Too Astute with Jaleel White

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly Episode: Too Astute with Jaleel White
Release Date: May 9, 2025

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Introduction and Guest Arrival (00:00 - 09:13)

The episode kicks off with a humorous mock advertisement for the BET show Ms. Pat Settles It featuring Bobby Kelly and Big Jay Oakerson’s trademark blunt humor. After a brief commercial break, the hosts prepare for the arrival of their special guest, Jaleel White, famously known for his role as Steve Urkel on Family Matters.

Bobby Kelly (01:21):
"And we're waiting on Jay. He's coming very shortly."

Despite Jay's delayed arrival, Bobby Kelly engages with interim host Lou, building anticipation for Jaleel's entrance.

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Jaleel White's Introduction and Career Highlights (09:13 - 16:10)

Jaleel White joins the show to promote his new game show, Flip Side, airing on the Game Show Network. The discussion swiftly moves to Jaleel's memoir, which Bobby avidly praises.

Christine (09:14):
"I've been reading that memoir like crazy, man. Yeah, it's a great one."
Bobby Kelly (03:15):
"Now that's the guy from Die Hard."
Jaleel White (15:07):
"I was a producer on the show. It was in development for probably about three years before we finally made it to air."

Jaleel shares anecdotes about his collaboration with producer Ken Ross and the nostalgic elements of his career, highlighting his natural storytelling ability that resonates with broad audiences.

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Discussions on Social Media and Celebrity Culture (16:10 - 27:31)

The conversation delves into the impact of social media on celebrities, contrasting past and present experiences. Jaleel reflects on how public scrutiny has intensified, especially for child stars, altering the dynamics of fame.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:32):
"Allen Iverson would have played one year of basketball if there was social media."
Jaleel White (26:19):
"There's a lot more race baiting now because of Social media."

The hosts debate the evolution of racial tensions and media portrayal, with Jaleel emphasizing the subtle yet persistent nature of racism compared to heightened present-day visibility.

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Jaleel White's Experiences on Family Matters and Character Development (27:31 - 33:38)

Jaleel recounts his experiences writing for Family Matters, particularly the controversial episode featuring a black man in a dress. He discusses the internal challenges and external reactions, ultimately revealing that the backlash was minimal and largely self-doubting.

Jaleel White (31:30):
"The only backlash that I received was internal and self doubting."
Bobby Kelly (31:27):
"But you didn’t get to the acting part. He was still on his childhood."

Jaleel elaborates on his decision to step back from portraying Myrtle, highlighting the shift in societal attitudes towards such portrayals and the pressures of politicization in entertainment.

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Promotion of Flip Side Game Show (34:00 - 34:21)

Jaleel promotes his game show, Flip Side, emphasizing its accessibility and fun nature. He invites Atlanta residents to participate, expressing his joy in interacting with contestants and awarding prizes.

Jaleel White (34:03):
"We shoot in Atlanta. If you're in Atlanta, come on down. We want the best contestants."

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Humorous Segment: The Dress Challenge (34:22 - 58:56)

A significant portion of the episode features a lively and comedic segment where Bobby Kelly and Big Jay Oakerson bet that comedian Bert Kreischer will wear a dress on their show. The banter revolves around Bobby's hesitance and the group's attempts to convince him to embrace the challenge.

Bobby Kelly (40:37):
"I'm not wearing that. That's Jacob doll clothes."
Big Jay Oakerson (45:14):
"I'm going to make you a beautiful dress."

The playful dialogue showcases the chemistry between the hosts as they navigate the absurdity of the bet, complete with suggestions for Bobby’s transformation and humorous objections. The segment highlights their ability to entertain through improvisation and friendly rivalry.

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Final Remarks and Closing (58:56 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the laughter and memorable moments shared with Jaleel White. They reiterate the promotion for Flip Side and conclude with lighthearted remarks about their interviewing skills and ongoing bets.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:13):
"We might be the best interviewers."
Bobby Kelly (34:03):
"We hope to have you again soon."

The episode ends with a mixture of genuine appreciation for the guest and the ongoing comedic antics that define The Bonfire's engaging and unpredictable nature.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bobby Kelly (03:15):
  "Now that's the guy from Die Hard."

• Jaleel White (15:07):
  "I was a producer on the show. It was in development for probably about three years before we finally made it to air."

• Big Jay Oakerson (12:32):
  "Allen Iverson would have played one year of basketball if there was social media."

• Jaleel White (31:30):
  "The only backlash that I received was internal and self doubting."

• Bobby Kelly (40:37):
  "I'm not wearing that. That's Jacob doll clothes."

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Key Takeaways

• Jaleel White’s Multifaceted Career:
  Beyond his iconic role as Urkel, Jaleel has ventured into writing and producing, notably with his memoir and game show Flip Side.

• Impact of Social Media on Fame:
  The hosts discuss how the rise of social media has transformed celebrity experiences, increasing scrutiny and altering public interactions.

• Navigating Controversy in Entertainment:
  Jaleel shares insights on handling controversial content in Family Matters, emphasizing personal growth and industry pressures.

• Dynamic Host Chemistry:
  The episode highlights the natural rapport between Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly, enhancing the show’s entertaining and spontaneous atmosphere.

• Humor and Improvisation:
  The playful debate over Bobby’s potential dress-wearing underscores the show's commitment to humor and engaging listener interactions.

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This episode of The Bonfire offers a blend of insightful discussions on the entertainment industry, personal anecdotes from Jaleel White, and the hosts' signature humor, making it both engaging and informative for new and returning listeners alike.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

Wednesdays all right for Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat settles it is all new. I want to serve up some justice. Back with outrageous new cases. I was trying to be built like a Barbie, but I'm built like Barney. Back with her celebrity jurors. I love this court show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And back with signature clapbacks.

[Jaleel White]

Thank you fornight. Prince Ali, you ain't Aladdin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ms. Pat settles it all new Wednesdays at 10 on BET.

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[Christine]

And now the Bonfire with Big.

[Bobby Kelly]

J Okerson and Robert Kelly, everybody. It's the bonfire faction talk, SiriusXM103. And we're. We're waiting on Jay. He's coming very shortly. Okay, we got a. We got a guest coming in right now.

[Christine]

He's outside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black Lou's sitting in for Jay. It's, it's, it's. It's Lou and Bobby show. Lou and the Bob Show. We're here. All right. What's up? Lou got a very special guest coming in. Lou, talk to me, Louis.

[Christine]

I'm so pumped. Yeah, this is bigger than Dak Prescott if you follow the show. This is bigger than Dak Prescott for me. I am pumped up.

[Lou]

Who's coming in?

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's coming in?

[Christine]

Jaleel White, also known. Known as Urkel.

[Jaleel White]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he's got. Well, I don't know if he can. You might want to take that back. But can we say that. I don't know if we can call him. Yeah. All right, cool. Yeah, we got him coming in. Jay's running a little late, but that's okay. He'll be hustling in shortly.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's going on, Christine? What's happening?

[Jacob]

They need a couple more minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, please.

[Jacob]

In the elevator.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay's in the elevator. They need a couple more minutes. And everything happens for a reason, right, Lou? Everything happens for A reason. It's all going to be perfect. Yeah, we got him coming in today. He's got a brand new game show that's out right now, which is Flip side. The Flip side. What's that?

[Lou]

What's his name?

[Bobby Kelly]

Today we got. We got J Man coming in. J Man shooting in from the side. Coming in. Jaleel.

[Lou]

That's it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jaleel.

