Sketching Belichick w/Mike Finoia

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Sketching Belichick w/ Mike Finoia

Date: February 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this riotously unfiltered episode, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, joined by guest Mike Finoia (with Michael Che also dropping in), embark on their typical freewheeling journey, focusing this time on art class traumas, parental lies about childhood talent, epic school projects, and—most memorably—a detailed, hilarious group exercise imagining what NFL coach Bill Belichick's, uh, anatomy might look like. Equal parts storytelling, roast battle, and absurd art critique, the gang dives deep into their parental mishaps and the weird, cutthroat world of art class, before spiraling into a running bit about commemorative tombstone design, culminating in a meta conversation about their own funerals. The tone is raucous, irreverent, and peppered with inside jokes—a quintessential episode for "Bonfire" fans.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Parenting, Art Class, and Childhood Fibs

• Bobby’s Art Teacher Story
  • Bobby shares how his entire pursuit of art as a kid was based on a lie: his mom secretly drew a Great Dane he submitted for class, leading to him being paraded as a prodigy.
    • “My mother drew it. My mother was a fantastic artist. She drew the dog.” (06:12)
  • Everyone riffs on their own parents “helping” with school projects, and how easy it is for stories to get misremembered in the retelling.
• Jay and Bobby’s Approach to Supporting Their Kids
  • Jay suspects his daughter Isabella’s achievements need a little push (or adult craftsmanship). Bobby admits to pushing his son Max to request alternatives to art class, but has to recount the real story after Jay mangles the details.
    • “You said if you fall asleep in class… that you told to me.” —Jay (03:22)
    • “He’s asking for help. He’s saying, is there any other thing I could possibly do?” —Bobby (03:58)
• Project Cheating and Parental Over-Participation
  • All admit to heavily (over-)contributing to their kids’ school projects, from cake decorating “Spice Girls” cakes to homemade fire-starting contraptions.
    • “I did a cake decorating thing with her for Girl Scouts that I murdered.” —Jay (08:04)
    • “I did one of Max’s projects this year... starting fire with a stick. I built him the whole thing.” —Bobby (10:37)
• Art Class as the Oddball Subject
  • Bobby laments that Max hates art, while the others reminisce on their own love/hate relationships with the subject (and jokes about “macaroni penis” crafts ensue).
• Parental Expectations and Competitive Instincts
  • Jay confesses to feeling competitive when Isabella’s art was praised by her mother:
    • “She drew something and said, oh my God, you’re the best artist in the house. Which I took exception to… and then we did an art contest... and mine was substantially better, of course. And then Isabella cried. And then I drew a picture of her crying.” (13:50)

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The Bill Belichick Drawing Contest (Main Event)

Timestamp: [26:00 – 38:00]

• Prompt:
  At around [26:00], the group embarks on the absurd mission of collaboratively imagining and drawing what Bill Belichick’s penis might look like—complete with anatomical theories, artistic critiques, and running gags about veins, size, “Super Balls,” and Patriot tattoos.
• Mike Che’s Drawing
  • Presents a “fat, exhausted penis” with saggy balls, dubbed “recliner balls.”
    • “This penis sat in trash… It’s a tired, long day. This penis had a long day.” (29:21)
• Bobby’s Drawing
  • Focuses on girth, peculiar veins, and a cartoonishly large urethra (“can fit a quarter in there”).
    • “You need something weird and unique. When you pull your dick down as an old guy with a young girl, she’s gonna go, wow, I’ve never had one of those.” (36:21)
• Jay’s Drawing
  • Goes for a “photorealistic” approach, adds Patriots tattoos, Super Bowl rings, and tactical veins.
    • “Very, very straight. Tactile veins raised… tattooed football seams on his ball bag up top, right. With Brady’s number on the bag.” (34:07)
• Art Critique & Ridicule
  • The trio critiques each others’ interpretations, pokes fun at anatomical deviations, and reflects on the “meaning” behind each creation.
• Remarkable Meta-commentary
  • Reflects on the power of “unique junk” to attract younger women, jokes about art realism, and closes by voting whose version is most accurate.

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The Belichick Super Bowl Troll

Timestamp: [20:22 – 24:40]

• Discussion of Belichick’s “troll” at the Super Bowl, where his much-younger girlfriend wore a shirt from “Orchids of Asia Spa”—the very spot Patriots owner Robert Kraft was notoriously caught at.
  • “He had his child bride wear a shirt—Eden Spa, Eden Gardens… the spa that Robert Kraft got busted in. But no jacket, nothing, just the t-shirt art.” —Jay (20:34)
  • Everyone agrees it’s a “legendary” troll, and riffs on Patriots’ management drama.

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Graveyard Jokes and Absurd Legacy Planning

Timestamp: [41:00 – 65:30]

• Jay’s Monument/Funeral Design
  • The crew imagines Jay’s eventual tombstone as an interactive art installation featuring his “looking for daddy” tattoo (placed above his actual spread asshole), with rotating seasonal displays, sound effects, and potentially a snow globe or eternal flame.
    • “I want to face down… almost like a school project volcano my ass coming out and then off the side of the casket…” —Jay (46:19)
  • Features to include: magnifying dome for viewing, candy and food trucks at the site, Hot Topic “guards,” and message recordings.
    • “You need a fat goth girl… with the staunch, like, stick-to-itiveness of a Buckingham palace guard.” —Jay (59:36)
• Running Gags
  • Who would clean the tomb? What artifacts (hoodies, spikes, memorabilia) should be left as tributes? Which songs should play?
• Interactive Art & Tech Museum Concepts
  • Jokingly pitches art installations that borrow from museums and escape rooms (e.g., puzzles to reveal “the O” of the tattoo), blend of augmented-reality funerals, and multimedia tributes.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On school project fakery:
  • “My mother drew it. My mother was a fantastic artist. She drew the dog.” —Bobby Kelly [06:12]
  • “You did taxes for your parents?” —Bobby [08:48], “No, that was a joke.” —Michael Che [08:49]
• On Belichick’s anatomy:
  • “I bet he could fit, like, a quarter in his P hole.” —Bobby Kelly [27:56]
  • “This penis sat in trash. It’s a tired, long day. This penis had a long day.” —Michael Che [29:21]
  • “Very, very straight. Tactile veins raised, I should say. … tattooed football seams on his ball bag up top, right, with Brady’s number on the bag.” —Jay Oakerson [34:07]
• On Belichick’s Super Bowl troll:
  • “He had his child bride wear a shirt… Orchids of Asia Spa. Oriental Spa. It just has some Asian lady on top of, I think, another Asian lady.” —Jay Oakerson [22:05]
• On Jay’s monument:
  • “I want you to remember one thing about me. My asshole poking through like a hat.” —Jay Oakerson [47:02]
  • “When you look in your butthole, it’s like one of those pixel change O things and it’s your life.” —Michael Che [48:04]
• On fashion & the cyclical return of trends:
  • “Baggy jeans are back… Bisexuality—big, big comeback.” —Jay Oakerson [60:17]

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Memorable Moments and Segments

• [13:50] Jay’s art contest with his daughter Isabella (“and then I drew a picture of her crying”).
• [26:00–38:00] Bill Belichick penis drawing contest—absurd “art critique” and anatomy speculation.
• [41:00–65:30] Designing Jay’s interactive, irreverent tombstone art-installation/mausoleum.
• [20:34] The Super Bowl “Orchids of Asia Spa” t-shirt troll by Belichick’s girlfriend.
• [61:53] Musical plans for Jay’s grave, with audience-suggested songs and interactive features.

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Episode Structure (Select Timestamps)

• [00:50–04:00]: Intro, banter about parenting, art class trauma stories.
• [06:12]: Bobby’s “Great Dane” confession.
• [10:37]: Parents confess to doing their kids’ school projects.
• [13:50]: Jay’s competitive fathering/art contest tale.
• [20:22]: The Belichick Super Bowl “spa shirt” troll.
• [26:00–38:00]: The group’s “Belichick’s penis” drawing challenge.
• [41:00–65:30]: Extended bit on Jay’s future mausoleum/art installation and all the ways to immortalize him with irreverent humor.

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Takeaway

This “Bonfire” episode is a masterclass in unfiltered, improvisational hilarity. It blends personal stories about childhood art fraud, parental delusions, nutty school projects, and the hosts’ grotesquely creative twist on legacy and memory. The scenes where grown comics critique each other’s imagined depictions of Bill Belichick’s anatomy are as weird as they are funny, while the later segments, riffing on monument design, channel the show’s signature mix of macabre, absurd, and strangely sincere friendship. For longtime listeners and newcomers alike, it’s an unforgettable dose of pure, uncensored Bonfire.

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For full context, catch these unforgettable segments:

• [13:50] Art contest with Jay’s daughter
• [26:00–38:00] The Belichick anatomy “art show”
• [41:00–65:30] Design and debate over Jay’s mausoleum and eternal legacy

Transcript

[Jay Oakerson]

You've made it on time for the McDonald's breakfast menu.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think to yourself, finally, I can start my day.

[Jay Oakerson]

But what if breakfast could be even more perfect with the hot honey sausage egg biscuit? It finally is. Go to McDonald's and get it while you can. Well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that

[Bobby Kelly]

special someone in your life a gift.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now, you call it an early present for next year.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you have to lose?

[Jay Oakerson]

Give it [e-mail] Switch limited time, 50

[Bobby Kelly]

off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for 3 months,

[Jay Oakerson]

$90 for 6 months or $180 for

[Michael Che]

12 month plan taxes and fees.

[Jay Oakerson]

Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy. See terms.

[Michael Che]

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Campers Gang fest New Orleans VIP tickets go on sale Monday President's Day, February 16th at 2pm Eastern on skankfest.com Bobby called me this weekend. This is a pre record, so if you want to talk, it's fine, but it's. Wait a minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it a good. I've told you a couple things this weekend.

