The Breakfast Club – Dr. Joel Tudman on 'The Fight to Find Yourself,' Healing, and Building Relationships

iHeartPodcasts | November 20, 2025

Episode Overview

This special interview features Dr. Joel Tudman (mistakenly introduced as Dr. Joe Barnett due to a transcript error), author of the new book The Fight to Find Yourself: Moving from Uncertain to Unstoppable. Hosted by DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne Tha God, and Lauren, the conversation delves deep into healing from past wounds, battling depression and suicidal thoughts, the importance of therapy and faith, and building healthy relationships—including marriage, parenting, and self-reflection.

Main Themes and Structure

• Dr. Tudman’s Personal Journey: Breakdown, Healing, and Faith
• Mental Health Struggles and the Realities of Suicide
• The Role of Faith and Scripture in the Healing Process
• Parenting, Generational Trauma, and Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids
• How Relationships and Partnership Aid (or Complicate) Self-Discovery
• Vulnerability, Boundaries, and the Evolving Self
• Honest Reflections on Support, Mentorship, and Communication

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Tudman’s Breaking Point & Journey to Healing

• Trigger Moments: Dr. Tudman discusses hitting multiple breaking points where outward success couldn't cover inner pain. He describes stepping away from public speaking by his pastor’s advice for 9-12 months, during which he faced severe depression and suicidal ideation.

  “Every accolade, every award, every stage…could not solve the inner pain. … The pain had gotten pretty bad. I think I put a gun to my head twice during that process, trying to figure out how to maneuver through. … Once I found a pretty good therapist, things started changing.”
  — Dr. Tudman [04:02]

• Impact of Personal Loss: The back-to-back losses of his father and son were pivotal, forcing him to reassess and rebuild his emotional life and identity.

  “Those two deaths broke down everything I knew... My own blueprint and I had to come up with a new one.”
  — Dr. Tudman [06:40]

2. Confronting Suicidal Ideation with Honesty, Empathy, and Faith

• Chemical, Personal, & Spiritual Factors: Dr. Tudman resists oversimplifying suicidal ideation as solely “the devil’s work,” pointing to chemical/biological contributors and the complexity of each case.

  “There are some things that happen to us internally, chemically…that only scientists can answer. … I think it involves a lot of study, a lot of interpretation, and the opportunity to really converse with people that have the problem.”
  — Dr. Tudman [08:31]

• Defying Stigma in Faith Communities: He calls out religious communities that default to condemnation, advocating for dialogue and empathy:

  “It’s a lack of empathy and compassion to have a conversation with the person to find out why they felt that way… The missing piece…is the person. Why do you feel that way?”
  — Dr. Tudman [10:26]

• Immediate Support Matters: DJ Envy shares his own history with suicidal thoughts, stressing intervention and authentic conversations over dismissal, which can pressure someone to prove their intent.

  “The worst thing you can do…is kind of sign them off. … Because they almost feel like, I have to show you I was gonna do it. … And once they do it, there is no oops.”
  — DJ Envy [11:49]

3. Faith, Scripture, and the “Right” Fight

• Faith as Daily Practice: Dr. Tudman encourages “loading yourself up daily” with scripture for emotional resilience, not just relying on faith in crisis. He demonstrates using modern tools (like ChatGPT!) to find Bible verses for emotional struggles [15:08–16:27].

  “Find me a scripture that’s encouraging for depression. … It’s just that simple.”
  — Dr. Tudman [15:53]

  Verses cited: Psalms 34:18, Matthew 11:28, 2 Corinthians 1:3–4.

4. Addressing Youth Mental Health & Parenting

• Parents as Emotional Detectives: Dr. Tudman urges parents to see past behavior as signals, not weakness:

  “Your children are not weak. … They’re confused, and they don’t have an answer, because if they had an answer, that wouldn’t be the choice. … Build your relationship so you can actually see the changes.”
  — Dr. Tudman [17:44]

• Staying Engaged in Children’s Worlds: He recommends monitoring not just what kids consume, but also what they enjoy, and joining them, not controlling them:

  “Try to stay lock and step with them. … I don’t expect them to be me, I expect her to be a child, and I want to go through that experience with her.”
  — Dr. Tudman [19:36]

5. Discovering the Self through the Lens of Faith

• Can You Know Yourself Without Knowing God? Dr. Tudman says the answer depends on the individual’s discipline, but for him, self-knowledge is impossible without understanding the Creator.

  “Vulnerability and openness…was our existence from the beginning. But…now they're hiding… That’s how doubt and hiding seep in.”
  — Dr. Tudman [20:20]

• Journey vs. Destination: Emphasizes continual evolution and self-work as more important than any static “arrival point.”

6. Partnership, Marriage & Shared Fights

• Support in Relationships: Dr. Tudman and the hosts explore the imbalance that can happen when one partner is “fighting for themselves” harder than the other. The ideal isn’t constant 50/50.

