Tiny Dancers

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: “Tiny Dancers”

Date: January 21, 2026
Podcast: SiriusXM Faction Talk

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Episode Overview

This raucous episode finds Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, along with producer Black Lou and the rest of The Bonfire crew, riffing with their trademark humor and brutal honesty on celebrity downfalls, “short king” struggles, prank culture, and the unvarnished realities of aging. As always, the show is an off-the-cuff blend of deranged stand-up energy and authentic vulnerability, cutting between stories from comedy’s frontlines and hilarious commentary on everything from real estate to genital philosophy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mary J. Blige, Celebrity Appearances & Wigs

• Mary J. Blige sighting: The hosts kick off with a discussion about seeing Mary J. Blige (“the queen”) in the building and riff on her look, segueing into an extended bit about celebrity wigs, lace fronts, and hairpieces.
  • Jay: “She’s like that Lil’ Kim now where it’s 100% ass with little feet and arms popping out of it.” [01:23]
  • Robert: “It’s so funny that hair comes off like a hat.” [03:18]
  • The hosts contrast “real” hair and hairpieces, referencing Mickey Rourke and reality TV’s “baddies” with badly attached wigs.

2. Mickey Rourke: From Celebrity to Tragicomic Figure

• A deep-dive into Mickey Rourke’s fall from grace, questioning his real estate woes and rumored GoFundMe for rent.
  • Jay: “Let’s buy it [his house] and kick him out.” [05:15]
  • Black Lou: “If you have more than two cats, you’re mentally ill.” [07:01]
  • They debate how much Rourke got paid for roles like Iron Man 2 and The Wrestler, with surprising insight into how fast “comeback” money disappears.
  • Robert: “He was up for an Oscar. He did Iron Man 2, which was a great movie.”
  • Jay: “Slow down. Nobody thought it was a great movie. Listen, no one enjoyed that movie.” [09:24]

3. GoFundMe Ethics and Comedy Scenarios

• The ethics of public fundraising in the comedy scene:
  • The hosts discuss whether they would ever do a GoFundMe themselves, improvising elaborate scenarios involving medical emergencies and “locked-up analogies.”
  • Robert: “You don’t know my nickname? Locked up analogy, Kelly.” [12:02]
  • Jay: “If Christine was sick…I would shout it out on the shows. Hey, everybody, if you want to help out Christine…” [13:39]

4. Celebrity Aging: From Don Johnson to “Short King” Life

• Extended nostalgic riffing over 1980s/90s stars and body dysmorphia.
  • Don Johnson (Miami Vice) is cited as the archetypal aging gracefully icon, compared to Mickey Rourke’s downward spiral.
  • Jay: “Don Johnson looks pretty good, I think…young Don Johnson, panty dropper.” [18:28, 19:18]
  • The hosts obsess over Don Johnson’s waistline, swapping humiliating jokes about their own bodies and men’s inability to “tuck in” anymore.

5. Body Image, Height, and Masculinity

• Debates arise over the role height and looks play in dating, spiraling into “short king” humor.
  • They watch and critique videos of a 6’8” club promoter being hit on by women, arguing about how much is due to looks vs. height.
  • Jay: “If you put a big ugly person up there, his height means nothing.” [35:50]
  • Black Lou: “He got everything in the genetic jackpot.” [35:03]
  • The “short king” group—Black Lou, Jacob—share laments, while Jay and Robert (and crew) joke about never making it into the tall club.
  • Robert: “I’m five eight and a quarter, bro.” [34:00]
  • Jay: “What’s it like to not have a six in front of your height?” [21:03]

6. Prank Culture: Borderline or Just Dangerous?

• The crew reviews viral "hood prank" videos—people carrying clear bags of cash or gaming systems to tempt fate in rough neighborhoods.
  • Jay: “Have you seen this prank where you go up and pull up thugs’ pants from sagging? That’s not a prank—that’s dancing with death.” [38:28]
  • Candid discussion about social media’s “prank” genre devolving into real risk ("That many people just exist: you walk through a bad neighborhood and people will just casually rob you" [41:11]).
  • Racial undertones and how certain groups react to pranks are also dissected.

7. Change Jars and Relics of Cash Society

• Warm nostalgia about a time when everyone carried and saved spare change:
  • Jay: “The change from my last two decades is sitting in a water jug in my house—because one day, when I’m gonna get evicted from my Beverly Hills home…” [51:44]
  • Robert: “Isn’t that weird? We don’t have, remember change? I had change all the time.” [51:44]

8. Comedy Origins and the Power of “Short King Energy”

• Jay reminisces about Robert’s legendary reputation with women, disputing any claims that being short impeded success—especially “in the old days.”
  • Jay: “The legend of Bobby preceded him…the girl that took me and Kevin Hart’s first headshots was so cute, and she was madly in love with Bobby.” [55:08]
  • Examination of Kevin Hart as a “short king” icon (“That’s their god.” [58:23]) and stories about encouragement for shorter men.
  • Jay: “Kevin Hart is 5'3 and has never lived his life as such for one day—not for one day.” [58:06]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Jay (on Mickey Rourke’s house):
  • “He lives in Ice Cube’s house from Friday.” [05:19]
• Robert (on cat owners):
  • “If you have more than two cats, you’re mentally ill.” [07:01]
• Jay: “Charlie Sheen, I bet, made fucking crazy money on that stupid tour. He did arenas—he just went there, sat down on a couch, and just did what he was doing on TV. He kept going, ‘I have tiger blood. Winning!’” [16:03]
• Robert: “There’s nothing better than when your dick and balls…your balls are tight, it’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold…but a fresh shave and a tight ball bag and a tucked away wiener…God damn, dude, dicks rule!” [27:05]
• Jay (mocking TV pranks): “We have to rob and beat the shit out of you if you have a clear bag of money.” [44:47]
• Robert (on Don Johnson’s body):
  • “When you look at Don Johnson’s waist like that…there’s nothing hanging over the pant at all. It goes straight into the pant.” [43:43]
• Jay: “What’s it like to not have a six in front of your height?” [21:03]
• Black Lou (on short king pride):
  • “I’m actually the best I’ve ever been as far as accepting me.” [58:38]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:03-04:00] Mary J., celebrity wigs, and the Wu Tang “sighting” riff
• [04:47-17:10] Mickey Rourke: House, money woes, GoFundMe, and actor life reality
• [17:11-20:45] Don Johnson, Miami Vice, and aging celebrity beauty
• [21:03-23:50] Adult body image, waistline comedy, and men’s clothing confessions
• [26:00-27:05] Male genitalia appreciation segment: “Dicks rule!”
• [32:18-37:05] Club promoter “genetic jackpot”, height, and “short king” debate
• [38:28-44:31] Prank culture in dangerous neighborhoods and candid race/class commentary
• [51:44-53:53] “Change jar” nostalgia: Cash, buckets of coins, and the cashless present
• [54:33-58:28] Bobby’s legendary background, short king energy, Kevin Hart as demigod

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Tone & Style

The episode is loose, rapid-fire, and deeply irreverent. The barbs—aimed mostly at themselves and each other—keep even vulnerable moments from getting sentimental. Real talk about money, masculinity, race, and aging is filtered through a lens of mutual roasting and “no-safety” honesty common to closed-door comedy greenrooms.

Listeners are made to feel like part of the inner circle—whether laughing about club culture, reminiscing about change jars, or commiserating over getting older and shorter. The Bonfire remains uniquely unfiltered, maintaining a fast pace with a blend of self-deprecation, nostalgia, and raunchy camaraderie.

