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The Breakfast Club
INTERVIEW: Nicole Paultre Bell Talks 'Aftershock' Film, Remembering & Honoring Sean Bell, Motherhood + More
00:36:16
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- [00:00]
Nicole P. Bell
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- [02:54]
Charlamagne Tha God
Every day I wake up. Wake your ass up. The Breakfast Club.
- [02:57]
Nicole P. Bell
Y' all finished or y' all done?
- [02:59]
DJ Envy
Morning, everybody. It's Dej Envy. Just hilarious. Charlemagne the guy. We are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building.
- [03:06]
Charlamagne Tha God
Yes, indeed we have.
- [03:07]
DJ Envy
Nicole Bell. Welcome.
- [03:09]
Nicole P. Bell
Good morning.
- [03:09]
DJ Envy
How you feeling this morning?
- [03:10]
Nicole P. Bell
I'm feeling great. Glad to be here.
- [03:12]
Charlamagne Tha God
Absolutely. We got a new movie, Aftershock, the Nicole P. Bell Story. Would you be in theaters November 28th?
- [03:19]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah.
- [03:20]
Charlamagne Tha God
When you decided to tell this story through film, what truth did you feel America still didn't understand about what happened?
- [03:27]
Nicole P. Bell
I think America doesn't understand what the families really go through behind the scenes. For me, I was 22 years old. Sean was only 23 when he was killed. And we had two small daughters. My daughters at the time were baby girls. So going through the years of fighting for justice, the levels of government, state trial, federal investigation, departmental hearings, civil and then reforms, fighting for reforms, that takes a toll. And as a 22 year old young woman surrounded by the nation who supported us, my family, the community, it was that's what really empowered me to move forward. And what I think a lot of people need to understand is that many people want to tell their stories, people want their stories heard and we don't really know how, what outlet, but I'm blessed to get a chance to meet people like Manny and give us the opportunity to put this real life story now on screens for people to see and see what really happened behind the scenes.
- [04:34]
DJ Envy
If you don't mind, I want to go back a little bit. If you don't mind. And the reason being is after watching a movie, I'm from Queens. So you lived it, but you just forget, right? With everything going on in the world, you forget the ins, the outs and the details and you just assume, right? Like, I'm not even gonna lie. I forgot the cops gotta quit it. Like, you forget so many things.
- [04:56]
Charlamagne Tha God
So how long it's been over 20 years now, right.
- [04:59]
Nicole P. Bell
So this year, this tomorrow makes 19 years.
- [05:04]
DJ Envy
19 years. So for people that don't know the Sean Bell story, just break it down a little bit. You guys were high school sweethearts and you were about to get married and I'll let you go from there.
- [05:15]
Nicole P. Bell
So. Yes. So Sean and I both went to John Adams High School in Ozone Park, Queens. We're from Queens, Southside, Jamaica, Queens. So we met there. Sean played baseball. We met. We dated just like everyone else. After school, Sean went on to Nassau Community College. He. He played baseball for a little there. When I graduated, we kind of went straight into building a family. I was a young mom, and after the birth of my second daughter, Sean had surprised me with a ring. And it was Christmas Day. All the family, we were all together sitting by the tree. He had a. He had given me a shoebox, right? And I thought, oh, it's another pair of shoes. Because he had bought me shoes before. I didn't really like the shoes that he bought me last time, but he bought me these shoes. I was like, okay, we got another pair of shoes coming. I open up the shoe box. Inside the shoe box was a watch box. I was like, oh, surprise. I got a watch. Open up the watch box. And the wash box was a ring box. And that was the day that, you know, he. We decided to get married. So we hadn't made any plans. Maybe about a year so had passed. And then at that point, our daughters were. Jada was three and a half, almost four, and Jordan was just born, so she was about five months old. So sometime in November of 06, early November, he had sat me down. He's like, one day he came home, he's like, hey, come, let's sit down and talk. We were living in Far Rockaway at the time, and I was kind of nervous, not sure what he wanted to talk about, because he wasn't to come sit down and talk to me type of person. It was just like, he would say what it is, but he had talked to his mom. He had talked to my mom. He had talked to the pastors, and he had planned the wedding. My best friends knew. And I was just shocked that I didn't know. I hadn't found out. You know, I was kind of feeling like, how could y' all keep this secret?
