How To Get Married: Charlie and Erika's Joint Q&A

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Charlie Kirk Show

Episode: How To Get Married: Charlie and Erika's Joint Q&A
Date: January 25, 2026
Host: Charlie Kirk
Guest: Erika Kirk

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Overview

In this candid and energetic Q&A episode, Charlie Kirk is joined by his wife, Erika, to tackle their audience’s most pressing questions on marriage, dating, and relationships from a strong Christian, conservative viewpoint. The conversation mixes practical advice, strong opinions, and humor as they break down what it means to pursue marriage with intention, how to navigate modern dating challenges, and the importance of faith and personal growth in the process. The Kirks skip sugarcoating, instead delivering what they call “tough love,” aiming to help listeners understand what it takes to build and sustain a meaningful marriage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gender Roles in Marriage

[01:44 - 02:02]

• Erika and Charlie agree that traditional roles work for them (Charlie rarely cooks; Erika manages the kitchen).
• Quote: “The man should not be cooking, though.” –Charlie [01:51]
• Mutual understanding of domains—each respecting and embracing their roles.

2. Finding and Attracting a Godly Partner

[02:02 - 03:10]

• Erika stresses prayer, focusing on personal growth and spirituality.
• Charlie: Some women “dress for a different demographic than you’re looking for... Be classy. Be a lady.” [02:36-02:55]
• Both emphasize the importance of outward appearance and conduct reflecting inner values, not seeking attention through immodesty or "feminist" attitudes.

3. On Male-Female Friendships

[03:25 - 04:44]

• Charlie claims women shouldn’t have deep, close male friends unless the man is gay or hoping for more.
• Quote: “Real men don’t have female friends.” –Charlie [04:31]
• Erika challenges but largely agrees, teeing up the idea that best-friendship with the opposite sex usually isn’t platonic.

4. Teen Dating & Spiritual Focus

[05:12 - 05:41]

• “I don’t think you should be focusing on relationships when you’re a teen.” –Erika [05:13]
• Emphasize purity before marriage and focusing on personal growth, academics, or sports rather than romantic pursuits in the teen years.

5. Personal Growth as Key to Finding a Partner

[05:41 - 07:50]

• Both assert it’s often one's own responsibility when still single; constant personal growth is vital.
• Quote: “If you don’t have a partner, it’s because of you. It’s not because of the world.” –Charlie [06:12]
• Encourage goal setting, intellectual, physical, and spiritual self-improvement.

6. “Finding the One”

[07:50 - 08:07]

• If you have to ask if someone is “the one,” they’re probably not.
• Both knew quickly when they met each other.

7. Missionary Dating & Interfaith Marriage

[08:13 - 09:49]

• Both strongly discourage dating to change someone or interfaith marriage.
• Quote: “Do not date to change them. That’s a really bad idea.” –Charlie [08:27]
• Potential for resentment and practical issues with raising children, handling holidays, and conflicting worldviews.

8. Traditional Courtship Signals (“Dropping the Handkerchief”)

[10:08 - 11:28]

• Moderate support for women giving hints of interest, but initiative should be on the man.
• Erika: “The woman doesn’t have to be aggressive... but deep down women want to be approached.” [11:12-11:32]

9. Why Christian Women Aren’t Being Pursued

[13:03 - 15:34]

• Charlie interprets lack of pursuit as the decline of strong, masculine men, and perception that some women grow entitled and bitter with age.
• Women advised not to prioritize career and grades over relationships in their twenties.

10. Submitting & Leadership in Marriage

[16:44 - 17:47]

• Erika believes women should submit to their husbands “not as slave vs. master, but as a helpmate.”
• Charlie places the onus on men: If a woman struggles to submit, it’s because her husband isn’t leading properly.

11. Intentional Dating for Marriage

[18:07 - 19:19]

• Be upfront with intentions from the start and don’t “date as a hobby.”
• Reduce anxiety by maintaining a full and satisfying life outside romantic pursuits.

12. How to Keep a Marriage Alive

[19:31 - 21:43]

• “Quality time, constant growth, and adversity” strengthen marriage—external challenges (e.g., death threats) draw them closer.
• Shabbat observance is a central ritual for them—phones off, deliberate rest, spiritual reconnection.

13. Attraction: Non-Negotiable?

[21:38 - 22:52]

• Both say physical attraction is necessary: “You might as well just get a sperm donor” if not. –Charlie [21:47]
• Looks matter, but personal grooming, growth, and presentation can shift attraction over time.

14. Coping With “Unanswered” Prayers

[24:19 - 26:27]

• God always hears prayers, but may answer differently than we expect.
• Caution against seeing God as a “celestial butler.”
• Quote: “Prayer is a petition to the divine out of obedience and gratitude and piety and service and duty.” –Charlie [24:54]

15. Family & In-Laws

[26:52 - 27:30]

• “Should a son-in-law and daughter-in-law honor the parents of the partner?” Both: Absolutely, for marital harmony and gratitude.

16. Where to Meet Single Conservative Christian Men (30s)

[27:30 - 29:18]

• Suggestions: Church, Amfest events, networking via family.
• If you’re older and still looking, may need to be “a little aggressive” and be realistic about “non-negotiables."

17. “Should You Marry Without Peace?”

[29:21 - 29:41]

• Never marry if you don’t have peace; seek counsel if unsure.

