Hungry Eyes w/Mike Finoia & Andy Fiori

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Hungry Eyes w/ Mike Finoia & Andy Fiori
Release Date: December 19, 2025
Guests: Mike Finoia and Andy Fiori
Platform: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103

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Episode Overview

This episode features a lively, meandering roundtable led by Big Jay Oakerson, with comedians Mike Finoia and Andy Fiori sitting in for the absent Bobby Kelly. The group riffs on everything from comedy gigs, 80s movie soundtracks, and holiday nostalgia to controversial choices in pop culture casting and the over-sexualization in contemporary television. There's a seamless blend of ball-busting, deep dives into movies like "Dirty Dancing" and "Road House," and the cringe of holiday mall Santas—all filtered through the Bonfire’s raunchy camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Welcome and Introductions (01:37–05:32)

• Bobby Kelly’s Absence: Jay jokes about Bobby being lost in Canada, possibly frozen like "Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining" or mauled by a grizzly bear (03:01–03:40).
• Guest Intros: Mike Finoia is introduced as “America’s amigo,” currently touring with Ron White. Andy Fiori ("Mercface Andy") promotes his Vegas and Tom Papa tour dates (04:20–05:24).

Notable Quote:
"Thoughts and prayers to the whole Kelly clan. Yeah. He got mauled by a grizz." – Jay (03:33)

Air Guitar & Locker Room Banter (05:33–07:11)

• The group riff on air guitar postures, the "size" of their "air cocks," and compare air musicianship. (06:02–07:06)
• Jay: "My air cock's about 18 inches and it curves hard, right?" (06:05)
• The conversation is heavy with classic Bonfire raunch, playful bravado, and laughter.

Omaha Comedy & "Liquid Death" Water (07:21–09:06)

• Andy and Jay reminisce about a recent Omaha gig and the new venue.
• Shout-out to Colleen Quinn and "Liquid Death" water’s new packaging.
• Tangent into how fast they chug water, comparing it to beer ("Let's shotgun Liquid Deaths!" – Jay, 07:57).

Petty Luxuries & Bro Judgments (08:59–11:00)

• Jay and Mike mock the current water bottle trends and the social stigma around walking with a gallon jug.
• Christine jumps in about drink sleeves and women carrying Stanley water pitchers.
• "I hate it so much. It's such a jag off move." – Jay (09:39)

The Stagnant Water Cup Bet (11:13–14:13)

• The crew discuss Andy’s old water bottle with 5-year-old water inside—sealed since January 2020 (11:26).
• A bidding war for someone to drink the ancient water escalates (13:35).
• Lou: "I'll do it for like, 80 in a joint. Oh, you have children? I can't. You're a father." (14:24)
• They riff on possible diseases, with Jay equating it to gaining "superpowers" like Spider-Man.

Legionnaires’ Disease, Urban Decay, & Morbid Fascination (14:14–18:47)

• In-depth comedic discussion about gross water towers on NYC rooftops and Legionnaires’ Disease.
• "Goddamn ass walking around with that." – Jay on giant water jugs (10:44)
• Morbid jokes about the infamous Cecil/Stay on Main hotel in LA ("human garnish," puns on the Elisa Lam case, 18:44–19:54).

LA and Skid Row—City Bashing, Gentrification, and Realities (20:14–22:11)

• Christine professes her love for LA, while Jay, Mike, and Andy roast the city for being a dump, focusing on Skid Row and failed hotel redevelopments.
• "You heard it here first. Dude, suck our dicks, LA." – Jay (21:37)
• "Would you listen to Randy Newman every morning?" – Jay (21:51)

Pop Culture Nostalgia: Hairdressing, ‘Frasier,’ and “Cheers” (22:13–26:34)

• Christine’s past as a hairdresser, threatens to revive her license (23:12–23:32).
• The group hilariously deconstructs the implausibility of ‘Frasier’ as a spinoff from ‘Cheers,’ mocking sitcom logic and the transition from barfly to radio shrink.
• Andy/Lou riff on "being a cuck" with a ‘Cheers’-themed parody song:

  "Sometimes you wanna go where everybody's fucked your chick..." – Jay & crew (25:39–26:30)

Aging Actors, ‘Grease,’ and Movie Details (30:23–34:36)

• Jay obsesses over the ages of the Grease cast, especially Stockard Channing’s "33-year-old high schooler."
• They debate who should play Rizzo and Jay’s bizarre dislike of the “duck dance guy.”
• Mike: "You're saying crazy finish. I've never seen..." (31:58)

Deconstructing ‘Grease’ & ‘Dirty Dancing’—Problematic Movie Plots (34:37–38:35)

• Hilarity as Jay scrutinizes the plot holes and problematic relationships of “Grease” and “Dirty Dancing,” especially the age differences and parental perspectives.
  • "You never saw Dirty Dance from start to finish." – Mike (36:40)
  • "It’s Gay Road [referring to Dirty Dancing as Roadhouse but gay]." – Mike (38:27)

‘Dirty Dancing’ Soundtrack Singalong & Middle School Memories (38:59–42:58)

• Mike and Jay break into ‘She's Like the Wind’ and ‘Hungry Eyes’ singalongs, with Christine swooning.
• Everyone debates the emotional significance and “gayness” of the soundtrack.

Memorable Moment:
Jay: "Maybe you don't like ‘She's Like the Wind’… but if you don't like this song from the film (Hungry Eyes), right? This song..." (40:48)

‘Roadhouse’ Obsession, Remakes, and Landman (43:28–46:54)

• Deep affection for Roadhouse (and derision for the recent remake), discussing the ridiculousness of the “three finger throat rip” and Sam Elliott’s dying.
• Jay: "He can break a knee by looking at it, by the way, in a Miami Vice suit." (48:54)
• Tangents about "Landman" and its hot-cast mother-daughter combo and over-sexualization.

Over-Sexualized TV Teens & Realism in Casting (47:12–48:17)

• Discussion of TV shows portraying 17-year-olds with overt sexuality, and discomfort with adult audiences consuming such content.

Mall Santas, Black Santa & Race in Holiday Traditions (49:31–53:20)

• Jay, Mike, and Lou riff on Black Santa experiences in New Jersey malls—debate ensues about tradition vs. inclusion.
  • "If you bring a black Santa, it's just right away you're going, I don't think... it just makes you like, stop for a second and go, is Santa black?" – Jay (51:22)
• Lou shares personal anecdotes about his kid’s confusion: "Mommy, why is Santa brown?" (51:29–51:36).

Race-Blind Casting—Hermione, Little Mermaid & The Outsiders on Broadway (54:08–56:39)

• Spirited (but funny) critiques of contemporary race-blind casting (e.g., black Hermione in Harry Potter stage play, Black Little Mermaid, Outsiders musical with Black Dallas).
• Mike: "Samuel L. Jackson is Robert F. Kennedy." (56:45)
• Broad agreement that it’s odd to radically change iconic characters just for inclusion’s sake.

