Marcus Black (1:59)

Hey, so what if you could boost the wifi to one of your devices when you need it most?

Mila (2:04)

Because Xfinity WI Fi can. And what if your WI fi could

Erica (2:07)

fix itself before there's even really a problem?

Mila (2:09)

Xfinity is so reliable. It does that too.

Marcus Black (2:12)

What if your wifi had parental instincts? Xfinity wifi Is part nanny, part ninja, protecting your kids while they're online. And finally, what if your wif like the smartest WI fi? Yeah, It's WI fi that is so smart, it makes everything work better together.

Mila (2:28)

Bottom line, Xfinity is smart and reliable. You deserve the peace of mind of having WI fi that's got your back.

Marcus Black (2:33)

Xfinity. Imagine that. Once upon a time, there was a good old traditional housewife. She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the man of the house. And of course, she didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good, good woman who always made good choices.

Mila (2:52)

Shut that off.

Erica (2:53)

We're good moms. Bad Choices.

Mila (2:55)

Two single moms who said the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found

Erica (2:59)

out they weren't so bad after all. We're experts. Oversharers.

Mila (3:01)

And your new besties sit back and enjoy the ride. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

Erica (3:10)

I'm Erica.

Mila (3:11)

And I'm Mila.

Erica (3:12)

Happy Hump Day.

Mila (3:14)

Happy motherfucking hump day. It's another wonderful week of good moms, Bad choices, and Happy Valentine's Day. Yes, it's the week of Valentine's Day, and if you are not celebrating love. Celebrate love. That's all we got.

Erica (3:31)

Even if you're single. Celebrate the love of self.

Mila (3:34)

Celebrate the love that's coming.

Erica (3:35)

Yeah.

Mila (3:36)

Celebrate the love of family. Celebrate the love of girlfriends. More love. More love. More love.

Erica (3:41)

We're in the studio. I called Mila this morning, and I was like, it's wear pink.

Mila (3:44)

And I was so annoyed. I was like, okay. Because I already have an outfit right here. I'm looking at it, but okay. Got it. So here are my pink. My pink pants. My pink. My professional pink pants. I feel like Oprah.

Erica (3:59)

You look beautiful. Gorgeous. Very soft and feminine. Lovely, y'. All. We have a special guest today, and I'm really excited because we're going to get straight into it. This is a former guest, but it's been a few years since this. This gentleman has joined us on in the girl cave. The woman cave. The wild woman cave.

Mila (4:19)

Is this his first time here at this wild woman cave?

Erica (4:21)

Oh, yeah. Because before I was at the other. It's at the other spot. I am very excited to welcome to the show none other than relationship coach, author, writer, producer, Mr. Marcus Black Man.

Marcus Black (4:34)

What's up? Hey.

Mila (4:36)

Welcome back.

Marcus Black (4:37)

So what did you call this, though? The what kind of cave?

Mila (4:39)

The wild woman cave.

Marcus Black (4:40)

The wild woman cave.

Erica (4:41)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (4:43)

I'm built for it, though.

Erica (4:43)

You ready?

Mila (4:44)

Here you made it out before?

Marcus Black (4:46)

Yeah, I got four sisters, two daughters, a wife, ex wife.

Mila (4:52)

You've been married twice?

Marcus Black (4:53)

Yeah.

Erica (4:53)

Oh, you've been initiated.

Mila (4:55)

I have a question.

Erica (4:56)

When you.

Mila (4:56)

Because, you know, when you ask. What is that? Does the word, the term wild woman, like, make you feel away? I feel like sometimes men get turned off by the term wild woman.

Marcus Black (5:05)

I don't. It don't. It don't budge me.

Mila (5:07)

Okay.

Marcus Black (5:08)

You know, I think wild as in uncontrolled by men. Right? So.

Erica (5:17)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (5:17)

Sounds fair.

Mila (5:18)

Never put it that way, but I like that.

Marcus Black (5:20)

Yeah. No, just uncontrollable. And I.

Erica (5:21)

You know, I mean, there's more legs to that. It's not all about. We're not. We're not centering men in our wildness, Right. Like, there's other aspects to our wildness.

Marcus Black (5:27)

Well, what. What makes you guys wild?

Mila (5:29)

I like to think of myself as wild in the sense of, like, feral, not, like, incubated. When I think of the opposite of wild people, like, why wild? I'm like, why not, like, free? I think a free, primal.

Marcus Black (5:45)

So not controlled.

Erica (5:46)

Yeah.

Mila (5:47)

Not in the zoo.

Marcus Black (5:48)

What's it.

Erica (5:49)

What's your.

Marcus Black (5:49)

What's your idea of.

Erica (5:51)

I think, for me, it's just someone that's, like, authentically themselves, no matter what. No matter where. What room you enter, whether, you know, you're in the presence of a politician or you're in the presence. In the presence of a child. Like, you are who you are all the time, through and through. There's nothing that tames the spirit of who you are.

Mila (6:08)

And there's no control. Like, there's no. There's. You're not. You're not trying to abide by this invisible outline of what a lady is supposed to be or how you're supposed to be. It's rather to your own. Your own standard of living.

Marcus Black (6:22)

So you like that? I said control. You just don't like the. By men because you're like. Like, men have nothing to do with this. Like, they're so far out.

Erica (6:30)

Well, I think that there's a. Probably an element to that, and I think that there's, like. I think that me and Mila have evolved in our wildness over the years, right? Because I think that there's definitely. Obviously, Mila is a wife, right? So she.

Marcus Black (6:43)

Congratulations.

Erica (6:44)

Thank you. In. In. In. In many spaces. And in. In her life, I've seen her submit to Orlando. So it's not about, like, not being controlled. I think that word. I mean, it's. It's. The word is layered. Right. So I think that it's not, I don't think that as women who are wild, it's, there's not a lack of submissiveness that we can possess in partnership with man. It's also like, who is the man that's leading us? So I don't mind submitting to a man. I don't mind. I love it. Please, for the love of God.

Marcus Black (7:13)

You know you love submitting.

Erica (7:15)

I do. I'm very.

Mila (7:16)

To the right man.

Erica (7:17)

Yeah. Like, I've, I feel like in this season of my life, I've been in my relationship for almost two years now. And like the other day I was like cooking lunch for Shekhem and I was like, wow, I'd be doing this a lot. Yeah, like, and I really enjoy it.

Marcus Black (7:28)

It's a good. That's your sweet spot.

Erica (7:29)

I enjoy it. I enjoy like making sure like he's taken care of. I enjoy, you know, I enjoy taking care of him in all ways. So I think for other, for other men though, I would have been a lot more resistant. I've been resistant.

Mila (7:43)

So it's about the men that you choose, I think. And I think that's what pisses me off about like this era of, I don't know how you say, like incels or like this love this era of a lot of men about like when men don't. Women don't want to submit and women don't want to be. It's like, no, nigga, it's just not to your non man ass, you know? Like, no, just not to you. Who's over there hating, hating women out loud on a podcast, you know, like that irritates me. And, and for that reason I was thinking about this recently. Like I intentionally use a lot of language that I know is going to irritate or bother a small minded man. You know what I mean? Like sometimes, like I said, wild women, I can tell it, like I start twitching or like ho. Like I'm a, I'm a former hoe. And like, oh. You know, like there's certain words that I know is going to really bother a basic man. So I use them to see if they're gonna melt.

Marcus Black (8:42)

Yeah. And it works.

Erica (8:43)

Yeah. But I also want to, I also will say as a woman who has had, I mean, I guess submission has been a journey for me and it's, I'm still in the journey of it even currently in this relationship is like, I think a lot of women say, like, for the right man, I will submit, but that's not always True. Because when you find the right man, because you've been in the practice of not submitting, there's actually, like. There's actually, like, a training that has to happen.

Mila (9:05)

I'm still in it, too.

Erica (9:06)

Yeah.

Mila (9:07)

I'm married, but I'm still actively, like. I twitch every time.

Erica (9:11)

Like, Shakim was like, you know, I've been thinking. He told me the other day, he's like, I've been contemplating, like, where you submit to me. And, like, you. When we go to the gym, like, you submit 100. Like, you're no problem. Like, you'll, like, listen to everything that I say. He's like, with Ira, you've given me a lot of trust. My daughter, you've given me a lot of trust. So there's, like, a submission there. But in the household, there's a lack of submission that I experience with both you and your daughter is very challenging in this house. Yeah. And, you know, he was like, you know, we're debating about what. Why that could possibly be.

