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Jessica
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Rome
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Rome
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Rome
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DJ Envy
Morning, everybody.
Jessica
It's DJ Envy.
DJ Envy
Just hilarious. Charlemagne, the guy. We are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building.
Charlamagne Tha God
And first of all, make sure the door is locked. And I'm glad that her phone is in here because she can't use her phone to get in the room. So make sure the door is locked correct. Jess. Hilarious. Can't get in. We got our guy, Rome.
Rome
Rome here.
Charlamagne Tha God
Who is Jess? Baby's father.
Rome
That's right, Ashton's dad.
Charlamagne Tha God
That's right, Ashton's dad. And you know Jess put out her new book this week, Tell Deaf Do We Parent. It's available everywhere. You buy books now and it talks about how they got to a healthy place of co parenting with each other.
DJ Envy
That's right.
Charlamagne Tha God
And I haven't even talked to Rome. I ain't reach out to Rome. I wanted to talk to Rome face to face. Rome, what did you think of the book? Word Tell Deaf to each other.
DJ Envy
What was your first feeling?
Jessica
First Honest.
Rome
Honest, Honest. First when you read the book, first chapter. I feel like some things wasn't explained the correct way.
Charlamagne Tha God
We're not supposed to let her in.
DJ Envy
Yeah, you wasn't supposed to let her in.
Charlamagne Tha God
You're supposed to keep her out for a little bit.
Jessica
Okay.
Charlamagne Tha God
Let Rome talk. Rome has the floor. Rome has the floor. You can sit down, Jess.
DJ Envy
You can sit down, Jess.
Charlamagne Tha God
Unless you want to leave. You can also leap. Okay.
Jessica
Yes, I'm a leave.
Charlamagne Tha God
All right. Okay. We just asked the first question. All right.
Rome
It's too late. It's too late.
Charlamagne Tha God
Okay, now.
Rome
Now, back.
DJ Envy
Back to what you said of the
Charlamagne Tha God
book, Till Death to Repent. You said first chapter.
DJ Envy
You were saying it was Cap.
Rome
Honestly, not even Cap. I just think after women read it, they gonna hate me. And why? Because, of course, you know, men can't go through that. But when women are going through, like, postpartum, those stages and stuff, stuff like that, if you read this, the first chapter, it's going to be like I was a dog. Like, I did everything during those times when I did it. So you weren't.
DJ Envy
You weren't a dog?
Rome
No. I feel like she fabricated it far as putting it too early. It was late. It was later than that. I didn't do any of that during postpartum. But it was a dope book. Interesting. Very transparent. The see that we've grown so much and to share other. To share with other people on, you know, that co parenting is not a bad thing. I think that that's. That's the biggest part and the goal that we always talked about, and that was for years, even when we started co parenting therapy back in, it was Covid. So I want to say, like, 20, 21, when it was shut down. But yeah, man, the book is.
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah, but see, that's what I got from the book. That's why I say I don't think people will hate you if they read past the first chapter. You know what I mean? Because you do get to the growth and the evolution of both of y'. All.
Rome
Yes.
Charlamagne Tha God
You know what I mean? Not just. Not just you. Both of y'. All.
Rome
Yeah. And. But you got some people who ain't gonna read through the book. Right, Right. They gonna pinpoint and take out parts, and they're gonna run with certain narratives.
DJ Envy
I see the captions and highlights the
Rome
same way they do clips on Instagram or Tick Tock, whatever the case may be. They hate you off a clip and didn't even let you elaborate or explain
Charlamagne Tha God
yourself, which after hurt your feelings the most. And don't lie, because I know you read it more than one time.
Rome
What chapter was it? None of it really hurt me because none of it really hurt me. Because I'm. I'm. I own up to what I do. I ain't never been ashamed of anything. I'm tell you why. Because I always had a choice. I decided to make those choices. But what was hard warming to me was that she's able to talk about it now. Cause a lot of times she wouldn't ever open up about it. And just to share that light on how much I've grown as a man and as a father, I just was, you know, a part. I was not even a part. I was really. Yeah, I was. I was just excited, man. I really was excited.
DJ Envy
You could tell she has a lot of love for you.
Rome
Regardless, you know, a lot of love is always there. I'm just excited because if anybody who really know me, truly and genuinely know me, that's my dog.
DJ Envy
How did you feel when you know. She recently. Excerpts came out of the book, and she talked about not necessarily wanting your first child, but wanted to keep you more than anything. So to make you happy, she was willing to do anything for you. How did that make you feel?
Rome
I felt in a moment. I don't know if it was no feeling. We was kids. Looking back, reading it, as a father of five now, I understand. And I say that because even when I go back to her and I be like, if you gonna leave me alone, don't go get another me. It's one of those things where, okay, well, if you having a child, make sure that, you know that this is gonna be a family. And I never wanted a lot of kids. I always wanted a family. But, you know, I was emotional. I would say dumb, not thinking, vulnerable in those moments, even as a kid. But I think. I don't know, I think it just shaped her to be the wife that she is now.
DJ Envy
Do you look back at it and say, I messed this family up? Cause she talks about she thought that y' all had a perfect family. Y' all were taking pictures and y' all were doing things as a family and a couple. And then all of a sudden, she got a comment that says, rome, oh, he here with you. But he play a house on this other house. And matter of fact, he got a baby coming.
Rome
Did you ever look back at that
DJ Envy
and be like, damn, I effed that up.
Rome
I look back sometimes and say, I wish I'd have did things different. I ain't never gonna say I wish I fucked it up. Because who knows? If I wouldn't have did what I did, then we still would have been together. Because it goes both ways. And a lot of things that I've done, it was out of reactions. You know, it's three sides of every story. Their side, your side, and the truth. Me, I just wasn't that heartless to just go out and do these things I didn't even have access to. So that's why we gonna dive dead. We gonna dive deeper into those things. But I wouldn't say I fucked up. I would say I just wish I'd have did things different just to give us a. Just to give us a chance. Because I never even gave us a chance. Gotcha.
Charlamagne Tha God
That's a great question and just a great framing of it. Like, if there were no kid involved, right, if there was no Ashton, would y' all still choose each other, you think?
Rome
At that moment?
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah.
Rome
No. Why? Because Ashton was the glue. Ashton was the one that kept it around. And me, I'm low tolerance. And Jessica speaks on that. She'll speak again on it. We spoke on that on the podcast. When women don't do. And it might sound controlling, or it might sound like I'm a narcissist, you know, at that moment, not now. Cause I'm a changed man, you know, at that moment, it may sound like I'm being controlling, but I felt like at the time, younger days, if women wasn't in my. If you weren't in compliance, I, I. It wasn't no benefit to me.
Charlamagne Tha God
So just. Just walk back in the room. I want. I want to expound on the question I just asked you. What was it about Jess that would make you not want to be with her? If there was no action? Because he said he wouldn't be with you if there was an actual.
Rome
At that moment, at that, like I said, I'm gonna repeat, at that moment, we was children. So it wasn't really. It wasn't really nothing to be with her own. Especially after all the things I did and I say that to say at that. At that time. Of course, you know, a lot of men live with women for conveniency and stuff like that. I didn't need any of that. I'm living at home with my stepmom, so if there's no child, we'd have went our separate ways. Because it was easy to go separate ways with no time. It's easy to go separate ways when you're not married. Marriage and children. Is the towel on? Okay, let's see. Because you don't really want to start over. Like, it's hard starting over. Not even hard. Just Too much timing. You got to relearn a person and then you don't even know if that person gonna be the person for you. So it takes time.
DJ Envy
Now you said it was reactional, the fact that, you know, you cheated. Was it reactionable because you didn't want to be in a family at the time, or you didn't want to be tied down? Or was her. This was, you know, what was reactional?
Rome
No, just did shit.
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah. Okay, now let's get to it.
Jessica
Oh, Charlemagne.
Rome
Just did things. And there's some things I said I would never speak on. I'm taking that to the grave with me because.
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah, that's why you believed Ashton might not be yours at one point.
