INTERVIEW: Mel Robbins Talks 'Let Them Theory;' Career Journey, AI & Social Media Effects, Mental Health +More

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Breakfast Club featuring Mel Robbins

Episode Title: INTERVIEW: Mel Robbins Talks 'Let Them Theory;' Career Journey, AI & Social Media Effects, Mental Health +More
Release Date: April 14, 2025
Host: The Breakfast Club (DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha God, and Lauren LaRosa)
Guest: Mel Robbins

---

1. Introduction to Mel Robbins

The episode begins at [02:06] with host DJ Envy and Charlamagne Tha God warmly welcoming Mel Robbins back to The Breakfast Club. Charlamagne acknowledges Mel's significant achievements since her last appearance in 2021, noting her bestselling books and the rise of her podcast to become the "number one podcast in the world" ([02:29] Charlamagne Tha God).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([02:46]): "It's about just consistent small moves, being patient."

---

2. Mel Robbins’ Career Journey

Mel Robbins delves into her professional trajectory, recounting her early career as a public defender and her transition into the corporate world by working at a large law firm. She shares the tumultuous period in 2008 when both she and her husband faced significant financial strain, leading to personal struggles with debt and alcoholism ([09:14] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([09:14]): "There is just one decision you need to make: How you're living your life right now and how it feels no longer works for you."

---

3. The Let Them Theory

Central to the discussion is Mel’s book, The Let Them Theory. She explains that the essence of this theory revolves around relinquishing control over external factors and focusing instead on personal empowerment and internal growth ([15:31] Charlamagne Tha God).

Key Concepts:

• Let Them Be: Allowing others to think and act as they please without letting it disturb your peace.
• Let Me: Focusing on personal responses and actions rather than trying to manage others.

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([16:55]): "If you're tired, if you're overwhelmed, if you're feeling like you keep trying and nothing is clicking, the problem isn't you. The problem is you unknowingly give all of your power to other people."

---

4. Overcoming Challenges and Building Resilience

Mel shares her pivotal moment in February 2008 when she decided to implement the five-second rule—a technique she developed to combat procrastination and self-doubt. This decision marked the beginning of her transformation and eventual success ([09:14] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([12:37]): "The only thing you need to make your life better is one decision."

---

5. Handling External Pressures: Social Media and Reputation

The conversation shifts to the impact of social media and public perception. Mel discusses how AI and the digital age have exacerbated the spread of misinformation, affecting personal reputations and mental health ([30:14] Mel Robbins).

Key Points:

• The difficulty in controlling one's narrative in the age of AI-driven information.
• Strategies for maintaining personal integrity without succumbing to external noise.

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([30:19]): "What can you actually do? You have to wake up and recognize that it's not gonna happen out there. It's gonna happen in here."

---

6. Mental Health and Self-Care

Mel emphasizes the importance of mental health, not as a clinical issue but as a fundamental aspect of thriving. She advocates for building coping mechanisms and viewing mental health as a muscle that can be strengthened through consistent practice ([60:10] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([60:10]): "Mental health is thriving. It's your ability to manage your stress. It's your ability to push through those moments where life is overwhelming and build yourself a little life raft to keep yourself afloat."

---

7. The Five-Second Rule

Mel elaborates on the five-second rule—a simple yet powerful tool she created to break the habit of hesitation. By counting down from five and taking immediate action, individuals can overcome inertia and foster proactive behavior ([47:50] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([47:38]): "Once the five second rule started to spread around on social media... That's how I started."

---

8. Personal Insights and Advice

Throughout the interview, Mel offers practical advice on maintaining personal boundaries, fostering positive relationships, and the importance of self-compassion. She encourages listeners to focus on their own growth rather than being affected by others' actions or opinions ([21:16] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([23:25]): "I don't have to know how. I have to believe that it will."

---

9. Legacy and Impact

Towards the end of the conversation, Mel reflects on her legacy and the broader impact of her work. She shares stories of listeners who have been positively influenced by her teachings, highlighting the transformative power of changing one's mindset ([55:45] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([55:45]): "If I can save anybody... that is fantastic."

---

10. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Mel addresses criticism regarding her approach to mental health, reaffirming her commitment to making psychological concepts accessible while emphasizing the importance of professional help when needed ([59:58] Mel Robbins).

Notable Quote:

Mel Robbins ([60:10]): "I'm not diagnosing anybody. I'm sharing my experience... if I can save you or one of your kids or somebody you care about, that is fantastic."

---

Key Takeaways

• Consistency Over Intensity: Success is built through daily, consistent efforts rather than sporadic intense actions.
• Internal Focus: True empowerment comes from focusing on one's own actions and responses rather than trying to control external factors.
• Resilience: Overcoming personal challenges requires resilience, patience, and the willingness to make difficult decisions.
• Mental Health as a Daily Practice: Viewing mental health as an ongoing practice can significantly enhance one's quality of life.
• Empowerment Through Letting Go: By letting go of the need to control others, individuals can reclaim their time, energy, and peace of mind.

---

Final Thoughts

Mel Robbins' interview on The Breakfast Club offers profound insights into personal growth, resilience, and the power of mindset. Her journey from adversity to success serves as an inspiring testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome challenges through consistent effort and internal focus. The Let Them Theory provides a valuable framework for listeners to navigate their personal and professional lives with greater peace and purpose.

For those interested in further exploring Mel Robbins' teachings, her book Let Them Theory and her podcast are highly recommended resources.

Transcript

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

The best moments happen when you're with your people, laughing, vibing, just enjoying life. Coke is making those moments even sweeter. Share a Coke is back and it's all about sharing with the whole crew. Doesn't matter if it's your bestie or bro, there's a can with their name on it. So grab one for the squad and make some memories. But hurry because these Coca Cola limited edition bottles and cans won't be here forever. Don't miss your chance to share a Coke with all your favorite people.

[DJ Envy]

Meetings, deadlines, emails. Don't you wish you could escape the chaos? That's where the all new Nissan Murano comes in. With available features like the relaxing, massaging seats to ease stress and the beautiful skyline views that bring in natural light. It's like cruising in your personal Oasis. And if you need to set a vibe, 64 colors of personalized lighting and a Bose premium sound system have you covered. Hands down, the all new Nissan Murano is your stress free getaway. Sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.

[Mel Robbins]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features. Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless d ckless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast. Beardless D Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? Lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

The championship is back in the bay for the first time in 40 years.

[DJ Envy]

On the new limited podcast series Dub Dynasty, we hear from head coach Steve Kerr on how Steph Curry almost never even joined the Warriors.

[Mel Robbins]

In fact, I thought we had a draft day deal to end up getting.

[DJ Envy]

Him to Phoenix for the entire behind the scenes story of Golden State's incredible 10 year run. Listen to Dub Dynasty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Wake that ass up early in the morning. The Breakfast Club.

[DJ Envy]

Morning everybody. It's DJ Envy. Just hilarious. Charlemagne the guy. We are the breakfast club. Lauren LaRosa is here as well. And we got a special guest in the building.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

She's back.

[DJ Envy]

Ladies and gentlemen, Mel Robbins.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Welcome.

