Riot Girl Face

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly – "Riot Girl Face"

SiriusXM – Faction Talk, Channel 103 | October 24, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire delivers an hour of classic, unfiltered riffing and boundary-pushing humor as Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (with Christine and Don) bounce from racially tinged observations to pop culture and sex talk, landing on an impromptu, irreverent "review" of celebrity nudes, and an anything-goes discussion about body image. True to their style, Jay and Bobby keep things unpredictable and interactive, threading in spontaneous banter with the extended Bonfire crew.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. White/Black Fatigue, Cultural Commentary, & Viral Videos

[01:03 - 13:00]

• The show opens with a joking discussion about Black Lou and the concept of the "whitest" and "blackest" things, with comedic riffs on forced boat rides and cruise ships.
  • Big Jay, riffing on forced boat rides:

    "Force boat rides is blacker than rap. You heard it here first." [01:34]

• Bobby introduces his new YouTube obsession—“black fatigue” review videos, led by black creators. The hosts discuss viral moments in black culture, such as Carnival Cruises, graduation ceremonies, and the difference in cultural celebrations.
  • Christine observes:

    "It's terrifying for the one white family in that school." [06:29]

  • Big Jay (on tiptoeing the comedy line):

    "It was the only thing that will not have me called back to the carpet at SiriusXM for a sixth time." [08:25]

• They reflect on viral videos where tempers flare, discuss performative outrage, and examine both genuine and exaggerated online personalities.
  • The group references Gary Owen, a white comedian working in black comedy spaces, and jokes about “blaccent" and "black scent."
  • The conversation is self-aware, with the crew conscious of what jokes are safe for air:

    "Just know. Eight of them in my head. You could watch. Roll back the tape." – Big Jay [08:33]

2. Black Prom, Neighborhoods & ‘Fatigue’ Channels

[11:06 - 14:50]

• Discussion moves to “Black Prom Reveals”—elaborate celebrations, sometimes in less affluent neighborhoods, and the paradox of flashy displays amid tougher circumstances.
  • Big Jay notes:

    "That cash he was holding in his hand, if it's not a prop, could fix all of their problems. He's like, nah, man, but these shoes, right?" [12:19]

• The crew debates authenticity versus performance in YouTube “black fatigue” personalities, asking whether some who harshly critique other black people are simply playing a part for engagement.
  • Christine provides perspective:

    “I just think that it's just Culturally, I mean, it's just culture differences…white people are very … just quiet people…” [13:55]

• Anecdotes about culturally contrasting barbecues—a comic contrast between Patrice O’Neal’s wild parties and subdued, magician-filled white gatherings.

3. A Tangent into Pop Culture: Dancing With the Stars, Celebrity Text Threads

[15:24 - 19:20]

• Bobby and Christine share stories about friends (like Elaine Hendrix) seeking votes for reality shows, leading to a riff on celebrity group texts, fame, and the quirks of specific stars.
  • Big Jay, commenting on Elizabeth Gillies:

    "That's what this five head did." [19:34]

4. Celebrity ‘Fappening’ Reviews, Riot Girl Face, and Vulva Critique

[21:00 - 42:24]

• The podcast dives into explicit territory, with the group dissecting leaked (real and AI-faked) celebrity nude photos, notably those of Elizabeth Gillies and Victoria Justice.
  • Bobby Kelly, on "riot girl face":

    "Look at the riot girl face. She's—" [26:46]

• Bobby introduces the (possibly invented) term "Riot Girl Face," sparking a debate about female expressions in nudes and a tangent about what constitutes “the perfect vagina”.
• Extended discussion of body aesthetics, porn, “perfect” versus “real” bodies, and how online culture and porn have shaped expectations—peppered with irreverent humor and brutally honest (sometimes crude) ratings.
  • Big Jay, on reviewing a nude:

    "It looks like a Venus fly trap." [28:09]

  • Christine adds:

    "Her. Her clitoris looked like pink eye." [28:49]

  • Big Jay, summing up the segment:

    "We can't just keep reacting. No one's seeing it, but just know there's really ugly out there." [42:25]

5. Stories of Unusual Experiences, Body Acceptance & Kink

[42:41 - 61:05]

• Jay shares a personal—and darkly comic—anecdote about having sex with a woman with a burnt vulva, leading to more honest, sometimes awkward details and a discussion about how body features impact sexual experiences.
  • Big Jay on seeing the burn:

    "It looked like she sat on a saddle that was made of fire." [43:56]

• They riff about the internet’s obsession with labeling some vulvas as “ugly,” referencing forums and advice columns, and landing on a debate: is there even such thing as an ugly vagina, or is it just porn-driven standards?
  • Big Jay reads from a letter:

    “Anytime I think a girl needs a bush, I’m just gonna go, your pussy’s ugly. You should hide that under hair, you freak.” [48:36]

• Bobby references The Godfather and its subplot of surgical labiaplasty—a segue into book vs. film adaptations—and gentle ribbing over Jay not having seen the film.

6. Body Positivity, Belly Kisses, and Awkward Affection

[56:44 - 62:12]

• Bobby shares his affection for bellies—thin and chubby—leading to a live phone call with his wife Don, investigating whether his “belly kisses” are cute or creepy.
  • Don, dryly honest:

    "It's not sexy." [61:27]

  • Jay reacts, tongue-in-cheek:

    "Thank you. Say thank you, Don, her." [61:56]

• The discussion straddles the line between awkwardness and genuine affection, with the group dissecting romantic moves, authenticity, and the gap between intent and reception.

7. Parenting, Swearing, and Generational Humor

[63:14 - 65:05]

• The crew closes out with tales about Bobby’s son Max swearing at school—a result of permissive parenting and fathers who are “best friends,” with Jay ribbing Bobby about his own fathering style.
• References to sports, father figures, and needing “real mustache guys” to mentor sons.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Big Jay (on safe humor):

  "It was the only thing that will not have me called back to the carpet at SiriusXM for a sixth time." [08:25]

• On reviewing viral celebration videos:

  "If they just acted blacker getting on the boat, they probably would have been like, you know what, guys? Wait, wait, wait. Let's rethink this." – Big Jay [02:09]

• On body standards:

  "It looks like a Venus fly trap." – Big Jay [28:09]
  "Her clitoris looked like pink eye." – Christine [28:49]

• On body positivity and kink:

  "I like a little belly. Look at me. Look at me." – Bobby Kelly [57:05]
  "It's not sexy." – Don [61:27]

• On family dynamics:

  "You're not his best friend. You're an adult." – Jay [64:29]

---

Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

[01:03] — Black Lou's "whitest" moment and boat ride jokes
[04:00] — Black cultural celebrations, viral video breakdowns
[05:13] — Police at black college graduations
[08:33] — Tiptoeing SiriusXM standards
[11:06] — Black prom, neighborhood vibes
[13:00] — Culture clash at barbecues
[19:34] — Celebrity critiques: Elizabeth Gillies, Victoria Justice
[25:55] — The “riot girl face” terminology
[28:49] — Explicit pussy reviews
[42:41] — Stories of burned genitals
[48:36] — Reading “Ugly Betty” and porn influence
[54:36] — Godfather film/book debate
[56:44] — Gut worship and honest affection
[61:27] — Don on belly kisses: "It's not sexy."
[63:14] — Parenting, swearing, and "best friend" dads
[65:05] — Passing the torch/father figure humor

---

Summary & Tone

The episode showcases the raunchy, open-book humor The Bonfire is known for. There’s self-awareness in how far to push “edgy” jokes, especially around race and sex, but also signature irreverence and relentless clowning on themselves, each other, and modern expectations—whether about celebrity, bodies, or parenting.

Listeners get inside access to how working comics riff, react, and navigate taboo topics, with room for clumsy affection and honesty about self-image. The tone is bawdy, brash, and occasionally sweet, always laced with a shot of humility and absurdity.

---

For fans of boundary-pushing comedy, candid talk, and the unpredictable, this episode is classic Bonfire.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With my job, I can't drink during the week. Weekends are a different story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ugh. After eight hours of this, I have earned my wine.

[Christine]

You know what I'm saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My family is a lot. It takes me four beers just to hang out with them.