[Jay Oakerson]

No there's anything crazy. This isn't anything crazy. It's just funny. It's just when I hear Bobby, like, I know best of intentions and he's a great father.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like, first of all, I don't like when you have to say that preamble. The preamble. That's a Louis Gomez thing. I'm a good dad.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm. Weirdly. I'm weirdly, I'm strangely a father for like 10 more years than Bobby. So Bobby, I just hear him doing the thing. I just had a very different thing with Isabella.

[Bobby Kelly]

For some reason, I pulled out. You didn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's true with Isabella. With Isabella, I always had a thing where it was like when they would come home and it would be like, you know, Isabella was like this kid was bullying her. She was like, yeah, I was being picked on and I. Blah, blah, blah. So I did this or whatever. I'd always kind of have, like, is that what happened? Like, for sure that's what happened. Like, let me double check this. It was something you were saying about. I forget what it was. He was like, yeah, Max got in this, his teacher called him a loser and said he.

[Bobby Kelly]

Blah, blah, blah, no, no. She called it.

[Jay Oakerson]

She said, fucking teachers, dude. He's fucking. He goes. He told Max that he was doing something and if he falls asleep in class, he's a loser. And he's like, fucking teachers, dude. I'm gonna let him stay home from school for a week.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not what happened.

[Jay Oakerson]

He didn't say that last part.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not what I had.

[Jay Oakerson]

What happened was stuff like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny when you talk to.

[Michael Che]

I bought him another dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you talk to your friends about shit, they hear a totally different version of it.

[Michael Che]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened was he. Look, he goes from six in the morning till five at night. He does wrestling five nights a week. Dude, It's a. That's tiring. Dude, stop it. That's tiring.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a child. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You fucking wake up at 11.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

What time did you wake up today?

[Jay Oakerson]

Today I woke up at what time did I wake up today? Like 9:45? Yeah. Oh, all right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's.

[Michael Che]

If you flip that upside down at 6:45.

[Bobby Kelly]

But my point is this. He gets tired in this one class. It's art class. He hates it. And he got tired in it because they were doing this and he was like, I just don't like doing it. I go, why don't you just ask the teacher if you can do something else? If there's any other version of this that you might like, but you can't fall asleep in class and you can't not do it. You have to talk to the teacher. Just say, hey, is there anything else I could do? He's like, all right. So he went up to her. He goes, I'm sorry for falling asleep in class yesterday. I won't do that anymore. But is there any other project I could work on or something else I could do that would be, you know, that I could kind of get into? And she goes, no, finish that project, and if you don't finish it, you're a failure.

[Jay Oakerson]

You said if you fall asleep in class. That you told to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not what happened.

[Jay Oakerson]

You said you fall asleep in case you're a loser.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she said if you don't finish this project, you're a failure. That's what she said.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what happened.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which I think she's right. No, she's not. He doesn't make a macaroni face and he's a fucking failure. I told my teacher to go fuck herself. I'm sitting right Next to you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tubby, I understand, but she has to wait. Listen, Mags is like. He's asking her to adjust it to him. Do you understand how to ask?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he's not. You dumb, dumb. He's asking her for help. Can you. Is there any way you can help me?

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that what he said?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's asking for help. He's saying, is there any other thing I could possibly do? But you could phrase it like this. You could be like, no, we gotta finish this. But if there's. Let me help you. If there's anything you need help with, that's what it teaches us.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I think you're picturing the Heman of three goes. Please, Professor.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, May I please?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. I did dress him, like, all fell asleep.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was a kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

I dressed him like, all of a twist. He wouldn't hear that part. I didn't tell you that part.

[Jay Oakerson]

I apologize.

[Michael Che]

You called the teacher?

[Jay Oakerson]

He had a tie. That's like a knot. He had a big hat, shoelace, tie around his neck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He had a bag. I gave him a big canvas bag.

[Michael Che]

He goes, gay stuff makes me sleepy, ma'.

[Jay Oakerson]

Am. He has his books in the belt like Valky Bartokos.

[Bobby Kelly]

He said, gay stuff makes me sleepy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't understand.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it doesn't make sense to me because our class was my favorite class ever.

[Michael Che]

Gay stuff. And it makes you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I love gay stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gay stuff makes you happy. Can I make a macaroni penis again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I tell.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Stop making macaroni penises.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I tell you I was. I was going to art school. Before comedy. I was going to college to be an art teacher. Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

To be an art teacher. I didn't know that I was going to be.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was my whole dream, to be an artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, went to art school.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went to art school. I was going to transfer to Mass College of Art. I was two classes away from transferring to Mass College of Art. School burned down.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, I just. I did stand up and I was like, I'm going to do this.

[Jay Oakerson]

The great white tragedy happened then.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the whole. My whole thing of being an artist was a lie. My mother in second grade, Mrs. Julian, she loved art. She was a bit. But she was a twat. Everybody hated Mrs. Julian and. But my mother, for Christmas had got me a charcoal kit. Like a big pad of paper. And it comes with the charcoal, but it also comes with how to draw, like, certain things. So me, I started drawing this Great Dane and. But my mother was helping me premonition my Mother. My mother drew it. She drew this dog. My mother was a fantastic artist. She drew the dog.

[Jay Oakerson]

She said, well, you'll be helping me. Helped by a Great Dane.

[Michael Che]

Get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got it.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was great.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a great. That was a Great Dane.

[Michael Che]

One slow burn there.

[Jay Oakerson]

I helped you. I helped you, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on. I'm sorry.

[Michael Che]

I was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in the middle of the thing. I'm sorry. No, it's all right. But she. We got it. I.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now it's enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now it's enough.

[Jay Oakerson]

It killed. Now it's enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you're acting like Dane.

[Michael Che]

I'm an okay Dane.

[Bobby Kelly]

So she. I handed this piece of artwork in from my mother to Mrs. Julian. She lost her mind. She took me to every class with this, calling me like a prodigy. But my mother. My mother drew it. And I just. I just took it so literally through every class. I want everybody. Robert, he's a great artist. I want everybody to see it. So I went in every class holding this charcoal drawing of a great.

[Jay Oakerson]

You knew you were behind the lie, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's like, what's the girl? Gypsy Rose?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. I got caught in it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're like Gypsy Rose's mom.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I didn't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Next thing you know, you're going. Everyone thinks you're have cancer. You're going to Disney World for free to build your houses.

[Michael Che]

You're drinking silver.

[Bobby Kelly]

In my defense, I didn't know it was going to blow up. I thought I was just going to get Ms. Julian. I knew she was going to fucking take me to every class.

[Michael Che]

And now you're the Basquiat of Shelby elementary School.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby starts wearing berets to school. Sorry, guys. I'm an artiste.

[Bobby Kelly]

My whole thing was fucking I'm an artist from then on. And I've never. I never really.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna be an art teacher based on your mom's drawing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I got the book. Drawing from the right side of your brain. I was trying to tap into the right side.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll find it. I'll find it.

[Michael Che]

Bobby's in his little kid room listening to Velvet Underground.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was co. Crazy, man.

[Michael Che]

Did you ever did that? Did you ever get busted for that fake art, though? Did they ever go, like, draw something now?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Michael Che]

And you're like, the muse isn't here.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's funny. The next week, she's like, could you draw my dog for me? And I can't. It's just a stick figure.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like. It's like, can you draw that? Same Great Dane again. He goes, aren't coming through me today.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think my mother has it. I'm gonna get it. I'll bring it in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's perfect. I did a few of Isabella's projects to really make sure we took the prize on a few things. She took the credit. What was it we did? Christine, you get those pictures? I have them still. Some of them. I did a cake decorating thing with her for Girl Scouts that I murdered

[Michael Che]

that he made her join.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then a picture. And then a picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

Explains the pink gloves.

[Michael Che]

He goes, please join Girl Scouts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay dresses like a fancy. Like one of those new bakers. Like an Instagram baker.

[Michael Che]

Because his bookstore failed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay should be a baker. Slash, like, poet.

[Michael Che]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Get your laughs in.

[Michael Che]

Oh, he's writing poetry. I had to do some of my parents projects.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Michael Che]

That's how dumb they were.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ. Dude. What the.

[Michael Che]

They were like, here, do my taxes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, okay.

[Michael Che]

My parents had me when they were 18. So you're smart in certain ways. Yeah, not book smart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay goes.

[Michael Che]

And like, I'm very dumb at math.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Michael Che]

But I'm okay in English.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did taxes for your parents?

[Michael Che]

No, that was a joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, sorry, buddy. You take everything you say literally, Mike. Because of the way you look at me.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's fine.

[Michael Che]

I look at you the way you look at me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sexy. What's up, baby?

[Michael Che]

Big eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

Scary.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like the same person.

[Michael Che]

I like those glasses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, buddy. Try them on. There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. I want to show you the torture that I put Isabella through. The artist that she eventually became.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can see really good with these, Jake.

[Michael Che]

Can you tell the difference?

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Michael Che]

Wait, we switched. We switched heads.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Bobby looks smarter and you look more woodsy. Thank you.

[Michael Che]

I don't want to be smart. I want to be woodsy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is good.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to be smart.

[Michael Che]

That infiltrated.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if we just changed bodies? Like Freaky Friday.

[Michael Che]

You just go home to Lisa.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, babe. Dawn's like, why are you eating my so much?

[Michael Che]

Whoa. Italians love gabagool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gabagool. That's what I call it.

[Michael Che]

You call it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, because it looks like a little rolled up gabagool.

[Michael Che]

Like a little hand sandwich.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it's always. It's like hanging like a deli when you come.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would not be with her if you had a hanging flash.

[Michael Che]

She had bat speed. Bag it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she had bat wings. I'm out.

[Michael Che]

You did it. You made a cake for Isabel.

[Jay Oakerson]

A cake? I just sent Christina cake. And a project that I drew for her. Also that she was supposed to draw and killed it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

Wouldn't it be funny if everything that Jay did, like, in art, even for his daughter, had, like, a drippy big penis on it? Like a legion of skanks?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's always in there.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. Here's what I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look for it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anything we draw.