[Mel Robbins]

Hey, it's good to see you. How you feeling?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Good morning.

[Mel Robbins]

I feel great. How are you doing?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Blessed, black and highly favored. This is your first time in this studio. You were here in 2021 when you had the high five theory.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, yes.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

But now, millions of books later, number one podcast in the world right now.

[DJ Envy]

A round of applause.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Round of applause.

[Mel Robbins]

Not bad. Six year old woman, you know, and.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

It really feels like you've truly arrived. What do you. What do you. What do you think? You know, the success, what's made all this new success happen?

[Mel Robbins]

Well, you know, it's not new success. Like, what you're seeing is the result of 15 years of just boring, grueling daily reps. Like, that's what nobody, like, wants to understand is that you can be successful. You can achieve anything you want. You just have to be patient. You have to get up out of bed every single day and put one foot in front of the other. You got to be willing to do the things you don't feel like doing in the dark when nobody's watching. And when you think that it's not gonna happen for you, that is what it's about. It's about just consistent small moves, being patient. I mean, there were so many times where I was just like, am I ever gonna get out of debt? Wow. Is anyone ever gonna notice? Like, am I ever gonna get invited to the Breakfast Club? Like, when are the. Like when is somebody going to notice?

[DJ Envy]

I'm sure this wasn't your spot that you wanted.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, no, but seriously, like, you kind of sit there because, I mean, every one of us have had those moments. Whether you're putting out music or you're starting a YouTube channel, or you started a business. And it's so easy to look around at what everybody else is doing and think that you're losing some race in life. The real game is with yourself. Can you keep going? Can you say to yourself, and this is kind of how I would keep myself going in those moments. I would say, I refuse to believe that this is how the story ends. I believe that at some point all of this work is going to pay off. I don't have to know how. I have to believe that it will. And if it hasn't yet, it's not meant to yet. There's some lesson, there's something I'm being held for that I don't know what it is. But if I choose to believe in this moment that things are going to get better, that things are going to turn out for me, that all this hard work is going to pay off, that trying to be a better person is going to pay off. At some point I will look back on my life and say, oh, that's why it didn't happen then. Oh, that's why it took longer. Oh, that's why either you weren't ready or God, the universe was holding you for a different moment. And so a lot of people ask me, what is this moment about? I think it's about 15 years of ridiculously hard work becoming a better person. I think it's about 15 years of just chipping away at getting out of debt and doing better in my marriage and being a better mother and getting control of my emotions and my mental health, chipping away at building a business. And I truly believe that I was being held for this moment. Like this 1000% is my legacy.

[DJ Envy]

Well, let me ask you a question, Mel. You talk about the reps. Yep. For you it worked out and successful and great. What about that person that is just not good, right? That rapper that is not good. Like he's trying. That podcast person that is doing the podcast that is just not good. Like, and everybody thinks they're good, good to anybody.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I don't, see, I don't believe that.

[DJ Envy]

And, but when do you stop because you're a 60 year old rapper. Like, you know what I mean?

[Mel Robbins]

Or maybe why can't there be a 91, 90 year old one? See, maybe what the rapping is for is maybe it's not about rapping. Maybe there is something that you're doing when you are rapping and nobody's coming that is teaching you a lesson about patience. Maybe what it's doing is teaching you to believe in yourself when nobody else does. And every time that you show up and nobody's there, every time you post a video on your YouTube channel that only your uncle and your son are subscribed to, every time you post, you're basically saying, you know what? Screw the world. I believe in myself. I'm doing this for myself. And maybe you're not gonna be a rapper.

[DJ Envy]

And I think that's the key that you said, I think, you know, with the podcast explosion, everybody did a podcast, everybody's mama did a podcast, everybody's grandmama did a podcast. But I think the reason that people have done it and I think people can see through it, is a lot of people did it for financial. Yes, they seen the money that people were making and said, I wanna jump on that train, or they seen the money that rappers were making and I wanted to jump through that train. So it doesn't matter if you're doing it, not for the right reason. I don't think it might not never connect because your intentions aren't there.

[Mel Robbins]

But hold on a second. See, I actually believe everybody has woven into your DNA this intelligent design and this kind of inner GPS that is either pulling you toward things or repelling you from other things. That we are natural, energetic, magnetic beings. And this isn't just some woo woo garbage. Like, there is hard science, not my science, but neuroscientists that will tell you that everything is physics and energy. Like the words. If you're hearing us speaking right now, which you are, you're watching us, the words coming out of my mouth are being translated through energy into your ears. And so you are a being that is wired to align with things that are meant for you and to reject things that aren't. I mean, you know, like, if you walk in a room and you immediately connect with somebody, that's alignment. If you walk into a room, you're like, oh, let's like, give that person some space because you can read the energy. That's alignment. And so for me, when you give the example of, like, the person who's a rapper who's just terrible, there's lots of people out there doing stuff. They're just terrible. What I love is that they felt called to do something. I don't care if they felt called to do it because they wanted to make more money. I mean, hell, I was working five, six jobs back, you know, 15 years ago when we were $800,000 in debt because I needed groceries on the table, I needed gas in the tank. And so motivation to be safe and to make money or because of your ambition. That's a beautiful thing. But at some point you're gonna go, I'm not that good at this. But I believe, and this is what I think is super cool about life. Absolutely. Every experience that you have in life is leading you somewhere.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Absolutely.

[Mel Robbins]

And teaching you something. And I'm gonna. One of the reasons why I share so much about what I've learned and the mistakes that I've made. I'm like the villain in every book is because I'm stubborn. Like, it takes a sledgehammer from the universe for me to wake the hell up and stop doing something. Like, I literally get so into my groove, whether it's drinking too much or Taking my stress out on my kids or being a jealous, insecure friend, that things have to backfire for me to wake up and go, well, guess I better try something different.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

So when you were in bed, stuck at that lowest moment when you was in debt, what was that pivotal realization? What was that sledgehammer? Because I remember you saying that you had the realization that nobody was coming to save you. What did it feel like to face that truth?