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Episode in a Nutshell

If you haven’t listened: This “Tiny Dancers” episode rides a chaotic wave from celebrity downfall schadenfreude to unfiltered confessions about aging, body image, and the rules of the “short king” club. It’s a wickedly funny, equal-opportunity roast with surprisingly thoughtful asides on real-world topics—grounded by Oakerson and Kelly’s unmatched comedy chemistry.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Jacob]

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[Robert Kelly]

What do you have to lose?

[Jacob]

Give it a [e-mail] switch limited time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required. $45 for three months, $90 for six month or $180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after gigabytes per month when network is busy.

[Black Lou]

See terms. And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Mary J in the building. The queen dude. Yeah, I know you can hear me now.

[Robert Kelly]

She's still kicking in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she's like that little Kim now where it's like it's 100 ass with like little feet and arms popping out of it. But I saw her over there through the window. She looks very pretty. Yeah, yeah. I didn't see her wig front or nothing. Was that her lace fronts?

[Robert Kelly]

P. Diddy, right? What helped her Was it peed in?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yes, absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he kind of screwed her, right? Kind of her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. She might not even know with that much baby oil. I mean, can you even feel any friction? Hey, I'm Big K Ogrison from the bonfire. Baby oil shouldn't be a crime. Sorry, I'm cutting little promos.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're good here. Why don't you be good out in the wild? Hey, you're fantastic being an influencer here. But out in the wild, you shut down. This is fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone hears in.

[Robert Kelly]

You're like a Quaker. Out in the wild, everybody hears in on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that Mary J. This is how she do.

[Robert Kelly]

If you had a camera outside Black Lou, he would shut down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Immediately. If we were out front, he'd shut down. You get none of this good. Look what he does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They seem to Know me out there. I walked by when we came in. Lou will tell you. Wu Tang Clan, like we all, like, nodded at each other. Wu Tang.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a. That's a customary black thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's. I know you think it's the Wu Tang Clan.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They were outside in the lobby. Well, it was nine black people.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if it was a Wu Tang Clan, but I call any gathering of nine black people a Wu Tang Clan. That is the Wu Tang Clan coming. Ah, they ain't nothing to with.

[Robert Kelly]

I got so excited. I thought I walked right by him. You did not. The.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. It's a. I don't know. It's a Wu Tang Clan for sure. I don't know if it's the Wu Tang Clan.

[Robert Kelly]

They don't go by the way of the samurai.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a Wu Tang Clan, right?

[Jacob]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. They're more kung fu people.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that her now, Smith?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what this is how. That's a really stylized pet. Doesn't look like her face.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. So funny that that hair comes off like a hat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, for sure. She got lace fronts, dog.

[Robert Kelly]

Pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm nuts deep in the baddies. So I understand lace fronts. And let me tell you something. On the baddies, they've even stuck. They know they're gonna fight so much, they don't even put the wigs on good anymore. So it's funny while they're at when they look their best, still you see the line the front of the wig. And because they're so expressive, like arguing all the time, their forehead like moves like. Like a hat. Like it moves like underneath. Like they're like their headlines like, sink underneath the wig and then come back out from underneath it. So great.

[Robert Kelly]

They all look like Mickey Rourke when they talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell yeah. Is that Mary J. Blige and Tanisha from Bad Girls Club?

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks, Jacob. Chuckle. I like it. You just went that way instead of. To me. There's nothing going on.

[Black Lou]

I'm the worst with hairpiece. I actually thought that was who his real hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who?

[Robert Kelly]

Who?

[Black Lou]

Mickey Rourke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you? I know.

[Black Lou]

It's crazy. Yes. I'm terrible at it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you?

[Robert Kelly]

Me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what hair is a hair piece on Mickey Ro.

[Robert Kelly]

Mickey Rourke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But when? Not always. Not always. That long hair. It was so awful stringing ugly.

[Black Lou]

I'm not the only one who's been.

[Robert Kelly]

Bald for a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll say yes again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't make it right, though.

[Robert Kelly]

It doesn't make you right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Either. It doesn't. No. Yeah, but I didn't say I was definitely right.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't say I was definitely right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did.

[Robert Kelly]

I said for a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You say he's been bald forever.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't give dates. I just said long time. Yeah, that's him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You can tell because it has that thing like the baddies have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But was it. But now here's the thing. 1. There's like. It looks like psychotic. There's like almost like shave around it. It's shadowy around.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at his house. Was he live in Culver City.

[Black Lou]

There's a haircut. He'd look really cool with the hair he has there.

[Robert Kelly]

He lives in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wouldn't look really cool at all. His face is mangled.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at his little shitty house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me see it.

[Robert Kelly]

Right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, nice.

[Robert Kelly]

We should pay for that for him so he doesn't have to pay rent.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't we buy and kick him out? How much does that cost?

[Jacob]

1.5 million.

[Robert Kelly]

No way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really? Where the fuck is it a shitty one where you could just put your fucking garbage out on the thing. Damn. Talk about a person though. It doesn't give a fuck about a thing at all. I mean, can I tell you as a. As a new homeowner what I'll tell you that's driving me nuts. Tell me some of the things you think might be driving me nuts here. And what do you think is driving me the most nuts in this picture?

[Robert Kelly]

His sidewalk cracks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

And the grass coming up through the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. 100%. My biggest thing. I go, what's going on in that driveway? Seems fixable. And that means you stop giving a. I mean, he also lives in Ice Cube's house from Friday. Where is this dump of.

[Jacob]

It's in Beverly Grove, which is near the grove. It's by the farmers market in la.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Plus he has those who Whoville bushes out in front.

[Black Lou]

But this is like A. For LA. Isn't this a two million dollar house?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She said 1.2. All right, 1.5. Yeah, 1.5.

[Robert Kelly]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a dump.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a dump.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got that, that. That prison gate on the front.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. The gates on the front window there are like so.

[Robert Kelly]

But who knows what the inside looks like. It might look like a palace on the inside. I've always wanted to do that by like a real house, but on the inside, palace just make it look sick and modern.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a Good idea. But I'm telling you, I have a feeling Mickey Rourke is a spiraled out lunatic enough that, like, it's actually sadly full of, like, weird memorabilia from his life. But I mean, too much of it goes, that's boxing. Love someone like me.

[Robert Kelly]

But I mean, always wanted to do that. I meant right now when I thought of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I looked at this second. This second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I meant by always.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I want to buy and become his landlord.

[Black Lou]

I think he has a lot of cats, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's a big cat, which is always a sign to me. If you have more than two cats, you're mentally ill. Well, you definitely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your house smells like.

[Robert Kelly]

For sure one of them is dead under something. Where did. Where did muffins go? She's under your recliner, you weirdo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's dead, you idiot. Make it.

[Jacob]

The hoarder crew in this is also a rental. Eviction.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Jacob]

This is not his house.

[Robert Kelly]

He doesn't own a house. Let's buy it and let him live.

[Jacob]

This $60,000 in rent, what he owes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Want to split it, Bobby?

[Robert Kelly]

We split.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's split it and just have Mickey work owe us forever.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll go over there and make him do scenes from movies we like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's the back. I don't mind that.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a cool little backyard.

[Robert Kelly]

It is a nice little backyard, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, could you imagine with your. Your next door neighbor, privacy is being ruined by Mickey Rourke.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know, I mean, it's like he just plays music really loud. It's Mickey Rourke, dude. I don't know what to say.

[Robert Kelly]

He's in the back. He's trying to learn the oud.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Magical instrument.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's trying to learn some crazy.

[Black Lou]

I was telling Bobby, like, I can't understand the story because he claims he knows nothing about setting up some gofundme to pay for his rent. And he did videos. Please don't send me money. I swear I didn't have nothing to do with this.

