Dreamcatchers

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Dreamcatchers
Date: May 1, 2026
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Channel: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103

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Overview

In this lively and signature episode of The Bonfire, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly return to the mic to riff on everything from inside-comedy banter to personal anecdotes and roasts about each other's lives and habits. The gang, including regular contributors like Christine and Kikiko, gets sidetracked in hilarious debates about steakhouse hierarchy, holiday gifts, and mishaps with digital money transfers. Throughout, they layer in the classic Bonfire mix of quick wit, self-deprecation, mockery, and warmth.

A recurring thread this episode is the running gag about “Dan Day”—the group's monthly hangout with their friend Dan, which quickly becomes fodder for jokes about friendship dynamics, restaurant choices, and who really values whom. There's also an earnest and funny reflection on past dreams, failed career steps (especially in stand-up), and the mechanics of giving (or not giving) generous holiday tips.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Music Banter and "Big Jay Radio"

• The show opens with playful ribbing about Jay's singing over songs on the radio and joking ideas for his own SiriusXM channel.
  • Memorable Quote:
    Big Jay (02:02): "Only catch, I'm gonna sing all of them over it with a live mic. With a hot mic."
• Jay jokes about musical choices, with Robert quipping it would devolve into "Big Gay Radio".
• Playful teasing about heartthrob songs and masculine vulnerability.

2. The "Dan Day" Tradition—Friendship Roast

• The group roasts each other over their monthly hangouts with Dan, dissecting where they dine (Ted’s Montana Grill becomes the butt of multiple jokes), the rituals, and who gets what for Christmas.
• Christine and Kikiko are drawn in for their own takes and memories.
• Quote, Robert (03:11): "I can't wait till Dan's too busy... that he can't make it. I hope everything he does goes so he has no time for Dan Day."

Key Insights:

• Food as a symbol of friendship: the level of restaurant supposedly equals your place in the pecking order.
• The nature of “obligatory” friendships and how success can threaten group dynamics.
• Ongoing theme: "Are these meetings truly about connection or just routine/habit?"

3. Holiday Bonuses, Gifts, and the Dreamcatcher Debacle

• The hosts compare their holiday bonus generosity, teasing who gives more to Paco (a recurring crew member).
• A whole run about Robert’s odd Christmas gift (a purple dreamcatcher) for his sister, with hilarious commentary about male ignorance of “girl stuff.”
  • Big Jay (06:58): "You got my sister a dreamcatcher this year."
  • Robert (07:02): "It was purple. She loves purple."
• The group explains what a dreamcatcher is, roasting each other for “never having been in a girl’s bedroom.”
• Several bits about random, underwhelming holiday gifts and the competitive edge in out-bonusing each other.
• Mischief with payment apps—Robert accidentally requested money from someone instead of sending a bonus.

4. Grief Bomb & Ball Busting: Inside Paco’s Family

• A sudden, darkly comic pivot arises around a mention of Paco’s (another crew member) father’s death and sexuality.
  • Christine (08:28): "Everybody update: Paco's dad died."
  • The team handles the sensitive topic with characteristic Bonfire gallows humor, using it as a shield and a set-up for more ribbing.
  • Big Jay (09:47): "But he was able to work up a boner and bang Paco's hot mom."
  • This segues into raunchy, tongue-in-cheek hypotheticals and jokes—a masterclass in balancing shock with camaraderie.

5. Blanket (Kikiko) Adoration and the TikTok “Racist Audio” Snafu

• Side discussion about how much the gang loves their new Kikiko blanket/pillow gifts—with Jay and Robert waxing poetic and getting a little sensual about them (“like sleeping with a bear”—(12:27)).
  • Memorable exchange:
    • Robert Kelly (12:27): "It's so soft, slippery."
    • Big Jay (12:31): "It's full of claws and danger."
• Tangent about a TikTok screw-up that assigned a racist rant audio to a tour date post, sparking fears and plenty of comic asides about comedy industry gossip and cancel culture.
  • Big Jay (13:30): "They picked this trending racist rant. It's that Fuentes went over his actual tour dates..."
  • Robert Kelly (13:41): "Did you just get on Compound Media?"

6. The Comedy of Restaurant Status—the Great Steakhouse Debate

• The core segment: Jay and Bobby roast the Dan Day crew for picking low-to-mid-tier restaurants over New York’s steakhouses.
  • Ted’s Montana Grill is ridiculed as inferior (“a low rent Ponderosa” (17:13)), while Del Frisco’s and Smith & Wollensky are the gold standard for when “someone really cares.”
  • Robert Kelly (25:16): "You think you're not worth a $72 filet mignon from your boy?"
  • They analyze wait staff photos, declaring old-school steakhouses superior and funnier (“You gotta go somewhere it says 'market price,' that's where you know Dan cares"—25:19).
• Riffs about service, staff demographics, and the signifiers of “friend worthiness” in dining options.

7. Comedy War Stories: Christine’s Stand-Up Memories

• At the episode’s close, the group turns (affectionately) on Christine about her early days as a stand-up and her eventual transition behind the scenes.
  • She shares bombing stories, feelings of being out-of-place, and her discomfort with the “lonely life” of a full-time comic.
  • Christine (29:40): "Somewhere between five and tenth time on stage."
  • Robert and Jay share their own tales of bombing and quitting, highlighting the tightrope between confidence and giving up.
• The team debates if Christine should ever try stand-up again ("Would you ever do it again?"—Robert, 38:43).
• Discussion about bringer shows—where comics bring friends/family as the audience.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Big Jay (02:02): "Only catch, I'm gonna sing all of them over it with a live mic. With a hot mic."
• Robert Kelly (06:57): "You got my sister a dreamcatcher this year."
• Big Jay (09:47): “But he was able to work up a boner and bang Paco's hot mom.”
• Robert Kelly (12:27): “It's so soft, slippery.”
• Big Jay (13:30): "They picked this trending racist rant [audio]."
• Robert Kelly (25:16): "You think you're not worth a $72 filet mignon from your boy?"
• Christine (29:40): "This is probably like my. Yeah, somewhere between five and tenth time on stage."
• Robert Kelly (38:43): "Would you ever do it again? No, never. You wouldn't just try it for us one day?"

