Good Moms Bad Choices: Misconceptions of a Wild Mom

Summary

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The Breakfast Club: Good Moms Bad Choices — Misconceptions of a Wild Mom

iHeartPodcasts | October 4, 2025
Hosts: Erica & Mila

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Episode Overview

This episode of Good Moms Bad Choices, featured on The Breakfast Club, digs into the myths, stigmas, and societal judgments surrounding “wild” or “liberated” moms. Hosts Erica and Mila, both single mothers, use real-life anecdotes, sharp wit, and candid conversations to dismantle the misconceptions about modern motherhood—especially for women who refuse to conform to the “perfect mom” mold. They offer a funny, honest, and empowering exploration of parenting, womanhood, sexuality, and self-prioritization.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Breaking Out of the “Good Mom” Mold

• Erica and Mila start with playful banter and affirm their identities as unapologetic, liberated mothers who make unconventional choices (03:00–03:50).
• They introduce the idea that wild or liberated moms are subject to unfair scrutiny—not just from society, but from other women and mothers as well.

2. Mom Tips & “Wild” Aspirations

• Facebook Marketplace as a Lifesaver:
  Erica shares her “Mom Tip of the Week”—use Facebook Marketplace for everything from furniture to exotic animals.
  • "You can sell and buy pretty much anything. I’m pretty sure you can buy exotic animals on that bitch." (03:46)
• Dreaming of a Commune Life:
  Joking-but-not-joking, Erica and Mila fantasize about buying land in Costa Rica and starting a “Good Moms” community for off-grid, tribe-style living.

3. Spotting & Discussing “Crazy”

• The perils and prevalence of “crazy” in everyday life, and how the current state of the world makes true sanity rare.
• Defining sanity as “self-awareness” and limiting emotional “crash-outs”—even as the hosts recount their own wild child stories and current parenting challenges (06:42–10:15).

4. Kids and School Drama

• Candid stories about their daughters, including a shocking account of a fourth-grade bathroom fight at a “predominantly Caucasian charter school” (08:01–10:44).
• Erica’s parenting retrospective:
  • "At night, I was like, I should have never said that. I have...I lack emotional maturity now." (10:15)
• Nuanced discussion about modeling emotional maturity and reflecting on the pressures placed on children.

5. Fights—In Childhood, Adulthood, Even with Moms

• Recounting fights in youth, college, and even with their own mothers, the hosts point out that generational cycles of conflict often shape their own mothering style—and the desire to heal and break those cycles (13:22–20:46).
• Cycle-breaking declaration:
  • "Dear God, please don’t ever let me have to get into any physical altercations with my child. Because that is ghetto and we are moving on from that." (20:36)

6. Weekly Bad Choices & “Mom Confessions”

• Hilarious admission: Mila had sex on her couch and only realized her friend sat there after—the importance of owning your “bad” choices and not shaming honest sexuality (21:21–22:31).
• On the etiquette (or lack thereof) regarding bodily fluids and home furniture, drawing laughs and solidarity from both hosts.

7. Liberated Mom Misconceptions—Top Five List (28:13–88:54)

Misconception 1: Moms Can’t Smoke Weed

• The stigma against mothers who use cannabis, even for medicinal or anxiety-relief purposes.
  • "Shut the fuck up. Let the bitch—let the mother...I say bitch with all the love in my heart—queen, smoke the weed." (32:34)

Misconception 2: Moms Have to Dress Conservatively

• The myth that motherhood means abandoning personal style for Banana Republic or “kitten heels.”
• Laughter over the “church mom” look and robust defense of dressing sexy at any age.
• "I’m gonna say, I’m not gonna be 70, rocking my cleavage out, because that’s a goddamn lie." (48:31)

Misconception 3: Single Moms Are Reckless Daters

• The accusation that dating as a mom equals exposing children to instability or danger.
• Discussions on boundaries, protecting kids, and allowing for safe, guilt-free exploration of sexuality and partnership post-divorce or breakup.
  • "If you’re wild, you’re generally probably more likely to talk about things that most moms won’t." (38:50)
• Normalizing “having your hoe phase” after motherhood, and breaking the shame cycle (59:32).

Misconception 4: Moms Must Sacrifice Their Careers

• Refuting the judgment that career ambition is selfish for mothers, especially single moms.
• Balancing ambition, self-care, breakdowns, and evolving priorities.
• The acknowledgment that children benefit from witnessing their moms following their dreams and self-fulfillment (71:46–74:55).

Misconception 5: Only Biological Parent Relationships Deserve Priority

• Arguing that new romantic relationships can and should be prioritized by single moms—these partnerships matter too and deserve investment.
  • "No one really cares if a single mom has to go like date or find their mate. They’re almost like, should have made the first one work, bitch." (87:14)

8. Mother-Daughter Honesty & Education

• Practical parent talk about sex, anatomy, and even personal hygiene, with humor and candor.
• The importance of honest, sometimes “cringe” conversations so that children feel empowered to ask questions (40:08–43:12).

9. Handling Shame, Growth, and Setting Boundaries

• Discussing internal and societal guilt around every aspect of “wild” motherhood—from sex and relationships to self-image and finances.
• Unapologetic encouragement for women to follow their joy; the double standard is real, and men rarely face the same scrutiny (76:33).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Your family can come...we’re gonna vet you. I’ll look you deep in your eyes and I'll know." — Mila, on forming their mom commune (05:43)
• "I don’t know how any of you people are raw doggin' life. I don’t even like condoms for sex, let alone this life." — Erica (37:04)
• "If you’re wild, you’re generally probably more likely to talk about things that most moms won’t." — Erica (38:50)
• "I’m a liberated mom because I don’t want to be an incarcerated one." — Erica (91:34)
• "Wild moms are good moms too." — Mila (91:45)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:00 | Episode theme and affirming “liberated” momhood | | 04:46 | Facebook Marketplace “Mom Tip of the Week” & commune discussion | | 08:01 | School bathroom fight story and emotional maturity reflection | | 13:21 | Childhood and adult fight stories; generational parenting cycles | | 21:21 | Weekly “bad choices” confessions—sex on the couch and more | | 28:13 | Introduction to “Five Misconceptions of a Wild Mom” | | 32:34 | Moms, weed, and harsh societal judgment | | 38:50 | Open honesty with kids about sex and anatomy | | 48:31 | Fashion freedom—dressing sexy as a mom at any age | | 59:32 | Breaking the “reckless single mom” myth & post-mom “hoe phase” talk | | 71:46 | The taboo of prioritizing career as a mom | | 87:14 | Prioritizing new romantic partners as a mom | | 91:45 | Affirmation: “Wild moms are good moms too” |

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Affirmations & Closing

• "Let your titties swing…especially if you’re a mom. I’m swinging my titties right now. Me too. I feel ten times better, actually." (92:18)
• The episode ends with a Tarot card (Ace of Pentacles) that predicts abundance, prosperity, and holistic wealth—a perfect metaphor for the freedom and fulfillment that comes with choosing a wild, authentic path in motherhood (96:54).

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Vibe & Takeaways

The episode is refreshingly candid, blending humor, vulnerability, and real talk. Erica and Mila challenge the rigid expectations placed on mothers and encourage listeners to own their choices, reject judgment, and make space for joy, sex, ambition, and self-love—no matter what society thinks. Their stories, advice, and affirmations empower women to know: wild moms are good moms, too.

Perfect for:
Anyone seeking permission to be themselves as a parent or woman, craving relatable stories, or needing reassurance that “imperfection” is not just normal—it’s liberating.

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Listen to the full episode for laughs, wisdom, and a strong dose of permission to live—and mother—wild and free.

Transcript

[Erica]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Hunter]

Short on time, but big on true crime. On a recent episode of the podcast Hunting for Answers, I highlighted the story of 19 year old Lachey Dungey. But she never knocked on that door. She never made it inside. And that text message would be the last time anyone would ever hear from her. Listen to Hunting for Answers from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mila]

I'm Bridget Armstrong, host of the new podcast the Curse of America's Next Top Model. I've been investigating the real story behind that iconic show.

[Hunter]

I ended up having anorexia issues, bulimia issues.

[Mila]

By talking to the models, the producers, and the people who profited from it.

[Erica]

All, we basically sold our souls and they got rich. If you were so rooting for her and saw her drowning, why don't you help her?

[Mila]

Listen to the Curse of America's Next.

[Hunter]

Top model on the iHeartRadio app, Apple.

[Mila]

Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Erica]

Had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it. Five, six white people pushed me in the car. I'm going, what the hell? Basically, your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin.

[Mila]

All you gotta do is receive the package. Don't have to open it, just accept it.

[Erica]

She was very upset, crying.

[Mila]

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Erica]

I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you.

[Mila]

When you think about emotion regulation, you're.

[Erica]

Not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome.

[Mila]

Avoidance is eas. Ignoring is easier. Denial is easier.

[Erica]

Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mila]

Once upon a time, there was a.

[Erica]

Good old traditional housewife.

[Brown Ambition Host]

She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her.

[Mila]

Children and the man of the house. And of course, she didn't talk back. She was both obedient and strong. Soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices.

[Erica]

Shut that off. We're good.

[Mila]

Mom's bad choices. Two Single moms who said the patriarchy.

[Erica]

Shared all their bad choices and found.

[Mila]

Out they weren't so bad after all. We're experts, oversharers. And your new besties sit back and enjoy the ride.

[Erica]

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila.

[Mila]

And it's Wednesday, motherfuckers.

[Erica]

It's another good Wednesday, y'. All. And we are here at the church of good Moms to speak to you, the good word of the good moms of the not so good world. How's it going?

[Mila]

Amen.

[Erica]

Hallelujah. Let's let the oranges just say amen. We need to get some of those, like, orchestra.

[Mila]

Where are sound effects? Orlando, cue the sound.

[Erica]

Oh, my God. Sound effects. I need a button. I need to be like a producer. I want to be like Kanye in this.

[Mila]

I think that we just need to invest in our own little pad right here and we just do it ourselves because we, like, we. We know our comedic timing.

[Erica]

When I start to preaching, I need some organs, like the organ sound.

[Mila]

That's it.

[Erica]

I'm.

[Mila]

I'm getting another one of those and.

[Erica]

Putting it right here.

[Mila]

We need to get those sounds on Facebook Marketplace asap.

[Erica]

They have everything on Facebook Marketplace. You know, this is not a segment, but I'm just going to make it one right now. And it's called mom tip of the week. And the mom tip of the week and evolved the year is go on Facebook fucking Marketplace. Because you can sell and buy pretty much anything. I'm pretty sure you can buy exotic animals on that. Bitch.

[Mila]

You could. Literally, you can't. You can buy land. I look, I was looking up land in Costa Rica on Facebook Marketplace, because that's where they're selling it. Because, you know, like, the old people, they're on Facebook. That's where they're selling.

[Erica]

Don't tell anybody that.

[Mila]

Oh, sorry. Never mind.

[Erica]

Really? Yeah, girl.

[Mila]

You could buy farms on Facebook.

[Erica]

Well, this is another announcement. I want to buy a farm. We want to buy a good mom's farm. It's going to be like a community where everybody has duties and, like, we could just leave the world and go off grid and, like, deliver our own babies and, I don't know, source our own water and make our own fires and I don't know, I think it's time that we're going from podcast to community. We're going from the podcast to the good moms community. If you want to apply to move to the community. It's a tribe style living. You Know, we have like two people babysit once a night. We rotate. Everybody gets free time.

[Mila]

Yep. I love it.

[Erica]

I love it.

[Mila]

Yeah. Also, if you want to donate to building the property of. In our land on Costa Rica, you too can have three vacations. Once the. Once the. Once the bungalow goes up, you can have three vacations with your family there. If you donate $5,000 so that we can build our road in Costa Rica.

[Erica]

This is a community land that we're buying. And so if you want to be a part of the good mom's community in Costa Rica and you want to have a timeshare on our land, you send us your. Your pay stuffs so we can make sure that you can afford $5,000. And then you two can stay at our property. I don't know, three times in the next three years for 10 days.

[Mila]

Yeah. 30 days. It's a month. 30 days, $5,000. I mean, that's a steal. That is a steal, right? Yeah.

[Erica]

Your family can come.

[Mila]

I'm actually not kidding.

[Erica]

I know you're not.

[Mila]

We're gonna vet you. I'm gonna look you deep in your eyes and I'll know that's because I.

[Erica]

Don'T have you looking deep in somebody's eyes.

[Mila]

Yeah, I'm pretty good read on people. I could look in their eyes and be like, that is crazy.

[Erica]

Says every ever. I knew she was crazy when I.