[Robert Kelly]

He's going to get your money back. That's not the type of person I am. I would never ever ask anybody for money. But the people that put the thing up are his people saying he knew that we were doing this for him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's like Corey Feldman having the guy say, everybody chip in for your wedding meals. Now, after the wedding meal, it's the same thing. I bet Mickey works one of those neighbors who's in his backyard naked a lot. And then when you yell out from the window next door. He goes, mickey, can you please? He's like. He goes, what? I believe he's the guy who answers when he knows what's wrong about this. He goes, what?

[Robert Kelly]

I can't believe he's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you. My kids are up here, man. Your dick's out. What?

[Robert Kelly]

He's renting, though. That's just sad. Hey, come on, dude. He made Pope a Greenwich Village. Yeah, he did a.

[Black Lou]

He did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't want to caulk his own tub. I get it.

[Robert Kelly]

But he did a couple of those Expendables. He did the wrestler. He was up for an Oscar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was in a Avengers movie. Yes, as the main bad guy. Oh, no. An Iron man.

[Robert Kelly]

Iron Man 2. He did Iron Man 2, which was a great movie. I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slow down.

[Robert Kelly]

It was Iron Man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody thought it was a great movie. Listen, no one enjoyed that movie.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on, dude, I'm slowing down. You told me to slow down. Okay, you're going way fast. You told me to slow down. Then you went real, real fast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought it was a great movie because I'm a big fan of Iron Man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You pulled the brakes for that? Yep. Damn it.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was worthless.

[Robert Kelly]

I, like you didn't think Iron Man 2 was good. Iron Man 3 was the worst. I don't remember the only line that I love from Iron Man 3. It's my 2. Two of my favorite lines, 1 and 3 is when he flies for the first time. Lands. He goes, yeah, can fly. Cool line. And The Iron Man 3, when the rockets were coming in, and he goes to Pepper, let's go. And she stops. She goes, stop, stopping. Which I wanted to say to Don a million times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you not?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I haven't. Haven't had the balls. I can't fly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I don't want to steal a line either.

[Robert Kelly]

It'll be a great line to deliver.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stealing lines we found out. You'll find out this Thursday when we watch one of two. Still two to come. Christine's comedy sets right out of the gates. Joke thief.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, she's joke thief. That's why she quit. They forced her out of the business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They should have. She was strong, armed by her friend, who she stole all of her comedy lines from.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the MILF militia kicked her out of the business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The MILF militia. But, you know, it's funny when you. I like Mickey Rourke, is completely aware this is being done. Asking for help for money, and he's going, I would never do that. They called Jeff Dye on the comedian Jeff Dye.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know Jeff Wright?

[Robert Kelly]

I love Jeff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He put out a GoFundMe to help him move to Austin from LA.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And to get him out of there. And when he got called on, he was like, I just thought it was funny, but, you know, it's cool. Also, people give me money, so it's like. You did it for real.

[Robert Kelly]

Was it like 20 grand?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what he was asking for.

[Jacob]

26 grand.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, now, let me ask you a question. Would you ever do a GoFundMe if you needed something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Jacob]

Wait.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's find out what the something is first.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on.

[Robert Kelly]

Later in your career, you're not making that much cash. Christine gets some type of cancer thing that you. Your insurance ran out. You don't have insurance. You had.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not insurance anyway.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't have insurance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For myself.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't have insurance?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For myself? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

For Christine?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. How would I have Christine's insurance?

[Robert Kelly]

You have insurance for yourself?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Shitty fucking New Jersey state insurance.

[Robert Kelly]

But you have insurance?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. You're. You're getting locked up in your own analogy here or this whole. This hypothetical you're setting up here.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know my nickname.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Locked up analogy, Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Locked up analogy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's what I do. You didn't know that? How long have we known each other? You don't know. Locked up analogy, Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Apologies. Continue. I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

I forget what I was saying because I got locked up in my analogy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your locked up analogy was you want me to be paying for sick Christine with insurance, but she's not under my insurance, so it doesn't. She has insurance and that will be taken care of. That no need for a GoFundMe.

[Robert Kelly]

We're gonna then. Yeah, but this scenario. She doesn't have any.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

She has nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No insurance.

[Robert Kelly]

No insurance. You're low on cash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Things aren't going good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you're like, but I still do have a fan base, right?

[Black Lou]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

You could go to them and they could help you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And just. Oh, you have to. Hey, guys. I just. You know, Christine's really sick. I can't afford the insurance or the. The operation she needs. It's too much money. I already put my house up and you know, it's not going to cover it. I'm only. I'm 150 short.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why does she not have insurance?

[Robert Kelly]

Because she lost everything in Skank Fest because Louis stole it all and moved to fucking Jamaica.

[Black Lou]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That I can get.

[Robert Kelly]

I can understand that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can picture that. Okay, I'm back in this hypothetical. I'm just the sick one that's come with a whole different analogy. I think the sick one is just not working. There's nothing I can do. Oh, here's what I would do for Christine. If she was sick and I guess she started a Gofundme, the thing. I would shout it out on the shows. Hey, everybody, if you want to help out Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, so here's another scenario. Chris, Christine's gone. She left you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Skank fest took off. She wound up moving to. Back to la, got a house on the beach. She's a multi millionaire and she's living with Ralph.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She seems happy.

[Robert Kelly]

She's very happy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very, very happy.

[Robert Kelly]

And you're alone. But everything kind of deteriorated.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do I seem very, very happy?

[Robert Kelly]

You're being alone. You were.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, all right.

[Black Lou]

Things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Things started before I knew what. I'm making Mickey work life. My hair's gone.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you have like a hat hair on. You get a bunch of cats in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The house in Compton.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, doing a. Doing a GoFundMe is. Is a tough one, you know, but that's. You're going from the top of the top down to the bottom. You're renting somebody's house. You got no money. And it's funny because actors. People think actors make so much money, they. You don't. Like. Billy Burr makes more money doing his standup than he does did on Star Wars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I would. My guess would be that Mickey Rourke, for that role, was paid tons of millions. He was. It's like $20 million. He probably maybe got like a million for that.

[Robert Kelly]

I doubt it. I bet. I bet he got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think even for that. I mean, it's a huge movie. It's gonna. It's gonna make, you know, millions and hundreds of millions of dollars in the box office. It's not billions.

[Black Lou]

A comeback. I bet it was.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet he got paid a hundred. $200,000 part of the comeback.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Wrestler was the comeback.

[Robert Kelly]

Wrestler was a comeback. Independent movie, low budget.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no money for that. That movie was garbage.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet he got a little money for that back end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me, if he was smart and had somebody get him some, like, back end money on it because it did well.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it did well. But back end is hard to get, too, you know Those points are all bullshit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do know that, don't you? It's hard to get that back end.

[Robert Kelly]

You know that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It ain't too hard.

[Robert Kelly]

It is too hard. Especially when it's small, like Yours?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, right in your back end. I don.

[Robert Kelly]

Actors, they. They get to a point they don't make that much money. Movie actors, especially TV actors, make so much good money. But movie actors, they make. They get a hit, and then if they don't act again for another. Think about that. You get a hit, and if it takes a year and a half to make a movie. Six months to a year, year and a half, and then you don't work again for another couple years, that shit dries up quick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

We can always just go on the road and just make some quick cash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So could he.

[Robert Kelly]

On doing what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do Mickey work live? Doesn't matter. People are gonna go watch the chaos.

[Robert Kelly]

He should.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Charlie Sheen, I bet, made fucking crazy money on that stupid tour.

