Naked Song Dance

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: "Naked Song Dance"

Release Date: December 6, 2024

In this engaging episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, host Robert Kelly and comedian Big Jay Oakerson navigate through a tapestry of personal anecdotes, humorous exchanges, and candid discussions. Joined by Christine, their daughter, the trio delves into topics ranging from communication struggles among friends to household responsibilities, all delivered with their characteristic humor and bluntness.

---

1. Communication and Phone Call Etiquette

The episode kicks off with Robert Kelly expressing frustration over the challenges of maintaining effective communication with friends, particularly regarding missed phone calls. He recounts an incident where he urgently needed to discuss an important matter but struggled to reach Big Jay, highlighting the pitfalls of relying solely on one-to-one communication methods.

• Robert Kelly: "What I do to people with that regard is I write if I'm going to do that. If I'm calling you right back for the look of that, even alone, I would just write two minutes." [21:05]

Big Jay responds by sharing his own communication habits, which often involve delayed responses due to his busy schedule on the road. The conversation underscores the strain that hectic lifestyles can place on friendships and the importance of setting clear communication expectations.

• Big Jay Oakerson: "Don't under. Don't ever undersell your minutes, though. I don't like that either." [21:31]

2. Household Responsibilities and Parenting

Transitioning from communication woes, the discussion shifts to household chores and parenting. Robert humorously describes his attempts to delegate yard work to their son, leading to lighthearted banter about the effectiveness and practicality of various tools.

• Robert Kelly: "He goes, dad, I could take it and make money around the neighborhood. I was like, oh, he was starting an own business." [34:07]

Big Jay engages in the conversation by debating the merits of different household tools, such as leaf blowers and drills, emphasizing the balance between practicality and personal preference.

• Big Jay Oakerson: "But the electric one, you just; you blow it that way. Yeah, you can blow it on the dog." [37:57]

3. Dog Care and Pet Health

The trio also touches upon dog care, sharing their experiences with taking their pets to the dog park and managing health issues like kennel cough. Christine provides insights into their dog’s routine, while Robert and Big Jay reflect on the challenges of balancing pet responsibilities with their busy lives.

• Christine: "She's out there with a half wet, half dry towel spinning it." [02:16]

4. Television Shows and Media Critique

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to critiquing various television shows, particularly those focused on law enforcement. Big Jay shares his skepticism about the authenticity of shows like "On Patrol Live" and "Cheaters," questioning their portrayal of real-life events and the integrity of their content.

• Big Jay Oakerson: "On Patrol Live. Can you look it up?" [51:38]
• Robert Kelly: "No, I think that when it was live, pd, I think the camp. The footage was live." [51:43]

They laugh over past experiences with similar shows, reminiscing about the staged nature of certain reenactments and expressing disbelief over the lack of genuine content.

5. Personal Anecdotes and Comedy Bits

Injecting their signature humor, Big Jay introduces a comedic character, "Black Beethoven", a fictional persona blending classical music with modern-day antics. This segment serves as a playful interlude, showcasing their improvisational skills and ability to create humor from unexpected places.

• Big Jay Oakerson: "Black Beethoven. He's from a different time." [37:00]

Additionally, Robert shares a humorous yet harrowing story from his time working on a low-budget reenactment show, "Real Stories of the Highway Patrol," illustrating the often absurd circumstances behind production setups.

• Robert Kelly: "I had to drive this bucket down the road with the guy, the cop, this state trooper who was actually in the thing chasing me down the road." [57:03]

6. Plans and Logistics for Meetups

Towards the end of the episode, the conversation shifts to planning meetups and managing logistics, particularly around holiday gatherings like Thanksgiving. They discuss coordinating schedules, managing time with pets, and ensuring everyone is accommodated despite their tight timelines.

• Robert Kelly: "5, 5:30." [59:21]
• Christine: "We're not flaking." [59:14]

This segment highlights the balancing act required to maintain personal relationships amidst demanding professional commitments.

7. Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up

As the episode draws to a close, Big Jay and Robert reflect on the dynamic nature of their friendship and the ongoing efforts to stay connected. They emphasize the importance of understanding and patience in nurturing their bond, despite the inevitable scheduling conflicts.

• Robert Kelly: "Buddy, please. He f. He. He loves you and he follows you. Please don't do it." [61:25]

---

Notable Quotes

• Robert Kelly: "You have to learn about me. I'm sorry. I can't believe I didn't tell you this." [10:39]

• Big Jay Oakerson: "Turn the lights real bright in here. Christine, turn the big middle one on. Ugh." [05:18]

• Christine: "I have started doing what you said." [17:35]

---

Conclusion

In "Naked Song Dance," The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and insightful commentary on everyday challenges. Through their relatable banter and candid conversations, they provide listeners with a window into the complexities of maintaining friendships, managing responsibilities, and finding humor in the mundane. Whether it's grappling with communication hurdles or sharing funny anecdotes about household tools, this episode exemplifies the show's ability to entertain while touching on genuine human experiences.

---

For those who haven't listened to the episode, this summary captures the essence of the discussions and the lively interactions that make "The Bonfire" a favorite among fans of candid and comedic podcasting.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey guys, when it comes to getting your hair cut, don't go just anywhere. Visit the specialists who live and breathe men's hair at Sport Clips. Haircut stylists undergo special training to be the experts in men's hair, making them the masters of mullets, the finessers of fades and under studies of the undercut. They're absolutely fantastic sports going on the TVs all the time. Good conversations. If you like that. Bobby, you're a big man stuff guy. This is straight dude stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't have hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's easy to have confidence in your look when you're in the hands of a pro. Just another way Sport Clips helps keep your head and your hair in the game. Sport clips. It's a game changer. High Five Casino, everybody. High Five Casino lets you play your favorite slot in live table games like blackjack. With the chance to redeem for real cash prizes.

[Robert Kelly]

High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High Five Casino. It's always free to play and free coins are given out every four hours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own High Five moment? Well visit high5casino.com. That's high. The number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary. Vord were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J O and Robert Kelly. Hey, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Bobby. What's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is. This is in my playlists of songs I've had to remember while looking up at the TV screen during sex. Sometimes having to hit the remote control so you can see the name of the song.

[Robert Kelly]

You had sex to this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We used to put on a TV channel. It was like a TV channel music choice and we had DirecTV.

[Robert Kelly]

You give me shit for to baby face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah you.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gross. This happy end of a rom com.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, these things would just pop up. We would put on a college rock or indie rock. Cuz most of that is pretty good. And you also put it kind of low. Wasn't super loud.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean this would be good for cleanup.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, really got us moving. Does get everyone's dancing with mops.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she's out there with a half wet, half dry towel spinning it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it up, Lou. How fun is the song though?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a fun song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It gives you everything you. It goes the places you want it to go. Is that a weird description?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's a perfect description.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little more low. It's hard to make a horn section sound Cool.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like Jacob plays this on the plane as it's landing in Florida.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Jacob's like me. He listens to all dark music alone.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't say that anymore, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Dark music? Yeah, sorry. Colored music?

[Robert Kelly]

Nope, not that either.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you listen to alone, Jacob? A lot. What's your car? What's up? You don't drive at all. To me, it's always the tell. What's a good drive down here?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you do drive down with a golf cart.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What time of day? What time of day, by the way? Does it make a difference? Will you be picking for music that does matter to me. It's the end of the night.