Mila (9:38)

Not at the gym. You do it.

Erica (9:39)

But he said. He said, sexually, I submit. Like, in places where I have seen him. Like, where I know you believe. Yeah, where I believe, or I've seen the proof. I can say, no problem, you know? And he was talking about the house, and I was telling him. I was like, well, she came actually, like, my baby daddy told me I had. I wouldn't submit to him in the house. So it's not like, whatever what we were talking about. I was like, it's not that. It's that as a single mom. And also. No, it's this. It's that a. I've never. I've never been in that. My mom, my grandmother, they're not. I've never seen them submit to a man in the house. My. My mom and my stepdad's dynamic, she is. She runs the shit. She runs the ship. My grandmother runs the ship. I've literally never seen it. I have not experienced it. And then also layering that on to. So that was what my baby daddy experienced for me, because he would say that all the time. You don't ever let me lead. And then I was like, well, I don't trust you. Oh, no, I'm not gonna let you lead. But now that I'm with a man that I trust, it still shows up. And I think for me now,

Marcus Black (10:40)

because

Erica (10:40)

I've never seen it. But then there's the added layer of being a single mother and having to be the man of the house and having to make sure everything gets Done. And it's like, if the sh. If. If anything's off, then it's on me. And now having someone come in and, like, it's. It's been challenging for me to, like.

Mila (10:57)

Yeah.

Erica (10:58)

Submit to that. And so I'm still in the practice of learning how to do that. Even though I have a good man, even though I have someone that I can be soft with, I can trust, all those things. So for the ladies that think, oh, when I find the right man, then I'll submit, no, you might not. You're still gonna need to learn how to do that because it actually feels really uncomfortable.

Marcus Black (11:14)

Yeah, I Actually, my. My latest book that I just put out is called Bulletproof Love. Right. And I'm teaching people how to bulletproof your relationship. But.

Mila (11:24)

But.

Marcus Black (11:24)

And I actually created a whole curriculum. I have a community. It's called Bulletproof University. And I created the first curriculum. Cause you know that any, like, any license you go get, right? I don't care if it's a beautician license, a driver's license. Any license you go get, you have to read something, you have to study it, you have to. And you have to pass a test that says you know how to do it, but the marriage license is the only license you can get.

Mila (11:47)

That's crazy that you say that.

Marcus Black (11:49)

And they give you the license that says, you know how to do this,

Mila (11:51)

but you don't know shit.

Marcus Black (11:53)

You pay $250, and you are not cleared to ruin your life. You know what I'm saying? And so for me, I'm like. I had never seen it either. You know, I had never seen it up close and personal. And personal, but I had seen it on, like. Cause we come from a different era, right? So I saw Cosby Show. I saw Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I saw Family Matters. I saw Step by Step, you know what I'm saying? I saw all different shows. And I'm like, hmm. So there's a way that this is supposed to be done. We just don't know how to do it. You know what I'm saying? I didn't know. I had no idea how to be a husband. I had no idea how to be a father. You know what I'm saying? My dad had no idea. You know what I'm saying? His dad had no idea. Where do I get this from? You know what I'm saying? And so we find ourselves going by societal standards or going. What we saw our parents do or what our friends said. And, you know, we taking input from people who are unsuccessful in the space, you know what I'm saying? So I created the actual curriculum on how to do it. And so I'm teaching people how to bulletproof your relationship so that it's durable, you know what I mean? So you can interact from. So you can approach it from a covenant concept and not a contract concept,

Mila (13:13)

you know, and have creed and, and communication and. Yeah, and I never heard anybody put it that blatantly, but it's true. Like, me and Orlando did some premarital divorce proof club before we got married, which I thought was important. But the only time we really see that happen is in, like, religious form formats. Like in Catholicism and Christianity, there's generally before they marry you in a church, you have to go through, you know, something with the power pastor or something like that, but prior to marriage. But if you're not in those, those religious, you know, spaces, or you don't belong to a church or you don't opt to do that, generally people are doing it blindsided as. And there's no blueprint, and they're just like it. And a lot of times we see it fails. Right.

Marcus Black (13:54)

And it's, it's, it's even, it's even whack. In the church, though. Like, we're not going to act like the, the marriage rate is higher for Christians and Catholics and everybody else.

Mila (14:07)

I mean, and if it is, it's because they were like, I don't want to go to hell. It's like, because they're afraid of the, of the, like the shame of being divorced. There's like, that understanding, not because they're necessarily more happy.

Marcus Black (14:18)

Yeah. And I don't even want to get going down that road because I really. It really irks me. I really get going down.

Mila (14:25)

What irks you? Religion.

Marcus Black (14:26)

Religion. Yeah. Because if you actually read and studied a lot of the things and traditions that are upheld in the church, these are not the things that Jesus taught or scripture even. It's not. So when I dove in, I began to do my research and I began to study and I began to actually seek. I'm like, y' all said it, said this. It don't say that. It kind of doesn't say that at all. Y' all told me I was gonna go to hell for this. Ah, it doesn't say that either. You know what I'm saying? And it's like so many people have a really bad taste in their mouth regarding true spirituality and truly seeking God because religion has cooked everybody.

Mila (15:10)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (15:11)

You know what I'm saying? The institution of it.

Mila (15:12)

The institution. Yeah.

Marcus Black (15:13)

Yeah.

Mila (15:14)

So it's turned everybody off from what?

Marcus Black (15:15)

The.

Mila (15:16)

The spirit of it truly being love, you know? Yeah. Loving thy neighbor. Simple. The basics, basic. They've turned it into something very. Yeah.

Erica (15:26)

I'm curious about the bullet. Their bulletproof concept of. Of bulletproofing your relationship or your marriage. Because I was like, I was reading this quote on your Instagram. It said, anyone can say I love you. Bulletproof love is shown when staying costs you something.

Mila (15:40)

Yeah.

Erica (15:40)

What do you mean by that?

Marcus Black (15:42)

So. So love can only be shown after an offense. Right. Love is sacrificial. Right. It's. It's all about, I only know somebody loves me by. What they're willing to. To offer you when it's not convenient for. For them. You know what I'm saying? If what you give me is based off of you guys are genuinely. Are generally just. Just decent human beings. Right. So if. If I asked one of you guys for something and it's not an inconvenience, you'd probably do it, right? Once I asked for something that is an inconvenience because the relationship is that we're not best friends. We didn't grow up together. Right. Then it's like, is he okay? Right. So when I'm talking about bulletproof love, man, for me, this is just for me. I can't speak for nobody else in this scenario. I didn't even know my wife truly loved me until I completely failed her. And she chose me when I knew she shouldn't have chose me. When I knew you very. You wouldn't have been wrong for choosing against me. And she chose me. And it didn't. It was. It was eye opening because I think most men, we don't. I had never seen unconditional love. I had never seen selfless love. I had never seen anyone choose love or choose their partner. And I'm not talking about from. From an emotionally manipulative way. You know what I'm saying? I'm not talking about from a place of, like, from a place of weakness. I'm talking about intentionally from a place of strength. I'm not talking about. I'm going to choose you because I have no other choice. And what else am I going to do? No, I'm going to choose you because I actually know who you are. I don't know what that was that you just did. And I believe that there's more. I believe that, you know, you can be strong. I believe in, you know, what God has shown me or what I believe I've seen regarding you, you know what I'm saying? So I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to sit back and watch. Let me see what you do with this, you know? And then for me, no one had to tell me to go to therapy, you know what I'm saying? No one had to tell me to go do the work, you know what I mean? Like, I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be better. I wanted to figure out how to be a good husband. I wanted to heal from childhood trauma. I wanted to heal from certain things that I deal with in my life that was passed down is generational trauma, you know what I'm saying? I never even seen it, you know what I mean? It's certain things that I met my biological father when I was 27 years old, right? And when I met, I was like, wow, I walk like him. You know what I'm saying? We built the same. But then there's certain things that he struggles with in his life, and I'm like, how do I struggle with the same thing? And I didn't grow up in the same house with you.

Mila (18:52)

Epigenetics, boom.

Marcus Black (18:55)

It's spiritual. Certain things is passed down through the blood. So I wanted to do the work to heal from those things and break some of those generational curses in my family. And, yeah, so that's what. That's. That's where I was coming from.

