INTERVIEW: Shanti Das Talks Have Yourself AMerry LittleGriefmas! & Navigating Grief During The Holidays - The Breakfast Club

Podcast Summary: The Breakfast Club with Shanti Das – Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Episode Title: INTERVIEW: Shanti Das Talks Have Yourself A Merry Little Griefmas! & Navigating Grief During The Holidays
Release Date: December 9, 2024
Host: DJ Envy and Charlamagne Tha God
Guest: Shanti Das

Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of The Breakfast Club, hosts DJ Envy and Charlamagne Tha God welcome author and grief advocate Shanti Das. Shanti discusses her newly released pocket guide, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Griefmas!", which offers 20 practical tips for navigating grief during the holiday season.

Shanti Das' Personal Grief Journey

Shanti opens up about her profound personal losses, providing listeners with a deep understanding of her motivations:

Shanti Das [05:30]: "I lost my mom almost three years ago, my sister five years ago unexpectedly. And then my dad took his own life when I was just seven months old."

Her candid sharing underscores the universal nature of grief, highlighting how it affects individuals regardless of their backgrounds.

Overview of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Griefmas!"

Shanti explains the inspiration behind her pocket guide:

Shanti Das [08:15]: "It's a pocket guide. You can just really keep it in your pocket during the holiday season."

Initially conceptualized three days before Christmas, Shanti refined and expanded her guide to ensure it serves as a continuous source of support for those grappling with loss during the holidays.

Key Tips from the Pocket Guide

1. Lean into Your Feelings [12:45]

Shanti emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and embracing one's emotions:

Shanti Das [12:50]: "Lean into your feelings. You got to really allow yourself to feel and heal."

By accepting and processing emotions, individuals can navigate their grief more effectively.

2. Reject the Notion of Another Lonely Christmas [18:30]

Addressing the stigma of loneliness during the holidays, Shanti encourages proactive engagement:

Shanti Das [18:35]: "If we tend to isolate ourselves, that just makes it worse. You shouldn't be grieving by yourself during the holidays."

She advocates for reaching out and seeking support, even when the desire to withdraw is strong.

3. It's Okay to Say No [25:10]

One of the most poignant tips, Shanti discusses the power of setting boundaries:

Shanti Das [25:15]: "No is a complete sentence. I can't go to that holiday event. I can't cook the Christmas cookies."

By asserting boundaries, individuals protect their mental and emotional well-being without feeling guilty.

Shanti's Insights on Mental Health in the Music Industry [30:20]

Transitioning the conversation towards a broader societal issue, Shanti critiques the lack of mental health support in the music industry:

Shanti Das [30:25]: "There needs to be some psychological type of boot camps... especially for rookie artists."

She highlights the necessity for structured mental health resources, akin to athletic training, to support artists navigating the pressures of the industry.

The Role of Social Media in Grief [38:50]

Shanti discusses the impact of social media on individuals processing grief:

Shanti Das [38:55]: "I had to stay off social media looking at every family and their traditions because... it just cuts deep."

She advises limiting social media exposure to avoid comparisons and protect personal peace.

Setting Boundaries During the Holidays [42:30]

Delving deeper into practical strategies, Shanti shares how to effectively set boundaries:

Shanti Das [42:35]: "Put it out there early with the details and tell them what the plan is... If you love me, you will honor how I'm feeling right now."

By communicating needs clearly and early, individuals can create a supportive environment that respects their grief journey.

Conclusion and Where to Find Shanti's Pocket Guide [50:10]

As the interview wraps up, Shanti provides information on accessing her guide:

Shanti Das [50:15]: "The Pocket Guide is available on my website, www.shantidasBIZ, or the ebook is available on Amazon."

She encourages listeners from all backgrounds to utilize her guide, emphasizing that grief is a universal experience.

Notable Quotes

Shanti Das [05:30]: "Grief has been a part of my life. And it is the greatest equalizer for all of us because we've all lost somebody."
Shanti Das [25:15]: "No is a complete sentence. I can't go to that holiday event. I can't cook the Christmas cookies."
Shanti Das [38:55]: "Protect your peace. And if protecting your peace means staying off of social media, then give yourself that grace and space."

