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For 140 years, MultiCare has been in Washington prioritizing long term solutions, partnering with local communities and expanding access to care. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn more@ multicare.org For a limited time at McDonald's, get a Big Mac Extra Value meal for $8. That means two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun, and medium fries. And a drink. We may need to change that jingle. Prices and participation may vary. If you're 20 about your lessons, then your 30s and beyond are about applying them. So today we're going to get into breaking cycles. Welcome to the chisme corner. I'm your host, Viva Rivera, your Latina amiga and your go to Cheesmosa for all the chisme that actually matters. Latina motherhood, beauty. Navigating life in our 30s and keeping our mental health in check. We're keeping it raw, relatable, and a little spicy. Here we get into pop culture topics and reality. Tea, because I love me some tea. So get comfy because the chisme starts now. All right, y'. All. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's in the air, but I'm in a very happy mood today. I typically don't get up very happy. Okay? When I get up, I need like three to four business days until someone starts talking to me because I'm not a morning person. I'm not like a before 11am person typically at all. And I woke up today and Joe's like, you're like really chipper. Like you're very happy today. And I was like, I don't know. I'm really happy. I'm happy to do. I'm happy. I'm happy to like be here filming this episode right now. I'm happy about the topics we're talking about. I'm just, I don't know, I'm just happy. I also think it's because I was able to have a little reset this weekend, which was amazing. Me and Joe celebrated our seven year wedding anniversary. Lord have mercy. Like, that is a long ass time. We've been together for almost two decades now. In a couple years, it'll be like two decades. And that's fucking insane. Like, that is my twin, okay? Like, we are locked in for life. For real. For real. He got us tickets to go to this like comedy show and it was here in Delaware and it was all right. Like, it wasn't. We've been to a ton of comedy shows before and this one was just not. It wasn't hitting the way we thought. Like, it was. It was okay. There was like one or two that were really, really funny, but the rest just kind of. Yeah, it was. They weren't that good. But so we did that and then we went out to eat. And I'm telling you, my favorite thing is when you go out and then like a party just like starts forming around you. Like, you think you're just going to have like a little intimate dinner and then it turns into this lit ass party. Like, oh my gosh, I live for those moments. Okay, so we went to this little like, Mexican restaurant basically. And, well, I don't know, it's like, it was weird because it's like, inspired. It has Mexican dishes and like, Frida Kahlo was basically the inspiration. I think it's called like, Casa Frida or something like that. And so there's pictures of her all around. There's like pictures of Selena, but then on the menu they have like, items, like Puerto Rican items as well. Like they had mofongo and then they also had your enchiladas. And then they had this drink called El Viejo San Juang. And I was so. I was a little confused. I was like, maybe they're trying to like, attract Puerto Rican crowd too. Because, you know, we all. We all went in the same whatever, we all living the same Hispanic life. But I was just like, this is very interesting. But it was so good. Like, this is my first time having enchiladas. Vel. Like, I never. I've never eaten that before. I don't really eat a lot of Mexican food. Like, I. I'm. I'm obviously, I'm Puerto Rican, so I grew up around my kind of food. But I've been open to trying a lot more things. I really want to try some mole. If there's any Mexican dishes that y' all know that I need to try that I'm going to like. Like, my palette is pretty extensive. Like, I can pretty much eat anything as long as. As long as it doesn't really have, like, seafood and stuff. I'm not a big seafood fan, but I really want to start trying, like, other things from other cultures. Cuz I feel like I only eat Puerto Rican food. Like, I'm. Obviously, that's the food that I eat, like, all the time. But this place was really good. Like, those enchiladas were rocking. I was like, I have to learn how to make this, so I'm gonna learn how to make some, because I need it. I need to eat it again. Like, it was that good. The guy had told us. He was like, I party. Like, come 10:30, there's gonna be a party going on. So we were like, all right, whatever. We're like, by the time we're done eating, we'll probably be done. But the DJ started at, like, 10, and we were already sitting down by, like, 9:45. So we were just sitting there listening to the DJ, and then they had the smoke machine. Like, the fog machine was going on around us, and they're giving us drinks, and then all of a sudden, it starts getting flooded. Like, I'm saying, I'm talking about flooded with. I don't know if they were heist. I think. I don't think there were college students. I'm pretty sure they were high school students because