Rome
No, I never believe that. Oh, and I seen him. He was mine through the sonogram. At the moment. At the moment. I never really even believed it. It was more so I was upset because of the heat of the moment, but.
Charlamagne Tha God
Oh, you just said that to piss off. Yeah, okay. Okay.
Rome
Yeah, yeah, she said it to piss me. I'm emotional. Damn, Jess.
Jessica
Yeah, I know.
Rome
I mean, told him that it might not be his. But she. Yeah, and she. But she. And I read that four or five times again on the train today, that particular part. But then I fell asleep. But no, how did it feel when
Charlamagne Tha God
she said that to you?
Rome
Of course, you know, as a man, you hurt in the moment. Oh, and mind you, you Shane in my face. So I think it went different if she was in my face, shit like that. But I did not never thought Ashton was. Wasn't mine. I just think she of all people, at that moment, even now, know how to get under my skin. There's only two things that really bothered me. My children and my mom. It ain't really nothing else you can really say to me that would really move me.
DJ Envy
Why didn't you fight for the relationship after? You know, Jess was like, it's over. You know, you had another baby on the way. Why didn't you fight for.
Rome
Let's clear that up.
DJ Envy
Okay.
Rome
It was over before I had a baby on the way, Jessica.
Jessica
I know, Rome. I just was trying to, like, be with you and give my family like. Cause that's what I wanted, ultimately. I wanted that family. I wanted to grow up. I wanted Ash to grow up in a house with me and you together, you know? And yeah, it was over. I had mentally checked out. You was like moved. Like you had moved on and everything, but like, you were still selfish. Cause I couldn't be with nobody. You didn't want me But I couldn't be with nobody else.
Rome
No, we cleared it up. Cause in the book, it make it seem like I had a baby on you.
Jessica
Well, you were dealing with.
Rome
Ashton is three number two. I mean, Ashton is 14.
Charlamagne Tha God
Okay.
Rome
Aaliyah is 11.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
Okay. When did we split?
Jessica
When he was like, about two or three.
Rome
No, one.
Jessica
We split once and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I took you back. I got back with you.
Rome
Remember?
Jessica
When I met yo?
Rome
Correct.
Jessica
You know, I can't say his real name, but yeah, when I met Emmanuel, we was.
Charlamagne Tha God
I can't say his real name.
Jessica
No.
Rome
But that's not his real name.
Jessica
Yeah, yeah. Cause I was about to say his real name.
Rome
But why did you fight for it?
DJ Envy
Why didn't you fight for that family back? If that's what you want, if that's what Ashton meant to you, why didn't you say. You know what? I'mma cut the BS out and I'm gonna fight for my kids.
Jessica
Colin.
Charlamagne Tha God
Jess.
Rome
Music.
Jessica
He was rapping.
Rome
No.
Jessica
Oh. Cause of music.
Rome
I use music a lot. It's a therapy for me.
DJ Envy
It was influenced by it.
Rome
Yeah. And it's one person. Hov. No.
Jessica
No. You talking about Webby?
Rome
No.
Jessica
Oh, Boosie.
Rome
No. Who wrong? Yo Gotti.
Charlamagne Tha God
Yo Gotti.
Jessica
Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah.
Rome
But one thing he said.
Jessica
Yo Gotti.
Rome
One thing he said.
Jessica
And you can curse and say it.
Rome
One thing he said was a nigga can do a thousand one things once that girl, that one person, we can't take it. So at that moment, and then even at that time, like, you know, still, it's peer pressure, people around you. Oh. And then at that time, I really cared about what my friends thought. So it was basically. And then it was like a manhood. And, you know, like, my father ain't really say too much negative, but, you know, he said the things he said. But, you know, I think I was more so heartbroken because of, you know, certain things that she did do with Emmanuel. Not even just Iman. You know, you might as well. If I see you texting five or six men, you might as well done fucked all of them. Cause in my mind, you dead.
Charlamagne Tha God
How many yo's you had?
Rome
No, when I'm. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not making it seem like that. What I'm making it seem like is if you. Even if I see you texting or talking to over him, you might as well.
Jessica
In my mind, you already had sex with them.
Rome
Yeah, but that's a double standard because
DJ Envy
you was doing it.
Jessica
Even if.
Rome
But it's almost like I can do
Charlamagne Tha God
it, but you can't. Yeah.
Jessica
Even if you didn't have sex with him, like, have sex. Even if I'm just talking to somebody and he go on my phone and he said, oh, he looking over and I'm texting him because, you know, I was going pretty hard. You know what I mean? But he would look over and see. He already just assumed, like, oh, yeah, if you got balls enough to sit right here and text the nigga right in front of me, you sleeping with him. And it's like Rome overthinks. Like, he creates these scenarios in his mind, and he overthinks, and he thinks himself out of the relationship.
Charlamagne Tha God
He's not wrong for that.
Rome
Yeah.
Charlamagne Tha God
Even though we shouldn't make assumptions. He's not right.
Rome
But when I'm right, I'm right. When I'm wrong, I could have been right. But when I'm right, I was wrong, but I wasn't wrong.
Charlamagne Tha God
Okay, okay, okay. I see what you know what I'm saying. No. Yeah.
Rome
I ain't gonna hold you. But no, she. No, you know, you. You did some things to me too.
Jessica
Yeah. I believe. Okay, let's. All right, that's fine.
Rome
Yeah.
Jessica
And I'll take accountability for that.
Rome
You did a lot of things in me. I done pulled up on Jessica a couple times.
Charlamagne Tha God
Pulled up on her way yo in her neighborhood.
Jessica
Tell me.
Rome
I mean, and then that's one thing, too. I don't like when you ignore my phone calls.
Jessica
Control.
Rome
Don't ignore my phone calls. And then don't hang up on me when I'm trying to explain
Jessica
because you're not.
Rome
Let me get my point across. Cause then that means you don't care about how I feel. And that's one thing about this society. Nobody cares about how men actually feel. And then when men try to open up and I looked at. And it's on the same track that Michael Beasley and Shannon Sharp. I felt a lot of things Michael Beasley said when a man tried to open up. Y' all laugh at me until it's too late. I'm just glad he was able to get the help he needed to be able to tell his story. But it's a lot of other men who ashamed to do it. But this book. And that ties everything to this book. This book is a great book because his father's out there, and it's hopeless because you got a lot of types of dip beats. You got dip beats who? They don't do something the baby mother say. That did beat. You got dibbies who just actually don't give a. You got dibbies who said, oh, don't get the. Don't. Don't have that child. And then you still have the child. It's so many different ones. But for the men who actually want to be in a father's life and their kids life. Yeah. And they kid. I'm sorry. For the men who actually want to be in their kids life, I just don't understand why women don't want to allow that.
Charlamagne Tha God
Let's say. Stay there for a second. Because I asked Rome, I said Rome, if you had a title for your book, what would be called. You had a very interesting title. Second one.
Rome
I got two. So I'm the second one. Let a flower be a father. Not when it's convenient for you.
Jessica
That's that.
Charlamagne Tha God
Not when it's convenient for you is what got me. Yeah. Do you feel like she only wanted you to be a father when it was convenient for her?
Rome
No.
Charlamagne Tha God
Okay.
Rome
Not with. No, not with her.
Charlamagne Tha God
I got a lot.
Rome
Of course, you know, I got a line. Yeah. But no, with me and Jessica, it was never about. This was before this to be. That's why it's most genuine. Because she didn't keep a child because of her status or some. Some money or whatever the case may be. We just was honestly thought we was in love. And then when I grew up, I didn't grow up on Spin your hot blocks and that type of music. I grew up on Bow wow and Lil Romeo and Sammy. So like it was. It was love music. And you just. I always just wanted those fairy tales. Like my favorite show growing up was sweet life and Zack and Cody because of the family dynamic. So it's like for a young man to want that and then you see, my life didn't get that. That's one of the things I'd be like, damn. I don't say I up. But I'd be like, well, why? Why? I couldn't get what you want. Those cars. And I used to always A lot of my friends, I used to be jealous of my friends growing up, they had a mom and dad and I didn't. And I told them, bro, like, I don't like you. Love you, but I don't like you.