[Christine]

Binge drinking isn't all college kids doing keg stands. Oregonians in their 30s and 40s binge drink at close to the same rates as younger people, raising our risk for long term health problems. [e-mail] an OHA initiative. If you're a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility and your machinery isn't working right, Grainger knows you need to understand what's wrong as soon as possible. So when a conveyor motor falters, Grainger offers diagnostic tools like calibration kits and multimeters to help you identify and fix the problem. With Grainger, you can be confident you have everything you need to keep your facility running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Granger are the ones who get it done. And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Man, Black Lou just was forced to witness the whitest thing he's ever been a part of. And he's been on a boat.

[Christine]

Is that the whitest thing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, voluntarily. Yes. Being on a boat involuntarily is a very black thing.

[Christine]

That is a. That is a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That may be the blackest thing there ever was. That's blacker than rap.

[Christine]

I'm just saying. Is that the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exactly.

[Christine]

You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Force boat rides is blacker than rap. You heard it here first. That's the most woke thing I've ever said.

[Christine]

A forced.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A forced boat ride is blacker than rap.

[Christine]

Yeah. Black person never wants to be like, get on that boat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, absolutely. If anyone's sex trafficked in a thing, you just go, damn it. Dude. This must be what black people felt like.

[Christine]

It's so funny too, because you see all the carnival cruises and they're all. All the, you know, all the black people, and it's all black people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I wonder if they would have done that on the ships, just line danced like, I wonder if the. Coming over here would like, this is going to be great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. They should have really. If they just act. If they just acted blacker getting on the boat, they probably would have been like, you know what, guys? Wait, wait, wait. Let's rethink this.

[Christine]

You know what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At some point, we want to hear our own voices or something. You know what I mean? Or we might want to hear ourselves talk. I don't know, man. They're all over the place and their butts are so big. It's making me uncomfortable.

[Christine]

What's up with all the fans?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also, are you guys checking out these dudes pecs? Because I'm starting to feel like if they decide to change their minds and not let us do this, it's gonna go bad. Yeah, just keep them dancing and fucking. They'll be fine.

[Christine]

Maybe. I can't say that. I was about to say something. Wow, I'm glad I caught myself on that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good for you.

[Christine]

Thanks.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's an entire industry of black fatigue videos that I almost watch exclusively now on YouTube.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black people talking about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Black people review black fatigue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But, like. But, like, acknowledging they feel it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Oh, yeah. There's no white people doing it.

[Christine]

You can't watch the white ones because that's just the Ku Klux K. That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A white person talking about black fatigue is just a racist person.

[Christine]

I never. I never heart those ones. I only hurt the ones where it's a black person. Yeah. And not a white black person either. It's a black guy going, these motherfuckers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what's. Whatever, like, subject of the day is. Right. A lot of Carnival Cruise.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just watched one. There's two guys. They're two twin brothers. I mean, brothers. Like, literally brothers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But then they always review. Do black fatigue videos.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

And the latest one was a woman who wouldn't stop eating chips in the Uber car. And the Uber driver said, can you please stop eating chips? I don't want to have to. I paid for this ride. And then it became a whole thing. And they reviewed that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think I saw one where they were reviewing, and I saw the actual video that got. I think it went pretty viral. It's the black girl to the college. And there's, like, the doofy. I mean, in fairness, too, just a doofy. White kid just being. Standing by himself, holding a Charlie Kirk whatever sign. And it's like. And then this black chick, though, keeps screaming. I mean, she's, you know, not 100% of the time, but she starts screaming at points and flipping out and yelling at everybody in the circle. And then at one point, while he's filming her, she goes. He's like, you're being, like, crazy. Like, you're acting crazy and aggressive because, oh, I'm crazy aggressive now because I'm black. Come on, man. You can't act crazy and aggressive. And then say it's good. No, it's because you were acting crazy and aggressive.

[Christine]

I saw the one where they, they showed a regular graduation. It was a black dude, he's like, yo man. And then they showed the all black girl college graduation and they just lose it. It just turns into a carnival cruise and they're just twerking and they all have fans their booty popping. They throw the everywhere and it's, it's. It looks either we all did her homework. Terrifying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you ever see cops in the background just standing there like there's nothing we're gonna do about nothing at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you can't get involved as you look like a bad getting involved. Hey, hey. Stop enjoying your graduation that much. Christine, can you bring up Gary Owen black graduation joke? It's really. So this is one of the ones that first ever said I go son of a. Son of a. Was funny as hell.

[Christine]

He is funny. I like that guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gary Owen.

[Christine]

Yeah, he's pretty funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's funny.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I mean it really. He really chose the path of like, I'll be the white guy in black comedy.

[Christine]

Yeah. I wish I could have an act. Like I have an at Boston accent, but I wish I could have that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little fake black accent.

[Christine]

Yeah, just a little bit like, like, yo man, like check it out now. I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you. You ever get marshmallows?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Christine]

It. I would love to have. I would love to have a little, little tiny. Just a twinge of little black slang. Just, you know, when I went up like, yo, what's up? How you all doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I started.

[Christine]

I, I just want to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I start now at 54. Begin 55 you55 start a black scent.

[Christine]

Black scent, Is that what it's called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Is this the one you were talking about?

[Christine]

That's it, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Graduation. That. This, by the way, would be terrifying if this broke. Yes, I think this is scary.

[Christine]

It's terrifying for the one white family in that school.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it an all girls school?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Christine]

I think it's all girls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's an all black school.

[Christine]

I don't know why.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the cops in the background. They're just stand against the wall for dear life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they have the fans. That's the thing, right? They don't want you on the fucking cruise ships with.

[Christine]

Yeah, they got the fan dance.

[Don]

I don't think the cops are scared of these girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Don]

But it's like they're just dancing around with fans.

[Christine]

The good thing about this is that most of these girls around 30 seconds in are so heavy, they get tired and have to stop. It will end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. Because of childhood obesity, none of these.

[Christine]

Chicks are in shape.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that your message on obesity in the urban community?

[Christine]

It's so funny that at the end they all have to go find their shoes and hats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And diplomas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, I threw my. Can you believe that?

[Christine]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

They are just.

[Christine]

Yeah, they're having a good time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're having a good time.

[Christine]

It's just a different. It's just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you gonna say Jacob, actually, before you. Bobby corrected you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I only glanced at it the first time, so I thought it was like destruction, but there's nothing going on.

[Don]

Jacob, you get right in the middle of that and dance with him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course, now that I'm looking at it, I want to be there.

[Christine]

It does look like the opening of every bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks awesome.

[Don]

I do think Jacob Batat requires a black wife. I don't know why I feel that way, but I felt that way for a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this Soul High?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this the movie Soul High starring Kevin Hart? Did Kevin Hart produce this?

[Christine]

It's very tribal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, Bobby. Walking the line. Bobby. Bobby, just know. Let me tell you something. I want you to feel like I'm family with you. Okay? Know that right now I've stopped myself from saying 15 different jokes about something high. And I settled on Soul High. Was it the funniest thing in my head? Look at me. Look at me. Was it the funniest thing in my head? It was the eighth funniest thing in my head, but it was the only thing that will not have me called back to the carpet at SiriusXM for a sixth time.

[Christine]

I apologize. I. You know what I mean? Not in a bad way, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure. No. Let's just pretend it didn't happen.

[Christine]

Okay, let's go.

[Bobby Kelly]

I walk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But just know. But just know. Eight of them in my head. You could watch. Roll back the tape. I go, no. Oh. And then one of them, I was like, I think that's okay. And I looked over at Black Lou, and I could just feel Black Lou's soul giving me, like, the. Nah, dude. And I was like, yeah. He saw me looking at the black girls dancing, and I looked over Black Lou, and he went, don't. Not worth it. And he's right.

[Christine]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's right. They're having a great time.

[Christine]

Just that part right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Awesome looking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're having a great time. And I bet this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Free like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I bet the school. I bet the school is super safe.

[Christine]

Did you say you want to be free like that?

[Bobby Kelly]

To not care like to. To just dance?

[Christine]

Okay, all right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, I don't care who's watching me.

