440: Real Talk About Being Disliked & How It Can Cultivate More Meaningful Relationships with Alexandria Maria

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Real Talk About Being Disliked & How It Can Cultivate More Meaningful Relationships with Alexandria Maria" (Episode 440)

Introduction

In Episode 440 of the Bossbabe Podcast, host Danielle Peazer welcomes her friend and fellow entrepreneur, Alex Womble Povey, for an in-depth conversation about navigating friendships, overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, and embracing the discomfort of being disliked to foster more authentic and meaningful relationships. Released on December 5, 2024, this episode delves into personal growth journeys, the impact of motherhood on identity, and the importance of setting healthy boundaries.

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Spontaneous Adventures and Personal Growth

The episode kicks off with Danielle recounting a recent spontaneous trip to Nashville with her best friend, showcasing their ability to break free from routine despite the challenges of motherhood. Danielle shares her excitement about embracing spontaneity again:

Danielle Peazer [02:10]: "We just went ahead and booked it, which is so amazing because I've not done anything like that since becoming a mom."

Alex complements Danielle's newfound consistency and enthusiasm:

Alex Womble Povey [01:47]: "I love this. It's also got the boss babe energy in here. Like, as soon as I walked in, I was like, feels good."

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Commitment Phobia and Identity After Motherhood

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Danielle's self-identification as a commitment-phobe and how motherhood has reshaped her perspective on long-term commitments. Danielle opens up about her reluctance to commit to long-term contracts or relationships before meeting her husband, Steven:

Danielle Peazer [04:22]: "I was a massive commitment-phobe. I didn't even know if I would commit to anything long term."

Alex relates her own experiences, highlighting the challenges of maintaining stability while embracing the fluidity of life:

Alex Womble Povey [05:21]: "If we do something in Franklin, it's going to be such an outpouring of love as well, that I feel like that in itself is going to give it roots."

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Energy Management and Relationship Dynamics

Transitioning into the impact of motherhood, Danielle and Alex discuss the crucial balance between energy expenditure and personal fulfillment. Danielle emphasizes the realization that her energy was being drained by inconsequential engagements:

Danielle Peazer [18:00]: "I couldn't do this anymore. This is making me miserable. And this is leaking into my relationship."

Alex echoes this sentiment, explaining how the lack of free time and increased responsibilities as a mother have necessitated a reassessment of where to invest her energy:

Alex Womble Povey [17:45]: "What situations, what people, what... Everything in my life is more energy out than it's giving me back."

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Walking on Eggshells: Setting Boundaries in Relationships

A pivotal moment in the conversation revolves around the concept of "walking on eggshells" within personal and professional relationships. Danielle shares a transformative experience where she confronted negative dynamics head-on:

Danielle Peazer [20:48]: "I sent a very, very clear message back saying, hey, this person wants to address it, great. But they can do so without their own projection."

Alex adds her perspective, highlighting the importance of not allowing others' negativity to dictate one's peace:

Alex Womble Povey [23:29]: "If people treat you in a subpar way, are they doing it repeatedly? They're showing you who they are in doing that."

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Redefining Friendships: Quality Over Quantity

The discussion shifts to friendships, where both Danielle and Alex emphasize the significance of cultivating genuine relationships over maintaining a large number of superficial connections. Danielle reflects on her past tendency to be overly inclusive, leading to diluted friendships:

Danielle Peazer [35:16]: "I was putting everyone into the close bucket because I didn't want to leave anybody out."

Alex concurs, advocating for discernment in choosing who to invest time and energy into:

Alex Womble Povey [33:15]: "Do I actually want to hang out with them or do they want to hang out with me?"

They explore strategies for maintaining meaningful connections, such as setting clear boundaries and prioritizing quality interactions over constant communication.

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Managing Communication: Navigating Texting and Availability

Another key topic is the challenge of managing digital communication without falling into the trap of people-pleasing. Both speakers discuss their struggles with maintaining timely responses to messages while balancing personal and professional responsibilities:

Danielle Peazer [39:29]: "I have such a compressed window. I'm not on my phone when I'm with Noemi, which is mornings and nights."

Alex Womble Povey [40:28]: "I don't have a good answer, to be honest."

They emphasize the importance of setting expectations with friends and colleagues regarding communication styles and availability, advocating for honesty and self-acceptance in these interactions.

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Embracing Under-Productivity for Personal Fulfillment

Challenging the conventional notion of constant productivity, Danielle and Alex discuss the benefits of allowing oneself to be under-productive at times to foster creativity and personal well-being. Danielle shares her shift from maximizing every moment for productivity to embracing periods of rest and self-reflection:

Danielle Peazer [43:30]: "What I've done is create more space for myself. I sat there in silence and sorted through my thoughts."

Alex highlights how this approach has led to increased creativity and overall fulfillment:

Alex Womble Povey [47:48]: "This is the new way of being productive is being like, underproductive at times because I think it's so exhausting for us to constantly be on."

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Conclusion: Raising Standards and Embracing Authenticity

Wrapping up the episode, Danielle and Alex encourage listeners to raise their standards not only in romantic relationships but also in friendships and professional environments. They advocate for embracing authenticity, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing personal well-being over societal expectations of constant people-pleasing.

Danielle leaves listeners with an empowering message:

Danielle Peazer [38:32]: "Please stop settling for shitty friendships. Stop settling for friendships where you feel like you're walking on eggshells."

Alex reinforces the importance of recognizing and addressing toxic dynamics to cultivate a supportive and fulfilling social circle:

Alex Womble Povey [49:08]: "There is no question I find harder than how are things with you, and it's about letting it drop."

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Key Takeaways

• Embrace Authenticity: Letting go of the need to be liked by everyone can lead to more genuine and meaningful relationships.

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Recognizing when to walk away from draining or toxic relationships is essential for personal well-being.

• Prioritize Quality Over Quantity in Friendships: It's more fulfilling to have a few deep, supportive friendships than numerous superficial ones.

• Manage Energy Wisely: Post-motherhood, it's crucial to balance energy expenditure with personal fulfillment and family life.

• Allow Under-Productivity: Taking time to rest and reflect can enhance creativity and overall happiness.

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Notable Quotes

• Danielle Peazer [04:22]: "I was a massive commitment-phobe. I didn't even know if I would commit to anything long term."

• Alex Womble Povey [20:48]: "I am unavailable to walk on eggshells in my relationships."

• Danielle Peazer [35:16]: "I was putting everyone into the close bucket because I didn't want to leave anybody out."

• Alex Womble Povey [33:15]: "Do I actually want to hang out with them or do they want to hang out with me?"

• Danielle Peazer [38:32]: "Please stop settling for shitty friendships."

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Closing Thoughts

Episode 440 of the Bossbabe Podcast offers a candid exploration of the challenges and triumphs associated with being disliked and setting boundaries to foster more meaningful relationships. Through heartfelt anecdotes and insightful discussions, Danielle Peazer and Alex Womble Povey provide listeners with practical advice and inspirational takeaways to enhance their personal and professional lives.

