Heckling Dio with Jim Florentine

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Heckling Dio with Jim Florentine"
Date: August 20, 2025
Guests: Jim Florentine
Theme: Comedic Deep Dives into Rock Legends, Aging, and Comedy Road Stories

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Episode Overview

This episode welcomes Jim Florentine to the show, joining hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly for a raucous conversation that weaves through 1980s and 90s rock culture, the peculiarities of aging musicians, bad fashion trends, and infamous moments in rock and comedy history. The centerpiece is Jim’s hilarious story of heckling Ronnie James Dio as a teen, illustrating the tribal fan wars that defined his youth. The hosts also riff on the ways rock stars and comedians deal with aging, body image, and the sometimes absurd lengths performers go to keep up appearances, with their trademark blend of sarcasm and nostalgia.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rock Star Aging: "Put a Shirt On, Dude"

Timestamps: 01:26 – 16:02

• The group riffs on aging rockers still clinging to youthful looks—discussion starts with Ozzy’s ballads and quickly spirals into a roast of icons like Iggy Pop, Bill Ward, and Axl Rose.
  • Quote: “Iggy Pop right now looks like just meat hanging. Dude, what the—” — Bobby Kelly [02:27]
  • “His stomach has just disease.” — Bobby Kelly [02:53]
• They lament the era of shirtless legends gone soft (metaphorically and literally) and how fandom still gives them a pass.
• Chat about old rock fashion mishaps (vests, tighty whities, affliction jeans) and the sad reality of faded muscle tone and suspect toupees.
  • “There’s nothing worse than getting fat, and you can’t button your vest. And you realize you’re not a vest guy anymore.” — Bobby Kelly [06:53]

2. Rock Star Hair Secrets: Toupees, Extensions, and Flaws

Timestamps: 09:41 – 13:38

• The trio swaps rumors and revelations about musicians’ hair pieces and insecurity:
  • Who’s wearing a wig? Ric Ocasek, members of Kiss, Bret Michaels, Hulk Hogan, and others are reviewed with forensic scrutiny and plenty of digs.
  • Quote: “He got a Monica from Friends.” — Jim Florentine (on Ric Ocasek's wig) [10:44]
  • The importance of finding rock star flaws: “One of my favorite things is finding flaws. Like Denzel’s pinky finger was a disgusting mess for years.” — Bobby Kelly [11:27]
• They confirm that Paul Stanley covered his head because of abnormally tiny ears—a favorite “dirt” fact for comics.

3. Infamous Road Stories: From Tour Bus Driving to Legendary Lies

Timestamps: 13:01 – 16:42

• Hulk Hogan’s notorious tall tales are recounted: claiming he was invited to join Metallica and The Rolling Stones, and rumors about creative hair solutions.
  • “He’s notoriously a wacky liar… says that Elvis used to come to his shows in Memphis. And it turns out he never wrestled while Elvis was alive.” — Jim Florentine [13:52]
• Steven Tyler’s rock star persona debunked (and personal anatomy discussed).

4. The "Heckling Dio" Story—Centerpiece

Timestamps: 24:18 – 27:02

• Big Jay recounts getting thrown out for holding up an “Ozzy is God, Dio must pray to him for forgiveness” banner at a Black Sabbath show with Dio fronting.
  • Quote: “On the way down there, we bought a banner at some store, like a tablecloth, we wrote 'Ozzy is God. Dio must pray to him for forgiveness.'” — Big Jay Oakerson [24:44]
  • They laugh about Jay’s commitment: “Every time he came to our side, we held it up again like that. Next thing you know, two bouncers come grab us.” — Big Jay Oakerson [24:50]
• The long aftermath: Dio referenced the incident decades later in an interview, still bothered by the banner.
  • “It was funny because Dio brought that up like, 30 years later in an interview… it just bothered me.” — Big Jay Oakerson [25:47]
• Jim teases Jay about being friends with Dio later: “I was friends with Dio at the time. I was like, I can't tell him I did that.” [25:57]

5. Ozzy's Downfall, Sharon's Rescue, and Songwriting Myths

Timestamps: 27:31 – 29:00

• The hosts break down the real story of Ozzy Osbourne’s firing from Sabbath: drugs, drinking, and being rescued by Sharon.
  • “He was just in a hotel room in Hollywood just drinking himself to death. He didn’t leave for, like, four straight months.” — Big Jay Oakerson [27:51]
  • “If it wasn’t for Sharon, he probably... would have died.” — Big Jay Oakerson [28:13]
• Ozzy’s creative process is debunked: he sang melodies but rarely wrote lyrics.
  • “He wrote the melodies to the songs… He never wrote the lyrics—only in a couple songs.” — Big Jay Oakerson [28:32]

6. Rock Fan Culture & Live Show Etiquette

Timestamps: 17:19 – 19:12

• Riffing on the phenomenon of beach balls at arena concerts and why they drive Jay nuts.
  • “Ozzy's playing his last show ever, and everyone's turning around. Oh, where’s the ball? I’M like, just watch the stage.” — Big Jay Oakerson [17:31]

7. Comedy Scene War Stories: The Cellar, Waitresses, and Road Life

Timestamps: 39:35 – 42:15

• Florentine and Kelly reminisce about their romantic exploits at comedy clubs—especially the legendary Comedy Cellar and the “waitress pipeline.”
  • “The seller was a... it was like Plato’s Retreat. We keep feeding you new hot waitresses.” — Jim Florentine [40:39 – 40:46]
• The age-old comic tradition of the “abortion nanny” and wild stories from the road, before ubiquitous cell phone cameras ruined all the fun.

8. Awkward Dancing, AA Social Life, and 80s Fashion

Timestamps: 32:36 – 38:39

• Hilarious admissions about being bad dancers—Jay's fear of snapping, Bobby’s peak Z. Cavariccis/Suspenders era, and their AA dance social lives.
  • “I used to go to AA dinners. That was my social life. On Fridays or Saturday nights in Boston... there was just coffee, water, and chicks that are still in rehab or just got out.” — Bobby Kelly [36:17]
  • Story of scoring in the AA dance scene to “Stairway to Heaven” and the ritualistic closing of meetings with the B-52’s “Rock Lobster.”