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------| | 01:07 | Opening musical/radio banter | | 03:01 | "Dan Day" jokes, steakhouse gags | | 06:55 | Dreamcatcher anecdote and "what's a dreamcatcher?" roast | | 08:27 | On Paco's late dad & family dynamics | | 12:27 | Kikiko blanket adoration | | 13:06 | TikTok “racist audio” industry gossip | | 17:00 | Steakhouse vs. burger chain debate | | 25:16 | Justifying expensive steakhouses for friends | | 29:40 | Christine’s stand-up history | | 34:10 | Comparing waitstaff at top-tier restaurants | | 38:43 | “Would you ever do stand-up again?” |

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Tone & Style

The episode is packed with trademark Bonfire irreverence. Jay and Bobby’s chemistry—genuine, irreverent, supportive, and brutally funny—propels the conversation. Friends are roasted but never dismissed. Underneath the insults is an obvious affection that explains the show’s loyal fanbase.

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Conclusion

"Dreamcatchers" is a quintessential Bonfire hang: comic rants, inside jokes, raw honesty, and genuine camaraderie. The episode lampoons everything from restaurant status and male sentimentality to the pains (and competitive rituals) of show business. While the surface level is all laughs, the show also delivers authentic glimpses into the real lives and frailties of its hosts and crew.

Perfect for anyone who enjoys:

• Comedian camaraderie and roast culture
• Behind-the-scenes comedy stories
• Candid reflection on life’s awkward and funny truths

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Next episode tease:
Jay and Bobby promise to revisit Christine’s earliest stand-up set—the comedic cringe never truly ends!

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Transcript

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Let it play out, Lou.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it up, dude. She's the best.

[Robert Kelly]

You are. So why they don't give you your own channel on here for music is beyond me. Probably cuz you'd sing through every song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right. Like, I hear what you say.

[Robert Kelly]

Love the channel. Can the guy stop ruining the songs? Is this the song you play when you take your tub?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude, I get sass. I promise you right now there's a bunch of people listening to this who are guys you wouldn't expect, the way they look, that were like, if they don't know it, they went. That's a pretty good song though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, no, absolutely great song. There's a lot of. A lot of guys listening too, thinking, what the fuck is happening right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this the wrong channel? They kept shishing channel. They move the channels. Is this yacht rock? They should be my own channel here. Big J radio.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, big gay radio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's Big J radio. And you're right. It's all of your favorite hits from who knows? It could be from the 60s all the way to right now. Only catch, I'm gonna sing all of them over it with a live mic. With a hot mic.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't help yourself, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, dude, did you ever hear that heart song where she hits that song on alone? You haven't heard it until you've heard Jay sing poorly over it. God damn. Oh, God damn.

[Christine]

Look, I was trying to find the bear bears and I accidentally found official daddy bears, which is a way different thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Same. Same. Dude, that's Jay, if I've ever seen him. He's getting yoked and hairy. That's you, Jay, in, like, next year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wish.

[Robert Kelly]

Tidy whitey's. You gonna start wearing tidy whiteies?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I will start wearing some. Some suspenders with no pants, with no shirt. Suspenders and no shirt for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

You know why I woke at home?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, I work at a Home Depot calendar.

[Robert Kelly]

I. We found out that it was Dan Day. That's why Jacob's all whipped up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. I was like, why was Jacob laughing so hard today and smiling?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got to spend time with Dan.

[Kikiko]

It's just a good day.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's a good. I can't wait till it ends. I can't wait till Dan's too busy. He's so success. I can't even say it. Successful. That he can't make it. I hope everything he does goes. So he has no time for Dan Day.

[Kikiko]

I can't imagine that day happening. Wow. Success. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Kikiko]

But never talk to Dan about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He says, look, he feels bad that he left the crew.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he goes. He could stand hanging with him once a month for a couple hours. He throws a cheap ass steak down their throat at Old Ted's Montana.

[Robert Kelly]

They all get the same thing every time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

They all get the same thing every time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. The other, like, it's like a red hat society over here. It's a get some tea time.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not taking the dinner because it's too masculine. What I want to do.

[Robert Kelly]

We should all get them hats for Dan Day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? You guys should all wear red hats for Dan Day.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now if you need me, I'll be at a Brazilian steakhouse listening to Barbra Streisand. You guys have your gay steakhouse dinner.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not even a steakhouse. It's a hamburger place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is a burger joint.

[Kikiko]

You can have a good steak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A good steak.

[Robert Kelly]

A good steak.

[Kikiko]

I haven't had one. I'm just saying. I guess I just said that. Assume you can have a good steak.

[Robert Kelly]

We took you to Del Frisco.

[Kikiko]

That was a while. When was that?

[Christine]

We do.

[Robert Kelly]

We do.

[Christine]

We don't.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sorry. I don't remember.

[Kikiko]

I don't remember back that far.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a couple years ago.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did Dan get you for Christmas?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, a hamburger.

[Kikiko]

It must have been 10 Dan days since then. That's fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was I supposed to get for Christmas this year?

[Robert Kelly]

Damn. Yeah. What'd you get?

[Kikiko]

No, is it. I'm we're not comparing.

