybody ever done that? Has anybody ever done the sizzling fajitas joke? Has any. Lou, do me a favor. Go through the history of comedy and see if anyone's ever done. We need to sizzle and feed us. You're the star of the show. Then I'll walk around fancy. Has that been done by 75 people on camera?

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel like.

[Christine]

Christine, why is the steak deep cut?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Comedy digs with big J Okerson.

[Christine]

Why does the steak shiny?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because there's just a pile of butter melted on top of it to make it look, juicy. Where? It's probably like a piece of cardboard.

[Christine]

How much is it for the steak?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever. Whatever Jacob's value is. Jacob, what do you make a year?

[Bobby Kelly]

Market value.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does it say market value? Market price.

[Bobby Kelly]

Market price. Now that looks good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll be honest with you. I like the choices better at Outback.

[Bobby Kelly]

Man. Even Lewis just turns.

[Christine]

Nobody turns. Everybody's sick. And you think it's from pickles?

[Bobby Kelly]

It is from Pickles Community.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It couldn't be Mr. Turner's wonderful bison burger?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, because none of it. No one else had the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's because. Because the same guy who didn't wash his hands after wiping his ass cooked all your food.

[Bobby Kelly]

That I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, look up. Christine, look up. If hepatitis B causes nausea real quick, does hepatitis B cause nausea? Could a stomach ache be cancer? Look that up.

[Christine]

Looked up that fajita joke. It's all yours, pal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Is that true? No one's ever said it doesn't exist.

[Christine]

I'll buy it off for $50 right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

60. Give me $150 and the joke's yours. 100 and it's a killer, dude. It's a closer.

[Christine]

125.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And listen to me. I'll even show you. You gotta do a flourish. Like you're gonna come out with it. Like you're. Like you're the way to act out and you're the star of the show.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you maybe like, saunter a little bit. Now, you could play. You can make it yours from there.

[Christine]

But I'm gonna add a little bit at the end. Be like, why are they always gonna tell you it's. Watch out, the plates. Hot. I heard it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, Jesus Christ.

[Christine]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's already killing. Okay. $250.

[Christine]

And they still tell you it's hot and you still wind up touching it and you go, ow, shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, so at this point, I'm not going to sell to you. I'm just going to steal the parts you're telling. So do you want it for 150 or not?

[Christine]

I want it for 150.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's yours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks.

[Christine]

So then you later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

I'll take you to Montana Ted's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, three meals. Oh, I'll take you there for $150, dude. Yeah. Can you just get me fucking steak for life over there? Is that their black Steak for life card?

[Christine]

Are they like Spirit airline? You can fly for the year for 550 bucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, all you want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that. Hepatitis B Can Cause nausea. It's a very common symptom. Along with fatigue. You've been exhausted lately.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Loss of appetite. You're never hungry. And abdominal pain. You're all feeling dark urine. Yes. And jaundice. And you're all looking a little yellow in this light. Now, usually it can go mild to severe months up until months after you appear to have the infection.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stomach pain. Could be anything.

[Christine]

Is there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But most likely hepatitis B just the same.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chef. I would assume.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What's the rating on this place? Is it an A?

[Bobby Kelly]

B in my heart. I think A is the duty one. Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hepatitis A is duty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think B's a duty.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Duty. Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Should be D. Oh, my God. Really?

[Christine]

For duty duty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hepatitis A. Christine, Look. If hepatitis A has nausea as a common side effect, you're dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. Oh, God. Fecal oral root. You ingested something that fucking Ted Turner's stupid fucking great nephew fucking wiped his ass and then fucking made your bison burger.

[Christine]

Yeah, Those community pickles. The guy just grabs his hand into the pickle jar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, right to a barrel.

[Christine]

Just pulls him onto a plate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Just fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys don't know because you can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Peppercorns all over his hands.

[Bobby Kelly]

You haven't been there. So you can't talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know. It's bad for sure. You just want it to be bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm judging by the ill faces of everybody in the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

First time, though.

[Christine]

And I'm judging by what the two lose. And Christine said it stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does Dan thinks it's great. Does he love it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Does we like it? He likes what he gets all the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He likes.

[Bobby Kelly]

He gets the. He's. He hasn't changed his. His order because he's frightened.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Because everything goes something else. He'll die.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What does he get? Bison burger.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also no chopped salad with bison on it. I can't remember the name of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A bison chop salad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So here's what he does.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bison.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes out. He's like. It's an excuse for him to have a healthy lunch. And then he gets to shut you guys up for another month and get you off his back from texting him every five seconds like you do.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to bed now. Are you going to bed?

[Christine]

How many times he's got a text from Jacob. Are you sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys are. See him way more than. Than us? Yeah, by far.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He would insult me by asking me to bring me this franchise. Ted Montana.