[Robert Kelly]

I do tend to go slow, like more contemplative songs, but usually it's metal. In the daytime you drive around. Certainly when I'm walking. Certainly when I'm working out. You drive around a metal in a Malibu during Florida. In Florida by yourself at night?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, during the day. It's a day times metal music or daytime spending music?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, and then I'll switch to my 80s and 90s bread.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Metal doesn't work for me during the day. Nothing that's hyper emotional music in any way can happen during the day. During the day is when I'll try to like living until it's dark out. I'll try to listen to like Stern. Howard Stern stuff or like it's. That's what I'll put on. Like fun. Like a fun 80s music. Not cool 80s music even. There's 80s music that you cannot do during the day. West End girls during the day. There's no point you won't enjoy it the way it's supposed to be enjoyed. Because you got to hear that. Watch. You're putting on West End Girls, though. Watch. Watch how easy this is. Turn the lights real bright in here. Christine, turn the big middle one on. Ugh.

[Robert Kelly]

You have such a beautiful studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all. It's beautiful when the lights are on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, nothing works.

[Robert Kelly]

So I feel like we're in here on a weekend stealing a show most of the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is beautiful. Yeah, but this doesn't really slap the same way.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Why don't you like lights?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because doesn't this not feel cool right now at all?

[Robert Kelly]

I feel great. It weighs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think this feels cool?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, when you have all the lights down low. Put the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Put them down low, turn it low and turn the music up. Cuz that's what you would do. Ooh, doesn't it feel so much cooler you don't immediately just feel cooler. Turn them back up sometimes you better off dead.

[Robert Kelly]

Turn it back up a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that just looks like we're in the wrong room. No, put the middle one on. Yeah, and you turn the volume up. You just. You just know that the song's playing like, oh, yeah, this is West End Girls by Pet Shop Boys. And you can kind of like go.

[Robert Kelly]

Do we have the blue ones on?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And.

[Robert Kelly]

And turn everything else off. Yes, that'd be great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Doesn't work that way. If it was dark with the blue on this song, that would be perfect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blue only comes on with the overhead.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a dumb system.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you cut the wire?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, you know what I don't give thanks for whoever built the tech in this place.

[Robert Kelly]

Everything's on one switch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look how much we're able to just glaze past this song. Turn the things down. Turn the volume up. Blue. How hard can it be? A little lower on those lights. Christine. Girls. So much better.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a little dark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So much better.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a little. It makes me sleepy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that song particularly is a little bit of an airy song.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm still asleep but with the lights down. Looking at your little tired eyes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Give me a Little Tenderness by General Public Even this is bubbly, but still, it's cooler with the dark. You turn the lights on now it's like, silly and stupid. Turn up blue now if you're listening tonight you're driving fast. You're happy about a girl, right? Takes you back. You're in high school. You're happy about a girl you kissed.

[Robert Kelly]

Are windows down or windows up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Windows are down, but the streets are pretty empty.

[Robert Kelly]

Streets empty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, this is falling in love. You're happy about a girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Tenderness. Where is it? I haven't been happy about a girl in a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I know. You gotta take back for sure. You gotta close your eyes and go back to a time when you had a magical time.

[Robert Kelly]

When I just met a girl at some club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you kissed fast. Because her friends were pulling her away.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. But she gave me her number and I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm so old, I have to go to a pay phone tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And she let you know last second as she was being pulled away. She's like, please make sure you call me. It wasn't just one of those like, oh, I gotta go. Here's my number.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like, it sucks. I have to leave. I'm being pulled away.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And her Name's Cindy. With an eye, but there's a heart over the eye.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a slut. Ah, but she's not a slut this night.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not tonight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's in love.

[Robert Kelly]

We're both in love. Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do right? If the lights were on right here, you couldn't find that spot in your head.

[Robert Kelly]

You know how disappointed you'd be in me? When I drive home from the city, do you know what I listen to?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

What a boomer I am?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You listen to that same jelly roll song over and over again. Wish it was you. It's a deep cut. Bob Seeger.

[Robert Kelly]

I do love it. No. You know what I've been doing? You'll be so sad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

I've been watching World War II.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't watch anything while you're driving.

[Robert Kelly]

On. Well, listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. On YouTube at nighttime.

[Robert Kelly]

@ night when I drive home, I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, dude. You're wasting dark driving.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm wasting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're wasting dark driving on fucking. Not music.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you know that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Japan started the war. I didn't know that. They. They invaded China, huh? And then. Yeah. And I didn't know that. That they started.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. That's what you listen to when you're driving down here in the daytime.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, down. I roll my calls. I roll all the phone calls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's what you do. Do what I do. Don't call anybody, ever. Return no calls, be difficult to get a hold of, and don't respond to texts.

[Robert Kelly]

But, yeah, you are. I mean, dude, I have to. I have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know how many times a decision has been made in my life? I couldn't count the millions of times the decision has been made to dead a phone call because of music I'm listening to.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you know how many times I have to say the Serenity Prayer and just let our friendship go into the wind and just go, no. He likes me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love you.

[Robert Kelly]

He cares about me. It's not me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I care so much.

[Robert Kelly]

How many times I've called you or texted you and I've gotten zilch. The only thing that means me and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have tag a little bit, though. I call back and you're.

[Robert Kelly]

You call back at weird times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure. When I'm available. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You call back at 1152, and then I'll call back at 1153 and you won't answer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That sounds like dog walking. Oh, here's the thing, Bob. You got to learn about me. I'm sorry. I can't believe I didn't tell you this.

[Robert Kelly]

I know It.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, Christine could fill you in on this, too. It's called. It's called the Q. Yeah, I know. And when I want to talk and I call you. I used to feel bad about this, but now I feel like you should been. You should have been more honored by my call since I don't make so many that once you didn't get it, I'm going to call somebody else. And then you're back in the queue. Christine, many a time has been like, this is idiotic of her. If I were her, I would hang on until the phone cut off and then call right back. Because what she'll do is go, I call, hey, I'm heading home now. And she goes, oh, great. Well, she's like, in her mind, she's, oh, well, I got a phone call. Let me rush and walk the dog now. So then she goes, I'm going to go downstairs with the dog. So I'm going to call you when I get downstairs. And I'm like, that's four other people getting a chance to answer. That's Isabella Lewis or a fenoya, possibly 100% a phenolia. No, no, it's any one of those. Those are the first. Those are the first four. Oh, maybe Justin Silver.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say this to you, though?

[Christine]

Yeah. Justin, A. Josh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not Josh. My mom.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I'll take your mom. I'll take. I'll take. I'll take Finoya. I get that you guys are pals.

[Christine]

I have started doing what you said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, Bobby. No, you should feel good. What you should feel good about is that, like, you could always believe in a lot of times it's true. The fact that you're back in the queue now does mean you were my first thought. You were my first thought. But then you didn't answer. And I go, what? By the way, sometimes if I call three and they don't answer, I go, am I just sleeping? Like, is this like a dream or something freaky is about to happen? Why would three people not want to talk to me just because I don't talk to them when they call me?

[Robert Kelly]

Exactly. Oh, yes, exactly. But here's the thing, too. You do call it weird times. And I know you're outside smoking a cigarette somewhere, and I do know I'm in a queue, but when you call me, yeah, if I'm on the phone with somebody, I go, let me call you right back. A lot of the times know that. No, yes, I have a cue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've done that for you.

[Robert Kelly]

But you're not in the queue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never debted your call for somebody else's call.