9. End-of-Show Love Fest: Booking Plugs and Comic Friendship

Timestamps: 42:12 – End

• Jim’s side-splitters dates in Florida, Big Jay’s Gathering of the Juggalos appearance, and Bobby’s Comedy at the Carlson gig plug.
• Warm (and playfully backhanded) banter about friendship, best friends, and the blurred lines between podcast, radio, and survival during the pandemic.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Rock Star Flaws:
  “One of my favorite things is finding flaws. Like Denzel’s pinky finger was a disgusting mess for years.”
  — Bobby Kelly [11:27]

• On Beach Balls at Arena Shows:
  “Ozzy’s playing his last show ever, and everyone’s turning around. Oh, where’s the ball? I’M like, just watch the stage.”
  — Big Jay Oakerson [17:31]

• On the Ozzy/Dio Fan War:
  “We wrote Ozzy as God. Dio must pray to him for forgiveness… every time he came to our side, we held it up again... Next thing you know, two bouncers come grab us…”
  — Big Jay Oakerson [24:44]

• On Getting Older On Stage:
  "There's got to be a point where you just put a T shirt on. You can get a really nice T shirt."
  — Bobby Kelly [30:24]

• On Stand-Up, Waitresses, and Wild Times:
  “The seller was a... it was like Plato’s Retreat. We keep feeding you new hot waitresses.”
  — Jim Florentine [40:39 – 40:46]

• On Friendship and Podcasting:
  "He goes, 'I don’t give a f--- about this show. This is just a dumb hobby...' You could see it kill Bobby inside."
  — Jim Florentine (on Mike Calta) [43:09]

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Episode Highlights & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Riffs on aging rock stars & vests | 01:26–16:02 | | Rock star hair myths & tiny ears | 09:41–13:38 | | Hulk Hogan’s lies and road antics | 13:01–16:42 | | "Heckling Dio": Banner story | 24:18–27:02 | | Ozzy’s firing and Sharon’s rescue | 27:31–29:00 | | Beach balls and concert pet peeves | 17:19–19:12 | | Comedy Cellar & waitresses memories | 39:35–42:15 | | Dancing confessions, AA social life, 80s style | 32:36–38:39 | | End-of-show plugs & comic “best friend” jokes | 42:12–End |

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Tone & Takeaways

In true Bonfire fashion, this episode is irreverent, fast-moving, self-deprecating, and loaded with inside-baseball for music and comedy fans alike. The banter is unfiltered: poking fun at the icons and at their own misadventures as young comics and fans. Themes of nostalgia, honest appraisals of aging, and merciless teasing run throughout—anchored by a genuine affection among the hosts and for their subjects.

This episode is a treat for fans who love rants, rock trivia, and the camaraderie of comics who’ve survived decades in the trenches. The "Heckling Dio" story is a gem for both its youthful mischief and unexpected legacy, while the rest of the episode is rich with the kind of backstage gossip and gallows humor only veteran comics can deliver.

Transcript

[Jim Florentine]

When work gets crazy, I like to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones. I don't drink at all until 4 o'.

[Jim Florentine]

Clock.

[Bobby Kelly]

We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks, a few nights a week, it can add up. And suddenly we're at greater risk for long term problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the drink. More [e-mail] Noche Initiative when it comes to delivering flowers for life's special occasions, Trust the name that's been setting the standard for nearly 50 years. 1-800-flowers.com from breathtaking bouquets to one of a kind arrangements, 1-800-flowers is your authority on quality blooms. Always fresh, always stunning, always delivered with care. And right now, for a limited time, you can save up to 40% off your bouquet and make someone's day. Save up to 40% off today at 1-800-flowers.com sxm. That's 1, 800.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Jim Florentine]

We have Jim Florentine joining the show today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Funny comedian Jim Florentine. He's playing the improv all weekend. Seven shows.

[Jim Florentine]

Seventeen shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Seventeen shows.

[Jim Florentine]

We have them right here. You know from Crank Yankers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Special ed can't do that now. Jim florentine. Go to jimflauntine.com.

[Jim Florentine]

I don't think I like. I'm trying to think if I like any Aussie ballads.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love the Aussie ballads.

[Bobby Kelly]

This one was a great one.

[Jim Florentine]

Mama, I'm Coming Home. Like, I liked it when it came out, but it just like I never go back to it ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

This was a good one. When he sang it with his daughter. Yeah, it was really. They switched it up a little bit. That was pretty.

[Jim Florentine]

Speaking of, I saw a tribute that Lita Ford, I guess performed the other night and did Close My Eyes. I Close My Eyes Forever with her guitarist. I can only assume maybe it's her husband or something. Like, I couldn't tell in the video if she looks good or not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She looks all right. Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

She got rough for a minute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I mean, she's, you know, she was in the Runaways in 1976.

[Jim Florentine]

Joan Jett's crazy looking right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know.

[Jim Florentine]

She looks nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's 90.

[Jim Florentine]

I know, but she looks nuts. But she's pretty. I just think Joan Jett was pretty in her way, you know, it looks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like right now and I'm really sick of it. Is Iggy Pop stop taking your Shirt off. Dude, you look. You look like you just.

[Jim Florentine]

He still has definition. He's at the outline of muscles, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he doesn't bring this up. Iggy Pop right now. Looks like just meat hanging. Dude. What the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, when Bill Ward took a shirt off the drummer in Sabbath too. Did you see that?

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, no, at the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, at the show. Fat first song.

[Jim Florentine]

Brutal. So fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, he's. Iggy Pop is old fat. It's just like.

[Jim Florentine]

It's just like he's not fat at all. His skin is just falling off his body.

[Bobby Kelly]

His. His stomach has just disease.

[Jim Florentine]

I don't know why he so much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bert's gonna be doing that when he's at that age. He's gonna have to treasure it. Off. Yeah, he's like, I gotta be doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

When? When is he doing it his age?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At that age.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you talking about? What do you mean he's doing it now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm just saying he's gonna have.

[Jim Florentine]

To continue to do it in seven.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna be 76. Still taking it off?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, he looks like he's fucking dead. I don't know why he thinks he has to do. And he has some twist in his body, dude. It's bad. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, he's a hundred pound man and 150 pound, buddy. He looks worth a skin.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looks at the Grinch with no hair. I don't like it. Someone. Someone at that point should be like, yo, man, hey, bro, you're my dad or you're my friend. Leave your fucking shirt.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, we're in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Bill Ward.