they look so young. Like, too. Too young to be college. And I know there's, like, homecoming and stuff like that. Me and Joe looked at each other, and it was so hilarious because the first thing he said to me was, why are they all wearing the same thing? Like, and I was like, that is so Gen Z coded. Like, all the girls, even the guys, were all pretty much wearing the same. Like, the baggy jeans with some dunks, and they had, like a. Just a. A shirt on. Like a little tank. Like a small, little tank or something. And it was hilarious because in my stories, like, I did a little story on my Instagram, and you can see everyone, and that was the first thing people pointed out. They're like, why is everyone wearing the same? And I was, like, dying laughing because I'm like, Joe said the same thing. And I was just like, I think this is, like, their style. And then I thought. I was like. I remember there was some discourse on Tick tock not too long ago about what this generation wears. Like, what do y' all wear out to go clubbing? Because back in our day, Back in our day, like, I'm like 50 years old, but, like, I just remember going to Wet Seal or going to Dots and getting a new outfit. Like, wherever we were going, whether it was a lounge, a hookah lounge, a club, no matter what, I needed a new fit. Like, I needed. I needed to look good as I needed some heels. I needed some new jewelry. Like, it was always. I feel like that was the fun part of going out was, like, prepping and planning what you were gonna wear, how you. How you and your girl's gonna go look. Like, how are y' all stepping out? Like, what Are you wearing. What am I wearing? Like, oh, my God, that's the best part. But now I'm just like, they all look like they're just out here walking their dogs, like in the. In the lounge, like in the club. So I was like, what the. They just look too comfortable for my own liking. And I was like, I get it. Like, I love to be comfortable too, but when you go out, don't you want to, like, step out? Like, I'm gonna put that on. Like, when I go out, I want to look good as so. But it was just funny how, like, our generational mindsets are so different. That's how we thought going out. But them, they're just like, nah. Like, we just want to be comfortable and I don't want to do too much. And meanwhile, we was out here looking like we were getting interviewed to work at Wet Seal. Like, we had blazers on and we had freaking 5 inch pumps on and stilettos. Stilettos heels in the club, bitch. Like, we were. We were really putting it on and so stepping out. It just started becoming a little bit too much for us. So me and Joe looked at each other. We was like, we gotta go. Like, we just dipped and we. The way we were laughing when we left, it was just. It was funny. Like, they were cute. They were all having a good time. But I was just like, wow, like, how things have changed. You know, you don't really realize until it's in your face and you see it in person. So that was like, really funny. And then the next day we had a little. They do something out here in Delaware every year. It's like a free food, like a taco festival. So he took me to the taco festival. And girl, we had so much food. Like, it was so good. I was like, you know me so well. Like, this is the key to my heart. A taco festival. This is why we've been married as long as we've been married. Like, this man just. He gets me and whatever he knows I'm gonna love, like, he's gonna do that for me. So I was just like, yo, this was the best. We had fun. It rained a little bit, but it did not rain on our parade. We were still. We was at every stand eating everything. It was really cool. So we are old. Because then after that I was like, oh, maybe like, let's go to the movies, cuz there's that new movie with Marlon ways. I forgot what it's called, but it's like a football movie. And it's Kind of like a thriller. Like he's like these men up and it just looks crazy. And I was like, we should go see that. Cuz Joe had showed it to me the other day and I like was intrigued. So we went and checked up and we looked at the times and it wasn't really lining up for us. And while we were in the car, like looking at times and stuff, I was just like, I started getting so sleepy. Like the itis immediately kicked in and I was like, I looked at him and I was like, no, let's just like go home and cuddle. So he was like, yeah, I'm down for that. So we literally got home at like, I think it was like 5, 36 maybe, and just cuddled, watched movies and were literal couch potatoes for the rest of the night. And it felt so good. Vivi was in Jersey. She went with my sister to celebrate my niece's birthday. So she was with her cousins, she got to see family and that was so nice. And it was just me and Joe this weekend and it was just perfect. Like I feel like my soul, like my body, like we just, I needed it. Like I just needed alone time with my best friend. I needed alone time with my husband. So it was so nice. And I feel like that just, that put me in such a good mood. Like when, you know, when you like reconnect with your partner. Like, I don't know, obviously. Anyone listening? I don't know what y' all relationships look like. I don't know any of you guys personally, but I'm, I'm pretty sure there's a lot of you