Fictional vs. Historical Characters: The Limits of Representation (57:00–58:07)

• Comparisons to absurd casting: "Wesley Snipes is Mark Twain."
• The group laughs at Tom Cruise as “The Last Samurai,” clarifying the plot’s intent.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody’s fucked your chick. They came. Everyone knows what her boobs look like, mad, her pussy’s hairy. Everybody knows exactly the chick you fuck." – Jay (25:39–26:30)
• "It should be kept away from children. See, it's a good movie buddy... It’s Gay Road through the Music." – Mike on Dirty Dancing (38:11–38:27)
• "He can break a knee by looking at it, by the way, in a Miami Vice suit." – Jay on ‘Roadhouse’ (48:54)
• “If you bring a black Santa, it’s just right away you’re going, ‘I don’t think...’ it just makes you, like, stop for a second and go, is Santa black?” – Jay (51:22)
• “Samuel L. Jackson is Robert F. Kennedy.” – Mike (56:45)
• “Wesley Snipes is Mark Twain.” – Jay (57:00)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Guest host intros, Bobby Kelly jokes – 01:37–05:32
• Liquid Death, water bottle hot takes – 07:21–11:00
• Ancient office water & "drink it for $200" bit – 11:13–14:13
• Cecil Hotel, dead-body-in-water riff – 17:13–19:54
• LA bashing & comedy gigs – 20:14–22:11
• Hairdresser origin stories, sitcom hatred – 22:13–26:34
• Grease cast age trivia, Karen Feehan as Rizzo – 30:23–34:36
• Dirty Dancing, gay Roadhouse & soundtracks – 38:27–42:58
• Roadhouse remake rant – 43:28–46:54
• Black Santa & race in casting – 49:31–53:20
• Race-blind casting debates – 54:08–56:39

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Tone & Style

The crew maintain their signature blend of brash, blue-collar absurdity, and unfiltered honesty. The banter is riff-heavy with teasing and inside jokes but also delivers sharp (and sometimes nuanced) cultural commentary—especially on pop culture, nostalgia, and shifting social norms. The affection and chemistry among the comedians keep even the darkest or raunchiest bits inclusive and guffaw-inducing.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard the episode, expect:

• A rollicking, crass yet affectionate hangout among comics.
• Movie nostalgia given a very Gen X/Millennial lens.
• Razor-sharp, often politically incorrect takes on representation and tradition.
• Strong group dynamic where everyone gets roasted, including the hosts and guests themselves.

Skip the ads (which appear at [00:00–01:31], [26:34–30:14], and after [60:43]), as the core show is all about the unfiltered, spontaneous laughs.

Transcript

[A]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[B]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[C]

Drew Ski. Live with your legs, man.

[A]

Santa.

[B]

Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you britches.

[C]

I'm not.

[A]

Of course he did.

[C]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. An elf?

[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Nice.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

And now the Bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[C]

Oh, man, this song rules. I like when he goes.

[B]

You know my favorite part is when he goes.

[C]

Like when he comes in, he goes.

[B]

That doesn't hold a candle. When he goes.

[C]

Jacob, that part. You know that part?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Jacob. Hey, Jacob, do you know that part?

[B]

Who does it?

[D]

Better.

[C]

Be honest though. Am I doing it though?

[B]

Jay, shut up. Ready?

[C]

Hang on, Mike. Just give me two seconds. Jacob, is it sounding good? I go.

[B]

Hey, ball hog, zip it.

[C]

Hang on. Dude, pass me the rock. It's the bonfire. Faction talk. SiriusXM103. Bobby Kelly is out. I haven't heard from him, so I'm Picturing he's like the end of the Shining Jack Nicholson. He's just frozen somewhere in Canada while they're trying to film him. Talk about comedy camp.

[B]

Cold out dude.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. He says he wants to be outside so much, but I don't think he likes being outside as much as he says he does. Just get out of here, Mike. What's that over there?

[B]

You dropped your pick.

[C]

Bobby Kelly passed away in Canada sitting in his chair.

[B]

T's and peas to the Kelly's.

[C]

T's and peas. Thoughts and prayers to the whole Kelly clan. Yeah. He got mauled by a grizz.

[B]

He had a salmon stuck in his teeth.

[C]

We have guest hosts running into. Our great. Bobby is back where he belong, sitting in the chair Today, everyone. You know him and you love him. It's America's amigo, Poncho. Mike. Mike Fenoya. He's on tour. Ron White. Make sure you go to Mike Finoya f I-n o I a.com for tickets to all of his shows. And make sure you listen to his podcast. Are we old? Wherever you find podcasts. Sitting in with us for the whole show today. So exciting, everybody. I just got to work with him on his show, the Larry the Cable Guy Christmas Extravaganza. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Out in Omaha. Sick. Where Larry the Cable Guy reigns supreme.

[B]

That's it.

[C]

Is family over here at the bonfire. You know him as Mercface Andy. It's the hilarious Andy Fiore.

[B]

Sup, dudes?

[C]

And he's going to be at the Comedy cellar in Vegas December 29th through January 4th. Vegas, New Year's.

[B]

I know, I know. We'll see. Backstreet Boys is at the Sphere. He can run over and catch the. Don't think I already didn't look that up.

[C]

I heard they. I heard they really use the Sphere. Actually.

[B]

I'm going to see wizard of Oz and Sphere. I'm going to see fucking Backstreet boys ring in 2026.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was this week.

[C]

I wish I was being more smarmy about that. I've heard that the Backstreet Boys are using this like it's an awesome show.

[B]

The visuals are pretty sick.

[C]

I can't wait to go. Are you gonna air guitar like it's a jam show?

[B]

You know how I do.

[C]

Yeah. I like when the Backstreet goes. Boys. Go, everybody.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

National anthem.

[C]

He's gonna be on tour with Tom Pop as well in 2026. Make sure you go to Andy Fiore. F I O R I.

[B]

What an AlphaB correct show. This is today. Yeah, you're really hanging out. Right down the list.

[C]

Well, people should go. See you guys. I want to make sure they get tickets. Thank you.

[D]

Andy's guitar strap. I've noticed his air guitar strap is up high.

[C]

Oh, he goes Paul McCartney style.

[B]

It's not that high. You're wrong.

[C]

You're Paul McCartney style.

[B]

No, he's wrong.

[D]

Not so it's not super high.

[B]

Love me do era.

[C]

When you solo, it's have a lovely daughter.

[B]

It's waist level. My drums are a little higher. Dean Wein said never cover your cockpit with the body of the guitar. Either higher or lower. I think I'm covering my air with my air guitar.

[C]

You better not.

[B]

How big's your airock? Not that great. Your airock could be as big as you want.

[C]

Yeah, my air cock.

[B]

That's how insecure I am.

[C]

My air cock's about 18 inches and it curves hard, right?

[B]

Sick.

[C]

My air cock. When I go, yes. I go, dude, I'm just going to be sitting there jerking off like all the time. Like this. Jacob. Look how I do it like that. That's my airock.

[B]

I'm really air insecure.

[C]

About 18 inches, right? Is that a good math? About 18 inches of pure curved cock.

[B]

You're in the neighborhood. That's about 24 to 30, I'd say.

[D]

You have a massive air cock.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Come on, dude.

[B]

That's, that's. That's more than 18.

[C]

Not even so it's not. That's barely over a foot.

[B]

Yeah, Come on.

[C]

Being nice.

[B]

I'm using my air tape measure. I didn't know.

[C]

All of a sudden, look at that. That's 18 inches.

[B]

That thing drops air ropes.

[C]

Yeah, man, absolutely. I'm sorry, Andy. You sat in the wrong chair for the curve of my aircon.

[B]

You can take an air eye out with that.

[C]

Just so you know, right now you are soaked in air. Come it's leaking off of you.

[B]

Turn down the ac.

[C]

Man. What a pig. You just took it real sploogh hound. I laid it all over you. Just fucking guzzler. Every bit of it.

[B]

My hair cock's real thick. It's like a two hander. Like a two liter bottle. That doesn't seem fun.

[C]

What a disgusting, disgusting person you are. I can't believe you accepted that big round cock. I was just with Andy. We were both in Omaha.

[B]

Shout out Colleen Quinn.

[C]

Shout out Colleen Quinn. Owner of the Omaha Funny Bone, which has moved new location. I call it the house that liquid death built with death by the way free plug. Liquid death now offering 12 ounce cans.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, no. More IPA style.

[C]

It's not always a tall boy now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, dude, I drink those. Do you hammer them? Like, does the beer drinker. And you go like, I have to finish this as fast as I drink beers. You crush liquid D's Fresh lds, dude. Like, they're like. It's.

[C]

I don't know why.

[B]

I just feel great products. But crack a can and you're like.

[C]

I got next gig. Let's. Let's fucking. Let's fucking shotgun. Let's shotgun. Liquid Deaths.

[B]

Sparkling mango. I'll funnel an LD right now.

[C]

You think I won't take a liquid death of the head?

[B]

I'll do a keg stand on a 12 pound.

[C]

I'll crush a case of them shits.

[B]

No, because I don't do that with like a Coke can or any other cans. What is it about Liquid death?

[C]

Do you crush sodas like that?

[B]

I do drink. You know what? I kind of do.

[C]

Really?

[B]

I do.