[Jim Florentine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jim Florentine]

We're in a very accepting society now, dude. So you have to accept everyone's weird things. You can't be superficial anymore. So you're allowed to do that. So Lizzo can have background dancers.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hate woke, Jay.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm not for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hate. I want to make it Jay.

[Jim Florentine]

Nope. Make no mistake of that. I think pretty people should still be allowed to do pretty jobs. Do you know? I mean, I don't think you have to accept. I think everyone's weird discussion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really think that Jay is turning woke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

No, it's Amy Schumer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll always give Amy props too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll give her props.

[Jim Florentine]

She gave me some good opportunities.

[Bobby Kelly]

Y. Yeah, she's fantastic. No, she gave me props too. I mean, she's good props, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No way.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would never thought I'd hear someone.

[Jim Florentine]

Jay is turning.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay Is Jay Is Hollywood J. Dude, look at those teeth he just got.

[Jim Florentine]

Those are Hollywood Jew. These are Jew Hollywood teeth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, those are from. He actually got those from his management team. Those are. That's from Levity Live. Everybody who's with Levity gets those teeth first. Got them. They took J. Moore back.

[Jim Florentine]

The first specials.

[Bobby Kelly]

I almost got a pair when I signed with Bonfire. I was this close. I was this close.

[Jim Florentine]

Now the balls to take off the shirt, especially when people know what it is, like, it's going to start happening to everybody. How much longer does Navarro have before you start seeing age on his body? He's doing pretty good still.

[Bobby Kelly]

Navarro. Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

But it's going to hit his body at some point where that it's going to look weird. It's going to become, like, more of a tit than a peck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anthony Kitos from starting to look weird. Yeah, a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even flea put. You know, wear clothes. Yeah, wear some clothes, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And where does he get in those tighty whities that even sell them anymore? Anywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

The target in the boys section.

[Jim Florentine]

Now you got to get me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Got to get them in back to school. They only come out at the beginning of September.

[Jim Florentine]

And then. Whatchamacallit's been smart. He's kept himself covered up for a long time now. Axl Rose.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, he wears multiple layers. Lots and lots of layers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Multiple layers. But he still wears those fucking stupid affliction jeans.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I mean, with, like, the dragons on, whatever it is.

[Jim Florentine]

And it's a little antiquated, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And here, the thing that sucks about that is he sweats so much. There's, like. There's always video of him with, like, ball sweat around his groin from just being so hot. And it just. I don't know, it just grosses me out. Like, I know that your balls are so hot.

[Jim Florentine]

You have to see age. And none of those guys prepped for age in what they. How they live their lives.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, what I hate is when all these rock guys wear a vest. Vests were in for, like, one year in 1996-97, and that was it, and they're still fucking wearing them.

[Jim Florentine]

Joey Lawrence. Joey Lawrence put in the fucking. The vest. What a bad look you make the. Are you like the vest? Like, the leather?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, just a little, like, vest T shirt. Every. Every old band guys wear that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had a vest stage. I had a vest stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I did a vest. Yeah. Yeah, I had that.

[Jim Florentine]

I tried it. Yeah, I tried it for a day, and it's all I said. Joey Lawrence. Because it all bounced off of Joey Lawrence.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's nothing worse than getting fat. And you can't button your vest. And you realize you're not a vest guy anymore. You're xl.

[Jim Florentine]

Didn't even assume. Didn't even assume I would ever be able to button this vest. But I will say with my vest, what I, what I preferred was a rolled up sleeve on the T shirt under the vest. Also, like I was gonna go pool shark people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Or get people into a restaurant.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. I had one vest. It was just. It was like a checkered, dark, like flannel Y looking paisley ed paisley vest. Paisley vest.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Purple, black paisley vest. And I got it and I was in shape and I look all right. And then I slowly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right T shirt underneath.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, T shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

V neck, white Hanes tucked in.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, yeah, there you go. Jason Priestley. I was doing a full on Priestly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Except I looked like. Except I was like the size of four Priestleys. I was four Priestleys big when I was young.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you look at these rock guys like Lynyrd Skynyrd, whatever. Whoever's in that band now, 7 out of 10 of them are wearing vests.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, and a large brim hat duff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From Guns N Roses. Still wears a vest. No shirt, no nothing. But he's the best. Buttons it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what, though. Still looks good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he looks amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he looks.

[Jim Florentine]

It's getting a little Iggy Poppy though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But if he's got a little bit. He's got a wife that hot, he, he has to stay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, his face though. Jesus Christ. He looks like he was in Greece 1.

[Jim Florentine]

He's got Jeff Conway face.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's racing Kiniki down at the old, old. The old water place.

[Jim Florentine]

Crater face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Crap.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember that Phil Collin from Def Leppard is still ripped.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

He's like 67.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He'll go out with no shirt on. One of the guitar players that works.

[Jim Florentine]

For him because he is still in great shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he is great shape. Goofy face. Hairline that's been receding for years. He has a, A Steve Burn hairline. Like, is it going or not? Stop.

[Jim Florentine]

He really has. He has had like the Bruce Willis forever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the Bruce Willis. It just never. I hate that. I hate when a guy is balding and he just doesn't go.

[Jim Florentine]

And I'll tell you that. So, like he looks good. Long hair. It's got to be. I appreciate when a rock star keeps their long hair, Steven Tyler esque, things like that. Because Outside of stage where it looks fantastic. You look like a jerk off all the time aging with long hair. Yeah, I've had long hair. Jim used notoriously long hair. It does come a point. You just like, I'm an. If I do it in life, but on stage, you can still pull it off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Kirk Hammett was like. He didn't like the way he looked on stage enough with that short hair that he had to grow it long again and look like a lunatic all day with that thinning long hair. But on stage, that's what he's right. That's what we want to see. That curly hair flying in his face. Now do it for us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do these guys have, like. I know the lead singer of the Cars had a wig.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, sick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he had. His was a wig.

[Jim Florentine]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. You didn't know that? Oh, yeah. Look at his hair. You'll notice it now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, a lot of guys have, like, a piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they have a piece. A lot of guys have a piece. Right. You know who has a piece?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, the guys in Kiss. Maybe former guys and kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Possibly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's a. You can tell now, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can tell it's a wig now.

[Jim Florentine]

But you kept it going until the sun went down.

[Bobby Kelly]

You go do it.