Mila (19:07)

Let me ask you a question. Do you feel like you had that desire to heal, to seek therapy, to be this better version of yourself prior to her choosing you when she shouldn't have or could have or could have opted to do something different? Because when you said that initially, I saw your face, I was just like, I think there's this unders. I think it's just a slippery. A slippery slope. Because I think for black women, there's this. There's this understanding, like, yes, marriage and partnership are difficult, and there's going to be things that you don't like, and there's going to be things you have to get past. But I don't think that love should be like this struggle, love. And I don't think that's a narrative that we should go on. And I'm not saying. You're saying this was just this isolated event. She knew who you were and she chose you. Which, you know, that happens sometimes. Niggas fuck up.

Erica (19:54)

We.

Mila (19:54)

We up. We're human. But I feel like sometimes, and you know women specifically, because there's this also this idea that, like, let's just say for infidelity, for instance, because that's something that happens often in relationships that we hear is maybe unforgivable or there's a rift that you can't come back from. Women are like, I'm gonna give him one more chance. This isn't a man's nature. And then, like with men, it doesn't. It's not reciprocated if that is maybe the. The same break in the relationship. And so I. I feel like when we say this to women about coming back from things that are up, it's. It's a slippery slope because sometimes you see a. Or, I mean, I say in love, go back and go back and go back and go back and get hurt and get hurt and get hurt until there's nothing left. And then they hate men. And then it's always this. This whole cycle of things. So I'm just wondering if, like, did you have that. That seed planted in you prior to her, to her. To you feeling unconditionally loved by her?

Marcus Black (20:56)

So I'm somebody who. I've always wanted to be the best version of myself. You know what I'm saying? I think as you get older, there's certain things that you find about yourself that you didn't know were there. You know, when you talk about infidelity, which is, you know, because of tv, because of love and hip hop, there was this narrative, I believe, that, like, Marcus was just this womanizing, just. It was never the KK guy. I'd be like, hey, God, it's tv. You know what I'm saying? Which is why when we talk about earlier, I'm like, hey, I think people negate the fact that, hey, this is a full production. This is a TV show. We showed up, there's cameras. Somebody said, action. It was entertainment.

Erica (21:32)

So I didn't. I don't even watch. I don't even know if I'm know what happened. But would they make you? Did they make. Did you know they were going to put you in that light or there's certain things. Or was it just more exaggerated than it was?

Marcus Black (21:45)

Yeah, a lot of. A lot of it is exaggerated. And then there's a lot of people, right? I was on Love and Hip hop Hollywood in 2016, 17. It's people who look at us today in 2006, and they like, 20, 26, my bad. There's people who. Who see me, what I'm doing now. They be like, why would we take advice from you? Like, didn't you cheat on. I'm like, Yo, y' all really, first of all, it's tv. But let's say what y' all saw was real. Y' all haven't seen. You haven't seen me in 10 years. And this is your. This is what you think, you know what I'm saying? To answer your question, though, I absolutely have always achieved to be the best version of myself in my past. I never struggled with infidelity, you know what I'm saying? That was not something that I struggled with. It's still not something I struggle with. It was a. It was a moment where I was like, I haven't been here before, you know what I'm saying? You kind of just look up and you're in a situation. You haven't been taught how to handle these situations. You haven't been like, I stand 10 toes down and say, I wasn't wrong for how I felt. I was wrong for how I handled my feelings. You know what I mean? And how, how I went about it and not feeling, not, not. Not knowing how to, you know, like, transparency is so important in a relationship. You know what I mean? Not just honesty, but transparency. And my relationship with my wife is so amazing because there's full transparency, you know what I'm saying? There's drama and then there's full telenovela level drama.

Mila (23:25)

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Marcus Black (23:50)

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Mila (24:00)

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Erica (24:07)

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Mila (24:08)

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Marcus Black (24:10)

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Mila (24:15)

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Marcus Black (25:35)

ran street chalupa the Taco Bell. You can't get just one. Okay? So that's not like some marketing hyperbole. You literally can't get just one. They come in twos. So like, if you want just one, you're gonna need to find a friend who loves slow roasted chicken bacon and avocado ranch sauce. Or a friend of a friend. Or have an awkward conversation with a

Erica (25:50)

complete stranger to see if they're obsessed

Marcus Black (25:52)

with chicken bacon and avocado ranch. Or you could just like eat them both because you're obsessed with slow roasted chicken bacon.

Erica (25:57)

Okay, you get the idea.

Marcus Black (25:59)

The new chicken bacon ranch street chalup

Erica (26:00)

is at Taco Bell. I participate in Taco Bell US Locations

Marcus Black (26:03)

for a limited time while supplies last. It's real partnership, you know what I'm saying? My wife is my best friend. There's nothing I don't talk to her about, right? So I was talking to my homie the other day and I'm like, look, it's easy to come talk to your wife or your girl about how you're feeling. It's gonna be much more difficult to have a conversation with her about, well, this is what I did. As a result of that, now, now you've left her in the dark about so much. So it's like life still lifes and you still feel certain things. But as I, as, as I feel something now, it's like, my wife's not in the blind about it. It's like, oh, well, sweetheart, I was feeling like this or I saw this or I'm dealing with this or this is How I'm feeling today or. And there's transparency, and she can help me through these feelings and vice versa. You know what I'm saying? So that situation is the first time, the first thing that put a highlight over who I was in that moment where I was lost, what the root of it was, like, what caused me to do this. Like, I'm a very. I've always been a very honest person. I'm a very transparent person. Naturally, like, even when what you wanna talk. We can talk about whatever. Like, I don't really trip up. I'm not. I don't do no hiding. Right? So in that moment, I'm like, how did. Like, where did this come from? You know what I'm saying? So I actually always thought that even if I was to do something wrong, like, that I would be very transparent that I did it. I wasn't transparent about anything. I'm like, how did I become. Where this come from? Where is this? And so it sent me down the road of trying to do the work and go to therapy and unpack certain things and, you know, get in my word and seek God and just try to. Try to break down. Like, what is the. What's the root. What's the foundation of these things? You know,

Erica (27:49)

was that situation, the. That moment where your wife could have chose otherwise, and she chose you 100%. And so, just curious, because I think that as women, when we hear stories like this, like Mila said, we hear women that are, like, have been with men, that have been, like, have had you say you didn't struggle with infidelity, but maybe they've been in a relationship where, like, their partner has had infidelity, and then they keep going back because their partner says, oh, I'm gonna be better. I'm gonna do better. I've been that woman. I'm just curious, from a man's perspective, what are some signs that women who are in those relationships that are in the process of giving their man and maybe the first chance, like, how do you know you're like, this is a good investment? How do you know. Like, what are the signs that a woman can look at in her man and say, okay, I'm willing to take this chance because I believe in you. Like, what are the. What are those signs that they can look for? Because I think a lot of times as women, like, we're just, like, going off trust. Yeah.

Marcus Black (28:44)

And trust.

Erica (28:45)

Trust. That's already been broken.

Mila (28:46)

Exactly.

Erica (28:47)

You know, so it's like.

Marcus Black (28:49)

So I think. I think you can't go off of potential. You have to go off trajectory, right? You have to go off of. Okay, how is this person moving? Like, how you do one thing is how you do everything, right? So when you're dealing with somebody of character, if you're dealing with somebody who is honest, if you're dealing with somebody who, like when I look at how you handle things, I can tell whether this was a mistake. Like, this is a glitch and a mate. This is a glitch right here, right? If this is who you are, it's just who you are. You know what I'm saying? So for a woman that said I would never tell a woman to continue to go back or, you know, I think emotional manipulation is an emotional trauma is just as toxic and dangerous as physical trauma. You know what I'm saying?

Mila (29:36)

So sometimes more.