[C]

I almost never finish a can of soda. Same.

[B]

Wow. No, I like to drink a bottle of soda.

[C]

A bottle of soda. Almost never know what I find myself.

[B]

Doing is dumping out the back, like the bottom third of like a can of seltzer. I want it cold and bubbly, like as. As cold and bubbly as I could get it.

[C]

This is why people call you a diva.

[B]

Yeah, pretty much.

[C]

This is why you're known as a diva. You cross your legs and you. Yeah, you go, mikey doesn't drink room temp seltzer.

[B]

You call this effervescent.

[C]

Christine. Christine's big on putting a sleeve on cold drinks because she believes it preserves the cold of the drink. I don't know if it's true. It's the Koozie effect.

[F]

It's not really that. It's my hands. Not cold like a coffee sleeve. The cardboard that goes around.

[B]

Oh, I support that. I like that move.

[C]

No, she does it. It works all the time. I just, you know, some of those.

[B]

Cups keep shit cold. Those yetis and.

[F]

Yeah, I have a. Stanley, you have.

[C]

To be abroad to walk around with a. A pitcher of water all day long like an asshole. I'll accept a man now. I will judge. I judge it. But I accept a man walking around with a gallon of water all day. I hate it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's stupid.

[C]

I hate it so much. It's such a jag off move.

[B]

Really is.

[C]

Especially when someone has one. I think Ralph had this and Harrington at one time. The one that looks like A mini version of the upside down. Like deer parks you put in the machine.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It's got the grooves. It looks like a root bear barrel.

[C]

It looks like that, but it's got a handle on it. So you can sit there and pound.

[B]

Go.

[C]

Fuck you. I get it. You're flushing your system.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We're all staying hydrated.

[B]

Yeah. We're all. Now in your workout.

[C]

I've seen one person do it where I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Everybody else is a hand job. The one cool person, Mickey Gall, because he was trying to cut weight for his fight. Yeah.

[B]

He was also wearing, like, a weighted garbage bag suit probably.

[C]

No, he wasn't wearing any of that. But what. He was. But he's just also jacked and shredding up for a fight against a very dangerous man. I'll accept him drinking his gallon of.

[B]

Water all day long. He had a stopwatch. Every time it went off, he'd pound water.

[C]

It was fucking crazy.

[B]

Yeah. When Pete. Yeah, there they are.

[C]

That thing. Yick. Go fuck yourself. What an ass.

[B]

You look so crazy.

[C]

Goddamn ass walking around with that. Yeah.

[B]

Like, the stupid trendy. Like, it's got like the thing of, like, drink this whole thing by the end of the day.

[C]

Yeah. Christine's a real sucker for traveling with a gigantic water carafe of water with her at all.

[B]

She like a sample. Like a cartoon Saint Bernard.

[C]

Yeah. I think the. I think the spouts on them get disgusting also fast. It's just. I don't know. I'm not into it.

[D]

George Carlin actually had a funny bit on Jacob.

[C]

You have a. You have your cup, but does that live here? It lives here.

[B]

Can I tell you guys something? I have one of these that one of the record labels gave us here. It was like those insulated doesn't count.

[C]

No, but I have a thousand because of that.

[B]

You have no idea where this is going. Oh, okay.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

In. Yeah, you got this. It's one or the.

[C]

I thought you were defending yourself for not being gay. For owning it.

[B]

I started using it here in the office. And January of 2020, we never came back. I still have water in it from five years ago. It's sitting on my desk right now.

[C]

What?

[B]

It's got weirdo water. Whatever is growing in there. I haven't touched it. It's on my desk. Oh, there's Covid. Pre. Covid water in there, buddy. Insulated, sealed off. That's like a jetty. That's like a short rookie card.

[C]

What if it's still cold.

[B]

I mean, it's like. We could go get it right now and do some experiments.

[C]

What, a commercial for yeti? Yeah.

[B]

You want to do some lines of old Covid water? What's the thing called?

[C]

What?

[B]

Standing water for too long is definitely not great. Yeah, stagnant. Stag. No, no, no. There's like a disease that can form trench foot. I don't think it's trench foot. Mud, ass.

[C]

Dirt, dick. Yeah.

[B]

Vietnam mouth. I don't know, but that's crazy. So it's just hammoy hand legionnaires disease. That's what I was thinking of.

[F]

And West Nile viruses.

[C]

Oh, encephalitis.

[B]

Well, I've got that all upstairs.

[C]

Oh, rodents had a lid on it, though.

[B]

Yeah, it's covered. Completely covered and like sealed off. YETI and I just was like, this will be. Wow, there's water in there from five time capsule.

[C]

Jacob, I'll give you $20 to drink some.

[B]

20 bucks? I'll throw in 40 bucks.

[C]

It's up to you.

[B]

Went to the wrong crew member for that move. That's a more loo.

[C]

No, he's a changed man.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it will have fermented and it'll get me drunk, so I cannot. You think water ferments like a cider? I think that's how fermentation works. Yeah. Just because you're wearing glasses, don't make it sound smart.

[C]

Did you.

[D]

He went natural. Yeast in the air.

[C]

So you're saying it's closed off to the air. You're saying it's now wine up there. You think water's turned to wine? Like, Christ.

[D]

Have you tested what water is in five years?

[C]

No, but you think it's going to get Lou drunk. You think it's going to be booze? Take the chance that it's. That it's turned to booze.

[B]

Not delicious beer. You'll get sick. You might get really sick. All right, let's do it, you guys. Yeah, for 40 bucks. That's it. Oh, no, not that. We gotta renegotiate that.

[C]

Oh, what's your. Mike's throwing in?

[B]

What's your low?

[C]

You're up at 60 bucks now.

[B]

Well, I'm gonna get six. Six.

[C]

You don't know that. You might get powers.

[B]

Yeah, you may get reverse sick. You may not need those glasses anymore. I could use some powers.

[C]

What do you assume the worst? Sure. Spider man could have got bitten by a radioactive spider and just got cancer, but he didn't. He had the ability to shoot webs out of his wrists 200 bucks cash.

[B]

Oh, we could come up with that. How much of it?

[C]

All right, Christine's gonna put in the other 140.

[B]

How much of it? However much is in there. Wait, you have to drink it early enough that if something happens to you, we get to watch, though. You can't do it at, like. I bet if you did it now.

[C]

It turns into something.

[B]

Yeah, I want to watch the transformation.

[C]

Yeah. Dude turns into Whiskey Fly.

[B]

He goes, lock me up.

[C]

Black Lou, you have some thoughts?

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna price this, right? DJ Lou here, I'll do it. I'll do it for like, 80 in a joint. Oh, you have children? I can't. You're a father. I can't let you do that. Take it away, bud.

[C]

Oh, Lou. Don't you want to find out, though? If it turned to wine, he'll tell me.

[B]

80 in a joint. But you have kids.

[C]

I hope it turned into St. Ives. Real black people booze. I think this water turned into cult 45.

[B]

What it's like, yo, it tastes like Ciroc a little bit. What is Legionnaires? What does that do, though? It's the shit that's in the air conditioning at the hotels. Yeah, but what does it do to you?

[C]

Kills you slowly, does it?

[B]

Are you going to get so diarrhea? Stuff that makes mold in your. In your nose.

[C]

And it's a severe pneumonia. And Pontiac fever, a milder flu like illness by growing in warm water systems like cooling towers, showers, and being inhaled as a fine mist. Yes. Snort it.

[B]

Pontiac Fever. Dude, that sounds badass. Yeah, it sounds like you're like a big Bob Seeger fan. Yo, I got Pontiac.

[C]

Pontiac Fever. Says like, well, yeah, it's what you call when you a guy who hooks up with a lot of girls in the back of his Pontiac, he goes, did she get the Pontiac fever? Nah, she did, bruh. She said she wanted to go home, but I knew once she got in the car, she didn't get the Pontiac fever. You automatically start pawing at my penis.

[B]

You automatically. When you die from Pontiac fever, you're the coolest guy in Hell, yeah. Detroit Rock City plays. Yeah, dude.

[C]

In those Hollywood nights, I died from Pontiac fever.

[B]

It was.