[Mila]

Looked into her eyes, but I ignored it anyway. I just did that recently.

[Erica]

You ignored someone's crazy in their eyes?

[Mila]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Erica]

And then they're crazy. Yeah. What would you say the indication of crazy looks like? It's like something in the eyes.

[Mila]

It's like a dead. It's like a deadness. It's like a little bit of a deadness in the eye.

[Erica]

Or like you're just not all there. So like it's like a crazy eye. Like it's a little.

[Mila]

Yeah, it's like one is big. One eyes bigger than the other. You know what it is? Like one eyes bigger than the other. Or is this. That's the dead eye where it's like a little helpless and lost. That's just tired, Mom. It's overwhelmed, Mom.

[Erica]

I don't make eye contact. Oh, yeah. You know, the hard part about filtering out the crazy people to the same people is that I hate to break it to everyone, but like 90 of the people right now are crazy, and I don't even think it's their fault. It's just like the state of the world, plus society, plus western everything. It's you're lucky to find a sane friend.

[Mila]

Well, define sane. What is your version of sane?

[Erica]

My version of sane is self aware. Not like crashing out. More than like, like not crashing out.

[Mila]

Like only crashing out like once a quarter.

[Erica]

Yeah. Not like every day. Oh yeah, I, I feel like Luna, recently Luna used the term crash out. She went to. I just realized she went to a play date and she was like, yeah, I was playing with so and so and she just got so mad and she started crying and crashing out.

[Mila]

Actually, I think she told me that the girl who got beat up at the school would crashed out. Oh yeah, that's what it was.

[Erica]

She was like, she crashed out. She was talking about somebody else, but she said that too.

[Mila]

She said she crashed out in the bathroom. Luna went to school and her friend got beat up in the bathroom. Got jumped in the bathroom.

[Erica]

This is fourth grade, you guys, at like a very predominantly Caucasian charter school. I was very shocked. I was like, wait, what happened? Apparently one of the little girls calculated. This is what I thought was very interesting. Basically I said, how was the last day of school? She said, it was horrible. It's the last, it was the worst last day of school I've ever had. And I said, whoa, what the fuck happened? She's like, I can't wait to tell you the tea. First of all, she can't wait to tell me in Orlando, the tea. Especially this fucking gossip queen Orlando over there because he love. He's a messy bitch. So he's. She's telling me, yeah, so, so and so called my other friend into the bathroom and beat her up. And I was like, what do you mean? I'm like, why? She's like, I don't know. Last week she said, she's like, must have shoved her or said something to her. I said, whoa, wait, let me get this straight. Your 10 year old friend calculated this for a week and then proceeded to beat the girl up in the bathroom? She said, yeah. She told her other friend last week that she was going to do it. She was going to wait till the after school party down the street at the pizza parlor. But I guess she couldn't wait. And then furthermore, she asked another girl to stand by the bathroom and watch and wait as, as like to like.

[Mila]

Make sure like no one came by.

[Erica]

Yes.

[Mila]

Oh my God, is she kicked out?

[Erica]

No, I don't think so.

[Mila]

What?

[Erica]

The little bitch was at the party after, after school. She was at the party. I, I realized at this moment this might have been a bad choice. I was cracking at that.

[Mila]

Your Bad choice of the week.

[Erica]

That was my bad choice of the week. Because I was like. She was like. I was like, nah. I was like, no, she didn't calculate it. I said, what the fuck did she do to her? I said, what did she say to her for her calc? I said, that's a crazy bitch. She waited a week. I said, I don't know any 10 year old who has patience and calculations enough to wait a week to beat somebody up and then plan it. And then I was like, since she's like, it was so bad, mom. I was crying. I was like, you and your friends are soft.

[Mila]

I can't wait to see how who this little girl grows up to be with all this patience.

[Erica]

She might be like a Russian mobster. So I was like, was she Russian? Yeah. I was like, you know Russians don't fuck around.

[Mila]

I know.

[Erica]

I was like, why were you crying? She's like, I was scared. And I was like, girl, you better, you better. I better not hear about anybody beating you up. You better not be soft.

[Mila]

And then I later and like late.

[Erica]

At night, I was like, sleep. I was like, I should have never said that. I was like, I have. I lack emotional maturity now. She doesn't think it's okay to cry when her friends get beat up. So the next day I tried to like smooth it out. Like, remember you told me you're crying at the fight? She's like, yeah. I was like, it's okay to cry. Actually, when I saw my first fight in the sixth grade, I was pretty hysterical too. And then I just relived what I said and I was like, she's soft.

[Mila]

What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know.

[Erica]

I don't know. It just seemed I just was caught off guard. I was completely caught off guard by the conversation. It was hilarious. At the time, I needed to know more details and I was just like. I was like, damn, your friend's soft. She got beat up in the bathroom. I was like, I need you guys to get your boxing moves up. And then I realized that was not the best reaction to the fight. And then I got home like, tell Orlando, Orlando, guess what happened at school today. Oh my God. Oh my God. But yeah, the kids are getting more advanced. Be careful. I mean, that's why kids need to know self defense. Because first of all, the school called me saying, luna got beat up. I'm coming to beat a little 10 year old's ass. And I don't even think they called the girl's mom until like, Wait, what? Yeah, I don't know her or something, but I was like, this is absolutely insane. That this girl. And then she said that the other girl, who was the lookout, she was like. She went in the bathroom to find her friend. She's like, oh, don't go in there. And she's like, why? And she's like, I don't know. And she went there and saw the wailing on the other girl.

[Mila]

And I said, did she try to break it up?

[Erica]

Luna was just like, what are you doing?

[Mila]

Oh, God.

[Erica]

What are you doing? And then the girl ran, was bleeding and bleeding.

[Mila]

There was blood. There was blood. Oh, my God. These little are crazy.

[Erica]

That's what I said. I was like, not in this charter school. I didn't see this coming. I didn't even know there was any, like. There's not even really catty girl beef like that. So this one little bit, she took it to the next level.

[Mila]

She's had enough of her. Okay.

[Erica]

She had enough of her. And the mystery Luna had told me one time that that girl tries to, like. She told me. She was like. I told my other friend that she tries to, like, manipulate her. And I was like, manipulate her? She was like, yeah, she tries to be the boss of her. And then I tried to remind her that she said that. And I was like, didn't you say that that girl be manipulating and, like, trying to be the boss of people? She's like, yeah, but she's been. Not like. She's not like that for real. She was like, trying to make excuses. I was like, that's what happens when you're manipulative little. You get beat up. I didn't say that, but I was, like, trying to be like, well, didn't you tell me something about her? And she was like, no. I guess I should have also tried not to justify her getting beat up.

[Mila]

Oh, my God. Did you ever get into any little fights when you were in Luna's age around that time? School?

[Erica]

No, not in school. One time, my father dropped me off in the hood. What of like, the hood of, like, West Philadelphia with, like, my very hood cousin. And, yeah, I got in a fight there, and then he came to pick me up probably like five days later because my parents were dropping me off wherever and I had flea bites and.

[Mila]

Sorry.

[Erica]

It was like. It was. It was a really good, like, it was a numbers house. Do you know what that is?

[Mila]

No, what's that?

[Erica]

A numbers house is on the East Coast. People who play numbers. It's like a gambling house. Oh, okay, so not only did they. He dropped me off in the hoodie. Hood. Hood. And I had to be like 10, maybe nine. It was a numbers house, which means there are gamblers and guns.

[Mila]

And who was there?

[Erica]

Like, who was there to watch my gambling uncle? Oh, nobody. And he came to get me. And they're like. He came to pick me up and they're like, look, she can fight. And hit me in my face. And I was just like. And I'm pretty sure it was a boy. Like, I gotta fight with the boy.

[Mila]

And he was like, your dad watched this happen.

[Erica]

He was just like, okay, time to go. And he'll never forget it, because every time, he's like, remember the time I dropped you off in the hood and I picked you up? And they're like, look, Miles, she can fight trauma.

[Mila]

Wow, lovely.

[Erica]

So in addition to my flea bites, I did get in that one fight. But a lot of my fights that I've gotten to were like, as adults, not, like, as a young adult, like, in my 20s. But I realized that my problem is I'm better now, but I can't let go of shit. Like, if some. I think the one time I do remember fighting somebody, like, outside the club is it was a girl was talking shit and someone had just told me, and I was like, really? I just saw that bitch and she didn't say shit. And then I saw her at the club and I was like, don't say anything. Don't say anything. And then she, like, slid by me and I was like, hey, somebody told me that you said, blah, blah, blah. She's like, what the you talking about? And I was like, bet. Then we left the club, and then I think she was talking some more, and then we just fought her.

[Mila]

Oh, it was a. It was a group effort.

[Erica]

It was a group ever. My friend Jumping Shawnee was there, actually. I wonder if she remembers. But I was just like. I could have just shut the up and let it go. I could have just been like, oh, okay, this was talking. She wasn't my friend or anything. But no, no, no, no, no, no. I had to say, hey, bitch, are you talking shit? Because I just saw you last week and you ain't saying thing. So it's the Philly in me. And I think it's down to 5% at this point. So I don't think I would be getting into any over 30 fights. But that was really just the only time I think that I can think of from the top of my head. What about you?

[Mila]

No, no adult fights what about. Well, sort of. Not really. It was like a. In the bathroom that was taking. Like, I was knocking and she got mad and she came out swinging, and, like, we were, like, fighting through the door. We're like, fight.

[Erica]

At the club.

[Mila]

This was at Casa. Not Casabaga. Mexicali.

[Erica]

You're. You had to be drunk as it was.

[Mila]

Cinco de Mayo.

[Erica]

Mexicali. Wow.

[Mila]

It was Cinco de Mayo.

[Erica]

Back with that one.

[Mila]

Yeah. Mexicali shot. If you're. If you're a Valley girl like me, you know where Mexicali is? You know that it's actually down the street from here.

[Erica]

You know, it's still open.

[Mila]

I know.

[Erica]

The food was never even. It was horrible.

[Mila]

It was so bad.

[Erica]

I just want to know how the.

[Mila]

Because you get an underage drink. That's why.

[Erica]

It was like.

[Mila]

You know, there's certain, like, LA spots. There was a sushi spot on Sunset. There was Mexicali. There was that. There's the spot over in Encino.

[Erica]

The spot. They didn't have a bar, though. They just had hookah.

[Mila]

But you can have hookah, but you could be, like, 12.

[Erica]

Yeah, I was at. I was at the spot at, like, 4am when I was 12. I don't know why.

[Mila]

Yeah, of course you were. Because it was down the street from your house.

[Erica]

Yeah. I can't believe Mexicali is still open. That food is horrible. But they're obviously still going strong. Wait, so you fought them through the door and then that was it?

[Mila]

And then. Yeah, and then, like, she, like, bust through and, like, ran out. And I was like, get out of here. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm not about to. You know, I think, like, I've never really had a lot of fights because they've. They've just never fully escalated. And then also, I'm not scared to fight, but also, like, I don't want to be in. I don't want anyone to hit my face.

[Erica]

I don't either.

[Mila]

I was very much like, I don't even. It's not even that deep to me. Like, actually, the fact that you are jumping out of character lets me know that you have nothing. I've won. Yeah, I've won. Because now you're acting crazy, and I'm just sitting here like, it's. I was giving very much Kimbella, like, still pretty, but. Except didn't get in the fight.

[Erica]

That doesn't count. I think. I think not too long ago, like, the last couple years, me and Danielle went out to the club at the W. I don't know what that club is called right now. And we were waiting for an Uber, and apparently, like, these. This white lady was also waiting for the Uber, and she got into our Uber, and I was like, this is our Uber. And she's like, what the are you talking about? And I was like. And she like, I couldn't believe you hit me. I was like, yeah. And then we got in the car, and I was like, I really wanted to punch her, but she just got that one.

[Mila]

Yeah, that. But that probably, like, you know, sometimes all you need.

[Erica]

This is like a.

[Mila]

You're just like. You talk about it for, like, three weeks, and then I poke. And then I poke that in the face. Sometimes that's all you need. You just need a little tiny bit of action for a long talking session.

[Erica]

And this makes me know that I probably need to go to boxing or something more aggressive because there's some. Obviously some angst that needs to be released that anybody could get poked.

[Mila]

Yeah, I mean, I think that. I think when you start doing those type of thing, at least that's what I think about, like, with Shakim, because he's so, like, calm, but he could also, like, kill you in four seconds. Is like, once you start, like, tapping into those type of modalities. Boxing, kickboxing, Muay Thai, like, you realize the power that you yield, and then you're like.