[Michael Che]

It's like the Camel cigarette Pac.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anything I draw, I start with a drippy penis with a face holding a gun and balls with veins and hair. Then I build off of that, right? That's the skeleton of every drawing you see of mine. Whatever I'm drawing, it starts off as a. With feet holding a gun. I did Max's shooting jisms out of his head. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did one of Max's projects this year. I did. He had to do, you know those fire, like, the. Starting with the stick. Starting fire with the stick. I. I built him a.

[Jay Oakerson]

The thing to do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the whole thing to do it. We did it together.

[Jay Oakerson]

What if Bobby has to leave because he has to get in the chair to put his wig on so he can go wrestle for Max Tonight? Max is home playing video games, and Bobby does all of his tournaments for him. Max, come on. You woke up for school today.

[Michael Che]

Wrestling makes me sleepy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Max, you woke up for school today and you walked, like, from class to class. Dude, you need a break. Papa will go wrestle for you now.

[Michael Che]

Wait, so you're still carrying that backpack

[Jay Oakerson]

all day we go. We were supposed to. She was supposed to make a cake.

[Michael Che]

You're such a good artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Based off of this. Well, this is the shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not his.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a shirt. It's a shirt. You were supposed to make a cake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are all the. Those are all the girls Jay dated in his life.

[Jay Oakerson]

And this is the cake we made.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's pretty great.

[Michael Che]

It's the Spice Girls, isn't it?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fantastic.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's excellent.

[Michael Che]

Can you zoom in, Christine, and show,

[Jay Oakerson]

by the way, I made the black girl a fucking black jelly bean?

[Michael Che]

You totally.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can tell the Asian girl a yellow jelly bean.

[Jay Oakerson]

I made her a yellow jelly bean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Racist.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is fantastic. It's a grab.

[Bobby Kelly]

A yellow jelly bean.

[Michael Che]

Jelly bean, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, she's yellow in the picture.

[Michael Che]

No, you did.

[Bobby Kelly]

You nailed it.

[Michael Che]

You were accurate. She's got hellraiser face, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

I couldn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why did you make the black girl mad?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because she is.

[Bobby Kelly]

You made the black and the Asian.

[Jay Oakerson]

The ironic thing is, my daughter's Girl Scout troops were always 15 black girls, and my daughter if you guys wonder why she talks like she does.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the white girl. All the white girls are smiling. And the black girl and the Asian girl have frowns.

[Michael Che]

The black girl looks mad at the photographer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Diversity hires me.

[Bobby Kelly]

How hard was it to do the eyes on the yellow one?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it was actually pretty easy. It was the least amount of frosting I had to use.

[Michael Che]

Wow, dude, you're such a good artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now, can you go to the heart? Picture of the heart. I mean, come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

You drew that?

[Michael Che]

Yes, I had to do the same project.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you trace it or did you freehand that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Freehand?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Dude, you're an artist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at my color. I mean, freehand off of. I was looking at it. The picture.

[Michael Che]

There's a little bit of J in this watch. Look up at the wanted. Look at the wanted. There's bullet holes instead for the A

[Bobby Kelly]

and the D. Why bullet holes?

[Michael Che]

Because he's a badass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. One of the.

[Michael Che]

He's an American story.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of the bullets.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because I. Because I can never stop being a badass. Bobby, you know why?

[Michael Che]

He's an American story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are actually bullet holes. Those are with smoke coming out of

[Jay Oakerson]

them, by the way. Those very well could be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's a freshly,

[Michael Che]

you know, ass in the dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're not going to be here, so I'm glad it doesn't have. Isabelle's coming in later for the live show. Oh, she is? Great to go over this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now.

[Guest or Producer]

That looks like a vagina there.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, a heart pussy. Yeah, there's always a pussy.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like a heart, dude. It's part of your heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a heart pussy.

[Guest or Producer]

You drew a heart. I think it's just part of you.

[Jay Oakerson]

There is a little. By the way, there is a little clitoral hood action happening at the top of that. No, not there. Right at the top of the slit itself. You were zoomed in right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right there.

[Michael Che]

Is that really what the heart looks like,

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby? What would you do to that heart puss? You can't fuck with the master. God, that's a good heart. Can I say something now? You remember the story of what I did with Isabella with her drawing when she was younger? Story when her mother came out, she drew something and said, oh, my God, you're the best artist in the house. Which I took exception to. When she was about 7 years old or so, 7 or 8, she drew this picture. Her mom said she's best artist in the house. I. I said this crazy thing to say. And then we did an art contest and Drew the same thing. And mine was substantially better, of course. And then Isabella cried. And then I drew a picture of her crying. But Christine show what an artist this girl became when she was. Oh, look at their heart pussy. Pretty good. I did on their heart.

[Michael Che]

That is a big old heart pussy. I want to finger that heart pussy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now can we see where she got to? Look at that. Look at that little kid. Just starry nights.

[Michael Che]

Starry night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pretty fucking good. Am I right?

[Michael Che]

What a sweetheart.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's all right.

[Michael Che]

I mean, it's. It's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's okay. It's not Van Gogh.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's almost as good as Starry Night, the initial one.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean.

[Michael Che]

I mean, did she run out of paint up top?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, why is there no paint all the way to the edge?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

And what's that? A city down below?

[Bobby Kelly]

She not finish her job. Like the. She not a finisher.

[Michael Che]

Was there a power outage?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, Jay, I can't do it. This is amazing. I'm sorry.

[Michael Che]

Better than I can do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually dragged you into that and you backed me up and I. Jay's little eyes. I can't do it.

[Michael Che]

No, she's brilliant.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Grand Go's is way better, but. Yes, it is close.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He didn't do it when he was 8 years old.

[Guest or Producer]

Yes, he did.

[Bobby Kelly]

He actually. That was when he was 8.

[Jay Oakerson]

My point being is, Bobby, you can't take it easy on him. You have to bully your kids into greatness. Do you understand?

[Bobby Kelly]

Believe me.

[Jay Oakerson]

And so I fight myself. Have you seen Isabella's art today? She's fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have not.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's a great artist today. Isabella, you have stuff. Christine, right?

[Michael Che]

She's also a. She's also a artist of the face.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's an esthetician also. Yeah, she does a bunch of crazy, wacky makeup on herself.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what dawn was. She was the esthetician for a long time.

[Michael Che]

Can you have her bring in some. Can you call her and have her bring in some for us? Can she do like a. Yeah. No. Can she do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Brings in a big Ziploc bag of duty?

[Michael Che]

I stepped in a human last night outside New York comedy club in my brand new sneakers.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to throw those out, right?

[Michael Che]

So mad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you throw them out?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Michael Che]

And you want to know what I did? Well, they're in my garage right now. You know what I did? I stepped on my WeatherTech floor mats.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no.

[Michael Che]

So I got in the car this morning, and it smelled like somebody.

[Jay Oakerson]

They really hold the grit.

[Michael Che]

Hot boxed my car. It's like someone farted in my car and shut the door.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta immediately throw that shoe out right in a snowbank and just get in your car.

[Jay Oakerson]

If it smelled like fart, it might be human.

[Michael Che]

That's what I mean. It didn't smell like dog doo doo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dog shit's got its own thing.

[Michael Che]

And it had a weird consistency.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mom, Donnie.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's probably that is and snow communists anywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

They love shit on the street.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, commies love shit on the street.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he said that on the news. You guys stay in if you can't stand shit on the street.

[Jay Oakerson]

He wrapped it on the news, I think is what happened.

[Michael Che]

He goes, carry your good shoes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now what'd you do with that other cake underneath it?

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not another cake. Oh, is it? Yeah, maybe we made two in case it messed up. I think I just layered it, honestly.

[Michael Che]

Maybe it was brownies with extra batter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are those gumdrops by the way?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, do I love a gumdrop.

[Michael Che]

Do you like a gumdrop?

[Bobby Kelly]

I do.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't enjoy gumdrops at all. However, they are perfect for making a multi ethnicity group of young girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think the worst candy is.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like fondant. You don't really eat it. It's just good to make things, you know, make it make a cake look like a gift box.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, that's the parsley of cake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you remember ribbon candy? Worst candy?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, ribbon can is pretty bad. By the way, that was glue. I mean, since you guys aren't asking, I'll just tell you because you're probably wondering, hey, what the hell are those dresses made out of?

[Bobby Kelly]

Fruit Roll ups.

[Michael Che]

Wow, dude, did you think of that? Did you go, let's get Fruit Roll ups for the dress.

[Jay Oakerson]

I told Isabelle to go take a siesta kid. You had a long day. What are you gonna go to school, play and then also make a cake? Come on, let that take some of that workload off. Sometimes I bobbied how much.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much I like that little fucking thing at the end when you realize sometimes I would. Bobby, how much did you did the place flip out about this? Did the people call you up or. And oh my God, her cake was amazing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Didn't even ask a question. I just send her off and I just. When she comes home, I expect I go, we took it, right? And she goes, yeah, wow. Yeah, yeah, we took the prize, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you have the ribbon or does she still have it?

[Jay Oakerson]

I think this may have been how she won her bike I never taught her how to ride, but she got it. I helped her get that bike. What am I gonna help you get the bike and then teach you how to ride it?

[Michael Che]

That was the next cake. Was just her falling off a bike.

[Jay Oakerson]

Ack, ack.

[Michael Che]

He goes, all the blood red fruit roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why did you never teach her how to ride a bike?

[Jay Oakerson]

I forgot.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you forget?

[Jay Oakerson]

Forgot? She didn't know how to.

[Michael Che]

He forgot how to ride one.

[Jay Oakerson]

She never really asked about wanting to. Really.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does she know how to swim?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. She took swimming lessons since she was a little kid. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Teaching a kid how to ride a bike is a pain in the ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I would have been bad at it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I took Max to a hill at the park and I just pushed him down the hill.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I did.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Michael Che]

Pushed him down a hill.