[Jaleel White]

Jaleel.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have a hard time. I'm a mushmouth. We all know that. Jaleel coming in today. So you're a big fan of this, the show that was like, see, because I was. I was too old, I think at that time to watch that, right?

[Christine]

Yeah. Family Matters was my first consistent dad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now that's the guy from Die Hard.

[Christine]

Die Hard, yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Reginald Vel Johnson, who played a cop in that too.

[Christine]

He did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is pretty wild. Absolutely. And you read his whole book last night, his memoir between Yesterday and today.

[Christine]

I've been reading that memoir like crazy, man. Yeah, it's a great one.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a good one.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's really good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's fantastic. I. That's so funny. You read the whole thing?

[Christine]

Just about.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That's great. You're a reader. Really? That's great. I actually set up a whole room. My. I have a walk in closet that we made. The other bedroom next to us, we just put an opening and we made it a walk in closet because we always wanted one. Christine, you've seen it. And I put a chair in there and I put a reading lamp and I made a special book holder I made, you know, out of wood. And I did all this stuff and I've never. I sat in there one day and read for an hour and a half. Fell asleep in the chair. I haven't been back since. I literally have a reading room that I was so proud of where I was gonna go in and start reading all the books. Like my grandpapa. Cause my grandfather loved to read. And everybody says reading is how you get smart and how you learn everything. And I read Al Pacino's first two chapters and I passed out. Haven't been back since.

[Lou]

But you didn't get to the acting part. He was still on his childhood.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm still in his weird childhood, which freaked me out. There he is, everybody. The great big J Okerson who I watched last night, proving that you're special was one of the funniest. I sent it to the Gauntlet last night. Oh, yeah, I sent it to the Gauntlet. That's why I called you. Late night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What Was the Gauntlet.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Gauntlet is in my cigar lounge at late night. There's a bunch of guys that are there and they have a. They have a movie room almost like a theater room. And if you go in there, it's a bunch of dudes and they'll be watching movies, smoking bats, busting balls. And I said, last night, put my friend. My friend, they were talking about another comedian which remain nameless, who we all know who. Not that good. Not funny. Good on podcast. Special sucked. I was like, okay. I said, okay, let's do this. Let's put my friends. Big J special on. Just came out. Them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They.

[Bobby Kelly]

They. Which they just came out. Yeah, it's. It's pretty tough. I mean, you really fucked us on the names. Just come up with one and name it one thing. Stop fucking making it weird. They. Them. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Them. They.

[Bobby Kelly]

Them. They. All right. See, it's just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Jamal, Jamil. They them is Jaleo. Jalil is. Or they them is the actual term for when people go non binary and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yours is them, they, Them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we. I put it on last night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Lou]

Why did you switch it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, cuz it's funny to. It's funny when people get worked up, especially like that, to play dumb and be like, oh, no, it's different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on real quick. I'll make it shorter. It's funny.

[Lou]

Yeah, I think it is funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's called humor.

[Lou]

I didn't know if there was something else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, well, it's double entendre.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have to talk about the audience. Them. They.

[Bobby Kelly]

We have Terrace Face Jacob in studio today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would you do that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hamami Alra, Swami Hamasi, Al Saif.

[Bobby Kelly]

Moses Alaganda.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened? Where's Jaleel White?

[Bobby Kelly]

So last night he's coming in. He needed a couple minutes. We're just gonna. But last night, dude sent it to the Gauntlet and they liked it, buddy. Dude, I got video. I'll post it to you. Oh, killing it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, dude buckled over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I joined a cigar bar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Almost to the point where I was like, really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Hey, get a grip.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a transitional thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was. No, dude, it was it. Here's the funny part. You ended it right when I wanted you to end it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of specialists, like, all right, dude, let's go. Right when I was like, all right. You went, all right, guys. And I was like, it's over. I was like, that's perfect. You ended the special perfectly. And then you Came back with little taste because I was like, I could use a little more. And you came back with a little taste at the end of that. Dude, it was great. And you know what? You look beautiful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look beautiful. Your eyes were made to be filmed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. You have a. I know. I thought when I did that special, by the way, I was like, I think I look pretty good. I was, like, feeling like I lost some weight and I was doing good. And then now I look. I've lost weight since. Look at it now. I'm like, damn. Still fat as shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Special. It's a fat turd.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you think I felt? Dude, I was 360 when I did my. I can't watch clips.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tough.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't, buddy. I was like, I want a side camera. So I get the people laughing as I say jokes because I wanted that. I wish I just had a one shot of my face that I could slim out or something. The side shot of me knowing that that jacket couldn't button. If you gave me $30 million to button, it makes me sick to my stomach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that was for a couple of years, my fluctuation in weight when I got the country western shirt. Our first one ever to Allen's Boots. Really nice one that I still have. It's so funny, the different years I've gone and it's been like, it closes. It's always closed standing up. But there was a couple years where if I sat down in it, it would blast. Like, the snaps would just go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just some lady scream in the front audience, her eyes taken out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's snap buttons, Bobby, country western shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just killed 14 people. They thought it was a mass shooting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You really are going with the sunglasses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat guy killed three people at a comedy club last night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Button with. Yeah, with projectile. Button.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just you crying with a shirt with rips in it. I didn't mean to do it. I didn't take my oic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that shirt now is like baggy on me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you look fantastic now. But you didn't look. I tell you, right? You're very charismatic. You have a good energy, a good face on stage. All right, we will get our guest in. All right, here we go. All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exciting.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. What's up, man?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How are you, sir?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, man? How you doing? Robert.

[Jaleel White]

Nice to meet you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's your headphones right here. Thank you. We got a little water for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Welcome to the show, Everybody promoting season two of his game show the Flip side. It's the great legend Jaleel Whiteman. Legend?

[Jaleel White]

Call me a legend. Yeah, man, I don't know. It's Shazur Sanders slipping in the draft. This ain't the weekend to be calling ourselves legends.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, poor Porsche Sanders.

[Jaleel White]

Do not start. Do not say poor, though. You will not say poor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's true. He's not poor.

[Jaleel White]

He's about to learn some adult life lessons, but he ain't poor.

[Bobby Kelly]

It just sucks that he's gonna. He made more in college than he's gonna make in three years.

[Jaleel White]

That's wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's terrible. I would have just stayed in college.

[Jaleel White]

That's wild, though. It's a reality check. That's what it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Deion Sanders is tough. It's like the, like the Lavar ball. Was that the dad?

[Jaleel White]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When the ball brothers got drafted, like, making themselves, like, the person, and it's stealing the thunder from, like, what might be a great player.

[Jaleel White]

You know, I met him. I know him. I think Shiloh, by the way, should be a standup comedian. He's so damn funny. Shiloh Sanders. But I think it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looked at my face and went, he doesn't know where he is.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah, I can tell.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can tell.

[Jaleel White]

I can tell. He was actually the first Sanders I started following. I thought Shiloh was just funny. They had the little reality thing. I was like, oh, this kid is hilarious. He's a good big brother. But I. I think it was inadvertent. What, What. What happened? And sometimes you can just be really proud of your kid and, you know, you, you. But I don't think they even realize what a protective cocoon they've put him in. So now that he's out in the wild and you have to answer to other people, some of those sound bites seem to be coming back, you know, well, we're going to do this to Eli Way and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it was. It was. It. I mean, I don't even know if it was Shadura's fault. He's supposed to be confident, damn it. He's as a, as, as. As a quarterback. But then if your dad says, you know, you know, we're going to do this to Eli Way, but nobody even has you as number one on their draft board. Your dad's got to know that before he said that. And I think that's just an inadvertent mistake that 11 father made.