[Robert Kelly]

Made a lot of money selling those tickets, but crazy. Yeah, he made. Probably.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did arenas.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he probably did. Yeah, he made a lot of money. That's a smart move for him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna do arenas. He just went there and sat down on a couch and just told. And just did what he was doing on the tv. He kept going. I have Tiger Blood. Winning theaters or arenas. I think he did some theaters, probably.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all theaters. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not only theaters.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. He didn't. You can't do an arena.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wanna bet?

[Robert Kelly]

You can. I don't. I believe in you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I can't.

[Robert Kelly]

You're about to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, your manager just sent me another thing to read. You're about to hit arenas. I don't know if you know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Adam, I don't write that.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't write that, but he definitely wrote it. Yeah. You make a. Make a lot of money.

[Black Lou]

It says he was initially offered $250,000 for Iron Man 2.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Black Lou]

And then he was so upset. I think they said Robert Downey Jr. Gave him a few coins off of his salary.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Black Lou]

Maybe. Maybe half a million altogether.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Which goes away quick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, for sure. It goes away quick. If you're not doing a lot else. Yeah, I mean, he was on Big Brother, so he needs money. When you went on Big Brother.

[Robert Kelly]

Remember?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he's like, you're a lesbian. What's that like?

[Robert Kelly]

You like cats? I like cats, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry I called you a dyke earlier. Is that offensive? I'm from a different time.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm grandfathered in with dyke dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a mess. He's a mess again, I'll say a thousand times over. What a gorgeous son of a. Although he's so ugly now. He's so ugly. Now that you remember him, actually more attractive than he was. When you go back and actually look, there's plenty of times back then where you were like, yeah, he's finally legit. Very, very, very, very handsome guy. But I'm saying, if you. It's not as handsome as you remember. I remember him being like a flawlessly gorgeous dude. He wasn't. He was. With flaw. Yeah. But he's a monster now.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he was. He had fantastic hair. I think a lot of times that makes people see the looks a little bit better.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Not anymore, man. That. That's the worst part of it all. I could take the face. I could take all that shit if he still had that amazing hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don Johnson, the Marlboro Man. The best from Harley Davidson. The Marlboro Man.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Their aging difference in that time is. Don Johnson looks pretty good, I think.

[Robert Kelly]

Fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Awesome.

[Black Lou]

Don Johnson.

[Robert Kelly]

I just saw that he was like 72 now.

[Black Lou]

He's great. He looks great.

[Robert Kelly]

We're all in cell block.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's years old now.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but that's. He still looks like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good flick, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Great flick. One of my favorite flicks. But he. He. That's a guy who said it. I'm just gonna get old. And he looks good. Great, Great goatee. Smokes. Well, maybe not. Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yikes.

[Robert Kelly]

Hello.

[Black Lou]

That's a. That's a. Yeah, but that's makeup for. For a movie.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, well, don't stick up for him. Let's see.

[Black Lou]

Looks great.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, he did lose his hair a little bit, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, for sure. But. Yeah, but still, he's still a pretty handsome guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, handsome guy. God damn it. Look at that smile.

[Black Lou]

And Sonny Crock is the best.

[Robert Kelly]

He's the. Look at him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, young Don Johnson, panty dropper.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing. Nothing. Look at him. Oh, wow. Yeah. What was that movie that he was in? Dead Bang. That was a great movie, too. You see Dead Bang?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes into a racist town and has to find a killer or whatever. So funny. The opening scene, he's chasing a guy and he's such a drunk alcoholic. He catches him and just throws up on him. It's such a funny scene. He's like, what the, man?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn. Look at young Don Johnson.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing better. Man, I used to have all those jackets with the. The shoulder pads.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you did, bud.

[Robert Kelly]

God, I miss that man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can still do it.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't do it now, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nothing's stopping you from buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I look like a left wing lesbian if I had shoulder pads.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that sunny Crockett. But you.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the weird thing though. Skinny like movie skinny. Like he's a little guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he is thin as shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. In this show he was definitely finished. Shit. I mean, saw the waist on them fucking white pants.

[Robert Kelly]

Scroll back up. Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tight. I'm thinking 27 inch waist.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, check.

[Black Lou]

Stuck it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You. You like we could never, ever, ever get there. You'd have to be sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah.

[Black Lou]

I think he was exhausted from the Miami vagina he got while he was filming Miami Vice.

[Robert Kelly]

You think, you think he did that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not sure. He's not sure.

[Black Lou]

It's. Well, it's known.

[Robert Kelly]

It's known.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not sure. He's listed at 5 11.

[Robert Kelly]

511.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Which is like Godzilla to you guys. To me and DJ Lou, it's, you know, it's like a guy who like doesn't have to be humiliated.

[Robert Kelly]

I guess I do get scared when somebody five' eleven walks up to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's it like to not have a six in front of your height?

[Robert Kelly]

Fuck you, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought the thing started six on the male scale.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, that. I mean, first of all, I'm not them, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I feel embarrassed. I've said 63 most of my life when I think I've been 62 something because I'm humiliated about being 6 2. Humiliated. You know, I have friends that are 64 and 65 off you, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not them. I'm not them. They're in another.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're they.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll call you whatever you want, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, whatever you need to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Be called, I will call you. I'm not here to offend you.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You call me this weekend. Yes, yes, yes. I gotta bring myself costume guides.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And typical sizing suggests his waist was what?

[Robert Kelly]

No way. That's the out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He has a. I'm wearing 36 pants. I know, but Don Johnson.

[Robert Kelly]

But you're wearing them around your knees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That make you feel good about yourself?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it made me laugh for a little bit. Now I feel bad for good about yourself. Not with that face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What should I do? I should dress like a public defender and button around my belly button.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you should dress like boss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

15 different sizes. That's five whole sizes up. If I go around my belly button to waist. My point being, when I was gonna self deprecate. Thank you, Bobby. Was gonna be that there's never a chance where I would tuck in my shirt, where underneath my shirt. You wouldn't see where my Belly ends and like the rest of my torso begins again. You would never just see shirt into pants. It would be shirt, then like a little situation happening and then some more shirt and then pants.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It looks like you're stealing a hand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, are you taking someone' rolled up sleeping bag out of here? No. Are you stealing a paper towel roll?

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, when you look at Don Johnson's waist like that and you look at the waist, the. There's nothing. There's nothing hanging over the pant at all. It goes straight into the pant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will never know what that's like, sitting down and having your body just bend. Like bend, not flop, bend, not that your body. You. You sit down and then the top of your body rests on the bottom of your body. I mean, where your body's like a body and then a waist and an ass and legs that go out and then legs that go down to the ground.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never been able that. I'll never be that.

[Robert Kelly]

I never. I have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's always top of my body resting on my lower body and then somewhere in the middle of my thighs that my legs jet out and then my knees and calves.

[Robert Kelly]

I look at pictures of me as a boy and I was so thin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You ever masturbated yourself? You creepy.

[Robert Kelly]

Do it a couple times. It's not a bad thing. It's actually supposed to. Actually, it's supposed to be healthy for you. The older you get, the more that you masturbate to younger photos of yourself. It frees up your brain and helps you remember more and helps dementia. Did you know that? I read that on Instagram.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know. If you jerk off to your young self, that come, it releases cerebellum into your brain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it doesn't make sense. You're getting rid of the come.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but it goes down into your jizz and that comes out and it filters through your balls and helps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you're allowed to think these things through before you just start saying them.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The cums out of you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not part of you.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not. Let me finish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did let you finish. You're restarting.