[Erica]

You don't even.

[Mila]

You don't even use it.

[Erica]

I don't know if I have any Muay Thai power, but listen, baby.

[Mila]

No, but when you. If you did.

[Erica]

Oh, yeah.

[Mila]

I'm just saying, like, once you start doing those type of practices, you actually don't even really utilize them as much, probably.

[Erica]

I mean, I don't really utilize them now, but apparently I have some. Some things I need to get out. So I fought my mom a few times.

[Mila]

Oh, lovely.

[Erica]

So ghetto.

[Mila]

Yeah, me and my mom slapped each other around a little bit once.

[Erica]

Is that what we have to look forward to and free for, like, adolescent healing?

[Mila]

Like, I hope not. I don't. I, Like, I can't. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine Iris smacking me.

[Erica]

They're huge. I think Luna tried to get, like, buck with me, like, and I was like. And I was like, I'll you up.

[Mila]

I might black out. I would black out.

[Erica]

I would black. I think I. Yeah, I get it.

[Mila]

That's probably why your mom blacked out.

[Erica]

She's just nuts.

[Mila]

I mean, nuts plus the mom, plus the black.

[Erica]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mila]

You know, like, But I had to.

[Erica]

Tell my mom at a certain age, like, yo, you talk like there's been a lot of times. Again, my mom is grown a lot and she is from Philly. But there are times where I'm like, you do realize I'm a grown ass. And you keep talking this girl and it's not gonna be mom, daughter, it's gonna be on the street. You're using on the street language. And I remember, we're in the car and I was in the passenger seat. And this is a while ago, I think I told you we were friends. Luna was in the back seat and me and her were going back and forth and I was being really conscious because Luna was in the back. She was five. But Luna was in the backseat talking too.

[Mila]

Like, oh, I remember this.

[Erica]

My mom. You better. I remember. God, I was like, everybody's ghetto. Everybody, the whole family. I was like, I was just like, really, like. I was really just like praying like, get the out of the car. We gotta get. Just shut the up and get out of the car. Just. I was just like looking at her and I just look back at Luna and she's like, my mom.

[Mila]

That is not nice.

[Erica]

Like, let's get out of here before it goes south. We're all in jail. Mom, Daughter. Graham, daughter.

[Mila]

The lineup.

[Erica]

The lineup. A 5 year old, a 20 something.

[Mila]

30 year old Luna crying.

[Erica]

Yeah, everybody's crying. Looking just alike. Oh, man. These are my ghetto confessions.

[Mila]

These are my confessions.

[Erica]

My goodness. Anyway, dear God, please don't ever let me have to get into any physical altercations with my child. Because that is ghetto and we are moving on from that.

[Mila]

We are healing. We're healing our lineage. No more ghetto fights amongst our families.

[Erica]

And I promise I won't drop off Luna any trap houses or number houses or in the hoods. Amen. Except that one time I did drop her off at the projects in Harlem to go out. Forgive me. Anyway, have you made any bad choices this week?

[Mila]

Have I made any bad. You keep putting me on the spot. I gotta like, really think about this. No, I had sex on the couch and then my friend came over and sat on it.

[Erica]

I don't know if that's a bad choice. It is. Your couch.

[Mila]

I know, but I like, kind of got wet.

[Erica]

It was like, you know, who's your friend? Oh, my God. They're like, why?

[Mila]

I'm not gonna tell you.

[Erica]

Why is your couch damp?

[Mila]

I dried it. I put like a blow dryer on it.

[Erica]

Yeah, okay.

[Mila]

Definitely.

[Erica]

I.

[Mila]

When you come back to my Couch. It's fully clean now.

[Erica]

Which couch?

[Mila]

Don't worry about it.

[Erica]

No, I'm not gonna sit anywhere. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I'm cool. I'm just gonna stay. I'm just gonna go out in the backyard.

[Mila]

Everyone knows that your couches are to be on, and everyone's couch has been on, and you've sat on it, including I've sat on your couch that you've been on.

[Erica]

Of course. I don't. I don't even go to people's couches thinking you on it. I just, like, my mind already knows that you like you.

[Mila]

You know, just next time you lay your head on someone's couch to lay down when you're tired, just know that someone's ass was there too. And maybe semen.

[Erica]

Okay, no, there will be no semen on my couch.

[Mila]

There will be. No.

[Erica]

Because I got that green velvet. And that shows you don't put no semen on my couch. In fact, I feel like some people were, like, trying to on my couch, and I was like, hold on, hold on, guys. And it's like, at all these towels, like, okay. Because I don't. I don't.

[Mila]

It's, like, a lot too thick couch up there, huh? I said it took a lot to get that couch.

[Erica]

That couch is gonna. If I leave, it's gonna. Saying, I'm. I'm not taking that. That took six grown men. I know.

[Mila]

We both got couches on the same day. Remember we went to that warehouse and bought those?

[Erica]

You're like, I'm getting a on Facebook marketplace.

[Mila]

Yeah.

[Erica]

I had this poor land. I bought this cheap little couch that got. It did us good for like, six months. And Erica was like, I'm at the couch place. I was like, facetime me. I need a new couch. I was trying not to hurt Orlando's feelings that we needed to get a new couch, but it was time. And so she was just, like, slowly panning this, like, one. One place. I was like, wait, go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, they'll give us a deal for that too. I don't think they gave us a deal, but we got them anyway.

[Mila]

Yeah, we did.

[Erica]

And then I had a party, and then I really needed to get the couch up. And so I was like. I told Orlando, I'm like, once everybody gets here, I'm going to make all the men go get the couch from the garage. He's like, okay. So we're like, oh, yeah. And I was like, okay. Before we get too comfortable, everybody, I'm Going to need you, you, you. Everybody with a penis, follow Orlando to the garage. We need you to take this big ass couch up two flights of stairs. It'll be easy.

[Mila]

It'll be great.

[Erica]

And then they came back, sweating profusely. It was pretty intense.

[Mila]

I mean, that's. I think that's a great plan because what are you gonna. What? You're drinking my liquor. You're in my home. Come on.

[Erica]

Come on. The least you could do is bring my couch up. Yeah, Those people may not ever come back over my house ever again.

[Mila]

But that reminds me of in Costa Rica when we, like, went to the poetry lounge and we waited for them to recite all their poetry for them to then come help us get the car out of the ditch.

[Erica]

Thank God, that car. I just asked. I was just asking Gilly about that recently. Oh, my God. I do have. I have another bad choice. Speaking of Gilly, shout to Gilly, the God who in Puerto. I went to his house because we had a long wait before we, like, between checkout and leaving and his baby. Oh, my God, it feels so bad. This is a bad choice. He's one and I was eating, like plantain chips and I was like giving him little pieces and he was like sucking on it. He was like, getting excited because they're salty. And then I must have, like, give him one. And he got too excited and then he started bleeding and then his little gums. And I was like. And Gilly, you know, it's their first kid.

[Mila]

Gilly's baby mama was.

[Erica]

She's like, oh, my God, we have.

[Mila]

To take him to the hospital.

[Erica]

I was like, okay, everybody keep. Then Gilly's cussing her out. Why are you not watching him? I'm like, it's my fault. I gave him. I gave him chips. It's my fault. He's like, she's the mother, like, yelling at her. He's bleeding.

[Mila]

I was like, we don't need to.

[Erica]

Go to the hospital. It's just a chip. Everybody keep calm. I was like, do you. Are you breastfeeding? I was like, put your boob in his mouth. Just put your boob in his mouth.

[Mila]

Does he have. He has teeth, right? Or not really.

[Erica]

Oh, but they were sharp. He probably like. They probably like cut his little gum baby. I felt so bad. I was like, I'm terrible, auntie. I'm not going anyone else's house. I text her later.

[Mila]

You know, you can't be giving people babies foreign foods.

[Erica]

You shut up. You ain't got no kids talking about Exactly. Anyway, yeah, I'm like, damn, did I lose my. My baby feet? Like, I don't know about babies anymore. My kid's 10. I don't know anymore. Gotta relearn myself.

[Mila]

I thought you were gonna say something worse, honestly. What, she choked or something?

[Erica]

No, no, I mean, because I remember.

[Mila]

One time I gave Iri a goddamn apple. A little piece of apple. And she choked. And I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.

[Erica]

Were you home alone?

[Mila]

I think every has. I have every parent experienced this. Like, when your child. You give them, like, popcorn and they.

[Erica]

Choke and you're like, oh.

[Mila]

And then you're like, do I remember any of the high look maneuver? No, no, no, I don't. All I know is I'm gonna go to jail.

[Erica]

Yeah. Actually, you know what's so crazy about almost dying is, like, you never forget. Because I was. I choked on a piece of candy. I know what kind of candy it was that, like, you know, the. The candy that looks like the strawberry in the packaging. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I lived in Alabama, which had to mean I was like two. Like, I had to be like one or two. I was a baby. Or like three.

[Mila]

I don't know.

[Erica]

And that got lodged in my throat, and I never forgot that ever again. And I'm 37. I can, like, remember it, like, because.

[Mila]

When gets stuck in your throat, like, there's. You can't even be calm.

[Erica]

No.

[Mila]

Like, you can't even, like, it's just. It's. It's terrifying.

[Erica]

Even when something goes down the wrong hole, sometimes you can't, like, catch your breath.

[Mila]

Even when people are around.

[Erica]

I'm like, I'm gonna die. Jesus.

[Mila]

Yeah.

[Erica]

Don't kill your kids, guys. No. When we. When we go to our. Through our second iteration of mothering again, we're gonna have to, like, revisit a lot of things.

[Mila]

Like the Heimlich maneuver.

[Erica]

Like the Heimlich maneuver. Like, what the do I do with this kid? Like, I don't know. I think it's gonna be like a whole new starting over to remember. Because when I gave that kid and he started bleeding from the mouth, I was like, oh, God, I am not a good mom.

[Mila]

Oh, you know, well, you know, first time parents are gonna freak out.

[Erica]

They were freaking out.

[Mila]

Flip it out.

[Erica]

I was like, oh, God, not Gilly.

[Mila]

Yelling at her, yelling, chill out, Gilly.

[Erica]

I know. I was like, relax, she's a mom. She should know. I was like, oh, God, what are you doing? Yeah, he was outside. He was outside cutting coconuts and stuff.

[Mila]

Off his tree.

[Erica]

I felt really bad. So shout out to Gilly and Tess. I'm really sorry. And baby Pharaoh. I'm a good aunt, I swear. Speaking of motherhood and small children to large children and all the children in between, God's children, we have a very special list to bring to you today.

[Mila]

Very, very important.

[Erica]

And it's the five misconceptions of the liberated wild mom.

[Mila]

Break it down, baby number one.

[Erica]

So, as you know, good mom's bad choices, its foundation is built on breaking, Breaking stereotypes, breaking the glass, getting out of this. And when we first birthed seven and a half years ago, we were really adamant about not falling into the.

[Mila]

The trap.

[Erica]

The trap. And the constructs of wit. Perfect. Oh, this is a word from our book of.

[Mila]

We haven't smoked yet.

[Erica]

I know. Okay.

[Mila]

Jesus.

[Erica]

Oh.

[Mila]

Toxic motherhood.

[Erica]

Toxic motherhood syndrome. Yes. We coined it because we're smart and it's in our book. And if you haven't gotten the book, it's called Good Mom's Choice. Good. A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices is available everywhere. And we wrote it with our own brain. Not chat GPT.

[Mila]

Our own hands.

[Erica]

Our hands and our brain. Every word. No ghostwriters, no ghost writers, no nothing. Just us and our brains and our pen. Because I don't even like to type. I just. I just wrote it down because I'm strange because I'm still living in the 1940s. I was like, eric, it's hard to type it. I gotta write it.

[Mila]

She had 22,000 notebooks.

[Erica]

Literally. I, like, put them on this. I had to, like, see them. If there's any doctors listening, tell me if this means I have problems. I have to see them all at the same time. I can't even turn the page. I literally was in Mexico with Orlando, and I taped every page next to each other so I could remember what I said already and so that it would be like my eyes needed to see them like that.

[Mila]

I mean, that makes sense.

[Erica]

Okay, thanks.

[Mila]

Because, like, yeah, probably. I wonder how redundant I was.

[Erica]

Well, that was my thing. Like, I only know so many words.

[Mila]

How many work time did I say the same word over and over again?