18. “Equally Yoked”

[30:10 - 30:54]

• Must share core beliefs and worldview—preferably adherence to orthodox Christian doctrine.

19. Advice for Women 30+ and Single

[31:03 - 33:43]

• Culture lied about marriage timelines: Don’t blame others, focus on growth, maintain positivity.
• Quote: "Men can sense bitterness in a woman like immediately, and it's very unattractive." –Charlie [31:44]
• Critique of "boomer parents" who prioritized career over early marriage for their daughters.

20. The Kirk Checklist for Single Women

[33:13 - 36:58]

• Take care of yourself: Spiritually, physically (eat well, exercise, dress well, quit alcohol, and smoking)
• Be open to new social spaces; keep a humble, non-bitter attitude.
• “Surrender to God...otherwise the anxiety will absolutely kill you.” –Charlie [35:38]
• Grooming and self-presentation matter—nails, dress, hair.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If the most important thing for you is just feeling good, you’re gonna end up miserable. But if the most important thing is doing good, you’ll end up purposeful.” –Charlie [00:10]
• “If you don’t have a partner, it’s because of you. It’s not because of the world.” –Charlie [06:12]
• “If you’re asking if that person’s the one, then you haven’t found the one.” –Erika [08:00]
• “Do not date to change them. That’s a really bad idea.” –Charlie [08:27]
• “Women shouldn’t have male friends.” –Charlie [03:34]
• “If you even have that kind of thought process, that means your husband is not doing his job.” –Charlie [17:34]
• “Quality time, constant growth, and adversity.” –Charlie [19:31] (on how they keep their marriage alive)
• “Prayer is a petition to the divine out of obedience and gratitude and piety and service and duty.” –Charlie [24:54]
• “You have to go into environments that might make you uncomfortable to find a future match.” –Charlie [35:26]

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Approximate Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:44] – Gender roles: Cooking and household domains
• [02:09] – How to find a godly man
• [03:25] – On male-female friendship
• [05:12] – Teen dating & focus
• [05:41] – Personal growth and singlehood
• [07:50] – “How do you know if you’ve found the one?”
• [08:13] – Missionary dating & interfaith warnings
• [10:08] – Flirting and traditional pursuit roles
• [13:03] – On being pursued & women’s “prime”
• [16:44] – Submission & husband’s leadership
• [18:07] – Intentional dating
• [19:31] – Keeping love alive (Shabbat ritual)
• [21:38] – Attraction vs. other “boxes”
• [24:19] – Prayers and God’s will
• [27:30] – Where to meet single Christian men
• [31:03] – Advice for singles in their 30s
• [33:13] – Kirk’s “Checklist”

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Tone & Language

• Bold, direct, “tough love”; humor and occasional banter.
• Frequent use of personal anecdotes.
• Strong Christian and conservative worldview; unapologetically opinionated.

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Conclusion

Charlie and Erika offer a mix of tradition-rooted advice and blunt perspective, urging personal accountability, spiritual growth, and embracing uncomfortable truths about modern dating and marriage. Their advice, while often countercultural, is delivered with conviction and aimed at helping listeners position themselves for God-honoring, lasting relationships.

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For further resources and to connect with the Kirks, listeners are encouraged to explore Amfest.com, attend church, and prioritize authentic faith and personal development as they pursue marriage.

Transcript

[A]

My name is Charlie Kirk. I run the largest pro American student organization in the country, fighting for the future of our republic. My call is to fight evil and to proclaim truth. If the most important thing for you is just feeling good, you're gonna end up miserable. But if the most important thing is doing good, you will end up purposeful. College is a scam, everybody. You gotta stop sending your kids to college. You should get married as young as possible and have as many kids as possible. Go start a Turning Point USA College chapter. Go start a Turning Point USA High School chapter. Go find out how your church can get involved. Sign up and become an activist. I gave my life to the Lord in fifth grade. Most important decision I ever made in my life. And I encourage you to do the same. Here I am, Lord. Use me. Buckle up, everybody. Here we go. The Charlie Kirk show is proudly sponsored by Preserve Gold. But the leading gold and silver experts and the only precious metals company I recommend to my family, friends and viewers. Okay, everybody. Welcome to the special conversation with my wife, Erica Kirk.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Brought to you by Bibleand365.com and proclaim streetwear. Buy your proclaimed shirt today.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. Proclaimstreetwear.com it looks so good on you. It's so comfy. People rave about it.

[B]

Organic cotton.

[A]

It's amazing. So we're here to answer people's questions about dating, Right?

[B]

It's like ask the Kirks about marriage.

[A]

I don't know if people can handle the truth, though, so we'll see.

[B]

I think they can. I don't know. It's tough love, right? Do you want to start off with a softball or do you want to start off with.

[A]

Sure, a softball's fine.

[B]

Does your husband ever cook dinner?

[A]

Very rarely. No.

[B]

You've cooked once.

[A]

I think once. The man should not be cooking, though.

[B]

I understand. I mean, every now and then it would be nice, but yeah, that's.

[A]

That's the way.

[B]

That's my domain. I get it.

[A]

That's the wife's job.

[B]

I think so, too. How to find real men of God who follow Jesus first and with their whole heart and lives.

[A]

You answer that.