[Robert Kelly]

You have to drink it your own come. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. I do. Take it all back then. That does make sense.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

God, dude, you never let me finish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I jumped the gun.

[Robert Kelly]

You jumped the gun?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I jumped again. Now this is saying it's pain. Pants are a 35.

[Black Lou]

That's on Nash Bridges, which he might have put on a Little weight.

[Robert Kelly]

He's a 28.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean, put on weight? This is smaller sizes. They're saying on. It's on Miami Vice, they're saying his pants here, 35.

[Jacob]

But that could be wrong. That was like an AI overview. This is somebody saying that the costumes were actually auctioned and they had the sizes.

[Robert Kelly]

And he's 5 10.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's 5 10. And his suits are 40s. Regular shirt size pants, 32. 35.

[Jacob]

32.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

35. 32. Length. Yeah, but 35 is smaller than 36. As I'm saying, it's like he's saying he's smaller. It can't be right. He was definitely heavier. Nash Bridges, 100.

[Black Lou]

Wrong. He was fit as hell. He look. Isn't it the Miami Vice aficionado on the show.

[Robert Kelly]

Does he get to do that?

[Black Lou]

The man was at least a third, probably a 30 waist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever not masturbated but held your wiener while you watch Miami Vice? Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. Yeah, I know you have.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You never just watch it with your wiener in your hand?

[Black Lou]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You never do some TV watching with your wiener in your hand?

[Black Lou]

Tits and ass in that show the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not talking about tits and ass. I'm talking about just being alone with your wiener in your hand. You don't just do that when you watch tv.

[Black Lou]

Sometimes I sure do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Black Lou]

I'm sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks for being honest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Not jerking off. Not even trying to get yourself excited. Just like.

[Black Lou]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm just gonna hold it for a little bit, run it between my fingers a little bit, let it flop around.

[Black Lou]

Squeeze that forth.

[Robert Kelly]

Squeeze it, Pump it up a little bit, let it go back down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sometimes trying to find something to do it be just kind of. You put it between your fingers and just knock it back and forth and let it slap back and forth a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

I like to hold it and squeeze it so until it becomes like a bike tire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a little out of air.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Agree. And it's funny. You try to see if you can make it a little fatter up top than at the bottom.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn, dude. Dick's rule.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Dick's a. You got to put stuff in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Yeah. It's always. I'll be afraid everything's gonna get dust, pollen.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mites.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Mold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mold do. Yeah. It's always wet and open.

[Black Lou]

Ants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I hate them.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You can't go to sleep camping. You drop crumbs in your puss and antsacrome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Always. Your piss always hurts. You Always have an infection because you have a. Not an unclosing wound in your body.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, vaginas stink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Vagina, dude. Dicks rule.

[Robert Kelly]

Dicks rule.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dicks for life.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Do you have a hand signal you can do for that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Dicks for life. Dicks for life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For life.

[Robert Kelly]

I really do love. I mean, just holding your balls and your junk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's nothing better than when you're dicking balls. Your balls are tight. It's cold, it's cold, it's cold. Your butt, that does feel nice too. And nice and smooth.

[Black Lou]

So soft.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But a fresh shave and a tight ball bag and a tucked away wiener because it's like maybe a little chilly. And then you slowly take through the process of darning everything out. You get your balls loose again. Then your wieners dangling a little bit heavy. Black Lou. Yeah. You can go take a break or something if you don't understand what I'm talking about.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just nice, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. The transformation.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Tight to loose happen. Nice.

[Black Lou]

There's a guy, Lewis, keeps sending me the videos on Instagram. He's a 6 foot 5 statue of a man. And all his video, his whole Instagram is him hanging out in front of clubs and watching women, the hottest women ever just come up and hit on him and video after video and they all want to go on two twosomes and threesomes with him. And that's. That's it. And it's just because he's tall.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, no you don't. Have you ever tried it?

[Black Lou]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe you should stand in front of a club one night and see what happens.

[Black Lou]

Well, the last video he sent me was a guy who lost his in front of this guy, he's a, I want to say my height, six foot black guy. And he went, only reason you get any ass is cuz you tall. And he was, he, he had it going for about 30 seconds and then that 6 foot 5 model guy just destroyed him.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you say?

[Black Lou]

You ain't. If you were 6 foot 5, people would be scary. Look at your look, you ain't got it. And he gave him the confidence speech how it's all about confidence because you know this guy's had to struggle. Yeah, but it was Luke, you gotta send that one. It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this what short people send to each other?

[Black Lou]

Yes. He sends me these videos of just to, just to make my blood boil about this guy who does nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Funny enough is I send me and DJ Loosen funny videos of little people back and forth to each other laughing at them non stop.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I go, hey, I can't bring this up on the show because everybody's gonna get upset by me and you, but how funny is this little guy doing this thing?

[Black Lou]

The only thing he does is breathe in front of Clubs. And he sent it to me.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, I'm not, I'm. I'm five eight and a quarter, bro.

[Black Lou]

You're not.

[Robert Kelly]

Shut up. I am.

[Black Lou]

You're under 5 8.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm not. He did a whole scientific measurement.

[Robert Kelly]

That wasn't scientific. That was a. That was a house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And buddy, I'm always willing to break it open again because Black Lou, I believe, has a tape measure on him at all times at this point. Just about. Not today. I had to bring extra waters for the double taping today.

[Robert Kelly]

So Black, you could use his. He could just use his dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is him.

[Black Lou]

Just put six, eight the great.

[Jacob]

I mean he's not just tall shape, he's a personal trainer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, you really did just say it's simply because he's tall. He's like.

[Black Lou]

No, the guy said that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, keep going. Yeah, he's like a good looking guy.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

It's like who's Pamela Anderson? Gets hit on a lot too. And she was this hot, right?

[Black Lou]

He's very good looking and his entire life is standing in front of the club doing nothing.

[Robert Kelly]

But if you were that hot.

[Black Lou]

He does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. But it's not simply because Jacob, yes.

[Black Lou]

He got everything of the genetic jackpot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm saying if this guy was 5 9, he'd be getting the same amount of pussy.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me ask you a question, Jacob. Jacob, you think Larry Bird would get standing in front of this club?

[Black Lou]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Exactly.

[Black Lou]

No. 5 5.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I give him a little.

[Black Lou]

This good looking. 55 is not getting this much.

[Robert Kelly]

You like guys with bangs from French Lick. Oh, come on. He's just hoes too. You could get that girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get all these girls. You got a big enough van, Jacob.

[Black Lou]

Just slow motion of them giving his phone, their phones to him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at her.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, they're just staring at him. Wow.

[Black Lou]

That's the vid. That's the. I know, but the whole thing is their eyes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, he's a great look. If you put a big ugly person up there, his height means nothing. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

If you put Ralph in that room, you think these chicks are going to be staring.

[Jacob]

He could be a lot shorter and still get hit on.

[Black Lou]

Yes, but there is a cutoff.

[Robert Kelly]

He could be your height and still get those girls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, there's a cut. His cutoff. His cutoff for this kind of attention definitely is for this kind of attention. His cutoff for success in getting laid in the night. If this guy was 5 foot, if he was Bobby's height.

[Robert Kelly]

Whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little tiny guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Whoa. Dude, I'm right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Bobby got tons of.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not tiny.

[Black Lou]

Not this.

[Jacob]

I also. Jacob. If he's 6, 8, a lot of these girls probably think he's in the NBA.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

They see him and they're like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's so much here that's like. It's just that you're making this all height. It's not.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not. He's gorgeous and he's shredded and he has great clothes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When your hour hide. It does feel like it's all height.

[Robert Kelly]

But how would you know?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These girls just walk by and look up at him and just. But have to approach it.