[Mel Robbins]

It's very similar to that moment that you told me about with the steel toilet. See, you're one decision away from a different life. And you can make that decision any moment, any day. You could make a decision today that changes the trajectory of your life, because a decision turns you in a different direction. Anybody that has gotten sober, anybody that's quit a job, anybody that's left a relationship or moved, you know what I'm talking about. That there is a decision. And typically, I don't know how it works for you, but for me, I have to get so sick of where I am that I'm like, I'm done. Like, enough of this, Mel. And for me, that moment was 2008. We were $800,000 in debt. I was unemployed. My husband's restaurant business was going under. Three kids under the age of 10, and I was drinking myself into the ground. I couldn't get out of bed. And I think that what's interesting about life is even in moments where you're struggling, you kind of know the things you could do, right? You kind of know when you're not, like, doing things to help yourself. You kind of know, like, I knew you should get out of bed. I knew I should stop drinking. I knew I should look for a job. Wasn't doing any of it. Cause I didn't feel like it. I had lost hope. I was kind of in this mode. And this is what I also believe. You and I talked about this when you were on my podcast, that I think the single biggest thing in people's way, it's not a lack of skills, it's discouragement. If you don't believe that the simple things are gonna work for you, you're not gonna do it. And that's where I was. I was like, why even bother getting out of bed? I'm about to lose this house and my marriage and my sanity. Everything I care about, why bother? And you know, my moment, the decision was, I saw this rocket ship one night when I was drunk on bourbon. And it gave me this idea that maybe. Maybe I should launch myself out of bed. Maybe If I moved fast enough in the morning, I wouldn't be in the bed when the depression and the anxiety hit. And so the next morning, it was a Tuesday morning in February 2008, the alarm went off, and I remembered that stupid rocket launch idea. And for whatever reason, I just started counting backwards like NASA does. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And then I got out of bed. And that was the beginning of a completely new life. Because it was like that first domino that tips. And it gave me this thought, oh, wait a minute. I can actually make myself do things that I don't feel like doing. Huh? And you know, the truth is, when people ask me, okay, you're having a moment. That was. The math is like, what, 15 years ago? 16 years ago. It took me 16 years from that moment to get to where you are now. It took me 16 years of pushing my ass out of bed every day. It took me 16 years of taking a breath and not screaming at my kids. It took me 16 years of showing up and doing things when nobody was paying attention and learning, you know, from every little thing. And 16 years of saying, one of these days, all this hard work is going to pay off. One of these days I'm going to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. One of these days I'm going to, like, help people that are struggling and that felt as bad as I did. Know that they're not alone. One of these days, I'm gonna. I'm gonna actually like myself instead of constantly hating myself and trashing myself for all the things I think I did wrong.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You know, in church, we call that a. A testimony. So it's like, God put you through all of those trials so you would have a testimony for this moment.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. And the. The true skill. Other than, like, I think there's two incredible skills that I developed during this period in my life. The first one is teaching myself that if you just do the things you don't want to do, you will have everything you ever wanted. I'm gonna say that again. If you just do the things you do not want to do, you will have everything you have ever wanted.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Expound on that.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I mean, think about it like, if you want to make a million dollars, here's my recommendation. Go to Chat GTP and type in, how do I make a million dollars in the next two years? Give me a day by day plan that I can execute in 15 minutes. And it will probably teach you step by step how to launch a business online and get into affiliate marketing. And if you Actually do those things, you will have a million dollars in the bank. There are formulas for everything you want in life. To lose weight, to find love, to heal your formulas everywhere.

[DJ Envy]

Find love.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, of course, Lauren.

[DJ Envy]

You try that one.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

That ain't gonna work for you, Lauren.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

I'm good.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, it is. Do not put discouragement on it.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

I don't even engage in conversation with neck. I just let them. You know what I mean?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I wanna go back to something that you just said. Cause it's right. Somebody out there is listening to you. And they was like, that ain't gonna work. And that's exactly why you're not gonna get it correct. Of course exactly why you're not gonna correct.

[Mel Robbins]

And so here's the other thing I wanna tell you. That really is a skill that really helped me. So if you look backwards at your life, you can see every twist and turn and every experience, even the ones you didn't deserve, even the ones that were not your fault. You can look in the rearview mirror and actually see how it all led you here. And that there were lessons or things that led you here. The skill that I want you to understand that you also have is that you could actually stand in this moment, no matter how horrible it is. And you can say, I choose to believe that in the future I am going to get a point where there is a bigger possibility for myself and my life that I can't even imagine for myself right now. But I choose to believe that I will get to that point 15 years from now, 10 years from now, and I will look back on this low moment where I didn't believe, and I will go, that's why. That's why that happened.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Do you believe that? So you believe that every single person has that in them or not has it in them? Because I believe that. But do you believe that every single person at some point in their life will unlock that?

[Mel Robbins]

No.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Okay. Because for me, when I, like I'm reading through this, a lot of what you're saying is common sense stuff. But I think even when you think about. If you have a friend group and there's two people who are really successful and two people that aren't, the difference is just what they choose to actually do. This book, if I'm a person that's choosing not to do that, how does. How does your book stop that? Like, that's a habit.

[Mel Robbins]

That's a. Yeah, it's a great question. So there's two things about that. So if you're in a friend group, you got two People who are successful and two people aren't one thing I do want to validate. Cause I do think in kind of in culture there's this myth that everybody's got the same resources, not everybody has the same resources. So you might be in a friend group where there's two people that ended up not having college debt. So they started at a different starting line. And so there might be things that are actually real things that contributed to somebody's success. Attitude, though, is a huge piece of it. Because I do believe, especially in today's world, with technology and with the amount of information out there, that if you commit yourself to learning new skills and to just chipping away at it and continuing to show up, there are so many people on this planet. There is enough success for you. And you can figure it out over time if you keep chipping away at it. And so the question is, what's in it? In this book, the Let Them theory is going to help you. Because if you're tired, if you're overwhelmed, if you're feeling like you keep trying and nothing is clicking, the problem isn't you. The problem is you unknowingly give all of your power to other people. You give power to what people say, how they feel, their expectations, what they're doing, and when you care more about what other people think. And when you are navigating life based on what other people's expectations are. I wrote that down for me.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

But look, first line, there you go.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

That's the biggest thing that for me with this book. I was like, my mom be saying that. But maybe when it's in a book.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I listen, let them think bad thoughts. I wanna just set it up about the book, man. There's some books that I believe are must reads in life. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins has been added to that must read list. My wife got it for me a few weeks ago. And the book is just essentially about how you have to stop wasting your life on things that you can't control. When did you get to that revelation?

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my God, it was 54. I am a slow learner. And the funny thing is I'm married to the chillest dude on the planet. I mean, I'm married to a man who is not only Buddhist, he is a death doula. And like when you want to talk about, like a person. Yeah. That can just sit in stillness. I'm like a tornado of emotion. And so I've always wanted to let things go. I've always wanted to not care what people Think I've never known how. And see, when you're stressed or you're easily offended like I used to be, or you have a lot going on, it is very hard to not get wrapped up in what other people are thinking and doing. It's very hard to not let what your kids are going through stress you out. And so I've been trying to do this forever. I mean, this is not a new idea. The Serenity prayer is the let them theory. In fact, I sat down with Dr. Martin Luther King III and his wife Andrea, and they both said, we write about it in the let them theory. They both reflect on the fact that this concept that you have to give up control in order to gain control, that your power is in your response, that this is part of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. S legacy. Because your response is what dictates who you are. It's not what's happening out there. It's how you respond to it with your thoughts and your actions and how you process your own emotions. And so I did not know this until I was 54 years old. And for me personally, the power of these two words, because let them. We've all said let them in our lives a bazillion times. I mean, there's a sermon circulating that's 20 years old, TD Jakes doing this let them sermon. So this is a concept that has been around since the beginning of time, and that's why this has resonated. I'm not teaching you something new. I'm reminding you of what you already know to be true. And I'm handing you this tool so you can snap out of this crap where we're constantly worked up about what other people are doing to take our power back.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

You talk about managing other people a lot. And I've never heard the term put like that, but you use it to basically talk about how we're. So what you're talking about right now, we're worried about other people, but also too, I think it's expectations of other people that we're trying to. We're making decisions based around that a lot. When did you realize this whole scale of like managing other people and learning when to clock out of that job of trying to do that well, so.