[B]

Well, first you have to pray to God for him to reveal him. Reveal your future husband to you. But also, I think you need to be focusing on digging into the word and getting your life together. Don't you agree?

[A]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, a lot of women are quite trashy, actually, and they're looking around for men. And it's like you're dressing well, you're.

[B]

Dressing For a different demographic than you're looking for is what you're meaning.

[A]

They don't act, like, at the piety or with purity. And so men want what they can't, what they can't find or they can't see. So keep that in mind.

[B]

Leave something to the imagination.

[A]

Yeah. And just. Just don't. Don't act with, you know, trash. And don't act.

[B]

Be classy. Be a lady.

[A]

Yeah. Don't act like a feminist. I'm sorry.

[B]

These are great.

[A]

And just tell the truth.

[B]

We have to tell the truth. Okay. We have to. This is why they're asking.

[A]

We're not going to do Patty cake Christian podcast where people are like, it's all going to work.

[B]

Go get them.

[A]

Like, no, just stop looking like a bum.

[B]

Brush your hair.

[A]

Yeah. Wash your hair. Lose some weight.

[B]

Brush your teeth. Eat healthy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take your vitamins. I am considering dating my best friend, but I am afraid to ruin the relationship.

[A]

Well, women shouldn't have best male friends. So does she mean, like, she's a lesbian?

[B]

I don't think she's a lesbian if she's submitting these through my Instagram.

[A]

Well, maybe she is, but women shouldn't have male friends.

[B]

Okay, you're saying in a relationship, a woman shouldn't have a male friend?

[A]

Just in general. I think it's really unhealthy.

[B]

So if I was single and you were single, you wouldn't be my friend? Because I'm not allowed to have male friends if the.

[A]

Usually it ends up the man is gay because all really men want is relationship. Like an idea of a man having a female friend. It's all. It's all a facade.

[B]

So you're saying that obviously the male is friends with you for a reason.

[A]

Yeah. He wants to be with you romantically. Yeah.

[B]

But not. But not every male feels that way. Some males might feel like, oh, you're like a sister to me.

[A]

That's what they might say.

[B]

But in your head, when they say that, that means they're gay.

[A]

Well, they might have homosexual tendencies. Yeah.

[B]

If they want to be your friend.

[A]

I don't. Like, real men don't have female friends.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They might have acquaintances, like people you know, but like real, deep friendship.

[B]

You're saying like a super, super best friend.

[A]

Yes. Okay, that's what she said. Best friend. So you're saying either that guy is obviously gay, which women feel comfortable with.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And gay men enjoy female friends and. Which is a thing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or he's only doing that because he actually wants it to lead to romance.

[B]

So should she take the. Should she do it?

[A]

Yeah, but I don't know if. Again, I don't know if she's a lesbian or not.

[B]

Okay, so she's not a lesbian then. Maybe.

[A]

Yeah, of course. What are you waiting for?

[B]

There we go. There we go. Okay. How to start a new relationship in a godly way. As a teen girl, I don't think you should have. I don't think you should be focusing on relationships when you're a teen.

[A]

Well, definitely save yourself for marriage. It depends. What teen is it? Seventeen, eighteen?

[B]

I don't know. I was so focused on basketball, like playing in college. I was not in school.

[A]

I was not thinking about teen girl answers. Are all you? I don't know.

[B]

God bless our daughter. Okay, how do you know if you've just. How do you know if you just haven't met the right person or if you need personal growth?

[A]

That's a good question. Everyone needs personal growth. Yeah, that's one of the big problems is that, you know, I get these emails from these 33 year old cat ladies that are really angry they don't have a man. It's like, have you spent time getting smarter, getting fitter, growing deeper in the word, becoming more interesting, become funnier, becoming wiser? Everyone can grow, men and women.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so if you don't have a partner, it's because of you. It's not because of the world. And they're like, all the men are gone or the world's against me. You not trying hard enough. Honey, I'm sorry. You're just not putting enough commitment into it.

[B]

Okay, so.

[A]

So it's you. It's about personal growth. It's about showing up, going to church, making yourself available, making yourself as attractive.

[B]

As possible, putting yourself in positions.

[A]

Yes. Make yourself interesting. Reading books, listening to podcasts, becoming, you know, really aware of current events. Right. Like really understanding how, you know, know you work as a physical being. Right. And.

[B]

But I think you should always have personal growth. Like even if you're, Even if you haven't. Okay. You haven't met the right person, but even when you do meet the right person, like both of us are really big on constant improvement.

[A]

Yeah. If you're not growing, you're dying. And Tony Robbins talks about this a lot. Who I like. Who? He isn't outspokenly Christian, but he is a Christian, quotes the Bible a lot, which is that if you aren't growing, you're going to be depressed. One of the main reasons why people are depressed or anxious is they're not growing. And so you have to set goals for yourself, like physical fitness goals or reading the books or learning a language. And that literally is actually what triggers dopamine, which is the reward molecule.

[B]

Totally. Or putting yourself in social positions that might make you uncomfortable. Like going to a new Bible study.

[A]

Yes, yes, exactly. Or meeting new people. I mean, and so you have to know what is good for you and then commit yourself to that. If you think you've already reached your destination at 25, well, then of course you'd be depressed. And that's why we have so many kids committing suicide and so many kids on drugs is they don't make personal growth a priority for their own life.