- [07:16]
Charlamagne Tha God
For me, that's one of the most stressful things ever to plan a wedding.
- [07:18]
Nicole P. Bell
What? And he had it. He had the church. He had. The only thing he couldn't do was get my dress. And that's what my best friend told me. His mother told me. Like, it was like, you cannot buy her dress for her, y'. All. You gotta let her pick out a dress. So that time, that point in my life, it was really the happiest point in my life. And it was two weeks before the due date. So we had celebrated November 23rd as our anniversary. And he was like, we're gonna do it on the 25th. It was the weekend the family's gonna fly in. I mean they had everything together. And I went then. So the eve of the 24th, I went for my bachelorette party, my mom's house. We did like a little small intimate bridal shower. And then he went out with some of the guys from the neighborhood. My brother in law was there and his father was there. And some point during the night I got a call. It was early morning, like 4am at this point on the wedding day, that something happened and we needed to get to the hospital.
- [08:20]
DJ Envy
Now when that happened, break down. Cause the police tried to lie, right? It was so many different stories. And like I said, after watching the movie, you go down this rabbit hole of Google, right? And then you start remembering all the lies that they did and just trying to break his character and all that without going too much. Cause some of it's in the movie, some of it's not break down. How the family took that. Because here you got a young man that did everything right. He went to school, he got his degree, he was working, he had a couple of job. But now you got the city or the police officers trying to break his spirit. So how did the, the family feel during that time?
- [08:54]
Nicole P. Bell
It was devastating. It was devastating for his parents, it was devastating for me. I had to kind of like isolate myself from like things like social media and I couldn't read the comments, things like that. It was just kind of getting out of hand. But it was completely devastating because we were like just in shock, in a lot of pain mentally. And then there were stories coming out like the fourth man, there's a fourth man. They came out right away with that one. And then it disappeared right away. It went away and it was just a whole smear campaign. And I had come to find out just by my attorneys and the leaders like Reverend Sharpton and people who were around me, like, this is what happens when innocent people are killed by police officers every day.
- [09:38]
DJ Envy
Which is crazy because you couldn't even grieve. I'm sitting there and you trying to grieve. You have these young kids, but then you're trying to protect the name. And it's like, could you even grieve during that time?
- [09:51]
Nicole P. Bell
So I went straight into getting active. And so the next day we went to a rally. Day after that, you know, we did a march. And then after the funeral it was just like, now it's time to, you know, let people know, shine a light on exactly what's happening. So no, grieving didn't happen right away, and I would go home and cry. You know, I come out and, you know, make it, you know, look as good as it needs to be. But behind the scenes, I was a mess. You know, I was a wreck. And my family really formed, like, this barrier around me to protect me and help me with the girls. They were so young, and that was really. That was the whole program. From that point on, everywhere I went, I was kind of surrounded by somebody who was from the family or someone who was there to kind of, you know, act as, like, all right, if I have to step in and help, you know, we're going to do that. But I tell people all the time, you know, like, there's no specific order in which you grieve. You know, for me, going through this film and also working on a book, it brings back every thought, every memory. There's been times when, even recently, I've lost sleep and I had to get back into therapy, you know, and speak to a therapist, but I'm so grieving. I mean, you got to grieve and keep it moving. And that's really what. That's what it was about back then.
- [11:10]
Charlamagne Tha God
How did your understanding of grief change over the years? Like, once the cameras disappeared and life just kept moving?
- [11:17]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it's like we're. We're living this, you know, once the cameras leave and the smoke clears, this is still my life. This is still my. And I still have to find a way to take care of my daughters. I still have to find a way to. To work. I still have to find a way to, you know, keep his memory alive and do all of these things at the same time. So, I mean, my understanding of it was, you know, we. We just got to keep it moving. I have to keep going forward. Like, I don't know where this is going, but I know I'm going to keep pushing forward, and I know eventually we'll get somewhere. And that's all it was for me is just keep going. Like, I can't think about what's going to happen next month, but I'm going to take it one day at a time. And that's really what it's about, is just pushing forward.
- [12:01]
Charlamagne Tha God
What's something people assume gets easier with time but actually becomes more difficult?