[Christine]

This is.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do this in your apartment.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This isn't a high school graduation. This is from elocution school.

[Don]

Jacob, you're at a wedding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but everyone else is cutting loose. You're right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can tell you, though, beyond some of these women, though, if they came charging up at me dancing like that, I would like. I remember, like when. When Slimer hit Dan Aykroyd, I'd go, ah. I like, scream until she got to me. I go, oh, God, she's doing something crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love this, actually.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I'm surprised somebody didn't have different music to this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be the music of Zamunda. Remember the big dance they did in the beginning? One of those.

[Bobby Kelly]

There is me doing the handlebars. Motorcycle.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. You're very close.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Somebody should do. Somebody should superimpose fire on the floor. That'd be funny. Floor is lava, man. Black people can't even get a school where the floor ain't lava.

[Christine]

I got two more, but I'm not gonna say good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you know what? Do that. That's fine. Always let me know. He goes, dude, I got one in the pocket that would just have us this show off air. So you always tell you. Because it makes you feel good. That's almost like getting it out. Bobby.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Don]

Have you guys seen the Black Prom reveals?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if I can handle it right now. Are you okay? Are you set? Are you reset?

[Christine]

I'm good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, let's do it. This is like an endurance test. I'm gonna show you black people acting fucking crazy. Can you be funny and walk the line? I'm doing my best. Okay, what is it? This is a prom? Yeah.

[Christine]

This is prom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wow.

[Christine]

That's a lot of money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that a real watch, you think.

[Christine]

This a guy on a red carpet in front of his house?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. It's his house, but it's in the hood. I thought that was the school.

[Don]

No, they all, like, gather to see the outfit reveals.

[Christine]

It's in his hood. It's not. It's not a bat. I don't know if it's a bad neighborhood. It's not. It's not a great neighborhood, but he has a red carpet with stanchions and thousands of dollars in Cash, you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me take a peek at the sidewalks here. I'll tell you, this is not bad.

[Don]

No, that's the front gates.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That doesn't mean anything.

[Don]

Well, the chain gates in the front yard.

[Christine]

Yeah, but the lawn is mowed.

[Don]

I grew up in a nice neighborhood, guys. Chain gates are not nice neighborhood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like Takataka says, I can smell this vid. What the fuck does that mean?

[Christine]

It looks like New Rochelle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it looks like new roll. So it's. I mean houses.

[Christine]

It's houses. It's not a part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's an.

[Christine]

There's a garage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Neighborhood.

[Christine]

Yeah. No boarding up windows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou, would you move there? Not a chance. Okay, so it's a bad neighborhood.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, this is all black proms, man. I just say, you know, get a better place before you red carpet and hold up. I mean, that cash he was holding in his hand, if it's not a prop, could fix all of their problems. He's like, nah, man, but these shoes, right?

[Christine]

There's a lot of black guys doing black fatigue videos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, some of those.

[Christine]

There was one guy who I want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To hear black people are sick of with black people.

[Bobby Kelly]

The two brothers I saw, there was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like three guys on one. They do, I think do a bunch of them too. And they're like, they really just watch things, just shake their head to go. Look at her go. Look at her running her loud black ass mouth. Guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

The one I just saw there was another girl, the identical twin. They're jacked. They're two jacked brothers. And they were watching this woman who got pulled over in her driveway and she said, you can't pull me over. I'm in my driveway. And the brothers. The one guy, he cracked me up because she thinks like, if you robbed a bank and you made it to your house, you're. You're done, you're good, you made it. But she had a.

[Christine]

The one I just sent you on Christine. This one was crazy. This guy. It was. If, if you, if you didn't know it was a black guy, you'd be like, this is the fucking leader of the Ku Klux Klan. He's just fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's angry at black people.

[Christine]

He's angry at black people. He was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But is this also like a. And I wonder. I'm saying this is another like thing where people figure out how to like get views. So he's just over playing a thing or does it seem like this guy does not enjoy the company of black people?

[Christine]

I just think that it's just Culturally, I mean, it's just culture differences. You know what I mean? It's different music, different barbecues, different. You know, it's all. It's. And, you know, white people. White people are very. Just quiet people, you know what I mean? It's just a quiet people. It's like. We used to go to Patrice's barbecue. That was at around 6 o' clock when it was all black dudes. It got, you know, louder.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He would send Vaughn out in something where you can see her nipples.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then it would make the white people uncomfortable enough to leave.

[Christine]

Yeah, we'd all leave. As soon as Nate left, we were like, it's time for us to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's our white gage.

[Christine]

Yeah, we do my barbecue. You had face painting and magicians. It was over by six, everybody. I had Ben and Jerry's. You went to Patrice's. And Vaughn and titties were hanging out. At some point.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you might get brought in some swinging.

[Christine]

There was another barbecue across the way in the. In the driveway that you might have to fight at some point.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You had to traverse a shark tank and giant statues of giraffes. Patrice had a weird house.

[Don]

A giraffe statue.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Don]

Yeah, a statue statue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he made one room very Africany.

[Christine]

Yep. I actually got him an African mask.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, did you?

[Christine]

Yeah, I got him a nice African mask for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think. Well, that was what happened. He lived with Will Silvins until he lived on his own at this house. So he decorated the house as if Will Sylvans still live there.

[Christine]

Will really did that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We should have a shark tank.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I also. I'd like to point out the craziness of white people now, too, because. Bobby, you sent me a. You sent an article. I think Alec Baldwin crashed his car into a tree.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a video of his wife in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Solidarity to Hilaria being kicked off unceremoniously.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. There's a compilation of her crying in at least six interviews.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

About his accident?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, about her getting kicked off dancing with us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's banana. She's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, please play those.

[Christine]

My friend Elaine Hendrix still in the mix, is she?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you're still watching.

[Christine]

She just sent me a text to go vote for right now or whatever, which I do every week. I vote for Elaine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She texted you to ask that?

[Christine]

Yeah, she. Well, she texted the. The sex and drugs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here we go.

[Christine]

Look at right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She texted me.

[Christine]

I'm in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

I'm in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely you are.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But, yeah, it wasn't done Say Bobby.

[Christine]

Says Bobby. Right there up at the top it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Says you're one of the people that it goes to.

[Christine]

Yeah, there's a. There's a cast. Five people. And Bobino is in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Christine]

So is Dennis Leary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on.

[Christine]

John Corbin. And.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She really wanted them to vote for her.

[Christine]

You're right. You're right. She really wanted. What's her name to vote for. I forget. I just call it Gigi from the show. What's her name? The one from Nickelodeon on Cleghorn. No, Remember that wide eyed crazy chick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The one from Nickelodeon. Amanda Bynes.

[Christine]

Nope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dan Schneider.

[Christine]

Elizabeth. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hurley?

[Christine]

No. She was on that show with the other girl. Oh, what's her name?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jody Sweetener.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gillies.

[Christine]

Elizabeth Gillies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No idea.

[Christine]

She's. She was huge. She was on. She was massive on Nickelodeon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you have your glasses on because I don't have mine. What does that say on the screen right there?

[Christine]

That says what have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Let's him. Have him explain it. She's ugly.

[Christine]

She's beautiful. Are you crazy? You think she's ugly?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Christine]

Oh, sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's funny to say.

[Christine]

What's wrong with her though?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't tell you. What's wrong with her mouth? Too small.

[Christine]

All right, go ahead. Let me see. Let's pick her apart. Great body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me see.

[Christine]

Great body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That cleavage ain't touching. Which tells me they're fakies or they're put. They're pushed up mushies.

[Christine]

Pushed up mushies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What else? Yeah, cunt eyebrows.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And her mouth.

[Christine]

Wait a minute, go back. What eyebrows?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cunt eyebrows.

[Christine]

Why are they cunt?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because she's happy in this picture and she looks like she's laughing at my little dick. I don't like her and I'm gonna tell her, you should be happy. It's little so it'll fit in your ent. Teeny mouth. I hate her.

[Christine]

What about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is she in that text thread? Let her know I hate her.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a condescending face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a really cool.

[Christine]

You like that she picked the condo. Condescending face. Pick a better photo of her. There you go.

[Don]

She looks pretty condescending.