[B]

I agree. How to know when you have found the one?

[A]

You know, if you're asking the question, then you don't know.

[B]

It's so true. If you're asking if that person's the one, then you haven't found the one.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I knew.

[A]

So did I.

[B]

You grilled me at Bill's Burgers.

[A]

I did. And you passed the test.

[B]

Oh, man, that was great. Okay, please talk about missionary dating. Thinking you can win someone over to Christ, very bad idea. I think so, too.

[A]

Do not date to change them. That's a really bad idea.

[B]

It'd be different if you're dating them and you're like, oh, we can up your wardrobe. But if you're trying to, like, completely change them, you. No, baby, you were fine. You were great. We just needed to enhance a few things. Shoes.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

A little tighter fit of clothes.

[A]

No, but you have to have the same worldview of the person you want to marry. So dating is not a recreation. So if you're recreationally dating and you're like, oh, I can change you, you're dating for the wrong reason.

[B]

Right. Because that parlays into another question about interfaith marriage.

[A]

Bad idea.

[B]

Like Catholic and a Jew was an example.

[A]

Do not do that. Catholic and Protestant can work because the big things are in agreement, but even that at times could be really tough.

[B]

Right. Because then you're dealing with baptism.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you have to. If you do not agree on heaven, hell, redemption, sin, the Scriptures, which Catholics and Protestants largely agree, there's some. Some big disagreements, then you should not marry that person. You should absolutely break up and find somebody else. Do not try to change them either, because they'll always. Either they'll fake change. If it's a true conversion, great. But that's very rare. Or it's a fake change, or they'll change with resentment.

[B]

I was going to say they'll resent, and then they'll hold silently resent.

[A]

But then they'll hold it over to you as soon as there's a conflict. Like I became. I became a Catholic just for you. And I don't even believe this stuff.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I mean, who's going to educate your kids? What are you going to teach them? What prayers are you going to say?

[B]

What holidays?

[A]

Yeah, what holidays are you going to observe? Are you Rosh Hashanah? Yom Kippur? Hanukkah? Yeah, Hanukkah. Or Christmas and Easter and, you know, which Pentecost are you going to, you know, observe? The Christian Pentecost or the Judaic Pentecost? It's a bad idea.

[B]

What is the Judaic Pentecost?

[A]

It's very. It's about the same.

[B]

Is it the same time?

[A]

Penate means 50, so it's like 50 days post Passover is what Pentecost is supposed to be.

[B]

Do you agree with women dropping the handkerchief to get in contact with a guy she likes or a guy she would want to pursue? She. A guy, she would want to pursue her. I don't know what dropping the handkerchief means.

[A]

I guess, like, my. My assumption would be, like, faking, like.

[B]

A damsel in distress or like you're dropping Daisy.

[A]

You drop the handkerchief to get attention from the guy. I guess it's like the.

[B]

Oh, Daisy says it's like giving a hint. Is that a Gen Z thing?

[A]

Is that like a heterosexual dropping the soap? I can't just that I've never. I've never heard these terms before. Are you enjoying this, Daisy? This is.

[B]

This is dropping soap. And you're a woman trying to get contact with a guy. Word that's not Christian.

[A]

But. No, I don't. I don't know. So should women give a hint? Yeah, they could give hints.

[B]

Yeah. They don't have to be aggressive, but.

[A]

It'S the man's job to approach the woman.

[B]

Right, but the woman doesn't have to be aggressive, too, from the standpoint of ultimatums of like, we first. We just met. I mean, there's something to be said, though, for being. Saying I'm intentionally dating you. I'm not just dating you to date. But you don't.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, but deep down, women want to be approached. Deep down, women want to be led by men.

[B]

I totally agree.

[C]

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[A]

Each episode will make you recognize the power of your faith and how God can use your life to impact our world today. The Culture and Christianity Podcast is informative and encouraging. You can find it on YouTube, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes. Alan Jackson Ministries is working hard to bring biblical truth back into our culture. You can find out more about Pastor Alan and the [e-mail] Charlie.

[B]

I have never. There's a few questions in here. I have never been pursued for the right reasons. I worry about my future husband's free will. Will he not choose me? How does God work with women not being pursued and therefore his image of Christ in church? Christian women are waiting. And how about how a lot of us are not being pursued? I think she's just basically saying why Christian women are being pursued.

[A]

Well, she's. If she's been pursued for the wrong reasons, and I don't want to assume too much, she's probably been preyed on for her physical beauty and not for what she considers to be, you know, her spirituality. So she has to be more pious in how she presents herself. I'm making a lot of assumptions here if that's the case. Right. For example, very few women say, you know what, the guy only cares about my sense of humor and doesn't care about my body. Like that's not exactly a thing. So the subtext of her question.

[B]

He loves my eyebrows.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. It's like he only cares about, you know, my writing skills and he won't care about, you know, my fitness. Not so she's implying that men pursue her only for physical reasons. So then she has to be more pious in how she presents herself, how she dresses. Then she said something. Why aren't Christian women being approached, approached or pursued? Because a lot of men are weak versions of their former selves. They're basically metrosexuals, you know, skinny jeans and basically very cowardly women looking men.

