Podcast Summary: The Brett Cooper Show

Episode 70: "We Don’t Need a Baby Boom – We Need THIS"
Release Date: September 29, 2025
Host: Brett Cooper

Overview

In this thought-provoking episode, Brett Cooper tackles the increasingly urgent topic of declining birth rates—not just in the U.S., but around the world. Rather than focusing only on familiar explanations, Brett presents the case that the core problem is declining marriage rates and the erosion of relationships, not simply a lack of desire for children. She weaves together cultural analysis, commentary on policy proposals, media criticism, and observations from both the right and left to argue that what society needs most is a "marriage boom," not merely a baby boom.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Real Crisis: Marriage, Not Just Babies

• Falling Birth Rates:
  • The U.S. fertility rate has dropped from 2.1 to 1.6 ([00:25]).
  • Despite this, the desire for large families (three or more children) has increased since around 2008-2015.
  • "People do still want to have families. They want to have children." ([00:16])
• Marriage Is the Missing Foundation:
  • "Marriage is not just a lifestyle choice. It is the infrastructure for a family. And that infrastructure is quickly collapsing." ([00:00])
  • 85% of U.S. births still happen within marriage ([22:30]), indicating marriage remains crucial to family-building.

2. Shifting Marriage and Parenthood Timelines

• Later Marriages, Later Children:
  • Median age at first marriage for women jumped from ~20 (1960) to ~28 (2023); for men, from ~22 to ~29 ([23:50]).
  • The sharpest decrease in birth rates is among women 20–24, the age when past generations would have started families.
  • "Most women are not getting married at 20 years old anymore... they're now getting married at 28, 29 and 30." ([07:15])

3. Why Incentives Aren’t Enough

• Current Baby Incentives:
  • Proposed policies such as $5,000 "baby bonuses" and $1,000 investment accounts for newborns ([07:46]).
  • These are mirrored globally (Hungary, Korea) and across political lines (e.g., free child care advocates like Zoran Mamdani).
  • Brett argues: "I don't think any of that actually solves the root problem because what we really need to turn the fertility rate around is a marriage boom." ([09:03])
• Culture vs. Policy:
  • Policy alone cannot bridge the widening gap between the sexes or repair the foundations of relationships.

4. Cultural Shifts: Femcels, Hyper-Independence, and Relationship Dysfunction

• Rise of "Femcels":
  • Brett discusses women purposely or accidentally exiting the dating market, often citing a lack of "suitable" men ([32:41]).
  • Explains the impact of the educational and financial gap, as women now outpace men in college and income ([33:20]), leading to a bottleneck in relationship formation.
• Hyper-Independence and Unrealistic Criteria:
  • Brett cites Justin Murphy: "Once a woman has financial independence, she is less likely to want any man, while all the best men are less likely to want her. And at the same time, she now feels even more entitled to the best men." ([35:56])
  • Critiques the idea that women should build an entire life independently, then expect a partner to seamlessly fit in ([38:27]).
  • "It's much harder to incorporate another human being into that life. And so for a lot of people, I think that they just go, oh, I'm just gonna reject it because nobody's good enough." ([39:51])
• "Heterofatalism" and Relationship Blame Culture:
  • Cites a New York Times article ("The Trouble With Wanting Men") as emblematic of a growing attitude of disillusionment and blame towards men ([43:25]).
  • Brett highlights this as similar to incel (involuntary celibate) attitudes among men—both marked by rejection, blame-shifting, and withdrawal from intimacy ([48:45]).
  • Critiques hypocrisy: "When a man is hurt by one woman and blames them all, his response is rightly seen as juvenile and sexist. But when women blame all men, a new field of sexual studies is born." ([51:26])
  • Asserts that both extremes—incels and heterofatalists—are "mirror images," perpetuating dysfunction.

5. The Call to Action: Building a Culture of Relationship

• Marriage Boom Over Baby Boom:
  • "It is not a fertility crisis per se, that we are dealing with... it's not just a baby boom that we need. It is a marriage boom. It is a men and women liking each other again boom." ([57:17])
• Responsibility and Change:
  • "Policy alone cannot change our culture, but we can. The way that we date, the way that we treat other people in our lives, the way that we take responsibility for our actions and our well being, that is what matters, and that is how we can change culture." ([58:30])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Cultural Shift:

  "Marriage is no longer the default for young people. However, people do still want kids. Allegedly, they say that they do... However, they are simply not forming the stable relationships that enable it."
  — Brett Cooper, [24:30]

• On Policy Solutions:

  "When we have talked about those proposed incentives, I don't think any of that actually solves the root problem because what we really need to turn the fertility rate around is a marriage boom."
  — Brett Cooper, [09:03]

• On Hyper-Independence:

  "What happens when you've built this entire life by yourself? When you're so hyper independent, it becomes incredibly hard to fit another fully formed human being into that life."
  — Brett Cooper, [39:13]

• On Heterofatalism & Incels:

  "Hetero fatalism and incel culture are mirror images. In the first, women feel like men are winning. In the second, men feel the opposite. Both simply cannot be true. Mic drop."
  — Quoted from the London Times by Brett Cooper, [52:00]

• On Change:

  "Policy alone cannot change our culture, but we can... that is what matters, and that is how we can change culture."
  — Brett Cooper, [58:30]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Declining Birth Rates & Increased Desire for Families: [00:00] – [07:00]
• Policy Responses / "Baby Boom" Incentives: [07:15] – [09:30]
• Marriage Statistics and Delays: [22:30] – [25:00]
• Cultural Analysis & Femcels: [32:41] – [39:30]
• "Heterofatalism" & NYT Critique: [43:25] – [51:38]
• Comparing Male & Female Relationship Disillusionment: [48:45] – [52:10]
• Concluding Arguments (Marriage vs. Baby Boom): [57:17] – [59:00]

Conclusion

Brett Cooper's episode frames the fertility and family crisis as deeply cultural, not merely demographic or economic. She critically examines current incentives and advocates for rebuilding relationship infrastructure—starting with restoring young people's faith in both marriage and mutual responsibility. Rather than blaming policy, economics, or the opposite sex, Brett calls for compassion, accountability, and cultural healing. The ultimate solution, she insists, is for men and women to reconnect, compromise, and value marriage again.