[Bobby Kelly]

I picked it because like I said, it was close. And.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. He gets a chopped side salad. Bison. Oh, God. He doesn't want to be there.

[Christine]

That's the safest thing on the menu.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't want to be there. He has a chopped salad as his meal. Means he wants to get the out of there. That's not sett down roots.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you guys get blue steak? That's what he gets.

[Christine]

You guys appetizers? No, you did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody gets.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's pickles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[Christine]

That means you're not friends.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[Christine]

An appetizer is the friendly thing you do to share a little bite together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. What the pickles are to us.

[Christine]

Pickles. Fine. Appetizer prolongs the meal. He's trying to get this over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wants it done. He wants it done.

[Christine]

And a salad. See the thing. If you get a steak, you have to eat. You can see where you're at. A salad, you just quit at any time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You go, oh, my God, so much salad. Basically, all you have to really crush is about four pieces of steak that are on top of the salad. And then everything else after that was like. He didn't really want. He wants to get the fuck out of there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not an appetizer guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does he ask for. Does he ask for the check? And then. And then do like a pause. Was anybody wanting any, like, dessert or anything? Because he asked for the check first. Like, if you go, hey, we'll take the check. Wait, do you guys want anything else? He's letting you know I want to go, but, like, I guess I'll stay if you guys want to have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even worse. He threw his credit card right at.

[Christine]

Her without saying a word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he big dogged you.

[Christine]

He didn't even get. Do the hand thing. He just threw it at him.

[Bobby Kelly]

He had a better. My back was to her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why you don't respect women's servers.

[Christine]

Why don't you respect women's services?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could you say you'll never fall in love again?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right. Damn, dude, I don't know. I'll. I'll consider finding a new place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He'll consider.

[Christine]

Who the. You're getting a new place. I'm making it happen. He's going to a new place. Look at great news.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suggesting these fancy schmancy places.

[Christine]

I'm gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Don't call Del Frisco's fancy schmancy. It is also a franchise.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Four restaurants? How. How big is it? It's like, it's very few.

[Christine]

All over the. All over the country, in every city.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's considered a big.

[Christine]

It is fancy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fan.

[Christine]

It's expensive, but it's not fancy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's fancy.

[Christine]

It's not as fancy as you think.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm saying. All right, it's in our work building.

[Christine]

So it's kind of just like the work restaurant, but nice restaurant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Expensive.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's nice.

[Christine]

Well, why don't you go to the Del Frisco Grill down the street instead of this one? That's a little. That's a little more lunchy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a guy in a truck.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Christine]

We'll take care of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you have Dan take you guys to a truck? To a food truck city. You guys can all pick what you like.

[Christine]

Then why don't you guys all eat in your office?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not forced to have the stupid bison burger. That all you like, and everybody else gets sick there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

If there's more about being together, why don't we just go to your office and order food in and just hang out on the floor like hippies?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you hate the hustle. Boss on that side. Why don't we cram into your office and make it really. And let's. Let's mix all the smells of our foods.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's not you guys. I love being with you, but I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don'T start bringing food from home. But, like, home home, like his parents house home, like, you know, I mean, like seaweed in the bag type.

[Christine]

Yeah, seaweed and mayonnaise.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna be ripe.

[Bobby Kelly]

One time there, I was on a.

[Christine]

You ever have a fetus egg?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you're about to. Yeah. Have you ever had blobfish? If you cut it wrong, you die. Paco says he knows how to cut it right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was gonna ask for your opinion on something, but now I feel like you're. You're not gonna give me an honest one.

[Christine]

Of course.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because, Christine, what's better, Swanson or Hungry Man? Yeah, I mean, Hungry Man's the name everybody knows. Got the grill marks on it. So maybe Hungry Man. Are you thinking about getting TV dinners with Dan soon? You guys gonna take the next step and get taken out of the restaurant? Back to the. Back to the crisib.

[Christine]

I'll tell you right now. Yes. Your hoodie strings are way too long.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stand.

[Christine]

Oh, is it dance? Is he texting you now?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's texting the group.

[Christine]

Oh, the group. What is he saying?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the ladies who lunch group.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Had a great time.

[Christine]

Hey, man, are you guys feeling sick?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See if he says. He asks if you're feeling sick.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they. They already told him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did he say?

[Christine]

He said, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys are.

[Christine]

You think it was the pickles?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, so he says, do you think it was the pickles? And then Jacob fucking wrote it into law. It was the pickle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because he's not sick. And I know he didn't. I didn't see him eat one pickle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought you said the pickles are the whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Typically, we all eat. I'm the biggest pickle eater by far.

[Christine]

We've heard that before. Oh, shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude. A black guy just saw that and called you down the street.

[Christine]

Say that was Yanni Dry that came out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't even think about that.