[Bobby Kelly]

But now it's up to him, though. It's like, you know, Tom Brady came in six, you know? Yeah. But he was terrible, You Wouldn't even count him in. He became the Goat.

[Jaleel White]

But you know what I can't stand about this situation now, man? Like, we got a chance to work and hump in secrecy, man. In the 90s and 2000s, now you got a spotlight on you before you did any damn thing. So, I mean, he's coming in fourth on the depth chart, and the camera's gonna be on him, though. It's not even gonna be on the three people in front of him on the depth chart. So I, like. I don't know, I look at the way, like, Arch Manning is coming up right now, and I could tell after he kind of got smoked by Quinn Ewers in the. In the. In the spring ball that I could tell whoever was behind him, his team, they said, get him off social. We. We not going back out there until he throws for, you know, he plays in the big games the way he's supposed to play in the big game.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's funny that you say that about the social media and how everything's out there now. I've always. I'm from Philadelphia, so. Allen Iverson would have played one year of basketball if there was social media.

[Jaleel White]

Oh, my gosh, are you a fool? That's a hot take.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every year. Every year in the off season. Every year it was. And you were able. Because there was no social media or cameras everywhere. So it would be like Allen Iverson, you know, gun and drugs in the car. Okay. It was his friend. Like, they always just pass it off on a friend. His. His wife outside naked because he's got a gun one day running in the neighbor's house. So we think that's all it is. Like, they just. Like, we heard that happen, but no one really knew for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Larry Bird would be fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jaleel White]

No, he wouldn't have. Larry was a gangster, too. Larry was out there having babies and doing all kind of wild stuff, cussing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Out f. Yeah, but he gave. He gave, you knows, really disappointing because Belichick was that guy, didn't give interviews, didn't know anything about his life, and now he's out there with that 21 year old. That's just uncomfortable.

[Jaleel White]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's. He's talking and she's in the background saying. He's not answering that. It's like, what happened?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really? Yeah. She's jumping in on the interviews.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah, she definitely.

[Bobby Kelly]

She called the interview. She's like, we're leaving. And it's like, you have Bill Belichick, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bill, we're getting out of here. Let's go. So funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you got this show, man, this game show. The Flip side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Season two.

[Bobby Kelly]

Season two. And I tell you, the reason why I like it is because it's. Anybody can play it.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like my, my friend. Every day, my friend will everyday watch the, the stupid thing that's on at 7:30. The. What's the big game show? Jeopardy. I hate it because I can't answer a question. I can't. I'll sit there and I'll be like. And then I get one and I scream it out. And it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like, bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All you have to be is better at it than your wife, whoever you're sitting next to. That's it. In my household, I think Jeopardy's fine because I dominate Christine and it constantly.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She has no chance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great. Can I say something? I married my wife because she can fill out forms. That was part of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, listen.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know how to spell Massachusetts from there. Yeah. I don't know a lot of things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I get stuck. So she's smarter than me.

[Jaleel White]

I will say that my wife played a heavy hand in my daughter's middle school applications.

[Bobby Kelly]

How great is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a big stack of form. Like, I push it over to her. I go, hey, I'm out.

[Jaleel White]

I wrote the first drafts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All you gotta do is pop in once a year to the school and be like, Jaleel White, Julia White here.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you got. You got this show. And I love it because it's, it's, it's just what you think. And it's pretty interesting that you go back and forth and, you know, it is, it is. It's just. Anybody can play it.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah. No, it's. It's not more complicated than.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you come up with it? Did you. Were you part of the creativity of.

[Jaleel White]

I was. I'm a producer on the show. It was in development for probably about three years before we finally made it to air. I didn't even think much of it, to be quite honest. But I love the producer that I'm working with, Ken Ross. He produced Space Jam and he produced the soundtrack for Space Jam. So Ken and I go so far back. I'd almost given up any hope of working with Ken. I just. He was going to be a lifelong friend no matter what. I literally picked him up from the Beverly Hills Hotel when I was like, 18 years old, and he pops in a tape in my car and was, like, thinking about putting this on the Soundtrack. What do you think of this dog? And it's I believe I can fly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you said that day, this guy can do no wrong. I don't know who this is singing, but this guy's great.

[Jaleel White]

Even at the time I thought nothing. I was like, oh, that's pretty good. You got R on the track. Oh, that's cool, man. But he just has a. He has a real natural sensibility for what audiences want at the popcorn level of life. And I like it hit him high.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that was one of the best. What do you call that? Like, not a compilation, but like a featuring where it was a bunch of comics, a bunch of rappers on it was. Be real. Yeah, Method man, right?

[Jaleel White]

Oh, he's got a great story. Biggie had to get pulled off the soundtrack. He had Biggie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why Biggie couldn't dunk.

[Jaleel White]

Biggie had gotten himself in some trouble and Warner Brothers was like, ah, we can't have it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it a Biggie party.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Again? Consider back in the day, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those parties would have just been food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But consider back in the day again, no social media or anything that, that, like, that he was not lit on the soundtrack for something. But we can't even guess what it was that he did.

[Jaleel White]

I, I wish we could go back, man. You could just make mistakes a little more easy. They didn't need to be held over your head for the rest of your day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you were also a child star. Where they could, like, I mean, what they do today to a child star before they're a child, like the celebrities, babies get scrutinized and called ugly and all kinds of crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's just the Island Boys. That baby's kind of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, the Island Boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, these. He's. He had a baby. One of them had a baby. And this guy, I forget who he was. He was a hip hop guy, podcast dude. And he was like, yeah, man, that baby's ugly. And he got mad. But then they showed the picture of the baby. You're like, listen, dude, it's going to grow into that face.

[Jaleel White]

The baby's like the baby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

An ugly baby is an ugly baby. I know. That's always the worst when someone. Now where did they get a. Was it Perez Hilton years ago? Like, got for going to Adam Sandler's baby, being it's an ugly baby and.

[Jaleel White]

Him of all people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And right away you're like, I know. But you're like, that is so up to say about someone's baby. Then you look and go, I mean, look, we can't sue him for slander. But for sure, you shouldn't say the baby's ugly.

[Jaleel White]

I'm gonna double down on that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And him, of all people, Perez Hilton.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Freaky looking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Another baby Haver. And if he does have one, that's gonna be an ugly baby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that could. I mean, the pressure already of being like a young actor like that. If you had, like, every move you made scrutinized and seen and see, the first time you got drunk or tried weed or just any mistake you make as a teenager in this era, I.

[Jaleel White]

Wouldn'T have gone to college. I wouldn't have. I wouldn't be. Come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Jaleel White]

Zendaya's gonna go to college. Zendaya's gonna dance. Like, why? You know why. So she can have a bunch of people on the campus doing like this to her everywhere she freaking walks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you ever see. There was a great documentary On Hulu called Kid90?

[Jaleel White]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That you saw before. Yeah. With Soleiman Fry.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah. Soleil. She's a good friend of mine. She produced it. I'm so proud of her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was such a good. Because for once, it was like a love note to the time versus just everything being terrible.

[Jaleel White]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they did get to explore that. They got to go. You know, she documented. They all went and tried mushrooms for the first time out in the. In the field and like, just being kids and it wasn't all just like TMZ everywhere you go. That's crazy.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah, that's my dream.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You watched it happen on your career?

