This TikToker's Boyfriend Series is So Cringe I Can't Look Away | Episode 115

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: The Brett Cooper Show — "This TikToker's Boyfriend Series is So Cringe I Can't Look Away" | Episode 115 (January 7, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This episode delves into the viral phenomenon of Danielle Walter, a TikTok influencer who chronicled her new relationship in a 21-part series — and the cultural, generational, and feminist debates this sparked online. Host Brett Cooper uses this case study to interrogate how influencer culture, public relationships, and changing gender/political norms are impacting modern values, relationships, and self-perception. The episode blends critique, pop culture commentary, and sociological insight, all with Brett’s signature direct and irreverent tone.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. The Premise: From Politics to Pop Culture [00:00]

• Brett opens the episode, intentionally pivoting from usual political content to focus on the cultural trends manifesting on TikTok.
• She references a British Vogue article from late 2025 that claimed, “having a boyfriend is now embarrassing for women” and even “Republican coded.”
• Brett admits she initially dismissed the controversy as overblown feminist rhetoric but changed her mind after encountering Danielle Walter’s viral boyfriend series.

2. Danielle Walter: The TikTok Influencer Backstory [02:19]

• Danielle Walter positions herself as “the brunette Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City in San Francisco” and built her audience through open, narrative videos about her dating life.
• Content typical of Danielle:
  • Excited pre- and post-date breakdowns
  • Sharing hopes and disappointments on the journey to find “the one”
  • Audience felt personally invested in her quest for love

[QUOTE | Danielle | 03:07] “Oh my gosh, that was an incredible date. I show up and he's so cute and he's sweet. He's like gentle golden retriever. He had such thoughtful questions.”

3. The Pivot: New Guy, New Rules Broken [04:23]

• Danielle rapidly grows attached to a new boyfriend, publicly calling him her “future husband” after just five dates.
• Her fiercely loyal audience initially cheers her on, but cracks appear:
  • Repetitive proclamations of love (“this is the one” – for the fifth time that year)
  • Abandoning her own “three month rule” of slow commitment — a rule she’d previously evangelized
• Viewers begin to grow concerned and critical: comments urge her to proceed carefully, remember her own advice, and not share so much so quickly.

[QUOTE | Danielle | 04:23] “Without a shadow of a doubt, this is my husband.”

• Brett empathizes, noting “when you know, you know,” but highlights that this public, accelerated approach is setting off alarm bells among followers.

4. The Public Girlfriend Moment: Peak Online Intimacy [06:37]

• Danielle posts that she thinks she’ll be asked to be his girlfriend, documenting “live updates” from the night. Intimacy is broadcast in real time.

[QUOTE | Danielle | 06:37] “I think he's gonna ask me to be his girlfriend today. Let me show you my dress... Within a year, I will be his wife or I will be engaged... He's so consistent. He's so solid. He makes me feel so seen and held and safe, and I have so much fun with him.”

• The response from the internet: a collective cringe. Comments question why her followers must see every step, call it "the scariest thing I have ever seen," and ask if diaries are obsolete.
• Brett critiques the oversharing and monetization of private moments, but recognizes Danielle promotes some positive values (Christian, waiting for sex, intentionality).

5. The Series: Monetizing Love [10:14]

• After backlash, Danielle goes dark, then returns with a heavily teased “big project”: a 21-part docuseries on her three-month relationship, full of interviews and advice for followers.
• The project’s branding, production, and self-promotional tone spark renewed critique and viral derision online.

[QUOTE | Brett | 10:40] “These two universes in me... angel/devil. On one side, this is nice, she’s in love. Other side: my skin is crawling with cringe.”

[Sample Comment Read by Brett | 13:28] “Girl, he's just a boyfriend. He's not the center of your universe. Having a boyfriend shouldn't be this fulfilling.”

• Brett asserts: “that really is the crux of the issue and also the crux of that British Vogue article.”

6. Contradictions and Audience Betrayal [14:32–14:51]

• Brett shows older clips/reactions putting Danielle’s contradictions on display: she’s monetizing what she told women not to do, undermining her credibility.
• Jokes about her boyfriend being a “Brazilian Keith Urban,” the whiplash for followers, and the strange dynamic when personal life becomes content.

[QUOTE | Anonymous Commenter | 13:28] “Totally went back on everything she said for Brazilian Keith Urban.”

