Overly Italian

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Overly Italian"
Date: February 5, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this episode of The Bonfire, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into hilarious, rapid-fire conversations blending personal anecdotes, the inner workings of the comedy world, wild tangents on fitness equipment, “overly” Italian comedy culture, and the news that a well-known comedy club owner might be running for U.S. Senate. The show’s signature blend of sarcasm, playful antagonism, and riffs on pop culture is as strong as ever, with plenty of comic banter about gym machinery, Italian stereotypes, the rise of social media “hyphenate comedians” like Little Mozzarella, memories of the old Wise Guy show, and the sharply observed idiocies of both New Jersey nightlife and the entertainment industry.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Banter About Gym Equipment and Domestic Life

• Early banter about Jay and Bobby’s plans for home gym equipment, discussing the drama of purchases, assembly, and “approval” from significant others.
• Jay details his new home gym, the B52, and the unexpected crunch attachment he received (06:24), while Bobby tries to convince his wife to let him get one — “Aluminum pulleys, don, they’re aluminum pulleys!” (05:29)
• Both reflect on the challenges of assembling gym equipment, with Bobby admitting he looked for a shortcut:

  “It looks a little daunting to put together...if you say so. Pretty amazing setup. LOL.” — Bobby Kelly (09:09)

• Classic self-deprecating humor, with Bobby uncertain about how “handy” he is, and Jay teasing him for taking pride in spelling “daunting.”

  “That’s a great one. How’d you spell it?” — Jay Oakerson (09:19)

Notable Quotes:

• “All my friends rounded up fans to do it. And you hire a person.” — Jay Oakerson, on assembling gym machines (11:34)

---

2. Jack LaLanne, Fitness Eccentricity & Sexuality

• The conversation swerves into a comic breakdown of Jack LaLanne’s legacy, with extended riffs on his workout attire and sexual orientation.

  “He was a gay guy...Jack LaLanne raped boys.” — Jay Oakerson (17:45)

• Historical deep-dives into old exercise equipment — shake machines, corsets — and memories of 1950s fitness culture.

  “It was a fat person mixer.” — Bobby Kelly, on the “shake machine” (21:41)

• The crew jokes about period-appropriate masculinity, attire, and the absurdities of glamorizing past eras.
• Extended game of out-riffing each other on weight, masculinity, and old TV characters.

Timestamps:

• Jack LaLanne discussion: 13:05–22:00
• Jack’s marital status and 50s culture: 16:02
• Old-fashioned exercise equipment: 20:11

---

3. “Delta Force” and Pop Culture Digs

• Jay and Bobby reminisce about action movies, comparing Delta Force (Chuck Norris) to more “serious” war films like Black Hawk Down.
• Joking about the over-the-top moments in 80s action movies, the comic-book style machismo, and the obliviousness of casting.

  “You think it’s as good as Delta Force?” — Jay Oakerson (23:07)
  “Robert Forrester in full body paint in illegal action today!” — Jay Oakerson (23:18)

Timestamps:

• Delta Force: 22:09–25:30

---

4. Comedy Scene Updates & New Jersey Senate Race

• BREAKING NEWS: Vinnie Brand, owner of the Stress Factory, is considering a run for U.S. Senate in New Jersey against Cory Booker (26:10).

  “Apparently we might have a new senator in our mix. Vinnie Brand…is dipping his toes into the political water.” — Bobby Kelly (26:10)

• The group riff about Vinnie Brand’s qualifications, experience, and his connection to the local Republican party (27:07–29:10).
• Imaginary scenarios: Vinnie running the comedy club while in the Senate, appointing comics to government roles.
• Observations about New Brunswick, Bridgeport, and the “coming back” myth of certain neighborhoods (31:08–32:00).

---

5. The Italian Comedian Craze: Little Mozzarella & Vic DiBitetto

• Introduction to “Little Mozzarella”, the latest in the wave of Italian-centric Instagram/faux-comedy stars.

  “I actually had him on my podcast. He’s a pretty nice guy. But it’s like a character he does.” — Bobby Kelly (40:59)

• Jay’s skepticism about “influencer comedians” who play exaggerated stereotypes for sold-out clubs.

  “He’s doing live shows?” — Jay Oakerson (42:24)
  “Comics booking him every weekend. He’s working Edmonton every weekend.” — Bobby Kelly (42:30)

• The crew jokes about branding and marketing oneself as a food item (“Little Chowder,” “Kelly Clams,” “Bobby Tomatoes,” “Beefsteak Tomato”).
• This discussion leads to a broader roast of Italian-American bravado, regional pride, catchphrases, and nostalgia for “Wise Guy” style comedy.

Timestamps:

• Little Mozzarella: 40:26–44:40
• Mock Italian names and bits: 44:24–44:40

---

6. Memories & Roasts of the Wise Guy Show

• Jacob and the hosts recount their (negative) guest experiences on the infamous Sirius Italian-themed “Wise Guy” radio show, describing it as hostile, unwelcoming, and “built around the Sopranos to talk about the show, being Italian, whatever happened on the Sopranos that week...” (49:29)
• Playful and pointed mockery of Italian pride, high school cliques, bocce ball, and regional cuisine arguments.

Notable Quote:

“Talking about being Italian. What a bunch of jerk offs.” — Jay Oakerson (49:39)

---

7. The Italian Stereotype Bit: Overly Italian Banter

• Group lapses into escalating Italian stereotype voices, with over-the-top threats, mock arguments over food, and inside jokes about pizza cheese, the right way to eat, and regional bravado.
• “How you doin’, your sister?” becomes a catchphrase motif, lampooning the one-liner hooks of Italian-influencer comics.
• Tangential roasts and threats:

  “You Jew kid runs his mouth all day long. Pip, squeak, Jacob! I’m give you a sock across your knot.” — Jay Oakerson (56:25)

Timestamps:

• Stereotype banter and escalating bits: 54:34–57:45
• Callback to Sal Vulcano, Sal’s act, and mock contests for tickets: 57:53–58:54

---

8. Show Plugs & Closing Bits (Content Section)

• Rapid-fire promo of Bobby’s and Jay’s live dates, with running jokes about club attendance, “competing directly” with Sal Vulcano and the Italian comic wave.
• Bobby recounts letting a Comedy Cellar server do a guest spot to save a five-person audience (61:56).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On assembling home gyms:
  “It’s a feeler…Exactly.” (08:49, Jay & Bobby)
• On Italian parody marketing:
  “You should have been marshmallows.” (42:13, Jay)
  “When I came out, it’d be thousands of people going…” (42:24, Bobby)
  “Little Mozzarella versus Little Mikey Peppers.” (53:17, Jay)
• On the Italian stereotype circuit:
  “Give me a change right now. Give me a change.” (56:41, Bobby)
• On weird pride:
  “Oh, they’re so proud of being a place they’ve never been…Never went.” (47:27, Jay & Jacob)
• On the “Wise Guy” show:
  “It was such a terrible atmosphere…they didn’t want you there. And then when they brought you in, they’re like, go, what do you got?” (49:15, Bobby)
• On action movies:
  “You think it’s as good as Delta Force?” (23:07, Jay)

---

Highlighted Segments (Timestamps)

• Home gym debate & hilarity: 05:03–12:00
• Jack LaLanne & fitness culture: 13:05–22:00
• Delta Force vs. contemporary action: 22:09–25:30
• Breaking ‘Senate run’ news: 26:10–30:30
• Little Mozzarella / Italian influencer comic wave: 40:26–44:40
• Wise Guy show memories & Italian parody escalation: 49:01–57:45

---

Final Thoughts & Tone

The episode is a quintessential Bonfire ride: fast, layered with references, and cuttingly self-aware. Jay and Bobby’s chemistry shines in their willingness to skewer themselves, each other, and the worlds they inhabit (comedy, fitness, New Jersey, stereotype-driven comedy trends). The “Overly Italian” theme—title and all—serves as springboard for exploring the absurdity of nostalgic identity, the state of club comedy, and the oddities of gamified fame. No matter the tangent, the hosts keep their foot on the gas, delivering an hour-plus of unfiltered riffing that’s both deeply inside-comedy and broadly relatable.

---

For listeners searching for the soul of New York stand-up, comedy inside-baseball, or just a fresh take on Italian-American comic mythmaking, this episode delivers in full.