who have been in long term relationships or you're still with, you know, your baby daddy or your husband, whatever it may be. And you get into those routines, like you get into such a routine and it can become so like, like, like I just want, I just want you. Like, I just want it to be me and you. I just want us to have fun. Like I want to go out. Like you just crave that reconnection, like outside of the routine, outside of the kids, outside of the day to day. It is so crucial. Like that is one thing that people always tell me, like ask me is like, how have you been with someone for so long? Like how does it work? And I'm like, it is so crucial to just have one on one time and to just keep getting to know each other because we're constantly changing and constantly evolving. We're always doing different things. And me and Joe have two totally different careers and everything. So we can get really lost in the sauce and, like, what each of us are doing separately sometimes. So when we come together, it's just so refreshing, and it really does, like, fuel my soul. Like, it makes me so happy. So that's something that I always encourage people to do, do, like, just. And, like, keep dating each other. Like, keep dating. Like, I love being. I love going on dates. Like, every time we go on a date, I learned something new about him. Or, like, we just. I don't know, we just. We goof around and it just. It feels good to be able to do that because life can be so serious, you know, Life has been so serious. There's been so much going on, and I just need. I just need a goof. I just need a goof around and be with my husband and eat some good food and have some good drink and, like, that. It just changes the whole mood and it means so much. So that's something that I always recommend. Like, keep dating your partner and keep just looking for that one on one. Try and get that one on one time whenever you can. And I know it's hard, like, when you have kids and careers and all this shit. You could even do this at home. Like, do it at night when the kids are asleep. You know, like, play a little game, watch a movie, play cards. Like, I've been like, I love to sit down and just play cards and have a drink and just, you know, just talk. At 1-800-Flowers.com we know that connections are at the heart of being human. Whether celebrating life's joys or comforting during tough times, 1-800-FLowers helps you express what words can't. For nearly 50 years, millions have trusted 1-800-FLowers to deliver thoughtful gifts that help create lasting bonds. Because it's more than just a gift. It's your way of showing you care. Visit 1-800flowers.comsxm and connect today. That's 1,800flowers.comsxM. So little things like that really does. It helps. So I had to give y' all update on that because it was just. It was like the perfect weekend, and I loved it. And then, oh, my God, it was just announced that Bad Bunny is performing for the super bowl halftime show in February. And, girl, I had someone the other day was. I don't know what someone said, but they were, like, talking about how, like, I can only talk about Bad Bunny for so long or something. Or, like. And I was like, I can talk about Bad Bunny however I want, and I will continue to talk about Bad Bunny because he continues to make headlines. So who are you talking about? As long as he is in the headlines, I'm going to keep talking about him because he's doing big things. So I am excited. I don't watch football at all. I'm not a football person. I couldn't even name a team if I tried. So I'm celebrating Bad Bunny, and I'm definitely throwing out a Super bowl party, and it's just going to be strictly for show, so that's what I'll be doing. So send me your recipes, your little dips, whatever it is that y' all make on football Sundays, whatever y' all be celebrating, send me some recipes. Cuz I want to, like, do. I want to do a little spread. And I'm going to have a concert at my house. So that's what I'm doing. And I'm really. I'm really excited about that. I'm excited for another Bad Bunny concert. A few other things I wanted to talk about. I have, like, a little. I have, like, a few bullet points. Like, I like to update y' all on my life a little bit before we get into, like, the real, you know. Oh, my God, guys, I think I have finally perfected my makeup routine. And you guys have definitely noticed because even on, like, the YouTube and in my DMs and on the Cheeseman corner, like, Instagram page and everything, you guys have been like, what? Like, we need a tutorial. And actually, just before I got on here to film this episode, I did a little get ready with me. Like, because this makeup has just been the best. When I tell you the best makeup, I feel so amazing in it all the time. Like, my makeup always comes out good. So I feel like I've just perfected the perfect base, the perfect makeup routine. So we could talk about that. I really want to do more episodes where we get into, like, skin care and, you know, just like. Because obviously the products that I use a couple years ago, even in my 20s, are not the same products I use in my 30s. Like, things are constantly changing. My face, my. My texture, everything is always changing. Like, our skin is changing all the time. So. So if you guys want some, like, beauty