  “Sometimes it’s going to be 80/20, sometimes…70/30. Love is love. … The journey to becoming who you are together will be based off…the two of you remaining honest and open.”
  — Dr. Tudman [23:17]

• Role Flexibility & Individual Paths: Both Dr. Tudman and Lauren discuss how their relationships and expectations have shifted as they matured, prioritized intentionality, set boundaries, and grew deeper connections by discussing values, practicalities, and vulnerabilities.

• Importance of Honest Conversations: Dr. Tudman advises before physical or financial entanglement, couples should talk about faith, conflict resolution, parenthood philosophy, and more:

  • How do you handle conflict?
  • What are your triggers?
  • What are your expectations for children and parenting?
  • What do you believe?

7. Vulnerability, Mentorship & Communication Styles

• Communication Dynamics: Lauren and Charlamagne discuss how differences in delivery (direct vs. soft) affect the uptake of advice and mentorship. DJ Envy notes, “If he doesn’t love you, he’s not gonna be on you at all…he's very hard on people he loves.” [56:32]

• Processing Feedback, Validation & Triggers: Lauren reflects on her journey to feeling secure in her career and communications, and how previous traumas and mentors’ feedback intertwine with self-worth.

  “You got to get to the point where you can have those conversations without having to do this [defensive gestures]… There’s a possibility you’re gonna get hurt, and there’s nothing you can do about it. So live. … Do the surgery, go into the fight.”
  — Dr. Tudman [53:13]

8. Healing as a Lifelong Process

• No Finish Line: Both Dr. Tudman and Lauren reinforce that “finding yourself” is an ongoing process; self-awareness changes the way we relate to our own past and others’ struggles.
• Boundaries in Difficult Relationships: Dr. Tudman gives practical advice for disengaging when others aren’t ready for healthy dialogue.

  “Now that I fought to find me, there’s no need for me to fight you, because you don’t know you.”
  — Dr. Tudman [45:15]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Suicidal Thoughts & Faith:

  “Most pastors will straight up tell you, ‘you’re going to hell…that’s the devil’s work.’ Again, I think it’s unprofessional…it’s a lack of empathy and compassion to have a conversation with the person to find out why they felt that way.”
  — Dr. Tudman [10:26]

• On Scripture as a Tool:

  “Let it give you a word. It’s coming from the Bible, man. If you don’t trust it, go pick your Bible up and trace it…But at least attempt, at least attempt to speak into your own life.”
  — Dr. Tudman [17:09]

• On Parenting:

  “Your children are not weak. Your children don’t have an answer.”
  — Dr. Tudman [17:44]

• On Partnership:

  “Marriage is not 50/50. It's going to be 80/20, 10/100, 70/30… There’s always going be one that's weak, one that's strong. … That’s the power of love.”
  — Dr. Tudman [23:14]

• On Starting Relationships:

  “All those things need to be talked about first—what makes you happy, what makes you sad, how do you argue… All those little things we avoid because we’re attracted.”
  — Dr. Tudman [28:18]

• On Healing and Growth:

  “When you actually find you, it opens your eyes so much that you start looking at all your choices and all your decisions, and you can see the unhealthy picks, the unhealthy partners, the unhealthy conversations now.”
  — Dr. Tudman [43:33]

• On Acceptance and Validation:

  “If I didn’t think you were good, you wouldn’t be here. So quit worrying about that. Be you. … Throw everything at the glass door.”
  — Dr. Tudman [61:13]

• Who is the Book Written For?

  “Both. I wrote it for both. The person I used to be needs to see it, and the person that I am needs to see it.”
  — Dr. Tudman [63:17]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Dr. Tudman’s breaking point, therapy, and healing – [04:02–05:22]
• Faith and mental health, understanding suicide – [08:31–13:27]
• How to fight depression with scripture/technology – [15:08–17:20]
• Messaging for parents and kids on mental health – [17:44–20:11]
• Role of faith in self-discovery – [20:20–22:52]
• Relationship and marriage honesty, expectations, finances – [23:11–28:18]
• Lauren and Dr. Tudman dive deep on vulnerability, boundaries, and healing – [39:44–46:40]
• The lifelong journey of healing – [54:22–56:14]
• Mentorship, communication styles, and validation – [56:14–62:46]
• Who the book is for/final reflection and prayer – [63:13–64:18]

Takeaways

• Healing and self-knowledge require honesty, vulnerability, and breaking unhealthy cycles.
• Faith and scripture can be daily tools for mental resilience, especially when accessed with modern resources.
• Relationships—romantic or otherwise—flourish with authenticity, intentionality, and ongoing dialogue about emotional, financial, and spiritual alignment.
• Parents and loved ones should watch for signals of pain before a crisis, responding with empathy, not condemnation.
• Everyone, regardless of stage, is evolving; support and boundaries empower healthier connections.

“Throw everything at the glass door. … They want you here, bring you to The A game. Bring your A game to the game. That’s who you are. They cannot be who they are without you.”
— Dr. Joel Tudman [61:13]

Recommended:

• The Fight to Find Yourself: Moving from Uncertain to Unstoppable is out now.
• If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, reach out to a professional or support network.

Summary prepared for listeners of The Breakfast Club who want the heart, wisdom, and candid takeaways from Dr. Joel Tudman’s impactful appearance.