Transcript

[Danielle Peazer]

Okay. So I just got back from a trip with one of my best friends, Alex Womble Povey. And while we were on that trip, we had a big conversation around friendships and people pleasing and the evolution we've had over the past couple of years with those kind of buckets in our life. And I said, as soon as we get home, can you come into my studio and sit down and record an actual episode with me on this? Because I really want more women to hear this. It's a conversation I wish I was listening to a couple of years ago when I really needed to hear it. So that's exactly what you're going to hear, as well as a few just personal life updates and fun things. I left this episode feeling so grounded in myself and my choices, and I think it's a really important conversation for us to have, especially as women who are so used to saying yes and filling up the cups of others and maybe putting ourselves last. I hope this conversation starts to have you rethink the way you've been approaching certain things. So let's dive straight in. Welcome back to the podcast.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Thanks for having me, babes. And in your new studio.

[Danielle Peazer]

I know it feels really fancy and legit, even though I literally don't even know how to turn the camera on. It's great.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I feel like you do know how to turn the camera on. I've been blown away by your knowledge here, so, yeah, hats off to you, babe.

[Danielle Peazer]

I'm just, like, regurgitating everything that I hear and pretending I know. But, no, it feels amazing. And it just has taken a lot of the friction away, which I feel like I need to, you know, like, when there's a lot of friction, I'm like, I'll do it next week. I'll do it next week. But to have it that easy, I'm like, okay. I can be more consistent. It feels good.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. I love this. It's also got the boss babe energy in here. Like, as soon as I walked in, I was like, feels good.

[Danielle Peazer]

So we just got back from Nashville. First time ever in Nashville. Oh, my God, I loved it. Specifically, Franklin, can we also just talk.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Really quickly about how cool we are? Yeah, we booked a spontaneous trip as mums. Like, I feel like this is something that I'd given up for so long. And what was it within, like, an hour of having a chat?

[Danielle Peazer]

Flights were booked for the day after. Yeah, I know. And so context. So, Alex, you were already in Nashville. You were actually, like, driving to the airport and you just like. I was like, I really Want to check out Nashville? I think it'd be really fun. You jokingly said, you can join us. And I was sitting at the dinner table with Karen, she's my sister in law, and Noemi. And I was like, are you guys in? Is this? And they were like, yep. I mean, Noemi was like, yep. So we just went ahead and booked it, which is so amazing because I've not done anything like that since becoming a mom. I feel like, I think I just get like in the past have gotten really intimidated with like all the baby packing and all the things and all the plans. Whereas before I had a baby I'd be like, oh, I can do it tomorrow. So good on us.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Good on us. And Franklin was so cute. Like very Gilmore Girls. We kept saying, like Gilmore Girls energy. Like everything was decorated for Halloween. Pumpkins everywhere.

[Danielle Peazer]

Are we moving?

[Alex Womble Povey]

I didn't know whether to bring that part up. I was like, do I bring that part up? I'm pretty sold on Franklin.

[Danielle Peazer]

I'm pretty sold.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

But saying that, you know, I'm sure it's going to be a very long term thing. I'm in no rush, but I'm pretty sold. Listen, love Austin. It's amazing, but the heat is killing me. We were saying yesterday is what, six months of the year? It's unbearable outside.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I think that's been driven home a lot this year. Like I've realized I live somewhere that I actually have to leave like a couple of months of the year. And do I really want to feel like that? I think that's been a big wake up call. We were in California this summer and like the switch from being in Austin to getting to California and going on family walks and taking the dogs for a walk and not worrying what time of day it was was just so, so big. So, yeah, I think the weather's a big appeal. But also Franklin's got this kind of like country home. It feels like a long term place to be. Feels like legacy building. There's something really beautiful about it.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. Which I. I'm like a commitment phobe. Complete commitment for which is so hilarious that I'm married. Like I'm just in my life a commitment phobe. It. Like me and Steven laugh about it. I don't even know if you know. So before I met Steven, I never even had a long term phone contract. I wouldn't do it. I would never do a car on finance or anything. I would never do anything long term.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Hang on, hang on. The funnels queen, who is committed to her funnel and Committed to her husband is actually a commitment phobe.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, like I used to be a massive commitment phobe. I don't know why. I just like, would never commit to it. And when Stephen met me, he was like, you pay month to month. I'm like, yeah, I don't want a contract. And then he's like, why don't you have a call? I'm like, oh, you know, just don't want a contract. Like, I just didn't. And also, wherever I've lived, I mean, me and Steven literally were dinner one day when we lived in San Francisco and he was like, do you want to move to la? And I literally was like, yeah. And he said, well, next month because I'll lease up. I'm like, yeah, sure. Like it was. I've always been so willing to just like get up and move around. But being there for the first time ever, I literally thought, you know what, this could be like my long term place.

[Alex Womble Povey]

That's huge.

[Danielle Peazer]

Huge.

[Alex Womble Povey]

That makes sense as well because I know you've mentioned before about how not knowing whether you will be ever settled in one place kind of forever and. Yeah. So for you to say that, that's big, babe.

[Danielle Peazer]

What about you? Do you like, do you. Could you see yourself in a place forever? Like, do you like the commitment of it?

[Alex Womble Povey]

Like, do you know what? I'm laughing at you being a commitment phobe. But I'm currently on a month to month phone. But that's because that was actually more related to like I. It's so funny. Like I can. If I want to do something, I will work out a way to do it. But there are some pieces of life admin that I'm just like, I can't be dealing with. And when I got to America, they needed like my social number and I didn't have it yet. So I went on a month to month and I just never changed.

[Danielle Peazer]

I get that.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I just never changed. But in terms of living, I'd kind of accepted the same thing, that we would move around a lot. Like, I always knew coming to Austin, it wasn't a forever place for us. It was very much. I was pregnant, we were living in this gorgeous apartment in Miami, but I was like, I can't have a baby here. And like Austin was an amazing community. Like lots of people having families here. I am so grateful to Austin for that. Like it was the biggest, best place to have my son. Yeah, I'm grateful for that part of it. And it was just never, it was never my forever place. But I do Feel like if we. If we do something in Franklin, it's going to be. It's going to be such an outpouring of love as well, that I feel like that in itself is going to give it roots, because I think when you put that much love and that much energy and that much intention into something, there's a piece of your heart that you're kind of planting there. So I definitely see it as more long term and particularly with Leo, like, not moving him around as much, I guess.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, you're right. Having kids definitely gives you more of that perspective. And like, God, the stuff I never thought I'd have to think about, like, getting them on the school list and, like, getting them into it.

[Alex Womble Povey]

That stresses me out.

[Danielle Peazer]

You don't want to, like, be moving them around so they're, like, always starting new schools. Like, it definitely. Yeah. But like you say, it would be probably building something, and that is such a long project. Like, whatever time you think it's going to take, what do they say? Double it. So it's going to be a long time, but it is pretty exciting. It's also. I don't talk shit on Austin, but it just. It really did serve a purpose for what, when we came, it was perfect for us. But reflecting. We were having dinner last night and I was saying to Stephen, I actually do feel like being here contributed to my postpartum depression, because as I reflect on it, really, Austin is brutal from May to October. I mean, when mid October, and it's 100 degrees almost outside. And so I had Noemi in the May, and it was so hot I couldn't go out with a newborn.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

So, you know, recovering from C section, I probably didn't go outside for a few weeks anyway. And then when I was able to start walking, it was just way too hot to be outside, but way too hot for a newborn. The sun is beating down. So I remember just being stuck inside all the time and just thinking about, you know, wanting to start planning for baby number two. I don't want to be stuck indoors for six months. I. I'm such a nature person. I grew up in nature. Like we. You grew up in the uk, you grew up outside?