Jessica
Your friend or your dad.
Rome
My friends.
Jessica
Your friends.
Rome
Because they had what I wanted. And then I just used to see how they just never appreciated they mom
DJ Envy
was the co parenting way that y' all co parent now was that always there or they had to get there like, at first was just not letting you see your son or you didn't
Rome
want to see your son, because it's never been the case.
DJ Envy
How did it originally start?
Rome
So it was always co parenting. It's just. I was co parenting with her mother. With my mother, yeah, With Mama Robin.
DJ Envy
Cause Jess didn't want to see you.
Rome
Cause Jess was.
Jessica
Jess, I didn't want to see you. Why didn't I.
Rome
She had to see me, though, because she was living at the daycare, so she was going to see me. But it's never been a point where I couldn't see my son, or he's keeping away from me because she. She has that family dynamic. Who. This ain't that.
DJ Envy
And why Jess?
Rome
Why didn't you.
DJ Envy
Because most people would have been like, he did me dirty. He cheated on me. He did all these things. I'm gonna use my son to hurt him. A lot of people do that. We see that a lot in relationships. Why wasn't your mind framed that as hurt as you are?
Jessica
I just. Yeah, I just couldn't do it. I gave Rome a lot of grace because, you know, I was doing my ish, too. But, you know, it's not about who. Well, actually, it was. It was about who started it, but whatever. But once we started going back and forth, trying to hurt each other and trying to make each other feel the pain that each one of us felt, I got tired of that. And once I wanted to sit down with Rome and just put everything on the table like, yo, all right, let's admit everything. Things that I did that I was lying to him about, he admitted things to me. Well, he explained things to me because that's the thing. Rome never really told me. All he did, I would find out, and I'm going, I'm coming to him like, yo, this is what happened. Ain't no AI AI was not. It wasn't even at our fingertips back then. So, no. But I was able to give him a lot of grace. And then also, like, his trauma, he went through a lot when he was younger, and I realized I'm like, yo, I'm a lot more mature to see that. And my mother always instilled that in me. Give a person grace. Everybody comes from different walks of life. You don't know what he's gone through. And it's hard to operate in this world without a mother, you know, and then with an absent father, you know, father who you see, but he. Not really. There is no real bond. So I felt the need to, like, be more of a friend and a confidant, you know, because I think I was like the only one that you can open up to about a lot of things that happened in your childhood. A lot of things that, you know, you didn't, that you, that you didn't get as a kid after your mom's passing. So I think that's what it was.
DJ Envy
Did she use that against you? Because you talk about being vulnerable. Did she ever use that?
Rome
So that's what I was going to say next. But the big umbrella of with everything she's saying, her mother, Ms. Robinson.
Jessica
Okay.
Rome
Because she wouldn't allow it. You have women, you have men, you have human beings itself who when shit don't go their way, they got enablers around them telling them that. That's right, that's right. When her mother. I loved her mother so much. It reminds me her mother used to go through hell and hot water because I was always rebellious. And then as I got a certain age, I'm already defensive because of what my dad did. So you can't tell me, but I had to take myself step back. She's not trying to hurt you. Wrong. And yeah, she, she just, you wrong, wrong. You wrong. Yeah. So it wasn't. No. Oh, that's my daughter. I'm gonna take her side.
Jessica
Right.
Rome
Because it was, it was. And honestly, like, I think because the co parenting itself, it got, it was, it wasn't bad, but it got great after a while. It didn't just happen overnight.
Jessica
Right.
Rome
It really started happening when I took my feelings out of it, like I stated in the past, like when, that, when that, that narrative, oh, I don't want this around my kid. I don't want this. I don't want that. I allowed it to happen, though, because when I decided to hurt that woman or not want to be with that woman, that opens up the door so she can have whoever the fuck she want to have around that child.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
So the logical part that I went with was, okay, just long as they ain't trying to hurt my kid, I'm okay. And I, I, I, I respect my child. Mom enough, and I trust them enough and even now, all of them to not allow that to happen.
Charlamagne Tha God
I want, I want to ask you something. Wrong. Cause you said what you wanted growing up was a two parent household, right. And a lot of people would say, how can somebody with that mindset end up with five baby mothers? Because it's impossible to give those kids what you wanted growing up. So why would you create the same type of environment?
Rome
So Let me, let me elaborate and piggyback. So I never really. That two part household now is, is new. I never really cared for a two part household. I just wanted my mother. So mind you, I was fine with going with my dad on the weekends, going back to my mother. Until that last weekend, I didn't get to go back to my mom. So the two parent household dynamic come from, like I said, shows and stuff like that and reality and the stigma that society put on you. Always supposed to be like this when two point household produced some of the most upest people in the world.
Charlamagne Tha God
But you are not a fucked up person.
Rome
No.
Charlamagne Tha God
You're a brother with high emotional intelligence. So clearly I know you wanted to be better than your pop.
Rome
Correct. And like I said, I made. I mean, I made, I made decisions. A lot of decisions I made was out of vulnerability. A lot of decisions I made was out of hurt, you know, And I'm not ashamed to say that people like, oh, oh, that's me.
Jessica
Can I ask you, and you just tell me if you agree that I feel like you are looking for maybe your mom and these women. And that's why, you know, because you had lost her at a very young age. And that nurturing and that, you know, all that nurturing and affection stopped at a very early age. And you went from that household, that's all you knew, love and positivity and just, you know, all of that to a very different type of household. You know, it wasn't much affection, it wasn't nurturing. And I feel like that actually shaped how you
Rome
look at women in relationships.
Jessica
Yeah. Like it affected your love life in a way. Do you agree with that?
Rome
We're gonna be very transparent. Yeah. I never looked in my. I never looked for women and I never looked for my mother in women. I did look for the love and affection. Right. Why I never looked in my. I never looked for my mother and women because I'm put on tape. My mother wasn't a saint. My mother did shit like, you know, like.
Jessica
But who she was to you, who
Rome
she was to me was. She was great. But it was like once she left, it was just that, that affection, that love, that holding a person. Because I used to hold my mother every night. She put me out every night, but I used to hold her. It really didn't affect me until I got older and started dealing with women. Because while I'm going through school, I'm. I'm always busy. Maybe that's why it didn't affect me. I'm grades Baseball, basketball. I really had no downtime to really think about. I know my mom and at the, like, probably like 13, I'm, you know, I'm washing cars. That's, you know, my mother loved cars, so that's where I get that from. So it's like, I don't think that it. I never really say, oh, I want my mother and this woman, because my mother ain't know how to cook. My mother cleaned up.
DJ Envy
But you know you have five baby moms, right? And of course, Jess had relationships before she recently got married. How did you co parent in that situation?
Rome
Right?
DJ Envy
Because Ashton to be at his house, he has women there, you know, or, you know, just might have a guy like, how did y'.
Charlamagne Tha God
All. It's crazy how you just cut that man off talking about his mom.
Rome
No.
DJ Envy
Cause I'm asking.
Rome
No, it's gonna come back now. Okay, So I can see where you going at. Go ahead.
DJ Envy
So I'm asking, so how did you deal with that? Because that's what you seen with your life.
Rome
Mm. So how did I see with my son there with her and her man?
Jessica
Like, how do we co parent? Like, how did you. You know, like.
Rome
So we speaking on. We speaking on the husband now? No, not.
DJ Envy
No, before the husband.
Rome
Before the husband.
DJ Envy
That's totally different.
Jessica
My relationships and Ash would be home with me, but then he come over to the house. Yeah, like, how was the co parenting relationship between you and I when that was going on schedule? You had girlfriends and I ain't gonna hold you.
Rome
I took my feelings out of it. A couple men that. One, two. One and a half.
Jessica
You literally only liked one and a half.
Rome
I ain't like the other one, but.
Jessica
And you didn't like him first?
Rome
No, I didn't, but. And we going, yeah, yeah, one and a half.