[Christine]

Every single photo she looks.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's a pig.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes. Are there any more people coming to this party?

[Christine]

She sings. She sings old crooner songs with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's easy.

[Christine]

The guy from.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there she is.

[Christine]

Yeah, there she is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Annoying everybody.

[Christine]

She got great cans though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe. Oh, look at her being a cunt to Walton Goggins. All of A sudden the dimples show up and she has to turn it on for people.

[Christine]

She doesn't take a. It's so funny with these people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate her.

[Christine]

When we took a photo and this happened with Dane too, like people who are famous. Famous. She would take my phone and she downloaded an app and then would readjust things like the lighting and the face and then be like, you can. You can set. You can do that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what this five head did.

[Christine]

She's my friend, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This one here.

[Christine]

What do you mean a five head?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do I mean, a five head? I mean, do you remember when you wanted to get that phone? That little phone that had a projector screen on it?

[Christine]

Yeah. You.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you were sitting at a lounge across from her in a delta lounge.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could have project on her forehead and watched things about the size.

[Christine]

Oh, there you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What about that cunt face?

[Christine]

She's got to have one photo where she's not. Cunt face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope, I haven't seen one yet.

[Christine]

Who's the guy? A family guy. Seth McFarlane. She sings with him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Christine]

They do like big shows together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Christine]

He sings, you know, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, he's responsible for like my favorite TV show ever.

[Christine]

Yeah. Her and him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And yet I don't know if we'd get along at all.

[Christine]

You wouldn't?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me and Seth MacFarlane? No. Crooning blows. I've said it a thousand times.

[Christine]

I'm a fan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But why? Because you. You can do it.

[Christine]

Well, I grew up with it. My stepdad Larry used to play it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the time and used to sing it himself also.

[Christine]

Well, at their wedding they had the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anybody.

[Christine]

No, he had a crooner band come and he sang with him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why not? He probably sounded like. He probably could have realized that when he could have fired the singer and just done it himself the whole time.

[Christine]

That's why the lady is a tram.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're trying too hard. Why talk it more?

[Christine]

All right. That's why the lady is a tramp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Christine]

You say either, I say either. You say neither and I say. Is that good?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on, Bobby.

[Christine]

Yeah, Christine, that's not true. It's not real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fantastic. What do you mean it's not real?

[Christine]

It's not real. That's not her naked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's probably not.

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what's this from Happening Fappening.

[Christine]

What is this? I don't want to see this. Hello, this is my friend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then look away.

[Christine]

I will. I have to look away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her face still looks cunty and I'm looking at her box.

[Christine]

That's not her. That can't be her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me look at the fingers. I mean. No, it's not her. Look how fat those hands look as.

[Christine]

AI God, if Don looked like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

That's not her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isn't any of this her though? How about that one where she's. Where she's riding a. Where it's going inside of her actually. Let's check it. Let's just check it to make sure.

[Christine]

No, it's not her. Christine, you're an ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why not? No, it's her ass. That's not Christine's ass.

[Christine]

That's a Puerto Rican's ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If Christine's ass looked like that.

[Christine]

Oh my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude. What a slut. She's a fat forehead.

[Christine]

Are any of the other pig slut?

[Don]

I don't know.

[Christine]

No, they can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's a talentless.

[Don]

These two look like they could be real. What?

[Christine]

What would it be?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at her fat little hands. It's not really.

[Christine]

There you go. What about the titties in the thing? I can't look at this. This is my friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her fingers are smaller than a real pictures.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

No, that's not her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are giant sausage hands.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, those are like. Her hands are crazy looking.

[Don]

She has pretty big hands.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, not big. Go back. They're like monster hands.

[Christine]

That's not real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They just didn't do the AI good there.

[Christine]

Okay, they took.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back to it and see. What you're trying to describe is she has big hands.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are the hands they sewed onto the Frankenstein monster.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they're like little hoolig pig hooves.

[Bobby Kelly]

They.

[Christine]

Look at Ralph Sutton hands. Yeah, look at her right hand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's crazy looking.

[Christine]

You create. This is a Mel Gibson pants.

[Don]

It's not her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at her thumbs, all like wacky. No, that's crazy.

[Don]

Fat finger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is not her.

[Christine]

No, that's not her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now that's definitely her for sure. She's a such a pig.

[Christine]

Why would. Now let me ask you a question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Go on. Yes. A thousand times over. I'd work really hard too.

[Christine]

What is that from her tit? Yeah.

[Don]

Pick big titty celeb Elizabeth Giles nude got leaked.

[Christine]

It's leaked news though that. I mean.

[Don]

I mean she has great tits.

[Christine]

Either way, fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Might as well.

[Christine]

I mean those are real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And her nipples are small enough to fit in. Her teeny mouth should have a smile face.

[Christine]

Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude. Smile, bitch. Oh, I'm gonna tell her that if I met her, that's what I would say first. Hey, smile. Beautiful. They love that, right?

[Christine]

She actually has a up sense of humor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Christine]

You guys would get along famously.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, well, good news. I don't know if you saw that other picture, but apparently she has the black guy. So we have plenty to talk about from stage.

[Christine]

She's married to the music director from all those shows from Nickelodeon, Dan Schneider. The guy. No, the guy who did all the music. All those songs that they sang on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All those.

[Christine]

The guy who writes them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that's why her face is so sour. Her husband was a foot loving pedophile.

[Christine]

No, he's not a pedophile. He's the guy who wrote the music.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, no, they're all pedophiles over there.

[Christine]

He wasn't. He.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude, they're all part of the Schneider posse.

[Christine]

Dude, you know what they did?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They did meet the footsie toots on.

[Christine]

Set and she was. I think she was 15.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have a foot shaped pool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was 15 when they met on set.

[Christine]

No, I don't know. I don't know the deal. I'm just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. You know the deal.

[Christine]

There she is right there. Oh, to the right. That's the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was on the show with Victoria justice victorious. Yeah, no, she was on.

[Christine]

She was actually. She was the twat on that. She was a twat on that show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, dude. Look at her cunt face. Little do we know she'd grow up to be a. With little freaky hands. Show me her snatch on the Internet.

[Christine]

She lives near me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Christine]

Yeah. She moved right down and right down the street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then when you see her prove that thing where you can show a movie on her head.

[Christine]

Do you want to. Let's have her on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

And then we can play all this stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell her this to her face.

[Christine]

You will not think.

[Bobby Kelly]

I won't.

[Christine]

I know you won't because your stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Husband, he's going to catch some heat too.

[Christine]

Everybody know he's not. He's a nerdy musician guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Musician. You bring him in. I'm going to French kiss him in front of her. I'm going to take her, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tori Ad I've never seen a bad picture of. I don't think you could even.

[Christine]

I don't think she's pretty. I would take. I would take Elizabeth over her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

Yes. 100% way, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

No way.

[Christine]

Because I'll tell you right now, look at that, dude. She became a pretty woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? A thumb.

[Christine]

That other one.

[Don]

Victoria Justice.

[Christine]

No, she didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Victoria justice also does have a picture spreading her gash open in a sink.

[Christine]

No, no, no, she doesn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I want to say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Victoria justice is very pretty. You want me to go though?

[Christine]

She's not pretty now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chin's too small. Top of the head's too big. She looks like a fucking AP alien drawing. You want more? You want more? You want more? She has HPV and she's got it bad. You get the picture of her, please.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there really. There's no way.

[Christine]

Look how exciting I just got.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I don't.

[Christine]

Victoria justice faffing someone just found his weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slamming your meat to this one picture for spreading gash over us. There it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Naked picture of her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her.

[Christine]

Oh, wait, that's not true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is true.

[Christine]

It is not real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at the riot girl face. She's.

[Christine]

Let me see. The what? The what?

[Bobby Kelly]

Riot girl face.

[Christine]

What is a riot girl face?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bad girl.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. You have a. I've never heard that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Term before in my life.

[Christine]

You have a name for it?

[Bobby Kelly]

The face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The riot girl face.

[Christine]

That's gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't agree?

[Christine]

I mean, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. With riot girl, I don't know either.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's heard it. I didn't make up the term.