[B]

But I feel like though too, women have a tendency the older that you get as a woman not married, you're more aggressive and a little bit more hardened, bitter. Right. So when a guy pursues you or tries to approach you and if they don't do it the right way, you immediately like snap.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. And they feel entitled to a man. There's a lot of entitlement for. Because I mean think about it, if you're a late 20, early 30 something cat lady, you probably have a lot of corporate success, you probably got really good grades in college, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You probably are really well respected amongst your family for like socio economic. You probably are not in a lot of debt. And so this understandably creates a lot of frustration because they have a good credit score. Right. They have a lot of friends, they can go on nice trips to Belize. But the one thing they can't figure out is why won't a man love me?

[B]

Right. And which is sad.

[A]

Well, it's sad but they have a great credit score. But they don't have a man because they prior they might have prioritized it upside down. And the not so hidden secret is your prime as a lady is 20 to 25.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So be careful squandering that just on corporate success and good grades in college.

[B]

Well, if you take care of yourself, your prime kind of extends a little bit.

[A]

No, it does, but a lot of ladies lose that and then.

[B]

I know what you mean.

[A]

They need to hear that though. Like there's a 21 year old probably listening to this, being like, oh, I can go get good grades at Stanford, fool around, sleep around and then a man will love me when I'm 32 or 33. It's a risk.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And your egg production goes down and you know, here it's just a, it's a fact of life. Men in their 30s reach more of a dating prime and young ladies do not. Young women do not.

[B]

We were talking about it the other day about how an older guy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like a 39. Yeah, he did not want to date a 30.

[A]

We both know a Christian eligible bachelor, tall, you know, charismatic, whatever, all that.

[B]

Stuff checks the boxes. But will not date someone who is like between 30, 35 and has to be between 20. He said it was like 24 to 27.

[A]

Yeah. And I don't think he's being totally fair. But.

[B]

But then on the flip side I get why he girl doesn't want to date that guy.

[A]

No, no, we know girls, we know young ladies that don't want to date older men, but that, that will Ch. I mean, the thing about older men is they're usually financially stable, they're established in career. And like a 23 year old, 24 year old, that's too big of an age gap. I think a decade is too long of an age gap. I think five to seven years is fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But a decade, you're in total. You're in different generations. You have different stuff.

[B]

No, I totally agree.

[A]

You have different TV shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we love Frasier Frazier's amazing. It's the best.

[B]

That's not even within our age range. Okay. Advice for learning to submit to your man if you naturally take charge and are a leader. So I think there's a difference between being an alpha female within the sphere that you operate in from like work standpoint, friendship circles, all of that. But when it comes to your husband, you are always. He is your alpha. You are always to submit to your husband. And not in a way of slave versus master, but in a help mate way. Because you and your husband are one.

[A]

Yeah. The reason she's asking this question is her husband's not leaving.

[B]

Well, so he's leaving the pants on the ground and she's picking them up.

[A]

And putting them on. And so if a wife ever even asks this question, it's 100% the man's.

[B]

Fault for not taking charge.

[A]

Because no woman who's being led well be like, I have real trouble submitting or so, you know, trouble. It just means that he's probably a drunk or he's watching pornography or. I'm not saying he is doing these things.

[B]

No.

[A]

But typically this is the behavioral pattern we see is when young moms or women are like, I am a go getter. That's fine. But if you even have that kind of thought process, that means that your husband is not doing his job.

[B]

Right. Because I never have the issue with you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you. Thanks for leading us so well, babe. Okay. How to date for marriage and how to best communicate that to the potential man. First date, tell him, I want to marry you.

[A]

Just be like, I'm not here to play around.

[B]

No, I know. Date with intention.

[A]

Yeah. This is not. If this is just fun or a hobby, we're done.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

But the women, the woman has to say that. See, women have this built in fear of rejection and. And it makes them do weird things. So women have to be okay with being rejected early.

[B]

But I think, and I was. We were talking about this to some extent, I think you need to have all of the spheres of your life kind of built out, too. So you're not just so heavily fixated and anxiety driven over just that one small little. I mean, it's a big part of your life. But if you're so focused on, I need to find a man, I need to find a man, I need to find a man. You're looking at your life from a lack. View standpoint versus being like, wow, I have an incredible life. I have a great family. I have this, I have that. And living from a viewpoint of abundance and then being so absorbed and focused on the amazing things that you're building and you're growing that God will bring up someone alongside you that's not going to distract you from.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

All the amazing things that you have in your life.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

So you can't even be depressed because the guys right there. Okay. What has kept your relationship alive?

[A]

Quality time, constant growth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And adversity, if adversity actually can make a relationship stronger. External adversity, our travel schedule, all the people that want to murder us.

[B]

Death threats.

[A]

Yeah. We bond well, you know, complacency is the death of anything.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

So we have a different fear, which is too crazy. But I think we've done a good job with the Shabbat of dialing that out.

[B]

But do you want to talk about that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of people don't.

[A]

Well, if you look, it's.

[B]

It's a great thing for you.

[A]

Every single Christian should be honoring the Shabbat. Not because I think you're commanded, because that's debated, but because it's one of the coolest, most amazing. It is biblical.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Things ever. God rested on the seventh day of creation. And so every Friday night, we do the Shabbat dinner and, you know, do our version of the Kadush, which is the Jewish, you know, prayer. And in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And just Shabbat means stop.