Final Thoughts

This episode of The Breakfast Club offers a profound exploration of grief, particularly in the context of the holiday season. Through Shanti Das' personal experiences and practical guidance, listeners gain valuable insights into managing loss, setting boundaries, and seeking support. Her pocket guide, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Griefmas!", serves as a timely resource for anyone navigating the complexities of grief during what is traditionally a joyous time.

Available Now:
Have Yourself a Merry Little Griefmas! – Get your pocket guide here or on Amazon.

Transcript

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So how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita? I'm thirsty. Watch. I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow. Beginning to feel more seasonal in here already. If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off. Tis the season to be jollier. Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay. Hey, it's me, Tyler. Both open earbuds are stylish. The color, the way it looks, it looks almost like an earring, you know, So I feel like it could go with anything. My style is very fun. I feel like I always look like I'm on holiday. I just really like playing around with it and tying it to the music. So, yeah, I really feel like the music I'm making right now feels like a holiday. So I wanna look like it soon. Check out boze.com for more. Wake that ass up early in the morning. The Breakfast Club. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy. Just hilarious. Charlamagne, the guy we are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. And it's not Silenced Ashamed day. No, it is not. I know. I feel special. We have Shanti Das back in the building. Good morning. What up, Shanti? How y'all doing? Bless Black and holly favor. Thank you. I'm trying to be like you, channeling, you know, the great energy. Yeah. But then after I just had that baby with that beautiful baby girl. Thank you. Thank you. She has a new book, or. What do you call it? Book or pamphlet? I call it a pocket guide. A pocket guide. Pocket guide. Pocket guide. It's called have Yourself a Merry Little Grief Miss, where it's 20 tips for navigating grief during the holidays. I think this is amazing. Thank you. I don't think it's anything else like that. I think it's genius. And the fact it's a pocket guide, you can just really keep it in your pocket during the holiday season. Talk to us about it. So I actually God, placed it on my spirit to write it last year, but it was three days before Christmas, so everything was shut down. So I literally just had a friend of mine put it up on Amazon. And this year I was like, I really want to put it out. Right? And so I kind of re edited, added a few things, and now it's out. It's 20 tips. You know, it's no stranger. You know my grief story. Those that might know my story. I lost my mom almost three years ago, my sister five years ago unexpectedly. And then my dad took his own life when I was just seven months old. I've lost uncles along the way. Best friend took her own life in 2014. So, like, grief has been a part of my life. And it is the greatest equalizer for all of us because we've all lost somebody. All. And then you look at it. I was just making Notes like rest in peace to Clark Kent and shout out to his wife and kids and fat Man Scoop, Rico Wade. People grieving in Atlanta. So those are just like the high profile people. But think about the aunties and the uncles, right? Or that spouse or that child. People are struggling and the holidays can be a really, really tough time. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion and time, but that's not the case. And grief is an individual journey and you got to give people grace and space, as I say, to feel and heal. And so all of these, these 20 steps, these are what you took to get through your grief, to navigate through that. Yeah. And again, especially during the holidays, because I love the holidays. I'm like a big old kid. Like my Christmas Dec, I hate to say, was up in November. Like, I'm that girl. Like, your outfit gives holiday. Like, I love it silver, you know, like a nice shoe. So trying to get some holiday joy, but it gets to be tough and I find myself with the ugly cry at the light. Or if a Christmas song comes on that me and my sister used to listen to all the time, or my mom. It just takes me back. But I allow myself to go through those moments. I don't care where I am. It could hit me now on the show and I'm going to cry and I'll wipe my tears and move on. Lean into your fields. That's your first tip. That's right. You know, it's interesting, right, because I love your dedication because you dedicate the book to your sister, your mother, your father, grandmother, uncles, and a few great friends. And you say, I pray your souls are singing hymns of good holiday cheer up in heaven, man. How difficult is it to have that mentality and to believe that, but then also not want to join them before your time. Absolutely. I mean, I would give anything to see my sister, my mom and my loved ones. But it's my faith. And it's so crazy, you know, how you remember that one thing you forgot to put in the book. But last year I coined like this new acronym for grief and it stands for going right into extreme faith. So my faith is what got me to be able to even say that because I do feel like I'm going to see my loved ones. You know, I believe in life after death and I want to make sure their souls are happy and that, you know, they're awaiting me. But I don't want to leave this earth until it's my time because I still feel like God has more work for me to Do. And, you know, the space that I'm in now. That's