Transcript

[Jay Oakerson]

With Venmo Stash. A toggle on one hand and ordering.

[Bobby Kelly]

A ride in the other means you're stacking cash back with Venmo Stash. Get up to 5% cash back when.

[Jay Oakerson]

You pick a bundle of your favorite brands. Earn more cash when you do more with Stash.

[Bobby Kelly]

Venmo Stash terms exclusions apply.

[Jay Oakerson]

Max $100 cash back per month.

[Bobby Kelly]

See terms of Venmo Me Stash terms. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docs, your permits, your moves, AI levels of your pitch gets it in a groove. Choose a template with your timeless cool. Come on now, let's flex those draft design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing. Do that, do that, do that with Acrobat. Learn [e-mail] do that with Acrobat.

[Mike Fenoichis]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's upset with me because I wasn't hook, line and sinker into his potato truck idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not that. You came in with fun into it. You came in with radio guy vibe.

[Jay Oakerson]

What was that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't talk until the cans go on.

[Jay Oakerson]

I talk to everybody in this room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you don't talk like you regularly talk. Hey, Yahoo. Hey. You're like, how you doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

You talked about hot dogs.

[Bobby Kelly]

I pitched. Well, I had to force you into the hot dog talk. I said, rate it. And you were like, what?

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't hear. You said at first. And I said a two.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said a two? Begrudgingly. You could have. Could have went on with it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's even a funny number.

[Bobby Kelly]

But then I pitched you a side gig, you know, a fallback plan if something happens.

[Jay Oakerson]

And, well, you pitched it as a formulated idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Upon any scrutiny, you then said, it's the basis. It can lead to other ideas. That's what I. Aren't that idea at all, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think that when Leonardo came up with the fucking wing dude that.

[Jay Oakerson]

The wing dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the wing dude that he thought it was going to turn into a plane.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now, is any of this right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the wing dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Leonardo, the wing dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You don't know Lee. You don't know who he is.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a Ninja Turtle.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he's an artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, yeah. I mean, with his sword.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he was in the Departed.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, they were departed. They had to live in the sewers.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not. It's a different one. He was an artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

By a rat.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was an artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure. The way he handles The Foot clan.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not. Jay, you're missing the. No, it's not.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm a fan of Leonardo, Donatello, all the greats.

[Bobby Kelly]

Michelangelo, that was an artist, too. They were at the same kind of.

[Jay Oakerson]

Character, but just a different. Just like a sigh. One had a bow stick.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Ironically learned from a guy who didn't use a weapon at all. A guy? A rat. A guy. Listen to me, okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

You turn it on when those cans come on, though. This is the J I thought was walking in the road.

[Jay Oakerson]

Consumer professional.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are. You really are.

[Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

We put those cans on. Whatever happen you came in here gone.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

See?

[Jay Oakerson]

Two hours. Give me for two hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got you for hour, hour and 45 minutes. Actually. Want to get technical.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hour, 46 minutes, I think is when we have to hard out somewhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we do hard out every day. We just big boners.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we leave hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we leave hard.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everyone here always leaves hard.

[Jacob]

We.

[Bobby Kelly]

Except for Christine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Except for Christine.

[Jacob]

She doesn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank God she doesn't le hard.

[Jay Oakerson]

Soft limp. Borderline limp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I very strong puss. Why would that. Why would you even have that for that? Why. Why do you. Why would you even say I have a strong puss?

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you remember? We got to do it. Howard Stern does that once in a while. We have like, the origin of the drops.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Show. Find out what that one's about.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know half of where they come from.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, well, from now on, start taking markers.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. Christines are never what you think they are.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like she's reading from a book or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should all take a guess of what it's from and then see who's right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Play it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have a very strong purse.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I have no idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought that she was probably taking a Pilates class, got into some Pilates and found out that she had a very strong puss.

[Jay Oakerson]

Supplies have anything to do with your pussy? And I got to be. It's a real question. I don't know the answer, and I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going to give you a real answer. Me neither.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, me neither. But let's assume that's what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just wanted to say the word Pilates because it's a fun word. Try it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pilates. Got your strong puss from Pilates.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pretty cool, right?

[Jacob]

It is.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thankful we have these pop guards.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What's up?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's Wednesday. It's our last live day.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've got news.

[Jay Oakerson]

You do breaking News, you said, I've got breaking news.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wish we had a guy to pump that in. Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to interrupt the bonfire live.

[Jay Oakerson]

We should have my second camera right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, your second camera was great. I want. I want one. You know when you get things that I want. That. That stupid thing. I'm not getting it. By the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

Machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

The. The machine. B52. I didn't get yelled at. I got go yourself face.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

You're getting it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you just do it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Just do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I gotta get the other one out. I gotta call. Call the name.

[Jay Oakerson]

Get it and cheat.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want it so bad.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got it. And then when you cheat, you could be like, well, I didn't get the thing. That seemed to be much more important.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's where you sold me on it. Aluminum. I don't know why that's just in my head.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm aluminum pulleys.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went like, don, they're aluminum pulleys.

[Jay Oakerson]

The aluminum pulley smoothest. Everything's smoothest because it's aluminum.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's aluminum. And she was like, I don't give a If it was die cast metal. You're not getting it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude. Yeah, she just sealed her fate. You're gonna cheat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she want to cheat. I'm gonna cheat on somebody way better than her, too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, maybe not, because you can't work out now because you don't have that awesome machine. So. No, there may be a big, fat awful person.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I did get in contact with the people, though. They got back to me. We got a little rapport going.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's funny. They don't seem interested in me, and I've given the money already, and they're gonna.

[Jacob]

You already contacted them?

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I hit him up on dm and I. I asked him a couple questions. It was an auto response, but then someone got back to me. But I. I can you. I think they know me. Okay, maybe they don't, but you can. You can tell by their response.

[Jay Oakerson]

But my bench showed up today.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did? How good is it? Did you work out today?

[Jay Oakerson]

Boxes. I think he sent me an extra piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

I think he sent me the crunch. Go to the bench. I think he sent me the crunch attachment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ooh.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because there's a separate box that has.

[Bobby Kelly]

A crunch attachment for you guys who don't know what we're talking about. Hopefully you do. Jay has the ultimate. It's the B52.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is not the ultimate anything. It's a home Gym.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you could go along with me as the improv or you have to just contradict now. I have to stop.

[Jay Oakerson]

It makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. Don't feel uncomfortable. You got the ultimate. Who gives you. It's not the ultimate, all right? It's the mediocre one.

[Jacob]

You're getting gym grade equipment.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go look at rogues. Look at rogue Fitnesses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob. He has low self esteem. He doesn't want people to go. It's not. And he doesn't want to get hit up. Dude, it's not the best one. This is the best one. All right? It's not the best one. It's. It's the middle of the road.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a good one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay has a. Jay got a good one? Yeah, a good one.

[Jacob]

You got New York Sports Club level equipment.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure. That plays as a hole.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

That's where I go.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're such a dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is a hole.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I hit him up. Blah, blah, blah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at that price.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's great.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much?

[Jay Oakerson]

7,000. $6,000.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but, but why is that better than yours? Yours does more. Yours has the. No, yours does way more.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it does. Dude. I'm going to tell you why it does. It has the incline. The one of those things you. The, the tricep ones, the bars that you push up on body.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dip bars.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have dip bars?

[Jay Oakerson]

I assure you there's an attachment and.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a row machine that comes with it. The dip bars come with it.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have aluminum.

[Jay Oakerson]

Correct. Let me explain what it is, though. Like this one, this thing is like gonna be better quality in every possible way.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Does that make sense?

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, listen, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I was trying to make you feel good. And apparently it made you feel bad.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're good. Made me feel bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't know if that's my problem more than your fucking problem. Okay? I mean, I got.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anywho.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got it anyhow. Anyhow.

[Jay Oakerson]

So I hit the machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hit him up right? Then they sent me the hello, thank you for your contacting major blah. And they gave me all the numbers and the emails, you know, blah, blah, blah. So I wrote, hello. It is not really. I wrote, I wrote, is it hard to put together little question, Just see if somebody would answer it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a good feeler because there's not a chance you're putting it together yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a feeler.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I wrote two of my comic Friends. I was gonna put you in there. Maybe they'll throw you a little something, Right? Extra. Maybe a little thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think they don't like me if they do know me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe I won't mention your name then. Jess, it looks a little daunting to put together, but if you say so. Pretty amazing setup. Lol. But he wrote this. Ready?