Marcus Black (29:38)

Yeah, sometimes it can be more, you know? So I would, I would say that it's important to step back and, and look at who this person is. You know what I mean? Again, I'm not somebody who ever struggled in this area, you know what I'm saying? I've never been this undisciplined, wild dick nigga out here. Just. That's never been my move. Never been my move, right? So something happened here, you know what I'm saying? And I missed it. And also anybody who was around me in that season, you know, it bothered me more than it bothered her. It could like it. It's one thing when you, when you just slip up and you make a mistake, when you make an offense, right? But when you hurt the person you love, you should be hurt. You shouldn't be. Okay, right? And that's another major sign, right? Like if you hurt your partner and they're not, and you're devastated, and they're not devastated, something's wrong here. And you're hurt and they're not hurt. And they just think, oh, well, you know, well, it's not that big stuff. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Well, you know, you need to like the, the get over it language. Well, you still, you still tripping off of that. These are all. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is, this is. This is not one. We got to deal with this because I think whenever in any relationship, a business relationship, a marriage, a friendship, you know, we come together and we like, okay, we're coming together to do this. You guys have a business relationship, right? Good moms, bad choices, you know what I'm saying? You guys are full out business partners, right? So if somebody goes and makes a move outside of what you guys agreed on, it doesn't mean you throw it away. But we definitely have to sit back and be like, okay, what was that? What's going on? You know what I'm saying? If this is who the person is and you just hadn't caught on to it, or maybe you thought they weren't gonna do that to you, well, maybe it's time to, like, you might wanna step away from that situation if it doesn't work for you, and that's who they are. But if it's just a season and they just. I never. We've been working together for years. I've never seen you do nothing like that. What made you do this? Ah, well, I was dealing with this, and then this happened and I was afraid about this, and I just did this and I apologize. Like, I don't plan on ever doing that again. This is the language that makes you want to be like, okay, so you understand that this is not okay, right? Because if you don't understand it's not okay, then there's nowhere to go. Well, we're probably gonna do it. We'll probably be here again six months, a year, six weeks, whatever. Six years. So I think for me, I was. I couldn't believe. I was disgusted with myself. Like, yo, that's what we on, nigga. That's what we at. Like, because I felt cowardly.

Mila (32:29)

And it also happened to just be on TV in front of everybody.

Marcus Black (32:32)

It wasn't on tv. That's the part.

Mila (32:33)

Oh, it wasn't. Okay.

Marcus Black (32:34)

That was. The stuff that people seen on TV wasn't even it. That was nonsense. That was tv.

Erica (32:38)

Okay?

Marcus Black (32:39)

When I really made it, made the bad turn, no one's seen it.

Mila (32:42)

Okay.

Marcus Black (32:43)

You know what I'm saying? And I couldn't believe it because I felt. I felt cowardly. I felt more cowardly that I allowed it to make it back to my wife without. And it didn't come from me. Oh, I felt like a go ahead.

Mila (33:00)

That's something. I think that people like people

Erica (33:06)

when.

Mila (33:06)

Like, when.

Erica (33:07)

In.

Mila (33:07)

In times, in my. In, like, in a certain maturity where people did stuff to trespass my trust or cheated or lied.

Marcus Black (33:13)

Yeah.

Mila (33:14)

My biggest thing is because I'm very much who I am, was like, listen, this is a you thing. Because you don't like yourself enough to be honest about what you've done. You don't like you. Or else you would have been fine saying, hey, I don't want to really be in this relationship. So when you. When you realize it like that. It's like if someone's apologetic, it's because they really dislike this thing that they did. But if they went so hard to hide it, it's like they don't really like who they actually are. Who you say you are and who you present as is not who you actually are. And that's where it gets tricky. It's like say be who you are or else you are like I think if you don't, if you don't feel bad about it, it's because you like to be. You like to show up as something that you actually are not.

Marcus Black (33:58)

Yeah.

Mila (33:59)

And that's what I don't with. It's not, it's not generally about like the cheating or lying. It's like you told me you wanted to be in a committed relationship. You told me you want to be monogamous. We could have did some whole other total other because I got some hoes too. But that's the thing is don't really generally want you to be on your own too. You would rather you do your own and me pretend and me not know what the is going on so that you don't have to accept the same behavior. And I think that's what bothers me a lot about men is like the behavior that they generally do in secret is. It's in secret because they wouldn't be able to handle it if their partner did it to them.

Marcus Black (34:31)

Right.

Mila (34:32)

And to me that's some bitch ass shit.

Marcus Black (34:33)

Yeah.

Mila (34:34)

If you respect me as a friend, if you respect me as an adult and as a human, you're going to be honest about what you're doing so that we can be on the same page. And if I so choose to, you know, either take it, I might go have a side piece too. But if you can't handle it, that lets me know that you don't like yourself because you don't want to see yourself in me. You don't want to see me display the same behaviors. And a lot of men are going to argue and say, well my woman, I want to have a couple of women and you are just my woman. You hear that all the time, right? Like men have women and then like, but they're women. Neo, it's the only thing I could think of. But to me like that in itself, it's is an example of a man who doesn't really like the behavior in which he's displaying. If you can't handle it in your partner, then you probably don't like the behavior in yourself. But you don't have the balls enough to say that to me.

Marcus Black (35:25)

I think, I think it's a little more layered than that.

Erica (35:27)

I don't know if Neo doesn't like the behavior in himself. I think that he's benefiting from it.

Mila (35:31)

I mean, well, men benefit from it, but I'm saying is like, well, he's

Erica (35:34)

getting everything he wants, of course, because

Mila (35:36)

the women are like, I don't need any of the men or whatever the they be saying. I don't get it. It seems delusional to me.

Erica (35:40)

And I do think it's layered. I think that there's like a lot of conditioning. I think there's, like, there is, there's religion. There's just all the things that. How a woman is supposed to show up, how is white, how a wife is supposed to show up, how valuable woman is supposed to show up, how a supposed to show up.

Mila (35:52)

But what about equal rights?

Erica (35:53)

Of course. Why you look like that? What? Let's ask the man.

Marcus Black (36:04)

Yeah, what about equal rights?

Mila (36:07)

I just feel like equal. I, I, I don't, I hate the

Marcus Black (36:10)

word equal, by the way.

Mila (36:12)

Don't.

Erica (36:12)

Why do you hate the word equal?

Marcus Black (36:14)

Because what's equal? What is that?

Mila (36:16)

I mean, like, think about humanity.

Erica (36:18)

Balance.

Mila (36:18)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (36:19)

There's nothing, there's, there's nothing equal. There's nothing. Like if you, if, and I'm gonna pick, like, if we, if you look at the animal kingdom, right? Nothing is equal in the animal kingdom, right? If we look at men and it's like, all men are not created equal. All women are not created equal. What is this equal stuff? Everyone's not equal. You, you, you, you get what you, go ahead.

Mila (36:40)

I think from God's perspective, he creates us equally. Baby is a baby. Is a baby. Is a baby.

Marcus Black (36:45)

This is, See, this is where I.

Mila (36:47)

Environment then gives us what we believe is what is. Either is environment and society then gives us value. So, but from a gut, from a divine perspective, as I create the tree and I create the lion, and I create Marcus Black, they're all equally my creations in which I love unconditionally. Correct.

Marcus Black (37:05)

Yeah, but God has favorites. And so, like, I don't know if God has favorites.

Erica (37:10)

Is that in the Bible?

Marcus Black (37:11)

Absolutely. There's no question.

Mila (37:12)

Who's his favorite? Yeah, yeah. Mark, John and Jacob.

Marcus Black (37:16)

Well, well, we could, we can go into somebody like Moses, right? Where in scripture God refers to like, this is my friend. Like, I speak to him face to face, mouth to mouth. Like, y' all think y' all can play with somebody who I consider a Friend of mine, he's close to me. Like when you talk about King David, who a great man of God, but King David made a mess. King David made the biggest mess. God loved David. This is a. He called David a man after his own heart. Even when you talk about Jacob and Esau being born, he said, jacob, I love Esau.

Mila (37:53)

No, not so much.

Marcus Black (37:56)

It doesn't mean in the sense of like he doesn't love Esau, but eat Jacob, I have favor.

Mila (38:01)

You know, Jacob has more faith and Jacob talks to me more often.

Marcus Black (38:04)

It lands how it lands. It's kind of like when you talk about the idea of luck. Right?

Erica (38:08)

But we're also talking about the imperfections of man. Right? So of course, like if. If Esau has. Has up or He's a terrible person. Oh yeah.

Mila (38:17)

I don't understand. I thought that God just loved his people, that he created.

Marcus Black (38:21)

God loves everybody but his levels so

Mila (38:23)

on, on just like I don't.

Marcus Black (38:25)

Jesus had favorites. Like, there's a reason Jesus was man.

Mila (38:28)

He was a human.

Marcus Black (38:29)

Jesus was all man and all God.

Erica (38:31)

I need to research this more.

Mila (38:32)

I don't know. But yeah. You're going to stump us with the Bible.

Erica (38:34)

You're going to stump me with the Bible? We went to Catholic school. One second, let me. Where's my Bible?

Mila (38:38)

We're going have to go back to the.