[Christine]

What is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, that's gonna. Nothing.

[Christine]

Just tell me again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm usually the one that enjoys that condiment that they put on the table. He got that clean.

[Christine]

He didn't. He had music in the background.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he got it clean. And so by far, I. I'm the one that eats more of them. But this. The condiment. Pickles. Pickle condiments.

[Christine]

You love pickles.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Christine]

Are you the pickle king?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you tickle them a little before you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the one thing I can't say no to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you kiss it before you put it in your mouth?

[Christine]

Yeah. Let me ask. Do you get mad when they slice them up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're like, let me decide how much I can get in there.

[Christine]

You know you're supposed to chew the pickle, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what to say. Today was a.

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

The company was great. Maybe the food was a little off today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, everyone's sick. But here's what I'm thinking. Dan usually enjoys the pickles with everybody. Everybody enjoys the pickles. And they had the pickles today. Dan didn't have the pickles today. Do you think he's trying to kill you guys so he doesn't have to keep eating at Ted's Montana's Grill once a month?

[Bobby Kelly]

He could say something, but I think he enjoys it as much as. As well. Now I was. I won't say we do. I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would say he doesn't want to do it at all. No, it's forced.

[Christine]

No, he hates it. I guarantee he leaves the house going, I got to go to pickle day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He thought this would be over months ago. He can't believe it's still going. So he's like.

[Bobby Kelly]

He.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He probably texted like this, like, hey, guys, Ted's Montana again. And everyone's like, yeah, dude, we love the pickles. And he's like, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess the restaurant doesn't even come up. It's just a given, you know, you're eating there.

[Christine]

So you're just saying we're meeting at a time and you know where to go.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll meet at the spot.

[Christine]

It's called the spot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, God.

[Christine]

You don't want to change it. It's like a whole thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't want to change it. Sorry, guys. You're eating at Ted's Montanas again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sometimes we don't even say the spot. Let's just see you there. Not.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's let you know. He goes, this is the financial value you all hold. I'll inform you if anything should change.

[Christine]

Yeah, you hit your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your.

[Christine]

Your four years into Bonfire Financial. That's how much. When he made. When he made. Would you make like $50 a show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christ almighty.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like I said, I don't know what the. I can. I'll think of a different place.

[Christine]

You don't have to think of it. There's an app you can just go to Yelp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Pick five stars.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't trust any of those things, and I'm a picky person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's Ted's Montanas? Where's it at?

[Bobby Kelly]

51St.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, look up like a. Like a four block radius each direction here, please. You mean just on a map? I just want to see what's around.

[Christine]

You're trying to find a good restaurant in midtown Manhattan. That should be tough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Impossible.

[Christine]

It's impossible. Why would you. Why would they have the best restaurants in the world?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know there are great restaurants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shrimp.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not going to go there for lunch. Too much.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't have shrimp for lunch. Why? Because you're white.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oceana. It's great. Expensive as hell, baby.

[Christine]

You're not paying for it. A millionaire is paying for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm painting somebody up to pay for money.

[Christine]

But it's a millionaire. Do you understand that a dinner there for him is like you going to McDonald's for lunch?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, let's. Let's make it. How about going to Fridays? We're going to TGI Fridays.

[Christine]

I mean, you could do that too. You could just go at McDonald's and we can just keep it moving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But McDonald's can only be five bucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the meals are expensive now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Christine]

The meals are pretty expensive.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thanks, Paco. Oh, thanks. What do we got here?

[Christine]

What is the thing you had to ask what was It. You want our advice on something?

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I FaceTime Christine Today, you know, I am trying to improve myself. So I want to up my. My clothing game. I have nice clothes, but lounge. Loungewear. Butt sweatpants. Mac Weldon. You know the brand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I bought Mack Weldon in my size.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sweatpants.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sweatpants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could probably wear those at Ted Montana's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I see. This is the problem. I. I think they look like booty pants now. They. They.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are booty pants? Booty shorts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Meaning? I think they accentuate my ass.

[Christine]

What's wrong with that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do they?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not what I'm going for. I'm going for just as. I just.

[Christine]

You want to be alone forever.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Christine]

Do you want to be alone forever?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but there's a difference between wearing stuff that flatters you and then, you know, like stuff that makes gay guys that wear.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shirts that are so tight you see their veins and they look like their extremities.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, of course we do.

[Christine]

Look at us. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like that. Oh, I'm not going for that look. And I couldn't tell whether Christine over the over FaceTime. She couldn't tell.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is that when you said earlier. So Jacob got new leggings. She told me earlier you got new leggings you were a little uncomfortable with.

[Bobby Kelly]

She said, bring them. Don't post those.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. No, no, no, no. I'll try them on here. Because she said bring them because I don't think it's blurry there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine on the Phil.