[Jaleel White]

I wrote a. I wrote a book growing Up Urkel that came out in November. And that's really. My dream, actually, is to make the 90s version of my childhood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is Lou over here. He's so excited you're here.

[Christine]

Binge read the book last night.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

Absolutely loved the book.

[Jaleel White]

Get out of here.

[Christine]

Fantastic.

[Jaleel White]

Give me one thing you like from me. Come on.

[Christine]

Are you just telling me the story of you going into the Lakers locker room?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Page two. Page two. No, no. It's an early story. It is an early story in the book.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Page two.

[Jaleel White]

Oh, you've been biding your time over here.

[Christine]

But I do have two questions based on that experience.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to say this really quick. I have a reading room. I am going to read it.

[Jaleel White]

You do not have to lie to kick it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The lie was he's going to read it. He does have a reading room, though, for some reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do have a reading room. I made a reading room. You're going to be my second book right after Al Pacino.

[Christine]

Do you still have the sneakers that he signed and gifted to you?

[Jaleel White]

Yes, I do. I still have. You know what's funny about the sneakers that Magic Johnson gifted to me?

[Bobby Kelly]

I.

[Jaleel White]

Is my favorite part isn't the sneakers. It's the ticket stubs that I kept. Lakers vs. San Antonio, 1992. How much do you think courtside those two tickets cost back then or today? Back then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's going to break my heart.

[Jaleel White]

I have them inside the shoe. I just kept them naturally inside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are we playing the game right now?

[Christine]

This or that from the game?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to say. I'm gonna say 55.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I was gonna say 320.

[Bobby Kelly]

220.

[Jaleel White]

What about you?

[Lou]

350.

[Jaleel White]

Three 50.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Jaleel White]

450 each. Port side, 1992.

[Bobby Kelly]

So off.

[Jaleel White]

I mean, that's just. That's such a wild thing to see on a ticket now, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you go to the thing and just plug. You don't go to SeatGeek right now and put front row. It's like $6,000.

[Jaleel White]

Oh, and you're not getting it for that number, by the way. That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy how much they charge.

[Jaleel White]

What's your next question? What you got?

[Christine]

But, yeah, you were in the gym during that time period, and I was reading in the book, which made my mind explode. But as a young man, they brought you in there with all these dudes, like, changing and showering, and Magic Johnson had a loose towel.

[Jaleel White]

The women was in there. Everybody was in there. It was different. What are you talking about?

[Christine]

Different time period?

[Jaleel White]

Yo, doctor, Even Julius Irving got busy back in the day. And I don't mean to say that it denigrated by grades. Life was just different back then, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you say different, you're saying better.

[Jaleel White]

You know, it was different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just say different.

[Jaleel White]

It was. It was. It was. It was very open in the locker rooms, and you could tell there was. And there was nothing weird about the culture either, right? If there were lines being crossed, they were being crossed consensually, and they were being crossed discreetly because it was no holds barred. There were women in there. There was everybody and James Worthy sitting over here and Magic sitting over here. The towel barely covered anything. I was like, this is wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Well, I said, it's funny when you hear the stories of, like, the groupies of, like, the 70s and stuff from, like, these bands, they're telling these stories that you think they're almost giving, like, a Confession of sadness of something they went through, and they're so happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. It's like I had sex with a security guy, and I got back to meet the band, and then I ended up hooking up with two guys in the band, and they're like, it was the best summer.

[Jaleel White]

It was the best night of my life.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was my mom's memoir.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I read that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Ms. Mama Kelly, like, examined.

[Bobby Kelly]

She hooked up with the whole Van Halen band. Not Hager.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. When it was David Lee Roth.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's funny. I was. I was in the. I.

[Jaleel White]

She got to the van, and she could stop the security.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I went to the Patriots locker room thinking it was. It was just a bunch of naked guys and reporters. There's not. There's no hijinks or anything going on. I thought it was gonna be all kinds of things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We looking for.

[Jaleel White]

I don't know that it would be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, girls and hanging out, and there's nothing.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There was actually a woman reporter, and West Welker just walked by with just a jock strap on and everything hanging out. Kickstand, by the way, guys. Five, two. My Lord.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I literally went hard numbers.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went, holy moly.

[Jaleel White]

That's why Wes is so fast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That's what slows him down. He'd be faster if he had mine. He'd. No. Anyways. Yeah, it was.

[Jaleel White]

He's running with three legs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Those are Kevin Hart stats. When you're that short with that big of a wiener, you're gonna succeed.

[Christine]

Must be nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna succeed. No doubt. For sure. Did you have a chance when you were growing up? Especially playing a character that was, like, noted for being nerdy? Like, when you were getting to the age where you were getting interested in girls, was that something to overcome? Like, to overcome it? Are they thinking you're the character from tv? Cause people are dumb.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah. No, I mean, it's astute of you to point that out. I felt like my image always entered a room before I did, and that was definitely something to overcome. I mean, even as an adult, you know, you kind of. You would have even moments where it was like, I wonder how I'm saved in her phone. You know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It would hurt.

[Jaleel White]

That's just the reality, too. What? It is, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

If Jay hooked up with a girl and he was fat, Jay was in his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm certain of it. I'm certain of it. I'm certain I got those things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you only have tits. Kelly.

[Jaleel White]

Jay. Meal on. Meal on Wednesdays.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm so mad right now. You call, we're never gonna live. You calling him astute, that's gonna haunt us forever.

[Jaleel White]

I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna be on the back of my next special. It's gonna say astute in quotes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jale White and you rubbed your chin when you did. Very astute. Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Bobby, we always, we always get told we're terrible interviewers, so. Trying to get better. Trying to get better at it.

[Jaleel White]

I know he's got some tats, but he hit me with some smart shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Some astute shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, I'm 47. How old are you?

[Jaleel White]

I'm 48.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

48. So we're right in the wheel. We grew up together essentially. So it's such an interesting time that I said that. I feel like the, especially the 90s, they're look back on with such negativity. And I thought it was great.

[Jaleel White]

It was fan freaking tastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We were saying this yesterday. I keep saying they keep trying to put a narrative in the 90s of like a racism that I thought didn't exist. I think it was.

[Jaleel White]

No, racism was real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm not saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not so astute now, is he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's very astute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, he's astute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's astute.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's astute for stupid right now.

[Jaleel White]

I'm not saying that whole Rodney King thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Was that racism? Thought like I was speeding.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We went from A to stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you're going to bite those words. Listen 19, you're going to eat those words.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, in 1990, I don't think racism was around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not what I said.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hung out with Kevin Hart and Keith Robinson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope. Shut up. It's not what I said at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were doing black comedy clubs. The racism still was around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. Racism's always been around. I'm not arguing that. I'm saying the interconnections of the day to day basis I don't think was there. I think relations were not like as intense as they were.

[Jaleel White]

Now you get into a stud of me. I don't even understand what you meant. Say it again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe because I grew up in West Philadelphia, I just didn't feel like there was a racial tension when I was younger. That exists, I think much more now. It's like pointed out constantly. I don't think it existed as much back then.