[Mel Robbins]

What is going to happen is this. So when you start using the let them theory and it's so easy to use the next time you're stressed out or annoyed or frustrated, and it's always with other people, just say, let them. That's how you use it. Let them. And you're going to immediately feel peaceful. Your mom's in a bad mood. Let her be in a bad mood. Some old friend of yours is talking. Let them talk trash. Why? You're not allowing it. When you say let them, you are reminding yourself, there's one thing in life I can't control. It's what other people say, do believe, feel, and it's not my job to. So when you start saying let them and you detach yourself from the responsibility of having to manage somebody else, something interesting happens. You realize, oh, my God, I've lived my life in reverse. I actually live my life giving time and energy, trying to manage what other people think. I have kept myself in a major or in a relationship or in a situation because I'm afraid to disappoint my parents or my friends. I mean, how many people keep drinking or, like, keep going out at night when what they really want to do is launch a business and so they don't, like, take the weekends to work on the things that they want to work on because they feel like they don't want to disappoint their friends or people are going to talk about them? That's you giving power to other people. Like, another way that we give power to other people is we, you know, get so focused on the headlines that we gaslight ourselves into believing that you have no power. It's complete garbage. Of course you have power.

[DJ Envy]

I wish you were here a couple weeks ago. We'll continue on.

[Mel Robbins]

And so when you start saying let them, it's sort of this revelation where you're like, oh, my God, I spend so much time and energy worrying about other people. I spend so much time and energy letting them stress me out.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

But is there a level of, like, when that becomes easier versus harder? Because, like, when you were just talking, I thought about Michelle Obama.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

In the podcast, one of the podcasts she did this week, she was talking about how she realized she was doing a lot for other people, not thinking about herself, and she started making decisions for herself. So she's going places she wants to go and do things she wants to go. People don't like that, and they think she's divorced because of it. But it's like she's Michelle Obama, so it's hard for her to. The noise is. So it's a lot louder for her.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, of course. But whether or not you pay attention to that is within your control, whether or not you look at your phone and we're all guilty of it, whether you are Michelle Obama or you're just going into your middle school, whether or not you give attention to the gossip, you look for the gossip, you mainline it. That is within your control. If you say, I can never ever, ever, ever stop somebody from lying about me, from making up stuff about me, from, you know, saying whatever they're going to say, stop. So why on earth would I spend any time and energy managing it?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

That's right.

[Mel Robbins]

And then you go, let me. This is the second part of the theory. Once you say let them, let them think negative thoughts. Let them make up all kinds of crap. Because if you know you're not getting divorced, what do you care about these idiots saying, what do I care about? Let me remind myself that I know the truth. And when you know the truth about who you are, you don't think about other people. When you live your life in a way that makes you proud, you don't think about other people.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Mel, I tell them this all he told me.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

You told me to read her book. And I was like. And I already had the book. Cause I think Eddie had given it to us. And minute ago I was like, oh, I got the book.

[Mel Robbins]

And furthermore, you got it. It will change your damn. I'm telling you, it will change your life because.

[DJ Envy]

But you have to get to that stage, right? Yes. It took me a while to get to that stage. It took you a while to get to that stage.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

He think he was born that way. And I don't think that's true. No one is born to be a sociopath.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

So I've never truly cared, right. But then even when I started to care, I realized things like the serenity prayer, little simple things that you saw sitting in your grandmother's house. You realize that is absolutely the truth. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And the easiest way to let go of what you can't control is just realizing you never had control to begin with.

[Mel Robbins]

And, and here's another thing that's really important. This is why you're going to love it, is that what will start to happen when you say let them is it's not that you're allowing people to do bad things. They're already doing bad things. You're recognizing that it's not your job to manage other people because this is a book that's about power and control and peace. Then you say, let me remind myself how I respond to things actually is where my power is. So do I give this any time and Energy or not, do I double down on just living my life in a way that makes me proud of myself, which is where your power is. And the thing that also changed me is dramatically is I couldn't believe how much stress I felt and how I was bracing all the time. And when you start to say, let them, and you release that kind of obligation to make other people happy or to make everybody know that you're not divorced or that everything's okay, or like, just let them think whatever they want to think and live your life in a way that makes you proud, you're going to get all this time and energy back. And what I love about this is when you're less stressed and when you're not bracing all the time because you know your boss is narcissistic. So why on earth would you walk into work assuming that today's gonna be anything other than what it already has always been? Let them be who they are.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I love the managing stress chapter. And in that chapter, you say you can't control how other adults behave. And stressing about it diminishes your power. You'll never reach the full potential of your life if you continue to allow stupid things or rule people to drain your life force.

[Mel Robbins]

Can you explain? Yes. So the two most important resources that you have in life, Time, energy. That's what you got. How you spend your time, where you put your energy, it actually determines your experience of life. And that's why I say if you have this experience right now where you're exhausted and overwhelmed and nervous and you're not like feeling like you can ever have time for yourself or your goals just aren't clicking, you're not the problem. The problem is all this time and energy you spend dealing with other people and so let them is a boundary that you draw where you start to recognize, okay, I'm going to let other people think and feel and do and have their opinions, and I'm going to let them be disappointed. I'm going to let them misunderstand me, and I'm going to let me really take that time and energy back and pour it into working on myself and staying in my peace. And what I found is that when I'm less stressed, which I am, because I'm not allowing stupid stuff or other people to stress me out, I'm actually a better person. I make more money because I can use my brain instead of being in fight or flight. I don't like vomit on my kids, my emotions. Like, I used to be the kind of person that Would come in at, you know, after work and be yelling at everybody or mad at the dog, for crying out loud. And then I'd be like, I'm sorry, it was a bad day at work. Stressful day at work with the dog, say back, yeah, you know, they kind of do this. And then they come back and they're really nice because they, they literally. Dogs don't do, don't like punish you for that. And it's so sad that I used to leave the worst of me for the people I cared about the most and then blame it on the stress of the day. That, by the way, when you use the let them theory, you have control over whether or not this stuff gets to you. You know, it's funny, I walked into a hotel tier and everybody that was at the check in desk were like, let them. We love this. I'm like, well, if you work retail, which I have in my life, if you work in a restaurant or hospitality, having to deal with people, you gotta.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Let them, you gotta let them stop fighting.

[Mel Robbins]

Like, do not let somebody's rudeness actually get to your spirit. Protect it. Because your time and energy matters and it's important. And this is. These are two boundaries. Let them be. Because the more I let other people be who they are, the better my life gets. The more I let other people live their lives, the better my life gets because I am protecting myself from unnecessary stress and drama. And I'm reminding myself power is always in here. And that's, you know, you asked me earlier, do I really believe that actually everybody has in them a unique path and gift. And I said yes. And I think the reason we don't unlock it is because we have given all of our power to something outside of ourselves. And so we have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten what it feels like to be peaceful. We have forgotten how much of a difference we can make in our families and our communities because we've just run ourselves ragged allowing the problems of the world to bring us down. And that's not to say there aren't problems. What I'm here to say is we need you to be in your power and in your peace so that we can better respond to the problems in the world.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Isn't that society's fault though, because society makes us focus on the external so much and not, not enough on the internal?