[Jim Florentine]

I met him right before he died. Some say that's what did it. That's gonna be a bummer to find that out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go over to the right.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm bad at all this, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sucks because the older you get with a wig, you get lazy. Like regular hair. And it's like, yeah, I'm not even gonna put it on.

[Jim Florentine]

Right. He looks like my mom.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've got. You've got to look at the. The little tag in the back. This is the back. He put the front on the front. The front on the back of the back of the front. Like a hat. I mean, that thing is. He's been bald for years.

[Jim Florentine]

That's a woman's. Now that I know it' wig. I know he's chose a woman's wig. He got a Monica. He got a Monica from Friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

He got Patti Smith's hair.

[Jim Florentine]

What's. What's he got?

[Bobby Kelly]

The Pretender's hair.

[Jim Florentine]

What's Courtney Cox's name? And friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does he look like the chick from the Pretenders?

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, I said Monica from Friends wig, and you gave me nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought it was Kevin Downey Jr.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hear you. Wow. She was buying bags. Bags.

[Jim Florentine]

Like, yeah, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

People were talking.

[Jim Florentine]

Christine's not focused today.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she's focused. I think we were all. Yeah, but at the same time. Yeah, that hair. Who else kiss has a wig?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, Gene Simmons. There's something going on with his hair. Yeah, even Paul Stanley is. Rumors over the years.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he has to. Because he had the baby ear thing. He had to cover that thing up.

[Jim Florentine]

The.

[Bobby Kelly]

What he doing about his baby years? No, dude, bring up Paul Stanley's ears. You didn't know about that? No ears, buddy. Bring up Paul Stanley's ears. You didn't know. One of my favorite things is finding flaws. Like Denzel's pinky finger was a disgusting mess for years.

[Jim Florentine]

See, it's fun. We have a. We're a good one too. Punching that way. Because you like to pick apart guys who you are. Like, this guy's too perfect. I want to take him down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

I don't. I go the other way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

I go. Show me the hot chick. I'll tell you what's wrong with her. I like to take that one down. I can tell you I'm better at that than pointing out flaws in a handsome dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at those little ears. Can you zoom in on that?

[Jim Florentine]

Those are teensy little ears.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got a. It's actually a condition that he was born with these little ears. And that's why he covered them up for years. And now he's kind of okay with it, but he still has them covered. Crazy, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

He has little baby bat ears.

[Jim Florentine]

He looks like little Steven.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. There's a better picture of it too. I think he got him. Isn't that weird?

[Jim Florentine]

It was little baby tiny ears. I'm trying to think of. I mean, Bret Michaels. They always say it's attached to the bandana.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gotta be. And someone has to have a photo of it.

[Jim Florentine]

I just felt the other day, for the first time that I've seen that I believe Hulk Hogan's hair is completely attached to, like, bandanas and stuff. Also.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think.

[Jim Florentine]

I think it is because when he showed up to pick up his son on the body cam video, there was no bright white hair coming out of the back of anything. He was just wearing a hat and just looked like there was just nothing there. Like he's just a bald guy. I believe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that. I think I just saw Bret Michaels. I told you. He was. He had to drive his bus at one point. Yeah, he was driving the bus, the tour bus, because the bus driver had to take a nap. So he took over. And I think in that he was. He was wearing Just the bandana.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, the one time he got hit, he had to go in the hospital. He got hit with some.

[Bobby Kelly]

What does it say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like crane or something like that. And he was in his hospital bed with the bandana and everything on. So.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's not directly attached.

[Jim Florentine]

It's not attached to it. It's saying that it uses it to keep on a wig or some kind of a thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he's. Everybody knows he's bald on top. Why would you have side wig? How do you buy.

[Jim Florentine]

No, no, no. It's not the side. He just leaves the side to be the side. He just wants that hair coming out of the back is important.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, yeah, it's the. It's the. It's that little. The side in the back. He has hair, but he's bald. Just be bald. Why? Why do you have to have that?

[Jim Florentine]

He could have just gone all bald, but he was hanging on to something. But he's notoriously a wacky liar. He says that Elvis used to come to his shows in Memphis. And it turns out he never wrestled while Elvis was alive.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said he auditioned for the bass player.

[Jim Florentine]

Metallica and the Rolling Stones also asked him to audition to play bass.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Rolling Stones. That's true.

[Jim Florentine]

They're both lies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, sorry.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm sorry. I believe everything the Hulkster says.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, so I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because that's what they want. They want, you know, Keith Richards next to Hulk Hogan on stage.

[Jim Florentine]

That makes sense.

[Bobby Kelly]

How great would that be, though? You. How great would that be if he was just posing?

[Jim Florentine]

Hey, you guys want me on? New bass player. He's got 24 inch pythons.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, brother. Yeah. Everybody wish Dan's here right now so we could do Hulk Hogan.

[Jim Florentine]

You were doing great. There's no match, man, in the story, buddy. Don't do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have thrown it in.

[Jim Florentine]

He's gonna totally handle the. Hulk Hogan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Who else has a wig? It's a weird thing because Steven Tyler must have hair extensions.

[Jim Florentine]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I saw he was at the back at the last show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he sing at all?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he was amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who was the best out of the night besides Young blood?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Steven Tyler was unbelievable because he hasn't sang in like three or four years. He had some. Some issue with his throat or something like that, so he couldn't sing. And all of a sudden he pops up out of nowhere. He did Train, kept a roll, and then he did Whole Lot of Love by Led Zeppelin.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love, I love Toys in the Attic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And when he walks in, like he's walking backstage, he's dressed just to the fucking nine. Just like he is fucking rock star. The shades on. The little shades on. Just bandanas everywhere, little guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I already had a little tiny pud, by the way. I knew a friend of mine was in rehab with him. I was going to meetings at the time in Boston. And he went to rehab. When he goes, yeah, man, he used to shoot up in his pecker. He's got a little tiny ding, ding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, just a little fun fact. Throw that in like a Snapple, you know, you take a snap, pop it off.

[Jim Florentine]

I'd say he's tall and skinny. Is he tall?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably five, nine. No, five' ten.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not that tall.

[Jim Florentine]

All right, so maybe he's got a little wiener.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can tell when he wears his little things. He doesn't have a big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Ronnie Wood showed up, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here. Wow. Can we hear that?

[Jim Florentine]

Tom Morello is such an amazing musician and seems like an intolerable person. It just seems like a guy. I feel. You'd think an hour car ride with him, he'd be like, yo, talk to your boy. That's enough. This guy thinks he knows a little bit about all of it. God damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen to this. Oh, what a good song.