[Jay Oakerson]

Daunting. Where the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is. Okay, I.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hang on. Take your kudos. You wrote daunting.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wrote daunting. Is that. That's a good one.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's a great one. How'd you spell it?

[Bobby Kelly]

D, A, U, N, T, I, N, G. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, buddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

See, I took that compliment right in. Even though it hurts somehow, because I feel like you're. I'm so dumb that the word daunting is a thing, but I'm not going.

[Jay Oakerson]

To say that you're not so dumb at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I see.

[Jay Oakerson]

But you flub words plenty and that was a goodie. And you spelled it and you killed it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everything about it was fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can get this machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

They wrote this back from the Daunting thing. I've assembled these racks at the company before, and it's not that hard, in my opinion. And I read this wrong. I read you're pretty good with tools. I thought he maybe followed me and saw me build something.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think that would be why he knew you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But if you read it back as I did just now, if was the key word, right? The word if.

[Jay Oakerson]

I missed the word if was all the lifting of that sentence. It changes it from a sentence to a question.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's the thing. If you read it my way, you're pretty handy with tools. He knows me. He's my friend. He follows me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait, wait, say it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're pretty good with tools.

[Jay Oakerson]

He wrote that to you?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he put the word if.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh. Oh, okay. I got you. I thought he came again. Oh, yeah. No, I understood from the first time. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So apparently we're not.

[Jacob]

Put it together, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, I know I could, but.

[Jacob]

I thought more like the way I want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

The way I read it myself, is that you're pretty good with tools. I thought he was like he had a connection.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You're Bobby Kelly. And before anything else, I know that you're good with tools.

[Bobby Kelly]

Words. Nah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Won't say anything to you about your comedy or your long 30 year career of making people laugh and entertaining at the highest level. Yeah, he knows you're good with tools.

[Bobby Kelly]

You took that you know, when you make a good point, you make a good point. And yeah, it's. If not, it's totally fine. Just round up a couple of your buddies.

[Jay Oakerson]

The tool guy from Opie and Anthony.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I have no. Who am I going to round up?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. But don't round up anybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

All my friends rounded up fans to do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you hire a person. Yeah, because I've. The things I've read on it, they go. It's like like four hour build, like you know, fast. And then some people go. Took me about like seven hours over a course a couple days I would go back to it like kind of did it leisurely. And I'm just like all of it sounds like a fucking nightmare though. I'm like, no, I'm all right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing though. It's safe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm going to put one of those aluminum pulleys through a fucking drywall. I know by the end of it. Now what'd you say? It's what?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's safe. The police are. The bar itself. The. What's that word?

[Jay Oakerson]

Smith machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Smith machine. Is there a guy named Smith who invented it?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did Dave Smith invent this?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, for sure he did not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe he invented it and just never used it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Or maybe they use his name because it's rigid and goes and goes. Only up and down, no in betweens.

[Jacob]

I did like yours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice.

[Jacob]

But now I'm looking at the rogue trainer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yeah. I like his better. His comes with more stuff.

[Jacob]

I like that pull up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd rather get. I'd rather get the mid grade one that Jay got. You know, the okay one than the ultimate one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. The Smith machine is named after Rudy Smith, a gym manager and executive in the Vic Tanny gym chain who popular popularized the equipment in the 1950s. While fitness pioneer Jack LaLanne design who Bobby has his Shake machine. Shake machine, yeah. Designed the original prototype for safer weightlifting. It was Rudy Smith who commissioned improvements and installed the machine in his gyms leading to its widespread adoption. The safety Smith machine.

[Jacob]

You ever see the videos of like early videos of Jack Lane working out?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Like you think, oh God, this guy break something.

[Jay Oakerson]

I would have thought it was the early days of him working out but when I was watching it in the, I assume early 80s, mid-80s, he was like. The whole thing was that he was like a hundred but he was still wearing a one piece and like running.

[Bobby Kelly]

Around still wearing a one piece, pulling a truck with his teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

He had like a Mr. Furley scarf on his neck. The whole thing was crazy looking. It was like an eccentric rich guy. Guy like, show me how he lifts weights, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

The 50s were wild. I mean, the 50s were wild that men could just wear that.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's wearing ballet shoes.

[Jacob]

He's wearing slippers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, hang on. Jay might cry. He's dancing.

[Jay Oakerson]

This isn't that kind of dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just saying, he, you know, you get emotional. You never know what's going to hit you.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's not dancing. He's exercising.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's dance exercising. He's wearing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, in a weird way, he's also telling his father he's gay. And this dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at his shoes, though. His shoes have little. What are those? Dance shoes?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I said they're slipping. You said they're sleeves. Wearing ballet slippers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, my foster father, Ken Laz, the Jewish dad I had, who I lived with for a while, his dad made all his money in Jack lalanne gyms and in the basement, he had all the. He literally had the shake machine, the big leather thing. He had the balls that you kind of. You went. That rubbed your stomach and was supposed to get all the fat away.

[Jay Oakerson]

So for the machine, the shake machines, one of the funniest things. I can't believe that even existed. Yeah, just jerk your belly around until, I guess weight comes off somehow.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess the weight comes off or you throw up.

[Jacob]

That was on the Titanic, the one that goes jiggle, jiggle, jiggle around your waist. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is funny what you have. Your body will do some strange things, though. It does take shape when people wear those things, like the, like, corsets and stuff. Like, it eventually changes the shape of your body. Yeah, you, like, take that shape?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Women had it, women back in the 1800s, in the heat, it just had to dress. They had like the corset on.

[Jay Oakerson]

They had to tie your body in half.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tie your body and then wear a thing over that and then another thing over that and then just shitting with no toilet paper.

[Jay Oakerson]

Free breathing teas took 95 minutes. Oh, can you please help me with these 85 buttons on my back?

[Bobby Kelly]

I have to wash my bloody vagina.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, this is a gay guy showing you. I mean, everything he's doing is a gay activity, from his shoes to his. The whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's Jack.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's also got a fucking thick ass. It's not even muscular.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a sick, sick ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those shoes are nice. I might get those to work out.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you should.

[Jacob]

They really are ballerina.

[Bobby Kelly]

But are they. Are they attached to his pants?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. He's like wearing a garter belt or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why is this? Dick and balls seem like they're so low. This guy MC Hammer, he's got a belt buckle on. See if he was confirmed. Gay man.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he was married to a woman. Straight man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's straight.

[Jay Oakerson]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Back in the 50s.

[Jay Oakerson]

The 50s was gonna say everybody was straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everyone was straight, even the gays.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Elton John was straight in the 50s.

[Jacob]

I seem to remember him doing like a lat pull down later in life. And his technique looked like he was about to like snap his spine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you why this guy's gay? Queer as a fucking two dollar bill.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because he's not. Because he was married to his wife. So he's married to his wife for 51 years. From 1959 until his death. Gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a gay guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

He just stayed with her and did his gay thing behind her back for 51 years.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the only way you can stay with a woman your whole life is doing gay stuff behind your back. Trust me. I've been dawn for 18 years.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're right on the cusp of some gay stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm on the cusp. That's why Voss is always on the road alone. He's not doing golf.

[Jacob]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you have a new. You have a new credo in your house, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Machine or machine or cheat?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I think I might.

[Jay Oakerson]

T shirt, kid. Get a shirt. Machine or cheat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'll get sued by Burt.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go back to it. I mean, he's. Go back to that, right? Everything he does is feminine. He was feminine to the end. He wore neckerchiefs.

[Jacob]

It was the one piece. Yeah, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he's got a little symbol. He's got a little pin on his tit too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I think. I think his belt buckles. His logo too.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's wearing a fucking Jack brooch.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. He's wearing a brooch.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the hell.

[Jay Oakerson]

With a pin. He's got a pin. It's an old kind too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Favorite furniture, though. He's got really nice furniture.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I love that little Danish, by the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's a fake outside.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's real.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just saw a duck land on that fucking pond.