[B]

And then what do you do?

[A]

I turn my phone off from Friday night to Sunday morning, put it in the kitchen drawer. I put it right in the kitchen drawer. I'm untouchable, unreachable. And so it's just a reminder of a couple things. Again, everything is what you do with it. But that God created the heavens and the earth, that you didn't create this, that you're just a sole little speck of a member there. So it should be humbling. You could pridefully do it, too, you know, in anything. But I think. I think that commandment, which, depending on how you detail it, I guess the third Commandment Third or fourth commandment? Well, no, it's. Do not take the Lord's name in vain, I think. Depends. It depends how you break it. But, yeah, it's. Third or fourth is the only ritual in the Ten Commandments, and it is, for six days you shall work, and for the seventh day you shall rest. So we're commanded to work for six days, which we do good and do very well, I should say. And I think it keeps families together.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think also, too, something that's really special is that we always ask each other, we check in with each other constantly throughout the day of, like, how can I make your day better? How can I help you with this? How can I serve you with that? How can I just, like, constantly being able to.

[A]

Yeah. And, like, see, I mean, just check.

[B]

In and touch base.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Okay, what if he checks all the boxes but you're not attracted to him?

[A]

Well, then you should not marry him.

[B]

Well, he obviously didn't check all the boxes.

[A]

Well, I mean. Yeah. Attraction is absolutely so unbelievably important, or else it's just gonna be. You might as well just get a sperm donor. Are you laughing, Daisy?

[B]

Okay, well, I mean, obviously, looks fade, so you can't be, like, super concentrated on that.

[A]

But is this a woman asking this question?

[B]

Yeah, but.

[A]

But women can be attracted to men that are unkept for other reasons.

[B]

Okay, but here's the thing. You can't. You can if he is super smart, but he needs a haircut or he needs to groom himself a little bit better or something. A guy can change a lot between the ages of 20 to 25 or 25 to 30. Like, their face changes a little bit. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

She would. She wouldn't ask this question if there wasn't a major. And by the way, that's an unusual question for a female because most females don't consider looks to be nearly as important as character or financial stability.

[B]

I don't know. Genetics is a big thing. Like, you're looking. That's. Your kid might look more like him than you.

[A]

Yeah. But very rarely do I hear from women I'm not attracted to him. But he checks all the other boxes. That's rare. That's a very visually stimulated female, which is usually a male characteristic.

[B]

So are you saying she's a lesbian? Just kidding. Why are we getting so many lesbian submissions?

[A]

It could be. I don't know.

[B]

We're getting trolled.

[C]

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[A]

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[B]

Okay. How do you cope with feeling that God does not hear your prayers regarding relationships? I feel like God always hears your prayers. It's just he's answering them in a way that you might not like.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's exactly how I would have answered it. That's exactly right. He hears all prayers. But there's a lot of pride in that question. Respectfully, that you are so important, that God is your celestial butler to ask for all your questions. You all ask for all your stuff.

[B]

The lamp.

[A]

Yeah. God is not the room service phone at the hotel at the Four Seasons. Yeah, I want a burger. I want a milkshake. That's not God. It's not the way it works.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So she has a. She has a unbiblical view of God. Prayer is a petition to the divine out of obedience and gratitude and piety and service and duty. You don't. You don't go to God and God. I also want the Corvette. It's not your Amazon shopping cart.

[B]

No, literally. But he also. He hears your prayers. But also, too, if you feel like he's not, quote, unquote, delivering you, you're human in time. I feel like it's also because you still have a lot of growth to do yourself. He's still trying to prune from your life, maybe a past relationship, or maybe he's trying to get something out of your life that you're holding onto, trying.

[A]

To make you more obedient to do things you're not doing right. Maybe you should stop watching a TV show or go to club or stop drinking alcohol or.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or stop hanging out with your friends. Yes, your friends. But there's a great, there's a great song. I think it's by Toby Keith. Thank God for unanswered prayers.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

If you think every prayer you're giving you know exactly how it's going to end up. That's a very arrogant, prideful way of looking at the sovereignty of God.

[B]

Well, and too that means you don't understand how beautiful God's will is.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Because God's will will always be way better than anything you could have ever been.

[A]

Yeah. And to this person's question is she's obviously in pain. So I would just have her change her opinion. And instead she should have. Instead of why is God not answering my prayer? What am I not yet doing to find my future mate? To get to the place where only God can open the door. I believe God meets us halfway.

[B]

Yeah. And you know what I would recommend her doing too is instead of right, instead of in her mind thinking God's not answering her prayers, she should look back in her life and write down the things that God saved her from that she thought that she wanted. And write and meditate and pray on the things that God saved you from that you thought you needed. Okay, next question. Should a son in law and a daughter in law honor the parents of the partner?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're now one.

[A]

Well, no, just practically. It makes life a lot easier. 100%.

[B]

No, totally.

[A]

I'm very blessed. We have the best in. I have the best in laws ever.

[B]

We have a great.

[A]

She's the best. Yeah, we have a great.

[B]

We just have a great unit.

[A]

Yes. Great family together. I say absolutely. You are one. But it makes your spouse's life infinitely easier.

[B]

Well, and two, their parents are like your parents I'm grateful for because they brought you into the world.

[A]

Yes. And they raised me and so taught.