right. Coming from having a really big career in music, being like, the number two, right, under Sylvia Rohn, to, like, now just helping the culture and the world in a different way, trying to heal. Because we're hurting out here. That's right. And a lot of people grieve, but they don't talk about it, and you don't have to talk about it, but you need to talk to somebody about it. I was going to ask you, you know, all these artists in the music industry, and I know you spoke about it before, but I'm sure that with everything going on in the industry, do you think that these artists should be like, I guess the label should force these artists to do therapy or some type of therapy to make sure that their mind is right. I know even in basketball and sports, they have therapists there to talk to the. To the athletes. And sometimes they say that the athletes are, in their own way, you know, they got to get things off of their mind before they can start, you know, going again. Do you think it should be the same for the music industry? Yeah. I often said, like, just like you have, like, spring training and camp for the athletes, that there needs to be some psychological type of boot camps. And my nonprofit Silence, for shame. We have been talking to a couple of labels trying to do some boot camps, especially for, like, rookie artists, if you will. You call them rookie artists, whatever it is, but they need to go through a series of trainings because we don't have insurance. Right. There is no union for music artists, which I feel like it should be. A lot of them don't even have insurance. You know, shout out to Music Cares, who does a lot in terms of helping people through, you know, counseling and therapy and medical bills and stuff like that. But these labels, just when they sign that deal, or even if it's management, you need to make sure that they're talking to therapists, that they understand whether it's, you know, financial wellness, you know, overall mental health and wellness, how you navigate through the pressures of it. Because that's why so many people end up either using recreational drugs as a healthy way to cope. And I'm not the social police. You know, you can have your drinks or do whatever is your fancy, but don't use it to cope in the wrong way. And so then you. Something like death happens, right? You lose big mama or you lose the person that raised you, which will oftentimes happen in underserved communities. And kids that go on to play in sports or work in the music industry, become artists. You know, they lose that one person, and then the world really comes crashing down, and they don't know how to process through that grief. And so I, you know, I find myself living at the intersection of health and culture now. That is where I feel like my place is with God. And I just want to be able to continue pushing the culture forward, letting people think about stuff like grief that you don't normally think about and how heavy it can be during the holidays. I love tip number six, Reject the notion of another lonely Christmas. Definitely just looking at that one, too. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, that was my. One of my songs from Prayer Prints that I love. But. But I feel like, you know, if we tend to isolate ourselves, that just makes it worse. But when you're grieving, you really don't sometimes feel like doing anything. You don't want to be around someone, so you got to really dig deep from within and use your faith and use those in your village around you to allow them into your space, because you shouldn't be grieving by yourself during the holidays. Yeah, but. But then you have, like, people who really did. They just. They. They can't bring themselves to even be around family. So, like, how do you set boundaries around the house, you know, for the holiday season without. Without, you know, looking like Scrooge or. The flip side of that is you got to be honest and upfront. You know, I talk about it, like, trying to set a plan, like, whether it's right before Thanksgiving or, you know, right after Thanksgiving hits, you got to tell your family members, look, Christmas is going to look different for me this year. You know, I might not put up a tree. You know, you might have to put up one in your room. If your kids, if you still have family or other people, put it in your room. But I might not do the big tree or we might take a trip. We might do something different. Maybe we do a staycation or vacation somewhere else. Like, for me, when my sister passed away five years ago, we were heavy on Christmas. I spent every Christmas with her, like, probably my entire adult and kid life. And so we used to do the pajamas before, pajamas were things. So I went to London by myself and just spent the week. And I knew that if I was spending money to go somewhere, I wouldn't stay in my hotel room. And it kind of forced me to get out. So travel can be a really good way. Yeah. And the whole idea of it is just a change of scenery and doing something different last. I just have one last question. Tip number four. That's a major tip. No is a complete sin. No, no, no. That's a difficult one. And the reason I always say that's a difficult one is because you got family members. This is the time where family feels like they can lean on you the most. Right? Absolutely. Bills are high, gas is high. They got to get to. To get that talk about that tip. So it's nothing wrong with saying no. That's crazy, man. What? What? Because he said that's a major tip. No. It is, though. Barry, you should have paused that. Oh, my God. You see, my man? That was crazy. You kinky this morning. Major tip. No, I don't want it. It's way too big for me. I'm sorry I didn't say none of