Unknown Female Speaker (2:55)

Yeah. It's such a big piece. And I love that word vitality. Right. Because it's like how we're feeling that felt experience in our life that really only can kind of come from inside. And I think that's a big piece because so many of us are conditioned from trying to get there from the outside in. Like, what supplements should I take? What are my routines that I should do? Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? Like, even that energetic is what keeps so many women outside of that experience of vitality, because it's not attuned. It's like, what does this person tell me that I should do? What's the science? What's the expert, you know, telling me about how to get to that place? So that already is such a big piece. And for me, was. Was massive. I was always outside in, like, what's the things I should be doing? How should I be moving my body? What are the, you know, what should my business look like? It was all this kind of external drive of how I should be living and what I should be creating. There was no real connection to that internal voice and that internal drive. And so, you know, naturally, because I spent years ignoring all of those little signs that we're sharing, I just come back from traveling, you know, overseas. We had been running an event in. In London and Australia, and I was planning launches and I was running my team, and outside life looked amazing. I was planning my TED Talk. I was in the midst of TED Talk rehearsals, and I could not get out of bed. It just hit me for more than weeks where I was just. I've never had depression, but I had this moment of feeling like I have a textual feeling for what that would feel like. Nothing felt like it mattered. I had absolutely zero drive energy. I felt apathy. I mean, I just couldn't get out of bed. And I was writing in my journal. I'm not even that much of a big journal, but I just recall it so viscerally writing. Once I get through the launch and the event and the this and the TikTok. And it just hit me, I was like, oh, so, like, once I get through my life, then I'll experience my life. Like, I was like, oh, I just saw it so black and white. The wiring that I was running through my life, that was always something else I had to get through. And it really landed for me. And of course, obviously, just really having bottom of the barrel, like not getting out of bed, nothing. Just feeling like it mattered. It really took that for me to go, okay, so this isn't working. And this isn't also the way that I'm gonna keep moving forward. It was so sobering, unavoidable. Like, at that point, I couldn't argue with what was showing up. It was like, all right, I'm being invited to notice something here. Like, what am I going to do differently moving forward?

Emily (5:20)

Yeah. It's so big. And I think that's the piece about burnout that, you know, we hear burnout culture. We hear that women are impacted by burnout in the crazy numbers these days. And in some ways, we're like racing against the clock to try to avoid it with all these biohacks and all this stuff. But really, like, burnout is this deep invitation from our body to go, stop, just stop. It's not working. And what a gift, right? Because oftentimes we hear those signs of, hey, maybe slow down a little bit, maybe take a break, maybe go for a walk and get some sun on your face or whatever it is. We hear these little signs and we're like, not right now. I gotta finish this thing, or I gotta get through this launch, or I gotta get through the TED Talk or whatever it is. And we ignore and we stuff and we suppress. But burnout is when our body literally goes, hey, babe, that's not working anymore. And so it's a gift because all of our old tricks that we are so well conditioned to use to get us through the next thing, they're not going to hold up in this season. And so when burnout hits, or if you're close, hopefully you hear this and you're like, you catch it before. It's literally your body going, okay, we're inviting you into a new season of life where you're going to do life completely different and you're going to have to. Because there's no other option.

Unknown Female Speaker (6:28)