[Erica]

I literally was like, am I smart? Do I say the same terms? Like, I really had a hard time, but I. One of the things we talked about in the book is toxic motherhood syndrome. I think that was it. We also talked about toxic positivity, but one of the things we birthed this podcast is because we weren't going to be like, old Haggish mothers. We were still going to be fine and we're going to still date and we're still going to shake ass and we're going to still, you know, do all the things that women do. And so I thought today that we should discuss just breaking out of those formats and the misconceptions of a liberated mom. Because I think this is really important for the women, it's important for the men in society who use these standards to ridicule and be mean to women and to be judgy. But most importantly, it' also really important that other moms don't hold each other to that standard and that you don't hold yourself to that standard. So if you're pregnant, if you're thinking about getting pregnant, if you're 10 years in, or if you're 20 years in, listen up, listen up.

[Mila]

See if this, if you fall into this category, into these categories and how you can dig yourself out of one.

[Erica]

And how you can change your mind and stop going with the programming and think for yourself.

[Mila]

Amen.

[Erica]

So number one, this is my most number one one, this is my most number 1 one.

[Mila]

Before you do that, I'm going to light the backwood because please, I feel like step one, smoke a blunt. Smoke one. Step one moms can smoke weed.

[Erica]

Step one moms can sms, can smoke weed.

[Mila]

Guess what, guys? I'm a mom. Look at me.

[Erica]

Look, it's not crack. Are you acting crazy?

[Mila]

I think my brain is still working, yes.

[Erica]

Now, if you were like a young teenage mom and you get lazy and you may you have other things you should be doing.

[Mila]

Maybe wait till your frontal lobe develops before you start smoking lots of backwoods.

[Erica]

Or doing any extracurricular drugs, like if you're doing a lot of extracurricular drugs, maybe wait to have a baby.

[Mila]

But if you already are a mom and you're a teen mom, you should wait to do any of these things. Not any of these things, but these things. These things.

[Erica]

So I just want to say for the record, for anyone listening, for anyone who's ever snared their little nose up at us, for who snared their little nose up at anybody else who's smoking trees, it is a plant. And if someone is indulging in plant medicine and they're still of the right mind and they're still doing their duties and taking care of their responsibilities and aware that their kids are alive and thriving.

[Mila]

Shut the fuck up.

[Erica]

Shut the fuck up. Let the bitch. Let the mother. I say bitch. With all the love in my Heart Queen Smoke the weed. It is of the earth. God made dirt so dirt don't hurt, but don't smoke dirt. Smoke weed, good weed. We get a lot of messages from moms who are like, I can't believe you guys are smoking weed. I'm so happy I smoke weed and I realize we're in la so it's legal and it's like much more acceptable. And if you're in between states, a lot of weird shit going on around there. Don't let people make you feel bad because weed is not a drug.

[Hunter]

I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered Black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one Mission. Save our Girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered Black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dr. J]

But the humility in knowing that life is this classroom that we should never graduate from is what is going to keep you growing and that's all that matters. World Mental Health Day is around the corner and on my podcast, just heal with Dr. J, I dive into what it really means to care for your mind, body and spirit. From breaking generational patterns to building emotional capacity, healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination.

[Erica]

I'm gonna walk away feeling very healed and feeling like, yes, I'm gonna continue my healing journey and I'm gonna get.

[Mila]

Some keys from you.

[Dr. J]

Listen to just heal with Dr. J from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dani Shapiro]

Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you. Stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brown Ambition Host]

Hey sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part. When you pay down those credit cards, if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets. I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. And it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's like nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment, free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mila]

It's medicine.

[Erica]

It is medicine. And honestly, I don't know how any of you people are raw, dying, wrong, raw dogging life. I don't even like condoms for sex, let alone this life. I was talking to my homegirl, actually. Shawnee, my best friend is coming to town tomorrow, but she has three girls. She's eight years older than me and her girls are like now 17 and 18, 16 and 18. And they just started having sex. I was like, do the girls have sex at their twins? She's like, yeah. I told them I don't like condoms. I said, that's the worst.

[Mila]

Oh, Shawnee, honey, no.

[Erica]

I don't know if I should have blasted her like this, but.

[Mila]

And her kids.

[Erica]

Oh, God. Don't make this a clip. Not pull it out, not edit it out. Don't make it a clip.

[Mila]

Don't make it a clip.

[Erica]

Everyone should hide it in the port. Everyone hide in the catalog. Don't tell her. And if one of you tells, I know it's one of you. I feel like that was a bit too honest of her to tell her kids that. But I also respect it because her, you know, her daughter said, mom, that is irresponsible.

[Mila]

Oh, you know, she's doing a good job. You know, sometimes you got to test your kids a little bit. I would have been like, yeah, that's.

[Erica]

What I thought that was a joke. Because guess what? Nobody likes condoms. Nobody. Never. That's step two is a. Okay, Well, I.

[Mila]

You know what? As a young girl having sex or a young teen having sex, I did like condoms, because I didn't know any better. And I was scared, and I was like, yes, put the condom on, because this is going to protect me and keep me safe. It's when you get older, and then one boy one day says, let me just put the tip in. And you say, okay. And then he puts the whole fucking thing in. And then you're like, whoa, this feels a lot different.

[Erica]

And you're like, never. Oh, you like something. When I was. When I was a teenager, I was 16, in Vegas with my baby daddy because we were high school sweethearts, and we were at a wedding for his family because we were inseparable. Am I codependent? So my uncle, my dad's friend, came and got us to take us to a Nelly concert after the wedding. We missed the reception. So we go to the Nelly concert, and in the car, my uncle turns the rearview mirror at us and goes, I want to tell you guys something. And I was like, okay, never, ever, ever, ever, ever have sex without a condom because you're never going to go back. And I was like, too late. Me and him are like, he's right. But, yeah, I think you should have uncomfortable conversations with your kids. And I think, also, speaking of wild or liberated moms, one thing I'll say about a liberated mom is shout out to Shawnee. You're going to be honest with your kids, and your kid is going to know they can come talk to you. So if you're wild, you're generally probably more likely to talk about things that most moms won't. And I think because of that, your kid is less likely to get into without telling you because they're like, my mom's nuts. I could tell this crazy one time, Luna was talking something about penises or, like, about. We're talking about something. And I was like, she's like, something penis. And I was like, do you want to See one. She was like, no. And I was like, okay, I'm just telling you, if you want to see when I can show you.

[Mila]

I did the same thing when I. When I found out Iri was looking up penises on the Internet. I was like, can. She was looking up diagrams like they were drawings. And I was like, do you want to see a real one? Because, like, maybe. Are you. Do you need to know what it looks like? And she was like, no. She's, like, crying. I'm like, this is so dramatic.

[Erica]

I've been meaning to tell you I have a big plan for our kids, but I figured maybe I should ask the. The mother first. I was just going to do it, but since we're here talking about it. Oh, I. This year, I had big plans on busting out my. My penis models and my vagina model.

[Mila]

Let's start with the vagina. But I'm down.

[Erica]

I was going to just. I was going to do all the same time, but maybe I'll do it in days. And I was just going to bring them in the living room and just pull off. Pull off the COVID from them and be like, I want to show you guys something, and I think that we should. I was going to put some Nutella on the ass.

[Mila]

What?

[Erica]

So I could teach him, like, how you wipe yourself properly. How pap. Like, how toilet paper doesn't always do the trick. What? You assume kids know, but they don't know if you don't show them. Oh, my God. And then I was gonna tell them a couple other, you know, important things.

[Mila]

I'm really glad you're telling me this. Thanks. First of all, Nutella's Iris favorite snack. So that's gonna be really confusing.

[Erica]

I could use something else. Peanut butter.

[Mila]

Like, I don't know.

[Erica]

Okay, maybe peanut butter, since nobody likes peanut butter. But, you know, you get the point. I think now's the time. I was thinking in my head, I was like. I was driving the car. I was like, yep, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna bust out my models, and I'm gonna rip off the COVID And I'm like, it's time for me to teach you some things. And I don't know if it's gonna be traumatizing, but I realized, like, these are things that you have to learn. Like, if someone. Literally, like, the last couple times I was in the shower with Luna, I was like, lifting my leg up. I was like, you see how you open them? This is how you rinse. This is really how you really clean your vagina. I was like, the right side, the left side. And she was just looking at me like, bitch, it's the last time I take a shower.

[Mila]

I mean, I've done. I've definitely, like, shown Iri. Like, my vulva. And, like, this is how. I mean, she hated every moment of it. And she, like, barely looked at me when I did it. But. But, you know, I think it is important. I think it's not enough to just be like, wipe. Here's. Here's a piece.

[Erica]

Yeah. Like, first of all, the paper doesn't work. Second of all, these are things you have to like, like, no. And I realized that because someone told me that, like, a teacher was like, she was at school and realized a bunch of kids didn't know how to iron or didn't know how to turn on the iron or plug it in. Like, step one, step two. And she's like, what the. And then she's like, you re. You have to realize that kids have to be shown visually for them to understand. Like, you assume kids know things, but that's the problem with these new generations. They're dumb. Because your mom assumed that you knew things. Because back in our day. Oh, my God. Did I just say back in our day? Back in our day, it was called common sense. Now it's not so common, so you have to break it down and show them. So maybe I'll include. You can. You can get models online. They're not that expensive. Like, maybe $30. And this is probably good for you. And also, you know what show I appreciated that. You guys should also watch. I don't know if you watch. This is a good one. It's a series called Sex Education.

[Mila]

I remember that series.

[Erica]

And I was, like, obsessed, and I really liked it. I actually want to watch it again. Can you hand me the lighter?

[Mila]

What is happening?

[Erica]

Okay, sorry. Back to the list. It's next to you. Number two, Misconception of a liberated mom.

[Mila]

Numero dose. Number two, I think, is you have to dress a certain way.

[Erica]

This is my favorite one, because everybody knows that I don't dress appropriately.

[Mila]

Like, they gotta. You gotta pack it up. You gotta put the hoochie gear away. Gotta put those titties away.

[Erica]

You gotta put on pearls and stuff. Stockings. And you gotta wear that college shirt all the way to the.

[Mila]

You know, I don't even, like. I don't even know if it's that extreme, But I will say that I see, like, I. I do see, like, a difference. I'll see, like, A person that I'm maybe new in my, like, young, younger life, my younger outside life. And then they have kids, and then they're like, their whole style. Like, it's like their style just went to, like, what? Like, we stopped shopping at the same places. Like, they decided they needed to only shop at Banana Republic.

[Erica]

Oh, my God. I hate Rebecca. I hate Banana Republic. I hate it. Like.

[Mila]

I really need you to join YouTube so you can see Jamila's facial expression.

[Erica]

I'm so happy you specifically said Banana Republic, because I hate it so much. It's my least favorite. You know, they had, like, one good season, but not even that. And it's overpriced and it's like Kate Spade. Even the Gap. Or that one store, black and white.

[Mila]

Oh, God. Oh, God. Sorry. For people that are listening who are.

[Erica]

Like, I love that story.

[Mila]

Okay, so if you're listening and you feel ashamed. Good. Listen. Good.

[Erica]

I need you to go.

[Mila]

I want you to stop this episode right now. And I want you to go in your closet and pull all the black and white Gap and Banana Republic you have out write this now, right now. And I want you to lay it on the bed, and I want you to take a good look at it, and I really want you to really, really think about these choices and whether you can remove at least four of these items from your closet.

[Erica]

You can remove at least four because they all look very similar.

[Mila]

Like, you gotta. They gotta go.

[Erica]

However, if you're one of those people who've always dressed this way, this is the Gap is your style. If Banana Republic is all you. I have an aunt like this. Shout out to my aunt. I will never speak her name on camera because she is a very private person. Okay. Like, she would think she's famous, but.

[Mila]

She must have scared the out of you.

[Erica]

She did, absolutely. She does not play any. Like, she won't post any pictures. It's very serious. But she has always dressed like a square. That's been her. That's been her identity, and I respect that. If you're just a square and she's like, oh, I love square, nerdy outfits. I love it.

[Mila]

But, you know, I. There's like. There's like a conservative fashion or, like.

[Erica]

It'S like New York.

[Mila]

It's like, yeah, there's that, you know? I know, I know. You're gonna say couples therapy.

[Erica]

No.

[Mila]

Oh, what?

[Erica]

Another thing you must throw out. What?

[Mila]

The kitten heel.

[Erica]

The kitten heel must go.

[Mila]

The kitten heels got to go.

[Erica]

If you're not going to commit to a full Heel. This is my version of a kitten heel. This is it. This is the smallest heel I own. And this is because these are cute and they have a cool print.

[Mila]

But you don't think the kitten heel looks good on, like, skinny, long girls that.

[Erica]

Maybe long girls that, like, are dressed.

