The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Ghost Texts & Tummy Time
Date: November 21, 2025 | SiriusXM Faction Talk

Overview

In this lively and unfiltered episode, Jay and Bobby bring their signature raw humor to an honest, meandering conversation that jumps from balding and hair transplants, to facing death and loss in the comedy community, to the realities of being fat on the road—and, ultimately, how comedians cope with vulnerability and connection as they age. With regulars like Jacob and DJ Lou chiming in, the banter moves seamlessly from roasting each other to exploring deeper themes of mortality, friendship, and regret, punctuated by irreverent asides and memorable one-liners.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "White Music" and Tattoo Stories

• The show kicks in with Jay’s story (01:37) about a fan asking if he knew a woman with a “soul coughing” tattoo “next to her pussy.”
• Immediate riffing on odd fan encounters and the unique tribal knowledge passed around among comics.

"She's a comedian? He's like, no, man, she's a slut."
—Big Jay Oakerson (01:21)

Tone: Off-the-cuff, sexual, irreverent.

2. Weather Woes & Aging Comic Bodies

• Jay and Bobby lament the biting New York cold and its effect on their bodies and vanity (02:52-04:13).
• Bobby muses on being happy to be bald to avoid dealing with ruined hair and sleeping upright.

"I had to sleep sitting up, you know what I mean? Like old ladies used to get their hair done for, like, a month."
—Bobby Kelly (03:58)

Memorable riff: On Navy SEALs, aging, and fashion challenges.

3. Hair Transplants & Male Insecurity

• The longest, most detailed segment: Jacob’s struggle with balding, different transplant methods, and resisting a Turkey “medical tourism” trip (05:01-25:27).
• Lively debate: Is it worth the money? Is it taboo to admit?
• Discussion of beard, chest, and even hypothetical "bush fat" hair donations for a transplant.

Highlights & Quotes:

• "No one thinks you’re bald at all. That’s not the first thing I would think about you when I saw you."
  —Big Jay Oakerson (10:06)
• "You can get those meds from anybody."
  —Bobby Kelly (11:51)
• "We should send him to Dr. Geshe."
  —Bobby Kelly (12:01)
• Turkish hair restoration marketing and testimonials are skewered on-air (07:00+).

Comedy Tangents:

• Comic insecurities about “dangerous” camera angles in the studio.
• Offer to pay for Jacob’s transplant in exchange for a “bonfire logo” haircut or a tattoo.
• Riffs on using bush hair for transplants, “rejection pills,” and bad post-op flights with heads full of surgical wounds (16:54, 23:33).
• “Norbert ranking scale” for baldness (16:43).

4. Stories of Friendship & Coping with Death

• Bobby shares a deeply personal story about learning that his friend and comic Jerry Rocha may have died—moments before going onstage (33:01-47:18).
  • The anxiety of not knowing, the awkwardness of sending a heartfelt text, and the bizarre “ghost text” he receives after the show.
• Jay and Bobby process comic death/illness (Patrice O’Neal, Keith Robinson), riffing as they attempt to avoid emotional depth.

"It just sits in my chest like a brick... I feel like if I do start to cry, all the stuff’s gonna come out."
—Bobby Kelly (41:43)

• Jay’s dark humor offers a counterpoint:

"Don’t you wish you would have went through this with him while he was still here?"
—Big Jay Oakerson (36:50)

• They riff about the possibility the text is coming from “the afterlife,” ending on jokes about cell towers in heaven and ghostly communication.

Memorable Exchange:

"He responds—okay, now I’m up."
—Bobby Kelly (43:13)
Jay: "He just meant he wasn’t going to make the TD Bank show, Bobby."

5. Hypothetical Heaven for Comics

• Riffing on who’s in “Comedy Heaven”: John Pinette, Chris Farley, Robin Williams, Richard Jeni (49:01).
• Jokes about fatness, small wings, beautiful women, and whether “ugly chicks” get in.

"You’re still fat in heaven but you move light as air… and the most beautiful women are completely still attracted to the fattest, snuggliest guys." —Big Jay Oakerson (49:13)

6. Fat Guy Life & "Tummy Time" Restaurant

• Long, honest discussion on the realities of being overweight in hotels on the road (52:27-55:51).
• Towel tricks (for food, jizz, and weed smoke), ordering patterns, and hotel hacks.
• Invention of the "Tummy Time" restaurant—everyone eats lying down on their stomachs.

"As soon as I get in the hotel room, I take one towel… I wet it… and put it under the door… I still believe that’s what makes weed smoke stay in the room."
—Big Jay Oakerson (54:47)

• Food shame, Thanksgiving binges (“the gobbler” sandwich), and eating until you throw up (57:06-58:57).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-------------|--------------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:21 | Jay Oakerson | "She's a comedian? ... No, man, she's a slut." | | 03:58 | Bobby Kelly | "I had to sleep sitting up... like old ladies used to get their hair done..." | | 10:06 | Big Jay Oakerson | "No one thinks you’re bald at all. That’s not the first thing I would think about you." | | 36:00 | Bobby Kelly | "He died waiting for your phone call." | | 41:43 | Bobby Kelly | "It just sits in my chest like a brick. I feel like if I do start to cry..." | | 49:13 | Big Jay Oakerson | "You’re still fat in heaven but you move light as air..." | | 54:47 | Big Jay Oakerson | "As soon as I get in the hotel room, I take one towel...wet it...put it under the door..." |

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Fan with Tattoo Story: 01:37
• Cold Weather Complaints: 02:52
• Hair Transplant Riffing Begins: 05:01
• Debate on Medical Tourism (Turkey): 06:16, 09:19, 14:41
• Bobby’s Ghost Text Story: 33:01-47:18
• Comedy Remembrance & Heaven Bit: 49:01-50:13
• Fat Guy Hotel Hacks/"Tummy Time" Invention: 52:27-54:47
• Thanksgiving Binge Stories: 57:06-58:57

Flow & Tone

• The tone is consistently brash, dark, and affectionate, never shying from taboos or self-deprecation.
• Jay and Bobby’s banter and quick wit are central, with empathetic moments woven between relentless ribbing.
• The episode captures what “The Bonfire” does best: finding the comedy in the messy, human realities of life, friendship, and mortality—without ever getting too sentimental, at least without making fun of themselves immediately after.

For Listeners

If you haven’t tuned in, expect:

• Unfiltered talk about aging, balding, and the not-so-glamorous life of comics.
• Real talk about death, mixed with gallows humor and warmth.
• Tangential, chaotic, and very human stories—equal parts roast and therapy session.
• Inventive takeaways: “Tummy Time” for fat-friendly dining, hotel towel hacks, and the idea that maybe in heaven, you finally get to have that perfect “gobbler” sandwich—without judgment.

No ads, no pretense. Just comics riffing, grieving, and getting on with the work—and making each other laugh through it all.