[Robert Kelly]

How would you know if girls are looking at you? Because you can't see their faces from where you're at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But this little muscly guy here. Walk around too. Is it. By the way, this is all set up. That little muscly guy. That guy's short. And that guy definitely gets tons of hot.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because just gym.

[Black Lou]

Not as much as this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if you're right about that. I don't know if you're right about that. If they just went for a back. Back to back numbers game.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just say something though? That guy, those girls are walking out with little short, muscly guys carrying bags. And she went back to that big tall guy and gave her say, this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is either set up or it's not what we think it is happening. This is. This. That's not real. It's not. It was a girl didn't walk away from that muscle. He got that muscle guy goes, I'll hold your bags while you talk to this big black guy. That's not how life goes. But my point be. My point being is like, I don't think it was a him pulling a girl from a dude.

[Black Lou]

Watch the one where the guy, the short guy gets everything taken away from him.

[Robert Kelly]

Because we're watching it in the studio Tracker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Robert Kelly]

I saw it at Skank festival.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are we. Oh, tiny dancer.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry, Jacob. I'm sorry. I went for that joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I should hold me closer. Tiny Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you seen the video? I think I've said that before. I follow this guy who's. He's a brother, but he goes up to lesbian women. Like really heavy, heavy lesbians. And he tries to pick them up and they get mad and try to fight him. Every time they try to beat them the fuck up, he just walks up and he hands him like a rose and tries to start talking to him. And they're like, what the fuck are you doing, motherfucker?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like a prank thing. It's like you're just trying to. Yeah, it's like. Then they go over joking, and then they see if they get beat up or not.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no. It's this dude trying to pick up butch. Butch, lesbian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, actually. Oh, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Butch, lesbian, ghetto girls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like a prank is the idea. He's going out there to do it to start a fight.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, he's going out there to try to pick him up and they never ever. Not one of them has been into it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, what they call a prank on YouTube right now is so funny because they'll be like, have you seen this prank where you go up in, like, go up to thugs and, like, pull their pants up from sagging? That's not a prank. It's like. Yeah, because you're dancing with death is what you're doing.

[Robert Kelly]

It's pretty funny, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you remember. You remember the guy that went on that particular thing that he did it in? The guy's gun fell out of his fucking thing. Dude, I watched the fucking run.

[Robert Kelly]

The guy who shows up walking through the hood with a brand new Xbox, Sony PlayStation box. And he's walking through the. These guys just on the porch. This guy runs over. Yo, yo, what's up? What you got? Oh, he has a porch on his house. Okay, dude, relax. Oh, my God, brother. Come on, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm using all this looking out for you, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, I don't like why you clean your glasses like Sherlock Holmes. Just put them on. You're not reading anything, douchebag. You don't need them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're not reading glasses.

[Robert Kelly]

What are they? Just seeing glasses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seeing and then reading down here.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, they're called bifocals.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seamless bifocals. I have a guy.

[Robert Kelly]

I have a guy. I have the guy. You went to another guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not the guy. To Chris DiStefano's guy.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa. Everybody knows that. I heard it on Rogan. I'm in the sphere, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, I'm not in the sphere, but I was on the show first with my guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not even in the DiStefano sphere, let alone the Rogan sphere.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what the problem is? I'm in your sphere. That's what my problem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get out of this fear.

[Robert Kelly]

I gotta get out of your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a tiny, awful sphere.

[Robert Kelly]

Dan got out. I should have got out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

PlayStation's great. And then the Abbot dude, this guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Pulls out and he put the guy. One of the guys walks up to him and he's trying to take it in an Uzi. He pulls out a Uzi from the front of his shirt. Not this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at this dude. What the.

[Black Lou]

So he's purposely just walking around.

[Robert Kelly]

Walking with an Xbox. He's walking through the hood with an Xbox going, yeah, I got my friend a present. He's got a gun. He's got a. He's got a gun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Man. What? Like, that's crazy. It blows my mind though. Like, the guy just robbed him. Like, you know, it's a prank or whatever. The guy just robbed them, which is very real. But it's like that. That many people just exist. So you can just walk through a bad neighborhood and like, people will just casually rob the.

[Robert Kelly]

What's crazy is the guy who's still holding the gun and there's a baby in a baby carriage and a mom right behind him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but his baby. Baby's mom.

[Robert Kelly]

Makes sense. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, baby, I just got you a PlayStation 5. This crying. Yeah, but. But I say it is pretty funny that black people in the hood, though, talk about they don't see a prank coming at all. Just like, they just like black people overreact to magic. They think it's actual magic. It's the same thing with these pranks, because there's one of them is the guy has a see through. He's wearing a see through backpack with like fake thousands worth of dollars of money in it. He's walking through the hoods. And how many times he gets a beat up and attacked and robbed? He goes, why would. What? Like this guy is either one, that's fake money, or two, there's a camera with him. 100. They just go, look at this crazy. Walking through with a clear bag of money. They just believe it. Hook, line and sinker. Oh, man, it's a prank.

[Robert Kelly]

I love the black guys from the 30s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. Come on, now with it. Play it, play it now.

[Robert Kelly]

That's actually the 70s. You gotta come up to the 90s at least.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't. That's all. N word. I gotta keep it from like back in sinners times.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Myself a PlayStation.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. This guy's fucking. Oh, he's pointing a gun at him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's like, it was just a prank, man. He goes, prank's over.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a prank. Oh, shit. Just leave. Oh, now he cocked it. What's wrong with you, dude? Just leave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna be upset. He goes. He's gonna get shot. If the guy goes, it's a cinder block inside of a box. Yeah. Did you find the bag? 1.

[Robert Kelly]

He gets shocked because he opens up his gift card to Lululemons.

[Black Lou]

Things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Black people never want.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Barnes and Noble.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Take my backpack. It's two gallons of diet peach Snapple.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Hey, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Diet peach Snapple. Come on now.

[Robert Kelly]

I guess if the Starbucks. I don't like coffee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you find the one with the bag? The clear bag? I vamped for so long.

[Jacob]

No, sorry. I was playing that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were just playing a game. No, solitaire.

[Robert Kelly]

Funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn it.

[Robert Kelly]

We were vamping for a while.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So long. I'm certain that was getting pulled up.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all right. Her fingers weren't moving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? It's fine. It's radio. It's live. She's sitting silence till she finds it.

[Robert Kelly]

She's got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she got it.

[Black Lou]

They had that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you want to. By the way. He's got 47 minutes of interactions with people because everyone takes the bait. Everyone's like, what's that? What's that clear bag of money? He goes, yeah, it's all my money. They're like, give me that thing.

[Robert Kelly]

But you want. I mean, these. These guys have guns.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's insane.

[Robert Kelly]

It's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, they look at it like. Like they're looking at women.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. They look at it like, he's got a nice ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, see, you got that money back. But that weird. I see you got that weird money bag. And then so the other go. It's a prank. Like, what is this number? Pranks are. Pranks are a whoopee cushion.

[Robert Kelly]

Ah, Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't nobody play like that. If you come here with a clear bag of money, we have to kill you. Why would you play like that? We have to. We have to rob and beat the. Out of you if you have clear bag of money.

[Robert Kelly]

That's why I like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you walk around here with your own money? You're just walking around the hood with your own money. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I just like it. The. The Sony PlayStation. It's just so much funner because it's like, he's. That's definitely a gift for somebody. And they're like, yeah, I'm taking that now. Look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at this guy. What do you think of my bag? I think. Give it to me.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the stupidest one ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's insane.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This is nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It goes on for 45 full more minutes. They don't care. That it's fake.