[Christine]

You've answered my call to tell me I ruined a song and then hung up on me. I ruined your jam session.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Especially if I'm in the shower on the road. Because here's the thing. A lone shower road music louder than I would do it at home. Probably maybe not louder, but more free form to do this weekend in shower. I pantomimed the entire song Lazy Eye by Silver sun pickups with Full naked in the dark. You know, I shower in the dark. Air guitar and fake singing into a microphone that was in a specific place that I would keep coming back to.

[Robert Kelly]

Why you say I you shower in the dark? I don't know that. Why do you shower in the dark?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll never be able this. That's requires therapy I haven't gotten yet. I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you have to do it in the dark. No, complete dark.

[Christine]

Cell phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cell phone light new wish.

[Christine]

But probably like 6, 7.

[Robert Kelly]

What did you do before cell phones light a candle?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I took a shower with light on.

[Robert Kelly]

So this is a thing that you've developed over the years that you like being in the dark, showering?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, that's something song right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, man. I went the whole song. I didn't. And I. And by the way, I lip synced. I didn't. I didn't sing. I was trying to sing this.

[Robert Kelly]

Is this tub shower or is this walk in shower?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Walk in shower.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. More respectable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Nice size space. It was in a hotel in. Where the fuck was I? Just at Houston. Houston, Texas? Yeah. And I was really like. And I meant it like, I was like, this is how I would sing this song. And look, if I got to play the song ever.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I see a little bit of it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mm. But you got a picture of me completely naked.

[Robert Kelly]

100% naked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Showers coming down from here, from there. And now I'm just like. It's a very. Just like the strong thing. But I'm doing a lot of walking around thinking about it.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a very long guitar strap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah, very long. I put a little something into it. We'll put the face into it. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, so you're looking out at the crowd. There's a crowd. Oh, you're turning back to the drummer. You're making it back to the mic just in time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you're back. Oh, you're individually picking people out of the crowd to give attention to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm pointing a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

But now you're back in your own head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Back.

[Robert Kelly]

You're back, Jim with a van.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. It would be raining sniz on me if I did that for real life. Just not naked in a shower. But in that moment, I'm killing it.

[Robert Kelly]

So when you're on the road and you're not answering the phone, I'm naked in a shower.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Air guitar.

[Robert Kelly]

Good to know. Good to know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

100 of the time.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, that's good to know. I mean, you are. Me and Ari were talking about that. You don't return phone call like you. You do call back. Here's the thing. This is the thing that is okay with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know where you guys have time to be. I'm on, like, text threads with people. Like, lots of people in the bonfire too. And I look at the thing, I'm like, how's everybody having time to do this? I'm like, I'm driving, I'm packing, I'm flying. Or I'm like, the only time it hits, and then when I'm like, buddy, in a hotel, I do the same.

[Robert Kelly]

We. We do this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Same thing you do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's my. That's my question.

[Robert Kelly]

To the airport, waiting for. To board the plane. When you get off the plane, waiting for your bag. Going to the hotel from the airport. Getting into the hotel. Sitting there for a couple minutes. Before. Hours. Before the show. Yeah, after the show. Sitting there for hours on your computer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

There's literally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do respond, then that's what I'm responding.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell me time. I'll respond.

[Robert Kelly]

There's hours in the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

To.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, most of those things you just described. Music time.

[Robert Kelly]

So that's all. Music time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So why don't you just turn your phone off?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Like, turn the phone part off? I need to be available to who is my question?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My daughter.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, that's good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine. Second Christine, your daughter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no order, but I guess. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine more likely to be able to solve her own problem, Jay.

[Christine]

Everybody else does.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So funny.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't even give you a second without throwing him a caveat. I mean, I wouldn't put it in order, but. So your daughter Christine. Where am I on the. If you had to make a chart of. And this might hurt. I might regret asking this, but in the chart of phone calls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Where am I? You got your daughter Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Top tier. It's tears.

[Robert Kelly]

Tear. I'm a tear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Top Tier.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm top tier.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Top tier.

[Robert Kelly]

Is there all right, but who's in the top tier with me?

[Christine]

Lewis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no. For making a phone call. Me making the phone call outward. No, Lewis is not top tier. That's just true. I might be Lewis's top tier, but it was not my top tier. It's not a dig on Lewis. It's that like Lewis is gonna. It's gonna. We very rarely have. Hey, like, dude, this funny thing I saw just happen and made me think, you know, whatever. And we just talk and shoot the shit. It's gonna come at some point to like, oh, and also I booked us on a seven day thing. We're all making 150 bucks. Yeah, something like that. Wait, what we have to do? What? So like. Yes. So it's like so no, he's not top tier for that. That's not importance in life a comment on that at all. That's importance in like.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I've got some time now where I could talk to somebody. Oh, fuck me running. It's not so it's going to be funny things.

[Robert Kelly]

I respect. I respect your. I respect it. I respect that you don't makes you feel any better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Soda's falling out of top tier for calls to make and I don't even know why.

[Robert Kelly]

No, we all know why he's not sitting in this chair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, listen. No, it's always a true thing. No, no, but there is something. The fact that we don't have to communicate on a level like that as much anymore. It's just. And when we do talk on the phone, it is just like fun, funny phone calls. Which is great. But it's just like. It's not. Because it's almost like before I got to friends. I just want to shoot this shit with. There's probably friends also. Like there's more immediate things.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know what I mean? No, I mean with Bobby because we have to like we have to do shows, whatever. So it's fun. Maybe something funny just happened or whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

I have top tiers. I have, you know, Collins in the top tier. Don is the top. The tippy top.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Max. This is the tippy top.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Fenoy, Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, mine's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Christine, Christine, Parentheses, Dog.

[Christine]

Dawkins.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, there is. There is a top tier. I mean. Yeah. And DeRosa used to be in the top tier. There's a lot of people that used to be in the top tier that no longer in the top. There's people that you know you'll lose that I. When I see them call. I'm like, do you have that? Do you have that guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure, I'm sure. Let me think about that for a second. But I want to say also about Dan. Dan lives his phone in do not disturb mode he keeps in. So Dan also rarely answers the phone when you call. That's probably more the reason. Just organically, it doesn't come to my mind to call Dangs. I'm like, I've gotten used to, like, you have to wait for Dan to call you or like you text with them that you're going to call or something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's some therapy bullshit. That's like something somebody said that, dude, keep your thing off. And. And then he'll call you back right away. It's like, fucking, dude, just answer the phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think Justin Silver does that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but take it off every time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whenever he. He texts you, he messages you, and then it tells you under that text that he's not going to see what you write back. It's insulting.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It bugs me because it's like, listen, if you have it off, you're doing something. Don't call me, right? Don't let me know that you're screening your calls and somehow you granted me the wish of your presence. I hate that. Just take it off or put it on and don't answer my call. Don't have it on all the time. And then call me back two seconds later like, oh, did you deem me fucking special enough? Fuck off. I don't like that shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What I do to people with that regard is I write if I'm going to do that. If I'm calling you right back for the look of that, even alone, I would just write two minutes.

[Robert Kelly]

Two minutes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two minutes.

[Robert Kelly]

I love it. Two minutes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Even if I don't need two minutes. You're just going like. I don't want to make it seem like I'm going like, oh, he's passed the test to get me. I go. I just go. It's like, oh, yeah, just give me two minutes. Whatever it was, whatever reason was, I didn't answer it. Let me finish this song. Blah, blah, blah.