[Robert Kelly]

Get for Christmas a very nice, generous

[Kikiko]

gift from the two of you.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, not us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did Dan get you for Christmas?

[Robert Kelly]

What did Dan get?

[Kikiko]

Well, you just. We talked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just a mushroom gravy, sirloin, Salisbury steak.

[Robert Kelly]

Merry Christmas. Wow. Merry Christmas. Paco, did you get your money? Yeah, I, I accidentally. Accidentally. I was giving Paco a little extra something for Christmas and I was, I called him up, I gave him like a heartfelt message. I was like, hey, man, I just want to thank you. You're doing great and you really, you work so hard and I sent you a little something of memo. But I actually, I hit request.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. Did he send it to you?

[Robert Kelly]

No, he didn't send it to me. You piece of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You piece of. You should have sent to him.

[Robert Kelly]

I needed the money. I was in Costa Rica.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bob, he's been good to you. He comes on hard times. Can't help him out.

[Robert Kelly]

I sent you a little something extra. Did you get it?

[Kikiko]

Yeah, I did.

[Robert Kelly]

Great. You're welcome. I sent him. I sent him one extra dollar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who treated you better, dude?

[Robert Kelly]

Jay, I don't like, I don't know much. Oh, you, you, you. You're way more generous than me.

[Kikiko]

You did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Well, if you. I can match it. If you tell me game, three grand. I can match it. I'll match it.

[Christine]

Look, everybody just got pissed.

[Robert Kelly]

Not true. Our whole crew was like, what? Paco comes in once a month, sits there and eats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so entertaining.

[Robert Kelly]

He just looks at the camera and writes down a note every once in a while.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not worth three grand.

[Robert Kelly]

Paco's only here to get stage time. The Christmas show is worth it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I give him three grand every three months. So it's like, it's about $12,000 bonus a year. I give them.

[Kikiko]

That's.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, that's great. I only give him 2500. I only give him 2500 like every few months.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's. You're cheap.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I want to bump. Yes, I'm going to bump it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you guys remember the first year

[Robert Kelly]

that you both, both gave us bonus checks? And Jay, you sent like a dollar more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Just to be sure.

[Robert Kelly]

You gave more than Bobby. First of all, can I, can I just, can I just say something? I jumped into this ship. Like we do this every.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, I know Bobby wasn't here for, like, I have to give. Hey, let's get. We'll get everybody like a hundred dollar Starbucks gift card.

[Robert Kelly]

I walked in like, I have to give them More than I give my family.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

The fuck is happening?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You got my sister a dreamcatcher this year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God.

[Robert Kelly]

She loves it. She's a weirdo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where'd you get this dreamcatcher from?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I don't know. Fucking Internet. It was purple. She loves purple.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From the Internet.

[Kikiko]

What's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he got it from a fucking A ceremony somewhere.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know what a dream. You're a cowboy and you don't know what a dreamcatcher is?

[Christine]

You don't sleep with a dream catcher above your bed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should clothesline you right out of your chair for not knowing.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't know what a dream catcher is. Have you ever gotten laid? Have you ever been in a girl's bedroom in your life?

[Christine]

Yeah, it's this. This is a dream catcher. You've seen these?

[Robert Kelly]

It's an Indian dream catcher. It catches all the bad dreams.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever gotten your dick sucked by a girl who lives in her parents house? Still wrong with you, dude?

[Robert Kelly]

Have you ever fucked anybody at Skank Fest?

[Christine]

Yeah, Jacob, you should really know what a drink, Cash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't know what that is.

[Robert Kelly]

You've never seen.

[Kikiko]

I've seen it. I didn't associate the name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You believe so much in the Indian way.

[Robert Kelly]

You've never looked at Christine's earrings. Every few weeks we got some dream catcher earrings. Oh, I know you do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have them. Those ones I got you from the gas station. At one time

[Christine]

it was a car wash and the guy's wife handmade them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But they were at a car wash.

[Robert Kelly]

It's because they're custom.

[Christine]

What I was saying we. Lou just mentioned it in our holiday show was so long ago and we've been back on air and Paco's dad. We all forgot.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody update. Paco's dad died.

[Robert Kelly]

Forgot about Paco's dad. Paco's dad heard the show and killed himself. That was wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, Christine just did a pretty tacky move. I like it. I respect it.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes. Guys, we totally forgot to talk about Paco's dad because she does not want to watch this video.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. I didn't even see it. That was fantastic. That is good. You brought up Paco's gay dad, which is awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Quite a hammer to draw. I mean, thanks for saving it for the holiday show, but how did no one see that coming?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have I not known that or did you tell me 11 times I'm a pothead?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I've Never told you guys this? No.

[Christine]

He's been dealing with it the entire time we've known him. We have no idea what made you

[Robert Kelly]

bring it up in front of 20,000 people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How does it feel to be living out loud about your father living out loud?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. It kind of just came out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he. Did you. I bet you'll. I mean, obviously you're going to get like ball busts online and stuff, but like, I wonder how many. You will probably get a weird amount of people going like, dude, this happened to me. Something similar in my family. So I bet it's not that strange. The fact that you're the third person I know who has the story is pretty wild. Yeah, pretty wild.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. A lot of guys are living in, you know, waiting for that day to just be free. Yeah. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he was able to work up a boner and bang Paco's hot mom.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did. Look at Pacos right here. I do know that.

[Robert Kelly]

It could have been half full.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he could have been throwing up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he's still. Yeah, but he's still. Yeah. He goes. She goes, come and side of me goes, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Suck of my What? No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Disgusting. A yuck.

[Robert Kelly]

I love that your. Your accents is so off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gross. Grotesque.