tips, we can do little tips. I can put you guys onto some products and stuff. Like, I love doing that. So we could do a whole episode. Well, maybe not a whole episode, but, you know, we could include that into future episodes and stuff, because I really love you guys. Know, I love beauty. I am a beauty. Girly till the day I die. I can talk about beauty products and trends and things like that all day. So if you guys are interested in that, let me know. But I do have. You can see this look right now. This look slays. I do have a video on this look coming soon. So thank you guys also for all the compliments, because y' all just be. Y' all just be having a girl out here feeling so good, and I just be. Just be feeling like a bad. So thank y', all, and I love y'. All. I also. Okay. So my family's coming down this weekend. Yeah. So when you guys hear this, it'll be. Yeah, this weekend. So Vivi turns 10. BB is turning 10 on Saturday, y'. All. Like, my little heart cannot take it. I'm going to be a mess. I know I'm gonna cry. I feel like. I don't know, there's something about when your child just, like, turns double digits. It feels like such a huge deal. Like, this doesn't feel like her turning 7 or 8 or 9. Like, this is the big 10. Like, this is the big ten. And I'm throwing her such a cool party we're doing. So it's basically like a live. Like a live show. Like a tour, basically. So it's called the live show Vivi's Emo Chanel World Tour. And, like, emo is in caps. I have my girl, like, she's coming to decorate and everything, and I designed, like, this whole background with all her favorite bands because she's very, very much like a pop, punk, rock girly right now. So, yeah, it's not even my party, but I am super, super excited. And you know how, like, at a kid's birthday party, you have the party favorite tables and stuff? Instead of that, we're doing a merch table. So she's going to have her own custom T shirts that I had made in bulk. And it says Viv's. It says live show VV's emotional world tour edition 10. So everyone gets a T shirt, and then everyone's gonna get stickers and treats and little things like that. So the merch table is what I am, like, super excited for. Oh, my God. My camera just shut off, like, a little bit before this. And I'm so pissed off because my memory cards, like, none of them are working. I don't know what is going on with this camera, but now if you're watching this, I had to record on my iPhone, so that's why it looks a little different compared to my camera. But this is. This is the. This Is the. That happens in podcasting when technology wants to be a. You got to find another way. So I am recording the video on my phone. That's why it looks like this. But anyways, I did a poll on my Instagram stories the other day, and it was. It was close. I thought we were gonna do the glow up from the 20s to your 30s, but you guys actually really wanted to do the breaking cycles 30s, which I thought was really interesting. And when I say in our 30s, I don't. Not even just in our 30s, like, you're forever breaking cycles in your 40s, your 50s, like your 60s. I think it goes on and on. Like, it's forever a journey I'm healing. I never said I was fully healed. I know most of us aren't. We're all going to be in our healing journeys till the day we die. But it's a really powerful, transformative journey. I think it's. It's very important that we figure out what works for us, what doesn't, like, what serves us, what doesn't. We're unlearning patterns, changing behaviors, we're setting boundaries, we're prioritizing ourselves and embracing growth in ways that you may not have in your 20s. So it's truly a game changer. And I will say, I will start with the people pleasing to self prioritization mindset. Like, no is a full answer. Sis, that was a full. No is a. Is a complete sentence. No. Just practice that in the mirror. Look in the mirror and be like, no, no. V. Do you want no, no. V. Can I. No V. But no, no. Once I started learning how to say no, it just rolled off the tongue a lot better. Like, it becomes a lot easier. So for my people pleasers, I promise, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes, because I feel like I. I mean, I've talked about this plenty of times before, but I have always been a people pleaser my whole life. That is just like my generational conditioning. Literally, like, that is the hardest cycle that I think there is to break. And I'm going. I am forever going through it. Like, there's times where I feel like I have it, and then there's times where it just creeps back up. And I always. It's like, always lingering in me. It is, like I said, a healing journey. It's something that I'm forever going to be working on for the rest of my life. Because this is how I grew up when I would visit my dad and, like, be with him on the weekends and Even before that, like, I feel like his mood, like, what I did and things that I said depended on, like the vibe we were gonna get that day, you know, like, what? Who am I getting today? Like, I never know. It was always like walking on eggshells kind of. And so I just knew, okay, if I'm good, if I just do, like people, like, please him, where he can't argue, he won't be mad, whatever, whatever, we can make it through the day. My dad had a