Marcus Black (38:39)

To our ninth. So. So for. For me, so much of our. How society is ran is pulled from Bible, right? Like when we talk about manipulated. Yes, absolutely manipulated. You know what I'm saying? But I'm just talking about. It's important for us to know what scripture says, right? Because the moment we start talking about, well, this is right and this is wrong. Well, what makes it right and what makes it wrong? Where do we get this moral compass from? Right? If we get the moral compass from God, then there's a who gave us the moral compass? Like, you know what I'm saying? So much of the world still operates off the ten Commandments, right? And so

Mila (39:26)

does it. Because the thou not shall kill their neighbor. I mean, I think it just gets. It gets. It gets very muddy, right? Because I mean, I, I'm. I'm not. I've read the Bible a long time ago. Not anytime recently. I'm not gonna front.

Marcus Black (39:39)

I understand.

Mila (39:40)

But did you read it?

Erica (39:41)

The whole thing?

Mila (39:41)

We went through every chapter in Catholic school. Yes.

Erica (39:45)

I wasn't paying attention.

Mila (39:45)

I wasn't either.

Erica (39:46)

But I went to Catholic school too. I'm like, you read that whole.

Mila (39:48)

We had religion, but. But this is where it gets tricky to me, and I know this is probably going to get too deep, but even right now, in present time, when we talk about God's favorites or God's chosen people, you see what that, what happens when we put favoritism or hierarchy on humans. People then think it's justified to murder and kill and genocide and take land and kill babies. And, and then that's not really on a moral compass.

Marcus Black (40:14)

But, but everything is. People, People don't read the Bible in context, right? Like, even when I won't even go over there to that topic, but even when I, like when you talk about the chosen people, it's not talking about that land, you know what I'm saying? It's not talking about the people who have currently occupied that land. It was, it's a lineage, and you're either a part of that lineage or not. And, and, and when it, and when he chose those people, he didn't choose these people because they're just, these are good or they're just better than everybody. He chose to reveal himself through these, through this lineage. So when you talk about holy anointed, it just means, it just means set apart these people. I took this and I put it to the side. I'm saying it's set apart to the side. You know what I mean? It doesn't mean better than everybody. It's just chosen. You know what I mean? Like when the idea of, of luck, right? Luck finds who it wants, right? Like if you hit a jackpot, what did you do to deserve the jackpot? When somebody hits a lottery for $500 million, what did you do to deserve that? It just, it just landed on you, you know what I'm saying? And that's how God's favor works. God's favor. God chooses who he wants. God picks who he wants. He loves everyone, but he has, he has favorites. You know what I mean? Just if, if you, if you have cousins, then you probably have, you might have a favorite cousin, you know what I'm saying? You, you have siblings, you might have a favorite sibling, you know what I'm saying? A lot of people don't want to have this conversation, but if you have multiple children, but a lot of times you have a favorite child.

Erica (41:54)

Talking about men, we're talking about humans. Human to human, human to healing.

Mila (41:59)

But I was just saying that all that to say back to the equal rights of relationships is just that I think that men have used the patriarchy and religion sometimes to place a burden or a struggle on women, that they have to Endure. They have to endure a certain amount of maybe infidelity or dishonesty in the realm of sex or sexual relationships, because that is in a man's nature. But no, it's not in your nature because you have a vagina and you're my wife. Do that. What I did, then it's definitely over and I'm definitely gonna. My love then is conditional and I no longer love you.

Marcus Black (42:37)

Yes.

Mila (42:37)

But for me, this is my. My nature because I have a penis and God gave it to me and he said, soil your royal oats or whatever the God said.

Marcus Black (42:43)

You know, he never said that either.

Mila (42:45)

I know, but you know that. That is where I think I get it. Gets.

Marcus Black (42:54)

Yeah, but it's. It's. It's. You have people in power saying things that God never said.

Mila (43:01)

Okay. Right. No one's doing the research.

Marcus Black (43:03)

God never. There's nowhere in the Bible where God gives men the past to be sexually irresponsible. You know what I'm saying? Actually, when you go to Scripture and a lot of people like to point out, well, this man was polygamous and this person was polygamous, and it's like, you can't show me one time in the Bible where there's a poly relationship. And it went well. It never goes well. It went bad every single time. Whether God condemned the person in that season or not, that's another conversation. And also, there's certain things. That's permissible in one season that's not permissible in another season. When God's goal is to populate the earth and build certain things. Okay, well, we're not. This is not 5,000 years ago. You know what I'm saying? It's not.

Mila (43:45)

We don't need to populate.

Erica (43:46)

No, you know what I'm saying?

Mila (43:48)

We're at capacity.

Marcus Black (43:50)

Men don't have the right to just like cheating is wrong. I don't care who you cheating on.

Mila (43:54)

Lying. Thou should not lie.

Marcus Black (43:56)

Well, it doesn't say that.

Mila (43:57)

It doesn't. That's not the Ten Commandments.

Marcus Black (43:58)

No.

Erica (43:59)

Really brush up on these commandments.

Mila (44:02)

You think that was a commandment?

Erica (44:03)

I believed you.

Marcus Black (44:04)

But this. But. But this is a. This is a misconception. This is why our society is a mess because we run around saying things. You have pastors, you have moms, you have people saying, well, the Bible says it doesn't say that.

Mila (44:20)

And no one went to go check. And no one's like, it's too big. She's right. So many pages. Fuck it. She said.

Marcus Black (44:28)

I was so annoyed when I dove into it and I was like, wow, y' all said this and it don't say that, and it's so off, right? And then also, like, I was in a conversation. Now, this is just to give you a different perspective. I was in a conversation in a barbershop, and the guys were looking at me like crazy. They were like, so, Marcus, so if your wife cheated on you, what you doing? And I was like, as I pray I never have to see that day, right? But I was like, going back to what I was saying. Hila, earlier, we go off of patterns. My wife has never, ever been, quote, unquote, promiscuous, what society calls it, right? She's never been out there. It's never been her. If she becomes something today that she wasn't, I would zoom in and be like, okay, what's that? That's 1, 2. This is my wife. It's my wife. Like, we're together every day. If somehow she can meet a man, he can court her, woo her, whatever, her enough to be able to get them draws and I missed the whole thing, then that means there's. There's been some level of abandonment on my end and disconnection, you know what I'm saying? There's no way somebody can get that in. I'm too hands on. I'm too aware. I'm too tapped into.

Erica (45:49)

Do you think that that same concept

Marcus Black (45:51)

can be flipped as far as what,

Erica (45:54)

like, for a woman, like, if her man cheated, is that. Does she need to analyze that concept as well? Like, if my man had time to go court a woman, I mean, obviously it's different, right? Because I think men, and they're. They're. They're. Their relation to sex or intimacy is different than a woman's relation to sex or intimacy. But I'm just curious, does that. Does that go both ways? Because when I asked you originally was like, what. What are the. The green flags in cheating, right? Like, what are the green flags?

Mila (46:21)

That's the green flags.

Erica (46:22)

But, like, I mean, like, if you're gonna stay, you're gonna work it out. What are the green flags in your partner that you're like, okay, I'm gonna work it out. Because these are the things that I'm willing to analyze and view about my partner and say, okay, it was a. This is an isolated situation. Historically, you haven't done this. And number one is what I think is. And number two, now what you're saying on your side is what. Where am I lacking here? Where am I lacking? So does that does that also go

Marcus Black (46:46)

on the woman side? Is. Is different. Okay, it's different. And going back to. This is why I, I believe that double standards are beautiful. And I think it's important to understand that we're not equal. Right. So most women, I would never make a blank. I don't like blanket statements. I'm not gonna speak for all women. Most women who are loved properly by their man, they typically don't have eyes for other men. Most. Right now, men, you can have the most amazing wife and she do everything perfect and the eyes will still move and you have to check it. Right. So as a man, I would look at my wife, who I know this is. This is not her nature to just. That's not what she on. She's wrong. Absolutely. But it's like, how do we get here? And how did I miss it? There's no way I miss it. If I'm intentional and I'm hands on and I'm in there and I'm present in my relationship, there's no way I miss something like that. There's no way. She's probably been talking to me about things that's bothering her and I brushed it off. She felt ignored, she felt unseen, she felt unheard. Maybe she didn't feel beautiful, maybe she didn't. Maybe she's not. She's. She missed a lot. And even still, my wife is very, very bold. Like, she'll just be like, yeah, nah, you know what I'm saying? Before she just goes and go does and does something else. That's just who she is, you know what I'm saying? As a man, because it is more in our nature and all that. I can, I can. When I tell you I can open up the Bible and walk everything that we talking about, I can pinpoint to you where this come from, how this happened, why it happened, and why you feel how you feel. I can literally. It will take another episode, but I can literally walk it down. So when you. Well, I just. That just. That just threw me off real quick. I got addicted. What was I just saying?