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

Like, I was never allowed to just loiter around the house growing up. My mom was like, get out the house.

[Alex Womble Povey]

But you didn't want to be in the house either. At that point, you'd be like, yeah, I'll play on the street with my friends.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. And also, people are probably listening, being like, you don't know Nashville Is hot. No, I totally get it. But like I can do three months hot. Three months. A summer, three months. You take vacations, whatever. It's when it's six months and it's half the time. And right now I would say mornings are great and evenings aren't too bad, but I just don't want the restriction. So. Yeah. Anyway, Frank Gwyn, just to give that.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Perspective as well, like it's so hot here. I can't walk my dogs past like 7am yeah, like guys, that's how hot it is. Like it burns their paws because it's too hot. So like when we say restricted, it's so restricted. And like I was joking to you about this the other day. I currently go for pitch black walks with my family.

[Danielle Peazer]

Well, let's talk about that pitch black walk and the little incident. You didn't tell me until two days ago.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, I wasn't going to tell you about this. I ran over a snake with the stroller.

[Danielle Peazer]

An alive one and a live one. And it wasn't a tiny pencil snake.

[Alex Womble Povey]

No, it wasn't a tiny pencil snake. And it was actually so funny. It was so cool.

[Danielle Peazer]

Oh yeah, it sounds hilarious. Oh my God.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Okay, funny on reflection, but I'm half asleep, guys. It's like, I don't know, 6am or something. It's pitch black outside the car. I don't know why they built our house the way they built it, but you can get. It's a two car drive but you can't actually fit two cars on and walk around them. So I'm on the grass verge in between our house and the house next door. I'm pushing the stroller and all of a sudden I realize I've fully rolled over a snake. And then I'm like, jake, Jake, I've just rolled over a snake. He's like, he's panicking. He's like, move the stroller fast. But in my head I'm panicking, thinking, well, I don't want to anger the snake, so how do I do this gently? So yeah, anyway, pitch black walk, rolling over snakes at 6am Just to get.

[Danielle Peazer]

More specific, you guys, if you don't want to hear snake talk, skip for two minutes. But so the front wheels went over and then you had to like pull it back or use.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, I had to pull it back.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. Great.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I realized I was literally the wheel was still over the snake.

[Danielle Peazer]

Oh, I love that.

[Alex Womble Povey]

So then, yeah, I needed to fully pull it back and was then thinking, well, I don't want to anger the Snake anymore. Have I killed this? I don't. I don't know what I'd done. I don't know what I'd done. And then Jake, classic husband, shouting in the background faster. Afterwards I spoke to him, I was like, jake, just to clarify, when we are in a stressful situation, you shouting faster at me does not help. And he was like, yeah, okay, noted. But he had the dog, so he was like, I can't come over the dog snake. It's all going to be a whole thing. But he's been thoroughly schooled on how to react in stressful situations.

[Danielle Peazer]

I mean, I remember being nine months pregnant and there was a rattlesnake on our driveway.

[Alex Womble Povey]

No, you can't move fast at that point either.

[Danielle Peazer]

No, not at all. And then I was. And then it was like two days after. Again, nine months pregnant. We were driving and there was probably a six foot snake on the road.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Oh, no. Six foot.

[Danielle Peazer]

Texas is like Australia.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, I know. I've seen more wildlife here than when I lived in Australia, for sure. And we scorpions in the house. Like, I sent a video the other day to my parents. Just scorpion casually in the bathroom. Like, the wildlife is real here.

[Danielle Peazer]

I will say, just for people listening, we live out in the sticks, so it's not like we're in the city center. Like, that's not going to happen if you're in the city center or if you're in like a very well developed neighborhood. We are literally surrounded by a green belt. We are out in the sticks. So just clarifying, but also, I'm just like having these conversations that I feel like, listen, that's just what Austin is in. The heat, like, that just is. Of course you're not gonna get the snakes if you're in a certain area, but just is what it is.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Anyway, I love the heat as well, but it is. It's intense, it's long. So, yeah, I'm excited. Maybe Franklin's the place.

[Danielle Peazer]

I do love the humidity here, though. I always feel like my skin's really soft. It never gets dry. When I go to desert, I'm like, oh, I literally have aged overnight.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I've not noticed this. I need to pay more attention.

[Danielle Peazer]

I notice it. I'm like, maybe I'm just extra sensitive, but I notice it right away.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I'm not gonna lie. We're at that point where we want to keep the skin nice. We don't want to be aging.

[Danielle Peazer]

Anyway. The reason that I asked you last minute to like come around to my house and record this was because we were in Nashville and we were on a little stroller walk and we were having a conversation. Because I do think we've had some parallel journeys, like different people, different timelines. But we've had parallel journeys that have led us to probably a similar place of kind of letting go of the idea of everyone having to like us.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

Being okay, being disliked, being okay, being misunderstood. I will say that's probably one of my. One of the learnings I'm happiest to have received in the last couple of years is actually like, I don't need to defend myself. Like, I trust that the people who know me know me. I don't need to people, please. To make people like me. And I really get to stop self neglecting and really think about what's true for me.

[Alex Womble Povey]

And did you feel like that straight away with this? Like, what was that process? Because I think you can listen to that now. I know even for me like 6, 8, 12 months ago, if I'd heard that, I would have been like, that sounds amazing. But like how?

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, no, I didn't. I think it was a long, painful process.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Like keeping it real, guys.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, actually, no, I think it was a really long, painful process. I mean, I think there was. I will say this all for me comes down to identity. So I would say I'll tell mine, then maybe you could tell yours and we can see the parallels. Also, I felt like my identity really got shook up when I became a mum.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