very bad temper and he was just a very, very emotional person. But I felt like I constantly had to learn how to, you know, work around that because if not my day would go to, you know, like so. But I would always feel like. Like I would go home and I would feel miserable by myself. I would be like, it's exhausting. I would be exhausted, literally exhausted. So learning how to say no, because it's literally necessary, like, it is a necessity at this, this point in your life. You got to learn how to say no, babe, I'm sorry, but you have to. Another good one is from seeking validation to self acceptance. Once you realize, like external approval and the approval of other people doesn't define your worth, you're set. I think you are good on that. So if you've mastered that, congratulations. Because I think in this day and age, it's also really hard. This is something that I never really had an issue with because I accept who I am. Like, I'm very. I'm. I'm someone that's like, pretty. I'm very confident in my own skin. I don't look at other people as like, oh, I need that. I need their acceptance or I need something from them. Like, I've never been one to do that. Like, I just, I feel like I just stay in my own lane. I do my own thing. Like, I'm very Virgo coated. Like, I don't look here or there. Like, I'm just looking straight. Like I'm looking at my road, I'm looking down. You know what I gotta do? I'm looking at me. I do take inspiration from things around me and from other people and stuff. Like, yeah, I'm inspired a lot, but I don't look for like validation or self acceptance and things and people and stuff like that. But it is a. It's a fine line to walk when you are on social media. So like, I've been doing this for like almost 10 years now. And sometimes I'm like, like I don't feel like I'm seeking approval from People. But this is kind of my job. Like, you have to get the likes. You have to get the engagement, you have to get the comments. You have to get the shit. Like, you have to get all of that stuff just to make money for yourself to be successful on social media, you know? But I guess I feel like if I didn't have that, I'd still be okay. But I feel like that it can be a very sticky situation because once you do have that and you get that all the time and you're seeing it, it is hard to, like, feel like you're not. You know what I mean? I don't. I don't really know how to explain it unless you're on social media and, like, doing the whole influencer thing, you probably understand what I'm saying. But sometimes it's. It's a fine line that you can easily. You. That you can probably cross over sometimes and be like, no, not doing that. You just got to remember that, like, what other people think of you is none of your business. At the end of the day, how do you feel about you? Do you like who you're becoming? I think that's the one question that we really have to ask ourselves. Like, do you like who you're becoming? Do you like the person that you are? Stop looking at what everybody else got going on around you, because I promise you, it ain't that great. Like, a lot of people front, and a lot of people, like, be going through things behind closed doors, and it's not anybody's fucking business, you know? Like, you don't have to put that shit out to the whole world, but just know that just because you see highlight reels all the time and, like, happy things going on in people's life, that doesn't mean that that's 100% what's going on in everyone's life. Not just 1, 2, 3. That's everybody. I don't care who it is. That is everyone. Once you put your attention just solely to you and what you want to accomplish your goals, you let all the outside noise just kind of like, let it just be that. Let it just be outside noise. I don't know. I don't know if it's just because where I come from, and, you know, I'm like a little Latina from Newark, New Jersey. Like, a lot of the times you feel boxed in. This could be from wherever you come from. Like, you just have this mindset like there's only. There's not enough for everybody, or, like, your opportunities and your success is very limited. It's not true. Like, you're not limited. Like, if anything, you're the only one limiting yourself. This one. This one is my favorite. From survival mode to thriving mode, because who doesn't want to thrive? I feel like it's sometimes easier said than done because a lot. A lot of people are actually in survival mode more than they know. Like, especially with everything happening in today's climate, politically, economically, it's hard to not feel like you're just surviving. Like, how are we thriving out here? Right? But I think it's really important to just getting into that mindset of, like, instead of getting through life, you got to start intentionally making the life that you truly want for yourself. Like, creating a life that you love. Like, romanticize your life. Take the littlest thing you do from making your coffee in the morning and make it something that you truly enjoy, because it really is the little things. I know it's so cliche to say, but it really is the little things in life that, like, brings you joy. And I'm. I've got something that I started to realize in my 30s. Like, I used to feel like I had to do big things and, you