[Christine]

Why are you so happy taking your photos?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why was hysterical? Because I didn't know she was doing it. That's why.

[Christine]

Give me in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she's so happy. Kering my stupid face.

[Christine]

Those look great. What are you talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not.

[Christine]

What are you. What are you going for?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slacks.

[Christine]

Why do you. You need to stop dressing like Felix Unger.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't dress like Felix. And.

[Christine]

And dress a little hotter. Dude, you got the body. Show it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know that. I'm saying this is too.

[Christine]

Too what?

[Bobby Kelly]

Too.

[Christine]

Too hot?

[Bobby Kelly]

Too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Too much half tops under a vest?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't you dress like Billy Squire 82?

[Bobby Kelly]

If I put them on, you'll be honest?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Right now?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I brought them. That's why I was telling you.

[Christine]

Will you change in studio?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, but I know. Not on camera.

[Christine]

All right, that's fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Actually, where do we go on break? We'll have you come in. We'll have you model them for our guests, too.

[Christine]

No, you don't do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to do it in front of Colin.

[Christine]

You don't want to do it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not comfortable in front of Colin.

[Christine]

Yeah, that old man has a little queer in him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna be talking Corey Feldman with, with Colin Quinn then, because we're. Times ticking away. You worrying about your booty in these pants.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have not addressed Corey Feldman at all. We're in a crisis situation here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, I've been thinking about this. My, my cousin, my distant cousin who I grew up with and I loved for a long time sent me a birthday present and I never called them back. And it's weighing on me. I'm going to reach out. I'm going to call them. I'm going to talk to him. Just say hi. Thanks. But you know what? The longer you wait, the more difficult it gets. And it just takes a little courage to make that call, just to say hi, someone you haven't seen in a while. Reaching out for therapy can feel difficult, too. It's very similar to that, but it can be worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? Why haven't I taken my mental health a little more serious? Because it seems daunting. But it's not. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the U.S. betterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals this month. Don't wait. Reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp can make it easier to take that first first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.combonfire that's better h l p.combonfire At Etsy, we know the holidays are already exciting. We don't need to fan the festive flames by saying Etsy has one of a kind gifts for all budgets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Christine]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Christine]

I was very surprised how great everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Else was except for Andy Richter who admittedly said. He essentially said goodbye as he was saying hello. Andy Richter, right. We're talking about Dancing with the Stars again. I'm sorry, listen how I had to break this up by the way. I went home, got home by 8 o'. Clock. I had to come back into the city to do Lewis's show. I'd leave like nine something. So what's Lewis's show? He did a stand up show last night at the stand. Depraved. So I went. He asked me to do that a while back so I said I would do it. So I, I left at night. I saw the first hour, a little over an hour, praying he'd be on that first hour. They knew where the money maker was. They knew right where the money maker was. So he was like fourth. He was like kind of in the middle, you know, I mean like, like yeah, probably three or four acts after I left. So I came home first Thing jumped right on it to watch. And a part of me, when he started, really wanted it to be like a part of me started to actually go, dude, I hope he, like, blows my mind and just comes out and fucking drills it. He was so stiff and did so bad, and then this Michael Jackson thing kind of bombed. Oh, God. Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

He kind of looks old now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. The age is hitting them hard for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

He can't move like he. Like he used to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not even sort of. No, not at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they're also with these pros, which make them look worse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he's the thing. He got the same score, the worst score as Andy Richter. Now I will say. Oh, he moonwalks right away. I will say, Corey Feldman is trying to dance. He's just not good. His kicks are garbage. The. By the way, the two judges of the show, maybe the two gayest men I've ever seen in my life. It's like insane. Like, they're, like bullyish gay. They're the kind of gay that'll get in your face and you won't fight them. Oh, God.

[Christine]

He forced that in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, absolutely. He's like, well, let me do the Michael Jackson thing for a second. She goes, okay. For like a second in the middle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of a salsa, make sure you push.

[Christine]

Me far away so I'm not on camera.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he eats shit. He gets the same exact score as Andy Richter, who went out there. That's why I said. He said basically goodbye. As he was saying hello, he just was like, ah, you know what, dude? I'm not a great dancer at all. He goes, I just thought this would be something fun to do. And, you know, it's a paycheck. He says it's a paycheck. And he's like. And it was fun. It was fun. It was like. It's like it's over already. This was fun. Yeah, it was fun. So it's like he knows. Look at this. Turn this up.

[Christine]

You know how hard it is to get fat guy sequence?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but you do.

[Christine]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not that I wouldn't have needed him. I'm just saying I never purchased them. He doesn't do anything.

[Christine]

He's.

[Bobby Kelly]

But at least he's hamming it up.

[Christine]

No, hamming it up a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He owns it completely.

