The Breakfast Club – Interview: Jordan Carlos on Becoming a Better Partner, Emotional Maturity, and His New Book 'Choreplay'

Date: March 13, 2026
Hosts: Charlamagne Tha God, Jess Hilarious, Lauren LaRosa (Envy out), DJ Envy (occasional aside)
Guest: Jordan Carlos, comedian, writer, and author of Choreplay

Episode Overview

In this candid and humorous episode, comedian and writer Jordan Carlos joins The Breakfast Club to discuss his transformative journey toward emotional maturity, partnership, and marriage maintenance, as detailed in his new book Choreplay: The Marriage-Saving Magic of Getting Your Head Out Your Ass. The conversation unpacks traditional gender roles, “invisible work,” the dynamics of domestic responsibility, and what it truly means to be a committed, emotionally mature partner—particularly as a man. Carlos employs wit, humility, and honest self-reflection, making the subject accessible, funny, and impactful.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introducing 'Choreplay' and Its Purpose

• Choreplay explores how active participation in household chores (“getting your head out your ass”) can transform romantic partnerships, especially in marriage.
• Carlos describes the book as essential, born from personal experience when he saw the integrity of his marriage eroding during COVID lockdown.
  • “I’m not an expert... I’m just a veteran of the wars out here and I’m lucky to be married still. And I just want to share that information with everyone.” (Jordan Carlos, 04:04)

Notable Quote

“Choir play, the marriage-saving magic of getting your head out your ass.”
—Charlamagne Tha God reads the subtitle (04:46)

The Reality of Invisible Work (04:28–05:20)

• Carlos explains “invisible work” as all the unseen labor—mental, emotional, and physical—often carried by women, as modeled by his mother and grandmother.
• He admits the bar is “in hell” for men but says that’s precisely why men need to be more engaged.

Notable Quote

“It’s that work that my mom put in, that my grandmother put in... Learning about executive function and what women go through all the time was so—like, my eyes are open.”
—Jordan Carlos (04:28)

Breaking Down Traditional Gender Roles at Home

• Hosts and Carlos share personal family dynamics, challenging the notion that women are inherently better at housekeeping.
  • Lauren LaRosa: “My dad was the one who cleaned. My mom cooked... so that doesn’t go for all men.” (06:16)
• Carlos notes these roles are socialized, observable in family events: “The boys are always—the game is on, right?” (05:48)

Emotional Maturity, COVID, and Relationship Wake-Up Calls (06:44–10:42)

• Carlos describes how the pandemic exposed deep fissures in his partnership—he was physically present but emotionally checked out.
  • “When the tide goes out, you see the rocks... I was a stranger in my own house because I was not contributing.” (06:48)
• He outlines how passively witnessing his wife do everything “little by little did it... that repetition erodes the integrity of a relationship.” (08:10)

Notable Quote

“What’s cute in your 20s is not cute in your 40s.”
—Jordan Carlos (11:23)

The Power of Small Actions & Taking Initiative (09:20–11:16, 20:18–21:17)

• Carlos shares how shifting from being “reminded” to self-reminding about chores changed his relationship dynamic.
  • “I knew to do that ‘cause I’d seen her do it. So just do it.” (09:20)
• Small yet consistent gestures (“I did the dishes before I left this morning... fighting for my life not to say, ‘babe, do you appreciate those dishes?’”) matter, but internal validation is key.
  • “I Gamify everything... Let me see if I can get a load in [of laundry] before I hit... the office.” (21:17)

The Bar is “In Hell” for Men (19:11–20:13)

• Carlos recounts learning from a “famous” dad in a moms group: all this man does is make his wife coffee each morning, and that alone elevated him—highlighting how little is often expected of men.
  • “The bar is in hell, right? So for that, the man is famous.” (19:24)
• Low hanging fruit works: “It was hard to wake up before my wife. But I did it. I kept doing it.” (19:59)

The Male Desire for Validation (21:02–22:19)

• On wanting ‘extra credit’ for the basics:

  “I want my ticker tape parade, you know what I’m saying?” (21:02)

• Carlos reflects on the unhealthy need to be “mothered,” learning instead that a partnership is about mutual nurturing—not substituting a spouse for a parent.