[Jay Oakerson]

What a weird setup.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's a studio.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He was a gay guy. Jack lalanne raped boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's see if. Look at. See if he's got a piece, though, you see if you can always see a guy in a.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course you can.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look how much space Jack he's got.

[Jacob]

Embroidered that says Jack on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Curious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look up old workout. Jack lalanne workout equipment. I want to see what they were doing back in the day to work. We know, the shake machine.

[Jay Oakerson]

What an old pud.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Little guy, though. How tall was he? Oh, what was he? He's like Jacob's height, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Probably.

[Jacob]

It's Bobby height.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not my height. I'm not your height.

[Jacob]

It is Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not your height. Five, six. He's your height. That's your height. That's. That's taller than you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you and Jacob, same height?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm five.

[Jay Oakerson]

I thought you were a little bit taller than I am.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a little bit taller, A little bit smaller.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wish you were a baller.

[Jacob]

Five, seven.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think there's only one way to solve this one on one basketball game.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, come on. I'll tumble.

[Jay Oakerson]

Trampoline dunk contest.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll do it. I'll do that. With mascot outfit on.

[Jay Oakerson]

With mascot outfits on?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Would you do it?

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Jay Oakerson]

Trampoline dunk contest.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gonna go again?

[Jacob]

Wait a minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you said you're gonna go against the moose. I don't think you got it, kid. I don't think you'll beat the moose.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Bobby bangs. Down low. It's over.

[Jacob]

Can you pull up, like, older videos of him working out?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do they have photos? Let me see. Let me see the photos of the exercise equipment. I don't want to read old Jack lalanne exercise.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can get a belt buckle.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd get his belt buckle. Can you get it? Dude, we should get those.

[Jay Oakerson]

It says your waistline is your lifeline. Jack lalanne.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should get those. I want one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Look at the weights, the little screw on. By the way, Christine's got a set of those and doesn't want to part ways with them. I go, what, are you gonna kill someone intruding into your hut? Why do you need something that old and antiquate stupid. And they unscrew while you're lifting them, Bobby. Because the way the weights. So you just. You're watching them, like, unscrew. Yeah, they're the shittiest things I've ever seen. They take up a weird amount of space and they're so oddly heavy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, remember he had the Jack o' Lane juicer?

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that what you have?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't have That I don't have a juicer.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have the shake machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know the shake.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you were kidding all around. I thought you had it.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he might. My foster dad had it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you meant the shake machine. Like that exercise got you. I thought you meant like milking, like protein shakes or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the actual. The. The exercise equip equipment, whatever.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think this here, the Jack LaLanne food processor thing is what. What I saw when I was a kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Type in Jack lalanne exercise equipment.

[Jacob]

Remember that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't type in shake machine because I think he did have some type of shake thing for drinks. Oh, oh, look at that. There's some over there. Scroll down. This is like. That looks like just something in a gynecologist's office. Yeah, just stirrups.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is like bdsm. Like fuck equipment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, look at that. Look at the arms on the side.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can turn all of Jack lalanne's equipment into fucking machines. You know that website Fucking machines.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're all gay fucking machines.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. Every one of these things is meant to blast your asshole open for another guy to enter it. I mean, nothing about this guy wasn't gay from the time he was a boy till a dying adult. Everything about him. Look at his pictures.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was pretty shredded, though. Sure, pretty shredded. You got to be there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Lots of gay guys are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wow, look at those legs.

[Jay Oakerson]

You want to be able to walk right into that fucking gay bar and have dudes pawn at your pecker.

[Bobby Kelly]

How funny is that? That he was more shredded than Superman at that time?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember Dumpy Superman?

[Jay Oakerson]

He was straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he was.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was straight. He was man. He was man in shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he was just regular guy in the 50s.

[Jay Oakerson]

This was gay in shape. You had to only care about your body. There's someone. There's a fat lady taking that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there it is right there. That's a shake me.

[Jay Oakerson]

My.

[Bobby Kelly]

My foster father had those in the basement. He had like five of them.

[Jay Oakerson]

Multiple.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, because his father owned Jack Gyms. So you get on it and it would just go. And the things would spin.

[Jay Oakerson]

It looks like a mixer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was a fat person mixer.

[Jay Oakerson]

God damn. That isn't a shitty looking piece of equipment. That looks like the girl who's always breaking down. Is she alive? Have we ever checked on Evelyn in forever?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, I don't know. I haven't seen. She hasn't popped up on my feed for a minute.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she's out of the feed. Probably dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Either that or the government got her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, I would assume that would be the same outcome.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they might just have her and you know, that's fair. Putting more stuff in her brain and tongue. Yeah, and vagina. They were putting stuff in her vagina. Remember that?

[Jay Oakerson]

I guess that's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is weird when you find out that the. When they took the president of Venezuela, it was Delta team that did it. And they actually used like these crazy weapons, sonic weapons, to shoot at these other soldiers. So like we have.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did they get the ultimate bad guy with a motorcycle with two small missiles built in the front of it? Because that's what the Delta team did. That I'm aware of. Headed up by Chuck Norris. By. Well, General Chuck Norris. Commandant Chuck Norris.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, Delta is like the highest level of. They're the baddest on the planet, of course. And nobody made. They all make movies about SEAL team and SEAL Team Delta and Rangers look down on SEAL team like whatever, right? Like they ain't shit.

[Jay Oakerson]

I would rather watch Chuck Norris's Delta Force movie over any movie. Black Hawk down or any of that shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black Hawk down was so good.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think it's as good as Delta Force?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not saying that. Am I saying that Chuck Norris almost.

[Jay Oakerson]

Single handedly stopped terrorism and those people were being tortured on that plane?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not saying that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Robert Forrester in full body paint in actual. In illegal action today.

[Bobby Kelly]

I forgot that.

[Jay Oakerson]

A cancelable offense these days.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's so funny. Let me see it. I love that he just had like a bazooka. One of the old ones.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude. He's got every weapon possible and he's on a motorcycle most of the time he's wearing.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a World War I Bazooka.

[Jay Oakerson]

I still remember. By the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you even travel with that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Every time he kills somebody else, they play the song. Robert Forester.

[Bobby Kelly]

But didn't you have an Italian accent?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, some Israeli people were on the plane. I almost forgot about them. Oh, remember the hot stewardess? No one even did anything sexual assaulted her at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

They didn't even try to do a. Like an Arab accent. It was just a Spanish.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, with a little Indian.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go up to the front and televil it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Palestine is here.

[Jay Oakerson]

We want to make love to you. It's all about the end of Delta Force.

[Jacob]

Dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

When he turns a motorcycle towards a guy and shoots missiles out of the front of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got machine guns on it too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I forgot. I forgot kung fu jones was in it. Kung Fu Jones from. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get you, sucker. And the American Ninja franchise.

[Jacob]

He died real young.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who? Kung Fu Jones.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did he?

[Jacob]

Right. Almost right.

[Bobby Kelly]

He drove a motorcycle through a window and kicked the guy in the kitchen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course, Delta Force do the highest trained guys in the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They're better than the top of the. Top of the heap.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Starring Chuck Norris.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. This is better than. You're right. This is better than any other movie.

[Jay Oakerson]

So much better. Black Hawk Down. Any documentary about the wars?

[Bobby Kelly]

The wars.

[Jay Oakerson]

The wars are multiple. Multiple front wars. Sorry. I talked to Dave today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you did?

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so I talked to Dave Smith a little earlier. I'm worried about the wars.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I have breaking news. Yes, Breaking news. Thanks, Jay. No, that was not the breaking news. I have breaking news that he's not getting the machine.

[Jay Oakerson]

You thought.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you break into the news for me?

[Jay Oakerson]

This is a breaking news report with Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, buddy. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, breaking news here on the bonfire. Apparently we might have a new senator in our mix. New Jersey. The New Jersey Senate race has a new runner, Vinnie Brann.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nuh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God. Vinnie Brann, the owner of the Stress factory, is dipping his toes into the political water. Senator to become senator.

[Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck's he wanted to be a senator for?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. Why does he want to be a comic?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, right.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, he's made. He's made weird choices, but he is. He is Cory. Cory Booker. He's going to challenge him for the. For the Senate race.