And I kind of just had this feeling of I don't know who I am. And I had this like the way I can visualize it is just all these layers put like that I've put on myself of shoulds, like so many layers. And I was like, I need to shed these shoulds. Like, who am I at my core? Without. I should be this kind of way. I should do this, I should say yes to this. I should act this kind of way at my core. Who am I? What is my identity? And it started there. And then part of that was realizing that there were some relationships in my life that actually weren't built on me being fully authentic. And they were built on this relationship is so successful because I am not speaking my truth and realizing that actually some relationships in my life weren't there anymore when that relationship didn't benefit that other person. Right. And that was down. That was me. Like, there is no one else to blame here. That was me. That was the way that I showed up. And there were times when if I brought certain things to Conversations. In certain relationships, if someone had a big emotional reaction, I would shut down and I'd be like, you know what? I can deal with it, so I'm not going to make them take it on. Yeah, that was all me. You know, I. I let that be okay, and I set the standard for what was okay in my relationship. So that was one pocket of it. I had that big realization around my relationships. And a second pocket of it was, quite frankly, my ego. And my identity was tied to Boss Babe. And so I was very used, and this is me being totally honest. I was very used to, like, I can get in any room I want to get in. I can be invited on any podcast I want to be on. You know, this, that, the other. Because I built a really well known brand and it opened a lot of doors for me. And I think that became part of my identity. And when I walked away from Boss Babe, I had a complete identity crisis. I was like, fuck, who am I without all of this? Who am I without any of the follow or the podcast or any. Or a successful business like, will anyone give a shit? And then I got to the place of if people only want to invite me somewhere because of that, that's not my person, that's not my room. But it's all well and good saying that. But that was not an overnight process. This was like a whole, oh, my God, like, I'm unraveling, like all this stuff. But what's really beautiful about it is when I did end up buying the company and coming back, I'd already done that work and I was no longer attached to it, which so funny, I just was voice noting one of my friends this morning, and I was saying, you know, we're having our biggest year in Boss Babe ever in terms of top line revenue, profit, but also for me, in terms of freedom, happiness, all the things. Which is wild because this is the one year that I've said no to the masterminds, I've said no to the invites. Haven't been doing all these big fancy podcasts, all these big fancy guests. I haven't done any, like, affiliate launches. I haven't asked anyone for any favors. I just watered my own grass.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

And really hibernate it, quite frankly. And I think I had this. It wasn't even a fear. I was like, you know, if that's the outcome, great. I felt like being in that place and hibernating a little bit and honoring what was true for me would mean that, like, maybe my business slows down or maybe I'm irrelevant or whatever. And I was like, fuck it. If that makes me irrelevant, then I'm irrelevant. Love that for me, like, I just got to that place because I did the work, but it was, like, hard.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

So that's mine. And then I'm curious for you, like, so I would say the thread that started unraveling it all was identity and, like, everything else was a byproduct. Like, there's no relationship I can blame, no person I can blame. But it's started as an identity thread and really unraveled to, like, oh, if I like me. Yeah, I'm good.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, massively. I just want to say, like, reflecting on that outside looking in as well. I know you've shared a podcast on this already, so, like, people can go back and listen to that one, but you said about how the happiest people, you know, are slowing down. And I've really seen in you everything's exploding. Amazing. But you are so happy and so calm. And I also just want to share that as someone who's actually close to you, because I think it's very easy for someone to share on the Internet a very curated version of their life that looks happy and calm. But if you take a sneak peek behind the scenes, it's absolute chaos. And there's a difference between that and genuinely someone who is embodying freedom. You speak so much about freedom and helping other women create freedom. Like, you're actually embodying that and seeing you embodying that. And it's one of those, like, cycles as well. I know you said it. Oh, it could make me irrelevant, but I feel like it's actually made you more successful. I'm more like, you know, actually just seeing that cycle complete in that way.

[Danielle Peazer]

Well, thank you.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, you just keeping it real, babes. But in terms of. For me, I think identity was definitely a piece. I didn't know who I was either after I became a mother, but it felt like quite a slow unraveling. I think I was so determined to just be who I'd been before. I was like, okay, cool, baby's here. Let's get back at it. And it was over a longer period of time that I was like, oh, I can't just get back, back at it. Oh, all these things that excited me before don't excite me any more. All these things I used to do. And the reason I bring that in is I realized how much energy I was expending that I no longer had. So I always think of it in terms of like energy in, energy out. I was putting all this energy out and it was fine previously because I could refill my own cup because I had oodles of free time compared to what I now had. Now I didn't have that free time. And actually I was pouring my energy into my child as well. There wasn't that that gap where I could just refill all the energy I was putting out. And that was such a wake up call for me of like, okay, well, what situations, what people, what. Everything in my life is more energy out than it's giving me back. And that was one of the biggest wake up calls of like, I used to have the excess energy to deal with this shit. I actually just don't have it anymore. And having to get brutal about it and things that I would get upset about or worry about previously, I did still worry about for a while after becoming a mum. Really, really worried about. But there just came a point where I was like, I can't do this anymore. This is making me miserable. And this is then leaking into my relationship. It's leaking into my relationship with my son. Like, embarrassing to admit, but there was a couple of evenings where I would be so anxious about a situation I had going on that I felt like I couldn't mother. I felt like I couldn't be present with Jake because I was so anxious. And I was like, that was the wake up call. Sometimes you have to get so low that you're like, I am not doing this. I have a beautiful son, I have a beautiful husband. I've created a really beautiful life. I get to enjoy this. I'm not ruining it because of other people's stuff and other people's drama.

[Danielle Peazer]

I actually love that you shared that specifically though, around there being a couple of evenings where you maybe have been wrapped up in something else that you can't be present with your kids. Because I remember being in those situations too and just having that like visceral, out of body experience of. Hold on, let me just take a beat and look around at the life I've created. Like married to my soulmate in this beautiful house that we've built. You know, got the most precious baby in front of me and I'm wrapped up in this. So inconsequential. But I do feel like. And maybe for us it just took having kids, maybe for other people it doesn't. But just it took maybe being in that situation for me to realize how much time I was spending on inconsequential things and like, didn't have that energy.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. And also, you've spoken to me about this before, but, like, walking on eggshells.

[Danielle Peazer]

Oh, let's get into that, because that's a big thing.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Well, I really remember there was a day where you sent a message and you were like, I'm just gonna be real. I don't have the energy to walk on eggshells. And that was such an aha for me. I'll let you share about it because it was your message. You go first.

[Danielle Peazer]

There was just this group thing that had happened. There was, like, a really big group thread, and someone else had brought something into the group that someone that wasn't even in the group had mentioned they were hurt by or whatever. And what my interpretation of the events was, this person had completely assumed negative intent of a bunch of us in the group that wasn't there. And I think if that person really knew us, they'd know, like, we're not thinking negative. Like, there was no negative intent. And so I listened to that. They brought this whole thing. They're feeling this. They said this. Da, da, da, da, da, da. I listened to it all. I did my own inquiry. Like, wait, did I fck up here? Like, cut. Like, was this really shady?

[Alex Womble Povey]

Which is important. Yeah, I think in this whole conversation, that's a really important piece. This isn't saying you don't do any inventory. So I think it's really important. You brought that up.

[Danielle Peazer]

Totally. I was like, wait, did I fuck up here? Or was this totally innocent? Like, was this just, like, an innocent situation where we perhaps acted in one way and the other person seen it through their lens, which, by the way, I do all the time, and they've internalized it a certain way, they've made it mean something, but then just, you know, assuming negative intent. And that's ultimately what it was. But I had a very, like, deja vu moment there of, this is exactly what I'm no longer available for, because I've dealt with this too many times, and I'm not available to walk on eggshells. And I just sent a very, very clear message back saying, hey, this person wants to address it, great. But they can do so without their own projection of, like, we're all acting in this kind of way and this will happen, like, cool. Come with your curiosity and come with your personal feelings. But I am unavailable to walk on eggshells in my relationships. And if that's what it's going to be, this is not going to. And just really nip it in the bud right then and there. And it did. But I have been in relationships where I am walking on eggshells. And I even shared this with Lindsay just in a work setting. And I've had this multiple times in work settings where I would get messages saying, hey, can we hop on a call?