[Christine]

Yeah, you did. Yeah, I guarantee you have a notebook. Look up terms for faces.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look up what riot girl face means. Also Christine. And Christine, nobody wants to see your face. Go down to her. Gash over the sink, please.

[Christine]

Look at a riot girl face. Now zoom in on the thing.

[Don]

Stop it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fantastic.

[Christine]

Oh, you got whacked. She just got a virus she whacked off. Can you relax? Everyone? Zoom in.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is.

[Christine]

Okay. What sink is she on, by the way?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? You want to go smell it?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a sink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like it's a bathroom sink. She's over.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's a bathroom sink. Now, here's the problem with this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

I. It's. It's. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Flawless.

[Christine]

No, not flawless.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Flawless.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is it blurry? But it's pretty good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, you want me to start picking her apart?

[Christine]

Yes, I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back to that pussycracine. Please, if you wouldn't mind. Save it for later. The fappin is. I don't know why.

[Christine]

It looks like a Venus fly trap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Correct. It's already a little bit open. It's. It's really like. It looks like it's taken a beating, like recently. Discoloration on both sides. And the discoloration is not even. She should have a little bush because you could see the skin above it and it looks like all down her legs up and down. She's having a little bit of skin issues.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This girl doesn't have perfect skin the way you're hoping for, Jacob. So I would say that pussy flappier lip on one side than the other. A real pullback. It looks like a long clit. I'm going to give it a B minus.

[Christine]

Yeah, I agree. Her. Her. Her clitoris looked like pink eye.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a long clitoris.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like a lot of hood pulling back to get to that bad boy.

[Christine]

And it's open. Why is it open? Why is it.

[Bobby Kelly]

And when you licks are like.

[Christine]

Yeah, but it should still be closed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shouldn't be like a lady.

[Christine]

Yeah, like a lady. It shouldn't have a look. And it looks like a little hole that's open. Like a little tiny mouse hole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's like dangerous. I worry. I worry about the things getting involved in there.

[Christine]

Stuff to get in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Be a lady.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Be a lady.

[Christine]

And her calves. Look how weak she. She's got little flabby calves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And Christine, if you could please zoom in again, please, if you would mind. Do you want me the.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, for a blurry. I just took this. No, no lighting or anything. That's pretty damn good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really.

[Christine]

You should have saw that and took another one and tried to close that up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

Pinch it close and. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't have a picture close. I'm seeing discoloration down by the. Oh, there's a. I don't know what's happening here. Yeah, but like it's a. It's a. It's a. It's an. It's a. Not symmetrical.

[Christine]

A lot of hair. And she shaves her like a face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She has a lot of hair normally and that's why that discoloration is there, because it's. She's just taking off a layer of dermis constantly.

[Christine]

Yeah, no, I like hairy assholes. Oh, sorry. I thought you like punk face and hairy assholes. That was your thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But do you like Bear if it looks like it has a black eye?

[Christine]

You like. You like Joe Rogan five o' clock shadow?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, her pussy. Her pussy has the outline of asshole.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's got brown outside a pussy.

[Christine]

This show is sponsored by Better Help Mental Health. And being healthy is very important. Not only is it important for yourself, it's important for your relationships. My relationship with family members over the years has gotten so much better and it makes me happy. My son has a better life because of therapy, because I talked to somebody, because I got the stuff out. He can have a healthier life too. World Mental Health Day is October this year and BetterHelp is shining the spotlight on therapists. People who truly make the world a better place. Because the right therapist can change everything. I know this because I got one betterhelp therapist. Work according to a strict code of conduct. They're fully licensed in the U.S. go in there, you get matched up with a therapist that is right for you and focuses on your therapy goals. And if you're not happy with your match, just switch to a different therapist at any time. This World Mental Health Day we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/bonfire. That's B-E-T-T-E-R H E-L-P.com bonfire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey everybody, have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, visit metrobyt-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers. Activating on eligible plan exclusions Apply details at metro by t-mobile.com Guys, you know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo? That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software. So you're not sacrificing it's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com why.

[Christine]

Do most of us want to learn a new language? It's probably not about memorizing grammar tables or topping a leaderboard. It's because we want to speak it out in the real world with real people. Babble gets you there fast. Babbel lets you practice real life conversations step, step by by step, without the stress. You'll build the confidence to speak up when it matters. From ordering coffee to chatting new friends abroad. Listen, I use it and it's great because I was using this other app and after a while it just stresses you out. It's not fun. And I wasn't learning how to speak, but now I actually practice speaking. They teach you in live real life conversation skills in different languages, which helps you learn so much faster. I love Babel. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babel.com forward/bonfire. Get up to 55% off at babel.com forward slash bonfire. Spelled b a b b e l.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I think it's looks okay from here.

[Christine]

Riot face. Read that. What does that say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Riot face is not a recognized or.

[Bobby Kelly]

Common term for Riot Girl.

[Don]

Oh, Riot Girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Riot Girl face, Brian.

[Christine]

Girl face.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't say you said Riot girl. I applied face afterwards.

[Christine]

Yeah, that means you said it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. Girlfriend.

[Christine]

I love that.

[Don]

He.

[Christine]

He still can't admit it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. I said I admit it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, because Riot girl is going to give back something. Yes, she was latching on to that.

[Christine]

Of course. I don't like the opening. Why is there an opening?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? Maybe this is. I'll accept this. Could tell you something. She moves to a B if she won. Grows a little hair on that thing. That thing needs a little hair. And if you tell me this was at the very end of you taking a pissing Video. I'll allow it.

[Christine]

I would say shitting Christine. I say if you. You took a full shit and a piss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You allow this?

[Christine]

I'll allow it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a B. Yeah, if that's a B. Pussy. If that's your post. Shit, piss, pussy. That's a B.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I ask a woman's opinion? What grade do you give it, Christine?

[Christine]

B. Oh, wow. She's honest.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's tough.

[Christine]

Tough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A B is good.

[Christine]

It's pretty good.

[Don]

I mean, A's like great. Like, he's like a really phenomenal nice one. So B's good. It's not a. You know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, bring up perfect. What happens when you Google that?

[Christine]

Yeah, perfect. And then bring up Rosie o' DONNELL snatch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And we'll go the exact other way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you'll have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you'll have your gray area.

[Bobby Kelly]

She doesn't have.

[Christine]

You don't think Rosie has a. You don't think Rosie has a snap?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you doubt that? Dyke Hard.

[Christine]

That'd be great to see.

[Don]

This girl's like shaved with puffy lips. I don't agree.

[Christine]

Wait, that's one of them's fake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First of all, this is all AI.

[Christine]

It's all AI. I love that AI.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine put with bush. With bush.

[Christine]

Oh, it's the little feed me Seymour.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, these are too. It's childish.

[Christine]

Little bush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not a lot with small bush.

[Christine]

Small bush. You can't put. That's just nuts. That looks like my aunt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Perfect. Now we're cooking with gas. Now some of these aren't listening. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Christine]

Not a lazy bush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop. You're freaking out, Lou.

[Christine]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not a perfect pussy.

[Christine]

No, that's not a perfect push. It looks like bubblegum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, these are not perfect.

[Christine]

That's not bad. What's that one?

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember David.

[Christine]

What is that?

[Bobby Kelly]

David Spade said it should look like a paper cut.

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So did what's his face. Was that like an old joke?

[Christine]

I think it should look like a hamburger. Or. Or from the Simpsons. None of these are perfect simpsons. Homer Simpson's mouth. That's what a pussy should look like. That's just nuts. I think she. Jay, can I say something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Christine]

I think she did just pee into a sink. Is that a little dripple coming out?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think that's design. On the wall also, you'll notice that the. On the wall that the. There's a light fixture. Miss. Not a light fixture. A light switch missing. They're in the middle of a bit of A renovation.

[Christine]

And here's the thing. I don't like a little pimple on her ankle. You see that little pimple on her ankle from an ingrown hair that she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I saw the pimple. I saw the red. Which means she wears uncomfortable shoes. She's got some birthmarks. And I said just the skin in general looks like it's not a good. I don't know, it's like the hue is off. It's. She's got a yellowish to her.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Again, this is Victoria Justice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Victoria Justice.