Charlamagne Tha God
Because. Why the half? Because the half.
Rome
I ain't really care for him, but he loved her, so he loved my son. So like I said, it's times where Rome just take him to the house when they was. Them two was, you know, in one household and I would drop them off, no problems or none of that. So that was it. That was the only transaction for us that really wasn't as high about whatever. None. I ain't really careful because of what he was saying to the other women who was coming to me, if that makes sense.
DJ Envy
I'm confused. We gotta break it down a little bit.
Rome
Okay. So he wasn't a saint in this. That. In that relationship neither.
DJ Envy
Okay.
Rome
And we didn't came across a couple of the same women. I ain't disclosing anything. But did you ever tell Jess that? Like you're doing it?
Jessica
No, he didn't.
Rome
That's not my business. She figured that shit out on her own.
Jessica
Now it's not your business.
DJ Envy
It's not what your son did.
Rome
Yeah, that's my son, but they wasn't in the household. He was doing what he did on his free time. Wow. When he was doing. How I know that? Because my son was with me majority of the time when he's doing it on his free time.
Jessica
Well, a cheater would support a cheater anyway.
Rome
I'm not supporting a cheater. You chose him, and that's on you.
Jessica
I didn't know he was cheating.
Rome
Well, I didn't either, but.
Charlamagne Tha God
Nova.
Rome
I didn't either, but it was no problem. That's after the.
Jessica
I'm sorry real quick. Yeah, you said it was no problem. So you answered this question. But he was saying something earlier when I came in. Envy was asking you, did I ever use, like, anything against you? Like, as far as your mom passing?
Rome
No. So I think it's more comfortable, but
Jessica
I have not done that.
Rome
It was more comfortable with talking to her about it because she never used it against me. Got you. But of course, you know, I deal with that every day. Like, I think the worst that my child mom has said to me was, kill yourself and lay next to your mother. Damn. Wow.
Charlamagne Tha God
That's.
Rome
That's.
Charlamagne Tha God
That's beyond porn.
Rome
But then call me and ask me for a hot shot the next day. And I did it.
Charlamagne Tha God
Damn. Have you ever. Have you ever gone to, like, a therapist or somebody to talk about, like, the clear mother wound that you have? You know, the mother.
Rome
Yeah, I talked to the. I actually was consistent until I felt like I ain't. I'll never need it no more. But it was consistent. The therapist that you. You gave to me a couple years ago.
Charlamagne Tha God
Okay.
Rome
I was using him and it just was over the phone. I don't really need the face to face. It just be just listening. You listen to me and then you give me everything you can to just help me. Like, so did that therapist. Yeah. So that's why I always even. It'd be. Sometimes I might text you, like, peace and blessings, King. Because I got that from you, the peace and blessings part. But yeah, I did. And why do you feel like you
Jessica
can't go in person?
Rome
I ain't. I ain't saying I can't. I just. I ain't saying I can't. I just saying that it's. It probably is, but it's like, I don't feel like I would need to. To go in person. Like, even now, we're in a world now where everything is virtual, and a lot of things are virtual and stuff like that, so.
Jessica
But sometimes that's not the best, because there's that human connection. You can't get that through a screen all the time. You know what I mean? The atmosphere is different in an actual therapist's office now, if you need to. If you want to roll on the go all the time, I do understand that. But I think that you would truly benefit from, in person, that whole atmosphere. Like, a different atmosphere, a different environment where you can feel safe enough to open up about things, because it's things that you probably haven't even confronted. You know, you never know. Like, the trauma. A lot it could be other traumas that stemmed from, you know, before Keisha, before your mom passed. You know, it could be things that you didn't deal with or, you know, you don't know about until it's activated. So the trauma is, like, activating. You gotta face it. You know what I mean?
Charlamagne Tha God
I never had the language to explain you and Jess's energy, but I feel like I have it now. Like, when I see Jess with you, she's literally trying to heal that mother wound. Not by trying to be your mother in any way, but I, I. The way she talks to you, the. The concern she has for you, I'm sure that the deep conversations y' all have. I constantly see her trying to put Neosporin, and, you know, all of the things that help treat that mother wound that exists in you. And it makes sense when you're telling me that you have had other baby mothers who poured salt in there, they
DJ Envy
use it against you.
Rome
Yeah, she just keep me mellow. If y' all know this, my. I'm. I'm. I'm more relaxed. I'm always on an uppity because I'm always in defense mode.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
It's like I'm always trying to prove myself. And that's why a lot of times you. You stress yourself out.
DJ Envy
But how. How did it affect you when she got married?
Rome
Right.
DJ Envy
Because they said it was boundaries. And the reason I ask is if I'm marrying somebody, I know y' all might have a relationship, and I know y' all might be tight, but you kinda gotta find your own person to lean on. Cause that's mine. You know what I mean? That's my wife now. You know what I mean? But y' all were so tight for so long. How did those new boundaries affect co parenting and y' all relationship?
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah. Cause somebody had to build a wall.
Rome
It ain't affect nothing.
Jessica
Shut the up.
Rome
Hold on, hold on. Guess what? Guess what? It wasn't a wall built. I'm a man. So when she leaped and mind you, I knew step by step. But. And it wasn't even overwhelmed. I want you to meet Chris. It just a genuine. And it wasn't a wall. I'm a man. I always had respect. How did I deal with not being around her more or talking to her? It's almost like you're losing your best friend. But I never thought about that. Because you're selfish if you don't want your best friend or your person that you love to be happy. So if this is what makes her happy, okay. I got one child mom that's happy one found the Russell Wilson. Thank you.
Jessica
Is what you used to say.
Rome
Don't go. Give me your future.
Charlamagne Tha God
I'm like, yo, yeah, you wanted somebody. You wanted her to get somebody better.
Rome
I want her to get a Russell Wilson.
Charlamagne Tha God
Let me ask you. That's a good. That's a good segue into this. What's one thing just. I don't want to say exposed but said about you in the book that made you say damn. I didn't realize I was that toxic.
Jessica
Definitely think about it.
Rome
The baby, the. My son first birthday. That's one a lot of them. When she stated that sound like I did it. I don't remember that part though. But she said I brought the girl in the birthday party. Her friends made the girl leave or whatever the case may be.
DJ Envy
You brought your new chick to your son.
Jessica
Cute little chick.
Charlamagne Tha God
Don't get up. The man tell his story.
Rome
I'm just asking.
DJ Envy
Cause I want to be clear.
Rome
I'mma explain all that. Okay, listen. I'm explaining all that.
Charlamagne Tha God
She was fine.
Jessica
Yeah, she was.
DJ Envy
Yell at me.
Rome
But they gonna give you right?
Jessica
She was cute, yo.
Rome
Like at. At that time, toxic wasn't thrown around. So I ain't looking at it as toxic. Then it's rah. We just got my way. So that son shit. If you saying how that made me feel, I said, all right,
Charlamagne Tha God
I'm bring this bad teeth.
Rome
And my craz part is I didn't even tell a DJ to play that song. I think my brother or somebody did.
Jessica
What song was played? It was. I think it was Yo Gotti.
Rome
Yeah, but I'm telling you.
Jessica
Yes, you did.
Rome
Oh, oh, yeah. No, I don't think I did that thing with my brother. I ain't.
Charlamagne Tha God
Not at the time.
Rome
Cuz I came late on purpose. Cuz I wanted to make a grand entrance.
Jessica
Yes.
Rome
So hold up at this time. Action one. I'm only 20, so just imagine I've been. So the song was a homie was wrong with you? That bitch don't belong to me. Don't belong to you?
Jessica
Yes. CM5 or CM4, one of them cocaine music projects.
DJ Envy
Damn.
Rome
CM3 or CM4. She threw my out the window. I meant. I think I told y' all that before she threw that CD out the window.
Jessica
But you walk in a party late, we were supposed to show up together
DJ Envy
wearing all white, looking bad.
Rome
Yeah, she. Yeah, she forgot to leave out the book that she inserted herself in me and my son pictures.