[Robert Kelly]

Now he's done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now they want to kill them for making him think they were rich a second ago.

[Robert Kelly]

That is. That's probably the angriest I get is knowing that it's not real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What?

[Black Lou]

That's what I don't get. Why. Once you realize. Once I realize that it's fake, I would want to be as far from there as possible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But just go to people goes, hey, you have any idea what I can do with all this money in this clear bag? And they're like, yeah, I'm a rob you. No foresight.

[Jacob]

There's nothing more dumb than the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christine, watch your next words. Wow. What? What's that?

[Jacob]

The sagging of the skinny jeans. That style. It was the wor style for men ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was going. She goes, there is nothing more stupid. Like, oh, I thought she was getting.

[Robert Kelly]

Back into stand up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I forgot. Christine, stand up is so racially charged.

[Jacob]

The black rapist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa. Well, here's the thing. At the end of the day, he does have, like four boys with him. You know what I mean? So it's not. But it doesn't matter. Like what he is willing to do that I think is pretty impressive. Nothing else is get punched in the face. He's going to get hit. Even getting grabbed up like that, I'd be like, nervous as fuck. I'm like, you know, if they're gonna stab you or they don't give a fuck.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that Rick James? Who's he walking up to?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rick James.

[Robert Kelly]

This is just pure violence.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean, dude, it's a prank.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not a prank.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't you hear the fun prank music? What pranks don't you know burn? Pranks? And they always go. And just before you think it's racist, Mexican people will also rob you. Have you before you think this is racist at all? The only people who won't rob you for your clear bag of money, your whites.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not Mexican. That's a black dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, hey, guys, just in case you guys thought I was racist to think somebody that black guy's Mexican. It wasn't. He might be. Yeah, he might be Mexican. Now, I know what you're thinking. He sure is acting black. But I'm telling you. No, no, I know what you're thinking.

[Robert Kelly]

He's black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. I know you're thinking. I know you're now in the community because you saved a black person. Now you're honorary black.

[Robert Kelly]

I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know that. I know that.

[Robert Kelly]

I do have certain Rights that you don't have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. You get to be in the next three Madea films.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, did you see the guys that. They have the bike in the bad neighborhoods?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I showed you this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they. They.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The bait bike and they make. They tie it to a tree or something. Just watch. You just watch homeless people get yanked off a bike. It is really great. They just laugh at them. I think you never seen this before.

[Robert Kelly]

You never saw that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's pretty great bait bike, dude. You see them? It's just white dudes. Yeah. Go to bad neighborhoods and tie a nice bike to a tree. But they have like a. A rope on the back wheel attached to the tree or something like that. Or they get the front wheel, the.

[Robert Kelly]

Front wheel and they just go flying off the bike.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So funny, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, That's all I do. Everybody and they just film. They just chase them and laugh.

[Robert Kelly]

They just leave a cool bike sitting out somewhere. Look at these two dweebs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, is it. Is it up? And I think it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't say it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't say it's up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't say it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they just said the rope. The rope is a thing. They just face plant completely. But I tell you, Bobby, I'm having a hard time with this one.

[Robert Kelly]

Why, Bobby, don't say it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou. Yes. Why are you having a hard time with this video? I absolutely love these videos.

[Robert Kelly]

He's having a great time with this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou. What are you having a hard time with this video? Do you believe. Believe. This video is very real. Do I think it's real? Black? Let me clean my glasses while I ask you this.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, this is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you seeing as the problem in this video?

[Robert Kelly]

2024.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One black person yet to try to steal their bait.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this is.

[Jacob]

There could be no black people in this town.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

True. No, no. Oh, Christine, do me a favor. Go back to the beginning. How many deep do we have to get?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's one of ten. Yeah, but he's. He's caused.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back to the very beginning. Go back to the very beginning. 1. There is nothing but black people around all these things. And several times they show you a white kid. Break away from all these black people to go. Yep, time to do some crime.

[Robert Kelly]

But the first black kid. The first black kid is Cosby Black, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, watch.

[Robert Kelly]

Go back to the black dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at these guys. Look at these two goofy guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they just got back from playing war cross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black woman who could use A bike to help her with them groceries. A black woman whose feet hurting because every day she wakes up to fight. And look at this. These two ladies need a bike. You see what I'm saying? Bobby? Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't want to. I didn't want to say Bobby. I don't want to say anything because people think I'm Right Wing Bobby and I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Case closed. Finally, a black eye. Yeah. Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Also, black people run faster, so their wipeouts are better.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's see if the next one. The next one. Oh, Jesus. It's an Asian guy. This is a setup.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a setup.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, wait, it's a scooter, so it might not be now. This is. Oh, this is bullshit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? You wouldn't set that up. This wipeout was pretty hard.

[Robert Kelly]

This is fake. Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Real nice. You found us a fake one full of white criminals. Real nice, Christine. Bullshit. Even black Lou can't believe it.

[Robert Kelly]

They had to change the bike to a computer to get white people to pick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a loose hard drive on the ground. I'm gonna pick it up.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that an Xbox controller? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is that a first edition Moby Dick on the ground? Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don Johnson.

[Jacob]

Oh, this was the video that Lou sent Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Black Lou]

So this is like, how tall this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's 6 foot 8.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, but the guy that goes up to him, how. How tall do you think would you say is six?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Five? What's Bobby? Five eight. Five eight.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm five eight And a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And a quarter.

[Black Lou]

I would say he's even shorter than.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That, but, like, one quarter laying on its side.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Five eight and a quarter of legal tender.

[Robert Kelly]

I found a quarter this morning on the ground. Would you pick up a quarter if you found it? I feel like you wouldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like you'd leave it. Yeah, yeah, I picked it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And put it where?

[Robert Kelly]

Put it in my pocket. It was a lucky quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the first quarter it's been in your pocket in the last 20 years. I haven't had change in my pocket in forever.

[Robert Kelly]

Isn't that weird? We don't have, remember change? I had change all the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The change from my last two decades is sitting in a water jug in my house. Because one day, when I eventually am gonna get evicted from my Beverly Hills home.

[Robert Kelly]

Before you do your GoFundMe, before I go fund me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm gonna go hit the Coin Star. What's that? Coin Star doesn't exist. Anymore. Well, then I have no Christ. An idea what to do with this fucking. This barrel change.

[Robert Kelly]

I have a big bucket of change, too. I mean, we used to come home every night and just throw your change in a jar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then it got to a point we started getting a little uppity. What, when we were emptying the pockets at night?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not only get rid of your change.

[Robert Kelly]

But your dollars, your ones. Ones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then if it was ones and.

[Robert Kelly]

A five, you're getting real life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You give the five. There are a couple fives in there and maybe even a couple like year starters of like a 20 or something. Just like, let's throw a 20 in there to start the year. So I'm telling you, there's thousands of dollars in there.

[Robert Kelly]

And My address is 1149 Go Winkle Way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we are not home a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, Christine's home alone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine's home alone a lot. But I tell you this, she will die for that change. I've told her to defend everything in that house with her life. If she's going to live there and I'm not, then she has to defend it with her life.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm not.

[Black Lou]

Well, this is to set the. So I think this guy Lou says 5, 8. I'm saying 5, 7, if he's lucky, is about to dish out some short justice to this six foot eight, gorgeous.

[Robert Kelly]

Man as a short king. Why do you always have to take other short people down like that? Why?

[Black Lou]

I'm saying he's about to dish, but you're not. Let's see how it goes for him.

[Robert Kelly]

You said he's. He said he's 5, 8, and you're like. I would say 5, 7.