know, like, going to big events and parties and all that stuff. Like, that was, like, the joy of life. Like, these are the fun times. No, now the fun and, like, things in life that I really look forward to is just being in my home, lighting up a candle, setting up a cozy vibe, watching a movie with my husband or the kids. Like, finding my favorite book and sitting down and reading it, or just sitting down with my girlfriends on a Friday night and playing some cards. Sometimes it is within those little things that create a bigger. A bigger thing for you. Like, it is a bigger love behind that and also realizing that you don't have to struggle to prove. Prove your worth. Like, I feel like a lot of the times we think, like, oh, we gotta. We gotta struggle. Like, really get out the mud. And, like, that's how you really gotta prove that, you know, you. You're worth it. And, like, you got this because you were put through hell for it. Like, I don't. I don't believe that. Like, I don't think you have to be put through hell or, like, a struggle to be worth something or to prove your worth. A lot of us, a lot of people did get from the mud, and you did have to hustle and you were in survival mode to get these things, but you don't have to stay there. And that's the point. You don't have to stay in that mode. Like start living in it and start like thriving. Start loving the life that you're living little by little. Because we only get one. Like this is the only life we're gonna get. And I know it, trust me. Like, I know could be hard. Like there's days where I'd just be like, this life, this life sucks. Like, but it could be so much worse. It could be so much worse. This also ties into the mindset of going from I have to. To I get to so like being like, oh, I have to work out today. Think about it. Like, oh, I get to work out this body. I get to, I get to exercise and make myself feel and look better and be stronger and healthier. That's something that will change your life. I, I'm one that. I hate to freaking cook. I fucking hate cooking. I'm good at it. Yeah, but I hate it. Like Joe cooks, I would say majority, like 75% of the time. Because I am not. I, I just don't, I genuinely like don't enjoy it. Like, I just do it because I quote unquote, have to obviously. Like, I gotta keep people fed, I gotta keep these kids fed, I gotta keep my husband fed, I gotta keep myself fed a little. I've noticed. Like, okay, so if I'm gonna cook, I will watch something on Netflix. Like I'll put a show on something that I love and like I like to watch so that I enjoy doing at least something while I'm cooking. And that has really helped me. And also just reframing my mindset and saying I get to cook. Like I get to cook for my family. Like I get to make and explore different recipes and find different things. And I actually just downloaded this app called Me and if you're like me, I like, I save and I screenshot a lot of stuff on my Instagram because I get a lot of cooking stuff on there and a lot of baking stuff too. Cuz I would say I'm. I'm more of a baker than a cooker. Like I love to bake stuff, but sometimes it'll get lost. Like if I save it, I won't see it for a long time. Cuz I save a lot of other stuff too. So with resume you can share it to the app and it'll take everything, like all the ingredients, all the directions, whatever, whether it's talked about in the video or whether it's in the caption and it'll send it, excuse me, it'll send it to the app. So you have it there, and you can put them in folders. Like, you can organize it and everything. And it is so freaking cool. It's been a game changer. Like, I'm telling you. This is so good. So recipe. That's a really good app to, like, get all your recipes in one place. But, yeah, being able to say, okay, I get to cook. Like, I get to do these things. Just shifting that perspective that you're obligated to do something and shifting it towards gratitude. Like, being. Gratitude. Shifting it towards gratitude. Like our cute little. My papaya says. So I feel like that kind of ties in a little bit to, like, thriving mode. Like, being able to thrive like that. This one is for my Virgos, because I know y'. All, I know it's not Virgo season no more, but we stay in this mindset, and it is. It's not getting us anywhere from overthinking to taking action. We need to stop overthinking. Stop overthinking every little thing. Stop thinking there's going to be a perfect time, a perfect place for something. Like, nothing is perfect. Nothing is ever going to be the perfect. I don't feel like there's ever a perfect time perfectly. It just doesn't happen that way. There's not, like, a perfect moment for something. Like, you make the moment. You make it what it is. And I feel like that's such a Virgo thing. Like, I struggle with this so much. Like, I'm always like, no, like, I gotta wait or I gotta wait for the perfect time. And, like. And it's like, bitch, no, I have to start just doing it. Once I start doing it, that's when things start actually aligning. Like, and I'm able to plan and, like, prep more. So just do it. Just do it. You are holding yourself the back. You're holding yourself from such greatness because you want to overthink every goddamn little thing. Stop doing it from one Virgo to another, please, I beg