[C]

It was. It was early aids. No one knew. Oh, fuck.

[B]

Pontiac fever.

[C]

It's not spread from person to person, so if neither of the loos die, we all know we're fine.

[D]

Legionnaires, diseases. What those stories you hear when the hot tubs. No, there's like, water tanks on the. On apartment buildings that I guess they haven't been cleaned, and people just drink water from their tap and die.

[B]

Yeah, it's like Flint, Michigan.

[C]

Why is. Why is that big old dumb water on top of the buildings in New York? This city's so gross.

[B]

It's so disgusting. It's an experiment city.

[C]

So gross.

[B]

Everybody forgot about what's up there.

[C]

Yeah, just old water.

[B]

Oh, look at it.

[C]

It's just on top of everyone's roof is a big old fucking tower at Andes Cup.

[B]

There's just dead birds in it and shit.

[C]

Dude, floating Asians.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's gun parts from, like, the fucking prohibition era. I got some of my own. It's like, evidence. There's like, one old boot from Al Capone somewhere.

[C]

Remember that lady in the Netflix documentary? They found her. She was just floating in the water tank of a hotel.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And they were like, asian broad, and they were like a ghost put her there. It was a government operation to rub her out. It was this, it was that. And then it just turns at the end of day, goes, yeah, she's batshit crazy. She couldn't afford and didn't take her meds, and she climbed into the fucking tank. And then once she got in it, realized there's no way to get out of the tank, and she died slowly. Died. Yeah. So she died in a tank. And they just were so upset that that could have been the possibility. They were like, no, the government's putting poison in the water. And she was getting ready to expose it. Like none of that was the case because now she was just a loop off of her meds and climbed into the water tank and died.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The ghost FBI put her in four episodes.

[C]

Yeah. That was crazy.

[D]

From what? That's the water you want to drink?

[C]

That's the water you want to drink? Yeah.

[D]

Asian person.

[C]

Yeah. Asian carcass water.

[B]

Carcass water?

[C]

Yeah. Asian carcass tea.

[B]

They call that one regionnaires disease.

[C]

Carcass water tea is gross.

[B]

You go, this one's got a weird taste. You call your neighbor. Your water tastes.

[C]

Yeah, there's msg. Yeah. There was a USC student steeping for about two hours.

[B]

I got the bronchopneumonia. That ain't no Pontiac Fever Subaru Sinus infection.

[C]

You do that with a little local manuka. Oh, shut up.

[B]

Oh, there she is.

[C]

Yeah. Lamb ho Ye.

[B]

The human. The human Green olive.

[C]

Oh, they think they gave her.

[B]

Her. She was a garnish. She's human garnish.

[C]

They gave her a. A. They gave her a nail salon name.

[B]

They could have given her name.

[C]

Her name.

[B]

Asian friendly name than Elisa Lam.

[C]

Well, Elisa is all it is. The whole world calls her Elisa. Lamb Ho Yee is funnier. What was it? Yeah. Canadian tourist tourists was recovered. Was recovered from a large cistern atop the Stay On Main hotel in downtown Los Angeles where she had been a guest. She was reported missing. Her body was discovered by hotel maintenance worker investigating complaints of flooding and low water pressure. Think I see your problem here.

[B]

Yeah, we got an Asia broad coming up.

[C]

He goes, yeah, I've seen this before. Looks what you guys got yourself is a. You want to see it? I'd rather not. I'd rather not. He goes, yeah. Oh, it's going to be a messy cleanup. Say she's been down there about four or five weeks.

[B]

I'm going to need to get my tools out of my truck.

[C]

Yeah. Ah, she's breaking apart on me. Oh, she's breaking apart.

[B]

Ah, that ain't a pigeon.

[F]

At least one person totally brushed their teeth with dead body water.

[C]

At least one person. Oh.

[B]

Showered and like.

[C]

Yeah. Wasn't this like the hotel also where like the Night Stalker stayed? It's like shittiest hotel in the world or something.

[B]

Yeah. Maine. Let's look. Knock that down.

[C]

It's like it's right on skid row. Yeah.

[F]

Hotel Cecil.

[B]

Yeah, knock it down.

[C]

It's so funny. Is an affordable housing complex. Is that what they're calling it? Declining, but declining. During the Great Depression. Subsequent decades, it was renamed the Stay on Main. The 14th floor hotel has 700 guest rooms and a checkered history with many suicides and accidental or unnatural deaths occurring there. Renovations started and were halted by COVID 19 pandemic resulting in the hotel's temporary closure in 2021. The Cecil Hotel was reinagurated as an affordable housing complex. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Reinaugurated.

[C]

Kind of a. It's skid row re inaugurate.

[B]

Little grandiose.

[C]

Yeah. He goes, who are you going to send to cut that ribbon?

[B]

That's kind of putting a silk hat on a pig there, huh?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I wonder if you have to pay extra for the checkered past. Would you like to check? Look at that.

[C]

Yeah. Does this. Does this particular apartment have a checkered past?

[B]

Oh, you wanted to stay in the checkered past building. Look at that.

[C]

Gross spikes by 11%. People on skid row in Los Angeles. Is that a new story or is that an older story?

[B]

LA is a dump.

[F]

Yeah, that's from 2019.

[C]

California's so nice.

[B]

I know.

[C]

LA is such a dumb.

[B]

LA is you did dick. LA. LA is a dump and a half, dude.

[C]

You heard it here first. Dude, suck our dicks. La.

[F]

I disagree.

[B]

You love la.

[F]

I love la. Garbage in the country. It'd be ridiculous to say anything else.

[D]

You don't live there, Christine.

[F]

No, I live here. And if I didn't live here, I would live there.

[B]

Would you listen to Randy Newman every morning?

[C]

I love la. We love it.

[B]

She loves it.

[F]

I wouldn't live on skid row.

[D]

Nobody wants to.

[C]

That's where you end up. Yeah, riding the rails.

[F]

Cosmetology license. I can do hair on the beach.

[D]

You don't know when you're going to drink Asian water.

[C]

Christine.

[B]

I can make it happen in about four seconds.

[C]

If you cut anybody's hair at this point right now, you'd be committing a fashion crime. It would be. And you. Someone would have to be a lunatic to let you cut their hair at this point. You get your license renewed.

[B]

I smell a holiday show plot you haven't touched.

[C]

You haven't touched a slice of hair on anyone's head in over a decade.

[B]

Do you think you could still do it?

[F]

Yeah, I can do trims and I can do long layers. I wouldn't, like, take on a bob. And I cut my own hair like a month ago and it'd be all right.

[B]

I wouldn't take on a bob, she says.

[C]

Yeah, not what I heard. Yeah, she'll take on three Jamals, though.

[B]

And a Rodney. I take it on no bob.

[C]

I wouldn't take one of bob. I'll take on three Jamals and their friend Tyreek.

[B]

I will take a Jalen.

[F]

And I'm still good at coloring hair, as you know from. When I do your hair now, Christine.

[B]

Would you do a permanent if I asked you to? No, I wouldn't do it permanent, Mike. I don't know if you're in the market with that head for a permanent. If I grew it, I could really. You could still grow. I could. My hair looks like Frasier Crane when I grow it really thick. What are you waiting for? Thick in the back. Wavy, and then a shower curtain. Let's have some fun.

[C]

Why do you have to grow it?

[B]

Seriously, I'm too short. And it'll be right now. It'd probably be white, too, because my beard is white.

[C]

As.

[B]

Should I grow it in.

[C]

I want to see you with a Fraser Crane next year.

[F]

I mean, I can. I can do a perm. It's just a series of steps. We can get it done.

[B]

Let's do it.

[C]

All right.

[F]

If you Grow it out. I'll permit.

[B]

Deal, Jay, if you're keeping track. Black Lou's drinking Legionnaire water. Mike's great growing in Frasier Crane. Christine's opening the salon they're calling a guy stacked show already.

[C]

Hibba da boo boo boo boo bibbily beeply doo.

[B]

I never watched Frasier. Yeah, me neither.

[C]

Me either.

[B]

I hated it.

[C]

I hate the idea of it. Me too. If they make Cheers into some queefy therapy show and if I go back.