[Black Lou]

Because I saw, I think, giving him too much height.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you be a bit Lou? Because Lou's giving him a little height next to a 6, 8 guy. Why don't you.

[Black Lou]

Why don't you defend matters for the video?

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you defend these people a little bit? Why?

[Black Lou]

I'm defending. I said. I told Lou it was a disaster. No, I'm saying he failed us.

[Robert Kelly]

He threw a little shot. Jay. He said five, eight. We could have went with that. He goes, no, I'm saying five, seven. You took an inch away from you taking little shots.

[Black Lou]

Okay, five, eight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, Bobby said these people. I think. I think he means our people, Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

No, your people. I'm not short blacks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's right, Jake. I'm talking about you and the other short blacks.

[Black Lou]

I love Bobby's delusion, man. It's the best.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, I'm not in your group. There's a separate group.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. Jacob. But Bobby almost goes against. Against the thing. What you see, listen, you're seeing now. Old tired family weighted down by life. The burden of everything.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm the happiest I've ever been.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know why. Why do you make sexless. Wait. Whoa, Joyless. Costa Rica.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was a good masturbation problematic.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. It's not a problem. You're supposed to do it 50 times a month or you'll get sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby is. But you're seeing that now. Now this guy at five eight and one quarter. Thanks. Jay. Was. I'm telling you, when I came into comedy, it was still the stuff of. I still think he was still getting pussy. But you were probably being a little the level of friends that I was with you as like a young comic coming into the city. You probably didn't share much with me on the thing. So I didn't really see you slaying pussy if you were still at that time. I think you were a little bit what I did. The legend of Bobby preceded him. And most notoriously at the time, I couldn't tell you what she looks like now. I'm telling you. The girl that took me and Kevin Hart's first headshots was such a cute. She was so cute. And she was madly in love with Bobby and Bobby broke her off a few times and sent her on her goddamn way. She was so cute.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So cute.

[Robert Kelly]

She was cute. Didn't know how to bang that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Perfect. Like not coming out of the 90s look. She had short hair, but it was like funky. And she was great.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she was elfie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Pixie. Ish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So hot. She took all the pictures that are down at the Cellar, you see all.

[Robert Kelly]

The time those old ones, that picture with me with the scally cap on backwards. I was actually rubbing a coochie while she was taking the photo. That's why I'm smiling. I'm going.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Black Lou]

I'm not taking that away from him. He is short.

[Robert Kelly]

But I was not short.

[Black Lou]

People can be very successful. I'm not in the late with the ladies.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not in your category. That's all I'm saying.

[Black Lou]

You are.

[Robert Kelly]

She's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that hurt? No. These are pictures she takes of people.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but when you see her, I'll know.

[Robert Kelly]

She might have took me off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, no. You're in the book and everything. Yeah, we're all in the book. Whoa. She was over it.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she got over it real quick. That's what ADHD kicked in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you say? Hey, we're on live radio. We're talking.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we're talking right to your face.

[Jacob]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

I was gonna say something, but I.

[Jacob]

Didn'T want to interrupt, so I was gonna say she. I forgot about the picture of you. You holding Ken. That's like the two page spread. You holding Kevin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And she took that. We should probably buy that book.

[Robert Kelly]

Was she trying to find my photo?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought you try to find a photo of her.

[Jacob]

Oh, I was trying to find a photo of her, but I don't know what she looks like, so it's kind of hard to tell.

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great.

[Robert Kelly]

I can tell you what she looks like all over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I bet. Smooth. Yeah, she was very cute. Very, very nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So cute.

[Robert Kelly]

So cute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very, very nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was so cute. Those are the good old days. But Bobby, I'm happy now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But then, you know, this guy was getting whacked off down the front of his oshkosh bagashes. The guy is defined yet, so whatever. He didn't. He doesn't share the same short experience. Yeah, Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That as he gets older now bothers him so much that he's a short gentleman.

[Robert Kelly]

You.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. What's up?

[Robert Kelly]

I think you're hitting it on the head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I haven't lived the short king life that they've led because I was. I was. I was leading.

[Black Lou]

Oh, you're a comic.

[Robert Kelly]

No, before I was a comic.

[Black Lou]

Actor. I'm saying you're a former performer.

[Robert Kelly]

Before I was all that I was, I was banging chicks at AA dances.

[Black Lou]

You were banging at nine?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Black Lou]

Nobody's taking Shady.

[Robert Kelly]

A little shady on the time, but around 11:12, we told him this for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I asked Kevin. I asked Kevin Hart one time years ago to talk to my brother who was going to be short. My brother's five, three. He's gonna be short. He's very short. I go, can you talk to my brother and let him know it's fine? And he said no, he wouldn't do that. He said it was a crazy thing to ask. And he was right. And while that's true, but I think also a lot of why he wasn't gonna have that conversation is because it's why I believe Black Lou has a picture with like a. A halo, like glow around it in his house of him and Kevin Hart is because Kevin Hart is 5 foot 3. And has never lived his life as such. For one day, right? Not for one day.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. That's their God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's their God.

[Black Lou]

Can I say in my defense, Kevin Hart, your God?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, Kevin Hart.

[Black Lou]

I didn't start. Lou Torch. He tortures me with this guy. I'm actually the best I've ever been as far as.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clean my glasses again.

[Black Lou]

Accepting me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob.

[Black Lou]

But he tortures me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How many times I have to clean these glasses while I say something, while I feel something. You know, we gotta take a break, actually. God damn it. I'll be back with my glasses. Don't worry.

[Black Lou]

I don't even know if.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, hold your thoughts. Jacob Bobby Kelly. Where's he gonna be? I'll tell you. Sarasota, Florida, this weekend. Getting the. Out of the cold. I know you're excited.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm so excited.

[Black Lou]

It just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's gonna be the 16th and 17th. Friday and Saturday. Shut up, you pip squeak.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you little twerp. Stop being a twerp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After that, he's gonna be in Poughkeepsie, New York. Where did Christine go?

[Robert Kelly]

She dies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come back to her. Always. She went to the desk. Start sucking off Lou. God damn it, dude. This chick's insatiable.

[Robert Kelly]

She's had two 40s and some fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She gets one. She gets one little nip. A fireball at lunch. He's gonna be in Poughkeepsie, New York. Comedy Works south in Colorado, Batavia, Illinois. For tickets and all of his tour dates, go to Punch up Dot Live, Robert Kelly, and of course, every every Tuesday. Why do I always want to say Sunday?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, because I'm, you know, maybe I'll start Sundays.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know why it always makes me want to say Sunday. Every Tuesday night, 7:00pm, the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cellar, and of course, his YouTube page, YouTube.com Robert Kelly comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

And Mr. Big J is going to be this weekend. Good Nights in Raleigh. And those tickets are all gone except for one show Friday night. Right? A couple tickets left. Couple tickets left. He's doing. He's selling out all the place. So, listen, if you're gonna go see Big J, you need to get your tickets. Now, me, you can walk up that night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I try to walk up that night. For me.

[Robert Kelly]

Also, he's going to Chicago. January 22nd, 24th through the 24th. After that, he'll be in West Nyack. Dania Beach, Florida. Fort Worth, Texas. Nashville, tickets, tour dates, everything. BigJ.Comedy.com and go subscribe to YouTube.com BigJayAnderson for his live shows for specials and we will be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

There's only one FDA approved Ozempic made by Novo Nordisk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Learn about the real thing. Talk to your healthcare professional today. Call 1-833-OZEMPIC or visit ozempic.com to view.

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[Robert Kelly]

Semaglutide injection 0.5 milligram, 1 milligram and 2 milligrams.

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