[Jay Oakerson]

A businessman and stand up comedian who owns the Stress factory told a group of Republican leaders tonight that he is considering a run for the US Senate against incumbent Cory Booker. He told a group of Republican leaders tonight. What was he doing with a bunch of Republican leaders?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's getting his backers his funding, his supporters.

[Jay Oakerson]

Brand 62. Wow. That means when I met Vinnie, he was in his late 30s. 30s. Still. Wow. Spoke at a fundraiser for State Senator John Bramnick, who was up for reelection 2027. Attendees at the event, held at Bramwick's Westfield home, included the Republican county chairs, blah, blah, blah, bing bang boom. Boring people. Boring people. Bo and Vinnie Brand.

[Bobby Kelly]

More boring people.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm voting for him three times.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll vote for him. Even I'll move to Jersey and get a little apartment so I can vote for him. I want to vote for him so he leaves the stress factory so I can work there again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, by the way, here's the thing. Brand has performed on television and radio, including appearances on Rosie o', Donnell, Last Comic Standing in the open Anthony Show. So he's already starting lying out of the gates. Good politician work.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why he hasn't. He wasn't on Rosie o'. Donnell.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I know, I'm kidding. It is just funny to give you credits at the end of it too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I give you credits from 30 years ago.

[Jay Oakerson]

I should run for. Said it. So they should be like one of the legion of skanks. You've seen him on White Boys in the Hood. You may know him from P. Diddy's Bad Boys of comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was managed by P. Diddy himself.

[Jay Oakerson]

Managed by P. Diddy for three years.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's running. He's gonna run for set. That's crazy. And here's the thing. He is good at that shit. That Schmutzen politicians. Yeah, he's. He stands by the. It's gonna be funny though. Because all the horseshit he's gonna pull in the Senate if he gets. I think he's gonna have a payphone put in his.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, he's gonna like. Yeah, he's gonna start out with pointing comics. He wants to come to the club to things. Andrew Schultz is our secretary of all his press conferences.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh? Oh my God. What the fuck is he gonna do? What'd you say? That's a nightmare. He's deaf. What?

[Jacob]

Huh?

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh? I don't know. You only have to write the senator. No one can talk to him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are there so many songs about. That's his.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's me, Vinny Bradker with the frog. Ray Romano. Hey, hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You want. You want a stand up comedian club owner who has hearing aids.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God. He can't hear. Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

But he is very. I mean, I've talked to him over the years when we used to talk. I just talked to him all the time. He's really smart with politics.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's really involved in that. And then he's. He's a smart guy. He's a smart guy. He's just, you know, kind of a.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little smart to figure out his final solution where he wants Black Lou and his family out of the state.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, get Cory Booker out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Get Cory Booker out first. And he's sitting Black Lou with him.

[Bobby Kelly]

And all your stupid fire alarms.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're blinking fire alarm people.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the only thing you can hear.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're taking the whole neighborhood.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why he's running, because that fucks up his hearing aids.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like a dog freaking out. No one else knows what the problem is. Only Black Lew and Vinny Brand are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pissed yeah, so he's, he's that, I mean, he, you know, not that he. I mean, once you're a politician, you kind of in until you up bad because people just vote for you because they're lazy. But he's going to run for Senate. That's pretty wild. And if he, if he gets in, if he becomes the Senate, if he becomes the senator of New Jersey. Oh, my God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He still shows up to do a 45 minute spot when you're there on weekends, but it's just a secret service comes in, takes over the green room.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey. Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's going on?

[Jay Oakerson]

The food's not gonna get better at that club.

[Bobby Kelly]

No matter what happens.

[Jay Oakerson]

This definitely means the food's not gonna get better. His mind's gonna be elsewhere. Well, he always wants to do that club in Bridgeport that I think's in the middle of a bad neighborhood with a balcony.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually one of the worst neighborhoods in Connecticut. And he sold it to me. He's like, it's coming back. It's, you know, this is part of the process with the club there. They got a new restaurant. Restaurant went under. Club's still there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh. Huh.

[Jacob]

Bridgeport.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bridgeport. Oh, that, that place is never coming back.

[Jay Oakerson]

He opened a restaurant too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they had a. No, they had a burger place next door that he would get the food from.

[Jacob]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he's like, they were starting to. They were starting to put businesses downtown. And he was like, it's coming back. It's going to be old Bridgeport. And they forgot to get the people that live in Bridgeport out, but new Bridgeport one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember it was. I came home from that gig. I did that gig once and I came home with like, we had bonfire material for weeks. We looked up like there was like five child rappers that had their flyers up in like the bodegas and stuff. I kept looking them up. I'm like, just child rappers that are like, check out my shit, motherfucker. Like seven.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember there's a, there's a park right in front of the club, like one of those little town parks. And I had a park on the other side of it. And I remember I would have to run through the park every day. It's a little tiny park. I would just run to the front door of the club and just bang on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me in, let me in. Doors open, freaking out, somebody else out here. I need an adult.

[Jacob]

My friend went to school, the University of Bridgeport. And you would never leave.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why did he go there?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, he wasn't Smart.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

He transferred after a wonderful track program. He's. Yeah. He realized very quickly, oh, this living hell track program.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. That was a great one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That. That town is garbage. And. And the jokes didn't help it out of it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wonder where. Where does Vinnie live? What part of Jersey?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he lives in. He lives in the country, dude. He has, like, a mansion in the country.

[Jay Oakerson]

But you know what part? Ish.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's near the club. It's. It's not too far.

[Jay Oakerson]

No ways near the club, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not too far. It's not too far.

[Jay Oakerson]

The club's also a shitty neighborhood. New Brunswick. Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's a college town. Shitty.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's college and shitty college. College and ghetto.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. But the college kids, at certain times of the year make it all right, you know? And then out there, it's pretty crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Monmouth County. He served on the local board of education. Huh? Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

We need new buses.

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Buses, huh?

[Jacob]

He's from my hometown.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, ooh, ooh.

[Jacob]

Mama's count.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, now you have to vote for him now. Jacobs home down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So he come from Monmouth County.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's not much to do with your time. Skip Rocks. You and Susie catch a little smooch with this. You get a little smooch underneath the bleachers. Susie reach up her skirt. Cotton panties, bicycles.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to say that abortion is illegal in Jersey now. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It's still legal. You can get it if you want.

[Jay Oakerson]

Vinny Bryant definitely doesn't believe in abortion. He's got, like, 15 kids.

[Jacob]

You can make it into the city in 50 minutes. From where? Where the boss grew up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Jacob]

And he's got that accent.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, you grew up in a steel mill. There's no steel mills near you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, shucks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shit. What does my dad do then?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Be careful not to confuse Vinnie Brand with Vinnie Guadagnino from Jersey Shore who resides in Staten Island. What? Who's making that mistake? You think someone's talking? You think that's why they think he's running for Senate? They go, vinnie Gu is running for Senate. Vinnie Guino. It's running. It's going to be Bully D. It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Either me or the guy who can't hear.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yo, where's the smush room in the senator's mansion.

[Jacob]

Smushroom.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yo. Senator's man needs a smushroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, there should be a condom dispenser in the bathroom. All over.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have a press conference, sir? T shirt time cabs here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, get that fat calf secretary out of here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yo, this chick's too big. She's making me upset. Get somebody hotter in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I want gabagol every day.

[Jay Oakerson]

80S chicken color time pounded down flat like ma.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's called gravy nut sauce.

[Jay Oakerson]

Alright, this is the time where everybody in the house has to beat up the beat.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right? Gas, snacks, tolls. This trip is draining my wallet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but we'll be with family. You're in a good mood.

[Ad/Promo Speaker]

What's your deal?

[Jay Oakerson]

What's my deal? I saved at Metro with no activation fees and I got one line of 5G for just $25 per month.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kept the phone I love and a.

[Jay Oakerson]

5 year price guarantee on my top.

[Ad/Promo Speaker]

Tuxt and data detour to Metro Metro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get that more for your money feeling.

[Ad/Promo Speaker]

Only at Metro by T Mobile Just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bring your number 31st monthly 25 after with autopay not available if with Metro or T Mobile in the past 180.