Yeah, it's so big. I mean, I remember because again, you know, how we do anything is how we do everything. So the way we're running our business is the way we're running our bodies is the way we're running all of it. And I remember being in LA dragging I was so tired, my body was so fatigued and I was obviously in LA trying to do the meetings and running my business. But I was also planning training for this Hell on the Hill race at Jesse IPS House. I remember that, you know, oh, who will I meet there? And like there was such this, like that's a place to be, you know. And I just remember that I had already done my training run that day. But again my mind was okay, I've got to do this is how I live again externally. Like you have to work out every day, this is how you have to eat. Like it was all very outside in. There was no attunement to my actual body. I just remember horrible calling myself to this circuit training class like in la Venice beach circuit training class. Like you can imagine how psycho that class, right? And it was just like, because this is what I've got to do. And it was again that same mentality that I was approaching everywhere in life. And I think when you're a high achiever in one place, you're a high achiever in a lot of other places. But again like this invitation with burnout is such initiation into firstly really getting into our bodies, which is wild. How much of a journey, I mean they say that, right? The longest journey you'll take is from your head into your heart, like into your body and really cultivating. And this is such a big piece about this whole journey, this ability to have such a deep trust within ourself as women again as women we're so conditioned outside to trust what's, what's people say or what should I do, what should I do? And this, this is such a big piece of that initiation to really go, oh, like what is being asked of me? Not of you, not of you, not this other person's journey. And to really have such a reverential sense of trust for like all right, like I'm on my friggin journey and what being asked of me of my body right now. And I'm going to cultivate the capacity to really listen to that. That's such a big invitation of this journey. And that's why like you said before, like your level of alignment, like your level of just capacity now because you're so attuned to yourself but actually being able to build that muscle like the burnout is a big piece of that because it's like, all right, you're likely listening to this, knowing that there's all these things you should do and there's the strategies and there's all these pieces. But the result of all of this is becoming so connected to your own trut. So connected to your own body. And that's when, again, opportunities come to you. Like, you're magnetic. You're like. All of these outcomes of how we can still create a big life, but from a different way. They require really connecting and building this capacity which burn out is the door for. Unless you listen sooner.

Emily (9:01)

Yeah. Which we're hoping you hear this. And you're like, oh, my gosh, I.

Unknown Female Speaker (9:04)

May be headed towards take heed from our stories.

Emily (9:06)

Exactly. But something you said that I think requires talking about, because I don't know about you, but a lot of the women we work with, they're like, what does that mean to go into my body? And, like, we used to think that, like, what does that actually mean? And we live in a society that has largely conditioned all of us, no matter your gender, to focus on the intellect. The intellect is our gateway to all of life. And if we can understand the mind, we can understand life. If we can hack the mind, we can hack success, we can hack life. And what we've forgotten is ultimately, we're all animals and we're mammals. And our mammalian body actually has so much wisdom, has its own intellect, has its own powers, but we are disconnected from that because we're not actually attuning to it. In fact, as you said, we're ignoring it. We're suppressing the signs. We're pushing it down. We're working over our body's capacity instead of working with our body's capacity. So when we say, like, moving from our head into our bodies, we're really talking about, number one, attuning to the body signals. It is a learned art. Because we didn't grow up in households, most of us, that taught us how to listen to our bodies. In fact, we went to school, and whenever we felt like even the urge to pee, we were told, sit and wait until the break. So we're taught to actually ignore our bodies for the sake of productivity. And so relearning your body's signals and cues is an art and a practice. That's number one. Number two, your body actually stores emotional trauma. And trauma isn't always like a big capital T trauma, big thing. Sometimes it's little things. But we don't live in a society that really welcomes feeling much. And so We've got to feel the unfelts. We've got to open that pathway so that our body has reprieve, so that it can actually go, go. Okay, now that I'm not holding and thinking we're still stuck in this survival state from this little trauma that happened or this big trauma that happened, now I can actually be present. And once we're present in our bodies, this is when we turn on our superpowers, especially as women intuition gets amplified. Our life force. Like you said, I feel lit up from my cells, like in my bones. We can feel that sense of aliveness because the channel is fully open. When we're in that sense of aliveness, imagine energy. Because we're all energetic beings just moving and radiating from us, creating a field of energy that is a magnetic force field. Now we are like the most attractive being that walks into any room because people can feel us. And we've all been in a room where you feel that person walk in and you're like, who is that? I don't know what they're doing. I haven't even talked to them. But oh my gosh, it's palpable. And then we also have felt the person that knows a lot, says all the right things, but it's like talking to a dead fish, right? It's energy, right? We are energetic beings and we're attracted to that. So I just wanted to ground that because I think a lot of women, self included, for a long time, I'm like, what does that even mean to get into our body? Like, am I just supposed to dance or I work out? I'm in my body all the time. Yeah, that's a different thing.