- [12:06]
Nicole P. Bell
I think even this, you know, this conversation here. Yeah, I think people think, you know, that, hey, you know, maybe you're far removed from it by now, but it's. It's an ongoing thing. Like, just recently, I Was on the phone with my therapist, just ballin', you know, like, you know, we, everyone, you know, thinks of this whole term like, you know, being strong and, you know, but there's so many ways to look at, you know, how what that means. And so we get blinded by it. Like, I have to be strong. I have to be strong. But strong is like just one day strong might be just getting out of bed one day, the next day strong might be sitting here on a radio station. It looks different. And to me, that's the way I identify what like moving forward is and how grief works. There's no specific order in which that happens and how it comes. So I mean, and then my daughters, you know, I can't be far removed from it because my girls are every day, you know, a part of him. And my daughters, they deal with it in different ways, you know, from when they were younger and, you know, till now.
- [13:15]
DJ Envy
Now how was that raising those young, those young queens? Because I remember when it happened, right? My dad, who was a retired police officer, did not want me out.
- [13:23]
Nicole P. Bell
Right.
- [13:24]
DJ Envy
He already didn't want me out.
- [13:25]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah.
- [13:25]
DJ Envy
You know, it was always like, you got to come home, you got to drive. And the streets during that time was, was real dangerous. So. So I could imagine the anxiety of, of every day, your daughter just wanting to leave, to go anywhere. So. So how was that?
- [13:37]
Nicole P. Bell
Absolutely. I mean, there were talks that, you know, if there's ever, you know, if you're ever approached, you know, by a police officer, like remain calm, just, you know, let me handle that. You know, you get as much information as you can and let me handle that. But it was terrifying for one. But not just for them, you know, for, for anyone I loved. You know, I was worried about my dad, I was worried about, you know, my brother in laws, the men in my life, you know, just not sure about what's going to happen. But it was bad back then. And people who supported us were targeted, you know, after, you know, for supporting us. I learned that from, you know, elected officials. I learned that from artists who support us. And it was bad. It was really bad. And that was so important. That's why it was so important for me to, to show people the human side, like, this is who we are, this is who he was, and this is the family. And, and that's still what it is even till this day.
- [14:31]
Charlamagne Tha God
Let's stay there for a second. What parts of Sean's life and character did you want this film to reclaim from, like all the media narratives?
- [14:40]
Nicole P. Bell
So I need people Just to know that, you know, Sean was just like, you know, you. And, and you DJ Envy. Like, he was a person who like, loved his woman. He loved his family. He loved his mom, his dad. He wasn't a person who had many close friends. He, the friends that he. He was very selective about who he considered his friends and the ones who were, you know, his friends. He would take care of him. I'm on his bachelor party night, he was driving his friends, you know, like, he was driving the guys from the neighborhood in his. In my car. So this is who Sean was. He wasn't, you know, a person that's like, you know, just not, you know, or I guess what the narrative was being pushed out at some points. If it wasn't for the family and if it wasn't for like the advocates and everyone who stood up, like, I don't know what the image would have been, but for us, it was important to just show people who he was. Like, this is who he is. He. He worked, he had jobs, you know, he. He loved to surprise me. Like he had planned a surprise wedding all by himself and pulled in the family. He, this is who he was. This was the guy he was. And it was just made into this big, you know, thing because there were 50 shots fired by the police officers. That's really at the bottom line. That's what it was. It was the 50 shots that were fired by the police officers on our wedding day. And that was how big it was. That was, that was what made it like sensationalized. But Sean was just like you and me. Like, he was just like any other person. There was nothing any different. And he was human. Like he was a human. He wasn't just a hashtag. He wasn't just a. A name, you know, that's, you know, it's not just a headline. It's a family behind us. And as a family who's grieving, what.
- [16:30]
Charlamagne Tha God
Made you come up with the title? Aftershock.
- [16:33]
Nicole P. Bell
Best production? I don't think I didn't really come up with it, but yeah, because I.
- [16:38]
Charlamagne Tha God
Just, I just found it interesting. Like, you know, I want to know why was it important for you to tell that story like the years long impact of the trauma? Because I think that's something that people don't think about.
- [16:49]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah, well, that itself, absolutely. That is a thing. And that was part of the reason why I wanted to push forward with the project is because I think the movie shows a timeframe of like 06 to 2021. And that's a huge Part of my life, you know, and it's like. It's almost two decades that we're talking about of trying to keep his memory alive. But these are what families are going through every day. Like, there's so many families like mine, and I know them, and I just hope that this project will, like, encourage other families to tell your stories. There's other ways that we can get the word out. There's other ways that we can show people, like, we didn't receive the justice that we were looking for. And really, accountability would have been that in this case. I mean, justice would have been him still being here. But accountability is what we were looking for. So this is us holding them accountable.