Jessica
What are you talking about?
Rome
When we took baby pictures, me and
Jessica
him, I inserted myself.
Rome
Yeah. You weren't supposed to be with us.
Charlamagne Tha God
Damn.
Rome
Wow. That's how I knew that it wasn't. It was over. Because when I scheduled for them pictures. Yeah. Me and her wasn't together.
Jessica
Well, I was trying to force the relationship. Wrong. I really, really wanted to give my son. Give our son that family dynamic. Like I tell the truth about it. I take accountability. Like I was really trying to force.
Rome
Oh, you don't wanna really hurt me.
DJ Envy
I wanna know what happened to me.
Rome
You don't wanna really hurt me because.
Jessica
Because he don't want to admit. Like he talking about he don't remember. And it didn't happen like that. Shorty came. Listen. And this was the time when love and hip hop was hot. He thought he was Stevie J. He thought he had walked in with Jocelyn Hernandez and Shorty.
Rome
I never will walk in with a woman who's illiterate.
Charlamagne Tha God
Damn.
Rome
Psych. No, my God.
Jessica
Because that is my friend.
Rome
Do not play around like that. Let me take that back.
Jessica
That's my girl.
Rome
Let me take that back. That's not what I meant to say.
DJ Envy
She'll fight you, but go ahead.
Rome
Go ahead.
Jessica
Oh my God. So yeah, he walks in.
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Rome
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DJ Envy
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Jessica
You can have opinions, you can have like a strong stance, and then there's your body having its own program.
Podcast Host (e.g., Cheryl Strayed or Maya Shankar)
I'm Dr. Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist and host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans. A show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships.
Jessica
I wish that I hadn't resisted for
Podcast Host (e.g., Cheryl Strayed or Maya Shankar)
so long the need to change.
Charlamagne Tha God
We have to be willing to live
DJ Envy
with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes.
Podcast Host (e.g., Cheryl Strayed or Maya Shankar)
Listen to a Slight change of plans on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jessica
The story I've told myself about love or relationships can then shape my behavior and that can lead me to sabotage the poss of connection.
Podcast Host (e.g., Cheryl Strayed or Maya Shankar)
This mental health awareness month. Tune into the podcast Deeply well with Debbie Brown and explore the journey of healing, self discovery and returning to yourself. We explore higher consciousness, emotional well being, and the practices that help you find clarity, peace and self mastery in a world that can feel overwhelming. The world is becoming lonelier. We're not becoming more social and connected, we're becoming more individualized, but we actually need people in connection. If you've been searching for a soft place to land while doing the work to become whole, this podcast is for you. To hear more. Listen to Deeply well with Debbie Brown from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jessica
Girl, you can obviously see she don't really. She know where she at, but she didn't really like understand until she got
Rome
in there like, oh wow, she ain't even speak English.
Jessica
This is his kid, whatever. This is. This, this is his kid's first birthday party. And everybody's looking at me like I'm not supposed to be here. He told her that I was gonna, that we were broken up and I was gonna have my boyfriend there. You was just my boyfriend, stupidy. Why would you tell her that? And he come in there, he got his shades on, he dressed just like our son or whatever. He walks off, leave her right there in the middle of the party. So now me and my friends, well, my friends. Cause I'm, you know, I'm not about to Walk up to him and fight her. Like, my friends are like, yo, let's get this bitch out of here. You know? Instantly, my father grabbed me, like, come on, come on, let me talk to you. Let me talk to you. And he had told my father, Yo, Mr. Kevin. She told me that Ashton wasn't mine. And so my father understood, like, wow, okay, you don't do this, but damn, I do get it. I don't know why she would tell you that. So that was his reaction to me saying that, but it was like, yo, you can't look at this little boy and say that he's not yours. Obviously, I was trying to press the button. I shouldn't have said it. I apologize for it. And I encourage women to never do that. You know what I mean? But I encourage men to never show up to a baby shower or first birthday party with a whole nother girl. Unless you with that girl and you not with your baby mama.
Rome
How can you control.
Charlamagne Tha God
I'm trying to hurt you. Cause you hurt.
Rome
How can you control how somebody react or what you did to them?
Jessica
You are so right.
DJ Envy
Have got that girl's ass.
Jessica
She was ass.
Charlamagne Tha God
She ain't even speak English.
Jessica
She was bad, too. You could tell she didn't even know what was going on.
DJ Envy
You paid for her to come or that was your girl?
Rome
Man, I ain't paying for that.
Jessica
Wasn't his girl. He ain't say her after that. Why?
Charlamagne Tha God
She didn't speak English, though. So both of y' all got a thing for Latino.
Rome
Oh, my God.
Jessica
I don't know where. I don't know where he got it from. Whatever. But, like, that was a big statement. That was a big statement on his end, you know, and it. It rocks the feathers of the guest in the park.
Rome
Always been troll, right? Because. Yeah, I always been a troll because it was going to hurt her more if I did it publicly like that. Opposed to her telling me what my son silently. Because you told me solidly. But it hurt me big. So you. Okay, all right. I set that up, too. I said it. I said it. A real nice home run. But looking back, I wish I wouldn't have did it because I didn't. I never meant to humiliate her. But this is the thing that I tell people all the time. It's so easy to co parent when you keep your family, your friends out of. I've never had that problem on my end. My people. We're not saying I control them. My people in compliance. You overstep that boundary, you cut off. I Ain't married, but that's how I carry things. Because we said last time when I was here, you can say what you want about this person. I'm still gonna be with them. Sometimes that messes up relationships because you can still love this person and be with this person, but yet you don't want to be around this person. Family, because you know that they don't like you. I can't sit and fake. I love you. But if I don't want to be around your family, I'm not going. So that means no functions. I don't want them at none of our functions. So where does that leave us? You gonna have to make a decision. But where you got to choose and don't choose me.
Jessica
But where is the compromise, though? Because if you love that person, then you would.
Rome
You love that person. The compromising is. I'm compromising for you. But that family don't want. That family ain't compromising. They not compromising for the person that they love.
Jessica
But it's not for them.
Rome
It's not. But guess what?
Jessica
To love the person, the ultimate goal is that you will go to this wedding or you will go to this cookout, you know?
Rome
No, I feel like that's fake. And you there, that's fake. You can't relate because we never had that. We've never been in that situation either.
Jessica
No, we haven't.
Rome
We haven't.
Jessica
But I've been in situations like that.
Rome
But so you can't relate to me because me and you haven't been in that relationship, that type of environment because it was always more of a family narrative. So even when we was beefing in those times, like, we still was a family, like, I didn't really just push you to the curb because we still was a family.
Charlamagne Tha God
I. I think a lot of this is gonna get conflated when people are watching it, only because a lot of this ain't you and Jess.
Jessica
Yeah.
Charlamagne Tha God
It's you and your other correct baby mothers. Correct.
DJ Envy
Correct.
Rome
And it's, it's. It's the, the. The co parenting part about that is it's times I don't even want to talk to them. I should tell her to go talk to them, right?
Charlamagne Tha God
The other baby mamas. What? Wow.