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I. If you blame society, you give society the power. I think that there are ways that we've been manipulated through social media. I think there are ways that we have gotten lazy. I Think it's very problematic that we've gotten away from the underpinnings that have really kept people tied to community. Whether it's church or it's synagogue or it's a mosque or it is volunteering in your community. Whether it is schools having more funding, whether it is, you know, people prioritizing a day of rest over running your kids all over for sports. Like we have forgotten the things that actually matter in life and we're now spending six hours a day on the phone. And so if you blame the phone, which, yes, it's designed to be addictive because the more time anybody spends on it, the more money people make. Because you're seeing ads, that's why it's addictive. It's just like a slot machine. And so that's not your fault. But when you wake up and recognize, wait a minute, do I actually want to give that much power to that thing? Isn't the phone supposed to be a tool that I can use for self expression, communication and to make money? Why am I the tool here? Oof. So when you see that, then you take your power back. It's sort of like this thing. Like you can't actually get sober till you stop drinking. You can't take control of your life until you stop giving all the control to everything else.

[DJ Envy]

Let me, Let me do it. I have a question.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah?

[DJ Envy]

In chapter five, you say, let them think bad thoughts about you.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[DJ Envy]

The question with that is, is when a lot of people sometimes, especially on social media, right?

[Mel Robbins]

Yep.

[DJ Envy]

Nobody fact checks anymore. So sometimes you might not care. You can let them think. What?

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Have you ever looked around at your crew and thought, man, these are my people? The ones who turn the smallest moments into memories you'll be talking about for years. The folks who show up when you need them and make your life so much better. Well, you can make those moments even sweeter because Share a Coke is back. And this time it's all about celebrating friendships. Whether you're hanging out and watching the game or just chopping it up. There's a Coke for everyone. From bestie and bro to classic names like David and Sarah. These special cans and bottles are made for your whole squad. So grab one, crack it open and toast to the people who make life worth celebrating. But don't wait. They won't be around forever. So grab one for everybody, pop the top and keep the good vibes flowing. Next time you're making memories, don't miss your chance to share a Coke with all your favorite people.

[DJ Envy]

Hey, what up y'all, it's DJ Envy. The first few months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot, but here's some good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose Premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with your 64 color personalized lighting option, you can set the mood any way you want, be it romantic, chill, or in a straight up do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world, because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.

[Mel Robbins]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Features Sonoro and iHeart's Mike Kultura podcast.

[Mel Robbins]

Network present the Setup, a new romantic.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Comedy podcast starring Harvey Guillen and Christian Navarro.

[Mel Robbins]

The setup follows a lonely museum curator searching for love.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

But when the perfect man walks into his life.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I guess I'm saying I like you, you like me.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

He actually is too good to be true.

[DJ Envy]

This is a con.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm conning you to get the Delato painting. We could do this together.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

To pull off this heist. They'll have to get close and jump into the deep end together. That's a huge leap, Fernando, don't you think? After you, Chulito. But love is the biggest risk they'll ever take.

[Mel Robbins]

Fernando's never going to love you as much as he loves this job, Chulito. That painting is ours.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Listen to the Setup as part of the Mike Vultura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[DJ Envy]

I'm Israel Gutierrez and I'm hosting a new podcast, Dub Dynasty, the story of how the Golden State warriors have dominated the NBA for over a decade.

[Mel Robbins]

The Golden State warriors once again are NBA champions.

[DJ Envy]

From the building of the core that included Klay Thompson and Draymond Green to one of the boldest coaching decisions in the history of the sport, I just.

[Mel Robbins]

Felt like the biggest thing was to earn the trust of the players and let the players know that we were here to try to help them take the next step, not tear anything down.

[DJ Envy]

Today the warriors dynasty remains alive in large part because of a scrawny 6 foot 2 hooper who everyone seems to.

[Mel Robbins]

Love for what Steph has done for the game. He's certainly on that, like Mount Rushmore for guys that have changed it.

[DJ Envy]

Come revisit this magical warriors ride. This is Dub Dynasty.

[Mel Robbins]

The Dubs dynasty is still very much alive.

[DJ Envy]

Listen to Dub Dynasty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. They wanna think. But that could affect your overall business, right?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[DJ Envy]

And we see that a lot. Right. Because people don't clear and people don't do homework. Right. So if Lauren says something about somebody, people might automatically think it's facts, it's the truth.

[Mel Robbins]

Yep.

[DJ Envy]

People don't do their homework. But that could affect your reputation, that could affect your business, that could affect the way that your kids, teachers look at you or business that comes around. So what do you do in that example? Because you still wanna fix your reputation. Right. Cause it might not be that you care, but you want your legacy to go how things are factual. And that happens a lot, especially somebody. And I'm sure that's happened to you.

[Mel Robbins]

In the celebrity spotlight, of course.

[DJ Envy]

So what do you do in those instances?

[Mel Robbins]

Well, so here this is a very tricky question because you're talking about the PR and the media swirl that has a life of its own, which by the way, you're never going to be able to control. And it's actually getting worse with AI because AI, you guys watch this Google, like if you ever go and Google yourself every couple days, the way AI talks about you changes every day. And because we all are broadcasters and we talk about all different types of topics. Like two days ago, AI was reporting that I was divorced because I was talking to somebody who was divorced on the podcast. Like, it's not like I don't care, like I'm not divorced, but you know what I mean? And so it's just kind of a joke on some regard and so kind of understanding the ecosystem that you're in. Because if you've got a business risk issue, then you need to make a very clear statement about what's truth and what's not. And then do not feed the fire because the more that you feed the fire, the more legitimacy you give to this thing. And there are two kinds of people in the world. There are people who are intent on seeking the truth and there are people who are intent on misunderstanding and Spreading gossip. There are people who think about ideas and there are people who think about people. There are people who are able to be intelligent and rational and really look at a situation. And then there are people who are intent on feeling powerful by stepping on other people's heads. And that is just the world we live in, unfortunately. So PR is a little bit different in personal. Like, I think it's really important to understand who you are. Whether you're dealing with rumors at a middle school or you're dealing with rumors in your community, or you've got somebody in your family trash talking you in order to repair your reputation. It is better to show than to tell. In my opinion, you prove the truth based on how you show up in life, not based on the words that come out of your mouth. And if there is somebody spreading things about you, the best way to handle it is to go directly to that person and to ask them about it. I understand that you've been saying such and such about me, which is not true. Can you help me understand why you would be talking about me like this? Because people who gossip don't ever think that anybody's ever gonna say anything because they're gossiping. Because they wanna feel more powerful than you when you have the ability to let them say negative things. Okay, I just found out about it. Let me choose. Is this something I wanna actually address or is this just data where I go, okay, now I know who this person is. Noted. Now I adjust my time and energy and whether or not I hang out with you. Because those kind of people, the people that gossip about you, ultimately end up crumbling anyway. That's right, because it always catches up with them.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