[B]

You how to use a spoon and.

[A]

A forklift and everything else. The answer is 100%. Yes.

[B]

Okay, good question. Where to meet single conservative Christian men in their 30s? You know where. Amfest.

[A]

Yeah. Am fest.com. that's right. You can go to amfest.com but also church.

[B]

Their church. Their pastor.

[A]

Yeah, just the pastor's wife. Most pastor's wives operate as like Christian mingle.

[B]

So with that said, though some churches, when they know that you're single, it's the most awkward because you're in a group. Let's say you're in a youth, not a youth group, but a younger group. And you, everyone knows you're single. And then it's like if someone starts flirting with you, then another guy's like, oh, that guy's flirting with her. I'm gonna not touch her.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean. My experience is that whether it be uncles, aunts, cousins, if you really want to get married and you're in your 30s and you feel like your biological clock is ticking, which obviously you do as a female, then you need to kind of, kind of be a little aggressive, which is not a female characteristic naturally.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And text everyone and say, I'm looking for a mate, can you set? And you're going to probably have some pretty awful dates. I'm just being honest. Like that's what. Once you get into your 30s and you're unmarried, I hope every 20 something woman hears me. You get in a little desperation mode.

[B]

But then it also too, you have to be careful from the standpoint of you, your CVS list receipt of non negotiables is going to have to.

[A]

Yeah, it's got to get to be like 10 be chopped a little or like four. Yeah. Or two.

[B]

You're gonna have to have like an Einstein.

[A]

Yeah, I know. A young lady texted you recently. She's like, I want this and I want this and I want this and I want that. I was like, geez, are, are you like customizing?

[B]

Yeah, she was like customizing. Literally, like.

[A]

And I want the, you know, the heated seats and I want the four wheel drive and satellite radio, spinning rims. Wow, that's.

[B]

That's even still a thing.

[A]

It's a very narrow path.

[B]

Should you just get married if you don't feel peace about it yet?

[A]

No, absolutely not.

[B]

I totally agree. Marriage is not just.

[A]

No, absolutely not. You need to, you need to find a pastor to help sort that out.

[B]

See, that's the thing though is that I don't think the weight of marriage. I don't know if it's as.

[A]

And that's it's better to not marry than marry.

[B]

Wrong. I completely agree.

[A]

And I'm not, I'm a huge fan of marriage. But if you have any sort of lack of shalom, then you need to find a pastor and figure that out. It's either on you or it's on them. And then if you need to have the intellectual and spiritual courage to admit, maybe it's you. Yeah, Commitment issues, your father left you, stuff like that.

[B]

We only have a few more minutes.

[A]

We have five more Minutes.

[B]

Okay. Does equally yoked mean commitment to Jesus or theological knowledge?

[A]

I don't know. You'd have to ask a pastor that. I don't know. Well, probably both.

[B]

I mean, I would say it would have to do somewhat with both. Not. Not. There are some people.

[A]

I don't want to speak out of turn. Theological.

[B]

No, that's true. There's some people that feel as though as long as they say Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, that means we're equally yoked. But then there might be some theological things where they might.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, first of all, you need to have. You need to have the same worldview. And so the Catholic Protestant thing can work, but it's still risky. But you need to believe in the inerrancy of Scripture. If you both believe in that Jesus is the king of the world, Nicene Creed. If you don't believe in that, then you're not equally yoked.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not fair because, I mean, if your husband's a theologian, you're not going to know as much as he does. Right. So it's not exactly a fair question. So I don't think so.

[B]

Okay, so then a lot of these questions just to skim through is like 33 and single, no prospects. Any advice or heading into.

[A]

Yeah, I mean if I.

[B]

30S and single. Hitting the deadline and. But still being single and feeling the pressure of that.

[A]

I don't mean to speak down to these people. And we're gonna get so many hateful emails. I don't care. It's like someone needs to tell you that you have to focus on your personal growth, your walk with Christ. Right. Do not blame others, because guess why, for no other reason then that's very unattractive to other men. A man has a certain, you know, men are not necessarily atmospherically very aware of things, but men can sense bitterness in a woman like immediately. And it's very unattractive.

[B]

Right. So a 33 year old single male.

[A]

Oh, male's got plenty of time. He'll figure it out.

[B]

No, I understand, but is when a 33 year old single man meets a 33 year old single woman, the tension there.

[A]

Yeah, the man is probably financially stable, just beginning to look for his options and the woman is like, I only have 30 seconds left on the clock.

[B]

I know. And that, that really does suck for the woman.

[A]

It does suck, but it's. I'm just reiterating. The culture lied to her and so I hope she's able to find her mate.

[B]

No, I understand. Because she Put career and stuff first. But they, but they. It was almost like also too. What if their parents were like, you have to find a job and go and do this and go to the hospital.

[A]

A lot of boomer parents have created really anxious 33 year old women.

[B]

No, I could not agree more.

[A]

And these boomer parents were like, well, I'm glad you didn't get married at 23. Are you?

[B]

No, but that's exactly. That is exactly right. Because they said you need to go to the Ivy League school, you need to get the top job, work your way up through Google and then get on the pill. Get on the pill. We don't want you to get pregnant when you're 19. Well, obviously you don't want to go.

[A]

Or even 26 or 27. Don't even start seriously dating.