[Robert Kelly]

Always, always give the two minutes. Or give me. On the phone call, you write back any little something that lets me go, cool. And you don't have to be two minutes. I don't even. I don't do the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't under. Don't ever undersell your minutes, though. I don't like that either.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sure I'm guilty of it myself at times. But when it comes my direction, I'm like, don't. 30 seconds. And then five minutes later, you're sitting there going like, hey, I have not moved a certain direction here. Whether it be going in somewhere or leaving somewhere. Because I'm like, this. Phone calls coming in. Let me get that going. Yeah, before. Do you know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, no, before I put my phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In my pocket on this walk with my headphones on. Let's get this phone call answered and then we'll go.

[Robert Kelly]

If you say two minutes, I'll give you five minutes. If you say 10 minutes, you get 15 minutes. If you say 30 seconds, that means you're calling me right back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have two minutes. Then you have two minutes legit.

[Robert Kelly]

Then you have two minutes legit. Yeah, but the response inside of there, which everybody can do because it comes up automatically now. It comes up on your phone. Hey, you can respond, text, and push the custom. Whatever. Give me a minute. Can't talk right now. Blah, blah, blah. That can just send to my phone just to let me know you saw it. And I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. You're cool? We're cool. Bye. I'm done. Yeah, I'll even take. I can't talk right now. And then. I get it. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've gotten that from me. Can't talk right now. Is it important? Do you need me to, like, call you back right now and I'll say, nope, nope, nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Or when I do need you, I go. I go like this. Yo, call me. Yeah, yeah, call me as soon as you can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. What did you do the one time.

[Robert Kelly]

I love a good asap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did Bobby do one time? He hung us out hard with something once. That wasn't long ago. What the fuck was it, though? Gotta talk. Majorly important, like, asap. Right now?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then we had to wait till the next day.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I hate when she sings her sentences.

[Christine]

No, it's something where you're like, hey, guys. Yeah, it was like, hey, guys. We needed to talk. I think it may have been comedy camp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was something. It was one of those, like, you were getting ready to go away and we need to, like, sort it out.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was because I. I had. I was going. Comedy camp happened quick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The. For me having to go away, and I knew I had to go away there and then to Cuba, and that was, like, pretty important that I had to drop on you guys. And I needed you guys to know this is fat. The first people that I wanted to know were you two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's probably something psychological within me and Christine also that when you said that we're like, we up some, you know, I mean, you're like, Bobby's like. Or Bobby's just going like, yeah, guys, I can't really do this show anymore.

[Christine]

So it was like you were leaving us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever it was. You just specifically. I go, I go, what is this? You go, you go. It's. He goes. You were just like, dude. You're like, I. I asked. It was an ass. He goes, it's like important. You go. It's like really important. And it's like a big deal. Whatever your wording was, it was not like it made it seem like it wasn't a work related thing. You were like, life just changed over here, man. And like, well, it was. We have to talk.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a big deal because I had to take, I had to take two weeks off because you did sign it.

[Christine]

You can't say you need to talk and then just like leave us there for a day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He called you six times that night.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody. Something happened.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did something.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it wasn't that long.

[Christine]

Oh yeah, Here. Wednesday. Here it is. Guys, I need to talk to you today at 5:00, very important. I'm jumping on the train now. Won't be available until I get back up between 3:30 and 5. We need to jump on a call.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And I said, any heads up?

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

And no response.

[Robert Kelly]

I want you. That's, that's the tone you heard. Now can I read it? Can I read it as me like you spitting in people's face telling them it's raining. I'll read it. I'll read it. Guys, I'm going to read this. Ready? Ready. Where is it? Guys, I need to talk to you today at 5:00, very important. I'm jumping on the train right now. Won't be available until I get back up to Katona between 3:30 and 5. We need to jump on a call.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We thought that was. Now that I'm remembering it, we thought something terrible happened to Max. No, no, no. We didn't take it. Angry. You're getting it wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

I understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You go. Guys, we gotta talk. Five o'clock, super important. I'm jumping on a train right now. Like it's like part of the jumping on the train was part of like the. I gotta get on a train because terrible things are happening.

[Christine]

I'm like, you can't respond on a train.

[Robert Kelly]

I love, I love that. No, Because I don't have service.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah. Christine, I don't know if you remember train wasn't one of the methods of time that Bobby said that I could text back.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no train. I don't get service in a lot of the areas and I couldn't have it cut out during it. But I love your response. Any heads up, question mark? What? What's that mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We thought maybe we were in trouble with you or that your family or your family was on fire.

[Robert Kelly]

The fact that you guys house is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On fire, Max and Dawn trapped jumping.

[Robert Kelly]

On a train, that's not. Guys, guys. Right away, guys. Guys, I need to talk to you today at 5:00.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very important. Guys. Is a straightening out thing too. It goes. Guys, yo, we gotta talk. Like guys, we like bring it in because we're all whacked out.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine's pronouns now. I apologize.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's that. Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's. It was.

[Christine]

I just say if you need to talk, you call. You don't shoot out a bomb like that.

[Robert Kelly]

And then did I run away? I did call.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From this day forward, everything's different. Guys, I'll call you when I get a chance.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it all goes back to Jay. I called him and he didn't answer. So it was like, listen to. Because I know I'm on some queue and I can't wait till 11:47 at night when he's smoking a cigarette. Walking dog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That wasn't queue. If we called you right back, but I needed you.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, guys, real important, I need you to call me about this. You can't have your naked song dance day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

And well, you can't.

[Christine]

You can do both.

[Robert Kelly]

I needed you to call me. That's what it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could be a cake and eat it too situation.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I get. Yeah, I understand. But it was more of like, I need to talk to you at 5:00 today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I could have unplugged for a second. I could have unplugged for a second and fucking talked to you while I was naked in the shower.

[Robert Kelly]

I did call and you didn't answer. And if I. I needed to just. And that's why I put you on the thing. Because I know the direct line to him is through you.

[Christine]

I know people know. I respond.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you respond. That's why I went to both you. Because a lot of stuff I've sent to you don't get response.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, I'm pinballing around. Christine's on a couch with a dog and sweatpants.

[Robert Kelly]

You Stop talking to me like I'm not pinballing around. I do the same thing you do and then some. I have a I do more than you. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't drink at all until 4:00. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks, a few nights a week, it can add up and suddenly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'Re at greater risk for long term.

[Robert Kelly]

Problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the Drink more at rethinkthedrink.com an OHA initiative.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At Metro get an iPhone 12 with 5G and a dual camera system on us. Take amazing pictures and share them instantly. And don't put up with life's yada yada yada like photo bombers. Zoom, crop out and bye. You don't take yada yada in life. Don't take yada yada from your wireless provider. Get iPhone 12 with 5G with no.

[Christine]

Activation fees and nada yada yada.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Only at Metro by T Mobile Switch.

[Christine]

Now bring your ID and sign up for a Metro Flex Plan offer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not available currently at T Mobile or.

[Christine]

Been with Metro in the past 180 days.