Rome
Right, Man. Jessica helped me get a child support. I mean, I went back on, but she helped me get off child support. I tell her what I tell her I say, I say, you, I don't want to talk to you. And walked off. Yeah, here she go. No wrong, no wrong. No wrong. I'M like, I don't want to talk to her, she don't want to talk. It's okay, let it go. But you know, it was, you know, it's a beneficial right? And I think, man, I ain't hold you. If more men had child mom like this one, I think the world would be better because when you're not together, that's the, that's the biggest problem. When you're not together, everybody want to be just controlling or bitter. Wow. If you really love that child, you would. The best interest, the best interest is not just for the father to just pay for shit. The best interest is for the father to be around the child, allow that man to love his kid, allow that man to take care of his kid. One of the biggest things I don't like today is people calling dads weekend dads. Jessica mother helped me understand that. Okay, if the child lived with his mom Monday through Friday and you working Monday, Friday, and you get him Saturday and Sunday, which my mom did that with me and my dad, that's your time.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
You're a dad. Like this weekend that is doing a weekday. Okay, you want then, then here's the contradiction here. Weekend dad. But yet you want full custody or you want the full time or you want the benefits of being a full time mom? Okay, so if you want the benefits of being a full time mom, well, take on the benefits of being a full time mom. It just makes no sense to me. Like how, oh, I never get my kid up. But yet you complain about the dad getting a child Friday through Sunday or Monday, you pick, you picking the child, you picking the child up from school or daycare Friday. And if you want to be technically honest, the dad spend more time with the child on Saturday and Sunday because the child's are in school during the week or daycare. And by the time you get off work and get them from school daycare, what you do, you get them ready for the next day. Where the dads on a Friday night, we can have fun. They can be on the phone all night, be on the iPad, go to sleep whenever. Saturday we go to the mall, we go shop, we go wherever you want. Sunday we probably relax or not. Or we do, we do. Then Monday is back to business. So it's like I just don't, I don't get all of that, man. It's just so much man. I feel like the dad is just fathers. We go through hell and high water.
Charlamagne Tha God
Jess, what did you mean when you said, and I saw you say this on Tamara. Then of course, I read it in the book. When you talk about having to deprogram and reprogram Ashton after spending weekends with Rome.
Jessica
Yeah. So when he goes to Rome house. Because we have.
Rome
Right there.
Jessica
We have. Yeah, we have two different co parenting vibes. Right? Two different co parenting styles. I am the Rome is the lenient parent. I am the. I'm strict. I have rules. I have structure. I'm not saying there's no structure, but there is definitely a lot more rules and discipline in my house during the week.
Rome
There's no rules on the weekend. I'm sorry. During the weekend.
Jessica
Yeah. So, you know, he kind of lets, you know, Ash just be and just do whatever he wants. He let him stay up all night, you know, just talk on the phone all night. He's on the Internet all day. I don't really like that. So when he comes back home with me, he's on the phone. He's nonchalant. I'm asking him to do something, I gotta tell him more than once. And I'm like, okay, you were just there for three days. You gotta get it together. Because the things that you do at dad's house, you can't do here. You know what I mean? Like when. When you get up and get out got. When you get up and get out of your bed and make it up, you got your own bathroom, got your own balcony. You got a big space in this house. You need to clean it up. You know what I mean? Like, I just make him do certain things. And that's the deprogramming, reprogram, having to remind him where he at and which house he in.
Rome
I just think that's just mom and dad, right?
Jessica
And it's good. It's a healthy balance.
Rome
A child is going to do a child. A child is going to do what they do with their mom and they're going to do what they do with their dad. But fathers, not. Not you, Jessica. So I'm gonna speak in general when I'm saying this, but as fathers, we always. When you go with your mom, you need to do this. Respect your mother. I tell my son Christian had to take that trash out. You are to. And mind you, and I don't even have to text her when it comes to him. Me and him did deprogram, debrief about what Ash and Eve was the best things for him. If we need mom, then she come in. Other than that, she stay our ass out of our business and that's that. But like, it's never bright hoes man, the weekend's just fun, man. Like, I understand as a child, man, you going to school. My son got a. My son got a 4.2 that's hard to maintain in the life he living. 4.2. Like, my son has never made honor roll. It's principal's. Honorable Principal's list.
Jessica
Yeah, the principal's list. Yeah.
Rome
And get it honest. You know, his dad is, you know, the man that is. I graduated salutatorian eighth grade at a 99 average. Top 10% at Denver High School at ranking number seven. And I graduated with 3.5 from college. It's talk that talk, talk that talk. It's stitching stone that my son gets his brains. Not saying his mother not smart.
Jessica
Right. Because I graduated with a 3.9 from a preparatory school in Dallas Town, Pennsylvania.
Rome
Play with me.
DJ Envy
Don't talk that talk.
Jessica
You know what I'm saying?
Charlamagne Tha God
Don't play with me.
Rome
I ranked number seven, top 10%. Only people that beat me was all nerds.
DJ Envy
What was the most difficult thing when it came to ash? Like, what was the one thing that your guys kept bumping heads or y' all couldn't agree on when it came to co parenting?
Jessica
I wanna go first. When he was younger, you wouldn't send back the clothes that I bought when I was sitting here with you. And you would go on Instagram, you would post it like, yeah, I got my son first.
Rome
I never took your clothes.
Jessica
I bought it. I.
Rome
What do you mean I never took your clothes? I always had his own wardrobe with me.
Jessica
Wrong. That was when he got a little older. No, that's what we made with bumpheads about. I'm like, yo, send back.
Rome
Are you talking about three?
Jessica
That. Yes. Send back the bag. I said earlier, send back the bag that I sent.
Rome
I'll be rushing now.
Jessica
I'll be rushing. He kept the clothes.
Rome
I washed them, fold them or put them in the cleanest.
Jessica
Okay, Kehlani, but I'm saying it's still my stuff that you guys.
Rome
It's not your stuff. It's not your stuff. It's his stuff. And you didn't send a bag every week because if I kept something that you sent, you ain't need to send it the following week.
Jessica
And then another time.
Rome
How many times? Excuse me? How many times? Every pair of tenants. I bought them. I bought them two pair. One for you, one for me.
Jessica
Okay?
Rome
I mean, how many Gucci belts you don't lost?
Jessica
Well, why are you buying a kid?
Rome
How many? How many?
Jessica
Like, designer stuff that young and they Grow out of it.
Rome
Okay, I would. That's just been me.
Jessica
Okay.
Rome
I'm sorry. I. That was my mother logic. I felt like that logic was a great life. Okay. Yep.
Jessica
That's how you grew up. Yep.
Rome
He would always.
Jessica
He was in design at a very young age. That's not mine.
Rome
It didn't say, oh, $500.
Jessica
Damn fast for you to be sitting on. And she was like, oh, well, yeah, it didn't matter. And I was hating a little bit. But so what? Like, no, like, how you mad he
Charlamagne Tha God
got your kid designing?
Jessica
I mean, because I was out here in TJ Maxx, but that's you. You.
Charlamagne Tha God
You was removing different. Did either one of you have a reflection that made you see a situation differently now that y' all older? Like when you go first?
Jessica
Well, I feel like. I feel like I've been seeing things different for a while. Since Ash was like five, you know what I mean? I feel like once we got past our feelings, I always saw you in a different light. Like, I always was like, okay, this will be. This is gonna be my friend. I feel like nobody else got this young man any help. Nobody ever, you know, tried to guide him, you know, properly. Even when you came into, like your big settlement, you was getting money, you was out here, you feel me? I felt like nobody was trying to help you in any way.
Rome
I wanna speak on that too. I'm gonna let you finish, but I wanna speak on that because that's a big part in the womanizing and stuff like that too. Oh, it finished.
Jessica
You know, so, yeah, that's how I felt. I've always was able to give grace and see. And see the bigger picture. Like, yeah, this is my friend. And I honestly feel. Going back to the question that Charlamagne asked you when I first walked in, if we didn't have Ashton, I know we would not be together. Cause that wasn't our story. But we would be friends, you know, we would be best friends still, you know, so. I do feel that way. But yeah, I've always been reflecting. What. What were you gonna say?
Rome
I agree on that. I do. Because your mother hold all my stuff.
Jessica
It always goes back to my mom. What's the good that I've done?
Rome
Yeah, I'm just saying your mother plays a big part. I just wish more women had mothers like you.
Charlamagne Tha God
What Rome is saying is true because it's always. It can always be a mother putting a negative battery in a woman's bag.
Jessica
Absolutely.
Rome
Or. Or she just ain't here for the child. You act just like your mother.
Jessica
Yeah.
DJ Envy
But Jesse seemed like she feel like you. You give a lot of profits or kudos to her mom, but none because she's great.
Rome
No, I give kudos to both. But as children, we speaking. We ain't speaking right now. We speaking on then. We was kids. I didn't have that.
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah.