[Bobby Kelly]

We were on the front lawn of my hill. I'd push him and he would go. And then when he got it, and then when he finally kind of got the hang of it, I took him down the park. And there's a hill on grass. Because if he's gonna fall, I'd rather have him fall on grass than the pavement. And he went down the hill, picked up some speed. Not like a crazy hill, but nice hill. Went down and. And got it. Was it.

[Michael Che]

And then he goes right back up. He goes, I gotta pedal. He goes, take a nap real quick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then we went back. We're back to the house, and we drive. I put him on the street and I pushed him, and he took off and he was gone. And I was like, oh, my God. That's it. That's like the first time.

[Jay Oakerson]

How long till he came back?

[Bobby Kelly]

He went around the block.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you have to massage his feet afterwards to make sure he was gonna be okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we have these little things that he puts his feet in. And then John gave him a pedicure. Yeah. I actually have an Asian lady that comes over twice a week for Max.

[Jay Oakerson]

Max right now is, like, this being taken care of.

[Michael Che]

He's like one of those puppies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don told him to go.

[Michael Che]

He's got cucumbers on his.

[Jay Oakerson]

When he comes home from school. I picture dawn just dresses him up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he's. He's gotta. He's gotta cut his nails all the time for wrestling. And Don was like, just go. We'll go get your Medicare a pedicure and a manicure. And he goes, no, I'm not doing that. That's gay. I go, I'm gonna hang. You're gonna Hang out with Jay for a week.

[Michael Che]

Oh, yeah, Uncle Jay will bring you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Uncle Jay will fucking set you straight.

[Michael Che]

He's got a punch card.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll show you how gay it is.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, wear your onesie.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it gay when an old Asian lady comes and awkwardly massages your shoulders while your nails are drying? And you just go like this. You just stand like this while she rubs your shoulders?

[Bobby Kelly]

Speaking of Asian ladies, did you see the troll that Belichick pulled at the Super Bowl?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did you see it?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, that was pretty good.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fucking great.

[Jay Oakerson]

He had his child bride.

[Michael Che]

Belichick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, his child bride wear a shirt of whatever was. Eden Spa. Eden Gardens.

[Michael Che]

You're kidding.

[Bobby Kelly]

From where?

[Jay Oakerson]

Robert Kraft.

[Bobby Kelly]

The spa that Robert Kraft got busted in. But no jacket, nothing. Just the T shirt art.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you ever find it Isabella art.

[Bobby Kelly]

The.

[Michael Che]

That's hilarious.

[Bobby Kelly]

The. I mean, dude, that's crazy.

[Michael Che]

That's such like a. Come and get me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to get one of those shirts.

[Michael Che]

Why not?

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually want to get it at the place.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the right way.

[Michael Che]

You wear a jersey. You wear a Patriots Jersey, you get 10 off.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Michael Che]

You wear a Patriots Jersey, you get 10 off?

[Bobby Kelly]

Probably.

[Jay Oakerson]

That would be great.

[Michael Che]

They should have done promo code craft10.

[Bobby Kelly]

My counter was talking about it and I was like, that's the greatest fucking troll ever. Look at that dude.

[Michael Che]

How funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's such a good shirt, too.

[Jay Oakerson]

He hates Robert Kraft.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he just busted balls. Oh, Belichick. I don't think they like each other.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why, I wonder?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he got fired and he didn't do.

[Jay Oakerson]

He wanted for 700 years.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he wanted to get rid of Brady. He wanted to get rid of Brady and he wanted. Who's the guy that went to San Francisco? Good looking guy, too. That was Garoppolo. He wanted Garoppolo in because that was the next. That was it. Get Brady out. Bring him up. We save money on the. We get more players. He wanted to do what he does. And Kraft was like, off. We're not letting that happen.

[Michael Che]

There's the shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there it is, right there. I want to get one.

[Michael Che]

It was just. Yeah, there it is.

[Jay Oakerson]

What is it called? Orchids of Asia. Orchids of Asia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Orchids of Asia. Spa. Oriental Spa. It just has some Asian lady on top of, I think another Asian lady.

[Jay Oakerson]

He looks like such a weird couple. Yeah, it doesn't look like a couple.

[Michael Che]

No, it doesn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

They don't even like. They. Yeah, they don't even have like that kind of energy around each Other. It looks like she's like his. It's like in Landman. It's like Sam Elliot. It's like Sam Elliott and that prostitute they have giving him therapy.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, but even Sam Elliott somehow more believable.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, because they. They're not. He said he goes. He goes. Yeah, whatever. Her car broke down or something, so she just stayed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they just held. He held her.

[Jay Oakerson]

She, him. Which I bet even the show, like, they don't even say for sure that she's not doing that. Going like this.

[Michael Che]

Belichick looks like he's holding in a Metamucil.

[Bobby Kelly]

Belichick's wearing like four shirts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like all the eyes. That's what I'm saying. He's not even trying to look like. He doesn't even try to look like different for her.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looks like my audience.

[Michael Che]

He's got long johns underneath those lulus.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got his hands in his pockets, a little gut hat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you know for sure he's wearing white BVDs and you know, that are

[Michael Che]

just like not even touching. Skin hanging underneath.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's fat too, because the sweater elastic is actually bunched up. Oh, yeah, that's supposed to hang down a little bit.

[Michael Che]

She puts his socks on.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's not that hot either. Like, as she gets older, she's just turning it. She's not as hot as she was. She's got little tiny titties.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, she'll be.

[Michael Che]

She's hot.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. She's hot.

[Michael Che]

Like if she does 28, she's 26. She's like moldy bread.

[Bobby Kelly]

What I'm saying, when you like them young, you know, they get. All right.

[Michael Che]

You're right. Absolutely.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, dude, she's browning on the vine right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, exactly.

[Guest or Producer]

She's like a full time Asian massage girl. I mean, just. She's with him all. At all times.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's her life. Yeah, really. You're right. She has to pretend she likes him and rub him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Some girls like that, though. There's a couple girls out there that like old. They call them silver foxes. They're into old dudes.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, they'll be into old. Like I understand a woman being attracted to an old guy who's like, in shape. This happens. You know what I mean? A guy who's gray is what they're talking about. They're not talking about a decrepit Bill Belichick with his fucking comb over balding hair.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

His fucking scrunch face all the time. His fucking rosacea and Fucking bulb nose. Yeah, she loves it.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a comment. I'm not gonna say the name, but is into dad bod. That dumpy dad bod thing girls are into. Like, I don't know, it might be some weird thing, but I'll tell you,

[Jay Oakerson]

dad bod is different. He doesn't have dad bod.

[Michael Che]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bill Belichick. He's got elderly. When he gets done, it's like. Yeah, it's like. Everything's like. Everything's like, wrink and weird and hairy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Craft is better. In better shape than him.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was a fake picture, Bobby, you believe everything the Internet shows you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I do. Dude. Do you know that we're aliens? Built the pyramids, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Shut up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where'd you hear that, Dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Under the pyramids, there's a whole labyrinth of alien stuff going on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's a Denver airport.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that was Antarctica. She goes Antarctica, too. Yeah.

[Michael Che]

She goes, before we go to spin class, let me shave your ears.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, the thing she. Oh, the nostril hair that she has seen moving when he sleeps.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

And she's like, can I hang with that?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's at that fat where you. There's no size that fits you. No, he has to go either way. Big. Like, look at his shoulder, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you have a medium?

[Michael Che]

Oh, yeah, dude. Big and tailored.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Look at that shoulder. That line is where his shoulder's supposed to be.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you have a large wide?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Michael Che]

You have two mediums I could sew together sideways. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's hilarious.

[Michael Che]

Yeah. I don't think he's got, like, an old Adonis, you know what I mean? Like, he's not, like, packing some amazing dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I was him, multiple.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bet he's gonna heav dongle.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Michael Che]

He's got a fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet it's fat. Oh, I bet it's a fat. I bet it's not big. I bet it's average, but I bet it's a fat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Belichick does seem to make the guy when he pulls his dick out like a. At a urinal. Like, he does a lot of shoulder motion. Get this guy out of here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet. I bet it's fat in the shaft. And the head is small. Goes to, like, a point, maybe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's possible.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should all draw Belichick's cock.

[Michael Che]

I bet his dick's got ear hair here.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a hard word to say. I would have never tried that one. You're here.

[Michael Che]

It didn't come out right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have that up. That was good.

[Michael Che]

The other day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pulled it off, kid.

[Michael Che]

You know what I don't like? The other day I was pissing at a urinal, and I got like a. Like a mist of. Not a mist, but like a nose full of. You know that urinal cake, hot air. And I'm like, that can't be good.

[Jay Oakerson]

DJ if you wouldn't mind, I need. Oh, I have a piece of paper here. Thank you.

[Michael Che]

Am I signing this or drawing?

[Jay Oakerson]

We're drawing Robert Craft's penis or not? Robert Craft? No, Belichick's penis. Okay, here we go. I couldn't guess what Robert Carra looked like.

[Michael Che]

I'm such a bad drawer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, you guys are really coming to my wheelhouse with this one here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know it is your wheelhouse.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thinking real thick up here. He's got some awesome dangle. His balls are probably a little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you drawing the balls, too? Huh?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's. It's all part of the thing, kind of.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I feel like it's very small up top. I think the width of it kind of messed up his. The helmet. You know what I mean? The helmet can't compare.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know what you're saying. Exactly. But,

[Bobby Kelly]

yeah. And I think there's some weird. Weird thick veins like. Like heart veins. You know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

Coming down the middle, there might be some heart veins.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Like, not peanut. Like a nice, fat. Was it a ventricle or aorta?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Michael Che]

Let's go back to the heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. It looks like Jay's heart.

[Jay Oakerson]

My heart?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not your heart in your heart, but the one you drew, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. Oh, this is gonna be a good dick when it's done. Done.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I'm almost done.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm getting there. I'm getting there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna say there's a. I bet he could fit, like, a quarter in his P hole. There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. I feel pretty good about this, how it's coming along.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm good, too. I think I'm done.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think his hairs are probably. He's probably too old for a lot of hairs, you know what I mean? So it's, like, sparse maybe, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're gray too. You're not gonna see them, but they do fall out as you get older. Shoulder.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think his dick veins are insanely thick.