- [17:44]
DJ Envy
I wanted to know, like, when they were. When they were acquitted, did any of those officers apologize?
- [17:51]
Nicole P. Bell
There was a public statement that was issued. It wasn't really directed towards me in the. During the courtroom. It was very, like, blatant that, you know, they weren't willing to apologize after they were acquitted. There was, like, a public statement at their press conference, but that was it. It was nothing personal.
- [18:10]
DJ Envy
Do we know what happened to those officers? Did they lose their jobs? Did. Do we know? Did they get shipped to another precinct? Do we know at all, or no?
- [18:16]
Nicole P. Bell
So the. The officer who followed, who fired the initial shots, he was terminated. The rest of them, I believe, they were allowed to retire with benefits.
- [18:25]
DJ Envy
Wow.
- [18:26]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah. So I don't know where their life is at this point. And, you know, really, I just hope that they understand, like, the weight of what they left behind and what their actions did that night and how generationally, how that affects not just me, not just Mr. And Mrs. Bell, but we're now, you know, raising my kids in that. And I'm just. My goal was to make them strong, make them normal, normal girls, you know, who can blend in. And I'm blessed to be able to say that's the case today. You know, my oldest daughter, she's, like, doing her thing, working, and has her own apartment. Jordan's at Howard University. And they're just independent young women. And I'm so proud. They're, like my best friends. They keep me strong when I feel weak, and vice versa.
- [19:16]
DJ Envy
Let me ask one more about the cops.
- [19:17]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah.
- [19:18]
DJ Envy
I remember one thing that bothered, especially the community in Queensland, was that when it first happened, people automatically thought there was gonna be a bunch of white cops, and it was racist.
- [19:27]
Nicole P. Bell
Right, right.
- [19:27]
DJ Envy
But it was a bunch of. It was, I think, one white cop, and it was minorities.
- [19:31]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah.
- [19:31]
DJ Envy
How did that feel? Because, you know, you really want to feel like at least somebody that looks like me understands.
- [19:37]
Nicole P. Bell
Right, Right.
- [19:37]
DJ Envy
How did that feel during that time? And was that a thing back then?
- [19:40]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah, that was insane. And I think I even heard that, you know, people are like, well, how didn't he know it was cops? They were. You know, they were white. Like, okay, guys, y' all gotta pay attention. Read the story. This is not. That's not what happened. Because growing up in South Jamaica, Queens, like, you know about stop and frisk. You see that. You see detectives jumping out on people. You see, you know, the marked cars. You know, what the culture was back then. So we're all aware of it. We're hyper. Like, when he arrived at the bachelor party, he was pulled over by a blue and white, a marked car. He wasn't even given a ticket. I found out this information during a trial. I didn't even know that. So when he was parking to get to the bachelor party, he was pulled over. They didn't even give him a ticket. They just said, all right, have a good day. Why'd you stop him? When he was leaving, he was encountered by the cop who was at the club, you know, investigating the club. So it was just the community in itself was. Was policed in a way that just wasn't there to protect, you know, the people who are from the neighborhood, the people who live here. Like, we go to school here. We work our jobs here. And the neighborhood was shot up. There were homes that were shot. You know, 50 shots. One went into the air train above at Jamaica Station. And nobody was held accountable for that. And that's really part of the reason that fuels me, because with all of that devastation, what was the outcome? And, you know, and I don't know what's gonna come next, but all I know is, you know, just this is the same message. We're gonna keep pushing forward. There are so many victims who need to be encouraged to tell their stories, and they want to be encouraged to tell their stories. They don't. They're not sure how. And I just hope that, you know, this project makes everybody proud.
- [21:26]
Charlamagne Tha God
And I want. I want to go back to your daughters. Like, how did you protect your daughter's emotional world while the country was just discussing your family and just a political case?