[Christine]

Yeah. I. I'm glad that he's making faces.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm saying he does this move where they do the little chicken dance, like, thumbs out to the side thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Grandfather at a wedding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're being silly. Yeah. And he still gets the same exact score as Corey Feldman, who believes he put the work in.

[Christine]

I love that Andy's sweating from the beginning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They go, I heard you have a. They asked Corey film. I heard you have a background in music and dancing. He goes, yeah, you could say.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta say, hey, I think you're wrong. I didn't see this. He's much worse than Corey.

[Christine]

Yeah. He's just a pole. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's doing nothing.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's worse than.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm saying he does nothing.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He should have got less of a score than Corey or Corey should have gotten higher.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who.

[Christine]

But he got. He got after Corey, right? Or was he before Corey?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was after, right?

[Christine]

He was after.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I thought he was gonna. I was like, it'll be funny if Andy Richter beats him. And he didn't. He didn't beat him. He tied him for the worst score. Everybody else is substantially better. I think there's maybe a couple tens. But then it goes, like, way up. I mean, there's people on here who are just like, it's kind of a dumb show. You could have a major dance background as a celebrity and be on the show, which is just ridiculous. Like, one of the girls was, like, in a thing. Was it. Maybe it may have been your friend or something. She was in a rival dance school with one of our pro dancers when they were younger. So they're killing it.

[Christine]

That was me. Oh, yeah, that was me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show the Crocodile Hunter, son. Look at the Crocodile Hunters.

[Christine]

His. I liked his. He was great. He was. But can I say something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

I think it's. I think it's unfair, dude, because Corey got nothing except lights. If you look at the Crocodile Hunters set, they made. They made a jungle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I mean, just. Just in your brain, you're like this. There's a jungle on the floor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you something. I think I have a conviction. Conspiracy that we're gonna blow open right here, okay?

[Christine]

Because this is not fair, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A conspiracy that we're gonna blow open, okay? And that conspiracy. I'll tell you what it involves the show is from the get go, Rigged. It's rigged. From audition. From. Not audition. Rehearsal. Remember we saw that video of rehearsal, Right? They're rigging it from that moment on. That's why they're definitely telling you. That's when they're picking the order, because there's no reason. This guy. Oh, he happened to be last. And he had the most magnificent dance I've ever. And this guy was A professional dancer.

[Christine]

Yeah, it looks like Lion King.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And when they set it up, they set up with him going like, he's having a little hard time with his, like, framework. His framing isn't good, but, like, it's starting to figure it out, right? What is it? He'll figure it out. So I thought this kid was gonna come out there and, like, be nervous and do it. This kid should be on Broadway. Watch this croc, the hunter side.

[Christine]

This is amazing. He's sitting on a Jeep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paco, watch this for the first time with your pants up, okay?

[Christine]

Oh, wow, That.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that move right there, it comes out and slides on his heels. It was great. Dude, go back to that. That's in batshit.

[Christine]

Jay wants to do this at Skankfest so bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could you imagine how cool that would feel?

[Christine]

Yeah, you need. You need slideshoots for that, though. You need special shoes. Wow, he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at his energy, by the way. This song sucks so much. And then on America's Got Talent, a little boy comes out and plays it on guitar and sings it. He's nine years old. He's a guitar prodigy. I would have booed him if I was there live. This song stinks.

[Christine]

Wow, he's really good. Yeah, he really is like a Broadway star.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The big cheese.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you would have told me he was the she was the celebrity, I would have said, I believe you think.

[Christine]

His dad would be mad that he's so zesty, you know? You know, you're supposed to be a croco hunter. No. Not a skim dancer. The hell you doing? What was that? Just a jump over split.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a crocodile hunter, not a butt pirate. I mean, that's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Christine]

My Lord.

[Bobby Kelly]

They did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, he throws her around and shit. It was. Listen, give him the fucking whatever. The disco ball. What's the stupid award? The mirror ball. Give it to him. Because that kid's gonna win the show hands down. We are not gonna get Corey Feldman to win this show, but can we keep him? And I'll say what's funny. This is another thing that fucking hurts. Is that when Corey Haim got his nine, and we can think maybe we can go back and see the. The judging. When they go back, when they give him the. The nine, the audience is just kind of like, you know, good try. Andy Richter got a nine. And they started boo. The audience, like, liked him so much. With the same score he got his Corey film, they start booing. They're both like, boo. And it just. I mean, that's obviously just goes to how stupid reality shows are because they like him.

[Christine]

People love fat guys. People love a fat guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, buddy. How many people get put through an America's Got Talent because they're terrible at what they do? And then. But the crowd like laughed. Yeah, the crowd laughed at their fat thing. They did. And then. Or enjoyed whatever. The crowd enjoyed their fat thing. And then Simon goes, I'm sorry, but you're just not up to snuff for America's Got Talent. And the crowd starts booing and booing until he changes his answer because they just want a person through. It has nothing to do if they're good at the thing or not.