[Mila]

In, like, little mini skirts? Like, what if you have, like, a mini skirt on with a kitten heel?

[Erica]

I've seen girls pull it off.

[Mila]

Because there's this one girl that I follow, and she always is wearing, like, the Fendi kitten heels or, like, New York. She lives in Chicago, but she's always flying around, and she's like, sponsors, like, Dior. And I was gonna say, actually, it's a Dior. It's the Dior. Remember I bought. Remember I. Remember I bought a kitten heel.

[Erica]

Did I say something?

[Mila]

I'm ashamed.

[Erica]

I.

[Mila]

Okay. So I went to, like, a consignment shop in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, of course. And. But the Beth. The consignment shop was hitting okay, because no one has style there. And then there was this Dior kitten heel, and I was like, I put it on, and my mom was like, oh, that's. Those are in style. My mom's like, that's in style right now. And I was like, huh? My thick calf with my kitten heel on.

[Erica]

I'm like, I don't know, Mom. Like, it's not like I don't know.

[Mila]

If it's doing it. She's like, you just have the right outfit on.

[Erica]

I'm like, okay. Have you worn them since?

[Mila]

I sold them. I sold them on Poshmark.

[Erica]

I'm gonna get a Poshmark. I'm gonna put Poshmark just for skinny girls. You know, I think maybe I am biased because I'm. I'm short, so just. Just. It just doesn't do anything.

[Mila]

Like, when I see long, lanky, tall girls with like. Like, mini skirts. Not like a. You can't wear a skirt that's past your knee and a kitten heel that is called church Amish or. I don't know. That's just. I don't know. I don't even. I don't shame religions, but it's just not it. Okay, but, you know. But if you have a short skirt.

[Erica]

You have to, like. You have to. You can't just do all the Gap in Banana Republic and a kitten heel. But I do. Now that you said that about that girl that you follow, I do feel like kitten heel screams rich.

[Mila]

It does. It's like the kitten heel and, like, the folding purse, the foldable purse or The Chanel. The Chanel bag.

[Erica]

Maybe when I get rich, I'll. I'll rock the kitten heel. When I start rocking kitten heel, you know I made it. When you see me with that kitten heel, baby, you know I'm on the yacht, okay?

[Mila]

Oh, no, I. I'm not gonna let that happen.

[Erica]

Please, God, I don't care how rich I get. I. Yeah, I've. I rebuke that. That you have to dress a certain way as a mom. Like, I'm not gonna probably. I don't know, I'm even gonna stick by that. I'm gonna say, I'm not gonna be 70, rocking my cleavage out, because that's a goddamn lie. If I get these titties are still sitting. I'm gonna work cleavage.

[Mila]

I mean, I. People will talk about. I remember. I remember, actually, my friend Sebastian, his stepmom would always comment on my tits because I never wore bra before. I had my. Before I had my boobs done, I still never wore a bra. Actually, I have a bra on today because I wanted to really push the girls up. But back in my other day when I had a size B tit, I never wore a bra.

[Erica]

You're a B.

[Mila]

Small B. And I remember her, like, commenting like, eric, why don't you ever wear a bra? Like, she. And she would say it, like, she said it, like, multiple times. And I was like, why the are you looking at my tits? Like, why would you say that? Boobs. And also, I'm 20. That's why.

[Erica]

Exactly.

[Mila]

But also, I'm 37, and I'm still not wearing a bra. So maybe it wasn't that, but I just feel like. I just feel like, first of all, your titties out. Like, I don't understand. No one has a problem with you feeding your. Their babies with these things. But the moment you want to show them or they help balance out your outfit or accentuate something, or you just feel confident or sexy, it becomes this whole thing about, like, you just want attention.

[Erica]

I mean, also, I mean, people shamed me. And I'm sure people are getting shamed right now at this very moment for breastfeeding. I mean, because I would whip a titty out anywhere because I'm feeding my kid and, you know, I'd prefer to be topless anyway. But I. I. Shaming women for breastfeeding and claiming that it's for attention is absolutely ridiculous. Shaming women for anything they choose to wear, even when I catch myself thinking, like, she should not be having that on, I'm like, stay in Your lane. Keep your eyes focused, bitch. Just let her wherever the fuck she wants. Because you know, I have that club in front of my house and baby, they be wearing some over there.

[Mila]

I mean, I have, I have some. I know some people that do not dress what I would say would be flattering to their body type, but they're confident. They caught, they looked in the mirror and they said, hell yeah, I look good.

[Erica]

And I'm out. And I'm out and I'm here for it, okay? Because I said the same thing and now I'm out. So who the am I to tell you any differently? But I've. I mean, I've had Luna definitely be like, are you gonna put out of this or that? And I'm like, no, because this is my body. You know, you go put on what the fuck you want to put on. And I think she just, I, I asked her, oh, she said recently, I was like, what do you. How do you feel about me being naked all the time or something? Because she made a comment was one of my non friends kids came over, like a school friend and she, I was cleaning, I was like, had no shirt on. And she's like, why is your mom having clothes on? She's like, oh, she's changing. And then she's like, then you just kept sweeping.

[Mila]

You just kept cleaning. Yeah. And then you moved on to the windows and then you wiped the TV down.

[Erica]

And I was like, well, we're all girls. Like, she's a little girl. So I was just like, am I. And so I asked her, how do you feel about me being naked? Or what do you think that means? That's what I said. What do you think that means? And she goes, that you're free. So even if she doesn't like it, at least that's what she equates it to. But I.

[Mila]

So now do you put shirts on when her friends come over?

[Erica]

I'll probably be more conscious of it when that little girl comes over. But all of my other friends are my friend's kids and you already, you already know, so. No, but I'm like, God, I have to consider somebody else in my own motherfucking house. But you know, I mean, because I, I will keep my shirt off with any guest over like Orlando's friends, male friends. Like, if my dad comes over, I put on a shirt. But like, that's pretty much it. No one gets special treatment this month. But I, I not smoking weed because.

[Mila]

Like, this is something I've encountered where like I smoke. I've like I smoke. Iris knows I smoke weed, obviously. And when her friends are. When, like, she's had friends over, and I'm like, I'm gonna smoke. I'm gonna go outside. I'm like, sometimes I've had the question, like, should I hide? Like, because. Not because maybe their parents haven't had this conversation with them. And then now I'm the. The one that's brought this up. And now I'm smoking dope in the backyard.

[Erica]

Well, how do they know if it's not a cigarette? Like, people smoke cigarettes.

[Mila]

I don't know.

[Erica]

So that's why I don't think of it the same way. I think, oh, well, it could be a cigarette. You know, you kid, you don't know what the. But when parents.

[Mila]

But they might know the smell. I don't know.

[Erica]

Well, if you know the smell and your mom's smoking too.

[Mila]

No, but like, mommy, it didn't smell like a cigarette. It smelled like something else.

[Erica]

I will prove it. But if the parent comes to get the kid, I hide. I hide.

[Mila]

You're like, spraying down.

[Erica]

No, I do. I'll hide that I won't smoke when kids from school are over, like, unless I'm on the balcony or I. But I will hide all of the paraphernalia. I'm not gonna lie. Because I don't need you. You don't need them. I don't need those problems even in, like, our. Some of our marijuana merchandise. Like Good Moms Love Flower. If you haven't checked it out, check it [e-mail] backslash shop, right? Good moms bad choices.com badchoices.com we have a lot of cute 420 mom mom gear. Mom gear. And sometimes when I have. Well, this is shout out to Blunt Blowing Mama Good mom smoke weed. And it's like this big. I'm like, maybe I'll just. I'm always like, come on, Luna, let's go. And that's why also, because there's not that many black kids at our school. I just don't need any trouble. But then I'm like, this is your brand.

[Mila]

Yeah.

[Erica]

I don't.

[Mila]

I've worn it to school. I don't really give a. Yeah.

[Erica]

No, you also. I feel like your school's a little bit more, like, urban. Not urban.

[Mila]

Kind of, I guess, but either way or something, we're in la.

[Erica]

Yeah.

[Mila]

You know, like, this is.

[Erica]

Yeah.

[Mila]

I'm surprised by me. Yeah. Rock the hoodie.

[Erica]

I feel like a lot of the. A lot of the parents at my Kids school shop at Banana Republic.

[Mila]

Oh.

[Erica]

So.

[Mila]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Erica]

And then I don't want to have.

[Mila]

To like, I know all the girls at my, the moms at my school wearing skims.

[Erica]

Exactly.

[Mila]

You're like in skims. Matching sets with their butts done.

[Erica]

Oh, oh, they've. Oh, yeah. There's no bbls at my school.

[Mila]

Oh, there's lots of bbls in my school.

[Erica]

The moms.

[Mila]

Oh, bodies done up, honey.

[Erica]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, my school's very. Are you her mother or her grandma?

[Mila]

Who knows?

[Erica]

Yeah, who knows? Oh, it reminds me of on Abbott elementary. There's an episode shout out to Quinta Quinta. There's an episode where the mom keeps showing up to school and things that say like slap bitch. And then so this, the teacher has a conversation with her like, you know some of your outfits off little Johnny. And she's like, oh, so you are stereotyping me because this is my brand that I made $1 million in last year. And it's so that I.

[Mila]

That's us.

[Erica]

Literally. And I was like, oh my God, that's me. And she was like. And then she like looked her up and she was like super successful and like changing the word slut and. And I was like, oh my God, is that me? I'm that mom. I, I, Iri and Luna. I said this already. I don't know if I said this. Went to summer camp and they insisted on being. They have all these cool activities or like they could do. Dance, girl power. Aerial, like arrow movie making. Yeah. And they chose girl power. And I told her we better not change it. They called me from camp like, your daughter would love to change the girl power. And I'm like, tell her no.

[Mila]

Same we both were doing. Both of our kids were calling us. They were both like, no, but you know what? Like, we're girl power. That's why.

[Erica]

Well, that's why I told Orlando. He's like. I was like, I am girl power. You don't need any more of this. You're the most girl powered girl there is because of me.

[Mila]

So I was like, we learned how to shoot guns, Mom. I was like, okay, that sounds about.

[Erica]

That was the only thing I was.

[Mila]

Like, I'm okay with that.

[Erica]

I was like, right for you. That's what we need to learn how to do.

[Mila]

Loki. I know. God. We need to go with your cam to the goddamn shooting.

[Erica]

Every week we say that.

[Mila]

Okay.

[Erica]

Yeah, but wear the see through shirt. Wear the lay shirt. Obviously we're to the appropriate place, like to the Dinner where it's dimly lit. You don't have to wear it to.

[Mila]

The mall or to, like, a job interview, depending on what job you're trying to get. Unfortunately, we're just not that ahead of the times yet. Guys.

[Erica]

I. You know, every time I've ever had a job interview, I really struggled in that department of outfits. I sometimes struggle here because I can't be on YouTube with my tits out. Look, I'm just a little side cleavage. Oh, my God. Can we do an episode where there's like, just something right in front of us and we're just like, naked, but it's like, never?

[Mila]

Just, like never.

[Erica]

No move. Like one lease.

[Mila]

Yeah. In the jungle.

[Erica]

Those give your only fans episodes. What's number three, baby?

[Mila]

I don't know, because you have the computer in front of you.

[Erica]

Oh, I'm a reporter, guys. Let me look it up. Oh, I think there's a big misconception about how, oh, this is a big, like, your dating status as a liberated mom, or like that you're bringing a bunch of guys into the house and introducing every guy you ever dated to your kids. You like having one night stands with your kid in the next room. And, you know, that hat probably may happen if the babysitter goes home. But like, I think there's this misconception that women who are single and dating as moms are just outside not paying attention, like, doing reckless.

[Mila]

I. I agree.

[Erica]

And that's just. Absolutely. Most moms are just not reckless. You're not gonna. No matter how reckless you are personally, you or.

[Mila]

Well, you know, I'm gonna just say that if there's like a learning curve when you become a parent, because if you're a reckless singer before a kid life, you don't just become unreckless. Suddenly when you become a mom, there's a learning curve that happens. So you might actually be outside a little bit, and then you finally learn.

[Erica]

There's a lot of things. I mean, it could be because of.

[Mila]

Age, but there is something that switches. Yes, there is something that switches. And that you just become more mindful. And. Yeah, there's. There's things that happen. And I think that, like, when you be. When you become a single mom, because there's not always the support that you need there. Like, there are times where you might bring the guy home and the babysitter went home, but the baby's asleep, so you're like, all right, it.

[Erica]

Okay. Right?

[Mila]

You know, and it's like, I don't think that there should be. I Don't think we should be shamed for that.