[Bobby Kelly]

Days this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Being a relationship, it's hard. Every day is challenging. I've been with my wife for 30 years, been married for 18 years and we're still figuring stuff out. And that's what it is. Relationships are that it's not easy. February is the month of hearts and roses and chocolates. But no matter where you are in your romance journey, single dating, or just focusing on you therapy, therapy can be a helpful way to sort through it all. Signing up for therapy with BetterHelp can help you find your way by understanding what you want from a relationship and taking some of the pressure off yourself. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform and handles the initial therapist matching for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences and thanks to BetterHelp industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. You can also feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the us. Everyone is still finding their way. Find yours and feel lighter. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.combonfire that's better h lp.combonfire a well built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and hold up over time. That's what Quince does best. Premium materials, thoughtful design and everyday staples that feel easy to wear and easy to rely on even as the weather shifts. Quince has the everyday essentials with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm and changing seasons. The list goes on. Quints works directly with top factories and cuts out the middleman. So you're not paying for brand markup, just quality clothing. When I finally started wearing quints, it just made me look a little more sophisticated and casual at the same time. It was like I was dressed up, but I still look good. And I can wear this stuff anywhere, anytime, any season. And the material is so soft and so comfortable and you just feel like you're wearing something really, really well made. You know, when you put a T shirt on or a sweater or a pair of pants or a jacket, you know that feeling of quality. Well, quints has got that. That's why I love it. So refresh your wardrobe with quints. Go to quints.com bonfire for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com bonfire free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com bonfire One out of five Americans have learned a language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2025 the year you finally check it off with Babbel, the language app that makes grammar fun and is actually worth your time. Baba lets you practice real life conversations step by step, without distress. You'll build the confidence to speak up when it matters. From ordering a coffee to chatting with new friends abroad. I use it. And this is the fun part about it. It only takes a few minutes a day. Every day I pops up on my phone and I just start using it. And by the end of the day, I learn a new word, I learn a new phrase. I learned how to ask for things. And I love going to another country. Nothing's worse than when I went to Cuba and they had a hurricane and I couldn't speak the language. I didn't know how to get coffee. Bread. Say hello. What's going on? I was. It was almost like just being helpless in another country. Now with Babel, I'm going back to Cuba with my son and I know how to speak the language. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 55% of off your Babel subscription at babel.com/bonfire. Get up to 55% off at babel.com/ford/bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com/donfire rules and restrictions apply.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, hey, can I ask you a question?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because I've now heard the name twice and someone made it as I thought they were Kidding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

When they go, hey, I'm opening. It's been a fun weekend working with you. It's good because next week I have to work with little. Little Mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I go, who's a little mozzarella? The biggest thing in the world right now. What's. Who's little Mozzarella? It's a comedian.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he's not a comedian. He's more of a. He's more of a influencer that went to clubs and did his little thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

What'd he do?

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually had him on my podcast. He's a pretty nice guy. Yeah, but it's like a character he does. And he go, yeah.

[Jacob]

Even on mute, he does.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby had him on. So Bobby's gonna watch. Bobby goes, I know my show, and he was a pretty good dude. There's a problem. You're over. You're over pot. You're over broadcast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's try it again. Ask me again.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know Little Mozzarella?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy. I had him on my part. He's all right. Dude, Nice guy. Nice guy. Really nice guy. Does like a character. It's a character.

[Jay Oakerson]

So you want to move on? No, I don't know what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

How you doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

This hits Jacob on a level, dude. This guy has put. Jacob has felt. Jacob has felt the hot, wet armpit of that guy on the back of his neck so many times in his life, whether it's in a noogie or an arm around you or this little guy. Right. This little guy right here. Yeah, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Last week on the train back to.

[Jacob]

Queensland, he had the Italian flag tattooed on his arm for sure.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I always said this. I understand this guy. I've said it years ago on Opie and Anthony. You need a catchphrase in the people.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's it.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's it. Catchphrase. How you doing, Italian people? That's it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Marshmallows, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wish I doubled down on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should double down on it more. You ran from it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Marshmallows.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should have been marshmallows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I would have had. When I came out, it'd be thousands of people going.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let'S see. Yeah, dude. Little mozzarella. So he is doing shows. He's doing live shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's doing. I mean, dude, he works every. Comics booking him every weekend. He's working Edmonton every weekend. Victor Potato.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it the same kind of thing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Say? Well, yeah, but Victor, I think Vic had an act. I think he goes up and does his thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's he doing?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know? You know who worked? Danny Braff worked with him.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little Mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

Little Mozzarella.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I see some of his stand up, please? Little mozzarella stand up. He's got a lollipop in his hand.

[Bobby Kelly]

He sells. That's his merch.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it? No, I believe you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would if I was him. But all these. All these people are coming here to see him. Like, they're there to see this. How you doing?

[Jacob]

Give me wise guy show flashbacks right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let's see.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves him. Jacob loves it. Jacob's cracking up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, when'd you get that? Where'd you get that can, Lou?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's my sound effect. Please.

[Jay Oakerson]

Helium Comedy buffalo thinks it's fire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you done? Your sister, Jacob love.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves him. Dude, you guys had a ball together.

[Bobby Kelly]

On your show on the podcast. Yeah, he was all right. He was good. He was actually pretty cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

You and Loma Cell.

[Bobby Kelly]

We had a. We had a. No, I was.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was a little nervous that he.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was gonna come in and just be, how you doing? And I was gonna have to do. Put up with that.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should be a little chowder.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was. I don't want to be chowder.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little Chowder.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't be chowder.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little chowder.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want lil chowder. I want to be like little lobsters.

[Jacob]

Not good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Roast beef. Maybe something with roast beef.

[Jay Oakerson]

Roast beef?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

How about roast beef?

[Bobby Kelly]

How about Kelly clams?

[Jay Oakerson]

How about a little freckle Boston.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not freckles. I'm a Italian side.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little Clover. You went to the Italian side. Little garlic.

[Bobby Kelly]

A little garlic.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little marinara. Little marinara. You and Mozartoken got together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Instead of little I'll be big mutts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, you could be Balsamic glaze.

[Bobby Kelly]

I put all the. I'll be tomato.

[Jay Oakerson]

You'd be beef, steak, tomato.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby tomatoes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Actually, I think I'm beef, steak, tomato. Now that I hear it. Now that I hear it out loud, I think I'd be beef, steak, tomato. Hey, beef, steak, tomato. Over here. Gabagoo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your sister. How you doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey. Your sister's balls.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like the Italian when they go balls.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're doing them and he's still laughing. That's how much he loves him.

[Jay Oakerson]

You love this guy. You love guinea humor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, man, you're a big fan.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, part of the flashbacks. Yeah, even flashbacks. Getting chumped by little mozzarella and his little fat.

[Jacob]

Get away from these dumbos.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's always got sweat in the middle of his white Tank top.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got like. He's got a little gold chain with a little Italian horn that always got in your face when he pushed you against the wall.

[Jacob]

Jerk off. Pride.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they're so proud of being a place they've never been. They never went to when they were younger either.

[Jacob]

Never went. Italian pride.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about you and your Jewish pride?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you do have stupid Jewish pride, too.

[Jacob]

I don't. I don't say anything. What do I do?

[Bobby Kelly]

You say Palestine.

[Jay Oakerson]

You say Palestine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go birds.

[Jay Oakerson]

Every hour on the hour, every hour on the hour, you go over in the corner and do some weird prayer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you got weird. You put like a gopro on your forehead and wrap your arm and you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wear a yarmock under your toupee.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everybody knows it's a toupee. Everyone knows it's a hair system.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what you should get, a yamaka toupee.

[Jacob]

You don't remember what yarmulke with heritage.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it should be dreadlocks. Like the. Like when you get the big hat, the Jamaica hat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Well, do I remember what.

[Jacob]

What the laughter Iraq stood for?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What was it? Tell us.

[Jacob]

Italian retard out cruising. That's what they used to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's what the nerds used to say.

[Jacob]

Bobby, I didn't make it up.

[Jay Oakerson]

While you were saying. While you were saying that Bobby was taking the T tops off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I had a car with T tops.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course you did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stupidest invention ever, buddy. You had to take them off and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Then put them in your back seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had to pull over, put them in a sleeve, and then put them in your trunk. It sucked.