7. The Bigger Conversation: Influencer Culture, ‘Boyfriend Land’, and Feminist Anxiety [16:57]

• Brett reads from the British Vogue and Substack pieces:
  • The shift from “boyfriend land” (women’s status tied to men) to seeing public relationships as embarrassing or even reactionary
  • The monetization of love on social media making people feel icky about public relationships
  • The new cultural script: being single is “cool,” having a boyfriend is “lame” or even betraying feminist/progressive values

[QUOTE | Podcast Guest | 17:50] “I feel like having a boyfriend now is like lame and like shameful... you meet a girl and she doesn't have a boyfriend, I am like, oh, you're cool.”

• The evolving sense that having a boyfriend online is not just personal, but political — seen by some as “Republican coded” — and the notion of “heteropessimism”: women feeling suspicious, embarrassed, or pessimistic about men and relationships due to cultural and political shifts.
• “Influencers monetizing their boyfriends” is cast as problematic both culturally and ideologically.

8. Brett’s Take: Nuanced Critique, Not Ideological Alarmism [21:25]

• Brett concludes that “two things can be true”:
  • Yes, making your boyfriend the entire center of your universe (and your content) is cringe, even embarrassing.
  • But it doesn’t have to be politicized or interpreted as patriarchal oppression/anti-feminism — sometimes it’s just awkward, not a symbol of a larger culture war.
• She points out that overintellectualized readings of boyfriend content say more about the critics’ insecurities than about the happy couples or influencers.
• Final thought: “It really doesn’t have to be that deep. It can just be cringe and we can all just move on.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• 00:00 | Brett: “Jump scare, guys, because we are not doing politics today... Something came across my desk that was simply too cringe and too insane not to talk about.”
• 03:07 | Danielle Walter: “He’s like gentle golden retriever. He had such thoughtful questions.”
• 04:23 | Danielle Walter: “Without a shadow of a doubt, this is my husband.”
• 06:37 | Danielle Walter: “I think he's gonna ask me to be his girlfriend today... I will be his wife or I will be engaged.”
• 07:52 | Brett: “She’s doing live updates on the night where she’s being asked to be somebody’s girlfriend. We’re getting into that later. But that is an important point...”
• 10:40 | Brett: “My skin is crawling with cringe... The entire thing. Like, I just need somebody to parody this because it is just so crazy.”
• 13:28 | Commenter: “Girl, he’s just a boyfriend. He’s not the center of your universe...” (read by Brett)
• 17:50 | Podcast Guest: “I really do feel that way. Like, when I meet a girl and she doesn't have a boyfriend, I am like, oh, like, yeah, that's like, you're cool.”
• 21:25 | Brett: “Two things can be true here. Revolving your entire world and personality around who you are currently dating... can be a bit much... But it also can just be that. It doesn’t need to be anything more.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:19 – Introduction, context for episode, the British Vogue article
• 02:19–04:23 – Danielle Walter’s backstory as a dating influencer
• 04:23–06:37 – Danielle’s new relationship and the audience reaction to her “future husband” claim
• 06:37–07:52 – “Live update” night: publicizing private relationship milestones
• 10:14–13:28 – Danielle’s 21-part series announcement and trailer
• 13:28–14:51 – Backlash, loss of trust, and the monetization critique
• 16:57–21:25 – Deep dive: influencer culture, boyfriend land, and feminist/Gen Z ambivalence about love
• 21:25–end – Brett’s philosophical wrap-up; why this controversy reflects current cultural confusion, but isn’t as deep as critics say

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Tone & Takeaways

Brett balances biting, wry humor and social critique — rooting her take in “cringe” but also empathy and cultural diagnosis. The throughline: oversharing and influencer monetization of relationships can rightfully make people uncomfortable, but this discomfort shouldn’t always be read as political oppression or progressive betrayal. Rather than fighting about boyfriends and their online image, maybe we just need to log off sometimes.

Essential Quote:

“It really doesn’t have to be that deep. It can just be cringe and we can all just move on.” — Brett Cooper [23:45]

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For Listeners:
The episode is a snapshot of how social media, generational anxiety, and new norms collide — illustrating why modern relationships (and their representation online) are a battleground not just for romance, but for identity, status, and politics.