- [21:35]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah, because they were watching Disney and Nickelodeon. They were doing what kids do. They were going to dance school. They were, you know, playing sports. They were not involved in that. And when they were small, I would take them to the rallies and stuff, but once they were old enough to kind of articulate what's going on, you know, would make sure they were either with grandma or they were, you know, busy doing something else and just kept them focused on what do you want to do? Like, where do you. What do you want to become? What do you. We're gonna make you the, you know, the best. You know, whatever it is. You want to do hair, you want to do makeup, whatever it is you want to become a lawyer, you're going to be the best at it. And I think that's where my. With my girls, it was just important that I keep them normal. Like, you know, don't wear. I don't read the comments, so I'm not going to introduce them, you know, what about now?
- [22:21]
Charlamagne Tha God
Because when the movie comes out.
- [22:23]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah.
- [22:23]
Charlamagne Tha God
It's gonna, you know, start that whole conversation.
- [22:26]
Nicole P. Bell
So we've. We do a lot in private. You know, we. We are very tight. We are very close. My girls are very close to his parents. We. We keep it, you know, really tight. So we've watched it together in private, and my girls had a lot of questions, and I. And there were things that they didn't even know that after watching it, you know, I would get calls like, hey, mom, what did this mean? You know, what was that about? And I can, you know, just remember being 22 and losing him and thinking like, oh, my God, how am I gonna explain this to them? One day. And the one day is here and now I'm here, and we're having these deep conversations. But now I'm ready to have the conversations, because if I had tried to do this 19 years ago, I don't think I would have made it.
- [23:15]
Charlamagne Tha God
You didn't even have an understanding of it.
- [23:17]
Nicole P. Bell
Absolutely, I did not have an understanding of it. Now, even though the grief, you know, is still there. And I'm working with a therapist, and, you know, we're. We're dealing with the reality of is it's just a matter of it being like a story that is important to our culture. It's important to our history. And long after I'm gone, Aftershock is going to be here. And that's what my goal is. Just to create something that will last. And, you know, we can, you know, we can hope that, you know, this will make history.
- [23:52]
DJ Envy
Who stood up for you back then? You know, we seen Revver now, and we heard about Jay Z. Who stood up for the community back then when you needed it the most.
- [24:00]
Nicole P. Bell
Right?
- [24:01]
DJ Envy
You support people. You support local people who stood up for you during that time, if anybody.
- [24:07]
Nicole P. Bell
I mean, during that Time there was, like you said, rev renown. There was a lot of people at nan. National Action Network was a big deal. Everyone, you know, in my community, there were a lot of. Elect every elected official you could think of, like some of my friends now who are now in politics, like the Queensborough president, Donovan Richards, and people like Tameka Mallory from nan. Yeah. And these are the people now, right, who are. Who've come from that Sean Bell era and who marched, like, under Reverend Al Sharpton. And now they're the leaders of the time and. And saying, hey, this is what we need to do, because this is what happened in the past. So those are some of the people, I mean, even right now, like Angela Rye. That's my girl. I could text Angela right now and she'll give me some great advice. Or like, hey, Nicole, you need to check this. You know, my attorney, you know, like, female, black, female attorneys. I'm surrounded by wonderful people that I can call when I'm in need. And I think back then it was the same. You know, there wasn't much of the female presence. It was more of, like, the politicians. It was like Reverend Al Sharpton. But I think everyone recognized that. That's why you've had, like, the mothers movement who came out. Everyone recognized that, right. Sabrina Fulton and Gwen Carr, Eric Garner's mother. Like, the movements that came from it. Because it was more of like, this is a political thing. And it's like, oh, how is it political? You know, we're not politicians, but, you know, because of the, you know, the police officers, they deemed it as political. But I think the most magnificent thing of that is that all of the lives that were affected back then and all the greatness that came from it, all of everyone whose lives were affected said, hey, you know, because of what happened to Sean, that's the reason why I became this. And that means a lot to me.
- [26:04]
Charlamagne Tha God
That means Jay Z did start a trust fund, right?
- [26:07]
Nicole P. Bell
He did, yes, he did.
- [26:09]
DJ Envy
Yeah.
- [26:09]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah. College fund for. For my girls.
- [26:11]
Charlamagne Tha God
Wow.
- [26:12]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah, that was. That was back in 08. Yeah, yeah, dope.
- [26:17]
Charlamagne Tha God
Is there a moment, public or private, that best represents the emotional aftershock of losing Sean?