Unknown Female Speaker (11:51)

That piece is key because I mean, all of us in this room, like, take care of our bodies. I was obsessed with my body my entire life, but I wasn't in it. And that distinction is really key because. Oh yeah, working out or taking care of your body, again, I know for me it was always how it looks like I'm taking care of my body because it needs to look a certain way. Like, how should I look? How do I feed my body for how it will look? How do I move my body for how it will look? It was never about how it feels. And so it is important to make that distinction because again, when we say high achieving one place, you're probably high achieving somewhere else. If you are, you know, moving your body and taking care of it. Like you said you were doing everything, but again, kind of outside in, what are the things to do? So that I'll be healthy versus like really actually being in our felt experience of our body. And also, like, just also reiterating. Like it all makes sense. Like, it makes sense we're not in our bodies. It makes sense that we. Because also once we do get in there, those, those stored traumas, that emotion, that energy, like that is in there. There's a were up as a society, right? Porn, food, overworking, like shopping, all of these coping mechanisms that keep us out. Because it's a lot. I mean, when I finally got initiated basically into. Into my body, I didn't grieve my dad until 10 years after he died. What, eight or nine, 10 years after he died. So I just did not have the system. I didn't have the tools. I didn't. I wasn't in my body at all. So there was just like a numbness and not even cognizantly aware of it. Like, it wasn't like, oh, I haven't grieved my dad. It was just didn't sort of come up. And again, it's like when we. When we slowly build this practice of like, actually being in the practice of like, you know, and I joke all the time about, you know, when people say, where do you feel that in your body? It's like, I would. I would want to literally punch someone in the face because I was like, are you talking about, like, like I just had no awareness of being able to actually feel the sensations in my body, which is really common for a lot of the women that we work with. And so again, it makes sense because we don't the skills or the capacity to actually be with that felt experience until we do. And our bodies are so smart, they only give us what we can actually hold. And so it's just trusting. Like, the more and more we build that practice that our body just slowly titrates us on. Hey, it's time to feel this. Hey, it's time. And that's why even just a part of this conversation, it's trusting this innate wisdom of also just life presenting you the situations that are actually initiating you into your expansion. And then also your body, like, your body is this beacon of wisdom. It's like, wow, what am I so tired? Okay, baby, maybe we need to look at something actually really cultivating that trust versus, like, something's wrong. I got to fix something. It's like, oh, there's a message here. Even that approach as well, you can feel how much softer it is, how much less energy it takes than fighting and pushing against it. Right. That's part of what this cultivates us into.

Lex (14:36)

I think the same. I think if someone had said to me a few years ago, maybe you're exhausted because of the emotional load in your body, I would have said, you have no idea. My mitochondria. Right. I just wouldn't have even accepted that as a thing.

Unknown Female Speaker (14:52)

Yeah.

Lex (14:52)

And I think for me, I just grew up not trusting my body. And there was so many reasons that I didn't trust my body at all. And that only really came to light in my late 20s. But I think, you know, from having so many health issues, you know, from a young age, we had black mold, we had so many health issues, to then going into really severe hormone issues, being told by four doctors, you'll never get pregnant naturally to, I think just created that. This real disconnect between me and my body. And there was a lot of stored trauma there, generational trauma that has showed up and we have had to look at. But I just had this very untrusting relationship with my body as my body lets me down. My body isn't functioning. My body isn't doing what it should do. But what's really interesting was repairing that trust. My body does function the way it's supposed to function now, and my biomarkers look better than ever. And it's not that I'm doing more. I'm probably doing less now than I ever have just because of the season that I in. And so it's really fascinating. And I know one of the things we were gonna say on this episode was for women that are relating to this and are looking for, okay, well, what's the step? One of the questions being, well, what are you avoiding that? And I'm very curious for both of you. When this started coming up, what was your answer to that question for you guys?

Unknown Female Speaker (16:10)

I mean, for me, I mean, a lot of things, I think. I mean, for sure, the grief actually creating enough time to. In space to actually feel, to actually cultivate the experience of becoming a woman who has capacity to feel. There was just no capacity there. And so much of that, too, was because of my really dysfunctional relationship with my body. We were enemies, ultimately. You know, like, it was like, you're wrong. Like, you're not doing what you should be doing just because of how it looked and my. My dysfunctional relationship there. So there was so much of an adversarial experience which kept me out of my body. So really, this journey for me has been a massive initiation into feeling, into becoming who I was. Like I wasn't living as a whole woman. And that's also created this really beautiful healing connection, like with my body, like, was just avoiding, I think, even realizing how out of my body I was, how out of my life I was, and really being initiated into what actually, like, how do you want a woman? How do you want to live your life? How does it get to feel? And that's been something that's, you know, unfolded over time. But I think really the big piece was, was actually realizing how just not in my body and therefore, like really not in my life. I was, I was my life constantly over there, somewhere over there.