Transcript

[Brett]

All right, jump scare, guys, because we are not doing politics today. I know we've been talking a lot about politics, a lot about Trump and foreign affairs and all of the things, but not today. Today we're going back to our roots and we need to talk about a TikTok story, because something to channel Wolf of Wall Street. Something came across my desk that was simply too cringe and too insane not to talk about. So late last year, an article from British Vogue went mega viral declaring that having a boyfriend was now embarrassing for women in 2025, and even worse, that having a boy might be Republican coded. And so obviously, this had people up in arms. People were debating, it was featured on Fox News. It was a whole ordeal. But at the time, I didn't really understand what this article was even trying to say. And I didn't bother joining in on the outrage and hysteria. Like, the whole thing just seemed dumb and ridiculous that I genuinely, like, did not care at all. Like, when I read the article back then, it just felt like it was a bunch of very different premises all meshed together, basically furthering this idea, this feminist notion that women should not promote needing or wanting to be with a man. What's new? I was like, okay, feminists being feminist, do not need to talk about that. But then, then this week, my mind changed on that because again, something came across my desk. I came across a tiktoker by the name of Danielle Walter. And I watched her 21 part series that she created, that she produced and edited and released about her new boyfriend that she has been dating for three months. And suddenly I understood the point of that British Vogue article. And I might just agree with it now. Before we dive into that, if you want behind the scenes content and farm vlogs every single week, head on over to Cooper Confidential and check that out. It's a very fun community. It's growing, and I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying our content, all of the cow content and all of that stuff. All right, so let's just dive right into this. I'm, like, so excited to talk about this. I feel like I'm going back to my roots with TikTok anyway. So the one thing that I'll say before we dive into this is that there was a while, like a couple of years ago maybe you still feel this way, but I certainly felt it like two years ago where it felt like there were just no good TV shows. It was a barren desert. There were no new movies. Like, all of the best content was on TikTok like long form content was on TikTok. Like obviously my mind goes to the glorious Risa Tisa and her eight hour long TikTok series called who the F did I Marry? Where she was breaking down her marriage to this pathological liar. Like it's riveting if you have not watched it. My friends and I, we watched it on our seven hour car ride down to New Orleans, my bachelorette trip. It was amazing. Anyway, that is the kind of content that I'm talking about here. But since Risa Tisa, since that era like two years ago, there has not been a TikTok series that has held me captive in that way that has been that riveting until now, until just a couple of weeks ago. So as some context before I start showing you some of those clips, Influencer in question Like I said in the introduction, her name is Danielle Walter and she is an influencer primarily on TikTok. That is where her audience is the biggest. But she built her entire brand. Like talking about dating, I think her bio is like the brunette Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City in San Francisco. Like that is how she has positioned herself and positioned her brand and her business. And so she made content about love and dating. She would hype up other single girls like her, give advice on how to navigate the crazy dating landscape, and she would take her followers on this journey of dating and trying to find her future husband. She would be like, I just got asked out. I'm getting ready for the date. Here's the breakdown of how the date went. Are we gonna have another date? Like, that is all her content. Here is an example of one of those.

[Danielle Walter]

Oh my gosh, that was an incredible date. I show up and he's so cute and he's sweet. He's like gentle golden retriever. He had such thoughtful questions.

[Brett]

So that is just one example. I think this video was from back in April of this year. But she has had many dates. She's gotten excited about a lot of guys and she would do that debrief before and after every single date. How they met, how he asked her out, what she wore, where they were going, what worked, what didn't work, what she thought she could do better, what she's looking for, what she didn't like, all of that. And people were captivated. And if that kind of content was your cup of tea, then all of this was just, you know, fine and dandy. A lot of people loved her. A lot of women especially related to her and everything that she was going through this journey of finding her husband. But then the end of the summer happened and something shifted. Something in her life changed that caused her audience and the Internet to turn on her. She met a new guy. And after years of being on the Internet and preaching all of these things, giving advice, all of that, she threw all of her rules, all of the advice that she had given out the window because of this man. And around the same time, this now notorious video went viral with over 5 million views. Just watch.

[Danielle Walter]

Without a shadow of a doubt, this is my husband.