- [26:26]
Nicole P. Bell
Public or private? I think the. That first ever march that happened in 06 down Fifth Avenue, it was massive, right? I didn't even know the gravity of how many people were affected by it. I thought it was just us. And then that first ever march that I attended down 5th Avenue, it was crazy. I mean, we were ending the march miles down and we could see all the way Back the streets were filled with people. People were outraged. They were outraged like it was their family member. And I think that's what moved me to say, oh, wow, I'm not alone here. I felt like I was on an island. Like there was no one who could ever relate to what I had gone through. Losing him on my wedding day in that way. But even though, you know, these people didn't lose him that way, everyone was affected, everyone was outraged. And. And then still there was no justice. And I think that's also a part that defines, you know, what we're dealing with here is that no matter how the amount of people, the amount of outrage, the, the, the amount of shots, there was still no conviction there. And, you know, what are we gonna do with that?
- [27:54]
DJ Envy
Do you believe in the system after that?
- [27:57]
Nicole P. Bell
I lost my faith in the system. After that, I'll be honest with you, I really did. And now you see families since then who've gone through similar things. And it's the steps that we have to take as family members. And you gotta go through these measures just to get somewhere. And it's just like we're walking down the same line. Everyone's walking down the same line looking for a different outcome. And listen, you know, I sat back and kind of watched, you know, families go through this. It's painful for everyone to think, you know, okay, this is it, this is the time, and then it's the same outcome. We're just watching this whole thing just over and over, just like a vicious cycle. And for me, I mean, Zora Neale Hurston said, if you don't talk about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it. And that's what Aftershock is about. We're talking about our pain here. And there's so many people who are in pain and people who down the line in future might be in pain. But this is the story for all of us.
- [29:02]
Charlamagne Tha God
How did advocating for justice reshape your identity as a woman, a mother, and a leader?
- [29:09]
Nicole P. Bell
How did advocating for justice. So I feel that empowered me. It defined, you know, who I am. It really helped kind of give me that strength to push me forward. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about our community. But advocacy, it's just a never ending thing. It's not something that you can do and turn it off. You know, it's. There's always something to advocate for. There's always something that needs change. So I feel that the advocacy in itself, it kind of defined me as a woman and it made me feel really, like, badass. Really? Yeah.
- [29:49]
DJ Envy
I was gonna say, what. What message did you wanna send to the world by forgiving the police officers that shot?
- [29:56]
Charlamagne Tha God
Or did you even forgive them?
- [29:58]
Nicole P. Bell
I was gonna ask you. Where'd you read that?
- [30:00]
Charlamagne Tha God
I ain't never heard y'.
- [30:01]
Nicole P. Bell
All.
- [30:01]
DJ Envy
Did you.
- [30:02]
Charlamagne Tha God
I'm sorry.
- [30:03]
DJ Envy
I'm sorry.
- [30:04]
Charlamagne Tha God
Did you.
- [30:04]
Nicole P. Bell
I was gonna ask you. Where'd you see that? So I don't think I've reached that place, because I was there. And I've witnessed them in real time how they felt and, like, during the trial, how they would pass notes and make jokes. This was, like, almost like a board game, you know? And we were devastated, you know, and it takes a lot to say I forgive, and I have to keep it real with y', all, and I have to. I have to always keep it real. I. I haven't forgave. I can say I'm at peace, but, no, I haven't forgave him.
- [30:43]
DJ Envy
I'm not a forgiving person either. Certain things I just don't understand. And he tries to talk to me.
- [30:47]
Charlamagne Tha God
You have to.
- [30:48]
DJ Envy
But it's just certain things I just can't forgive. And, yeah, it is what it is.
- [30:53]
Nicole P. Bell
If I had maybe that point one day in life, if I had maybe picked up a hint of remorse somewhere, maybe. But I didn't. So I can't put that on them if that's not how they feel. And that's okay, because, you know, I'll find my way, and my girls will be. We're gonna. You know, we're gonna make it. We're gonna be strong. We're gonna support his mom. We're gonna support his dad. Like, we're. We're gonna be. You know, we're gonna be okay. But as far as forgiveness, no.
- [31:19]
Charlamagne Tha God
My therapist told me last week, you know, if somebody has done you wrong and you feel like they've harmed you, it is perfectly healthy to say him, I'm scared.
- [31:28]
Nicole P. Bell
And that's it.
- [31:28]
DJ Envy
I love that therapist.
- [31:30]
Nicole P. Bell
Straight up.
- [31:30]
DJ Envy
No, that's how I feel.