[Christine]

Yeah. At legal age.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stunning.

[Christine]

Yeah, legal stunning, by the way, not during the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stunning girl. Fantastic. Drop dead gorgeous. B rated pussy. Chin's too small, top of her head's too big. You heard it here first.

[Christine]

That's not bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a good pussy.

[Christine]

That's a good one. I like the butt. The butt looks like it's. It might be fake. Dude, I think that's AI. There's no butthole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Perfect trimmed pussy. That's a pretty.

[Christine]

There's no butthole.

[Bobby Kelly]

She doesn't have a butthole.

[Christine]

There's no asshole. That's fake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She does have an asshole butthole.

[Christine]

No asshole, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She does.

[Christine]

There's no wrinkle. Dude. There's no stink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There is.

[Christine]

No, there isn't. Look again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God, you're full of hate.

[Christine]

I'm not full of hate.

[Don]

Look, it's just like a little.

[Christine]

Yeah, I don't see it. Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right there.

[Don]

It's like not open at all, though. It's like a sewn shut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not sewn shut. It's how an looks that hasn't been blast. Listen, she has the perfect. She's letting everyone blast her apart.

[Christine]

Maybe she was in trouble and they see her father sewed her asshole shut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would say that's a pretty good example of like a perfect looking pussy.

[Christine]

Can I say one thing though? The hair. I wish she let the hair grow out a little bit more on the sides.

[Don]

More.

[Christine]

It's just a little like a little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it looks.

[Christine]

It looks like a little five o' clock. Shadowy. I don't like a five o' clock shadow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a Harlem fade. They tapered from the bottom. Black low. Will you tell Bobby this stuff? He doesn't get it. It's a. No, no, that's good. That's the way you want it because you're gonna. The part that is shaved on this and we'll put this out. The part that is shaved on this is. Is all the fun, licking parts.

[Christine]

But no, I Like to lick the sides, too. Shaved. I don't want the little hair, little. Little five o' clock shadow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, you want it shaved more?

[Christine]

No, I like the top. V. And when it comes down to the clit and then the sides shaved bare. Well, the sides, but I like the top.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Most people, Most women, I believe, if they have a bush even will do the sides almost always. But that little amount like that right there, I'm fine with. Because the shape looks good.

[Christine]

That looks like a Wednesday. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But the shape is good of that. I like the rectangle.

[Christine]

I like that. And I. I think will close up nice and then open up like a flower.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I like Victoria justice is better.

[Christine]

No way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you like what's attached to it better?

[Christine]

Well, that one's terrible. That. What about that one right there? The middle. The hamburger.

[Don]

This The.

[Christine]

The Homer Simpson face up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That big beefer.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, right there. That hamburger. That's a hamburger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

No, that. That's a. That's bubble gum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's all.

[Christine]

Oh, get the off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. The inside of her pussies on the outside.

[Christine]

Yeah, that one right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Perfect.

[Christine]

Hairy vagina.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not perfect. That's so beefy.

[Christine]

Yeah, it looks like somebody punched it and it swelled up a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's disturbing looking.

[Christine]

That's not it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not it.

[Christine]

That's not it right there. There it is. Huh. I don't know. Looks like a little bum on the outside. Doesn't it look like a little bum? Yeah, looks like a bum above a bum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you saw that and it's all of. It's like attached to everything, it would be fine. You'd be fine with that. But just up close, you're like. You have a hump on your.

[Christine]

It does. It looks like a sand monster from Dune.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like the side of a peach.

[Christine]

A peach is nice now, but yes, a vagina is just a dick and balls that separates and becomes a vagina at some point.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was hoping you get into the science of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks.

[Don]

Now, Bobby, Good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was hoping we were going to take a hard shift here. Yeah, let's get into this. All right. We can't just keep reacting. No one's seeing it, but just know there's really ugly out there.

[Christine]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone be aware. There's lots of gross in the world.

[Christine]

Have you ever seen, like, a gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. I had sex with a lady who was like a burn victim on her.

[Christine]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You look like she rode a flaming horse.

[Christine]

She. She had her burned?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And what's the story? Did you get the story?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Burned off? Nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't.

[Christine]

You saw a. A burned vagina and you didn't go, what's up with that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I saw it, I was like, we're past the point of no return, so I gotta do it fast and get this over with.

[Christine]

Did you hold in your scream?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You did?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I pulled. You know, I was like, helping her take her pants down. I was, you know, on my. In front of her, was she going like this?

[Christine]

Ow. Oh, ow. Was it fresh burns?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, it was like Freddy Kruegered up. It was like. It was that way. And then, yeah, when I was. I was helping her take her pants off, but I was like, you know, on my knees in front of her and just face to face with it. And then how fast I came up to, like, you know, her face, to be like, whoa. Hey.

[Christine]

Was it an even burn or was it just one side?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I tell you, it looked like she was like she sat on a saddle that was made of fire.

[Christine]

You didn't get the story. What if that's the story? What if she. Her horse caught on fire and she couldn't get off?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She didn't notice till it already burned her pussy off? Pretty crazy. Pretty, pretty crazy.

[Christine]

Wow. That's nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was the.

[Christine]

I mean, can I be honest, though? A pussy does look. Parts of vaginas do look like they. They were burnt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Christine]

Anyways, like a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rough edges.

[Christine]

Yeah, The. The labia and the clitoris looks like something like plastic that was burnt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's what happens when they're on the outside like that. They're open to, like, callous as any other piece of skin. So big beefy lips. That's what I said. Get that quarter ridge on the outside.

[Christine]

They have to have a guy come with, like, big horse nail clippers and trim off the calluses off her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It oxygenates like cheese you leave out. You ever wrapped cheese in tin foil but a little piece wasn't wrapped.

[Christine]

I want to see the gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What that turns that little thing. What happens to cheese? Exposed fridge cheese.

[Christine]

It gets a rind. It's only. Yeah, it's harder rind. Can you bring up the grossest vagina? I wonder what that was gonna be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that one? That was the famous one. Blue waffle.

[Christine]

Blue waffle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wasn't that what it was called? You don't remember that? That was like a viral thing years ago.

[Christine]

Oh, boy. You know what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe.

[Christine]

Oh, whoa. I didn't say. I mean, I wanted them attached to a body. Christine. What the. Ed Geins get us a regular vagina alive. She's bringing up guys holding dead vaginas.

[Bobby Kelly]

I knew that was a thing. You could just hold an external vagina.

[Christine]

Yeah, I have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I thought. I thought vagina was mostly inside.

[Christine]

You don't have doordash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you just change the front. Can you just do a. A facelift on a.

[Christine]

You could just attempt attach a new.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just put a different on me, please.

[Christine]

Oh, there you go. Oh, God. Really hated that woman. What? I love that it mixed in with the hair. You didn't know what the door was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Christine]

I. I actually had a girl one time, really pretty girl in Boston who warned me, which I do give her credit. We were in the back of the car. She was with my acting class, and she said I was gonna go down on her. She goes, just to let you know, one of my labias is very large. And I go, I don't know what a labia is, but that's. That's cool. And then I went down there. One of her pussy. One of her pussy lips was like a bat wing. And it was so big, I actually pulled it away from her vagina and I was like, wow. It was like, interesting. Yeah. And then it flapped back. Yeah, that's a tree.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know, but I want to see. But yeah, but look at the thing. 10 reasons your ugly vagina is normal and gorgeous. Please go to that. Visit that site. I want to see why. What are the reasons why? Dear Em and Lowe, a male acquaintance recently started a. This is a note, I guess, to somebody on this website. There's no such thing as an ugly vagina. Here's why. Dear Em and Lowe, a male acquaintance recently started a conversation about ugly vaginas and my friends and me. He said that some vaginas resemble kebabs and that a lot of guys are really put off to sex when they get a hot girl naked and find that her vagina isn't as, quote unquote, neat as they imagined it would be. It made me feel really self conscious about my own, even though I never have been before. Anyways, as I have never seen many vaginas before, I decided to Google ugly vaginas. I was curious about what an ugly vagina actually is and whether mine was one of them. Oh, my God. I was shocked. What I thought was normal is actually kebab. Like, there were images of beautiful Ana Glee Vaginas. The Vagina Institute in particular compares the two. The beautiful ones have plump outer labia and you can't see the inner labia poking out from them. But the ugly ones are just like mine where you can see the inner lips slightly. It's made me feel so self conscious. I hate to think of my ex and future partners being turned off by my vagina. Especially as I try to keep it neat by trimming and waxing. Now I feel like growing a bush to try to hide my lips. The horrible thing is I think when I was younger my vagina was more beautiful. By the way, this is making me think, anytime I think a girl needs a bush, I'm just gonna go, your pussy's ugly. You should hide that under hair, you freak. I've seen the pictures of me running around naked on the beach as a child. At least it looked more like the beautiful vagina pictures. It looked more like a little bot in an adult vagina. Do you what this took a turn? Do you think that I have made it look worse by having lots of sex or something? Or is it just where I am older? I'm 22 now, cunt. Can you have surgery on your vagina? I really want my inner lips to be made smaller. Is it possible? Signed, Ugly Betty.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's a pig, right?