[Brett]

Okay? So from there, then, she goes into a whole breakdown of why he is the one. This is their fifth date. He is her future husband. She's telling all of this to her followers. And to be fair, most of her loyal fans, her followers were excited for her. And that is an important point here. Like, people were on her side. They were saying things like, war is over. Like, our queen has found her king. I'm praying for an experience like this. I want to love like this, whatever it is. People were excited, doing little, like, heart eye emojis, all of that stuff. But the thing was, as you guys kind of saw in the other TikToks that I showed you, like, she has done this before. She has had other boyfriends. She's had really great dates. She said, I think that this might be the one. Like, her audience has been through that with her. And she would be excited. And then, you know, as life does, like, things would fall apart, they would break up. Only it was different because she was sharing this entire experience with the Internet. She was being very raw and vulnerable. They were watching all of this transpire, the good and the bad. And the comments were very quick to remind her not to get ahead of herself. Because, again, we've seen this before. Like, one person said, girl, this is like the fifth time I'm hearing this this year, that this might be your future husband. So let's just, like, calm down. And a lot of other people, again, from her own audience, were reminding her of one of her most important rules that she had taught them, which was that you need to date or court for three months before he could ask you to be his girlfriend. Like, before you get serious, take three months, figure out if you really like them, don't rush things, don't sleep with them. Just date for three months, and then you can decide whether you actually want to be in a committed, exclusive relationship. No rash decisions before then. And so her commenters were saying, hey, let's not forget three month rule, all of that, because here she is in this video publicly saying, this is the man I'm gonna marry. I want him to ask me to be his girlfriend right now. Yada, yada, yada. And it's been five dates. And I wanna be really clear here. When you know, you know. And that's totally fine. Like, I knew that I wanted to marry Alex very quickly after we started dating. I was like, this is fantastic. This is the man I want. And sometimes that does happen, and it's fine if it does. But the point being, some of her audience was concerned. Like, that was the first red flag. And all of that is really important information to have because just a few days, like, a mere week after she posted that video about their fifth date, she posted another video where she said, guys, I think tonight might be the night he's gonna pop the question. Tonight he is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. And once again, her audience freaked out. This was the video.

[Danielle Walter]

I think he's gonna ask me to be his girlfriend today. Let me show you my dress. So he asked about going out, like, two weeks ago. So that's what I'm gonna wear on this specific day. And was like, do you have any plans on this day? Like, let's go to dinner or something. Let's do something. And I was like. Because before I told him we have to wait three months, but he's so great. So then I said, we can wait two months so that you can ask me. And I said I wanted to be special. So I think he's taking me back to where we had our first date. Like, out of breath. He's also here in the other room, so I locked him away so I could record this and tell you, I haven't been a girlfriend in years.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

And.

[Danielle Walter]

I'm gonna be his wife. I know it. I know it. Within a year, I will be his wife or I will be engaged. Let's slow down. He's just so great. He's so consistent. He's so solid. He makes me feel so seen and held and safe, and I have so much fun with him. And. Okay, I am going to try to do, like, live updates. The bathroom.

[Brett]

Okay, so we have much to discuss, but the first thing is just, like, she's doing live updates on the night where she's being asked to be somebody's girlfriend. We're getting into that later. But that is an important point to remember here. Anyway, it's obvious that she's into this guy. It's obvious that she is already in love. That's wonderful. But for the people online Suddenly this story, her journey, that she had taken them on, her content was no longer endearing. It was not endearing at all for people. Suddenly it was cringe. Actually, it was embarrassing. Her becoming somebody's girlfriend, having a boyfriend was embarrassing. That jump from dating, courting to boyfriend, especially that quickly and that publicly with the live updates made everybody turn. It made their heads spin. One person commented under that video and said, our diary's not a thing anymore. Yeah, we don't need to see the play by play updates. Another person said, this is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Another person said, this is a skit. It has to be like, this can't be real life, that we are watching all of this unfold this quickly, that she is turning on all of her beliefs, all of those things. And this type of content, this method of laying your life out online, it is not my cup of tea. Like, I think it is way too much information. I feel like in general we should all just know a little less about each other. I also think monetizing your relationship, sharing all of this, the minute by minute updates is odd. But also to be fair, it could be worse. This girl Danielle, she is a Christian. They are publicly waiting to have sex. He is asking to be her boyfriend. That is really sweet. She is very publicly intentionally dating to find a husband. She's not sleeping around. Like, she is not the worst influence online. But again, it's just not my cup of tea. But the thing is, the hate and the comments about all of this got too loud. So Danielle made a decision and she said that she was setting a boundary and so she sort of went dark. She went offline for three months and she did a couple of posts. You know, she went to New York Fashion Week, she did a few ads that she was, you know, contracted to do, but that was really it on TikTok until last week. And last week Danielle Walter made her return with promises of a big project that she had been working on. But she had to get, she had to get the branding just right. She had to edit it just right. Like these were all the things that she was posting about on Instagram as she was teasing this huge project that she was about to debut. And guys, you might already know this, you might have already seen it on TikTok. I talked about it in the introduction. But guys, this project, the branding that she was working on, it was for a 21 part series, sit down. Interviews, 21 of them about their three month relationship and why they're so perfect for each other. Advice that they could give all of us about our relationships, what everybody could learn from them. All of it. Like, I am not lying. It is so insanely crazy. Just watch the trailer, because obviously there is a trailer for this. Okay.