[Jay Oakerson]

And hope to God you didn't hit a lot of bumps.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Without a doubt, the biggest jerk off group of high school.

[Bobby Kelly]

What, the Italians?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where'd you grow up?

[Jacob]

Marlboro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Marlboro, New Jersey. New Jersey?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Next to the boss's hometown.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love.

[Jay Oakerson]

I love them fat Italians beating.

[Jacob]

That's exactly right. That's who he was surrounded by.

[Bobby Kelly]

They made fun of Jacob because he brought a bag lunch every day. Loser.

[Jay Oakerson]

Going down to the Whole Foods next.

[Bobby Kelly]

To Trader Joe's sweet salmon at lunch, Jacob 12.

[Jay Oakerson]

See, yeah. Jacob ate with chopsticks like Molly Ringwald and Breakfast Club. He brought his own soy sauce packets.

[Jacob]

Lunch was. I know. Soy sauce.

[Bobby Kelly]

That got me. He brought his chopsticks. He just assimilated to a culture he'll never be.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob took his shoes off and got on his knees at the lunch table, started eating sushi.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob was afraid to throw his Chinese stars at the Italian kids.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called sashimi, you grease ball. It's called Shashimi.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob did.

[Jacob]

A lot of kids were full circle. Then I came here and the first show they attached me to was the Wise Guy show. Worst show in the history of all radio.

[Jay Oakerson]

You remember when I own it, everybody was talentless. I did it once.

[Bobby Kelly]

They cut my knees out when I went on.

[Jacob]

Specifically, you got the.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is that why you're five, six?

[Bobby Kelly]

They were five, eight, you piece of shit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jacob said you were five, six.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. You're not spina bifido and you become five, eight. I. I went on there and they were just dicks. Like, I. I was so excited to go on that show. I love that type of. I thought I was gonna go on. They were gonna, hey, this fucking guy's all right.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it was a very.

[Jacob]

You're already dead.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a very. But Robert Patrick Kelly, I went. I went. And it was very. The energy in there was very much. They're told they have to have guests on their book. Guests are booked for that, and they just find out. So they go, oh, I guess the comedians coming in. And they treated me as such. Yeah, I don't even. I barely remember it. Cha Cha, right?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

That big fat shithead.

[Jacob]

It was the worst.

[Jay Oakerson]

It wasn't Paulie Walnuts, right. It was Vincent Pastore.

[Jacob]

Vincent, yeah, he was the lead. He was the. It was his show, basically. But sometimes he would be away a.

[Jay Oakerson]

Lot and Cha Cha. And. But it wasn't Polly Walnuts.

[Jacob]

Floyd was on, I believe, and then Josh. I was the worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was such a terrible atmosphere when you walked in because they didn't want you there. And then when they brought you in, they're like, go, what do you got?

[Jacob]

And they ate like massive quantities of food.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. I did like that part.

[Jacob]

Massive.

[Jay Oakerson]

And what's their thing? What was the show about?

[Jacob]

It was built around the Sopranos to.

[Jay Oakerson]

Talk about the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Talk about being Italian and being.

[Jacob]

It was the. Whatever happened on the Sopranos that week and just being Italian.

[Jay Oakerson]

Talking about being Italian. What a bunch of jerk offs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And bocce ball. Talk about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do like a bocce ball. Yeah, I do like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you leave? Do you put the pork bones in the sauce? You just take the meat off the sauce.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to put the sauce on Friday. Let it simmer till Sunday.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll do it.

[Jacob]

Whatever you come up with, you. You're not even coming close. It was that Italian. You hated it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have the Theme song to give Jacob flash. Hey, before you do that, guys, we have to, we gotta get this out there, you guys. It's your chance to win a pair of tickets to see Sal volcano on the. Is that the song? If you can.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sal Volcano. He's very Italian. Hey, you want to see this gindaloo go up there and do his thing. Sal's comedy's very Italian centric. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black Lou, if you he is online 1.

[Jay Oakerson]

He wanted to speak to you. Who is Mike Fenoya?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up? Yeah, what's up, Mikey?

[Jay Oakerson]

Mikey Fenoichis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fenoichis.

[Mike Fenoichis]

Hey, Bobby Fred Bull. What's happening?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's going on? Snake killer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Scoonji Lee. Scoonji Lee features vanoia.

[Mike Fenoichis]

Hey, Gaba Gooch. I hear any of you talking about little Mo, I'm gonna you all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I'm not. Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. I'm not talking nothing about him. I had nothing but respect. It's Jay throwing him under the fucking bus. Someone said, oh, Jay's the rat.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I just asked about him. I, I. My first time ever hearing his voice was today.

[Bobby Kelly]

How you doing? Your sister.

[Mike Fenoichis]

Let me tell you something, little mo. Mr. El is the reason that one day you guys are gonna hear that I'm happy hung and hang myself in my fucking closet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why? You owe money or something?

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike, can you not do it in the cloud? Can you do it in the shed just to keep the value of the house up.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's true. That is true, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, do it out in the shed.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can always get rid of the shed. The house, they're have to bring it down. It's going to be an Amityville house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, you don't do that to your wife. We don't want your ghosts living in.

[Jay Oakerson]

The house, hurting kids and the trippy Grateful Dead music all the time. Yeah, I wish they would just say boo. Whatever happened to just making a boo noise all night?

[Jacob]

3.

[Bobby Kelly]

Three hours later I can't sleep. How you doing?

[Mike Fenoichis]

I'm gonna hang like a pursuit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, he's the black hoof pig hanging from the ceiling.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, the wise guy.

[Mike Fenoichis]

I don't know if he makes me more upset as a comic or as an Italian.

[Bobby Kelly]

I always, Mike, I always forget you're Italian. I always think you're Jewish. And I don't know why.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because he's friends with me. You're only Jewish?

[Mike Fenoichis]

Nine of them are, Val.

[Bobby Kelly]

I still can't get it right. Yeah, but look at.

[Mike Fenoichis]

He's stealing Joey. That's. That's Joey from friends. Dude, this is what this is like. Even how you doing? Is not original.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike. How do you. How do you. How do you really feel about him? Also, Mike.

[Jay Oakerson]

Also, Mozzarella is a cheese, not a person. What? I'm breaking this whole thing. This whole thing's just a nickname. I'm just blindly getting Mike's back.

[Mike Fenoichis]

That's not how you spell little. You forgot the teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right. It's lil. Doesn't mean anything. It's not even a word, guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a. It's a nickname. Yeah, I had him on my podcast.

[Mike Fenoichis]

I'll give him a knuckle sandwich.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's best friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, can I. Can I.

[Jay Oakerson]

Their co owners of Punch Up Live.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I book. Can I book you and him on YKWD together so we can have this discussion?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Little Mozzarella versus little Pepper. Little Mikey Peppers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hanging, Mike.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like little Mikey Peppers. They call me Mikey Peppers. I always bring the jars of the peppers.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can put me in a salad or you just eat me regular.

[Mike Fenoichis]

Yeah, Mikey. Monot vers. Mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mikey. I like that, Mike. That's your new name, by the way. Mikey Mar. He's coming to the concert.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little Mozzarella. How you doing?

[Mike Fenoichis]

I love you and I hate this guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Love you, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bye, buddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll learn to hate him for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, he's on 93 right now. Going somewhere.

[Mike Fenoichis]

You hate them because you love me.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right. I love you. So I hate him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love. I. I'm. I love all of you. I love everybody.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna melt that little mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

Melted mozzarella's not good.

[Jay Oakerson]

Melted mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like it.

[Jacob]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like it. Pizza. I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

You like regular cheese. Raw mozzarella cheese over. Just melted mozzarella cheese.

[Bobby Kelly]

The mozzarella with the tomato and a little balsamic glaze. Yeah, sure. I'd rather take that over it on a pizza. Pizza.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, that's a lie.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like regular cheese on the.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you lie for to your friends?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not lying.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're trying to make him think you're not Italian. That Italian. So he's not afraid of you anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, how you doing? I like regular. I like my pizza. Cheese or pepperoni. That's it. I don't like any of the fancy horseshit you're talking about. Just fresh mozzarella. Not like the. Not the chunks of it. I don't want a clump of mozzarella melted on my thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, but who does that?