[Robert Kelly]

We've all got a thing. For me, it's vintage furniture and now talking about how I found it on ebay is like my whole personality. Even at 2am when I can't get 19th century sofas off my mind, I'm on ebay for sure. Scrolling my favorite seller's storefront, setting search alerts, and building the watchlist of my literal dreams. I know antique lamps aren't everybody's thing, but the best part about ebay is it doesn't matter what you're into. Fashion, car parts, trading cards. It's all there. So go find the thing that keeps you up at night. Ebay Things People love Are you holding back on travel plans this holiday break because you're afraid of a language gap? Well, no need to mind the gap if you have Babbel. I use babbel all the time. I just went to Cuba. It was so frustrating and not be able to ask for certain things. You know what? I just turned on my Babbel app. All of a sudden I was speaking sentences saying good afternoon. I got to go in and say pour favour. Queso means please cheese. This app was amazing because it teaches you in a fun, relatable way that all of a sudden you just know words and they're in your lexicon. I'm learning Italian with my son. I put my whole family on babbel right now with a quick 10 minute lesson handcrafted by over 200 language experts. Babbel gets you talking in a new language just three weeks. And with the advanced speech recognition by babbel, it's like having a personal language tutor in your pocket helping you pronunc whenever you open your mouth. I got babbel. I hopefully know Spanish and Italian by the end of the year and I already know a bunch of words. I know a couple swears too. Not on there from the guy I met in Cuba. Here's a special holiday deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription but only for the bonfire with big J ogerson and Robert kelly. [e-mail] Bonfire get up to 60% off babbel.com Bonfire spelled B a B B E L. Rules and restrictions may apply. Tiamo, Gracias.

[Christine]

You're raising a child?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, child and a wife.

[Christine]

His child's raised.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Child is raised.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Dude, you wake up you. I wake up in the morning every day when he wakes up and I'm up all night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well pull out next time doing that. You're not up all night.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not what I'm saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not up all night. Well, you're not up all night. I call you many a times that I have woken you and you answered the. Talk about someone answering the phone with the wrong tone. I'm calling to see Bobby. Hey, I'm driving home. I got 20 minutes. I'll bullshit. Bobby, go. Huh? What is. What's up? I go, Bobby, it's 8:37.

[Robert Kelly]

That only happened one week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two times. It happened two times in one week. So I never call late anymore. I don't call after 8:00.

[Robert Kelly]

That's when we move.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's pop up's bedtime.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob dead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody. It's just 8:30. I figured I'd bullshit with you for a few minutes. Well, what year is it?

[Robert Kelly]

That's what trump win. Jacob. I hope your dolls die.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Those dolls died years ago. It doesn't stop from waking up at night.

[Robert Kelly]

That was. That was one week when I was moving. I was exhaust all that crazy. I was wiped out of my brain early. But I'm usually up until one or two. Yeah, pretty much. Sometimes on the road I'm always up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But now and again 8:00 I've come home just. I mean blasted exhausted and I still always am up for about a good two hours at home, no matter what.

[Christine]

Yeah. Sometimes you'll start fading on the couch, but you never, like, go straight to bed.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I never go straight to bed either. My usual MO is I come home, watch tv up way late there in bed every. Every time I come home now, but when we moved, I was exhausted at like 8 o'clock. I was fucking wiped from doing shit all day, you know? But I. I do the same amount of stuff. You do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I do podcasts. I do. I.

[Christine]

You guys both have 18 shows and.

[Robert Kelly]

Then we go on the road on the weekend. But I do wake up in the morning and have to do husband and father shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

And I have to take care of my. I have to rape.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the husband stuff?

[Robert Kelly]

The husband stuff is. We got to do this. We got to go here. You got to do that. We got to get this thing and thing from up there and put it up there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have a landscaper? Yeah. No, you're not getting a landscaper.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? Because I have a son you don't believe in. Oh, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I have a son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I'm not gonna say another word. I like that. Yeah, I like that.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to. I wanna. I want him to do it.

[Christine]

Make him your gardener.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You know what I mean? Make him do it. Yes. So I. Here's the thing, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Make him earn something.

[Christine]

How many fun toys did you buy him to do it with?

[Robert Kelly]

I bought it. Here's the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's gonna be on a riding mow. I know it for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

He got me very close.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dad, I can't walk the whole lawn.

[Robert Kelly]

He got me this close to buying the riding horsey. I was on Facebook, Marketplace, seconds away from buying a battery operated.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What am I, some Mexican? I want him someone.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he got me. He goes, dad, I could take it and make money around the neighborhood. I was like, oh, he was starting an own business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Entrepreneur. Don went, absolutely not. This is the one. He almost got me on, too. The. We bought him a leaf blower to rake the backyard. The leaves in the backyard. And he. I was gonna get him. He wanted the backpack one where you throw it on your back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like a, you know, like a. Like a machine gun thing. And Don was like, no, you're getting the regular leaf. I was like, yeah, but the other one, the battery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was like, what's the backpack one?

[Robert Kelly]

You throw it on your back and has two batteries in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So it lasts long, longer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How long? You need a leaf lower to last.

[Robert Kelly]

You need like at least an hour and a half.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gasoline in that?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, not gasoline. The battery. All battery. Get back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Electric.

[Robert Kelly]

Electric lawnmower. Electric leaf blow. Electric weed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Electric lawnmower. Yeah. Dude, I didn't know that was a thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's the best. It's the best power. Yeah, there it is. But no, that's the gas one. The battery packed one. He wanted that, but with the battery pack, it's. I think it's called echo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike Fenoy was telling me, he was giving me a thing to, like, if you get a house, the things that you're gonna. I was asking about things you'd want to get, but leaf blower. He says for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

You listen to me. You know what you do, I'm telling what you do. And I did it for the last 10 years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Pay somebody to do all that, it's 40 bucks a month, 40 bucks a week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. I'm gonna get a landscaper for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it'd be pretty dope to have a leaf blower.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's the one right there. You wanted the backpack one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want a backpack one.

[Robert Kelly]

I, you know, I should have got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want a snowblower.

[Robert Kelly]

I got one of those electric. I got electric.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got one for the boy.

[Robert Kelly]

I got one for him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got a mini one for the boy?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but he uses the big one now, so I don't even have to use it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that little one was a complete waste of money.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I use that on doing my little stairs and little walkway stuff. He uses the big one and last year he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He alpha. He's convinced you it's your idea, and he's alpha dogged you right out of your own fucking snow blower. Dad, you use the kids one if it's so great. All right, son, that's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

You can shut up. As long as he uses it. I got the gas one. The gas one's a pain in the ass. I had the gas. Leaf blower, the snow blower, it works great. But it's a pain in the ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isn'T it better than the electric one?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, the electric one, you might have to do twice. You might have to go out during the snowstorm and do it and then do it again. But it's. Dude, it's ten minutes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what would be the difference between the gas one twice the gas one?

[Robert Kelly]

You can go out. You can just let it snow and just go out there and rip through the Snow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, the big pig pile.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna get the gas one.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, don't get the gas one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Because you gotta know how to. It's also. You got it unbelievably loud. Electric is so much quieter. The electric one, you just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, hang on. Yell more into your can. It's not making it through the string to our can.

[Robert Kelly]

He scared the shit out of me, actually, when he started.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Is that my head?

[Christine]

I thought YouTube was coming through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Christine's are checking her tabs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Get the eight. I think it's an 80 volt snowblower. You're gonna have to. You're gonna have to get a snowblower because the guys who come and do it when you need it that you might be the last one on their route. You know what I mean? You. You don't want to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm a friendly guy. I'll be like the king of the neighborhood, probably.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, if you tip him good, he'll come.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tip of my dick. That's the kind of jokes I'll make that'll make everyone like me a lot. He goes, you know, we work for tips. I go, tip of this dick. And then I put my hand up for a high five. He never gives me back.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the one I got right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Blowing snow, dude, it's got.

[Robert Kelly]

It's got lights on it. It's the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks fun.