that. Crazy. You know what? You walked in when you came up. I know. I love y'all, but. No, seriously, though, no is very important. And it may be offensive to some of your family members if you tell them, like, I can't do this during the holidays, or, I can't lend you that money, but you just gotta be selfish, right? Especially during those first few years of losing someone. And you have to be unapologetic about it. And just, again, going back to establishing the boundaries, say, hey, look, I can't do what I normally do. And if you don't understand, I'm really sorry. But over time, I hope you will understand what I'm going through. Because until you've walked through someone's shoes, until you. Until you have experienced profound loss of a loved one, nobody really knows what to say. And you just have to, you know, be comfortable in saying no. No is a complete sentence. I can't go to that holiday event. I can't cook the Christmas cookies. I can't do the gingerbread house. I can't take the trip. I can't loan you $1,000 to go Christmas shopping this year. Like, my pockets are dry. And I love the fact that you said it's a complete sentence, because then a lot of people are expecting for you to say, why? Nah. Absolutely. No. No, I can't. And when you put a. Put it out there early with the disc and tell them what the plan is and say, look, I need y'all to do things differently this holiday season. I'm barely hanging on. And so if you love me, you will honor how I'm feeling right now. I'm in my no season, especially financially, and I cannot tell you how freeing has been. It's been so freeing. I just can't even describe. It's like I just got to set the boundaries. It's like, no, I'm not able to do it right now. I say boundaries are a blessing. And then as my last question, as far as social media, would you encourage, like. Cause I see that that's not a tip. I know you don't tell people what, you know what to do with their social media, but would you encourage people to stay off of social media? So again, in the first few years, it can be really difficult. I had to stay off social media looking at every family and their traditions because. Oof, it's just different. Yeah, we don't wake up and have on the same pajamas anymore. You know, Christmas is just different for me. And it's hard looking at other families. And it's not that I'm not happy for y' it's just that it cuts deep. That's right. So I would encourage you if you, you know, are just losing somebody, monitor the time that you're on social media because you don't want to find yourself going down that rabbit hole of comparing your life to somebody else's life. You know, things happen. Unfortunately, you know, we. We are on borrowed time. I always say, in this world anyway, nobody knows the day or the time of the hour. Right. That we will pass on and pass away. And so live in the moment, be present, but protect your peace. And if protecting your peace means staying off of social media so that you don't have to watch all the joy and. Or the perceived joy, let's just say the perceived joy from social media that people are going through, then, yeah, give yourself that grace and space and don't be scrolling. Where can we find this pocket guide of tips to help you find peace in the holiday? Yeah, so the Pocket Guy is available on my website, www.shantidas B I Z. Or the ebook is available on Amazon. All right, I need to buy a bunch of these and just give them out. And that's what I've been. I've been gifting it like, you know, shout out to several of my friends, Tracy, Baker, Simmons and Sarita. They both were like, oh my God, this is such a blessing. And so I'm praying, hopefully some TV show will have me on so I can talk about it. And it, you know, I don't care if you're black, white, Asian, Jewish, what, you know, nationality, background, ethnicity, this book can help you because again, we all go through grief. It's just finding pathways forward. Yeah, that's right. Well, Ashanti Doss, we appreciate you for joining us. Always. And make sure you pick out her pocketbook. Her pocketbook sounds crazy. Sounds like a pocketbook. Remember that pocket guy? Make sure you pick up her pocketbook. It's the Breakfast Club. Ashanti Doss, wake that ass up early in the morning. The Breakfast Club. The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola. Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company Looking for excitement? Chumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anywhere. Play on the train. Play at the store. Play at home. Play when you're bored. Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in. So what are you waiting for? Don't delay. Chumba Casino is free to play. Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to play hundreds of games including online slots, Bingo, Slingo and more. Live the chumba life@chumbacasino.com VGW Group no purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18/ boost your trading strategy with signals. 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I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow, it's beginning to feel more seasonal in here already. If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off. Tis the season to be jollier. Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartisian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay. One in three women and one in four men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, and nearly half of survivors delay leaving because they can't bring their pets with them. Purina started the Purple Leash Project to help eliminate one of the many barriers domestic abuse survivors face a lack of pet friendly domestic violence shelters. 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