And I love that chapter, you know, to let them think bad thoughts about you. And you, you say, stop allowing other people's opinions to hold you back from pursuing what you want and limiting the potential of your one wild and precious life. It goes back to what you said. Discouragement. Because when you hear that things, you get discouraged and then you get down and you stop. But I truly believe nothing can stop the destiny God has planned for you unless you stop.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, you're the only one that can stop yourself. I believe that. Now, that does not mean there aren't very real obstacles. That does not mean that you're not in debt. It does not mean that you, you know, if you have a criminal record, you have a criminal record. And there are going to be things that are in your way and people that will discriminate against you based on that. As a former public defender I freaking hate that that is true. Because I do believe that we need to have the kind of society that allows people to change, have great responsibility. We have to. Yes. And so there are very real things in your way. That said, I believe in your capacity to figure it out. I believe in your capacity to tap into something that is bigger in terms of your potential. And I think people believe that to. In themselves. Like, you know, it's the reason why when you hear an incredible sermon or you see a movie and you get all choked up, it's not because of what you're watching on the tv. It's because it's resonating with something that is deeply true in here. And I think that's why this let them theory has exploded. It's because I'm reminding you of what you know to be true about life and about yourself. And, you know, you can feel it.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Whenever you talk, whenever you talk, period. But especially when you talk about the let them theory. It is something internally that wakes up in me. It's like just a fire. Like, oh, it's just a reminder of, like, you said, what you already know.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, it's an incredible thing. And what I also love about it is it's kind of flying around social. Because when you say let them, you feel superior to other people. I'll let them go away without me. Let them walk out the door, let them cheat on me. But the let me part reminds you that the only change in a relationship, it never comes from other people. It always comes from you and you changing how you show up. And so the irony of this, it probably should be called the let me theory, because it actually brings you closer to the people you care about. Because instead of trying to change people, instead of constantly being annoyed at your mom's mood or you know, or thinking you know better than what your kids are doing now and they're. Oh, people feel that judgment. And so there is distance right now in your relationships, particularly with your family, because we're judgy with our family. But when you start to let them, you create this space that is so awesome where you see your parents or you see your kids or you see your brother and sister as they are. And then it's on you to determine, how do I love this person as they are instead of constantly wishing they'd be different.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

That's what I was going to ask you is how do you figure that out? Because sometimes that creates the distance too. When you can't figure that out, you're like, I'd rather just not because you don't want to interact if something goes wrong or you say something wrong or you offend somebody.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, so it's a great question. And you have to do it literally day by day. Like, you get to choose if somebody's in a bad mood and they're the kind of person that gets very emotionally immature and they pout and then, you know, they kind of go silent on you, you get to choose. Okay, I'm going to let them be annoyed about this thing. I'm going to let them be disappointed that I'm not going to make it to the family. Such and such thing. Okay, well, one of the cool things about really giving somebody the space to feel what they feel is it made me realize disappointment is actually a really good thing. Because if somebody's disappointed that you're not coming home for the holidays, it just means they love you. It doesn't mean you have to go. It just means that they just really wish you were there. Same thing with business. If you have a business partner and you can't make it to something if they're disappointed, that's a good thing. Like, what do you want your business partner to be like, oh, dj, I can't make it. Thank God. I can't stand that guy. No, disappointment's great, but it doesn't mean you have to take that feeling away by changing what you're doing. And in that space, you get to say, what do I value? What do I need to do for me, what kind of person am I? Am I showing up because I feel guilty? Or am I showing up because, based on my values, family's important. So I am actually going to bend over backwards and go, not for them. I'm going because it says something about me and what's important to me. So I think we've also gotten to this point where relationships are so transactional. We text somebody, we expect to text back. We do this, we expect you to do something back. And so we're constantly waiting for the return. What if the secret to relationships was actually being way more flexible and just going, what kind of person am I? Am I the person that makes the plans? Am I the person that reaches out not because I expect someone else to, but just because that's the kind of person that I am. And it's really shifted for me with friendship, this sense of, okay, am I in, am I out? Are they a friend? Are they not? And you start to realize there's so, so many more people in your life than you realize that care about you. There's so many people that are rooting for you when you start to let other people live their lives and make their plans. But if you're the kind of person that wants to stay connected to people, you just reach out just without expectation of return. You will be shocked at how much more comes back to you when you're not gripping it so much and you're just doing it because it makes you feel good to check in on people.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

That's right. I want to go back to something, Mel, because, you know, you were a public defender. I know you did a little bit of radio, But I know some people hear this conversation because you mentioned being in debt a lot. $800,000 in debt.

[Mel Robbins]

That's a lot.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Some people never seen $800,000, so you had to have some time.

[Mel Robbins]

I didn't have $800,000. I had a house.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Okay.

[Mel Robbins]

And we took out a home equity line. He lot we then and cash that sucker out. We took out a bazillion credit cards. We had a little bit of savings and we cashed that out. We cashed out the little bit of the kids college fund and we took a loan on a car. So there was like that. And then what happened is they started factoring, which is a. I mean, predatory lending, which basically means every time they swipe a credit card at a restaurant, they're charging interest toward it, which was part of our guarantee. And then. So it was. That's not like we had that as a nest egg.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

You were in a neighborhood.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

But you had to have some type of success, though, before.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I was a public defender. And then I worked for a large law firm. And then in 1999, I kind of got into that first.com thing in Boston. And so, yeah, you know, we were. We were in that stage of life. Three kids under the age of 10. I'm working, my husband's working. We're making the ends meet. Yeah.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

But you just felt like this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, yes. What happened is in 2008, I had. I had tried to do something in the media business. And it's a long, complicated story, but I basically got cast to be on a reality show that I was going to host where it was gonna be like an extreme business makeover show. And you remember that move the bus show. So they wanted to do that for businesses. And by the time we went to shoot the show, they had changed the show entirely. And it was now called Someone's gotta go. And I was the host of a show, get this, where people were gonna get fired on national television on a reality show from Real Jobs. And I wasn't firing them. You were voting a colleague out. It was Survivor in an office Place. So we shot two episodes. It was a disgusting show. I was literally popping Xanax because I was having panic attacks the entire time. Cause I'm like, this is not what I signed up for. The show gets tabled and I got held in one of those non compete contract things and I didn't have a job. And this was right at the moment where my husband's first restaurant had done well. By well, I mean, they were doing okay. You know, they were successful, they could pay their bills, friends and family had invested, and then they raised a little bit more money from friends and family to open two more locations and the whole thing imploded. So now I'm unemployed. Friends and family have invested, they're working their tails off to keep this thing afloat. We both feel like we have royally screwed up our lives. I feel like I've been a public defender, I've worked in a law firm, I've worked at three different startups. I've tried life and business coaching. Then I did this show which I thought was gonna be our meal ticket. And now all of a sudden I'm in a non compete, I can't get a job. And some people would say, well, just go back to the law. I'm like, do you know when you are in that position where you think you royally screwed up, you have, you do not have any confidence. How do you go get a job when you're like, I don't have any worth and I got to pretend that everything's okay because friends and family have invested in this business and the doors are still open and they're trying to save it. That was the backdrop at the age of 41. And you know, I think, yeah, I'm a big visualizer and I love vision boards and that kind of stuff. But never in a million years was the vision for my life. Okay, at age 40, let's make a vision board. I'm gonna paste an image of getting divorced and being bankrupt and alcoholism. No. People put on like the Maserati in the beach house. So when, when your life takes a turn, you're like, I didn't plan for this. It's surprising how you can know what you should be doing, but all motivation to do it's gone. And that's when I created that five second rule. The countdown 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. To just get myself out of bed.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You know, you were in the book, you talk about how you felt paralyzed by imposter syndrome, especially when you were teaching the five second rule. I wonder what's changed since then. Like, what gives you the confidence and authority now to feel like you can go out here and teach, to let them do.