[Erica]

Like, the kid is sleep. Like, and there's a door and a lock between me and any child that wakes up.

[Mila]

Yeah. Like, I don't know. Like the Internet is so weird and people are so sensitive and people's have experienced their own bouts of traumas and I get all of that. But it's like at some point, like, we can't just live in fear of everything and, and also like villainize every man. Like every man is a predator and a pedophile.

[Erica]

Yeah, it's. It's bizarre. And it's also like, you're not allowing women and moms to be human. Like, you have, have you done some. Okay, well, like, just because I might do something that maybe quote unquote wild like have white night stand, doesn't mean that like that in any way, shape or form affects how I show up as a mother. If it's, if that is going to affect my child in any way. Like, I'm not, you know, I just, I'm not saying move a in. In the studio apartment, let them lit you and your. Like everybody's sharing a bed. Like this is not what we're saying. But like you're, you're going to.

[Mila]

And I think it's. And I also think it's okay for moms who maybe didn't have their whole phase before kids to have their whole face. Yeah, you're allowed to have your whole face.

[Erica]

You need to have your hope.

[Mila]

It's okay, babe. You can do it. It's not too late. Like what they said you can do. You can have your whole phase after motherhood if you did. If you're late to the party, welcome. Okay, obviously your whole phase is going to be a little bit different than the whole phase you would have had before. Kids, I'm so sorry that you didn't get to experience the whole phase in its full hoe glory.

[Erica]

However, without the shame and the guilt of people saying, I mean, you're going.

[Mila]

To still be shamed and guilty.

[Erica]

You always be shamed and guilty, guilty. But they, they try to shame you more. They try to shame you so much that you don't even have it.

[Mila]

But that's the point. It's like you're gonna get shamed anyway.

[Erica]

So do what you need to do.

[Mila]

You know, like, you know, we. Speaking of, I had, I wore a shirt the other day, our heel first, hoe later shirt.

[Erica]

I'm ready to bring that back.

[Mila]

I think we do because I got a lot of compliments Where'd you get that shirt? They're like, I like that shirt. I'm like, out with Iri.

[Erica]

My dad saw it. He's like, you spelled hoe wrong. I was like, that's how you spell ho? I was.

[Mila]

And I was like, thank you. And I was like, really hoping Iri wasn't gonna look at my shirt and.

[Erica]

Be like, heal first. Oh, later.

[Mila]

It's like, thank you.

[Erica]

Thank you. Anyway, so honestly, that, that this is going to be an important topic when I pull out my. A couple years after I pull out my, my manuals. That's gonna be one. You should heal first and hoe later. Yeah, I'm gonna teach my kid that. Yeah. You know, like, let's work on this first and then, you know, do what you do intentionally. It's funny. One of my friends, I was talking to one of my friends yesterday and she had this role. She was being celibate. She was. She's trying to like, find her husband and she was just like, she waited to have sex with this guy and then come to find out. Like, it just wasn't him. Like, it was, it wasn't this guy. So I talked to her recently. She's dating again. And she's like, I'm dating this guy who I, you know, I had met on Hinge a while ago. And she was just like, yeah, he ate my pussy. And like I said, did you suck his dick? She was like, yeah. And it was really nice and, and do that. And she's like, you know, I've actually been thinking about if I'm gonna like, stay with this. Like, I think it was like a 90. No, maybe it was like a six month rule or something like that. And I was like telling her, I.

[Mila]

Was like, girl, that's a long, that's a long time to be wasting.

[Erica]

I was just telling her, I was like, honor yourself, you know, you know, if you feel safe or intentional. And just know that like, even if you break the celibacy or whatever, you're the rule you put on yourself. Like, you, you. You are hopefully at this point intentional about who you share yourself with and know that, like, you feel good about it. You need some dick. And like, this seems like a safe person. And that's okay if it's your. It's your forever. And if not, there's no need to beat up your. Beat yourself up. You don't have to like, yeah. Re. Go into your virgin years to no.

[Mila]

And punish yourself. Yeah, no, no, no. I mean, I think I, I understand that you know, I'm a, I'm a newly proponent of celibacy before rel. Like before whatever. Devoting yourself to a guy. However, I will say that doing that over and over and over again for years and hoping that you like you doing that over and over. You'll be five years in under and not with your. So I feel like you got to find the balance in between there. You gotta like bend the rules when needed. You're, you know, you know when you're supposed to. And. And obviously. And also like whatever he's giving to you too, if he's like just trying to, then you already know, like, I don't really want to. You. You like. So if you're with someone who's respecting your boundaries, honoring what you need and honoring your requests, then I feel like there's more space to be a little bit more flexible there.

[Erica]

Yeah. So, yeah, don't give yourself such strict rules that you can't even break them under the guise of your own intention.

[Hunter]

I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every week as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered Black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save Our Girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered Black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or. Or wherever you get your podcast.

[Dr. J]

But the humility in knowing that life is this classroom that we should never graduate from is what is going to keep you growing. And that's all that matters. World Mental Health Day is around the corner. And on my podcast, just heal with Dr. J, I dive into what it really means to care for your mind, body and spirit.

[Erica]

Spirit.

[Dr. J]

From breaking generational patterns to building emotional capacity, healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination.

[Erica]

I'm gonna walk away feeling very healed and feeling like, yes, I'm gonna continue my healing journey and I'm gonna get.

[Mila]

Some keys from you.

[Dr. J]

Listen to just heal with Dr. J from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get Your podcasts.

[Brown Ambition Host]

Hey sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part. When you pay down those credit cards, if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets, I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. And it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it.

[Hunter]

And it's.

[Brown Ambition Host]

In fact it may get even worse. For more judgment free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Erica]

We had 30 agents ready to go.

[Dr. J]

With shotguns and rifles, you name it.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

But what they find is not what they expected.

[Erica]

Basically your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin.

[Mila]

They go, is this your daughter? I said, yes. They go, oh, you may not see her for like 25 years.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Caught between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited them, the women must decide who they're willing to to protect and who they dare to betray.

[Mila]

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Erica]

I've definitely had some like, good, hearty, necessary fun, unattached, like, like one night stands, you know, and I left. And I'm like, that was nice, that was good. You know, and then like that and versus you do it and you're like, oh God, I feel like why the did I do that then you know, you knew getting goddamn we should have done it. But if it's like this seems fun, do what you got to do and like indulge in your pleasure in that Way sometimes everything. Every sex partner. Though sex is sacred, doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be your long term partner. And that's okay.

[Mila]

Yeah. Thank God.

[Erica]

Jesus. Even though I'm like, I need I. Cleanse me. God, cleanse me of all the.

[Mila]

Wait.

[Erica]

I was just.

[Mila]

I was just. My. My phone is overfilled and I can't take any more videos. And so I'm like going through my storage and it's like telling me like what my biggest files are. I'm sitting there with Orlando and I'm like going through the. The videos and then I'm like, oh God, there's like a sex video of me and my ex. And I was like, like, I'm like watched it for a second and I was like ill. And I was like, you know, some of this does not need to live in my phone forever. Like, part of me was like, should.

[Erica]

I save it so I can look back? Remember that time?

[Mila]

Wait, because there was this time with this ex in particular because he was such a psycho and jealous because he was cheating on me, where he wanted me to delete all of my previous. My previous sex videos. My, like, pictures with guys.

[Erica]

Like, pictures with guys.

[Mila]

Like, there's no reason for you to even have these romantic photos in your phone anymore. Why do you have this? And I was like, he's like, I deleted all mine.

[Erica]

I was like, first of all, you're lying.

[Mila]

He was lying. So anyway, I didn't do it, but he thought I did. And I literally just dropped them all into a drive. All of my exes. I was like, because if this doesn't work out, I'm gonna wanna. What if I want to see that picture?

[Erica]

And I'm so glad.

[Mila]

I'm so glad that I did because recently I went back and I was like, oh, look at me in happy bay. Oh, look at me. Look at that.

[Erica]

Look at that. Look at me in that bay.

[Mila]

All bae. I'm like, yeah, all that. But I don't have. I did, I did delete all my sex videos from my phone.

[Erica]

Every sing. Every single one. I have.

[Mila]

No, I think there's some in like that back folder, that back folder that you dropped, that backup folder that I.

[Erica]

Have, Is it like an actual hard drive? Like where is it your computer?

[Mila]

It's in my drop. It's my Dropbox. It's my Dropbox.

[Erica]

That's actually smart. You could just leave it on somewhere else. Not to be seen until you intentionally need to look at it. It. Because sometimes that should be popping up on A day. I didn't even ask to see this.

[Mila]

Yeah, yeah.

[Erica]

Email us. What do you guys think? Should you delete all the sex videos, all of your memories from X? I definitely have some sex videos. I mean, not that I'm like going in my folder, like looking at them in my closet. I just, I didn't even think to erase them. Yeah, I don't have many though.

[Mila]

Do you have a hidden folder?

[Erica]

Of course.

[Mila]

So in your hidden folder, that's where they live then, right?

[Erica]

Yeah, yeah, I have all types of things. What's the next one?

[Mila]

I think the next one was around career, which we kind of touched on already, but maybe we can. Actually we didn't really touch on that. We were talking about dressing for careers. I think that there is a lot of shame around a women prioritizing their careers because it does require balance and it. You will be imbalanced. But I think that that's inevitable in any. With anything, you know what I mean? Like no one's shaming dads that are traveling out doing their thing. And I think that as working moms, as women that have dreams and aspirations, our kids need to see us do our thing. I know my mom literally was on set from 6am to 11pm for a lot of my life. So I would get nights with her and I would get. Not even nights, I'd get cuddles with her early, early mornings and then I'd get the weekends. And for me, like that's, that's not why I'm in therapy. It wasn't because mommy wasn't around because she was working. You know, Like I, if anything I saw her do that and it, I think has inspired me to be able to manage and do all the things, to be able to dream the way I dream. And I hope that Iri sees that and, and realizes that is. And that that that's a possibility. But I also think that, I think the difference is, is that I didn't ever see my mom rest, I didn't ever see her prioritize herself. And I think that that's where I come in. In this iteration of motherhood is like, yes, you can do all those things, but you have to also equally take care of yourself. Like it does no one any good to just be fucking running yourself down into the ground. So I think it's like finding the balance. But I think there's a lot of shame for women choosing their careers. And I don't even want to say over motherhood, but like just still prioritize, prioritizing Both.

[Erica]

Yeah. You know, I think even. And I, I think that there's a, like such a disconnect because what we would be see as success and then what we see, what we also say is the standard of which a mom should be present or whatever in the life of their child. Like, even for us, I think we were like, oh, I want to travel a lot. You know, I really want to, to be able to travel with while I work bringing the kids, which obviously kids have to go to school. And so it's not as easy as it sounds, but like, there's such thing as like refining the, the. The manifestation. And like, you could have a season of you're going really hard and then you're like, let me rest. And like, I mean rest always, but. And then you're like, maybe you are going to rearrange what's priority to priority to you as you evolve. It's just how it works as you get older. You're like, I'm working really hard for what? Like, yeah, things are nice, but like, what do I really need? So I could have a balance of both. And I, I. You're allowed to. And I think they almost come from the same place. Like, even a lot of our success came after we had kids. Like, our womb is what creates. Our womb is like, it literally creates people and it births ideas and it bursts things. And it's like you have to feed your creativity and work in your purpose as well as, you know, alongside motherhood, which is also a purpose. But most of us have additional purposes outside of motherhood.

[Mila]

You know what, and, and as you said that I'm like, don't you think that's not ironic? It actually makes total sense that usually after women give birth, that's when they like really start to prioritize their dreams, their career, maybe not even their dreams. I mean, that's not. Maybe that's not true. But like, they get into creation mode.

[Erica]

It activates you. Yeah, it's a rite of passage.

[Mila]

And it's not necessarily just because you maybe have to be the provider, because yes, there is that potentially, but it, it allows you, I think when you see a child in play and you see your child's like, experience of the world in all, in all its newness, it can't, it, it. It can't help but inspire you to kind of rethink what it is that you want to do. And that brings me to another part of this number four that we're on is like the shame around your career choice to like, what kind of career is suitable for a mother.

[Erica]

Right.

[Mila]

It's suitable for someone raising a child. Like, we talk about sex on the airwaves, we talk about sex on the airwaves in our dating life. And like, you know, for a lot of people, I'm sure they've looked down upon us and like, those are mothers and they're talking about this. Yeah. And I'm getting paid to pay. Hey. And it's not even just about the money. I'm fulfilled.

[Erica]

Yeah. I feel good.