[Alex Womble Povey]

And even when you repeat that sentence, the anxiety that floods my body.

[Danielle Peazer]

And I had that so much because I knew what the calls were gonna be. And it's like, this is not one person. This is clearly something that I have had to work on. I've replicated this in multiple areas of my life. But, like, there was that thing, can we hop on a call? And I always knew it'd be a thing. And so I'd get the message and my whole body would feel sick. And I even said to Lindsay, I was like, by the way, when you keep saying this to me, like, you don't need to change anything, but I feel like I need to build trust with you that it's not gonna be something bad. It's not gonna be eggshell related. And now I'm at a place with her where I just know that's the case. Like, I know when she messages that I'm like, oh, she got night. Like, it's something fun and it's. And I really healed that. But fuck, that was a deep one.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Do you know what? I so get it. I've even had it where Jake will message me something and I panic, and I've literally exactly the same thing. It is, like, not to put like, too strong a word in it, but it's like kind of like trauma of the repeated energy of, like, oh, what have I done this time? Like, what's it going to be now? Big energy out. But I think there's a really important piece to mention there as well in terms of, like, getting to that. That point of. You said then that you'd had this situation come up repeatedly because it was clearly something you needed to heal. Well, same like, I had had this situation show up in multiple ways and full transparency. Most of the time, I took the easy path. Most of the time I was like, I don't want drama. I hate arguing with people. Like, I just want a peaceful life in general. Because my ethos in general is that life will bring you shit. Things will happen because life's gonna. Life things naturally happen. So as much as possible outside of that, I want to create a really peaceful life that I'd be in these situations. And it took me actually leaning in and actually being okay with the confrontation, being okay with the really shitty conversation, but being okay to lose that person because I'd realized I'd been on autopilot previously of trying to fix, trying to repair, trying to save. And actually it was really the point where I said, you know what, if, if, if this person can't meet me in the standards that I want to hold in my life and the values that I uphold as well, then I have to be okay with letting them go. And I'm okay with that. And then that shifts everything.

[Danielle Peazer]

You may have heard that I recently co founded a brand new company, Glossy, which is a skin routine you can drink. And I wanted to tell you a little bit more about it. It is incredible. It's this powdered supplement that you drink at least once a day. I'm personally a morning and afternoon kind of person and it is so good for your skin and your. One of the ingredients that I want to call out is probiotic D111. So it helps maintain a healthy gut microbiome. It supports digestion and skin barrier function. It's also really good for helping to reduce any discomfort in your stomach and bloating. I swear by Glossy, that's just one of the key ingredients. We also have vitamin C, magnesium, hyaluronic acid, coconut water powder, sea salt, zinc. It really comes from all angles to support you inside out. I love it. In a morning I drop it and hydrogen tablet just to really boost things. And then in the afternoon I normally add some B vitamins. It makes me feel absolutely amazing and I really feel the difference in my gut specifically, I'm more regular, I'm less bloated. I just really feel a difference. So if you're interested, go to get glossy.com, that's G L O C I.com and use the code boss babe and you'll get a huge discount off your order. Oh, there's so much to unpack in that, like being okay losing a relationship that is. I think that sometimes is the place that you need to get to, but it's really hard. I remember finding that really, really challenging. And same thing, I would get myself into these situations because I would choose the easy path. And I remember having this feeling that or this thought of if I just do my own work constantly, then the relationship will be in a better place, right? Like if I don't bring my stuff to the relationship and I deal with my stuff and I don't bring it to the relationship, everything will be fine. And what I realized is it's not speaking your truth that's going to ruin the Relationship resentment is the thing that will ruin the relationship. And whether you doing your own work or not, you're building resentment.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

And that's what I was doing because I was choosing the easy path and I was not willing to lose the relationship. Like, I'm. Like, I wasn't willing to rock the boat.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

I just always want an easy life. And as soon as I did, I lost a big relationship. And that was like, oh. So was that relationship real? You know, like, was that built on full truth and authenticity? Like, you don't really know until you fully show up. Real.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I was laughing at the beginning of that because I can so hard relate. But I also do think this is where we can be a little bit toxic with ourselves, with the personal development. We said earlier, always take inventory. Like, be honest. Like, have you been shitty? Like, no one likes a dick. Don't be a dick. But, like, at the same time, I had a conversation with my therapist, and she was like, alex, like, you're literally, literally gaslighting yourself. Like, you are so trying to skip to what you could have done wrong, where you can take inventory, where you need to work on yourself. You're not seeing the black and white of the situation where actually someone's just done something really shitty, and that needs to be felt and that needs to be acknowledged. So I really do think there is just a piece as well of, like, yes, working on ourselves, but also, like, is someone treating you in a subpar way? Are they doing it repeatedly? They're showing you who they are in doing that. I'm really curious for you because you mentioned them being okay with losing it, but, like, was there a grief in that process?

[Danielle Peazer]

Massive. And I think it just came in so many different waves and so many different ways and showed up very differently. But, yeah, 100. I mean, like, when I'm in friendship, I'm in, like, I'm all in Capricorn, loyal. Just, I'm all in. My relationships mean everything to me. And honestly, that's the reason I don't feel like I can have a lot of them, because when I'm in, I'm like, I am just take a stand for you. Like, I just want to be so. I want to be a really, really great friend. And so I'm very. I'm very cautious about how many close friends I have because I just know how much energy that I pour into it. And so when I was faced with losing a relationship, I mean, it was devastating. Absolutely devastating. You know what? Like, even looking back in hindsight and saying well, what about this thing and what about this thing? And yeah, there was, was problems, but it doesn't make it easier losing a relationship, I don't think. What about you?

[Alex Womble Povey]

I mean, same, but I think we also just don't talk about it enough. I think we talk about heartache in terms of like a romantic relationship, but our friends are some of the greatest loves of our lives as well. And so when that falls apart, like it is painful and definitely grief, definitely sadness. But I think a real thing for me has been learning to separate the grief from the situation. It's like acknowledging I can feel sad, I can miss parts of that friendship whilst also knowing that actually that's a separate emotion to necessarily wanting to repair and bring that back into my life. Those don't have to be one and the same thing.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. What I had to really check myself on multiple times is when I was feeling grief, it was so easy to look back at things with rose tinted glasses and gaslight myself into things weren't that bad. Like, yeah, very, very easy. But I had a friend go through a divorce a few years ago and she, she had such a good perspective on it. She said, I'm not going to see this as a failed marriage because actually we were together for a really long time and it was a success. But it has come to an end. And I've been able to reframe relationships that I've lost as they weren't failed relationships. Actually that was so amazing for that time in my life. And like, there are so many amazing memories. No matter how you look back at it with all the new perspective, there was so much good that came from the relationships that I want to look at it in that way and see it as like, you know what, that was a successful friendship, but it was not meant to be forever. And that helps. But I think I do have to check myself on the rose colored glasses because I can also just, oh, you know, I could, I can deal with it. I could like. And I'm like, no.