[B]

Now all I hear is Sideshow Bob and I can't separate it 100%. And I don't like the fact that the spinoff for Cheers didn't have fucking Rhea Perlman. That should have been the spinoff.

[C]

Give her a shot.

[B]

That was your point.

[C]

I don't like that he became a. He was a problematic bar drunk and then we're just supposed to say, oh, and then one day he becomes a very successful high rise, a radio psychiatrist. He was a problematic drunk.

[B]

Really? Yeah, I never really watched shows either.

[C]

They never make him a problematic drunk necessarily on the show. The idea is if, if you go to a bar for what seems like a six hour shift a day, you're a problematic drunk.

[B]

Yeah, he was there following around, fucking. What's her face, what was her name?

[C]

Diane.

[B]

Babe. Baby New Earth. He didn't like Diane. He liked Maris. Rebecca Maris. No, the, the, the Kirsty Alley.

[C]

No. Oh, Lilith, Baby New Worth.

[B]

Lilith.

[C]

No, no, but he came with Diane.

[B]

Right, right, of course. But he liked what's her.

[C]

They brought Shelley Long back. Yeah, and then he was the one who came back with her and was Ted dancing, going to take her and I. And then they fought over her and then she left the show and then this defeated doctor just came and drank at the bar with the guy who took her fucking. Well, getting served by the guy who took her fucking chick.

[B]

Yo, by the way, you're his chick. You're in Boston. All you gotta do is go outside and throw a rock and hit 65 other bars, dude. Trip somewhere else where people aren't fucking your chick, dude.

[C]

Sometimes you want to go over everybody's fucked your chicken. And everybody made her came. Boom, boom, boom. You wanna go where you can see. You wanna go where everybody's hand smells the same. Do do do do do do do do do.

[B]

Being a cuck in the world today.

[C]

Takes everything you got, Everything you got. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody's fucked your chick. They came. Everyone knows what her boobs look like mad, her pussy's hairy. Everybody knows Exactly. The chick you fuck.

[B]

Lilith, was fucked in front of a live studio audience.

[E]

The show is sponsored by Better Help. It's coming. The days are getting darker and longer. It's getting colder. And the holidays are here. Balancing family and the travel and gifts and where you're going and who you're doing it with, it's easy to forget about yourself in the middle of all this chaos. We always forget to take care of ourselves because we're worried about everybody and everything else. That's why BetterHelp is encouraging you to rewrite traditions this season by making time for yourself. Incorporating therapy into your new existing traditions can help you slow down and take care of yourself during what can be a joyful but sometimes hectic, lonely time of year. And that's what you want. You want to enjoy it. The holiday looks different for everyone. Maybe it's baking your great aunt sweet potato pie or starting something new, like a quiet night with friends. Therapy can be one of those new traditions, too. Better Help gives you space to pause, reflect and feel more grounded. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime. With over 30,000 therapists and more than 5 million people served, BetterHelp helps people close the year with clarity instead of chaos. This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% [e-mail] Bonfire that's B E T T E R H E L P.com Bonfire Cold mornings holiday plans this is when you need your wardrobe to just work. Quince makes it easy to look sharp, feel good and find gifts that last. Quince makes the essential every guy needs Mongolian cashmere sweater for 50 bucks, Italian wool coats that look and feel designer, and denim and chinos that fit just right. Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. By cutting out the middleman and traditional markups, Quince delivers the same quality as luxury brands at a fraction of the price. I love my sweater regular sweaters. I get one every year. I wear it on Christmas and Thanksgiving every holiday. But then I got this casual mere one, and then I tried it on and it felt like I was wearing just a sweet little teddy bear around my body. It's so soft. It looks so good. Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quints.combonfire for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q U I n c e.com bonfire free shipping and 365 day returns.

[A]

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[F]

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[B]

Cause there's always something new.

[F]

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[C]

By the way, Lilith was frigid. Funny enough, her like that lady has played actual like sex, pot, ladies and other things. B.B.

[D]

Neuorth, B.B.

[C]

Neworth, B.B.

[B]

Neuwirth.

[C]

Yeah, I wonder how she aged.

[B]

Shelley Long did not age.

[C]

I bet BB New Earth aged pretty good. My guess would be I'll tell you who I looked up the other day because I put on Grease in my green room because there was no cops on Saturday night. There's usually cops on cable, but Fox Business decided to go with Duck Dynasty. So I put on Grease. And I will tell you what, I looked up the ages of everybody in Greece because I was curious about it. Again, oldest by far is Stalker Channing Rizzo. But she was only 33. One.

[B]

She was 33. She was 33 when it was made.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

She was 33. John Travolta was 23. Olivia Newton John was almost 28 or 28. And then everybody else was about I think the next oldest was like Frenchies, like 31 or something. And then everybody else is in their 20s pretty much. But I will two things struck me. One, stalker Channing is still alive. I think she is maybe the most hideous looking thing I've ever seen in my life. What I will tell you that I cannot unsee. Now if you put on the we go together like whamma lamba lamma shamma, dingba da ding di dong. Part of the movie when she's dancing around. Stalker Rizzo fucking Karen Feehan should try to play Rizzo on Broadway. No kidding I just never thought of. When I looked at her, I was like, yo, she looks like fucking Karen Fee. It's not an insult. By the way, Rizzo looks good. Good. Yeah. By the way, the guy in the green shirt who does the duck dance. I don't like him.

[B]

You don't like him?

[C]

Shut the up, dude.

[B]

You're saying crazy finish. I've never seen.

[F]

It's the best.

[C]

Ch, ch, ch. That's the way Grease.

[F]

It's different.

[B]

Yeah, she totally.

[D]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[B]

Yep.

[F]

I mean, Karen make a killer.

[C]

Do you see how that's Karen Feehan?

[D]

That is Chang.

[C]

Changity Chang. She bop. That always be. When we go out at night, the stars are shining bright up in the sky above. You know the part I like where they go, baby, it must be. Flip up the biggity bangity bangs your bop. Skip off the booby to do. Now this guy right here, the duck dance guy. I don't like him.

[B]

Oh, yeah, me neither.

[C]

Green shirt. Watch this dance.

[B]

He breaks off into Charlie Chaplin.

[C]

Yeah, that. I don't.

[B]

Charlie Chapman like it?

[C]

I don't like it at all.

[B]

Yeah, look at him freelancing up front like a real. Like a real knob. That's your problem. Naked, choreographed it.

[D]

Make it your own.

[C]

Oh, this hate this.

[B]

The barber Streisand in Jay Loves was.

[C]

Your last Gravitron back was your last day. That's not a Graviton. If one more person calls that ride the Graviton, I'm gonna lose my mind.

[B]

It's the Graviton.

[C]

Who doesn't know that the Gravitron is an indoor ride with a DJ in the middle of it? That is a roundup.

[B]

That's called.

[C]

It is a roundup.

[B]

My bad, my bad. No, that's called the Chang Chang.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Gravitron's an endorsement. Yeah, that's like the 50s roundup. Yeah.

[C]

Can I tell you something I like? I hate the guy doing the duck dances far more than the fact of the magical car they fly into space with.

[B]

But.

[C]

It bothers me far more. Yeah, he's Aaron Feehan. Hey, you're not pregnant, by the way. A lot of dark themes in this movie.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

A couple parts I had a problem with. They spend. They spend about five minutes of the best five minutes of the movie. Probably starting off. They. The movie begins. You never saw it before. You said Danny Zuko. John Travolta and John are with their parents on vacation for the summer. They go to the beach, and then they have a nice romance and they go. Somehow they didn't know that they were going to end up going to the same school that year, since she's from Australia and wasn't supposed to be here at all. But now she's going to the exact same school as him. When they get there, the girls ask her and the guys ask him, hey, how was your summer? And then, you know the song, they go on and on about how much he liked this girl and how hot she was. And he's telling it a little cooler angle, but he's definitely saying, like, I liked her summer lovin'. He loves her. Those summer nights, he was having an amazing. But we said we'd still be friends. Like, he gets a little emotional about it. Then somehow everybody knows when they surprise him with Sandy, they bring it to him at night. He goes, oh, my God, Sandy. And then his friends are like, whoa, dude, what are you, gay? Into a chick? And he has to immediately go, I mean, I don't care, you stupid bitch. Congratulations for going to school with me, you fucking nutsack. Three hours ago, you did a choreographed number on a thing about how much. How much you enjoyed her. One line about saying they got a little frisky down in the SAHA hand, but besides that, he's fucking fawning over her.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep, yep. And then they go, what do you like a girl? You gay?