[Robert Kelly]

Pussy. I hate. There's a hole in your body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

The body I just turned into something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're panicking because it was Dan Day. We're trying to impress the guys. The voice work. We're panicking. We're failing. We're off the rails. Somehow Christine got us to not show our video yet. O, that's a cheap steak. That's a canned mushroom gravy on my burger.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, why don't we get the same thing every time? Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are only worth a $150 check.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, I. I can only have an hour and a half, so hurry up and order everything at once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hey guys, I already paid the bill, but I gotta go. You guys leave whenever you're done. No rush. Oh yeah, I'm leaving. But you guys feel free to hang out and finish your meals. Obligations have been met. Oh yeah. Dig it.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, I'm not gonna order cause I'd never eat at this shithole. But you guys feel free to get whatever you want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't bother me till February.

[Robert Kelly]

Dig it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Leslie Jones Homegirls Tight. Posse is on raw.com

[Christine]

if anybody wants to switch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anyone? Check it out. Leslie Jones doing Homegirls Tight.

[Kikiko]

Can I delay her. Her humiliation one more minute to just thank Kikiko sending.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Kikiko]

I mean, I can't. Gotta say.

[Robert Kelly]

I say cakey co because you love cake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That might be because I love cake.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you didn't take your Manjaro this week. Whatever it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't take my Manjarno this week. My Manjarno. I want to call her Bobby. My Manjarno.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know how I take it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I throw the needles in my barrel.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a fucking barrel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've heard barrel more than once since.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bugs me.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a barrel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To me. It might be regional.

[Kikiko]

I don't know how they keep upping the soft.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm going to say this.

[Kikiko]

My God.

[Robert Kelly]

That Kiki co. I love my old cake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I love cake.

[Robert Kelly]

I love cake too. So cakey. Coke, the new one they sent is like sleeping with a bear.

[Kikiko]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so. It's. It's so soft, slippery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's full of claws and danger.

[Robert Kelly]

Beautiful and huge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's big. Which is.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so big.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That oversized.

[Kikiko]

I'll admit. I. I put it. I brought it actually to Florida. I needed Florida. It was. It was sent there. They were so nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got. We got them, but we got them when they showed up. And I'd say I hope that Renee right over Kiko's listening because she doesn't even know that since we convinced another purchaser Salvo Canada to buy cake company. That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

I wouldn't bring his name up right now, but go ahead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

He's a little hot water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he's not.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you hear what happened though?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fucking insane. Tick Tock should be. Really has to be in trouble for that.

[Robert Kelly]

Tick Tock was. What they do is when you post a video, if you don't pick music, they'll pick a trending song for your audio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just trending audio.

[Robert Kelly]

Whatever's trending, they'll throw over your video.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they.

[Robert Kelly]

They picked this trending racist rant. It's that Fuentes went over his actual tour dates for his new tour.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now I texted him. I go, dude, are you auditioning for microphone at Legion of Skanks?

[Robert Kelly]

Did you just get on Compound Media?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you announcing your Kumia? Your compound. Compound uncensored podcast.

[Christine]

It's fucking crazy. TikTok just did that.

[Robert Kelly]

They did it to a bunch of people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A bunch of people. Thank God. Thank God. So it's not just word versus versus his. Everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Thank God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I was like. I was like, dude, I thought you fucking got awesome. But that's cool. No, it's fine, though. You're still family. You're still family friendly.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, will you come do skanks this week?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude. You fucking rule.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One thing about Sal. Always will do. Legions of skanks. God bless him. There it is. Look how big that thing is, huh?

[Christine]

Look how comfy you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

What color did you get?

[Christine]

We got the brown and the mocha.

[Robert Kelly]

I got the brown. I got the brown mocha, too. It's so. I tell you what. The only thing I missed when I was in Costa Rica all week that I was thinking about was my getting into my keep my bed with the Kiki Co. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And being around white people know how to swim.

[Robert Kelly]

That's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said there was two things you missed while you were gone. Being around mostly white people know how to swim and your kikiyo.

[Kikiko]

I won. I put it on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on a second, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up, buddy?

[Kikiko]

I. I put it on my bed and then I lay. I laid on top of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Naked.

[Kikiko]

I had no shirt. It was just my undies.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, take your panties off. Try. I'm telling you.

[Kikiko]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, get your dick in that thing. Mom or not.

[Kikiko]

I've done that with the ones in my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got. No, but you got. You see how. You see how the grooves go? Dude. Oh, my God. It's like getting masturbated by a hundred mermaids.

[Kikiko]

But I was just almost naked and I went

[Big Jay Oakerson]

like a little baby.

[Robert Kelly]

Sal, you made the same noise when Dan shows up at that stupid restaurant you go to.

[Kikiko]

But a joyful one. Yeah. The others are misery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's 3:15. I wonder if he's not coming. Sorry. I'll make. Guys, he goes. It's okay. Yay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got our. I got our favorite table. Do you guys have a favorite table?

[Kikiko]

We have gotten the same table.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You know why? Because nobody's in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

DJ Ludo doesn't even want to go anymore. Pure obligation.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He feels bad for Dan at this point.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou and Jacob, they run to that. They run to that. Run to your white boy, Black Lou. Go ahead, Black Lou. Run to your white boy. If that's what you want.

[Kikiko]

We might be.

[Robert Kelly]

Run back to your other white boy right when you're done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then if you can come back to this white boy, I need you wabbledy dabbledy.

[Kikiko]

We might be going to a different place next time.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why did you suggest Something because I

[Kikiko]

made fun of you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whose suggestion was it?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you know why? It was yours. Because you hate. Sucks. It sucks.