[Christine]

Do you remember Comedy Knockout? That show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm a two time champion.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a champion too. I'm a champion too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wore my first. When I came back, I wore my first trophy around my neck like a necklace. It was this big.

[Christine]

I won because I was fat. And there was a bunch. There was like four fat gay guys in the crowd.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Christine]

And it's all on audience loudness at the end. And they loved me. And of course I was going against Rich Voss, who they eliminated immediately and then made him stay. They made him sit in the crowd with kids that he just made fun of. Look at his hair. Why you got a purple afro? What's wrong with your face? And he had to sit next to all these kids that hate him. But they, they loved me because I was fat. Yeah, I was a little chubby fat cutie, patootie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you know you were.

[Christine]

What was the girl? I went to the Puerto Rican girl. Older Puerto Rican girl. What's her name? Adrian. No, what's her name? I don't know. You know who she is? She's an older Puerto Rican comedian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Peaches Rodriguez.

[Christine]

No, no, not that old. But she leaned into me at one point. She goes, I really want to win this. And I went, why? She wanted this so bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if we.

[Christine]

That's why she didn't get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if we got enough votes to get Corey to move on. You don't know that because next week. Well, everyone goes through next week. We're going to see him dance one.

[Christine]

More time and it's over. Voting's over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Voting's over. You get one more time to watch him dance for sure. And then it's double elimination. So it's double elimination. Theoretically. You think Andy Richter is going to be gone?

[Christine]

Andy Richter's gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And.

[Christine]

But it might not be him either. Andy's going to stay or he's going to stay. Because next week, if you're saying it's rigged the vote, they need one of these chooches to become better. They need an underdog. So one of them is going to stay. You know what I'm saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

One of them through votes, whatever that is, is going to stay to come back and have a, like a run and then lose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

So it's either going to be Andy who probably doesn't want it. Andy's like, please just get me out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think he's ready to go.

[Christine]

I do not want to dance and sweat every week. I want to eat. I want to be a great craft services. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. But you know, you know, Corey wants it, so it might be him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wants it.

[Christine]

We might have enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't want to get humiliated at just getting eliminated immediately from a dance. He thinks dancing is part of his triple threat.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's so unlikable.

[Christine]

Did you see his post dance interview, Corey?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Christine]

He's like, I have scoliosis. And this is gonna fix that prayer hand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he starts, right, his speech. He starts crying almost. He goes, and I was probably never gonna address my scoliosis, but now I have to do that. And that's good and it's helping me so much. Thank you. This is such a miracle from God. He is a knob off and a half. It's crazy how bad he is.

[Christine]

How long has he had scoliosis?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Since last night. Since last night. So the rigging. I have to show you this. Christine, you got that video?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

So also that Hilaria Baldwin's dance is funny because they cut to Alec Baldwin in the audience and he looks miserable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he looks old as I can see it, but he looks old as he's super involved in her behind the scenes too. She is a former dancer, so she killed it also. She did great. So this I had Christine record because where she thought, thank God to record it. And she's right because on one of the first acts, I think it was the first act. I've never watched the show before really, to see how it all works. The judging and shit. On one of the first acts they go, you know, they come talk to him afterwards and they go, now we need our judges scores. And the one judge goes seven. And the second judge, Bruno says, he goes seven, seven. He shows it and then on the board it says, so the one guy voted seven, the other guy voted eight. Now he said seven and holds up a Seven. And then they come back and they go, oh, she says like. And she just says it, she says it wrong. He goes, so seven and an eight from you. She says eight, which means it's on a teleprompter. And then when it goes. I'm trying to think of what the other wacky thing of it was. So. Oh yeah, then she gets the thing in her earphone and she goes, oh, wait a second, wait, what's the. Oh, I'm hearing that Bruno actually scored an 8, so that changes the score to 15. And it's just they're trying to cover their ass and she is maybe the dumbest person in the world. Julianna Hough is dumb as shit. She's really stupid. She does not read well on TV when she's talking, but. And she's like a weird cover up. But that means the scores are done. It's like weigh ins. Like they've scored them somehow somewhere before. And this is just like doing it for camera or something. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Watch, watch it and you'll see what I mean.

[Christine]

Is this live?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's why this happened. That's why we recorded it. Because I bet they'll take this out.

[Christine]

Oh yeah, I'm trying to find it in the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The explanation is terrible replay.

[Christine]

He puts up a seven. They record it as an eight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He says seven too. And then she says eight.

[Christine]

He holds up a seven. Yeah, and says it. And the screen says eight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, that's a total 15.

[Christine]

But did you see him? The guy with the seven originally looked at him and went, yes. And then he looked at him like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I was supposed to do an eight.

