The Breakfast Club Podcast Summary Episode: INTERVIEW: Devale & Khadeen Ellis On Vulnerability, Connecting With Their Audience, Role-play Disasters + More
Release Date: May 5, 2025
Hosts: DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne Tha God
Guests: Devale & Khadeen Ellis
Transcript Highlights: [01:04] – [41:53]

1. Rebranding from Dead Ass Podcast to Ellis Ever After

[01:45] Charlamagne Tha God: "We rebranded the Dead Ass podcast to Ellis Ever After. Let's discuss the growth of that title."

Devale and Kadeen Ellis delve into the reasons behind their podcast's rebranding. Initially, the Dead Ass Podcast focused on sparking conversations around gender dynamics and what husbands and wives feel. Over six years, recognizing the rise and sometimes divisiveness of the "men vs. women" debates online, they sought a fresh direction that emphasized positivity and progressive discussions.

Kadeen Ellis explains, "Ellis Ever After is the change, because this is us after we've evolved as humans. Going to therapy, working on being a better couple, working on being better people."

They also highlight their efforts to address critical issues like black maternal health, citing their 2017 vlog of their third son's home birth, which coincided with a rise in home births within the Black community. This initiative demonstrated their platform's influence in offering alternative perspectives and options to young Black women.

Devale Ellis adds, "We want to keep doing what we've been doing for 23 years, almost 15 married. People have literally watched us over the past maybe a decade on social media, just putting our life out there, sharing with people, hoping people can relate."

2. Evolution and Impact of the Podcast

The Ellis brothers reflect on the growth and reception of their podcast. Initially facing pushback for openly discussing personal and marital issues, they persevered, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and honest communication.

Kadeen Ellis shares, "In the beginning, it was so much pushback. People thought Deval was arrogant or an asshole because he was an educated Black man speaking about his emotions." Over time, their transparency has normalized discussions around mental health and emotional expression, especially among Black men, fostering a more open and accepting community.

They acknowledge the positive feedback from listeners who credit the podcast with saving marriages and encouraging couples to communicate more effectively. This affirmation reinforces the brothers' commitment to their mission of inspiring and uplifting their audience through honest dialogue.

Devale Ellis: "People say you guys have saved my marriage, or you've showed me that I'm able to open up to my partner and bring up these topics that are once taboo or uncomfortable to discuss."

3. Personal Growth and Communication in Marriage

A significant portion of the interview focuses on the Ellis brothers' personal journey in fostering a strong marital relationship through effective communication. Kadeen narrates a pivotal moment when he realized the need for vulnerability:

[10:03] Kadeen Ellis: "The first five years of our marriage was terrible... I couldn't tell her how I felt... one day, she was pregnant, and after a heated argument, I asked, 'Why don't you just tell me what you're going through?'"

This heartfelt revelation led to a profound transformation in their relationship. From that point forward, they committed to open and honest conversations, ensuring that both partners felt heard and understood without judgment or resentment.

Kadeen Ellis: "From that moment on, whenever I feel something, we sit down and talk. We make a decision that we’re not going to argue about it, and we’re not going to harbor resentment if we don’t agree."

They emphasize the importance of choosing each day to be present and communicative with each other, reinforcing their dedication to maintaining a healthy and supportive marriage.

4. Handling Disagreements in Front of Children

The Ellis brothers discuss their approach to managing disagreements within the household, especially in front of their children. Contrary to many parents who prefer to shield their kids from conflicts, the Ellises adopt a transparent method that teaches empathy and respect.

Kadeen Ellis: "If we disagree on something and the kids are there, we have a discussion. I explain to Jackson, 'See how I spoke to your mom? You see how I didn’t have to be disrespectful?'"

This strategy not only models healthy conflict resolution but also instills values of empathy and understanding in their children. By addressing disagreements calmly and respectfully, they demonstrate that it's possible to handle conflicts without damaging relationships.

Devale Ellis: "We’re trying to find where to have a comic. It's important for our kids to see that while disagreements are natural, they don’t have to lead to disrespect or resentment."

5. Relationship with Extended Family and In-Laws

A notable segment of the conversation centers around the Ellis brothers' relationships with their in-laws and extended family, highlighting the challenges and rewards of building connections across different cultural backgrounds.

Kadeen Ellis recounts a transformative experience with his father, which deepened his understanding and respect for his parents:

[15:26] Kadeen Ellis: "Two months ago, my dad stayed with us to help with the boys. We had a three-hour conversation where he shared his fears and worries... I saw my father as a human for the first time, not just as the disciplinarian I knew growing up."

This newfound perspective fostered a more open and communicative relationship with his father, breaking down long-standing barriers and promoting mutual understanding.

Similarly, navigating his relationship with his West Indian mother-in-law required patience and empathy. Through open conversations about their differing cultural backgrounds and experiences, Kadeen was able to build a strong alliance with her.

Kadeen Ellis: "By putting my wall down and understanding her experiences, I was able to see her as my biggest ally in the household."