[Kikiko]

It does not suck.

[Robert Kelly]

It sucks. It's Dan. You know, Dan can't smell.

[Christine]

It's great.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me, Jacob.

[Kikiko]

I loved going there.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, Dan can't smell. He could eat dog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true.

[Robert Kelly]

Hamburgers. And he wouldn't even know. He doesn't taste his food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you have to tell him what's good. Yeah. Now, my guess is now you make him change it. I bet Dan's gonna make it to something in the lobby of his building so he can spend as little time as possible. Guys, I. I saw you order. He goes, I not that hungry, but you guys enjoy. I'm gonna head back up to the place. I got a call.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, guys, I. I gotta walk my dog. I'll be right back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll be right back.

[Kikiko]

Happy staying. I love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you should go there still in tribute. Tes Montana. Why don't you go there more?

[Kikiko]

Yeah, maybe I will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe you should maybe treat yourself. It's affordable.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I love that. Dan is rich.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he takes you to an affordable lunch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He takes you to a low rent Ponderosa. Ponderosa was already low rent.

[Kikiko]

I picked it.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you. Why don't you pick like Del Frisco something really nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go. That's what I would do.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No black Lou, this is you. This is on you. You got to come big. Throw something big at him. We're gonna let him pick. I think of Del Frisco's. Say Keen Steakhouse. That's nice. They have a good say they have a good afternoon burger.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude. Yeah. Get the mutton chop at Keen's. Here's how you find out if Dan is really into this. Pick one of those high end places. And if he's like, wherever you want, guys, and no problem, you know he's doing it out of love. If he goes, I don't know about that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got it. I got it. Smith and Wollensky. It's right here. Smith and Wollensky Steakhouse. Good show. Bring it up. Bring it up.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, the mafia boss got shot in front of that place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not true.

[Robert Kelly]

It's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sparks.

[Robert Kelly]

Was it sparks?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, sorry. I thought it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I always got. I always thought it was old Homestead, and I had that wrong. Every time I told Homestead, I go, the guy was shot right here. And it was like sparks.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Doug]

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[Doug]

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[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your League.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Kikiko]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Maybe it's just the connection that makes the food taste so good now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you. I don't know.

[Kikiko]

We just have such a good conversation.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm surprised you barely eat. It's funny with all the talking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So weird. Dan never describes it that way to me.

[Robert Kelly]

All the fucking eyes gazing you do. How do you even get the food down?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, he calls it. I said, I asked him. I go, dude, can I talk to you about something this afternoon? He goes, sorry, I got kid duty. He goes to kid duty.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. Wow. Fucked up. Wow. You're a grown man. You have gray hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Christine. Christine. Fucking fantastic. Everyone did it. Cause I'm not gonna get into this with only 15 minutes of Christine's comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because it's not enough?

[Kikiko]

No, we have more than that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we don't. Really. We're not done with this Dan thing in Smith and Wollensky. Look at a respectable place. Show them the menu.

[Kikiko]

I get. It's a nice. I'm sure the food's great.

[Robert Kelly]

Great. It's fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said the food's great at Ted's Montana's.

[Kikiko]

For me, it's great.

[Robert Kelly]

I love Ted's Montana. A chain because I've never seen one anywhere else.

[Kikiko]

It's a. I would say it's a upscale chain. I think it has a few restaurants,

[Robert Kelly]

first of all.

[Kikiko]

Maybe upscales. Talking about upscale chain compared to Burger King.

[Christine]

Do you think it might be above Applebee's? It's like Cheesecake Factory or right under.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not. I would rather go to Cheesecake Factory than Ted's Montana. Well, I hate the name Ted's Montana.

[Kikiko]

Ted from cnn.

[Robert Kelly]

Him. Who's that? You go to a guy who was on Ted Turner.

[Kikiko]

Ted Turner. And then the signature is the Buffalo. Buffalo burger. That's what it's all about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, I'll say, where they have a better burger? Big chain. It's an enormous chain of shitty, shitty stuff. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That's where they put an improv in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a bonefish grill with fucking burgers.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back to the menu of. Look at that.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think you're not worth a 72 flamingon from your boy?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You got to go somewhere. It's where the price is. It says market price. That's where, you know, Dan cares.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's where me and Bobby take you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. When we take you, we make you earn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to earn it.

[Christine]

First a long time.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, we can go to dinner, but you'd be sure as hell that we're not going to take you to Ted's Montana.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell no.

[Robert Kelly]

It's going to be like maybe the Brazilian steakhouse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not platform. We've done platform before. Is great.

[Robert Kelly]

Do platform, you know. Do you want to do platform? We'll take you to platformer if you stop going to Ted's Montana. Not that you have to stop your date, but you have to go somewhere different.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you are going somewhere different because black blue made it a thing already. He said he can't do it anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he said. He said. He said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dan.

[Robert Kelly]

Dan can pick. We want you guys to pick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell Dan he cannot pick.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys will do.

[Robert Kelly]

It's about you. Yeah, it's not about him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's about spending time with you guys. Mr. Chows. You should go get turnies of Mr. Chows.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's good.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's overpriced for no reason.

[Kikiko]

That's not TR me.

[Christine]

Huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why not?

[Kikiko]

I don't think I would enjoy the menu as much.

[Robert Kelly]

I guarantee Dan picks the seller.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope he picks the comedy seller. Hey, the Olive Tree Cafe.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll meet you at the Olive Tree. But can you do it after the show? Because I have a spot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, and then he also gets. He gets 50 off then also, if he does a spot, you could probably host and get all your food for free if you wanted to. Damn. This is a place. This is where you take people you give a about.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. Look at that. Look at that steak.