[Jaleel White]

No, I still got to disagree with you strongly. There's a lot more race baiting now because of Social media.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Jaleel White]

But back then, if. If you didn't know what you didn't know, if you didn't know about that neighborhood, you didn't know about that neighborhood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Jaleel White]

I was the only. And I talk about it in my book, I was the only black kid in my entire school. And I knew there were the Asians here and there was the whites here, and nobody is inviting me to bar mitzvahs. That was my reality. Right. And then also when I went to the all black school, where that was more like a version of Lean on Me Light with Joe Clark at the helm, you know, I also ran into a level of bullying that I didn't expect for being on TV and being the image of that character where it was just like, oh, we definitely picking on you. And yeah, it was just. There's a very poignant chapter that I wrote about in my book that involved my dad that I'll let you speak about if you want to, but it was just like, my dad basically ran up on the school and he ran down on a young man that, you know, was really eye to eye with him. And yeah, if you're really, really eye to eye with him. If that had happened today, oh, my gosh. Globally, globally viral.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jaleel White]

The number of phones that it captured.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm talking white's dad's a lunatic.

[Jaleel White]

Lunatic attacking kids. Everybody would be debating it. People would be talking about my father, you know, and. And, and it was. It was. I feel fortunate to have lived in an era where that situation worked out the way it did work out. It was a horrific story at the time, but it was like. Oh, like, I hate to say it, but some people were made better back then, man, from being punched in the nose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Jaleel White]

And you can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's.

[Jaleel White]

You can't say that for this generation. So I don't want anybody to think I'm advocating that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought it was part of growing up, but it was.

[Jaleel White]

But it was part of growing up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's how you learn how to. Not to.

[Jaleel White]

You learn better.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take it a certain. You know, I'm gonna. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna walk away. Last time I did this, I woke up in the hospital. So I'm not gonna do this right now.

[Jaleel White]

Yeah, straight up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You. You.

[Jaleel White]

You learn to chill out with your words. You learn. You learn the lines of roasting, you know, especially you. Come on. Back in school, I already know you was roasting fools.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had no choice.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wore a karate shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was to School.

[Jaleel White]

Not the black ones with the brown bottoms.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he's not even.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not even. Let him explain. Tell them what it was, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, in the film Roadhouse, in the final scenes, Patrick Swayze wore Christine. You can bring up a picture a karate GI as a shirt just pulled over itself and tucked in. It's a little pulled out there. That was after a fight, but it was tucked in. But so I. From my Jewish community center karate class I took one day, I go, oh, I'm going to wear my karate gi. I only went to a few classes, but I got the gi. And I was like, I'm gonna wear the gi. And I tucked it in. So I'm a fat kid tucking in a gi. And as soon as I move at all, the gi, of course, starts coming loose. Then I just have, like, little boobs, like, hanging out. I mean, it was the most unflattering looking. I thought I was going to school, like Roadhouse, and everyone laughed at me.

[Bobby Kelly]

House.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was one of my few days. It was one of my few days of going home early from school without asking. I was like, I'm getting out of here. I can't deal with this anymore.

[Jaleel White]

This picture of Swayze you have with this GI on, though, and the only thing that's making that picture cool is his hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jaleel White]

His hair is just overpowering. The whole fit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was perfect at the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. God, thank God there was no racism in the 90s, Bobby. No, I'm just saying there was definitely racism. Because if there was, it would have been worse for him, right? Yeah.

[Jaleel White]

When did racism start?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Jaleel White]

About 2001, I think it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

It took a break. It started way back in the day. Then I think Donald Sterling, 82, took a break during disco. And then it came back around. Yeah. Around 2014, maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Again, where did you grow up, Julia?

[Jaleel White]

I grew up in Pasadena.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In Pasadena, California. So I grew up in Philadelphia. And I think it may have been situationally where you were at. It was just. No, especially at the time, all the white kids in my neighborhood thought the black kids were the cool. It was like a lookup thing. It was like a switch.

[Jaleel White]

I grew up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it might have been. It might have been regionally where I.

[Jaleel White]

Was at, but did you see the black kids at their birthday party parties?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course. Yeah.

[Jaleel White]

You did?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jaleel White]

When you were really, really young?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Yeah. I grew up in Boston. Racism hasn't taken a break.

[Jaleel White]

I was like, where's he going strong.

[Bobby Kelly]

Still going strong.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's born. It's right in Those freckles, when you're born, it's right in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had to move to New York so my son could have black friends.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're telling us we gotta wrap up.

[Christine]

Can I just throw one more question in there? Family Matters was obviously the soundtrack to a lot of the people growing up during my time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should have watched it. It was great. I'll just listen to it.

[Christine]

But to piggyback off of what Jay said, one of the questions I wanted to absolutely get out there before you Left is at 17, you wrote one of the first Family Matters episodes by yourself. And that is the time that Larry Johnson came on the show. Grandma Ma. And basically, you know, putting a black man in a dress at the time was a huge deal. And then later on you did it as Myrtle. Right. And I never saw a problem with it. What kind of hate and backlash did you receive after doing or not? Maybe just you, but the show itself?

[Jaleel White]

The only backlash that I received was internal and self doubting. That came from some of our adult actors at the time. Everybody loved it. Larry Johnson is 6 foot 5 of steel, pure man steel. If he wanted to put on a dress for the sake of a Converse commercial and dunko and gotta. It's a joke because it was funny. Life was just different back then. People didn't take themselves quite seriously when it came to that issue. I mean, some of the greatest performances I've ever seen by the most masculine dudes that have ever existed on screen, from Gene Hackman to Wesley Snipes to, you know, they've. Tom Hanks, have, have all done it. I actually, my dad went and told the producers that I would not be playing Myrtle anymore because of all the tension around that first week. Cause I broke down in tears and I cried after the first episode. And my dad found me in my dressing room and I really thought all my friends were gonna make fun of me at school. And instead everybody just loved it. So it really wasn't. If you'll notice, there's a giant. If you check IMDb, there's a giant break between Myrtle episodes where I did that one and I didn't do another Myrtle episode for three seasons. I was just bored and literally just walked into the writers room one day and was just like. I was drilling my basketball and I was like, if you guys ever want to do Myrtle again, like, I'll do it. I knew I was at an age where I could make that call myself. And they just roared. They screamed, you know, it sucks that everything has to be politicized.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that's what I'm saying. Do you think there's, like, a vindictive nature when people are writing that?

[Jaleel White]

No, it's just an agenda. Yeah, it's just an agenda. If you can create. If you can create controversial discourse over anything, you get people to click and argue and fuck and fight. And it's like, you know, it's. It's a. It's a huge. The whole wearing a dress thing. I mean, I was watching Mrs. Doubtfire the other day. Oh, my gosh. You just. You're just triggering me there. I was watching Mrs. Doubt. It's like one of the greatest performances in the history of comedy. To think that today that would not get made.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, that wouldn't even get made. I won't watch a white man in a dress.

[Jaleel White]

I'm done with you, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's it. I'm done with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's it.

[Jaleel White]

That was my cutie. Shut the hell up. I'm done with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Flip side.

[Bobby Kelly]

Flip Side is out right now. It's number four after all. Jeopardy. I mean, it's a great show. I love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Syndicated across the country. It's Game Show Network.

[Bobby Kelly]

180 episodes are already out there for season one.

[Jaleel White]

Correct. We start the next 180 in three weeks.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's a great show.

[Jaleel White]

We shoot in Atlanta. If you're in Atlanta, come on down. We want the best contestants. My joy in this show is actually rocking with the contestants.

[Bobby Kelly]

This man.

[Jaleel White]

I love to see people win. I love giving away the $10,000. It ain't my money. I want to give it away. Come get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Amazing. Julia White, thank you so much, man. We hope to have you again soon.