of you, stop being a little pendeja about everything. For real. And I know the overthinking comes with anxiety, so if you just naturally have anxiety like me, that's where a lot of it comes from too, because I just. I over. I just think and, like, I internalize and I. Oh. It's like every little. I have to try and plan out every little thing in my head and, like, take control. Like, so much ties into that. Like, the control, the anxiety, like, the not feeling like you can do it, or whether you add another day or another month. Or whatever. Like, it's still going to be the same. So just do it and get it over with and see, you know, see how that goes. Like you can plan accordingly. A really important one I feel, especially at this age, is going from holding grudges to releasing for peace. I think knowing that protecting your peace is essential at this point. It's not optional. Like, my peace is not optional for me in this time in my life right now. Like, everyone that I surround myself with, my family, my close friends, whoever maybe knows that my peace goes above everything in my personal life, in my home, especially in my home. I will not have anything interrupting my peace in my home at this big age, ever. I feel like when you hold a grudge, it just. It takes so much energy to do that. It takes so much energy and it's so draining. And it's not. It's not helping anybody. And it's not. It's certainly not helping you. Like, it's only draining your energy, not anybody else's. And forgiveness isn't about, like, letting anybody off the hook. That's not what it's about. It's about freeing yourself from all of that emotional baggage. Because the more you carry that around, the heavier and heavier you're going to feel sis. Like, and if you're working on this right now, this is a. It's a process. You're going to feel. You're going to feel like you want to hold those grudges or like you want to, you know, like, it's going to. It's hard. And depending on the situation, too, like, it can be really hard to give up a grudge or be like, you know what? I've. I never getting over this. Like, no, you have to, to be able to move on healthily. Like, you have to forgive on your end. Like, you have to be able to just let that go because that holds so much space in your. In your physical. And like that, like, it makes you sick. Like, it can literally make you sick when you're holding on to all that negative energy. So I just, I've learned that the hard way in my 30s. Like, holding on to such toxic negative energy and emotional baggage and being drained like that is. It does not help me. It doesn't help me be a better mom. It doesn't help me be a better partner. It doesn't help me be a better friend. None of that. The last two things I want to talk about is setting boundaries without guilt. That can be really hard, especially if we're going back to the people pleasing thing because when you're a people pleaser, it's much easier to not have boundaries because you just you out here pleasing and doing everything for everybody else. But once you start getting boundaries, it does make you feel really guilty. Like once you start setting them and applying them to your day to day life, you feel really guilty about it because you feel like you're the bad guy. Like you feel like the villain. And at this point, if you got to be the villain in somebody's story because you have to protect yourself, think about it like they were never respecting you to begin with. I feel like if anything I, I totally, I respect when someone puts up a boundary or when someone's like, hey, like I'm not doing X, Y and Z anymore or I've decided this and that and this. Or you know, it can be something stupid and small like don't hit me up after 6pm I'd be like, okay, go ahead, like T. I, I respect it. Protect your peace. Protect your peace, sis. But the people who it doesn't benefit anymore, those are the people that are going to be butt hurt over it. They're going to be the ones catching a fit and hating it and they can't get behind it. Just learn how to set those boundaries. Don't feel guilty about it. Baby, I promise you the world's not going to end because you wanted to set up some boundaries. If anything, the people who are meant to be in your life will. You'll see exactly who was meant to be in your life and what serves you. And the people who it doesn't benefit anymore. You'll see they'll just trickle away or they won't. You know, it just, it, you'll start to see things a whole lot clearer. Letting go of generational conditioning. This is very big, especially growing up in a, in a like Hispanic household. You see a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics, whether it be your parents or your Titi and your Theo who always had that toxic ass, on and off, back and forth relationship talking to each other. Like you see so many unhealthy relationships and I'm just talking from experience from someone who has. I've been in a Latino household my whole life. You know, it's funny because a lot of that seems normalized, like when you're younger, even when you're a teenager or whatever. But as you get older, you're like, you look back at shit and you're like, no, that's not what I want. So it's kind of like a blessing because you get to see what. What you want to take on in