[Jim Florentine]

You have to love them from Boston.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you, this, dude, this. This. This Aerosmith was awesome.

[Jim Florentine]

I've seen him a few times. They're great.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're really good. He is great. Perry's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. The whole band.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, the drummer wears gloves. What are you gonna do, man?

[Jim Florentine]

Rudy Sarzo aged pretty rough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's 72. Rudy.

[Jim Florentine]

It's wild, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So these guys, all these guys were.

[Jim Florentine]

The coolest looking people when I was younger. I remember Rudy Sarzo. Even the stupidest, but, like, still of the night video, right? He was in White Snake at that point. Just like the way he was the guy when he flipped the hair around, you're like, yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to do that thing. I want to do that. And I want to wear my red boots outside of my black jeans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did they have the beach balls? What did the beach balls say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It drives me nuts, these beach balls.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love them. I would take one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to bring a shank.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope. And pop them, deflate it, put it in my pocket, sell it on ebay for a million bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, Ozzy's playing his last show ever, and everyone's turning around. Oh, where's the ball? I'M like, just watch the stage.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't like Metallica?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It took you three days to get to Birmingham and you're looking for the beach ball while you sing a mom, I'm coming home. Can you focus on the stage? We're not at the beach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you like Metallica when they beat the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I hate them when they come on the beach ball. Everyone's like, whoa, let's hit it. You paid 8 for that ticket and you're worried about the beach ball? James, update. You got Metallica, Guns N Rose and where's the beach ball?

[Jim Florentine]

That's what sheep we are, though. And that ball. Same thing, too. I go, oh, here comes the beach ball thing. And then when it's getting close, it's getting close.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's true. It's getting close. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna start popping them. I'm gonna bring a shank in.

[Jim Florentine]

I love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pop them.

[Jim Florentine]

Be the ba humbug. Yeah, that's Jim Florentine. These people are doing a show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me a favor. Just bring a pencil. Don't bring a knife to us. Concert.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At BNC I. I know I could throw it over fence. Yeah, and I know. And then I'll go get it when I get inside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just bring a pencil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's got to be a shank.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay? It's got to be a shank. You gotta stab it and kill it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In case some guy behind wants to kill me for popping the. The beach ball and ruin his fun.

[Jim Florentine]

They were on that mayhem fest I was on to Rob Zombie released 200 beach balls every night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why I don't mind at the end of the show usually, but Metallica and whoever, they did it like in the middle, in the beginning of the show.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, Metallica drops like the. Is it like the yellow and Metallica.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And there was some other ones, some Aussie ones going the whole time, the whole day.

[Jim Florentine]

That's annoying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Kiss was great. They dropped a bunch of at the end of that show. That was fun.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, yeah. I thought you're saying at the Birmingham thing they didn't go to that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Jim Florentine]

Surprised. Do they have a guy? Beep. Surprised Kiss didn't come to something like that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you know, they're retired. Yeah. They were never that close with. With Sabbath.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jim Florentine]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jim Florentine]

Judas Priest is coming around again soon. Alfred there at all. Was Halford up there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, because they were doing a show in Germany with the Scorpions the same night.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he doesn't like. What's his name, right?

[Jim Florentine]

Who?

[Bobby Kelly]

Ozzy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ozzy and Halford. Yeah, they're good friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

He doesn't like Dio though, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ronnie James D. They always had a problem. Yeah. Did I tell you the time I got kicked out of a concert because I had a Anti Dio banner when I was a kid?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Really? No. No. What was it?

[Jim Florentine]

Anti Dio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So after when Ozzy left Sabbath, you know, when he started his own thing, Dio came into Sabbath and I was on Ozzy's side, so I hated whoever. Who the fuck is this guy? Ronnie James Dio.

[Bobby Kelly]

You really love wrestling?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I was. You know I was an Aussie guy, so me and my brother were down in Florida. I was like 16 years old. We're going to see Black Sabbath with Dio. It was only his third show ever with the band. And we'll go. I would go anyway, right? And on the way down there, we bought a banner at some store, like a tablecloth, a white tablecloth. We wrote Ozzy as God. Dio must pray to him for forgiveness. So it was a general mission show. So we're right in, like, the second row. It's his third show. As soon as he comes out, we're holding the banner up, but he's like, you like this. He's like, you. You guys like that. Every time he came to our side, we held it up again like that. Next thing you know, two bouncers come grab us. Bring them in to bring us in the back. They brought my brother in the room. I was a little kid, so they just had me outside. Next, they talked to him for a couple minutes. They opened the door and just threw us out into the parking lot. We're out after the third song. And it was funny because Dio brought that up like, 30 years later in an interview. They go, do you have any gay flack, you know, taking over? Ozzy goes, yeah, it wasn't that bad. He goes a couple times. I remember this one time, there was some banner was really bothering me. It said, ozzy is God. And I have to pray. I forget what it was, but it just bothered me.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you had long hair, right?

[Jim Florentine]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

There wasn't any long hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it was like some ugly woman was holding up a sign.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I was friends with Dio at the time. I was like, I can't tell him I did that. Yeah. I go, there's no. When he died, that's when I started telling the story. I go, I got to keep. Because he would probably have been pissed if he remembered that 30 years later.

[Bobby Kelly]

How'd you become friends with him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did that metal show.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did the metal show. And you and you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He came to one of my comedy shows. And Rudy was friends. Rudy was in his band at the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

So when did you. When did you let the. The Aussie deal thing die? Like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But then when Ozzy's album came out, I'm like, that's fine, because the Sabbath album was out first, the deal. So he had a head start. But when Blizzard of Oz came out, that album was, oh, my God, I'm show with them.

[Jim Florentine]

Did they just play the album they did with D. O? Only or did they do the Ozzy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Songs they opened with, like, War Pigs.

[Jim Florentine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they did, like, half and half.

[Jim Florentine]

I think that's kind of neat when you get to hear that. You said about Rob Halford and Ozzy being friends. I was such a cool moment. And I said Philly. It was such a bummer how they reacted to it at Oz Fest years ago when it was Judas Priest and Black Sabbath. Bill Ward came out and said that we have a message from Ozzy. And it said, he's not gonna be able to make it tonight. And the play's booed and he goes, but my good friend Rob Halford has agreed to sit in for me on the set. So Black Sabbath is gonna play with Rob Halford. It was Rob Halford's birthday. 60% of the audience left.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jim Florentine]

I was like, what are you guys doing? This is gonna be such a cool thing. I know it sucks. It's not exactly what he came to see, but how many times are you gonna see Rob Halford sing a set with Black Sabbath? That was so dope. What a cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you were at that show.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow. That's pretty cool.