[Jaleel White]

Got some players, man. Appreciate it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take care. Make sure you check out the Flip side right now. The best things in life come when you don't settle. That's why switching to Metro is a great choice. Because at Metro, you don't just get great deals. You get even more of what you love. You shouldn't have to put up with the yada yada you find with other carriers. Things like hidden fees, contracts, and underwhelming deals. That's why at Metro, you can get great deals on 5G devices from top brands like Samsung. With no contracts, no credit checks, no exploding bills, and nada, yada yada. That's wireless without the gotcha. With more 5G phones to choose from and incredible deals, you'll never feel like you're accepting less than what you deserve. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store and learn about their amazing deals. Go to metroby t mobile.com stores to find a location near you.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

We might be the best interviewers.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna say it. I mean, these. These people in the press corps. What is it called here?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The talent department.

[Bobby Kelly]

Talent department. You guys, they don't. They don't hate us. They don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They do.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't know what they have. They're scared. They're scared of the past. Radio things on here have frightened them. They don't understand that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Julia White just complimented the show itself before he left.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did he say, Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said you guys got a great chemistry going in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I love being here. I'd love to come back more. Yeah, I mean, I added the last part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did? I was gonna say, did he say that? But was going to blindly agree with you, which is awesome of me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was a great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I don't. Hey, guys, since we left yesterday, did you and Jacob both get sponsored by somebody? What's going on? Is this, like, sponsorship I'm unaware of?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. This is. This is Mike Calta's son. Started a clothing line right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it called Vita?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not Vita.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Vita.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Vita. It's Italian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Italian. It means love, I believe. Right. Look that up, Christina.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it's life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Life. Life. That's what it means. Yeah. Vita. Life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Remember you just told me that it was Italian, and I told you what it meant?

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, I'm doing duolingo in Spanish. Okay, you love a duolingo. But he started this company, and I. I bought a bunch of his stuff. Yeah, when he. When he did it. Yeah, I like it. I actually like his. The. The line. You know, it's cool. I like Jacob's jacket, too. Is pretty hot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, it's interesting that we just had this conversation about people having to dress like a woman. It is Strange, right? Like, Jaleel had to dress like a woman. Like we said Robin Williams. And isn't it crazy that next is going to be the great Robert Kelly pulling duty as a woman for a full day? Because I don't know. Did anybody happen to catch the.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Bert Kreischer.

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Going through the J. Hud tunnel.

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, we had a little bet last week about whether he takes his shirt off or not.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We had a bet last week.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, hang on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does Burt Kreischer take a shower in the J. Hut?

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta turn my headphones up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not hearing my things, is it. What? What did you say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We made a bet last week. Loser. We said, next bet we do, loser has to dress full woman. Not to be like a drag queen. Like a beautiful girl. Makeup done properly. Beautiful dress. But listen. Yeah, I don't know. You said you haven't seen it. Let's see what Bert Kreischer does. This is the one time where you were like, he's probably not gonna take his shirt off. He's gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't dress like a full woman. I'm gonna look like a cancer woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, maybe you don't have to. Maybe. Maybe I'll have to. I don't know. I didn't watch the episode.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did.

[Lou]

Roberta, look at the screen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't call me that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's wearing a shirt. He's wearing a shirt here. Oh, wait a second.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but his hands are on. I mean, they're loaded on the guns, right? On the buttons.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe may.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. Ah, it was open.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way. He's gonna make a meal out of this. I'll argue he might do the longest one ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it gets crazy.

[Jacob]

Well, he did take all the. For that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He made a. He made a male worker uncomfortable.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and then he takes his. Now he's making all the black workers uncomfortable. Thank you, Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the black people. Stop clapping. Oh. Oh, he's coming at you. Daddy's coming at you hard. All fours. Shirt is not. Shirt didn't even make it into the tunnel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shirts at the beginning of the tunnel, belts in the middle. All right, I think we're at three minutes so far.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. I only hope I get. He's a hot. Grabbed his chest right now, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's killing it. And a little bit of. Ha ha. And a little bit. He's got it though, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's exhausted.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got high blood pressure. If you're talking. That's what he's got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you are gonna be ravishing as a lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna need to come to your house first, and Christine's gonna have to help me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't ask Dawn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I thought the idea was it'll all happen here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, do it here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You will be made into a beautiful woman in the duration of the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's fine, right?

[Lou]

Am I gonna have to come from the parking lot? Because he specifically didn't want the guys in the parking lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, no, let's do it. Let's do it here. I think he said you're right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think you're absolutely right. You have to park, and then we have to walk over. Yes, we have to walk over, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't up that deal. That parking deal. The parking lot deal is the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why would I fuck it up?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you think you're gonna think you're a dumb woman and charge you more.

[Jacob]

You get to pick out your hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, can I pick up good hair for Bobby?

[Jacob]

No, no, that's like the Rachel from the 90s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a good one.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want the Rachel who.

[Jacob]

You want like a messy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, that's too guyish.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to be short.

[Jacob]

No, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, maybe that. Yeah, maybe get Bobby a. Like a Katie Couric. Like a. Like a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I'll pick my own hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, can you be a frigid with short hair?

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? You're gonna be so beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we do double or nothing on something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the double? Do you have to have sex with a man? You have to dress like a woman, then have sex with a man also. Or nothing.

[Lou]

Why would you bet against Bert taking his shirt off?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I thought maybe he. Maybe he had a moment, a watershed moment in life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He was like, you know what? There's a lot of black people here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want to be that person in front of black people. But he didn't care.

[Lou]

You can tell everything about a person by how they. They go through the gauntlet. The Jennifer Hudson gauntlet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Lou]

Because I watched Christina Ricci the week before. She looked like. Like, panicked.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's panicked. Fear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Christine, look up African American wigs.

[Bobby Kelly]

You saw. You saw that big forehead frown.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you can find some African American wigs, maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, how about that, Bobby? How about a strong, independent woman haircut like that right there?

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to be like a milf?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want me, a gray haired milf? I'll do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, that would actually look good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't look up. I can't. That's cultural inappropriate. What is it called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cultural appropriation.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't do that. I'll get fired.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go up to the wigs, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't walk. No, I can't do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd like you to maybe have that curly one on the end.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't do that. You know what? That's just Indian woman hair. So I can do it.

[Lou]

I like that one.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't do that. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You are beautiful. Oh, yeah. You don't want to be a mauricio. You want to be your own thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't want to ask.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I apologize. Go back, see if they have. Do they have wigs that do like salt and pepper haircuts? Like. Like gumbies with. With half gold?

[Lou]

Do you see yourself as more glamorous or a tom girl? What's your style?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's going to be alluring. No, that's what I'm gonna say.

[Lou]

First of all, it's evening, like Dressed to kill. Going out on the town.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Maybe a slit up the dress. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I think he asked me what type of woman I would be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Apologies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you back off, you. Jason, Jay wants to be a woman so bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. No, I want to make you a woman so bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing, though. Jay would only have to do two things, the wig and the dress. Everything else is already done. Jay, that was a good one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wasn't listening. I was producing the show. I was.

[Lou]

Do you have a style like nails and stuff like that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I gotta do nails.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on.

[Jacob]

You can do press ons.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll do some press ons. They'll come off.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm thinking about giving you Anita Baker hair. Can we like a. Like a. Like a independent black woman?

[Bobby Kelly]

I would say this. Why don't we order other stuff, get it to studio. And as the show goes on, Christine makes me into the woman that I'm supposed to be. So by the end of the show, I am the woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, inspire yourself with this song right here. This is what I want you to feel when you walk elegant. You're controlling the room. Maybe your. Your hands are up when you walk a little bit. Maybe some finger play.