Emily (17:23)

So, so crazy. Yeah, mine, mine's slightly different, but similar through line. I was avoiding. Well, first of all, I'll say this. My burnout was in my relationship. Like I felt so exhausted in my relationship where it's like I'm doing all the things I'm. We've got the therapy, we have all the tools, we're having the conversations, we're da, da. And I just felt so exhausted. I'm like this, I can't keep doing this. And so what I was avoiding was the fact that even in the trying to fix things and make things better, I was people pleasing. I was self abandoning, self betraying. I wasn't using my voice and asking for what I needed. I didn't even know what I needed because I was so practiced in thinking about him and the family and what does he need and what do they need? What do I need? How do I want to feel as a woman? And I just kept putting myself on the shelf for later. I'll get to you later, Lex. I'll get to you later, Lex. And that's why I was so exhausted. Because the over functioning of trying to make sure he was good and the kids were good and the house was good and the businesses were good was exhausted me because the true self that I was was going like, hey, I'm here. Can we do this thing called life? And so for me, the invitation was I was avoiding myself, I was avoiding my needs, I was avoiding even asking what I needed. I was avoiding my own experience of my life as a woman because I was so outwardly focused on everybody else, including my clients. Including my clients. It was always like their needs come first and you'll be on the shelf for later, Lex. Once their needs are hand handled. But I never got to the shelf. I never got to the shelf until I did. Until I was forced to go, okay, I'm gonna take you off the shelf, Lex. And we're gonna start asking the heart questions. What do you actually want in your life? What is not working for you in the relationship? Stop trying to fix what's not working for him. What's not working for you? What's not working in your business? What needs to change? Who do you need to bring in? And I had to ask all these really hard questions that the over functioner and the one who just has high capacity and could just do it all, never even thought to ask. And that was for me. It was like the linchpin. You pulled it. I pulled it. And it was like, oh. Oh. The amount of self betrayal around my entire life is massive. And of course I'm exhausted because I am trying to over function and create safety and control and relationship with all these people without being in relationship to myself. So of course I'm tired. Oh, of course. And I had so much compassion. But also, what? Oh, I got a lot of work to do. And that, I mean, it shifted everything for me.

Lex (19:43)

I love that. Thank you both for sharing. I think it's always so helpful to hear, especially for the women listening who have been avoiding things for so long.

Emily (19:51)

Yeah.

Lex (19:51)

And I mean for me, I feel like anytime I am feeling like I'm jumping back into performative patterns or fight or flight, or taking on way too much, I normally have to look at what I'm avoiding. And it even hit me recently. I mean, this is never one and done. Like I can. I can think about my big moment. But even recently, I noticed myself jumping into all of that over functioning. I noticed myself being in fight or flight. And when I really slowed down, I realized in the first trimester of this pregnancy, I was really sick. And I stopped doing the work. I stopped looking at myself and giving myself what I needed because I was so sick. I was just trying to function. You know, get up with my toddler, like, make sure she's taken care of. Don't be too hormonal with my husband. Execute the launch that I committed to. There was these things that I felt I had to push through. And so the good way of saying it, I was putting myself on a shelf. And when I came out of that sickness, I realized there was a lot to look at. I wasn't feeling good, even though I wasn't feeling sick anymore. And what I really started to realize was for me, what's been really interesting is watching Noemi grow up has been like watching my inner child grow up. And the age that she turned a few months ago was the age I had one of my like, big early traumas. And that was coinciding with the sickness of my pregnancy. And I avoided all of it.

Unknown Female Speaker (21:13)

Oh, wow.