[Robert Kelly]

It is fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where does it shoot the snow to?

[Robert Kelly]

Wherever you want. You turn that the. The blower. Yeah, put it to the. You have to learn to blow. So you go down first, you go to a neighbor, you go down once on the right side and blow it to the right. And then you come back up. Sorry, come back up and you blow it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Liar.

[Robert Kelly]

Cheater.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got.

[Robert Kelly]

You got to make my stomach have a voice. No, you got to make all kinds. Yeah, you blow it. You blow it that way. Yeah, you can blow it on the dog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Lou, I almost forgot to introduce my new character. Remember my new character we had planned for so long and we never did anything with it. Yeah. They found out through DNA evidence possibly that Beethoven was Beethoven. I'm sorry, it's the broken console making noise. Beethoven was black. It's very possible.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I was gonna introduce my new character, Black Beethoven. Oh, shit. There you go. If it ain't motherfucking black. Beethoven coming through. It's a different time down here. I don't know if it's before or after the Underground Railroad, but I'll tell you something. Black Beethoven. Having it.

[Robert Kelly]

What about those white bitches?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about them? White is immense. My craziest. Them bitch is getting thick. Chicken Ivory. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrote a little song about it.

[Robert Kelly]

You said Peaches on your piano.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will play for peaches. I may be five eighths a person, but this is a 100% banger. Yeah. He's from a different time. That's the full name of the character impression. Black Beethoven. He's from a different time.

[Robert Kelly]

I love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's up, whitey? Get over here. Get your fine ass bitch up on this piano. Put your bitch up on my piano. Ooh. You want me hear me get funky with it now, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bring an extra pair of panties, ladies. Oh, yeah. Black Beethoven coming on through. Black Beethoven. It's so long ago. This is before we like chicken. What's grape soda? He's from a different time.

[Robert Kelly]

What the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't understand black stuff now. It's from a different time.

[Robert Kelly]

Do they really think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Newports. Newports.

[Robert Kelly]

He might have been black. That's crazy, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like to believe he's definitely black.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, totally. Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Because he has crazy hair.

[Christine]

That's.

[Robert Kelly]

That's just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's a. It's a. It's a stippin drawing of him. Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a dot ism.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They think that's. Who's that? This is another Samuel Coleridge. Oh, yeah. You think he's British, though? You think only the Brits have black composers? You England black bezo. Right here. What? It says. Beethoven was as black as you and I. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Who wrote that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna say that was written two years ago. A Stokely Carmichael, a guy named Stoke, a campaigner, raged against the deeply ingrained assumption that white European culture was inherently superior to black culture. Beethoven was as black as you and I, he told a mainly black audience in Seattle. But they don't tell us that now. The message didn't get through because most of the audience was talking amongst themselves.

[Robert Kelly]

But nobody heard it. Yeah, they were eating chips.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody get here to open this down to chips. Oh, Fuck. That's funny. 1 16th flag. That's enough for my character. Oh, that's a big old 1 16th.

[Robert Kelly]

1 16th. I'm 1 16th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell, yeah, you is. Get over here and stroll with me, motherfucker. Lou, I want it to always be the funky disco one. It should always be Beethoven's fifth Funky thing. Who that knocking on the door?

[Robert Kelly]

That's a disco song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's motherfucking black Beethoven. Oh, yeah. Christine, pull your panties to the side. That's a lot of lip, girl. They say I had big lips. Lips. But damn, some lips. Yeah. Now I'm gonna play your Clinton C minor. I'm just around y'all. We don't eat yet. Oh, yes. Fifteen of my sixteenths might eat your. But this one percent's giving you that dirt.

[Robert Kelly]

Ago.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Bay's open.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he's a hit. He is a hit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, we were talking about home tools.

[Robert Kelly]

You're going to have to get. You get a house, dude. You're going to have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike just sent me a drill today. You got to get this drill dewalt. I'll let you know.

[Robert Kelly]

It's got to be a DeWalt.

[Christine]

It's got to be a DeWalt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, listen, I think we all want it to be a DeWalt for sure.

[Christine]

De don't trust Mike.

[Robert Kelly]

What type of drill, though? Is it a hammer drill? Is it just a regular one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. It's not the wall. But before we start fucking poo pooing old Mikey Fanoya.

[Robert Kelly]

Milwaukee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a Craftsman.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, look at me. Fucking shitty product. Asshole.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

1205. Five star reviews.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Craftsman is available on Amazon. Yeah, Black Friday week, by the way. I'll tell you what it is. The Craftsman 20 volt max impact driver kit. Quarter inch, 2800 rpm, LED work, light battery and charger included.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't need an impact driver.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

An impact driver is to go into, like, cement, right? You just need a drill to drill stuff into walls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. What if I want to go through cement?

[Robert Kelly]

You don't. What are you gonna do that for?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me and Christine could have drill fights in the house.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you need a. You need a drill. Like a hammer drill, Slash, regular. Like a regular drill would be better for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's wrong with this guy? It's 60 bucks.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, dude. Let me. I'll send you the drill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're supposed to get a dewalt.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a DeWalt. Get a DeWalt or a Milwaukee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But is the dewalt. Is it gonna be an impact driver?

[Robert Kelly]

You don't need an impact driver.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who cares?

[Robert Kelly]

You don't want an impact.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't need a leaf blower if I hire Mexicans. But I'm gonna have one. You can't name them. Leaf blower.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll take it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's leaf blower. That's lawnmower. That's what I'm going to name Landscapers. I call this guy Dextain.

[Robert Kelly]

How many batteries does it come with? Just one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, if you get the backpack here.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to give you a tip right now. Whatever drill you battery up. No. Okay, yes, but no. Whatever drill you get, whatever lawnmower you get, whatever weed whack you get, whatever snowblower you get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they're all going to be Mexican.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you buy, the snowblower actually might be Russian.

[Robert Kelly]

If you get a. I think it's great. I don't know why it's not laughing laughing in this room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys, my landscaping crew, Weed whacker, Rake. I call that guy rake. Jacob, you're getting over there in Florida. My landscaping crew, Mexicans by the name of rake and snow and leaf blower.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna help you out right now. Get all the same brand because the batteries in the snowblower interchange. They all interchange. So everyone comes with a battery. When you have it charged up. If one dies out, just go take the one out of the weed whacker, throw it into the leaf blower.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't mind that one bit at all.

[Robert Kelly]

But if I was you, I just wouldn't do it for the first five years of having a house. Pay somebody to do everything. Yeah, and you got a pool. Pay somebody to do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, I just need to relax and do a. What's the thing we found? Elliot Stabler is now pushing copper. Copper things for your shoulders.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I sent that to you guys this weekend. Two things caught me back to back. It was the show on Patrol. On Patrol Live. I was. I was watching that. You know, it's like basically cops. The show Cops.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And on that show, they always go back to a hub where it's three police officers talking. Dan. What's his name? You love him. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Yeah, I'm here. I know who you're talking. Yeah. What's his name?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't have the new show because I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's the old guy. It's the same. It's the same.

[Robert Kelly]

I have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the same old guy, Dan. Whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

Lou, Are you putting echo on him that time? Okay. Okay. Because he sounded like he's in a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's Dan something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is it? I can't remember his name, but whatchamacallit? This guy. So the three guys that do On Patrol live, and I want you to bring them up in a second. It's hilarious. They are just three jacked older men wearing the tightest sweaters just talking about what they're seeing. He goes, sure hope it all works out over there for that family getting arrested in Des Moines. Hey, what do you think? Over. And he's all. They're all the way they stand like, everyone's just sitting like this and just talking in full like, you know, stiff arm cop. It's really funny. Then it went to a commercial.