[Kikiko]

Yeah, that's a once in a year thing.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Once in every three years?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about? It's a goddamn businessman's lunch.

[Kikiko]

That's a weekend for. That's a week weekday for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely I do.

[Robert Kelly]

This is what you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. I've never gone on the weekends to a steakhouse ever. It's always a weekday.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a place you take friends. This is a place where you sit

[Big Jay Oakerson]

down, you're gonna catch up, you're gonna laugh.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're gonna have. But you're also going to have unbelievable service. You're not gonna have somebody with a. With a stupid apron with flair on it.

[Kikiko]

We laugh.

[Robert Kelly]

Do they have flare on their aprons, little buttons? No, no, they don't have a little buffalo somewhere.

[Kikiko]

It's kind of rugged looking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He performs.

[Kikiko]

He performs lifestyle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He performs for you guys and you laugh. He gives you your little taste and then he takes it away from you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, like he took it away from you.

[Kikiko]

We laugh.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you laugh and then you don't.

[Christine]

They were just ties. It's not cowboy.

[Robert Kelly]

What is it? Oh, that place stinks.

[Christine]

The CPK uniform.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yamanika works there.

[Kikiko]

This is why Christine only has been invited once. Because she has nothing but bad stuff to say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She won't eat at a shitty place twice. Yeah, she learns her lesson. That's why you've only seen her with one black eye since we worked here.

[Robert Kelly]

You were the black guy here when you worked here once. Can you show me the wait staff at the other place?

[Christine]

Smith and Wolinsky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I bet they look.

[Christine]

I bet it's all white.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet what? Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These guys know uniform.

[Kikiko]

Jesus Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like, I'm getting in trouble for saying my word.

[Christine]

You know these high end places always put their waiters in all white for.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, because they don't spill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're white waiters in white uniforms.

[Robert Kelly]

Old white guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on. Oh, I can't believe Christine got us.

[Kikiko]

I. We have time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She flim flammed us.

[Kikiko]

No, you really want to go in on this? Okay, you're right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said we have time.

[Kikiko]

You're right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want you to think of things we've done with a three minute clip in our lives. Where. How long is the clip? Six.

[Kikiko]

I feel foolish. I said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Do you want us to jam in it?

[Kikiko]

No, I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no way.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never seen it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it.

[Robert Kelly]

Nine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I haven't seen him. 12 years. One perfect.

[Robert Kelly]

You've never seen this is a brand new clip for everyone.

[Christine]

Yeah, you've never seen this because you saw the one I had on dvd which was a bringer show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was two.

[Christine]

Oh, then you did see this. Yeah, I only have two.

[Robert Kelly]

What's the other one that we've never seen?

[Christine]

It's on a dvd but I think I can get it. I can up a DVD thing. It's sort of a bringer show at Broadway.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, please. Are you hosting?

[Christine]

No, I brought people and I was doing my time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's going to be fun because it's gonna be fun because it's. She's gonna be nervous. You're gonna see all the ticks and nerves. I will say from what I recall, it was no worse than anybody girl, particularly starting comedy that young into that was like her. What was it? What does this set is like your 5th of 10?

[Christine]

This is. This is probably like my. Yeah, somewhere between five and tenth time on stage.

[Robert Kelly]

How many times you get on stage before you said, hey, producing might be better for me.

[Christine]

I. I think somewhere between 20 and 30, because I'm trying to figure out, like, the. The amount of time that I did it. And I was trying to go, like, two nights a week, so I think it ended up around there. But it was when I got the job at Comics, when I got hired at Comics Comedy Club, I kind of made a decision.

[Robert Kelly]

Did they make it for you?

[Christine]

No, no, no. I mean, I don't think they wanted comics working there. No. Clubs really do.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

But I didn't want to, like, be a comic that was also working behind the scenes. Like, I was like, I need to cut this.

[Robert Kelly]

Good choice.

[Christine]

I thought being a comic would be a really lonely life, and I would.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Christine]

You know, it's.

[Kikiko]

It's.

[Christine]

I knew how hard it was. Like, I already had already worked in comedy for three years. I knew how hard your lives were.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

And it seemed like a lot to go through.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you have any sets where you killed it? Were you like, ah, this is. You felt the feeling that me and Jay feel every weekend.

[Christine]

I don't know about killing, but doing.

[Robert Kelly]

I had. I had a bomb.

[Christine]

I had a bomb at Tangenes, the Turkish restaurant that, like, was. I was like, I don't know if

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could ever just grab the mic and start fucking working the room.

[Christine]

No, there was a fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a you hate the Turks open mic.

[Christine]

I know, but there's an open mic at the bottom of this restaurant in Hell's Kitchen, Tangenes, and. Oh, man, I just bombed for, like, 10 minutes straight with a bunch of dudes just staring at me. It was so awful.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't have that on tape?

[Christine]

No, because I thought I'd only done, like, five minutes, and they said it was 10 minutes instead of just getting off stage. I tried to fill the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can get you a tape of 10 dude staring at her if you want,

[Christine]

but this was what this is also. This was like, the first show I ever produced in the city. And, you know, my friends were really supportive. The first time I did it, I did well, and that was fun.

[Robert Kelly]

What about the other one? Are they're supportive on the other one, too?

[Christine]

Yeah, they're both. These are both, like.

[Robert Kelly]

So, yeah, it was like bringer shows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

This was a. Yeah. This show I produced with my friends.

