Podcast Summary

The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast – Episode 773
Title: How To Hijack the Brain of Your Audience: J.R. Briggs on Why the Best Leaders Are the Best Question Askers
Date: December 16, 2025
Host: Carey Nieuwhof
Guest: J.R. Briggs

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the art, science, and spiritual impact of asking better questions—personally, in leadership, and from the pulpit. Carey interviews J.R. Briggs, founder of Kairos Partnerships and author of "The Art of Asking Better Questions," about why skilled question-asking is an underestimated tool for connection, change, and leadership excellence. They explore how question-asking transforms relationships, brains, sermons, and organizations, offering hands-on strategies and memorable stories. The conversation also flips in the final third, with J.R. putting Carey in the interviewee seat, modeling real-world question-asking in action.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Question-Asking Matters in Leadership and Life

• J.R. developed a passion for questions from his upbringing, mentors, and a deep dive into Jesus’ questions in the Bible (03:33–05:04).
• Quality and frequency of questions directly shape connection, depth, learning, and personal growth.
• J.R. asserts:
  "I can't think of a single area of our lives where improving the quality of our questions will not improve the quality of our lives and the lives of the people around us." (04:40)

2. Questions and Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

• EQ is closely tied to the self-diagnostic questions we ask ourselves (05:25–06:36).
• Asking “How am I being read in this room?” or “Am I adding value?” builds self-awareness and empathy.

3. Is the Art of Conversation Dying?

• Social media and digital communication have shifted interactions to status updates instead of dialogues, leading to "conversational narcissism" (06:36–11:00).
• The “waitress rule”: If you finish your meal before your conversation partner has eaten, you might not be asking enough questions (08:31).
• J.R.: "The cultural headwinds push us to rush to judgment, not curiosity ... conversational narcissists where the arrows are pointing in." (08:31)

4. What’s at Stake? Loss of Connection

• Loss of question-asking diminishes connection, creativity, and healthy relationships (11:58–13:12).
• Even God, omniscient, asks questions to foster connection and intimacy.

5. Pandemic Impact and Exhaustion

• COVID-19 increased exhaustion and acedia (spiritual apathy), making basic connection and question-asking feel exhausting for many leaders (13:50–15:31).
• Downstream fatigue affects curiosity, motivation to reach out.

6. The Leader as “Answer Person” vs. Chief Question Asker

• Organizational culture expects leaders to have answers, but true influence and learning come from asking (19:45–21:14).
• Peter Drucker’s insight:
  “The leader of the past may have been the person who knew how to tell, but the leader of the future will be the one who knows how to ask.” (20:00)
• Younger generations value a “guide on the side, not a sage on the stage.”

7. The Value & Power of “Dumb” Questions

• Being willing to ask “dumb” or basic questions often opens up deeper understanding and connection (24:18–26:16).
• Larry King’s style: ask what the average, uninformed listener would ask.

J.R.: "The moment you ask a question, you're admitting I don't know the answer. And that's really hard for a lot of people in our culture today." (25:41)

8. Obstacles to Asking Good Questions

• Barriers include the desire to look smart, fear of awkwardness, living in a “question desert,” and disincentives in efficiency-driven cultures (28:03–31:02).
• "In some cases, asking questions in boardrooms is penalized ... Questions can be perceived as inefficient in our efficiency-oriented world." (29:25)

9. Jesus as the Master Question-Asker

• Jesus asked over 300 questions, was asked about 180, and directly answered only 5 (31:15–31:54).
• Life change often followed Jesus’ questions, not answers.

10. How Questions “Hijack” the Brain

• Neuroscience shows questions stimulate the entire brain—literally “hijacking” attention and focus (33:18–34:31).
• "When you ask someone a question, you can temporarily hijack someone's brain ... the brain is wired automatically to say, 'How would I answer that?'" (33:44)

11. Using Questions in Preaching and Public Communication

• Jesus’ teaching style included physical, emotional, and mental “field trips,” heavily involving questions (36:58–39:43).
• Rhetorical questions in sermons invite engagement and self-discovery, rather than passive consumption.
• Try opening or closing a message with a jarring, thoughtful question.

12. Practical Advice for Leaders and Young People

• Be aware: monitor your content, quality, frequency, and direction of questions (41:32–43:05).
• Predictable, superficial questions (e.g., “How are you?”) rarely yield rich answers; tweak language for specificity and depth.

13. Better Questions in Everyday Life

• Move past yes/no and leading questions; ask open-ended, thought-provoking queries.
• For kids: "What did you learn today you didn’t know this morning?" instead of “How was your day?” (45:10–45:56)
• In sports interviews: “Who’s the first person you’ll call after this win?” or “What did you learn from your slump?” (48:14–49:41)

14. How to Engage with Influential People

• Ask permission before jumping into questions with high-profile individuals (50:20–51:57).
• Prepare a few thoughtful questions in advance, aiming for questions your hero has never heard before.