Mila (48:53)

We were just talking about.

Erica (48:54)

You say you got. As a man, you could.

Mila (48:56)

Oh. If you, if you would take her back if she cheated on you.

Marcus Black (48:59)

No. So because of the nature, right. Men will go out of their way to hide it. You know, I'm saying men will duck more because it's like you just want to get that off. Like there was nothing wrong. You just wanted to go get that off. Like it doesn't have to be something wrong.

Mila (49:14)

I'm I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm not saying you're not wrong. Women, it takes a lot more, I think, especially as a woman of a certain age, to. To act on intimacy when you're in love.

Erica (49:23)

I just had a high thought immediately when I hit this. The high thought and are not gonna like this. Maybe they will. I don't know. I think that from all the data that you've just shared, data, all the information I've been hearing that if a woman cheats, she needs a lot more. Like she deserves a pass. I feel like if a woman cheats, she deserves a pass. Number one. All need to give cheating women a pass. Number one. I just feel like I won't say that.

Mila (49:52)

I mean, some are just.

Erica (49:53)

No, because generally if you're cheating, I think it's. You're right. Because, I mean, I can, I can only speak for myself and I can speak for like the data that I've done amongst my friends that generally if a woman is cheating, it is because there is something lacking in her partnership that she has been ignored and has tried to express herself and it has gone on deaf ears. It's usually not just because they're the fine. Like maybe when I was like 18 and I would just like, just wanted to try things, you weren't really in love. Yeah. Like when you're, like when you're, when you're older, I would say that there's like a little more substance. However, the trauma still shows up and the need for attention and all those things are still present. So let's not ignore those things. But I would say generally it is because there's something lacking. And so it's basically my high thought is it's your fault.

Marcus Black (50:38)

Well, no, that's toxic.

Erica (50:39)

But you know what?

Mila (50:40)

I asked Orlando recently, I was like, if I cheated on you, you. I asked him recently, if I choose on you, it's his fault, would you be more. Okay. I said, would you be more mad if it was like a one off that lasted like six months? Or would you be mad if. Or would you be more mad if you found out it was multiple people? And he said, he said if it was multiple people. I knew it was a you thing. And if it was a one off, I mean a one person for. For a long, like a. A period of time, It's a us problem.

Erica (51:09)

Yeah, I think that's like, that's true.

Mila (51:11)

That's a good question. That's good answer.

Marcus Black (51:12)

I think, I think, I think that's strong. You know, also I Actually will be far more bothered by my wife pillow talking with a man about my business and mentioning me to another man than actually being intimate.

Mila (51:26)

Because it's a respect and a privacy thing.

Marcus Black (51:29)

Yeah. Because like that, that way is going to make me want to smoke everything.

Mila (51:32)

Because now you're. You're confiding in somebody.

Marcus Black (51:35)

Yeah. Like, you know, like trying to make me seem weaker in front of another man. Like, no, I. That's making man crash.

Mila (51:41)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (51:42)

I'm saying if you want to get your little box away, go and get your little box away. And that, that's your. That's yours. No, go crazy. Have a ball.

Mila (51:47)

Cook a few little box away. Wait, I have a question.

Erica (51:50)

We have some questions I know people want to ask. We don't have a lot of time, so I would love to get into. We asked our Discord. Shout out to our Discord community. If you haven't joined our Discord community, make sure you come join our private community where we be chatting it up and our girls be chatting it up. It'd be lit in there. There's. There's different channels. There's a girl, guess what channel where you, you go and you share just exciting news. There's the titty channel. What is it? No, the Yoni XX channel where all women and we share our nudes. Because sometimes we just need to share our nudes and not with men, but with women. Be like, hey, should I send this to this or not? Or I felt sexy today. Like, make. Give me some look, give me some love. You're coughing right in the mic

Mila (52:32)

in Lizzie.

Erica (52:32)

Jeff, shout out to Lizzie. Make sure you join our Discord. You have to join our Patreon. So make sure you go to patreon.com good moms, bad choices. And you get all of our episodes early and you get access to our Discord community.

Mila (52:47)

But we're doing a lot of talking in there. So these questions, a couple of these Questions come from Ms. Toya. Shout out to Ms. Toya, who came on our retreat this last year, who's right here in la. Hey, girl.

Erica (52:57)

Hey.

Mila (52:59)

She said, this is a good one.

Erica (53:01)

What?

Mila (53:01)

What, what lie about masculinity almost cost you love?

Marcus Black (53:09)

So. So in my, in my, in my book, Bulletproof love, I talk about an experience I have with, I had with my pops, right? My pops that raised me. And based off his trauma, like he was trying to help me, but his trauma, projecting. You know what I'm saying? He was trying to help me, but, but, but it didn't work. So basically he told me, if you. If you want to have a successful relationship. Not verbatim, but this is what he was saying. If you want to have a successful relationship, you keep your woman out your business. And I took that with me and I did that. And it almost cost me everything. You know what I'm saying? It actually had me moving in silence. Like that was the masculine thing to do. And, you know, when I dove in and I really understood, when I dove into scripture and I understood because when you talk about marriage, like marriage was created by. By God. You have the institution of marriage that was created by. That turned it into a business, but it was created by God. So when you see how he created it, it's like, if my wife is my helper, if she's my asset, how can she help me if I'm keeping her out of my business? This is like, completely illogical.

Mila (54:14)

It's like having a business partner and

Erica (54:16)

you're never selling anything.

Marcus Black (54:17)

If you want to have a successful business, keep your business partner out your business.

Mila (54:19)

Yeah, like how?

Marcus Black (54:20)

And it cooked me. And it's a lot of rewiring. So, yeah, that's one of them for sure. There's drama and then there's full telenovela level drama.

Mila (54:30)

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Marcus Black (54:55)

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Mila (55:05)

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Erica (55:12)

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Mila (55:13)

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Marcus Black (55:15)

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Mila (55:20)

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Marcus Black (56:09)

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Mila (57:27)

What does emotional safety look like from a man's perspective? How can women provide emotional safety for a man?

Marcus Black (57:35)

It looks like creating an environment where I feel safe enough to communicate my thoughts and my truths to you without me feeling judged, without me feeling ridiculed, without me having to pay for it later, you know, without you bringing it up and to weaponize my truth and using it against me when it's convenient or when you're hurt, right? One of the my favorite attributes about my wife as a wife is I can have a conversation with her. I can tell her what my thoughts are, what I'm dealing with or what I'm going. She's not going to make it about her. She's not going to be like, she's not going to use it and be like, oh, I need to put my guard up now because no, no, no, she's gonna, okay, well, how you feeling? Well, what. What do you want to do about that? You know what? I'm saying, or do you need my help or. Because there's times when I'm just venting to my wife and I don't need help. I'm just kind of need to put this here. And there's other times, like, there's certain times where I'll tell my wife, I. I separate. I want to talk to them right now. I'm talking to my friend. I need my friend right now. My friend is just. I just need to listen and ear when I'm talking to my wife. I need solution. I need my helper. Right. So being able to separate the two.

Erica (58:54)

But yeah, I think that's great advice, like the separating. Because I think as. As people just in relation with people, not even just in marriage, but in friendship. Like the other day I was having a conversation with my friend. He was calling to check on me about something, and he was immediately giving me advice. And I was like, hey, I really, I don't need advice.

Marcus Black (59:13)

Yeah.

Erica (59:13)

But I want to talk to you.

Marcus Black (59:14)

Yeah.

Erica (59:14)

So if you can just listen and we can just talk in that way. And he was like, okay, cool. But I think we often, like, people know that people at this point in, like listening to podcasts, you listen to enough, enough wellness podcasts, you listen to enough like, you know, that, you know, these things are. You can do them. But it's a matter of feeling brave enough to say to like, hey, I need you to be my friend right now.

Marcus Black (59:34)

It's. It's really important and in practice of

Erica (59:37)

it too, so it doesn't feel like. And bringing that into your relationship is transformational, I'm sure, because your wife is able to really, like, know what, really how to support you. And that's beautiful. So.

Marcus Black (59:47)

Yeah.

Erica (59:47)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (59:47)

In all relationships.