[Robert Kelly]

The way we're gonna be once we start doing testosterone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. When we're yoked.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I can't really. Totally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And great dance. Dan Abrams. Dan Abrams. He's one of them. But Sticks. Larkin. Sticks. Larkin is not a part of this no more. Oh, Stick Larkin's not big enough. Wait, is he the black guy? He is still part of it. There's his name.

[Robert Kelly]

Wrong. Sticks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm wrong. But now you got to get. When they're the actual on the show, when they're all sitting at the table together, it's actual arm patrol live. But go back to this commercial is what really shook my foundation. Is that Sticks right there, the black guy? Yeah, it sticks because he plays a drum Snux. He's thin.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. I don't know if Larkin is not the black guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's a white guy. That was racist of me. Was Tommy Copper. That's what it is. But here's my concern. I feel like the picture on one of them, the 18 second one here, it looks like it's trying to be funny. The one I was watching. I wasn't getting the air. This was trying to be funny. This is. This is Elliot Stabler, Chris Maloney doing a genuine pitch for a product and talking about how it helps his life. And it really. It really made me laugh at how cringe this is.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait till you see my true classic commercial that's coming out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See again, him lifting weights there looks. He's trying to be funny.

[Christine]

It was this one.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I think it was the one. Socks. Was it for socks or something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's. Everything on set was part of it. It was like a long one.

[Robert Kelly]

Was it the one where is naked? No, the naked one was ridiculous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't even see that one.

[Robert Kelly]

The top. Go up top. Scroll up. Right there. Bald.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The second one.

[Robert Kelly]

That one. He's naked. Fully naked in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's. That's definitely do a day in the life, which is when he gets up or back in neck pain.

[Robert Kelly]

Pain is no match for Tommy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This might be it. Yes, this is definitely it.

[Robert Kelly]

No way I could get through my long day without it. And I'll do it all again tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that was earnest. That Wasn't to be funny. He's like, tommy Copper is really helping me out. And it's just like him on a set, like, having rough takes with his shoulder.

[Robert Kelly]

Opening a door that's already opened.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, I was so infuriated.

[Robert Kelly]

He does. He's in shape, though. God damn it. Look at that side cheek.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Detective Stabler could get it. Dude, he really. Any day of the week.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, he's still got it. I mean, look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine would leapfrog me to hop on Stabler.

[Christine]

He said he wore half ties.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh? Yeah. He does dress extremely gay.

[Robert Kelly]

It only comes in one color.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, see, that's.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, what the. He's being.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's also. He's being funny. He's being funny, but it's not that funny because he's in shape.

[Robert Kelly]

He's shredded.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's really just trying to show us what's going on. The Eagles. Something happened with the Eagles.

[Christine]

That was just the next video.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I just saw you click that. Just real quick. I thought maybe Saquon Barkley did something.

[Robert Kelly]

Amazing or something bad happened to him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't say that.

[Robert Kelly]

I won't, I won't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't say that ever.

[Robert Kelly]

I won't, I won't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why would you say that?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. It came out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He gets hurt every year.

[Robert Kelly]

I may get hurt now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is his first year and he's gotten through fucking 10 games.

[Robert Kelly]

If he gets hurt this weekend, I'd be so not happy. I'd be so disappointed in everything that I've ever said in my life. If he totally pulls a hammy and an Achilles, I would suck so bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You remember that old Kurt Metzger had that joke years ago? He was like. He said in front of his girlfriend, like, when he's watching TV that he wishes that someone had cancer on the thing. And they were like. And they're like, you shouldn't say that. Like, what would you do. What would you say if, like, they ended up getting cancer? He goes, well, I say you start. Better respecting me more bitch. Cancer giving powers. Is this. Can you get. Yeah, dude. When they're in the studio, I mean, they're tight shirts. Yeah, dude, these three. Exactly. They are perfect.

[Robert Kelly]

What are these guys, though? I don't understand what.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're retired cops. For sure they're retired cops.

[Robert Kelly]

And what are they doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So they just. They just send it around. They're like directors. They're like. There's live police action happening with a few different departments, and they're out there doing Their thing. And then these guys just like maestro, it comes back to them. They're like, ooh, I hope that traffic stop seems to be getting a little dicey over there in Indianapolis. Why don't we go over to Corpus Christi, Texas, where we still see what's going on with that warrant serving or whatever. It's just.

[Robert Kelly]

How do they get the live feed through the. Through the body cam, I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Here's also the. The show's called On Patrol Live. And I don't. I have to believe I've never seen a live one. Like, it's always.

[Robert Kelly]

It can't be live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it always says live, and there's a time where it's live, but I never see the live. It's like a prime time show.

[Robert Kelly]

Probably when it airs, it's live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe. Jacob, do you know.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I think that when it was live, pd, I think the camp. The footage was live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. But this is still called On Patrol Live. Can you look it up?

[Christine]

Just show people on TV without having them release.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The piece of shit criminals.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but I don't think you could still show them live. Their faces without them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just sign their names for them. Well, they got rid of all those shows. Cops and everything went away when Black Lives Matter happened. Black Lives Matter so much, you can't see cops on television anymore. That's how much they mattered.

[Robert Kelly]

Cheaters went away, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Cheaters was fake, which I'm feeling I'm breaking your heart by telling you that, but I've unfortunately had that confirmed 80 times to me, even though I fought believing that all of cheaters was.

[Robert Kelly]

Fake, 100% of cheaters, every single show was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you ever see down to the stabbing on the boat?

[Robert Kelly]

Did you see my radio show about cheaters?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we talked about it once. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You seen it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's a radio show.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, all the people that submitted for Cheaters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Didn't get picked. We interviewed those people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

And they were mentally ill about cheating situations. They're crazy. Look, how do you. Can we just stop right now? And how fast. Christine typed in all that stuff about. Here's the show. I did it with Gabby. She goes, whose idea was this? This was. This is unserious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Scroll down. What year this was like during the pandemic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Cheaters was going to do a show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, the cheaters sort of came back with Infinity Frost.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy's out of his mind. You want to find out for sure that she's cheating on you? Do you want to get back together with her and have what? A real relationship. And I would like you to catch my mom's boyfriend cheating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paul.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

And it would even the plus of the show of my ex being there as well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't have to be her, but.

[Robert Kelly]

You could be her.

[Christine]

It's 99.9% sure it's her camera.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No matter is I can't pay attention what he's saying because the camera is so close to both your and Gabby's faces.

[Robert Kelly]

Look how fat my head was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your head is big and fat for sure. But Gabby looks like the face. Nothing's going together. It looks like three different things are happening.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it didn't get picked up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

I swear to God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's relaunch.

[Robert Kelly]

No, let's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love the show Cheaters. I used to watch, they made uncensored DVDs. I was real big on getting something uncensored that was censored. Yeah, Jerry Springer. I got that dvd. And all you were seeing, by the way, was hilarious paid porn stars that would come out and be part of a stupid bullshit story on Jerry Springer's tits. Only you could just think of the times now, like you could google now that girl's name and watch her get gang banged because you saw her on Jerry Springer. And at that time though you were like, nope, that was that hot chick that came in on Jerry Springer. And I have to buy this DVD to see her tits that one time. And what else they do uncensored? There's a Cops on Centers. It's pretty great. Every 30 minutes long only, but it's pretty guess like the naked girl on the front of the car who won't leave no lady in a hallway.