[Bobby Kelly]

I use Christine's AOC hands when I talk.

[Jacob]

Are you gonna shave your beard and let us do your eyebrows?

[Jaleel White]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't shave your beard. I wouldn't do that to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's wrong with my eyebrows? First of all, your eyebrows are perfect feminine. Well, I don't want. You can't alter my face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Maybe sharpen up your eyebrows a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Jacob]

Color them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can color me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My eyebrows would be so good for a lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your eyebrows?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? A Russian woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I play volleyball and those are shaped so nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, you don't have woman eyebrows. You have sasquatch eyebrows that are trimmed up. Listen, Jay, I. I want to make a proposal, if you mind. If you don't mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does it involve you dressing like a. Like Anita Baker?

[Bobby Kelly]

Please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want you to be an adult contemporary black woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

I say we do it here. Right? We do it here. On a two. Hang on. A Tuesday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have a show afterwards.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I say we do it here. But I have to go outside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're saying between shows. We'll go outside.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go outside in between shows, rip cigars and smoke a cigar in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just a beautiful lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dress like a beautiful lady.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd really love these garage guys to see you.

[Lou]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really like the parking lot guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

To see you, buddy, please. I can't. Cuz I'll never ever be able to undo that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They'll never. They'll never say a word about it, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

They will say they'll try to hook up with me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not in today's world. With their. Their eyes will speak volumes for sure. But. But initially they're going to be like. They're going to say, oh, hey. Nor normal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Time. They're not gonna. Because they're gonna say they're insulting you. If they challenge that you've discovered something about yourself that you wanted to change.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. I did. I can't. I can't. Please.

[Lou]

What's the Spanish word for orange peel? I don't know what they're gonna say.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's called maricon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you are gonna just be a head turner. You're gonna walk in.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I don't want. I want you to. I'd like you to saunter down the stairs and lobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not going out in the fight. No, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I. You want to have one of those dresses that connects to your finger, your middle finger, so you can like.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, all right, here's the deal. I will take a jaunt around Sirius XM to the snack room. I will Go upstairs and come down the stairs. If I don't have to go to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The parking lot, I want you to walk in shade 45 during sway in the morning and go and go. Sorry, wrong studio. Just walk right back out. No, just go. Oh, sorry, guys. Wrong studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you. Oh, you're not getting me an elegant dress.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going get you a beautiful dress.

[Lou]

Dressed like one of the Supremes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to get you a beautiful dress.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine's going to buy a dress that she can fit into after I use it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not dressing like a ball.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, come on. Two glass.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want it. No, no, that's too. Don't make me feel shitty about myself, Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm thinking more like.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not gonna. I'm not crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy. What are you doing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Buy me something a little. Little airy, like. Like sundressing, I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like. Like we're watching White Lotus. Like a Jennifer Coolidge.

[Jacob]

Oh, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like a sundress.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, like. Like an old. Like a. Like a hefty mom. But. Whoa. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Does that hurt?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, but, but it's gonna be a hefty mom. You'd be a hefty mom if you were gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alright, well, we don't have to say it out loud.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna make you stunning. What I'm gonna do is you're gonna look like a hefty mom. But on the night where you come down, you go, all right, I think I'm ready. Does this look good? And the husband looks up like this. The husband looks up and goes. Yeah, look, we have to get. Wow. And you're gonna go, what, what?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's just something I threw on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's from Footloose. Jacob. Got it.

[Lou]

I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not wearing a. A curtain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's ugly. Get that out of here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine got mad like she has that dress.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jennifer Coolidge clothes, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's a. She was a former hot, now portly woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I was saying. What was that on the screen?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay, now here. This is what I'm talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm thinking about something like that. It's beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

What a Puerto Rican grandma dress.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, listen. Okay, listen.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's too much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's how you work it.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, now that I don't mind. Not that one. Go back up the captain. I like a captain.

[Jacob]

We have to have Bobby and a cafe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a Kafka. I'm a Kafka.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Girl, say no more.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna exclusively look for these now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like a Kefkin. I like the way it hangs on your shoulder. Do I have to wear the shoes? I don't have high heels, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll get you something.

[Lou]

Jimmy, choose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not gonna put you in high heels. It's. It ruins the day.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean the day?

[Jacob]

You can wear some nice flats. Look at this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get some flats, maybe I'll get you a nice like. Yeah, some flats with like a butterfly on them.

[Lou]

Can I suggest that Bobby has to take a meeting with Jim McClure that day?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, we're at, we're. We're throwing a lot on top of this. He's already got to be humiliated through. I'd like Jim to happen upon him. Would be nice.

[Lou]

I'll schedule something that needs to be discussed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you're so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. Oh. Oh, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There she is.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's to Mrs. Roper. I'm not Mrs. Roper. Yeah, dude, I'm not doing that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How you rock it, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I don't want to rock. I can't rock that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. If we get you a nice dress like this, you could wear cowboy boots and look sexy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I don't have cowboy boots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll figure that out.

[Jacob]

Dude, are your ears pierced?

[Bobby Kelly]

They were in the 80s. I'm not piercing my ears again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he's 54.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not gonna have a whole lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll go with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not piercing my ears. I told you, I'm not altering my body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, let's go get our ears pierced together.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't want my ears pierced. I think it's gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Excuse me?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's gay for a 50 year old man. I'm fine with it. A younger guy, he's like 20s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

47, 48.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, you're cutting. There's a point where you're gonna have to make a choice, jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Am I 47?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a point where you're gonna have to go, hey, man, I'm 60 and I have three nose rings. I mean, it's coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. The crazy thing is. Crazy thing is in the time that I've been 47, I only had two nose rings and then got the third.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know. You gotta stop. You gotta find another hobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could do it. Just get your ears pierced and I'll get my eyebrows.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should start using those tool and start woodworking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll do this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe you start putting junk in your face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's what I'll do. I'll put junk in my face. I'm gonna make my own. I'm gonna make my own body jewelry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back, go back, go back, go back. Oh, over to the right.

[Lou]

These are like mumu's. They're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a figure. Hey, I'm wearing it. Why don't you back off?

[Lou]

Because I want you to show off your figure. Now that is okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that. That's not bad. I like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the one he likes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do like that. How much is it?

[Jacob]

Well, it was 7.49. Now it's 5 9.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, listen, you got to go to a some thrift store on Amazon. Yeah, you got to go to an Amazon thing and just get me a 39.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the idea. Christine, go to Amazon. Type in slutty dress. No, slutty dress for larger man.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to be slut. Why do I have to be a slut? Why can't it be a beautiful girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That someone might want Elegant dress for mid sized male.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do you got to make women all into sluts?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you make me into a beautiful girl? That is respectable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna be with buddy. I'm gonna make you so alluring.

[Lou]

My favorite.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna command the room when you walk in. Yes.

[Lou]

Jacob the cowgirl look, mini skirt and boots.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. I'm gonna make cowboy. I have a deal. I'm sorry to cut you off, Jake. I have a deal. Here's a great deal so I don't have to go out of the building. We do it on a Tuesday. We started on the pre show. Making me up, right? Making me up into the woman. By the end of the show, I am full woman. Hear me. Hear me roar. Right? And then for the next show, I have to stay woman for the first hour. But if. And I have to go outside as the woman for the break, come back up. And anytime somebody wants a snack or a drink, drink, I have to go get it. So if at any point you're like, you know, I'm a little thirsty, I'll have to go get the. Hey, you. But you can call me by my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Woman name, which is now, I believe, Creole Bobby Marmalade. Creole Bobby Mama.