6. Balancing Public Persona with Private Life

The Ellis brothers address the complexities of maintaining authenticity in a world where their personal lives are under constant public scrutiny. They emphasize the importance of distinguishing between their public content and private matters.

Kadeen Ellis: "There's nothing to keep up. We're not trending on something or performing for an audience. We're just recording and putting out our life."

They discuss the challenges of dealing with unsolicited opinions and projections from listeners who may not fully understand the nuances of their relationship. By staying true to their values and intentions, they mitigate the impact of negative feedback.

Kadeen Ellis: "I don't let someone else's projection define my day. I know what my intentions are, and I focus on that."

7. Role-Play Disasters and Maintaining Humor in Marriage

Towards the latter part of the interview, the conversation takes a lighter turn as Kadeen and Devale share amusing anecdotes about their attempts at role-playing to keep their marriage lively.

One such story involves a miscommunication during a role-play scenario intended to spice up their relationship. Kadeen recalls requesting a specific scenario, only for Devale to surprise him with an unexpected twist involving a leotard and missing accessories.

[32:06] Devale Ellis: "I said, 'Dusty.' That's not what he wanted."

Despite the initial frustration, the couple found humor in the situation, reinforcing their ability to laugh together even when plans go awry. This ability to find joy and laughter in their relationship challenges highlights the importance of maintaining a sense of humor and flexibility within a marriage.

Kadeen Ellis: "We sat there, we picked the shoes up, then we got... it was just like, yo. Yeah. We started laughing after that."

8. Addressing Public Misconceptions and Building Empathy

The Ellises discuss how societal perceptions often misjudge Black families in the public eye. They acknowledge that many people may not see the full picture of their relationship and may project their own experiences and biases onto them.

Kadeen Ellis: "If someone grew up never seeing a positive Black family and all they’ve seen is despair and violence, when they see us on Instagram, they can't believe it's real."

Understanding this, the brothers cultivate empathy towards their audience, recognizing that their authentic representation can challenge stereotypes and inspire others to seek healthy relationship dynamics.

Devale Ellis: "Our podcast can open up intergenerational healing by encouraging conversations that were previously taboo, and that helps our community as a whole."

9. Encouraging Thoughtful Communication and Reducing Noise in Public Discussions

In response to the pervasive nature of social media and the rush to form opinions, Devale and Kadeen introduce a new segment in their rebranded podcast called "OP or No OP" (Opinion or No Opinion). This initiative encourages listeners to discern when they have the knowledge and expertise to form an opinion versus when it's better to refrain from commenting.

[26:31] Kadeen Ellis: "Do you have an opinion about this matter, or do you not?"

By promoting thoughtful and informed discussions, they aim to reduce unnecessary noise and foster a culture of meaningful dialogue.

Kadeen Ellis: "We’re trying to push forward, thinking to myself, do I have the facts to be able to comment on something and have an opinion? Or can I just let some things go?"

10. Conclusion and Final Insights

As the interview wraps up, Charlamagne Tha God commends the Ellises for their commitment to personal growth and effective communication within their marriage. He highlights the valuable lessons their relationship offers to listeners striving to build strong, honest, and supportive partnerships.

Charlamagne Tha God: "Growing as individuals is a lot by itself, but growing as a couple is insanity. If you're not constantly communicating, you might wake up one day and not know who that person is."

Devale and Kadeen express gratitude for the platform, acknowledging how their appearances on "The Breakfast Club" have allowed them to inspire and influence their audience positively.

Kadeen Ellis: "The Breakfast Club is inspiring people. I hope y'all know that. We appreciate y'all, man. This has been a part of our lives living here."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [01:45] Charlamagne Tha God: "We rebranded the Dead Ass podcast to Ellis Ever After. Let's discuss the growth of that title."

• [02:48] Kadeen Ellis: "We want to put out content that people can say, let's elevate and move forward."

• [04:43] Lauren LaRosa: "You guys were so honest about this. The first time I saw a young Black couple that was still, like, regular."

• [10:03] Kadeen Ellis: "The first five years of our marriage was terrible... I couldn’t tell her how I felt."

• [15:26] Kadeen Ellis: "Two months ago, my dad stayed with us to help with the boys. We had a three-hour conversation."

• [22:35] Kadeen Ellis: "Are you ready?"

• [26:31] Kadeen Ellis: "Do you have an opinion about this matter, or do you not?"

• [40:58] Charlamagne Tha God: "Growing as individuals is a lot by itself, but growing as a couple is insanity."

Conclusion

Devale and Kadeen Ellis provide a profound exploration of vulnerability, effective communication, and personal growth within marriage. Their journey from the Dead Ass Podcast to Ellis Ever After exemplifies their dedication to fostering meaningful conversations that resonate with their audience. By sharing their triumphs and challenges openly, they inspire listeners to prioritize honesty and empathy in their relationships, ultimately contributing to healthier and more supportive communities.