[Guest or Producer]

Are you anyone. I mean, it's open to interpretations. Is anyone adding ball bag?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm adding. I'm doing ball bag.

[Jay Oakerson]

I need a place for my Tom Brady tattoo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm thinking I'm thinking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

I wrote Super Balls.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's good. That's good, Mikey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going, Mikey.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

I was gonna write Deflate Gate, but

[Jay Oakerson]

that's a real good one, Mikey.

[Guest or Producer]

I feel like he's closer to, like, Ari Shafir balls. Not as big, but. Because nobody's. I think, big. Big.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think they're.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think there's a lot of wrinkles in them, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I think they're. I'm actually thinking that big balls, and they fill up that sack.

[Michael Che]

That's my best. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Almost like a bulldog's face.

[Michael Che]

I think he's got a sick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like a.

[Michael Che]

Like a sick person's penis. Like, flu.

[Guest or Producer]

You definitely get the. I agree with, like, the girth.

[Michael Che]

Right.

[Guest or Producer]

It's based on fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Michael Che]

It's fat. I'm done, but it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm done.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

I don't, like.

[Guest or Producer]

I don't look like a very tired.

[Michael Che]

Yes, it's a tired, long day. This penis had a long day.

[Guest or Producer]

Yes.

[Michael Che]

This penis sat in trash.

[Guest or Producer]

Did capture that. When I look at it, I look like. It looks like a fat, exhausted penis.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think. I think his vein looks like. Like a. Like a. Like an oak tree from, like, Game of Thrones.

[Michael Che]

You're a Patriots fan, so you're gonna give him this, like, mythic.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think I. I think I did good. I think I treated him right.

[Guest or Producer]

Bobby's drawing the Iron throne of Pe.

[Michael Che]

Penis is, like, fighting centaur.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the tree with the head in it. What was that tree that they all sat under?

[Michael Che]

Yeah, your penis is fighting the sirens. Of course Jay's gonna be all artistic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Jay. Because Jay's an artist.

[Michael Che]

I'm a Dolphin fan that can't draw.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we don't know that yet, though. And it's interpretation, so. I got mine.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got mine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, Mike, you want to go first?

[Jay Oakerson]

Go, Mikey.

[Michael Che]

Sure.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Michael Che]

This is his sick, gross, old. Hanging down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't dork. I think that is a really fine representation of what it might be.

[Michael Che]

And his balls are old.

[Bobby Kelly]

And is this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Does he have two dicks and they're, like, doing, like, a 69?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What is that? What's the other?

[Michael Che]

That's the bag. That's the ball bag.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it comes.

[Jay Oakerson]

What happens where it goes. What's the top? Is there a cap on his ball bag on one side?

[Michael Che]

No, it's sideways. Like, you're looking at it from, like. His balls are so old, they, like, they stick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does it have a sock on it?

[Michael Che]

No. What are you talking about?

[Jay Oakerson]

We're Wondering what that thing on the. What's the lid on the ball bag?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, what's the lid up top on the left?

[Michael Che]

Oh, no, that's his tattoo that says super balls.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you gotta darken that, Mike. You had to darken your outline. This guy's not an artist at all.

[Michael Che]

I didn't say I was.

[Guest or Producer]

Can I say another?

[Michael Che]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm looking at it and it looks like a penis that's like resting. Like his ball bag is like a worn in couch. The spot he always rests on one.

[Michael Che]

Yes.

[Guest or Producer]

His favorite spot on the couch.

[Michael Che]

His favorite recliner.

[Guest or Producer]

Yes.

[Michael Che]

And his dick is an old dog.

[Guest or Producer]

Recliner Balls.

[Michael Che]

That's just taking a forever nap app on the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, okay.

[Guest or Producer]

Well done.

[Michael Che]

Thank you. I think it's realistic.

[Jay Oakerson]

Would you like to go next, Bobby? I can go next.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, let me go next because you're.

[Jay Oakerson]

You live.

[Guest or Producer]

It's the Weirwood tree. Game of Thrones.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is my representation. I feel like Patriot fan. It's very thick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is this head made of two pieces?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's his hole is. He's got a big. I think it's called urethra.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe.

[Michael Che]

I think Franklin.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got a big urethra. It can fit like a quarter in there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, crap.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I think the helmet is very small and thin because the shaft took over a lot of it. But I think his vein is. Is very prominent.

[Michael Che]

The head looks like the little rascal's haircut. What the. That guy's name?

[Bobby Kelly]

Alfalfa.

[Michael Che]

Alfalfa, yeah, yeah, he's got alfalfa head.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

Bobby drew though, I think you are a pitcher. You drew like powerful veins. Now that you got exhaust.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is such a size. This is not. It's powerful veins, but it's not a long one.

[Michael Che]

It's like a roll of quarters.

[Guest or Producer]

It's a fat one.

[Bobby Kelly]

One like this is going to go in and it's going to be hard to pull out. But it's not going deep.

[Michael Che]

But I see that's a wine cork.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not going deep. This is like a bear can. A beer can. You know, I mean, this is. Ow, ow. And then there you go. Look at that. That's what I think it is. He's got a nice little fat one like a. Like if you look at. Look at the. The balls, it kind of looks like a dog's face. If I was to draw a dog. You know what?

[Michael Che]

You know what's interesting is you drew it up and like pointing towards the future. And I drew it sad and dead and Decimated and just pointing towards heaven.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's. I think it's the representation of what the artist thinks, and that's what I think.

[Michael Che]

He's on his way up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he's on his way up in his life. In his life, not in his career. I draw in the moment, not the past or the future.

[Michael Che]

I also think that he has skin cancer. On yours.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, those are warts. Those are warts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but he got him burnt off. But the scars are still there. Like, he doesn't have.

[Guest or Producer]

I appreciate. There's no separation from helmet, from shaft.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's one thick fat. It's one big fat one. And here, if you notice right here, here's a little woodpecker on one of the trees. The veins. Yeah.

[Michael Che]

That was what I thought was the tumor.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a little woodpecker right there. Just, you know, a little bird in the tree.

[Michael Che]

Little bird on the bird.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like it. It's open to so much interpretation. I want a little more how I think it's like, on the note. I think this is photorealistic.

[Michael Che]

Do they say you're such an artist?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's called realism.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm sorry. So what I presented here. I know it's gonna be hard because there's something behind it. Okay, okay, Now. Now if we can see here.

[Michael Che]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Michael Che]

That's a gigantic penis.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's. I think he's got a big cock.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gave him a gut.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah.

[Jay Oakerson]

A little bit. He's an older guy now. Legs are a little bit thick now. You'll see the cock coming down straight. Very, very straight. Tactile veins raised, I should say. I'll put a little shadow on those before we put it out to the people.

[Michael Che]

It looks like a snake.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then the helmet.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does look like a cobra. It doesn't. It looks like a happy snake. Like a snake in a child's book.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know. It's happening. No, I understand. No, you guys are having your giggles. Oh, no, no. Because you guys think those are eyes on a snake's head. I got it. What you don't realize is those are tattoos of the Patriots logo. That's right, everyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a helmet. It's a helmet.

[Michael Che]

He got a helmet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Helmet. I got it.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then he tattooed football seams on his ball bag up top, right. With Brady's number on the bag.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you. This way. I love what you did. You put a one on one bag and the two on the other bag. Yeah.

[Michael Che]

Does he have an elastic band around his fingertips.

[Jay Oakerson]

He does not have an elastic band around his fingertips, Mikey. That is four of his. Count them. Six super bowl rings.

[Michael Che]

Super bowl rings.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has eight.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's four of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has eight rings.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I only showed one hand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, where's the other hand? Playing with her puss.

[Jay Oakerson]

Probably doing like this over here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Playing with her puss.

[Jay Oakerson]

Playing with that younger lady's puss.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, right.

[Michael Che]

Probably texting.

[Jay Oakerson]

I tell you what, I gave him some stretch marks on the stomach. He's an older gentleman. Blah, blah, blah. Belly button, sparse dick hair.

[Michael Che]

It's a big dork.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it doesn't get much bigger. He's more of a shower than a grower.

[Michael Che]

He doesn't have a Shakespeare collar.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. I gave him a little bit of. There's a little bit of wrinkle. There is little bit of wrinkle right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I didn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you want to see that? Make sure there's a little bit of wrinkle right by the helmet. Right by where the helmet comes for the shrink.

[Michael Che]

I just Snake. If that was a Rorschach, I'm like, no, he' got.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got a. It's actually right here. A little bit of wrinkle. It's like one, two, three little wrinkles, which I. I really do. Let me see this one. I mean, Mike's is probably the closest to real. It really be what it is, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Two dicks, 69. A Ying Yang of I I. Yeah,

[Guest or Producer]

I like there's some. Each one of your drawings has something that really makes it unique.

[Jay Oakerson]

Walk us through it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, walk us through it.

[Guest or Producer]

Well, like I said, I love the exhaustion that Mike captured in his.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's hard.

[Michael Che]

A young woman when you're 90.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah. I love what I think is the close. I actually think yours looks closest to his penis, meaning there's no separation from shaft and helmet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say something? You're not going to get a young girl with a regular dick. You need something.

[Michael Che]

Bobby's looks like the flux capacity.

[Jay Oakerson]

It really does.

[Bobby Kelly]

You need something weird and unique. When you pull your dick down as an old guy with a young girl, she's going to go, wow, I've never had one of those.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, that's a Blue chew.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I think this is. She pulled that out and it's like,

[Jay Oakerson]

wow, it's a scary one.

[Guest or Producer]

And I do think yours has the best interpretation, the most accurate pee hole. I think he has a massive P hole.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now the to me, looks like what you would when you would draw. Like a butler. Like butler hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Like Alfalfa. Yeah, yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

And Jay's. I just like the artistic freedom that he took with it.