[Christine]

I think that you by having sex to a lot of sex with guys with big penises can up your vagina. No, I think that.

[Don]

It'S fine. You can have a very pretty posing with tons of.

[Christine]

I almost shit myself. Oh my God, that was so fast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think there is false to like.

[Christine]

She just made me choke on my spit. Oh my God. I saw her.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was.

[Christine]

She heard what I was saying. It was like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, if you're doing feats of like.

[Christine]

If you're Bonnie Blue, you know, if.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'Re doing like feats of stuff where you're exactly trying to get like five dicks in you at once or doing those big.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Novelty dildos.

[Christine]

I also think that your vagina, Christine, your vagina has a chance to go back to normal. You've had. Your vagina's been in rehab for around 10 years, so you're fine.

[Don]

I think we don't fuck.

[Christine]

Yeah, but you're not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said no. He said I have a small wiener.

[Christine]

I'm saying he has a small dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dear. You be dear, Ugly Betty. Oi, where do we start?

[Christine]

I don't want to. Is this going to fuck up certain dishes for me?

[Don]

Dishes?

[Christine]

Yeah, like foods. Is it like these are photos do you like paella? I love kebabs. And I never thought of it that way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see. Where do we start? We can write an entire book on this topic, and it would involve a lot of ranting and swear words. Let's try for the abridged version. First of all, the bad news about your ugly vagina. We hate to say it, but there are plenty of guys out there who, like your pal, use the term like roast beef or kebab to describe what they consider to be ugly vaginas. Nice, right? Ignoramuses. The correct terminology for external female genitalia is vulvas, not vaginas. So we'll be using that from here on out. You know what? Get off this page. I hate this bitch. I don't like the way it's being. Let's read. Yeah. There's no such thing as abnormal. Even though seedy quack operations like the vagina Institute. They're Assholes. Will tell you that vulvas like yours are abnormal. They're not. There's no such thing as abnormal when it comes to labes. Okay, maybe if you could play hacky sack with your inner labia, that would be a bit abnormal. Now blame porn. You know the only place where the mo. Where the vast majority of vulvas do look perfect. That is the same porn. Not true at all. There's so many beefed up pussies in porn.

[Christine]

All kinds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All kinds. That's just insane to say that. Labiaplasty. Shmabiaplasty. Yes, you can have surgery, but you shouldn't even consider doing this if you don't believe us. Dr. Kate says the same thing. Your labia are full of nerve endings. Every day we were inundated with letters from women saying they can't orgasm. And you want to lessen your chances.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And often mere lust conquers all. The more guys into you, the less likely is to give a what your vulva looks like. That's what it's about.

[Christine]

No, it's not true.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's the labiaplasty and the Godfather. The book.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. There's a whole chapter where Lucy. You know, the Lucy, the girl gets banged up against.

[Christine]

Did you just look at me and Jay and go, the book?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And expect us?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, I'm still. I was gonna. I'm waiting for you to finish talking so I can go. You read the book of the Godfather?

[Bobby Kelly]

You need. You need a girlfriend years ago. But that's why it's a way better movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Back years ago when you were crushing ass non stop.

[Christine]

That was your way to get away from the ass crushing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I need a little bit of me time.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's two books that are. The movies are way better. It's Jaws and the Godfather. I mean, there's a whole chapter on. Yeah, that girl Lucy getting better. No, the books are much better.

[Christine]

Oh, they are way better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So Hermione got labiaplasty.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the. The girl in the Godfather.

[Christine]

Which one? The one Sunny was upstairs.

[Bobby Kelly]

She. She. There's a whole chapter with her being self conscious about her vagina and she gets vagina surgery. Who plays in la?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jimmy Khan. I call him Jimmy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That guy lived the best life.

[Christine]

I mean, hot at one of the hottest scenes in any movie. Yeah, when he's just upstairs plowing that chubby guinea against the door. Sonny. What keeps stops fucking for a second? I'll be right there. I'll be right there. Just continue to the fight. His wife's right downstairs having cake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never seen it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Francis cut off.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is well documented.

[Bobby Kelly]

It drives me nuts.

[Christine]

I'm sorry. I apologize. What the fuck did you just say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I never saw the Godfather. I know all the references.

[Christine]

How many TVs do you have in your house?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seven.

[Christine]

How many do you have? Cable? You have all the stuff?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No cable. YouTube TV.

[Christine]

You've never stopped to watch the Godfather?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. It's gonna be so boring.

[Christine]

The Godfather?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not.

[Christine]

You guys are children. You really are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's absolutely right. Seriously.

[Don]

I watch Goodfellas.

[Christine]

You like, if they made it into a real version, like just with three second scenes, they'd watch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't need. It's not a matter of how long. It's long and boring.

[Christine]

The Godfather's not boring.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Christine]

I gotta hang on one second before I get into this because I always thought Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was the greatest move of my childhood. And then when I sat down, Max and Don to watch it one night, 10 minutes in there, like, this stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your two favorite movies are Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the Godfather.

[Christine]

Two of them were. Yeah. No Chitty Chitty Bang Bang anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not anymore.

[Christine]

You got over very. Takes a long time to get to the flying car. A lot of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, that's the Godfather. It takes forever to get to the horse head in the bed.

[Christine]

Yeah, Godfather 2 was a better movie. Godfather 2 was a faster paced, better movie. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't pick one or the other over those two. I actually. The only time I've I would say a sequel is on par with the original.

[Christine]

Well, it takes a long time to get. But the opening scene at the wedding was very fun and interesting. And then seeing Mike's turn, that was pretty great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that when he goes into the bathroom and gets the gun out of the.

[Christine]

No, his turn. No, his turn was when his father was in the hospital and he had. They were coming to kill him, and they had to get some dude who wasn't even a mob guy, kind of put a jacket on him, stand out front and look like there was, you know, mob guards out front because they thought they got rid of all of them. And then he went to light the guy's cigarette, and the guy's hand was shaking, but Mike's hand wasn't. And he realized, oh, this. This is what I was meant to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, right. Godfather.

[Bobby Kelly]

Apparently, Scorsese once did a. I think it was at NYU discussion on the Godfather. And he. And said, what is the one thing that you. That nobody says about Michael Corleone? And it turns out he already killed. He's killed in the war. He's killed people already.

[Christine]

Yeah, he's a killer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And he came back and that. I think that scene is when he realized, yeah, this is what I. I'm good. This is my thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah. Then he got punched by the cop, broke his jaw. Her chocolate just for the rest of the movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This conversation sucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine said it was boring.

[Christine]

I switch up my thing that I like every once in a while, and I. I actually switched over to in my genre of what's getting me real thin girls and real chubbies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure. These are the tits. Like, when she gets up, like, she'll be hands and knees planted before her tits. Like, the weight of her tits even starts coming off your chest. And that's weird.

[Christine]

I don't mind a belly. Like, a nice belly. I told Don the other day, I go, come over here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Putting out feelers.

[Christine]

I go, come over here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, fettos, Bobby's on the prowl.

[Christine]

I told Don, I go, come here for a second. She goes, what? I go, I picked up a shirt, and I just started kissing a little belly. I was like, I like your belly like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did she, like, stick her thumbs in your eyes or anything after that?