[Alex Womble Povey]

And I think there's also space in that. I love that, like perspective shift. I think there's space in that as well for the relationship to evolve into something else. Like I've had friendships that have come to an end, but we're still part of groups or we're going to see each other at weddings and like big group things and instead of having animosity there, which, which probably as a younger self I might have done, I might have been like, no, like it's awkward or it's cool. It's quits like also being like, do you know what, Like, I can have an arm's length friendship with this person or I know what it is. And I just wanted to bring that up as well because I think you make a really good point about having the people who are close to you close to you. I think there's almost like an expectation, I don't know if we get this through social media or where it's really come from, but that we should be over social beings with this, this huge friendship group of all best friends. And I don't know, again, maybe it's motherhood, maybe it's different things, but I. That's not practical for me. Like, I cannot pour into so many friends in such a deep way and that actually exhausts me and it doesn't feel good. So I really resonate with what you were saying then in terms of like, also, you know, actually knowing who I'm going to pour into and being okay with not being able to pour into everyone and just accepting that and also loving myself even though I can't do that has been a big, big shift.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, you said that on one of your podcast episodes, which, by the way, it's upgrade season. Go find it. You said on one of your podcasts it was about being disliked, the concept of not everyone needs to be a best friend. And you'd mentioned specifically going to retreat and making friends, but like, you're not going to be texting them and it's not going to be a close relationship. But I think you're right that I know when I lived in la, this was a big thing. But also I didn't have kids and like, I had more time on my hands, but I would meet, meet so many people at dinners and networking things and masterminds that I like, wanted to be friends with everyone. And before I knew it, I had so many friends but so few close friends because I was too busy trying to keep up.

[Alex Womble Povey]

And if you're honest with yourself, I'm curious about this. How many of those people did you, full body, full heart, full soul, actually want to hang out with?

[Danielle Peazer]

I mean, you can imagine.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, I feel like we've all done it at some point in our lives where we've, we've poured in and actually were like. And that's another big thing, like checking in, like, do I actually want to hang out with them or do they want to. This sounds so awful and egotist. I'm going to say it though. Do you actually want to hang out with them or do they want to hang out with me? I realize as part of this process a lot of people wanted to be friends with me. Not because I think I'm special or anything like that. I think actually like, I like a conversation. I love getting to know people and I think that can be rare. Maybe I'm trying to work out why.

[Danielle Peazer]

It is because I think you're a good friend. People can see that.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, but. But actually someone wanting to be friends with you is different to you wanting to be friends with them. And I think that does need to be pointed out because I think often it's very easy to get caught up in the excitement of like the rush of a new friendship. But actually if you sit back, is that someone that you want to pour into for the next 5, 10, 15 years and it feels really good on both sides.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. And I mean, I even remember just being at Masterminds and meeting tons of people and then thinking, oh, I should follow up with them. And I was like, wait, should? Why?

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, for what reason?

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, because like, is this a business relationship that you think is going to benefit you? Like, come on.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Or the people pleasing, like, will they think I wasn't friendly if I don't follow up with them or if I don't message them or you know, like all these worrying perceptions about. But I realize you know about this, but I unfollowed everyone on Instagram recently.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, talk about this.

[Alex Womble Povey]

So I literally unfollowed everyone and everything on, on Instagram. And one of the things I realized was I was following people because I'd literally met them once and was worried if I unfollowed them they'd be offended. That's exhausting.

[Danielle Peazer]

It's ridiculous. But we all do it.

[Alex Womble Povey]

It's so exhausting. When I then zoomed forward and was like, okay, 5, 10, 15am I sat having dinner with these people. Are these people part of my family or my close knit friendship group? Probably not. Doesn't mean I don't wish them well. Doesn't mean that maybe we're in the same city, we can hang out or catch up. Like, it's nothing personal. It's. It's not about that other person. It's really about where am I pouring into.

[Danielle Peazer]

There's so much in that. And I just think like really having the acknowledgement that you are going to have a close friend circle and just being really discerning about that and then there are going to be rings outside that where you maybe have neighbors or you have work friends or whatever. And the circles Will keep expanding. You'll have acquaintances, whatever it is. But just having that discernment around who is who and where, where they fit into each bucket. Because I remember just putting everyone into the close bucket because I didn't want to leave anybody out.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Come on in, guys.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. Oh, you know, I have. If I'm inviting that person, I have to invite that person, and I don't want to leave them out. And it would just snowball into this. Wait a minute. This event's for everybody but me. People talk about that with their weddings all the time, where they just like invite everyone and every. Because they don't want to offend people. And I just think let's just start offending people.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Oh, my God, I love that. Let's just. Honestly. But this is the thing. Like, this is maybe a sign for someone listening as well, whether you're a people pleaser or not. Because if you think about your wedding now, some people will want 180 people at their wedding. But if you would secretly only want 30 people at your wedding, but you would be too scared to only invite 30 people to your wedding, that's a red flag. And that was me, you know, like, it is. It's. I'm scared to offend people. I'm scared what people think. I think you're really good at this as well. And something you really helped me with perspective on is in friendships as well. It should be okay to hang out, like, with other friends and it not be a big drama.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. Like, if you're in a friendship group and you want to go one on one, like, you don't have to invite everyone everywhere.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. Because I think actually being secure in your friendships, it doesn't have to become, oh, left out or anything like that. Like, no, let's not deep everything. Like, like sometimes it's just casual, you know?

[Danielle Peazer]

Totally. And I. I get it. Like, I think as women, I mean, when you're a girl and you're at school, girls get at school got bitchy.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Oh, my God, they're brutal.

[Danielle Peazer]

It's hard.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

Like, I remember so many times where the worst was being in a friendship group of three of us. And like, at some point, someone always felt left out, like, always. But then you get into adulthood and you've got to realize, you know what? But we're not in school anymore. That's not serving me. Like, I need to really trust. And by the way, if you can't, then maybe that's a red flag. I need to be able to trust that my friends love me. And they care about me and they would never leave me out intentionally. And if they want to hang out with somebody else, that doesn't mean anything about me, it just means they want to hang out. But then if you are the person listening, you're like, I feel really shit when my two friends hang out without me. Maybe that's a bit of a red flag to you of like, well, are they really your great friends? You know what I mean? Like, do you really trust them? Do you feel that relationship is reciprocal? Like, or is that coming from an old childhood wound? Like there's so much inquiry we can.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Do around this 100%. I think it's worth noting on that situation as well. Like are you ever the person reaching out? Because I've also had situations where people will get offended and it's like, okay, but like I'm constantly. And I think that can be exhausting as well. Like maybe be the person to bring people together as well rather than waiting for the invite. I've definitely done that before where I've lacked confidence and I haven't felt confident inviting people. And actually it's a self fulfilling prophecy because people misinterpret that as like a coldness or a distancing. Actually it's a lack of confidence. Like maybe if you are in that situation, well, like stepping into a more confident version of yourself and actually being like, do you know what? I'm going to be the person to invite everyone to get together. Like I did this becoming an entrepreneur. I had no entrepreneurial friends. This is wild. I swear I've told you this before. So I was in the Boss Bay membership and actually wrote in the group being like, hey, is anyone in London? Do you all want to meet up? And like just created a meet up of like loads of people because I didn't have any friends who are entrepreneurs and like putting it out there, actually being the one to do that, I love that.