[Christine]

Oh, no. Now watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now watch how they try to cover. It's bad. It's a mess.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he didn't. No, he didn't. We watched him put in a seven.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We watched him put that in and he goes, oh, yeah, I guess. Good for you.

[Christine]

What the fuck?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on. That's crazy. That destroys the integrity of the show. And the show has so much integrity.

[Christine]

I'm glad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't you think that's crazy?

[Christine]

That is nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That means. That means the scores are predetermined. They know who they're gonna have hot. You have any thoughts, Lou? Should I reach out to our mole? The white man with some. Should I reach out to our dancing? Yes, please.

[Christine]

But can I ask you a question? Now let's figure this out. So if, if. Does this have any effect? What does that do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Put them in first place.

[Christine]

Are they. So they're in first place. So. So they're first. Who's second?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a. It's only one dance and they kind of score. Like. It seems to be pretty rare. It seems to be. You get five sevens or tens or whatever, you know, like that. Right. It's kind of obvious. So there's like first, there's. There's four people with. Or there's like. There's two people with 15s. Like three people with 14s, five people with 12, two people with 10 and. And the other two with nine.

[Christine]

So they would have had 14 and been tied with somebody else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, there would have been one person standing at first by themselves.

[Christine]

Can they. So they're going through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No matter what everyone's going through to the next week.

[Christine]

Except, I mean. But next week they eliminate two people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And it's the lowest. Unless they get voted up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

Right. Yeah. It's up to the US Solely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he is not helping us at all. Corey Feldman is not lending the helping hand this. I thought he would. Black Louis, some news. Just a reminder. You have to vote during the show while it's airing. Oh yeah. You have not shut it down afterwards.

[Christine]

Well, what's the integrity of that? If they're already cheating, how they're gonna be honest on the text?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, probably not. Actually. I would say no.

[Christine]

But we do have a better shot of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We should try.

[Christine]

Because if people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If they're aware that people want him on the show, they'll try to find. Keep him on. He's not gonna win anyway. He's terrible. And there's really good dancers on. On this. So we just need him to stick around until it's. Till they have to go. Corey Feldman is clearly. We couldn't even make an argument that this really good dancer fell.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And isn't as good. You know, and still way better than he is.

[Christine]

But you know that. That fan won last comic standing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right? Through audience shit.

[Christine]

It's possible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a billion of them. And why do you keep side eyeing Paco when you say.

[Christine]

Because I don't know if he knows him and he's gonna throw like some type of Chinese star.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they've definitely eaten soup with sticks before together. Because that makes sense, right? Soup with sticks. Hey, here's a bowl of fluid and sticks. Now fish it out yourself and eat it. It's all wet.

[Christine]

He lives in Jersey and he does comedy and he has a show that he does in his basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He does.

[Christine]

Yeah. We should do it one night a stand up Show. Yeah, he does a stand up show in his basement for Zoom. Yeah, we should do it. We should all go buy me you. We should get everybody. We should get like Colin in Jersey. Just go do it. Yeah, in Jersey. I think it's in Jersey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have no idea.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't know you're talking about.

[Christine]

Oh, no, I do, I'm telling you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Got you.

[Christine]

Yeah. I keep looking at him just in case he makes a move. I'm still nervous around Paco.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a kid who was doing shows in the basement of his building up in Spanish Harlem and Louie would do it a bunch.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, no, I did that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. That was actually Jason Cantor.

[Christine]

Yeah, he did it. Not in the. He did it in a building.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And they had like a community room. It was a huge. But there was 200 people there. It's not like a show. It's like an amazing show. It was like 200.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but it was like. You had to know it was in the basement of a building.

[Christine]

Yeah. It was that weird. Like, like, what's that show that they do? The comic show where nobody knows where it is. And then all of a sudden.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Don't tell show type thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was good. This is in his house, in his basement. That I would. I would do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paco's house.

[Christine]

No, not Paco's house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Way to commit to that. I like that you committed to that. Paco, great news. Bobby's coming over.

[Christine]

Paco doesn't have a house. Do you live. You have an apartment, right, Paco? No, I rent a room. You rent a room in a house House with a family?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Do you have to take care of their kids? No, they're on the bottom floor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet their kids take care of you. Nobody knew. I just stuck my tongue out and did a motion.

[Christine]

Now it is radio. We didn't see that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody see it now.

[Christine]

Yeah, we see it now. What. What is the family half like, the dad is British. Are they.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Christine]

No, they're all white. They're white.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And. And you're just. It rent a room in their house. Yeah. Well, so they have the bottom floor in the basement and then the second floor is where like the brown help. Yeah, kind of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There we go.

[Christine]

The brown people. Yeah, because the four of them are Mexican and I'm the only Asian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They don't know that, though. They think he's Mexican. They think five Mexicans live upstairs.