Rome
I didn't have nobody to show me or teach me how to be a father. It ain't no rulebook. I gotta figure that out my own. You. You know how I feel to go to college and you got your son in your left hand and you gotta do work. No.
DJ Envy
I don't know what I feel like.
Rome
Yeah, that's why I bought Ashton iPad at that young age. And beats don't nobody know the hard work that I put in. And then for the other children, I do the same. So like I said, when you let a father be a father, you gonna see you. You gonna see the finishing product of it. Like, I shouldn't have to fight my child mom to take care of my kid. I helped you make them right or her right.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
Why is it you. Oh, you shut the fuck up. When? Oh, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. No. Cause you know, like, I know I just had my boys at the market the other day. We was having moving night. We was on the cartoon. I took. You know, I'm a big kid, especially when I'm bringing babies around me, man. My NX kid come out, I'm on a cart, I roll from the top with a mark of that all the way down on the cart with Bryson and Prosper boys. Had the best time of your life. It's little things like that, yo. Money can't buy that.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
So it'd be like, damn, you do damn if you don't.
Charlamagne Tha God
He's talking about his other baby mothers, right?
Jessica
Yeah, absolutely.
Rome
I'm talking about fathers, period.
Jessica
Yeah, you're talking about babies.
Rome
So I don't call Jessica my baby mama. That's my sister. So, you know, we, we. You know, we. We clear on that. So feel about that like the world know when I'm talking. I ain't talking about her. She's excluded. She's actually. Yeah, she's excluded.
Charlamagne Tha God
So I can start saying, just got a baby from her brother.
Rome
Yeah.
Jessica
No, please.
Advertisement Voice
What?
Jessica
Damn.
Rome
Yeah. Please don't say no. No.
DJ Envy
He was about to say something about the settlement. He was like, yo, you'll get back.
Rome
Yeah. So the settlement. Honestly, man. The settlement. The settlement, really?
Jessica
Nobody taught you to invest or any of that?
Rome
Investing? I'm a Hurt young man. And I already got aura. I already got a little style. Nice teeth. I ain't buy these teeth. So, you know, whatever the case may be, when that money came, oh, I can get women to do whatever the fuck I want them to do.
Jessica
But why was that the goal?
Rome
That was the goal. Cause it made me feel better. It blocked all the pain and hurt that I had.
Charlamagne Tha God
Mother wound.
Rome
The mother wound. It blocked all that out. Yeah. So you know, at that time we talked about that. I didn't went broken. Had to really sit down and really, you know, back to the draw. You want that? Okay. Okay, cool. But looking back at. Yeah, I up. That wasn't the way to go. Because all you doing is creating something that cost and it's going to cost you over time. And you got to maintain to be able to afford that cost. If not, where they going? Out the door.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
So I created a problem for myself and that's where I went depressed at a long time ago as well. Trying to maintain a lifestyle that I really couldn't keep up with because of I had more children.
Charlamagne Tha God
I love that you're self aware of it though.
Jessica
Wrong.
Charlamagne Tha God
Because like a lot of people have the mother wound and don't even know that they're turning to external things to self soothe like the alcohol, the sex with the other women. Like they don't even realize I'm. I'm only doing this because I'm actually hurt.
Rome
And there's no disrespect to my lady now, but like. Well, it was no disrespect to my child. Mom, everyone's him. But it was a time I went on a rampage. Felt like one of them athlete type. And it's not. I'm not a. It's not good. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not glorifying it, but that it just. I don't know. I don't know if other men feel like that. But yeah, it was a different woman every day for probably two months. Didn't care about it, didn't know their names, didn't nothing.
Charlamagne Tha God
Sometimes you gotta let a legend be a legend.
Rome
And it's like. Because like bro, like people don't understand people. They judge you so much, but people don't understand. So like I said.
Jessica
And I do feel like he has a lot. Well, I'm gonna talk to you. I do feel like you have issues with your other co parents, the other moms of your children. Because y' all never got past all the hurt that y'. All that you know that. That they had endured in the relationship. Y' all never got past.
Rome
Yeah, no, y'. All.
Jessica
Y' all never sat down. Okay, so we never sat down with you. Yes, we.
Rome
You and we sat down after the fact.
Jessica
Well, yes, yes.
Rome
We already been co parent. No, don't put on you on them. No, I'm over everything. Over them.
Jessica
Okay.
Rome
They don't want to. And honestly, I can't figure it out. And I'm done trying to figure it out. That's why I lost hair.
Jessica
I'm done.
Rome
But no, no, I'm one for five. I'm good.
Jessica
No, I know, I understand. But I was just saying that's why it's not a healthy co parenting team there. Because y' all didn't get through the issues. Y' all never really sat down and had those uncomfortable conversations and got the closure on the relationship side to move forward on the co parenting side. That y' all never did what we did. You know what I mean? We were already past each other once we sat down and talked. But y' all were always just bickering. Every relationship after, you know, you and I, when you had a kid, it was just a bunch of bickering. And now that you're here saying that, yes, I was hurt. I was hurt. I was hurt. They didn't understand that. They didn't understand that, you know, and you got bitter. Baby moms, like I say in the book, it's okay to be bitter. Just don't stay there. But you kept them there because you kept going back, dealing with this one, then you're dealing with that. When you never close the door with this one and then you dealing with this one, this one gotta be, why
Rome
did I keep going back? Why did I keep going back and going back?
Jessica
Because it was convenient.
Rome
No, for you. Why did I keep going back? And going back was because that was the only way that I can get my child. I went back three times to two different women.
Jessica
I do remember why.
Rome
Because that was the only way that they would be out of their feelings. And I can see my child.
Jessica
I do remember that.
Rome
And I'm gonna speak on my last child, mom, we will never be like you, but we moving in that direction. Charlemagne. We talked about it earlier. You said, why did you move back from South Carolina? And I stated at that time, me and my last child, mom, we wasn't seeing eye to eye. We wasn't talking. I couldn't even FaceTime them then. It wasn't till I brought the kids back up here for school before it hit Me that damn. I'm just down here by myself. I don't know how to function without just going to work. Might get some free time to myself and get my kids. I don't know how to function like that. So I try to do everything I could with them for them to one and a half months before they went to school. But Prosper, I wasn't talking to Prosper. I couldn't see Prosper. I couldn't FaceTime. So I'm in the back of my mind, I'm like, damn. He said he a baby. Is he. Did he even know me? It's crazy you said that. Do you even know me like that? Is he? I don't know. And, and that hurt it so no, my uncle tough love. And I'm glad that I had my uncle around. He like, man, suck that shit up. You'll be all right. So that kept going. My son mom get diagnosed with breast cancer. Sat on it for like two weeks if I was wanting to move back or not because I felt like. And she said no, she had moved on, she had a friend or whatever the case may be. But I wasn't moving back for that. I was moving back because I wanted to be closer to my son. And I felt like she needed me more to be there physically for my son because of the transition that was
Jessica
about to happen because imagine what she's
Rome
going through and that transition is long chemo, radiation.
Jessica
Yes.
Rome
And she decided to take that route instead of going. I know some people that went to was the natural holistic route.
Jessica
So which I moved back and Prosper was a baby, he was young. So that was a lot of pressure on her. You know what I mean? So yeah. Although she has family, they're not always there for her. She has to do a lot by herself too. You know, she has another kid and
Rome
then they say when, you know, when she explained that to me, when you're going through that you need as much support as you can.
Jessica
Yes.
Rome
So no, I didn't think, oh no, I'm gonna be with this woman. No, I said this woman need me. Yeah. She do have another child as well. But I said this woman needs me. And I moved back, got to see my son and that was history. And now we. Like I said. So I'm saying I don't have another co parenting with all of them but my last one. And they, the twins, Ash and the Prost, they look just alike. Yeah. So I got a co parenting with her and yeah. But I feel like if she didn't which Wasn't diagnosed, I might have not moved back so fast. But, yeah, that was one of the things. And I'm dealing with that now. Of course, you know, I was hurt about that because I projected my. Once again, I projected another. My trauma on my son as well. I'm like, I don't want baby to be without his mother. That's all I'm thinking about. Like, I don't want that phone call and I'm not there. Gotcha.