[Danielle Walter]

Now is what we've been waiting for. And I can't just keep this to myself. Why would I stop telling this story right when we get to the good part? So here we go, honey. Hi, babe. Okay, let me mic you up. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, so it's like, I have, like.

[Brett]

These two universes in me. Like, I have, like, the devil on my shoulder and the angel where I'm like, okay, this is nice. She's in love on the other side of me, it's like, oh, my God, my skin is crawling with cringe. I'm like, oh, the entire thing. Like, I just need somebody to parody this because it is just so crazy. So, like, needless to say, people saw that. They went, oh, my God, what is happening? And the Internet lost its damn mind. Not as much as I lose my damn mind when people say that pro lifers aren't actually pro baby or pro mom. When my friends over at preborn prove them wrong. And through our partnership with preborn, we can help save babies and support mothers in need. Every day, Preborn's clinics rescue hundreds of babies through the power of free ultrasounds, which doubles the chance that a mom will choose life. And when she does, preborn is there to help her every single step of the way with financial support, diapers, car seats, counseling for up to two years after that baby is born. That is the type of care that makes motherhood possible. They are not just pro birth. They are pro baby and pro mother. And this year alone, over 38,000 babies have been saved thanks to preborn. And you can play a role by donating. Today, just $28 covers an ultrasound, which, again, doubles the chance that a mom will choose life. Go to preborn.com Brett to give again. That is preborn.com Brett to give and get involved. And speaking of birthdays, as America turns 250 this year, it is worth remembering the people who are who truly built this country. The ones who woke up before the sun rose season after season without applause. And obviously, that would be America's ranchers. For generations, ranchers have worked tirelessly to feed this nation through droughts and wars and recessions and pandemics and changing markets. And that legacy is exactly what good ranchers was built on. Good ranchers is a meat company fully committed to America, not just in words, but actually in action. Every cut of meat from Good Ranchers is raised on local American farms and ranches. From sourcing to packaging to fulfillment, everything happens right here in the US Their customer support team is in house and with every order, a portion of the profits is donated to the Paralyzed Veterans of America. And so, as we celebrate American heritage and culture this year, Good Ranchers truly sits at the heart of that story, supporting these ranchers and their families every single step of the way. And by becoming a good Rancher subscriber, you can too. When you subscribe, you will get incredible American raised meat delivered to your door every month plus $25 off every box, free shipping and a free bonus gift for life. So if that sounds good to you, visit goodranchers.com today and use code BRETT at checkout. Subscribe to any box of 100% American and you will save up to $500 a year plus an extra $25 off your first order. Again, when you use code BRETT that's goodranchers.com American meat delivered.

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[Brett]

So back to the story, back to the cringe, back to the embarrassment. Again, you're gonna see. This is where I start to relate to the British Vogue article. Anyway, I just want you to look at this screen recording of all of the episodes. You're gonna see all the titles. And then you're also gonna see in here that she's like peppered in videos that they've taken throughout their relationship. But guys like the titles of these, like how? He asks. New traditions. They've started all of these things. It is wild. And so obviously that trailer, the episodes in the series, the whole thing, her entire story, this journey that she's taking on, it immediately went viral again for all of the wrong reasons. Those people found it embarrassing. One person commented and said, oh, why do we need this? Another person said, I got an ick. And then another person said, I think this is probably the most important comment that I will read today. This person said, girl, he's just a boyfriend. He's not the center of your universe. Having a boyfriend shouldn't be this fulfilling. And that really is the crux of the issue and also the crux of that British Vogue article, which we will get to very shortly. Do not worry. But like this commenter pointed out, Daniel's audience was upset because she was doing exactly what she had preached not to do. Not just the three month rule, but all of it in the most wild in your face way possible. Just watch.

[Danielle Walter]

If the most exciting thing in your life is what happens with him, there's more we need to work on than just the situation with him. And we'll get into a relationship for a sense of security, sex, waiting till.

[Brett]

The next thing comes along, pretty much.