Lex (21:14)

And I just spent a week. Week going there and looking at it and naming it and bringing it up to Stephen. And on the other side, like, I remember going into that week thinking, oh, here we go again. Am I gonna burn everything down? And I remember coming out of that week feeling light and energetic and ready to prioritize myself again, because I just realized I was avoiding that. Like, it had been sitting there. And I think I knew there was part of me that knew, but being sick was a really great way to hide it and avoid it. And, like, no one, Stephen, I'm being a. Because I'm hormonal. Like, no, I'm, like, rejecting. Because I'm. Because I'm this and like, I'm pouring all my energy into everyone else. Don't have to look at myself.

Emily (21:51)

Yeah.

Lex (21:51)

And it was an excuse, and that's my pattern. And so it's just like, it's never one and done.

Emily (21:56)

No.

Lex (21:56)

Always going to come up. But for me, the win was. Oh, a week.

Unknown Female Speaker (22:00)

Right. Yeah.

Emily (22:01)

That's a win.

Lex (22:02)

To do the work.

Emily (22:03)

That's a win.

Unknown Female Speaker (22:04)

Yes. I want to just underline that because I think it could be easy to discount having time to do all of this. But I think it's really important to know for anybody listening, it's already there. So there's already an impact of not doing it. It's not really like, yes, it's choice. You can choose when you want to take this on. It is going to come for you. And it's also currently present in your.

Emily (22:23)

Life, and it's already costing it.

Unknown Female Speaker (22:25)

It's already costing. Already paying a price. So it's not even like, oh, do I have time to do it? It's like, oh, it's just kind of shifting a resource. It is actually going to create, like you said, more space, more aliveness, actually looking at it. So it's not that whether or not it's currently in your life, it's actually just when do you want to sort of start to make enough space to look at it? Because, yeah, there's already a price we're paying for not kind of being proactive about it. So this is just giving us the option to go, all right, well, let me just allocate the. To actually looking at it. Because I'm currently allocating the resources to not looking at it. Right.

Emily (22:55)

Which is an energetic cost.

Unknown Female Speaker (22:56)

It's a massive energetic cost.

Lex (22:58)

But for me personally, it was bigger. The energetic cost was bigger. What it was costing me was bigger. It was costing me connection in my relationship. It was costing me connection to myself. It was costing me energy that I could be pouring into my parenting or my work or my friendships.

Unknown Female Speaker (23:13)

Yeah.

Lex (23:13)

So it was costing me regardless. Some way.

Emily (23:16)

Yeah.

Unknown Female Speaker (23:16)

Yeah.

Lex (23:16)

And we was just. Yeah, it's. And I think that's the beautiful thing about learning these tools is you can shorten how long it takes. You know, it doesn't always take a week. Maybe you need a day. Maybe you need a therapy session. Maybe you need to. To like, it doesn't always take like a long time. And you can keep shortening that window when you stop resisting it and diving in. So is the thing we really. Because I know we're showing up, we've got so many more. We've got more coming tomorrow is the thing we really want to leave them with today is like, what is that thing for them that they're avoiding? Because I bet it's so freaking heavy.

Emily (23:47)

Yeah. It's either. What are pretending not to know? What are you avoiding? What have you been avoiding feeling? Right. If you had like m. You had your father pass away and it was years prior, but she hadn't really ever grieved that. And grief is such a dense emotion, but it's such a human emotion and it's beautiful when we fully allow ourselves to experience that grief. It actually allows us to feel like how much we loved, how much we held for that person. And so again, energetically, emotionally, relationally, business wise. What are you pretending not to know or pretending isn't there like what is under the rug that you've just been sweeping and going. I'll get to it later.

Lex (24:23)

That question is sobering. So sobering.

Unknown Female Speaker (24:28)

Yeah.

Lex (24:28)

Because. And I also think too I've. And I've been so guilty of this my whole life is outsourcing my power.

Unknown Female Speaker (24:36)

Right. Hands up if you relate at home. Yeah.

Lex (24:39)

They know better than me. They're better at this. Like I need help to do X, Y, Z. And you know, I mean I, I even remember the first ever business that I started. I, I co founded a supplement company with my boyfriend at the time. It was a terrible reason I did it was because I thought I needed him to help me do it. Or there's been so many moments in my life where like I've avoided looking at something because I thought I needed someone to, to guide me through it. But that question, what are you pretending not to know? I think will highlight for women listening how powerful they Are.

Emily (25:10)

Yes.

Lex (25:10)

Because they already know the answer.