[Bobby Kelly]

They do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, do you know the cheese on pizza is mozzarella cheese?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but it's shredded mozzarella. I don't like the clumps of it.

[Jacob]

Bobby, this is why you were rejected on the Wise Guy show.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, this. I'll be honest with you. Right now I'm with them. Oh, this guy doesn't even understand the amount of mazzin that works.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you were talking.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you think so there, Gonzola.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like. I like brie cheese people pizza.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christ with the rind. Oh, this guy's doing artisan pizzas now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever. Have you ever had a havarati pizza to die.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gouda pizza.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna go upside you. Not right now. Stand there. And then another one over here. And then the one right in your sock. In your guts, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Like, see this? See the square, the circles? I don't like it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like Bobby. I don't even like a pizza that's cooked like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hate it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Someone should take this and throw it out. Yeah, it's a piece of shit. Yeah, it should be a perfect circle. The way Domino's figured it out. Why can't you. Wood fire, cold oven horseshit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I hate when they be. Look at that one down the bottom.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I always have a half burnt, half cheese falling off the other side. Shitty pizza from your tavern.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's. It's like just open season.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nobody wants that unless you're a jerk off.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of people like that. Stupid.

[Jay Oakerson]

The wise guys like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, they don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You remember Jay. They don't like. How dare you disrespect them.

[Jacob]

Were you guys there when they had makeup?

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut up. Talking to Jay right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, pipe down.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't learn from high school, do you?

[Jay Oakerson]

You Jew kid runs his mouth all day long. Pip, squeak, Jacob, I'm give you a sock across your knot.

[Jacob]

Okay, hang on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here comes. And then another one right here. And then that one bang, boom. Right upside your face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give him a kick in the ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

For me and a little kick in the ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, take that. You take his change.

[Jay Oakerson]

Give me a change right now. Give me a change.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? Take his cross of David. Take that too. Whatever that.

[Jay Oakerson]

What is this? What's your question? Crazy star right here. What is this?

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you into?

[Jay Oakerson]

What is this? Did you good in school. What is this?

[Jacob]

This everything they did had an.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suck his dick again, Jay. Suck his dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're about to get your Dick sucked. Pull your out right now.

[Jacob]

If they talk about.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shut up, I'm sucking your dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

How fool you disrespectful. When a man's sucking your dick, you keep your mouth shut.

[Jay Oakerson]

You hit you. All right, let me finish off. Great. Now I'm at a spit. Now I'm done with this.

[Bobby Kelly]

This guy's an.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got a dry mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Full balls. Full balls. Mikey Madagas on the highway right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

All fueled up because among the Italians.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was real greaseball.

[Jay Oakerson]

So anyway, if you want to see Sal talk for I heard the show is two and a half hours long of straight Italian talk.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and at the end, he brings up little.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little mozzarella, and then little mozzarella come up and they make up songs on the spot. They play improv games. None of them are prepared.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but they use an accordion. Did you know that?

[Jay Oakerson]

If you guys want to see Sal Volcano perform for what, four and a half hours in some cities. I understand. Exclusively ranting and rambling about being Italian. Sal is one of the funniest fucking people on the planet.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of the nicest guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

One of my good friends, one of our. Both of our great friends. Make sure you enter to try to get those tickets. They gotta call our number.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's 9698-6686-6969-1969. You can call and get three tickets, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. When you call, I'll figure out. Oh, it's a pair of tickets.

[Jacob]

We have different shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it a pair of tickets?

[Jacob]

Different tickets for different shows.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can see them in Colorado Springs. You can see them in Austin, Texas.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said Vegas. If you're in the area.

[Jay Oakerson]

Ve Austin and Colorado.

[Bobby Kelly]

But when you call up, you gotta go. How you doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, only talk to me in little. Yes, if you call up, you have to talk. We have to have full Italian conversation.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you call up stugots.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you call up, like, hide like the T, you ain't getting them.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, if you don't live there, what do you want the tickets for? You.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to call up and go, hey, I heard a couple tickets fell off a truck over in Jersey.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who told you that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I just heard a thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little birdie there. Why you doing talking out here? Cover your mouth when you talk.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to rat out your mouth talk.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's looking.

[Jacob]

Can I ask a question?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want your dick sucked again? Is that what you're looking for?

[Jay Oakerson]

What? Do you want to take a break? I'll break your head. I'm gonna give you one of these, Jacob. Right here. And what and what is right here?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what, Jay? Suck it again.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna suck it again. He still had it out.

[Bobby Kelly]

This guy's laughing while you're sucking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's funny that I'm sucking your dick, eh? I'm gonna give you another one of your fucking nut.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you, gay?

[Jay Oakerson]

And then one right to your cocktail.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who laughs while they're getting their dick sucked?

[Jay Oakerson]

Put some ice on that thing and I'll suck it later. You fucking homosexual you are. There you are. They call me Little Fajol. Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Comedy Works south in Colorado, competing directly with Sal Volcano, where you can get free tickets for him.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can get free tickets for me.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's February 5th through the 7th. After that, he'll be in Columbus, Ohio, Batavia, Illinois, and Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut. For tickets and all their tour dates, go to punch up.live Robert Kelly and check out Bobby's YouTube channel. YouTube.com Obert Kelly comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar. How was it last night? Fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it was not.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now the weather's shitty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, guess how many people were there.

[Jay Oakerson]

How many?

[Bobby Kelly]

Guess.

[Jay Oakerson]

300.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's an 80 seater.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's only 80 seats.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just stay in the city and do that every Tuesday.

[Jay Oakerson]

79 seats.

[Bobby Kelly]

79. 80. It's 80.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's eats. 80.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. How many people?

[Jay Oakerson]

75.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, lower.

[Jay Oakerson]

72.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope. We don't get time for this. Anyways, Big J Levity Live this weekend. The 30th. In the 31st. After that, he's going to be in Dania Beach. Nope. Fort Worth. Fort Worth. And then in Nashville for tickets. No, you're wrong again. Go lower. Go low. Low for tickets.

[Jay Oakerson]

Zero people.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, go up just a little bit. And all of the tour dates go to bigj. Comedy.com.

[Jay Oakerson]

58.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, low again. Go back low. YouTube.com bigjokerson One person. No, a little bit up than that. Just a little bit. Don't go too far. For his live show and all his specials up there, I think I skipped the 60s.

[Jay Oakerson]

61.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, go down.

[Jay Oakerson]

2.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope. Up a little more.

[Jay Oakerson]

3.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope. Up a little more.

[Jay Oakerson]

55.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you got one of those numbers right.

[Jay Oakerson]

5. Shut up.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why'd you do it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because I promised. There's a waiter over at the Cellar who is a standup comic. And a couple weeks ago I was like, hey, come by I'll let you do a spot.

[Jay Oakerson]

So he what?

[Bobby Kelly]

He came by with his girlfriend and.

[Jay Oakerson]

If she saved him humiliation in front.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of five people, she left. It'd only be four.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that why you won't give me both hawks in my armpits anymore? Because Dr. Gail was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dr. Gail was there. He gave me a wool of the ranges. So we did. He did a great job, though. It was good. And the crowd was the. The people. I shouldn't say crowd. I said the people. Great. So there you go. And I got a couple new bits working. My hero bit is killing it. Let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, you are a hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do. I'm a hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not a bit.

[Ad/Promo Speaker]

Did you know 39% of teen drivers admit to texting while driving? Even scarier, those who text are more likely to speed and run red lights. Shockingly, 94% know it's dangerous, but do it anyway. As a parent, you can't always be in the car, but you can stay connected to their safety with Greenlight Infinity's driving reports. Monitor their driving habits. See if they're using their phone, speeding and more. These reports provide real data for meaningful conversations about safety. Plus, with weekly updates, you can track their progress over time. Help keep your teens safe. Sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] podcast Imagine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Relying on a dozen different software programs to run your business, none of which are connected, and each one more expensive and more complicated than the last. It can be pretty stressful. Now imagine Odoo. Odoo has all the programs you'll ever need and are all connected on one platform. Doesn't Odoo sound amazing? Let Odoo harmonize your business with simple, efficient software that can handle everything for a fraction of the price. Sign up [e-mail] that's o d o o dot com.