[Mila]

I'm happy.

[Erica]

I'm being honest. Yeah. It's not like I'm on here lying and like, yeah, the truth will sell. Shut you free shall shut you street. Even if it's not likable to everybody else or to everybody else's idea of what you should or how you're supposed to show up.

[Mila]

Yeah.

[Erica]

Happiness.

[Mila]

So as long as your career is making you feel fulfilled, making you feel happy, making you feel grounded, not making you feel outside of yourself, outside of your body, girl, do your thing.

[Erica]

Yeah. And also, if you don't have it all together, like, you know, I. I would recommend having some together before you give birth because gets very real when you don't trust me. I know. But also, like, there's space to grow. Like, don't feel like I. I know when I was, you know, struggling financially and just trying to figure out in my 20s, even in my 30s, there was such deep, deep guilt I felt around. You know, it's one thing to be like, figuring it out as a single adult and you could just like, figure it out, go on a date here, you know, sleep over here. But like, when you have a kid, there's a stability that needs to happen. And there's so much shame somewhere sometimes around figuring it out. I mean, like, you know, at least you're attempting to figure it out. Don't feel ashamed in the in betweens because we're all breaking down and rebuilding all the time. You know, we're all growing, we're all blossoming. And it's just like, just because you give birth to a child or because you're this age or that age doesn't mean you're going to have all your together. Everyone is not dealt the same cars. Everybody's in different circumstances. We're in America. I mean, some of you are not. But the economy is crazy. Life is crazy. I don't think we're supposed to really, truly have to. To pay and work to live. Like we're supposed to work to live. But not in this, this, not in this capitalistic world that we live in. So it's really not human. But I think there's also shame around that. Whereas especially with single motherhood, because it's like when it is all on you is the pressure of that, the emotional dependency of your child, the need to show up still feeling good and at least for your child, even though you might be feeling shame or sadness inside. And a lot of times men can keep going. They're out of town, they're living their best lives and very rarely their friends saying, did you send money home to your kids? When was the last time?

[Mila]

Do they ever say, when was the last time you saw Johnny?

[Erica]

Have you. Do you contribute? You know, I. Even within my dynamic with my baby daddy, I'm like, damn, your mom be over here talking to me, calling me, texting me. I wonder if she ever asked this one time, you know, I wonder if.

[Mila]

She asked this one time. I'm gonna answer it for you, babe.

[Erica]

Did you ever. Have you ever sent Mila any money for Luna for school? Have you take any of these things? But no, the answer is no, because that's never even. I don't even. But as a mom, even if I had a son, those are things that I would ask. But the, the, the idea that men don't have the same like sense of responsibility and that society doesn't hold them to the same standard. Because a lot of times if you're ain't father and the child's with their kids, chances are you're not sending money home. So the responsibility of being there emotionally and physically and financially is fucking heavy. And it's not something that I think mental have to deal with on a day to day basis. And if you have a career that you might do only fans or be a call girl or I don't know what the hell weird is going on. Toe model. Whatever it is, don't let people make you feel bad about what you got to do to do. You know, you have to do what you got to do. I've done some illegal another and would I recommend my, my kid do it? No. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And that's just what it is.

[Mila]

Today I had an audition that Orlando did a self tape with me and I was a cam girl.

[Erica]

Oh, how?

[Mila]

And I was like, she was like a cam girl to this old man and he just was lonely. He just wanted to have conversation and he wanted just her to dress up kind of like Charlie's Angels. And I was like, I could do this. This is so bad. She was even showing no ass or nothing.

[Erica]

Baby, in my day she was pretty.

[Mila]

Low key with her. With her camming you.

[Erica]

You would hope that you get a client like that, nine times out of ten you're gonna get some weird clients. But I considered that. I looked in a couple sites and I was like, can I live with myself if I'm only cam girl and someone? And then I was like, what if someone records it? I couldn't live with the. The not that I couldn't do it. It's that I couldn't live with someone else having video of it and then possibly going somewhere I don't want it to go. I could have done it. I've thought about it.

[Mila]

I often think about those with my sex videos that I've with people. I'm like, God, I'm like, I've been very lucky to not have any vengeful ex boyfriends yet.

[Erica]

Let's say a prayer, dear 9 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus, for us and those listening, if any ain't men around this or women for that instance, happen to have any full frontal or back shots or head given shots of us in their phone, I pray baby Jesus that you delete them right now from every device, everything, every mobile, every backup, every icloud, every Dropbox. Lord, somehow in the technologies of Mercury retrograde, remove all sex videos that no longer should be in anybody else's phone from the phones. Lord, and the technology gods we pray. Amen.

[Mila]

Amen.

[Erica]

For real? Yeah, I got some that I'm like, oh God, but I got something.

[Mila]

I'm like, I wish I had it just to watch sometimes and put it.

[Erica]

Back in my Dropbox.

[Mila]

Which is not even because it was them, because me, because I looked good.

[Erica]

But also, damn, you look good.

[Mila]

Look at that ass.

[Erica]

If you're watching this and you're like, what the are these stupid talking about? Why would they do that? Don't ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever let him keep the video.

[Mila]

Don't ever ever, don't let him use the phone ever. And don't send it to him. Let him watch it on your phone.

[Erica]

Has anybody ever seen told you to delete a video and you kept it?

[Mila]

No. Like a guy.

[Erica]

Yeah.

[Mila]

No, really, this is hap. Not you that evil ass laugh. I'm gonna go ahead and say that it has happened to you.

[Erica]

I plead the fifth. Okay. I'm just kidding. I delete everything anyone ever asked, what was he doing?

[Mila]

Oh, actually I kind of. I already know what it was.

[Erica]

I already know you don't know.

[Mila]

I know you don't know. I already know what it was.

[Erica]

You don't know about what I'm talking about.

[Mila]

Does it involve high socks and now heels? No. No.

[Erica]

Okay. Those are from the early. Those are from the early days. Don't try and blast me. Okay, if you guys are just joining us here on this good mom's journey, I highly, highly, highly recommend going back to seasons one and two, which is just year one and year two, because there were no seasons. There was like 300 episodes in season one.

[Mila]

Such as. Yeah, the first 84 episodes. 88 episodes.

[Erica]

If you're listening to us now, you're like, whoa, they seem so. They seem so.

[Mila]

Go listen to our first 88. Those first 88.

[Erica]

If you think we seem mature and well evolved and classy.

[Mila]

Oh, just the first 88.

[Erica]

Just hit those first 88 and come back. And this is what growth is called. God damn.

[Mila]

Oh, my God.

[Erica]

And then last but not least, number five is. Number five on our list of misconceptions.

[Mila]

Of a wild mom are prioritizing your relationship. And not just that one with your husband. You know, the one you got a divorce for, now you got a new prioritizing that one. So I was telling Mila, I was thinking, like, you always hear all this talk about prioritizing your marriage and prioritizing your baby daddy or whatever, but I don't feel like that same energy is for like the new men in your life. Like the new stepdaddy in your life. No, like, like there's no prioritizing that. Like that's just the new in your life that's stuck around. And you're not supposed to like go on one month vacations with your, with your partner to solidify the foundation. And I feel like that idea is generally catered towards the child of your father. But if that doesn't work out, then what the next ain't. You're not supposed to prioritize that anymore because he didn't birth your children. I don't believe in that. I don't believe in that because the hope and the goal is that that person that you're bringing into your life is going to pour into your child and maybe become stepdaddy or maybe full time daddy if daddy ain't around. So I think that it's important for us as single moms specifically. I'm not talking. I also think, yes, if you're married, prioritize your husband, all that great stuff. You already have the book and all the stuff on the Internet. About that. But if you are a single mom and you're in a serious relationship with someone, or maybe you're trying to build something with someone, I think it's important and it's okay to prioritize that relationship.

[Erica]

I agree. I mean, I'm the bitch who went on a one month vacation. But I also, I was like, I had to say, like, I'm finishing my book. You know, you have to like slide other things in there because you can't be like, I'm gonna go solidify my relationship with my new boyfriend. Hold my baby right quick. Nobody really cares. You gotta lie. I gotta be like, it has to be work has, has to be money. Oh, man.

[Hunter]

I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save our girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Dr. J]

But the humility in knowing that life is this classroom that we should never graduate from is what is going to keep you growing. And that's all that matters. World Mental Health Day is around the corner. And on my podcast, just heal with Dr. J, I dive into what it really means to care for your mind, body and spirit.

[Erica]

Spirit.

[Dr. J]

From breaking generational patterns to building emotional capacity, healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination.

[Erica]

I'm gonna walk away feeling very healed and feeling like, yes, I'm gonna continue my healing journey and I'm gonna get.

[Mila]

Some keys from you.

[Dr. J]

Listen to just heal with Dr. J from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Erica]

We had 30 agents ready to go.

[Dr. J]

With shotguns and rifles and you name it.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

But what they find is not what they expected.

[Erica]

Basically, your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin.

[Mila]

They go, is this your daughter? I said, yes. They go, oh, you may not see her for like 25 years.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Caught between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited them, the women must decide who they're willing to protect and who they dare to betray.

[Mila]

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Erica]

What's up everybody? This is Snax from the Trap Nerds podcast and we're bringing you the horror every week all October long.

[Mila]

Kicking off this month, I'll be bringing.

[Erica]

You all my greatest fear inducing horror.

[Mila]

Games from Resident Evil to Solid Hill. Me and Tony bringing Backfire team on Left 4 Dead 2. And we just gonna be going over.

[Erica]

Some of the greats.

[Mila]

Also in October, we'll be talking about our favorite horror and Halloween movie and.

[Erica]

Figure out why black people always gotta die first. The Umbral reliquary invites any and all fool brave enough to peruse its many curiosities. But take heed, all sales are final. Weekly horror side quest written and narrated by yours truly with a full episode read and a commentary special. And we will cap it off with Horror Movie Battle Royale. Jason versus Freddy, Michael Myers versus the alien thing with the little tongue monster. October, we're doing it Halloween style.

[Mila]

Listen to the Trap Nurse podcast from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast.

[Erica]

You generally have to lie. You have to, you can't be like, I'm gonna go stabilize my relationship. I'm gonna go like, build the foundation. You gotta be like, I'm working. It has to be money related. Or else no one, no, like, no one really cares if a single mom has to go like date or find their mate. They're almost like, should have made the first one work, bitch. And so fuck you. And it is important. And you know, good, good moms, good moms do deserve love. And they, you still are worthy and they still show up for you and you still deserve to prioritize those relationships as if it was the person you had the baby with. Because hopefully you're creating a foundation of family. And it's also important. So don't let like your peers or your mama, because you know your mama be hating because you know she'd be like, you gotta go for that long. I was, I never did no shit.

[Mila]

Like, did you just go on a date Last night, I didn't.

[Erica]

I never left you for, like, girl, they forget what they'd be doing until it's your turn to do it. So I just feel like you need.

[Mila]

To prioritize and make sure that nigga.

[Erica]

Is for you, and you have to re. These are things that you're gonna have to pump yourself up on. No one except us is going to remind you. So in the moments when you're feeling that guilt come up about any of these above lists, that outfit, that job, that trip, if you need to go to Coachella, whatever the the is that, you just need to get off right quick. You know, sometimes even your closest friends will hate on you because they want to have fun, too, but they're not going to keep it real with you. And hopefully they do because you have good friends. But if not, just turn on this episode again, and we'll remind you. Do whatever the you want to do because you matter. And being a liberated mom doesn't mean you're a bad mom. It means you're a good mom, and you still want to look good and you still want to do fun, and that's. That's okay. You need to be happy.

[Mila]

Amen.

[Erica]

Right?

[Mila]

Yeah. No, I agree.

[Erica]

I think being.

[Mila]

Being a liberated mom is. Is hard. It's hard. It's not for the faint of heart, baby. This is not for. It's. I don't want to say it's not for everyone, because I think it should be, but it's hard out here because you're gonna battle yourself and you're gonna battle people a lot. It's just the nature of being a woman that chooses herself.

[Erica]

And honestly, a lot of this is not even just for moms. It's just for women in general.

[Mila]

Women in general.

[Erica]

Yeah, because they put age limits on how you dress and what you do and what you should be doing and if you should be married and if you should already have kids. And, like, it's just about checking in.

[Mila]

With yourself, because no one was commenting on my baby daddy when he was making out with his girlfriend in front of the Dubai Burj Al Arab and was gone for two months. No one said. When was the last time he saw his kid? Sorry. Just had to say that.

[Erica]

Not in front of. Not in Dubai. Do you want me to go comment on that? That. Where is it at?