[Michael Che]

He made a six in the belly.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think he was on a six. That's his belly button, Mike.

[Michael Che]

I know that, but you could have chose a zero. But you did a six.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because he doesn't have. Mike, everything's calculated when you're an artist. He doesn't have.

[Michael Che]

I know.

[Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't have a circle belly button.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a belly button hernia.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's got a belly button. It's like a. It's like it's. It's falling into itself a little bit. So my belly button. My belly button's not a circle. It's a fucking straight line up and down. I feel like you have a dash. It's where my body collapses into itself.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've actually stored snacks in my belly button.

[Michael Che]

Can't you say art is the one?

[Bobby Kelly]

Candy cane. Can I say something nobody's commenting on?

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stretch marks on his stomach.

[Jay Oakerson]

I said it. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you did?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. A little bit underneath, too. Yeah, see? A little bit underneath.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He's got some stretch.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, the detail, you know?

[Michael Che]

You know. You know what I'm jealous of with Jay's. I wanted to draw legs and I gave up. Look at. That's a leg.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a. This is your problem with this. And I love the penis. I'm not gonna.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm just saying it's two guys docking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's like when you did this. It looks like this should have been down here. I know. I up. Yeah, but then what am I gonna do?

[Michael Che]

Scratch it off?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's.

[Jay Oakerson]

You start over again.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's called an artistic license.

[Michael Che]

The bell rang. Come on, guys. I'm a guest on your radio.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was there an official bell?

[Michael Che]

Would you like mine? Would anyone like

[Guest or Producer]

the most simplistic but yet captured the exhaustion?

[Michael Che]

I think he's. The sun hasn't come out in weeks. That's me, I think right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Isabelle's artwork.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Remember that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Be fun if it was all penises. Be great.

[Jay Oakerson]

She only draws dicks too.

[Michael Che]

Only ex NFL coach penises.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's all comics, you know, it's like David Telstock.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's like the girl that does all the. The plaster caster lady who does all the famous celebrities. Dicks.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's suck.

[Jay Oakerson]

No one ever thinks about that. If that's your dollar Daughter. My daughter makes casts of all the most Famous in the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that her art?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's great.

[Michael Che]

She should be a tattooist.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's so good.

[Michael Che]

Has she ever.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's just like Pen.

[Michael Che]

It's very. What do you call that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Skank fest.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, but what else am I thinking?

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that called?

[Michael Che]

What's that called?

[Jay Oakerson]

Noir.

[Michael Che]

Noir.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that it?

[Michael Che]

Like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it is for us. Nobody's going to check.

[Michael Che]

Not steampunk fucking.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's it?

[Michael Che]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Michael Che]

It's not maybe noir.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's beautiful.

[Jay Oakerson]

And that doesn't happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say what it is?

[Jay Oakerson]

Make her cry and draw a picture

[Michael Che]

of her crying because she was busy riding a bike.

[Bobby Kelly]

Very Japanese.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what direction I drove her to. I know she became a good artist. And you know why? Because they made her go to school every day.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think she followed that first girl on the cake. I think that inspired her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, she followed the yellow jello bean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she followed the yellow jello bean in life.

[Michael Che]

She identified with.

[Jay Oakerson]

Or gumdrop, actually.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think she followed the first two.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, she talked like the second.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's such a better artist than I could be now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually, she followed every girl on that cake. She has a little bit of each girl on her cake.

[Jay Oakerson]

Every girl.

[Michael Che]

You think she's better than you now?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Oh, sorry. You asked me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jay. Buddy at art. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

But at what, though?

[Michael Che]

Just drawing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like, just making something look real. Is he like. The hands and shit? She draws. She's good.

[Michael Che]

You're pretty good, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are great. But that's. That's really good.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, nothing I would draw. Should you get tattooed on you as, like, a good piece of art? Does that make sense? You can get something tattooed on you that drew. It's funny.

[Michael Che]

Unless you have things that you drew as tattoos.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unless you want to get that drawing you made last week on your asshole or on your belly button.

[Jay Oakerson]

Has anybody looked into that at all?

[Bobby Kelly]

Last week.

[Jay Oakerson]

I totally forgot what you drew last week.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay drew. He came up with a great concept.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a great asshole tattoo, too, that you should get. Not you, but you could. It's so when you spread your.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, I don't think I'm getting this tattoo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Forget it then.

[Michael Che]

No, go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't beg, Mike. Jay. Jay. Jay. It's not for him. It's for everyone.

[Michael Che]

Maybe I buy someone a gift card for this Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Michael Che]

Holidays are coming.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll say it then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, good.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's tattoo that when you Spread your butthole above your asshole. Riding the actual, like, circle of it would say looking. And then on either side of your asshole, on the left side, you'd get an F. On the right side, you get an R. So the asshole is the O looking for. And then on the curve underneath. Daddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bingo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Looking for daddy. Now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now.

[Jay Oakerson]

I drew. Yes, I drew it. I drew it as myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, you did.

[Jay Oakerson]

I made it as myself.

[Michael Che]

Look at the calves.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I gave myself. He loves his calves. I got fantastic calves. I gave myself a pud and a big thumper, too. But that tattoo, it's very similar to

[Bobby Kelly]

Belichick's cock, by the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

We accepted that's very similar. We accepted that's a much thinner shaft. I gave myself.

[Michael Che]

Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

The depth of the O, that's from behind. That helmet's very similar. Where's your work?

[Michael Che]

You gotta fucking get that. You got to get that factory checked out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, listen, here's the thing.

[Michael Che]

I think you can drop a kid down a.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Jay only draws one dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's the guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That helmet is the same exact helmet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, there's no Eagles wings on mine. You wear.

[Michael Che]

You wear your gloves when you poop.

[Jay Oakerson]

I do in this picture, but this isn't pooping. This is just showing someone my tattoo that says looking for Daddy. However, we also said we would accept somebody getting a tattoo of the whole picture of me spreading my assholes as looking for daddy. And the asshole has to be their belly butt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, that.

[Michael Che]

See, that's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Michael Che]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

It won't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you be open casket up? So that shows buns up wheeling, dude.

[Guest or Producer]

I love it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gotta make that a case for sure. I don't want anybody to see my weird dead makeup. Looks like a bunch of. Looks like a piece of cake face. Yeah, I don't want that. I want you. I want to face down with. I mean frilly shit around. Like really have it and almost like a school project volcano my ass coming out and then off the side of the casket. Two like fork things tension rotted that are opening up and presenting. So everybody can come pay their respects. Yes.

[Guest or Producer]

No, they remember. They can. You can do opposed funerals now where they present. They make your body. They can make your dead hands spread to your ass. Your own ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I know but I'm telling you, I don't think it's thing. I think I want you to remember one thing about me. My asshole poking through like a hat. The finery, the silk.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want nothing else showing.

[Michael Che]

No, like a nice hat box. Just that you just lift the top and there it is like a submarine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say something, Jake?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, no, I thought, I thought it's going to be just lower part of the caskets open.

[Michael Che]

No, no, no, you're dead.

[Jay Oakerson]

Instead of just the top, I'm dead. So I'm thinking underneath. I don't want anybody to see my face. It's always weird looking.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a custom casket. This isn't the long one, this is a shorter one. You're in that position right there. But I think yes, have the purple frill all but have having your little mittens show up holding your hand and that's it. Now we know it's you. That's you.

[Michael Che]

Yo, what about like holding it over? What about actually like it's one of those like domes that you can see through forever. That's your mo. That's your monument. That's a tombstone, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

And actually put like a chocolate fountain in it. We could dip little strawberries in your ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe you bury me only like a few feet down and have that come out so always you could see. You could look through the dome and see looking for daddy. And the dome should be some sort of a magnifying of course.

[Michael Che]

And when you look in your butthole, it's like one of those pixel change O things and it's your life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Like a submarine window and the Beatles.

[Michael Che]

In my life, please.

[Jay Oakerson]

There are like a cruise ship. Like a cheap room in a cruise ship.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like a cruise ship window.

[Jay Oakerson]

A bubble window.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we can walk.

[Michael Che]

And that's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and Mike will split it up. We'll make sure we go by and clean it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was gonna say ask who maintains this?

[Bobby Kelly]

We do.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna have to get a service.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I got you. Take that away from us. You're busy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I can't expect you to come out there and clean off my asshole. My looking hole.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, dude.

[Michael Che]

Every day I'll bring you a nice chai next to it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Talk to me. Hey, bud. Miss you. Every day me and Michael have two

[Bobby Kelly]

chairs in a tree like Rocky.

[Michael Che]

Randall. Randall Cunningham.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pack. Just go. You just go read out loud to each other in front of my thing. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

We meet at the same time with Mike. Bob, let's get this over with.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Bobby goes. Think I'm getting back on stage again. Still got some fire in the basement. You're going to go, what basement? Mike is go.

[Michael Che]

Yeah. Every time we leave, we kiss our fingers and touch your butthole.

[Jay Oakerson]

He touches the window. And then you have to squirt it and clean it also.

[Michael Che]

We're all still looking for daddy up here.

[Jay Oakerson]

I hope people don't desecrate it like Gigi Allen and start peeing and pooping on it.

[Michael Che]

No, people are going to leave like, guitar picks and cigarette butts and bowls

[Bobby Kelly]

and mittens joints on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to leave a lot of cool stuff.

[Michael Che]

What's the. What. What's your quote going to be on your. Because there's a mantle right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, the quote's gonna be looking for Daddy. No, no, no, no.

[Michael Che]

That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I found Daddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Daddy's home with Daddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Home with Daddy. Upstairs. You're home.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, guys. Went home to Daddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bingo. That's your thing right there. Yeah. There you go. Music.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna what?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're right.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think I'm gonna let it go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let it do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a beautiful monument.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't stop it, dude. Design for me, buddy. You always stop it right here. Don't let it out. Let it feel it.