Erica (59:48)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (59:48)

I'm a five, two beautiful little girls. My oldest, I'll be 15 in two months, and my baby girl is six. And you know, as a man, you have to be very intentional with creating safety for your little girls because there's a fine balance between being the friend and being the father. You know what I mean? But if I want, like my oldest, like, she's in high school now, right. If I want to be on the end, I have to create a pattern, you know what I mean? Of her knowing she can come tell me something without being duck. I don't care what she tell me. Okay. There might now. Now I let her know there's gonna be certain times where I might let you know. Okay, that's a little disappointing. Why? Because I know you can do better. You know what I'm saying. But you're not gonna be judged. I'm not gonna use it against you. I'm not gonna vilify you and act like you're the worst person in the world. You didn't do something today that I've never done or your mama never done or no one has ever done before. So I think creating safety is in any relationship who wants to share with somebody who's gonna judge them.

Erica (60:48)

Well, people don't even realize they're doing it, you know, Like, I've had to really work on how I ask questions and, like, leading with a lot more hows and what's than I think. Or what do you. Like, maybe you should. Or, you know, because we think that we're. We. I think some people genuinely, that's how they feel, like they're presenting themselves, and then that's kind of the disruption in the relationship. And it's actually like two people that really, actually want to show up for one another, but they don't. They don't know how to, like, ask questions. I feel like that's a lot of. I feel like when I. What I hear from men a lot is like the emotional safety that they want from women is exactly what you just said is the. Just like the listening ear. Because as women, we want to nurture, we want to fix, we want to improve. And sometimes I feel like that is often like the communication break between men and women is that it's that simple thing, because we actually want the same things. Like, when we think about it, right? We just. We want to communicate. We want to. We want to build, we want to. We want to play our roles. So it's like about knowing when to play that role and which role we're playing and being able to ask for that role to show up.

Marcus Black (61:50)

Bingo. You know, you have to know. I have to be intentional about being like, hold on. I actually don't need my wife right now. I just need my friend and tell her how I need her to show up. That comes with awareness, though. You have to be able to know

Erica (62:00)

what you need in that moment.

Marcus Black (62:01)

I don't need. I don't need my. I don't need big dog right now. I just need my dog to come listen to what I'm. What I'm saying. You know what I'm saying?

Erica (62:07)

She's.

Marcus Black (62:07)

And she's really good about that, you know, super good about that.

Mila (62:11)

And it's important to be like. Like you said, self aware. Because a lot of times we're just saying things we're making it someone else's issue instead of being this is what I need. And like asking for what you need, like identifying the feeling, asking yourself first, what do I need? And then asking the person like handy just show up in this way. Because a lot of times we're expecting things from people. Hey, we don't even know what the fuck we actually need because we haven't checked in with ourselves. And then we're expecting things from people and they don't know what you need and they don't read mind. And then it creates this cycle of resentment that you know that you can't come back from. And it can all be cured by just simply knowing what you need and asking for it.

Marcus Black (62:47)

That's why I always say I would. If I could start over from scratch. I wouldn't even. I would never even date before. I wouldn't even date before 30 years old.

Mila (62:55)

Literally. I mean, I'm talking about go, go

Marcus Black (62:57)

out maybe I might hang out with friends. I'm talking about dating. I would never date anyone before.

Mila (63:02)

You got a practice?

Erica (63:03)

Practice?

Marcus Black (63:04)

Well, no, no, no.

Mila (63:05)

But like long term, it's just a waste of time.

Marcus Black (63:07)

But also when you. Even when you talking about sports, like, like I love hoop. Right.

Erica (63:11)

I hope I agree with this.

Marcus Black (63:12)

No, because. Because there's a certain thing that's practicing the wrong way.

Erica (63:14)

Marriage. I think marriage is a different thing. I think dating has to happen.

Marcus Black (63:18)

Yeah, but there's a certain thing as practicing the wrong way. Like first of all, you're not even practicing.

Mila (63:22)

You're just in it. You're just wasting time.

Erica (63:23)

We need school for dating.

Marcus Black (63:25)

I just told you I created the

Erica (63:26)

youth needs school for dating. All this can be resolved if the school school for dating existed.

Mila (63:31)

You know what that like, because then we wouldn't have all these dumbass gender wars, especially black people. We don't want to have these gender wars. We wouldn't be talking about teens.

Erica (63:39)

What do you bring to the table?

Mila (63:40)

It would be clear we could communicate if we could probably like heal love, we could heal the world. If we could heal interpersonal inner relationships between men and women. Genuinely. It would.

Erica (63:53)

It would.

Mila (63:54)

I mean honestly, that's even in the black community. That's why they've actually planted seeds of toxicity so that we wouldn't figure it out. But this is. People don't realize when we. I got the Internet and we're on the Internet talking about dumbass, like who you going to feed first? The baby or the husband? And like, like the stupid. That doesn't need to be discussed like are like we just remove the love and the basics out of it. We do need to learn and there's so much, there's so much trauma. Like slavery did a hell of a job on, on, on trust, on love, on owners. Like it really did a lot. And so now you know what the

Marcus Black (64:30)

biggest thing of slavery did to us though. It made us anti Bible because the Bible was used to, to destroy us. That's why they have a, they had a Negro Bible where they, they, they, they took out the stuff that was good for us and they left in stuff that was terrible. It was nonsense. I would love to come back sometime soon and have a conversation and show you guys.

Erica (64:53)

You break down the scripture for us.

Marcus Black (64:54)

I will break down.

Erica (64:56)

Are you Pastor. Are you Pastor Marcus Black?

Mila (64:58)

No, no, no, no. We need to have a, like a religious.

Marcus Black (65:02)

No, not religious.

Mila (65:03)

Not religious. Like because I have. There's a lot of religious trauma people.

Marcus Black (65:07)

Yes.

Mila (65:07)

Which, which religious trauma is deep.

Marcus Black (65:10)

Ah, it's heavy. We all experienced it. But like when you talk about relationships, when I tell you God gave us the perfect blueprint for it and we would all love it if, if, you know, it would be lit if we

Erica (65:22)

just took the religion out of it.

Marcus Black (65:24)

If we just take the institution.

Erica (65:26)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (65:26)

You know what I'm saying? Like Jesus wasn't a Christian. Jesus was not into the, he was not under this institution of the. No. When we get into it and we know what it actually says, it can help us. When you see the double standards that are in there and you see why, when you see all the things that they tell you, you're going to go to hell over God. Scripture never says it. We will have, I think, I think, I think we will have a breakthrough.

Mila (65:50)

I think Bible study. I read Pastor. Pastor Black. Did moms do Bible study with Pastor?

Marcus Black (65:56)

I think, I think if we, if we take a. It's going to be a little longer. I think if we take like an hour and a half and we just walked it, it'd be crazy.

Erica (66:05)

I would enjoy it. I was, I started reading the Bible this year and when I, I was told. Was it you? I don't know who I was telling cuz I, I didn't tell anybody that I had been like going to church and like just exploring what that means to me and my discomfort with it and then all. But the thing that really revealed itself to me was really reading the scripture and being like, damn, some of these stories are lit. And then I was like, damn, this actually makes a lot of sense. And then I'm like, yeah, that doesn't mean what you're saying it means.

Marcus Black (66:34)

Right.

Mila (66:34)

Why are you.

Erica (66:35)

What are you trying to do? Stop that. You know, so it's been like, it's been a. Affirming to my. My intuition around religion, which is like, I don't with it. But then it's also been enlightening because I. In a lot of ways, because I went to Catholic school. I was in religion class. I was high. I was high as hell.

Mila (66:55)

I didn't really so much.

Erica (66:56)

I wasn't really listening. I was trying to get through religious class. Religion class. Like, that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to get the. A. Shut the up. Because you're talking some over there talking about whatever and missing the message. And so like, as an adult being able to read it, it's been. It's been enlightening in ways. And it's very much highlighted, like. Yeah, the religious aspect. If you pull it out of it and you look at it from like a more. A more spiritual way.

Mila (67:21)

Researcher.

Marcus Black (67:22)

I'm telling you. Let me tell you something. The greatest asset to God would be women like you knowing the truth about scripture. Because you guys are honest. You guys are truth. Truth tellers. You guys are blunt. You guys are gonna. You have no problem calling Cap, you know what I'm saying? Like, the world would be changed with women like you guys knowing the truth.

Erica (67:45)

Could you imagine, can you imagine us going around with our Bibles city to city?

Mila (67:51)

I can see it right now.