[Robert Kelly]

Those are real though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cops? Yes. Yes. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I did. I did an episode of Real Stories of the Highway Patrol. Remember that show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. What was it? Reenactments.

[Robert Kelly]

They would do the reenactments and I did one of the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a comedy show though, right?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was real. It was real stories from the Highway Patrol. That was in the name. Real stories. So we would reenact the real story of what happened. Because they didn't have cameras in the cars back then. So they would just tell the story and then they would write it out and we would. They would cast it and I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How boring are Highway Patrol stories?

[Robert Kelly]

It was all right. I went in. This is funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to throw a guy in the clink today for peeing on the side of a road.

[Robert Kelly]

I had to go into the store and so me and my friend goes, go into the store and we rob the store. And first of all, they didn't have a. It was such a low budget thing. The gun I had was a Ruger from like Germany. Like a Nazi gun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they didn't. They. They didn't tell people in the store. The only people that knew that this was going to happen was the store clerk. They didn't tell people in the store that we were coming in to rob the store. So two people had slipped into the store and I come in with a Ruger and rob it. And the only thing that saved my life in real time, it. We just went in, they went action. Because it was all like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You robbed the place.

[Robert Kelly]

Went in. Give me the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was this on?

[Robert Kelly]

What. Whatever, one of those channels.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was regular tv, record tv, something like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Something like that. And then I went in. I'm sitting there robbing this person with this Ruger and there was an undercover cop behind me, okay, that came into the store and thank God they yelled, cut. No, they yelled cut because I messed up something and they were cut. Cut. They came in, the crew came in behind me. They go, stop, stop, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just give me all your. Give me all your money. Ass.

[Robert Kelly]

The. The cop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take it from the top.

[Robert Kelly]

The cop. The cop snapped, flipped out on the whole crew. He's like, I'm. I was five seconds away from unloading a gun in this kid. You gotta. You can't just come in and rob us. You have to have a permit and all this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And did your manhood kick in though, where you're like, no, you're not just gonna put bullets in me, dude. So we ain't gonna go like that, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, talk that to whoever you want, but don't talk that to me.

[Robert Kelly]

I was terrified, dude. I was. And then we had to drive the car. There was no stunt code. They just got. They bought a car for like 200 bucks. I had to drive this bucket down the road with the guy, the cop, this state trooper who was actually in the thing chasing me down the road. And then I had to take a left hand turn. So I didn't give a. I just took. I go, dude, hold on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cut off traffic.

[Robert Kelly]

I just cut the left and the car almost tipped over, jumped onto a bump. We went airborne, slammed down the transmission, fell out of the car, and we just rolled by the camera and the car was dead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

Then I had to get out of the car and the cop chased me and actually tackled me in the fucking woods. In the winter, in like the snow. And just tackled me like I was a real criminal and hurt me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Eric Estrada.

[Robert Kelly]

Everything was like one take. Everything was one take. And they shot the thing. I can't find the episode. Real stories of the highway patrol, 1993 and 1994. Something like that. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Crazy that they remember the name of that.

[Robert Kelly]

They could never do this show now. They would just hire shitty actors. 150 bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, there it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Real stories of the Highway Patrol. Damn.

[Robert Kelly]

These are all reenactments on the lowest budget you could possibly do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This hour flew by is our last live show.

[Robert Kelly]

This is it, the week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have pre record coming out tomorrow for you guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you guys gonna. Are you gonna flake on Thanksgiving? I feel like you're flaking. Christine just gave you. She just gave you the. Did you tell him Eyes you just gave him. Yeah, you did. You just gave. Yeah, you did. You just gave him. You told him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell him what?

[Robert Kelly]

When I said, are you gonna flake this weekend? She looked at you like. Did you tell him already?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I thought she looked at me kind of like.

[Christine]

No, I was like, are we flaking?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. No, you gave him the did it. You tell him. I know. Are you fl. Look at me, Christine. Are you flaking?

[Christine]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah you are.

[Christine]

We're not flaking.

[Robert Kelly]

You're coming.

[Christine]

Yeah, we're trying to. We're calculating puppy time and her being alone and how long that can be.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, if you. You come at 4, right? We have dinner at 5. 5:30 and then you're home by 7.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? How do you guys eat giant spoons you shovel in your face.

[Robert Kelly]

5, 5:30.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know your timing, Bobby, is horrible. You said, why don't you eat at 5:30? You'll be home by 7. That gives us, by your calculations, it's 30 minutes. But we got to be out.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, why don't you bring the dog? Leave her in the cage in the, in the garage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, you don't want her to.

[Christine]

Be really upset if we got doodles.

[Robert Kelly]

Sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This sucks. Yeah, the noises the dogs making sucks.

[Christine]

It sounds like she's like gagging.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, no, Mike Kelby had the kennel cough. It's terrible. Yeah, it's from putting her in a kennel, right?

[Christine]

No, they just said in New York City.

[Robert Kelly]

She's just.

[Christine]

I mean we're at the dog park every day. There's always dogs around. That said there's like hypes up that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'Re at dog park everyday thing make her sound like a Better dog mom than she is. They're not the dog park every day.

[Robert Kelly]

She goes to the dog park every day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She doesn't go to dog park.

[Christine]

I mean, five out of seven days. Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've been many times where Christine's been like, oh, doggos hasn't been able to go to the thing at all this week. Or like, we haven't gone at all this week to the dog park, so let's not get stolen valor as always.

[Christine]

I said that last week. It's like, I'm taking her to the dog park in a couple days.

[Robert Kelly]

When was the last time you took her to dog park? How many you say?

[Christine]

Well, I accidentally took her after she was coughing, cuz now I can't take her.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we got to take a break. All right, well, are our guests here?

[Christine]

Yes, they are.

[Robert Kelly]

So you. So you are coming?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You're coming?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're going to stay for like 25 minutes.

[Robert Kelly]

You can stay as long as you want.

[Christine]

We thought don be mad at you for just throwing that on her.

[Robert Kelly]

No. She was so excited.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's all coming?

[Robert Kelly]

Jim, Norton and Nikki are coming. And you and Chris.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to get Max to say weird stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, please. He f. He. He loves you and he follows you. Please don't do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to tell him. Did you know what make me. I'm going to go like Max. You know what would make me so cool in your eyes?

[Robert Kelly]

Don't do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Grab Norton's wife's butt.

[Robert Kelly]

No, don't. Why don't. He's a young man, but is fine. Just not the front.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to go take him outside for a walk and be like, hey, man, I've been looking up ways to make my wiener bigger.

[Robert Kelly]

Please don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm starting to think it's just about getting my above pubis, my super. My super pubis sucked out. Hey, talk to the kids in school about your super pubis.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll be right back. If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should. Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. [e-mail] An OHA initiative.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I'm Paul Scheer. I'm Choondayan Rayfield. And I'm Jason Manzoukas. And we're the hosts of how did this Get Made? A comedy podcast where we deconstruct, make fun of, and celebrate the best worst movies ever made. Have you ever seen a movie that's so bad that it's actually good? Eh, that's what we're talking about.

[Robert Kelly]

From blockbuster franchises and made for TV romances to bonkers 80s action flicks and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Obscure sci fi musicals, we cover it all. You can find. How did this get made? Wherever you get your podcasts and don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Idiot.