[Michael Che]

I'm going home to Daddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let the wall down. Let it it down. Let it down.

[Jay Oakerson]

Going home. You're going home to Daddy. I found him.

[Bobby Kelly]

You found him. And he's. He's been with you the whole time. Those footprints. It wasn't just you. He was Carrying you.

[Jay Oakerson]

I tattooed it on my. And then it all.

[Michael Che]

You know how many people that are looking for daddy are going to see that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike, let him feel this. Let him get there. He doesn't want.

[Michael Che]

But I want him to know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let him get there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let him.

[Michael Che]

You know why this is important? Because I. Somewhere deep down, I still love you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay. Jay.

[Michael Che]

You won. Guess what? Daddy's up there waiting for you. Go to him.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then the last scene is you guys. Just shows you guys getting teary eyed with your arms around each other looking at that quote.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It says first it pans down, you're looking down the hole at the magnified looking for Daddy. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

The cruise ship hole.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then you pull up on the headstone, it says, hey, went. Found daddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Found daddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Went home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Michael Che]

Went home.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it does have your imprint on it. We got that. We'll pay for that. Yeah. Where it's your.

[Jay Oakerson]

Be a chunk in marble. Someone's got to actually chisel my. My.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know a marble guy we're going to talk to. Who's the guys getting all your stuff? Glenn.

[Jay Oakerson]

Glenn.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's his name?

[Michael Che]

Gil.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gil. Yeah. We'll just go to Gil and we'll have him sell some of your things.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gil will have the scratch to probably. I'm gonna make a change to the will that says Gil has to make sure he pays for a tactile recreation of my. Should be like coming off. Like some people would have like a tactile butterfly coming off or something. Or maybe like, you know, something etched like.

[Michael Che]

Like an angel.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This would be tactile. And they're gonna go. It looks like somebody shot this thing with like a BB gun. He goes, no, no. Each one of those wrinkles is crafted to look exact. And then you can look at the. And look down. We should have a picture and be like, oh my God, it's. That is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just.

[Michael Che]

Each wrinkle is a decade of your life.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of times when you go to an art thing, they have the actual art, but then they have the actual photo next to it with a little story in its description. So the people who don't get it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can now get it. Now they'll get it and we'll laminate it.

[Michael Che]

Oh, of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put it there.

[Michael Che]

You know what we can even do too is like, you know those, like where it's a picture of John Lennon. But it's a million pictures. We could all get like pictures and have them all like just drilled down. And those are the cracks. I love that.

[Bobby Kelly]

We cut Christine out of your whole funeral. She hasn't been involved in any of this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I killed her before I killed myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she's dead.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called murder suicide.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there any way we could do something with her too? Like next to you?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think Christine's cool enough to let you have her butthole on display forever.

[Bobby Kelly]

We could. We won't do that. But maybe we just put like a thing of sticks like Blair Wick witch next.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. We can make it look like hers is haunted.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jay Oakerson]

People don't go to it.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll put a dream catcher in the

[Jay Oakerson]

tree above her life. Remember like the carries one goes here last. Christine Evans. Rotten piss.

[Michael Che]

It's like hers is just a Fleetwood Mac coke mirror that like you win at the fair.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you say rotten piss? But it should always have Christine's arm coming out. Rotten piss.

[Bobby Kelly]

The holding one of your cups that you gave her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Great. Yeah, dude. Holding a Ben Simmons rookie year and

[Michael Che]

a jewel pen in the other

[Jay Oakerson]

a.

[Michael Che]

That is so sweet. Ah, I love this death for you.

[Jay Oakerson]

I love it too.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's going to be beautiful. I can't wait. Now where is it going to be? Is it going to be not Philadelphia? Yeah.

[Michael Che]

That's a far place. That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't we do it in your backyard? You got room.

[Michael Che]

I'm fine with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You put me next to the. You put me next to the Civil war vets that are buried up back your house.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do have a. I live on a graveyard.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, I rather it be.

[Bobby Kelly]

How funny would that be closer to New York if we did it in my. The backyard in the graveyard.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I deserve a soldier's burial. Can you believe that next to a bunch of Civil war brave men that gave their life for their country is just a looking hole to see the my looking for daddy tattoo in my.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll. We'll fold a slip knot flag. Put it over here.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm fine with all these things.

[Michael Che]

We'll fold a wuang hoodie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

And walk it towards each other.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every day we put a new hoodie on his. His tombstone. Oh.

[Jay Oakerson]

Even in the summertime.

[Michael Che]

Even in the summertime, I wear hoodies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Summertime your tombstone will have a hoodie. The little hoodie.

[Michael Che]

We'll go over and we'll go.

[Guest or Producer]

The.

[Michael Che]

The tombstone's starting to smell. We got to spray jupe on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Spikes. I bought a bunch of spikes. Could we put spikes?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, that's already done. We talked about that. The whole thing is spiked around because we don't want people to get in there. But we know we can push a thing on the tree that the spikes go down to let us walk over.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I mean like I'm in, like the spikes. So can we put spikes like on my tombstone and stuff? I don't want birds landing on either. So it's dual purpose now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's keep the homeless people out too.

[Jay Oakerson]

I also want to keep bums away.

[Michael Che]

Well, also it's. Yeah, this is going to be insane.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm here for bums.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we don't want.

[Michael Che]

This is the suburbs.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're going to keep one thing that comedy was never for. Bums.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, bums in the suburbs actually have homes. They have homes. Shitty homes.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, shitty homes.

[Jay Oakerson]

I go, went to be. He goes, found daddy. Went to be home with him. Stay off this thing. Bums. Back up. Bums.

[Michael Che]

Hey, bums.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine's looking up and.

[Michael Che]

Well, pigeons are just sky bums now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Those are, those are metal.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we want, we want mittens.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't want that though. Because if we're gonna have one of those where it's going to be a big two tomb, I want you guys to be able to sit on it.

[Michael Che]

Buddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe that's what I'm saying. The tomb has the looky hole. Do you ever go to the, what's that place? The Smith restaurant. Yeah, in the village. Yeah, down there. You know if you go to the bathroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can.

[Jay Oakerson]

They got that cool thing, they have knots in the wood.

[Michael Che]

Glory hole.

[Jay Oakerson]

And if you look through the knot,

[Bobby Kelly]

there's a, that's the other one we go to.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's knots in the wall. And if you look through the knots, they're playing old timey porno.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

In there. Flapper. You know, like naked girls like dancing around. So I got in black and white, which is kind of a cool little cheat. So I'm thinking maybe something like that. You're rel. And then you're like. What's this like little. There's like a weird cutout. I didn't notice when I was looking. And then you look down and then it's me gaping.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I, I, I'm going to go that way. There's a, there's a Thai restaurant where the bathrooms are two way glass so you can see out and they can't see in. So while you're shitting, you're just watching people eat Thai food. Okay, maybe we do, maybe we do that where we. How about the fog glass? Well, you have to solve A riddle and hit a button. And if you solve, like almost like an escape room where they don't get to see you right away.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I'm encased in like a plastic. A polymer and. But so it looks like I'm floating, holding my ass open. If you see the whole thing, well, you're dead.

[Michael Che]

So it's like a. You know, it's a. And it's a fortune.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, no, no, no.

[Guest or Producer]

Have you Demolition Man.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you solve the riddle, a little ball will shoot out and you'll get. Yeah.

[Michael Che]

Like Zoltan.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it comes out and it's a little toy. Like rubber dude toy.

[Michael Che]

Here's the. Here's what we're doing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I do. Now we're involved in the kids.

[Michael Che]

Imagine. So we flip you.

[Jay Oakerson]

We gotta think about the next generation.

[Michael Che]

We're hollowing you out, right? We're gutting you. All your. Everything's. All the innards come.

[Jay Oakerson]

Guts are gone.

[Michael Che]

Guts are gone.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm just a tattooed asshole and gloves on a hand, nuts to guts gone.

[Michael Che]

Right now underneath.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got to do it if we want to preserve you.

[Michael Che]

Now, we look into. We look into your. Your cinnamon ring, the O. And in the there, we can do like a holiday scape. Like, so during the holiday, we can do like a Christmas there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, miniatures. They do the miniatures. But you blow it up and it looks huge.

[Michael Che]

Exactly. So when you're looking in, it's like. So we can do like all types of.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what. You should probably put some way you can get to my asshole because seasonally, you could make this thing a real treasure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say something right now?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, of course. It's your show.

[Bobby Kelly]

We make it a snow globe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where.

[Michael Che]

That's what I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't be shaken, though. You can't shake it. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

How about you push a button and it shakes itself?

[Jay Oakerson]

How about you push a button and it does something where, like, pushes, like, on my. Like, it releases.

[Michael Che]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like little condensed air that maybe there's a little tube going through this polymer that goes into my mouth since I'm empty, that puts like. That can make, like, little farts, like, come out of me.

[Michael Che]

Wait, no, wait. What if you record before you die, like, oh, hey, I didn't see you there or something. And it's just you talking from beyond the grave.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Che]

To these visits.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But not in spooky voice.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. It's gonna be a column. I'm gonna go solve my murder just like that.

[Michael Che]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eventually.

[Jay Oakerson]

Spread your voice Solve my murder.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about it says, what if he's doing crowd? How about if it's like that Louie

[Jay Oakerson]

episode where McDonald's employees don't wash their hands?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you push the button.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where?

[Bobby Kelly]

You push the button and it says something crazy, but every once in a while the N word comes out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, but it's me saying it. Like the Louis show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like the Louis show.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, we do have that audio. We should do something with that audio. I feel like I don't want to be a dick here. And I know you're supposed to walk away from it once you do it, but I gotta say, I feel like that art is being treated like a fucking magazine we just found on the floor. Look at just sitting there in the middle. It's. It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, that was my fault.