[Christine]

No, she wasn't looking at me in the eye, and I don't think she was acknowledging me, but she goes, okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would never dream of doing it. I would never dream of doing it to any woman unless she had abs.

[Christine]

And I like a little belly Pregnant with your child?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I like your belly. Hey, you know what I think you've been bumming about?

[Christine]

I love it. I think it made it feel good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope. I like it made her think about it.

[Christine]

No, My what? Well, I think you're taking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if Christine went? She goes, God, I love resting your belly on the top of my head.

[Christine]

Christina, if Jay started kissing your belly, it was like, I love your belly. Wouldn't that make you feel good about your little belly? No, you wouldn't like that. I like your belly. Look at me. Look at me.

[Don]

I mean, I guess if it was like a. Not like isolated. Not as an isolated.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come here and lift her shirt. Start kissing her belly. Is weird. If there's no child, Jay's mouth on.

[Don]

My belly would completely freak me out or turn me off. It would just be a weird, isolated.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a strange move.

[Christine]

Not a strange move.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't like. I'm gonna call her anything. These two don't do any belly.

[Christine]

Yeah, you don't do any belly stuff.

[Don]

She touches my belly.

[Christine]

What does he touch it? How's he touch it? Like it's. Ooh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really don't touch her belly. She's ticklish and freaks out.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Don]

That's my side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Same thing.

[Christine]

She's not gonna answer because she knows I'm on the show and she knows it's about her. She's smart.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is that her ringback tone?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dawn, this isn't classy. Why is it ring back tone?

[Christine]

This is her great great grandmother's song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See if she answers. If you suck up all my titties.

[Christine]

Hello. At the tone. Yeah. Goodbye. Nice talking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ah, suck up on your dick.

[Christine]

I like. I do. I like a little belly. I like a. I, I. The thin girls with small titties and a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And gut worship.

[Christine]

Is that what it's called? I wish Don would have gut worship. I wouldn't have to lose all this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait.

[Christine]

Oh, here she is. All right, here she goes. Hey, Don. Don, you're on the bonfire live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not live. It's recorded.

[Christine]

Well, they don't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

All right, listen real quick. It's not live. It's just recorded. Jay's correcting me again. He has to just fix it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, just.

[Christine]

He micro corrects me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you can just let her know.

[Christine]

That it's a micro correction. That doesn't need to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It does because it can be. What she says is.

[Christine]

Exactly. You know what, Jay? It's not you. It's when I'm with you and you micro correct. It's her. Because she micro corrects all the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you make micro mistakes constantly. All day long.

[Christine]

Everybody does. It's called being human. Perfect person. Shut your face. Mama, real quick. You know I love you. Yeah.

[Don]

What's up?

[Christine]

What. What are you. Would you just drop an album? Yeah. What's up? Who are you, 50 Cent?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's using that black scent you want.

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah. Mama, you know I love you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why the preface?

[Christine]

I love you too, Don. Say it back.

[Don]

I love you too. Not like I'm trying to figure out what you're getting at.

[Christine]

Don't be on, Mama. When I tell you to walk over to me and I pull your shirt up and I kiss your belly because I love your belly, does that make you. Do you mind that or. You like it, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's cute.

[Christine]

What the was that? What do you mean? What do you know?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's nice.

[Don]

It's a. It's a. It's like. It's endearing.

[Christine]

Endearing? What? No, it's not the word. Oh, you shouldn't use endearing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christ.

[Christine]

You know, you don't like it when I kiss you. When I go, I love your belly because I love your belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. And saying it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

Do you not like it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it hot?

[Don]

I didn't say I didn't like it, but it's not something I ever really thought about.

[Christine]

Do you do. Does it bother you when I do it?

[Don]

Well, I mean, it's not sexy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Christine]

Oh, fuck. Fuck and fuck. Look, Jay just turned his back to me. Jay's never turned it. Well, he's never. Jay just put his head down. Jay turned his back and put his head down. What the. What the. Dawn, what do you mean? What is it? It's cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not sexy.

[Christine]

I don't. I gotta go.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's nothing sexy.

[Christine]

I'll never do it again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. Say thank you. Don her.

[Christine]

Oh, God. Wow.

[Don]

Belly kisses. That's what I give do.

[Christine]

That's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dawn, get over here. Let me pinch. Hey, dawn, let me pinch an inch. Get over here.

[Christine]

Can I stop you real quick? You're not supposed to kiss your dog's belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? I'd eat my dog out.

[Christine]

I don't kiss the dog's belly, you weirdo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd rest my head around her.

[Christine]

I never kiss my dog. The belly kisses near the vagina and the nipples.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Christine]

Where?

[Don]

Vagina.

[Christine]

Where's the belly?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not really. If I gotta be honest, it's more side.

[Christine]

I don't kiss my dog down below the neck just like a child.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, give her on the side.

[Christine]

I'm not gonna kiss Max on the belly. Why would I kiss a dog? That's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? You're also not gonna make Max piss, and outside I do.

[Christine]

First of all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, I'm sorry. I know we're different parents.

[Christine]

Yes, I do. Casa de Max has no bathroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If he behaves, do you throw him the bones of your food?

[Christine]

I actually give him dried turkey hearts, dehydrated turkey heart livers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, he's gonna be a monster on that football field. Dude, the stuff we're putting in this kid, it's gonna be crazy.

[Christine]

Oh, man. He got in trouble last week. He got in trouble so much. He's swearing so much, and it's my fault.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Christine]

It's all my fault.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

And he's swearing so much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys have been extraordinarily permissive with it his entire life, and I feel bad.

[Christine]

I'm trying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's uncomfortable when it happens.

[Christine]

He goes. He goes. He goes. His friend, they were getting on the bus for after football, and his friend was getting on the wrong bus, and he goes right in front of the monitor, he goes, wrong bus to his friend. And the monitor was like, what did you say to me? He's like, oh, no. I called him an. I'm like, don't say it twice. You're not supposed to say it at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You have a hill to climb now. I know, because he's 12, and you got to start doing this thing that should have handled when he was 8, and he would come around and make everybody uncomfortable, and he'd go, ah, what's up?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then you go, hey, Max. It's a weird opening.

[Christine]

Yeah, I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I almost tripped.

[Christine]

It's not Don. It's 100 me. And I catch myself now. I didn't even know I was doing it, but I catch myself walking over the bus. I'm like, look at this fucking guy. He's like, dad, I'm not supposed to say that. And you said, so what? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're an adult.

[Christine]

Yeah, no, it's. It's. It's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not his best friend. You're an adult.

[Christine]

Don't you say that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

You don't have best friends with your dad because he can't throw a football.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Christine]

His dad can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, now that Tommy Pope, your father, taught you, loosen your grip. Hey, Maximus, loosen your grip.

[Christine]

100. I did that yesterday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell him to loosen his grip.

[Christine]

Swear to God. The other day. I passed on my father's advice. I never had a dad. Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, you should just make. You should just make Tommy Pope Max's godfather.

[Christine]

I would love to. Tommy Pope. Just fill in for me for a couple years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A real mustache guy to come fucking take Max around.

[Christine]

He really is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show him the good stuff.

[Don]

What are your holiday traditions? Putting up a minimum of six trees. Decorating every room with a different theme. Whatever it is, here's one way to make those traditions extra special. Start the season with Etsy. On Etsy, you'll discover original pieces from small shops to help you celebrate your way. Shop Etsy for holiday decor that makes you feel seen. Special starts on Etsy.

[Christine]

He's Kenny Main, the funny guy from espn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Formerly, he's Cooper Manning, the more intelligent and handsome of the Manning brothers. And he's Brian Baumgartner. But to me, he'll always be Kevin from the office. Yeah, you and everybody else together.

[Christine]

We're the hosts of the new comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Golf podcast, we need a fourth from Smartless Media and SiriusXM. It's like a cold beer after a round. You hear the strangest and most bizarre golf stories from our friends, athletes, celebrities and comedians. It's all about how much we love golf and how much we hate golf. New episodes are out every week. Listen now and subscribe. Wherever you get your podcast could just be anywhere, just on a couch. Doesn't matter.