Unknown Female Speaker (25:12)

Yes.

Lex (25:12)

Maybe they need to actually stop and go on a walk or, like, you know, take a minute. But I hope that highlights to them how much they know already.

Unknown Female Speaker (25:21)

Yeah.

Emily (25:21)

It's so true. And I. There's so many women that, should I stay? Should I go? What's the next thing? And if you truly get. Get still and listen, you already know the answer. Yeah. You do. But often, again, we're trained to think we don't.

Unknown Female Speaker (25:32)

Yeah. And the more space that we make to actually cultivate that connection of listening, of attuning to self, of being in the practice of actually, like, going within first instead of without. And again, it all makes sense. We've been conditioned this way. There's a lot of really empowered, like, really important reasons from our whole lineage and generation down and why we do that and why. Why we've actually had to for a lot of women. So it is a practice, and it is a muscle that gets stronger and stronger. So even if anyone's sitting out there right now going, no, but I don't know, even that can be just a condition pattern that we're so conditioned in that way that just being in the practice of, like, okay, but if I did know. Okay, but if I could trust myself. Okay, but if I could listen. And knowing that the more and more and more that we do that and we go here first, and then we kind of act on the little nudges. Oh, okay. Look, even like, I know, know, I need two hours off.

Lex (26:17)

All right.

Unknown Female Speaker (26:17)

Took two hours off. Business was fine. People were fine. Everyone was fine. So all the fear that we have around actually trusting that voice, we get the reassurance that we can trust it. And then over time, we can learn to trust that with even bigger and bigger pieces. So it is still a muscle and a practice to actually cultivate that knowing of that voice, too within.

Emily (26:36)

Yeah. And if anyone is listening and saying, man, I. I'm so far from knowing, just sit with a question almost as a thought and spend a week with that thought kind of just over your. Your life, in your awareness, and you'll start to see. You'll start to see.

Unknown Female Speaker (26:49)

Life will show you. Yeah.

Emily (26:51)

If you truly. If you truly bring some consciousness and intention to that thought every single day. Okay, today I'm available to see what I'm pretending not to know. Okay, today I'm available to see what I've been avoiding. You'll see it.

Unknown Female Speaker (27:02)

Yeah. And like, friction points. Friction points in your life are really great insight. Right. All of these we came to a lot of this from friction points. Like oh, I'm really, I feel so frustrated with my body. Like this amount of body image stuff that I had, that was a friction point. That was an entry place. That was the thing I was a place I was not knowing that I was outsourcing my worth and value. Right. The the friction points in your life are going to leave clues as to where there's maybe something you're trying not to know. Yeah. Or could be invited into.

Lex (27:28)

Love this. If this episode really made you feel seen. If you're in that place where your body is tired, your mind is tired and even the things that used to work just don't anymore, then I really want to invite you to join us inside of Soft Success. It is a 60 minute masterclass we're hosting at boss web job.com softsuccess and it is designed for high achieving women who are done with burnout, done with overriding their needs and really ready to redefine what success looks like from the inside out. We are going really deep into the exact frameworks that have helped us recover from that bone deep fatigue. Not through doing more, but by really healing what was underneath it. So if your body is asking you for something different, this is the sign to listen. So go to bossfib.com softsuccess get yourself registered and we will see you there. You do not have to earn your rest and you do not have to do this alone. We would absolutely love to walk you through this. We'll see you in the masterclass. Wait wait wait. Before you go, I would love to send you my 7 figure CEO operating system completely free as a gift. All you've got to do is leave us a review on this podcast because it really supports the growth of this show. This is my digital masterclass where I'll show you what my freedom based daily, weekly and monthly schedule looks like as an eight figure CEO, mama and high performer. And I'll walk you through step by step how to create this for yourself. It includes a full video training from me and a plug and play spreadsheet to literally create your own operating system. It's one of our best trainings and it's worth $1,997. But I will unlock access for you for free when you leave us a review. I know, wild right? All you have to do is leave your review on the podcast, take a screenshot of it and then head over to bossbab.comreview to upload it and then you'll get instant access to the seven figure CEO operating system again. Head over to BossBab.com review to upload your screenshot and get access. We are so, so grateful for all of your support and can't wait to hear how the podcast has supported you.