[Michael Che]

You did say you wanted it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do want it, but I'm going to give it to Jacob. I mean, Jacob's not really helping us with all these ideas. We're just kind of.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, but Jacob is our. He's our museum curator. Look at his energy. He's going to go put it in the back with the archives next to his.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you're taking notes of all the stuff we just said.

[Guest or Producer]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great. Can you pass that to.

[Michael Che]

He's going to go, oh, my microwavable Johnny cakes are done.

[Jay Oakerson]

My Johnny cake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob just keeps you and jerks off to you and his little queen's apartment, buddy.

[Michael Che]

I think that you. You can live on forever. You can do. There's a lot that we can do that. And I don't think that the suburbs is the right place.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can we have always an eternal flame coming out of the. The o. The.

[Michael Che]

Yes. Do you want eternal. Do you want eternal like Elvis?

[Jay Oakerson]

Like the unknown soldier?

[Bobby Kelly]

Unknown. How about. Oh, my God. But we could always have a guard there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I. Were you guys not gonna have guards there?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we. No, I'm sorry, I didn't. I just. We. Yes, we should always have a guard. But it has to be like a chick who works at, like, Hot Topics.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, like one of those, but with the staunch, like, stick to itiveness of Buckingham palace guard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

They want to smile. They want to. She's just constantly there doing etchings of other tombstones.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

A fat goth girl.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She has a hoodie that she looks like she just made it with pants.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, yes, absolutely. And her pants look like two giant sleep skirts put together now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. With a chain to nowhere.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everybody chained to nowhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chained in nowhere.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's the ultimate homage.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, everybody has to wear that.

[Michael Che]

We can call that the hanging brain to nowhere.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I beat the times I she smokes.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's always smoking cigarettes.

[Jay Oakerson]

This was set at the Super Bowl. And many times in my life since. I hung in there long enough that almost everything I do is a thing again. Wallet changed to nowhere huge right now. Every designer and stuff does that.

[Michael Che]

Baggy jeans are coming.

[Jay Oakerson]

Baggy jeans are bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bisexual.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bisexuality. Big, big comeback.

[Bobby Kelly]

Big comeback.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tattoos back in that proclaim some of your stresses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hair gel.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hair gel back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pomade back. Earrings in both ear back big time.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, the dangly ear is the thing now. And dangly earring and I can't do that as a guy. I don't know why that one. I mean I've always liked the D's dangle, but the single thing dangling is never.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, like a feather.

[Jay Oakerson]

No guys are doing like whether it's a cross or something or a little, just a little something. But I don't like it.

[Michael Che]

Being bald really takes a lot of fun stuff that you can do out. Like I can't do a dangly earring. I'd look like Mr. Clean.

[Jay Oakerson]

You would. Any earring on you guys would look silly.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we get earrings. We're just gay old men. Exactly.

[Jay Oakerson]

A couple spinsters. Yeah, but you guys have a killer apartment for your gay parties.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Are we spitballing again? A dog?

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, Mike and Bob. Sounds like a gay couple. You go to their sick ass apartment, doesn't it? Please tell me Mike and Bob are doing the super bowl because I don't

[Michael Che]

feel like cooking Swedish meatballs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I would love. I, I, I was thinking of getting a diamond earring.

[Michael Che]

No, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that too much?

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that, what's his name, the comedian up there? Is he wearing two diamond D? Yeah. Trevor Wallace. Is that him? Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't like but is he

[Jay Oakerson]

making fun of it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not sure.

[Michael Che]

Before we go into that, can we go back to this monument due to technology? Jason, we can play music at the. What are a couple songs you want playing on this repeating playlist at your monument when you come to visit? What songs?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just, can I make a suggestion? Because I think it's a great idea. We have some type of button, right? Let Jay pick the song, right? And then it's a random song, but you go, you, it's you telling Lou and crank it up. What about something like that?

[Jay Oakerson]

AI goes, it seems like you would like something rhythmic but not too heavy. The tubes She's a beauty.

[Michael Che]

And the butt cheeks go like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Step inside.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't be shy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think you should really do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there should be something where it's like.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, I think that might be a thing. I might want to like patent and

[Jay Oakerson]

do I feel like my grave is going to take up a lot of space?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude. My backyard. They removed all the other graves. You're going to be the only grave in the graveyard.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, so you think what they actually did was they moved the headstones but never moved the bodies. They never moved the bodies.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What's happening, buddy?

[Michael Che]

You have no ass. It's going to be a small grave.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you think? Yes. No, I don't have a small ass. I know, but I feel like we're putting a lot of accoutrement around this thing. Are we in above ground tomb? Am I underground?

[Michael Che]

No, it's going to be the size of like a large pizza.

[Guest or Producer]

Sally, you should have a pharaoh's tomb. A tomb.

[Jay Oakerson]

Perhaps an above ground tomb.

[Michael Che]

That's a very.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're not thinking this through because we're going to have so many people visiting. There has to be some type of drink or food or some type of beverage. People are going to be hungry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now we're in a mausoleum. I'm guessing food truck. I think at this point we have to be the thing in the middle. Now go to go to a mausoleum at a. I think we should be buried.

[Guest or Producer]

No.

[Michael Che]

Well, this is where I open up my s' mores truck.

[Guest or Producer]

Servants might just sealed in there.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'd like to be buried with my slaves.

[Michael Che]

I got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike's Mike. So Christine's going to be inside there with you?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Christine kept young. Dylan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Josh.

[Jay Oakerson]

Josh. One of them jams. Now look, we're going to put Dean

[Bobby Kelly]

Del Rey in there just to fuck with you.

[Jay Oakerson]

We can call this Bobby. You get. Now think of this. Have fun with this. You can put up a sign there, it says Club J. Oh, you know what Christine bring up on YouTube. Let me tell you what. This is too expensive. I've already got your solution. Bring up inflatable nightclub. Now I looked at this thing the other day.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, dude, I seen this.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is batshit. But I'm telling you. Let's do this out back. Your house. All of this room dedicated to the grave. But. Well, it is gonna be a fun extravaganza. Yeah, make a day of it. Yeah, come see my asshole. But make a day of it. Yeah, get to it.

[Michael Che]

Bring the kids.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at this bad boy. Bobby, you want these Bobby, I should even show this to you. You're gonna get this for real? For real.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is this inflatable night?

[Jay Oakerson]

Inflatable night.

[Bobby Kelly]

I could have done this. And staying at my tiny house.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, you could have. And just lived out in your own yard.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just take it down in the

[Jay Oakerson]

winter, crank through it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bet this guy annoys the out of his neighbors.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you think so? And he kills his grass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well.

[Guest or Producer]

So fat.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's also. He's also. He's also very.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that the voice in my head?

[Jay Oakerson]

But Jacob is the voice in your heads. Like gps, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Glass case it. That's what I said. Yeah. Glass case it. Like a fine piece of art in a museum.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you make it really freaky? Should we do a thing where it's like. Do you ever see the movie the Cell? What they did with the. With the horse? Like, I'm actually like the bodies exhibit. I'm split into 75 pieces, but I'm all together. And then when people come in, you just see me go, like opposite ways, except. And right in the middle, looking for daddy on the asshole. I mean, that's label nightclub.

[Michael Che]

That's where we're talking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Top of the capitol building. I'd like it to be shaped like

[Michael Che]

we might need a gofundme.

[Jay Oakerson]

What? We have to stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you kidding?

[Guest or Producer]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Jay Oakerson]

But we're so close to my assholes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got a lot of work done, but there's still work to do.

[Michael Che]

Keep smoking. Smoke up, Johnny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike Fenoy is going to be at the Comedy Dojo. Love that club in New Jersey, Saturday, March 8th. For tickets and all the tour dates, visit Punch up DOT Live. What's up? Slash Mike Fenoya and follow Mike at Mike Fenoya on all social media. Thanks for filling in for me this week, too.

[Michael Che]

And we got of a lot lot done.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got a lot done.

[Jay Oakerson]

So much done. Bobby Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Although he was back yesterday and today, you just missed him on Tuesday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Or no, Wednesday. No, Tuesday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Then Bobby's gonna be in Cincinnati. Thursday, February, tonight.

[Michael Che]

That is tonight.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's why he's not here.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all.

[Jay Oakerson]

I am the comedy addict in Columbus, Ohio, February 13th and 14th. That's Saturday. No, Friday. Saturday. All right, so Thursday. Yeah, I'm doing good. I'm gone Sunday this week. That's why I'm confused.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

After that, we're off work Monday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're not here Monday.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm bummed out. I didn't know that.

[Jay Oakerson]

After that, Bobby's gonna be in Batavia, Illinois. Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut, Cleveland, Ohio. For tickets and all tour dates, go to Punch Up Live.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robert Punch up, baby.

[Jay Oakerson]

Every Tuesday night at the Fat Black Pussycat Comedy Cellar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's right. Big J is going to be in Fort Worth, Texas, this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He's just adding shows. He's killing it right, right now. After that, he's going to be in Nashville, San Antonio and San Francisco. Those tickets are low, too. You got to get your tickets now. If you're going to see Big J, go get your tickets. If you're going to see me or Rich Voss or Jim Norton, plenty of time.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what, though? But even if you think it's sold, if you think it's going to be sold out because you didn't buy tickets, check it out anyway.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, check it out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go check it anyway.

[Bobby Kelly]

For tickets on all the tour dates, go to bigj. Comedy.com or punch up. Live BigJay Okerson. I own that business. YouTube.com bigjohn focusing. We'll see you guys Monday. So Tuesday, Tuesday we'll be Tuesday. Have a great weekend. Happy President's Day. God bless.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tuesday sounds a lot like Tuesday. Think about that for the weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

We know you'll always find ways to look out for the people you love. And with Amica life insurance, we'll help build a plan to make sure you always can.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you visit amica.com and get a quote today,

[Jay Oakerson]

you've made it on time for the McDonald's breakfast menu.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think to yourself, finally, I can start my day.

[Jay Oakerson]

But what if breakfast could be even more perfect with the hot honey sausage egg biscuit? It finally is. Go to McDonald's and get it while you can.