[Jim Florentine]

It was very, very cool. The place cleared out, like, pretty big.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ozzy was kicked out of Sabbath, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

For just being a drunk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Drugs. Drug, yeah. Drunk, yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Probably a major problem.

[Bobby Kelly]

And. And. And Sharon was at the time, the manager.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Her father managed Sharon's father managed Black Sabbath. And then Sharon. And then he's like. Sharon was just like his assistant. She goes, if you want Ozzy. Because Ozzy was just in a hotel room in Hollywood just drinking himself to death. He didn't leave for, like, four straight months.

[Jim Florentine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And he goes, well, you can take Ozzy because he's a loser and he's not going to do anything. So she went and got him. Got him out of the hotel, got him a band, got him sober and got him, you know, got him Rudy Sarzo and Randy and all that stuff and start his career. If it wasn't for Sharon, he probably. He would have died.

[Bobby Kelly]

My question is this. He's such a drug addict. He's so crazy. Did he write any of his music? Or did somebody write these songs like the, you know, Blizzard of Oz or all his. Because there's such good songs and they're so. Him. When he sings it. Did. Did somebody write those for him or did it. Was he part. He.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wrote the melodies to the songs. Like, we'd hum along and they would kind of come up with some lyrics. He never wrote the lyric Only in a couple songs. He wrote the lyrics and Tony Oma would come up with the music in Sabbath and other guys. But they said he was amazing in the studio because he would just hum something like. Holy, that's a great melody. They would just kind of write songs around it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Around the melody. So, yeah, with the melody, but he didn't write the words.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not a few songs. That was it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not too many.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jim Florentine]

Such a law. What a loss. And maybe it was gonna make any more music.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't believe how big it was. Like that was like a huge. Like the tributes for him and stuff. I didn't know it was gonna be that big worldwide.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, nobody stuck on that Hulk Hogan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody can sing like him. And nobody like even his physical appearance is he. His hair, his face, his. His attitude and his voice. There's nobody who the fuck could even jump into those shoes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No one sounds like Ozzy freaked out.

[Jim Florentine]

Like the biggest freaks in the game. Like Molly Crue was terrified of him. Like when he snorted the ants. Right. And all that shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you know, and Ozzy used to. You remember the hotels? They used to have the ice machine really low and you had to lift the lid and get the ice. Well, Rudy Sarzo's convinced that they put him up here where they made them where you have to go up, get the ice up, up top. Because Ozzy on the road, when they get to the hotel, he would shit in the ice machines. He would do it every time and then just right away. And they would stay in like five star hotels. So like rich guys would leave their shoes outside their door to get polished I guess in the morning. I never heard of that. In their shoes. And then he would stay up all night like and watch and wait to see where I see the guy come out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you talking about Norton?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's why me and I didn't even know it like him so much.

[Jim Florentine]

It's gonna had a party. Ozzy big on the upper decker.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy.

[Jim Florentine]

That. That Iggy Pop was a haunting picture, by the way, that first one.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's got to be a point where you just put a T shirt on. You can get a really nice T shirt.

[Jim Florentine]

You're gonna have to accept age at some point. Yeah, if you're a woman, you could hold it off for a while.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But seriously, like if Bird is still going in 20 years from now, is he. He's gonna have to take a shirt off 100. So what's gonna happen? I mean he is already out of shape. So it's not gonna be that bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing with Bert. He's got a belly. Beer belly, whatever it is. But he's. He's built like a silverback gorilla.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, strong as. Yeah. His shoulders. If you look at Bert, he's a. He's like a gorilla man. He's. He's strong as. He's a freaking nature. But he's got. He can put that belly on. And then, I don't know, I guess he trains or whatever and hires a bunch of trainers and just loses it quick.

[Jim Florentine]

He's just. People, like, literally, they keep him up like a machine. They just keep him going.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Like. Like, if you go now. If you go to, like, his thing now, you'll see he got. He's got these big, big ass shoulders. He's a big dude, man. Yeah, look at that. He's pretty sure.

[Jim Florentine]

Florida's finest.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Look at those shoulders.

[Jim Florentine]

Well, that's when he got, like, actually in pretty good shape for a minute. I don't think he looks like that this minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that would suck if. But I mean, look, if you. If you go. If you start doing the. The puppet thing, you're gonna have to travel with a puppet later in life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna be 65 going, hey, where's my. Hey. My puppet was in the. It was in the. It was in the thing. It didn't come off the play.

[Jim Florentine]

The noise you have to make when you get under the table. All right, guys. See, See you guys on the other side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah. That's why I hope Norton would make it as chips. We'd have to travel with all those outfits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it made me so happy. Where's my bag? Where's my bag of props?

[Jim Florentine]

Hold f on. Who's this girl with Bert?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that's his daughter. That's his daughter?

[Jim Florentine]

Is it gonna be the girl who plays the daughter?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not his daughter. That's a chick. I don't know. Oh, dancer. Choreographer. So maybe she did his dance video.

[Jim Florentine]

He did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe.

[Jim Florentine]

Very possible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I would do a dance video too, if she was my instructor.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd love to see you.

[Jim Florentine]

I gotta spend time with my choreographer, if you don't mind.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever. Do you. Did you ever dance in your life?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, twice?

[Bobby Kelly]

Where? Your wedding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not even. Like we. We went to.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't dance at your wedding?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A frat. Well, slow dance. Okay, slow dance. But a frat party. We'd sneak in. Frack. Parties of Rutgers. So you would be dead. I was so bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just. I know you're not. Can you. What was your move?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The no move? I just. I have no rhythm. Even though I love music, I just don't have a rhythm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you move just your hips?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd move my feet and my hips.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet you snap. You look like a snapper. Did you snap?

[Jim Florentine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate when I see a woman snap. I want to lop her fingers off when they snap the songs. That drives me nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love a snap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate it.

[Bobby Kelly]

My wife hates it too, but I snap. You do I snap like this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you're doing it to be goofy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm doing it to be goofy, but also because it feels wonderful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate that snapping.