Family Patterns and Media Influence (22:19–26:10)

• Carlos describes how having a “greedy job” (one that consumes your time) affected his father’s participation at home.
• Pop culture's lasting impact: Carlos describes his mother taking him to see Mr. Mom (1983), a film that reinforces stereotypes about men’s domestic incompetence.
  • “You could be a genius out there, but not get or understand…so that kind of thing.” (24:47)

Humor as the Secret Ingredient for Male Engagement (30:15–31:31)

• Charlamagne notes the book is "a marriage manual disguised as comedy.” Humor helps men access difficult truths.
• Carlos:

  “We’ve got to sneak the veggies... masculinity gets in the way... so I had to be the quartermaster at my house, too.” (30:22)

Emotional Labor and Partnership vs. Providing (32:58–38:26)

• True partnership isn’t just financial; it’s active participation in all parts of home life.
  • “I’ve added funds and just been like, leave me alone... but that was the vibe.” (37:11)
• “Women are usually... the CEO of the house.” (25:45)
• Taking initiative to know children’s teachers, organize appointments, and handle family logistics is a mark of real involvement.

Systemic Barriers & Society’s Low Expectations for Men (39:08–45:17)

• The system often expects less of men, and small gestures can garner disproportionate praise:

  “Now there’s a dad right there—I’m not doing shit but holding [my kids’] hands.” (45:14)

• Carlos points out both men and women—often through entrenched expectations—can perpetuate these roles.

Emotional Intelligence and Empathy (51:54–53:09)

• Carlos ties his capacity for empathy to early experience caring for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s:

  “You have to feel for your person… small things. If you know what makes people upset, then you know what makes them happy, and just doing that thing and putting your arms around it instead of your head around it.” (52:13)

Memorable Quotes

• On Changing Relationship Dynamics:

  “If you’re just like an overage child, you’re gonna get kicked out of the nest.” (07:19)

• On Making Change Tangible:

  “The devil’s in the levels... Check the OJ, the milk... she’d be like, we gotta get milk. Now I do that.” (34:55)

• Advice to Men:

  “Have you tried vacuuming without being asked?” (33:00)

• What’s the One Small Habit to Change a Relationship?

  “Have a plan... Keep that candle burning.” (46:13)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:33] – Jordan Carlos introduction & book reveal
• [04:28] – The concept of invisible work
• [06:44] – How COVID exposed his lack of contribution
• [08:10] – Repercussions of passive partnership
• [09:20] – The John Wick mentality and learning to take initiative
• [19:11] – The “famous dad” & the myth of male mediocrity
• [21:02] – Male desire for validation, changing the self-talk
• [24:47] – Media representations and the Mr. Mom anecdote
• [30:15] – Why humor works for men in relationship advice
• [32:58] – Partnership versus being just a financial provider
• [37:11] – The difference between “providing” and “partnering”
• [46:13] – Jordan’s single, most powerful habit for couples
• [52:13] – The role of empathy and emotional labor

Takeaways for Listeners

• Active, mindful participation in domestic and emotional labor is crucial for lasting, happy relationships.
• Change doesn’t have to be drastic—start with small, meaningful actions: make coffee, notice what needs doing, remember kid’s teachers’ names.
• Validation shouldn’t have to come from your partner for doing the basics; internalize new norms.
• Humor helps men access and implement relationship insight.
• Emotional intelligence and empathy are learned—and necessary—for mature partnership.
• Partnership is about sharing the mental, physical, and emotional load, not just providing financially.

Closing

Jordan Carlos closes by encouraging everyone to pick up Choreplay and follow him for more insights.

“I wrote this book because I read a book about a guy that just didn’t put his glass in the sink when his wife would ask him for years, and she divorced him because of that.” (52:13)

Charlamagne gives his endorsement:

“Choreplay is out right now... It might save your marriage.” (53:25)

Follow Jordan Carlos:
Instagram: @jordancarlos
Website: jordancarloscomic.com