[Mila]

They broke up. They broke up already? They broke up already. See? But he had to go do that. He had to go make sure.

[Erica]

Super important.

[Mila]

He had to go make sure.

[Erica]

You know, I've been On the Internet. I've been on Twitter. He's done it quite a few times so he could chill. Now he's a lover boy. I don't know if we would call it that something.

[Mila]

He's a lover boy. We're both lovers.

[Erica]

Not after. Not after the aftermath. It doesn't seem like he. He turns on. He's hot and cold to that Gemini. He loves you, then he don't.

[Mila]

That's. That's the tr. That's the Gemini.

[Erica]

I wonder if my baby daddy was like, listen, Jam. My baby daddy calls me Jam. That's my. My earlier day nickname. Yeah, you know me. And so. And so gotta go. I mean, one time he did. He went to Thailand for a month, and I thought he was gonna get.

[Mila]

His life together, but I remember that we had hopes.

[Erica]

We had hopes, but.

[Mila]

But then he was, like, gonna come back. Then he didn't come back and kept extending it.

[Erica]

Remember?

[Mila]

It just went on forever, and there was nothing happening.

[Erica]

Nothing happening. I thought they come back. The little Buddha. Nope. But, yeah, honestly, if you said that, I would say, what the. Ever Have. Have fun. Maybe if you go with a. You'll come back changed a little bit.

[Mila]

Well, all we can do is pray and wish. I think the cards need to speak their messages to us now.

[Erica]

Okay. Would you like to choose one?

[Mila]

I think it's tarot time.

[Erica]

It's tarot time.

[Mila]

Do you have an affirmation while I pick a card?

[Erica]

What I was gonna say is silly. I. I am wild and free because that's the only way to be.

[Mila]

Okay.

[Erica]

The other one was, I'm a liberated mom because I don't want to be an incarcerated one.

[Mila]

Wild moms can be good moms. Wild moms.

[Erica]

Wild moms are good moms, too.

[Mila]

Wild moms are good moms.

[Erica]

You know what that sounds like, right?

[Mila]

What?

[Erica]

Black people are talented, too.

[Mila]

Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut your ass up.

[Erica]

Remember that mantra.

[Mila]

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know.

[Erica]

Okay. God. My affirmations.

[Mila]

Wild Mom.

[Erica]

What's that song like? Wild and free.

[Mila]

Let your titties hang, Mom.

[Erica]

Let your titties swing.

[Mila]

Let your titties swing.

[Erica]

Let your titty swing. I like that one. That one. That one sticks. Today's affirmation is let's get your titty swang. And this is Good Moms reminding you to let those titties swing, especially if you're a mom. I'm swinging my titties right now. Me too. I feel ten times better, actually. You hear that? That's ASMR for titties swinging.

[Mila]

Oh man, what card you pull?

[Hunter]

I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered Black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting Black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save our girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered Black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Dr. J]

But the humility in knowing that life is this classroom that we should never graduate from is what is going to keep you growing and that's all that matters. World Mental Health Day is around the corner and on my podcast just heal with Dr. J, I dive into what it really means to care for your mind, body and spirit.

[Erica]

Spirit.

[Dr. J]

From breaking generational patterns to building emotional capacity, healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination.

[Erica]

I'm gonna walk away feeling very healed and feeling like, yes, I'm gonna continue my healing journey and I'm gonna get.

[Mila]

Some keys from you.

[Dr. J]

Listen to just heal with Dr. J from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brown Ambition Host]

Hey sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards. If you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets, I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt and it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the Sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment, free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dani Shapiro]

Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you. Stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets, Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mila]

I'm four Ace of Pentacles.

[Erica]

I love this card.

[Mila]

Money is on the way. Good fortune is on the way. Opportunity is on the way.

[Erica]

I could use a check right about now. Yeah, me too.

[Mila]

And oh, remember.

[Erica]

Remember that? Sorry. Remember that one time we saw the money depositing? We're opening our. Our apps. I think we need to do it again. Let's manifest opening up our bank mobile bank apps. Oh, look, it's. That's. That one that I use. I. Signing in. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness.

[Mila]

20 mil.

[Erica]

Crap.

[Mila]

Wow. I'm such a. Oh, wait, there's. There's more. I'm gonna.

[Erica]

Savings. Oh, God. We're good. Yeah. I'm gonna rest now. I think actually, I'm gonna. I don't know. I think I just want to lay here and drink a martini and take this all in because I didn't even know I was getting this. This. This electric transfer of $400,000 today. God. God is good all the time all.

[Mila]

The time God is crazy God is.

[Erica]

Crazy all the time God is crazy, y' all all the time.

[Mila]

That's our song, in case you didn't know. It's unreleased.

[Erica]

It's unreleased, but it's coming. We're waiting for the. For the church choir to come in to do the backups, and we're still getting. We're still getting. What's that boy's name again. What is the most famous gospel singer? Kirk Franklin. We're still getting Kirk Franklin on the rap. That was that. That deep voice. That was him. That was his ad lib. God is crazy.

[Mila]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Erica]

Oh, yeah.

[Mila]

Stomp.

[Erica]

Yeah, exactly. You see? You hear it?

[Mila]

Yeah. Okay. Ace of Pentacles. A new financial or career opportunity, manifestation, abundance. The Ace of Pentacles, like the other aces of the tarot, represents new beginnings, opportunities and potential. And as a Pentacles card, these new beginnings correlate to the material world. Finances, wealth, career, physical health, and manifestation of your goals. You may receive a new job offer, an unexpected sum of money. A new business or investment opportunity may come your way, or you'll have the chance to bring an idea to fruition, no matter the occasion. The Ace of Pentacles heralds a sense of. Of prosperity and abundance in the material or financial areas of your life. The ace of Pentacles also symbolizes wealth not just for your bank account, but in a holistic sense as well. You may discover opportunities to generate a new source of income or receive a financial gift or. Windfall. I love windfall. Or you may have a chance to create wealth in a broader sense. Happiness, Fulfillment. No, I'm gonna go with money. Happiness, fulfillment, potential. And life. Love. Yes. Rich. Lovely. Juicy. Rich. Rich, rich.

[Erica]

Love.

[Mila]

This ace signifies abundance in all areas of your life. Enjoy it.

[Erica]

Tastes so good. Richness. So rich and abundant.

[Mila]

Yes. Yes. I like this card.

[Erica]

Juicy.

[Mila]

I like this card a lot.

[Erica]

That was beautiful. Well.

[Mila]

Thanks, guys.

[Erica]

Thanks for listening.

[Mila]

Yeah. I hope that you know you can come back to this episode whenever you're feeling a little out of flow with yourself, when people are hating on you and when you want to take that trip, when you want to book that trip to the Good Vibe retreat, or you want to go hang out with your new boyfriend for one week in Tulum, or you want to switch careers because your job sucks, or you want to go through your closet and throw out all the gap and the black and white and other stuff that we said.

[Erica]

The kitten heels.

[Mila]

Let's come back here.

[Erica]

Especially the kitten heels.

[Mila]

Unless you have long legs and a.

[Erica]

Mini skirt and you're rich.

[Mila]

You don't have to be rich. You'll look rich if you do that. But if you have long legs and mini skirt, the kitten heels might work.

[Erica]

I saw a thick girl with a mini skirt and kitten heels, and she looked cute actually the other day, so.

[Mila]

Maybe I need to try this out. Should I not have sold my kitten heels?

[Erica]

I'm sure there's more kitten heels to be gotten. I actually bought a clear pair of kitten heels two years ago, and I've never. I did. I was really trying.

[Mila]

You know what? It's funny you said that, because I.

[Erica]

Was in New York, I got confused.

[Mila]

One day I was out and about and I didn't want to go home because I was already in la. And so I went to Target and bought a whole new outfit. I think I met up with you that day. I went to Target and I bought. This is before the Target boycott, by the way. Guys, everyone relax. And I bought a full jean outfit. It was cute and it was really cute and I couldn't believe it. But then I went to DSW because I was by the Beverly center because it had Target NDSW right there. So I hit them both at once. And I've been sleeping. Wait, is it DSW or is it. What's the other one? No, Nordstrom Rock.

[Erica]

Oh, that's a better one.

[Mila]

That was a better one. And I got these shoes that were pink, and when I bought them, I was like, this is heel high enough. And I wore it that night and it was fine. But yesterday I went to go put on these bright pink heels, and every time I put them on, I look in the mirror and I'm like, these are kitten heels. I, I, I bought kitten heel.

[Erica]

If you're unsure, it's probably three and a half inches.

[Mila]

They're like this, they're like just above what I thought kitten heel was. But no, get rid of them.

[Erica]

Okay.

[Mila]

Anyway, make sure you rate and review us. Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel. Make sure you download this episode, because we need downloads, y'. All.

[Erica]

Oh, yeah. So they changed the game on podcasters about two years ago, which is totally highway robbery. And so a, you have to download this for even matter. So if you don't download it, it doesn't count for us. And also, every time a new episode comes out, it doesn't automatically download even if you subscribe. Whereas before then it did. It might have been three years ago. Anyway, the point is, download the episode. Leave us. Leave it. Subscribe, leave a review, tell a friend. Send this episode to a friend that needs to be reminded to be a wild sometimes, because you deserve to be a wild sometimes. You are a feral, wild human of the world and you need to go let your fangs out and let your tits swing and just, you know, and maybe you need to come to Good Vibe retreat. It's in two weeks, but we're extending the Payment plan. So this is your sign to be a wild bitch. Do what you need. I just. We actually got a text today from someone from the Good Vibe retreat that said, wow, I'm totally shifting. I'm back in school. I've changed so much since the retreat. And then we just saw Jordan and she said the same thing and I'm like, this shit works. I don't care what anybody says. If you come to the. If you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling outside of yourself, not feeling in tune with your wild free choices, come to the Good vibe retreat. It's July 31st. I know it's last minute, but you can make it. Just do the thing, put it on the credit card. I don't know, after pay, you do it for those kitten heels. Do something that's gonna. That's gonna count.

[Mila]

Yeah, actually, you can use a firm and you can pay the trip off in 18 months if that's what you wanted to do. You don't even gotta go through us. You can go and pay it off on your own and use Code Escape for a very hefty discount. So anyway, that's our shameless plugs. We love you and we'll see you next week.

[Erica]

Bye bye.

[Mila]

Yeah, I'm living so good can't you.

[Hunter]

Tell I went through a drought that's.

[Mila]

Until I found a well made my.

[Hunter]

Heaven on earth I used to be broke as hell now got the blues dancer like Beyonce, Giselle Throat shock with popping it's power in our voices Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit us women Put the P in power so it's pointless they want me to be good so I made bad choices.

[Erica]

Bad mom not a bad mom but.

[Hunter]

A bad mom get hers in on put cannabis in her bath bombs walked.

[Erica]

In boss was capping I blew his.

[Hunter]

Cap off Top dog now I'm immune to the cat calls Curvy in the.

[Mila]

Waist, straight to it like a dude.

[Hunter]

Dollar sign mother and a lover Intuitive like a water sign Warrior in the winter and sensual in the summertime I do it all ain't no one I need to run it by Short on time but big on true crime. On a recent episode of the podcast Hunting for Answers, I highlighted the story of 19 year old Lashey Dungey. But she never knocked on that door. She never made it inside. And that text message was be the last time anyone would ever hear from her. Listen to Hunting for Answers from the Black Effect podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your Podcasts I'm Bridget Armstrong, host of.

[Mila]

The new podcast the Curse of America's Next Top Model. I've been investigating the real story behind that iconic show.

[Hunter]

I ended up having anorexia issues, bulimia issues.

[Mila]

By talking to the models, the producers, and the people who profited from it.

[Erica]

All, we basically sold our souls and they got rich. If you were so rooting for her and saw her drowning, why don't you help her?

[Mila]

Listen to the Curse of America's Next.

[Hunter]

Top model on the iHeartRadio app, Apple.

[Mila]

Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Erica]

From tips for healthy living to the latest medical breakthroughs, WebMD's Health Discovered podcast keeps you up to date on today's most important health issues. Through in depth conversations with experts from across the healthcare community, WebMD reveals how today's health news will impact your life tomorrow. It's not that people don't know that exercise is healthy, it's just that people.

[Mila]

Don'T know why it's healthy. And we're struggling to try to help people help themselves and each other.

[Erica]

Listen to WebMD Health discovered on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you.

[Mila]

When you think about emotion regulation, you're.

[Erica]

Not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome.

[Mila]

Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denial is easier.

[Erica]

Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the Psychology podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast.