I Started A New Joke

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "I Started A New Joke"
Date: March 27, 2026
Host: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic Bonfire: raw, unfiltered, and hysterically candid. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly share wild stories from their youth, riff on the realities of strip clubs, joke about personal mishaps, and—most notably—dive into a unique interactive challenge: collecting joke premises from callers for an upcoming “New Joke Night.” With their signature no-holds-barred humor, they break down the art of standup, dissect audience interaction, and reflect on what makes a great premise. Sprinkled throughout are inside-comedy insights, audience Q&A, and memorable banter.

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Main Themes and Key Discussion Points

1. Strip Club Stories & Teenage Shenanigans

Starts ~00:59 – 13:00

• Bobby and Jay swap stories of broke, teenage strip club adventures, like sneaking into the "Fantasy Show Bar" in NJ and finding Internet loopholes for free entry.
  • Jay: “We’d go in there, we were like three bucks and just walk out of there... Amateur night. Oh, it was so fun.” [01:46]
  • Bobby: “There’s nothing worse than a non tipper when you’re showing your cooch.” [02:01]
• They describe the awkward rituals at these clubs: free popcorn, forced tip rituals (dollar-in-mouth-to-breasts), and no alcohol due to full nudity laws.
  • Memorable moment: Jay explains the infamous “shower show”:
    • Jay: “$25 to go into the shower show... another $10 you could pay, and you get to soap them up... rubbing their tits and bodies...” [10:13 – 11:12]
• Comparisons of strip club rules across states—Rhode Island’s “no rules,” Vegas extravagance, Boston’s strictness.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay: “If you’re going to the strip club, I want to see the most we can see...strip club’s not for engagement. It’s to see live snatch you can’t get in real life.” [08:16]

2. Comedy Nostalgia and Movies

Starts ~13:00 – 16:00

• Debating the realism and choreography in "Flashdance" and "I’m Gonna Git You Sucka."
• Observations on body doubles in classic films, generational shifts in parody movies, and rewatching comedies like "Dumb and Dumber."
  • Bobby: “The first time I didn’t [have a hard time with Jeff Daniels]. But now you rewatch it, you’re like, oh, he’s just doing Jim Carrey.” [15:18]

3. Domestic Heroics & Dog Logic

Starts ~17:00 – 21:00

• Jay tells a tongue-in-cheek story of his girlfriend Christine unplugging a space heater (potentially averting disaster).
  • Big Jay: “Maybe she saved what could have been a very rare case possible fire. Now, there’s a thousand other things plugged into the house…” [18:08]
• The discussion evolves into who qualifies as a “household hero,” with playful banter about dogs serving as living alarms.
  • Bobby: “I think all dogs are heroes. Even Doodles, because she does the same thing.” [19:33]

4. Jay’s Gas Pump Mishap

Starts ~21:10 – 25:00

• Jay shares a story about absentmindedly driving off with the gas hose still attached to his car in New Jersey (where self-pumping is not allowed).
  • Big Jay: “I started driving... I just see the... thing came Out... just kind of pulled out...” [22:59]
• Tangents about U.S. gas laws, pump safety features, and quirky stories from the road.

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Interactive Challenge: Joke Premises From Callers

Main Segment: 31:00 – 52:00

Premise Draft for "New Joke Night"

Jay and Bobby turn the show into a kind of comedy “workshop”: they ask callers for basic premises to use onstage at their upcoming New Jokes Night. The rules are simple: give a setup, not a finished bit; let the pros do the punchline.

Notable Quotes:

• Bobby: “We’re looking for more of the setup than the punchlines.” [38:55]
• Big Jay: “How do you bring that up to a professionally funny level?” [41:20]

Best and Most Memorable Call-In Premises:

1. Road Head in Modern Cars
   • Mike from PA: “The center console’s so big, and the ding ding when you unbuckle the seat belt...” [35:12]
2. Changing Meaning of the “Bases” as You Age
   • Navigating first/second/third base as an adult vs. teen.
3. Rogue Mustache/Nose Hairs
   • Mike from Texas: “Beard hair flips up in your nose, and you just can’t get rid of that shit.” [40:04]
4. Alternative Toilet Paper in Public Restrooms
   • Dutch from Tampa: “Running out of toilet paper and possibly having to use a sock.” [40:54]
5. Returning Food on a Date
   • Dutch again: “Returning food on a date.” [42:10]
   • Jay: “That’s a fucking great premise.” [42:21]
6. Meta-Premise: Callers Calling In to Give Premises
   • Wheeze from PA: “Bunch of people calling in to give you jokes.” [44:41]
   • Discussion about how the meta angle could play in “alt” rooms.
7. Cardi B Removing Her BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift)
   • Don from Pittsburgh: “Cardi B is planning on removing her BBL.” [43:27]
8. Truck Driver – Cop “Ow!” Riddle
   • Jerry from Kansas: “A truck driver pulls on a scale, police steps on side, says ‘Ow’. Now you gotta come up with a reason.” [46:12]
9. Miscellaneous:
   • “Difference between the sex bases when you’re young and now.”
   • Meta humor about joke premise crowdsourcing.

Jay and Bobby critique, select, and riff each topic, sometimes encouraging, sometimes playfully roasting callers for going too “hack” or too detailed.

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Comedy Process Insights

• They debate the difference between crowd work, ingratiating yourself to the room, and the “pure” trial of a new written joke.
  • Jay: “If I ingratiate them with talking... It’s not going to be fair... Is this shitty joke I wrote funny?” [32:03]

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Miscellaneous Banter

• Surgical Body Modifications:

  • The dangers and oddities of BBLs, penile enlargement, and “vaginal rejuvenation.”
    • Jacob (producer): “There’s a filler, that natural filler that goes away, but it’ll go away. So your dick will be fatter for a little bit.” [54:09]

• Classic Bonfire Detours

  • Goofy off-mic impressions (“Say, Christine, stop your yappeling and start your...”), digressions into pet heroism, and riffs on hack vs. original joke territory.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

[02:01] Bobby Kelly: “There’s nothing worse than a non tipper when you’re showing your cooch.”
[08:16] Big Jay: “I want to see the most we can see...strip club’s not for engagement. It’s to see live snatch you can’t get in real life.”
[13:48] Bobby: “Look at this wig wearing...” (on Flashdance's double)
[15:18] Bobby: “Oh, he’s just doing Jim Carrey.”
[18:08] Big Jay: “Christine did shut it off and unplugged it. So she...maybe she saved what could have been a very rare case possible fire.”
[32:03] Big Jay: “If I ingratiate them with talking... It’s not going to be fair… Is this shitty joke I wrote funny?”
[35:12] Mike from PA: “The center console’s so big, and the ding ding when you unbuckle the seat belt...”
[40:54] Dutch: “Running out of toilet paper and possibly having to use a sock.”
[42:21] Jay: “That’s a fucking great premise.” (on returning food on a date)
[43:27] Don: “Cardi B is planning on removing her BBL...”
[44:41] Wheeze: “Bunch of people calling in to give you jokes.”
[54:09] Jacob: “There’s a filler, that natural filler that goes away, but it’ll go away. So your dick will be fatter for a little bit.”

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Episode Structure & Segment Map

• [00:59 – 13:00] Strip club stories, awkward teenage adventures, club rituals, “shower show”
• [13:00 – 16:00] Pop culture nostalgia—Flashdance, comedy films, generational movie preferences
• [17:00 – 21:10] “Household heroism”—Christine’s domestic vigilance, dog hero jokes
• [21:10 – 25:00] Gas station story, New Jersey’s quirky laws, more road stories
• [31:00 – 52:00] Main segment: Taking joke premise calls, critiquing and drafting for New Joke Night
• [52:00 – end] Further riffing on plastic surgery, comics’ insecurities, silly digressions

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Conclusion

A rollicking episode blending old-school comedy tales, inside baseball of the stand-up world, surreal call-in participation, and the duo’s off-the-cuff comedic process. The interactive premise draft stands out as a unique experiment, giving listeners a peek at how comics build (or dismiss) raw ideas. The tone stays rowdy yet inviting, a backstage pass into the real grind of writing new jokes.

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For New Listeners:

This episode offers:

• A look into the camaraderie and rivalry of professional comics
• Honest, sometimes crude, always sharp observations on sex, youth, and the tricks of the comedy trade
• Direct audience participation (including both inspired and, let’s say, “in-progress” ideas)
• Energy, inside jokes, and the rare chance to witness the birth of new material on air

Dive in if you enjoy laughter with a little edge and lots of comedy shop talk.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

With new construction communities throughout the Puget

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sound and Central Washington areas And more coming, Dr. Horton has the right home for you at Dr. Horton. We're still building. With more construction, more communities, and more homes available every day. Tap your screen now or visit drhorton.com to find your new home now ready. Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life, and just a warning, I'm gonna be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Beep, beep, beep, bop beep.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told you the time me and. Me and Patrice went dancing in Amsterdam, we went to a nightclub and they had this music on. Everybody was dancing. And I went on the dance floor and me and Patrice weirdly, just started dancing together. But like, just like we were doing. And I felt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It felt good, this song. It takes me to one place and one place only. And two songs do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fantasy Show Bar, Black Horse Pike, N.J. no longer exists. It was a strip club. You can go when you were 18. No booze, full nude. We found such a scam with the Internet. When the Internet first started to get in for free and just get everything you could possibly want to do in there for free.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not knowing they hated us. Oh, because we also didn't tip. We had no money. We were teenagers. So we would go in there, we were like three bucks and just walk out of there and seen everything. Everything. Amateur night. Oh, it was so fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's nothing worse than a non tipper when you're showing your cooch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They hate us. And my friend Glenn used to come in with like, fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

How's Glenn doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Glenn's doing great.

[Caller/Guest]

Great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell him I said, what's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will. He messaged me the other day. Glenn would go in and wear like novelty funny T shirts that would make them even. You'd see how annoyed they'd be cause we weren't paying. Also, we had a shirt said, I don't smoke crack, I lick it. And they'd be like, it's funny. You know what else would be Funny. A couple. Couple dollars.

[Bobby Kelly]

Couple dollars. They're not even asking for much. Just a couple bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then we. Glenn would just laugh. You just laugh at it. Yeah. Broke. So broke we would go. But it's this song and what the. Like the desert missed the rain. And I miss you. It's called miss you. Step out the train. Find the club mix, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the Strobes would be going for the girls. Same album.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. I thought I saw the same screen.

[Bobby Kelly]

The. The first song play at your own risk came out in 1982.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was cranking at that place.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was. That was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm talking about 95.

[Caller/Guest]

Foreign.

[Bobby Kelly]

95. I was this. Yeah, right here. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it up. Blue. Slap it right in my stupid face.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't help but feel sexy inside when this is on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is like my, like middle school dances.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. High school. My AA dances. Friday night, St. Mary's Lynn, Mass. Oh, look across the room. Girl still shaking, drinking a cup of coffee.

[Jacob]

Alcoholic puss.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. The best. Lick that makeup off her neck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I miss you.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about this move? Will you keep it tight?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I miss you.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they go back down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, not us, dude. We were staring at tampon strings hanging out of snatches. Oh, it was amateur night. It's only one night a week. You gotta go.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's nothing worse than when I was first coming up. I had no money in comedy, and they would go to strip clubs and I had no money and I had stained shirts and you just go to. You just. I don't want to go. And then you go and you just look down, you see some type of mustard stain on your shirt from the black lights.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then the girls would come over you. I'd have like, maybe 10 bucks that I. And I'd have to, like, wait for the right one. No, I'm good. They're saying, no, I'm good. To a stripper. Sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They. That was the worst. When you knew you had enough. Because there'd be. Sometimes you were like. You start realizing that. You're like, hey, maybe we shouldn't go. Yeah. Unless we got a couple fucking bucks. Like, you gotta get a lap dance. If you go back with one girl, you gotta pay. But, you know, you at least like, show them. Like, no, no, we're. We're here. We're doing it.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You may give em a little bit

[Big Jay Oakerson]

of cash and you'd pick the one. That was the thing. Exactly. Now you're shooing away.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to. Because you can't well, we used to

[Big Jay Oakerson]

shoo away forever, and then they hate you. But then we start being like, all right. We each have to get, like, a fucking dance. Because we got the other. The thing that. The free pass. We would print out and then rip the sides off because it was that kind of printer paper.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are Jewish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it was 96. 5.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it was good to be Jewish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. But we'd print out these things. And it was so dumb. The Fancy show bar had. It was even like. There was pictures written in, like, arrows and stuff. When you printed it out, do you know, I mean, like, they. They. It was just everything. The screen was just green and whatever. And it prints out this thing. And it was free entry. Huge. It's 10 bucks gone already.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't have to pay. When you walked in, you had to tip a girl. They have a girl standing in a booth with her tits out, and you have to put a dollar in your mouth and smash in her tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to. You're an asshole if you don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you didn't have to, but you had to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'd be in a weirdly weird situation, like, no, I'm okay. You'd already be setting such a bad tone. We knew that. We liked that. They were great to us until about 30 minutes into us sitting there.

[Bobby Kelly]

So is it like a fucking pervert test to make sure you're a piece of shit?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe. And then we would go, lou, I need that music in the background.

[Bobby Kelly]

So then we should play this song during the whole show. Even when TJ comes in, not tell

[Big Jay Oakerson]

him drinks and popcorn were free. You ate popcorn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They make you eat popcorn. They give you popcorn because they want you to drink.

[Bobby Kelly]

They make you do a lot of stuff at this place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The more you thing is that you drink. There it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fantasy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, that's the one. Is that Black Horse Pike? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm told this is closed. Why are there three cars there? That's so funny. It's being young and going especially underage to a strip club. You started going. I was 17. You had to be 18. But I looked enough. They didn't ask. But the things you'd think of that you're like, oh, these are why they have security. That when your intentions aren't creepy, but you know, it goes, that girl's so beautiful. Like, I bet if I could talk to her like I was. You know what? If we're here till it closes, I'll just, like, walk to her car with her. And you're like, no, you can't. They. You really can't do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can't do it. Especially with no money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to see two in the morning. Not tipping.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could if you were length 20, 20s, down all night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

They let you stay all night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not wrong at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

You get to take them home. Jay, too, if you have money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're so not wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're just shoveling popcorn like a crane in your mouth. Can I have a cranberry juice?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Only soda and juice. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, because. Yeah, because full news, they didn't have alcohol, which is a. So weird to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love it. It makes so much more sense to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, they're saying if you're going to go have people complain about. I should say, I get. If you want to have drinks. I do not. I don't not get that. I'm not an idiot. But I'm saying at the time, the age I was there, too, the concept of, like, one or the other. Would you rather go see girls in bikinis and topless? Maybe, but you can get boozed up. Or you could go see girls fucking, literally, like, splitting lip to show you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have a Diet Coke and popcorn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Diet Coke and popcorn.

[Bobby Kelly]

100%.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm fine. I'd rather. Because I'm like, if we're gonna go to the strip club, I want to see the most we can see. And. But if we're gonna go out and, like, have drinks, like, why don't we go have drinks and, like, try to talk? That's like the loosening it up and talking to people. That's the engagement. Strip club's not for engagement. It's to see live snatch that you can't get in real life.

[Bobby Kelly]

See some snatch bend over in your face. We used to drive to Rhode island because they had no rules. Cheetahs in Rhode island, they had no rules.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, they know age rules, particularly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, dude, it was crazy. Like, I said, whorehouses were legal. Go to the strip clubs, you could touch them, you could do all kinds of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boston was not legal.

[Bobby Kelly]

But not. Well, you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, they just existed everywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pretend. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But the thing that fucked me up is when I went to Vegas for the first time and went to those huge, amazing, crazy strip clubs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, not Vegas. Oh, strip club. Strip club.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I went to this first strip club in Vegas, they had, like, two of them or three of them, and they were so big and so enormous and so, like, we went to the one that I Love was. What was it called? I forget what it was called. Frank's Chicken House. No, it was called, I think a Duets or Sweat Bucket. But the slogan was the best. It says, we have a hundred sexy girls and two ugly ones. And it was right on the money, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So. Well, let me tell you also with our free pass to get in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What you got was free entry and shower show. What's the shower show?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know what the shower show is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was so good. They would take. They would be. They'd be hawking it the entire time on stage. Every time. The guy who got on stage, who. Which, by the way, was the job. At one point I was like, this is what I'm made to do. It was a black, muscly guy who wore a tuxedo shirt, tight vest. He was jacked, but he was the up there, like ladies. He's inspired all the words I say. At the end of Hustlers when he told me just go wild lines. And I'm talking over the credits.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's this guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's everything he said. I just changed it. Maybe like New York instead of. Because one of you'd go couch dance. Couch dance. Put me in that couch trance. The ladies here at the fantasy show bar, blah, blah, blah. He had all these spiels. And then one was the shower show, where these girls get wet and wild and blah blah. And what it was, was they wait till they get like 25 people or so to buy it. And every hour, next shower show starting to line up, you take you to a different room, like a movie theater room almost. But instead it was like just bench seating, maybe three, four rows diagonally, you know, like angled in, like, amphitheater almost. And in the corner was a fake, I guess, real shower booth and the girl. And there was like a little. Two little stools. And they would sit. They'd. And you could pay extra. So it was $25 to go into the shower show. And then another $10 you could pay. And you get to soap them up. They put soap over them and you go up and take your turns, like rubbing their tits and bodies and asses and everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

She used to wash them like cattle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, but we never did that. We were just like, oh, yeah, we're good on the. Being the soap guys. And we. Because we had no money, so we would just sit there. You watch everybody soap them up. Then they would take. Turn as long as it took. Well, that's naive. I guess it was. I'm sure it was time, but whatever it was. We were buying into. It was they. One would sit in front of the other one. The one who was behind would hold the shower head on her, like firing water at her. And the girl would play with herself until she like fake came or came. And if you're a lofty I thinker. And then they would switch and then they would switch and then the other one would do the same thing. And then you let you out of there. We tipped nothing on that at all. So we just watched that for three bucks. Dude. We would have this amazing night every fucking Wednesday. It was so good until he started to hate our guts and visibly would be like, these guys. And you're like, what? I thought we were the fun guys.

[Jacob]

Get out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought we're all fun and funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They talked about you. They knew your faces as soon as you walked in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where the fuck is Jacob?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's sick today. Oh, he got very sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not coming in today. He's on Zoom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think it's because I French kissed him?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's on Zoom somewhere. I think it's funny though, when they add stuff like that where they. You know, the shower, it's like, you know, just to clean these off. Why don't we just make money off of it instead of going in the back room to take a shower. We just got like a shower room. Oh, you guys clean your snatches off from the VIP finger popping. You just got. I told you. They used to have a lady that would come down and her whole act was she had Windex and. And paper towels and she would just clean the pole and clean the. The glass on the back from all the ass smudges from the other strippers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's really sweet.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought it was a sexy, unique

[Big Jay Oakerson]

way and multitasking, you know, Lou, common misconception. No one stripped of this song. The songs from the movie and in the video they would show her doing the dance, but there was a different song. The song that she actually danced to was all right, actually, wasn't it?

[Bobby Kelly]

What a. What a feeling at the end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, not the. Not she strips to. Actually.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She had a couple of cool ones.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just recently watched it. And did you notice the stunt double

[Big Jay Oakerson]

looks nothing like Jennifer Beals. No, in the final dance, Jennifer Beals

[Bobby Kelly]

doesn't dance at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's this right here? Yeah, this is the song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whatever this music is soundtrack that she dances to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. But that song isn't that guy's name like Michael Saratello? Or something. Sam Bello, Maniac.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Michael Sambello.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Did you really think that she danced?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I would have thought. Yes. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at this wig wearing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, nobody knew. Nobody knew who Jennifer Beals was, but they. That's her.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the only shot that they did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's very possible. Yeah, it's true. At the very end. You could tell it a lot. Yeah. At the very end when the sexy dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She looks like she's wearing a mop on her head. Yeah. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wild. Did you ever see I'm gonna get you sucka? When they have the fist fight and they do the purposeful. Like she's got like a must. It's like a guy obviously in a mustache that shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

So that one was good. A funny show movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

When they brought her back. When he brought the girl back and she started taking just everything. She took her leg off, pulled her hair off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like. He just kept screaming. But yeah, the body double being. That's so funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's a man wearing a fucking diner waitress dress.

[Bobby Kelly]

That movie gets not enough credit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want to get you, sucker.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody brings it up. They always bring up Naked Gun and all that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fall by the wayside because black people. No, it's just like the young people. There's. There's not a lot of history that kids have nostalgia anymore to even go back. And so now people will think the first of those kind of movies, actually, you're lucky if you get Naked Gun. You actually will say. They'll say scary movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they don't even say Dumb and Dumber, which was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dumb and Dumb was pretty great when it came out.

[Bobby Kelly]

When it came out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It does not hold up. No, I don't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that goofy faces. You know who did. It's. It's. What's his name? Not Jim Carrey, the other guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jeff Daniels.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have a hard time with him a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

The first time I didn't. But now you rewatch it, you're like, oh, he's just. Oh, he's just doing Jim. Jim Carrey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's what it is. Yeah. The problem is, like, that's Jim Carrey. Like, that was just a classic Jim Carrey character for a change. And it looks like he was trying to keep up with the Jim Carrey character, but he's great. Jeff Daniels, he's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's Jacob right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hey, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Last chance was great in his environment. And then funny enough, like What a feeling. Actually, also was used. That was fame, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you hear Jacob's voice yet?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hi, Jacobs. Hi.

[Jacob]

How are you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does he have a filter on?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's his voice.

[Jacob]

I woke up with this.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should keep it. You sound like a man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that's crazy how you sound.

[Jacob]

I know. I want it to stay, but I have to be in pain for that to happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sexy son of a. He is. I know. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the voice you've dreamed of.

[Jacob]

It really is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Say, Christine, stop your yappeling and start your. Stop your cackling and start your snackling.

[Jacob]

Christine, stop your yapping.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, stop your cackling and start your. Stop snackling and act like you're pulling your penis out.

[Jacob]

Stop your cackling and start your yap. Sorry, what was this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never mind. It's over. You ruined it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. Jacob came back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Say. Just say this. Hey, Don, shut your face and suck it.

[Jacob]

Hey, Don, shut your face and suck it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. Can you give me that? I'm gonna send that to Don.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I forgot to tell you. We Lou get the hero music queued up.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's another hero in our midst here?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right now in this room, there's a hero in our midst.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I went out today to hit the old major fitness B52.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clanging and banging a little bit, of course. Just throwing around some plates, doing what I do in the gym. And I was very cold out today, so I was in there for as long as I could take it. And then I left. And maybe an hour later or so I was in the shower and Christine comes knocking on the door. And opens the door, she goes, hey, I went out in the garage and you left the space heater plugged in and running. I turned it off. Barring what could only possibly been a very rare freak accident. Fire. I know what you're saying, Bobby. That thing could have been running for seven days and it wouldn't cause a problem at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or that Christine shut it off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Christine did shut it off and unplugged it. So she. Maybe she saved what could have been a very rare case possible fire. Now, there's a thousand other things plugged into the house, of course you're saying. So it's probably no different than that, however. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And space heaters have actual. They shut off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If they shut off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they shut off if they fall down. Yes, everything. It would just automatically shut all those things. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But. But she unplugged it.

[Bobby Kelly]

She unplugged it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's now three heroes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Three heroes in the room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, I don't. I know you can't be a double hero. I know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Once you're a hero, you're just a hero. You're expected to be a hero. I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

As we found out a couple weeks ago when I had to save that

[Big Jay Oakerson]

guy's life when I went to go get dressed. Yeah. After my shower, Christine had left, and she left on the electric fireplace heater.

[Bobby Kelly]

Outside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, inside. Inside, electric fireplace heater. So I. I turned that off. Hero begets hero. It's a household of heroes.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a household of heroes. Amazing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, Dawkins has never saved our lives from anything, but I will say she alerts us if anything is anywhere within, I think, 100 yards of the house by barking aggressively. But in her own way, she is also a hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think all dogs are heroes. Even Doodles, because she does the same thing. Now, if someone does break into the house, she'll run back into the bedroom with me and not do anything and get scared.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it's not heroics.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she will alert me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She'll alert you.

[Bobby Kelly]

She'll alert me to the person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So sometimes the biggest hero is the one who just lets the people who need to know know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you know to run, because your dog will not win the fight.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know to run.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or. Or get my shotgun or get your piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or just hide in the closet while Don gets murdered.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And then you fucking. Then you blast them with the jammy. And then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And then, you know, me and Max share the house together as men.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get. You get them twisted with the biscuit.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get him twisted with the biscuit. That's amazing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You smack him with the Mac, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's amazing. Now, when you walked in, I'm sure your tone was great. Like, when you were like, hey, you forgot to shut that off. I turned it off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. I don't know what her expectation was. It seemed like she was looking for negative pushback from me. And all I had was I was like, oh, yes, I forgot to turn it off. Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, because you're a hero, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what she was looking for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe. Maybe a little, like, attitude from you, maybe. Why would you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or like a real, like. It's like, hey, hey, dunderhead. Fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

No shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. But I was just like, Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, maybe a good for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. It was not. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It didn't feel like the. Didn't feel like my appreciation. She didn't handle that part heroically at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I ask.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was almost, like, defeated that I wasn't like. I don't know if she was looking for me to give. Like, I was gonna go check and turn it off. I wasn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, or. Oh, shit, I'm stupid. Oh, fuck. You're the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She had one. We had one the other day too. I think she's looking for a fight that's not there. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. I left the back door open and I yelled up to her. I thought I closed the back door. I yelled up to her specifically to say, I closed the back door, so it's okay. Then she went down and she was like. I guess she goes, the back door was wide open. You gotta go. Oh, really? I go, maybe I meant to close the back door. I didn't. Whatever it was, I fucked up. My brain's going, though. I pulled out of a gas station today with the thing still texting me the fuck up. Swear to God.

[Bobby Kelly]

You one of those?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, my car paid the price. The truck, it's just something to be buffed out. It'll be fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Scratch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it'll be buffed out now.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you got out, did you look around and make sure nobody saw it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, the guy saw it. I had the help.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you're in Jersey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. Because in Jersey you can't pump your own gas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

So there was a guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was. This situation was its own thing. I pulled up, I went in. I went in to the store to buy stuff. I was waiting in line in the store. I only had to fill about, like, less than a half tank. And so I was in line in the store. I got a couple things at the store, came out. And just the way I walked around the thing, I just didn't, like, see the hose was still, you know, I wasn't looking for it. If I saw it, I'm sure it would have just registered that it was in. But I just got in my car without even. Just turn the car on. I started driving. And then, like, right when I look in the rear view mirror, I just see, like, the. But it. But thank God. Actually, maybe not thank God. Maybe my car would have been less damaged. But I've done it once before in my life, ever. Years ago. And I pulled away and it was an old pump where the actual thing came Out. Like, when I pulled away, it ripped out the.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ripped the whole thing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no. The thing was fine. The nozzle thing just. The nozzle just kind of pulled out. It was more probably like. It probably did. Bending on, like, maybe my gas can or something. But, like, who knows? But that wasn't a big deal. What happens now? They just change these pumps. But I'm so happy because it's fixable for sure. It gives it, like, it break away right in the middle of it. It, like, it breaks off. But when that broke off, that metal part that connects is what dinged my car. But I watched the guy get it back on. And I was just standing. I'm standing there. It's around the corner from my house. So you can't just go like, all right, well, hey, sorry. Bye.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gotta wait. So I'm like, well, let me know, like, if we can fix it. He's like, it looks like it snaps back on. Like, it does look like it snaps back on. And he goes. And he pushed it, and he got it up, and it did. It clicked back in. And then I go. Because he's like, yeah, man. He's like, sorry. He goes, it wasn't finished yet. And I was like, no. All right. I go, well, let's make sure it works. Like, I'll back up and, like, see if we could fill it. See if we could finish filling it up. And then I go, all right, I back up. And he puts the thing in and he goes, tink. He goes, it was full.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why can't you. Why don't they trust you to pump your own gas in Jersey? I don't understand that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they don't. They don't trust you to pump your own gas, and they don't trust you. They don't trust you when you can pump your own gas to, like, click it. They take the click thing off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take it off.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what the happened where they don't trust us. Well, to pump our gas. And then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever seen the one time I was in D.C. coming home from D.C. and it was a time that I was like, oh, nice. This thing has the click. The click and hold.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what was beautiful about the click and holds were they were automatic, whereas when your tank got full clicked off, it came off by itself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This one I went. And I was waiting. Thank God it was with David's hell, actually. And in my car, and I finally go over at one point, and it's like, shooting out of the thing and I was like, oh, it didn't stop on its own. It just kept pumping gas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just an old school one I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there was no stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh great, now we're going to be on fire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Should I not smoke?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what these days feel like? Everything costs more. Groceries, gas, bills. It all adds up. And we've all felt the pressure of trying to make our money stretch a little further. I'm always going over the budgets and what I can buy and my wife you don't need it. We can't get it. It's a real tough thing to actually take care of what you're spending, have a savings. It's just rough out there for everyone. So when the tax refund hits and you're think thinking, what's the best way to keep more in your pocket without giving something up? Well, here's the real life hack for you. Switch to Metro and save with no activation fees and get one line of 5G for only 25 bucks. Yup, only 25 bucks and no contracts that get in the way. The best thing? You can keep the phone you love and keep your number. That's a lot of ands, but that's exactly the point. Get that more for your money feeling only at Metro. Visit your local store on metrobyt mobile.com and switch today. $30 first month, $25 after with autopay. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Favorite person in my life. My grandmother Nana, as I called it, was always there for me and she worked so hard. She had 13 of us in a house at one point and took care of every single one of us. Women deserve to be celebrated, but we should also recognize that many women carry emotional weight at work, in relationships and families, and in the roles they play for others. Whatever you're navigating, career expectations, parenting, caregiving or More, therapy with BetterHelp can help you check in with yourself, unpack what's feeling heavy and build healthier pathways forward. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform and handles the initial therapist matching for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to BetterHelp's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. You can also feel comfortable knowing BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the us. Your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com bonfire. That's Better H E L p.com/bonfire a thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to pieces that mix well and last. That's where Quince shines. Premium fabrics considered design and everyday essentials that feel effortless to wear and dependable even as the seasons change. Quince has the everyday essential you'll love with quality that lasts. Lightweight cashmere sweaters, short sleeve Mongolian cashmere polos, linen bottoms and shorts. These are all the versatile pieces that makes a wardrobe actually work season to season. I love it. I just got an awesome jacket. It's casual but dressy. I can wear it to the clubs, on stage. I can wear it out to dinner with my wife if we go somewhere fancy. And you know what? It's wintertime, springtime, summertime. I love quints. I love the sweaters. The cashmere sweater I got is so soft right now. Go to quints.combonf for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com bonfire for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com bonfire why do most people want to learn a new language? It's probably not about memorizing grammar tables or topping a leaderboard. It's because we want to speak it out loud in the real world with real people. Babbel gets you there fast. Learning a language with Babbel is all about small steps and big wins and progress. You can actually track and feel. Their bite sized lessons fit easily into your daily routine and are also easy to remember. Just 10 minutes a day is enough to start seeing real results. I use it. I have it on my phone anytime. I have a free moment when I'm flying or I'm in an airport or I'm just hanging out waiting for something to go on. I'll throw on my babble and it has helped me so much just to say hello and hi and have conversations with people. I'm going back to Cuba with my son. I'm going back to Costa Rica. It made it so much easier that I was using Babel every day so I could get things done and feel more comfortable speaking the language of Spanish. Here is a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babel subscription at Babbel.com Bonfire get up to 60% off at Babbel.com BonFire Spell B A B B E L Forward Slash Bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Danny boy, Everything Irish is tragic.

[Jacob]

Alcoholic puss.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right. That was my mother's nickname in high school.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alcoholic puss.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alcoholic puss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. Oh, an alcoholic puss. Kelly, Suck it. I like the sound of that. It's the bonfire faction talk. Sirius XM103.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think peanut M M is the best little chocolate snack. When you're looking for something just a little chocolate, it's the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

P M is pretty good.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's pretty goddamn good. Better than an M M. I'm not into Peanut M M. Regular M M's, boo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got some. Okay. Yeah, I already see. Let's take some of these calls because I'm gonna let them tell us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just everybody know if you're just tuning in Premise. We're going. We're looking for premises. Me and Jay are doing new joke night Monday night. Will Civic next Monday at the Get Lounge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I never do spots in the city, ever. Well, I mean, weekends sometimes when I'm

[Bobby Kelly]

home and you can call up and give us our premises. We'll pick three through a draft. 866-969-1969.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Call up and where's new jokes? Upstairs room. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, where your show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pussycat Lounge. Yeah, where my show is on Tuesdays.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it was packed last night. You didn't go in. But it was. It was sold out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you walked into the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

I walked in the room and I was just standing there looking at Will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you say, why you look at me, Bobby Kelly?

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't. He didn't acknowledge me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why are you looking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you standing there, Bobby?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, I'm gonna warn you. If it's new, if Will hosts it

[Bobby Kelly]

every weekend, every week, every Monday night, he hosts it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He has new joke night. Will's gonna stay in that room and he's gonna. He's gonna want to back and forth with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Just so you know, he might even be on stage. Come up on stage with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's possible. No, that was never our thing. But he'll be in the audience, but he'll want to talk. So I'm gonna have to get. We're gonna do three jokes a piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm have to be like, will, let me get my jokes. Because here's the thing. I don't want to. If it's new joke night, let's do his new joke night. Hey, everyone. So I got a couple new things here I want to try and then start doing your jokes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If I Ingratiate. Them with talking with Will and the crowd and stuff. It's not going to be fair because like. Or even if you did that, it wouldn't be fair because I go, well, they're going to like it. You set a tone. That's almost the point of that kind of crowd work. You're setting a tone. They're going to like you and they'll work with you. You want to go, is this funny? Is this shitty joke I wrote this weekend funny?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to go up and just go, all right, first joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, here you go. Got a couple things here, a couple good ones. So we're taking. We're looking for premise ideas. We're going to get a pool of premise ideas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe 10, 12.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, hopefully.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then we'll. No, for sure. I mean, the lines are filling up, buddy. They always do. The listeners are the best.

[Bobby Kelly]

The best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They wish we had guests.

[Bobby Kelly]

Except for that one guy who ratted

[Big Jay Oakerson]

us out to that one guy. But he, man, well, he loves us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Loves us, but he fucked us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's just got an evil spirit inside of him that wants to hurt David. David Vox Mullen. More than ever. I wanted to. Never wanted to hurt him ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But we're going to take. Get a bunch of suggestions and then we'll do like a draft where me and Bobby are going to be picking each other's topics.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So if. Just know if marshmallows is a subject, it's probably going to come this way.

[Bobby Kelly]

100% going nowhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's probably going to come my way. How do I plug in marshmallows and hot chocolat? Oh, man. You guys got to find fun show coming Thursday. I'll let you know that today's our double day show. Our Thursday early show was funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, David, you should tune in Thursday if you're going to tune in at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dvm. Tune in. You want to see somebody go to work on somebody. You got off easy compared to Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dave, that one's for you, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We owe you. We're going to find me eating somewhere too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not that you ate. That's not what I'm trying to say.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not what we're saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to stop talking.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you can be confidently not funny, you're still gonna get away with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I'm saying about Monday night. If I go up there, I'm gonna be confidently not funny. If I start yapping to the crowd first.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you don't want to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't want to use your. Your 30 year skills.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, just. Yeah, I wanted. I wanted to use my one skill I never developed. Joke writing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Apparently after Thursday show, neither did I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Classic joke writing. All right, let's take some of these calls, Bobby. What do you think?

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, let's go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to throw some darts, Lou?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Let's go to

[Jacob]

Michael.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Michael in Pennsylvania.

[Caller/Guest]

What's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're on with the bonfire. Throw us a subject. Is that good?

[Bobby Kelly]

That was fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Caller/Guest]

My name's a big J, not Dan.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, buddy? How are you?

[Caller/Guest]

Good. How about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So we're hanging in there. Do you have a good idea for a joke we should do?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, absolutely. Road head in modern cars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I had a thing about that already. I had a thing.

[Caller/Guest]

Really? Like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

The center console being so big and the ding ding when you unbuckle the seat belt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't even think of the ding ding. No, My thing just goes with my. I don't know how I did it when I was a teenager because I did get it done to me when I was a teenager. But now there's no way that it could be done without unless I was leaned back like a Puerto Rican gangster. There's no way that my belly isn't making her right ear lay on the horn the whole time.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do like the. He actually thought the joke out a little bit. He wrote some of it for you. The ding ding from the seatbelt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's good. It was a good concept.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Put it down, Bobby, because we can always throw this to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Road head right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Modern ding car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suck my dick. Ding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He gave it to you? Oh, my God. Can you please click that? Can you please click your.

[Caller/Guest]

Another one too?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fire dude. Okay, so we haven't. Take one. Take names of these. This is Michael from PA. Mike from PA Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do we have to announce that when we do the joke? This is from Michael and pa. We

[Big Jay Oakerson]

should let people know the ones we picked. They should be able to get credit later on for what they.

[Bobby Kelly]

At the end of the joke. If it does good, we should go. That's from Michael and pa. From Michael and pa. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Michael and PA says do a joke about roadhead modern cars. And here's my response. Hey, people, have you ever gotten roadhead modern cars joke? What's the other one?

[Caller/Guest]

All right, so the next one is the difference between, like, you remember back in the day when you were with a girl and was like, hey, first base Second base, third base. So the difference between when you get

[Big Jay Oakerson]

older and what the bases are.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes. It all changes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you just become the umpire and you just watch people.

[Caller/Guest]

Position becomes like second base. You know, you touch a titty, you're probably going to get in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I understand what you're saying. I like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's in there. We have those two from Mike and pa. All right. Thank you, Mike.

[Bobby Kelly]

Premise, Michael.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good premises. You think he's just warming us up? He's gonna try to night his own thing. Then we're gonna see like joke thieves. Real nice. Who else you got? Who else you got for us there, Lou?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, let's try Fredo in Texas. Fredo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fredo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fredo. I knew it was you. Fredo. Fredo. What's up, buddy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, what's up, my man? What do you got? Throw us a couple of joke concepts here.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. So when I was young, I. We were always in the backyard hanging out and I was always wondering why my parents keys. They always smelling their keys. I thought the keys smell good. Maybe they just like the smell of metal. But after that they got all turned up and they got excited and then playing on that they always. I. We never had a bank account. Never had credit cards. But they always had cards on them and they always turn them out. So they always had a compact and they always had credit cards. The same thing every time they take them out, they go disappear together. But then they come back with their keys and their credit card. They never leave home without them. But we never had a car.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, our concept, Jacob did fall apart from that one. Good job, Fredo. I will say the concept we're doing here is not hitting the way we wanted to. We're looking for premise, basic premise. These people are giving us constructed jokes about their family doing cocaine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we need a premise like on the first.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like alligator farts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Having sex in modern cars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was good. Roadhead and modern cars is a good thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Other one he gave. That was the alright one too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Difference between the bases, young to old.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that was a good premise. We're looking for a premise.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This was all worked out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we don't want a fleshed out joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm sorry about what your parents did in front of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

None of that was your fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever happened to you wasn't your fault, Fredo. Don't blame yourself for that. So yeah, we're looking for more like. Exactly. Like going to the zoo with a kid. Yeah. Doing the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're looking for more of the setup than the punchlines and stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll knock it down. That's the skill. Can we take your premise.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And spike that ball. Yeah. By Monday. Can we do it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Who we got?

[Caller/Guest]

Lou.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I know what you say. Seven million people do it on Kill Tony every Monday. Sure. But can me and Bobby do it once?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Here's the thing. We're doing hours every weekend. We're always headlining.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we go back to our roots?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I go back to my roots and just go on here and just pop in and go, yo, here's some new thoughts. It's only my new thoughts. Not a set. Not designed into a set.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go up. Hey, guys, got a couple things here I want to try out for you. Okay. How about this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Exactly. What do you got? We got Mike. It seems to be another cokehead from Texas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, Mike?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike, what's up? Slow down.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, you know, Fredo's parents sound like they party, so I'm down with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell, yeah, they did.

[Caller/Guest]

My premise is just those rogue little ass nose hairs or beard hairs that get in your nose when you're just. No matter how fresh it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, say the beard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Beard hair or nose hair?

[Caller/Guest]

The beard hair. Yeah. So like your mustache, where it flips up in your nose and you just can't get rid of that shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Write that down. We both have mustaches.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Goes into nose. There you go, Mike in Texas. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got anything else, or is that it, Mike?

[Caller/Guest]

Simple. I'll let you guys. I'll let the pros handle it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, we're gonna thank you. Oh, we're gonna thank you. I appreciate that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mustache goes into nose. Okay, who else we got? Dutch in Tampa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good name. What's up, Dutch?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, what's up, boys? Bobby, I'm sorry I missed you in Sarasota.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am, too. Dutch, where were you?

[Caller/Guest]

I was at the cigar lounge waiting for you, brother. Sorry about that. My bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all right, buddy. Next time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is this? Dutch in Tampa?

[Caller/Guest]

I got. Yeah, I got two for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice one.

[Caller/Guest]

Running out of toilet paper in a public bathroom and possibly having to use a sock.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Love it. Just alternative toilet paper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alternative toilet paper. Where do you get. Where you going with it?

[Caller/Guest]

Alternative toilet paper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Been there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we gotta say we also acknowledge me and Bobby. I don't what you guys think. A lot of these things we've been given to us already are extraordinarily hacked subjects. It's now our job to make. How do you take this running out of toilet paper and you gotta blah, blah, blah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How do you bring that up to a professionally funny level?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And can we. Can we.

[Bobby Kelly]

We might not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I might just hit you with the same thing. Like, what's with the grill marks on the airplane food? What, is there a little tiny grill up there? Am I supposed to think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Running out of tp.

[Bobby Kelly]

The best part about this is that they film all these shows. Oh, we'll have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's right, I forgot. Yeah. Don't like fill out some kind of, like, they can use it forever in perpetuity.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you've actually filled that up by walking through the door. Scan your eyes at the comedy side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love that. Yeah. Okay. Running out of tp. We got that one. Dutch, do you have a second one?

[Caller/Guest]

I do, but I'm still worried about

[Big Jay Oakerson]

you calling me a hack.

[Caller/Guest]

And now I'm gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dutch, these are premises.

[Bobby Kelly]

Any subject is any subject.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every subject's been covered already.

[Bobby Kelly]

Leave it to us. We're gonna take your subject and bring it to another level.

[Caller/Guest]

I'd expect nothing less. All right, the second one is returning Food on a Date.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. Damn. I kind of hope I get that one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe you will. I kind of like that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that was a good. That's a great. That's a fucking great premise. That's a great one, Dutch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good premise.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not even hacky. Even sort of.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's going to go into Jay Zach. That's going to be his next hour.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's going to be my next. My one man show.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's going to have to pay you $50 for that joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's genuinely.

[Caller/Guest]

It would probably be great if you did that in a dinner show, maybe in a diner somewhere in New Jersey. Know any places?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do. Well, there's one place I'm gonna be performing a lot. It's coming around the Pike. Pretty soon.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a Greek diner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, Dutch. Those are two good. Those were great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, Dutch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Those were great. One person just wants us to know that David Vox Mullins respond to comments. I know, we know, we know, we know. Listen, on Thursday, we know.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's having fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's enjoying it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Want to try Don in Pittsburgh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Don in the Berg.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, Don?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's up, buddy?

[Caller/Guest]

It's a real honor to be talking to you guys, the Legends.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a good premise here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's your premise? Fluency.

[Bobby Kelly]

Science. Fluency in the. Science in the house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fluency. Science Here.

[Caller/Guest]

I had recently heard that Cardi B is planning on removing her bbl. And I was thinking now something you could work with or maybe even throw it the fluence way. See where he goes with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's. We could. We can see one of us. That's another good one, Don. I gotta give us another good one. Thank you very much, Don. Don, in Pittsburgh, I mean. Cardi B removes BBC.

[Bobby Kelly]

I already got a thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

BBL. BBL. BBL. BLL.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's a BBC?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big black cock.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Big Black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's also the British broadcasting. Right, yes, whatever.

[Jacob]

But more importantly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But.

[Bobby Kelly]

But more importantly, Big Black Hawk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If. If it's typed into my computer, it's Big black. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it's typing in Jacob's computer. It's the BBC.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's definitely the BBC.

[Bobby Kelly]

And suspenders.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like the. Another take on the Titanic that hasn't been done yet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're doing a documentary on. On hound hunting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who else we have here? Wheeze, brother Weeze in pa. Oh, brother Weeze the Wheeze. Wheeze.

[Caller/Guest]

What's going on, brothers?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's up? Wheeze and Pa. Hey, man.

[Caller/Guest]

I've been listening to you guys since day one and you guys rocked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, thank you so much, my man. You got a joke premise for us.

[Caller/Guest]

Here's the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh.

[Caller/Guest]

Bunch of people calling in to give you jokes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's meta.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ. He's being meta right in front of us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's right in front of us.

[Bobby Kelly]

We were walking by that penny and we never bent down to pick it

[Big Jay Oakerson]

up in to give jokes.

[Caller/Guest]

Never did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's meta.

[Caller/Guest]

Down the road.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's meta. And this is one of those things. This is good because this can work in an alternative room. Well, I don't know what they call those now, but like an alternative room where you can kind of go.

[Bobby Kelly]

They call those rooms.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, just rooms now? Yeah, now you can just go. And people. Because that's where you go. It's like, dude, because this is a joke I wrote by people calling in about the concept of people calling in to give me jokes. And they're just gonna be like, head's gonna explode. This might involve the audience snapping in rhythm. Yeah, I don't know yet. I'm just thinking out loud. I'm brainstorming early.

[Bobby Kelly]

It might have more clapter than laughter in this joke, which is fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'd be surprised how quick I could turn this into a fucking free Palestine message.

[Caller/Guest]

Is that it, brothers?

[Bobby Kelly]

You blow minds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, Wheeze. It's Wheeze. Wheezy, wheeze. And we can take. Let's take one more here. Think one more. We got a Jerry. Jerry in Kansas. Jerry.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're on the bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, Jerry?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, I really enjoy you guys. Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, my man. You got some joke premise for us?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. A truck driver pulls on a scale, and a police officer gets up on side of his truck to talk to him, and he says, ow. Now you got to come up with a reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what? I didn't understand almost 100 of that black blue actor. He knew, but then he didn't know at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you say it again, but slower, in a different accent?

[Caller/Guest]

That's the only accent I have.

[Bobby Kelly]

I try. A white guy accident.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not your white guy. Like New York white guy privilege. Like a rich white guy from New York. Like, hey, how are you? Like that? Eddie Murray talk like a black guy. White guy.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, how are you?

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go. Now say it again.

[Caller/Guest]

All right. A truck drivers stops on a scale, and the police officer gets up on the side of his truck, and he says, ow. Now you come up with the reason why. I have a story for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, don't tell us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That'll be next week. We have to get the actual name. We write a joke about it. Why does the police officer. I'm right. Po. Step up on truck. Skate on truck. That's on scale.

[Bobby Kelly]

Truck is on the scale. Police office steps up on the truck to check it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Officer says, ow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Officer says, yeah, I get it. I get it.

[Jacob]

Different type of joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I get it.

[Jacob]

That's a challenge. Challenge.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a challenge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a bit of riddle.

[Caller/Guest]

It's a challenge. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Caller/Guest]

I believe in you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, Jerry. Thank you, sir.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Jerry, thank you. And you did.

[Caller/Guest]

What's that you did?

[Bobby Kelly]

A perfect black guy doing a white guy. By the way, it really cleared things up.

[Caller/Guest]

My daughter was married to a black guy, so I think that's why.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's why you stay on that road trucking, dude. That's why you stay on that road trucking. Oh, my God. What are you gonna do? Sitting there and tell them to turn their music down every single night? No way, dude. You know what they're doing in that room?

[Caller/Guest]

Never have a daughter. That's the. That's the ideal situation.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My. Well, I had a daughter. I just. I ran away from her life when she was 12, so I never had to worry about those things.

[Caller/Guest]

I was with mine. So that was a problem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boring. Thank you, Jerry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Caller/Guest]

I was in St. Louis delivering the X ray machine at the airport one time I've ever seen. I forgot. I forgot. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you, Jerry.

[Caller/Guest]

Walk out of the airport with a. With a very well groomed standard poodle. Okay, so she's high end. Her dog's high end. I'm standing there with the police officer. She walks right over to the grass and lets the dog crap in. A paper towel in her hand. And the dog was looking back at her like, what in the heck are you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I feel like the dog is aware that she does this all the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

It was the craziest thing I've ever seen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Caught in a paper towel.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did she do with it, though? Did she. Didn't. Did she eat it? Oh, did she wrap it up?

[Caller/Guest]

You did sniff it a little bit. I don't know what? That all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she's into some sick shit. Those rich people are into some sick shit. I bet that goes back to the Epstein files.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, P. Diddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If. Or at least P. Diddy. Yeah, P. Diddy paid her at very least the punishment. Thank you so much, Jerry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have my standard puddle into a napkin and smell. It's the only way I come.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, I have to hire a male stripper to come over here and dookie my girl's back paper towel hand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me a favor. I want you to take the dog downstairs, have a shit in a paper towel in front of the cop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then sniff it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If a girl lets you shit in her hand that she's got a paper towel and she loves you. Yeah, for sure she loves that dog. Here's we got so far, Bobby. Yes, we have. Mustache goes into nose. There's a premise. Running out of toilet paper and alternatives for that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that one. Running. Running out of toilet paper in a public place, which matters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure. Returning food on a date. So good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's okay. Returning food on a date.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The very meta idea that people are calling in to give us jokes. And then we will be, in fact, doing a joke about people calling in to give us jokes.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it's people calling in to tell us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The joke itself will be about people calling in to give us jokes. When this joke, in fact will be the joke you wrote. It's like one of those. Like. It's like when someone takes a picture of someone looking in a mirror. There's a thousand of you in that picture. It never ends. Never ends. And it got the whole World laughing. It's still my favorite thing ever. The weirdest when the guy on was it Australia's Got Talent? The kid who came out with the big teeth and like he. I guess he stole jokes the first. He did one of the first weekend killed. And then they finally. He stole jokes like before the next episode came out. And when he came out the next episode, he got the game, you know, he's moved on so they couldn't disqualify him. So then he comes out. They should have actually disqualified him, but then instead they let him come out and try again and he goes out and what he did instead of doing, he did like two or three jokes bombed and then did a full stage production of I started a joke and sang the whole song with the background singers and everything. It's fucking crazy. You never seen that?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have that? Christine, it's so worth it. While I talk about these, I'm gonna assign you one of these.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we go through them all first?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yes. I'm sorry, I thought we did. My apologies. You're right. Why? We have the riddle of why would the police officer who jumps up on the truck that's on the scale at the weigh station for truckers. Cop jumps up on the truck, says, ow. Why? Yeah, we have. Oh, road head in the modern era or modern cars?

[Bobby Kelly]

Roadhead in a modern car.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Difference between the sex bases from young to old, what they were when you were young to what they should be now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Difference between the sex spaces between now

[Big Jay Oakerson]

and when you were young.

[Bobby Kelly]

When we were young.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your kid. Yeah. Cardi B removes her bbl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cardi B removes her bbl. That's always not her BBC.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not her BBC.

[Jacob]

You say it removes her bbl. Is that. That's an implant or. No, they just raise your ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they just take out all the fat. It's all fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever they put in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what?

[Jacob]

They put her fat?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, because they got implants or if they got like just like that fat injection.

[Jacob]

So she. If she removes it, she's either getting fat sucked out or silicone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Some kind of something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's getting something taken out. Maybe. But therein lies the haha.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also, maybe this isn't true at all.

[Jacob]

That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Therein lies the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's undergoing further procedures to remove her remaining butt. Injections and implant. And implants. Okay, there you go. She's had to fix some issues from past illegal biopolymer silicone injections. Good, good, good.

[Jacob]

That's permanent.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know. How about the People when it's like the New York City people got like a bbl and it's like they put cement in my ass. Like cement. It's crazy. You just come out of that. And he goes, after a week, you go, I don't think this is right. I think this is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you think it's right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, man. Because like local kids keep coming by and putting handprints in there and they just stay.

[Jacob]

I just watched. There's a. A documentary coming out on penis enlargement. Girth only. Girth only.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you are.

[Jacob]

But there's two versions that you can do. You can either get some. It's kind of something acid that they put in, make your lips blow up. It's the same thing. They'll still. They'll make your dick widen. Really widen out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's gonna change the way it feels though.

[Jacob]

That's the safest one. You have to do like multiple treatments.

[Bobby Kelly]

The acid is the safest one.

[Jacob]

That's the safest one because it dissipates.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

It's a. It's a filler, that natural filler that goes away, but it'll go away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So your dick will be fatter for a little bit.

[Jacob]

Yes. You have to keep maintaining.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is like when you're meeting a new girl.

[Jacob]

There are guys, they said that they're a lot of them, they're already huge. They're just. They're crazy. A lot of them are going broke doing this. They just can't stop widening out their. Their penis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A lot of girls, well, it's only going to get so wide, but you'll get to your maximum possible width.

[Jacob]

Well, what they do is they give you. They actually make you keep holding bigger sized dildos or something like that to say, this is what I want my penis to be. And then the doctor says, well, that's going to be seven procedures, seven injections.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, can't they just make something up that actually makes a vagina smaller and tighter?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Instead of the big disgusting pussies that make my wiener feel small.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Can they just make that tighten up? Can they get like a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can it be their fault?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can they get the stuff you put under your eyes to make the bags go away? Just rub it inside of a pussy so it tightens up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we already make them get abortions and shit. Like, can't you just deal with all of it and shut up?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, their body, their choice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you can get your body, your choice. Enough. Shut up. Make your pussy tight.

[Jacob]

Yeah, man, you can get your puss tightened, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? How?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How'd you get your vaginal rejuvenation, they call it?

[Jacob]

Yeah, you can tighten your puss. It's in the Godfather book. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw the movie.

[Jacob]

But anyway, the second version of that is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You knew. I didn't know.

[Jacob]

Permanent.

[Bobby Kelly]

He knew. We both did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said that of, like, the way you said it. He goes, you know that. No, you know I didn't. You jerk off.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know. You knew. Both of us didn't read the fucking Godfather book.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That make you feel good?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You feel good now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Took a big man. Mr. US soccer team.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Mr. We're not good enough to talk to ladies.

[Jacob]

The movie's much better. Okay, you're fine. But the other version is silicone, and it's permanent silicone injections. But the problem is the silicone moves with time, so they end up, like, having a lot of them. It just clumps into, like, a pyramid at the. At the head of the penis, and it just looks like a mangled.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jacob]

And they end up having to have surgery, and some of them can't be fixed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So it's a silicone injection, the permanent

[Jacob]

version, the silicone, and then your head turns into a.

[Bobby Kelly]

A pyramid.

[Jacob]

All the silicon. Because your. Your penis is down, so it just. All the silicone just drops to the head of your penis.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you have, like, one of those. Like, you know, those monkeys with the big long noses, like one of those dicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a monkey nose dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a monkey nose dick.

[Jacob]

Worse, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You never saw those monkeys with the big dick noses? Well, all right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big monkey dick nose.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never saw the big monkey dick nose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thought your documentary guy thought you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I thought you were into that stuff. If it's not written, you don't check it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought you were a nature guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought you knew about nature. What is this? Is this their dicks with the. With the thing with the silicone in it? Is that what it is?

[Bobby Kelly]

This is with the acid fillers.

[Jacob]

Hyaluronic acid.

[Bobby Kelly]

But do you have to have those lumps on your dick?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. What's the girth?

[Bobby Kelly]

Change changes a lot.

[Jacob]

It varies. The more. The more you do, the thicker it gets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could it fuck your boner up?

[Jacob]

I don't think so. They said it's the safest one.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That doesn't look good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that looks like a missile dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I don't want. Yeah, that's the problem. Like, I don't want to make my fucking my shaft to get much thicker than my dickhead. My dickhead doesn't get thicker.

[Jacob]

That's what I'm saying. We're looking at pictures. The guy's already got a big piece.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the guy had a solid dickhead.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think you can get your dickhead bigger. I think your dickhead is. The cake is baked. I think the dick part is flexible,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

possibly, but that's what I'm saying, like, so I don't. Then I definitely would not want substantial girth change.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, that guy's dick right there was perfect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

May I say he's got a fantastic dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fantastic dick. And then he ruined it. Now it looks like.

[Jacob]

But that's what they said. Most of them already have a large penis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now he has a water balloon dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but now it's ugly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's an ugly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That guy shouldn't have done that. Is there another example?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. I only want foreskin dicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please. All right, now, here you go. Now this guy did the. What's the difference there, though? What is his girth difference? Sorry, it keeps jumping.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where'd he go?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's this guy's thickness?

[Jacob]

That's a. I don't know if you can. If there's pictures of the mangled ones, but apparently it's disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see. He had a 4.7. I hate this site. I hate it too.

[Jacob]

Well, anyway, I mean, it can go like a 2 inch difference.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The mangle took me to like a surgery thing. I'm trying to find just a. I think, like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's one? Is that where the silicone all goes into the head? Get that the fuck out of here. Get that out of here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't want to see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you scrolling?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate it. Oh, my God. Why should I have been taking a guy's full.

[Jacob]

Oh, they talked about one guy. Apparently he lost his entire family. He just kept going for injections. They had no money. They were. They couldn't afford food, but he kept going for injections. Lost their house.

[Bobby Kelly]

That looks good.

[Jacob]

Went back in. Had to move back with an ex girlfriend and then move back with his mom and he still goes back for an injection.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you get. You get addicted to it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want this in theory, but you get. I gotta be honest, none of them look good.

[Bobby Kelly]

You get addicted to it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Jacob]

I think the thing is to stop like one or two. One.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, let's. Jay, we gotta. We gotta Pick these jokes right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we don't. We have another day tomorrow. We can get more suggestions.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not coming in tomorrow. Oh, I'm gonna work on my jokes all day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'll tell them to you when we get the more tomorrow. Bobby's gonna be at Comics Roadhouse April 17th and 18th. Let's not forget this Thursday. Oh, that's right. Sold out. Sold out, sold out. My apologies. But you can catch them in Cleveland, Ohio. Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey, New Orleans, and so many more at Punch Up Live, Robert Kelly, his YouTube channel at Robert Kelly Comedy. And every Tuesday night, 7pm The Fat Black Pussycat Lounge. Right at the Comedy so.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I will be at the roadhouse the 17th and the 18th. Yes, I will be there. And Big J this weekend. Comedy on State Best club. One of the best clubs in the country. In the world. This weekend, 19th through the 21st. After that he'll be in Phoenix, Tempe, St. Louis. For all tickets and tour dates, go to bigjay comedy.com and go to his YouTube page, YouTube.com bigjoka saying this crazy train Irish. That's it, baby. Happy St. Patty's Day, everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

St. Patty's Day. Go get drunk. Boaters know that bad weather, like storms, lightning and wind can turn a fun day on the water into a challenge.

[Bobby Kelly]

But what if you had satellite delivered

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Why have we asked our contractor we

[Big Jay Oakerson]

found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when

[Bobby Kelly]

redoing our basement that we knew we

[Big Jay Oakerson]

could trust him to care for our kids. We only met a month ago. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie Combination.