[C]

He treats her like shit.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Then that night, later that night, she's at a sleepover and they pull up to the fucking house. And then he's just like, so, hey, I guess we should talk and, like, see where we're at. Like, maybe we are cool. None of it made sense. No. And then it started getting me.

[B]

I just want to point out the irony of the gayness conversation while we're deconstructing Grease. Yeah, okay. Just as long as that's out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's kind of gay.

[C]

Listen, I got another gay. I. I went into deep in conversation this weekend with somebody about Dirty Dancing. I mean, should be an R rated film that should be kept away from children. The concept of it is all wrong. The concept of it is so wrong.

[B]

First of all, you never saw Dirty Dance from start to finish.

[C]

Here you go. Well, here's a conversation.

[B]

I watch regular movies for boys, Andy.

[C]

Here's a conversation.

[B]

Predator.

[C]

Here's a conversation really quick that you probably would have an issue with whether you've seen the film or not if you put yourself in hypothetical. All right, you're bringing your family, your two lovely daughters, 15 and 17, respectively.

[B]

Am I also a new York City police detective.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Jerry Horbach.

[C]

No, Jerry.

[B]

Dare to dancing.

[C]

Well, he is, but he's. He's a doctor in this one. He's a well to do doctor.

[B]

Dr. Jerry.

[C]

And they go to one of these, you know, foxtrot, little daytime activities for the family's resort, Lake resort for the summer. And then what we're supposed to get behind and be rooting for is that a 30 year old starts the 15 year old. What year? The 50s.

[B]

All right, yeah, listen, you gotta throw that in there. Yeah, it's a timepiece.

[C]

You do something. But the fact that you're just the. The story is supposed to be like, why don't you get the out of their way, old man and let them fall in love? Is your. No, I'm gonna own this resort because your fucking dance teacher is my 15 year old daughter. And by the way, all they did, they go, you're fired.

[B]

You're fired. Now go her in the woods.

[C]

Now go her in the woods. Without telling people there was a back alley abortion. In this movie, the other daughter, the other daughter gets by the guy who knocks up the girl who needs the abortion. It's a dark flick.

[B]

It should be kept away from children. See, it's a good movie, buddy. I was against it forever because the chicks in high school loved it and you had to watch it when, you know, whatever. And then I watched it once and I was like, ah, it's a great movie. It's like Gay Road through the Music.

[C]

It's Gay Road.

[B]

It's kind of what it is. It's like a bunch of weird shit's going on.

[C]

Dancing is gay. Roadhouse sort of is kind of. Not wrong. Listen, he kicks a little ass in it. Yeah.

[B]

Remember, he has a bunch of bots, all right?

[C]

He beats up Rob. Robbie's the guy who fucked the older sister and got the other lady pregnant.

[B]

That's my man.

[C]

And then. And then they play a song that.

[B]

He sings himself that your mom definitely blew your dad to stop the pain.

[C]

Do I know every word? Yeah. Living without her I'd go insane. Jacob, look at my eyes. I feel your breath on my face. Somebody close to me can look in her eyes.

[B]

Don't look away.

[C]

She's out of my league. Just a fool to believe I have anything he needs. It's about you, dude. She's like the wind.

[B]

This is my favorite part.

[C]

Me.

[B]

Dingy, ding, ding.

[C]

Your body close to me. You don't know the song either, Andy. No.

[B]

I played sports. So did I. No, you didn't.

[C]

She had a m. So did I. Just a fool to believe Just a fool to believe.

[D]

And Christine is transported somewhere.

[F]

I watch this movie and listen to this soundtrack like a psychotic person over and over again.

[C]

She's like the wind Just a fool to believe Just a fool to believe she's like the wind Just a fool should be ashamed. Just a fool to believe she's like the.

[B]

All of you disgusted?

[C]

Boo.

[B]

She's like Andy. I had to listen to that through my bedroom wall while my parents made.

[C]

My sister catch her in your.

[B]

I thought you meant living with Jay.

[F]

I hope a girl you like enough comes into your life and makes you watch these movies.

[B]

I hope so too.

[F]

I really do. Because you're really missing out on a part of life, right?

[B]

Relax.

[C]

Listen, maybe. Maybe you don't like. She's like the win Patrick Swayze's One hit Wonder if you don't like this song from the film Dare youe Dancing though, right? This song.

[B]

Some sort of wicked ceremony on my curse my love life.

[C]

This. This is. This song's so great.

[F]

You know this cursing it with hungry eyes.

[B]

Middle school dance. This song. I know. This is the. Oh, couples only. This is when you get. Yeah, dude.

[C]

He's the same guy who sings I Can't live if living is without you. Isn't that weird?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Turn it up.

[B]

Blue Eric Carbon. Sad Eric Carpet.

[C]

I got this feeling that. Whoa. Subside.

[B]

You're getting ready for a date in the 80s. Listening to this.

[C]

I look at you and I just get you hard.

[B]

By the way, Christine, you're. You're in the right. It's these two I have the issue with. Why?

[C]

No, no, why. Can I show you what you're supposed to do when this song's playing? I would be practicing dance with you. Jacob, if you can come over here, please. Jacob.

[B]

I know this one.

[F]

Obviously at one place.

[C]

This is when he did this part. You put your hand here and I go a.

[F]

Jacob.

[B]

I never saw Jacob melt like that before.

[C]

That's not the way he's supposed to get ticklish.

[B]

Jeez.

[F]

Really sinking in.

[B]

I know. A little upset.

[F]

You know, maybe this is too gay for the room.

[B]

Seriously, I think you figured out how.

[C]

To warm him up. I'm sorry, Jacob.

[B]

Damn, dude.

[C]

Andy Fiore's mansplaining the episode. You mine tonight. This song makes me happy. Now I've got you in my sights with these. That was the intrinsic problem with the song though, is it does have a lot of music to take place at the time. I'LL be like, you know, and then they just throw in like an 80s synth rock.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[C]

And then. And then out of nowhere, Patrick Swayze's own little Diddy.

[B]

That's great though. You got his own jam in there.

[C]

That's. That last song was Patrick Swayze.

[B]

Oh, really? She's like the wind. Is him saying it.

[F]

You.

[B]

I mean, live, live.

[C]

Fight pancreatic cancer.

[B]

Outrun pancreatic smoke. Less than four packs a day. Oh, that forgot him, dude. He just raged. Butts with no undies on in roadhouse. Sweatpants kicking a bag. And now that flick. I know, Great movie.

[C]

Yeah, it's just. It's just basically dirty dancing without dancing. I know.

[B]

You just got to put it in my terms. It's just straight dirty dancing.

[C]

It's just boy dirty. Yeah, just straight dirty dancing pretty much.

[F]

I. I didn't see Roadhouse. Cuz it is boy. When you showed it to.

[B]

Well, I hope one day I loved it. You find a man.

[F]

I did find a man.

[B]

And he did.

[F]

Introduced me to Roadhouse. Now I love roadhouse too.

[C]

No, I love Roadhouse.

[B]

You love roadhouse?

[F]

Of course I love road. I'm like, how did I not have roadhouse in my life before this?

[C]

Dude, Too good.

[B]

The dream of roadhouse. A chick against the wall. Like that.

[C]

The guy gets fired. Yeah, but I'm on break.

[B]

But I'm on break.

[C]

But I'm on break.

[B]

Take it to the streets.

[C]

Just some chick in the back. But I'm on break.

[B]

It's really not fair. But even picking her up against the wall up in the barn, banging around, I've never been able to do it.

[C]

The guy, remember? The guy's just ripping stuff. The guy who gets fired and he says something smarmy and he's like, how about if we ba ba ba. And then he makes some joke back at him and he just goes, Dude, the movie's so dumb. It's so great. So dumb.