[Danielle Peazer]

And for everyone listening too, you know, maybe friendship is a bit of a sticking point for you. I just want to say you do deserve really great friends and really great friendships. And just like we would say about romantic life, like please stop settling for shitty friendships. Like stop settling, stop settling for friendships where you feel like you're walking on eggshells, where you feel like you can't be yourself, where you feel like, you know, if you're not benefiting that other person then they don't want to be your friend. Like stop settling because I promise you there are friends out there that will be such great friends for You. Yeah, I really want people to hear that.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I think that's such an important point. Like, I think there's so much, much information given to us now as well around romantic relationships and, like, so many red flags in romantic relationships. What about red flags in friendships? You know, like, no one educates us on this. And people talk about narcissists in romantic relationships. What about the narci friends?

[Danielle Peazer]

You know the narci friends?

[Alex Womble Povey]

No, but it is, like, it's a thing and no one talks about it. So we're here, like, raising our standards for romance. We've got to raise our standards for friendship too.

[Danielle Peazer]

No narcissist, narky friends, no knocky friends. I'm curious, how do you deal with all of the texting? Because, okay, full transparency. The amount of unread text in my phone, it's. It's ridiculous and, like, unresponded to texts and not because I don't want to respond, but, like, I feel like there's a small group of people on my phone that, like, when I see their notification, I always open it. I'm like, faster respond. And then there's other people that it's like, okay, I'm gonna go on a walk next week. I'm gonna listen to them and, like, get back. But I just feel like I have such a compressed window. I'm not on my phone when I'm with Noemi, which is mornings and nights. And during the day, I'm like, trying to cram as much work or self care life into that time that there's just not a lot of texting time. And I've had to really learn to be okay with that. But I don't think it's easy.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. And I don't think other people are necessarily okay with that. That's my experience of it.

[Danielle Peazer]

Tell me.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Well, I'm the same. I'm baffled how people manage to respond to all their text messages. Like, that is a skill I just haven't mastered for the exact reasons you say. I'm not on my phone in the morning or the evening because I'm with my child. And then in the day, I'm trying to get as much work done and maybe get to a pilates class or do something for myself as well. Like, I've not got time to just be like, sat going through 63 unread WhatsApps. And I have a couple of people who I will respond to straight away. And then apart from that, maybe if you're in the top three messages on WhatsApp, I'll manage to see it and get back to it. But I'm, I'm terrible with it as well. And I've just, just, I've accepted it in myself. I think other people do struggle with it still. Like, I've definitely had chats with friends where they're like, alex, you are so shit at texting.

[Danielle Peazer]

And it like, upsets them.

[Alex Womble Povey]

It upsets them. I've had some, like, really bad conversations with friends where they're like, alex, like, this isn't okay. And honestly, I've just reached the point where I'm like, yeah, but like, the alternative is. I don't. There isn't really an alternative.

[Danielle Peazer]

You put on TV for your kid, so you're going to text him back.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Or I text back at 7, 8pm at night when I am so brain dead. I'm telling you now, if I sell my phone, texting back for the two hours in the evening, I'm gonna have a crying meltdown the next day. Like, that's just not good for my brain. My brain doesn't work like that. So I just feel like, well, this is just my reality right now, you know, And I accept it. I don't know. I don't have a good answer, to be honest.

[Danielle Peazer]

Maybe this is why we're friends.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah, maybe this is why we're friends. Because, like, we, we get. But also, I don't expect other people to text me back.

[Danielle Peazer]

No, I don't either.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Like, and I don't read into it.

[Danielle Peazer]

When people say, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm like, you do not need to apologize for living your life. Oh my God, don't apologize.

[Alex Womble Povey]

So I have this with a friend. We won't respond to each other for ages at a time. And then we'll respond. And we made a rule that we don't apologize to each other. Do you know how good that friendship feels for both of us? I like that we're both busy and we just don't chill. What are your tips on this? Like, how do people get asked with you or people just chill?

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, I mean, I think I'm oblivious. Like, honestly, no, I'm a little bit oblivious because I just.

[Alex Womble Povey]

They've text you it, but you've not read it.

[Danielle Peazer]

I'm not on my phone that much. I really am not. Like, for me, my phone is most often work. Yeah, if I'm on my phone, it's Slack, emails, Instagram. I don't really do it socially, so I, I just don't know. There are friendships. I will Say that since I've moved to Austin, I have because I'm not a texter. I feel like I'm not checking in with those friends as often and I do miss that. I miss them. But it's hard because I'm not on my phone. So I need to figure that out of like, okay, is it that we get together in person? Is it that we do phone calls? What is it? How can we do. We do coffee catch ups on Zoom. What is it?

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

And how do I solve that? But there's only a couple of those. But yeah, like I'm just not on my phone.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I'm also just an in person person. Like I would much more. Okay. I feel like maybe you'll get this. I also just don't get what people text about all the time.

[Danielle Peazer]

No, Like, I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I just don't. If there's someone listening that is really like, is that person is a prolific text and always gets back, send us your like how you do it. Because maybe they've got it down and we are just missing something.

[Alex Womble Povey]

There is, there is no question I find harder than how are things with you?

[Danielle Peazer]

I know.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I'm like, well, where do I begin?

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah, I mean, depends on what level.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Are we going to right now? In this moment yesterday, this morning, you.

[Danielle Peazer]

Know what else I've stopped doing? I just noticed this yesterday when I went to dry bar to get my hair done. I read my book. Book. I sat in silence.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

I thought, I got up, I left.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

A previous version of me would have took my laptop and been like, okay, I've got an hour. Let me maximize this time. I didn't use that time to reply to all my texts, which I probably could have. I didn't use it to catch up on all my work, which probably could have.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

I was like, this is an hour just for me.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

Let me sit and sort through my thoughts. Like, I always think about my thoughts as like a filing cabinet. And like, I just like things to be all gone by the way. I know I need things to be organized in there.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Even her thoughts were organized, guys.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. Just so like, I drove there. I didn't listen to a podcast on the way. I didn't listen to music. I sat there in silence. I was like, sort my thoughts out. I get there. Okay. No, this is niche and you might think that I'm so weird, but I need to bring it up because this was my processor tribal and I'm like, fck. I'm either so Weird or I'm not okay. So I was, like, fully in the. I was like, drove there in silence, fully in the moment, went and sat about to get my hair washed. So many, many years ago, when I was getting my hair washed, I wouldn't want to, like, close my eyes and fully relax because I wouldn't want to seem weird. Like, as if closing my eyes is just, like, really weird. So I would keep my eyes open to be like, you know, I'm still here, I'm still present. And then yesterday, I was just like, eyes closed, like, fully nodding off while I'm having my hair washed. And I was like, wow, this is. This is great. It used to be like this.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Oh, my God, this is hilarious. Firstly, because why do we overthink the most random.