[Christine]

Do you. Do you live with people you don't know? I mean, I know their names. But they don't speak English. Only one of them does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you live with strangers?

[Christine]

Strangers, yeah. And you just rent a room?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I knew that about him. It is weird.

[Christine]

I didn't know that about you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A lot of people. It's not that strange. It's not that strange a situation. A lot of people do that. Yeah, but I could not do that.

[Christine]

Are you saving to bring your family here? What you mean you work for Gas Digital. You do a lot of shit and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They make fucking knockoff starter jackets?

[Christine]

Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. You can't get an apartment with other comedians. Why? I don't know. To be around people, you know, instead of workers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sometimes that kind of sucks in its own right, too.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't. I've. I've only lived with, like, friends.

[Christine]

Do you have, like, a communal kitchen? Yeah, with dude. But dudes you don't know that don't speak English. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So what do you do?

[Christine]

We just take turns. So, like, if they're using it, then I'll just wait. Then when they're done, I'll use it. But do you do. Are you learning their language? I know, like, cold is frio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

So why do you use that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

El pollo es frio.

[Christine]

Yeah. Heated or is hot. Is this expensive or is it real cheap? Super cheap.

[Bobby Kelly]

Super cheap.

[Christine]

Like, 125 bucks a month.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are they puzzled that your name's Paco and you're not Mexican kind? Yeah, yeah, that must be.

[Christine]

They're really asked, though. They just know I'm not one of them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Them because I don't speak. Hi, I'm Paco. And you are? Ching Cheng Rodriguez.

[Christine]

Do they ever share, like, a meal with you? Like, they wave you over and use hand gestures, so. And they grab rice and put it in their mouth? No, they use eat.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that.

[Christine]

I think that's an Asian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You eat.

[Christine]

Mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mouth.

[Christine]

Me. Me won. You eat and you're like, eat. Do you do that?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not sure what kind of Mexicans Bobby was.

[Christine]

Yeah, I was like. That sounded more Asian than anything. It was Aztec Mexican, Mexicans. Oh, I was doing Mel Gibson. Apocalypto Mexicans. I was doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's more of a Mayan thing.

[Christine]

Yeah, I was doing more of a Mayan Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a Mayan. You're gonna come at Bobby and pull the brakes on comedy when the guy's clearly doing a Mayan accent?

[Christine]

Dude, I gotta learn more. That's my fault.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you guys never seen a Mayan before?

[Christine]

Probably the family downstairs. Yeah, you don't deal with them. Not really. I mean, I say hello and everything, you know, but now the family upstairs, these guys are all. Are they family? Do they know each other or are they just. No, they all work together. Where do they work? At, like a printing company, I believe. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you, you selling oranges on an off ramp?

[Christine]

So you just, you just, you just go home, go to bed, shower and leave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See?

[Christine]

Kind of, yeah. Are you poor? That's a decent amount. You don't make money. I mean, it's all right. All right. I'm not killing it. I mean, do you make enough money to get like a, A one? Like a bedroom? Oh, no, not that much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could you take out seven of your closest friends to Ted Montana's grill?

[Christine]

Yes, he could. I, I. No, I couldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Paco, you could. You could. It's $11 a steak over there, dude. That's good.

[Christine]

77.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah. That's his rent.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sorry.

[Christine]

For the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's your rent with four Mexicans?

[Christine]

900.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[Christine]

That's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you. I thought you were going to tell me. $150.

[Christine]

I'll let you live in my garage for 500.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where's your garage?

[Christine]

Upstate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Westchesters are going to pop on your moped.

[Christine]

But I have a gym in there. You have to train me three times a week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But listen, but going home.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Going to work. It's all downhill in that Vespa. You're going to feel the wind in your hair.

[Christine]

That's right. And there's a trail all the way down. But you do have to shower in front of Don naked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then somewhere, somewhere around the area, you can get your hands on Ryan Reynolds.

[Christine]

Don't do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Attack him and say, bobby Kelly sent me. This is the bonfire at Etsy.

[Christine]

We know the holidays are already exciting. We don't need to fan the festive flames by saying Etsy has one of a kind gifts for all budgets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no.

[Christine]

We just added to the excitement. Well, guess the only thing left to say is get up to 60% off gifts from small shops with Etsy cyber specials. Terms apply for gifts that say, I get you shop, Etsy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, weirdos. I'm Elena.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm Ash. And we are the hosts of Morbid Podcast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Each week, we dive into the dark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And fascinating world of true crime, spooky history, and the unexplained. From infamous killers and unsolved mysteries to haunted places and strange legends. We cover it all with research, empathy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Humor, and a few creative expletives.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's smart, it's spooky, and it's just the right amount of weird. Two new episodes drop every week, and there's even a bonus once a month. Find us wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yay. Woo.