Erica (67:53)

Oh my God.

Marcus Black (67:54)

And just calling Cap like, hey, y' all said this is nonsense. God never said that.

Erica (67:59)

Excuse me, did you read this one?

Mila (68:00)

You know what I'm saying?

Erica (68:01)

I don't think you read it.

Mila (68:01)

I just advice.

Marcus Black (68:02)

That's true.

Mila (68:03)

We're not here to turn you. We're just going on tour.

Erica (68:05)

But not the same. Not that kind of tour.

Mila (68:08)

Leviticus.

Erica (68:09)

Good. Mom's gone. No, actually, no. No, I'm. I'm not. I'm. I'm being silly, but I also, I, I understand what you're saying. I don't understand.

Mila (68:17)

No, I mean, I. I'd rather know the information for myself. I've visited, I went. I. I studied the Bible, but not in years because I do. It puts a religion, put a bad taste in my mouth for a lot of reasons.

Erica (68:28)

I mean, I'm trying to.

Mila (68:29)

I would rather know the information than not.

Marcus Black (68:32)

Yeah, studying the Bible is, Is. Is. Is a lot. You know what I'm saying? So you have certain people who read the Bible, but then studying is a Whole nother world.

Erica (68:41)

Yeah.

Marcus Black (68:41)

You got to know that the Bible was written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. Right. So if you're not sitting up, cross referencing the languages, you're already. You're already on the outs. You know what I'm saying? Because trying to make it make sense. This is why people think that, oh, well, the Bible contradicts itself. The Bible has no contradictions. If you see a contradiction, you probably doesn't know. You probably don't know what this. What this actually means. And you just got to study.

Erica (69:05)

I think it's important to read as many ancient texts as you can.

Marcus Black (69:09)

Yeah.

Erica (69:10)

Why would I want to live in this life without any information about the best way people before me. Yeah. And. Yeah. And so it's just. I think that.

Marcus Black (69:21)

And then people. People go grab other books and people stay away from the Bible. They be like, well, it's man made. Every book you read is man made.

Mila (69:27)

Right.

Marcus Black (69:28)

Everything that you know is information passed down from another man. But you want to X out this book, which is non logical. But this was a good time, ladies.

Erica (69:35)

I know. Thank you for coming. I know it's 108 right now.

Mila (69:38)

We need your affirmation share. You've sprinkled us with a lot of gems. But look. Affirmation.

Erica (69:43)

Your affirmation.

Mila (69:44)

Hold on.

Marcus Black (69:44)

Because I wrote it down.

Erica (69:45)

Okay. Come on.

Marcus Black (69:46)

No, because last time y' all just sprung it on me and I wasn't ready and I was like, what's that? Not today.

Erica (69:52)

He doesn't have smart shit to say. Off the top of your head. Just kidding.

Marcus Black (69:56)

I'm very calculated.

Erica (69:58)

No, I. You know what? I love to be, feel prepared for things, so I really am.

Marcus Black (70:03)

I need to work on that Marcus Black affirmations. Okay. I take ownership of my life, my choices, and my healing. I don't blame my past. I learn from it. I lead with integrity, I love with intention, and I move with wisdom. I am disciplined, emotionally mature, and built for longevity. Let's clap. Did y' all like that? Was that. Was that good?

Erica (70:30)

Yes.

Mila (70:31)

Beautiful. Damn, Ash, I'm g. Have to write that one down.

Marcus Black (70:34)

Put it.

Erica (70:35)

Post it.

Marcus Black (70:36)

I sent it to y'. All.

Erica (70:37)

Okay.

Marcus Black (70:38)

Put it on the.

Erica (70:38)

Put it up there.

Mila (70:41)

Thank you for. For dropping in with us today and. Cool. Sharing your wisdom. I appreciate that.

Marcus Black (70:46)

So we. Are we going to do the part. The part two?

Erica (70:48)

Come on, let's do it. How do we. You're going to sit here in the middle or you going to sit there? Because how. We all have our Bibles. You tell us what page to Open

Mila (70:56)

H. I'm going have to order one.

Marcus Black (70:58)

We'll figure it out.

Erica (71:00)

Well, you know, I have one because

Mila (71:01)

my mom has a couple of them over there. I almost took one.

Erica (71:04)

A Christian left a Bible on my doorstep.

Marcus Black (71:05)

Cuz she thought using it right off my phone.

Erica (71:07)

She said, I need Jesus.

Mila (71:08)

That makes sense. I don't know. I just.

Erica (71:10)

I have a pink Bible.

Mila (71:11)

I remember I have.

Marcus Black (71:13)

I have this section on my phone. You see, I got. I got the. The Holy Bible right there. I got the Torah right here and I even got the Quran on here.

Mila (71:20)

I mean, yeah, you should. All the holy text.

Marcus Black (71:23)

Yeah, I'll go into it later though. I'll make 11. Just start going down the street.

Erica (71:28)

Let me just chill. Well, I'm.

Marcus Black (71:30)

I'm.

Erica (71:30)

I'm grateful that you've done your. You're doing your due diligence and you're educating yourself and for the work you've done, just as someone who speaks very candidly and empowers people to understand love so that we can all be in togetherness together and that we can save our families and that we can grow and evolve and be good humans.

Marcus Black (71:50)

Yeah.

Erica (71:50)

So thank you.

Mila (71:51)

Yeah. Teaching our kids how to love and learning how to love is literally.

Erica (71:54)

Thank you. Being good to your wife. Thank you for being a good man to your wife.

Marcus Black (71:58)

I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm actually going. One of these times. I'm gonna bring her up here.

Erica (72:02)

I would love. We would love to have.

Marcus Black (72:03)

I was on Tick Tock the other day and this lady was like, I want to hear from Brooke. Cause how we know you actually living like that?

Erica (72:09)

Imagine Brooke is in the corner like a battered. Like, I hate him.

Marcus Black (72:12)

Not because we've seen it. No, because we've seen this before.

Erica (72:14)

I'm kidding.

Marcus Black (72:14)

No, it's funny. But we've seen this before. Yeah, yeah, we've seen.

Erica (72:17)

We have.

Marcus Black (72:17)

You know, the ones, we've seen the gurus out there. And then the wife comes out and like, yo, she's the worst in the world.

Erica (72:23)

Or she's like.

Mila (72:24)

Or she's just like, yeah, that's true.

Marcus Black (72:28)

So. Nah, I'll bring her through. But listen, the Bible study will be fire. Let's do it.

Erica (72:32)

Let's do it. I'm down.

Marcus Black (72:33)

I'm serious.

Erica (72:36)

Well, y', all, we love you and happy Valentine's Day. I hope that you love yourself today. Do something kind for yourself. Do something kind for your partner. Or just shake some ass in your house. Do something.

Mila (72:47)

Cook yourself a meal. Pour yourself some wine or some tea. Just. Yeah, go to the Jacuzzi.

Erica (72:57)

And if you're around the summertime, come to the Good Vibe Retreat. We have two retreats this summer in Costa Rica, our favorite place on earth. It's about time that you come. We've talked about it at length, so I'm not really going to go into all the details. I'm gonna just leave a link in this bio. You can click it and then you can see all the fun we're doing and all the friends we have because of the we're doing. You can find me on Instagram at Watch Erica and me Milamap Rate and review this episode and tell the people

Mila (73:26)

where they can find you. Mr. Black.

Marcus Black (73:29)

Ah man, Marcus Black. M V R C U S B L V C K my website, the bulletprooflove.com. you know what I'm saying? Go get your copy Learn how to heal from childhood trauma. Stop dragging all that BS around. Learn how to bulletproof your relationship. Give us some durability so it don't break by life. Life.

Erica (73:48)

Yes. Go get the book. Bulletproof love at the bulletproof Love that Bulletproof love dot com. Anyway, we'll see you guys next week. Bye bye.

Marcus Black (74:01)

I'm living so good can't you tell I went through a drought that's until I found a well made my heaven on earth I used to be broke as hell Now I got the blues Dancing like Beyonce, Giselle throat chakra popping it's power in our voices Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit us women Put the pe in power so it's pointless they want me to be good so I make bad choices Bad mom not a bad mom but a bad mom get hers in on put cannabis in her bath bombs walked in boss was capping I blew his cap off Top dog now I'm immune to the cat calls Curvy in the waist but straight to it Like a dollar sign mother and a lover Intuitive like a water sign warrior in the winter and sensual in the summertime I do it all ain't no one I need to run it by.