[Bobby Kelly]

So is that, Is that a deal? Maybe two shows instead of one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm worried about the timelines. I'm worried about the timelines that they're at the end of the week. They're going to Hear you getting ready and they're going to have you in your full thing on the live.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well. Well, they'll. They'll have me in my full thing on the thing, but you'll have the footage of me maybe walking around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, as the. Listen, but maybe you don't. Jake, I'm not being a hard ass about this. Jacob would like you to see the pe. The men you have to face every day at the garage. He would like that, yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, why don't you stop being such a jerk for face? This isn't your bet. This is your bet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First way, by the way, Jacob, I'd like to say maybe Jacob shouldn't have say in this.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he shouldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob shouldn't have saying this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Should know why.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'll tell you why.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's our bet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's our bet. Well, it's not just that. It's that Bobby.

[Lou]

I wouldn't have bet against it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby has. I know. I'm not saying that, but Bobby is completely coming to the idea that he will have to be a woman here one day at work. And that's fine. Jacob won't even live with DJ Lou and Black Lou for three days.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, for three days, he won't even wear a shirt that says Jacob likes guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

One, two. Loves guys.

[Lou]

I sure do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Coming right after. Flip this. What's the show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, that's beautiful. What was the other one? The other one I like, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like purple. I look like my sister. I'm not wearing purple.

[Jacob]

Different colors.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's another one. There's another one.

[Bobby Kelly]

No purple. My sister loves purple. And I feel like, yes, I will look like my sister.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, maybe that one.

[Bobby Kelly]

No purple. No purple.

[Lou]

This is what I would like Bobby to wear this cowgirl.

[Jacob]

Jacob, look, you're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob wants to fall in love with me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's much more putting out ideas. It'd be much easier if he can make you the kind of hot he.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wants to be because, you know. Do you know why Jacob wants me in that cow? Because Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Lou]

I just think he's gonna have an easier time with. I'm Japanese.

[Bobby Kelly]

How dare you talk over your theme song?

[Lou]

I'm a cowboy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Strong black woman in a dress.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm gonna have a hard time with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I dress like Gail King.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do like that better. This is. That's too fat. That's too fat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I bought it. I look like having your shoulders out like that would be nice.

[Jacob]

Royal Purple.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we do something a little. I mean, a little subtle? I'm gonna have to walk around the studio and get stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With your big. With your big flowy arms?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm just thinking of. It's funny if they start seeing if I'm somebody famous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, can you see if there Is there one with the finger hole, by any chance? I've been looking where the tail of your dress connects to your finger, so you're always elegantly swinging it around.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny that you know so much about women's fashion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there the finger hole?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that chiffon.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need? I would love flats just so I can be comfortable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll get you some kind of a flat, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I would like a comfy flat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe some jellies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and I. I'm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The last time you wore jellies.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not saying. And you're off. Maybe the cow girl outfit might be all right.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is what I'm thinking. Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's too formal, dude. I'm not. I didn't get bit by Dracula.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is gorgeous.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the are we doing, dude?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not the. You're not the heirs to Nosferatu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Another count of Monte Christos. Yeah, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Phantom of the Bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. Dude. What the. I'm not wearing that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, it's Studio 54. I'm not sucking off John Lennon.

[Lou]

You look like Elvira there. That would be awesome.

[Jacob]

I think these have. It's called a wrist loop. Yeah, I think these might have them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want a cape.

[Jacob]

You have to have a cape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You look like Princess Leia.

[Jacob]

Bobby, you only get to be a girl for one day. Don't you want to experience, like, live it up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Obi Wan Kenobi? You're the only one who could help.

[Bobby Kelly]

Us, you know, Christine. Thanks for the pep talk, girl. Appreciate that.

[Jacob]

A beautiful gown.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, here's the deal. Christine, you get to pick all the stuff with the help of Jay. But I want Christine to be there. But I do not want elegant. I do not want formal.

[Jacob]

Well, then you're Cat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then you're back to slut.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then you're back to slut.

[Jacob]

Now you're a cowboy cowgirl slut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could be. You could definitely be a Nashville cowgirl slut if that's what you're feeling. I can make you. Bobby. I can make you a sexy ass girl. I could have a. I could have a button down shirt that you tie in the front. No, no, it'll be low. It doesn't have to leave.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I'm not letting my stomach show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't. I'm saying. I understand that. I wouldn't put that on you. You can still do it with a low tie.

[Lou]

Such a good look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A low tie. Maybe some short shorts and cowboy boots.

[Bobby Kelly]

Will you type in fat girl dress, please?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

See what comes up.

[Jacob]

I did plus size.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Type in fat girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat girl dress. I want fat girl. Type in fat girl dress. Actually, fat woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go. There's a pig that looks like a mushroom. Bobby. Perfect.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I'm not wearing that. That's Jacob doll clothes.

[Lou]

Looking at that woman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That woman can squat 700 pounds.

[Jacob]

Make this stuff in this size, too, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, look at that, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You look like Chicago in that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mind. Not that. That's a fat and all that jazz. That's a fat curtain. I don't want that. What is that? That doesn't look bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a black sequin dress for blacks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those look something. All right, go to another one.

[Jacob]

Too expensive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, no, I'm not wearing something that's tied around the waist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. I can get you a corset, though, first.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to corset.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll put you in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll pass out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Jacob]

What if it's, like, at the smallest part of your waist and then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. You want the ugliest girl going to prom. Oh, my God. Are these models for these clothes? Poor gals.

[Jacob]

It could just be fat girls and dresses.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can go to. Can you go to Images? Let's go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I say go to shopping.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go to images, though. I just want to see something. Images sometimes. All right, here we go. Scroll down. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Bobby. That might be it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that's Kelly Clockson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That might be Bobby.

[Lou]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, dude. Buddy, you're gonna look at Ziggy Stardust.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you need tits. I don't have boobs.

[Jacob]

We can get you a bra.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want a bra. Listen, do you need a bra? Do I have to go that far? I'm wearing a bra. What are you gonna put in the bra?

[Jacob]

It'll be padded itself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wouldn't be funny if you said your own tits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, I think you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, Jay was thinking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to tell you. I don't know why I'm thinking about Yamanika while we're looking at this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I know we're looking. If okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know why. I know she. Yamanika. I'm surprised you didn't come on the show and rehash this, because this is so. She said something so funny. We had Naim Ali and Drew Montana on the show, and you had had Drew on with Yamanika and Karen Feehan along. Drew's great kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love Drew.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Awesome from Philadelphia. Very funny. But his teeth are, like, chippy. And Yamanika said his teeth. She goes, I guess he was answering a question. She stopped the show to go, whoa, no, your teeth look like moth wings. Which is maybe one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Also, I was looking right at his teeth when he said it. Oh, my God, they do look like moth wings.

[Bobby Kelly]

When she said that, I lost my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's laughing about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's his teeth. But he literally had he. The thing. He laughed too, which he couldn't cover his stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I was like, oh, yeah, he's a big laugher. Drew laughs big. It's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn, his teeth stink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Him and him do ragging at the ear tag. They killed it on skanks last night. So. Poor looking. Moth wings. This is a great title. Great name for what they look like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, yeah, Monique is funny, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's. I mean, she's bipolar as. But she makes me laugh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was moth wings. That made me jealous. When you hear somebody say something makes you jealous of, like, damn, dude, that's really fucking funny as hell.

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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