Jessica
Right. That's what I wanted you to say. I ain't gonna say yes. You didn't want him to lose his mom.
Rome
Yeah, but she. She healthy now and she needed. She doing. She's in a gym. She's fit, beautiful. She's high spirit. Still chasing her dreams. But, yeah, that's what's up. Prospers. You know, you about to turn four, June. Yeah, but it's two for five. I ain't mean to keep saying one. It's two for five.
Jessica
Yeah, I do see it being five for five with. With like, this negative, this book. No, seriously, it's the space that y' all in right now. I understand, but I do see it being that way.
Rome
Oh, I'm cutting you off. No. Prosper Three.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
Them other ones is still young. No Proxy three. And it happened. Them other ones is nine, ten, seven.
Jessica
No, y' all not gonna hate each other forever. Trust me.
Rome
Check this out. Check this out. I just wanna take care of my kids. I don't care if you hate me or you don't.
DJ Envy
I got.
Rome
Hey, everybody ain't gonna be like you. Everybody ain't coming to save me. Everybody don't care about if I'm happy or not. Because when I'm happy, everybody around me happy. So I get it. But I don't think like that no more because that burns me up and eats me up. It's night. Swear, you know, whatever the case may be. But no, I take my first and last, and I'm good with that. Now, when the mother ones start to be mature. Oh, here, take your kid. Don't just.
Charlamagne Tha God
Yeah, I get what both y' all are saying. I get what Jess is saying. I get what you were saying. Just is like, you know, this book should show you that healing is possible because y' all weren't always in. In the best.
Rome
But we ain't never been like this. Yeah. I never not seen my kid for this long. I don't give a. About not having a relationship with the woman. I don't give my kid. Yeah, give me my kid. That's all I got. But if you take. If you're using that against me, obviously it's something you. That ain't right. You're a up person.
Jessica
Right. But at one, at some point, y' all loved each other.
Rome
That's in the past.
Jessica
Yeah, I know, but I'm saying it's still. It still existed, you know, so if you can. If you not. I'm not saying get back to that place, but at one point, if there was a point where you did love a person, then you can actually see the good in them. You know what I mean? To try to start to mend that. And that just starts with confronting the things that eat you up about that person. That's all it is. It's just an uncomfortable conversation. But I ain't gonna get you riled up no more. There is one thing before we end, there's one thing. I know
Rome
because. No, no, because this is a topic that now the world is talking about it. Yeah, I talked about it before, but you know. Yeah.
Jessica
I mean, we've been doing this since the pandemic.
Rome
The funny part about it is because even right now I'm talking and I. I'm going through this like. Yeah, I moved back clearly a year and a half ago. Seen my 9 year old daughter twice. When I came back, twice a mother text called me probably 11 o'. Clock, 3, 4 last week. A night. You calling this leaf for. I missed it because I was sleep next morning. What up? Oh, I'm ready to have a conversation about our daughter. Are you free? I said, well, I said, what would the conversation be about other than her you went missing. I didn't. I did. I own it. So here's a father trying to be a father.
Charlamagne Tha God
That's real.
Rome
Guess what I said. Hey, she like, can I call? I'm like Ash and Bryce in the process. Sleep. Talk to you tomorrow. I can meet you tomorrow after I dropped him off to school
Jessica
and that's it. Did you.
Rome
Did you 30th went missing again. Okay, text. Hey, Free.
DJ Envy
Hey.
Rome
So it's like. But she'll call me a deadbeat. You see where I'm going at with it? I'm not bashing her. She's a great mom.
Jessica
All of them are.
Rome
But she'll call me. Yeah, all of them are.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
I would never take that. I got a nice line up full of great moms. So with or without me, I think my kids, you know, besides the traumas. But whatever the case may be, I think they've been. They've been Taken care of. Well, yeah, but. But you see the type of things that fathers that actually care. I know some niggas that just don't give a fuck. Hey, I'm free. Want to meet up? Go missing again.
Jessica
Yeah.
Charlamagne Tha God
What I want to know is why I haven't just sent her a copy of the book.
Jessica
They just came out the other day. I'm gonna get four of them.
Podcast Host (e.g., Cheryl Strayed or Maya Shankar)
I know.
Jessica
I'm gonna send four of them out.
Rome
I'm honest, bro. I don't think she can read. No.
Jessica
Oh, my God.
Rome
What do you mean, no? I don't think they'll read it.
Jessica
You don't think they'll read it? Yeah. Two of them probably won't.
Rome
Two, three might want.
DJ Envy
Yeah.
Rome
Processing. My brother already read the whole book.
Jessica
Amazing. Thank you.
Rome
She read it. We was in court.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
Yeah. Whole thing.
Jessica
But that's good. That's the one that you're on good terms with. Like that? Yep.
Rome
And it's like. It's like. It's one of those things, man. For men. I'm protecting my mental. It is what it is. It ain't what it ain't. I'm a control. I. If I can't control. Only control what you can control. That's my logic. It is what it is. And when you. And when you go by that on a man or your peace part, things would be. It just come to you. It'd be easy. So like I said, if it happens, it happens. But I'm not expecting it to. Because if it don't, I won't be hurt again.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
I look so forward.
DJ Envy
Till death do we parent to the one that you writing.
Rome
And honestly, that's what it is. Hopefully I ain't gonna say it. Cause I don't want nobody try to steal my shit.
Jessica
Nobody gonna steal it.
Rome
It's not patented yet. Okay, but you have to be parent to part. What is it? Part two.
Jessica
It'll be part two.
DJ Envy
Yeah.
Rome
No, it's two. You have to be parent part two. Let a father be a father.
Jessica
Yeah. I love it. And I love you too.
Rome
Yo, are you more.
Jessica
I really do.
DJ Envy
The book is out right now.
Charlamagne Tha God
Make sure you get it, man. Suits my guy. Room sending room healing energy all the time, man.
Jessica
Yeah.
Rome
Hey, fellas. Protect your peace man.
DJ Envy
All right. It's the Breakfast Club.
Charlamagne Tha God
It's big room.
Rome
Not the little one.
DJ Envy
It's the Breakfast Club.
Rome
Good morning.
Jessica
And Jess. God damn. Okay.
DJ Envy
Sometimes. Sometimes.
Jessica
Shut up. No, that was good.
Rome
Yo. What? Hold up. Every day I wake up.
Advertisement Voice
Wake your ass up.
Charlamagne Tha God
The Breakfast Club.
Rome
Y' all finished or y' all done?
Jessica
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
Episode Date: May 1, 2026
Hosts: DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne Tha God
Guests: Jess Hilarious, Rome (Ashton’s father)
Main Topic: Honest conversation about co-parenting, lessons from their new book ’Til Death Do We Parent, personal growth, and navigating family challenges.
This episode brings together comedian Jess Hilarious and her co-parent, Rome, for an honest, vulnerable, and often humorous examination of co-parenting after their breakup. The discussion centers around Jess’s new book, '’Til Death Do We Parent', reflecting on past mistakes, personal evolution, navigating different parenting styles, family dynamics, and how honest dialogue and support can foster healthy co-parenting—even after deep hurt.
Throughout, the conversation is real, unfiltered, and at times raw—blending humor, reflection, candid admissions of fault, and deep empathy. Both Jess and Rome speak in their own words and with unmistakable authenticity, offering listeners not only entertainment but also wisdom forged from pain, growth, and persistence.
This episode gives listeners rare, honest insight into co-parenting after hurt, how childhood trauma shapes adult relationships, and the power of honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations. Jess and Rome lay bare their missteps and their growth, showing that—given openness, grace, and time—broken bonds can be rebuilt for the good of children and for personal healing.
The book ‘Til Death Do We Parent is available now.
For anyone navigating co-parenting, this episode offers hope, humor, practical lessons, and a powerful reminder: “Let a father be a father—not just when it’s convenient for you.”