- [31:31]
Nicole P. Bell
That's it.
- [31:31]
Charlamagne Tha God
Because that's. That's an emotion. That's your feeling?
- [31:33]
Nicole P. Bell
Yeah.
- [31:34]
Charlamagne Tha God
Who is. Who are you now compared to who you were before November 25, 2006?
- [31:39]
Nicole P. Bell
Oh, man. Who am I now compared to? I mean, right now, it's. It's. Wow. I mean, the. I don't know if I could find the words for it, but I think there's really. I feel unstoppable. I'm gonna be honest with you. I feel like this is Something that has prepared me for a life I never had planned. I was just looking forward to getting married to Sean. And, you know, the love that we have for each other, the love he had for our girls, that's really what fueled me. And when they took that from me, it was. It. It was extremely personal, you know, that they did this. And it kind of made me look at, you know, life differently. Absolutely. Look at life differently. Cherishing, you know, our loved ones, loving on everybody around you, appreciating life. Like, I'm not a person who complains a lot. I'm not a person who takes things for granted. I find the greatness in everything. And losing Sean, the struggle that we had, all of that has made me this person now.
- [32:52]
DJ Envy
Why and when did you decide to do this movie? Like, what was the thing? Like, it's time now.
- [32:57]
Nicole P. Bell
So I met Manny Halle back in 2017, and I had a conversation with him that he had. My mom was with me. Let me rewind a little bit. So my mom was with me. My mom is like, you know, she's my biggest champion. So she's like, okay, is this the director? Oh, hey, you ever thought about doing a movie about Nicole? A movie about Sean?
- [33:18]
DJ Envy
Where'd you find him? In the airport or where.
- [33:19]
Nicole P. Bell
We went to a premiere. One of his premieres. Okay, sorry, I forgot to leave that. Got to say that. So we met Manny. My mom was like, you know, on him, like, hey, you know, you ever thought about doing this? And was like, you know, maybe, you know, I don't think he really knew who we were or whatever. But down the line, we had more conversations, we talked a little bit more, and then production kind of came up with an idea of like, okay, how can we do this? Let's figure out how to. The best way to make this happen. For me, it was always about telling a story. You know, I don't know about the creativity side of it. That's not. I'm not in entertainment. That's not my field. But I have a story, and it's a story that affected a lot of people, and it's a story that's going to change lives. And if there's a way that we can get this out there, let's do it. So as far as the timeframe, I feel like the best time is now, not only because of what we're going through in the community, but just because me, personally, mentally, I wasn't in a space to be able to make a movie. Years ago, I was raising two little girls. I was mourning Going through depression, ptsd. I couldn't do a movie. How could I find the time? So now it's been almost 20 years. I'm able to talk about this without the tears. I'm able to, you know, find the therapy. I'm able to talk to my girls and mentor them. And they're independent women. Exactly. You know, what I prayed for? Now's the time. There's no better time than to do it right now.
- [34:46]
Charlamagne Tha God
Were you overly critical of who played y'?
- [34:49]
Nicole P. Bell
All? I think I was more overly critical of who plays Sean as opposed to who played me. Okay, to me, that was really more important. But is that true, Manny? What was the pause y' all saw that?
- [35:07]
DJ Envy
Anyone get in trouble?
- [35:10]
Nicole P. Bell
Why.
- [35:10]
Charlamagne Tha God
Why Sean in particular, though?
- [35:13]
Nicole P. Bell
Because he's not here to speak for himself. So we gotta. We gotta do this right. He's not here to tell his story. So the person has to, you know, you gotta kind of have his aura, you gotta have his vibe. You know, you have to be able to, on screen, make it real, you know, make it feel like him. And that was, for me, that was the most important part. And I think Raven's amazing. Raven's the character who played my role. When I saw her audition tape, she made me cry. And that's.
- [35:41]
DJ Envy
She made me tear up, too. Yeah, she caught every emotion.
- [35:44]
Nicole P. Bell
Absolutely. And once I saw that, I said, okay, it's her. Yeah.
- [35:48]
Charlamagne Tha God
How can people honor Sean's story in a way that leads to action, not just sympathy.