[Jim Florentine]

It's a good, good video. Christine. When the cocaine was pure, white people had rhythm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. God damn, we did.

[Jim Florentine]

I tell you what, you black people aren't wrong. It's just not. It's not that there's the white people that can't dance. There's plenty of white people that can dance. But on the most average level, it just doesn't look cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just think we're hearing some different things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I was always a guy to just.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think we're hearing like, you know, you know like bump. We're hearing the bump, bump, bump, bump.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm hearing bam, boom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Because you, you, you got, you got, you got brother in you. You're actually hearing the beat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See, my move was like, look, you guys go out and dance with girls, whatever. I'll hold your, your purses and watch your drinks. Maybe I put something in them, but exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'd sprinkle stuff in their drinks.

[Jim Florentine]

It's their fault. It's stuff you found in their purse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get a little flavor. But I would be like. So they're like, oh, I'll hold your jacket, go out there. No problem. I got your stuff. Don't worry, have fun. So I get out of it.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh yeah. It's like, oh, well he's. Oh, he's so nice. He's watching our stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Instead of. Yeah, I was never gonna be. It's a short lived world though, to be known for being good at dancing. Because it is funny when we went to that 50 years of hip hop when Kid and play was doing the dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Like the Kid and Play dance. It doesn't. It looks very similar to when me and you jokingly were doing the dance outside. Like, it's just that it just gets clunky no matter what. And those Guys were rhythm personified, kid. And play. But I mean, now when you watch, it's like it's two 60 year old men, like, you know, jokingly, and they're even making jokes about how old they are. And it's like the moves are like just like haphazard and not really into it at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's because if you hit your foot on the other guy's foot midair, you might pop your MCL out.

[Jim Florentine]

Absolutely. But they used to jump over their legs. But you can only do. Dancing is a very short ability to like do the career. You could teach it forever. But like doing being a dancer.

[Bobby Kelly]

I jumped out of the back of my pickup truck last week. I was like, I got this. And I didn't. As soon as I hit the earth, I was like, I'll never do that again. I'll always go to bum bum bum to foot. To foot. I jumped out like I was a 10 year old.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You blow out your knee years ago, right? Torn acl.

[Bobby Kelly]

I tore my ACL and mcl.

[Jim Florentine]

Wow. In the day in the Dane Bowl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

I forgot that was a big day for you. I forgot you busted your knee in the Dane Bowl.

[Bobby Kelly]

I broke my knee, man. Broke my knee, dude. Yeah, that was terrible.

[Jim Florentine]

I heard it was torgasmic.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the heck was that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said that guy, you had to dance him for a while with a broken knee.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

I didn't stop dancing. Yeah, Bobby, you definitely, you would definitely walk into a place confident and start dancing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like in your heyday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, before marriage, when you, you know, hook up with girls. Is up. Were you a dancer?

[Bobby Kelly]

I told this to Jay. I used to go to AA meetings. I used to go to AA dances. That was my social life back in the day. On Fridays or Saturday nights in Boston, me and my friend Mark Caesar, who was like a. In a band, you know, he went to Berkeley, right. He was his. He was going to be like a rock star type dude. You know, he played piano and every instrument. And we would go to these dances at like St. Mary's Church in Lynn, just in the basement. There was just coffee, water, and chicks that are still in rehab or just got out of rehab and all they.

[Jim Florentine]

Have left is frivolous sex.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. I remember just going down there and you'd walk or you make your round and then you'd. When that. Yeah, like this. Exactly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, but would you dance with them?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

Hey, this water's pretty good. You want to suck my dick? Hey, you know what's. You know what's? Better than beer. This soda.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Jim Florentine]

Hey, you want to go by the fives?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, before we have some cake, you want to suck my dick?

[Bobby Kelly]

They did have cake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know they do. I've had meetings.

[Jim Florentine]

Hey, guys, before you have your tea.

[Bobby Kelly]

But they. They always played rock lobster in the middle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then they'd end with Stairway to Heaven. And Stairway to Heaven was your chance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To grind on them and get the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Girl and the girl you're working on.

[Jim Florentine]

I told Jay, you can't slow down straight through Stairway to Heaven.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. No, you can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you're at the end, it gets a little heavier.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you're a drug addict at. Recovering alcoholic and drug addict, you can.

[Jim Florentine]

You can just hold on a full shred.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the chick is still shaking anyways. She's just trying to stay up. Yeah, I met a lot. I mean, a lot of girls.

[Jim Florentine]

I picture you dance, though, like. What's Jean Claude Van Damme in Double Impact when he was the twins, when he goes and like, dances. Like, it's a very, like, hip sway kind of thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did have Z Cavaricis.

[Jim Florentine]

And you were tan as fuck, I bet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suspenders shredded. I used to wear. I had suspenders and the pants came up over my belly button. The pleated Z Cabaret and the Don Johnson jacket.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did the Don Johnson. Yeah, the Miami Vice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I saved up so much to get that at Telos. Remember Tello's? No, it was. It was a. It had held Z Cavaries.

[Jim Florentine]

Like department store kind of thing, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And it had just all the Italians.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. So you wore a T shirt with the. With the sports wife beater.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suspenders, some type of fluorescent color.

[Jim Florentine]

Wait, suspenders in lieu of a belt. That definitely has a piece. A metal piece on the end of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would do the metal. I would do the belt once in a while, but it was the belt that would. It had metal and then metal at the end. You'd snake it back through. So it would point right to your car.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah, absolutely. You put it underneath.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, right.

[Jim Florentine]

And through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, and then if you have no belt, that's easy access. That's one less step.

[Bobby Kelly]

One. And then. And I never wander. I never wander. I was always free balling. It just. I wanted zip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. So once she puts a hand down there, she's committed. She thought there'll be underwear. And it's like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, little tricks of the trade, I would call it.

[Jim Florentine]

You know, I've never even.

[Bobby Kelly]

She thinks she has a couple more minutes. You don't because now you're touching my back.

[Jim Florentine]

I've never even. I've never even overthought that. What. What two notorious Coxmen. You and Jim are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jim Florentine]

When we got to the Cellar, at least did you guys have overlap on, like, chicks ever, like, at the Cellar? Like, the. The. The hot girl wait staff, the comedy clubs or anything? Were you guys, like, dipping in the different pools? Sort of.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he was. He. You was. You were always banging, like, outside chicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I never did the. Artie and Godfrey got them all. Wow.