[Robert Kelly]

I had the guy at Catch a Rising Star. It was in Harvard Square. It's like what cross comedy was, and Marc Maron and all those guys. And you had to put your name on the wall. You just wrote your name on it. And then six months later, you got a spot. My first set ever, and it was a bringer show. And I brought my whole family. Like, 15 people showed up. My grandfather, my grandmother. And the guy came up to me before the show goes, hey, make sure your family doesn't laugh too loud at you. I don't want to mess with the other comics. And I didn't know what to do, so I just went up to my family. I was like, hey, guys, don't laugh. You know, don't. Don't be that supportive of me. Like, I did not even say it. I was like, you know, I don't. The guy asked me. So that you're not like, don't overdo it. Don't overdo it. For me, it was like. And then the guy brought me up, and I did my stupid jokes that were terrible. And then after went Robert Kelly. People are so different from me.

[Christine]

My first things are dating. Like, dating's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whose phone's going nuts?

[Robert Kelly]

Mine. Not mine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was totally yours.

[Robert Kelly]

It was not mine.

[Christine]

It's mine. I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like. Here it is. I'm waiting for it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? You have lied about this before.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that what you're waiting for?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm waiting for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry for this.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at you.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me. No, I want a real one. Come on, Jay. You got it in you. Look at me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm kidding it together. Allow me to gather myself. Sorry I blamed you. I sorry I didn't believe you. Thank you when you said it wasn't you.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you've been known to.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a Jacob. No, no. So much Jacob. No, no. I said the thing to you.

[Robert Kelly]

I want a solid apology with nothing at the end. Period. I want a period at the end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry that I didn't believe you when you said it wasn't your phone.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did touch your phone.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You touched your phone afterwards, though.

[Robert Kelly]

I, I, I, I touched my phone because you're you. You immediately look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now you're stuttering.

[Robert Kelly]

No, because you immediately look at me with your big eyes. Bobby. Your disapproval. Your phone's going off again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My disapproval.

[Robert Kelly]

Dad and I don't sip on water all the time. It's Christine sometimes, too. Remember that guy?

[Christine]

Me? It's for sure me sometimes 100%.

[Robert Kelly]

A lot of the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are both pieces of.

[Robert Kelly]

I got castrated by Jeff. What was his name? John.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Forget his name. But he did not enjoy your drink.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God, it's not even mine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at the staff over at Smith and Williams.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's class.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they have vests. They have double breasted vests, red ties,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

thin, fat, don't matter vest.

[Robert Kelly]

They look fantastic. Now that's a wait staff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And here's another thing too. You'll see a lot in the wait staff. And this is a big deal in a steakhouse. Old, they're older because they've been there for fucking 35 years.

[Robert Kelly]

Because they get paid good money. Yes, they get paid good money because they're professionals. Not like a Ted's.

[Kikiko]

And this, this would stress me out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Kikiko]

It's just too much for a lunch. I would be too black. Lou, is it too much for you behave or something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sitting in a nice place. Too much for lunch? You're gonna be in and out the same way you'll be in and out of Ted Montana's.

[Robert Kelly]

It's, it's not too much for me, you know, for me in these establishments.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd have to say though, I don't see a black face in that photo. Right. So, you know, you know, the service is going to be fantastic. Oh, I thought, I'm sorry, I thought we were going different things. We were going different directions. Yes, we were going different directions. No, I'm supposed to know where he was going.

[Robert Kelly]

That's all right, it's all right, it's all right. But the service is going to be better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just want to be treated well. There's a couple of Chinese Pacos, my friend Gilbert.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you got a couple Mexicans, you got a couple bobbies in the background.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, everyone's most, for the most part, bald.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you got like three me's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I tell you, that's what I do like about when I go. What's that place I love in La Dantana's? I love that, that Italian place. Like the people, the waiters are always like, it's in a 55 year old guy.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have had such a great time if Josh wasn't with us. This is our thing, we do it. Can I have some of yours?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Give me a little. Y' all now have a little bit of mine. I don't want what you got. Yeah, but you have. It can make me have a bunch of.

[Robert Kelly]

Yo, it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you got a thing that nobody wanted. You got like, like Parmesan yak. He's like. I know. It's good though. Try now. Let me have A lot of your chicken parmesan.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, the word. Just feeling him stare. Stare at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you going to eat most of your salad?

[Robert Kelly]

He was staring at my meal the whole time, waiting for me to offer many. And I was like, I'm not giving him any.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, do me a favor. Leave me most of your burger. Just leave me a little. Most of your burger. 51%. 49. Poor brother.

[Robert Kelly]

That place was awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The one guy on the staff, the guy who's squatting down looks like, dare I say a. A polite hire for a special needs kid. That kid came over to my table smiling that much. Dude, I don't want. I don't want what he's bringing. Yeah, give me somebody else. I don't like his stance. Yeah, yeah, no, he's tough.

[Robert Kelly]

He looks like a bug influencer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you who I want. I want that fucking ginzo between the Asian guy and the guy in the chokehold.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, I want that Paco dude too, because, you know, he's fast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paco dude's fat, but he's. It's too. He's like bowing all the time. And I love about now, but it's a lot of.

[Robert Kelly]

I want Paco to stop bowing to us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His energy. I would appreciate that. Yeah, his energy is already apologetic, and I don't want that in my food service. I like confidence.

[Robert Kelly]

I like his posture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not going to.

[Robert Kelly]

To spill anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but he's like this. He's going like. He's like.

[Robert Kelly]

He's like, oh, no trouble.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just I bring a steak. Is it good?

[Robert Kelly]

Is it good? That is a good Paco's dad, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what he sounds like. He's good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's good.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you like what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kiss man.

[Robert Kelly]

Kiss man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kiss man. Oh, my Kiss man.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't like a pumpkin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like a zucchini smack me face with ding dong. Paco with his mother right now. Let's see.