[B]

God, it's stupid.

[C]

Let's remake it with more of like a heavy sense.

[B]

More gravidas.

[C]

Hey, I think they should. Yeah, but like, make like the stakes somehow. Way less. But also grander for some reason.

[B]

Way grander and on. And in Florida, maybe in the Keys.

[C]

Idiots. You saw the remake?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Did it make you want to scratch your own face off?

[B]

I watched it on a flight. I didn't mind it. Now I don't understand.

[C]

I don't know what to say after that.

[B]

It's because it's. You didn't mind me. I'm like, just get me to, you know, no. Kill time for.

[C]

No, no, it doesn't matter. It kills.

[B]

I can't remember one thing about it.

[C]

It killed time for me also at one point. But it was that time was killed going like, this is a disgrace what they've done.

[B]

Yeah. We were. We, me, Q and Sal watched it together and we were like building up to watching it. And we watched it and we were all like, well, wow, this is awful.

[C]

The only positive of that movie was it got Post Malone to get himself in shape. Shape.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Like the way he looks in the beginning.

[B]

Conor McGregor to be the total wackadoo that he is.

[D]

I don't think anybody entertaining part of that movie.

[C]

He's definitely entertains. It's so bad. Yeah. How bad it is.

[D]

The only reason to watch that film.

[B]

The interviews after the top, the interviews about making it like those Conor McGregor interviews are the best to watch. He's just so yipped up, dude.

[C]

Well, I mean, they've added. I mean, the most farcical thing probably in Roadhouse, the original, is that he lives with this blessing and a curse of being able to murder with three fingers. That's his legacy in Road House. If you recall, he's ripped a man's throat out in the past. It's something that's haunted him.

[B]

He's the human falcon.

[C]

If you recall the story, he was having sex with a married woman. He didn't know. Husband comes home, points a gun in his face. And when a man points a gun in your face, you got two choices. You can die or you can kill the motherfucker. Joker. Miho, Mijo. Look at this scar. Remember that?

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[C]

Woman. Boy, was he. He's dying quick. He's on land, man. Yeah. Sam Elliott, man. They're just watching him die on television.

[B]

I love Landman.

[C]

Hey, bud, Me too.

[B]

Did you know I'm not really clicking with the group today? We all do Landman's great show.

[C]

Landman is a fantastic.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

I am.

[B]

I'm an episode behind. I haven't watched it. I love that Landman. They talk in like beer commercial lines. It's like, let me tell you, if you want to tap those Rockies, you gotta head for the hill. And then like a hot daughter shows up. Oh, it might be the best mother daughter one two punch of all time. Oh, my God.

[C]

My problem with the daughter. That girl is in her 20s. Why are you presenting her as a 17 year old and then keep showing me her fucking tits? She turned 18 in the show.

[B]

Yes, she's going to TCU.

[C]

Well, here's the thing. They haven't shown much of her this season, like, in that kind of light. But last season, her character was 17.

[D]

Years old in her cheerleading outfit.

[F]

Jacob edited it together.

[D]

All right, now you hold your horse.

[B]

You don't know what you're doing. Talking about this year.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

No, last year they had her literally in panties. They had her get naked out of a shower.

[B]

Yeah. And every time, like, she's in a room like old men are eating baby aspirin just to, like, stay alive. Roughnecks hasn't tried to take a run at her yet. Seriously.

[D]

Bless the show, man.

[B]

It is.

[D]

She's in a lot of hot outfits this season.

[C]

Sure. Maybe I'm just saying. I'm just saying, like the over sexualization or she was going to the boy. There was a lot of, like, sexual stuff with her. And she was 17. Her character last year, I thought that was weird.

[D]

Teenagers.

[B]

That was just wild teenagers.

[D]

You want realism or not, Jacob? I don't know what you're going for. Jacob, I see the actress, not the.

[B]

See, look it.

[C]

Yes, right here. Her character, 17.

[B]

He's like, polar bear fell on me.

[C]

Polar bear.

[B]

What a stupid movie. How about how many shots he takes at the end of Roadhouse? How many shots it takes to kill him? He gets blown in the chest. Million elephant rifles of anything else.

[C]

He gets shot so many times. Forget the shooting him. How many bolts he takes. It's somehow the most difficult fight for the best bouncer in the world.

[B]

He can break a knee by looking at it, by the way, in a Miami Vice suit.

[C]

Somehow go to the end of the scene where he's gonna kill Brad Wesley in Roadhouse. Because my favorite is the scoring. Like, whoever did the thing. It's Star Trek level of, like, while he's like shaking his three fingers, he goes, don't make me use my three finger throat. It's the only way he knows to kill somebody.

[B]

It's his one move.

[C]

It's the three finger throat, buddy. You can also punch him in the nose, maybe to death. There's ways to do it. He's like, too slow.

[B]

He goes, I wanted to fight you, but I just don't have the time.

[C]

Black Lew, can I ask you something? You said you just had the situation where at the mall they have, which I didn't know this is a thing. I think this is, again, the most sectioning off of people. I think that's why these things are new. I'm sure when I was younger, there Was a black Santa at a place at a black mall or at a mall in Philadelphia for certain, guaranteed. But I don't remember many. I don't know if it would have been a big deal. Now they have a black Santa.

[B]

I think you can choose now.

[C]

Well, and then someone said they went to one where you can fill out whether you want black, white or Hispanic at JCPenney. Someone brought that up. Yeah. That's why the story came up. I said, about your thing with this. That's so sectioning off. However, also last night, though, an argument came up that made me think. I'm like, well, that's also true too. Like, why can't a character be what the character is? Like, why is that? It's like Santa Claus has just always been drawn. Like, I think when you bring a black Santa, even the black kid, like, that's breaking the thing first.

[B]

Oh, like his belief in Santa.

[C]

Cause you're going, it's like, oh, so is all the other Santa. So then you have to like, go another layer of a lie. That's like silly almost to be like, oh, yeah. Also there's multiple Santa or actual Santa's black. You know what I'm saying? Just makes everyone question it. When you just. The best thing. I don't even think you should have a guy who's like, my age being Santa. Santa should all be old men. Old white men, big guys. So they do the thing. Because, like, kids say it when they have. When you have an experience like that, you like think, Dave Smith. It was. God damn, it was adorable thing to say on Legion of Skanks. But he said they went. And it was like an old man. Like an old white guy with the thing and the red. And he goes, when his daughter was done, she's an age where she got alf and she goes, dad, Daddy, that was the real Santa. And I'm like, yeah, that's what the experience should be for any one white black kid or whatever. If you bring a black Santa, it's just right away you're going, I don't think is that. It just makes you like, stop for a second and go, is Santa black?

[B]

What did.

[C]

Was that a thing? We didn't know.

[B]

Even my son was like, mommy, why is Santa brown? Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm saying. Like, it breaks the. It's like the character. It's not racist to have the character be what the character's always been.

[B]

Right. Right. No, totally.

[C]

Do you get what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah, totally get it. Because then it's like, well, wait a minute.

[C]

If they do a picture of Jesus with like an afro and a pick and they go, this is actually Jesus, it's gonna make you go, well, then.

[B]

I'd actually believe in Jesus.

[C]

That'd be a cooler Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, Black Jesus.

[C]

But I'm just saying, like, from everything you've seen, it goes, well, then none of it's real. None of it's right.

[B]

You're right, totally. No, I get that. That makes complete.

[C]

I wouldn't.

[B]

Yeah, no, that'd be confusing as fuck.

[D]

Lou texted me pictures of the kids, confused faces, and then he called me after. Look, tell my story. It's my favorite.

[C]

Well, thank you. Lewis said if he got to the front of the line. You were saying this. People were doing this. Lou, he said if he got to the front of the line, he'd be, like, furious about it too. There was a black sand. I go, I wouldn't be furious about it. I would just take the picture. I would immediately see the funny in it. I'm. Oh, that's pretty funny that Santa's black. It's like a weird, like. Right. Inclusion. Everything. That's not necessary. But all right, let's take a picture of black Santa. It's funny as hell.