- [35:53]
Nicole P. Bell
So. In a way that leads to action. So we need. We need everyone to, for one, go out and vote for your local elections. In your local elections. Like, do what you can. Do your part, you know, personally, this is, you know, something that we all have to continue to. To shine a light on, you know, whether it's his story or it's, you know, an injustice that, you know, of in your area. Like, let's support each other. Join an organization. If you don't see an organization that. That resonates with you, start an organization. There are many things that you can do to. To advocate, and it doesn't always have to be just in Sean's name, but get. Be a part of some kind of movement. Get out there. Be a part of a movement. And, you know, for us, there. There aren't any more legal, you know, measures that I can take. I've exhausted those. So this is the next step for me. And I want everybody to get out there and go see it, you know, and. And tell the story, pass the story along, and we're going to be at colleges. You know, we're gonna. We're gonna share the story with the next generation who doesn't know Sean and hasn't heard about this story. And that's really it.
- [37:00]
Charlamagne Tha God
And if you was walk away with just one lesson from Aftershock, what do you hope it is?
- [37:05]
Nicole P. Bell
One lesson for Aftershock is that you cannot let life, like, take you out. There are things that's going to happen, and you have to find your way, find your way to make it through endurance. Resilience is life. Like, we're all going to get knocked down at some point, right? And it may not be to this magnitude, and I pray it's not to this magnitude, but life is going to come at you, and you have to find your way, whatever your way is, to get over it and to. When I say get over it, I mean to get over the hump. Not to get, you know, not to move out of the way, but to get over that hump and push through and. And support your people. Like, you know, this is. We need that support. I'm. I'm thankful for people like Manny, you know, and his team who are not, you know, affiliated with any type of justice, you know, organizations or anything. But he said, hey, this is something that's important, and we want to get behind you on this. And I'm just really thankful for that. And I think everyone needs to find, you know, whatever your source is, what is your source, and just feed that and keep going and don't give up.
- [38:22]
DJ Envy
Absolutely. Well, definitely. Check it out. This Friday, aftershock, the Nicole P. Bell story. And thank you for sharing your story.
- [38:29]
Nicole P. Bell
Thank you. Y' all are great.
- [38:30]
Charlamagne Tha God
I know it's tough.
- [38:31]
DJ Envy
Too much, Manny, but it's tough.
- [38:33]
Charlamagne Tha God
We definitely always sending you healing energy.
- [38:35]
DJ Envy
Absolutely. Healing energy. And, Manny, you too. I'm always praying. Me and my wife is always praying for you, Manny. So we love you and thank you so much for sharing it again. If y' all need anything, please let us know. And thank you so much.
- [38:45]
Charlamagne Tha God
And it's in theaters everywhere.
- [38:46]
Nicole P. Bell
AMC theaters. It's select. AMC theaters nationwide. So if you go on fandango.com, you'll see it airs. It releases November 28th and then on digital as of December 15th.
- [38:57]
DJ Envy
All right, Nicole Bell, it's the Breakfast Club. Good morning.
- [39:02]
Charlamagne Tha God
Every day I wake up, wake your ass up. The Breakfast Club.
- [39:05]
Nicole P. Bell
You all finished or y' all done? Look, Santa, the kids left you. Pepperidge Farm cookies.
- [39:11]
DJ Envy
Milano mint chocolate.
- [39:13]
Nicole P. Bell
So rich. Chessman butter cookies. So buttery.
- [39:16]
DJ Envy
And Linza Raspberry A holiday classic.
- [39:20]
Nicole P. Bell
These are Fancy Santa Fancy Santa Fancy Santa Designer cologne Spritz Me Vintage timepiece Classy o' clock Gold chain with diamonds now that's fancy.
- [39:35]
DJ Envy
Pepperidge Farm Cookies Fancy a taste?
- [39:39]
Nicole P. Bell
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- [40:10]
Charlamagne Tha God
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- [41:09]
Nicole P. Bell
Let's play a little holiday Fill in the blank. Are you ready? Jingle Blank Obviously it's Jingle Jammies, because when Old Navy rolls out the Jingle Jammies, you know the holidays are officially on. The new collection is their biggest ever, 22 prints in tons of styles, from classic plaids to playful patterns. They even have coordinating graphic tees, sweatshirts, socks, fleece blankets, and even pet sweaters. Get your Jingle Jammies Crank up the cheer and make the season official. Find Jingle Jammies and other holiday goodies@oldnavy.com.
- [41:44]
Charlamagne Tha God
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- [42:14]
Nicole P. Bell
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.