[Robert Kelly]

I drive my boyfriend around on moped.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We both wear gigantic helmets on our little heads.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we have baggy pants, but no shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on. Turn off the dance music and stop dancing in living room. Paco calling. Paco's on the phone.

[Robert Kelly]

Hello, son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on a second. Is my son calling.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hello? Hello? Paco. Me papa dad.

[Robert Kelly]

You already told me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's what I told you. Yes, I told you. Get over here. What are you doing? It doesn't sound like you're shaking your ass wherever you are. Paco, this is my son, Chinese Paco. Sorry, guys, sorry. The guys are dancing. Oh, guys dancing everywhere. Paco, come here. Kiss. Guys with your dad.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two Christmases, but which one's more fun? Really? Oh, man. We're gonna really dig into Christine's comedy. I think there's gonna be a lot of nuance we didn't see last time.

[Robert Kelly]

Would you ever do it again? No, never. You wouldn't just try it for us one day?

[Doug]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. Just do it. Just do it again. You already did it.

[Christine]

Yeah, I did it. I got it out of the way.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet you're not as bad as you think you were. I bet it's not gonna be that bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I said, can I see a

[Robert Kelly]

little picture of her? Just a photo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think I said these things. Like, she had, like. She just. She was around Comedy bunch, so she had, like, the most basic, like, how to do, like, a hacky. Been done.

[Robert Kelly]

Was she dressing on the girl set? Was she dressing like a young girl comic?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, look at you.

[Christine]

I didn't know how to, like. And I. You know, it's like, I'd say something that I thought was funny, but didn't really know how to, like, end a joke or form a joke.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're. I had. I had and you had.

[Christine]

That was the first podcast I ever did was Ari's podcast about having threesomes. And it was just like a really kind of intense the. And it's. I mean, I don't know how he got through it, because everything I say, I'm like,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

it's higher here every single day.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, well, if you listen

[Christine]

to that, I definitely got that.

[Kikiko]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe I've been to your house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've scared me with what comes after almost everything. Are you guys hurting because I made some food? There's nothing to laugh about right here.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby, guess what? I got Montadella for the chocolate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They didn't have more dough, so we just got Plato baloney.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you see the light behind the liquor bottles?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is that, isolation? Oh, my Lord.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, you. I mean, I tell you what, you look good, though. No, you look good. You look good. Yeah, Nice little tight jeans on, low cut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is Christine. I'll tell you what, after this show, Christine got hammered and partied up. This was fun, Christine.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, I got up. That was Desmond's.

[Kikiko]

Desmond.

[Christine]

Was a.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at all the hands clapping. Fun, Christine, Was that the beginning of the show? The clap right there is at the beginning of it, or is it the end?

[Christine]

I think it's in the Middle.

[Robert Kelly]

It's in the middle.

[Christine]

Because it was. It was really mean to produce with my friend Tim Porbay, and he's a musician, so he played music at the end.

[Robert Kelly]

At the end. Were you, like, going up to your friends, oh, good job. Thank you very much. And were you on high?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

You know, I don't really remember the end of this one. I remember the end of my first one, and she was already blacked out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was already blacked out by the end of the set.

[Christine]

My favorite in her message, people were like, like. Like, that was your first time. And I was like, huh? You know, like, I did well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First time. Doing well is important for a quitter. I'm a quitter. So that first one would have went bad. I would have never tried it a second time.

[Robert Kelly]

You ever quit? You have it, like, at the beginning quit?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, be like, I'm done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. The day before, two days before I met Keith Robinson.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, you told me that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I quit. I was out. Word didn't spread, though.

[Robert Kelly]

You told me that story just before Keith came In went, that TV's too small.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Oh, I know. Every day I sit there, it haunts me. I don't even watch that TV out there anymore. It's stupid and tiny.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm like, well, I might as well just watch it on my phone. It doesn't make a difference. My phone, tv. God damn. Son of a. Ooh. Show's over.

[Robert Kelly]

Show's over, baby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Weeks over.

[Robert Kelly]

What a great week back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a great week back.

[Robert Kelly]

So good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No guests. Just really getting into each other again, you know?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was. Felt good, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Felt great.

[Robert Kelly]

Felt good to see you again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll go through Christine's thing on Monday. Somebody remind us. It'll be on the sheet.

[Christine]

Yeah, I'll upload that. I can get the other one uploaded too, over the weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chinese Paco.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't wait.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thanks for being here, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

He's growing a mustache.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. You know that I appreciate you by the very generous gift that I gave you. More generous than Bobby's.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he does more for you than he does for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Absolutely no.

[Robert Kelly]

You get full body back rubs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's unrelated. I tip him different on that.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, okay. Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow. Oh, Dan Soder, right now on Raw Dog Comedy is doing my grandmother.

[Robert Kelly]

Run, Jacob, run, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. There's no. There's no way. Get over the Raw Dog.

[Robert Kelly]

Run. Run, Jacob, run.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dan Soder's doing my grandmother. Can we see it?

[Robert Kelly]

I hate Dandy

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Kelly's gonna be at McCurdy's Comedy Theater in Sarasota. All of his tour dates punch up. Live Robert Kelly. Check out the YouTube YouTube.com@robert/obert Kelly comedy. And of course every Tuesday night 7pm The Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy

[Robert Kelly]

Cellar and Big J for all tickets and other tour dates bigj. Comedy.com and go to YouTube.com bigjokasan for his specials. And he goes live all the time. He just went last night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Enjoy the pre record, enjoy it tomorrow and we'll be back with you live Monday.

[Robert Kelly]

We're back for a while too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Crackle crackle.

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[Doug]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Sponsor Announcer]

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[Doug]

Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a quote at libertymutual. Com or with your local agent.

[Kikiko]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.