[B]

And Right. And then now the parent is.

[A]

They're like, where are your grandkids? And then it creates a lot of acrimony in the family. So I mean, my heart goes out for these women that are in their 30s. I don't have easy answers for you though, because I don't want. I don't lie, I don't mislead people. No, but.

[B]

Okay, so let's create. Cause we're closing out. Let's create kind of a checklist, if you will. Because a lot of these questions were submitted by women who are still single looking for the guy. Take care of yourself. So okay, what about this? Take care of yourself from the inside.

[A]

Meaning spiritually nourish yourself.

[B]

Correct. But also too take your vitamins.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't drink.

[A]

Do not.

[B]

You should take some time off drinking.

[A]

That's a great idea. So if you are looking for a man, literally, alcohol is a toxin. It ages you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So like if you are looking for a man, zero alcohol, zero drugs.

[B]

Why don't you make a commitment to yourself to stop drinking?

[A]

That's a big one.

[B]

Until you find or ever.

[A]

Why does drink.

[B]

I totally agree. You and I are the same. So stop drinking, stop smoking or doing a.

[A]

You know, I would hope so that with those. Yeah. I mean this goes to my point. If you're 33 and you're telling us you can't find someone and you're doing a marble pack a day or rolling blunts. Yeah, yeah. You're not exactly making the case.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I don't. I doubt your listeners are like that. But yes.

[B]

Well, I don't know. You just told me I had two lesbians that are submitting say that.

[A]

I said what? What?

[B]

Riley, we're Going to have to comb through.

[A]

What woman has a best friend that's a man. Like, that's very strange.

[B]

Okay, well, so taking care of yourself, vitamins, eating healthy. Comb your hair. Like, shower.

[A]

Yeah. And I would even go as far to say, like, embrace every trick in the naturopathic world to like fight aging 100%. Working out vitamins, saunas, cold tubs, tanning vitamin D levels. Get your hormones balanced.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You can extend that clock a little bit further than even some people. You don't have to surrender to it. Like, don't eat carbohydrates, don't eat refined sugar.

[B]

You know another thing that's really interesting. It's super. It's kind of superficial, but if a girl has her nails done and is like, well presented.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, that's a thing.

[A]

Yeah. And then you have a. I mean, I don't know the wardrobe thing as well as you do.

[B]

Obviously, with dress classy.

[A]

Dress classy. And so you have to do everything possible. Yes.

[B]

Right. Carry yourself knowing that you have self worth.

[A]

You have to go into environments that might make you uncomfortable.

[B]

Right.

[A]

To find a future match. And you know, Dennis.

[B]

And when you go there, don't be rude and pompous when you meet the man.

[A]

So that's the other thing, is that you have to basically surrender to God. I mean, surrender is the only way. Otherwise the anxiety will absolutely kill you. I see it happen.

[B]

You don't have to immediately go to dinner. You can grab coffee.

[A]

Yeah, sure. I mean, again, I. That nothing will be more unattractive for an eligible bachelor man than desperation.

[B]

Well, okay, so in New York City, it would be like a thing where a guy would come in and be like, okay, so I have drinks with Bethany at 6 and then I have dinner with. I'd give me another girl's name.

[A]

Cindy.

[B]

Cindy. At 7:30 and then whatever, they have a nightcap with. What's another.

[A]

Rolanda.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

These are real names.

[B]

Roland. That reminds me of that thing we watched the other day.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

The sweet tea thing. Yeah. Okay. Anyways, so guys. Sometimes there are some guys, like in New York City that stack their schedule like that because they're just.

[A]

Here's the thing, people are gonna email us. They say it's not fair. You're right, it's not fair. The game is rigged for men right now in that way. Men have a longer clock. That's harder to find a man. In Arizona, there's like three times the amount of single women than a single man.

[B]

It's unbelievable.

[A]

Yeah. So it's just. That's why you got so many lesbians. Because they want to find somebody.

[B]

They're all my followers, apparently.

[A]

No, it's just. It's just the way it is.

[B]

So okay, so then to close out that list because we got to go. Takes your healthy putting yourself in uncomfortable positions that are going to be productive towards personal growth. And then I think too spiritually nourish yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

SP and like be so in just ingrained with the word and have the word so imprinted on your heart that it will literally take God saying that's him, and you'll know amen.

[A]

And you'll know that's where piety comes in.

[B]

And he'll treat you so well. And it doesn't matter if you're in la. It doesn't matter if you're in New York City. I was in New York City and I found you.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Well, you didn't weren't from New York City. You kind of plopped in there. You go to Bill's Burgers, everyone.

[A]

Check out Proclaim Street Wear. If we offended you, maybe. Maybe you needed to hear it.

[B]

It was tough love.

[A]

It was a pro. Yeah, it all comes in love.

[B]

Tough love from the curse.

[A]

We don't do happy talk. I can't stand these Christian podcasts. Sit around and God will deliver you your future mate. And keep eating Krispy Kremes. Bunch of nonsense. Okay. Like improve. Improve yourself out of obedience and duty to the divine. And check out proclaimed streetwear and buy.

[B]

Your shirt and sign up for Amfest and subscribe to the Charlie Kirk show.

[A]

That goes out saying thank you, guys.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

I love you too.

[A]

For more on many of these stories and news you can Trust, go to charliekirk.com.