[Danielle Walter]

Any reason need to know that it takes months to actually get to know someone.

[Brett]

And granted, maybe she gave all of that advice without having the life experience to back it up, or because she hadn't met this spectacular guy. But people were pointing out the obvious and going girl, you literally spent years telling us not to do what you're doing and now you're monetizing making a man the entire center of your universe. Like you said, don't make a man your whole world. But Also, here's a 21 part docu series about our three month relationship and I'm posting it on TikTok where I'm gonna monetize all of these videos. Somebody commented and said totally went back on everything she said for Brazilian Keith Urban. Yeah, unfortunately that is exactly what this man looks like. I wanna be so clear about this. Like this is not a hate video about this girl. Like I genuinely do not think she is a bad person. I'm sure she is sweet. I'm sure that she is excited and in love and wants to share this with the audience that she has built. I also do think that she probably has better values and intentions than most people on the Internet. Again, she is a better example that all of these hoes sleeping with a new guy every night are publicly crapping on their boyfriends. But I think we all can admit it is a common sense normal person. Take that this was a bit much. And so on that night this past weekend as I was up with the baby doom scrolling on TikTok watching all of these videos in that moment my mind immediately went back to that infamous British Vogue article from October and I went. You know what I mean? I get it now. I understand what that author was trying to say because that piece from British Vogue was really about influencer culture and how influencers talk about their boyfriends, significant others and how that has made women feel about having a boyfriend, the article reads. It starts with this, she writes, if somebody wanted to say as much as my boyf on social media, they're muted. There's nothing I hate more than following somebody for fun, only for their content to become my boyfriendified suddenly again. I get that this is probably because for so long it felt like we were living in what one of my favorite substacker calls boyfriend land. A world where women's online identity centered around the lives of their partners. A situation rarely seen reversed. Women were rewarded for their ability to find and keep a man with elevated social status and praise. It became even more suffocating when this could be leveraged on social media for engagement and if you were serious enough financial gain. I mean, guys, we literally just watched the most extreme display of a girl monetizing and living in boyfriend land for financial gain. And I'm sorry, like, I agree, like that is too much because of how the project was shot and created and positioned that she was publicly talking about branding for this. Like the fact that it in and of itself was a project that her relationship was now mixed in with her work. Because obviously it is one thing to, you know, organically celebrate finding somebody to share your life with or to take followers if you have them, if you're an influencer on that journey with you organically, authentically. And it's another to put out a 21 part series on how fabulous the relationship is and how you can out mentor people after having a boyfriend for three months. And I think that that part, that commentary on the financial gain and influencer culture is what most people skipped over when they were reacting to this article back in October. The fact that it really was about influencers monetizing boyfriends and how that made other women feel when they consumed that content. Like even girls with husbands and boyfriends now feel embarrassed, which these two TikTokers both married and in a relationship respectively, echoed on their own podcast.

[Podcast Guest]

I saw this girl make a video and she was like, isn't it kind of funny? Like, I feel like having a boyfriend now is like lame and like shameful. And she was like, I feel like it used to be really cool, but now it's like you meet a girl and you're like, oh, you'd be cooler if you like didn't have a boyfriend. And I was like, I really do feel that way. Like when I meet a girl and she doesn't have a boyfriend, I am like, oh, like, yeah, that's like, you're Cool. Like, I like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you're on your own, like slay girl.

[Brett]