[Mel Robbins]

That's a great, great question. So you know how? Well, first of all, imposter syndrome is deeply misunderstood. So imposter syndrome does not mean that you don't belong in the room you're in. Imposter syndrome means you actually want to be in the room you're in. And there's skills or there's experience that you need to gain in order to dominate in that rule. Imposter syndrome is actually not self doubt, it's ambition. And so explain that a bit, because.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

It'S always been said the other way.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. And so if you really think about it, if you walk into a room and you don't feel imposter syndrome, it's because you don't want to be in that room. You don't care what people think about you in that room. If you walk into a room and you feel a sense of imposter syndrome, it's because you care about what people think about you in that room. It means your ambition wants you to succeed in that room.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

I was like a push to stay sharp because you're trying to. Okay.

[Mel Robbins]

And also like, hey, I want to actually succeed around people like this. Which means, what are the skills I need? What's the experience I need to set myself up. This is like a wave of your calling and your ambition. Like, I actually want to feel good in this room. So it's not a sign that you don't belong there. It's a sign like, hey, there's some work to do and you can dominate in that room too. And so to your question about how do I have the confidence to do it, I think it's literally because of the 15 years of just walking into rooms and sharing what was going on. And, you know, once the five second rule started to spread around on social media and people would call me and say, hey, would you come talk about this thing? And I would go, they weren't paying me. I mean, I would stand at a brown bag lunch 12 years ago and teach in somebody's office, you know, a little real estate office in the, in the break room with the fridge that's got the moldy food in it. Like, that was how I started. And What I g. What I started to understand, and I think it explains a lot about, like, why I am who I am, is that I. We're all the same. Everybody is dealing with the same stuff. Yes, it's easier if you have more money and more resources, but at the end of the day, everybody's got a family member that they're worried about. Everybody has ambition they're not tapping into. Everybody has a. Things that they want to pursue in their life, and they're kind of letting themselves down a little bit. Everybody struggles with a little bit of uncertainty and anxiety at times. Everybody has hopes and dreams and feels a little discouraged and overwhelmed. And when you start at a baseline that people would love to thrive, and people thrive when they can. And if they can't, I believe it's because they're discouraged. Discouraged. Or there's some skill building or some experience or, you know, some mentorship that's missing. That's it. But that you're built to thrive. And so when you really start at that baseline, whether you're like, you know, I make it a practice, by the way, this is. This is one thing that'll change your life. When you go into a public bathroom, two things. I always leave the space better than when I found it. I always.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

You clean up public bathroom?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

It depends. Now, Mel.

[Mel Robbins]

No, no, no. Literally, like, I. Literally. That's why I don't go into that stall. But no, just hear.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

That's a. Let them. I gotta let. I get.

[Mel Robbins]

Because if somebody, like, destroys, especially women, if somebody destroys a seat, pees all over it, and then they leave, that is a human being that is so disconnected from the interconnection of the human experience. You are leaving that for another person. And so making sure that you don't leave your mess for another person, making sure that you just kind of wipe down the counter. And then here's the second thing. If there is a human being cleaning that bathroom, please look them in the eye and say thank you.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

All the time.

[DJ Envy]

All the time.

[Mel Robbins]

Thank you. Like that right? There is a simple thing that will make you start to shake out of that woe is me. Or that stress or that overwhelm. Let them know you appreciate and see what they're doing, because it changes who you are. And then you start to see all day long that there are like, you know, I can't look at you because I'm gonna cry. People are just walking around disconnected. And the power of starting to be the one that wakes people up. Hey, you know, I hope I always get an Elder. Hey, how's everybody doing? Like, it's shocking how we have gotten so far away from that sense of community. And there's actually research around this. They call it either weak ties. I call them warm connections. Those people that you see in the building every day that you say hello to, the person that's walking the dog that you know the name of the dog in your neighborhood. These relationships matter because they make you feel human again. Yeah.

[DJ Envy]

But like you said, it has to get back to community.

[Mel Robbins]

It has to.

[DJ Envy]

Has to be the way that we raise our kids. We have. I have six kids, but I have one kid, Jackson, and he does that times 50. And it's just something that's taught, that scene, you know, when we get off an airplane, we thank the pilot.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[DJ Envy]

You know, when he plays basketball, he thanks the ref, he thanks the coach. He looks them in the eye and you can see from their reaction, they don't get that that much. But for him, he always says, I'm grateful because he didn't have to do that.

[Mel Robbins]

That's right.

[DJ Envy]

And that comes from. We have to be a community again and start teaching from a young age so our young kids could teach their kids. Could teach their kids. Could teach their kids. Because it's kind of like a lost art.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Mel, you just fucked me up with something so simple too. Cause I hate dirty bathrooms. I hate when I walk in a bathroom and somebody leaves shit in the toilet. Or if it's a public restroom and they leave the toilet liner on the ceiling. I'm like, how could you do that? Like, don't you know somebody else is going to use this? Even in my own house, you know, I got young kids, so I'm not, not too mad about it, but I'm just like, yo, pay attention. Because there's other people that's using these bathrooms. But you just explained it in such a way. Those people are so disconnected from the human experience.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, people, yes, yes. And like, this is where let them comes in that I think people get.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

No, I can't let them do that. They got.

[Mel Robbins]

No, but hold on a second. It's. It's. The reason why people are so disconnected is because the compounding stress and overwhelm that comes from allowing the world to beat you down and the discouragement that compounds, that is what is in people's way. I think we are innately built and wired to be connected to one another. That is our nature. We are innately wired to really, like, stay connected to ourselves. That is our nature. That is our intelligent design. It is woven into your DNA. And the state of the world right now, I think, is a reflection of the collective disconnect. You know, I really feel like there is this massive awakening that is building and that in life there is always this balance between the negativity and the overwhelm and the toxic stuff that's going on out in the world and in the headlines, and people then waking up and going, I forgot what mattered. I forgot why this is important. I need to get to work. I need to stop whining and worrying and just gaslighting myself that there's nothing I can do. There's always something you can do. You have to wake up and recognize that it's not gonna happen out there. It's gonna happen in here.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

When you feel the impact from what you're doing with your book and the let them theory, like, you just got emotional, just not even just about your impact, but just talking about just change in the world, how does it make you feel? Like, do you take a moment just of gratitude and be like. Cause I saw all the tattoos in the book and I was like, that's so fire. It's hard to make people actually believe something that's not tangible.