J.R.: "If you show interest and ask some thoughtful questions, it is like water for a parched soul." (53:11)

15. Flipping the Mic: J.R. Interviews Carey

- The final segment showcases skillful question-asking in action as J.R. explores Carey’s motivation, growth, and podcast philosophy.
- Carey identifies curiosity as an antidote to cynicism, shares practical “meal test” hacks for checking question balance, and discusses how great interviewers build trust through vulnerability (59:03–68:03).
- Both reflect on their growth and impact through question-driven conversations.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Connection:
  "I can't name a single healthy relationship that I have in my life that has not been cultivated without questions and vulnerability and intimacy. All that happens. And those kids are greased by the questions that we ask one another." – J.R. (12:00)

• On Leadership Shift:
  "The leader of the future will be the one who knows how to ask." – (20:00, paraphrasing Peter Drucker)

• On Jesus’ Questions:
  "We study his miracles, his parables, his healings, his teachings. We don't study his questions. And yet that's where the bulk of life change happened." – J.R. (32:49)

• Hijacking the Brain:
  "When people were given answers, their brain lit up. When they were asked questions, their brains lit up like fireworks ... you can temporarily hijack someone’s brain." – J.R. (33:18)

• On “Dumb” Questions:
  "The moment you ask a question, you're admitting I don't know the answer. And that's really hard for a lot of people in our culture today." – J.R. (25:41)

• Practical Example:
  “What color are your shoes right now?” – J.R. (34:06)

• On Interviewing:
  "If you get the guest to say, ‘Huh, that's a good question. I've never been asked that before. Can you give me a minute?’, you're giving them a gift." – J.R. (53:11)

• On Preaching:
  "Hijack people and they're locked in and ready to go. ... From ‘listen to me’ to ‘what did you bring to this?’" – Carey & J.R. (39:15–39:27)

Essential Timestamps

• 03:33 – How J.R. became obsessed with questions
• 05:04–06:36 – Self-questioning and emotional intelligence
• 08:31–11:00 – Cultural shift: “conversational narcissism” & code word “waitress”
• 11:58–13:12 – What we lose: connection
• 13:50–15:31 – Pandemic exhaustion & acedia
• 19:45–21:14 – The leader as the answer person vs. the lead question-asker
• 24:18–26:16 – “Dumb” questions: Larry King & purpose
• 29:25–31:02 – Obstacles: curiosity deserts, fear, efficiency bias
• 31:15–31:54 – Jesus: 300+ questions, 5 direct answers
• 33:18–34:31 – Neurological impact: “hijacking the brain”
• 36:58–39:43 – How to use questions in preaching
• 41:32–43:05 – How young leaders can improve questions
• 45:10–45:56 – Everyday upgrades: parenting and better questions
• 48:14–49:41 – Better athlete interview questions
• 50:20–53:11 – Approaching high-profile people; “gifts” in thoughtful questioning
• 59:03–81:18 – J.R. “flips the mic” and interviews Carey

Actionable Takeaways

• Audit your question habits: Check your content, quality, frequency, and direction.
• Upgrade everyday questions: Go beyond “How are you?” to something more specific or creative.
• Practice curiosity: Curiosity is a discipline—prepare questions even for casual interactions.
• Lead with questions: Fight the urge to be the “answer person;” model inquiry and invite participation.
• Hijack attention with questions: Use questions deliberately in preaching, teaching, and team meetings to engage minds.
• In interviews/meetings, prepare the questions only you can ask: Aim to make guests/colleagues say, “No one’s ever asked me that before.”
• Recognize obstacles: Name and address your fear of looking “dumb,” your drive for efficiency, or your instinct to control conversations for your own status.

Podcast Tone & Style

Engaging, conversational, practical, and vulnerable—both Carey and J.R. blend research, scriptural insight, personal stories, and hands-on advice in a style that is authentic, thoughtful, and often humorous.

Conclusion

This episode is a must-listen (and re-listen) for anyone who communicates, leads, or simply wants deeper connection in a distracted, answer-obsessed age. J.R. and Carey offer both rationale and practical hacks for leveraging questions to open up minds, hearts, and deeper learning.

Recommended Resource:
Pick up J.R. Briggs’ "The Art of Asking Better Questions" (contains an appendix of great questions) and start experimenting—your leadership, relationships, and spiritual life will all benefit.

For more show notes and resources, visit careynieuwhof.com or The Art of Leadership Academy.