And so the first argument that that British Vogue author was trying to make was that that was because of influential culture, that this was downstream, the monetization of these relationships, which totally makes sense. And she could have just stopped there. I think that that is totally valid. I think that that is an interesting argument to make. But you couldn't stop there because it's 2025 and we need to politicize everything. And so then she argues and it becomes political. And as they were reacting to that article back in October, that is what people largely latched onto. And specifically a TikTok comment that was referenced in the article that said having a boyfriend now felt Republican coded. And so from there, the author jumped into a whole other discussion and made it even more political. She said, obviously there is no shame in falling in love, but there is also no shame in trying and failing to find it or not trying at all. And as long as we are openly rethinking and criticizing heteronormativity, having a boyfriend, quote, unquote, will remain a somewhat fragile or even contentious concept within public life. This is also happening alongside a wave of women reclaiming and romanticizing their single life. Where being single was once a cautionary tale, you'll end up a spinster with loads of cats, it is now becoming a desirable and coveted status. Another nail in the coffin of a centuries old heterosexual fairy tale that never really benefited women to begin with. So you're a very normal, understandable, nonpartisan discomfort over an influencer monetizing a relationship, being a little too showy with it all. Maybe it's your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy because you don't have a boyfriend. Whatever it is now, it has been turned into a political statement. Now, another writer, this one from the Atlantic, she added to this political point in an interview that she did. And she said that as men are increasingly moving to the political right in America, seeing other women online trust men and choose to date them and be in relationships with them is in itself embarrassing and betraying even. And this she called hetero pessimism. So add that to the lexicon, folks. We have a new quote. But she talks about that here in this interview. She says, quote, you see that young men are moving further to the right. Young women are becoming more progressive. And I think for a lot of women in particular, it can sort of just feel like this is not a time where I trust men or feel respected by men. I don't necessarily want to go out and meet strangers who are men. You hear a lot of people talk about this idea of heteropessimism today. I actually don't. This is the first time I'm hearing of this, of course, which I think just gets at this idea that a lot of people, a lot of women particularly, are fed up with the way that they are being treated by men on these apps. With this kind of backdrop of hearing about how few men would call themselves a feminist or the kind of whole manosphere of resentful single men becoming this kind of cultural force that is like swaying elections. Okay, that was a very terribly worded quote there. But I think you guys get the idea. Basically what they are saying is it actually it is just embarrassing to date men. And that Vogue author in turn then says that that is why women are now quietly dating online. Like not posting that they're dating somebody, you know, soft launching, only posting photos of a guy's hands, not being very open with their relationship, or just choosing to opt out and not date at all. Because it is, quote, embarrassing to engage in this non feminist, heteronormative, patriarchal act, whatever you want to call it. And speaking of patriarchal, another point we're going to jump to. This is what that substack author who coined the term boyfriend land wrote in her article, which was the one that introduced inspired the British Vogue article from October. Sorry, I thought that was very confusing. Hopefully that made sense. But anyway, this woman said we point our cameras at the things that we love in a patriarchal society. It stands to reason that more often than not these values will be reflected. In recent times, however, this has curled into something ominous, at least to me. It is probably a coincidence that this content is so popular on TikTok as Roe is repealed and trad wife numbers rise, right? Oh, trad wives. There simply can't be a connection. But what do I know? I'm just a hater without a boyfriend. And that's how she ends that piece. So she's saying you point cameras at the things that you love, AKA men. And to left wing women who are feminists and very angry. That can be ominous. Like earlier on in the article, she even says that she shudders when she sees those types of videos. Even if the video is literally just a woman saying my dad is so sweet, I love my dad talking about her brother. Even if it is not in a romantic sense. She says that it feels ominous and makes her shudder. And it's so Laughable. And it's so predictable. Of course it goes back to trad wives and abortion. Hey, crazy idea. Maybe, maybe, maybe women actually just want to be with men. Maybe some women love the men in their lives and want to celebrate them and do want to post about them. Like, that has kind of been the basis of like 99% of great books and movies and TV shows. It is actually what built civilizations. It's not sinister, it's not something to shudder over, but it does tell us a lot about your values that you automatically turn this into a negative, intense political statement and genuinely is not that deep. So the point that I'm trying to make here by connecting that story with Danielle and this article and everything that they're saying, all of this discourse, is that two things can be true here. Revolving your entire world and personality around who you are currently dating. Especially if you're not even married. It can be a bit much, even offline. Like, I'm sure that we have all had that happen with a friend where a friend or family member might get too caught up in the relationship that they are currently in. The dynamic changes. Maybe you even did that yourself when you were dating somebody. But it's even more apparent and on a broader scale and has a lot of cultural impact when you see an influencer literally monetizing this and shoving it in our faces. And so, yeah, that part of it can be cringe. I understand that that would be embarrassing. I would agree. You got me there, Vogue. I understand that point that you made at the beginning of your article, but it also can just be that. It also doesn't need to be anything more. It doesn't need to be a statement on the patriarchy and what men have done to women's values and how this all goes back to abortion and the trad wives and most likely Trump, because everything always goes back to Trump at the end of the day. And honestly, like in reading these articles and there are tons more, like Vox literally just wrote an article about boyfriends being embarrassing 24 hours ago. Like, all of that, it says a lot more about your values and your insecurities and maybe your inadequacy, like how you feel than it does about the women in these relationships. Again, it really doesn't have to be that deep. It can just be cringe and we can all just move on.

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