[Mel Robbins]

One of the things that, you know, for me, I spent so many years, like, hating myself and feeling like I was a really bad person. And when you get stuck in life, it's easy to think you're the only one. And so I'm just literally on a mission to share whatever I can share and give people access just like you guys give people access to incredible thinkers and experts and resources. You know, your work is reaching some way halfway around the world that doesn't even have a toilet in their house, and how incredible is that? And if I can save anybody the headaches and the heartaches that I caused myself or the people that I care about, because I didn't know any better. I didn't know what the problem was. I didn't know how to change myself. I didn't know how to push through the emotion that is a life well lived.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

Why did you hate yourself, though? Because you can't do anything about what you don't know.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my God, we don't have time. I literally, like, from the amount of change cheating I did when I was little, to the, like, the undiagnosed anxiety or the undiagnosed dyslexia and ADHD and how that created tremendous anxiety, to the way that childhood trauma impacted me that I didn't even realize was impacting me, you know, and like, it's just chronic. I just did not think I was a bad person. And there's a lot of people walking around that have a hundred times more negative thoughts than they do positive ones. And a lot of people develop a habit of being very self critical. It's never enough. Like, you're never gonna make it. Like, you're always so stupid. Why did you do that? Either because that's how they were talked to when they were little, or because it's this like, almost protective thing that if you beat yourself up first, you're gonna catch it before other people do. And I got to a point, and this is a, an important thing. The only thing you need to make your life better is one decision. How I'm living my life right now and how it feels no longer works for me. That's all you need to know. If you can have the courage to say that to yourself, you now know you now have tipped the first domino because you've made a decision that you want to change how your life feels. You made a decision that you want to change how it feels up here. And for me, as a mom, like your kids, absorb the way that you treat yourself. And so having two daughters that I started noticing, my God, why are these beautiful young women picking themselves apart? Well, because I do. Why are they so hard on? Because I was so hard on myself. That's how they learn it. And so I don't want them to do that to themselves. And you know, the thing I was going to share that's made a huge difference for me is that I keep the impact front and center. And so we send an email out five days a week. There's a person on our team whose job is to assemble all of the things that people are saying all over the world about the books and the podcast, not about Mel, but about what you learned. And I'll tell you, every day there's 20 to 30 of them. And just the other day there was a person who talked about how he was a stepdad and the relationship ended and those step kids were his life and he didn't want to be here anymore. And somebody started to share the podcast with him and he would go and take a walk every morning and listen to the podcast. And it started to give him a sense of hope. And now he uses the let them theory. This is a person that actually works in like a police operations control center. Never in a million years would I think this is somebody that's listening to the Mel Robbins podcast or listening to this kind of conversation. But it goes to prove that everybody wants to do well, everybody wants to thrive. And, you know, when you're not doing well, you know, when you're not thriving. The problem for most of us is just kind of feeling like, I don't think this could change. And the fact is, of course it can change. If you've ever been happy in your life, you can be happy again. If you've ever been proud of yourself, you can be proud of yourself again. If you've ever forgiven somebody else, you can learn to forgive yourself.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Mel, I know you gotta go. So this is my last question. How do you receive comments from people who say, Mel Robbins is giving mental health advice with zero mental health professional training? She should let the professional speak.

[Mel Robbins]

Let them. I love it. But here's the thing. I'm not diagnosing anybody. I'm not. I'm trying to make the intellectual and the academic and the scientific accessible to all of us. It is so important that if you are having an issue, you deserve to work with a mental health professional. I wish that the whole system would change so that it was accessible, because I think about mental health. I don't think about mental health like you're crazy. Mental health is thriving. It's your ability to manage your stress. It's your ability to push through those moments where life is overwhelming and build yourself a little life raft to keep yourself afloat. Mental health is like building a muscle. And so I also think we hear that word and we think some like clinical depression. If you've got a big issue, go see a doctor, for crying out loud. But we all deserve to have access to this information and access to the experts. And so I am absolutely distilling down the world's best research, just like you are. I'm absolutely sharing my experience. Not because I think I know what's best for you, but because, by God, if I can save you or one of your kids or somebody you care about, the problems that I've faced in my life or that my kids have struggled through because I made dumb mistakes, that is fantastic. I. I happily will take that criticism. Absolutely.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

And you know, also, God doesn't call to qualified. He qualifies. The called. And you've been called. Mel Robbins. I feel that I love you, man.

[Mel Robbins]

I love you, too.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Wow.

[DJ Envy]

That's right. Well, we appreciate you for joining us. It's been too long. You got to come up more often.

[Mel Robbins]

Absolutely. You gotta come up to Boston.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Oh, I loved it. I had a ball. Thank you for having me on your podcast.

[Mel Robbins]

He's. You are. You are literally. Literally a day away from being in the top 10 most listened to episodes. 3.5 million people have listened to that episode in the last four days.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Wow.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

He on that line today.

[Mel Robbins]

You were like church, you were channeling.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

But that was God. Because my wife literally gave me your book on a Friday. And she was like, you need to read this right now. Because I was stressing about some people. And she was like, you need to read this book right now. And I was like, oh, I'm going to see Mel on Wednesday. Literally. So that was just God. So I read the book and I got to sit with you. And now you here again on the Breakfast Club, and I just feel full. Thank you.

[Mel Robbins]

Thank you. I love your new studio. It is. Thank you. Unbelievably cool.

[DJ Envy]

All right, well, it's Mel Robbins. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Wake that ass up early in the morning. The Breakfast Club.

[Coca Cola Advertiser]

The best moments happen when you're with your people. Laughing, vibing, just enjoying life. Coke is making those moments even sweeter. Share a Coke is back and it's all about sharing with the whole crew. Doesn't matter if it's your bestie or bro, there's a can with their name on it. So grab one for the squad and make some memories. But hurry, because these Coca Cola limited edition bottles and cans won't be here forever. Don't miss your chance to share a Coke with your favorite people.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Taking control of your career is empowering. Just don't tell my boss I said that. Building a career isn't just about a job. It's about creating a path that impacts.

[Mel Robbins]

Our community and future generations.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Whether you're starting out or making big moves, State Farm is here to support.

[Mel Robbins]

You with resources to help protect what.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You'Re working hard to achieve.

[Mel Robbins]

They've got your back every step of the way.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Because like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out [e-mail] hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Mel Robbins]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, dickless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? Lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure we're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless with me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

The championship is back in the bay for the first time in 40 years.

[DJ Envy]

On the new limited podcast series Dub Dynasty, we hear from head Coach Steve Kerr on how Steph Curry almost never even joined the Warriors.

[Mel Robbins]

In fact, I thought we had a draft day deal to end up getting.

[DJ Envy]

Him to Phoenix for the entire behind the scenes story of Golden State's incredible 10 year run. Listen to Dub Dynasty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.