[Danielle Peazer]

I would think, like, does she think I'm enjoying this too much? She's sending me to sleep.

[Alex Womble Povey]

But also, I really think there's a version of this where it was probably really creepy. You just there with your eyes open.

[Danielle Peazer]

Wait, so you've always closed your eyes?

[Alex Womble Povey]

I think so. I think it's probably a bit weird with your eyes open. Just like, can you imagine massaging someone? Hang on. Now we need a hairdresser to text us. Like, what's the etiquette? Is it eyes open?

[Danielle Peazer]

I need to know.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Eyes closed. But can you imagine massaging some of her hairdressers?

[Danielle Peazer]

Oh, I'd be on my phone, I'd be talking to them.

[Alex Womble Povey]

I mean, that's more normal, but I know. I think eyes closed is legit. Babe, I'm there. I'm like moaning. I'm like, that feels so good. I love a head massage. Can't get enough mourning.

[Danielle Peazer]

Are you like a massage mourner?

[Alex Womble Povey]

Oh, babe, if you massage my head, I'm like, oh, yeah. And then I tell them that it's like, my favorite thing in the world.

[Danielle Peazer]

Wow.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Maybe I'm just like the really creepy person when you get your hair done.

[Danielle Peazer]

But no, I need to know. Hairdressers, please message us.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Do you not find it serious relaxing, that.

[Danielle Peazer]

No, I do, but I was like, oh, in the past. I'd, like, be on my phone. I'm like, why have I been letting this moment pass me by? Yeah, out of productivity. So I, like, got my hair washed. I sat there, put my phone down. I just, like, sat. You know, I didn't watch tv. I was just sitting there, just sorting my thoughts out. I'm like, why did I see. So obsessed with habit, stacking and productivity. Like, yeah, this is way nicer. So No, I didn't get any text reply to. Ain't got any done. I came home and I was like, well, I'm really behind on all my phone stuff, but my hair looks good and I feel good.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Do you know, I have found that hard previously in the past that as a reflection though, where if I'm like, put on Instagram that I'm doing something but I haven't texted someone back. I used to feel guilty about that as well, which I just bring up in case anyone else is in that place. Still. I don't feel that anymore. I'm like, no, I am not tracking your hour by hour day and thinking, well, you could have text me in that pocket or you could have done this in this pocket. No. So no one's going to be doing it to me. So, like, just letting it drop. You did this post this morning, which I absolutely loved. It was like a carousel. And one of them was about the over productivity thing. And I feel like this is the new way of being productive is being like, underproductive at times because I think it's so exhausting for us to constantly be on constantly consuming as well. I think we can get so much more creative. Like, I know you say, oh, you did nothing in that time. You just enjoyed the process. You read your book. But I feel like it's that thing. Like, if you ask me on a surface level, but if you ask me on a deeper level. But I do feel like on a deeper level for you, that's probably fed you and fueled you in a multitude of ways that maybe might not be as tangible or immediate to see, but that is so valuable. Like, we can't just measure our value by what's the immediate effect of something.

[Danielle Peazer]

No, actually it did. And then driving back, I called Lindsay and I was like, oh, I've had this idea. Like, but I would never have had that had I was just like sitting. Getting through my to do list.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

Not saying I don't have to get through my to do list, but, like, just not every day is going to be a productive day.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. But I also love that you put in that post about not reaching inbox zero anymore. And that's the same for me. Like, okay, I was Never@Inbox0, but I would need to get through my to do list. And it's actually a Brendan planner that I use the.

[Danielle Peazer]

Oh, I love that one. The High Performance planner.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. And it has this question, it's like three things to do today. And then it's like, like, what absolutely needs to be done today. And asking myself that has been a game changer because I realize how unurgent so many things are. And realizing that lack of urgency just soothes my entire system, but also makes me so much more productive and so much more creative.

[Danielle Peazer]

Oh, amen. Well, I love this chat.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Same.

[Danielle Peazer]

I feel like this was very cathartic, but I really hope people listening, like, like they can maybe stop being so hard on themselves.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

And I think we do it more as women.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

I will be honest. Than men. I think we can be so hard on ourselves.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. I think being hard on yourself, but also I think hold higher standards. I think that's a really big piece. I think really start to notice in your body who you actually enjoy being around, who refuels you, who energizes you, versus who leaves you feeling depleted. But then also thinking, okay, well, if you're holding romantic standards, what are the standards you're going to hold in other places of your life? And I know we spoke about friendships today and you touched on business, but that also might be in business. Team members, things like this.

[Danielle Peazer]

Yeah. We didn't even talk about team, but I think it's still so relevant.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah.

[Danielle Peazer]

High standards.

[Alex Womble Povey]

High standards.

[Danielle Peazer]

We're going into 2025 with high standards.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Yeah. And start now. Don't wait for new year to, like, raise the standards. I think this is something that we can begin in this moment right now.

[Danielle Peazer]

I love it. Well, where can everyone find you?

[Alex Womble Povey]

I'm on Instagram more than I should be after saying how little I'm on my phone. I am Alexandra Maria. Or talking too much on it's upgrade season.

[Danielle Peazer]

I love your podcast, by the way. So everyone go listen. Thanks for doing this.

[Alex Womble Povey]

Thanks, babe.

[Unknown]

Okay, we are beyond thrilled to share some incredible news with you. This feels like such a huge milestone moment for Boss Babe, and we are so excited. We can finally announce it. Boss Babe planners are officially available at every single Walmart store across the United States. We've partnered with the amazing team at Blue Sky Planners to create the most detailed and effective planner designed to help you achieve your 2025 goals. This isn't just about organization. It's about building a system that keeps you focused, intentional, and on track for your biggest ambitions. Whether you're mapping out your dream projects, balancing your business and personal life, or making space for what truly matters, this planner has everything you need. And now it's right within reach at Walmart stores nationwide. This partnership is a true pinch me moment for everyone here at Boss Babe. And I cannot wait for you to experience what we've created. So head over to your nearest Walmart or shop online to grab your boss Babe planner today. And don't forget to tagluskyplanners and Ossbabe when you do. We can't wait to see how you're using it to create the life and business you've always envisioned. Here's to an incredible 2025 wait, wait, wait.

[Danielle Peazer]

Before you go, I would love to send you my 7 figure CEO operating system completely free as a gift. All you've got to do is leave us a review on this podcast because it really supports the growth of this show. This is my digital masterclass where I'll show you what my freedom based D weekly and monthly schedule looks like as an eight figure CEO, mama and high performer. And I'll walk you through step by step how to create this for yourself. It includes a full video training from me and a plug and play spreadsheet to literally create your own operating system. It's one of our best trainings and it's worth $1,997, but I will unlock access for you for free when you leave us a review. I know, wild right? All you have to do is leave your review on the podcast, take a screenshot of it and then head over to bossbab.comreview to upload it and then you'll get instant access to the seven figure CEO operating system. Again, head over to BossBab.comreview to upload your screenshot and get access. We are so so grateful for all of your support and can't wait to hear how the podcast has supported.