life and, like, what doesn't what, you know, you're not going to fucking put up with. So this is the time to unlearn all of that. This is the time to rewire your thinking and anything that that is even seems remotely toxic in any way. Clean your hands of that shit. Like, I'm not. I'm not passing that down to my kids. I'm not passing that down to further generations. Like, this is going to end here. So what are some things we're doing where we're thriving? We're getting out of survival mode. We're thriving. We are. Oh, this is one that I didn't go through, actually. From fear of failure to embracing growth, girl. Because I am the number one critic in my head. Like, I am so. I'd be so scared to fail at things, or at least I used to feel like that. But now, since I started, like, actually taking more risks and doing things and realizing, oh, hey, it's not the end of the world. If anything, I'm just going to either get what I want or I'll get redirected to, you know, another path that I was supposed to be taking anyway. Learning that failure doesn't equal. It's not a dead end. Like, it's just. It's feedback. Like, it's feedback. And it's just, like, it's oftentimes just a rerouting. And the faster you fail, the faster you learn, the faster you evolve. I used to be so scared of failing. I also do think this is, like, a Virgo thing too. Like, everything I do, I have to be, like, the best at it and I have to, like, I got something to prove. Like, even though it's mostly to myself, like, I'm like, I gotta. I gotta up myself. Like, I gotta keep going bigger and bigger and, like, doing things, that's not what's important. You know what? Like, what's important is the growth in that there's. That I'm not gonna be 100 the best at or that's not going to work out the way I thought. But that doesn't mean it's a failure. Like, when I had my little boutique, like, Vivid Bayesa, RIP Like, I miss it so much. Like, I will say, like, I had the most fun when I was running that little shop. Like, I just felt. I just loved it. I loved it so much. And I hope one day I can bring something back like that. I just. I need the time. It took me a long time to Realize, like, I didn't fail because I felt like such a failure, like when I just. Just closed it down because I didn't have the time and, like, the energy to like, really pour into it the way I really wanted to. And that's one thing about me. Like, when I do a project or I do something, like I want. I want to be able to put as much of me into it as I can. And I wasn't feeling like that anymore. It was life redirecting me, like, really redirecting me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be doing it at that time, but who knows if I'll do it again and who knows if I'll do it and be better at it in the future? Because I've learned from it. I've learned so many things. I've learned how to run an online store. I learned how to, you know, basically do like, my own accounting and like, basically run inventory and all of these things. Like, I learned so much on the back end and everything. And I still, I know all those things. So if I did want to start another business or do something online, I have all of that knowledge now. And so that, to me, that's not a failure, you know, so there's that go from feel the fear of failure to really, truly embracing growth and from overthinking to actually taking action, going from that I have to mindset to I get to. And from holding grudges to releasing for peace. Like, a lot of these things are so important, but it takes time. This isn't something that you're just going to snap your fingers and it's just going to happen, you know, like, this is going to take time and it is hard because you have a lot of people around you who you're going to want to crash out sometimes or you're going to want to. You're not going to choose peace or you're not going to, you know, choose this and that and I'll be all light and love. So it is hard. But in the moments like that, you have to remember, like, you can't control everyone else around you. You can only control you. And I want to. I want to grow. I don't want to be someone who holds grudges and it doesn't believe in setting boundaries and prioritizing myself. Like, I want to try and be the healthiest version of me that I can be. And I'm excited for that. I'm excited for what's to come, but I want to hear some of you guys's mindset shifts if they're not any of these. I want to hear what's the mindset shift that you guys have been trying and working on lately and let me know. Do you like who you're becoming? Do you like you? Do you like who you're becoming? And if not, what do you think you can change? What do you think you need to do to change? So yeah, Chismo says let me know what cycles you're going to be breaking, what mindset shifts you got going on. That is a wrap on today's Chisme, but don't let the conversation stop there. Let's keep it going. Make sure to subscribe on our YouTube where you get to watch the podcast. Every Thursday it gets uploaded. Make sure you leave a review on the podcast app and follow me at Beautifyme on Instagram and TheChisme Corner podcast on Instagram as well. Until next time, take care of yourselves and remember, there's always more room for Cheeseman here at the Cheese My Corner. Bye.