[Jim Florentine]

That's what. Yeah. Bobby would have to pull them away from them like. Like gators. Got a hold of your dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they were my. They were. If I liked a girl, I bring him in and sit him with Artie and Godfrey. And if we left and they were like, she was fun.

[Jim Florentine]

She wasn't impaled on their black dicks. Like cannibal holocaust.

[Bobby Kelly]

The reason why I'm married to my wife. I brought her in there one night and we left you, like, those guys are annoying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're the one.

[Jim Florentine]

Yeah. Yeah, she called me. N words to her face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not to the face. She said it in the car on the way home. And I said, don't say that again.

[Jim Florentine]

And then you said. Then you pulled over and married her. Idle 95.

[Bobby Kelly]

I really gave her a ring right there. No, of course, the. Yeah, I used to. I was never. I never did a comic, but. Waitresses, man. God, back in the day, the waitresses were so fun at clubs, man. God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They were on the road.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, on the road, but that's the Cellar. The seller was a. It was like Plato's Retreat.

[Jim Florentine]

We keep feeding you new hot waitresses.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember the manager and one of the wages just both pulled their boobs up, was on stage, and they started licking them, and they were just doing it for shits and giggles. And I was just, like, right in the middle of a joke, I was like, it was cool. Back before cameras, you know what I mean? Back before. I mean, when there was no cameras, there's no cell phone videos, you know, you just did weird and nobody knew, you know? Now you can't do that.

[Jim Florentine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Because my pubes are gray now.

[Jim Florentine]

Your pubes are great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can handle it on the road. You always knew the new waitress because she was always friendly to the comedians. She must be new. She doesn't know.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, she hasn't been beaten down by life.

[Bobby Kelly]

So she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's only been here a couple of weeks. She's like, oh, yeah, let's Go out and get. Have a drink. I'm like, okay. She's.

[Jim Florentine]

She doesn't have to get some. Some asshole's feature acts. Abortion. You have to get an abortion because of someone's. Pablo Francisco's feature act.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've driven girls to this. Christine was the. Christine was the. The abortion nanny.

[Jim Florentine]

Always the abortion. Always the abortiony, never the abortion.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's another number. Her name's Christine. Call her. Say code red. She'll take care of it.

[Jim Florentine]

Oh, my God. Did Joe Coy put a baby in you? We have a hotline for this. Christine, you're on duty. This is why we gave you that pager.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have kept that.

[Jim Florentine]

Bring up Jim Florentine's plugs. We got to get out of here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jim Florentine is going to be at Side splitters in Tampa August 15th and the 16th. It's one of my favorite clubs. And the. On the 17th. He is one of the best clubs in the. In the country. And they just redid the whole thing. It looks amazing. Now, is there two locations?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there's one in West Chapel.

[Jim Florentine]

So he's doing. West Chapel is Friday and Saturday, and then Sunday is Tampa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Sunday's Tampa. Oh, the West Chapel's. Terrible room. It's awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's great. It's great. Make sure you go check them out. I tell you what, it's gonna sell out. So make sure you check them out and check them out on my Calta show number one best friend. You can also check out a special. I'm sorry, Jay, you're my. You're my best friend, but he's my number one best friend. All right. I love you, dude.

[Jim Florentine]

I love you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who do you like? Who do you like doing radio better with?

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I do only radio with Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, but you did it with Mike.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we did podcast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. Same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just saved my life because the pandemic took away all my money.

[Jim Florentine]

And then we would do. And I'll tell you what he would do, is he would get Bobby on the hook. And Bobby would be so excited about doing the show. And then when Calto would get into fights with people, he'd go, I don't give a. About this show. This is just a dumb hobby. I do. Yeah, this is what I just do for Bobby. I don't give a. And you can see it. Kill Bobby inside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he did that.

[Jim Florentine]

I would never hurt you like that. I would never hurt you like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

He really. I think that was soul crushing. It was Lewis and Lewis. Lewis Makes everybody crazy.

[Jim Florentine]

You're doing a pod. He goes, you're doing a podcast. Because he was like. He's like, I'm on radio. I'm on morning radio. He goes, you're doing a podcast right now. You're doing a podcast. He goes, I do this for just to see Bobby and hang out. I don't care about this. Bobby's in the bedroom. He's got his changed rooms in his house to be built for the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Literally in a zoom thing. You just see me like this and it's fat Bobby. You saw my face change six times in six different fat places.

[Jim Florentine]

I'm just trying to get this guy a couple bucks. I don't need this shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Jim's got a special. You can't please them all. It's streaming right now on Amazon prime.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it's also on YouTube, my YouTube channel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, YouTube right now. One of the fucking greatest guys in the business. One of the funniest guys. Make sure you check out all his stuff and go see him live. And Big J, he's gonna be this. He's gonna be gathering of the Juggalos in Thornville with Zach Gomez Butterly. I knew you weren't gonna let me say it. I. You always gotta finish it, dude.

[Jim Florentine]

Right there. D. Doing a thing together.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll do it together. Let's do this together. Rather. August 15th and 16th and he's going to be at the Stress Factory in New Jersey, Appleton, Wisconsin and Calgary. For tickets and all other tour dates go to bigj comedy.com bang and go to his YouTube page.

[Jim Florentine]

You got my YouTube page. Robert Kelly is going to be at the Comedy at the Carlson in Rochester, New York, October 10th and 11th. After that, Tampa, Emmaus, Pennsylvania and of course New Orleans for Skank Festival. For tickets and all tour dates go to. Punch up that live Robert Kelly. Check out his YouTube channel, YouTube.com Obert Kelly comedy, of course, tonight on my YouTube, I'll be doing that live stream right after skanks 9:30 will start it up. Until next time, everybody. Peace.

[Bobby Kelly]

Possibility means you have a chance.

[Jim Florentine]

Passion opens the door to all possibilities.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I feel like anything's possible, I.

[Jim Florentine]

Feel kind of giddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to be an astronaut, an.

[Jim Florentine]

Artist, an actress to visit another country.

[Bobby Kelly]

All I need is a backpack and.

[Jim Florentine]

A pair of shoes and I'll find a way. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to. I've never felt like more things are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Possible than right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the right shoes, anything is possible. Dsw Countless shoes at Bragworthy prices. Imagine the possibilities.