[B]

It's hilarious. And then you gotta go. And we were at, like, one of the wealthiest malls in New Jersey, the Short Hills Mall. Oh, yeah.

[F]

Oh, you went to Short Hills. It was a black Santa and a white Santa and you know which one?

[B]

Black all day, Black Saturday and Short Hills.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yes. And everyone was shocked.

[F]

That's like where the Louis Vuitton is in Jersey. That's like the nice night of the mall.

[C]

Black Saturday was Black Santa Saturday.

[B]

Black Santa.

[C]

It was black Santa all day.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So I'm saying, look, I get the idea.

[B]

Like, be funny if some people thought it was Black Sabbath Saturday.

[C]

You absolutely can't stop it from happening. And it's. I just don't think it's a big deal at all to have a black Santa. I'm just saying it's just a fucked up thing that it even has to be engaged. It could. It should be something you can say to a black guy being Santa. Like, come on, man.

[B]

Right, Totally. Yeah.

[C]

You can't play Santa. Like, there's 30 things you could play. Can't be Santa.

[B]

Totally. That makes every parent have the conversation. That's like, listen, during Christmas, they need to have someone playing Santa in the mall. This isn't the real one, but he. But he works for the real guy and he's going to bring and tell and he's going to tell him you want a PS5 in that play.

[C]

We've said this on the show a long time ago but remember they did the TV play of Greece going back to Greece and that was the funniest dude when they like Rizzo was played by like a black chick and so she's like the big heavy attitude character. And I remember the scene where she goes in with like the principal and like the principal saying she's like smart mouthing the principal. I go, I can't separate the fact that this is the 50s. And he'd be like get the out of my office right now. You're lucky to be going this some racist piece of principal. I'm like, he's just going to like oh hey, hey Rizzo or whatever like.

[B]

Dude in the subway downstairs. I literally this morning walked by the sign. The Outsiders, the new play. Yeah, it's. Gee, it's wild. You go Oklahoma in the 60s. So fucking Dallas is a black guy.

[C]

Oh yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean you can't separate. You don't have to change history to support a thing.

[B]

Dallas is a black guy. Dallas and gay apparently.

[C]

Listen, if you're doing a play that has a lynching in it. If you're doing a play that has no lynching in it, it, it's as crazy as making the white guy play the person. Getting like, it's like it just. Yeah, you don't have to like change and what was the word you just say? It was good. It's like. Yeah, it's like it's, it's unpleasant history but you don't have to change it. Like that's stupid to change it. You're not telling the story.

[B]

You're almost doing an injustice to the.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Yeah, totally. I feel the same way about fictional characters. Just like back in the day when I went to that Harry Potter play and they changed Hermione to like an old middle aged black woman. And it took me completely. What Hermione? Yes. And look, I love my people too, right? But a black mermaid is a little. We don't swim like that.

[F]

So.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Oh yeah. Black Little Mermaid was weird as shit. Yeah, that was weird and unnecessary.

[B]

He was a middle aged.

[F]

There wasn't a lot about it but I don't think it did that well.

[B]

The play the Little Mermaid I think it was just like the. What it really got was just press from hate.

[C]

Well it's the, it's talk about the only time where I've seen That like such a dumb term, the go woke, go broke thing of that, where there is some elements where that. Where it's just people are just like. You just. Why are you taking, like the kids out of it even?

[B]

Right?

[C]

Is that the idea? It's like, I don't think like a little black girl and a little white girl, or either one's gonna not. Or they will or will not say, oh, I want to be a mermaid. Who gives a fuck in their life. Because the character happens to be. I don't think they're seeing that unless you point it out to them.

[B]

Right, Right. Yeah. Just. Yeah. I think, like, if a little white girl grew up watching Little Mermaid and it was a black mer, I don't think she's gonna go like, I don't love this character.

[C]

No, what I'm saying now is the thing is, like, the time changes is good. Is that now there's Disney movies and Pixar and all that stuff that have black characters in them.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

So those characters can. When they make the live action thing, a black person will play, you know, in those. In those roles or Hispanic or Moana or whatever that shit. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, of course it'll like. It'll happen. To change the history of the thing just makes it like. Well, that's not the character.

[B]

Well, that's the perfect example. The Outsiders is like. It's what, dude? So it's so funny. Bonkers. That's crazy.

[C]

I know. Samuel L. Jackson is Robert F. Kennedy.

[B]

Totally, dude. It's like Bill and Ted do Blazing Saddles.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It'S so crazy.

[C]

I mean, it's exactly. Wesley Snipes is Mark Twain. It's like, just don't even audition for it, dude.

[B]

Wesley Snipes, an old Wesley playing Huck Finn. They had an old black woman playing Hermione Granger, and she was a great actress, but not, I'm sure not that great. CCH Pounder from the Shield.

[C]

CCH Pounder. She was also on Sons of Anarchy.

[B]

Got that straight.

[C]

CCH Pounder. What a great name.

[B]

That is a great name.

[C]

If you saw her, you know exactly who she is.

[B]

I'm picturing her.

[C]

Oh, you do?

[B]

You do know she is also one of the fun sunniest. It's always sunnies when Dennis does the fucking CCH Pounder impersonator. And it's spot on.

[C]

CCH Pounder. Oh, look how old she is. 72.

[B]

Hermione, if I ever saw one. She was married to Boubacar Cohn.

[C]

What's I'm saying, Lou? Even's a black guy. Like, it takes you out of it.

[B]

Absolutely. And it's all racist too. Like Tom Cruise playing the last samurai. That one was fucking hilarious. Oh, my God, that's so funny.

[C]

Wait, what was the character? It wasn't a soldier who got like.

[B]

Was about a guy who became a samurai. Not like a guy becoming like an Asian. No, no, not becoming an Asian.

[D]

He goes to Japan.

[B]

That's a whole other movie.

[C]

That's a guitar Zan story. More.

[B]

Okay, I never watched it. I got that wrong.

[C]

I got that.

[F]

Do you think they're playing off Tom Cruise as an Asian guy?

[C]

Mike Fenoy co hosting with me today. Last Tuesday he's going to be on tour. Ron White in 2026. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to mike finoya f-I n o I a dot com and make sure you listen to Mike's podcast. Are we old? Wherever you find your podcast, Andy Fiore is going to be at the Comedy cell in Vegas December 29th through January 4th, and he's going to be on tour with Tom Papa in 2026. For tickets and tour dates, visit Andy Fiori. Bobby Kelly. I got so many announcements to make.

[B]

I'll do yours.

[C]

He's going to be in Sarasota, Poughkeepsie, Comedy works south in Colorado, Batavia, Illinois for tickets and all Bobby's tour dates, punch up.live/Robert Kelly. Of course, we also had. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We also have the help Sirius XM in the fight to end hunger.

[B]

No, you don't.

[C]

We don't.

[B]

It's over.

[C]

We lost.

[B]

Yes, but we did beat Eddie Trunk.

[C]

Yeah. What do we get? What does somebody pay to come in?

[B]

It was like 2500 the last I checked.

[C]

Wow, that's not bad.

[B]

Oh, I thought you guys meant you lost the fight.

[D]

What did Sam get?

[B]

Four and a half grand.

[C]

It's a family member, though. Cheated. They cheated. Well, we do have a holiday show. Might be some tickets available for that. Do we know?

[F]

I don't know if there will be on Thursday, but there might be.

[C]

There might be. Our bonfire holiday spectacular Tuesday, December 16, 7pm in the Village Underground in New York City. Get tickets@comedy seller.com I will be in Irvine next weekend. I will be in Milwaukee for New Year's Eve weekend and I'm all over the place. Look for a city near you bigj comedy.com and see.

[B]

Go watch Jay [e-mail] bigjokerson I'll be doing that.

[C]

Actually, I should be announced that yesterday, Thursday night, tonight, tonight in an hour about.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[C]

Oh, shit. Look out everyone. The live streams are coming back. Thank you guys so much seeing you guys.

[B]

Love you, Andrew.

[C]

For the whole crew, everyone. We'll catch you guys next week. Bobby will be back. Welcome home, Bobby. Crackle, crackle.

[A]

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